The Reluctant Famulus
101 The Reluctant Famulus # 101 September/October 2014 Thomas D. Sadler, Editor/Publisher, etc. 305 Gill Branch Road, Owenton, KY 40359 Phone: 502-484-3766 E-mail: [email protected]
Contents Introduction, Editor 1 Filloverse, Ray Nelson 6 Rat Stew, Gene Stewart 7 Mark Twain and Steampunk, John Purcell 10 Flat Earth, Eric Barraclough 15 The Berkeley Coven 18 Quantrill , Alfred Byrd 20 I Will Fear No Evil, Dr. Robin A. Bright 25 Suspension of Disbelief, Richard Lynch 30 Indiana-ania, Matt Howard 31 The Crotchety Critic, Michaele Jordan 34 How Many Adults, Sheryl Birkhead 36 LoCs 39 A Conclusion . . ., Editor 57
Poetry Filloverse, Ray Nelson 6, 9, 14, 19, 24, 29
Artwork Steve Stiles Front cover A. B. Kynock Back cover, 41, 45, 49, 53 Sheryl Birkhead 14 Al Byrd 21, 22, 23, 24 Brad Foster 24, 35 Ray Nelson 5, 19, 29, 30, 57 Spore & Toetoe Hodges 39, 43, 47, 51 Michaele Jordan 34 Krista Detor online site 15, 16, 17 Internet 1, 2, 3, 2, 33
The Reluctant Famulus is a product of Strange Dwarf Publications. Many of the comments expressed herein are solely those of the Editor/Publisher and do not necessarily reflect the thoughts of any sane, rational persons who know what they are doing and have carefully thought out beforehand what they wanted to say. Material not written or produced by the Editor/Publisher is printed by permission of the various writers and artists and is copyright by them and remains their sole property and reverts to them after publication. TRF maybe obtained for The Usual but especially in return for written material and artwork, postage costs, The Meaning of Life, and Editorial Whim. The Reluctant Famulus Introduction: Various and Sundry Matters
As I (and John Purcell) have noted, Samuel ry music was played in the house in which he Clemens/Mark Twain had a lifelong fascination was living in New York. The music was relayed with science and technology, as his association by way of telephone wired from an invention with Nikola Tesla has shown. There are other called the Telharmonium. He thought it was a examples of that interest. Twain has claimed to marvelous invention and well worth the cost of be the first one to have bought and used a type- $5.00 per month. It was a somewhat sensational writer when they came out for sale to the public. invention at first but, inevitably, it was super- According to his recollections in the second vol- seded by more practical electronic instruments. ume of his mammoth autobiography, the first For those of you who may be wondering, time he saw a typewriter was in 1871 in a store what the hell is a Telharmonium, here’s a brief display window. He was accompanied by description.”[Tel`har`mo´ni`um] An instrument “Nasby” (Petroleum V. Nasby, aka David Ross for producing music (Tel*har“mo*ny), at a dis- Locke, a fellow humorist on the lecture circuit tant point or points by means of alternating cur- and a friend). They went into the store for a clos- rents of electricity controlled by an operator who er look. A short while later they left the store plays on a keyboard. The music is produced by a with Twain in possession of a type-machine, as receiving instrument similar or analogous to the he called it, for which he paid $125.00. He telephone, but not held to the ear. The pitch corre- played around with it for a while to get the hang sponds with frequency of alternation of current. of it but eventually had a typist operate the Webster's Revised Unabridged Dictionary, machine for him. published 1913 by C. & G. Merriam Co. Again, according to his recollections, in 1873 the manuscript for The Adventures of Tom Sawyer were produced with a typewriter. He therefore also claims he was the first writer to apply the type-machine to a literary purpose. Eventually, he claims, he got tired of the “Boston machine” and convinced his friend and collaborator William Dean Howells to to take it as a gift. Three months later Howells gave it back to Twain. Then Twain gave the typewriter to his coachman Patrick McAleer who traded it for a side-saddle which was of more use to him. Then there was Twain’s claim to having been the first person (at least in that part of New Eng- land) to have the newly invented telephone installed in a private home, “for practical purpos- es”. A bit of clarification here: A while back I mentioned in an offhand way Twain’s having lis- Related to the preceding is the following tened to music through his telephone. The follow- item. After hearing the Telharmonium in his ing should make a bit more sense. home, Twain went to the studio from which the In Volume 2 of his autobiography, Twain instrument broadcast to listen to it again. At the states that on New Year’s eve in 1907, celebrato- time he was, apparently, interviewed by a news 1 man because an account of that visit appeared in The New York Times the day after his visit to see the Telharmonium in action.. Here follows a quo- tation from Twain taken from the news article. “The trouble about these beautiful, novel things is that they interfere so with one’s arrange- ments. Every time I see or hear a now wonder like this, I have to postpone my death right off. I couldn't possibly leave the world until I have heard this again and again.” Mark.Twain said this as he lounged on the keyboard dais in the telharmonium music room in upper Broadway, swinging his legs, yesterday afternoon. The instrument had Just played the “Lohengrin Wedding march “for him. If anyone wants to know more about the Tel- harmonium just Google (or Bing) Telharmonium for more than you probably want to know about the device. And that’s it for the—well, you know what. Then in 1873 Twain came up with his second And of course there was his financially disas- invention which apparently produced the largest trous love affair with the Paige Typesetting profit of the three. machine in which he invested and lost thousands Sam Clemens, in his persona of Mark Twain, of dollars and and put him seriously into debt. had a habit probably shared by many prominent Fortunately, by way of a lecture tour, he was or noteworthy people of going through newspa- able to pay off the debt dollar for dollar. pers and magazines, clipping and saving news But Twain’s embracing of science and tech- about himself and other items of interest. He pre- nology didn’t stop there. He wasn’t just a sup- served these clipping in an album by pasting porter of science and technology and a possessor them to the pages. After a while, however, he got of the latest gadgets but he was also an inventor. tired of having to go through the process of Mark Twain has the distinction of having been applying glue to hold everything in place. He granted three patents for his inventions. got to wondering if there might be a better way While living in Hartford, Connecticut., and soon hit upon an alternative. He took care of Twain, received his first patent for an adjustable the necessary documentation concerning his strap that could be used to tighten shirts at the invention and applied for a patent, which was waist. This strap attached to the back of a shirt granted. Clemens marketed it as ”Mark Twain's and fastened with buttons to keep it in place and Patent Scrapbook.“ Many people who purchased was easy to remove. Twain's invention was not a Mark Twain scrapbook used it to protect all only used for shirts, but for underpants and wom- sorts of things people found important or worth en's corsets as well. His purpose was to do away saving such a leaves, locks of hair, notes, pic- with suspenders, which he considered uncomfort- tures, and so on, the same sorts of things many able. Twain received patent #121,992 on people collect and save these days but with a dif- December 19, 1871 for an Improvement in ference. Gluing items into a scrapbook has been Adjustable and Detachable Straps for Garments replaced by archival-type acid-free sheet protec- ranted to him under his real name, Samuel L. tors. I suspect that in this computerized era some Clemens people keep “virtual scrapbooks” which take up Twain’s invention is still around but in a no real, physical space but can be viewed over somewhat different form he may or may not have and over anywhere and everywhere as long as also intended. Nowadays. His elastic garment there’s Internet access available strap is a part of brassieres. The leaves of book A are entirely covered on 2 one or both sides, with mucilage or other suitable adhesive substance, while the leaves of book B have the mucilage or adhesive substance applied only at intervals, as represented in Fig. The scrap- book is pretty much self-pasting, as it is neces- sary to moisten only as much of the leaf as will contain the piece to be pasted in, and place such piece thereon, where it will stick to the leaf. According to an 1885 St. Louis Post-Dis- patch article claimed that Twain's scrapbook made him $50,000 compared to $200,000 for all of his other books combined. How accurate that claim was is anybody’s guess. Newspapers don’t always provide completely accurate information.
That’s it for the latest dose of Twainia. On to other matters. In Bob Kennedy’s loc on TRF 99 he was mildly bothered by a comment I had made to a loc from Lloyd Penney which I had forgotten I had made. Bob wanted to know if I was against voter IDs. After a bit of confusion on my part and some help from Bob I located the offending comment. I studied my comment about Republi- cans’ tactics closely and came to the conclusion that I could have phrased it a bit better than I did. Republicans have urged the requirement that all voters should obtain a proper identification in order to prevent voter fraud (that’s another sub- ject I’m not going to touch). What I should have said was something like, “... which Republicans have been accused of using as a way to somehow insure that vote casting results were in their Last of all, patented in 1885 was ”Mark favor. And that is another subject I’m not going Twain's Memory-Builder“ which was intended to touch either. There’s a great deal of controver- to be an aid in helping children learn history. sy over the matter which may never be settled Originally, he had laid out the reigns of the completely and satisfactorily. I’m not about to English kings from William the Conqueror to pass judgment on such a matter. Politics is like 1883 on the roads in of his property, intending to gasoline and lit matches. In the end, Bob and I invent an open-air game to “fill the children's arrived at an amicable conclusion to a somewhat heads with dates without study”. He said that clumsy and easily misunderstood offhand com- when he’d finished after a day and a fraction of ment which I regretted. work on the layout “. . . but was full of my game As you readers will have noticed, this issue is after I went to bed, trying to fit it for indoors. So somewhat larger than usual and has some new I didn’t get to sleep till pretty late; but when I did names in the table of contents. The past month or go off, I had contrived a way to play my history so has been one with some unexpected but wel- game with cards & a cribbage board.” come events. As is my bad habit, I never think 3 ahead about what I’m going to put into the fol- off the top of my head: lowing issue of TRF after it has made its way to you readers. I know of course that I need other Thomas Malory, Le Mort D’Arthur, material than my usual rambling, last minute-- Thomas Fleming, historian and novelist almost--introductions and the articles by my loy- Thomas Huxley, biologist al columnists. But this issue was different. Thomas Carlyle, philosopher, historian, etc. To start off, out of the blue I received by e- Thomas Hardy, novelist mail a submission by Dr. Robin, Aaron Bright. Thomas Piketty, economist, author of an impene- It’s an interesting and perhaps controversial anal- trable, it would seem, book on wealth and ysis of Robert A. Heinlein’s I Will Fear No Evil. income inequality (I don’t have a copy because After checking, I found I didn’t have it in my I’m certain I’d have as much trouble understand- library, so I don’t know if I had read it or not. If I ing it as I do many of the physics theories of the had it was a long time ago and I’ve totally forgot- origin of the universe or universes. My poor little ten what it was about. I’m tempted to locate and brain couldn’t take the strain.) purchase a copy, something which I may some- how regret later. Now, further afield into dubious territory: Then, again out of the blue, came something by a name you’ll probably recognize, Ray Nel- Tom Sawyer, son, which will become a regular feature in sub- Tom Swift, sequent issues as you will eventually learn. In Tom Corbett. (Space Cadet) addition, after a couple of e-mail exchanges or Tom Bombadil, so, the creator provided me with an introduction Tom O’Bedlam to his creations. After another e-mail exchange and Tom Tom, the piper’s son* he also provided me with another article based on a comment he had made and which I felt * I swear I never stole a pig in my life, and my would make a great article for this fanzine, or father wasn’t a piper. any for that matter. Ray’s a fan, a writer and Errata: In my first listing of famous artist with many solid credits to his name and has Thomases I made a tiny mistake regarding Tom associated with other big names in SF fandom. Baker. He was actually Dr. Who number 4. I His contributions are very welcome. I doubt he’ll should have been able to remember that since he make a steady thing of it but that’s understand- was the first Dr Who I began watching on a regu- able. lar basis. It’s a minor matter but I felt the need to Next is the article promised by John Purcell correct it. on Mark Twain, a subject which is always wel- One other thought. Something I'd like to come in TRF. have, if it was possible and I could afford, Last but not least, is a piece by Rich Lynch would be a black leather jacket with a picture of who, with the aid of his wife, once produced Mark Twain on the back. Or, uh . . . Well, Mimosa, a Fanzine that’s sorely missed. At least maybe Ben Franklin or Abraham Lincoln. by this fanziner. George Washington would be nice. Heck, I'd Of course, the regulars are here with their even settle for Marvin the Martian. Hmm . . . I usual fine and often educational columns. wonder if there's some company that makes such But wait? there’s one last thing. I was things. If there was, I probably couldn't afford informed by some readers that I had left out a per- their prices. Better not to think about such son from my list of famous Thomases: Thomas things. But wouldn't I be a sight, an old dude like More, (philosopher, lawyer, journals, and saint; me, wandering around wearing such a garment. beheaded by order of Henry VIII.). I’m rather Some people probably think I'm weird enough as embarrassed by that omission as I am aware of it is. Best to leave well enough alone. who he was and I have a copy of his book Boy do I have a knack for screwing up and Utopia. While I’m on the subject of the list of not knowing it no matter how careful I try to be. Thomases, here are some others I remembered In this case it involved a question that John Pur- 4 cell (see his loc in this issue) asked about the If you’re like most people I suspect you often number of thumbnails of previous issues of TRF. receive unsolicited items in the mail, or what’s which got me to thinking. After spending two or more commonly called junk mail and after a three hours gathering together all the past issues glance toss it into the trash or recycling contain- of TRF and going through them I had a major er. That's what I do, mumbling unkind words Oops! moment. My nearly frustrating search about the senders and what they can do with revealed that I hadn’t included all the covers I their material. It’s very easy to discard such had intended to. Not only that but I had included things for the most part. Recently, however, I got the wrong cover to one of the issues, a cover something I just couldn't bear to throw away—at than I chose not to use. Mortified by my discov- least not immediately. You’ll easily, I think, see ery I’ve made the necessary corrections. To set why. things right and make the number of issues cor- The following is a first for me. I didn’t know rect (well, pretty much so) the correct cover for I was a business. When did that happen? How TRF 65 and the cover I had somehow missed many employees do I have? More important, when I was setting up the pages, TRF 92, are how much money do I make? What makes them below. Even though I’ve made the correction, think I even want an American Express card? there are still only 99 cover thumbnails. Whether Like hell I do! or not it was a good idea I deliberately didn’t put in a thumbnail of the cover for TRF 1. It was purely a personal decision and one which may not be shared by anyone else. I suppose that in the interest of accuracy I should have included it no matter how I felt about it. I just couldn't bear to include it because I felt—and still do—that it was too simple and crude to be among all the oth- er far better artwork. It was my one and only attempt of drawing something with a computer. Since the image is so small here’s how it’s addressed: Demolition Disposal Service 305 Gills Branch Rd Owenton, KY 40359-8611
And that’s it. I swear. I’ve rambled on long enough. Onward and upward with the rest. I hope you find this issue enjoyable.
