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VOLUME 81, NUMBER 3 WE'RE OUT OF INK SEPTEMBER 3, 1993 GALORicR objectes to ROTC'Threshes conflict with university policry by Sara Maurer Board of Governors Trustee J. Evans Atwell confirmed that the letter was sent to him but said he had not yet Rice administrators had no re- read it and could not comment. Other sponse this week to students protest- trustees were unavailable for com- ing that Rice's Naval ROTC conflicts ment with university policy of nondiscrimi- Capt Quentin Masters, head of nation on the basis of sexual prefer- the Naval Science Department, said it ence. is up to the university to make any Attention was called to the contro- decisions. versial issue in a letter sent to Presi- The naval science classes are open dent Malcolm Gillis and all seven trust- to everyone at Rice, even those who ees of the Board of Governors by the aren't in ROTC," Masters said. "Per- Gays and Lesbians of Rice. sonally, from that standpoint I don't The letter, also published in the see any conflict" Aug. 27 Thresher, stated that since the Masters also pointed out that ap- ROTC's exclusion of homosexuals vio- plicants to ROTC must apply to ROTC lates university policy, "Rice is obli- and the university separately. gated to take action to either correct The Naval Policy Book does not or eliminate the offending program." refer to sexual orientation, but ROTC Rice's policy states, There is no is subject to Department of Defense discrimination whatsoever on the ba- regulations. sis of sex, sexual preference, race, The Policy Book states, "Wc are color, religion, national or ethnic ori- committed to honesty and integrity, gin, age, disability or veteran status." recognizing that the public trust and That policy applies to Rice's admis- defense of the nation requires the high- sions and student activities. est standards of moral conduct "[Gillis] affirms George Rupp's "We do not tolerate illegal or im- policy," said Carl MacDowell, assis- proper behavior or even the appear- tant to the president Then-President ance of such behavior." George Rupp implemented the above GALOR Co-director J.J. McCoy, a policy of nondiscrimination. Brown College senior, said the group Armed Forces secretaries will re- has no plan of action to call further ROTC members get in their daily dose of push-ups Wednesday at 5:30 a.m. in front of the Shepherd School of Music. lease guidelines Oct 1 for military attention to the issues raised in the programs adjusting to President letter. "We don't do anything as a standpoint the only solution is for the Clinton's "don't ask, don't tell" policy group politically," McCoy said. university not to do business with for gays in the military. MacDowell "I don't know how receptive the ROTC until [ROTC] decides to com- Lab plans relocation said. administration will be, but I have to ply with university policy." "Necessarily, we're going to want ask that Rice abide by its policy, and He said he knows of homosexual to see what's in that text of Oct 1," that would involve removing ROTC students discharged from ROTC pro- MacDowell said. He said Gillis has from campus." grams at other colleges but does not to pave way for CITI read the letter but is waiting for the " I'm looking for Rice to go on record know if it has happened at Rice. Over the summer, most campus release before making a decision. on this issue," McCoy said. "From my by Sei Chong buildings had ethernet cables in- stalled, allowing access to Owlnet, the Russian ministers visit Rice Bonner Nuclear Research labora- campus networking system. tory will relocate in a year to make Changes to expand computing fa- room for a computational engineering cilities include upgrading the Rice building. The computer workstations Advanced Visualization Lab in Ander- within Bonner will be distributed to son Hall as an Owlnet lab. other areas of the campus. In addition, the Macintosh lab in It is unclear, however, whether the the biology building will be expanded, Bonner building will be razed or used and Gorry said there are plans to build for computational engineering. a computational lab in the library. Bonner Lab houses computer Bonner was chosen as the site of • ; workstations, some Physics Depart- the new computational building pri- ment offices and research facilites. marily because of its location, Line * The land Bonner occupies is leased said. from the Natural Sciences Depart- There was a strong argument to ment, said Tony Gorry, vice president locate the building next to engineer- for research and administration. ing," he said. Bonner is next to Aber- "It was loaned with the understand- CTombie Laboratory and the engineer- ing if [the department] had a need for ing quad. it, then we would give up the space," The space planned for the Com- he said. puter and Information Technology Originally, Bonner was to close at Institute building also includes the the beginning of this school year, but Abercrombie parking lot the department decided to extend the Computer science Professor Keith lease one more year. Cooper said those involved in the con- "Bonner is not going out of busi- struction of the new building will be ness," said Provost Neal I^ine. "It is a looking at the layout of Bonner as an very important research activity. It is ideal because many students like its Representatives from the Russian and U.S. energy industries met at Rice Monday to discuss U.S. invesment. Front row not settled as to how it is to be housed. design. from left: Russian energy minister Shafranik, a translator and U.S. Energy Secretary Hazel O'Leary. There are no plans right now but sev- But Joseph A. Walters, deputy eral options are being questioned," he Owlnet director, said, "My understand- by Melissa Williams companies will invest in its energy industry, which, said. ing is that the Bonner Nuclear Lib is despite rich oil reserves, has sagged since the fall of the In the current plans, Bonner will scheduled for demolition in a year, in Soviet Union. acquire new high-performance silicon order to make way for the new CITI Russian ministers, U.S. Department of Energy rep- "Lots of excellent ideas came outof this meeting," said graphics workstations to supplement building." resentatives and Houston businesspeople met at Rice Energy Secretary Hazel O'Leary. "[We had J a frank and the workstations already there. on Monday to bolster U.S. investment in Russia's oil open discussion on what it tikes to improve business Bonner's Macintosh computers and gas industry. relationships." were moved out before the lease ex- FEATURES According to Mark Doyle, public liaison for the Suggestions included an independent dispute-resolu- tension. They were placed on the sec- Energy Department, Rice was chosen because "this is tion group, education of youth aboutenergy and ways to ond floor of Rayzor Hall and in the the oil and gas capital of America." examine existing oil and gas projects, O'Leary said. aural skills lab in Alice IVatt Brown Also, Rice is close to the Wyndam Warwick Hotel, Earlier on Monday, Russian IVime Minister Viktor Hall, according to Andrea Martin, as- on where the dignitaries stayed, and is well known for Chernomyrdin signed a natural gas deal with Houston's sistant director of computer services. having hosted the international Economic Summit in Enron Corp. Gorry said plans are being devel- 1990, Doyle said. The next stop for the delegation is Washington for oped for a new computational lab avail- wheels and Rice President Malcolm Gillis also attended the meetings with Vice President A1 Gore. able to students to offset the loss of meeting and made opening remarks. Baker College t/s President Clinton and Russian President BorisYeltsin Bonner. senior Tyler Sunshine drove the Russians from the charged Gore and Chernomyrdin earlier this year with There are more network capabili- ra airport to their hotel and then to Rice. exploring Russia-United States cooperation in energy, ties on campus than people realize, Russia is hoping the U.S. government and private space and environmental technology. however, he said. "We'll lose some but we'll gain more than we had." 9 2 FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 3, 1993 THE RICE THRESHER OPINION

ENABLING UCFT^OO$fc,T*AR- AWBOWElflEVm Efforts to accommodate the disabled should be sensible and economical

The issue of access for the disabled is a difficult one because it raises such a wide range of questions. The most central of these questions is also the most complicated: What does society owe to its disabled? To what extent must society level the playing field for those who need more elaborate access, greater services, and more care? From where does society's moral obligation spring, and at what point is this obligation met? It is now established in American law that universities and other public institutions must make plans to accommodate the disabled in all future construction and must create plans to update earlier buildings in the near future for basic access. The university must carefully consider its future plans and cautiously adjust its budget accordingly. More importantly,itmustconsidertheuniquenature of the institution itself. While laws can be followed in letter, only those within the university know what access really means on this campus: what Response to disruption mistaken buildings « « l—j people most Discussion reveals deeper problems with O-weekawareness rape program To the editor made the previous comment must minutes to remind everyone that some- piniOng '"luently On August 27, a letter appeared in never had been raped because, "When one had just been raped. It has be- X £Zr« use, what the Thresher regarding Mixed Signals, men are raped, it's by other men, and come a joke among the freshmen to rooms they re- the rape awareness presentation at- it's not fun." The response which met point out the blue Campus Police tended by most freshmen, transfers, the comment was no more construc- phone box lights and say, "Oh! An- O ally need to and their advisors during Orientation- other rape!" There is no doubt in £2. reach, and Week. We believe that the presenta- anyone's mind that the subject matter tion itself could use some improve- is indeed very grave, but the exces- P where they 6 ment to prevent such disruptive be- Students need scenes sively formal, melodramatic style cho- hold the most havior in the future. sen by the two presenters lent itself popular par- First there is the issue which they can identify with, not too easily to ridicule. ties. These are prompted the Thresher letter. A male The presentation also lacks coher- laugh at. ence and clarity at times. The play tilings that the federal government cannot dictate, yet which opens with a situation in which a hos- strongly condition the quality of life for a disabled Rice student or Letters tile lawyer examines a man who has faculty member. been mugged. It was difficult to deter- tive than what the "disruptive student" mine what exactly was meantby show- It is for this reason that the university must make it its business himself said. ing this situation before the four rape not just to follow the law, but to search out those particular ways In order for it to be taken seriously, scenarios. Some students may have THE EDITOR in which access can be enabled without great expense, but with much needs to be done to Mixed, Sig- thought, "Look, it isn't the man's fault nals. First, it must be understood that he was mugged; they are trying to great effect. The university should not spend exorbitant amounts member of the audience said some- the play itself fits poorly into O-Week. point out that it is not the woman's to make every room of every building accessible. But efforts thing about feeling as though he had This is no one's fault It is difficult, fault that she was raped." Others, in- should be sensible so that key destinations are fully accessible, not been raped because, according to him, perhaps especially for young adults, cluding members of our group, the presentation seemed to point a to be asked to participate in a serious thought, "He was out late at night in an left just beyond the reach of the disabled by incomplete renova- gun at men. At least two students tried situation after several days of fun and expensive suit; it's like walking with tions or partial solutions dictated by vague federal regulations. to respond to what was said, but the craziness. Extra effort ought to go into money hanging out of your pocket- crowd was out of control, and their making the presentation palatable. It is not his fault he was mugged, but While we at Rice are determined that our architecture reflect voices were lost However, a woman The potential uneasiness was wors- he was being really stupid." One might the spirit of the university, so too should we see to it that our new from a Houston women's aid center ened this year by the high melodrama even say he was asking for it buildings reflects our sense of priorities about the disabled. The stood up and addressed the comments ofthepresentation.Forinstance,there Thefour rape vignettes alsopresent directly. She said that the man who was the blue light blinking every seven university's ability to accommodate the disabled reflects in some SEE RAPE. PAGE 3 sense the community's ability to cope with the future. Anti-prayer letter reflects intolerance To the editor: Mr. Monton talked of the rabbi narrow-mindedness ofthe type I men- f m The MM 1 since i9ie In the August 27 issue of the "forcing about four-tenths of the stu- tioned earlier which masquerades as Thresher, Bradley Monton expressed dents to be hypocritical," but the fact open-mindedness. The focus has in a letter how uncomfortable he felt is that the students were not forced to merely shifted away from more well- during Rabbi Marc Brownstein's agree with any part of the graduation. known, publicized, and berated forms Rice 1nresher prayer at last year's graduation. Be- As college students, we know that we of narrow-mindedness to a prejudice Kraettli Epperson, Peter Howley cause he is nonreligious, he felt dis- are free to disagree with what we hear, against that which is perceived as Editors-in-Chief criminated against by being "com- and furthermore, that part of a college narrow-minded. pelled into expressing subservience education involves being exposed to As a solution to the problem of to some supreme being." He declared and learning from different ideas. Mr. discomfort, Mr. Monton suggests that Shane A. Speciale that, "This ostensibly secular univer- Monton, however, feels that because the prayer be replaced by a student- Business Manager his non-religious beliefs conflict with written poem. Except to the extent the rabbi's religious beliefs, the rabbi that a poem is not as readily stereo- Melissa Williams News Editor should not be allowed to speak. In typed and focused on by this new Sei Chong Assistant News Editor 6The problem.. .remains other words, solely because of the breed of narrow-mindedness, this re- David Hale Opinion Editor rabbi's religious beliefs, Rice Univer- placement will not solve the problem. Vivek Rao Assistant Opinion Editor that the logical conclusion sity should prohibit him from speak- If students feel uncomfortable when Kraettli Epperson Arts & Entertainment Editor ing. This mind-set is religious discrimi- beliefs not their own are expressed, a Peter Howley Arts & Entertainment Editor nation. It is intolerance. It is the of Mr. Monton's mind-set SEE PRAYER, PAGE 3 Torrey Folk Sports Editor Amy Jeter Sports Editor is that any expression of Jason Katz Assistant Sports Editor UWSA criticism undeserved Terzah Ewing Assistant Features Editor beliefs which conflicts with Eric Stotts Backpage Editor 'Crock' comment dismisses efforts of miUions Eric Shamp Backpage Editor other beliefs should be To the editor: would be any modern political organi- K.N. Mistry Production Manager While we certainly did not expect zation that attempts to be a mass orga- Monica Weinheimer Photography Editor repressed. 9 all the responses to the founding of nization overnight What's more, even Haley S. Robertson Ads Manager the Ijead or Ixave/United We Stand most long-established mass political Kathy O'Steen Assistant Business Manager America chapter at Rice to be enthusi- organizations are, to a large degree, organized and led from the top down, The Rice Thresher, the official student newspaper at Rice University astic, the vitriolic tone of (Rice Young sity should Mop forcing us to partici- with grass-roots input coming in only since 1916, is published each Friday during the school year, except during Democrats President) Joe Grinstein's pate in these irrational prayers to a at conventions or elections (if even examination periods and holidays, by the students of Rice University. comments in the August 27Thresher non-existent god." I feel that Mr. then). We are hardly unique in this Editorial and business offices are located on the second floor of the Ijey demands some response. Monton is misguided in hiscomplaints respect Student Center, P.O. Box 1892, Houston, Texas, 77251. Phone 527-4801. First of all, Grinstein criticizes our of discomfort and in his proposed so- last, Grinstein refers to the orga- Advertising information available on request Mail subscription rate per group on the basis that it is merely "a lution of prohibiting prayer at gradua- nization as a useless "crock." By do- semester $20.00 domestic, $40.00 international via first class mail. Non- ploy to get politicians elected." We tion. I feel he is calling Rice University ing so, Grinstein dismisses the activi- subscription rate: first copy free, second copy $1.00. take it that's an activity the Demo- into a trap where so-called ties of millions of average Americans, Unsigned editorials represent the majority opinion of the Thresher cratic Party never takes part in. open-mindedness becomes nothing many of whom have, until now, felt Editorial Staff. All other pieces represent the opinion of the author. Next, he criticizes the centralized more than narrow-mindedness with a completely alienated and forgotten by Obviously. © COPYRIGHT 1993 nature of the UWSA organization. To new focus, as I shall explain. be sure, UWSA is very centralized, as SEE POLITICS, PAGE 4 OPINION THE RICE THRESHER FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 3. 1993 3 Multiculturalism ensures academics relevancy in tomorrow's world

