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2008-5-01

A Modest Proposal, vol. 4, no. 7

Jonathan Coker, et al.

© 2008 A Modest Proposal

Find more information about this article here. This document has been made available for free and open access by the Eugene McDermott Library. Contact [email protected] for further information. T H E --~ ALTERNATIVE UTD STUDENT PUBLICATI

1he food shortage isn't Hie Americans are due to bio.foel production. woefully underinformed Hie may just be growing and apathetic about the wrong kind offood our consumption habits. Bring on the potatoes! It's time to do something. page 12 page 13

EXTRA! Q, Lct~al 1rjcction 7:'" -/) r r nt/r z The Supreme Court finds no Nowadays you can find almost The FAA admits ) reason to discount the practice in anything through the Internet oversights and coverups in Sometimes it is /) .J capital punishment page 3 - even murder page 4 air triffic control page 6 a problem page 18 (

SUMMER 2008 • VOLUME 4 • ISSUE 7 • AMP.UTDALLAS.EDU 2 CoNTENTS S UMMER 2 008 • VOLUM E 4 • Issue 7

I2 Power of Potatoes In 1his Issue. • • The Answer is Under Your Feet! S oc i AL CoMMEN TARY BY RICHARD BADGETT The Global Hunger Crisis Supreme Court Pardons Lethal 3 Injections Food Riots and American Diets How painful is too painful for our nation's criminals? BY STEPHANIE SHASTEEN BY DEVARATI DAS A RTS L EISURE Making a Killing on Craigslist & 4 The person behind Sale-9482372 may be The Spin Cycle slashing more than prices. Three new (freedom)-rock albums BY JORDAN YOUNGBLOOD BY RYAN HENRY Success Without the $$$ The Menu 5 College isn't just a stepping stone to This month, Geisha Sreak and Sushi making money. Kimberley Allen BY LAURA MILLER BY BRADY SPENRATH Richard Badgett Summertime Cinema Jordon Batura "· Ben Connors Cure your summertime boredom G L O BA L Devarati·Das BY JOHN HARDING Ben Dower EpicFAAil 6 Wen Fa FAA: dishing out blame Kenny Gray and punishing whistleblowers John H arding BY MEGAN NEWMAN Jessie Harpham • SHAMELESS FRIVOLITY Ryan H enry 7 Microloans Make a Big Impact , MacHird How sharing a little can help the entire world out 17 Letters to the Awesome BY JONATHAN COKER Hot Fuzz is their Answer BY MAC HIRD 8 When Vice is Nice AND KEVIN TYDLACKA The selected nominees will play a big role in the upcoming election 18 Cat Hands BY WEN FA Do you have them? Presidential Gaffes BY BEN CONNORS 9 How should informed voters handle Black & White candidates' scandalous soundbites? The Concluding Cliffhanger Comic BY BEN DOWER BY LUKE MCKENZIE Discuss articles at ·! Qpestioning Obama IO amp.utdallas.edu, or With unsatisfactory answers, he is not email amodestproposal · ready to be President P uzz LES G A M ES & @gmail.com today! BY BENEDICT VOlT 20 Puzzles Page . II The Austrian Theory of a Trade Cy~le 22 The Uranus ·Disclaimer ... BY SEBAST IA N QUICK L;:~ ;yJ:f;icles printed within ari.. , :! solely opinions and do not Cover and center des1gn by Natalia Zuniga. Uranus cove1 des1gn by jordan Youngblood 1nd Luke McKenzie. daim to presmf difiniti'Ue fad. 1hey me the opimrms oflh~ writer alone and itt 110 way repre..tent/1 Modut Proposal, the Unit,enity admtniltration Join AMP, and say what you really t hink. qr thr: Board o/ &ogentJ ofthe Uni~1mity ofTt!xas Syrtem. amp. u~dallas.edu/join 3 Supreme Court Pardons lethal Injections How p ainful is too p ainfulfor our nation's criminals?

as each new method turns out to be less humane than intended." The respondents of this case, John Rees, the commissioner of the Kentucky Department of Correction, and others by devarati das representing the Commonwealth of [email protected] Kentucky, disputed the assertion that the three-drug cocktail creates a substantial For the very first time, the Supreme enough risk of inflicting pain to be taken Court heard a case challenging the as a violation ofthe Eighth Amendment's constitutionality of the most clause. In addition, the Commonwealth widely and publicly accepted of Kentucky argued that the infliction form of capital punishment. of pain, especially in the case of an Lethal injection, the execution, does not necessarily equate preferred method in to "cruel and unusual punishment," thirty-six ofthe thirty­ but simply punishment, which is seven states that still naturally bound to be a little painful. consider the death As Justice Scalia reiterated in January's penalty to be legal, oral arguments for the petitioners: bas been identified ~e have been discussing this on many occasions as though that is a constitutional as a cruel and unusual requirement. Where does that come method of punishment. from, that you must find the method Such a label causes many of execution that causes the least pain? to consider this particular We have approved electrocution, we method a violation of the have approved death by firing squad. Eighth Amendment of the United I expect both of those have more States Constitution as well as the IF YOL.l possibiMes of painful death Seventeenth Section of the Kentucky than the protocol here. CAN Kl~~ A MAN, Constitution. Where does this come In the case Baze v. Rees, Ralph YOU CAN TAK5 A N55D~5- from that in the execution Baze and Thomas C. Bowling appealed GTOP BE: tNG SL.lCH of a person who has been to the Supreme Court after their case convicted of killing people against the procedure of the three-dose we must choose the least injection, which was upheld by the painful method possible? Is that Kentucky Commonwealth, had been somewhere in our Constitution?" ruled against in both the circuit court It seems the Court recognized the and Supreme Court of Kentucky. lack of severe pain from the injections Until recently, the Federal Court has Illustration by Jordon Batura during the defense oral arguments. refused to see cases regarding the I am in agreement with the Court lethal injection method. That changed that injections simply are not a reason the morning of April 16, 2008, with execution case, declaring that death by Even after these decisions, death row for complaining when on death row. a strong, seven to-two decision. The firing squad was constitutional. By the inmates strive to find a constitutional Furthermore, I believe Justice Scalia was Supreme Court announced that they 1920s, though, the courts of about ten violation in the default method. correct in pointing out that there is no, found no reason to consider lethal states found the death penalty to be "Condemned inmates," the Supreme and there should not be any, requirement injection too painful or a violation of the illegal. In 1972, the Supreme Court itself Court warned, "will never run out of for a method of execution to be painless. Eighth Amendment. placed a suspension on the death penalty ideas for changes to the procedures, It just can't be torture. It almost defeats Public support for the death penalty as it was used in thirty-five of fifty states, drugs or equipment used during lethal the purpose of capital punishment if and the methods used has fluctuated ruling it unconstitutional. After forcing injection." In fact, it is interesting to death doesn't feel like a punishment. The over the last two centuries. In reality, this states to change their capital punishment note that new, improved forms of capital Court in their decision to uphold the public support bas spawned or dampened statutes, the Supreme Court reinstated punishment are found due to the ongoing current version of lethal injection shows the appearance of death penalty cases in the death penalty. By the late 1900s, search for a more painless method than that the insubstantial risk of pain does the Supreme Court. It has been over a all but one state had made the method the last. As was stated in Baze v. Rees, not equal a need for concern. • century since in the 1879 case Wilkerson of lethal injection a default, while "The evolution of execution methods in v. Utah when the Supreme Court ruled electrocution and/or hanging were still this country reflects a continuing quest Devarati Das knows what's going ()tl. directly regarding an Eighth Amendment options in a few states. to find a more humane means of killing, DisctiSS this artie!~ at !J1/J,ft,utdq/IM.edu! 4 SociAL CoM M ENTARY SUMM ER. 200 8 • VOLUME 4 • ISSU E 1 Making a Killing on Craigslist 1he person behind Sale-9482372 may be slashing more than prices

of hiding their real life from everyone! else, people spill out their most hidden Your scent gives desires for hapless store clerks everywhere in the hope of subverting all known fact: you away - m4w - of sexual selection and winning a matt by jordan youngblood through sheer creepassery. Check out thu jrv03l0000utd.Ulas.eclu 99 (Dallas) recent example of model lady-wooing OL the Dallas site: Here recently J happened to come "In a hot tub above fort worth- m4w across an arricle on MSN discussing a - 23. we both got our cloths wet. At the woman named Anne Marie Linscott Reply to: pers-652659284~craigslist.org elevator we split paths, i would like to in 1\Iichigan, wh() was caught trying to Date: 2008-04-22. 9J3PM CDT paint with you. :t contract out a hit on her illicit lover's wife While you're busy shaking off dK after previou:;l) putting a bomb right slime that just cruelly invaded yow outside the woman's bedroom window. mental space, consider what I imagine Tht> article was filled with all sorts of was the key thought process that wem fascinating details into the mindsct of You don't know it but I can smen your dampness-. into this: r have absolutely nothing to lose a 49-year old female Unabomber in Anyone that gets close to you can smell .it. 1kno w by this. No one knows this is me. It's that love, but best of all was the method of liberating freedom which is both one of requesting the murder: advertising in the you like me and I like you too. It has to be some the greatest things about the Internet and "freelance" section on Craigslist. ctazy thoughts you get when you get around when we one of the pants-shittingly scariest about Ah, Craigslist. Where else on the it. Craigslist may be a self-administrated internet can you rent both a new first see each other. Pretty awes~ .. yon are, goisg community, and admittedly they did apartment and a prostitute to inaugurate to be fim when time right. anyone that drives catch Linscott; however, when a good it? The website has long been a source of the is chunk of the community is made up by endless jokes due to the mind boggling folks like Hot Tub Pollock up there, my Thanks, Craigstist. Now I won't be able to sleep for weeks. Awful ad sadly found by jordan Youngblood sexual deviancy on display in the "Casual faith in proper accountability goes out Encounters" section and the deals on to make the kind of requests ordinarily You may rightly state that people the window. used items that may or may not have left to Italian mafia bosses on television have used new technology and means I'm certainly not saying that we should been stolen out of a K-Mart. According shows. With merely an e-mail, Linscott to coordinate efforts like murder before, limit expression on the internet because to some sources, Craigslist may be asked two total strangers to wipe out her and that an incident like the one in of a few weirdos using parts of the site responsible for more transactions in rival in affection, giving her real name, Minneapolis could easily happen in any which are consciously labeled as "adult." urban housing and jobs than any other age, and employment location with sort of classified ad environment. This is No one is expecting moral philosophy resource in the entire country; it is a little to no prodding. Demanding "silent true, and human nature is always going from guys who post things like "J can constant hub of interpersonal activity assassins," Linscott managed to break a to seek out new ways to do awful things. smell your dampness" as a pick-up line. that remains immensely popular without whole wealth of real laws while under the However, things like Craigslist continue Nor should we insist on linking real-life ever changing from a web layout stolen account name "bourne2run" and might've to divide action from accountability, identity to online identity. People have straight out of 1994. managed real murder had she nor been leaving some imaginary avatar like "sale- the choice to act and speak as they will. So it's really no surprise that a website pointed out to the authorities. 67894353" or "bourne2run" to ask for However, when the divide between who that already deals in the most basic of While her somewhat-admirably frank things far beyond the pale of acceptable you are and what you are accountable human needs-sex, shelter, free used and open plan was dismantled by basic (or even legal) behavior. for saying reaches such a level that it's couches if you supply a truck and some logic, others have not been quite as lucky Consider the "missed connections" legitimately possible to request murder dudes to carry it-would eventually turn with Craigslist postings. A 19-year old in section on Craigslist. The internet in a public forum, it's time to reconsider into a possible resource for one-stop Minneapolis lured a nanny to his home has created such a strange dichotomy how we perceive ourselves in the virtual assassination. If f can post my haikus in with the promise of a job and promptly between attention and anonymity realm. Next time you utilize a service like a discussion forum at the bottom of their shot her in the back; his initial defense that it has spawned a bizarro world of Craigslist, think about the people out homepage, why not my all-consuming to the police was that he had not actually people creating lengthy and oftentimes there you're interacting with-and the hatred for my boss/spouse/neighbor's pet committed the murder, but had just been horrifically explicit letters ro people they person you're claiming to be. • that someone can potentially "take care watching a friend who "thought it would saw in restaurants; these sort of sections of" for me? Who's really out there to stop be funny. "While you ponder the immense existed before in the dank world of back­ me? creepiness of a statement like thar, let's page personals, but here they are given jordan tloan't nut/ Craigslist to What is mind blowing is just how move on to the real issue behind why this terrifying life in the vast expanse of an odwrtis~ how rock in' his hotly ir. easy it is, under the guise of anonymity, bothers me so much. endless white text box. Handed the power Dis01$s this ortide at amb.utda/las.rdu!. A MODEST P ROPOSAL SOCIAL COMMENTARY 5 Success vs.lnnovation Societal pressure to 'maintain the status quo

