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The Mistic Student Newspapers

4-1-1968

The Misfit, April 1, 1968

Moorhead State College

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Recommended Citation Moorhead State College, "The Misfit, April 1, 1968" (1968). The Mistic. 276. https://red.mnstate.edu/mistic/276

This News Article is brought to you for free and open access by the Student Newspapers at RED: a Repository of Digital Collections. It has been accepted for inclusion in The Mistic by an authorized administrator of RED: a Repository of Digital Collections. For more information, please contact [email protected]. Players Desert Condueter Checkthemoneyin Before Concert Pandemonium broke loose back­ Stunned, Checkthemoneyin had no and "Don't hit him with the bass flute. She was taken to the health flutes was still missing. It was later stage Saturday night when Symphony comment. viol, you'll scratch the surface," he center where she had her eyes reported that the flute was being Orchestra Conductor Checkthemon­ "We shall not stand for this," finally quieted the throng. tested. used in the health center to entertain eyin announced a lack of funds for cried Stanislawski, "Either we get "This is the last you'll be hearing To audience members, the orche­ sick patients. that night's performance. our money or we leave!" Within mo­ from us," shouted Stanislawski as he stra appeared bewildered and dazed. From Peter and the Wolf to their ments fierce engagements broke out and his fellow Minni Police musicians This aura appeared to remain with "It is with regret," Checkthemon­ last selection, except for a few cring- between Minni police and Moorhead grabbed their instruments and tramp­ them all evening. The supposed "Even eyin stated, "that I must relate to ingly sharp notes and moments of State College Symphony Orchestra ed off stage. ing of Ease" started off well with you my brief conversation of a few weakness in several sections, the members. "Fifteen minutes before curtain," Lully's Fanfare, taking into conside­ minutes ago with Mr. Earnest. It Symphony Orchestra gracefully seem­ someone shouted. Dazed, the Moor­ ration that only five out of the seven seems there has been some misap­ Orchestra manager Keith Luster ed to muddle through. head State College Symphony Orches­ trumpeters were missing. Perhaps this propriation of the money that was was seen leading a charge at the tra members huddled together, and regal number would have been a little But alas, their last number, Flight to be be used to pay for the profes­ head of the violin section. Luster was decided that the best play would be more stirring if the audience could of the Bumble Bee by Rimsky-Kor- sionals appearing in tonight's con­ also heard to cry, "Fifty-Four-Forty- to punt. Finally, with Conductor have heard it. sakov, never got off the ground. The cert." or-Fight" and "In your heart you know he's right." These events oc­ Checkthemoneyin, members slowly Prokofiev's Peter and the Wolf, a bee, or the violins, symbolizing the Before Checkthemoneyin could curred before the audience arrived. trudged into the orchestra pit, to pre­ normally delightful and bouncy tale whole "Evening of Ease" was some­ continue, a group of musicians, led Shortly before the doors were to sent their fourth concert this year, of a boy in search of his first wolf, how mired and unable to find its by Violinist Igor Stanislawski of the open, Checkthemoneyin succeeded entitled "An Evening of Ease." was sad. Without the bassoon to play wings and fly. Minni Police Symphony Orchestra in ending the skirmish. By raising Only one injury resulted, Cassie the part of Peter's Grandpa and a One orchestra fan was heard to marched up to Checkthemoneyin his baton and shouting " peace, Kromlick, a Violinist, found her string quartet for Peter, something ask at the end of the concert—"What and demanded that they be paid. peace," "The show must go on" finger lodged in Sharon Croaksteads seemed to be lacking. Also, one of the happened?" THE MO AD MISFIT Only Issue Moorhead State College, Moorhead, Minnesota April 1, 196S Senate President Is Stabbed In Back McCaesar opened another meeting Mark Anton began a speech of praise, of orgies and bring the onslaught of the student senate with the historic immaculately dressed in his sweat of a population boom in Rome. But words, "Veni, Veni, Veni (Wane). toga. "Friends, Romans, Countrymen, the big events of the day had tired The first order of business was the lend me your Ban." Senator Matson- the senators and no one spoke out. ius then leaped from the third tier installation of chariot racks for the The emperor then suggested that coliseum. Senator Bernus brought up in another exhibition of free toga fall. the meeting be closed to which Sen­ the motion and awoke Senator Haug- ator Bernus immediately called, us to second the motion. Zeus be Now in a fit of frenzy, some­ "Point of Order, Point of Order, Point praised, it passed. A cause for cele­ one took the floor for the elimin­ of Order." bration, for this was the first time ation of girl's dorm hours. Specta­ in LXIX years that anything had pass­ tor Zuehlsdorius suggested that McCaesar quickly conferred with ed through the senate besides people. this would lead to the prolonging Daleus, his advisor, who took the floor saying, "What I do, I do for the citizens of Rome, and therefore shaddup Cloddus." Senator Matsonius looked up from News Staff Chooses his broken leg and made a motion that the meeting be adjourned which was quickly seconded by a frog in the rear of the building, there be­ Slate of Executives ing no one else awake at the time. As the senators awoke and began The Misfit wishes to announce the Dung's major accomplishment has to exit, the cry went up, "Remem­ complete list of candidates for the been a total disruption of the check- ber the games at the coliseum, position of president of the college. cashing procedures on campus. they're throwing the Christian can­ The first candidate seems to have a Senator Dung was also given the didate to the lions today." lot of support from the Industrial task of arranging for the student Arts department and also the book­ plague, in cooperation with "clean As McCaeser walked from the store, he is Dean Pickle. Another as a whistle" Lacy. building, he felt a sharp pain in his back followed by 29 more. He turn­ candidate is currently serving a term Our final aspirant is Candidate ed saying, "So that's where those 30 as Student Senator at Loose, Senator Hentracks. Hentracks has claimed that TEKE's went." One final stab felled Dung. Thus far most of his support he will not run, and if selected he will the great McCaesar and as he look­ comes from his mother. not serve. However, after a very "Friends, Romans, Countrymen," began the immortal McCaesar in a ed up at the final offender, he spoke speech shortly before the Apex of his Career, "Lend me your wives, and we extensive investigation by the Misfit, In every race there is an unannoun­ the ancient words, "Et tu B. A." will cross the Rubicon." ced candidate and our non-candidate we have come to the conclusion that is Dean Hentracks. Editor Banit has this is totally and unequivocally false. been reported as saying, "All of these Thus far, this candidate's accomplish­ men feel they are qualified, however ments consist of the little green infor­ This issue has been printed with we of the Misfit feel they all deserve mation sheets his secretaries put out the intention of making you laugh, each week and (censored). Dean Hen­ please don't cry. We couldn't bear Stains Will Not Be careful consideration and investiga­ tion." tracks has been considered to many it. to be an excellent choice because he Chalk our excesses up to April Dean Pickle has always expressed does not like to interfere in the stu­ Fool's day and youthful exuber­ a willingness to be president of dent's affairs (??). ance. No harm is intended to any Washed Away, Ever something. He has tried to join This concludes our list of candi­ living person. All compliments and numerous organizations so he can dates and on April 1, 1968, at 6:00 praise should be mailed to the The usual clamor arose in the Stu­ President McCaesar was "wishy- a.m. general campaigning will begin be president. Some of these organiz MISTIC. If you wish to call in dent Forum last Monday. There was washy." for the next six months. The Misfit ations are: LSA, IRC, W-UCCF, person, you will find the staff After the first outcry died down, will follow past tradition and will en­ laughter, crying, and general pande­ Newman, YGOP, YDFL, SMEA, hiding in the Vets room, Weld ex-Senator Bernus elaborated on his dorse all of the candidates because monium. This was brought on by ex- SDS and the Peace Corps. Much to Hall. charge. It seems that President Mc­ "we never take stands." his disappointment, failure has lurk­ Senator Bernus, who charged that Caesar has been hanging his wash in ed around every corner and the the Coliseum, a privilege before re­ only road left is to be the president served for the high administrators of of the college. It has been discover­ Moorhead State College. ed Dean Pickle is a famous televi­ sion personality. He is the star of Ex-Senator Bernus went on to Channel 13's newest program, charge that last Monday, President "How to succeed in Love without McCaesar had so much of his wash hanging in the Coliseum, that the really trying." President of the college, Dr. John This show has raised much contro­ J. Nowleaving, was forced to hang versy because the other candidates his wash in the lion's den. "Some­ • demand equal time on the subject. If thing has to be done to sap Mc­ elected Dean Pickle thought there Caesar power," shouted Ex-Senator might be a possibility Moorhead State Bernus. College would get more television After the