5 Art of the Filloverse. by Ray Nelson
I will never forget Art Rapp's delightful beside him, the one Baudelaire translated and pro- poem. “Orange Wombats” published, I think, in moted, Edgar Allan Poe. Says Poe, “It appears one of the issues of the fanzine “Spacewarp” that evident, then, that there is a distinct limit, as he and I coedited back in the ‘forties. You don’t regards length, to all works of literary art.” see verse like that any more. In fact, come to And can this be yet another ghost? The ghost think of it, you don’t see much poetry at all in of the ancient Alexandrian poet, Callimachus of fanzines these days. Cyrene? Says he, “A big poem? A big nuisance!” I miss it. And here comes the ghost of the ancient I don’t have much hope for anything like Japanese poet, Basho. My novel, “Virtual Zen”, “Orange Wombats” appearing in today’s poetry was all about the values of Basho, who wrote magazines either. Maybe Ezra Pound has done hundreds of poems that were only three lines irreparable damage to the art of poetry, at least long, including the one about the frog jumping mainstream poetry. By Ghod, “Orange Wom- into a pond which every school child in Japan bats” had rhyme and metre. Horrors! It was must memorize. Ah ha, Ezra Pound, with your short. Gasp! It was funny. Choke! It was under- encyclopedic Cantos that even you could never standable. Maybe we will never again see Art finish. I see you hiding there behind that periodic Rapp’s kind of poetry in the mainstream, but sentence. Begone, vile spirit! Never darken my here in fandom, deep in the subliterary sea, we doorstep again! And you fanzine editors and read- may be able, with the proper incantations, to ers, listen to the distant tread of a thousand raise the Orange Wombat corpus from the dead. orange wombats. They’re coming! I hear their Nobody in the ivy-covered bastions of academia bugle calls! Tomorrow they’ll be here, and there need ever will be singing of new songs and wild dancing in know what we are doing. University profes- the streets! sors don’t read fanzines. As it happens, fanzine I hope. editors often have blank spaces at the end of arti- cles which they generally fill with small cartoons [Editor here. An example of Ray’s filloverse] not connected to the texts. Maybe they don’t hap- pen to have on hand any suitable artwork. No old Rotslers, no old Atoms, no old Ray Nelsons, to Eye 3 reprint. Ah ha! I see those blank spaces as an opportunity. Why not fill them with short Most people live in Hollywood, poems? Why not use those blank spaces to Believing what they see. revive the hibernating muse? Why not repair the Their two good eyes reveal one world, art of poetry here in fandom, repairing for our tee- They call Reality. ny tiny minority the damage done by Ezra Pound & Co.? Allow me to introduce to you my invention, For some two eyes are not enough. the Filloverse. I have brought along with me a A third eye of the mind, famous friend, the ghost of the French poet, An X-ray eye, like Superman’s, Charles Baudelaire. Says he, “A long poem does Sees hidden worlds behind. not exist. I maintain that the phrase ‘a long poem’ is simply a flat contradiction in terms.” Ray Nelson And look here! Another ghost has materialized 6 Rat Stew Pardon the Mess: A Regurgitation of Ancient Aliens
Dion was not only a singer, wu is said to have first it is a town at the base of Mt. Gene Stewart fathomed the cosmic Olympus. Alexander the Great truths of Taoism. Was he visited Dion to get some good mojo for straddling two dragon forces, symbolical- the start of his conquest. Was the pop ly? It was from that point, it is said, he singer of Greek extraction? ascended into the sky. (Or fell, leapt, or Olympians were children of the Titans, was pushed off to fall to his death thou- who lived on nearby Mt. Othrys. They sands of feet below.) In any case, he tran- warred and Olympians won. Two mytho- scended self and became one with the All. logical enclaves or tribes? A rebellious Zhenwu’s basic life pattern, that of colony prevailing? leaving Princely duties to seek enlighten- In Hubei Province, which is in Central ment wandering, parallels the Buddha, China, sprawls Wudang Mountain. It cov- Gautauma Siddhartha.Ascensions into the ers over a hundred square miles. It is Tao- sky echoes Jesus, Mohammed, Kulkukan, ism’s center. Many temples, some dating and others. It seems a global motif. to the 7th Century C.E. cling to misty Ancient Astronaut Theorists from Sir wooded cliffs or stony snowy peaks. Arthur C. Clarke and Erich Von Daniken Nanyan Temple is the most famous on, and those who came before for that and important. Built into the side of the matter, tend toward the ETH and techno- mountain, it is where, during the Song logical explanations. Gods = ETI and drag- Dynasty, a Prince named Zhenwu gave up ons or flying serpents = spaceships, etc. the royal life to seek enlightenment in the In Macedonia one finds Kokino Obser- mountains. His name means Perfected vatory. Don’t think dome. Think four Warrior. Stories soon sprang up around huge thrones carved from stone, facing an him, among them the assertion that he arc shaped ridge that has cut outs marking could summon storms. He became a pow- the moon’s phases on certain significant erful protective deity over time. days of the year, as well as the position of At Nanyan Temple is a horizontal the Pleiades star cluster. carved rock beam pronging out over a Stone thrones also feature in Germany, ravine. The abyss, in other words. At the Greece, Italy, even Peru and Polynesia. end of the beam is a carved stone incense Huge stoneworks used as celestial calen- burner. Carvings on either side of the dar makers. Toss Stonehenge in if you beam depict two dragons, their heads wish, or Callanish, or the Orkneys; don’t cheek-to-jowl forming the far end support- forget Newgrange in Ireland. Uriel’s ing the incense burner. A monk must walk Machine lies sprawled everywhere if we out onto this to light and maintain the but look. incense. High culture meant something else in That incense pot marks the spot Zhen 7 the past. Not electronics or powered tech- cate, over time, the supporting myths, leg- nology; it meant integrating humanity ends, or beings. with the natural world in which our lives Mt. Tai, in Shandong, China, has been are immersed, of which we are part. We known as the Cosmic Peak of the East for are ignorant of so much, have lost so over 3000 years. 72 Emperors have made much meaning and significance from pilgrimage to petition there for guidance, those days. Back then we wore the world that their dynasty and reign can avoid dis- like clothes. We lived with the cosmos aster. In 110 B.C.E. Emperor Wu, of the like air on our skin. We connected to sky Han Dynasty, went there several times. cycles and lived by cosmic rhythms. Each visit produced sightings by many wit- Macedonia and Peru are separated by nesses of a mysterious white cloud he seven thousand miles. Yet they are linked, could seemingly summon, and beams of it seems, by many patterns, many motifs, light that shot down from it. The white huge stone thrones and megalithic calen- cloud is famous, a bearer of information dars among them In Peru the Snow Star delivered to the Emperor alone, who Festival is held annually on a plain in a would go to meet with it by himself, his high valley surrounded by four major entourage forced to wait behind. To mountains. Do they mimic the four major watch. stars of the Pleiades cluster? In Japan, one finds 6500 foot Mount During this festival, the Quecha Peo- Ishizuchi, known as Tengudake, or Ten- ple, direct descendants of the Inca, wear gu’s Lair, the place where Tengu, the traditional costumes, do dances and other man/bird creatures dwell. Feathers, beaks, rituals, and ask the apu, small beings that wings, and yet also teeth adorn these other- are not gods but more akin to faerie folk wise man-shaped beings. Dark ones mani- of Northern Europe, for favors. They fest as crow deities. They are considered believe the apu were brought to Earth by not gods, nor even spirits, but living sky people and it was from the apu that beings who are sheltered by the mountain human beings learned the basics of civi- and who may live in caverns. They’re con- lization. sidered mischievous and malevolent, they At the end of the Snow Star Festival a often kidnap children or wanderers; they chosen frew climb a dangerous glacier. It parallel Northern Europe’s many faerie is an ordeal but important because they go folk patterns. to a barely-accessible place where they They also parallel the Annunaki, those harvest ice from a place they claim Sumerian beings who supposedly came belongs still to the apu. Good health is from the sky, from the planet Nibiru no granted to all who survive this arduous less, who had wings, were birdlike, and journey and who drink the water from this who taught human beings the rudiments ice. of civilization. Globally, glaciers are melting. Already As late as 1832, Imperial proclama- major cities in Peru have been forced to tions begged the Tengu to evacuate Mt. move en masse due to water running out Ishizuchi so a Shogun could travel as their nearby glaciers evaporated. This through the region unmolested. Whether will halt these customs and perhaps eradi this was pro-forma bowing to local or 8 regional customs, or a genuine plea aimed shows that none of it really ever dies off. at what he thought were real beings to cut Mt. Shasta in the Pacific Northwest is him a break, is unknown. a parallel. Local tribes believe the current Then there is a place my friend, the ex crop of mankind originated from the London police liaison officer and artist 14,162 foot mountain, emerging after tak- Teresa Tunaley, enjoys so much she ing shelter there with the sky people dur- moved there permanently, Tenerife, the ing the last apocalypse. UFO sightings Canary Islands, Spain. They are located and strange belief systems are common due west of Africa, by the way. Tenerife near Shasta, Hood, and Ranier, and, as features the world’s third largest volcano, we’ve seen, many other so-called sacred Mt. Tiede. The Gaunache People lived mountains. there in ages past and built step pyramics Also associated with them are winged that mimic both early Egyptian and beings, be they humanoid, dragon, or ser- Mayan pyramids. The Gaunache, like pent. We must not forget Pythia, the Ora- these structures, are mysterious. They cle of Delphi, also on a volcanic moun- mummified, for one thing, echoing Egypt tain, also where toxic fumes were com- again. Their myths mentioned lights and mon incidentally. She of the snake guided sky boats, what we would now call UFOs, those who came respectfully, just as the moving to and fro among ocean, sky, and white cloud or flying beings of other the volcano. They called their pyramids places guide deferent leaders there. stairways to heaven and apparently intend- Fume-induced visions? Human halluci- ed them as launch or landing pads for the nation soaring at altitude to mythic lights. heights or misinterpreted glimpses of oth- In 1976 a huge UFO on or near the er beings, other technology? Anyone’s slopes of Mt. Tiede prompted unfruitful guess counts if the goal is entertainment military response. Scrambled Spanish and diversion. These days, that’s valuable fighters found nothing and it was postulat- enough to make it a valid exchange for ed there might be a base inside or under your time and attention, which is appreci- the volcano. Or in the very deep water sur- ated. rounding the Canary Islands. /// /// /// In 2012, amidst Millennial Fears “All any of us can do is try to lessen suf- linked to the Mayan Calendar, France, peo- fering at arm's length.”/ The Buddha ple flocked to Mt. Bugarach, a holy moun- tain at a town also called Bugarach. They thought the UFOs seen there all the time, lights really, indicated a base in the lime- My Death stone labyrinth of caverns that draw tourists to the spot, and from which their My death will be a big event. space, (ground), brothers would swarm to Too bad I won't be there. save them when the world began “ending I'll either be some other place, again”. Or won't be anywhere. Tracing patterns of behavior, belief, and motifs of images through history Ray Nelson 9 Mark Twain in the Age of Steampunk by John Purcell
The influence of Mark Twain—the non de sions about Mark Twain arise is how much of a plume of Samuel Langhorn Clemens (1835- technophile he was. Twain was an admitted 1910)—is one of those undebatable topics due to readaholic; he constantly read newspapers and the now ordained acceptance of Twain as a tower- books, especially history and science journals. ing figure in American and World Literature. During our panel discussion it was also men- His influence on writing styles—notably in how tioned that Twain was not one to hold back on Twain recreated dialect in the printed dialogs expressing his opinions: he could alternate between characters, and his stinging satires—can between making satirical comments about politi- be found in the works of William Faulkner, Will cians, government and religious entities, and soci- Rogers, Dorothy Parker, Garrison Keillor, and ety’s foibles, all while being extremely entertain- even current standup comics like Jeff Foxworthy. ing. It was even mentioned that if the young It could even be argued that Twain proved that it Sam Clemens had been born, say, a hundred was safe for a writer to express strong personal years later (in 1935), the odds are pretty good he opinions without fear of retribution, and could might have discovered science fiction fandom do so by writing stories in different genres of fic- during the post-World War II era via the resur- tion: travelogues, westerns, adventure, historical gence of pulp magazines, movies, television fantasy, even tales that could be classified as pro- shows, and the proliferation of science fiction totype science fiction. fanzines. It makes one wonder what kind of a fan- At the 71st World Science Fiction Conven- writer a teenaged Clemens would have been like: tion held in San Antonio, Texas, over the Labor smart, witty, prone to making snarky comments Day Weekend (August 29 to September 2, about this and that, opinionated and gregarious. 2013), I participated in a panel discussion of Assuming the pen name of Mark Twain, much Mark Twain’s science fiction and fantasy writ- like how Wilson Tucker invented the name of ings, explaining to a room full of people how Hoy Ping Pong, Clemens probably would have Twain was as much of a science fiction writer as quickly emerged as a Big Name Fan, becoming a Jules Verne, Edward Bellamy and H.G. Wells. In professional writer in record time. fact, there are numerous examples of Twain’s SF But this is all speculation. As entertaining as stories: the most obvious is the novel A Connecti- this game is, the real Samuel Langhorn Clemens cut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court (1884), with certainly fits the description of a well-educated its use of dream as a means for time travel, but gentleman of the Victorian Period. The stories other significant short stories featuring elements and novels he produced reflect the wide-ranging of science fiction are “From the ‘London Times’ popular interests of that time: “The Great Dark” of 1904” (1898), “History 1,000 Years from (written in 1898, first published in 1962), for Now” (1901), “3000 Years Among the example, in part dealt with the fascination that Microbes” (1905), “Captain Stormfield’s Visit to Victorian high society had with Egypt and mum- Heaven” (short novel, 1909), and “Shackleford’s mification. His earlier hoax story “The Petrified Ghost” (1897/1898). Even Twain’s more main- Man” (1862) was a precursor to this and is espe- stream novels like Tom Sawyer Abroad (1894) cially notable since the statue in question is of a and Tom Sawyer, Detective (1896) contained man thumbing his nose at the viewer. Other sto- touches of science fiction, detailing lighter-than- ries, such as “Shackelford’s Ghost” (1897-98), air travel and other technological innovations, “The Generation Iceberg” (1884), and “Mental such as telephones and sound recordings. Telegraphy” (1878, 1891), and “The Enchanted One thing that stands out whenever discus- Sea-Wilderness” (1896).likewise covered popu- 10 lar topics of the times that dealt with the supernat- ventions, conferences and universities around the ural and contemporary technological advance- world, and his co-author of The Steampunk ments. He even speculated about the future in sto- Bible, S. J. Chambers. Their take on this literary ries like “From the London Times of 1904” genre is that “Steampunk…is [first] simultaneous- (1898) and “History 1000 Years from Now” ly retro and forward-looking in nature. Secondly, (1901). it evokes a sense of adventure and discovery. It is these last examples of Twain’s output Third, it embraces divergent and extinct technolo- that will be the focus here. In fact, the purpose of gies as a way of talking about the future” this essay is to examine stories written by Mark (Vandermeer and Chambers 9). Twain that not only are indicative of the influ- The criteria that can thus be developed from ences of their time, but could be seen as precur- both definitions is that Steampunk incorporates sors to the literary subgenre of Steampunk that elements of 1) anachronism or time-displace- emerged in the late 20th century and, if the read- ment, 2) fictionalized historical events, 3) uti- er will pardon the pun, has picked up steam like lizes and extrapolates on technology available in a runaway locomotive and is an extremely popu- the late 19th century, 4) is frequently concerned lar form of fiction in the early 21st century. with the supernatural, in fact blends multiple gen- Before plunging into just a few of these sto- res together, and 5) is very socially aware, at ries, it would be best to define the characteristics times providing unique viewpoints on human of the Steampunk literary genre. For a general nature. So with these in mind, how well does the overview of this genre, Wikipedia provides this fiction of Mark Twain match up? For the purpos- description: es of this essay, the focus will be on a handful of Steampunk is a subgenre of speculative fic- Twain’s prodigious output: the obvious choice of tion, usually set in an anachronistic Victorian or A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court, quasi-Victorian alternate history setting. It could and the short stories “From the ‘London Times’ be described by the slogan “What the past would of 1904” (1898) and “History 1,000 Years from look like if the future had happened sooner.” It Now”(1901), plus mentions of assorted other sto- includes fiction with science fiction, fantasy or ries such as “3000 Years Among the Microbes” horror themes. Steampunk may also, though not (1905), “Captain Stormfield’s Visit to Heaven” necessarily, incorporate additional elements from (short novel, 1909), “A Curious Dream: Contain- the genres of fantasy, horror, historical fiction, ing a Moral” (1870), and “A Ghost Story” alternate history, or other branches of speculative (1888). fiction, making it often a hybrid genre. The term The titles alone suggest the nature of each steampunk's first known appearance was in 1987 tale. In A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s [credited to author K.W.Jeter], though it now Court, Twain utilizes the dream concept as the retroactively refers to many works of fiction cre- means of time travel, suggesting that the protago- ated even as far back as the 1950s or 1960s. nist (never truly named, simply referring to him- Further on this entry states that perhaps the self as a Yankee) has imagined the entire tale most recognizable features of Steampunk are while unconscious following a fight. Two major “anachronistic technologies or retro-futuristic themes of Twain’s are established up front: the inventions as people in the 19th century might Mysterious Stranger theme (Ketterer xxv) have envisioned them, and is likewise rooted in comes out in both the Author’s Preface (in which the era's perspective on fashion, culture, architec- Twain states outright that the question of “the tural style, and art.” Well, that definitely helps, divine right of kings is not settled in this book”) and as it will be seen later on, Mark Twain cer- that frames the narrative, and in the very first sen- tainly satisfies some of these criteria tence of the narrator’s prologue – “It was in War- Perhaps a more authoritative source for a wick Castle that I came across the curious proper definition of Steampunk is given by Jeff stranger whom I am going to talk about” (5) – to Vandermeer, a noted Steampunk author and the point that the story provided is buried within anthologist who has won two World Fantasy what is, for all intent and purpose, a hand-me- Awards and has taught writing workshops at con- down narrative: Twain places himself firmly out 11 side the tale, which is related by an intermediary wrote about “an imaginary inner world of who heard it from this “curious stranger.” This thoughtful, highly verbal, and mostly helpful framing places the novel’s events as literally a microorganisms” (Noll) in the story “3,000 “dream within a dream” narrative, one that clear- Years Among the Microbes” (1905). This story ly separates the editor Twain from the Yankee recounts the life of Huck (wonder where that narrator who relates his Arthurian experiences in name comes from?) who has somehow been remarkable detail, all the while offering commen- transformed into a cholera germ inside the body tary about monarchical authority over a peasant of a tramp named Blitzkowski. This is a lengthy population, the Catholic Church, and the gullibili- story—Noll notes that Twain wrote more than ty of mankind. By doing this, Twain essentially 100,000 words on the story before finally stop- has given himself free reign to take jabs at three ping—which gave Twain ample time to make of his favorite topics: the British monarchy, reli- digs at society’s hierarchical structures, religion, gion, and human foibles (Smith xvi-xvii). For and mankind in general. The line “When I readers this is all great fun, and has been one of became a microbe, the transformation was so the great attractions of A Connecticut Yankee in complete that I felt at home at once. This is not King Arthur’s Court ever since its original publi- surprising, for men and germs are not widely dif- cation in 1889. ferent from each other” (Ketterer 236) is, by Time travel has long been a staple of science itself, a marvelous comment that sums up the fiction, and Twain used it effectively as a tool for main point of the story. This may not be very more social criticism in the stories “History Steampunkish in content, but the use of existing 1,000 Years from Now”(1901) and “3000 Years technology to explore other worlds and realities Among the Microbes” (1905). The former – does match the earlier established criteria. which is a brief look back at “the Filipino In relation to Steampunk’s use of time, it is Empire” from the vantage point of the year 2899 in the technological anachronisms that Twain AD -- fits into the Future History format popular- incorporated into A Connecticut Yankee in King ized by Robert A. Heinlein and Isaac Asimov in Arthur’s Court where the criteria-match method the mid-twentieth century, while the latter can of defining terms really comes into play. The easily be matched to H. G. Wells’ classic The Yankee’s introduction of 19th century technolo- Time Machine (1895) for its vast sweeping com- gy into 6th century England resulted in social mentary on the human condition (Camfield 540). upheavals and great progress that would have It is entirely possible that these two of Twain’s resounded down the ages unless Twain used the stories were inspired by Wells’ tale, although it power of the Church to quell this industrializa- is interesting to note that A Connecticut Yankee tion as heathen and the work of the Devil. In the in King Arthur’s Court preceded Wells’ book by grand tradition of “you can’t change the past six years. Additionally, the use of the dream as a without changing the future”, Twain circumvents mechanism to travel through time and space in this problem so that the world of the late 19th both of these stories appears to have been later century is blissfully unaware of what happened borrowed by Edgar Rice Burroughs in his first 1400 years earlier. Of such stuff are myths made; scientific adventure novel A Princess of Mars how else can legendary figures like King Arthur (1912), which was so popular that Burroughs and his court, to say nothing of Merlin’s magic, wrote six more John Carter of Mars tales. Inter- be explained? History, Twain implies, is com- estingly, Burroughs’ Mars stories even copied posed of facts and mythology created by histori- Twain’s narrative method of relating a story as if ans (Camfield 263). it had been told to him by somebody else. The invention of the telelectroscope, central Indeed, it appears Twain not only appealed to to the plot of “From the ‘London Times’ of readers, but generations of writers who frequent- 1904”, is yet another example of how Mark ly imitated him. Twain employed the Steampunk genre’s use of Microbiology, a relatively new field of scien- invention directly related to the technology of its tific inquiry, was another of Twain’s interests, so time and applying imagination to make these fan- it is no surprise that he picked up on that and ciful tools have a “practical purpose” 12 (Vandermeer 11). In his article “The Myth of eventually explains what has happened to the Simultaneous Order: Twain, Faulkner and Eliot”, spirit of the Cardiff Giant; “A Curious Dream: Takayuki Tatsumi asserts that Twain went even Containing a Moral” (1870) recounts a conversa- further than mere story-telling, but “predicted the tion one night between the story’s narrator and a advent of a frontier to come, that is, cyberspace, ghost carrying his coffin down the street; finally, particularly as achieved by means of the Internet “The Great Dark” (1898, 1962) and “The Petri- in the late twentieth century” (65). In this story, fied Man” (1862) focus on the process of mum- the telelectroscope – perhaps inspired in part by mification, which fascinated Victorian society as Twain’s friendship with Nikolai Tesla (1856- explorations of Egyptian tombs revealed won- 1943) and their shared interests in electricity and ders never before imagined, while mummies, experimentation (Sadler 28-30) - becomes an along with their burial accessories, were shipped instrument of exploration, discovery and, be to English museums, and “mummy unwrapping cause of these, a tool used to solve a murder parties” became social events (Wikipedia). One case. This bears a close resemblance to 21st cen- of the popular Parasol Protectorate novels by tury Steampunk novels set in the second half of Gail Carriger, Timeless (2012), picks up on this, the 19th century in which protagonists use such with one such party an important complication technologic hybrids as part of their tools of the and crisis point in the plot. The belief in the trade as criminal investigators: the Ministry of afterlife also comes out in “Captain Stormfield’s Peculiar Occurrence novel Phoenix Rising by Visit to Heaven” (1909), which more or less Pip Ballantine and Tee Morris comes to mind as gave Twain a lot of room to satirically espouse an example of this. on the human condition and peoples’ preoccupa- But, oh, the applications of telelectroscope tion with faith (Smith 41; Camfield 210-211). were something else! Here is how Twain So to return to the original question raised: describes its abilities: given all these examples from his fiction, can it As soon as the Paris contract released the tel- be said that Mark Twain wrote what we now call electroscope, it was delivered to public use, and Steampunk stories? In retrospect, sure; many of was soon connected with the telephone systems his stories match up to the criteria that modern of the whole world. The improved ‘limitless-dis- day critics and writers use to classify a work as tance’ telephone systems was presently intro- belonging to this genre. Perhaps more than any- duced, and the daily doings of the globe made thing, Twain simply wrote the kind of literature visible to everybody, and audibly discussable, that was popular during the late 19th and early too, by witnesses separated by any number of 20th centuries: scientific romances. The term leagues. (Ketterer 128) “science fiction” itself wasn’t coined until the In other words, Mark Twain basically predict- end of the 1920s, and stories that featured cutting ed Skype. Written in 1898, “From the ‘London edge scientific discoveries and extrapolated upon Times’ of 1904” blended 19th century technolo- them were extraordinarily popular throughout gy and the future with a murder mystery (read most of the 1800s: beginning with Mary Shel- the story to understand how this was all done) ley’s Frankenstein (1819) and moving right up very much like a 21st century Steampunk tale. through the ouvres of Edgar Alan Poe, Nathaniel This story would not be out of place in an anthol- Hawthorne, Jules Verne, Ambrose Bierce, ogy of Steampunk mystery short stories. If any- Edward Bellamy, Jack London, H.G. Wells, and thing, this particular story could be seen as an ear- numerous others, the scientific romance novel ly prototype of the genre. explored not only just the world, but other There are other Twain stories that incorpo- worlds and times, especially how advances in sci- rate elements of Steampunk, notably the Victori- ence, technology and industry affected the social an era’s fascination with the supernatural and climate and changed humankind itself. mummification. Mark Twain could tell a delight- Perhaps this is the best way to reflect on ful ghost story when he wanted to: “A Ghost Sto- Twain’s “Steampunk” stories. Quite often, as it ry” (1888) has descriptions of poltergeist activi- began in Frankenstein, the true demon that man ties enough to raise a reader’s neck hairs, and should be concerned with is science itself. It 13 offers such great promise, but can also create Human Race. New York: Hill and Wang, 1962. great destruction. This was a life-long sentiment “Steampunk.” . Wikipedia, 4 July 2014. Web. 4 in much of his fiction and non-fiction, so it July 2014. should come as no surprise that this theme found
Camfield, Gregg. The Oxford Companion to Mark Twain. New York: Oxford University Press, 2003. Print.
Carriger, Gail. Timeless. New York: Orbit, 2012. Print.
Ketterer, David, ed. Mark Twain: Tales of Won- der. Lincoln, NE: University of Nebraska Press, 2003. Print. Murdock, Colin. “6 Eerily Specific Inventions Predicted in Science Fiction.” . Cracked, 19 Nov.