are formative processes that require continual mainte­ nance. Imagine asking a pregnant woman what she was going to do with her baby once it was born. A highly rational person might answer something to the effect of, "I'm going to raise this baby to have a strong sense of by laura miller [email protected] moral duty and put him on the path to become the next president." What I imagine most people would say is, "I'm having this baby because I appreciate life and want "What are you going to do when you graduate?" to deepen my understanding of it." I heard this question no less than four times-today. Education, much like a child, is not a means to an It has been imbedded deeply within my subconscious end. It is an end in itself It changes your world view, over the last four years, hanging over my every decision your relationship with humanity. It does not have a sin..: like an unforgiving ghost. I can always tell when the gular purpose, and assigning one to it undermines the moment is approaching; when someone is about to ask entire value system. Financial and social expectations the inevitable question my stomach tightens, and my cloud our ability to find enjoyment in the process, and skin gets cold and goosepimpled. I've recently attrib­ if you haven't learned what it is that you enjoy doing, uted this sensation to guilt. then you haven't learned much of anything at all. Why do we feel guilty when our response to "the Play is an essential part of the learning experience. question" is "1 have no idea," or "I'm taking some time Where would we be if Lewis Carroll hadn't put down off"? Maybe it's partly because of the reaction we get the math book and picked up a pen, or if Benjamin from the question asker: a slight tilt of the head fol­ Franklin hadn't flown that kite? The essence of educa­ lowed by the sympathetic, "Oh, well don't worry, I'm tion is exposure to the unfamiliar, and experimenting sure you'll figure something out." This kind of behav­ without fear of success or failure is an extension of that. ior is to be expected from freshmen, parents, and other We can learn just as much about ourselves and about people with questionable motives, but what scares me is the rest of the world from rollerblading in the park as that I have received the head tilt from several members we can from studying Shakespeare's sonnets. In fact, the of the UTD faculty. two are not entirely unrelated. Continuing your own For most of us, a degree is not a magical ticket that education through doing what you feel passionately immediately transforms us into well-paid, function­ about is the only way any of us can be truly successful. ing members of the adult community, which I believe I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm tired of is what many people expect. Parents are notorious for racing through life in order to complete the next "stage pressuring their children to follow the well-worn path of development."! have realized that there are no stag­ to white picket fencehood. We base our lives on this es; the track is circular. You can either keep running at framework: finish high school, go to college, get a good If you don't start having fun right now, this could happen to full speed until you're right back where you started, or you. Photo Illustration by Laura Miller & Liam Skoyles. job. It's a psychological assembly line, !lnd somehow you can slow down and enjoy the view. You may find this mind frame has become the norm for the majority Of course, success is relative to the individual, and something that you didn't know you were seeking. of society. there are many people who include wealth, fame, and So next time someone asks you "the question" tell What is it that makes a high-priced, corporate law­ rank in their definition of it. There's nothing wrong them that you're going to learn to play the harmonica, yer more successful than an ice-cream truck driver? with setting high goals, but it's important to keep in or that you're going to shave your cat. Tell them your What's wrong with working at Starbucks and studying mind the intrinsic value ofeducation while you're seek­ top priority is to build a miniature circus out of pipe Joyce for the remainder of my days? Try telling your ing the material gratification. cleaners. Tell them you're going to breathe. • parents you plan on taking a part time job as a hot dog I like to think of commencement as the time when vendor so that you might continue your philosophical we all get together to deliver the fetuses that have been Laura disputes Pink Floyd's idea that ·we don't need endeavors independently. I'd like to be there to hear gestating for four (or five, or six, or· eight) years. As no education• and willfight them ifneed be. their reaction. graphic as that sounds, I like the analogy because both Discuss this article at gmp.utdalW.edu!

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in 2005 resurfaced, with the added allegation that the FAA failed to follow through on their promise to reform the faulty air traffic control system (surprised, anyone?). They did not admit to specific abuse against Anne Whiteman, although they expressed regret that two by megan newman unnamed safety inspectors had experienced retaliation [email protected] for investigating safety violations. The U.S. Department ofTransportation performed a his week, the Federal Aviation more thorough probe into the situation and determined Administration screwed up again. In its that, while none of the errors resulted in crashes, 25% of latest debacle, the safety regulation agency them were misreported. This is a serious concern because T revealed yet another facet of their tendency one of the tasks of the FAA is to determine how to to slack off, cover up, and disabuse (almost literally) reduce .Right risks, using the data they collect about error the public of their misplaced trust. The specifics of this reporting. If that data is flawed, the correction process is particular case (not to be confused with the recent and flawed-but then, as we've seen, the correction process widespread failure of the FAA to enforce its safety is flawed anyway. The investigation found that FAA regulations among airlines) actually involve physical managers misclassified errors both to avoid criticism from abuse. The trouble began in 2002, on a dark and stormy the higher rung of FAA and to increase their chances of night, in a faraway air traffic control office. Okay, okay, receiving performance bonuses (Cha-ching!). Now the actually the trouble began quite close to home at DFW, two most involved Dallas managers have been removed and I have no idea what the weather was like. It was from their positions to another administrative post. probably daytime. The real story is slighdy less dramatic However, the error level, and the amount of misreporting, and definitely more discouraging. only seems to be a problem at DFW. Great. Fuel for the In 2002, Anne Whiteman, an air traffic controller, Texan-bater bonfire. reported grave safety violations on the part of both Another interesting development in the latest FAA controllers and error reporters in the FAA. According scandal is the involvement of a union called the National to her, controllers repeatedly made mistakes when Air Traffic Controllers Association. Their vice president instructing pilots about their flight paths. Pilots were Darrell Meachum attributed the problem to understaffing giveo late instructions, wrong instructions, put on paths CONTROL of air traffic controllers. In the last two years, the number that placed them too close to other planes ... and then of air traffic controllers employed by DFW dropped given the blame for any resulting errors. TOWER from 99 to 57. From this fact they draw the conclusion Unfortunately, the FAA responded to Whiteman's that "FEMA with wings [the FAA] ... has no choice but complaints by attempting to disabuse her of the to cook the books because they don't want to be seen as desire to continue what many news agencies have Regardless, her complaints eventually worked their way unsafe." So a shortage of staffing logically and direcdy now dubbed "whisde-blowing." As she testified in up to the U.S. Department ofTransportation, where they leads to cooking the books. Now I see! an interview with NPR on April 22, Whiteman's were verified by an internal investigation. In fact, it came to Of course the FAA is taking measures to remedy colleagues at the FAA gave her more than the cold light in 2004 that the FAA had been underreporting these this newest alarming situation (is it just me, or does shoulder for her actions. They physically shouldered past air traffic control errors for seven years, usually attributing Acting Administrator Robert Sturgell look pretty her in the hallways, knocking her into nearby desks, the fault to pilots. The FAA admitted its sins in 2005 (all haggard lately?). They have released plans to improve and otherwise shoved and physically threatened her. except for the physical abuse of Whiteman), having been error reporting through the use of a computer system, It got so bad that her superiors eventually transferred shuffied contritely into confession at a news conference, which will be installed in 2009; air traffic controllers will Whiteman to a more isolated office for her own safety. and declared their penitent plans to correct the errors. now be able to report errors without penalties; and an Meanwhile, they sent a letter with their side of the independent group will audit the air traffic controllers story to the same congressman with whom Whiteman Three years later: April 24, 1008 periodically. And the Federal Aviation Administration was corresponding about the violations. An integral On a bright and sunny Thursday, (birds chirping, Failure Saga continues. • part of that story tagged Anne Whiteman as "some leaves rusding, etc, etc.), the FAA again came before crazy broad who was out of control," according to the the public to admit their mistakes·. The case that quiedy Megan Newman is all about the birds chirping, lea1Jes rwtling, etc, tit. Dallas Morning News. made its way up the complaint ladder to verification Discuss this artide atamiJ .,u tdqQ4S,ulu! A M ODEST PROPOSAL GLOBAL POLITICS 7 Microloans Make a Big Impact How sharing a little can help the entire world out