Opponentsofthisrequirementcite thiscould fulfill a multicutural require- benefit from the class taken. But dis- tive first step. Rice must respond to a the already overwhelming demands ment and expand students' knowledge gruntled comments aside, it seems diversifying community both within Allison made on Rice students, but at how and appreciation of people and cul- more likely that Rice students, intelli- and beyond the United States, as well Smith many other universities do students tures outside the white male tradition. gent and inquisitive, would get just as as a growing personal and academic routinely doublcandsometimestriple Many existing classes could fulfill much out of this class as they would awareness that cultures other than The white majority will cease to major? It would seem that require- this requirement, includ ing presently out of the many others they take. The the Western European traditon de- exist in the United States in the 21st ments are not so strenuous that an offered classes on the arts of China or opportunity to understand a previously serve attention. century. As Rice positions itself to be additional class would be overly bur- the sociology of India. Other classes foreign culture should be something Ultimately Rice must prepare stu- a member of a world community densome. would need only minimal modifica- any intellectually curious person dents to live peaceably with respect whose inhabitants arc mainly not of Yet there is no need for further tion; English 101 could offer sections would welcome. Once students have and understanding in a community Western European descent, we must burden. Within the existing distribu- focusing on minorities' and women's been introduced to "alternate" cu Rural where differences among people may acknowledge multiculturalism if we tion system, every student must take contributionsto English literature, for perspectives, it is more likely that they often exceed similarities. 'Illis is the expect to be of any relevance in an several courses in each of three ar- example. This requirement could be will continue to pursue them on their goal of multiculturalism, and upon il evolving world. eas—the humanities, the social sci- flexible and so expand, rather than own, in directions of their own per- the future of Rice, the United States, Rice has been rcluctant in the past ences, and the natural sciences—by restrict, students' intellectual experi- sonal special interests. and the world depends. to acknowledge the multiplicity ofvalu- graduation. If at least one of these ences at the university. That Rice University should able cultural perspectives, and in so required classes, presumably in the Resisting multiculturalism, oppo- broaden its educational and institu- Allison Smith is a Brown College jun- doing it has allowed a narrowly de- humanities or the social sciences, fo- nents often predict hostility toward a tional perspectives is certain. A ior. fined, male, Western European per- cused on a non-Western perspective, required class, thereby preventing any multicultural requirement is an effec- spective to dominate unchallenged within the curriculum and the institu- tion as a whole. Academics are not the solution to cultural conflicts This limited perspective threat- ens to make the education at Rice these classes would have on solving dents, why believe that another course from all parts of the globe; the city of University incomplete and irrelevant Jason the problem and presenting a false in comparative cultures would make a Houston offers unlimited opportuni- in a multi-ethnic nation and world. As solution that enables us to abdicate a difference? ties to experience even more. a result, Rice must now take action to Luong greater individual responsibility to the We must realize that knowledge of Over 200 years ago, Adam Smith broaden the perspective of the Rice future. the customs and traditions of other argued that a govern ment's attempt to education and institution. learning to live in aworld of myriad At the center of the multi- peoples is not truly as v it'll as a respect run an economy is not as fruitful as 'One effective method of turning cultures is a crucial task that every cultural ist'sarguments is the assump- for them. Given the fact that students each individual merchant pursuing his the attention of the university to the citizen must fulfill if he wishes to suc- tion that ignorance of non-Western retain only a small percentage of the own betterment. In the same way, we value of many ceed in tomorrow's thought can be altogether solved by information presented to them in a as Rice students need to place the non-Western jlobal community. In the addition of comparative cultures classroom, the idea that enrollment in responsibility for broadening our ho cultures is by our pursuit of this classes. To believe that the lack of a comparative cultures class is all that rizons not upon Rice University but the establish- goal, however, we formal educational exposure to other an individual needs to become "cul- upon ourselves as individuals. ment of a must always remem- cultures is the problem is to believe turally aware" is ludicrous. In the words of the late Robert multicultural re- ber that the means that the problem should not even ex- The cry for such a course to meet Kennedy, "Each of us can change just quirement for culturalism we employ are just as ist a "general need" only recnforces this a small portion of events and in the graduation. important as theends I, like probably every other Rice solution's simplistic failings. In the total of all those acts will be written the This pro- to which we strive. student, was required to study world global community, a competitive edge history of this generation." We, as posal has critics, but Rice, without Some people have argued that the history in high school. Through this will come not from factual knowledge global citizens and as individual care- question, has the right to establish addition of classes to focus on com- class, students learn about a variety of of other cultures but from a willing- takers of the future, need to take ad- such a requirement. Rice stipulates parative cultures and non-Western different cultures and peoples from ness to respect and to understand vantage of the unlimited cultural op- that English majors must learn to inte- thought are needed to make Rice stu- Asia to Africa to I^atin America. For them. portunities available simply because grate and biochemists must read dents more competitive globally. those Rice students not satisfied with The best means for Rice students respect for other cultures and peoples Homer. In the same way, Rice may Unfortunately, adding more that background, the university offers to leiirn to respect and to understand will never come from a lecture or text- mandate that each student be intro- classes, or even more tragically, using a plethora of courses ranging from cultures is not by attending a class book but from constint interaction duced to a cultural perspective out- Rice as a tool to correct this problem, anthropology to Asian studies to for- three times a week but by experienc- and experience. side of the Western European tradi- simply is not the answer. eign languages to supplement their ing the variety of different cultures at tion he or she is inherently specializ- In fact, such academic solutions cultural knowledge. Given the already Rice every day. The Rice stu den t body Jason iMong is a Wiess College fresh- ing in by pursuing a degree here. fail by overestimating the impact that plentiful courses available to Rice stu- is made up of hundreds of students man.

be trusted, then 1 in 7 men arc raped, the logical conclusion of Mr. Monton's treat from tfie pursuit of knowledge. Rape compared to 1 in 4 women. Surely Prayer mind-set is that any expression of be- The rabbi certainly doesn't have all these ratios are not different enough liefs which conflicts with other beliefs the answers; no one does. Nonethe- FROM PAGE 2 to warrant devoting an entire hour to FROM PAGE 2 should be repressed. This mindset is less, the task of the university is to a problem. In each, the characters are the one, and no time to the other. Nor poem, as well as any other expression the antithesis of the ideal of an institu- search for knowledge everywhere, such exaggerated stereotypes that it was the pamphlet handed oulal Mixed of belief, will cause the same prob- tion of learning and is a regression to despite the difficulties. is much easier to make fun of them Signals consistent with the statistics. lems that a prayer does. Granted, a a structure where beliefs arc dictated Graduation is a particularly appro than it is to extract useful information The page of tips for women is a manual poem and a prayer are different but, and variance prohibited. priate occasion to designate a lew from them. In one, the male is aggres- on how not to be raped; the page of tips when presented to an audience, they Therefore, as a secular institution moments for reflecting on these is- sive, the female passive. In another, for men is a manual on how not to be bccome merely two different formats of learning committed to the pursuit sues. Simply because differences in the male is stupid, the female intelli- a rapist. The people who wrote the of expression. A pastor uses a prayer of all knowledge, Rice should not pro- belief exist is not reason to repress gent SureJyamongagroupof thought- pamphlet should take their own data while a poet uses a poem. The choice hibit the expression of beliefs through their expression but, instead, should ful college students it would be much into account and present useful infor- is one of cultural and personal prefer- prayer. Rice must, as Mr. Monton serve as a stimulus to seek further mation for everyone. ence and should not be used to mea- does not, consider the possibility that understanding. 'Hie solution to Mr. There is perhaps another change sure the value of the beliefs expressed. the rabbi has something to teach us Monton's discomfort does not lie in which could encourage students to Rather, the value should be consid- and, by extension, that a non-physical, prohibiting differences, but in learn- '//•[Mixed Signals] take the presentation seriously. ered based on the content of what is spiritual aspect of humanity exists. To ing from them. Whereas Mixed Signals was followed said, and Mr. Monton never men- deny, condemn, and ignore this possi- continues in its present by a large group discussion in tioned the content of the rabbi's prayer. bility with the excuse that no answers Micah Bennett Hamrrlan Hall, the multicultural pro 'Hie problem, however, remains that exist would be a mind-narrowing re- Brown '95 form, it is in danger of sentation was followed by small dis- cussion sections at each of the col- being mocked by classes yet leges. Surely an issue as personal as sexual assault deserves such treat- to come. ment as well. Mixed Signals has the potential to Cuffs S.tudyWare For The be a powerful forum for making stu- dents aware of the real danger pre- more effective to portray difficult situ- sented by rape in all its forms. How- ations full of the subtleties of real life. ever, if itcontinues in itspresent form, Students need scenes they can iden- it is in danger of being mockc'd by tify with, not laugh at. classes yet to come. REVIEW AND PKFFARS AT YOUR The above "disruptive student" OVW PACE does raise an important point, how- Tyndall Bunt, ever. The Mixed Signals presentation Maryana Iskander fails to address the issue of males as Wiess '97 the victims of rape. If the statistics Stuart Hall given during the presentation are to Wiess '94

¥ • The / I "1 SINCE 1916

RicOpinioen sectioI nnreshe submission policy: r EVERY TEST DOESN'T HAVE All unsolicited submissions will be considered letters unless prior TO BE A STRESS TEST. arangments are made. Letters should be submitted to the Thresher office before 5 p.m. Practicing for tests can help raise your scores and lower Monday for publication the next Friday paper. Letters maybe submitted your anxiety. And Cliffs StudyWare' has the most complete as hardcopy, on IBM disk or (preferably) on Macintosh disk. test preparation programs available for your computer. Get The Thresher does not promise to print any letter it receives and a free Test Survival Kit, details at: reserves the right to edit excessively long letters for length. Questions regarding editorial policy should be adressed to an Opinion editor or editor-in-chief at the Thresher office (527-4802). QQMAJORSwmmmm llSSIUUlfR! MEDICAL TTECHNICA L SCIENTIFIC BOOKS 6640 South Main St.

<; 'r* 4 FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 3, 1993 THE RICE THRESHER OPINION New explanations warranted for NASA's recent failures

prevent the ship from revealing their covcr anomalous seismic readings conservatives' actual exodus to Mars. • We should stock the Sid rocket Chris presence. emanating from northern Siberia • Sept. 1992: Exxon surveyors in with tactical nuclear weaponsand com- Who is on Mars, and why don't • June 1988: Scientists at the United Tblisi discover a massive u nderground bat-sized personal particle beam weap- Thomas they want us to know that they are States Naval Observatory notice sig- complex that appears to house a de- ons. I don't know how much thiswould there? Laugh, if you will, about my nificant, unexplainable fluctuations in vice that could only be a hyper- cost, but knowing the Second Amcnd- On Saturday, August 21, NASA seeing little green men in my dreams, dimensional mattertransporter. It was mcntand considering that this isTexas scientists lost contact with the $1 bil- but I assert that the cause is a little bit damaged beyond definite recognition after all. we could just go to Oshman's lion Mars Observer spacecraft as it closer to home—and I'm not talking and was not in operating condition. and get some easily enough. began a maneuver to pressurize its about the race of tclekinctic elves that 6 Of course, now that the truth is • Contact your friends at different propulsion tanks. lives inside the hollow shell of our own We should slock Ihe Sid revealed, what arc we to do about it? It universities and enlist them in the The probe was scheduled to re- Earth. should be in the obvious interest of fight for freedom. If just a few other store contact with Earth after a rou- Soviet forces occupying the planet rocket ivilh tactical nuclear every peace-loving individual on the schools follow in a similar vein, we tine operation in which communica- destroyed the Mars Observer as it planet that Mars be taken back by any should have Mars back in a short, tions were severed. This did not hap- approached its insertion into Martian weapons and coml)al-sized means necessary. realizable time. orbit. "What can I do?" the apathetic Rice Undcrstand that these suggestion s SOVIETS? "How could that be?" personal particle beam student says from inside the Hedges. represcntonc possible solution to this you say. Seemingly ludicrous, it ap- The war effort starts at home. There problem. I encourage any readers out pears to be the most natural answer. weapons. * are things that we can do on,the Rice there to contact mc with additional Have you ever wondered why they campus to combat this catastrophic thoughts or ideas. call Mars the "red" planet? threat: Remember, this is a fight to pre- Convincing evidence revealed af- • We can convert Sid Richardson serve the purity ofcsscnce of our own pen. Since then, repeated efforts to ter the collapse of the former Soviet the cesium atomic clock that suppos- College into a multistage rocket to be bodily fluids. regain contact with the ship have failed. Union/neo-Menshevik Revolution/ edly keeps accurate time. sent to Mars. After the recent water- NASA scientists have speculated mass exodus to Mars in 1991 hints at • Aug. 19, 1991: An 'abortive' coup proofing done to the college, this con- Chris nomas is a Sid Richardson Col- about possible causes of the mishap. how Communist pioneers colonized d'etat serves as a decov for the version shouldn't be too difficult lege senior. Their focus has been on a number of Mars. Recall the following chronol- possible computer and hardware mal- ogy: functions. When considered with re- • 1986: Soviet officials authorize the Labor day provides time for introspection centembarrassingevents for the space cover-up of failed experiments at program, this demonstrates a definite Chernobyl aiming to create an artifi- pessimism on the part of the NASA cial black hole. By destroying the nu m- Coconuts are key to complete and proper celebration, of simmers last stand administrators. ber four reactor all attempts at a de- white skin, blind eyes, and a keen swers were given, no one stepped out Instead, I assert that hostile forces tailed investigation of the site become Jym sense of smell. It would come up out of of line, and teachers could take half- on Mars have destroyed the space- in possible. the subterranean passages connected hour breaks in the lounge without craft. They found this necessary to • Jan. 1988: British geologists dis- Schwartz to the basement of Longcoy Elemen- worrying that their classes were tear- tary School (and later, I discovered, to ing up the room while they sat down When I was younger. Labor Day the other local schools as well) and cat the hall with a cup of cold coffee in meant so much to me. any children it could find. their shaking hands. BRAZOS BOOKSTORE It was more than just another ran- Naturally, it only liked the tender. What, you might ask, does this dom day out of school. I recall going have to do with I^ibor Day? After all, out in the back yard with my brothers, Libor Day was founded in 1882 by the shovel in hand. We'd dig a nice deep Knights of Labor (who wore factory hole and plant the tree we brought ' The iWOTA, of course, overalls instead ofarmor) and NEOTA home from... No. Wait. That was Ar- Day wasn't. But both are days that bor Day. I think we danced around a was a 12 fool worm-like have been set aside to honor and cel- pole with ribbons tied to it. No, that ebrate people who work for a living 10% STUDENT was May Day. creature ivilh slimy while everywhere, or at least in northeast- Was that the day we dissected a ern Ohio. We also allow Senators and frog from the nearby pond? No, that skin, blind eyes, and a congressional Representatives to cel- ebrate Libor Day out of the goodness DISCOUNT keen sense of smell ? of our collective American heart. So keep Libor Day in your heart not just the first Monday in Septem- ber but throughout the year. Make it tasty flesh of youngsters and could a symbol for days when you want to not bear to consume the flabby, tough slack off because you work hard on every title in hides of people who diagrammed sen- enough the rest of the year, damnit. was Halloween. Okay, the turkey was tences for a living. Libor Day should not be just one day definitely Thanksgiving, and the red (I did worry for my fifth-grade but evory day (although this might the store! construction paper hearts were teacher Miss Thomas since not only defeat the purpose). Valentine's Day. Well, at any rate, I'm wassheyoungand beautiful, but Ialso But the single most importantthing sure it was a grand holiday that my had a crush on her. Alas, she threw to remember this Labor Day is to buy whole family had some sort of elabo- me over for an older man, and I cursed a coconut and send it to the following rate ritual to celebrate. the day I ever worried the NEOTA address: Nevertheless, the holiday that might bite off her pretty little head. Andv Rooncy Must have Rice ID sticks most firmly in my mind was Eventually she took me out for ice CBS-TV NEOTA Day. I'm not making this up. cream; all was forgiven and forgot- 524 W. 57th St. There was a day when all the teachers ten.) New York, N.Y. 10019 had to go to school and all the kids It was only recently I discovered (If enough people do it, we may didn't I thought this was the single (much to my dismay) that there is no warrant a scathing commentary on 2421 BISSONET 713/523-0701 HOUSTON, TX 77005 coolest and most fitting holiday in NEOTA. per se. It's actually an acro- "60 Minutes.") existence. After all, it was a holiday for nym for Northeastern Ohio Teachers Sinite VonaTempores Volvere. the people who needed and deserved Association, and the day was set aside it the most the students. for the teachers to enact a "fantasy" Jym Sch wartz is a second-year graduate The NEOTA, of course, was a 12 day at school in which no "children" student in the department of Geology foot worm-like creature with slimy spoke out of turn, all the correct an- and Geophysics. w mrpttx)po WITHE

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BRING- /OUR BOOKS & (smokes') WEDNESDAYS® K heavy- very Kea^j- OPINION THE RICE THRESHER FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 3. 1993 5

t'tt NOT KftONAUtf VOBBO> ABOUT mWi WCK «QOK> COMN& OUT, BUT \NHKT A8CUY Loan program promotes inefficiency "TOE WWfi? \f IT WW* TWOATWNK VrfE WK. HI K BUNCH OF SEtf-OBSESSEP NAMISSISffS?