2010. Web. 25 May 2014.
Noll, Kenneth M.. “Herbert Conn: Mark Twain's An attic room Microbiologist Muse.” . Microbe Magazine, 1 July 2011. Web. 25 May 2014. In Old Paree:
For the first time in tions are in the opening four years Krista Detor track Ferryman’s Dream. has just released a new “It’s not that you’ve done album, Flat Earth Diary. something wrong/ Or that It garnered a 5-star I got shot in a song—shot review in Britain (in Rock in a song/ It’s just that it’s n’ Reel to be precise) and gotten me low/this sedi- reviews were pretty good tion with trials yet to go/ in her native U.S.A. To I’ve heard your confes- say the least. sion/ But mine’s still Those four years were locked in a drawer/ So I’m spent touring which packing it in and I swear included a 10 day sailing to you I will hear no trip in Lake Huron’s more.” North Channel, even end- Whereas the bonus ing with a sail to a gig. track Blowing Kisses is That was really a holiday for her but she utilized derived from a surprisingly heartwarming inci- the time, writing the lyrics and tunes that make- dent from the divorce’s aftermath when her up the Flat Earth Diary and providing the CD daughter, Aurora, (about to be escorted by an air with its title. What Flat Earth has to do with stewardess on to a flight to visit Aurora’s Dad) being on a lake of water will be explained later. asked why the divorce had happened. The most striking element of Flat Earth As Krista has remarked “The thing that’s Diary is that (unlike her previous CDs) the lyrics striking me most about this handful of songs is are not readily accessible. As with Leonard that they’re more personal than I’m ordinarily Cohen, you can expect to listen to them more comfortable with.” than once before total comprehending. Those But then she offered her audience a key to veils of obscurity are probably because she unlock the vagaries. And if you’d met her you’d views this as her most personal album and as pro- say she thinks of her listeners as an audience and claiming her private thoughts can be rather like a not fans or you’d more likely say she views her striptease, it was advisable to be more subtle than audience as friends. It’s noticeable that in person blatant, more tease than stripped bare. when speaking causally to anyone after a show To quote the poem Unworthy Eyes by Susan she will reach out and lightly touch that person Swartz (which just happens to be one of Krista’s on the elbow or upper-arm. It’s doubtful that inspirations) “every poem's intent reveals itself/ she’s even aware of her gesture but it shows how reluctantly, incrementally,/ in fragments of mean- close she feels to her audience. ing.” And that is not insecurity! On stage she can Although Krista does not admit it, at least hold her own with the best from the field, such three of the songs reverberate with echoes of her as the likes of Joe Crookston and Tim Grimm, divorce (which might come as a little surprising with whom she has toured as The Good Bad as that was a few years ago and since then she’s Luckys (the name comes from one of Crook- happily remarried but then again sources for her ston’s songs but that is another story). inspirations go back as far as her childhood). With a four years gap, the new recording Probably the most prominent of those reverbera reveals a small waver in her voice that wasn’t 15 there before. was a despot and the Almost as though commoners were ris- she can’t hit the ing in revolt. That right note but song, Belle of the then does. It’s Ball includes the something that words “...so who she allows for dra- will sing ‘God save matic effect. She the King’/ when king- really can still dom’s coming hold a note, loud down?” which is a and long, strong sardonic juxtaposi- and clear. If you tion of two phrases want proof and that have been are ever at one of around for time her gigs request immemorial but her song from the Picasso Project and be pre- nobody else has even thought to combine them. pared to be wowed. As Gene Sharp (another free thinker) once noted And it’s well worth going to her gigs because “Why, although apples had fallen from trees for she doesn’t simply perform her songs, she relives centuries, did it remain for Newton to formulate them. the law of gravity?” Not that a sardonic juxtaposi- As for the “key”, that comes in the form of a tion is the equal to Newtonian Physics but it cer- short paperback she released at the same time as tainly displays her originality and intellect. the CD. The book (entitled Flat Earth Diary – But that isn’t the full story. Here is how Notes from the Bridge) has been described as “a Krista recalls the song’s origin. rare backstage pass to the creation of the “Meanwhile, American politics were hitting album.”It could also be described as an invitation a seemingly all-time low as we geared for the big to enter the workings of an artistic mind. election; an amoral group of pantywaists in a Although both descriptions are aesthetically grid-locked 2-party catastrophe, cow-towing to accurate an equally illuminating perception all manner of greasy special interests while the would be that of a multi-layered conversation whole nation suffered. Good people losing their with a poetic genius who interrupts her musings homes, losing their jobs, unions were falling; with e-mail messages between close friends, pundits pandering to misinformation, ignorance quotes from songwriters/poets who have influ- and fear, and not a shred of honor to be found enced her and limericks (not of the Nantucket anywhere. Small beams of light shot up here variety). Her use of many typefaces might be per- andthere—in the virally-spreading TED talks, ceived as pretentious by those who don’t know theOccupy movement, progressives in the main- her but the only perceivable pretension on her stream media once in a while, even. But not part is applying a dab of make-up before a con- enough to override the side show that our elected cert. That is to say, Krista Detor is totally unpre- leaders had made of the democratic process. tentious. “Okay, I’ve read enough Hunter S. Thomp- Following a fragmented intro, she then son to know that this is little more than “business delves into her experiences (and her laptop’s as usual”—but that’s a cynical view that he “bullsh*t” files) and conjures up memories, inspi- didn’t survive. I try to be hopeful, though some rations, partly written and abandoned lyrics that days I wonder if I’ll survive mine. And yes, I evolved into the Flat Earth songs. A first draft, know that cynicism is tedious and common—an followed by the full draft, followed by those utter failure of imagination. But I’m drawn that words with the music. way, despite valiant efforts at manufacture of a For instance, one of the song’s launching sunny disposition. When Belle of the Ball found point was the Cinderella folk tale. What if Cin- its way to solidity, I was deep in the dark waters. derella married Prince Charming only to find he The world was watching the blood sport of our 16 political gladiator games; Krista Detor stressing another war, an Tightrope Records 255 113 Iranian invasion? I wasn’t 12 Tracks sure at all who I’d vote for. For the first time, if I’d Flat Earth Diary vote at all.” -Notes from the Bridge If that is stream of con- Krista Detor sciousness writing, it is writ- Tightrope Records 2013 ten by an articulate poet. A 220 pages very angry and very articu- ***** late poet but a very articu- late poet nevertheless. There are some omis- Errata: In “Famous Mod- sions in her book. Such as els of Monsterland” (The last names. David is her Reluctant Famulus 97) I (second) husband, David stated that the monster mod- Weber. Jim (who owned els were Aurora’s best sell- and captained the boat) is Jim Krause and Anne ing line. That is incorrect. They were Aurora's is his wife. Anne Hurley. They’re all on the CD. best selling model kits. Aurora's best selling line You might like to check out Jim and Anne’s own was their slot-car racers. I would like to put that CD, Madeleine Bay. And there’s the song Red mistake down to the fact that here in Britain they Velvet Box which “started out as a lament of love were sold as Scalectrix and manufac- lost. Luckily, later it had a sense of humor about tured/marketed by the British toy company, Tri- things.” In the book, Krista refers to a red velvet ang. If Aurora was mentioned anywhere on their finger-puppet box her grandmother gave her boxes or instruction sheets it was probably in the when she was a child. In person she will also tell small print and without Aurora's logo. I would you an additional story of a time her then- love to put the mistake down to that but the hon- boyfriend put a long red box with her name on it est truth is I simply misread the source of infor- under the Christmas tree. Krista thought it would mation. be a gag-box with ever smaller boxes inside each other until one minute cube-box which would contain an engagement ring. “And in the red vel- vet box, baby, box baby/ Maybe a sweet little ring/ Oh if you give me your heart, baby/ I will never ever, need another thing.” It turned out to be a shotgun! And the title Flat Earth? That’s in the book. It came from being out on Lake Huron with the horizon in all directions being just a flat, straight waterline and “wanting more than anything to believe that the endless water poured off the edge of the flat earth to myriad stars.” Krista is a science fiction reader with Terry Pratchett at the head of her reading list. When she wrote these songs she was reading one of his novels for the fifth time. That might explain something.
***** Flat Earth Diary 17 The Berkeley Coven by Ray Nelson Chapter 1 : The Beginnings
The Berkeley Coven. from fundamentalist Christianity to Marx- ist Communism had When did it begin? made their case to an amused audi- ence of university students and tourists That's not an easy question to answer. there before the steps of Sproul Hall, but One could go back as far as the founding now, under pressure from Washington, of the Fantasy and Science Fiction maga- the university had evicted them, soapbox- zine in the fall of 1949 in Berkeley by es, cardtables and all. Anthony Boucher, or back to when Philip K. Dick attended Boucher's cre- We had not taken it lying down. The ative writing class, or even back to Hill- crowd that day was the largest crowd of side Elementary School in Berkeley protesters in the history of the school. where Ursula LeGuin, Phil Dick and I There I stood on those steps, together made up ghost stories to see who could with Joan Baiz and all the rest. And as I most frighten the other two. looked out over the crowd, I said to myself, “There must be a better way to No, I think I'll go back only as far as get an education.” the day when the term Berkeley Coven The better way turned out to be The first entered my mind. That would be Berkeley Free University, a coalition of October 1, 1964, the day Mario Savio outcasts with and without degrees who stood on the roof of a marooned police taught their classes, not in any ivy-cov- car and addressed a crowd of several hun- ered halls, but in private homes, some- dred students in the Sproul Hall Plaza of times tuition free, always dirt cheap. The the University of California, Berkeley. cost of an office and a monthly class cata- log was supported by donations by those In those days I was a long-haired rain- who could afford to donate bow-shirted hippy, one of the many young radicals who had long protested I saw an ad in the catalog for a class segregation, censorship and war there in on novel writing taught by a supposedly an area set aside for such oratory since published author I had never heard of, to the days when Jack London ran for may- be held every Thursday at his apartment. or of Oakland on the Socialist ticket. For I dutifully turned up at the door of this decades soapbox advocates of everything apartment on the appointed date, togeth 18 er with a handful of other unpublished It has a certain ring to it. authors, but we found the door locked and the teacher nowhere to be seen. I think you will recognize the names After waiting a restless hour, one of us of some of our distinguished alumnae. said, “I guess we better go home.” Philip K. Dick, Ann Rice, Marion Zim- mer Bradley, Poul Anderson, Grania I piped up, “No, isn't this a free univer- Davis, and of course, me. We had a com- sity? We don't need a teacher. We can mon obsession, as some fans have teach each other! Does any of you have a noticed, and that is Alternate Reality. We place we can meet?” each tackled it from a different angle, but we all assumed the universe we could see Bruce Boston answered, “My place is was not the only universe there was. only a few blocks from here.”
I said, “Let's go!”
Some dropped out, but most of us trooped on over to Boston's, and settled down in a circle in his bedroom. It turned out that twelve of us were interest- ed in writing fantasy, and I had already written a fantasy novelette in Paris which I had never tried to market, and I think it was Boston who jokingly suggested, “Let's call ourselves the Berkeley Coven.”
During the many years we continued to meet in private homes faithfully every Thursday evening, we called ourselves many things, like The Microcosm Work- Someday shop, The Cafe Boheme, and the Thurs- day's Children. As the Thursday's Chil- Someday I'd like dren we published an annual paperback To be a sinner, anthology for a while. As I look back After I over the decades, I still think the first Have gotten thinner name is the best.
The Berkeley Coven. 19 Quantrill and the Lawrence Massacre Part I
Alfred D. Byrd Writing of Quantrill and of her son along. Thus, riding in his the Lawrence Massacre, I’ll be neighbors’ covered wagons, dealing with maybe the most noto- Quantrill set off for Kansas. rious personality and the most This was, in 1857, Bleeding shocking event of America’s great Kansas, fruit of a self-serving sectional war. The personality and scheme by Senator Stephen A. the event have inspired legends, Douglas to replace Henry Clay’s both friendly and hostile, that Compromise of 1850 with the have largely hidden the truth Kansas-Nebraska Act, which let a about them. For clarity’s sake, I’ll territory’s settlers say whether its tell you only what contemporary institutions would be Southern or eyewitnesses to Quantrill’s acts Northern. From both South and could confirm. The story of this North, armed men swarmed into man and of this event is too impor- Kansas to settle issues by bullets tant to history to be lost to false if ballots wouldn’t. reports. Bleeding Kansas is an histori- William Clarke Quantrill was an unlikely cal study in itself, but, for Quantrill and the man to serve in Confederate ranks. Born to Penn- Lawrence Massacre, it boils down to a few key sylvanians who’d moved to Ohio, he grew up as points. At the conflict’s heart lay the abolitionist the oldest child of a local schoolmaster who tend- capital of Lawrence, a piece of New England ed to get into brawls. When Quantrill’s father dropped onto the Great Plains. In the Sack of died during Quantrill’s youth, he became a Lawrence, on May 21, 1856, a private army of schoolmaster himself at the age of sixteen. By all Missourians called Border Ruffians, led by U. S. accounts, he was a fine schoolmaster. He might Senator David Rice Atchison, invaded the town, have spent a productive life as one if his chosen disarmed and plundered its inhabitants, and profession had let him support his widowed moth- burned its fortress-like hotel. er and his fatherless siblings. After the Sack of Lawrence, a fire-breathing Going broke from teaching, Quantrill headed preacher named John Brown sensed a Divine off to Illinois to work in a lumberyard. There, he mandate to take life for life for five abolitionists killed his first man. Motive in the killing is who had died by violence in Kansas. Thus, one unclear, as Quantrill claimed self-defense, and night along the banks of Pottawatomie Creek, he no one else living witnessed the shooting. As and his sons haled five Southern men into dark- Quantrill’s victim was a stranger in town, the ness. There, Brown’s company hacked them to claim of self-defense stood up. Still, the local pieces with swords. authorities asked Quantrill to leave. Earning little The Pottawatomie Massacre, the first of in another stint as schoolmaster in Indiana, he many massacres west of the Mississippi, turned came home with empty pockets to his mother. Kansas into a land of roving guerrillas, outlaws, This young man now went west. Learning and private armies. Against Atchison’s Border that two of his neighbors meant to move there, Ruffians rose raiders who would be called Quantrill wanted to go with them. They wanted Redlegs or Jayhawkers, loosely organized under to turn him down for a reputation already shady, an adventurer named James Lane. but gave in when his mother begged them to take Lane was as enigmatic as he was colorful. 20 When he set out for Kansas, he was Quantrill went along as a teamster. pro-Southern, hinting of hope to For reasons that aren’t quite clear, establish a plantation when Kansas he was fired from the expedition became a Southern state. When he when it reached its goal. From reached the Great Plains, however, Utah, he had to make his way by he opportunistically embraced Abo- his wits. litionism, for which he became a riv- Who knows what might have eting public speaker. His speeches become of Quantrill had peace pre- and his private army played a major vailed? Given his checkered life, he role in Kansas’s becoming a North- might have been a respected educa- ern state. tor. More likely, he’d have been I’ve focused on Lane because shot dead over a gaming table or he played a major role in hanged as a murderer or a horse- Quantrill’s life. Quantrill was atfirst thief. a fervent admirer of Lane’s, but Sadly, when men like David became in time his sworn enemy. It was Lane Rice Atchison, John Brown, and James Lane who would inspire Quantrill to plan the have their say, peace won’t prevail. These men Lawrence Massacre, and Lane whom Quantrill got what they wanted, a great sectional war to most wanted to kill in it. which Bleeding Kansas was just a prelude. Still, when Quantrill reached Kansas, his mas- On war’s eve, Quantrill, back in Kansas after sacre lay far ahead of him. In Kansas, he fell out his stay in Utah, began a new career as guide to with his traveling companions, who accused him abolitionists trying to seize slaves and send them of neglecting the land that they had bought for North along the Underground Railroad. Showing him. Soon, fleeing prosecution for theft, his character as an opportunist, he soon found it Quantrill took the alias of Charley Hart, an idler profitable to betray the abolitionists and sell the willing to work both sides of the law. As Hart, he slaves back to their masters. He changed sides was arrested in Lawrence on suspicion of horse spectacularly when he led a band of Quakers on thievery and other felonies. He escaped convic- a raid to free slaves from a plantation in Mis- tion for these charges and later, under his own souri. Pretending to scout ahead, he told the plan- name of Quantrill, served briefly nearby as a tation’s owner of the planned assault and then respected schoolmaster. himself helped gun down his former companions When one lives like Quantrill, one had best in an ambush. stay nowhere long. Becoming a drifter, Quantrill Although Border Ruffians distrusted him at stayed awhile with the Lenape (or Delaware) first, the glib Quantrill convinced them of his Nation. He claimed to be a detective in the being one of their own. He told them that he had Lenape Tribal Police, but the come from Maryland (“Ohio” Lenapes have always denied that wasn’t a safe word in Missouri just he was. Leaving the Lenapes, he then) with an older brother who was went to a gold rush in Colorado, murdered by a band of Redlegs. where he became a high-stakes Quantrill himself had been shot by gambler. According to a report them, but then nursed back to health that may well be true, he grew fab- by a friendly Indian. Since his broth- ulously wealthy one night, only to er’s death, Quantrill had been track- lose his fortune the next day in a ing down and killing the murderous single hand of cards. Redlegs. With the Border Ruffians’ While a drifter, Quantrill got help, he had just finished off the last his first taste of military service. of them. When Colonel Albert Sidney John- Although Quantrill’s barefaced ston led a Federal expedition lie made him a hero to the Border against the Mormons in Utah, Ruffians, the law was looking at 21 him askance. When Kansas and Mis- had made the western theater of souri got too hot for him, he took off war brutal almost beyond descrip- to Texas and then to Indian Territo- tion. ry. There, a half-Cherokee friend of Union General Henry Halleck, his got him a position as scout in the commanding the West, both codi- newly formed Confederate Chero- fied and intensified the brutality kee Brigade. With this, he served there when, in his General Orders under Sterling Price in the battles of 32, he proclaimed that all enemies Wilson’s Creek and Lexington in of the Union not in regular Confed- Missouri in 1861. erate service would be shot on Quantrill admired “Pap” Price sight. and might have stayed with his com- In view of General Orders 32, mand but for the disastrous Confed- Quantrill soon turned his back on erate defeat at Elkhorn Tavern (or the Partisan Ranger Act, which was Pea Ridge), Arkansas, early in 1862. in any case earning disrepute in After this defeat and Sidney Johnston’s summon- Richmond as so-called partisans as often as not ing Price’s army east of the Mississippi, the raided solid Southern citizens. Quantrill fought Union took over Missouri and northern much of the rest of his war under the black flag: Arkansas. Only scattered Confederate resistance no quarter asked or given; no prisoners taken. remained there. Learning to scout terrain and sleep in the Elkhorn Tavern’s aftermath was the heyday field, Quantrill became such a scourge of Union of the Confederate Partisan Ranger Act. This forces in western Missouri and eastern Kansas authorized independent units of mounted, uni- that killing Quantrill became the chief goal of the formed men to raid behind enemy lines. Pursuant Union’s war effort there. He finished 1862 as to this, Quantrill raised a band of partisans and undisputed chieftain of all of the Confederate sought and received a Confederate commission guerrillas in his part of the world. as Captain of Partisan Rangers. The men under Quantrill’s command formed In his early days as head of a partisan band, a mixed bag of loyal Confederates, thrill-seekers, Quantrill knew mixed success. He and his men and fugitives from justice joined by love of sud- were brilliant on offense, but wretched on de- den raids on horseback and by contempt for the fense. Attacking, he and his men, masterful horse- Army’s discipline. His most trusted lieutenant men armed to the teeth with Colt Navy was George Todd, once a skilled construction Revolvers, shot Union scouting parties and sup- worker, but now a fierce fighter moved mainly ply columns to pieces. Between raids, however, by vengeance, as he showed one day by empty- the partisans loved to sleep in feath- ing two revolvers into an er-beds in farmhouses and neglected unarmed sheriff who’d once to put out videttes. Three times, arrested him. Union cavalry surprised Quantrill’s Later, early in 1863, Raiders in a farmhouse; three times, Quantrill created a second wing they had to shoot their way out, leav- of his raiders under Bloody Bill ing horses and plunder behind. Anderson, a former horse thief When we think of partisans, we seeking vengeance for his recall the courtly Gray Ghost, father’s execution by a Union Colonel John Singleton Mosby, in judge. Under the black flag, the lovely Shenandoah Valley and vengeance had free rein. the misty Blue Ridge Mountains. Although Todd and Ander- Missouri, however, wasn’t Virginia son were Quantrill’s right-hand and knew little of courtliness. A men in his heyday, the most train of atrocities and counter-atroci- famous members of his raiders ties growing out of Bleeding Kansas were ordinary riders who rose to 22 fame for deeds of their own after far untouched; Lawrence was the the war. The legendary train-rob- base for a band of Redlegs who’d bers Cole Younger and Frank been plundering western Mis- James learned their craft uder souri; Lawrence was a target Quantrill’s leadership. whose destruction would dismay As winter neared at the end of the North and hearten the South. 1862, Quantrill took his men down In planning a second sack of to Texas, where they entered regu- Lawrence, Quantrill was both imi- lar Confederate service briefly as tating and retaliating for an act of escorts to supply trains, scouts, James Lane’s. In 1862, Lane, and Indian fighters. Leaving his Lawrence’s favorite son and now men under Todd’s command, both a U. S. Senator from Kansas Quantrill went to Richmond, Vir- and a brigadier general, had led a ginia, where he hoped to get a com- force into Osceola, Missouri. mission as a colonel with authority There, he plundered both public to organize his men as an indepen- property and private homes, dent cavalry regiment. He won a meeting with burned much of the town, and summarily execut- Confederate Secretary of War James Seddon, but ed nine men on charges of collaborating with the what was said at this meeting is pure conjecture. enemy. Quantrill dreamed both of paying back The meeting ended badly at any rate for Lane in his hometown and of killing him there. Quantrill, who returned to Texas sans commis- Leaving home’s comforts, Quantrill tracked sion. Still, its lack didn’t keep him from telling his lieutenants down and tried to sell them on his his men that he was now indeed a colonel. Lawrence scheme. Some of their followers When spring came, Quantrill’s men went favored it, but both Todd and Anderson were back to guerrilla activities, but Quantrill himself leery of riding again under Quantrill, who they largely sat the war out. He may have been sulk- felt was often more talk than action. His pro- ing because of Seddon’s refusal to promote him; posed raid on Lawrence might never have come he may, however, have been enjoying domestic off but for one of the most outrageous events of a bliss. The year before, he’d taken marriage vows war of outrageous events. with a fifteen-year-old, Kate King, under a Although Quantrill and his riders rode under preacher’s officiation in his study. Kate was the black flag, they were chivalrous in one game, riding and fighting with Quantrill’s men respect: they never directly harmed a woman. In on their raids, but was also an accomplished fact, they enlisted women to aid their missions as homemaker, luring Quantrill to scouts, medics, and supply offi- sleep once more in a feather-bed in cers. Quantrill’s women often a farmhouse. slipped into Kansas City for car- After a while, Quantrill saw tridges and firing caps for the that personal glory was passing deadly Colt Revolvers. him by, as Todd and Anderson In Kansas City, General were doing just fine without him. Thomas Ewing, adoptive brother He began to plot a dazzling raid to of William Tecumseh Sherman immortalize his name. He chose as and head of the Federal depart- the raid’s target Lawrence, Kansas, ment of eastern Kansas and west- for a mix of reasons, both personal ern Missouri, adopted a policy of and strategic. Lawrence, he felt, arresting Quantrill’s women, not was where the whole war had only the ones who aided him, but begun; Lawrence was where he’d also innocent women held purely been humiliated with a (to him) as hostages against their men’s unjustified arrest; Lawrence was a good behavior. Two of the wom- growing city filled with plunder so en taken hostage were Bloody Bill 23 Anderson’s fifteen-year-old sister Josephine and thirteen-year-old sister Mary. They, along with several other women, were Not Every Man. held, sometimes in irons, in a creaky structure, once an artist’s studio. Onto an outside wall of this, another house had been built, weakening the Not every man gives up the fight, wall. A Union doctor had reported to his superi- And gentle goes into the night. ors that the structure was unfit for human habita- My father, with his dying breath, tion, but they ignored his report. Asked, “Is there nookie after death? Bad came to worst one day when the shared outside wall bowed outwards and collapsed, drop- ping the house’s upper floor and roof onto the imprisoned women. Four of them, including Ray Nelson Josephine Anderson, were killed. Mary Ander- son, wearing a ball and chain, suffered multiple fractures of both legs and would be crippled for life.