demonstrated need. Kiva.org hosts profiles seamstress buy more fabric, a cab driver interest charged on a risky loan can add as of these entrepreneurs including pictures, buy a new dutch, or a family stock their much as 40% to the amount that has to their need, and their location, allowing vegetable stand, you'll know exactly where be repaid on a very small loan. However, potential lenders, such as yourself, to lend your money went. this is a consequence of scale. A loan by jonathan coker to someone thousands of miles away. The Microlending isn't without its takes a certain amount of man power and [email protected] website, with the help ofthe famous money shortcomings, though. Through Kiva. processing. Fees can only fall so low. So, a 15 dollar fee on a 100 dollar loan is a large It's a fact I've heard so many times I percentage to be repaid while it doesn't don't even find it shocking anymore. Half seem like such a large amount coupled to a of the world's population lives on less than 300 dollar loan. The fees and high interest a dollar a day. It's almost unbelievable. It's rates are unavoidable and something the undeniable that there is an income gap in lendees are clearly willing to deal with. the world, which is only being made worse Some entrepreneurs listed on Kiva. by steeply rising food and fuel costs. org have also raised controversy. For Most agree that the developed world example, the site has hosted the profiles needs to do something to alleviate extreme of entrepreneurs looking for money to poverty and level the income gap at least a fund their cockfighting business. While little bit. (We're not talking about everyone this service does its best to ensure they're owning a car, just a couple thousand less not funding activities that are explicitly people per day dying of hunger.) The illegal tike prostitution and drug dealing, argument comes when we discuss how the they can't or haven't prevented potentially developed world should help. objectionable activities like cockfighting Some oppose outright nation-to-nation from being funded by rnicroloans. This map displays some of the major lending centers for Kiva. Public; 1mage courtesy ofWiklpe

1he selected nominees will play a big role in the upcoming election

by wen fa [email protected]

The Vice President of the United States serves as President of the Senate, a key advisor to the president, and is first in the presidential line of succession. The influence of the Vice President has expanded in recent history with Al Gore and Dick Cheney playing pivotal roles in the Clinton and Bush administrations, respectively. However, one of the most important things that a Vice Presidential nominee must do takes place before Election Day, when he or she is called on to balance the ticket. What goes into the selection process, and who will be the running mates for Republican nominee John McCain and Democratic frontrunner Barack Obarna? If Senator John McCain prevails in November, he will be the oldest person elected to a first term in John McCain's best choice may be South Carolina's current gover­ United States history. Senator McCain's running mate If Barack Obama secures the nomination, he should look to Virginia nor Mark Sanford. Official Photo of rhe Governor Senator Jim Webb as a running mate. Offic•al Photo of the Senator does not need to be relatively young nor does he need to come from a swing state such as Ohio. Instead, If Senator Barack Obama wins in November, he leadership experience and the ability to govern as will be the least experienced candidate to be elected ( ( The election of 2008 president should be pre-requisites for McCain's vice President since Jimmy Carter was elected in 1976. presidential nominee. Furthermore, the nominee Furthermore, Senator Obama has been attacked by should be just as close as should be scandal free and able to solidify McCain's members of his own party such as Senator Clinton for conservative base. a lack of foreign policy experience and an iAability to the two preceding elections; McCain's short list likely consists of several be a successful commander-in-chic£ Senator Obama's therefore, the selection of a Governors (and former Governors) including: Mark running mate needs to have substantial foreign policy Sanford of South Carolina, Bob Riley of Alabama, experience and should complement Chama's message Vice President is incredibly Sarah Palin of Alaska, Tim Pawlenty of Minnesota, of uniting the country. important. Charlie Crist of Florida, Mike Huckabee ofArkansas, Barack Chama's short list probably includes Senators 11 and Mitt Romney of Massachusetts. Former Ohio Jim Webb of Virginia, Bob Casey of Pennsylvania, Congressman Rob Portman, Senator Lindsey Graham Joe Biden of Delaware, and Hillary Clinton of New until2006 when he changed party affiliation and beat of South Carolina, Secretary of State Condoleezza York as well as Former Senator Sam Nunn of Georgia. out incumbent senator George Allen in the midterm Rice, and former Secretary of State Colin Powell have Governors Bill Richardson of New Mexico and elections. Furthermore, Senator Webb fills in the also been mentioned as potential running mates for Kathleen Sebelius, as well as Generals Anthony Zinni foreign policy gap, as he was a decorated Vietnam War John McCain. The need for executive experience will and Wesley Clark have also been mentioned numerous veteran and was appointed by President Reagan in the almost certainly make McCain pick a governor as his times as possibilities. late 1980s to be Secretary of the Navy. running mate. Obama will probably pick someone with at least a The election or 2008 should be just as close as the Crist and Romney may repel social conservatives few years of experience in Congress or as Governor, two preceding elections; then::fore, the selection of a while economic conservatives will likely be leery which strikes Zinni and Clark from the list. Governor vice presidential candidate is incredibly important. of H uckabee. Palin on the other hand may be too Sebelius and Senator Ca&ey lack the foreign policy Save yourself the trouble ofwaiting a few more months conservative, and Riley has faced significant criticism experience Senator Obama would require in a nmning to figure out who the candidates have selected to be on over his role in the response to hurricane Katrina. That mate. Sam Nunn may be too old to be on a ticket their ticket. Instead, print out your McCain-Sanford leaves Governor Tim Pawlcnty and Governor Mark with "change" and "hope" a~ its main themes. Senator or Obama-\Vebb (or Bloombt:rg-Ilagd?) bmnper Sanford as the favorites for the nomination. Governor Clinton and Senator Richardson may be too polarizing stickers toda). • Sanford's additional experience in the United States to comport wirh another popular Obama theme, House of Representatives as well as his repeated vocal "Uniting Democrats, Independents, and Republicans." u;n uou/.1 fttl: h,m,·!J m I'P 1o lj.z,ything go~• opposition to wasteful spending should give him a B~ process ot <•limination, Jim \Vebb is the best pick wrong ttururg hu FrrJul.,·n,y. he (an JUf' zn. slight edge over Governor Pawlenty. for Barack Obama Senaror \Vebb was a Republican Disross this artitlr at amp.ut.itJI/as.~tlu! A M ooesT P ROPO SAL GLOBAL PoLITics 9 res1• entia a es How should informed voters handle candidates' scandalous soundbites?

freshman. I can't remember my exact words, but they were something along the lines of, '~d what's with the OTMs? How by ben dower do they get so enthusiastic at 8 in the [email protected] morning? It's like they've had a lot of caffeine or speed or something." Well, thankfully this did produce a laugh from As the Democratic primary continues the students (nervous freshman are an to drag on, policy differences between easy audience to win over), but one of the candidates have become increasingly the Orientation Team Mentors got obscured by a string of minor political extremely offended. scandals. From Obama's "Bittergate" This individual complained to the controversy to Clinton's greatly Assistant Dean who later pulled me exaggerated reference about her Bosnia aside and gave me a warning about landing, it seems that both candidates appropriate behavior during a pubJic have suffered from errors brought on appearance. This incident stuck with largely by their own bad judgment. Even No story about gaffes is complete without the gaffer-in-chief. Photo courtesy of americar.chronicle.ccm me throughout the year: be wary of any McCain has not escaped unscathed, off-the-cuff attempts at humor. No drawing criticism for incorrectly If the gaffe is worthy of furt~er acceptable to everyone, all the time, matter how harmless you think the joke referring to AI Qgeda as a Shiite group examination, the next consideration without context, then you end up with is, there's always someone out there who on multiple occasions. is context. The media has a certain candidates who can and will say nothing will take offense. 'The media's focus on gaffes was fondness for playing a soundbite on at all. My biggest worry about this Political ·candidates have extremely apparent in the final Democratic debate, air and then ripping it apart without groWing trend to pick apart candidates difficult tasks. They must appeal to during which numerous questions ever placing it in a proper framework. based on soundbites is that it will have solidified constituencies with strong focused- not on policy- but on the To make an informed decision about a chilling effect on their willingness to positions and distinct priorities while at candidates' "misspeaks." The ABC whether to change your opinion about a talk off the script. the same time remaining bland enough debate received considerable criticism candidate b.ased on a gaffe, it's important This cuts right to the heart about not to offend the moderate middle. And for its lack of substantive questions, to understand the context in which they why people care al;>out gaffes. We care they have to do it every minute of every particularly from Obama supporters who were speaking. Try to :find a full clip of because we think we are getting a secret day for months on end. The spotlight felt their candidate had been unfairly the passage or speech before making any insight about what a candidate is "really" never leaves, and they never know targeted. However, in many ways the preliminary judgments. like. America is so used to scripted who might have a microphone under moderators were simply reflecting the Another vital consideration is politicians that any unplanned blunder their lapel pin. And speaking of pins, American public's priorities. Perhaps audience. To whom was the candidate that allows us to cut past the charade don't forget that even the most absurd because Clinton and Obama largely speaking when he or she made the is considered valuable. In many ways priorities can be near and dear to voters concur on the major issues, both political offensive statement? The consideration this is a totally legitimate priority. l t's whose support you cannot afford to junkies and those with only a peripheral of audience is the most disregarded important to know the person behind lose. interest have become fascinated with the element of any political gaffe. the performance. The problem with On the whole, I think we should cut candidates' verbal blunders. The media likes to pretend that there focusing on gaffes, particularly those our candidates more slack. Remember As someone who has served in a are two types of statements: statements that are unscripted rather than simply what they say, store it away in the back of public position at this university over which are palatable for everyone, and ill-advised, is that it achieves exactly the your mind and feel free to let it surface the last year, I'd like to offer my thoughts statements which pander to a specific opposite result. at the polling station. But don't spend all on how primary voters should assess constituency. H owever, this simply isn't In trying to discover more about what your time focusing on it at the expense of political gaffes in a public setting. a fair assessment. It's not fair to apply our unscripted candidates truly believe the issues. M ter all, the only way we will The first question that should be asked the same level of scrutiny to a joke and focusing weeks of media attention ever really get to know our candidates is when assessing a "misspeak" is simply I tell to a friend and a speech I make on 20-second clips, we discourage any if they feel comfortable enough to talk this: what did the statement reveal to an audience of hundreds. No one of our public speakers from speaking to us frankly. That can never happen in about the candidate? Was the candidate would accuse a candidate of pandering without the cue card. Ever. an envi.ronment where every sentence is caught in the midst of a lie, and if so, was if they used different vocabulary when Even in my limited experience as a dissected into tiny pieces, and the greater it intentional or accidental? Did their addressing their spouse. Why then do public figure, I have learned the dangers message is totally lost. • statement reveal something about their we expect our public officials to treat all of speaking ad lib. During a speech at beliefs that wasn't previously known? types and numbers of people the same? Freshman Convocation, 1 decided to Bm Dower started offwriti11g about giraffis. The answer to this question should also An important skill of any public make a joke about the OTMs, whose However, due to a typo that Ben just went with, determine whether or not you should official is to read their audience. If extreme hyper-enthusiastic whooshing this bewme a much more borit~g article. care to find out more. everything a candidate says must be had intimidated me when I was a Discuss this article at am,P.utdal/Jy.edu! IO GLOBAL POLITICS SuMMER 2008 • VoLUME 4 • I ssue 7 Questioning Obama With unsatisfoctory.answers, he is not ready to be President