These changes should enable every- tionally, the value of the award was CCOOH THEIR SIMPLE. UVK> one to benefit less than the estimate, another ex- *OOU>JU5rBE5WirW&f Vivek In the world of Washington, how- ample of the unpredictability of gov- Rao ever, reality and theory are rarely in ernment agreement The creators of this plan The new federal student loan pro- : Beginning in the 1994-95 school may have had good intentions, but gram is the result of calls for change, M^r year, college students will no longer these changes in the student loan pro- butitisachange for the worse. If only have to deal with the frustration in- gram can lead to only one of three "governmental inefficiency" were an volved in obtaining student loans, ac- things—inefficiency, inefficiency, or oxymoron, things would be different cording to the Clinton "more govern- inefficiency. But separating the two words seems ment is good government" Adminis- How often have government esti- as difficult as paying off the federal tration. mates of the savings that would result debt by 19% —a possibility, but one rmt** The new federal student loan pro- from federal intervention been proven that is virtually unattainable as long as gram, which became law in August, is correct?Truc, theTrcasury would save Congress is unwilling to make sacri- hailed by many in Washington as a considerably by not paying banks in- fices in their own districts. terest. But government organizations Until we create that Utopia, wo can Physics conflict not forseen lack the efficiency of private busi- do little more than hope that the new nesses— businesses that do almost student loan program will not be as To the editor: classes. The department continues to Editors everything they can to control costs. disastrous as some of Big Brother's It has come to my attention that the believe that the course is better taugh t This aspect of the private sector has other attempts to help the "common Physics Dcpartmentis being criticized MWF, but when the schedule prob- always been bad news for employees folk." for their attempt to move PHYS 101 to lem Wiis discovered .they volunteered Notes I that fail to do their jobs quickly and Monday-Wednsday-Friday. They in to revert to Tuesday-Thursday for this accurately, butcustomers have almost Vivek Rao is a Baker College freshman fact made this change last spring with semester. money-saver for students as well as invariably benefited from prompt ser- and the Assistant Opinion Editor. the knowledge of their dean and my The administration is studying the government. Given the federal vice and low prices. office. It raised no flag at the time ways to prevent this sort of disruption government's dismal track record in With government, those in charge because they had offered that course in the future. its handling of taxpayer money, how- are more concerned with rewarding on that schedule several years ago. It ever, this plan will probably do little loyal supporters than searching for Politics was not noticed until recently that it James Williamson more than replace the shortcomings people who are most qualified. Since FROM PAGE 2 would give students enrolled in the Registrar of the old system with new deficien- their salaries are in no way affected by the political system, as worth nothing. "bigthree"and HUMA101 four MWF cies. how much agencies spend, there is If anything, such comments show the The federal loan program currently little incentive to strive to achieve and contempt for Middle America which in place has ban ks act as agents for the maintain a high level of productivity. has constituted much of left-wing po- government In exchange for provid- As a result, the new program will cost litical discourse in contemporary his- ing student loans, banks receive inter- Americans more than it will save. tory. President Clinton, in his rhetoric Are You est on the loan as well as compensa- Additionally, students will find the at least, tried the pull the Democrats tion in the event that a student de- new loan program less "user-friendly," away from such elitism in 1992. Ifsuch faults on the loan—both provided cour- notmore.Thosewhodoubtthisshould an attitude of condescension returns tesy of the average citizen's wallet have a conversation with members of to the fore in Democratic circles, the The new plan .which will be phased theClassof "97 who have been awarded party's fortunes will only suffer. If in over five years, hopes to eliminate federal scholarships. that's the case, the anti-Clinton vote the "middle agents" and save billions Due to unforeseen difficulties (a will only grow, as will our populist Whether you are or not, we want of dollars that would otherwise be result of the confusion that accompa- movement Keep on talking, Joe. earned by the banks as interest. Stu- nies the arrival of a new Administra- You're only helping us. dents would also benefit in that they tion in Washington), many scholar- At any rate, thanks to the Thresher you! would no longer have to brave inter- ship applicants were forced to wait for helping stir interest in our group, views with bank employees; instead,- months to learn if they had been and we encourage all interested stu- Write for the Opinion section. they would only need to make a short chosen. dents and faculty to come by and tike trek to their educational institution's Even worse, most had no knowl- part in our activities. Join the Opinion staff meeting Fridays at noon financial aid office. edge of the delay, and many mistak- in the Sid commons. Additionally, students would pay enly assumed that their applications David Rhodes For more information, contact David Hale less ^n interest, thanks to the had been rejected. Mark R. Yzaguirre government's feigned desire to help For instance, those who were cho- Co-Founders, at the Rice Thresher. students instead of making a profit sen National Science Scholars by the Rice Chapter 527-4802. - The new program will also provide U.S. Department of Education re- I^ead or Ijeave/ Do it. You'll be cool. graduates who have financial difficul- ceived no notification until five months United We Stand America ties more time to repay their debts. after the promised reply date. Addi-

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TRUDEAU

Doonesbury BY GARRY TRUDEAU

IT CAN REAP MY HANDWRIT- WHAT'S ITS MY NEW BUT YOU HO PROBLEM THAT, PERSONAL PI6ITAL TEN ENTRIES ANP KEEP PONTHAVB MY PERSONAL TRACK OF ALL MY IMPOR- MIKE ? ASSISTANT. IT'S A ANY BUSINESS DIGITAL ASSIST- TANT SUSINESS MEETINGS STATE-OF-THE-ART MEETINGS- ANT WILL ELECTRONIC ORGAN REFLECT THAT. / ITER! '/z£z

MIKE? MR. BELLOWS! WEIL, LET NO CAN PO. I'VE wpv BELLOWS GOOPTO LISTEN, MIKE, I HOUJ ABOUT MB SEE... GOT A ONE O'CLOCK YOU GOT HERE! HEAR-FROM MIGHT HAVE A SMALL A WORKING HOW ABOUT WITH BPIPPL AT /) DIGITAL YOU, SIR! PROJECT I CAN THROW LUNCH? WHEN TODAY, SIP.? CAFE FWIBLOB- ASSISTANT, YOUR MY. ARB YOU / TOO, SIR.? THAT'S FREE? z GREAT, / SIR! A

MIKE, WE IT'S NOT A TOY, IN ADDITION TO CANT AFFORD J.J-ITSAPIGI- KEEPINGAPDRES6ES, FIRST ANOTHEREX- TAL ASSISTANT, Hell HOLD IT, DATES, ETC., IT ALSO ET ars, GENERATION, LET ME PENSIVE TOY... AN INDISPENSA- CAN READ HAND- VO/LA! IS IT? BLE DESKTOP WRITING! UJATCH award CHECKTHE TOOL OF THE THIS yoyo? MANUAL FUTURE! \ /

THERE! I'VE ENTEREP BUT IT TOOK YOU TEN TIMES ITMILL EVEN- THEN YOU SHOULD ALMOST 200ADDRESSES LONGER THAN IT IAJOULP TO TUALLY, J.J.! HAVE WAITED UN-J.J,,SOMEBOPY IN MY DIGITAL ASSISTANT! WRITE THEM IN A POCKET BUTTHE TIL IT MAS BET- HAS TO GO A VAILABLE AT THE TOUCH ADDRE9S BOOK. I THOUGHT TECHNOLOGY'S TER ANP CHEAPFIRST! - I'M LIKE OF A FINGER'. THE UJHOLE POINT WAS TO ONLY IN ITS \ ER.' A PIONEER. SAVE /MFAkirVI HERE! Battery dead. Dumping addresses.

OKAY, HERE'S ANOTHER FEA- SEE? MY PIGI- TURE—THE MACHINE LEARNS I JUST WRITE 12'30p.m. TAL ASSISTANT BUT I'M NOT PON, OUR ABOUT ITS OWNER ! SAY I IN ONE UJORP, Lunch KNOWS MHO DLOP. ANP ACCOUNTANT. WANT TO SCHEDULE A LUNCH LIKE THIS.. wibhDlop I'M MOST MHO IS PLOP? BUT, SEE, WITH YOU, OKAY?. at Burger LIKELY TO / I'D REMEMBER Kling. HAVE LUNCH IT WAS YOU. WITH ANP WHERE!

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SCRATCH! SCRATCH' (C NEWS THE RICE THRESHER FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 3, 1993 7 Third of social fees won't pay for alcohol Fists of fury

by Keith Hoffman going into the general budget that designated yes." "Any money collected by the col- Baker College is currently short lege can be used for alcohol," said on general social funds, said Presi- College presidents are confident Wiess President Celeste Campbell. dent Steve Graham, but has plenty of that this year will include plenty of "We're going to use our [Night of funds available for alcohol. flowing taps at the residential colleges, Decadence] proceeds for our operat- "We were hoping for a 50-50 split even though students can now decide ing budget for alcohol." [between alcohol and non-alcohol or] whether their social fee can be used "[Using the NOD proceeds] is $2,325 for alcohol. We passed that on for alcohol. easier than worrying about the social alcohol, but all in all we have not col- "1 don't foresee any shortcomings fee or non-drinkers or those under- lected as much as expected," Graham in our funds for alcohol," said Lovett age," Campbell said. "It's not always said. College PresidentClint Patterson. "We fair to ask them to contribute to things Baker expected to receive $4,650 actually have a surplus now." like that" from the social fee. But because of "We have at least the same amount WRC is mailing memos on which problems collecting from off-campus [of money for alcohol], if not more students will indicate their prefer- students, Graham said, the college than in previous years," said Audrey ences. has only received $3750. Chun, president of Jones College. As a result, the college doesn't yet While more than $2,665 in fees has The change was part of Rice's deci- know how much alcohol money it will been earmarked for alcohol, leaving sion to notallowuniversityfundstobe have, said President Merritt no problem with funds for alcohol, used for alcohol, for liability reasons. McKinney. Baker is still $900 short The $15 college social fee has in "When our freshmen came in, I Graham said though the fee could past years been collected through the think we didn't tell our freshmen," be collected through the cash ier, "we'll cashier's office, making it a university said Anita Kuo, Lovett treasurer. "I wait a little bit because if it's done that fee. By collecting the fee themselves, had forgotten about the option." way, [the fees collected by the cash- colleges can continue to use it for Kuo said she plans to send out ier] can't be used for alcohol." alcohol. forms for freshmen to sign. Chun said, "About two-thirds [of The fee was collected when resi- Preliminary data from college presi- upperclassmen] designated that we r dents picked up their keys. Most stu- dents indicates that less than a third of could spend [their fees] on alcohol," dents designated then whether alco- students chose to designate their fees leaving Jones with sufficient alcohol •hol could be purchased with their fee. for non-alcoholic use only, leaving suf- funds. But Jones, Wiess College, and Will ficient funds for alcohol expenses. "1 think [the collection] is going to Ray Nelson demonstrates his talents in the Grand Hall on Tuesday. Rice College decided otherwise — Brown College President Rachele go really smoothly. We haven't had and Lovett College forgot to ask its Harless said about 50 percent of in- anyone refusing to pay their social freshmen entirely. Jones is nowusing coming freshmen — but only 10 per- fee," Chun said. available social fees for alcohol and cent of upperclassman — designated Problems that d id surface centered SA Business will have members designate their their funds for non-alcoholic use. around collecting the fee from off- The Student Association Senate met Aug. 30. The following were preferences when the fee is collected. Other colleges appear to have fared campus students, Brandt said. discussed: But Jones won't allow freshmen to similarly. Patterson said Lovett does If off-campus students don't ask designate their funds for alcohol. not have a tally yet, but is "estimating for a mailbox key or an exterior key, • Michael Woodbury and Chad Fatgason have been appointed to the A clause in the alcohol policy pre- that no one has designated [the fee] then the colleges will be forced to search committee for a vice president for student affairs. vents a college from denying students' for non-alcohol use." collect the fee through the cashier. • GregMarshall, direct'orof UniversityRelations, spoke about founding right to prohibitusing their money for WRCTreasurer Kerry Brandt said "Some people are a little surprised a select group of about 48 students to be trained as designated alcohol, but nothing prevents Jones she estimated 300 of WRC's 340 or so when they have to pay the fee. Some "Rice representatives." They would meet visitors to Rice and from going the other direction. members would designate their funds people area little indignant," Patterson perform duties like picking up visitors and driving them to hotels. "Since none of [the incoming fresh- for alcohol. said. • The Senate acknowledged the Pub's financial difficulties and men] came in as 21 year olds, we "We've tried to make it clear that He said most people were under- discussed establishing a committee to evaluate the Pub's efficiency. didn't feel the need to give them a not all the money will be spent on standing once they realized their stu- • Inauguration Weekend forRice President Malcolm Gillis is set forthe choice," Chun said. alcohol," Brandt added. dent activities fee was reduced to com- weekend of Oct. 31. She ^aid Jones doesn't buy as much Hanszen College President Kara pensate. • The Great American Picnic, jointly sponsored by the SAand the Rice alcohol for parties as other colleges, Kane said, "Out of $6,000, at least Wiess College avoided any pos- Program Council, will be held today from 5 to 7 p.m. so the loss of freshman social fee was $1,300 was not to go.for alcohol. We sible conflict by requiring the fee for an affordable one. figured we would have enough even if membership in the college, Campbell Next meeting: Sept. 13 at 10 p.m. in Kelley Lounge At Wiess, the social fee money is it was just the random 21 year olds said. — compiled by Chris Backers

Alcohol and college funds

21 and over: Did you designate your social fee for alcohol?

No: 17.1% HHH ATTENTION SENIORS!

Under 21: Did you designate your social fee for alcohol?