Hearing of the house’s collapse, Bloody Bill Anderson, believing a false report that Union prison guards had deliberately undermined the wall, meant to ride off to Kansas City and burn it to the ground. Quantrill, however, striking while the iron was hot, called a council of war of guer- rilla chieftains, pitched to them again his plan for LEARN FROM A CHILD. an attack on Lawrence, and called for a vote on the plan. To a man, George Todd, Bloody Bill Anderson, Cole Younger, and Frank James, Learn from a child, among others, called for the same action: an As if from a sage. attack on Lawrence, Kansas. Compared to Forever, In this attack, they vowed, no man would be We're all the same age. left alive. Ray Nelson To be continued in next issue. . . . 24 I Will Fear No Evil Dr. Robin Aaron Bright
Science fiction `Grand Master`, Robert A. Christianity means by `Original Sin`; power Heinlein (1907-88), wrote the novel, I Will Fear through war and womb enslavement. No Evil (1970), inspired by the 23rd psalm of In ancient Greece, which is held to be the Christianity`s Common Book of Prayer, which model of democracy by the Western world, insti- celebrates Jesus` role as the new redeemer who tutionalized homosexuality in pederasty and war will `rule the nations with an iron scepter`: `Yes, to spread their power further was the basis of though I walk in the valley of the shadow of society where women`s wombs were enslaved as death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me, the host wombs of the Greeks` parasitism, which your rod and your staff they comfort me.` (Ps: is what the serpent of parasites was for. If wom- 23. 4) In the 20th century the concept of the shad- en sexually reproduced as the `futanarian` ow, particularly the collective shadow, was identi- species of the Earth with her own penis` semen fied by the developmental psychologist, Carl Gus- and host womb, while men couldn`t compete tav Jung (1875-1961), as the source of human without host wombs of their own, women`s evil, which surfaced in the pogroms of the democracy would be assured, which is why National Socialist Party (1933-45) of the elected Greek democracy is a phallacy and so is Western government of Germany against the Jews, who democracy, because it disenfranchises the human are the `chosen people` of the Bible. According race in preference for serpentism. to Jung the shadow is that level of instinctive Robert A. Heinlein`s novel, I Will Fear No human awareness that refuses to see the other per- Evil, is a meditation on socio-economics and sex. son as superior because more developed, but pro- The future society depicted in the science fiction jects their own inferiority upon the other uncon- is run by corporations, which operate within a sciously, which results in conflict. Jung argued governmental framework but function more or that the pogroms against the Jews were a conse- less autonomously and without restriction quence of the Nazis projecting their collective because of their power, `Fighting continued on a shadow. In the Bible God tells Eve her `seed` token basis, and the dead did not complain.`1 will have `perpetual enmity` with the `serpent`s The focus of the narrative set in 2015 is the rela- seed` because the serpent gave her and the first tionship between Johann and his secretary man, Adam, the `fruit of the tree of the knowl- Eunice Branca. Jaded by power and wealth edge of good and evil`, saying: Johann opts to have his brain transplanted into a You shall be as gods.` (Gen: 3. 5) new body, and when Eunice is murdered she God expelled Adam and Eve for disobedi- becomes the donor. Awakening in his new body, ence, because they rejected the `fruit of the tree Johann`s consciousness discovers it`s sharing a of life`, which is immortality, for death. Because mind with Eunice whose spirit abides. After that God tells Eve she will `crush the head of the ser- Heinlein refers to the character as Joan-Eunice pent with her foot as she leaves` (Gen: 3. 15) and and the entity is assisted to adjust by Joan- that she has `seed` which will have `perpetual Eunice`s lawyer, Jake. Deciding she wants a enmity` with the `serpent`s seed` her `foot` is the child, Joan-Eunice has herself artificially insemi- `futanarian` woman born after Eden with her nated from a sperm bank deposit Johann once own penis` semen and host womb. Consequent- made. Much of the story is a description of the ly, she crushes the serpent with her `foot` as she sexual adventures of the Joan-Eunice couple in leaves, but men and women`s killing and culling one body which of course includes marriage with of her species in womb slavery after Eden is their Johann`s lawyer, Jake, who dies of a heart attack continued preference for death, which is what after a bout of too rigorous sex. Jake`s personal- 25 ity is saved and joins the Joan-Eunice conscious- through forgiveness by application of his teach- ness in their body. At the end of the tale the three ing`s principle, `love your neighbor, as his distil- consciousnesses migrate to the body of the new- lation of the entirety of the meaning of the law of born infant in a vampirisistic conclusion to the God, because he was betrayed at the `Last Sup- yarn about a rich man refusing to relinquish his per` as the future hope of `futanarian` woman, grip on life at the expense ultimately of his own uncontaminated by male semen, with her own child: penis` semen and host womb desirous of loving (Jake? Eunice?) (Here, Boss! Grab on! her neighbor while being thwarted by men`s There! We've got you.) (Is it a boy or a girl?) taboo against incest with the mother, which is (Who cares, Johann-it's a baby! 'One for all and another of Heinlein`s themes in Time Enough all for one!') An old world vanished and then For Love (1973), as he narrates the adventures of there was none.`2 the long-lived Lazarus Long, beginning his quest In the Bible Jesus is born a second time, to travel backwards through space and time to while a dragon `waits in vain` to devour he who have sex with his mother and break that `tribal will `rule the nations with an iron scepter`, taboo` which makes her: because the dragon is the serpent grown to full `… more enticingly forbidden (if such were size since Eden and so Jesus, who was born possible!)`4 uncontaminated by male semen from his mother, Maureen`s relationship with Lazarus is con- the Virgin Mary, corresponds to the child of Joan- summated from her point of view in To Sail Eunice in Heinlein`s novel, I Will Fear No Evil, Beyond The Sunset (1987), `Even at fifteen I was whose development is thwarted by the three con- not naive about my unusual and possibly sciousness seeking to parasitically possess it, unhealthy relation with my father.`5 Heinlein`s which is the story of the `serpent`s seed` endeav- last novel before his own death ends, `And we all ouring to inveigle themselves into women`s host lived happily ever after,` when Maureen accepts womb to steal her own penis` semen as polygamous incest with her extended family that `futanarian` women and live through parasitical spans space and time and the generations by enslavement of her species: virtue of Heinlein`s `continua car`, Gay Deciev- `A man who takes his fun where he finds it, er, conceived in his novel, The Number Of The then marries and expects his wife to be different, Beast (1980), as a means for accessing `all possi- is a fool.`3 ble universes, real and imaginary`. Because wom- In Jesus` first sojourn upon the Earth he was en are a species chased by an aged parasite that nailed upon a wooden cross and tortured to death wants her eggs to ensure its continuance: after the `Last Supper` at which he offered `Mystery, Babylon the great, mother of har- `bread and wine` as symbols of his `body and lots and of the abominations of the Earth.` (Rev: blood` to his disciples as their teacher, but Judas 17. 5) Iscariot betrayed him to the Roman occupation Heinlein`s villain in The Number of The of Palestine as a `dissident`, because Rome was Beast is the ubiquitous `black beast` that seeks to for enslaving the host womb, that is, the `body prevent the two married couples, Jake, Hilda, and blood` of the human race, in parasitism and Zeb and Deety, who`re the occupants of the war. So it was that Judas became the human space-time car, from having fun in the worlds species` traitor because man, uncontaminated by they visit, which include Frank L. Baum`s Oz, male semen of the `serpent`s seed`, wouldn`t be Lewis Carrol`s Wonderland and Edgar Rice Bur- born from woman with her own penis` semen roughs` Barsoom, `... E.R.B.'s universe is no and host womb if Jesus` teaching failed: harder to reach than any other and Mars is in its Thou preparest a table before me in the pres- usual orbit.`6 The `beast` corresponds to Jung`s ence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head collective shadow which also seeks to project with oil; my cup runneth over.` (Ps: 23. 5) itself into women. Socio-economic development Eating with one`s enemies isn`t advocated isn`t what men practice, but rather oil and womb here, although some would suggest it`s devised slavery, which is why Heinlein`s novel, I Will to celebrate Jesus` capacity for Redemption Fear No Evil, is about gender relations in rela- 26 tion to company economics and Time Enough is, the same creature replicated everywhere wear- For Love is about incest. ing each others` clothes, because there isn`t a The Oedipal complex is a well known psy- human woman on the planet who`s the product chological problem described by the founder of of her own `futanarian` penis` semen and host psychotherapy, Sigmund Freud (1856-1939) who womb to prevent men from watching themselves perceived that men`s story was Sophocles` dra- killing the products of the human species` host ma Oedipus Rex (c. 429 B.C.) in which Oedipus womb for `TV` entertainment. kills his father and marries his mother. Because The Gulf wars were men`s oil economy, so women can sexually reproduce with each other Heinlein explores Johann`s wearing a woman`s as `futanarian` womankind, with her own penis` clothes in what is effectively transvestism, semen and host womb, men`s incest taboo is because I Will Fear No Evil is about Jesus` rea- designed to thwart Jesus` precept `love your son for ruling with an `iron scepter`, which is to neighbor` to prevent daughters from sexually rule against male braining`s `TV wars` in favour desiring women, because they`re precluded from of women, like his mother, the Virgin Mary, who desiring sex with their mother. Oedipus kills his give birth to `futanarian` humans uncontaminat- father and marries his mother as an illustration of ed by male semen. Heinlein`s Gay Deciever car women`s tragedy, which is that men fight to pos- runs on water, which represents desire, slavery sess her and she isn`t their species. Consequent- and freedom to Moslem Arabians in the hot arid ly, what passes for socio-economics is womb desert regions of the Gulf, because desire for slavery of the host species for parasitism, which water is slavery to the desire for water, but free- requires that the indigenous race be kept at a low dom if the thirst for water is quenchable. The leg- level of technological development to maintain end associated with Chrysler cars` manufacturer its enslavement. Possessed of her own host is of the inventor who was paid for a water womb and with her own penis` semen for the sex- fuelled car that was never produced, because it`d ual reproduction of her own brains` powers, interfere with men`s socio-economy of low tech- woman`s Earth would have a human socio-econo- nology in which the basic pedal design of the my whereas men`s is that of the prototypical sci- automobile that hasn`t changed since the first ence fiction alien invader. Model T Ford came off the Detroit, Michigan, The Twin Towers of the World Trade Cen- production line in 1908 contributes to humani- tre, which opened in 1970, that is, the year of ty`s being kept in womb slavery to the oil men. publication for Heinlein`s I Will Fear No Evil, Because Heinlein`s novel, The Number Of were demolished on September 11, 2001, by Al The Beast, posits water as the fuel source for his Qaeda terrorists from Afghanistan crashing labor-saving car, he`s in tune with Arabian sensi- hijacked planes into them, because men`s evil bilities, because water is life and freedom from socio-economy is `rough trade`, that is, homosex- desire fulfilled, whereas oil is the bane of human ual `brutality and violence` associated with rich endeavor. Although Jesus is the Messiah in Chris- men who pay for men and boys in pederasty`s tianity, in Judaism `Messiah` is `Meshiah`, that wars to spread their contagion further. When is, Jesus sought to usher in the Meshiahn Age or ISIS emerged after the Gulf war to depose Iraq`s `machine age` of labor-saving high technology dictator, Saddam Hussein, for supporting Al Qae- through women`s own `futanarian` penis` semen da, Islam`s State for Iraq and Syria (2014) was a and host wombs` capacity for sexually reproduc- travesty of the Egyptian goddess Isis` true role of ing her own brains` powers for liberation. Hein- remembering the god, Osiris, after he is torn lein`s observation is that slavery to desire for apart and dismembered by Set, the evil god, and water is freedom, so humans who`re physically Isis collects the parts and gives him a new penis capable of only sustaining themselves orally and so Osiris is reborn as `the sky god`, Horus. Born sexually reproducing have desire fulfilled and so uncontaminated by male semen from his mother, freedom; if they have water. Consequently, slav- the Virgin Mary, Jesus has a new penis also. Con- ery is freedom, as socialist George Orwell satiri- sequently, male remembering is only male brain- cally pointed out in his dystopian science fiction ing, which may be described as transvestism, that satire, Nineteen Eighty Four (1948), of a British 27 Isles after WWII (1939-45) to defeat Nazism, in `woman`s seed` uncontaminated by male semen. which freedom is depicted as ineffable because Amongst Moslem the serpent of Eden isn`t water is plentiful and so unvalued: the fallen angel Lucifer, known as Satan who I could have turned you into a priestess. I was turned into the serpent of Eden by God after could have burned your fate in the sand. But it he and his angels rebelled, but Iblis the djinn really doesn't matter at all. No it really doesn't who refused to bow before Adam when it was matter at all, life's a gas.`7 explained that man was to replace the angelic British pop group T Rex`s post-war lyrics to hosts in God`s esteem. What Iblis didn`t under- `Life`s A Gas` (1971) reminisce upon the Jews stand was that Eve`s `seed` would emerge from `gassed` in the Nazi pogroms at `concentration her host womb after Eden, which was why Iblis camps`; for example, Belsen in Germany and (Satan) should have accepted Adam, and so Auschwitz in Poland. The brutality of the Islamic `Islam` means `accept` because men must accept State for Iraq and Syria (ISIS), which took its Eve`s `seed`. The distinction between angel and name from the goddess Isis, who remembered djinn is relevant to the Moslem adherents of the Osiris, and gave him a new penis as the `sky Koran, where Iblis` rejection of `woman`s seed` god` Horus, is T. Rex`s `priestess` of Ra `burned` appears in `The Cave` Sura, while for Christians into the desert sand, which men`s possession of djinn are demons and Satan is a fallen angel. atomic weapons suggests is their aim; as turning According to the Koran, God created men and the `chosen people` into gas after burning them women, djinn and angels, which means djinn are in ovens was the Nazi pogromers aim. Jews are creatures of the Earth, but Iblis is blamed for Eve born from Jewish women and can`t be born other- and Adam`s transgression in Islam, while in wise, which means Jews are women, that is, Christianity it`s Satan. Jesus` birth uncontaminated by male semen pre- The role of djinn in Arabian folklore is clear- figures their Resurrection as `futanarian` women est from the story of `Aladdin` in the 8th century with their own penis` semen and host wombs. anthology, One Thousand And One Nights, Isis is the priestess of Ra, who was Osiris which features an oil lamp from which a genie before he incarnated upon the Earth in the Egyp- emerges to grant boons when the lamp is rubbed. tian creator myth, so her fate is burned into the The analogy is of the electric light bulb, invented sand of the Middle East, as the `hidden` women by Thomas Edison in 1879, which requires the of the desert beneath their burkhas in public con- individual to switch on the lamp if they desire cealment from eyes that would pierce her light, that is, those who desire light are slaves of `futanarian` self`s secrets within the Moslem mar- the lamp, but they`re free, just as those who are riages of Islam, which are permitted four wives slaves to their desire for water live in freedom, in accordance with the principles of their holy because life is water and they desire not to die book, the Koran (610-30 C. E.), as it was dictat- from rejecting their slavery. If light is needed ed by the angels, according to tradition, to the from a lamp, someone must press the switch Prophet Mohamed more than six hundred years even though all benefit from the light, which after Jesus. The story of Isa and Miriam, the vir- makes all slaves of the lamp, whereas all are gin who gave birth to Isa (Jesus) uncontaminated unwilling slaves of the oil men if they won`t by male semen, is in the Koran, although Jesus` allow the level of technology to rise and save Ascension to heaven after the Resurrection that humans labor. prefigures the Resurrection of the `seed` of his In the Bible God told Adam he must labor mother, is bodily after the belief in Christianity and Eve would experience labor pain after Eden, that the Virgin Mary didn`t die but had Ascen- because enslavers want slaves and Eve`s pain sion, which is dogma in Catholicism since Pope would be her enslavement, before the birth of Pius XII`s papal decree of Mary`s `Assumption` Jesus uncontaminated by male semen signaled (1950), because it`s assumed women belong in woman`s Redemption and the future Resurrec- heaven, whereas men must be redeemed from the tion of her own `futanarian` human species` desire for death, as is illustrated by Jesus` cruci- `seed` through the sexual reproduction of her fixion and Resurrection as the new penis of the own brains` powers for labor saving by means of 28 her own penis` semen and host womb for her own penis` semen and host womb for sexually own socio-economic development and progress. reproducing her own brains` powers, which corre- Consequently, God`s exhortation to Adam and sponds to `djinn` or genius, to maintain oil slav- Eve following upon the warning of `perpetual ery in male brained damage. enmity` from the `serpent`s seed` prefigures the oil men`s enslaving of the human race in low 1 Heinlein, Robert A. I Will Fear No Evil, G. P. technology. The djinn from the oil lamp in Putnam`s Sons, 1970, Ch. 2. `Aladdin` represents Saladin, as Saddam is 2 Heinlein I Will Fear No Evil, Ch. 29. Adam, because Saladin was the Moslem who 3 Heinlein I Will Fear No Evil, Ch. 10. fought the Christians at the Battle of Hattin in 4 Heinlein, Robert A. Time Enough For Love, G. 1187 to prepare the way for the recapture of P. Putnam`s Sons, 1973, pp. 489-90. Jerusalem, and Adam was Saddam insofar as he 5 Heinlein, Robert A. To Sail Beyond The Sun- was the anti-Christ, who`d accepted the set, G. P Putnam`s Sons, 1987, pp. 44-5. `serpent`s seed` of men`s ambition to enslave 6 Heinlein, Robert A. The Number Of The Beast, those women who were free. Aladdin loses his Fawcett, 1980, Ch. 48. djinn when his wife accepts a `new lamps for 7 Bolan, Marc T. Rex `Life`s A Gas` Electric old` trade, which is a metaphor for how the Ara- Warrior, Fly, 1971. bian peoples of the oil rich Middle East nations gave up their freedom for oil slavery. When the Al Qaeda terrorists destroyed the Twin Towers of the World Trade Centre on September 11, 2001, it was another `rough trade`, where homosexual `brutality and vio- lence` in pederasty and war was the ambition pro- ducing ISIS, the Islamic State of Iraq and Syria. Islam has djinn, but Christianity has angels, that is, it`s another `rough trade` in equivalence designed to produce what the Moslem fundamen- talists call `Jihad` or `holy war` and Christianity calls `crusade`. Saladin`s was the Caliphate of Iraq and Syria as ISIS` Abu Bakr Al-Baghdadi`s Caliphate was, because Aladdin didn`t want a new oil lamp, he preferred his `mojo`, which rejected oil slavery as just another `rough trade` from the white slavers who bought Manhattan in 1626 from the Native Americans for beads, before enslaving black women from Africa to breed a 19th century workforce for their cotton plantations in the Southern United States after colonization of North America began in 1492 To Poets. when Christopher Columbus` ships under the orders of Queen Isabella of Spain to find new Always remember, land discovered America. The `mojo` of the Mid- dle East could save humanity there from slavery When reading aloud, to oil, which is why oil men call the djinn, that The bigger the words, is, the Arabian `mojo`, `demons`. The Arabians The smaller the crowd. make a distinction between djinn and the angels, because djinn are the genies, or genius of the Ray Nelson race, and so men kill and cull them as they`ve done with `futanarian` human women with their 29 On the Suspension of Disbelief Rich Lynch
A friend of mine, in the pages of a recent not insult our intelligence by depicting sto- SFPA mailing, made this comment about a ry lines that fly in the face of the ‘science’ recent horror-genre film: “Being prepared for the film is purportedlybased on. That Gravity some suspension of disbelief for a F or SF film is went on to win the Hugo Award for Best Dramat- fine, but Cabin in the Woods was built from the ic Presentation at the 2014 Worldcon can only be base of horror/slasher flicks and seemed to fit the attributed to that most potent of beverages, the trope for them quite well.” CGI Kool-Aid. With all its wonderful computer- Watching a fantasy or science fiction film or generated effects, Gravity was beautiful to television show requires a suspension of disbe- behold. But the premise and plot were as smelly lief. There do not exist any world-saving super- as a fresh pile of dog doo. heroes, nor any newly-discovered killer asteroids The success of Gravity probably means there the size of Texas, nor any sexy vampires who will be more films of its ilk, filled with beautiful speak with a southern accent (or any other kind special effects and bogus science. (Do we really of accent, for that matter). And yet, we are pre- want to see another Armageddon?) But it’s been pared to accept such a premise for the sake of demonstrated, many times, that it’s possible to entertainment. Up to a point, anyway. make a movie that is compelling, gorgeous to A really good genre film won’t go past that experience, and has believable (or at least plausi- point. It will posit a single fantastic element of ble) science. I hope that the upcoming Interstel- some kind, such as a flying saucer being discov- lar will be that kind of movie, especially since ered under arctic ice, and everything will follow it’s a project of Christopher Nolan, who brought from that. People behave in believable ways, us such quality genre films as The Prestige and and hardly any known laws of science or princi- Inception. ples of engineering get violated. In the end, our But I am not getting my hopes too high. willingness to suspend our disbelief to accept that single fantastic element will, we hope, be Rich Lynch rewarded by an enjoyable movie. It occurs to me that we do not, and should not, have a single standard for suspension of dis- belief for all fantasy and science fiction movies. I know I don’t. For any film based on a comic book, it pretty much requires that you have a tremendous level of suspension of disbelief in order to enjoy it. A guy in a metal suit which flies around rocket-propelled? Come on, now! And yet, it was enjoyable because the movie had some style to it, and we all pretty much gave it free pass that it was non-believable. But for films that are based on well-known science, like that stinker of a movie whose title begins with the letter ‘G’, there should be a much higher standard. Movies like this should 30 Indiana-ania: Back to the Avenue
