Eyes of Integrity : the Porn Pandemic and How It Afects You / Craig Gross Retrieval System, Or Transmitted in Any Form Or by Any Means—For Example, with Jason Harper
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XXXchurch.com resource EYE S O F INTE GRI TY T H E P O R N PA N D E M I C AND H OW IT A FFECT S YOU CRAI G G R O S S W I TH JASON H ARPE R C Do not copy or distribute _Grss_Integrity_BB_djm.indd 3 6/10/10 12:47:54 PM Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data XXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX p. cm. Includes bibliographical references. ISBN 978-0-0000-0000-0 (pbk.) 1. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XX####### 2010 ##### ####—dc22 ########## © 2010 by Craig Gross 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 Published by Baker Books a division of Baker Publishing Group P.O. Box 6287, Grand Rapids, MI 49516-6287 E-book copyright sample. www.bakerbooks.com © 2000 by Copyright holder Printed in the United States of America Published by Baker All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval a division of Baker Publishing Group system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—for example, electronic, photocopy, P.O. Box 6287, Grand Rapids, MI 49516-6287 recording—without the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is www.website.com brief quotations in printed reviews. E-book edition created 2010 Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Gross, Craig, 1975– All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a Eyes of integrity : the porn pandemic and how it afects you / Craig Gross retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—for example, with Jason Harper. electronic, photocopy, recording—without the prior written permission of the p. cm. publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews. Includes bibliographical references (p. ). ISBN 978-0-8010-7205-5 (pbk.) ISBN ***-*-*****-***-* 1. Pornography—Religious aspects—Christianity. 2. Christian life. I. Harper, Jason, 1971– II. Title. Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is on file at the Library of BV4597.6.G76 2010 Congress, Washington, DC. 241 .667—dc22 2010014459 Old Testament Scripture copyright information. Unless otherwise indicated, Scripture is taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTER- NATIONAL VERSION®. NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Unless otherwise indicated, New Testament Scripture quotations are from whatever Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved. we list here. Scripture marked NASB is taken from the New American Standard Bible®, Copyright © 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. Craig Gross is represented by Wheelhouse Literary Group, 1007 Loxley Drive, Nashville, TN 37211. To protect the privacy of those whose stories are shared by the authors, some names and details have been changed. 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 Do not copy or distribute _Grss_Integrity_BB_djm.indd 4 6/10/10 12:47:54 PM This book is dedicated to my friend Steve Glisan. Thank you for your passion, love, and care for the people you served in this ministry. I miss you and wish I could have let you know I was here for you. Steve, you were a great man of God! You are greatly missed. Do not copy or distribute _Grss_Integrity_BB_djm.indd 5 6/10/10 12:47:54 PM Do not copy or distribute _Grss_Integrity_BB_djm.indd 6 6/10/10 12:47:55 PM Contents Preface 9 Part 1 How Bad Is It? 1. Pornified World: The Development of a Massive Societal Sickness 17 2. Pornified Church: How Christians Have Failed to Escape 29 Part 2 What Can Be Done about It? 3. Honorable Men: Equipping Guys for Sexual Integrity 45 4. Feminine Wholeness: Equipping Women for Sexual Integrity 57 5. Good Sex: Protecting and Nurturing Your Marriage 79 7 Do not copy or distribute _Grss_Integrity_BB_djm.indd 7 6/10/10 12:47:55 PM 6. A Safe Family: What Parents Can Do to Porn-Proof Their Home 95 7. A Safe Workplace: An Introductory Guide for Employers and Employees 111 8. Seeking Help: What to Do If You or Someone You Know Is in Trouble 125 9. The Porn Industry: An Unlikely Mission Field 139 10. Beating the Porn Pandemic 159 Appendix: Statistical Data on Youth and Internet Pornography 171 Notes 179 Resources 183 Acknowledgments 187 8 Contents Do not copy or distribute _Grss_Integrity_BB_djm.indd 8 6/10/10 12:47:55 PM Preface It was the mid-nineties. I was a youth pastor in Southern Cali- fornia and was sitting in my ofce hearing about one of my students—we’ll