S^ i BEND PUBLIC LIBRARY, 30' i.MAIN ST. , CI' \ I Pres't Roosevelt t Jefferson for Latter's 202nd Birthday 1 mnoR=^' 32nd President Passes O n FRIDAY, APRIL 13th, 1945 - REMARKABLE CAREER OF A REMARKABLE HUMANITARIAN RANKLIN DELANO ROOSEVELT will not broadcast to the Democratic clubs of America to­ ELIEVE IT night on occasion of Thomas Jefferson's 202nd birthday. He is no longer president; is ex-presi­ F dent now, gone to join Jefferson and thirty other ex-presidents in celebration of the event. There may be jollification over there, but here, instead, there will be gloom. Roosevelt has passed on. OR ELSE They all know —the ex-presidents do, — wh. t it means to be president of the United States; something of its trials and tribulations — but ncne of them, Washington to Roosevelt, ever went ME A T O' THE COCONUT through the half that F. D. R. has en­ •:• BY -.•- countered. Some of them were lucky to SILAS W1THERSPOON t be elected once; eleven of them twice, (On P?.?e Ei_;ht} Three MONKEY'S VIEWPOINT monkeys sat in a ON DARWINIAN GUESS cocoanut tree/ dis- THAT MAN DESCENDED cussing FROM MONKS OR LESS S A5 said to be./ Said one to the others, "Now lis­ ten, you two—/ there's a certain rumor that can't be true,/ that man descended from our noble race./ Why, the very idea! It's a dire disgrace! "No monkey ever deserted his wife,/ starved her baby or ruined her life./ And you've never known a mother monk/ to leave her young with others to bunk/ till they scarcely knew their mother. "And another thing you'll never see is/ f monk-build a fence round a cocoanut tree/ and let the cocoanuts go to waste,/ forbid­ ding all other monks a taste./ Why, if I build a fence around this tree/ starvation would force you to steal from me. "Here's another thing a monk won't do;/ go out at night and get on a stew;/ or use a gun or a club or a knife/ to take some other monkey's life. Ex-President Franklin D. Roosevelt (Above) "Yes, man descended, the onery cuss,/ but (January 30, 1882—April 12, 1945) brother, he didn't descend from us." President Harry S. Truman (Right) * * * * "Anon" sent DARWIN'S "MISSING me the TIME FOR GERMANY TO CONSIDER HERSELF UN-FACED ad ROSPERITY, in the garb of victory, seems tell," and it will, but not by Hitler's clock. Like his LINK" JUST EXCUSE ^J l "just around the corner,"—or rather straight military machine, and himself, it has lost its face. P ahead,—so far as Berlin is concerned. Hitler "Time stands still, we move," said Einstein, whom OF ATHEIST-MINDEDIgpt wound the clock too tight der fuehrer banished for be­ and it has blown away its ing too factual. IN FINDING SOURCE _r.U! face. Allies hurrying from all And all this done, what y directions have the Axis ca- else? What to do with Ger­ OF OWN EXISTENCE Le B:-L°: pitol, which der fuehrer said many now that we have her confirms my theory; more likely that man they could never faze, in an licked, or will have, is as descended either from a sponge or a hog. He apparently inextricable potk- much of problem as that of apes either of them more than he does the ets. At this writing Russia licking her. We have our monk. There may be biological resemblances has the edge by just a few "softies," and "America Firs? between the man and the monk, just as there jumps, where it had stood for the Axisers," and pro­ are botanical resemblances between the pear still for weeks to give her moters of "Mothers of Amer­ (On Page Two) western allies a leap, — and ica," who think that having while she cleaned^ up on the spanked the Germans, we Prague, Budapest and Vien­ should forgive them, give na. them back their all, and as With Berlin squelched, good as say, "go ahead and By WIXLIAM SAROYAN Herr Hitler's capitals, except try it again." ROTHER MATTHEW from Tennessee was the youngest of the Brothers. He was like Berchtesgaden, and that However, the allied mili­ B any man, not like a churchman. The other threatened, will all have been tary government doesn't seem Brothers were fond of him, but felt superior. lost to him. All along he, disposed that way. Nazism, They were all professors of this and that and the and Herr Goebbels, minister or any Nazi that ever was. other thing. As far as the young man Jack Towey of propaganda, have told the are not likely to have much was concerned, they were bores. Jack Towey was (On Page Seven) Germans that "time will official say about the future (On Page Four) Page Two THE MIRROR RELIEVE It United Nations Must Not