Matt Howard
Indianapolis Jazz lived, worked and had their party. Where Sea The Masters, Legends and Legacy & D.D. Ferguson built their music empires. of Indiana Avenue David Baker, notes in his foreword “This David Leander Williams street was the heart and soul of the Indianapo- The History Press 2014 lis I knew.” And of the music it nurtured, Williams added “Music was a metaphor for Thirty years ago David Williams returned trails and tribu-lations that African Americans from Ethiopia to New Jersey and was boasting encountered. Contained within the lyrics of to his friends about the old jazz scene in his songs of many genres were the stories that native Indianapolis. One New Jerseyite with reflected the history of Indiana Avenue.” Such more ignorance than money offered $100 to as Edmonia Henderson’s “Brown-Skin Man” Williams if he could prove his “fantasy.” which was about “coloring,” which is the dis- Next time Williams was in Indianapolis he crimination within the negro communities checked the central library for books on Indi- between those of lighter and darker skin. That anapolis’ jazz heritage and could not find a sin- number ignited a controversy that had been gle one. As a result of this brief, unrequited brewing for sometime and still does, unfortu- search, he spent the next thirty years scouring nately. old newspapers and requesting interviews. As a But The Avenue was a place with “the result he has now produced the very book he laughter and merriment of neatly attired high- was originally looking for. stepping music lovers prancing down the Before going any further, let’s take up Avenue in cadence with the sounds of the metaphorical arms against that uniformed blues and jazz escaping from the Cotton Club. friend from the Garden State who certainly The hustle and bustle of everyday people hurry- should have known of such Hoosiers as Wes ing to and fro enjoying the ambiance and Montgomery, the finest and most individual warm handshakes and sincere hugs given and bass guitar player until Jimi Hendrix made it received by good folks happy to see one anoth- big. Or J.J. Johnson, one of the outstanding er.” musicians who helped create Miles Davis’ semi- Most performers from out of State, would nal Birth of the Cool. Or Grammy Award win- play for one night and then leave on the “next ning Freddie Hubbard. Or Leroy Vinnegar who thing smoking.” Whereas the “stay-at-homes” laid the bass on the first jazz LP to sell over a of The Avenue were only celebrated in black million copies. Or . . . well, you get the pic- Indianapolis but were not household names in ture even if our New Jersey friend didn’t. the jazz world, so Williams’ book has saved And where in Indianapolis did they all many from total obscurity. Like Noble Sissle come from? From the early 20th Century when who went on to produce Broadway musicals. it first, hit, jazz in Indianapolis WAS Indiana “Doc Wheeler” Morin who arranged the Ink Avenue. The Avenue. Where the black folks Spots’ mega-hit “If I Didn't Care,” and Buck 31 ‘n’ Bubbles, a tap dancing duo who were the more out- first blacks anywhere to appear on television. standing They performed in the inaugural program of musicians the world’s first live telecast from London in than 1936. Nashville There were those who should have been and famous, such as Flo Gavin, who in the early Liverpool ‘50s broke the racial barriers on local TV and combined. downtown nightclubs. Aretta La Marre who Such was once beat her room-mate in a New York his influ- singing contest. Her room-mate was Billie Holi- ence as a day. And saxophonist Jimmy Coe, who teacher. replaced Charlie Parker at Harlem’s Apollo As for Theater. During one of Coe’s solos, Parker David made a point of being in the front row and Williams, falling asleep. his writing Then there were the characters like Clark can sur- “Deacon” Hampton, father of “Slide” Hampton prise at and the Hampton Sisters, who during the jam times. In the opening chapter he refers to sessions in his basement would provide the “before segregation” but the explanation musicians with an extremely, sweet Kool-Aid doesn’t come until the book’s final pages when mix, concocted in his washtub. Guitarist Floyd he recalls “the changing racial attitudes of the Smith who at the age of ten was given a string- mid-to-late 1920s. Heretofore, both black and less ukulele. Unable to afford wire-strings he white students attended school together in rela- made replacements out of cotton strings tive harmony. “However, with the rise of the soaked in water. And drummer Willis Kirk who Ku Klux Klan and its fiery, racist leader D.C. at the age of fourteen joined the 440 Nightclub Stephenson, the Indianapolis School Board band by lowering the octaves of his voice and moved to total segregation” which is why Cris- painting a mustache above his upper-lip with pus Attucks High School was built. mascara. This history of Indy jazz spans from the ear- Those, and many many more, and all their ly 20th Century to 1970 when The Avenue fifteen minutes of fame are recorded in Indi- “died.” anapolis Jazz. Hopefully, someone will write a history of Two names, that were NOT jazz musicians, jazz in Naptown from 1970 on. After all, it that come up time and time again in Indi- would have to catalog an excellent jazz ensem- anapolis Jazz are Crispus Attucks and Russell ble named after Douglas Adams’ character Bee- Brown. Crispus Attucks was the black High blebrox which included drummer Dan Von- School close to The Avenue and Russell Brown negut who was distantly related to Kurt. was one of its music department instructors. The death of The Avenue was inflicted He’d stay late hours, all unpaid, with his stu- bythree harpies, according to Williams. High- dents, encouraging them to “testify” which way construction, illegal activities and urban meant to push themselves to the very limit of renewal. Highway I-70 severed the area in their artistic abilities. Reading Indianapolis 1973. Drugs, “sex-workers,” and especially Jazz, you get the impression he produced gambling, had always been in the background 32 on The Avenue but with middle-class flight, it came to the fore. The “Black Dollar” “which had circulated and recirculated on Indiana Avenue since before the Civil War, began to dis- appear.” In 1930 there were 332 businesses on Indiana Avenue, by 1970 there were just 78. Then IUPUI moved in, tearing down build- ings that included Crispus At- tucks and the expansive Lockefield Gardens Housing Develop- ment and replacing them with the Indiana Uni- versity & Purdue University in Indianapolis. The initials alone would have been enough to bury The Avenue. Now there are only twenty businesses or fewer on what is left of Indiana Avenue. The book itself starts out with fire and vig- or, with the explosion of jazz and blues, with the degradation of being black in first half of the 20th Century, but with Chapter Two on it slows to a pedestrian pace. Informative but pedestrian. And only rekindles belatedly in the second-half of the last chapter. So what could be said to be missing? ing an X across the State map and where it Firstly, a discography. Although that would crossed the capital would be. One small fault have easily doubled the length of the volume with this plan was where the X crossed was in and left David Williams tearing his hair out. part, flood land. Andthe part that flooded was Secondly, more about the clubs that fostered Indiana Avenue. So this was where the second- the jazz, places like the British Lounge, the poorest of the poor went to live. That is, the P&P Club, the Place to Play, and the Udell Tav- Irish-Americans and the Italian-Americans. ern. They ranged from the ritzy down to the Until a massive flood in the 19th Century desolate dives. One of the latter was The Hole brought with it a deadly plague of Malaria. in the Wall. That place was so dangerous that That was when the second-poorest of the poor folks will tell you the legend of the infamous moved out and the very poorest moved in. bank robber and murderer, John Dillinger, Those were the blacks, most of whom were ex- who swaggered in one day but having slaves, but they built the music scene on The assessed the level of the clientele, waited Avenue into one that the State and Nation for a tactical moment and beat a discretionary could be proud of. retreat. Thirdly, there really should have been Indianapolis Jazz is a slim volume, just 206 more than just the brief mention of The Av- pages, but at long, long last, we have a record enue’s only record company, All Indy of the vibrant time when The Avenue was alive Records.And the earliest history of The Avenue and the incredible musicians who called it isn’t there. The reason WHY The Avenue was home. Let’s hope Williams gets his $100. black. This dates back to 1820 when the posi- tion of Indiana’s capital was decided by draw- 33 Crotchety Critic By Michaele Jordan The Golem and the Jinni by Helene Wecker
The Golem and the Jinni faithful and obedient, despite by Helen Wecker (Harper, his distinct lack of personal 2013) first came to my atten- attractions. He approached a tion as a candidate for the well known local sorcerer of Nebula award. As you may dubious character and gave recall (or maybe not, it was, him a lot of money to make after all, four months ago) I her pretty and—rather to the was quite swamped by the sorcerer's sur- sheer volume of Nebula candi- prise—intelligent and curious dates and potential Hugo nom- (to remind him of his late sis- inees, and had to triage my ter). reading. Many of the Nebula The sorcerer was not nominees—including The interested in protecting the Golem and the Jinni—were shtetl or saving the Jews set aside, half finished, until either. He was not even con- after the voting, as I narrowed cerned that the golem would the field to one.. Well, the probably end up destroying Nebulas (and the Hugos, too) her master, since that was are over, so it's time to start what golems did. He was, talking about some of the however, intrigued by the books that didn't win. magical challenge, and In this crotchety critic's accepted the commission. mind, there were only two real candidates for the That's already more about the sorcerer than you Hugo, but not so, the Nebula. I may have fallen would need to know just for the sake of exposi- in love with one, but there were a number of seri- tion, so you may trust that he will reappear later. ous contenders. Out of a field of nine (nine!?!) The golem's owner was warned not to awak- nominees, there were five that I would not have en her before arriving in America, as she was been disappointed to see win. I've already talked likely to draw unwelcome attention. In accor- about Neptune's Brood and We Are All Complete- dance with classic literary tradition, he promptly ly Beside Ourselves. Since Ancillary Justice took disobeys, sneaking down to the hold to whisper the Hugo, you probably don't need me to recom- the secret word to a cargo crate. And a good mend it. That leaves The Golem and the Jinni thing, too, as he dies shortly afterwards of appen- and Hild. I'll probably tell you about Hild next dicitis. time. So there she is in the Lower East Side, not As you will have guessed from the title, The just alone, but masterless. A masterless golem is Golem and the Jinni focuses on two protagonists, a dangerous thing, as numerous rabbis remark. neither of them human. The golem is not typical. But Chava, as she comes to be called, does not She was a custom order, made in Poland for a seem dangerous. Just the opposite—she is lonely man who was not interested in protecting his and frightened. Frightened of what, you might shtetl or saving the Jews. He only wanted a wife ask, when she has no physical needs and is virtu- to take with him to America, and who would be ally indestructible? She's afraid of being useless 34 and unwanted. She is afraid of making mistakes. Chava and Ahmad. She is afraid of being noticed—although no one I've talked about the principles, but the sup- she meets notices any more than that she's a little porting cast is large and lifelike. Each brings a odd. She is generally accepted as a good and hon- thread into a complex story that I will not est woman. attempt to describe. The Lower East Side is fluid- And she is driven to assist the unfortunate. ly evoked, with its stew of colliding cultures. Ms. Wecker proposes that a golem would need a Ms. Wecker's voice is smooth and convincing. way of communicating with its master beyond There are a few little, unimportant flaws. mere speech, a means of sensing the will of its One of the narrative streams concerns the jinni's creator. So she gifts Chava with a telepathic background. I should, I suppose, have expected empathy, enabling her to hear the needs and it to be such—certainly Ms. Wecker thought I wants of those around her. If Chava still had her would—but once the reality of jinn was estab- master, his needs and wants would drown out all lished, the possibility of multiple jinn was others, but in his absence, Chava is haunted by implied, and it took me awhile to grasp that the the endless hungry voices of the tenement. second jinni to appear was not a separate jinni, A few neighborhoods over in the Syrian but an earlier instance of the protagonist. The enclave, a tinsmith is asked to repair a battered evil sorcerer—the least convincing of the charac- old copper bottle. Beneath the dents, it's a pretty ters—was a bit over the top. But, I repeat, these thing, a family heirloom. I don't have to remind were not important. I enjoyed this book and I any of you what lurks in old bottles, according to think you would, too. every Persian fairy tale. Ahmed—another adopted nom de guerre, as his true name is unpronounceable—is the com- plete opposite of Chava. She is submissive, designed specifically be obedient. She remem- bers her servitude with longing, desires the stabil- ity, the security, the peace of being someone's property. Morality appeals to her with its orderly rules, and well-intentioned ends. Not so Ahmed. He does not remember how he came to be in the bottle but he hates whoever put him there. He is not even accustomed to the limitations of shape—he has an iron bracelet on one wrist which binds him to human form. He chafes at the restraint like an animal in a trap. Although he still possesses considerable pow- er—he can melt metal with his hands, for instance—he yearns for all the things he can no longer be. He cares nothing for human conven- tion or well-being. He, too, has no physical needs and is virtually indestructible, which—for him—means consequences are meaningless. Earth and fire, they may be, but they are both elementals adrift in a human world, and they form a friendship in which they argue constantly, challenging and teaching each other as they do so. Meanwhile they remain every bit as entan- gled as humans in the web of human society around them, a swarm of immigrants confronting an environment almost as alien to them as it is to 35 How Many Adults Does It Take? Sheryl Birkhead
The group I help out has a“clinic” paid the bill) when she first came in every Sunday. All the animals are in but I never saw her—until now. foster homes, so I, eventually, see Skinny was due for routine vaccina- them all. The location is in a garage tions and an exam so I pulled out at a multi-million dollar home. The her folder and looked at the page of homeowner graciously offered the notes from the other vet. Oops. No space, then put in carpeting, provid- one had followed Up. ed space heaters in the winter and a Sure enough, the ear hematoma window air conditioner in the sum- (huge “bruise” between the layers of mer. They moved in a desk and the ear pinna uh, well, the ear) was brought the office furniture from the trying to resorb and become what, shelter (put in storage when it in a boxer, is called a cauliflower closed down). So this is not a regu- ear as the external ear gets more lar garage. lumpy bumpy and smaller. It also The intake bottleneck is now fos- means that the ear canal, while prob- ter homes. Unfortunately, with the ably normal further in, gets more economic upheavals, adopting is and more restrictive. Minnie was down so the cute cuddly kittens are not happy with me. I put a little liq- now several year old adults and uid in that ear and used a cotton keeping homes from taking in more tipped wooden applicator (aka Q- animals. As a result, I take what I tip) and got a huge ass of almost can get for help: help in holding, black gunk (very scientific there) help in writing/updating records out. I put it in a baggy to take home and, well?um, er—help is extricating and make a slide. FYI, it was just a would be (with any luck) escapees. massive blob of thickening ear wax In early July that Sunday there that could not drain. were only two appointments. This In the process of checking the usually means I’ll have time to ears, I lost my focus (and my grasp). update records and makes sure fos- She bounded off the exam table and ters who need to bring their charges shot between the desk and the in have been notified. It usually tallest upright cabinet. Since no one means that. else seemed interested in doing any- The first cat was an adult. Her thing, I went after her. About name is Skinny Minnie although halfway into the hole she had used, she is not. She came into the system I felt a crack and a sharp pain. At as Skinny and the volunteers felt the time, I wondered if I had broken that was not a dignified name. At a rib but in retrospect it must have least Skinny Minnie sounds similar. just been a strain. It hurt, but it She had come to the group more didn't hurt and I could still breathe. than a year earlier, but this was my I managed to follow her just far first opportunity to examine and enough to get stuck at the 90 degree treat her. I was told that the reason angle between the desk and the was that she was still scared and not wall. Just because I had to stop easy to handle. The foster had taken didn't mean Minnie needed to stop. Skinny to her own veterinarian (and She plowed on until she got past the 36 desk and got fully stuck at the small on the desk side) beside that same refrigerator. She had no choice but cabinet that had housed Skinny for to stop. What we did was to simply a short while just minutes ago. Once cover her with a small towel and a again, no one moved. gently as possible pull her free. Luck- Now, there is no way on earth ily she is a nice cat, just scared to that Minnie could have gotten into death, and we were going very slow- the small space, but Claudette man- ly. aged. I hoped someone would offer Okay, I took the path of least to try to figure out some way to resistance (and I still hurt) figuring move the cabinet, but no one did. I she would be much happier if we took in a deep (well as deep as it referred her to a clinic where she was only moderately painful) breath could be sedated instead of just terri- and started working on it myself. I fied. had to rock each side and twist hop- Right. Move on to the pair of ing she would panic and run like small kittens that were last on the mad behind the desk. She didn’t. I list, Cary and Claudette. The foster kept rocking the cabinet and twist- had only one carrier since they were ing until there was enough open both very small and huddled togeth- space to get behind—just as she er in fear, pupils as big as they shot past the desk and the refrigera- could physically get. Anne gently tor back. No, wait a minute, no kit- took Cary out of the soft carrier. ten scooted across the room from Ahhhhhhm what a love bug! beside the refrigerator. Hmmm . . . Since these two were supposed I stretched as best I could and to be littermates, before I created a asked for someone else to do as I potential treatment plan, I wanted to asked; find some spot to get a look do the physical exam on both and from the top and see if what I really be sure they were developmentally really hoped was a bottle brush par- at the same spot. Cary is a long tially sticking out of the refrigerator haired gray tabby and he just condenser. One of the adults peered absorbed all the skritches and pats past the glassed-in cabinet on the the four adults plus one High School non-desk side if the refrigerator and student could bestow on him. The opined that she did not think it was toughest part of the exam was trying a brush. Rats, I simply could not do to hear his heart through his jet the pushing and stretching that engine level purr. would be needed if Claudette was Lulled into a false sense of securi- wedged in there. When the SPCA ty, I let the student continue holding had a shelter, one of the adult cats Cary and asked the foster to bring had actually gotten behind the full Claudette. She is a gorgeous brown sized refrigerator and wedged her- and cream long-haired—and in all self in the condenser. It doesn’t take honesty, that is about all I can say. too much imagination to figure out As the foster carried the carrier to we had to unplug the appliance and the exam table (rather than actually dismantle whole back. Luckily both carrying the kitten), I should have cat and refrigerator survived; the glommed onto something being not refrigerator not so good. This was a the same. small fridge, so maybe things would The foster got the kitten to the not be so complicated? table where Claudette did a half I guessed we would at least have gainer, pushed off from the edge of to pull the refrigerator out and see if the exam table and shot (airborne) we could convince the kitten to through the wall crack (instead of come out. If she could come out 37 without assistance of some sort. I would have none of it and I valued stood back, being more of a liability my fingers too much to keep going. right now as far as moving rapidly That was it, I’d had it. The kitten was concerned. It was confirmed won and I was giving her one in the that the bottle brush was the kitten. win column. I took the path of least The small refrigerator was pulled resistance and told the foster to partly past the desk schedule them back in when and—ooops—no one grabbed quite Claudette was, um, friendlier. The fast enough. Caludette shot past the foster agreed, carried tupperware + knot of adults (the High School stu- kitten to the carrier and zipped her dent was still sitting totally still on back into her safe haven. All the one of the chairs holding Cary) and- humans in the room crowded -oh please please don’t let her get around, only to be amazed as behind the really big food cabinet Caludette smacked the crap out of that had that same gap between her brother who was just sitting inno- its side and the wall. No way that cently in the back of the carrier. He thing was moving. could not move fast enough trying Every person in the room stood to get out of the crazy one’s reach. stock still. The foster looked at me As foster and carrier faded into the and asked, “Would you like me to sunset each kitten was firmly get her in her Tupperware?” ensconced at opposite ends of the Huh? mesh carrier. She opened the carrier and About the best I can say is that no pulled out a rather small—yes— one got really hurt. Cary got trauma- Tupperware container sans top. tized, but there was no claws or Claudette rocketed across the room teeth incident. and stopped dead. Everyone (As an update. I saw the pair watched in amazement as the foster this past weekend.if you are a reg- offered the box to the kitten, telling ular reader of TRF, you may her how really great it would be if recall the Clipnosis story. Yup, got she would get in and . . . Sure a chance to use it again. All that I enough, in she went. I kid you not, managed to do was silently any larger and a shoehorn would approach from behind and vacci- have been needed. She curled up in nate, not even an attempt at an it as the foster picked it up and put exam. Oooh, she was furious, but the container on the exam table. couldn't quite break through the Now you’d think all the excitement effects of the “restraint aid”. We would be over at this point—and are going to try again in a few you would be wrong. weeks, but I seriously doubt any I moved the stethoscope head exam will take place then either. I toward her and she poked her head will need to access her right hind up, fangs bared obviously daring me to come close enough for a little leg for a rabies vaccination before blood letting. I rocked back on my she can twist around and nail heels and she just glared at me. I me. We shall see if the Clipnosis asked the foster if she could handle will come to the rescue again) the kitten. No. We were at an impasse. I did weigh kitten and tup- perware, but without a weight on the container, still have no idea what she actually weighed. I tried to reach, slowly, for her scruff but she 38 Let Them Have Their Say