the government " ...invent [ed] the HIV concerns over Rezko's ethics and legality he associates - or his possible lack thereof. virus as a means of genocide against people had already arisen. Again, Oban1a chose of color." his personal relationship over appropriate How do you foresee the United States Oban1a's story has changed from not behavior. continuing its role as the global hegemon? attending church for these many radical Most disturbing of all is Obama's I suspect before answering this question, by benedict voit sermons, to not remembering them, to connection with terrorist William Ayers. Obama will take issue with the in1plication [email protected] brushing off Wright as simply a crazy­ Ayers and his wife are unapologetic about of this question. The current liberal mindset old-uncle figure whom you often just have their past membership in the organization often chides the US for over-involvement. Democratic candidate Barack Obama to accept in the family. "I can no more Weather Underground. Yet when there are proposals on the table is running for President on the platform of disown him than I can disown the black This radical left movement of the late to let an even more powerful force secure change. He asks for our votes in order to community... " Obama 1960s and early 1970s dedicated itself our relations (the free market), Obama bring a different mentality to Washi.t1!,>tOn. argued. ls Obama for the goal of "the destruction and Democrats find a new love for over­ Yet his change appears liberal to the comparing Wright of U.S. in1perialism and involvement of the government on the extreme. Some of many questions for the to the black the achievement of a national scale. Illinois Senator: community? classless world: world Equally disconcerting is his domestic For their sake, Communism." To economic plan. A great strength of this How do you expect to uniJY the country I certainly carry out their agenda, country is our role as the leading innovator. when you cannot even definitively win th£ hope not. the group bombed In our global world, candidates tell us to Democratic nomination? Another the Capitol, the fear outsourcing or off-shoring; our best When the campaign began, Oban1a was a contentious Pentagon, and the protection from massive unemployment, Messianic symbol. As an enlightened figure ,; State Department though, is not protectionism but a vibrant and a great orator, he inspired a new cohort /----7"7 among other economy that can renew itself of individuals previously disinterested --- Rather than blaming corporations for politics. His can1paign strives to unify being competitive on a global scale and the country behind his platform, moving manufacturing jobs, perhaps which he claims isn't about party, but Democrats should foster an environment about people. However, oratory can for the next generation of industries. Hint: only go so far. Now that the American higher taxes aren't the answer. people have gotten a taste of the policy Speaking of taxes, Obama has a (or lack thereof) behind the man, his misconstrued notion of the American platform may not be as welcoming as it drean1. America provides the equality once was. of opportunity, but Oban1a is insistent The Democratic Primary system is personal upon delivering an equality of outcome. undeniably terrible, and Oban1a has a connection ofthe governmental To do so requires continued expansion of strong case for winning the nomination. Senator's is Antoin buildings. Ayers governmental progran1s at the expense of However, he does not have a strong chance 'Tony' Rezko. Rezko, a reported in 2001: "I don't regret the taxpayers. of completing his goal to be a candidate of Chicago businessman, has been setting bombs. I feel we didn't do For e:xan1ple, in his "Tax Fairness for the unity since he has been ranked the most indicted on corruption charges enough." Middle Class" plan, Obama proposes nearly liberal U.S. Senator by the National Journal. by a federal grand jury. Their Oban1a's connections with doubling the Capital Gains Tax from 15% Obama needs to realize that even with a sour relationship is so close that in Ayers are not as distant as he would to 28%. Is Oban1a aware of Steve Moore's economy, the dollar still goes further than his 1991 Rezko offered Oban1a a have you believe. Columnist report in 2005 that indicates nearly half of talk" does. People will vote on substance. For job in real estate. Steve Chapman reports that all returns from Capital Gains Tax come this reason, a late April Gallup poll indicated Although Obama declined Obama " ... appeared on from households earning less than $50,000 a that 300!6 of Clinton supporters would vote that job, he has not declined the panels with Ayers, served year, and more than 75% of returns are from for Senator McCain over Oban1a. With his over a quarter million dollars, on a foundation board households earning less than $100,000 a year? own party not in line with him, I sure hope which, according to the Chicago with him and held a 1995 Oban1a clearly misunderstands what"faimess" he's not counting on Republicans to help Sun-Tin1es, Rezko has helped can1paign event at the and/or the "Middle Class" really are. hin1 push his progressive agenda. raise for Obama's senate races home ofAyers and his wife, fellow All in all, Oban1a's pledge to rise above since then. terrorist Bemardine Dohrn. Ayers even the politics has failed miserably. The one Will your personal ties get in the way of Most contentious, the gave money to one of his campaigns." benefit of the long Democratic nomination your leadership? Obama fan1ily bought a S1.65 These acquaintances raise the question process has been a better picture of who Obama remains a member of Trinity million mansion in Chicago (elite?) of Obama's judgment- how he makes Barack Obama really is. Unfortunately United Church, home to pastor Jeremiah coinciding with Mrs. Rezko's decisions about the people with whom for him, it's not a picture that many of us Wright. Wright has caused Obama a series purchase of the adjacent lot. Mrs. Americans like. • Obama presents a great premise of of headaches after videos surfaced revealing Rezko then sold the Obamas part ofher unity. But his policies are far from accom­ Wright's sermons calling for the damnation land at a discount price so they could have plishing that goal. Benedict challenges Obama to a bowl-ojJ! of America and Wright's accusation that a bigger yard. At the time of the purchase, Graphic Illustration by BenedictVoit Disnus this artick at amp, utdg/JJIS.edul A M ODEST P ROPOSAL GLOBAL POLITICS I I The Austrian Theory of a Trade Cycle

...... ·:: of capital goods available for production, consumption, . : .·. and use. When a natural rate of interest is artificially ...... lowered, as by a central monetary authority, the ...... · subsequent artificial rate of interest stops representing the real preferences of society. That is to say, the interest by sebastian quick rate becomes lower than the natural one, whereas [email protected] the rate that represents the social time preferences of the consumers, owners, investors, and entrepreneurs cnjamin Bernanke and all macroeconomists becomes higher than the natural one. The result of this should, by legislative decree, be beaten over the action is more capital goods available for use than there B head with clubs ofpure gold, until they begin to should be. In short, people think there is more capital assert the validity of a social science founded in rational available than there actually is, and that it is needed thought. Allons-y! sooner than is the case. Economists of the Austrian School begin all This credit expansion to lower interest rates and economic thought with a simple set of assumptions to "stimulate aggregate demand" (increase desire to and deductions concerning the nature of human action. consume) leads to inflation and to malinvestment (the 'Ihis set of observations concerning human action and capital is being invested in the wrong places, doing the deductions which can be made from them are the wrong things). The most empirically identifiable called "praxeology" or "the science of human action." connection with respect to the business cycle is clearly Praaxeology begins with the "action axiom" - "Man between inflation and malinvestment with respect to acts." From this statement follow axioms of exchange, artificial credit expansion. time and its scarcity, choice, purposeful behavior, Just as an overenthusiastic individual investor who valuation, ideas, causality, and uncertainty. From these has built five foundations cannot "fool himself" into assumptions, praxeologisrs and good social scientists building five houses if he only has enough resources Benjamin Bernanke gets owned by the golden club of quickly arrive at the pure subjective theory of value, as to build three, a nation engaging in artificial credit Austrian Economics. Photo illustration by Liam Skoyles articulated by Carl Menger. expansion cannot sustain its malinvestments indefinitely, The subjective theory of value asserts that nothing though attempts have certainly been made. The to the fulfillment of truly profitable, urgent, or "expensive" has inherent value. That is to say, objects derive Austrian Theory predicts that, over time, a monetary needs), and/or economic "downturn."These two options their worth from people's needs or desires. Value is a authority which has engaged in credit expansion will are the inevitable result of policy based on empirical subjective evaluation of how a particular good relates have to reap nationally (and perhaps internationally) generalization and causal correlation uninformed by good to men's abilities to attain ends. A new understanding what it has sown. science and sound reasoning (praxeology and deductively of a natural interest rate, the interest rate with inftation A point in time will arrive when a central monetary informed economic theory). factored out, emerges from two distinct concepts: the planner will have to choose between runaway inflation All of this is a result of an overall ignorance of basic pure subjective theory of value and the Austrian notion (and therefore disintegration of economic order as money Austrian economic theory. We need a new Platonic of capital valuation. The Austrian perception of capital becomes worthless and people resort to bartering for banner over our doors which reads "L et no one ignorant valuation relies on the "pure time preference" theory goods), or a "purifYing" recession with accompanying of praxeology enter here." • of capital, the additional value an individual places on unemployment (as people holding jobs whose skills are no consumption that is sooner rather than later. longer demanded are forced to acquire new skills and seek s~!JaJtian alrtady hasJiw housu.. . all A natural rate of interest represents the combination new employment), deflation (prices adjust to reflect true .filltd to tht brim with awnomen~ss. of the social rate of "time preference" and the amount valuation), high interest rates (as borrowing is restricted Discvss this artirk aJ qm-b.«tfillqudHl 12 GLOBAL POLITICS S u M ME R 2008 • V o L UM E -TheGio The answer is under your feet: potatoes! ...... ethanol usage. If this were going to have an impact on world or other things; it's that we're growing the wrong kind offood. prices, it would have done so ages ago. Second, Brazil doesn't Most of the world subsists on a diet rich in cereal grains like ...... use com ethanol like the U.S. and a few other countries do. rice and wheat. A hefty chunk of the western world consumes ...... Rather, they rely on fuel produced from sugar cane, something large amounts of com, especially in the livestock industry, but . .. which has been cultivated in abundance on virtually the entire wheat and rice remain the world's preferred cereal grains. by richard badgett northeastern coast of Brazil for the last 300 years. Brazil's The answer to our food crisis doesn't lie in growing more rice [email protected] sugar biofuel has a higher yield than com ethanol, but more and wheat, bur in converting rice and wheat production to to the point, Brazil hasn't been converting grain-producing potatoes. I'm not alone in this belie( The brewing crisis over rising food prices in third-world fields into fuel-producing fields. They turned existing sugar The United Nations has actually declared 2008 the year of countries h;t.S seen a lot of debate recendy. The World Bank plantations into sources for their biofuel, and the net effect on the potato. This is because potatoes are \vildly more efficient and the International Monetary Fund have both weighed world food supplies has been negligible. to grow than any other major source of carbohydrate. "The in with statements critical of many nations' food production As far as the U.S. is concerned, the suggestion that our use potato allows countries to get more value out of their land, policies, as \vell as a more general waming that efforts to of com ethanol is contributing to rising food prices is again their water, and the time spent cultivating" says Daniel curtail poverty in these countries could well be derailed by laughable. Let me go on the record as saying that com ethanol Gustafson, of the U.N. Food and Agriculture Organization this spike. production right now makes virtually no sense economically ~· A field of potatoes will yield, per acre, comparable Almosteveryonehassomethingtosayabouttherisingfood or environmentally. But as with many new technologies, it's calorie outputs to other cereal grains, but it will do so with less prices, from ordinary citizens like bakers and butchers whose likely that time and new insights will increase productivity fertilizer, less water, and dramatically less labor. What's more, products are directl.y influenced by grain prices, to massive and tum com ethanol into a viable energy source. All that potatoes contain dramatically higher levels ofseveral vitamins international agencies like the World Health Organization. aside, though, it's not our use of com for fuel that takes food such as A, C, and D than wheat or rice, as well as more One of the threads common to a lot of these discussions is off ofthe world's shelves. protein. The per-mao-hour, per-dollar, per-acre investJrient in the assertion that the spike in global food prices is somehow a For several decades now, we've been paying American potatoes yields nearly twice the calorie output ofeither rice or result ofbiofuel production. It's been suggested that countries fanners not to grow food, in order to keep the prices up. Farm wheat, in addition to supplying a more robust diet because of like Brazil and the United States should cease their biofuel subsidies, which discourage use of agricultural land in an its many vitamins and high protein. programs in an effort to introduce more grains into the world effort to regulate price and keep farmers from going broke, As a show of solidarity with the third world, and in an marker. I'd like to debunk this suggestion can well be said to keep food off the world's shelves as well as effort to stimulate market production, 1 would urge you and describe a tenable contribute to price spikes through price-fixing cooperatives. to eat more potatoes. They're comically cheap, making alternative. Even still, it's not as if we lack the capacity to produce more them an excellent food for us hungry college students, and Fust, the idea food for the world market they're chock-full of all kinds of great vitamins which are that Brazil's Additionally, the rise of the middle class in nations like conspicuously absent from ramen noodles. Potatoes are biofuel program China has dramatically increased the demand for meat the food for the future, and if we all work hard to spread is contributing and vegetables, and huge tracts of land traditionally used awareness, they can solve many of the problems oftoday. So to rising grain for growing wheat have been converted to other crops or spread the word, and pass the spuds. • prices is absurd. livestock. When a billion people change their eating habits, Brazil began their the whole world takes notice. Rithtrrd onu at~ a potato th~ siu of a small child biofuel revolution While the U.S. and other nations' whirh unfortunatdy lum~d oullo b~ a tmall rhild. over 20 years ago, subsidies and changing diet definitely Disnus this artid~ at gm,P.Hldallas.cdul converting huge contribute in some ways to the portions of their growing crisis in the third world, energy sector to there is another, more subde cause. It's not that we're using our food improperly for fuel suE 7 • A M ooEsT P RoPOSAL GLOBAL POLITICS ood Crisis-