Infringe Intra - National Powers 1 SSUMING that it is not.another likeness now, and since it is our's by all the laws o£ rll T Or ELSEl to Treasure Island fiction, or an Alla- Treasure Trove (barring .that there is' some sus­ ^»ssMmm^^^- (From Page One) A din's Lamp o'er-charged, that Bag of picion of the owner), you can bet that the Amer­ and the prune, but, while whoever or whatever set this uni­ Gold and millions in corn, currency, and art ican delegation, and much less the British, will verse up, made no two things exactly alike, there are no two treasures cached in a German salt mi__e, affords hardly give it up without—an exchange of ges­ entirely different. Plainly enough there was. experimentation San Francisco something real to conjure with ture^ <—just as the best in man was moulded over into woman. It isn't unreasonable, and we hopg. Charles Darwin, however, never got into the monkey OCTET WITH BIGGEST JOB IN WORLD it is so, but newsmen of imaginative business. Atheistical evolutionists, grasping for straws, found mind, and mayhap hard-pressed foE in his "Origin of the Species" an excuse' for making a mon­ an unusual story, might devil off into key of themselves. Because Darwin philosophized a "missing some such realm of action. The fact link" they immediately declared it not missing; found it, that they have been assigned the del-i imaginatively, a "connecting link," and hypothesized it into icate task of war correspondent, does* a dogmatic certainty. Thanks, Mr. Monkey, a lot of us don't n't necessarily change their habits—* care to be classified as a descendant from you, or the hog, or nor' "the leopard his spots." the sponge either. Some of us are rather particular about our ancestors and don't care to go back too far; indeed, some of So much has been told recently, us are afraid to. Take me, for instance. I have forebears that about underground worlds built bjft came from Germany but I'm not bragging about it. And the Germany, rivaling the excavations by; ^ Germans? Why, they're just an evolution from a germ. the archeologists. in Egypt, that these _____ Darwin didn't make a monkey out of Adam, but Eve wonder stories just naturally, be- j made a sponge out of him, and it would be just as sensible T to guess that Cain was sired in hog-pen. The trouble with times, excite w onder. King Tutank­ evolution is that there is too much talk about it and not hamen will please step aside. This is enough of it—wherever it started. Perhaps in time it will a modern world. Adolf Hitler ill produce men too intelligent and civilized to quarrel about it twelve years has outdone the ancients 4 -—and especially not with the monkeys. The best thing to do in twelve hundred. about evolution is to try to live it down. It is too slow for its But the United Nations at San age. The "fittest survive," do they? Darwin must have had Francisco; there to;be united if they; a sense of humor—and not much respect for the dead. Vandenberg Eaton Stassen Connally can fmd a bond of union! At left is * * * * Some experts on international affairs—Britain's Foreign Secre­ tary Anthony Eden, for instance—regard the United Nations Con­ Our delegation; none of them impisK ference opening April 25 in San Francisco as a "last chance" for of face, nor weak of countenance. You Monkeys or no monkeys, permanent world peace. That it can affect the lives of individuals Washington Newswrens the ways of "free enter­ and the well-being of nations for generations to come is indicated can guess them conscious. of their prise" in taking the hint, by close attention being paid to the prospective program by all task; wager that they have ideas, ancl countries invited to participate. Delegates of the U. S. include Demand "Girdles" and and devising new ways, Secretary of State Edward B. Stettinius, Jr.; es-Secretary of State ideals — and the determination to pushing to the fore, is Cordell Hull; Miss Virginia Gildersleeve, Dean of Barnard College; demonstrated by the out­ frep, SDI Bloom of New York, a Def-ibcrat; Sen. Arthur H. Vanden­ achieve something. Britain too IS Billion-Dollar Hunch come of an experiment in­ berg of Michigan; a Republican; Hep. Charlt* A. l&ten of Illinois, a sending some of her "best minds" itO Republican; Comdr. Harold E. Stassen, a Republican, who left the dulged by a bright, young the conference, and Russia, weHj, Goes to Standard Oil public relations man, em­ governorship of Minnesota to enter Navy service; Sen.