No: 26.2% oV.vXv.v.v. Pick up your 1994 class rings in the What affect will the fee change have on college social life? Rice Memorial Center 21 and over under 21 Very positive 2% 6% Positve 11% 19% No change 64% 50% Negative 18% 13% Very negative 5% 11%

How much do you drink? Great deal 5% 2% September 8th Very much 18% 13% Moderate 25% 30% Not very much 27% 21% Not at all 24% 34% 9:00 AM-4:00 PM

Erratum The Rice Thresher incorrectly reported last week that a man was able to access Rice's mainframe through an improper security setting. In in front of the fact, the man gained access through user identification information inadvertently left on the system. The Thresher regrets the error. Rice Campus Store -*T

8 FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 3. 1993 THE RICE THRESHER NEWS

Campus criin e Academic buildings Nabelek gets 40 years Aug. 12 8:30-10:30 a.m. Unattended backpack stolen from storage the pictures. rack by Sei Chong Officers also found a great deal of Aug. 25 12-12:10 a.m. Unattended backpack stolen from storage sexually explicit material at Nabelek's A Rice University graduate student home. Aug. 25 9:3010 a.m. Unlocked bicycle stolen from rack was sentenced Monday to 40 years in Aug. 26 1-4 p.m. Wallet stolen from unattended backpack Michael Cox, a sex offender thera- prison for photographing himself in Aug. 27 8 a.m.-2p.m. Watch stolen from desk pist at Baylor College of Medicine, sexual acts with a 2 year old. called Nabelek a narcissistic Parking lots Ivo Nabelek, a Slovakian violinist, pedophiliac. Aug. 24 9:05 a.m.-3:30 p.m. Vehicle stolen received a master's degree in May Cox argued against incarcera- from the Shepherd School of Music tion, saying Nabelek wasn't an Specific crime locations are not listed this week because criminals have used this column to shift crime and was a doctorate student when aggressive sexual offender but patterns, according to Campus Police. indicted. He faces almost certain de- rather one to take advantage of portation when paroled, around 2003. circumstances. Suite District Judge Lupe Salinas In other instances in which said he decided to send Nabelek to Nabelek had contact with children, no RSVP openings prison in order to strengthen people's allegationsofsexual misconduct were faith in the criminal justice system. reported. He had been a music teacher Outreach Day, which Rice students, faculty and staff can spend working with a variety of Houston organizations, The sexual assault occurred Feb. in the Spring Independent School Dis- will be Sept. 18. Projects this year include buddy programs, crisis work, hunger relief, environmental work and 13 when his girlfriend's 2-year-old trict hospital help. Year-round volunteer work is also available. niece was in Nabelek's care. Nabelek's attorney, Roger Nabelek took pictures of himself and Bridgwater, said an appeal is likely. Sign up at a college or gi^Sammy's during lunch, Fondren Library from 9 a.m. to 3 p.m. or at the Coffeehouse the child in sexual acts. from 10:30 p.m. to 12 a.m. Sign-ups will continue through Sept. 10. Nabelek came to the Un ited States After he took the five rolls of film to in 1989. He graduated from Indiana Contact college representatives or the Rice Student Volunteer Program office at 527-4970. a Target store to be developed, the University and came to Houston after film lab notified police. Nabelek was playing in the Knoxville, Tenn. Sym- arrested when he arrived to pick up phony. Illinois team loses bid for reinstatement by Sei Chong Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, Aug. 27

A judge from the Peoria, 111., U.S. High default rates may hurt District Court threw out a lawsuit financial aid for colleges charging the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign with reverse dis- The U.S. Department of Education crimination for dropping men's swim- has threatened to drop almost 2,(XX) ming. post-secondary institutions from fed- eral funding because the schools have high student loan default rates. Of the schools, 455 had exceeded 50-percent default rates on student loans for fiscal year 1991, putting their Title IV programs in danger. These programs include almost every kind of financial aid. About 1,200 schools had more than 30-percentdefaultrates THE HEDGES in 1991. Tie Department of Education pe- nalized schools with more than 30- Eight members of the 1992-93 percent default rates for three con- men's swimming team had sued the secutive years. university when it cut the men's pro- The schools on the penalized list gram but not the women's program. have a week to appeal the decision. The university decided to eliminate They then face serious cuts in qualify- the team May 7 because of budget ing students for financial aid, accord- cuts. ing to Heather Werner, management The team members were seeking specialist for the Department of Edu- a temporary injunction to reinstate cation. the swim team until there was a per- The penalty program began two manent ru ling on the reverse discrimi- years ago when defaulted student nation issue. loans accounted for more than $3.5 TWO Judge Joe Billy McDade, while billion in taxes. granting the dismissal, said he sympa- Source: 7Jie Daily Texan, Univer- thized with the team members. sity of Texas at Austin, Aug. 25 The members of the team were innocent victims of a law that requires Intoxication levels lowered the men's swimming team to pay the for under-21 drinkers FOR NONE. price for the women's swimming team," McDade said in his ruling. Under-age drinkers can be now be University Athletic Director Ronald arrested for having an intoxication Cue nther said he regretted that men's level lower than. 10, the legal limit for Both Free For l^fear. swimming was the necessary victim those over 20 years of age. of gender-equity rules listed in Title IX Because of a new Texas law that of a 20-ycar-old federal law. These went into effect SepL 1, minors can be At Compass Bank, we know that a free Compass Courier ATM card rules prohibit any cuts to women's considered legally drunk if they have sports program if there is a low overall a blood alcohol level of .07 percent. every student can relate to "some- you can use free at teller machines participation rate. However, the legal blood alcohol level thing for nothing." Which is why anywhere — no matter whose This decision will make any non- for those older than 20 remains at. 10 revenue sport a possible victirrro fTitle percent. Those found legally intoxi- we'll give you a free Checker machine you use. So drop by or IX," said plaintiff Matt Graham, sopho- cated can have their driver's licenses Account for one full year when you call Compass Bank and ask about more. revoked. Source: Daily Illini, University of Source: The Houston Post, Sept. 1 open that account with at least a two great deals that'll fit into $100 deposit. In addition, you'll get any student budget. NEWS IN BRIEF Compass Bank Bike registration for students Dan Caesar, a Wiess College senior (713) 621-3336 and musician who died this summer. Campus police will register bi- The concert is open to everyone. cycles SepL 14 from 7 to 9 p.m. and on Caesar was hiking in the Grand Bunker Hill Crosby Greenspoint Kingwood Memorial SepL 15 from 1 to 3 p.m. in the Rice Canyon with friends when lie was 9to01 Katy freeway I'1700 I'M 2100 14255 I 45 North 200 North Park Drive 12649 Memorial Memorial Center. struck by lightning and killed. Those who register their bicycles Northwest River Oaks Weslayan Westheimer West University 2000 N. Loop West 2001 Kirby at San Felipe 10808 Westheimer 3646 University Blvd. can receivespecialdiscountson safety P/F deadline extended 24 Greenway Plaza and security products from local bike shops. FUTURE LOCATIONS: First Colony Spring The Woodlands Students can convert pass/fail op- Galleria tions into grades until SepL 24 at 5 Memorial for Rice student p.m. for courses taken in the 1993 Some ATM owners may charge an ATM surcharge lor the use of their machines. Offer expires November 7. 1003. spring semester. All Compass Banks member FDIC. A memorial concert will, be given The original deadline for pass/fail SepL 4 in Herring Hall 124at8p.m.for conversion was June 4. FEATURE THE RICE THRESHtN FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 3. 1993 9

around to the other side, I was finally able to get inside one door and reach the mailroom. Just past the mailroom, however, was a staircase leading to the main lobby. Rice from a In the mailroom the college sec- retary explained to me the process that goes on each year around com- mencement, when at least one wheel- chair person arrives each year. First she calls up Facilities and Engineering to get them to clean out the service elevator which usually is filled with trash. After the trash has been cleared out, the wheelchair-bound person can Wh eelchair then ride the trash elevator down little before twelve noon able to pull me back on the sidewalk that night to sleep, having assumed into the basement where he can then on Monday, August 23,1 and I was again on my way. BY DAVID HALK that entering Sid was still an insur- reach the elevator and from there the A sat down. With one brief One never notices the uneven- mountable obstacle. commons and floor lobbies. emergency exception, it would be ness of the sidewalks when walking. (ostensibly my reason for being at 1 decided to forgo the process. almost 48 hours before I stood up I found myself listing to one side or Rice in the first place), or should I uesday morning began with For dinner 1 thought H anszen was again. the other every time I went outside. play by my self-imposed rules and a trip to Fondren library. 1 a good choice. I made my way- I had decided to check the wheel- While it is a problem that cannot be miss my class. I decided that since I arrived early, hoping to through the front door of the com- T mons and was confronted by what chair accessibility of the Rice cam- easily fixed and does not really need had not one but two classes in Phys- check out different areas. The re- pus. The most obvious way to do this to be, I found it one of the most ics that afternoon, I would walk up modeling done over the summer appeared to be the steepest ramp in seemed to be to stay in a wheelchair annoyingpartsofmy stay in the chair. the five stairs to get in. Once on the seems to have greatly improved the the world. I began my way up it, got for a few days. Obviously I wouldn't I often found myself arriving at my artificial ground level of the Physics ground floor. I had no problem get- about halfway, and began to roll back be able to find everything that might destination with one arm tired and lab, 1 discovered the building other- ting anywhere I thought of going. down. Fear flashed through my mind be problematic, but finding only some the other well rested. wise completely accessible. There The stacks, however, were a dif- as instinctively I flung out my arms things would be better than not look- Continuing my trip to Brown, I was an elevator to the second floor ferent matter. I was able to barely and somehow managed to grab the ing. decided out of dumb luck to cross the and the doors all seemed to be wide squeeze my wheelchair down every railing. After a small pause, I hauled I wheeled myself to the door of street in front of Chem Lec. I discov- third one or so. Though I am certain myself the rest of the way up using the Thresher office and struggled to ered as I went further down the walk that a librarian would have helped the railings. open it. Eventually I would figure out that I would have had only one more £ Fear flashed me get the books I needed, I myself "Threading my way through the how to open heavy doors but this first chance to cross the street. This was would have been unable to peruse commons themselves was relatively- one proved especially tricky. First I in front of the engineering quad, and through my mind as the shelves for other potentially help- easy, but in the kitchen several ob- attempted to open it just as I would that if I had tried to cross where I had ful materials. structions had to be moved. Still, they normally, just grabbing the handle originally intended, at the end of Again, it is hard to determine how were easily moved and posed no real and pulling on il But instead of mov- Physics lab, I would have discovered instinctively I flung serious a problemthis inconvenience problem. ing the door, I found myself rolling stairs. might be. I do not think it warrants a After dinner, 1 returned to lace into the door. Finally I somehow did Imadetherestoftheway to Brown out my arms and complete overhaul of the library (and the ramp. get it open, angling myself against without much incident, arriving ex- corresponding loss of shelf space), Not sure how to approach it, 1 the door and then turning. I was out hausted. Just before the door, how- somehow managed to but it was annoying. began to go down bit by bit. Then 1 into the world. ever, was a small step. By accident I After class, I headed to Wiess for accelerated and lost control. By the The next test was the elevator. discovered I could pop myself over it grab the railing. J lunch. Getting in the commons was end of the six-foot trip my heart rate Line up to the door. Press the button. by backing up and then throwing my no problem and everything went with- had doubled. Wheel in. No problem. Try to turn wheels forward quickly. Had it been out incident, except that I almost Returning to my temporary home around. It was not going to happen. I any higher, however, I would have enough. With the addition of a simple could not reach the beverage ma- at the 77? office, I found myself quickly discovered it is just easiest to had to circle around to the ramp on ramp at one of the entrances, the chines in the kitchen. Someone with crossing the street next to a van that back out. the other side. building would have been completely slightly shorter arms would not have obstructed my view. As 1 inched out Now 1 had to deal with people. I accessible. been able to reach them at all. to see, a silver car appeared sud- had just been through the Rice Me- y first attempt to enter a After class I decided to explore To begin the afternoon 1 returned denly, braking quickly. 1 saw myself morial Center five or six times in the college was an easy some, making my way across cam- to Sewell Hall for a class. I found never getting out of my chair. It was last half hour looking for a crescent one. A man opened the pus. I got to the RMC and found myself struggling up the ramp out- not a pleasant thought. M myself again completely exhausted. wrench to make some adjustments door for me and I made my way in side. Still, a steep ramp is better than 1 spent the rest of the night at th< to the chair before I began. I had without much problem. Trying to do I decided to make my way through to no ramp, and a woman did offer to Thresher office finishing my section. sensed that I was beginning to look the same thing by myself later on, the Coffeehouse and then up to the help out. The next morning I decided that little• familiar to the people in the RMC, however, would prove more difficult. Thresher office. I was able to do both purpose would be served by holding even the ones who did not know me. It took me three times to move fast without much problem, although this fter class the next stop was out until noon as I had planned, and In the chair, however, I was unrecog- enough to card access a door. time I had to deal with the heavy Sid Richardson to see if so I broke free from my confinement nizable. The man handing out Bibles I made my way through the Brown 'Thresher door from the other side. there was indeed no way and walked back to Sid. I walked up With a little agility I was able to get A for the Gideons who I had talked to television lounge, threading my way in. After circling the college halfway, the stairs that had kept me out befon • briefly after he had offered me one between the couches and the wall, through it. finding a dead end, and backtracking and up to my room. for the fourth time glanced at me and past the foosball table and into the Later in the evening I decided to then approached me again to hold commons. At first everyone seemed try some other buildings<..I headed out a Bible. No recognition. The to make a point of not paying atten- for the main quad. In a whirlwind tour (relatively speaking) I confirmed ADA changes coming phone company representatives and tion, but as a few friends approached, newspaper hawkers did not yell at curiosity grew. that Anderson and Rayzorwere both Compliance to federal law to be met by 1995 me for the first time in ten passes. To my pleasant surprise, there at least accessible to the ground floor. I then toured Sewell Hall, which has their seat, and FM signals from the Suddenly I was in a world that either were no obstructions going through by Sarah S. Hughes didn't see me or didn't know how to the serving line. The same could not been ramped to make it all acces- mike would amplify the sounds for deal with me. be said of the commons tables. Only sible. them," Posch said. Hamman Hall and one of the By noon I was outside. After fi- the outermost ones were accessible Lovett Hall was, of course, com- Rice expects to finish by 1995 large lecture halls may share a nally finding the ramp down on the at all. pletely inaccessible. I realized that renovations in compliance with the second system. back side of the RMC, I decided After lunch I ventured to my first because of its unique four-entrance Americans with Disabilities Act ^The newly chartered student Brown would be a good place to start class. After begging a push back to structure, wheelchair accessibility to Meanwhile, a student group is group Rice for Access is helping for lunch. the academic quad, I circled Physics it may be impossible. Still, I won- working to open Rice's minds to the administration target most- I was halfway around the RMC lab twice in search of an entrance I dered if, had I been a wheelchair- fair treatment for the disabled. needed renovations and educating when I fell off the sidewalk and could use. I did not find one any- bound high school student looking "We'll be substantially complete the Rice student body about the stranded myself in a patch of mud. I where. to apply to Rice, whether or not I by next fall," said John Posch, tech- needs and problems of the dis- was contemplating whether or not I I had come to my first ethical would have found the inaccessibility nical architect for Facilities and abled. should just stand up when a man dilemma of my experiment: should I of the admissions office an ill omen. Engineering. came up and offered to help. He was stand up and cheat to get to my class 1 returned to the 'Dtresher office The order of renovations fol- Kathleen Friel, a Will Rice Col- lows ADA priorities. "Our overall lege junior with cercbrai palsy, re- strategy is first parking and curb chartered the group last spring at cuts, making sure people can get the suggestion of Director of Stu- into the buildings," Posch said. dent Activities Sarah Nelson "Our next priority is getting Crawford. people to as many partsofthc build- Rice for Access' year includes ing as needed, with elevators and events like Abilities Awareness ramps." This portion of the work, Week, on Oct 25. "We're going to mmm which includes restrooms, is cur- have a bunch of simulations for the IIP rently underway. students to try," Friel said. "Hope- "Our lowest priority is lowering fully after people see that there is a telephones, drinking fountains, and need, they'll be more open to things like that," he said. changes." F&E is still studying ways to Rice for Access is also working make the toughest buildings, like with the Admissions Office on a I/>vett Hall, Mechanical Engineer- booklet detailing the services pro- ing Building, Abercrombie Labo- vided by the university for the dis- ratories and Sid Richardson Col- abled. The booklet will help Ad- lege, accessible. miMjpns staff answer questions. "Lovett Hall is really hard be- ^his way, Admissions will be cause there's no back to the build- able to give people the real facts," ing," Posch said. "Pretty imagina- Friel said. tive solutions [are being studied], Friel said she feels developing a couple of which may be practi- both physical accessibility and cal." open-minded attitudes among the Posch also is considering as- student body are important to at- sisted-listening devices in Alice tract and keep talented disabled Pratt Brown Hall for the hearing students. impaired. "Just think about it," Friel said. "People could check out head- "Stephen Hawking could come David Hale looks on from his wheelchair as fellow Sid Richardson College members mounts the stairs in front of Sid. sets in the lobby, plug them in at here!" 10 FRIDAY. SEPTEMBER 3, 1993 THE RICE THRESHER ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT

GENERIC RECORDS This week McGonigel's Mucky Duck offers a wide range of Baby Animals still missing a little something musical performances which include Monte Montgomery BABY ANIMALS (8:30 p.m. Sept 1), the hit duo SHAVED AND DANGEROUS IMAGO RECORDS of Pete Kennedy & Maura Boudreau (8:30 p.m. Sept. 2), BY MARC HIRSH the Grey Ghost Band (9:00 p.m. It'seasy to see why Baby Animals wereasked Sept. 3), and Celtic folk music by Ceili's to tour with both Van Halen and Bryan Adams. Muse (8:30 p.m., Sept. 7) among others. They're just hard enough to fit in with the Halen crowd and just bland enough to prepare audi- For more info on the Muck Duck, which ences for Mr. Adams. In other words, this Aus- is located at 242S Norfolk, call (713) tralian band's new album, Shaved and Danger- 528-5999. ous from Imago Records, is fairly generic pop- metal. Which may not work against them. They are The Houston Ballet is presenting Ben huge in their native Australia, their self-titled Stevenson's celebrated production of debut album having won three Aria awards, the equivalent to the American Grammy. Tchaikovsky's The Sleeping Beauty. After the aforementioned tours, they played Opening Sept 9 at 7:3Q p.m., the most their own sold-out shows to enthusiastic crowds at the Marquee in London and the Ritz in New lavish and expensive ballet ever York, an impressive feat for a band without a presented by the Houston ballet will run major hit in this country. through Sept. 19 in the Wortham For their second album, Baby Animals have used their critical acclaim and major-league sup- Center's Brown Theater. Ticket prices porters to up the ante, snagging Living Colour range from $8 to $70. Call 227-ARTS or producer Ed Stasiumand Extremeguitarist Nuno liettencourt to help out. 800-828-ARTS for more info. a Bettencourt helps out on several tunes, pro ducing and contributing backing vocals to "life Cinema enthusiasts: between Sept. 10 From a Distance" and a cover of Free's "lie My and 12, the Houston Museum of Fine Friend," while playing acoustic guitar on "Be- cause I Can," which he co-wrote with singer/ Arts wiR be presenting Sergei Eisensteln: songwriter Suze DeMarchi. Ten Rims That Shook the World. This Unfortunately, the latter song, along with the Free cover, only serves to underscore the group's encore presentation focuses on the major problem: the lack of a strong songwriter. master filmmaker and a collection of Ms DeMarchi, guitarist Dave Ijeslie, and bassist most powerful works. Student discount Eddie Parise write inoffensive but unspectacular songs that hint at the group's live power but tickets ($4) ate available at the film box show no promise of individuality. office 30 minutes before show time at Part of the problem with the album is that there is no indication that the group is anything the Main Street door. Free parking. more than a backdrop for DeMarchi. She seems to be the main focus of the band, while Leslie, The Glassell School of Art will be Parise, and drummer Frank Celenza are rel- egated to supporting roles. featuring 30 works created by school Even on the album cover and in pictures, faculty members that focus on the DeMarchi, resplendent in low-cut shirts and relationship between an original idea short black hair with shocking blonde bangs, is surrounded by her three seemingly interchange- and the final work of art. Art forms will able bandmates, who even look alike. Sex might include photographs, paintings, not be selling the band, but DeMarchi sure is. As a vocalist, DeMarchi has an impressive The photo Says it all: Baby Animals are dominated by lead singer Suze DeMarchi. sculptures, prints, drawings, jewelry, voice, but no personality. She sounds like a begins in yesterday/When every light around Which isn't to say that there aren't impres- and ceramics. The exhibition will run much less annoying version of Linda Perry of 4 you shines/You are the lover of a hundred sive moments, but they are less frequent thanwe from Sept. 10 through October 10 at the Non Blondes, and we definitely don't need an- others/So don't tell me what to do." would like. other one of those. Nothing else on the album comes close to Baby Animals aren't confident enough to Glassell School of Art, located at 5101 So, with a powerful but uninteresting ban- being this up-front, relying instead on lines like, step out entirely on their own. It's a pity, too, Montrose. Call 639-7500 for more info. shee wailatherdisposal, DeMarchi mustrelyon "Buputa says you like to sell your hardware/ because with a few pushes in the rightdirection, her lyrics to convey her message. The album ...Sell yourself around." Not appalling. Not even Baby Animals might be something more than FREE ADMISSION. beginswith a blunt accusation: "When everyday interesting. just this year's passing fancy. Paintings by the Bohemian-bom artist HOW YA DOIN'? Wulf Barsch will be on display at his exhibition I Tego Arcana Dei. The Jerky Boys amuse with obnoxious phone pranks exhibition will be held in the Gremillion and Co. Fine Art Gallery, located at JFRKY BOYS a caller looking for work while freely admitting certainly taps an adventursome vein that mostof 2501 Sunset Blvd. The artist will speak JERKY BOYS to various Criminal activities that led to hisiiring us never got the chance to fully mine during SELECT RECORDS from a previous job. This character then starts in adolescent slumber parties. The vicarious par- at the gallery on Wednesday, Sept. 8th with more obscene language and casually flings ticipation in these outrageous pranks is funny at 7:00 p.m. Contact Velma Johnson at BY PETER HOWLEY endearments like "fuckface" and "tough guy" at stuff. Not just the first time you hear it, either. the victims before threatening them with injury. Some of the best laughs come from a whiny, (713) 522-2701 for more info. "WARN INGlThis May Offend Most People." "I'm the best I'll work circles around you," Woody Allen-like character who calls a proctolo- So reads the cover of the already-legendary one of the Boys brags to an earnest victim at an gist asking for laser surgery for his hemor- ass The. Museum of Fine Arts will be Jerky Boys album. The sticker is attached with auto repair company that advertised for a me- rhoids. This is tearing the out- of me," he presenting an good reason. The album is a recording of crank chanic. "I'll rap your fucking head in with a complains to a prim receptionist phone calls that surpasses our most radical ratchet," he cheerfully pledges. "Sir, can you please use the proper termi- exhibition nology?" she asks. junior high school pranks in creativity and dar- Another favorite character, this one appar- featuring ing. The language is scathing, the personalities ently a foreignerwith poor English skills, carries "But I'm dying over here," he shrieks. abrasive, and the results hilarious. out a variety of calls. In one, she complains to a She hangs up without a word. approximately Bootleg copies of the Boys' work have been malpractice lawyer of a vicious sexual assault at Most of the victims are more toler- 30 photographs circulating around college campuses and other the dentist ant A1 most all see the co nversation by Texas artists outlets of obnoxious humor for some time while In another, he tries to sell a talent agency on through to the end as the callers their cult following has grown. a magical act which includes stabbing custom- weave ludicroustalesof crimes, during the week The routine goes something like this: one of ers in the eyes with sabers. Then he randomly accidents and misfortunes of Sept. 2- the Boys Oohnny B., I^ou Gitano or Kamal) calls screams Asian epithets to a sushi bar worker without breaking charac- an establishment to talk business. The victims looking for a chef. ter; they are just believ- Sept. 8. The are usually classified advertisers looking for The most absurd bits come from an effemi- able enough to exhibition, nate male model who calls to pitch his act to a keep the con- help or soliciting clients. titled Texas The conversation begins legitimately, al- talent agency. The transcription, without itslisps versation go- though the victims are frequently unnerved by and exclamations, doesn't do the spoken ver- ing. And all the victims on the album were kind Focus: Recent Photographic the callers' insulting word choice or apparent sion justice. enough to "allow their voices to be used for Acquisitions from the Mundy and Willour neuroses. "I want to show you my goods," the model release to the public. Collections, examines the artists For instance, the Boys' most frequently used promises. "I soak myself in lamp oil, and then I The Jerky Boys are certainly capitalizing on character?—a blue-collar type with a biting New burn myself in fron tof the crowd... I jump arou nd their infamy, which has been helped by a ru- independent approaches. The museum with dogs on stage. I bring a little chipmunk in mored jail sentence for their phone crimes and York accent—starts off conversations by ad- is located at 1001 Bissormet in Houston. dressing the victim as "fruitcake," "jerky," or and a little monkey and I beat him senseless in free publicity from radio stations that play cen- "the butt nut." front of the crowd... I put a little ballerina skirt on sored portions of their act Tickets are $3; free admission on After the preliminaries arecompleted, things the monkey and I beat him into oblivion. The They even have a 900 number (1-900-28- Thursdays. Call 639-7300 for more info. begin to escalate: various complications arise as crowd seems to love this... I'm known very very JERKY) with new and old bits as well as t-shirt the conversation continues and the pranksters well for pulling large pieces of furniture from my and album information. feign misunderstanding, hostility or insanity. ass," he croons to a bewildered talent agent This is an album that's great for playing with —by John Lessard A favorite gambit is for one of the Boys to play Trust me: this may be juvenile humor, but it a few friends for almost guaranteed laughs. -*•

ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT THE RICE THRESHER FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 3, 1993 11

NEW VINYL Some to love, some to loathe on the A&E turntable

BY BOOTH BABCOCK Although her orchestration is I\impkins have a future ahead of them. TRIPPING DAISY any album, so I'll say something nice. AND JEREMY HART pretty rudimentary, DeBell does a —B.B. BILL Hmm.. .well, I guess "Mr. Cimbalista" pretty convincing job on these, and isn't all bad, as a hard rock song, and NOMEANSNO there is nothing like the moment of LYRES Most of the songs on Bill are jump- "Gearhead" gets into a nice little WHY DO THEY CAU. ME MR. HAPPY? recognition when you realize what HAPPY NOW... ing, happy pop. The guitars are shim- crunch-groove. They manage to pull ALTERNATIVE TENTACLES song each track actually is. Her ver- TAANG! mering, with barely a hint of distor- off a decent thrash/pop tune for the sions of "Evenflow" and "Teen Spirit" tion, for the most part, and sunny finale, "Sweet Lemon Maureen."This Okay, everybody repeat after me: are especially nice, but on some of the The past isn't dead. Honest. Or at melodies float throughout. This al- is probably the only song I'd listen to "NoMeansNo is the best Canadian others, it is difficult to tell what the least, every other band out there these bum is actually a re-release of what I willingly more than once. The rest of punk rock band that ever was. Pe- song originally began as. days seems to think so. Only a select think was these guys' debut album, the CD is mediocre at best. riod." I guess this is making some kind of few of them have managed to con- and it definitely deserves some notice. —J-H. Basically, Vancouver band withering attack on commercialism vince me they're right In this release, Songs like "Change of Mind," NoMeansNo has been consistently and appropriation of subcultures. In on Boston'sTaang! Records, the Lyres "Brown-Eyed Pickle Boy" and "Miles DIG producing top-notch "Prog Core" (pro- her liner notes, DeBell writes, "Ev- are on the extreme edge of the and Miles of Pain" conjure up an im- DIG gressive hard core) for nearly ten years ery authentic artistic or h tro-rock" movement age of a merry band of youngsters now. The trio is amazingly tight, their monal expression I've More organ-key- standing in the middle of a bright, I saved the best for last D ig are five songs are interesting yet catchy as ever seen in my life hi . boards than you can warm field of poppies. Tripping Daisy southern California boys who cite as hell, and they know better than to take been...bled dry anc ^ shake a stick at, hasa strange littlepsychedeliaoftheir influences, "Punk rock, Freedom themselves too seriously. turned into an adver- plenty of blues rip- own — not in the style of the Doors, Rock, and Pink Floyd," and have Last year's 0+2=1 was an immedi- tisement for unnec- offs, and produc- Pink Floyd, and the like, but in a crafted an interesting slice of music. ate classic and was voted KTRU's best essary crap." tion that makes strange, summer-day vein. The sound is overdriven guitars, album of 1992. It was with trembling She's just skip- this sound like it Add that to a good dose of slower strange but catchy melodies, and hands that I bought their latest, hop- ping the middle was actually re- Jane's Addiction, some King's X, and plenty of punkish repetition. The re- ing for yet another burst of godhead man and going' corded on vinyl maybe a bit of Pearl Jam, and you've sult is somewhat like the multitude of from my hard-core heroes. Can you straight to the unnec- some 30 years ago. got Tripping Daisy and an extremely interchangeable "grunge-pop" bands tell I like this band? essary crap part. A Sound scary? Well, infectious album of pop tunes. that followed in the wake of Nirvana, Anyway, though I wasn't disap- funny as this CD often ^ the scariest thing to me —J-H. Soundgarden, and the like, but unlike pointed, I was surprised. The extent to is, there is no real reason is that I like this. most grunge-pop I've heard, I actually which the band has indulged their to buy it; it gets old quickly. Be" I can remember when I was a ORANGUTANG Dig is likeable. Very likeable. album rock fantasies is impressive; sides, well be hearing this stuff in the kid of about eight or so, rooting around THE REWARDS OF CRUELTY Strange little progressive metal they manage to produce an orgy of elevators for free soon enough. in my dad's collection of old 45s. I'd twists are scattered all over the place, stadium rock epics that, aside from —B.B. find stuff by people like the Beach This starts out with a heavy, Hel- liketheintroto"Let Me Know." which sounding good, also manages to de- Boys or Jan and Dean. I'd play it on our met-ish groove, but almost immedi- makes me think of both Voivod and flate such hard rock heroes as Faith SATIVA LUVBOX old record player and dance around to ately goes into a downhill slalom. Tool. On the other hand, because of a No More and Deep Purple. BELOVED SATELLITE it. I get the same feeling I did back Orangutang is basically "alternative few songs, I'meven reminded of Jour- From the moment Rob Wright GASOLINE ALLEY then by listening to this CD. Sure, it's metal," a brand of music many people ney, so be warned. But whatever the bellows " Kill... Everyone... N OW!" to derivative as all hell, but what isn't? scorn these days. Even worse, it's bad whole makes, it's Dig. the, u m, stolen gu itar riffs attheendof According to their press materials, The Lyres at least are derivative of alternative metal. This is crunching, My problems with this CD are sur- "Cats, Sex and Nazis" this is a pure "in every Sativa Luvbox song one dis- some truly classic rock 'n' roll. metallic guitars, much too precise to prisingly few. A couple of things bug NoMeansNo album, and it would be cerns the tension between inner and These five guys didn't go back in be grunge, with lots of silly yell-alongs me, like the cliched lyrics to both difficult for me to describe what makes outer worlds, as well as a message of time, they just never came to our time. and nonsensical lyrics. "Ride the Wave" and "Conversation," it so great Just go out and buy all of love surrounded by a climate of fear." This is rock that almost makes me At least one song, "S.N.AF.U.," and the background hum of bar-talk their albums now. This from a band that uses the word want to wear bell-bottoms. Happy should never get airplay, except on the during the latter song. —B.B. "luv" in their name? Now... should have been released on cheesiest of rock stations. Ugly Kid But the other ten tunes make the Their lyrics say it all. "The luv vibe eight-track, not on CD. Joe kicks the hell out of th is tu ne. Yes, whole thing worth it This is an ex-