meal this week. Next, count how many times you thought Howmanyofuseverrealizedthatourunbridlcdconsuming about the food cris1s. The amount of apathy shown by habits would influence other countries and substquendy send Americans in serious times like these is startling. us all into a grave food shortage we're struggling to get our of? So ... to borrow from "Clampdown" ag:un, "What arc we As China moves towards a more capirnlist-friendly economy, gonna do now?" What, indeed. A little practice in curbing they arc also modeling their dietl> after ours. For every extra by stephanie shasteen that unruly consumer Ill us might help. We all need ro eat, cow that China w·ants to rum into a hamburger, another sack 5e~:lelOOIJiutdal.las.edu though, and in a country where coolting is an art and not just of grain goes to that cow instead of to a sran~ng family who necessity, even I am inclined to perfect my flambe skills. lf can't even dream of affording meat in the first place. "Kick over the wall 'cause govcmmenr's to fall. How can "'-e're not quite ready to stop "shoving another salty treat down To rehash my ~point" here, while the rest of the world you refuse it? Let fury have the hour, anger can be power. America's already bloated snack hole"-thank you, Homer suffers unimaginable problems, the American media and D'you know that you can usc it?" Simpson-then can't we at least practice mindfulness? We individual citizens continue on, turning away from a problem These words are taken from "Clampdown", a song off have to be conscious of every action we rake. that ha~n't quite begun tO affect us seriously. Bur realize: we the Clash's most famous album, London CAI!mg. The song To ger the ball rolling, here's the BBC again with more carry a b1g responsibility as the most powerful and wd.l-to-do urge:. young people to stop passively wasting away their lives, startling information: "Prices luve risen sharply in recent country in the world. There are so many choices we have as unmoth'3ted and unprovoked d~pitc a need for action. The months, driven by poor crop-growing weather in certain American~. We absolutely have to usc our better judgment to song n:verbcr.ltes in my mind these days, after a recent "story" countries, increased demand and a reduced production make good consumer deci~ions ifwe want to continue living by a m:ws station hen: in Dallas gave a painfully blase delivery area resulting from an increase in the use of land to grow in a world of Olbundance and not one of fear, \iolence, and ofthe c:urrent food crio;is v.. -e're all facing. The only infonnation crops for transport fuels."There arc many legitimate claims starvation. The same developing countries v.1: largely ignore con\'eyed by the \tation's coverage of the stOI) was that food as to what has caused all this ·bad weather" and "increased play a much mort integral part in the global economy than pric~ were "ri~ing." At this moment, insert deep groan from demand." Pick your shriek: ozone depletion, overpopulation, we're willing to admit B} making wist choices in our own Joe American ~itring on his couch as he changes the channel Malthusian or anti-Malthusian. Research is tenuous at best market, we can have an enonnous impact on their lives and to watch another "hilarious" episode of Scrubs. Also insert since most significant environmental studies take years to our own. crinkling ofpaper bags as Joe A reaches his paw in for a fast­ record and analy1.e. Howe ...-cr you rationalize 1t, real change is Use }'Out conscience next time you're deciding what to cat. fixxi burger. occurring-and not for the better. Take another look .u the more healthful and environmentally You should know, despite Dallas news' refusal to say } !ere's something else for you to consider if you were sound food cho1ces when you go grocery shopping. You'U so, that an other countries they are rioting because of food wondenng about my attack on Jack in the Box. To be fair make a much bigger and more positive impact on the world shortages .md the threat of food rntioning. '"ith the readers, I'm a vegan myself, bur even my omnivorous by purchasing locally grown produce and locally raised beef According to an article by BBC news, ar least four people friends can still appreciate this recent New York Times article than by getting another Big Mac. Buy what you want; buy were killed and 20 wounded when demonstrations against by Paul Krugman on the impetuses behind the food crisis: chicken breasts, by all means. Just stop and think about the rising food prices rumed into riots in sou them Haiti Similar "Ftrst, there's the march of the meat-eating Chinese - that rest of the world ncxr time you want to consume far beyond riots have occurred in recent w(:eks in places like Burkina Faso is, the growing number of people in emerging economies your needs. It could help someone who hasn't eaten in two and Cameroon, and food prices in Sierra Leone have risen a who arc, for the first rime, rich enough to start eating like days afford basic commodities like jasmine rice and wheat qaggering 300% over the past few months. Let's see a show of Wcstemers. SinCe It takes about 700 calories'worth ofanimal grain-food that is currently used to feed the chicken or cow hands: how many ofus went to Jack in the Box today and had feed to produce a 100-calorie piece ofbeef, this change in diet that ends up in your Jack in the Box bag. • ~meone attack us with tear gas.when we tried to get the last increases the overall demand for grains." remainmgQ!adruple-Bacon-Cheese-Angus-Beef-Explosion Woultl;rou JIJnd by Suph.rnrr, or not at alit with Super-Duper-Cheesy- Bee~·-Colon-Clogging-Curly­ Dunus this 11rtid~ 111 B!11ft.Htda01U.ctlu! Fri~ and a large drink? Not many of us, I'm sure. While you may discount that example as simple hyperbole, the fact is that "-cry few people are attempting to rake action about this problem. Count how many times you cooked your own enVIronmentally-conscious

Doctor Potato knows you are what you eat. Illustration by Nataha Zun•ga 14 ------~1\~R~I~S~&~~~~l__ E~I~S~U~R~E ______· ~"' The • by ryan henry [email protected] pin ycle

"It's the end of the world as we know well, tearing through songs like "Horse "Sing for the Submarine," where the it and I feel fine." Whenever I think of to Water" with energy and passion. song just seems to drag on. It roars our R.E.M. that iconic, apocalyptic single H owever, this album does not mark of the gates with "Living Well is the Best immediately comes to mind. So when a complete reinvigoration. The album Revenge" and ends with the weak ''I'm I was looking for an album to review, 1 still lacks some of the depth present two Gonna DJ,"featuring Stipe saying things jumped on the opportunity to listen to like "Death is pretty finalll'm collecting their latest. Fortunately, I was not disap­ vinyl." pointed. With /iccelerate, they recapture My personal favorite song is the lead some of the late 80s/early 90s energy single "Supernatural Superserious." This that they had lost in their last couple track best encapsulates the R.E.M. that of albums. l t seems like guitarist Peter so many have fallen in love with, and Buck woke up one day and remembered gives its listeners hope that R.E.M. still that he knew how to play. has something to say. Accelt!rate is a good R.E.M And he sure does play. Throughout decades ago. 1t doesn't qillte meet the album, one that leaves stuff like Around Accelerate the album songs are filled with his loud catchiness of say, a "Radio Free Europe" the Sun in the dust. But while this album and vibrant guitar, and bassist Mike or "The One I Love." For every "Man feels like the band is waking up from a (Warner Bros.) Mills offers his best background vocals Sized Wreath," a song with fast-paced long rest, they still haven't finished wip­ in years. Michael Stipe sounds better as vocals and edgy guitar riffs, there is a ing the sleep from their eyes.