second wave of pande­ publicity like Berkley and Howard monium had choked itself, President University. McCaesar rose from his throne and Our second announced candidate, issued an hour long speech filled Senator Dung, was elected to his pre­ with platitudes, and while he didn't sent post in the Fall of 1967, however say much, he seemed to please the if selected president, Dung would re- majority of senators. There were , linquish his senate position to the, constant cries of "Viva McCaesar perennial Norwegian candidate TVA. At the end of his long oration he Senator Dung's accomplishments are finally cried, "I think that all Sen­ few, because of his relative lack of ators should be allowed to hang their experience, but this is not expected to Upon hearing of the death of their leader, crowds began to gather outside McClean Coliseum this wash in the Coliseum. I call for Senator's rights." be a hindrance as past president morning. There was much weeping and wailing, because of the exorbitant price of hotdogs. Also several Dale Mucilage has shown. peace protestors were winding their way through the crowd and stepping on various feet. (Continued on page 2) Fage 2 The Mistic April 1, 1968 »»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»< Newer Leaders For Freshmen D. Fume Kidnapped A joint appeal was issued today brary, the third floor men's room in B. A. Showman was appointed by all campus organizations for the McClean, Hagen Hall, and the of­ LETTERS Freshman Week chairman for '68- return of the dean of women. fice of Mistic Adviser Melvina Mole. 69, yesterday. The announcement This most recent theft was but Investigaters were combing back is­ was made by Lush Sarniff and Steve one of a series of organized bur­ sues of the Mistic for a clue to the Lowbrow, previously announced glaries that have been occurring dur­ last mentioned theft, however since Freshman Week chairmen. ing the quarter. Dean Fume was last the list of suspects they came up blem so unbearable that you must find seen sipping a cup of coffee in Ingle- with included everyone on campus, Staff Disapproves this recourse? Well, unless I know When questioned as to why they side lounge two weeks ago. they were still in the dark at press who's talking, how can I help? You were being replaced they said, "The Dean Hentracks, dean of men, is­ To the Editor: time. don't need help! For this you make orders were sent through the proper sued a statement yesterday saying The Moorhead Committee to pre­ me get up at 0300 hours! Sir, I give channels and they seem to have orig­ that unless the dean is brought back serve at least some sign of intellectual you only this word, if you can't say inated with Chairman LBJ. In other he will personally issue a call for ability on campus (MCPLSIA), wish who you are, say nothing at all . . . words we've been drafted." Low­ recruiters to come on campus. He to express their opposition to the unless of course, it's musical. brow then handed Sarniff a white is used to handling the problems of lace handkerchief to wipe his eyes. male students, but handling the dean publication of the Misfit, and its hu­ Yours Sincerely, of women's activities has left him morous counterpart, the Mistic. Krafty Karmel It seems that the main reason slightly baffled. Your Truly, for this sudden action on the part Dr. Nowleaving also issued a MCPLSIA of the government is that last statement to the press saying that Moorhead, Minnesota week three planeloads of the Bob until the dean is returned there Bernus Furious Hope USO entertainers were hi­ (Signed) Ken Nelson will be no more convocations. jacked and flown to Cuba. The Ken Bennett Steve Jackson Union Head Warden Birdlaw was To the Editor: latest report is that they are cur­ Al Gonsorowski Erik Swee rumored to be considering closing rently performing for the 721st Juliann Johnson Don Diemert I demand to know what Editor the union. Sugar Convention being held near Breck Eastman Mike Hannaher Banit is trying to pull off. I have de­ Other recent thefts have included the Bay of Pigs. Kathy Kraft Mike Donahue tected 346% errors in the last Senate the book check desk, gates, and Mike Pehler Sue Davison Story, and feel that I must warn our Sarniff also said there was a great bookchecker in Lord Livingston Li­ Dean Fume Douglas Tweed Terry Brown young editor that not only has he possibility that other local entertain­ Jane Thompson Tom Livingood succeeded in alienating the orgy de­ ers would be called up. These in­ EDITORIAL partment, but the citizens of the clude Keit Holster, Dr. Keyser and imperial senate chamber are becom­ the Sour Grapes. ing more and more irate. I am one of IS APATHY CATCHY? Krafty Complaint them. Sarniff and Lowbrow are noted Henceforth there will be no more editorials in the Misfit. I must tell you that your syntax for their theatrical performances Obviously, no one reads them anyway, and why waste all that To the