ENGINES OF AGGRESSION was as thick as a knife" singer Patrick —J-H. it's that bad. tremely well-done album. SPEAK Mata sings on "Orgy In a Bed of Flow- I try not to be completely down on —J-H. PRIORITY ers." Or how about, "Mmmm you're so cool/You're the connection/To the Engines of Aggression represents resurrection," in "Let's Be Forever." another band that suddenly realized it To be simple, I'd have to say that is much easier to use samples and a 'this band is dumb. Way dumb. They drum machine than to actually try to seem to thinkit's cool to use the word do anything creative or interesting. In "eye" instead of the pronoun "I" on RICE COUNSELING CENTER the process, they have joined the ever- their lyric sheet; they have a song swelling ranks of bands who record titled -Wet with Power"; they're all CONFIDENTIAL SERVICES this kind of punk/industrial/rock stuff, smoking a hookah in the band photo; along with such luminaries as Grotus, they seem to be taking this all seri- GROUP COUNSELING PROGRAMS FOR RICE UNIVERSITY STUDENTS Rage Against the Machine, and of ously! FALL, 1993 course, the one's that showed it could Basically, their music is rehashed be profitable, Nine Inch Nails (I balk quasi-psychedelic album rock, punc- The following groups arc open to interested students this fall. Membership in groups is limited so call soon (527- at calling them pioneers). tuated by bits of grunge-pop or Sub- 4867) for more information about participation. Wc look forward to hearing from you! Their press stuff says that their Pop wannabe guitar fuzz. A few songs incredible work ethic explains why ("Shock Shop," "Pagan Son") are kind they had a full-length on a major label of catchy, but overall, this is an amaz- General Proccss/Intcrpcrsonal Relationship Group within six months of their formation. I ingly unimpressive disc that no one Students share common concerns related to such things as self-esteem, self-image, relationships and life think it has more to do with will ever play on any respectable radio choiccs. This group is for students who want to increase self-awareness, enhance self-esteem, and explore the undemanding music and a music in- station and that will no doubt quickly process of developing meaningful relationships with others. 4EK dustry more concerned with turning a sink into the depths of obscurity. —B.B. quick buck and cashing in'on a trend Adult Children of Alcoholics Group than signing interesting bandsor build- People who have lived with alcoholism as children often experience some common problems as adulLs. ing a long-term, loyal audience. No SMASHING PUMPKINS one ever said art and capitalism were SIAMESE TWINS Members of this group will explore issues of trust, control, and expression of feelings related to alcoholism a perfect fit, eh? VIRGIN families and current relationships. At the same time, their lyrics are all about being disaffected, about not sell- If this album doesn't vault Eating Disorders Groups ing out or being complacent Okay, Chicago's Smashing Pumpkins into When the cultural pressures to be thin interact with the personal and familiar expectations some individuals maybe I'm too cynical. Maybe the rock stardom (at least as a commer- develop an eating disorder to cope with the pressure. Individuals who are bulimic, anorexic or compulsive cially successful "alternative" band), Engines are really a quartet of politi- ovcrcatcrs arc invited to participate in this group. cally active, sincere, concerned musi- I'll be surprised. All the elements are cians. Maybe. Ontheother hand, their here:averypopularfirstalbum (Gish), music is awfully easy on the ears for good packaging and catchy songs. I Non-Traditional Aged Student Group something designed to shake the say "good fo^ them," because even Although all students share some common concerns, non-traditional age students may experience unique world up. Hey—being political is fun! though Siamese Twins isn't quite as problems related to balancing multiple roles, relationships and self-esteem. This group is designated for non- —B.B. good as Gish, it's still a nice piece of traditional age students who would like to work toward resolution of personal or interpersonal difficulties. work. My biggest problem with Twins is GRUNGE LITE Sexual Abuse Survivors Group c/z the large d ose of heavy metal the band seems to have injected into their songs. Women who have been sexually victimized go through a similar recovery process, and the duration and Other than the adorable pictures It works well on some songs like extent of that process varies in the life of each individual. This group welcomes all women at'any stage of the of Seattle grungenicks nuzzling on "Cherub Rock," but at times the guitar recovery process. the cover, one has to wonder what this twiddling can get a little excessive. I CD could possibly offer the discern- found myself longing for the more Successful Competition: A Dissertation/Thesis Support Group ing listener. Muzakversions of Seattle straightforward tunes of Gish. Writing a dissertation or thesis can be a lonely, stressful experience. This group will prov&je'a link with others grunge music? Still, the fact is that these tunes are scientifically designed to lodge them- who arc struggling with this process. The group will be professionally led and will provide support and Creator Sara DeBell pieced this exploration of strategics to complete the thesis or dissertation. together in her living room—using selves in the soft spots in your brain what I suspect was one small Casio and play themselves out over and over keyboard—and the results are terrify- again until, screaming for relief, you Bereavement Group ing. She muzak-izes songs by Pearl head to the nearest record store and A support group for students who have recently suffered the loss of a relative of close friend through death. Jam (which seems appropriate some- plunk down your money for your own Also, students who have unresolved grief issues related to an calicr loss may find this group helpful. how; they're almost muzak anyway), copy. Which, I guess, is the point Pretty much everything producer Soundgarden, Mudhoney, Alice In LEAP (Learning Enhancement and Academic Planning) Chains, Tad, Green River (that one is Butch Vig touches turns to gold. I'd really frightening), and, of course, Nir- like to hate him, but the fact is, his stuff This is an option for students who feel they need additional peer support, guidance and specific suggestions vana ("Smells Like Teen Spirit") sounds pretty good. The Smashing aimed at improving their moiivat ion and academic performance at Rice. Julie Griswold, Academic Coordinator for the Athletic Department, or Patricia Martin of Academic Advising arc co-leaders of this group. 12 FRIDAY. SEPTEMBER 3, 1993 THE RICE THRESHER ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT

LINEAR SCHMINEAR Hypertext takes you where no narrative has gone before

BY JEREMY and characters. had formerly been innocuous. Unfor- BOGAISKY Joyce uses "guard fields" to shape oegm tunately for the most part seeing the the narrative, keeping certain links same screens over again was a frus- You have no choice closed until important screens have 1 try to recall winter As if it were yesterday? > she says, but I do not signify one trating prompt to move on to a differ- Really you don't. Except to see. been read. Screens are crafted to have way or another ent connection. varying significance and meaning de- The non-linearity ofthepiece made By h'.re the sun sets and the afternoon melt freezes again across the blacktop into "ending" problematic. Several loops For the past ten years Eastgate pending on what path you come upon crystal octopi and palms of ice-- rivers and continents beset by fear, and we walk out to Systems has been publishing them from. Take the first screen as an the car, the snow moaning beneath our boots arid the oaks exploding in series along the lead to screens winding down to a hypertext, a form of literature written example. fencehne on the horizon, the shrapnel settling like relics, the echoing thundering off suggestio n to withdraw fro m the read- far ice This was the essence of wood, these fragments say And this darkness is air ing. One provides the following lines. to be read on computers. Hypertext is The question, "Do you want to hear * not, however, an enhanced electronic about it?" is not rhetorical. Using the < Poetry > she says, without emotion, one way or another version of words in print. It's some- tool bar at the bottom of the page, the I do know what you feel. You make some choices, you begin to see a pattern thing entirely new. reader can respond yes or no, or ask Do you want to hew about it? Hypertext seeks to escape the one-word questions. By clicking on emerging, you want to give yourself to bonds of linearity among printed the book icon the reader can follow believing despite the machine. You think words, of one word following inevita- paths leading from particular words you've found someth ing.... bly after another. and phrases of interest to related ma- In the standard narrative, events terial. A total of 20 different paths The words have the delicate ring and words occur in a set marching branch from the first screen alone. » /NlttdClP of consolation to them. order, so that read ing a book takes on In this fashion the reader navigates afternoon, a story is drifting read- ing, deprived of the classic payoff of a the shape of a journey with a specific through the tangled relationships be- The first screen of afternoon, a story, a hypertext narrative from Eastgate Systems. beginning, middle, and end. Every- tween a poet, his ex-wife, his lover, his climax. The only thing which really one who reads the same book takes employer, and his psychologist (who sucker can crawl up mountains, slide ing only single words; a kind of ends a reading is frustration; when the same trip. is also his lover and married to his down streams, and walk in pines. Put a flipmation poetry. Overall this free- you've seen so much ofthegodddamn thing that you don't want to have to In hypertext there is no sentence employer). winch on the front and you can zip the dom gives the piece the feel of an wade through it to find whatever's left which inevitablyfollowsafteranother, Snippets of conversations, per- horizon shut or drag stars back to camp. extended prose poem; words seem to that you haven't. no set sequence of events. No two sonal histories, isolated events—all In the city it floats above sidewalks... have been chosen and displayed with readers will experience the same story. combine to give a lucid flickering pic- America has forgotten the value of a extreme care. That's the problem with non-lin- A number of writers have at- ture of the main characters. good truck: it keeps the mindfrom wan- Reading hypertext is an energetic earity; there's no such thing as "fin- tempted to battle linearity on the The sudden appearance of poems dering. experience in the sense that the reader ished.'' Perhaps its just a matter of printed page; most recently Milorad andquotesofBasho.GianbattistaVico, gets to participate. However, lacking expectations, of not being used to see- Pavic, whose Dictionary ofTheKhazars and Robert Creeley provide a telling Joyce takes advantage of the narrative drive of traditional fic- ing a story which rather than ending, was set up as an encyclopedia to be commentary on the narrative and the hypertext's lack of constraints on tion, the piece has only the fragmen- asks you to leave. read randomly, front to back, or ac- medium of hypertext itself. Floating space. Tolstoy would never have been tary feel of a dream to it. Ideally, I In the balance, though, the lack of cording to suggested connections at through all this are details of the mys- able to get a printer to touch War and suppose, the gradual accumulation of a sense of closure matters little. the end of each article. However the terious afternoon the story isccntered Peace if, for reasons of aesthetics, he the sum of the parts should build a YVhatsustainsthepiecein memory computer affords a fluidity unattain- about; the afternoon the narrator may had insisted that each page should mass, a snowball effect afternoon, a is the sheer beauty of Joyce's writing, able in book form. or not have seen his son die. contain only a paragraph. Hypertext, story did. But past a certain point the and the delicate fascination of the un- If printed fiction has the form of a Joyce's prose is kinetic and often however, provides writers with the snowball seemed to melt. certain mystery at the story's corc. straight line, then hypertext can take beautiful. Consider the screen titled freedom to shape each page, or screen, The more you read, the more you afternoon, a story is a remarkable in- the form of a web. The 590 screens in "The BodhisatvaJiza": in the manner they think most effec- circle back into loopsof screensyou've troduction to an ambitious form of Michael Joyce's afternoon, a story are tive. read before. Several times the infor- writing. arranged in a series of loops connected A truck like this is the noiseless In afternoon, a story , there are mation gained since the first reading To get a copy of Eastgate Systems by complex associations of keywords sutra of the Machine Essence. That beautiful sequences of screens carry- illuminated (explosively) wordswhich catalogue call (800) 562-1638.

PASS THE WASABI Find out more at one of our free LSAT seminars: Miyako offers a taste of Japanese fare Thursday Sept. 9th Sushi bar good for more than just raw fish and yuppies—for a price Expert Teachers at 7:30 PM Permanent Centers MIYAKO JAPANESE RESTAURANT AND SUSHI BAR salmon roe, flying fish eggs, and sea tional Japanese dishes. Sukiyaki and CaK 988-4700 3910-A KIRBY DRIVE urchin. My personal favorites are the Yosenabe are both prepared at your Total Training to reserve your seat (713) 520-9797 salmon, octopus, and the freshwater table. The Sukiyaki is composed of 6345 WESTHDMER eel. either beef or chicken seasoned in a (713) 781-6300 Aside from these dishes, Miyako special sauce. also offers an assortmentof sushi rolls The Yosenabe is a mix of seafood and handrolls. Rolls are basically sushi made in a special broth. If you want to BY ANDY CHEN wrapped with rice and seaweed. The try your hand at cooking, Miyako of- menu boasts an impressive variety of fers the beef or chicken Shabu. These Though Taco Cabana (formerly 21 different rolls. Among these, the meals are accompanied by soup, salad, Two Pesos) on Kirby has become a popular picks are the California Maki, shrimp tempura, chicken yakitori, and popular Rice hangout, few have no- the Futomaki, the Spider Maki (soft- tea. ticed the Japanese restaurant Miyako shell crab), tuna roll, and the Catapilla For those that want to try different across the street Maki. Vegetarians can also dine and dishes, Miyako has created several In the 80s, trend-seeking yuppies enjoy sushi rolls made with cucum- combinations which include sushi, flocked to sushi bars; not much has changed, but the clientele is expand- Now Open in the Village Arc&de:.. ing. More and more students are try- Though the food is a bit pricy, the service ing Japanese cuisine. - Miyakoon Kirby reflects the yuppie is friendly and helpful. Overall, Miyako is culture with its contemporary red and black decor. If you like to meet new a great place to go if you like or want to people and watch the sushi chefs, then the sushi bar is the place to sit. Other- try Japanese cuisine. wise, seating is available at tables and booths. Miyako also has a tatami room for bers, asparagus, and egg. sashimi, tempura, teriyaki, and steaks. those who want to eat i n the traditio nal Sashimi is similar to sushi, but the For those in groups of two or more, Japanese style.Traditional dining does pieces of seafood tire served on a bed they haveconveniently created menus have a price; an additional $25 is of shredded white radish instead of for group dining. charged for the use of the room. rice. Both sushi and sashimi come Selections from the dinner menu Miyako also has a location on with wasabi (a spicy paste made from are served with soup, salad, rice, and TAASTE .THE PASSION' VVcsthcimcr that has a less trendy horseradish) and pickled ginger. a daily special. As a note, the house atmosphere with a slightly larger seat- Prices for the sushi range from salad d ressing is a great choice. Of the The finest ice ing capacity. like the Miyako on Kirby, $2.15 to $15.95, and assorted sushi dishes, I would recommend the cream (and Yogurt) it has a tatami room and sushi bar. prices range from $10.95 for seven salmon steak, vegetables tempura, and For those who arc lovers of sushi pieces to $23.00 for 11 pieccs. My the beef teriyaki. in the World™. and sashimi, Miyako offers a large recommendation is Miyako's sushi Wees for dinner range from $9.25 selection of seafood. A small sample of happy hour, which runs from 5 p.m. to to $29.95. Dinner dishes are served their selection includcspiccesoffresh 7 p.m. on weekdays. During the happy throughout the day. For those that salmon, smoked salmon with a soft hour, sushi is one dollar a piece with want to grab a bite to eat in the after- |~:Extra Scoop ~! hickory flavor, tuna, red snapper, variations in the price for certain items. noon, Miyako offers a daily special mackerel, and flounder. Prices for assorted sashimi range priced just over $8. ! FREE! | Contrary to popular belief, not all from $9.95 to $39.95. On Sundays, As a warning, the management sushi is raw. For instance, some of the Miyako has a Sunday buffet special doesn't allow separate checks. Though • with any purchase of i cooked pieces are shrimp, crab, octo- for $19.95 that includes a limited se- the food is a bit pricy, the service is pus, freshwater and saltwater eel. For lection of sushi and other dishes. friendly and helpful. Overall, Miyako 2517 Amherst ice cream or yogurt those that like to challenge their pal- As an alternative to sushi and is a great place to go if you like or want in the Village Arcade » LJmtt one coupon per purchase. ate, Miyako offers sushi made with sashimi, Miyako also prepares tradi- to try Japanese cuisine. 524-8857 | Exj^reji9^/93 I SPORTS THE RICE THRESHER FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 3. 1993 13 RICE TIIltESHEli