From: Ned Brooks way, an omnipotent God could Cuyler Warnell Brooks Jr have done it last week - and it 4817 Dean Lane - Lilburn would include all the evidence of Georgia 30047 a Big Bang. I think Basiago is just promot- July 17, 2014 ing himself.... There is no doubt that physicists in several laborato- Dear Tom, ries have done experiments that suggest the possibility of time Thanks for the Reluctant travel or teleportation - of sub- Famulus 100! Not many fanzines atomic particles. But this has run than long. Yandro of course, nothing to do with Nicola Tesla; and Fantasy Times (but most his ”radiant energy“ was electro- issues of that were in the 6.10 page range). In 50 magnetic energy. His idea that such energy could years I have not gotten up to 100 issues total of be transmitted without wires is quite correct - it various genzines. happens all around us all the time. But no way I don't see any particular reason to believe or has been found to distribute megawatt-level pow- disbelieve the “Big Bang Theory”. The circum- er to home and factories without wires. The aver- stantial evidence is apparently convincing to a age house wants power in the 1 kw to 5 kw lot of (but not all) people who seem qualified to range, depending on what is running, so this sub- understand it. It reminds me of the old joke about division must run about a megawatt peak. Tesla the man who said “Everyone should believe in seems to have thought that with enough transmis- something - I believe I'll have another drink!” sion towers there could be a ”standing wave“ of The thing is that his belief led to useful action - electromagnetic energy from which users could my uninformed “belief' in the Big Bang Theory draw what they needed with the right ”antenna“. would lead nowhere. Some focused polls on H. P. Lovecraft always claimed that he was what people believe can yield useful date - writing science fiction. His Cthulhu (one of a though the result depends a lot on how the ques- pantheon of Great Old Ones) is only tion is formatted. But sampling belief of the “malevolent” in the sense of lacking any human ”man in the street“ in the Big Bang Theory morality or concern; just like any giant squid. seems a waste of time to me. We are often told But Cthulhu is a demigod, so that if he (it?) that some large fraction of the populace believes awoke and rose into our world, horror would that Obama is a Muslim and/or was born in ensue. I like the Cthulhu Mythos stories; the Kenya - the facts must be a little more subject to plots generally involve a mad scientist thinking rational proof than the evidence for the Big Bang he can get personal power by contact with one of Theory, though either way, for most of us, the these trans-dimensional entities, and it always evidence can only be anecdotal. But ideas about ends badly. The basic idea came from the Obama do at least have political weight. medieval “deal with he devil” stories - but HPL’s You suggest that belief in the Big Bang may style and theology are unique. have theological implications - I suppose it must I had no idea that Ray Nelson was still for fundamentalists who believe that the world around, or that he had done illos for a play based was created in full working order (did Adam on Mark Twain stories! Sounds great. I see that it have a navel? Did the Tree of the Knowledge of can be found on Amazon. Good and Evil have growth rings?) around 4000 I am surprised that Dave Rowe was bothered BC. And of course, if the world was created that that a “fillo” had nothing to do with the adjacent 39 text; this has been common in fanzines for dec- are due more to the politics of people rather than ades. Alice found her sister’s book very dull with- rationality. That and either laziness or refusal to out “pictures or conversations”, and so do many determine the truth.// “Belief in the Big Bang fans; a page of solid text is not as attractive as a may have theological implications . . .” I’m not page broken up with an illo. Even the New York- sure I had that in mind, at least not conscious- er knows this; a page that doesn’t have a cartoon ly.//You could be correct about Basiago and self- will still have a tiny color illo. promotion. Others have come up with equally I have seen the transient geese here in empty implausible and bizarre claims. They know there lots in the creek bottom at the bottom of the hill. are plenty of gullible people who will believe They did not seem to bother anyone. The road such things without questioning them. It’s possi- between the lots is 25 mph and ends in a T any- ble Basiago came up with the Tesla connection way. More hazardous on the subdivision streets all on his own. I wonder if Tesla decided his ener- are the deer; a doe and a fawn ran across in front gy transmission was infeasible or impracti- of my car this week, late at night. The problem is cal.//Yeah, I’ve often heard Lovecraft’s claim that, as usual, there was a jackass riding my and if I recall correctly, his Elder Gods or Great bumper; any speed limit sign is apparently an Old Ones came to Earth from some (obviously) insult to their Nascarity. distant planet. Even though Cthulhu and the oth- Joe Major is quite right that Tesla’s multi- ers seem like something from a horror story the phase AC system (which the entire world now mythos could be considered at least borderline uses) can be represented using diagrams in the SF. After all, other writers have written alien complex plane, where the horizontal axis is invasion stories that are considered SF.// Oh yes, “real” and the vertical axis is “imaginary” (that Ray Nelson is still around and still active, as is, multiples of But this is just a trick to simpli- some of his works are in this issue. For which I fy calculations. Complex numbers get much thank him a thousand times.// Regarding Dave’s weirder than is needed for that purpose. comment about fillos: You beat me to it. In read- ing the latest issue of The New Yorker I noticed Page 42 needed a header. Did I miss Ch. I of fillos (and in a couple of instances, poetry) that the Book of Leavings, the creation myth? Funny didn’t seem to have a thing to do with the arti- stuff, but your local Baptists might take it the cle.// Regarding your comment on deer: We have wrong way. the same problem on the dead-end side road on which we live. I’ve learned to drive very slowy [[I knew Yandro had been around a long time. I night and day to avoid a collision with one of had heard good things about it and wrote to them. Either speed limit signs are an insult or Buck to get a copy of the latest issue. Unfortu- something for those kinds of drivers to ignore, as nately for me he and Juanita had ceased publica- so many do.// The following is an interesting tion. But he did send me a couple of back issues. coincidence which may seem improbable.]] I wish I could latch onto some more but I suspect I never will.//I don’t see a reason to believe or disbelieve the Big Bang Theory either. Especially From: Ray Nelson since there are a lot of really smart people who do understand the theory. I hadn’t heard that July 18, 2014 joke in a long time and had forgotten it until you quoted it. It seems to me that most polls of any I see our attention is turning toward the kind are flawed in one way or another because theme of Parallel Universes. As you probably of the way questions are asked, the kinds of peo- know, that was the philosophical underpinning ple asked (ones the pollsters feel confident will for my science fiction novel, “Time Quest.” support the issue), and other reasons. Then too, There I posited that travel from one universe to to me, the number of people polled doesn’t seem another was accomplished, not by any mechani- large enough to get accurate results. Yeah. I sus- cal or material means, but by mental, even spiritu- pect the varying beliefs about President Obama al means. I chose that idea because in my private 40 universe, all possible uni- the fact that my memo- verses exist in our imagi- ries can be unreli- nations and nowhere able—at least most of else. That includes the what I can remember. universe we like to call There’s a lot of my reality. Does any form past that I don’t remem- of the past really exist? I ber no matter how don't think so. much I’d like to.]] What we like to call the past is not a material thing, but just a collec- From: Kim Neidigh tion of memories, which any trial lawyer can tell you are unreliable, and documents, which may July 20, 2014 be forged or deliberate lies. Today, with the advent of computer animation, it has become all Dear Tom, too easy to make photographs lie. Most treat- ments of time travel assume that time is a sort of While there may be evidence for the Big river, and that something real exists upstream Bang, there is no way of ever knowing how or and downstream, that if you have the right sort of why it occurred. Like talk of parallel and multi- boat, you can sail either way, or even sail off the ple universes, this is all wild speculation on the mainstream and up and down some tributary. part of certain scientists who cannot accept their That time is not a material thing, but a creation own ignorance. There is a difference between sci- of the human imagination, is also the philosophi- ence and science fiction. cal underpinning for my Richard Blade novels. Speaking of which, have you noticed how sci- Well, if it turns out I am wrong, at least my theo- ence fiction, a term intended to imply a scientific ry makes for a great plot device. basis to the story, have been broadened to include any fiction work not considered main- Ray Nelson stream? Paperback books labeled as SF feature covers with dragons, elves, ghosts, warrior wom- en with tattoos, etc. My library has works by Asi- [[ I’m ashamed to admit that I didn’t know about mov and Heinlein on the same shelves as Jim your novel Time Quest. There are so many good Butcher, Tim Lahaye, and Tolkein. Is it any won- SF novels out there that it’s difficult to keep up der people are confused? By the way, The Hand- with them. But I’ll soon have a copy of Time maid’s Tale is in the general fiction section. Quest and your Richard Blade novels. They’re the sort of thing I like to read.// If you mean a Yours, physical form of the past to which a traveler Kim could return in a time machine, probably not. I would think—and I suspect someone will dis- [[That’s why it’s called a theory. And yet, physi- agree—that such evidence as old photos from a cists and astronomers base it on observations century and a half ago, what we presume are old they had made and on mathematics by their cal- paintings, statues, the ruins of abandoned cities, culations. But the idea that there once was noth- and such would be proof there was a past. Even ing (whatever that is) and then, somehow, this if there wasn’t a tangible past to which we could unbelievably small compacted mass, or point, return and where we could wander along old suddenly appeared in the nothingness and in an roads and streets among people who lived there incredibly small fraction of time imaginable at that time. The question of whether the past expanded to a fantastic size and is still an and time are real is a fascinating one and one expanding (so far) universe.// It’s a shame how that may never be satisfactorily solved. It’s a sub- SF has apparently come to encompass literature ject that may continue to be debated well into the that doesn’t have much, if any, scientific basis or future when our days are its past. I can attest to possible scientific basis. But it’s really all a mat- 41 ter of making money by presenting a product tioned a recent scientific paper that said that time intended to attract as large a consumer base as travel is impossible, brought up this old observa- it can. I read The Handmaid’s Tale way back tion/joke: We actually are ALL capable of time when but I didn’t think of it as general fiction. travel, and we do it all the time. It’s just that we My reaction was more of a “seen that, read that, are doing it in only one direction, into the future. nothing really new here”. I didn’t think there was In the crazy conspiracy section, you quote any-thing new or unusual in it. In a way I almost Andrew “Sure I’m Crazy, But You Can’t Prove agree that The Handmaid’s Tale deserves to be It” Basiago as saying in his own time traveling: in the general fiction section.]] “. . . I twice ran into myself during two different visits . . .” Reminded me of one of the best books From: Brad Foster I’ve ever read on time travel, David Gerrold’s “The Man Who Folded Himself” from back in July 21, 2014 1973. It was nominated for both Hugo and Nebu- Greetings Tom~ la as best novel when it came out. By the end of the novel, there are multiple alternate versions of So, have you started planning for issue 500 himself all through time, interacting with each yet? other in amazing ways. If you’ve not read it, I First, I was impressed by that long list of highly recommend it. artist contributors you had to this issue. I was Oh, and was curious if the final bit of your thinking how you had managed to make the opening editorial was referring to my own little “special” of your 100th issue where you intro- cartoon image there at the end? Because, if it duced a new crop of fan artists to us all. But, was, I would like to point out that that particular darn it, just giving credit where credit was due fillo actually did have something to do with your on the photos and clip art. Ah, the fanzine-fan piece, tying in with all the conspiracy theory artist, a dying breed indeed. stuff in a humorous way. Really, it does! I knew Sorry you had all the production problems in you would be writing that stuff because of my getting together the collection of past covers. own time travel adventures, and thus created that But, to be honest, I think I prefer that you ended in the future as a comment on it, then came back up having to actually create the cover yourself to the past to send it to you, so you would print it for this issue. Your zine, your design. (I’m assum- in the present. It all makes perfect sense! ing not actually your art there, too wide a variety (Besides, they are called “fillos” for a reason, of styles, so looking at that as you did kind of a rather than illos. They are designed to fill-in “collage” piece of found images.) And glad you those blank spaces that show up now and then in were able to finally rescue those files, interesting a layout. They don’t necessarily have to relate to looking through the thumbnails over the years, the text on the page, any more than a cartoon in seeing you shift from all b&w to being able to the New Yorker has to relate to the text there. use color, etc. Some of those are easier to see Fun is fun! than others, must have depended on original size While I was reading it, I would have sworn of the file. But, still kinda cool to see them all. that Eric’s long “Who DID Saw Courtney’s Had a question though: you mentioned now Boat?” was just a long, inventive shaggy-dog sto- going into “second quarter century” with the zine ry. Then went and looked up some of the refer- now. But when exactly did you put out that very ences, and damned if those people and events first issue? Your future biographers will want to didn’t actually occur. (I didn’t check every single know! item in it, but enough to know it’s not totally As for your editorial question on why a large pulled out of thin air.) Truth. It’s indeed stranger number of Americans reject the present Big than fiction. Bang theory, I would like to cast a vote for “re- Okay, on to the next hundred! ligious fundamentalism” as being a pretty large part of that. stay happy~ Oh, and later in the editorial, when you men- Brad 42 offer for a one year subscription Brad W Foster and took them up on their offer. PO Box 165246, Irving, TX It was after having read the first 75016 [email protected] issue that I noticed exactly what you and Ned pointed out. It was [[Issue 500!!! Good God, Ger- something I hadn’t realized way tie. I was lucky to start plan- back then, before I started pub- ning for TRF 101, and 102 is lishing a fanzine. It’s nice to merely a dim gleam in the back know I was exonerated for what of my mind. Issue 500! The I’ve been doing.// That’s why chances are strong that I’ll not people keep saying truth is be around long enough for that. stranger than fiction—because I don’t have Dr. Who’s Tardis.// it often is.]] “. . . a dying breed . . .” indeed. Lord love a duck—I sincerely hope not! At least From: Fred Moe not in my lifetime.// Getting the covers collection to work was a near disaster but I was determined July 22, 2014 to solve the problem somehow. As I’ve men- tioned in passing before I can’t draw worth a Greetings, Tom ? damn no matter how hard I try. So the extent of my artistic ability—such as it is—consists of cre- What a treat to see the gallery of all 100 cov- ating collages with a theme of some sort. I’m ers of The Reluctant Famulus. May there be 100 really thankful for royalty-free or public domain more to follow! Though I have read only a dozen art. I wasn’t happy with the way some of the cov- issues, receiving your journal is something I ers turned out in spite of my efforts. I tried all the have looked forward to every two months, there enhancements my graphics program was capable is always a plethora of fascinating material to of but they failed to be sufficient. I had scanned absorb. them all and I thought they’d be fairly uniform in This time around, Geoff Lardner-Burke’s quality but I was greatly mistaken. In answer to tome on the Agapemone group caught my eye. your question, the first issue appeared in Decem- What a novel idea of dealing with the Day of ber 1988.// Yes, I agree that religious fundamen- Judgment (as most of their sects revolve around talism plays a large role in the rejection of the end of the world scenarios). Somerset must have Big Bang theory. Yet what the Bible claims been a colorful community during the Agape- seems just as difficult to believe.// I remember mone’s heyday. that joke. Indeed there is time travel but it’s a The existence of something like DARPA is one-way journey from the past to the future, as quite plausible. If such technologies/ projects/ far as we know. That is, of course, if time is even magic exists, our government would certainly real (See Ray Nelson’s loc). I confess I haven’t not tell us. While it may be true that if two peo- read The Man Who Folded Himself but I’ll make ple know something, it’s not a secret often the a point of adding it to the list or books to be reality of “conspiracies” is hidden in plain sight. acquired.// It’s possible I may have had you in Photographic evidence of like Lee Harvey mind but if so it wasn’t a conscious thought. You Oswald standing in the doorway of the Texas had time travel adventures! Let us in on some of School Book Depository at the moment of JFK’s them. They probably make more sense that Basia- shooting and being mistaken for Billy Lovelady. go’s.// I agree with you—and Ned—about the use Here’s to many more issues of your crazy lit- of fillos. That’s why I bung them in whenever tle magazine-like thingy. there’s an unexpected off blank space. And you’re the second one to mention The New York- [[ Thank you for your kind words. I do the best I er. I had skimmed through an issue or two a long can within my limited abilities. And thank you time ago out of curiosity. Recently I received an for all the unusual and interesting little journals 43 or magazines you included with your loc. I read Twain. My own interests are in Sir Walter Scott, them all and they showed me a microcosmic Wilkie Collins, Robert Louis Stevenson and Rud- world about which I was ignorant until now.// yard Kipling. Fortunately I have a friend who TRF is considered a fanzine and specifically (but has gifted me with complete sets of these nominally) a SF fanzine. Every now and then SF authors, except for Scott. I already had a set of is at least mentioned.]] Scott. So rather than delve into their lives, I have all of their writing output to get through. From: Frank Denton Although I do have a set of Lockhart’s Life of Scott. No doubt that when I depart, there will 14654 8th Ave. S.W. still be volumes unread. Along with Michael Burien, WA 98166 Moorcock’s fifteen volumes of his Eternal Cham- July 29, 2014 pion. And then there is always Eden Philpotts eighteen novels set on Dartmoor. Each novel is Dear Tom, set in a different village on Dartmoor. Pretty Congratulations on your 100th issue of TRF. much forgotten now, except by an interested con- The compilation of the 100 covers was brilliant. tingent, Philpotts was a very popular author. The It not only gave us an overview of your cover art first of his 125 novels was published in 1891 and but also was a tribute to the artists who contribut- the last in 1959, a year before his death. ed it. And subtly, I suppose, a slight congratula- Enough. Congratulations once again. Cheers, tions to yourself for persevering. At the height of my own zining, I don’t think I got beyond the Frank Denton 60s. Please continue and continue to enjoy. That’s what it’s all about for you and your read- [[ Thank you for your congratulations and com- ers. ments. They’re much appreciated. I gradually I’ve been doing an absolutely mindless thing, came to realize that the cover artists all deserved listing books of short stories in my collection and some sort of acknowledgment or tribute for their their contents. How did I ever acquire ninety- work and when a thumbnail display of them was four volumes, so many over the years. That’s suggested to me I took advantage of it. I continue almost 4500 stories. In so doing I ran across a to be in awe of their talent and ability to create listing for one Thomas Sadler in a collection enti- the original and marvelous works they do. I wish tled Witches and Warlocks. The story was “Fat I was capable of that but, dammit, I’m not.