Editor: is abominable, your command of the at Moorhead State College. Sar­ English language is negligible and niff was the male lead in the Win­ beautiful space that could be used for important things. Hark! What is this tinkling, maje­ But while we're here, we have a few complaints about Apathy, stic and truly rhythmic sound? Could your appendix doesn't seem too good ter production of "East Side Tale" it be a harp—it's the time of night either. where he sang the famous song that dreadful word that strikes terror into each noble heart, on for harps. Could it the National To my complaints, first of all Sen­ "Officer Cough (up the) Key." the Dragon staff, yes the Dragon staff. Since Mercurial Jensen, Guard in bayonet practice — it's the ator Haugus and I did not leave the Both of these performers became and Mike Painkiller, Dragon Editors, share the same office with time of night for practicing in the imperial chamber because our vote well known on a recent culture the Misfit, they were bound to become infected. National Guard. Could it be children to ban lions from the chamber was trip to New York. It became apparent that something was wrong when two breaking windows — it's the time of defeated, we left because the lions months went by without either of them coming to the office. seemed to be coming in our direction They have been ordered to take night for "Owlish" children to break their induction physical this after­ There were phone calls. "Hello, who is speaking? Ken, oh, windows too. No! now that I'm awake after the vote. Second, It was a clear violation of noon in the office of Ginny (Evan­ well, I'll call back." And the Dragon's new bulletin boards I know that it is just Alex's toy, the geline) Inquest. remained empty, also indicating something . . . who knows telephone. parliamentary procedure for President what. Panic! what catastrophe could cause McCaesar to stand on the table dur­ B. A. Showman had this to say anyone to call upon me in the mid­ ing the meeting. I also resent the fact concerning this drastic chain of People began coming into the office to say that their glossies dle of the night? Has Superman found that only selected members of the events. "I will do my duty to elim­ were not ready yet, and what should they do. We didn't know kryptonite? Has Batman found Super­ Senate were given vine leaves to inate Freshman Week so I can de­ what they should do. So if anyone has seen the Dragon staff, man? Has a party floundered without wear in their hair. vote more time to my favorite publi­ tell them I'm out from I to 2 and 5 to 6. It's safe. my presence? Perhaps someone needs I was also misquoted several times. cation The Apparitor." We appeal to the public. solace and who can give solace better At one point I was quoted as saying, than I — well, maybe just a listening "Amo, Amas, Amat." I definitely did ear. I shall answer, of course without not say this. What I said was, "Down disturbing any of four other roomies. with the marines." Bernus Entertains What, what did you say? Could you Yours Sincerely, leave your name? No? Is your pro­ Ex-Senator Bernus Healthy Center Ex-Senator Bernus, an MSC stu­ dent, was injured between Doll and Instructor Has Attack Snarl Hall last quarter, Wednesday, February 28. He is still at the English Instructor Cottongin today to pounce upon their prey, Sockless Healthy Center. promised complete and total retali­ Gassrud came stumbling down the ation in his sections of English 102 hall from the Business Office. In­ One witness, B. A. Showman, edi­ next quarter. Cottongin promises that stantly the mob broke up and Cotton- tor of the Apparitor, stated that the his students will be reading two vol­ gin was saved. Cottongin was not accident was caused when 140 stu­ umes of War and Peace, The Odyssey happy. in French (no translations allowed), dents trampled Bernus. He was on Mein Kampf, the collected works of his way to the Student Senate Thomas Carlyle, Quotations From Chambers, Comstock Union. Chairman LBJ and Mother Goose. Official Bulletin Extensive dissertations will be re­ The spring social calendar has been "A passing cart, delivering mail to quired upon each of these works. set up for those who know what the Grant's Ham, picked Bernus up and Greeks mean when they say socializing. rushed him to the Healthy Center," A series of events taking place on Here is the list of events which is sanc­ tioned by the CAMSC. (Campus Alco­ continued Showman. He said he had the last day of Winter Quarter caused holics of MSC) heard a conversation earlier that this this change of heart, for Instructor Wed., Mar. 27 annual spring registration was going to happen. Cottongin, up to this point, had plan­ keg party sponsored by the Fowl Fraternity. ned a relatively mild quarter, stu­ Thurs., Mar. 28 annual first day of spring At present Bernus' condition is not dents were going to be allowed to quarter classes key