call him Tommy—and a recent blowout he’d had with lust. It had to do with this new thing, this invention called the in- ternet. More and more of my students were coming to me with stories about satisfying their lust through this latest source. In years past if someone wanted porn, they had to work for it, trekking, under cloak of night, to a seedy neighborhood. I imagine a man sneaking into the local quick stop to buy a Hustler, wearing a trench coat and fedora pulled down to his eyebrows. But with the launch of the internet in the early nineties, porn was on a new kind of page. Instead of buying a magazine with a limited number of pictures, the internet ofered an endless supply, accessible to everyone with a computer and an internet connection. With a few clicks and some refined searching, a 9 Do not copy or distribute _Grss_Integrity_BB_djm.indd 9 6/10/10 12:47:55 PM young user—like the student in my ofce—could find just about any type of porn he wanted and then some. Though I had been dreading this meeting with Tommy and his mother, Sherry, I knew we needed to talk. I could tell when he called me a few days ago, adamant about seeing me as soon as possible, something was wrong. So on the day of our appointment, Tommy stumbled into my ofce with a dazed look on his face and an angry mom in his wake. Tears running down her cheeks, Sherry went from angry to sad to hopeless as she told me, her voice barely above a whisper, about walking into her home ofce. She found Tommy glued to the computer screen, so entranced by the porn site in front of him that he was oblivious to her being there. Now in my ofce Tommy felt ashamed and awkward as his mother and I quizzed him on his activity. Our thirty-minute appointment turned into a two-hour session as the three of us tried to uncover the strong seduction of internet porn in Tommy’s life. When our meeting was over and Tommy and Sherry had left, I was the one in a helpless daze. I hardly knew what the internet was, much less the ways it was destroying this young man. I didn’t know what to say to this kid or to any of the other kids who were now suddenly struggling with this new phenomenon. I was at a loss. Days passed and I still hadn’t given Tommy a practical plan or any helpful advice. I just didn’t know where to start. I prob- ably told him to read his Bible more, pray consistently, and come to the next midweek service—all the standard answers 10 Preface Do not copy or distribute _Grss_Integrity_BB_djm.indd 10 6/10/10 12:47:55 PM when you don’t know what to say. Hardly the complete answer I would give him if he came to my ofce today. I tell this story for a reason. That encounter with Tommy and his mother was the first time I realized how destructive porn is—the way it consumes and corrupts the hearts and minds of good people whom we think should know better. Over the next couple years, more and more of my students became entangled in the web of pornography, and I kept search- ing for a way to help them. I was overwhelmed by the sheer number of lives that porn left broken. It was taking people farther than they ever thought they would go and influencing them to do things they never thought they would do. Porn had become a pandemic. A pandemic is an epidemic of an infectious disease that spreads through populations across a large region. Often polls produce inflated numbers and statistics can embellish a prob- lem, but with porn, I think reality is much worse than the numbers indicate. I mean, who wants to admit in a survey to having a problem with porn? But help is available. No addict ever started of saying, “I hope I become an ad- dict someday.” Addiction comes after a lot of bad choices and continues as long as the bad choices are made. If we could somehow help prevent the bad choices, we could then help overcome the addiction. After talking with a computer programming friend of mine, we came up with the concept of an accountability software program. In its earliest version the idea was simple. Load the software onto the computer and then go about your online business. The program would instruct users to enlist a friend Preface 11 Do not copy or distribute _Grss_Integrity_BB_djm.indd 11 6/10/10 12:47:56 PM as an accountability partner. Then every two or four weeks (depending on the frequency you chose), a list of any question- able websites you visited would be sent to your accountability partner. Now you had someone looking over your shoulder as you surfed the web; hopefully that knowledge would keep you from getting sucked into the vortex of porn.