// I’m Chance.” Might that possibly be you? surprised that I managed to publish as many as Recently the History Channel had a show fifty issues. I’ll continue for as long as I can and about the 9-11 conspiracy theory in which they if I don’t run out of material of my own or my debunked every statement that the theorists have contributors venture on to better publications.// made. I was amazed that three young college age That was indeed my story. Nothing really spectac- students were so involved in maintaining the the- ular but I hope it was read by at least two or ories. You listed several conspiracy theories that three people who might have found it at least a I had never heard of. I think you’ve got to be a lit- bit amusing. That was my fifteen seconds of tle weird to get into such stuff. fame. If you ever come across another Marvin Who sawed Courtney’s boat?: This was a Kay anthology, Lovers and Other Monsters, very popular phrase in fanzines back in the 80s. there’s another story by me in it. It’s quite differ- Mostly used to fill the bottom of a column when ent in tone than Fat Chance.// I skimmed over the editor was going to a new paragraph or a dif- parts of the 9/11 theory. There seemed to be a ferent topic on the next page. “It’s Eney’s fault” good amount of technical bit in it and it seems and “Ed Cox doodle here” were a couple of other almost reasonable but I’m skeptical about it and phrases used for such purposes. It’s nice to learn can’t bring myself to take it seriously. I think I how the phrase started, but can anyone tell me have as much right not to believe such things as when or where it was first used in fanzines? those who do take them as the truth. I find many I admire your continuing interest in Mark of them interesting and entertaining but give lit- 44 tle credence to them. Some nit-pickers They’re examples of the may point out the word outré improbable things “multiverse” was first humans can conceive. used in 1895 by William As for the weird part, James but that was in aside from my minor connection with ethics interest in that topic, I “Visible universe is all admit being weird to plasticity and indiffer- some people.// Well ence, a multiverse, as some people have obsessions—uh, interests in one might call it, and not a universe.” certain writers and learn all they can about Good to see that Sheryl gave the correct them. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with English name for Branca canadensis which is that. Your choice of writers is, to me, a good Canada Goose (not that anything less could be one; they’re all worth the time. My interest tends expected of Sheryl), whereas most people call more to Collins and Stevenson but that's my per- the bird by the misnomer, Canadian Goose. sonal taste. I’ve never heard of Eden Phillpotts. With regard to Who DID Saw Courtney’s I’d be tempted to look for and read some of his Boat. There is an obscure 1986 film about Court- works but I doubt I’d try for all 125. I collect ney’s rival, Ned Halan, entitled The Boy In Blue enough books as it is. I just checked Project starring Nicholas Cage in the title role. If Charles Gutenberg and found Eden Phillpotts listed. Courtney is in there, the role is either a non- There are nine of his works which are obviously speaking part or his name was changed. in the public domain. So I'll go back later and Not everyone shares Michaele’s love of download those novels to see what his writing is Joyce Carol Oates’ writing. Gore Vidal once pro- like. But as for the rest . . .]] claimed that the saddest words in the English lan- guage were Joyce Carol Oates. From: Dave Rowe One of the most enduring qualities of TRF Dave Rowe originates from its enthusiast on history. That is 8288 W Shelby State Road 44 to say the quotes of archaic English such as Franklin IN 46131-9211 “Freshly scalped heads reeking with smoke, 2014-Aug-2 which in the heavy morning frost looked like so many pumpkins through a cornfield in Decem- Congratulations Centurion Sadler, ber,” “I understand that you assume the author- On reaching the benchmark of 100 issues. ship of that article” and “a tin-horn thimble rig- Not many fans can claim that! ger.” Phrases you just don’t use today. Just think, a whole hundred issues of typos. Again, CONGRATULATIONS on reaching The favorite one in TRF 100 was “10,002 Arabi- 100. It used to be you were constantly apologiz- an Nights.” Poor Scherezade, having to tell a ing, nowadays you’ve switched gears to self- new tale every night for over 27 years instead of depreciation. Shake it off! With 100 issues under “just” two-years and nine months. Mind you, if your belt you must be doing something right. she’d plagiarized from the last 100 issues of TRF Just keep attracting new talent and don’t get com- with all its articles and locs, she may just have placent OR INTROVERTED. completed her task. As for articles and locs of TRF 100 itself: [[I’m wondering if, in your congratulations, I’ve It’s incredible that the parallel universe theo- become an officer in the ancient Roman army ry was “well explained” by Murray Leinster in and the 100 issues of TRF are my soldiers. If I’m Sidewise In Time (as Ned Brooks wrote) because correct, that's what a centurion is. The military the story was first published in Astounding in comparison, if that’s what it is, doesn’t seem June 1934. The first scientific theory of parallel quite right. I didn’t know I was involved in a universes wasn’t presented until 1957 by physi- war. Or did you mean centenarian?// You would cist Hugh Everett. have to note as the highlight of my having accom- 45 lished 100 issues the typo regarding the 1002nd August 3, 2014 night as if it was some great achievement. (By the way, I removed two apostrophes from two Dear Tom: “its” which didn’t belong there and corrected Schenerazade, to Scherezade. You’re welcome) So you had a MS Publisher crash. That sort It’s not very comforting or ego-building to focus of problem always seems to happen when you on flaws rather than whatever positive features are working without a backup, to boot. there were. It’s as if this fanzine is the only one My job situation remains frustrating. I am too to contain typos. It’s rather demoralizing even if old to be hired and not old enough to retire. And intended humorously. But I don’t want to deprive the hearing was particularly degrading, with their you of your way of amusing yourself at my lawyer talking about hard choices and decisive expense. After all, what are friends for?// Regard- action and how I should have been able to read ing your comment about parallel universes: minds and tell the future. No, he died in1945, on apparently a highly-regarded SF writer couldn’t J. R. R. Tolkien’s 53rd birthday to boot. have been capable of conceiving such a thing or And the Lord said “isi aur” or (I consulting with a scientist? It had to be a physi- hope the Hebrew doesn’t turn into “??????”), lit- cist 23 years later?// Hmm. Multiverse could erally “he-shall-become light”. Hope this helps. also refer to some sort of complicated poetry. I Basigo is behind the curve. Right now the freely admit I’m not as smart as William James big man is Captain Kaye, veteran of the Ameri- but I don’t see how universes could be connected can colony on Mars. And I understand very to ethics but I expect to be corrected on that.// miffed at not getting invited to any dinners at the Since Sheryl is a veterinarian she’s likely famil- palaces of Tardos Mors, Mors Kajak, Carthoris iar with proper or scientific names for fowls as & Thuvia, or even John Carter & Dejah Thoris. well as animals. If I remember correctly at least And you would think the Warlord was fond of part of that goose’s name is Latin, not English having over folks from Jasoom. though of course English has appropriated a lot Ben Franklin was also the British Secret Ser- of Latin words as well as those of other lan- vice’s Agent 72. guages. The other part is probably Latinized Ah yes, an interesting article by Al Byrd, and English (Which seems somehow ass-back- there will be yet more interesting things to come wards.)// It’s no surprise that “. . . not everyone during the brief term of Governor Goebel. How shares Michaele’s love of Joyce Carol Oates’s brief and indeed how he served will be matters writing.” So what? I wouldn’t be surprised if of much concern, never mind the curious case of someone didn’t like Gore Vidal’s writing.// Well the dual legislative sessions. I have stood where it’s very easy to be apologetic and self-deprecat- Goebel was shot. ing when someone comes along and points out “Indiana University of Pennsylvania”. I’ll see all the flaws, mistakes, and typos making it seem you with the Wyoming Valley of that state, and as if they’re more important than what was done raise you the Delaware County Fair, site of the correctly. I’ve found typos in supposedly profes- Little Brown Jug. (Delaware County, Ohio) sionally published novels but I’ve never bothered You know the Jeopardy! item: A. The center to write to the publisher to point them out. of the Sun, the speed of light, page 200 of Dhal- They’ve never diminished my enjoyment of the gren. novel.// I try not to become complacent and if I Q. What are three things that man will never become introverted–so what? Time to call a reach? truce?]] The show with Tucker, Storch, and the goril- la was called The Ghost Busters and it was a syn- From: Joseph Major dicated series of which only fifteen episodes were made. The subsequent cartoon, made in 409 Christy Avenue 1986 to cash in on the otherwise unrelated Louisville, KY 40204-2040 movie, had 65 episodes. [email protected] Namarie, 46 Joseph T Major CANADA M9C 2B2 August 5, 2014 [[Actually, no, I’m not using MS Publisher. I lost the program sev- Dear Tom: eral years back when I had a hard drive crash and a ruined First off, congratulations computer. I didn’t feel like pay- on 100 issues of your fine ing the cost of a MS Publisher fanzine, The Reluctant Famu- (Yeah. I’m a cheapskate.) so I lus. It’s rare that many fan- went online searching for a rea- zines get to that number. As sonably priced alternative. I always, it is worthy of some found and bought an alternate comment, and I shall endeav- called Publish-It. It may not do our to do so right now. all the fancy things Publisher I’ve never used Publisher, does but it’s sufficient for my purposes. Up to and I think with my new computer and software, TRF 100 I’ve never had any real problems with I don’t have it. However, the modern version of it. Once I had found a way to compact the size of Word seems to have most of the software to do each thumbnail file I’ve been able to open the what Publisher does, so if I ever get around to issue file with no trouble at all.// Sorry to hear doing a zine of my own, I will probably use your employment prospect is so dismal. Being an Word, and see where it can get me. Still, it’s not older worker, getting a job back or another one wise to trust any software completely. is very hard.// Unfortunately the Hebrew letters Time travel was always my favourite theme came out garbled. I’m not sure your explanation in the early part of my time-travel career. Once helps. “He-Shall-Become light” (He who?) To you forget how impossible it sounds, it seemed whom does that refer since I assume God was the to represent the greatest freedom. If you won- only one around at that point? I think I’m even dered what happened way back when, you could more confused now.// Well Basiago was pretty go and find out. If you wanted to know what hap- much Earth-centered. Maybe he wasn’t invited pens next, same thing. And, if there was some- to those places because they’re on an alternate thing you wanted to know about the future, universe Mars?// So old Ben was a double likenext week’s lottery numbers, you could find agent? Makes sense. I think he was a cunning, that out, too. But, if everyone had access to it. . . calculating and maybe somewhat devious man as time would be meaningless, as would history, as well as a very smart one.// It’s a good thing you both would change continuously. Well, it’s not stood there many years after Goebel was very likely at all, but with scientists trying to cre- shot.//I’d almost expect the speed of light to be ate stable wormholes and a warp engine, who reached but not the other two—especially page knows what we can create? Sometimes, the sci- 200 of Dahlgren. Which reminds me that in my ence news is more interesting to read than any- senior year in High School, our class had an thing else. exchange student from Sweden. Her name was It’s good to know the sources of fannish say- Anna Dahlgren. I doubt she was any relation to ings, even if they really aren’t used any more. Delaney’s Dahlgren. // Regarding The Ghost Who sawed Courtney’s boat? was the strangest Busters series: Since I don’t recall ever having of all to me, but I am pleased to find out there is seen the series, limited episodes or not, it must a Canadian connection to it, none other than one have been on opposite some other TV series we of the most famous of Torontonians, Ned Han- were watching at the time. My loss. I would real- lan. After his achievements, one of the ferry ly like to have watched it.]] points on the Toronto Islands is called Hanlan’s Point. From: Lloyd Penney We often have a goose problem, too. Canada geese have unique coloration in their feathers,but Etobicoke, ON I think they may be the most bad-tempered of the 47 goose family. If a large flock of geese land in a about your summer so far and your suspicions small park, they can eat every bit of green grass about August is one more example of climate in the park, and leave it covered in droppings. change and its affect on weather no matter what Some seem to think that Canada geese are good the deniers claim.// “The next hundred . . . ” eating, for on the odd occasion when they are What a daunting and frightening though. I make culled, they often relocated, but are sometimes no promised regarding that. Especially since if it dressed for cooking. I cannot say through person- takes as long to achieve the second hundred al experience, but I have read that Canada geese issues as it did the first, TRF200 would appear in are fatty, stringy, and not tasty at all. If you must 2040. I’d be 94 by then. Realistically, that seems cull them, take them somewhere else where they doubtful. On the other hand, if I could keep to a cannot destroy parks. schedule of 6 per year I could reach TRF 200 in This year, the A/C has been on very little; early 2031. By then I’d be only 85. I’m still it’s been a cool, wet summer so far. We’ve had a doubtful.]] few days with temperatures above 80F, but not enough of them. We are hoping for a hot August, From: Robert Kennedy the way we used to have them, but we’re not con- fident that we’ll get them Robert Kennedy Hello, Sheryl . . . no, we did not make it to 1779 Ciprian Avenue London for the Worldcon, which now looks like Camarillo, California 93010-2451 it may be the biggest Worldcon in its history. We (805) 987-2164 do have plans for London, but we’ve had to put [email protected] them off for a couple of years, at least. I think I am done for the moment, Tom. A fine issue indeed, and again, congratulations on Dear Tom, hitting that iconic number. The next hundred should be even better. We’ll see you then. No. 100! An incredible feat taking many years. Yours, Lloyd Penney. Responding was postponed until the two part of Mark Twain by Ken Burns on the local PBS [[Thank you for your kind comments and thank channel was recorded and later watched. Appar- you for taking the time to comment.// As I noted ently it was a rebroadcast. It was outstanding and to Joseph Major I wasn’t using MS Publisher I highly recommend it to anyone interested in when I had that problem. I don’t know if I’d have Mark Twain. It think that in an e-mail exchange had the same difficulty with MS Publisher and at you indicated that you have the DVD. this point I’m still not inclined to buy the latest Now back to No. 100. version. But it is definitely not a good idea to The front and back covers by you are excel- trust any software completely. Something can lent. Also, the reproduction of previous covers. inevitably go wrong.// It’s probably for the best No. 1 is missing? that, as far as we know, time travel is impossible. In your commentary you indicate that “. . . a If it should ever be achieved and likely become large number of Americans don’t believe in the widely available there is a good chance there Big Bang theory.” Well, that’s too bad because would be chaos in all of time with all the med- it did happen. dling going on and our familiar timeline might All the articles were excellent as usual. How branch off into thousands of alternate threads. I do you get the writers involved to submit their wonder if there’s a possible story there.// As articles? America’s nearest neighbor to the north it’s not Well, I don’t have anything else to say so surprising there would be a link between the two that’s it for now. countries. After reading your comment about Oh, wait a minute. For Dean Koontz fans Canada Geese I’m glad I’ve seen them only Ihighly recommend the DVD of ODD THOMAS inflocks passing high overhead.//What you wrote (2013). It’s outstanding and I understand that 48 Koontz is happy with it the articles were fine, unlike apparently some as I’ll discuss below. previous movies of his As always, I was hap- novels. I was able to py to see an ish of get my city library to TRF show up in the purchase the DVD. mail. I regret not having [[Now that the 100th had a loc in the ish. issue has come and Caught up in the gone I admit a certain throes of moving after amount of amazement at having managed to I had lived for over thirty years in the same reach that number. When I first started out I had place, I had good intentions of writing a loc, but no set goal of issues.// I agree with you about you know where those lead. If only I had Ken Burns’ documentary of Mark Twain. It was Andrew Basiago’s time-hopping abilities, I could an exceptional production with much to recom- have done both the move and the loc. (What am I mend it. The opening mini-movie of Twain walk- saying? Bilocation might only let me waste time ing along in front of Stormfield was a great way in two places at once.) Anyway, I’m now settled to start it off. Yes, I do have the DVD, along with in my new location, so life should be nearing a the accompanying book based on the documen- new equilibrium for me. tary. I purchased them around the time the docu- Of course, if Cthulhu is real, my new equilib- mentary was first broadcast. I knew it and the rium may be, when the stars are right, to be food book were something I had to have.// Yes, the for the Great Old One. Fhtagn. cover for TRF 1 is missing. I left it off deliberate- As an aspiring historian, I wish to praise ly, as I noted earlier on. I didn’t want to inflict it Gene Stewart’s line, “Diagnosing someone after on anyone else. It was a personal decision and in death is a churlish pursuit best left to the History my personal view deserved to be suppressed.// Channel’s many contactee geniuses.” The world Well, since we and everything around us is here is full of “experts” who state dogmatically, inter something had to have caused it all. Most of alia, that Confederate General Braxton Bragg those disbelievers are also anti-evolutionists and was manic depressive, that the plague that killed global warming/climate deniers.// I could claim I off Sennacherib’s army was bubonic, and that used some sort of secret super pow-er to bend Ezekiel was paranoid schizophrenic (that is, if he them to my will and contribute or I simply used wasn’t a saucer abductee). Centuries- or millen- plain old blackmail. But that wouldn’t be honest nia-old texts written by non-medical personnel or truthful. I think they’ve just been taking pity can’t compete with an actual physical examina- on me and assisting in improving TRF. In reality tion of a living patient. Even then, it’s astonish- they’re all good, creative people and I appreci- ing (not to mention depressing) how often not ate them all and encourage them to continue—at even the best of doctors can make a definitive least until they get fed up with me.]] I think if diagnosis. movie-makers would quit trying to “improve” on I must confess that I don’t recall ever having the originals authors might have a better opinion heard the phrase “Who sawed Courtney’s boat?” of the movies. I doubt that will ever happen.]] but Eric Barraclough did a fascinating job of explaining it. From: Alfred Byrd Many thanks to Matt Howard on his thor- ough, yet readable and enjoyable article on Sin- August 11, 2014 clair’s Defeat. It truly is a shame that this has sunk like a stone in history’s pond. (Much like Dear Tom, the Second Seminole War, but I digress.) MattHoward made this battle come alive in a Congratulations on publishing TRF 100. I way that none of the sources that I consulted for enjoyed the covers, both past and present, and Bluegrass Beginnings could do. He gave the read 49 er a sense of how grim, wasteful, and at times der for the Great Old Ones.// “. . . aspiring . . .” pointless the warfare between white settlers and Considering the articles you have written for Native Americans was in the Eastern Wood- TRF I’d think you are a historian.// As for Eric’s lands. I enjoyed his descriptions of the charac- article, I was familiar with the phrase, having ters, especially of the eponymous Sinclair, who seen it elsewhere. I might have seen it either in seemed to me doom haunted. I hope that Matt Harry Warner's fanhistories or some older Howard is considering doing articles on Fallen fanzines.Then there’s the other phrase, “I had Timbers and River Raisin. I would enjoy reading one once but the wheels fell off.”// Well I don’t his treatment of them. know if they were excellent but I do hope they Michaele Jordan brings out Joyce Carol were all at least worth reading.]] Oates’s ability to write striking and truly original Gothic novels. Of these, my favorite is still Belle- From: Taral Wayne fleur. I found it difficult to wrap my mind around From: Taral Wayne the Agapemone cult, as described by Geoff Lard- ner-Burke. Clearly, they were opposites of the Loc on Reluctant Famulus 100 Shakers in many ways. I never cease to marvel at 11 Aug 2014 the means that some persons contrive to live well without work. Someday, maybe, I’ll come up In issue 98, the editor was kind enough—or with such a means for myself . . . injudicious enough—to run one of my diatribes. I’ve run out of things to say in my small cor- “Freedom of Repression” described three cases ner of the Multiverse. I’ll shortly be sending that I had some personal knowledge of, in which along the first in a two-part series based on the the current hysteria over kiddy porn had snared talk that I’ll be giving in October on William three acquaintances with criminal indictments for Clarke Quantrill. Although we want to forget either sexual molestation of a minor or for posses- him, we need to recall who he was and what he sion of child pornography. There was no doubt did, lest someone like him do it again when about the molestation case. He was caught in a things turn sour. Afterwards, I hope to return to police sting and confessed. The other two cases, Kentuckiana with the politics and personalities however, involved completely innocent people. behind the notorious feuds, of which the Hatfield- One was convicted in a show trial to promote the McCoy set-to was a relatively minor and late careers of a “tough on crime” judge and the pros- example. ecutor—but then he was given a token sentence Thank you for 100 excellent issues of The in tacit admission that the entire proceedings had Reluctant Famulus. I look forward to reading and- been without substance. As a result, he was un- contributing to many more of them. able to leave Australia for several years as a Best wishes, result. Alfred D. Byrd To protect the identity of the third person, I gave the name “Herder” to the accused. [[Thanks for your comments.