party, certain. Unable to find his school sponsored by the Fowl read a translation of the Odyssey, fraternity. health records before Spring quar­ along with the other works. Fri. thru Sun. --first weekend of spring ter break, Ido Kildare left the vic­ Mar. 29-31 quarter keg party, spon­ tim bleeding, blackening, and blas­ The last day of the quarter seem­ sored by the Fowls. Mistic photographer Eric Swoon records the last moments of Editor pheming with the draft on him. ed perfectly normal, stated Instruc­ Now that we've told you everything you Banit's dynasty on camera. Editor Banit's last words were, "Somebody tell missed, here's the calendar of future "After Spring registration," Kildare tor Cottongin. The weather was Melvina Mole." events. said, "we hope to be able to make normal, rainy and windy. The class Mon., Apr. 1 Installation of McCeasar a comment — after we have looked attendance was about normal, 50%. as Student Senate Pres. Keg party sponsored by into the matter." The only thing different was that all but 30 TEKE's. he was finally through with his fa­ Sat., Apr. 6 Annual tri-colege keg Mistic Goes To Underdogs party sponsored by the vorite class of English 102. The stu­ tri-college student gov­ dents were to have no final, so on ernment. At 2:32 a.m. on April 1, 1968, which was attended by a janitor the last day they were to receive Wed., Apr. 10.. Political Emphasis keg Misfit Advertising and Business Man­ from the Valley Times and out­ Stains Will Not party sponsored by the ager, Steve Jackmoney led an or­ lined his plans for the future of their grades. The standard proce­ Students for Stassen. (Continued from page 1) dure was followed, the person on Mon., Apr. 15 Income tax evasion keg ganized and bloodless coup and the Misfit. Jackmoney pledged to party sponsored by the wrested the power of the Misfit from eliminate all news reporting and The third outcry lasted for a full top received his grade last. Cotton- Bureau of Internal gin went slowly through the papers Revenue. Misfit Editor, Ken Banit. Aiding in make the Misfit a weekly shop­ hour and when the senators had ^ making sure that each person re­ Wed., May 1 Communist keg party the coup was Misfit photographer per. The Misfit office will also finally stopped laughing the Forum sponsored by the left- Eric Swoo and columnist Red Pen be converted into a lab for the ceived his own and also making wing Fowls. was quiet again. Ex-Time Keeper Nelson. Ken Banit was executed by Business and Advertising depart­ several comments about the stu­ Thurs., May 2 .—Post midterm keg party Melvod who was in the audience dents. Finally all grades were out sponsored by the admini­ a firing squad consisting of dissatis­ ments. commented, "Gee, that was a long stration fied senators led by Senators Bernus When questioned as to why the and the students had dissappeared; Thurs., May 30 ..Labor day keg party outcry." Cottongin was left alone in the sponsored by the Future and Haugus. sudden change in the format of the Fathers of America. paper, Jackmoney replied, "I love Senator Matsonius then moved that room to meditate. Immediately following the execu­ Tues., June 4 — Girls boycott dorm keg advertising. Besides now all of the Senators be allowed to hang their tion, Banit was buried in the famous The period of meditation was over party sponsored by the students can look forward to a Mis­ wash in the Coliseum. The motion Fowls. muddle puddle west of Comstock and besides, he was late for the daily Finals keg parties spon­ fit filled with nothing but beautiful was brought to a vote and passed Memorial Union. All Misfit staff "office game." It was then that he sored by the ex-students advertising." unanimously. Ex-Senator Bernus was - of MSC. members attended the funeral and noticed all the male members of the Editor Jackmoney also stated that overheard commenting to Senator Exact hours and places for these events have now pledged their support to class lined up across the hall. It look­ were not available at press time, but any­ more help is needed in getting ads Haugus, "We will show the admini­ one intersted in furthering their social the new regime. ed like the end, and the only resort ties should the Society for the Liquid­ and also to proofread all of the ad stration who really is the boss of this was to plead for mercy and com­ ation of Indecent Campus Keggers At 2:45 a.m. Editor Jackmoney copy. In case you are interested con­ college. You know, that McCaesar ^ (SLICK). passion. Just as the mob was about held his first press conference tact Steve Jackmoney at Tahiti. icn'F Qt~\ TAQGI " April 1, 1968 The Mistic Page 3

This section of the library has been reported missing. Without the gates, much vandalism was re­ ported to be taking place.

Chairman Sockless ponders upon the life of George Meredith while he warms his feet in a desk drawer. Sockless innovated a new trend on From The Humilities... campus.