ATHLETICS Cobb lands spot with Kansas City Chiefs

draft him but did not have a pick in the by Tony Tran eighth round. "He is a high-quality individual who Freshman swing hitter Rebecca Case spikes the ball past Stephen F. Austin University blockers. Trevor Cobb, the most prolific showed mental and physical tough- rusher in Rice history, has taken his ness," Raye said. "He's a natural run- game to the professional ranks with ner,and 1 would haveexpected that he Challenging rivals await Rice volleyball the Kansas City Chiefs. would have added an impact to the Although he made the team, he team." strategy for the upcoming games. by Tony Tran Senior Jessica Williams added, "We will be out for the season because of a This season, prior to tearing the have a pretty tricky offense that we "Every time we go on the court is knee injury and has been placed on cartilage in his right knee, Cobb was think is unstoppable." an opportunity to knock someoneelse injured reserve. prepared to return kickoffs and play The Rice women's volleyball team Chen is optimistic about Rice's down," he said. Trevor was doing fine. He would special teams for the Chiefs. travels to California this weekend to chances against Oklahoma. Rice made their debut Wednes- have made the 53-man roster, and he "I didn't play special teams in col- face three of the nation's toughest "We'regoing to match up well with day at Autry Court against Stephen F. was going to be one of our five backs," lege," he said. "1 had to reach down competitors. The trip could be the Oklaho ma because they are a big team Au stin University. The Owls took care said Jimmy Rave, ru nning backs coach and learn how to cover kickoffs, but it most difficult test ever for this young which goes for the block, whereas we of the Lumberjacks, winning in for the Chiefs. was exciting to get a chance to ru n and squad, without the starting setter are a team who will try to out-quick straight sets, 15-13, 15-12, 15-11. Cobb, who was not drafted by any return kicks." Casey Roon. our opponents," he said. Sammy Waldron led the team with of the 28 NFL teams, signed on with Cobb is enjoying his experiences Roon, a sophomore, tore the ante- To beat Oklahoma, Rice will need 16 kills and seven digs while fresh- the Chiefs as a free agent the day after with the Chiefs so far. rior cruciate ligaments of her left knee to be aggressive and to minimize the man Rebecca Case played a tremen- the draft "It'sgreat," he said. "It'sa learning during Wednesday night's pre-game blockers. dous game with eight kills and 20 Cobb's stock as a draft pick dipped experience being with Joe Montana warm-ups. She is scheduled for sur- Defeating the nu mber-o ne team in digs. slightly following a poor performance and Roger Craig, who I watched while gery on Sunday, and is expected to the country, however, will be a much Jessica Williams, who is expected at the Indianapolis combine before 1 was growing up and now I'm getting miss the rest of the season. more arduous task. to start at setter for the rest of the the draft An injury during the Senior a chance to play with them." Tonight the team battles the Uni- Long Beach State's strengths lie in season, had 29 assists. The lumber- Bowl was a big reason for Cobb's Cobb noted the major differences versity of Oklahoma and tomorrow its great ball control offense, which is jacks were led by Diane Wismann weak showing. in making the jump from the colle- morning it will attempt to topple Long high-paced and high-tempo. Rice's who had 10 kills and 16 digs. "1 went to the Senior Bowl and giate game to the professionals. Beach State University, the number- chances for the upset lie in the team's Quick hitter Darcy Cruikshank, played well there, but 1 pulled my There's a lot more hitting, we're one team in the nation. ability to serve well and to get every- who had a strong overall game with groin," he said. "I did not make agood playing on grass and the tempo is a lot The women wrap up the tourna- one involved in the offense. three kills, seven digsand three block- decision to go to Indianapolis because faster," he said. menton Saturday afternoon when they "The key for us is just to stay fo- assists, was enthusiastic about the I ran the first 40 and then it started to Playing with the great veterans face San Diego State University. cused and keep our confidence levels game. kill me." under Head Coach Marty The competition is going to be high. We have to believe in ourselves "The best part about how we played His slow time at the combine and Sehottenheimer has eased Cobb's pretty stiff," sad freshman swing hit- and remain fearless," Williams said. was that we got a chance to work on the reduced number of rounds in the transition somewhat. Cobb said the- ter Rebecca Chase. "We really are The team is a little unsure about the swing offense. Wewcntalloutand NFL draft were the reasons Cobb's most important thing that he learned excited to see how we're going to do how to approach San Diego State, a didn't give in." she said. name was not called on draft day. from camp was "to go hard, eve n i f y<>u against these big guns." perennially strong team which lost Chen was happy about the ob- "It was kind of a surprise to me make a mistake." Head Coach Henry Chen seemed several players from last year. stacles that the team had to overcome [that he was not drafted]," said Rice Raye sees a bright future in the confident of Rice's chances against "We're going to play as hard as we to get the victory. Head Football Coach Fred Goldsmith. professional ranks for Cobb. these three juggernauts. can and that's all we can hope for," "The hustle was unbelievable, and "Not many teams came to work him "I think he has excellent running "We need to be playing at a high Case said. "You can learn a lot from we have the transition game down out, and that's why I got a little appre- and pass-catching skills," he said. "He level of competition to do well in this losing as long as you do it construc- really well," said Chen. "We showed a hensive." has a future as a player in the N F1 „and tournament, and we're capable of do- tively." lot of composure and played a fear- The ChiefscalledCobbduringthe eventually as a starter in the right ing that," he said. Chen defined a more aggressive less, aggressive game." eighth round, saying they wanted to system and situation." Rice football faces nationally ranked Ohio St Buckeyes

14 passes. terbacks in college football, Emanuel by Jason Katz This should be a good offensive will be back to lead the high-powered football team," Cooper said. "We are Owl offensive attack. I^ast season he 0 ne year after breaking its 29-vear extremely strong up front. We have was ranked fourth nationally in pass- streak of losing seasons, the Rice foot- good, hard-nosed run ners and we have ing efficiency and was" named the ball team looks to storm into top-notch the speed on the flanks to get big plays conference's Offensive Newcomer of collegiate football with an opening day out of our passing game." the Year. rumbleagainst Ohio State University. Although the offense seems to be The experience Bert had last year In front of an estimated crowd of up for this week's challenge, the Buck- elevated his performance this spring 93,000 and a national television audi- eye defense is the more celebrated to a new level," Goldsmit said. "He has ence, the Owls hope to upend the half of the team. a better grasp of the offense, and I Buckeyes and begin a climb "toward Ail-American candidates Dan "Big think we have a better grasp of his their first bowl berth in 32 years. Daddy" Wilkinson at defensive tackle talents." Ohio State, led by Head Coach and Jason Simmons at defensive end Running backs Yoncv Edmonds John Cooper, has begn ranked 17th in comprise the foundation of this de- and Spencer George will be impact both the Associated Press and CNN/ fense. players in the offense. Edmonds will USA Today pre-season polls. They fin- Wilkinson won All-BigTen honors get the starting nod for this week's ished the 1992-93 season with an 8-3- last year, accumulating 46 tackles and game and will probably tike on most 1 record, a second-place finish in the 6.5 sacks. The nationally ranked de- of the backfield responsibilities until fense allowed a mere 13.2 points per s Big Ten conference and an appear- George, who has been slowed by a ance, in the Florida Citrus Bowl. game and 311.6 yards per contest pulled quadriccp muscle, can contrib- Last year, Ohio State averaged 22.6 For the Owls, Saturday's game will ute effectively. points and 349.5yards per game. They mark the first time they have played All-Southwest Conference player returned 12 offensive starters, includ- before a national television audience Jimmy Ixe returns to head the receiv- ing last year's Big Ten Freshman of since 1954, their first match-up with ers, while tackle Chris Coolcy and the Year, Korey Stringer. StrJhger, the Buckeyes. % c> center Tom Hetherington will be the the Buckeye's offensive tackle, has * "It's a big^garrte that could really central forces on an experienced Owl already been mentioned as a likely put us on the map,'-said Rice receiver offensive line. candidate for Ail-American honors. He Jimmy Lee. "Overall, this line is further along helps make up arguably one of the Rice, with Head Coach Fred Gold- than any since I've been at Rice," Gold- smith at the helm for his fifth season, best offensive lines in the country. smith said. Goldsmith talks strategy with his players in preparation for the Ohio State game. A new face in the Buckeye lineup, looks to improve upon its 6-5 mark Six starters return to make up pos- sophomore quarterback Bobby from last season and capture the bowl sibly the most experienced defense interception return mark of a year this season with the greatest Uiumph Hoying, will lead the offensive assault, berth it so nearly obtained. that the Owls have had in years. I jne- ago. in their 82-year history. making his first collegiate start on The offensive spotlight wiiyocus backer Em melt Waldron returns as "[Ohio Suite] may be 6-6 and 3(X) This is what college football is all Saturday. Last year's back-up quarter- on quarterback Bert Emanuel rather the team's leading tackier and pounds across theline," Waldron said, about," Goldsmith said. "We've got back, Hoying has limited experience. than on departed running backTrcvor cornerback Sean Washington hopes "butwe're from Rice... so we're smart" nothing to lose. Nobody expects us to In seven games he completed eight of Cobb. Arguably one of the fastest quar- to duplicate his conference-leading The Owls hope that they can open win except our football team." SPORTS 14 FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 3. 1993 THE RICE THRESHER

Men's soccer strives for nationals HEAD TO HEAD tack will be missed early in the sea- basically control the middle of the by Grant Flowers 1 son. field." • •...... "Our big weakness right now is Six freshmen have worked out with Seasoned midfielders and a strong goal-scoring," McMath said. "But the lads, and most should make the' defense will lead the Rice men's soc- we've been switching people around squad. cer club in its Sept. 11 opener at the and seeing if that could result in more "last year one or two freshmen University of Texas at Arlington. goals. Our defense is strong enough tried out," Spruell said. "This fall we Club president Ken Spruell and to win games until the offense starts got six, so this is a great year for captain Dave McMath believe it will up." freshmen." be the first game of a successful sea- SeniorgoalkeeperStu Baur returns Of these newcomers, Ruben son. for his second year as a starter. At 6-7, Rodriguez is one to watch. Rodriguez, The Lads reached the national tour- Baur has an advantage in the air on from Brownsville, played with club nament in 1990 and 1991 after win- corner kicks and crosses. teams in Mexico for several years. ning the Texas Collegiate Soccer "I think that my height intimidates "Ruben is very quick," McMath Ijeague title. I^ast season the team some attackers," he said. said. "He plays outside, on right half placed fourth in the league, a far cry Surrounding Baur is the best de- or right wing, where his speed can be from nationals. ^ fensive unit the Owls have had for a big advantage. [Rodriguez is] the The Lids believe they will improve several years. Baur describes the hardest worker we've got out there." on their 1992 record. They hope to group as "phenomenal." Rodriguez said that he does not collect more titles than the single The Owls' strength lies in the feel pressure as a freshman to help the championship they won last year, the midfielding corps, however. Spruell, club. Post Oak YMCA co-ed league cham- Randy Westbrook and Adam Ijcwis "I think that there's enough upper- pionship that they won with support fill three of the four midfielder posi- classman experience to lead, and I from members of the Rice women's tions. think some of us younger players can soccer club. "Themidfieldisourstrongestunit," help us win," he said. The Lids lost five players to gradu- Spruell said. "It's crucial to have a The biggest problem with the fresh- ation, most significantly forward John good mid field because they control men players is conditioning. Accord- Ixmg and forward/halfback Adam the game. They provide solid defense, ing to McMath, "The freshmen are Kinsey. Their experience on the at- do some of the offensive work, and skilled, but they're also out of shape." "We've been concentrating on con- ditioning so far this year," added Spruell. "We get ourselves tired, and then we work on the skill stuff. That's the way it is in the game." Rice luminaries celebrate the new Head to Head. Baur thinks that early work will result in victories for the Owls. Reactions to the selection of Ken Stanley as "We've been stressing fitness as a key." he said. "If we're in shape, we the new "Head to Head" guy can run h:irder and run longer." Baur also mentioned unity and "I know what a real man Ken is. But this just proves it once again." depth as advantages of the Lids. "We like to be 11-as-one when on - Julia Faraham. Student Association President the field," he said. "This unity will help us beat the good teams in the league. "Who the hell is he? - Malcolm Gitlis, Rice University President Also, we shou Id have a full roster of 18, with more^ppth than last year." "Ken Stanley is no Tom Harris." - Tom Harris, former Head to Head star 'Hie top competition in the Texas Collegiate Soccer league should be "Ken will do a great job. He's my baby." - Ken's mom Baylor University, Texas A&M Uni- versity and, to a lesser degree, the "1 have only one word for Ken Stanley: Good luck." - Randy Block University of Texas at Austin. The Lids were supposed to play L>uisiana State University in an exhi- bition at Kingwood High School on Randy Bloc kvi . Ken Stanley Aug. 28, but it was cancelled due to 7 heavy rains. The men's soccer club will have their first home game Sept. 12 against Rice at Ohio State Lunar University. Hey, I'm not gonna pick Ricc just The Buckeyes will not„t§ke this becausc I go here. The Owls will game as seriously as the War go to a Bowl this year, but this is Owls. OK, so the Buckeyes are a not a game that they will win; the lot bigger and a little quicker, but Women's Buckeyes Sre too tough, too our defense causes a bunch of experienced and have too many turnovers. The real question is fans. If Rice wins, I'll pay the Pub's who will emerge as our Heisman club soccer rent for the next ten years. candidate: Bert Emanuel or Jimmy Lee. Owls win 31-14. " ~ uncertain Houston at Southern Cat Lovett senior Kenneth Spruell chest traps the ball during practice. by John Fredland The Cougars are a team that could A battle of two ex-powers. Since score 50 points in a game, and still neither team can tackle (as the lose by two touchdowns. I know Trojans proved Sunday night), this Faced with declining participation, USC got whipped last week by game might be a skirmish. Jimmy ON SEPTEMBER 8TH the Rice women's soccer club ap- North Carolina, but the Trojans Kling'er will have enough time to proaches its fall season with uncer- will not lose to this incxpcrienccd pass against, the porous USC tainty. Houston team. defense-to earn a 35-6 victory. Twelve players currently compose A STORY NO ONE IN HOUSTON the team roster, enough to field a team HAS HAD THE COURAGE TO TEIL with only one substitute. Oklahoma at Texas Christian 'Hie team met last night to deter- What's going on with these TCU has a good mascot, good mine whether to attempt to play with PULITZER PRIZE WINNING PLAYWRIGHT Southwest Conference teams colors, and a 3-1 giii-to-guy ratio. 12 or to forgo the season. trying to play with the big boys? They sport a high graduation rate 'Hi is is the second year that the The Horned Frogs are a bad team which is good because none of squad has had to deal with the prob- in a great town and will find them will go pro. Although OU is DAVID tt A M E T ' leSm of a limited roster. List season's themselves losing this one by 20. down they'll beat the Frogs 23-7. team was down to 12 players by play- off time, and actually had only 11 for a match with Texas A&M University. The problem, according to junior Texas at Colorado edmond Galen McKinley, stems from a coach- ing practice from two ye;irs ago. Upset special? I don't think so. I Win or lose, the stadium "In my freshman year, we kept 22 hate to keep picking against the maintenance crew will be glad the BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR... players, not cutting anyone." said conference, but I'm not the one game is over (who wants to clean McKinley. "We would travel to games who makes the schedules. up behind a Buffalo AND a and many people would not play, so Colorado will come away victors longhom). The Buffs will win by they became disgruntled and decided by 10 points. the score of 31-23, not to come out for the team again." "Hie result is thatonly a few seniors Miami at Boston College and juniors are on the 1993 roster, a Most people are down on Miami Last year BC had its best season problem exacerbated by the presence this year, but the boys in Boston of only one freshman on the squad. since the Doug Flutie era. Miami don't do well against the big guys. had a bad year (they actually lost). "We had six more players at the UJestUlon Ijct's face it, the Hurricanes could Miami also lost Sugar Bowl MVP beginning of practice, but they had Repertory Theater probably beat BC and then drive Gino Torretta. The 'Canes will problems with othcr/ta>mmitments the bus over tq Foxboro and beat romp, 45-10, while tee Eagles and work load," said senior Tass, SEPTEMBER 8TH OCTOBER 2ND, WEDNESDAYS SATURDAYS 8PM the New England Patriots. look for another 5'6" QB. SEE SOCCER, PAGE 1 FOR TICKET SALES AND SEASON SUBSCRIPTIONS CALL 523 3571 1102i 2 WESTHEIMER AT WAUGH, HOUSTON, TEXAS 77006 SPORTS THE RICE THRESHER FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 3, 1993 15 Houston Team Synchro is your franchise afflicted? by Chris Rodgers they're murdering the Bills!" sports teams. It is a chronic illness bid in both seaons to their bitter and the preseason as a springboard to 2. "They should call this game off that reaches its most dead ly form when very lucky Pittsburgh rivals. Superbowl glory. And while the 1993- at halftime!" playoff time rolls around. Hints of an Could it possibly get any worse? 1994 Oiler's schedule might have so- They make you want to pull your 3. "Where's the damn beer?!?" infected franchise might become no- Yes. Continuing this terrible trend, bering effects on my naivete, you can hair out You might find yourself yell- 4. "What time will the Oilers play ticeable earlier in the season as, for the 1991 and 1992 postseasons were Still expect to find me wearing my ing, screaming and cursing at your next Sunday?" example, in a loss to a last-place divi- witness to the most disappointing and Warren Moon jersey and fitted Hous- television set on Sunday afternoons in 5. Infamous jinx: "Barring a major sional rival. heartbreaking defeats in the ton cap, singing "IJUV YA BLU" on utter helplessness. In fact, they have act of God, the Oilers will defeat the No club in Houston is immune: franchise's history. Sunday afternoons this fall. Bills and advance to the next round of the Rockets, Astros and Oilers have After almost losing to the under- Hopefully, I will not be alone. the AFC playoffs." (N BC's Bob Costas never won their league's champion- dog Jets at the Dome in the 1991 AFC at halftime) ship. Wildcard game, the Oilers played the Chris Rodgers is a freshman at IJ>V- 6. Famous last words: "Who in the Twice the Rockets have made the Denver Broncos at Mile High Sta- ett College. hell is this Frank Rcich guy—doesn't NBA finals only to lose to their oppo- dium. Despite leading 21-13 at half- he suck?" (Oiler's defense) nents, most recently to the Boston time, Houston managed only a field Unfortunately for Houston's belea- Celtics 4-2 in a six-game series during goal in the second half and eventually guered band of followers, the Oilers the 1986 season. fell to the rallying Broncos 26-24. Soccer once again found a way to lose, de- Twice the Astros have played for We already know what happened FROM PACE 14 probably cost you a few bucks on bets spite having a 32-point third-quarter baseball's National league Pennant in the 1992 playoffs. No need to waste Gnaidy. "If they had stayed on, we by screwing up point spreads and los- cushion. and lost, narrowly missing a World a bullet on a dead horse. Perhaps this would have had no problem fielding a ing to underdogs. Furthermore, backup quarterback Series berth. little history lesson will help explain to team." They have been allied the deep- Reich ofthe Bills not only managed to However, the Astros have not won the average reader the caustic nature If they do decide to field a team, a est and most talented team in profes- beat the Oilers, he put the game in the the National league Fast (thus ad- of the Oiler's followers toward their strong nucleus will return from last sional football. Yet, conversely, they record books by engineering the great- vancing to baseball's postseason) beloved football team. year's squad, the first to make the are annually labelled as underachiev- est comeback in NFL playoff history. enough times to truly demonstrate Such criticism would be unheard playoffs in several years. es and chokers. Arguably, they also Soon after the loss, it was rumored the dangerous effects HI'S has on a of in any other city that had a football Starring for the team would be have the ugliest team colors in the that the Houston Police Department Houston playoff team. franchise which has gone to the play- forward and captain Kit Kittleson; NFL: Columbian flight) blue, red and seriously considered altering the color Of the three, the Oilers take the offs for six straight seasons. midfielders McKinley, Gnaidy and white. By now you know that I am scheme of its patrol cars. cake in playoff futility. Their season- Just remember a few things about Lani Miyoshi; and goalkeeper Jenny referring to football's Houston Oilers. Houston Team Syndrome (HTS) ending defeat at the hands of the Buf- the Oilers: Gaunce. If you watched the first round of had struck again. falo Bills was merely a continuation of 1. They are the football team that "All of the upperclassmcn are the AFC playoffs last year, the follow- For those not familiar with area a long and not-so-illustrious history in Houston fans hate to love strong players," said McKinley. ing might sound familiar to you: sports, HTS is a condition which af- playoff disappointment 2. They have never been to a "There's no lack of effort from the 1. "There's NO WAY they can lose; flicts all of Houston's professional Three times in the last 13 years #$@%ing Superbowl players who are out for the team," Houston has lost in the first round of 3. NEVER, EVER change thechan- added Gnaidy. the playoffs ('80, '89, '90). nel of your television or leave at half- Any decision to field a team would Intramural Announcements For the Oilers, getting over that time have to be accompanied by a total College swim meet entries are due on Tuesday. The meet will be held first round postseason hump is no The Oilers have been good, damn commitment to the team, according on Thursday at 7 p.m. in the Rice Pool. guarantee of further playoff victory. good at times, but never seem to be to McKinley. Twice Houston has reached the sec- able to elevate their game to the next "If we are going to have a team, it Officials meetings for basketball referees will be held on Wednesday ond round of the AFC playoffs only to level required to go the distance. I will require a commitment from all to at 6:30 p.m. and Sept. 10 at 4:30 p.m. in the Rice Gym Classroom A. wilt against their divisional foes ('87, could call it a curse, or simply chalk it come to every practice and game, even Pizza and drinks will be provided. '88). up as bad luck. I would rather call it if you have a paper and two tests the The third round of the AFC's play- choking since fate and bad luck, when next day," she said. Entry deadlines for Thursday include swim meet, women's college offs has been equally unkind to oil- put together, spell eternal doom for a The team still hopes for more play- soccer and men's singles, doubles and mixed doubles tennis. man Bud Adam's franchise. Twice, football team. ers. the Oilers have played in the AFC Since 1 am an Oilers fan and we arc "All we need are people with an For information, see your college sports representative or call 285- championshipgame ('79 and'80), only an optimistic lot by nature, I can ig- interest in the game, not necessarily 5398. to lose their chances for a Super Bowl nore their bleak history and look on an aptitude for it," said Gnaidy. Forget the clever headline. Ift $987.