I heard that the Raconteurs were com­ and other instruments thrown in. "Old and there. "Five On the Five" seeps with ing out with a new album, and I couldn't Enough", while featuring co-songwriter White Stripes style and might be my fa­ believe it. Most people couldn't either, Brandon Btnson on lead vocals, exhib- vorite song on the album. It just begs to considering that the band announced be played as loud as possible. the album just a few days before it was However, this emphasis on White quickly released to the public. It seems drains the album of some the unique like it was just yesterday that Broken Bt1y character that Broken Boy Soldiers had. Soldiers was released. Still, I eagerly an­ Songs like "Yellow Sun" are pushed to the ticipated the sophomore effort from the side in favor of straight-ahead rockers. Jack White side project. While none of the songs are bad, there I feel that I should begin by saying isn't a real standout. If you are looking that I enjoy the White Stripes. I say that its many of the same stylistics of Jack for another "Steady as She Goes," keep The Raco nteurs because Consolers of the Lonely sounds White. It's White's strong personality on going; however, if you are looking for Consolers of the Lonely like a more vibrant White Stripes al­ that takes center stage over the entire al­ an overall solid album filled with good­ (Geffen) bum, with all the assorted mariachi horns bum, with Benson only chiming in here not-great songs, then this is for you.

For those ofyou who don't know, I have songs make an appearance in either the better job of capturing the environment an unhealthy obsession with this particu­ CD or DVD. "Butterflies and Hurri­ of a Muse concert. A full six tracks lon­ lar band. So when I read that they were canes," "Time Is Running Out," "Plug ger than the CD, the DVD kept me com­ coming out with a live CD/DVD combo pletely enthralled. I know that I have a I was beside myself with glee. Muse did biased opinion. Still, when my roommate not disappoint me with HA.A.R.P. came in, 1 noticed that he couldn't help Muse captures their on-stage energy tapping his foot along with the songs in each and every track. These are not and even hummed along to the songs he simply the same songs from the album, knew. To fanboys, this will help to bridge either. When I heard the live version of the gap between Black Holes and Revela­ "Supermassive Black Hole" it was like I tions and Muse's next studio album. To was hearing it for the first time. In each in Baby," "New Born," and "Hysteria" those who are saner than I am, this is still Muse song, Man Bellamy diverges from the highlight some of the older material that a damn good live album. • H.A.A.R.P album version and gives the audience a Muse performs. (Domino Records) chance to witness his musical mastery. I felt that the DVD alone was worth Ryan kill~dfor Muu. I miatt.. . would kill Would Some of my personal favorite Muse the price of the album. It does an even Dismss lbis artirk at !lml>. .utdalku.edu! A M ODEST P ROPOSAL ARTS & LEISURE enu Where to go (and av oid) when you want to eat off campus

by brady spenrath [email protected]

l'm afraid I have to begin with a confession: I don't have a long-running background in eating Japanese food. In fact, I've bad an aversion to rice for most of my life, and I've avoided Asian foods for years. I blame anime for restarting my interest in Oriental cuisine (I blame anime for much Geisha Steak and Sushi is located near the Central Market at Coit and George Bush turnpike. Photo by Brady Spenrath more, but I won't get into that now). l also blame anime for the epiphany menu. I really like this aspect of Geisha. seafood options as well as a veggie meal. I you must order sushi from either menu. that the very reason 1 hate rice is the same If you've been watching Iron Chiflately recommend the steak - tender and graced If Geisha looks to be disappointing reason I can't ignore it-it's pretty flavorless and want a fiery, funny, and entertaining - but not overtaken - by seasoning and oil you in some way, their sushi will change stuff. So when I visited Geisha Steak and experience with a chef grilling your food at in the Asian-American style. your mind. I'm confident that the Shrimp Sushi, the bookend of the strip center at your table a hi Benihana, then choose the The dining room meal will play out Tempura Roll is the best sushi I have ever the intersection of George Bush Turnpike hibachi grills. But if you want an entree like your typical restaurant experience, tasted. It's simply delicious - flavorful, and Coit Road, I knew little about how to requiring any cooking technique besides except if you choose to patronize one of well-balanced, and with the desirable judge the authenticity of their food. I can grilling, or a quieter meal, opt for the the two bars (one serves sushi, the other, soft-but-sticky texture. For those who are only judge its flavor; you can let me know dining room instead. alcohol). The atmosphere in this room is intimidated by sushi, it's not too oudandish about its cultural merits. I prefer the hibachi grill. Although the great, reminiscent of the modern bars and for Americanized palates, and, yes, the I've visited Geisha twice now, and was room isn't as aesthetically pleasing as the lounges in Kill Bill and Red Steel, with sharp shrimp is cooked. only greeted by a geisha once. Okay, so she dining room, you'll have little reason to angles and high-contrast colors, completed Otakus, fans of the Far-East's cooking, wasn't an actual geisha, she was a Japanese take your eyes offof the che£ Ifyou've never by a VIP loft above the drink bar perfect even adventurous souls unaccustomed to girl in a kimono, but it was nice to see that been to a Japanese hibachi grill restaurant for your next yakuza meeting. Japanese cuisine will all find something to the place lived up to its name on some before, you must try it at least once. Our This room's menu offers a more diverse Love about Geisha Steak and Sushi. level. chef began by making a smiley-face out range of choices, including tempura, Granted this may only occur after But regardless if whether a pseudo­ of oil, and while I considered its sizzl.ing katsu, and udon noodle dishes. Katsu is a payday. Geisha's entrees average around geisha or another maitre d' greets you, be cuteness, the chef lit it on fire, creating a unique dish consisting ofbreaded and fried S20 at dinner time for both the hibachi prepared to answer a question that will four-foot tall inferno. I won't spoil any of chicken or pork. The Ebi Tempura sounds grill and dining room, and your price only impact the rest of your meal. You may the other surprises for you. good, looks better, but comes out a little increases as you order appetizers and sushi. choose to sit either at the hibachi grills or The hibachi menu primarily includes bland - the most prevalent flavor was the If you want a night out on the town in the dining room, and when you choose various combinations of meats, like pork, oil it was · fried in. The Chicken Skewers, and have some money to burn, then drive your location you actually choose your chicken, and steak, but there are also several though, are excellent appetizers, grilled over to Geisha. It's expensive, but still until they have that perfect, charred flavor cheaper than Benihana. Plus, the sushi is without being dried out. very well priced. And where else in Plano I'm confident that the Shrimp Tempura Roll In either dining setting, a few constants but Geisha Steak and Sushi can you will be available to you. For instance, enjoy all three gaijin favorites -geishas, is the best sushi I have ever tasted. It's simply every entree, regardless of your location, is steaks, and sushi? • delicious-flavorful, well-balanced, and with the prefaced with miso soup and a salad with Japanese dressing. Appetizers, such as You'll definitely ue Brady strutting hiJ desirable soft-but -sticky texture. the delectable and shareable gyoza (pork gaijin/otaku stuffat CeiJha again. '' dumplings) are also always an option. And Disaus this article at lUJI.b.Htdq/lpr,edu! I6 ARTS & L.EISURE SuMMER 2008 • VoLUME 4 • IssuE 7 Summertime Cinema Good things are in store: plenty oforiginal ideas and~atuitous explosions

Wall-E - June 27- Ah, Pixar. One of the studios closest to perfection that is currently operating in the movie business. Toy Story, Monsters Inc, Finding Nemo, The Incredible], Ratatouille; these are the Aladdins and Lion Kings of a new generation. They impress consistently and by john harding push the boundaries ofwhat we think computer animation [email protected] can do exponentially farther with each new release. Wall-E follows the story of a small robot with big dreams, and, ello again movie watchers, and congratulations! in my opinion, looks to be the best movie of the summer We are entering into the most exciting time of season. H the cinematic year - the summer! And for the first time in a long time we can look forward to a summer The Dark Knight -July 18 -Batman Begins really raised that isn't (entirely) fu.ll ofsequels, but is instead actually fi.ill the bar for the superhero movie. Before Begins, such of (some) original ideas! Summer is a time for explosions films had largely been relegated to popcorn fodder of the and gratuitous violence, and though Michael Bay sadly lowest variety. However, 'Ihe Dark Knight is shaping up to isn't making any appearances this summer, your adrenal be the best superhero movie since, well, Batman Begim. glands should be pumping strong with this years offerings Christopher Nolan is at the helm again, placing Batman in nonetheless. the only really capable hands he's seen since Tim Burton as he prepares for what may be his darkest outing yet (sorry Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull Tim). One look at Heath Ledger's stunning performance - May 22 - It may have a horrible title, but I can look as the Joker will have you counting the days until July 18. past that considering it brings together Harrison Ford, George Lucas, Steven Spielberg and John Williams. And Pineapple Express - August 8 - 1he good comedies of the Ben Stiller as Speedman. From Tropic Thur1der, Dream Works while I may be the only person in America who doesn't summer don't seem to be popping up until later, but they'll like Shia LeBeouf, I'm sure to many his presence is a good be worth the wait. Pineapple Express, which is the 350'h 1he Wackness - July 3 - Speaking of buzz at Sundance, thing in this movie as well. Spielberg and producer Frank comedy produced by Judd Apatow since 40Year Old Virgin, this was one of the most talked-about movies of this year's Marshall have decided not to use a lot of CGI in the film, tells the story of Dale Denton, a stoner (played a little too festival, winning the Audience Award and praise from all and instead rely on good old-fashioned stunt work for the well by Seth Rogen) who is forced to go on the run with the critics. It takes place over the course of the summer of special effects. Ostensibly this was done to keep the .visual his dealer after he accidentally witnesses a murder. So, 1994 and deals with a loser pot dealer and his relationship style in sync with the older movies, but 1 think it will give what sets this apart from all the other Apatow-produced with his psychiatrist, who is also one of his best customers. the movie an extra edge on the competition. It'll be nice to comedies? Well, the screenplay is written by Rogen and Ben Kingsley plays the psychiatrist and apparently does a see real people doing real things on the screen again. Evan Goldberg, who last paired to write Superbad. I think very good job of it. Josh Peck and Method Man also star. that pretty much sums it up. The Happening - June 13 - I've come to believe that M. Religulous- June 20 -'This documentary features outspoken Night Shyarnalan movies are a lot like lottery tickets. You Tropic Thunder - August 15 - The trailer for this movie agnostic and political comedian Bill Maher traveling the go into them not really knowing what's going to happen, was funnier than most of the movies I've seen this year. globe to speak with religious leaders from faiths ranging and more often than not you are let down, but they're Ben Stiller wrote, stars in, and directs this movie about the from Catholicism to Satanism about the problems he sees still fun and you always go back for more. The plot of The filming of a war movie, where the actors end up becoming in all of their beliefs. Ifyou like a little bit of controversy in Happening is, in standard Shyamalan style, a big secret, but part of an actual conflict without even realizing it. Jack your movie going, this should be right up your alley. the trailers reveal something about a chemical attack on Black and Robert D owney Jr. also star - the latter virtually America and not much else. If nothing else, it'll be nice to unrecognizable, playing an Australian actor who gets Choke- August 1 - From Chuck Palahniuk, the author see the twist. I'm thinking aliens. Zombie aliens. plastic surgery to become black in order to play the role of Fight Club, comes this bizarre tale about a man who, of an Mrican American soldier in the movie. It's the first in order to care for his elderly mother, earns money by film Stiller has directed since Zoolander, and it looks to going to upscale restaurants and pretending to choke. The be the perfect ribbon to put on a very exciting summer of always entertaining Sam Rockwell leads, with Clark Gregg movies. directing for his first time.