Nearly 450 Moorhead State Col­ During the reading sessions of quarter. This experience was highly Dr. Sockless Gassrud has an­ The English majors will fly to Eng­ lege sophomores last quarter moved Solomon and Ecclesiastes, one sweet stimulating; I feel the case against nounced an entirely new concept in land in April to get background in­ heroically and with dignity through sheltered child lost her essence of the doctrine of ideas was never so the English curriculum for spring formation from the actual sources. shadows of doubt toward an elusive innocence when the instructor in­ cogently put." quarter. They will then seek costumes of the reality in the ultimate of the humili­ toned, "Stay me with flagons, com­ Once or twice during the ultimate "This affects 1968 graduates too," era and undergo hypnosis for a com­ ties program. fort me with apples: for I am sick series, a spy would reveal himself by said Gassrud, "so we hope they have plete transition. They will then be Word has it that some sections of love. His left hand is under my interjecting a subversive question in­ left enough room on their spring able to understand the minds of those were popularly labeled "Let's Get to head, and his right hand doth em­ to the discussion: "Is war a sport?" schedule for these changes. Some may they study. Know Vietnam Better", others were brace me." Spoken innocently enough, every hu­ have to go to summer school to The department has not yet found called "Relegating Christianity to the "Oh! My!" she was heard to gasp milities instructor and Dr. Gibblets complete requirements but we're cer­ a willing faculty chaperone with the Proproom" and still others are gen­ as she tumbled from her high perch. in particular, would answer, "Ah, tain that the value of these courses proper age and experience for han­ erally believed to have been the "Now I know why mother told me gentle Bird, you may not be frighten­ far outweighs the inconveniences." dling college students. Walter Paul­ "God Is On Our Side" sections. But to be careful what I hear." ed by the silence of the desiccated The new curriculum consists of a son has volunteered, but the faculty the goal was the same: to move with Other classes — those of Mr. Rel- world of space, but the grinning skull pilot program in which students will is reluctant to send such a young solidarity toward a personal affair lek, Mr. Hoyle, Mr. Dahlbirger, Miss behind the flowers shall one day be experiment in actualizing the lives instructor with those who will relive with Truth. (Ed. note: Who's Truth?} Petunia, Mr. Bongsted and Mr. Matt yours. I'll notify Gen. Candy at once." of different authors and poets. It may the lives of notable rakes as well as There is much talk about reh Hieing — discussed (lucidly, of course) Peace was restored at any price. be difficult for some students to get those upstanding writers such as gion being a "living relation to existentialism, atheism, Buddhism and the feel of the Victorian era, but most Oscar Wilde. psychical events which, in harmony other dialogically perceivable "isms". The humilities department, without will fit right in. Barny Harryton will try to ap­ with Zeus, produces a fundamental After ten weeks of suspending clerical help and minus a budget, "The lives of poets such as Shelly proximate the life of Dylan Thomas, misunderstanding of the self-con­ the ethical to establish a Thing somehow managed to take a set of and Byron will prove to be fascinating and will leave for Wales immediately. tained god," according to one pro­ among things, one professional stu­ barren premises, solicitous about the to relive," commented James Haggle, He considered doing Cervantes, but fessor. No one was sure if it was dent was quoted as saying, "Not a condition of their students, freed them former MSC basketball hero, now the lengthy prison term seemed un­ Dr. Gibblets or Mrs. Milds who subjective remark was made all to civil servitude. English professor. inviting. said that but when one artless youth awoke at that moment to shout, "Now Superman can live!", the retort was, "Show me your Violent Confrontation Is evidence! Without evidence I can­ not accept your asseveration." Expected Early In May Saducees, Pharisees and Locosees came in for examination, too, but The United Students of Ass'n. has stockpile of ammunition: tubes of Mrs. K. Ruger's class concluded that again made a pledge to supply mili­ poisonous red lip sticks, black-eye they represented a kind of epidemic tary supervision and non-material aid paint, missile hat pins, and varied of suicide in their desire for super­ to a state of turmoil. This time in uniforms designed to provide camou- natural salvation to the otherworld. Locosees, especially, vis-a-vis Paul, High Vise Land, according to Queen flaged-free passage throughout High avoided the hard task of examining Hum of the U.S.A., during a news Vise Land this Spring. alternatives and eagerly anticipated conference February 30, 1968. the day when they would be a holy In South High Vise the innocent people in a collapsing prototypal In North High Vise the People's Tiev Name are preparing for de­ heavenly world. Liberal Front have already formed a fense. Beards are being grown, with