// There are always Herder was charged with possession of a distractions in life which divert us from the activi- handful of indecent photos of children, which ties we plan or want to do. They’re inevitable had been uploaded to his computer through a and unavoidable and have to be endured. It’s a peer-to-peer group to which he belonged and good thing time travel isn’t possible as far as we which didn’t even have anything to do with know. If it were there are bound to be a multi- pornography. (Gun collecting, if you must tude of unforeseen and unexpected disastrous or know.) Herder deleted the files, but a police unfortunate consequences.// If Cthulhu is real I search of his hard drive uncovered the headless wonder what was Lovecraft’s source of informa- files that Herder didn’t even know had left tion about Cthulhu and the other denizens from traces. way out in space. Let’s hope you—and a great Herder was found guilty and sentenced to many others, including me—never become fod- five years, and is wearing an orange jumper in an 50 Arizona penitentiary as I followup in your loc was write. Unlike the other inno- equally worthy of being cent case, neither the judge brought to our attention.]] nor the prosecutor were will- ing actors. Both were appar- From: Fred Lerner ently highly dissatisfied with the conviction, the judge August 16, 2014 going so far as to call the five- From: Fred Lerner year sentence monstrous. Dear Tom, However, there was nothing either could do, because there Midwestern history was no mistrial. The key to doesn’t much interest me—at Herder’s sentence is that Ari- least not until an issue of THE zona is a state where the law RELUCTANT FAMULUS requires mandatory sentenc- appears on my doorstep, and ing. However technical or trivial the offense, if people like Alfred Byrd and Matt Howard convicted the defendant must be given no fewer demonstrate that Ohioans and Kentuckians can than five years, period. get into as much trouble in interesting ways as This, of course, is why mandatory sentencing people who made their mark west of the Missis- is a very bad idea. The purpose of having a judge sippi. I’ve been enjoying TRF’s Ohioana and preside over a trial is to prevent this very sort of Indianaania and Kentuckiana for a while now, technical sentencing, by allowing human judg- and I hope you and your contributors find more ment to intervene. Where mandatory sentencing stories from the Ohio valley to tell me. prevails, the judge’s hands are tied—he might as At a local public library the librarian put a well be at home watching “The Gong Show” for copy of DOC into my hand. I knew of the reputa- all the good he does in court. The constitution, as tion that Mary Doria Russell had established as a well as every principle of a free society, demands science fiction writer, and reading THE SPAR- a proper trial in criminal cases, but mandatory ROW made me want to read more of her SF; but sentencing effectively robs the defendant of that I was surprised to learn that she had written a bio- right. graphical novel about John Henry Holliday. The good news in the Herder case is that Such knowledge as I had about Doc Holliday both the prosecutor and judge have filed a came from John Myers Myers’s biography, and grievance with the state legislature. If lucky, the from Myers’s book about Tombstone, Arizona. state of Arizona may overturn the conviction or Russell concentrates her narrative on Holliday’s declare time served. If it does, Herder will go earlier life, and almost all of the novel takes free. If not . . .There are several things to be place in Dodge City, Kansas—Doc doesn’t reach learned from this story. First, don’t trust the Tombstone until the last few pages. (In Myers’s “cloud.” It’s inherently unsafe. Secondly, if you book, Doc spends less than thirty pages in delete a file because it’s dangerous, deletion is Dodge.) I haven’t read enough about Dodge City not enough. Shred it. Third, don’t elect judge- in the 1870s to know how accurate a picture she sand prosecutors—that politicizes the courts. paints of the place, and I don’t care to: whatever Finally, mandatory sentencing is not justice. liberties she might have taken, her Kansas cow- town is an entirely convincing setting for the [[I don’t consider myself as having been injudi- complex character of John Henry Holliday and cious in publishing your article. Nor did I think it his contemporaries. was a diatribe. I imagine there may be others Over the years I have come to understand who will disagree with me. People need to be that there’s a lot more to the American West aware of such incidents and the behavior of the thancowboys and Indians. John Myers Myers legal system at times. You felt it was something claimed that the Matter of America rightly be- that needed to be brought out and so did I. Your gins its unfolding in Sir Walter Raleigh’s Lon- 51 don. (He celebrated that beginning in his unpub- atively sane 16 and 2/3 years. Yeah. Relatively lished novel-in-verse, THE SONG OF RA- sane. That’s the key phrase here. At any rate, LEIGH’S HEAD.) Just like the Matter of France well done, lad. Well done. and the Matter of Britain, the Matter of America A nice selection of articles for the issue, too; derives as much from legend as from history. It I enjoyed reading them all, especially Gene Stew- counts for little that the historical Arthur was art’s take on Ben Franklin (such a dirty old man), most likely a Romano-Celtic warlord; it is the lit- Eric Barraclough’s history of the fannish phrase erary Arthur that has shaped our art and history. “Who Sawed Courtney’s Boat?”, and the “Battle In DOC, Mary Doria Russell demonstrates that of Wabash” by Matt Howard. All the others were the American story offers ample scope to the im- good, too, it is just that these three were my agination—and that a skilled Maker can breathe favorites. And how cool is it to read a review of new life into a dessicated legend. a book by Joyce Carol Oates in a fanzine? Any- thing is game in fan publishing, you know. If it’s Fred Lerner good, pub it! [email protected] For instance, it’s really good that Eric re- searched the historical background of the phrase [[I know what you mean. I’m not much interest- “who sawed Courtney’s boat” because it is high- ed in the history of states west of the Mississippi ly unlikely that any modern fans would under- River. Why, I don’t know. Well, except for Mis- stand the reference. I admit that for many years souri because of Samuel L. Clemens.// I agree after I entered fandom whenever I heard or read with you about Indiana and Kentucky. I think my this phrase it dumfounded me a bit. Then at a birth state of Alabama might be the same way. convention panel in either 1979 or 1980 I believe I’ll have to do some research on that. Well, there Bob Tucker, Bob Bloch, or some such graybeard was George Wallace and integration, the church from Way Back When explained a bunch of fan- bombings in Birmingham and attacks by police nish phrases, and this was one of them. The refer- on civil rights marchers in Selma. And the lynch- ence to cheating to gain an advantage became ings in Cross Plains which I wrote about several clear to me then, and it’s good to get this refresh- issues back.// Your second and third paragraphs er now after so many years. Thank you, Eric, for have me considering checking out Russel’s novel writing this: you have done contemporary fan- and the Myers Meyers works, There’s much food dom a favor by doing so. Well done, lad. for thought in your third paragraph. Many histor- Oddly enough, at this moment I have reached ical people seemed to have become larger an impasse in writing this letter of comment. because of legends.]] While I definitely enjoyed the entire zine, for some reason I’m out of comment hooks. Definite- August 17, 2014 ly cool to include all those covers at the end of this issue, but I counted 97 covers there of the Well, how about this? For once I’m writing a possible 99 that you could have included. Which letter of comment ahead of the deadline for your issues were not pictured here, Thomas? I believe next issue. Someone go check the temperature in I started getting your zine around issue #74; I Hades. will have to check my files to see exactly which Congratulations on reaching the milestone— was the first TRF I received. or millstone—fannish accomplishment of 100 Yes, indeed, an impressive run. I thank you issues of your fanzine! Outside of clubzines and for including me in your efforts, and look for- apazines, I don’t think there have been that many ward to contributing letters and articles to you genzines reaching this number. It is highly unlike- for many a moon. Whatever you do, don’t try to ly that Askance will get there since its rate of pub- eclipse Chris Garcia’s projected run of 400 lication is 3 or 4 times a year. At that rate it will Drink Tanks. No doubt, that would drive you be 16 years before my zine reaches its 100th todrink! issue. But you’ve been running at a bimonthly All the best, rate, so getting to 100 issues is attainable in a rel- John Purcell 52 above observation and [[Will wonders never confession. cease? I have no way of You have a lot of fen verifying it but I suspect who look forward to the temperature in Hades reading each ish. Out of is likely still the same. curiosity, I know TRF is On giving it some on line. Does/can a thought, maybe millstone faned tell how many is an applicable term. At “copies” have been least it sometimes seems that way. But since the viewed/downloaded? Just curious since it would first issue appeared in December 1988 and num- appear that you won’t get a readership list but ber 100 in 2014 it took me a bit more than 16 maybe you get feedback on copies being years. More like 26, approximately, if my calcula- perused. tions are correct. There are times when I feel rel- Wow. Now on to 101. Inside my head I see atively sane and other times . . . // I thought collating parties—pizza for those who help col- there was a nice selection of articles too. I hope late and get copies into envelopes, the cama- TRF 101 proves to be the same way. I’d be raderie . . . Oh yeah. I guess that would have to delighted to have you provide articles at least go back a bit. from time to time when you can manage it. Well Appropos of nothing, I, after the fact—I you found something to comment on and that’s worked on the Sunday of the Hugos—looked up worthy enough for me. Don’t worry. I have abso- the results and then Googled the Fan Writer win- lutely no intention of getting anywhere near ner. Hmm . . . Going back to 2012 she mentions Chris Garcia’s projected numbers. I’d like to going to her first con as a real writer. Other sites spend some time reading all the books I’ve call her a professional writer. So, I tried (which I acquired and hope to acquire, my continue fami- did when the nominations came out, just forgot ly genealogy, and other things. Besides, I’m get- the outcome) her name and Fan Writings. Noth- ting too damned old ever to get anywhere near ing came up. Maybe I am just going about this 400 issues.// Your questions about the thumb- the wrong way, but . . . No comment on the nails have been answered in my introduction.]] Fanzine or Fan Artist; I’ll just get myself into trouble. From: Sheryl Birkhead DARPA. If you’ll check on line with the TV 25509 Jonnie Court show Lost, you will find I am not the only one to Gaithersburg, MD 20882 USA make the leap. Ahh. Courtney’s boat. Next ish August 21, 2014 we’ll have the history of I had one once but the wheels fell off. Dear Famuli devotees, Dover Books (if you have never gotten any of their broad spectrum of books look them up Gonna (well, given the time before this sees online) had a sale; got an email (didn’t get it print, I guess it should say did you?) watch the until too late. Well didn’t get it in time at all.) new Dr. Who incarnation? I think I inadvertently about a sale and 54 items came up there, linked watch a pirated copy of the first episode (listed to the name. I have found them to have a nifty as episode 0, so I figured it was not episode . . .) set of offering including copyright free art etc. I about two weeks before the planned viewing haven’t gotten any of their dvd/cds but I am sure from the BBC etc. I wondered—black and white, they have quite a few. Might be nice resources comments in the background that cgi goes here for a faned? Never know. and some other wording over the screen that I Don’t know if this carries over or not. couldn’t read if I wanted to watch the action. http://search.doverpbliations.com/search?key oops. words = MARk%2BTwain Anyway. seeing the TARDIS on the lower Seeing Ned’s loc—the neighbor’s dead tree left-hand cover of #100 is what brought on the is, um, still dead. It seems to be taking prisoners. 53 Now there are three others looking a mite stroke. Difficult to believe it has been that long. I peaked. Not sure how you managed to get insur- was very grateful for the information—and con- ance to pay. I actually conferred with my insur- grats to the happy couple. ance agent and was told that if the neighbor’s Dave (Rowe) it has been a Looonnng time tree fell on my fence/garage/house (and since I since I listened to Lake Woebegone; but only am downhill a bit that is where it will go!) they because I keep forgetting and then have no idea were not responsible for any damages unless when it is on and where to find it on the dial. they had been notified of the issue and chose to Somewhere I have the official tapes that include ignore it. Then it became negligence. He also the tomatoes and zucchini bits, then the ice fish- said, don’t leave a note at the door, don’t tell ing and . . . Well, I’ve always liked the humor. I them, don’t send them a letter. You MUST send can’t believe it has changed that much, but I a letter that requires a signature. He also said it could be wrong. Maybe it is time to go for a hunt was not uncommon for potential recipients to online to see if the audio files are available there. refuse to accept (i.e. won’t sign) a letter. Well, Yeah RSN. the tree was noted to be dead two years ago; just I’m sorry that Yvonne and Lloyd did not hasn’t gone toes [roots? Ed] up. Now the neigh- make it to LonCon 3, but even more so in the hap- bors appear to be tidying up the horrendous yard, py-for-you column that they both are now gain- with the only thing I can think of being they fully employed! With luck they can now make want to move. They bought at the peak of selling the trip they envisioned, but with much less ten- prices and tried to sell a few months later. Nope. sion to get to the Worldcon—and no matter how Now it is years later and they told the neighbor much it is enjoyed, it is still a stressor! across the street that they are thinking of going See my comment in the loc in #100. You for a short sell just to get out! So, yeah, it looks now be a Fanartist! like they want out. I did manage to do my fannish duty, albeit a When the phone and electric companies bit slipshod, and voted for both the Retros and came through several years ago, the guy came to the current Hugos. Not that my choices made the door to tell me the big maple tree was dead any difference! Since I was home when the Ret- (which I already knew). They said they would ros were presented, I tried to watch via live cut it down for free but leave it there and do noth- streaming. Gotta admit, if it is a choice between ing about the stump. I figured I’d end up paying audio or video, audio would have been a much more to clean up what they left behind than take better choice. It was amusing to read (some, as care of it my$elf. I think the bill was a bit under the tweets came fast and furious; could not read $900 but the stump was bored out and the most of them) what other watchers were imaging mulched material shot down into the gaping was happening and who the people might be. No hole. Eventually everything else underground slides to read, no lists of nominees so I had to will decompose and there will be a hole or a wait until it all came out in print. sunken place. Then I’ll do something and get Interesting to note your varying spelling Mor- another tree put in but not until then. The county ron and Moron. I was waiting to see if Mattock does none of this despite the huge property tax was going to morph into Buttock. Nope. bills. Oh yeah, like your covers! Seeing Brad Foster’s loc reminds me I still This is even shorter than usual but I can get it have not saved enough to get a supporting mem- done, printed, and out, then concentrate on the bership to Sasquan (in case the link is not appar- piece (especially since I promised myself that ent, he is one of the GoHs there!!!) and missed from now on they would come with fillos!). out on Kansas City. Hmm new roof already on and bill is here versus . . . Nope, for the time [[As a matter of fact—though at first I wasn’t being not much of a contest! sure I would—I did watch the first episode of the Jerry Kaufman kindly filled me in on Andi newest Dr. Who and the subsequent ones so far Shechter + Stu ShiffMan wedding. June this month (September). From what I had seen of 18th,just a few days beyond two years since the Peter Capaldi in the promos I was doubtful of 54 his suitability and thought he was going to be, mously. um,hammy—as if my opinion would have any influence. Time will tell if he settles in and Who- “Sock it to me???” vians accept him. It’ll be interesting to see other -- Richard Nixon Whovians’ reactions to his Dr. Who.// Along with many other fanzine publishers I put TRF “Washington, DC is 12 square miles bordered by online after all the issues are sent out. I doubt reality.” there is a way of finding out how many people ---Andrew Johnson read particular fanzines on eFanzines. I would guess that in order to determine such a count a “My esteem in this country has gone up substan- fanzine publisher would likely need to get his/her tially. It is very nice now when people wave at own online site and include one of those counters me, they use all their fingers.” I’ve seen on many different sites. If my memory ---Jimmy Carter is accurate, I’ve had a response from only one person who had read an issue online. I never “When they call the roll in the Senate, the Sena- heard from her again. I believe a couple of other tors do not know whether to answer 'Present' or readers learned about TRF from other fanzines.// 'Not guilty.'” Collating parties probably do go way back. For ---Teddy Roosevelt me, it would be a small party. Except for a few issues I had done by a printing company I’ve “He can compress the most words into the small- done all the collating myself. If I had a printer or est ideas of any man I ever met.” copier capable of two-sided printing and collat- ---Lincoln ing all I'd have to do would be stapling and stuff- ing envelopes— and labeling and stamping them, “There is no pleasure in having nothing to do. of course// I don’t blame you for not commenting The fun is having lots to do and not doing it'” on the fanzine and fan-artist Hugos. I wouldn’t ---Andrew Jackson bother to either. It would be a waste of time and effort and useless.// I see you remembered the “I’m feeling sorry, believe it or not, for the “wheels” saying too.// No, no. Buttock is an Speaker of the House. These days, the House entirely different person. He comes along a cou- Republicans actually give John Boehner a harder ple of generations later. He was the grandson of time than they give me, which means orange real- Hymeroyds, the leader of one of the smaller and ly is the new black.” obscure tribes of Morron. And all I can say is, ---Obama (2014 WH Correspondents Dinner) the scribe who recorded the Book of Leavings was an inconsistent speller.]] It would be very interesting to read similar comments by the other presidents if such exist. Now, to change directions and fill in an odd space: Enough of that nonsense, onward to the end of this issue. But first one last diversion partly related to the Introduction. Some Amusing Quotes Since some of the thumbnail covers in the last issue were not reproduced as well as they “Never kick a fresh turd on a hot day.” should have been, and in fairness to the artists, --- Harry Truman I’ve reprinted them on the following page. And, much as I’m tempted to do so, no apology is Reporter at press conference: The Republican appended. I hope it’s not too shocking to Dave National Committee recently adopted a resolu- Rowe. tion saying you were pretty much of a failure. John F. Kennedy: I’m sure it was passed unani- 55 56 Conclusion—Of Sorts Fragments From the Book of Leavings
Moron is good, powerful, wise, all—knowing. the ways of deviousness that I may help in over- Maybe. throwing them and grinding them to dust; and The Battle of Fallen Arches and the hero Ulcer. make me an instrument of your desires. I pray in Info on the Paradise of Morron your name, Amen. Flight across the great Cancer Desert The greatest prophet of all, the illegitimate son of For the Blessing of Food Moron, called Hubris The great teacher and follower of Moron, named Bless this food Moron, make it safe from poison, Neurosis, who wrote the final chapter of the make it fit for we, your followers, to eat that it book of Leavings may make us strong and willing to do thy work The sermon on Mount Grunt and slay all enemies who dare to think they’re The destruction of the cities of Torpid and Slug- better than us. In your name we pray. Amen. gish The promised land of Charnel. That’s it for the Book of Leavings. I never THE 738 tribes of Morron, chief among which followed through and expounded on any of the are Cramp, Grunt, Putz, Grit, and Quoin, all parts mentioned. In a way, I wish I had. But I sus- named after the great heroes of the Morron pect that back then I had either lost enthusiasm Mythos. for it or else couldn't think of the necessary The tower of Rubble, details to include. The Bitch of Endure and the evil she wrought. At least that saves you TRF readers from hav- The ugliness of Maul. ing more of the preceding inflicted on you. The flight into the land of Gripe and the birth of Damn the typos and full speed ahead! Hubris, illegitimate son of Morron, whose moth- er is named Flora. The great warrior Blatz who led an army against the city of Slope and destroyed every living inhabitant.
The hero Mattoid who destroyed an entire army with the testicles of an Ox.
Prayers to Morron (From the Book of Leavings)
O, Moron, Great and Mighty God who is All- knowing, Wise and Powerful, the Creator of us, the children of Moron, and the giver of good and evil, protect me against the injustices of those who do not believe in you; destroy all these who would seek to destroy me; strike blind all those who do not wish to see your greatness; cover with boils and seeping pustules those who do not admit your power and greatness; make me better than they who are not your followers; teach me 57