Offthe Beaten Path - A Quick Look at Indie Movies Hell Ride - August 8 -A biker flick written and directed Making a Bang This Summer by a biker, produced by Qyentin Tarantino, and starring Michael Madsen and Dennis Hopper. Should add up Go-Getter- June 6 - This quirky corning-of-age story, to be a bloody movie about rival bikers with unfinished featuring Zooey Deschanel and Lou Taylor Pucci, follows business; and in my book, that means a good movie. • the story of a young man who steals a car to go find his brother and ends up striking a strange relationship with john Harding does ·not have 11 terrible b1dian accent, the owner of the car in the process. It was a big hit at nor was he in Short Circuit. The robotic adventurer Wail-E. From Wall-E, Pixar Sundance and is stirring up quite a bit of buzz. Disrms this artirle at amp.uuUUlas.edu! S H A M E L E S S ~,_.._F___._R_.__I.___,V..___0"""""--'-1__._I __._T ___..Y__ _ Letters to the Awesome And Hot Fuzz is their answer to everything!

be stopped by the forces of good. Since the bad guys lose, it shows us that if we kill people aimlessly we will also lose and/or end up impaled on a miruarure church roof. by mac hird 1herefore the admirable Nick Angle, and kevin tydlacka our knight in matte black armor (get it, [email protected] ha ha... Kevlar) is a role model for us all. [email protected] And what a role model he is. Whether he's tending Japanese peace lilies or drop- kicking old ladies in the face, Nick Angle shows us exactly what a Man should be. A Man is someone who is comfortable with himselfbecause he knows that when someone fakes his death, he can come back Dear Konfused, and take them all out in a wonderfully Thank you for your letter! We are choreographed half hour shootout. A sorry it took us so long to respond, Man is also comfortable enough with his but you have indeed come to the right friends to have sleepovers at their house people. We have exactly the right at the age of 30. resource for you. Hot Fuzz most importantly has an You should feast your eyes upon the awesome "moral of the story:" the man motion picture aptly named Hot Fuzz, with the greatest knowledge of action or Super Flic in French. Though this is movies always wins, period. There is no a feature film, it has some of the most doubt in our minds- and therefore there dynamic and interesting police-citizen should not be any in yours-that D anny, interactions ever recorded. in the pub after work, often during work. unopposed simply because of their dose the slightly overweight, action-movie­ Though many are wary of using This allows the officers the opportunity ties to the police department. watching sidekick was the deciding fearure films for academia-ical purposes, to gain information from the entire You could even take this one step factor in the final showdown. throughout our studies, we have come population, especially when they are further. This film does not just apply Even our hero St. Nick could not to appreciate how accurately this film drunk. This greatly aids them in their to your paper, but actually to society in defeat the overwhelming forces of his depicts the organic relationship that one constant quest for justice, even against general. The classic depiction of good foes with his limited action-movie­ finds in the unique setting ofa small rural the dreaded living starue. This bond vs. extra evil touches us all. Speaking finishing- move repertoire. Having these European town. In fact, we would almost lends itself to a decreased ability on from experience, we all feel the need to skills is especially important because, as classify it as a documentary. In fact, we the part of the, officers to find skeletons· be perfect by any means necessary. This Hot Fuzz shows us, even when it seems would recommend this movie in defense in the closets of those they know so idea is shown throughout the entire film. unwarranted, all of life's problems can of al most any academic hypothesis as closely. The NWA, not the rap group, Killing anyone and everyone in their be solved by a half-hour shootout. the inherent truths found within directly is viciously eradicating any opposition way, the NWA cuts a bloody yet comical We may have digressed beyond the relate back to ... life ...you know? to their hegemony over the prestigious swath through the village. That means scope of your paper, but we felt that In regards to your paper topic, this Village of the Year competition, and is they are the super evil baddies and must while H ot Fuzz is an excellent source for film is the premier authority on police­ your paper, there is a lot more that Hot citizen interactions ;n the countryside. Fuvt- can offer in the ways of morals and As you no doubt know f rom your ethics. W e hope that you are able to use Criminology classes, the face of policing ( ( A Man is someone who is comfort able with all the informJtion we gave you. In the in rural areas is often much more himself because he knows that when someone case that you don't agree with us that personal than its urban counterpart. this movie defines human existence, "lh: most pn>mincnt example of this in fakes his death, he can come back and take then plzzzt Jog on! Hot Fuzz ic; the closer tic between the them all out in a wonderfully choreographed -SirTeamCanonFlux • polin· fi)rl e -er, I me.tn service-and the ntizenn· oi Sandford. half-hour shootout. ,\Jar Hird and Krt.'in Ty.!la

: .· ...... ·." ...... " ...... _.: ,· by ben "cathands" connors [email protected]

en one's hands turn into elines, there can be a W atural degree of worry. But how does one deal with this issue? The reestablishment of a person's hands as beasts of a different order can be

Aggressive cat is aggressive. very stressful, and lead to certain social Defensive cat is defensive. shortcomings. However, by following a few Photoillustration by a cat(s). general guidelines, everyone with cats for hands can live a life of meowsmerizing success.

The first and most critical guideline is afflicted with cat-hands in One obvious drawback to having to always make sure your cats are fed. A days past. community. two cats for hands is the unfortunate hungry cat is an annoyance, a dead cat is Wandering hands can often result in Divorce rates of and inevitable hand of death creeping a burden, but a rotting cat-corpse hanging problems no matter what your hands look cat-hand households up on your feline hands. As can be seen from your arm is a problem that won't go like. Uncontrollable catdibles can turn an have maintained a with normal domesticated cats, humans away. While feedings must be monitored office party into a legal matter. To put an steady margin above America's no-cat­ tend to live much longer than cats. The to make sure the friendliest hands around end to your friendly cat-hands the best hand marriages. Many cat pairs have death of your cat hands is not an "if", don't become the heaviest, a balanced diet solution is to turn working into a game. been split apart in divorces, leaving them but a "when". After getting over the for your permanent pets is a must. To Keep your cats occupied by placing a toy inconsolable and the man in indescribable bond between oneself and ones' cats prevent an issue with stigmata cat vomit, on the end of your pencil for your cat pain. There is little that can be done about your attention should be turned toward be careful when feeding your hands milk hands to share; put catnip on your stapler this unfortunate statistic. The only advice finding the replacement for your cat or wet cat food. 1his often leads to upset before a heavy stapling job. Anything that can be given is to not jump into hands. hand-tummies. that keeps your cat-hands interested in a marriage too early and end up living Prosthetics are an increasingly As food is important for your cats, so your work keeps your cat-hands out of unhappily for three years with a cold popular option, as they will provide you is interaction. While those with opposite God's workon your secretary. unfeeling cat-digger. with most of the abilities of a normal sex hands may have gleaned the following Women, naturally, will be drawn Swimming with cat hands will not be human. If a more familiar grip is needed very early on, it is nonetheless important. towards men with cat hands. As far as side enjoyable for you or anyone else. Bathing is in one's hand, a bag of hooks should Your cats need to be spayed or neutered. effects caused by a woman's natural ability like a nightly excursion into hell. Avoiding not be overlooked. A bag with hooks This simple surgery can save you two to find herself in a very bad cat-related the possible Bailing bewilderment waiting embedded in it wrapped around the nub months of gestational anticipation, not to circumstance go, this one takes the fancy for you at bath time involves a variety of of your arm will provide the same feline mention the countless hours of time spent feast. On the surface, a man with cats for options. The most obvious approach has "grabativity" that you probably miss. prying two very lonely cats apart while hands seems like the perfect mate.1be one been mentioned previously: the cat-in­ While it can't bring back your two best they attempt to mate with each other, the part of a man that is not cute and cuddly, bag approach. Bags are wonderful toys for hands, it can pick up your new favorite neighbor cats, your telephone, or another his vicious wife-beating hands, have been children and cats alike; this is the habit we cat hair sweater. person with cat-hands. magically turned into cats. What could be intend to exploit. By taking these few simple steps, all If you intend to go into any sort of wrong with this picture? Provide two bags for your hands those afflicted with this catastrophic business which requires human interaction, In fact, most would say that the allowing them to believe playtime has disorder may be able to find their one may wish to go through the cruel act cat-hand-man is the perfect man. The begun. WhUe the cats are playing "I'm "purrfect" spot in whatever they intend of getting their cat-hands declawed. This problem lies directly behind the cute and Hiding From You," have your cohort tape to do. If you know anyone who has cat and a muzzle will allow you to meet and wholesome persona provided by this man's the ends ofthe bags shut around your arms. hands and needs help, purchase them a greet all ages without fear of harming the catdibles. After the gentle affection shared There is no need to poke airholes into the series of jingling bells and wish them young, or making a bad impression with with Lefty and Righty is over, what about bags for clawed cats, as the cats will surely the best. • the old. Today's declawing surgery is a far Mr. Right? He's dropped like yesterday's create their own within seconds. Your bath more humane option than the previous litter box. You have fallen for the hands, or shower must begin promptly after this, Ben Connors is meowsmerizing. cat-in-bag method often used by those not the man. This is the awful hidden truth so seize the moment! Discuss Ibis article atam,P.utdallas.edll! A M ODEST PROPOSAL SHAMELESS fRIVOLITY I9