the hope that accumulated sweat and grime will help rebuff the ag­ Birdman Tells Why gressors. Some have begun growing long hair and fingernails—so they At a recent National Secretaries he said, "Everybody is equal and if can not be differentiated from the Council Assembly President Birdman, the reserves are called up I see no infiltraters. who heads a group of important reason to ignore the college students. people, discussed the possibilities of We must keep them worried and the Already the Fiend's Society has escalation in the Teiv Man war. only way to make them worry is if taken a non-partisan stand, and are working to aid the victims. By heli­ The Secretary of Protecting Every­ we threaten them with a draft in­ copter, birth-control pamphlets and thing With Guns Not Butter, the crease." stabilizing pills are being distributed Irish Bandleader, rose to state, "Mr. A hush fell over everyone as Bird- to both sides. Queen Hum denounces Students marched outside Classy Commons last week protesting the President, I feel we should certainly man rose and said, "Sorry Candy, but this action as aiding the enemy and food they have been getting. If this does not work — there will be a mass use more reserve in fighting this war, ah feel we can do just as much de-moralizing the tax payers. boyscott; Everyone will go to Dicks Supper-ate and eat candy bars. or somebody will get mad at us." damage by calling up the reserves, Knobby Bennedy was in full agree­ besides they have already had some Violence and contact is expected ment with the Secretary until the military training. Ah feel we should to break out early in May, according people's "WE TRY HARDER" can­ now give these men a chance to see to the latest news bulletin from Prickly Political Caucus didate, Mick Noxin asked, "Who in a gun, maybe even shoot one. Tough the U.S.A. the world is left to get mad at us. Candy." Dr. Frank Kantrick today announc­ list. Kantrick stated that the grocery We must make more friends before ed his resignation as chairman of the list was definitely not the delegate we can have more enemies. It's just Clay County DFL. At an emotion list. Reporters were allowed to see not fair to have only enemies mad; laden press conference held in the the list, and Kantrick spent several we must have friends who despise chambers of the Student Senate, moments explaining an item on the us. It's just not fair otherwise." Kantrick told reporters, "Frankly, I've list that said "dill." had it." When questioned as to why President Birdman stated "Ah The DFL state headquarters was he was resigning, Kantrick said that agree with you-all. You-all should notified of Kantrick's decision this he has been under tremendous pres­ get a move on and call up the afternoon. Kantrick felt that there sure to reveal the names of delegates was no doubt that his wishes would reserves and send them to Teiv chosen at local precinct caucuses be honored. Kantrick told his audi­ Man. The more men who are on last month. ence, "I will continue to work for the our side over there the better. A large majority of these delegates success of the Democratic party, and Besides this call-up will give us are McCarthy supporters who en­ I hope that after this bitter battle is more prime T.V. time than Brand gineered a suprise takeover. Kantrick, over, we can all sit down together X from Minnesota. No offense acting on state DFL orders, has re­ and shed a few tears over the days Humpy but, what's his name is fused to reveal the delegate list. This of the past." from your home state." has angered McCarthy supporters, Kantrick's plans call for him to Birdman continued, "Ah need not such as Dr. John J. Gibblets of the continue at his teaching position at remind you this is an election year Humilities Department. Moorhead State. When asked whether an' the people, my friends will not Kantrick declared that he could not his feelings toward McCarthy had back a loser. No offense Mick, but give the list to the press because he undergone a change, Kantrick said, you have not been doing too well does not have the list. Kantrick said "Well, being one of the three Johnson in national elections." that he thought that he had placed supporters on campus hasn't been General Candy stomped his feet, the list in the pocket of his grey, easy, and I think one of three may and refused to eat any more bar- wool overcoat, but when he looked in have been an undercover agent for cued beef until the assembly per­ President Birdman at a recent staff gathering. The faces of Mick Noxin, his pocket, all he could find were McCarthy, but to answer your ques­ mitted him to increase the draft. As Humpy, and General Candy, can be seen in the background. two postage stamps, and a grocery tion, no, no change in feelings." Page 4 The Mistic April 1, 1968 Our Song MS Play Features (To be sung to the tune of) From the Halls of Montezuma In the entrance to the union Hangs the Student Senate plaque Royal Hunt of Moon But the spelling needs correction For Pam Cooper isn't Pat; The extraordinary, mystifying, and Once on the moon, we meet the Oh, who will right the wrong pendulously moving drama Royal head of the moon people, Atta- And change 'Helberg' back to Hunt of the Moon exploded last night moonbaby, who gives himself up 'Hei', on the MSC Campus. The explosion to the gasoline attendant, trusting We will call on Roger Jung took place after the performance at him. The attendant spends the rest Who will do it by and by. a meeting attended by several Eng­ of the play trying to find the an­ (Shout—We hope) lish professors, tentatively titled, swer to the questions, Was it right To the Union dedication "How to Interest Students In Stim­ to slaughter the moon people, since Many students did not flock, ulating Productions." they don't have gold should I ac­ Which left many of the speakers The drama was a long philosophical cept Giant Escargot, and if I re­ Floundering in states of shock; piece dealing with the efforts of a turn will I be drafted? There's a room down stairs you gasoline attendant to gather an army Especially effective in the play know, to hunt for gold on the moon. The were Mike Coalbin, Harry James, Where the MS students go attendant was particularly handicap­ Roger Jkoes, and the Inky girls. The To hear rhetoric unreckoned ped because he was left handed. recorded chants of the moon people By the speakers up on second. He gathers his army, which has to woke up several people in the audi­ (Shout—Not the cafeteria) march from Peoria to Cape Kennedy. ence. The march is long and arduous, but The director of the play has a There are clouds of smoke the discussions dealing with whether noted affinity for the K-Mart, from emerging finding gold on the moon will bring which all of the costumes were pur­ From the lower Union floor, true happiness are even more arduous. chased. The elaborateness of the In the billiard room are raging costuming can only be described by Battles for the highest score; saying that the bib overalls the actors Oh, who will make left pocket, were wearing were not the $5.95 And who will hit the right, variety but the $10.95 type. Hear yon ancient Greek expressions President Birdman got such a bang out of the MISFIT that he called Exploding in the night! ! his daughters Luxy and Limy, and his wife Ladybug to "Come See!" (Shout—00 #*?!!#)

This issue is printed once a year as a joke. It is written in the spirit of good humor and hope­ B.A. Runs Newsy Paper fully it will be taken in the same manner. Casting its "murky eye" about, Comprehensively, it does have bi| It is not mailed out because they wouldn't let us and besides we gathering into print the newly dis­ pictures; but in truth its perspective couldn't afford the postage. covered inequities within this society It's FREE, no one would buy one and offering its solution (here and of the "big picture" is less thar anyway. there), the Apriori, edited by B.A.D. 3x5. Knowing that it is an inserl It is written by the staff of the Showman, continues to evade the Mistic. Any complaints and law­ may help some, but then specious- suits should be handled through glossed page by sticking to and with Mike Coalbin, noted actor, who in the proper channels. Mail them the "pulp". ness never gathers dust. The late Mr. Bonfire his spare time serves as a member to us, please do not call. of the palace guard. Local Editor Wiped Out

Howard Bonfire, 41, local public relations manager and journalism instructor at Moor- head State College succumbed in his car early this morning. He was found by journalism student Douglis Tweedle who said, "Oh, oh, oh, oh. Now I won't have to do my term staff paper on how to write obitu­ aries." Mr. Bonfire had just left for his class. He was said to have been extremely tired due to EDITOR IN CHIEF Ken Banit not having gone to bed for the last two weeks. He has been involved in a public relations BUSINESS MANAGER Steve Jackmoney project. He ate a normal breakfast before leaving. Mr. Bonfire was born Nov. 5, 1927 in Luverne, Minnesota. ADVISOR Melvina Mole He earned a B.S. degree at Moorhead State College in 1950, and was later employed for a time by the Public Re­ NEWS EDITOR Juliann Junebug lations department of Moor­ head State College. In 1950, he became City Editor for the COPY EDITOR Doug Tweedle Moorhead Daily News, which succumbed earlier. Mr. Bonfire spent eight years in the home improve­ CIRCULATION MANAGER Sue Davison ment business and has spent five years in his own business. He also advised the Wahpeton LAYOUT EDITOR Jane Thompson Science School Newspaper and spent one year as Editor of the Red River Scene which also preceeded Bonfire in death. REPORTERS Breck Yeastman Bonfire came to MSC this year. Mr. Bonfire also served as Krafty Kate a member of the Kiwanis Club, The Chamber of Commerce, Mike Painkiller the Homebuilders Association, Red Pen Nelson was a member of the Luther­ an Church, and the WCTU. Terry Blue His wife survives him. There are no children. The time and Mike Chronichue place of services have not yet been announced. Mourners will be his students and fel­ PHOTOGRAPHERS —Eric Swoo low instructors in journalistic theory, Mr. Breck Yeastman, Don Kmart Mr. Douglis Tweedle, Mr. Erik Swoo, Miss Krafty Kate, Mr. K. Banit, Miss Barb Woof- elear, Miss R. Midbone, Mrs. Melvina Mole, Mr. Roget Thesamiltion, and Mr. W. D. A. Bossart. A new feature was added to Student Senate meetings last week. .