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by benedict voit and jessie harpham [email protected] [email protected]

Across: Down: 1. To bewilder 1. Basic math function 6. Integral part of schooling 2. Cat's response 11. Hopefully college didn't 3. Unit ofland take this long 4. Smoothes ice 12. Type of salad at the Pub 5. Ross Perot's company 13. New housing for 6. Obama's positive word freshmen '09 7. You did this in 6 across 15. Characteristic of young (hopefully) incoming students 8. 8.6% of Earth's total 17._-CT surface area 18. Bad in Madrid 9. A stat given to a 20. Norma _ (1979) victorious relief pitcher 22. A major blood group 10. A professional 24. Speech or proclamation organization for reliability 27.Notfrom engineers (abb.) 28. Uniform is black and 14. Needed summer attire white stripes 16. The "Mog" on Spaceballs 30. Like "or" but negative 18. Frozen drink 31. 1/3 of an N'Sync song 19. Laura Bush, e.g. 32. _ peas in a pod 21. This AMP 's theme 33. Method of food 23. Prime summer vacation production 34. Towering tree spots 35. California, abb. 25. Harry's friend 36. Flat tire helpers 26. Gloria Estefan song 37. Cheap version ofWoW from "Gloria" 38. Lightning's slower 27. A couple; a pair of partner people Don'tfind yourselfpuzzled? Paying too much attention in class? Send suggestions of other 41. River of decision 29. Impostor; deception puzzles to amodestproposal@gmailcom, or check us out: http://amp.utdallas.edu 45. Pre-health organization 32. Symbol of the Olympics on campus 38. Rigid or inflexible 46. Nokia's new internet 39. Sleeping; inactive service 40. The day before 5 8 47. Common chemical suffix 42. One-wheeled cycle 48. Provides health care 43. Lower than; under 1 6 3 9 coverage 44. C, for example (in more 49. You and me than one way) 9 3 2 50. To learn new methods 51. Typical bread at a deli 52. Phoned home 53. Donkey-horse hybrid 6 1 53. This is the word 54. Russian mountain range 5 55. Wrote Anthem and 7he 57. Away from the wind Fountainhead 58. High ranking corporate 8 7 9 56. Helps with elections people (comm.) 59. Vegas Casino 3 4 2 59. Project on the patio of 60. League Championship the Pub Series, abb. 4 1 3 61. ·Capital of Oregon 61. Major NCAA 63. Qyick look conference 7 5 2 3 64. Theater on campus 62. Prefix of a married 65. Loses solidity woman 66. UTD's best team 6 9 A MOD EST P ROPOSAL PUZZLES & GAMES 21 NEEDED TITLE by alex palmer and happy face [email protected] [email protected]

Across: Down: 1. Supercollider being built 1. Designer Ralph in Switzerland 2.0wns 4. Common negative 3. French pancakes 6. Proverbially stink 4. Red:R~jo::Black: ___ 12. Old people's club 5. British smell 14. Ms. Krabapple 6. Cereal grass 16. To happen again 7. Unwrinkle 17. Common computer 8. Relative favoritism name 9. Ftnish a cake 18. Dairy producer 10. Collective ownership 19. Housed at the Met 11. Strongly supports the 20. Tasty Greek letter second amendment 21. Forrest's Instructions 13. Determine cost 22. __-Co ne shack; in the 15. A 44 Across's mother country 22. Belongs to Victoria 23. Voting body 24. and behold 27. Autocrat 25. Airport strippers 31. Sniffs wine 26. Swap 32. 10 year old's car 28. College drinkin' cup 33. Letter appearing in about 29. Periodic table listing half of the crosswords that I 30. What SO cent does have ever done 35.Fumes 34. Bodily incarnation of a 36. Japanese cartoon god 37. Antiquated toy 38. Pig feed 39. You'll be __ my son; 39. Mont Blanc, Kipling Dufourspitze et. al. 40. Vein in a mine 2 4 7 43. Cathode opposite 41. Clears snowy roads 1 6 44.Mothers 42. Congressman Pete Morel'? 45. Digging mammal 47. Feminine pronoun 6 4 1 5 46. Chemistry measuring 51. Plural67 Across 9 6 2 devices 52. Seafood sauce Sudoku 48. Troubles or excitements 53. Famous alien 1 4 2 49. Hindu mantra 54. Greek Triangles 50. Disliked very much 57. Present in a slasher .Bick Difficultv: l\lostlv Sunnv 9 8 5 55. Precedes paper or bulletin 58. To construct . . .~-;.. ,./ ...... j.:: 56. To make anew 59. Poetic under 8 7 4 5 s-*s-·~..... '*' -.. ~ 60. Is interested in your taxes 61. Crude 6 7 62. Found in 40 Down 64. Bureau promoting 63. Specific room in a ethical marketplaces 9 3 7 2 5 7 hospital 65. There_ two kinds of 4 7 2 5 64. Marshy area people .... l)ifficultv:• Bright< 67. 51 is a famous one 66. Pirate affirmative 9 1 8 68. Words of encouragement: 67. Noah's yacht 6 4 2 3 Keep __ 69. Stephen King book and ··-.-. 70. Identifies cattle Tommy Lee Wallace movie 9 71. Abbreviated quadrilateral Have a puzzle you want to see? Want to 72. H ard drive cable AMP is not responsihkfor GPA lou du~ 8 3 2 4 write your own crossword? Want either to o6susiwpuz:d ~ soiCJing; AMP tiJkes 73. Raging to be in the next issue? cr~dit.for incr~ased GPA du~ to o6snsiCJ~ 7 6 1 74. Thorium's symbol puz:d~ solving. Let us know. Send emails to: 75. Really Simple way to 4 5 9 2 [email protected] Discuss thu~ puuJes at update web content am;t>.utda/Uu.edu! 2 9 1 amp. utdallas.edu "It's a Uttle Nippy" ·Su:mgter Olympics to of(er new~ ~~ijing-..th~~ed evert1~ :

The warm, well-lit, and' inviting Founders basement is filled with life and excitement for those who enter... hahaha. jk. LOL.

by John Edwards ways to amplify the nightmarish aura of Paranormal Investigator Founders while still having enough room to wedge unsuspecting TAs and university RICHARDSON (AMP) - After an extended publications into its depths. delay, administrators at UTD have finally "We looked at other famous basements and released the official plans for remodeling the found that one of the major themes between basement of the Fo\mders building-ones all of them was some sort of horrific hidden­ that give the decrepit, imposing area even away mutant or social deviant. Therefore more horrifying elements than before. we've hired a number of local residents to The Founders basement, which has dress as their interpretation of a serial killer long been a dumping ground for ancient and wander the area waving sharp blades lab equipment and graduate students, at whoever decides to wander by," said one has needed renovations roughly from the faculty member. "We also saw that messages moment it was constructed in the age of scrawled in blood worked nicely, so those the nickelodeon and Woolworth's. Seething are on the way as well." pipes and piles of hazardous waste populate Using a student survey falsely labeled as the area, which most students avoid at all a counseling center study on fear in college costs. With this in mind, a special committee students, the committee also noted that things of UTD staff and faculty addressed the like endless trap doors, howling inhuman problem of rebuilding with an open mind. screams, and the suggestion of the occult "We looked at Founders and we said, 'What worked to inspire the general loosening of are the most important things about this UTDbowels. bullding that need to be preserved?' Pretty "We also took a few suggestions from much across the board, the one thing that Arts and Technology and put in video-game everyone agreed upon was the dangerous, staples like whirling blades or fiery pits to run-down ambiance that greets visitors once add an element of challenge and intrigue," they open the stairwell and descend into a the committee added. "We've hidden items concrete hell," said one staff architect. like baseball bats around the place, along Determining that the dank, nearly with basic puzzles that require fetching a uninhabitable basement was enough of a shield to fit into an empty space on a wall." campus staple that it needed to be retained, Founders is set to be completed in 2009, the planning committee began considering which means it will be done in 2047. • URANUS: BOO• YEAH! Summer 2008 URANUS 3 Perry launches "HAIR FORCE ONE"

Hair Force One will be constructed entirely from recycling plants smelted down in a coal burning furnace.

by D'Bric:kashaw Cunningham with an artificial substance meant to duplicate Spec:ial Air-traffic: Correspondent exactly the luxuriousness and unflappability of the Governor's own hair. To complete the AUSTIN (AMP) - Governor Rick Perry, not accuracy, the plane will receive daily flaxseed content to limit his ineffectiveness and mind­ oil treatments and a healthy application of boggling incompetence to the great state of industrial strength spray. Due to cost issues Texas, has decided to run for Vice President, associated with the daily treatments, the plane hoping to spread to our nation's capitol his will alternately receive hair spray and super message of cluelessness and inaction. glue, just like the real governor. In an effort to appear "more executive," When informed that a campaign for the vice Governor Perry has announced plans to launch presidency would be highly unusual, Governor his own private jet. Like the governor himself, Perry responded, "I feel like my years of the jet will have immaculate hair at all times, and disappointment and failure have proven to the will actually be powered on empty promises world that I am not up to the task of occupying and the shattered dreams of orphans. Likewise, the role of president. With me waiting in the the plane's only exhaust will be hot air and lies. wings, voters wouldn't dare question McCain. Well-known artificial hair consultant Donald It's a great way to show my solidarity with the Trump was brought in to help plan the jet. Among party for which I've been a blind advocate most the prospective designs proposed before the of my adult life." Governor and the Donald decided on Hair Force Additionally, the governor added that travel One, were the "Pompadour and Circumstance" via Hair Force One would radically decrease zeppelin, and a high-speed "Hair-ier jet." the likelihood of any further embarrassments illtimately the Hair Force One was selected to himself or the party as it would allow him on the basis of its association with the famous to avoid police speed cameras and hide his Air Force One, though the extreme likelihood flippant attitude toward law enforcement. of everyone in a zeppelin dying in a horrible Hair Force One will he housed at a specially­ flaming ball of death was a key factor in the built hangar currently being constructed on top decision-making process. of the still-burning remains of a puppy store and The outer surface of the craft will be coated children's hospital. •