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fv 16 FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 3. 1993 THE RICE THRESHER BACKPAGE

7. Marvin Zindler was fired from the with her, she told me she was no MISCLASS Vatican news team after claiming longer dating the Krishna guy, and to find "slime in the baptismal that she was going to be spending CALENDAR Editors' Note: font!" thenextfew months following around It has come to our attention that, al- 6. Papal incense burner great for a band called Men Without Pants. If though you may have actually taken steaming clothes. you talk to her, tell her I'm worried. Friday The 1st Annual S.A./R.P.C. Great Ameri- our introductory letter in last week's 5. The Pope's hat was actually an Also tell her that I'd like a T-shirt if can Picnic happens this evening. There will issue to heart and churned out some elaborate joke of Peter's. Every- she can get one (maybe free tickets if Sept. 3 be folks from Oscar Meyer giving away free quality Misclass, there are no longer one took him far too seriously. they ever come to Houston). School's dogs, Astro World giving away free tickets, any approved receptacles in any of the 4. The word "Pope" is actually an going really well. I just finished read- Colombo Frozen Yogurt giving away free residential colleges in which to deposit acronym for "Personage Of ing the Backpage of the Thresher. It's prizes, and in lieu of the cancelled BakerTG, any material. Presley, Elvis." written by a couple of jerks who think there will be free beer. Lotsa other stuff. 5-7 Be aware that, as of this printing, a 3. The Virgin Mary actually has a that underage drinking is funny. It's p.m. at the RMC. Misclass envelope should now be lo- statue of you on her dashboard. not Do you remember Tim from high cated in a prominent location in your 2. Those little wafers really do taste school? He died of alcohol poisoning STEELY DAN! Experience the music and college commons. better with mint jelly. last week. He had joined a fraternity the magic that is Donald Fagen and Walter If you have any difficulty locating this 1. "Kyrie Eleison" is Latin for "Look, at Suite and volunteered to sit in the Becker. Yessir. Questions about the band? receptacle, feel free to call us any hour, cheese!" clothes dryer until he finished an See Tima Bell for details. day or night, to discuss possible solu- entire bottle of gin. He really should tions to your problem over an ice-cold An actual quote from a Houston law have held off on the alcohol until he Saturday Dan Caesar Memorial Concert. 8p.m. Her- Olympic beer. enforcement officer (as related at the was legally mature enough. I person- Sept. 4 ring Hall 124. It would be greatly appreciated if these recent Supcrsuckcrs show): ally won't touch the stuff until I turn envelopes were filled to capacity each How do you castrate a guy from Hous- 21 year after next You know, it's Alcohol Server Training, 7-9 .m. Biology week so that we can be selective with ton? luQny. I would have thought that Tim Tuesday p 131. the submissions, rather than printing Kick his sister in the jaw. would have been killed by all that Sept 7 even the stupid shit in order to fill acid he took in high school. It made Brown College Play Auditions, 7p.m., space (as we've done with this issue). From an individual who misses him really weird to talk to, but it Brown College Commons. Don't worry about being offensive. Well Misclass: never killed him. By the way, I have be the judges of that. Sign on Montrose: a girlfriend now. Her name is Lorrie Thursday Wiess Freshman One Acts, 8p.m. Also on "Cherry Demolition." and she's from New York. We went Friday and Saturday. In honor of the Pope's recent visit to to Dave and Buster's last night and Sept. 9 Denver, we reach back into the Another Stupid Sign: played video games. They even have Backpage files to bring you yet an- "No food, drink, or explosives." a bowling alley there, but we didn't other Brown 4th Top Ten: play. My roommate has a pet ferret Human life begins at perception. and he stinks. So does the ferret The Jam is this cool new grunge band. TOP TEN LITTLE KNOWN ferret's name is Dennis, and he looks They're from Seattle. 1 heard they like a snake with legs and fur. I think FACTS ABOUT CATHOLICISM Dear Mom and Dad, have a lot of coffee in Seattle. Gross. %± I'm allergic to it. Please send some How do you guys drink that stuff? I antihistamines in your next care pack- 10. Due to a mistranslation of the Thanks for the gloves. I'm sure that tried it last week when I was studying ats. announce. age (and some more leftover marsh- original Greek text, Peter has I'll start wearing them as soon as it for an exam. I drank one and a half mallow bunnies, they taste better the come to be known as "the Rock" gets colder outside. Please tell cups and couldn't get to sleep all older they get). Remember, Mom rather than Christ's original in- Grandpa that I'm glad the V. A finally night. It tasted gross, too. Don't and Dad, that my birthday is coming tention: "The Nuge." got him on the right prescription. worry, I got a B+ on the exam any- up. All I want is a Pearl Jam CD. I 9. Sex was invented on All-Saints' Maybe now he'll stop golfing in the way. I probably could have gotten an already have it on tape, but I played it Day. living room. By the way, how's Sis? A if it weren't for that stupid coffee. I We here at the Backpage know about seven times a day and I wore it 8. Pope Innocent III originated the I've heard she dropped out of high hope my GPA doesn't get screwed how much Rice Students appreci- out. In case you don't know, Pearl phrase, "Pull my finger." school again. The last time I talked up. I^ve, your son. ate a challenge—-especially when FREE BEER is involved. Itj'ustso happens that we have cooked up a little exercise in order to test the WATER CLASSIFIEDS limits of your knowledge of the 7220 if interested. Herring Hall 124. Various jazz and rock English language AND brush up TASTE BAD? HELP WANTED musicians from the Rice community will play DATA ENTRY. 0-2yrs.exp. Sfr-8/hr. Flex- in honor of Dan. Everyone is welcome; dress on your Bible knowledge as well! Good for you? ible 20 hr. week. Greenspoint area Call is casual. Even if you did not know Dan, MUSEUM AREA MONTESSORI School Cost too much? I^ura Bearden at 999-9995 (Fax: 999-1143) please feel free to attend. Contact Amy at needs a part-lime assistant in the infant/ During last week's Thresher Bible If you're not sure, then call 630-8857 or Celeste at 630-8875 for more toddler program. Morning/evening hours study, we ran across a particularly SEEKING STUDENT to live in and do child information. ' Water Wizard at available. Subs also needed forallprograms. care for an 8-year-old and run errands. Auto- cryptic verse which none of us 876-7873 to order the new Perfect for students who need to balance mobile provided. Please call Roxann at 651- AUDITIONS FOR THE BROWN PIAY! could come close to translating. Sterling Spring" filter as seen work with school hours. Call 520-0582. 1111 from 8 am.-5 p.m. or 266-8304 eve- Tues., Sept. 7 and Wed., Sept. 8 at 7 p.m. in on TV and start getting: The verse in question appears in nings. No answer? Leave message at 266- the Brown College Commons. Men, women, EXPERIENCED TUTORS WANTED. Sut> the New Testament, in theSecond • Great-tasting purified water for 8304. actors and techies needed. just l<-3< per gallon jects include high school malh, science, En- Book of Corinthians, Chapter 13, glish, history, and foreign languages. S10- • Certified to remove hazardous WANTED: Female, native Spanish speaker RICE VEGETARIAN CLUB. Weekly din- Verse 2. The King James Transla- 15/hr. Call 995-6500. Provide name, phone lead and bitter-tasting, skint to tutor 7-year-old 3-4 hrs./wk. in reading ner. Sat., Sept. 4. Jones Commons, 6 p.m. number, and mailing address. tion reads as follows: drying chlorine and writing English. Flexible hours. West Veggies, wannabes, carnivores all invited. • Unique 4-suge replaceable filter University. Informal. Call John at 228-2800 Donations welcome. Please bring own uten- TUTORS WANTED. Learning Squared, a cartridge lasts over a year (day) or 665-3200 (night). Good SSS! sils. 7 told you before, and 'foretell privatetutorial service, needs tutors in Math- • No heavy bottles to lift or store ematics, Chemistry, Biology, and French. you, as if I were present, the sec- • Counter-top, shower, whole- A NATIONAL PRO-LIFE GROUPis looking .ATTENTION CLUB PRESIDENTS! Regis- Office is close to campus. Good wages. Call ond time; and being absent now I house & bottle-free cooler units for students to help establish a local chapter. ter your organization ASAP! Pick up forms 528-7085. for home or business Write to: Stop the Killing, Inc. P.O. Box from Student Organizations office, 2nd Floor, write to them which heretofore 7725, Metaire, I-ouisiana 7(X)10. l.ey Student Center. Treasurers should get have sinned, and to all other, • Awarded the Gold Seal by the RESPONSIBLE STUDENT with car needed bank signature cards through Student Ac- Water Quality Association to pick up 5th grader at school, supervise that, if I come again, / will not • 30-day unconditional guarantee HELP WANTED: Married Rice graduates tivities. homework, etc. Normal hours 3:30-5:30. seek part-time, in-home child care for 3- spare." $ $65/weekplusadditionalS5/hr. ifmorethan 99°° SPECIAL month-old girl (and a friendly dog). 25hrs./ JOINT CAMPUS MINISTRIES ana me 10 houre. Call 624-4609 (day) or 66^6853 wk. with flexible scheduling. $6/hr. Non- Chapel Reading Room have moved! Their The rules are simple. All we re- | INTRODUCTORY PRICEll (night). smoker. References desirable. Call 795- new location is in the office just south of the quire is that you submit (on nar- 5766. Chapel. Their campus extension remains 876-PURE PART-TIME AFTERNOON JOB at private x2347. The Reading Room is open from 8 row-ruled notebook paper, please) WATER WIZARD pre-school in West University area After- PART-TIME POSITION SHOPPING and am. to 5 p.m. Mon.-Fri., and ministers are the diagram of this sentence. If noon hours: 2:30p.m.-5:30p.m. Thesehours running errands for corporation president available for consultation by appointment. you don't know what we're talking art; somewhat negotiable. $6/hr. Call 522- 876-7873 and wife. Reliable vehicle required. Must be about, then you were fortunate available to begin work at 10 am. until 5 p.m. RICE WRESTLING CLUB. Meet in Jones at least 2 or 3 days/wk. $12/hr. + mileage. South lx>bby,7p.m., Sept. 8. Call Ajayat741- enough not to have taken reme- Call 659-3680 and ask for Joy. Females pre- 0136. On campus? Call Dan at 630-8738. dial English in high school. If you ferred, please. Haveemployed Rice students understand the premise, just be Friends don't let friends take through Career Services Center for over 12 THE SWEDISH CLUB of Houston will hold the first to submit the correct solu- yrs. a registration/information session for its fall classes on Mon., Sept. 13, from 6-7p.m. in the tion, labelled with name, phone Student Center at Houston Baptist Univer- number, date, and time completed FOR SALE/RENT sity, 7502 Fondren. For more info., call 933- (Honor Code, please!) to the second-rate LSAT prep. 0687. Thresher office by Friday Septem-. COUCH FOR SALE. Full-size blueand white striped couch in excellent shape. 1 1/2 yrs. GERMAN TABLE meets for lunch on Fri- ber 10. It's that easy! THE PRINCETON REVIEW old. $275. Call Warren at 664-2264. days al the Will Rice PDR. WAS GREAT.' I W0UIDNT GO MEDICAL CENTER CONDO. 1 bdrm., 1 GALOR women's table at the Coffeehouse. UZ£* bath, new carpet and paint, ceiling fans, W/ Tuesdays at X p.m. Call Jill Carroll at 529- ANYWHERE ELSE. A I), security, beautiful area (corner of Kirby 5811 for info. 1 rit and N. Braeswood). 8515/month. Call353- One lucky winner will walk away 7317 (home) or 297-8403 (work). GALOR men's table meets on Wednesdays with an ice-cold 12-pack of Olym- at 10p.m. at the Coffeehouse. Call J.J. McCoy pia Beer, courtesy of the Pabst MISCELLANEOUS at 630-8130 for info. Brewing Company (and paid for ALCOHOL SERVER TRAINING will meet by us). In the event of an underage ROOM MATES NEEDED by third-year Rice once again on Sept. 7 from 7-9 p.m. in Biology winner, a ten-pound'* bag of male student! 4 bdrm. upstairs in duplex 131. Dursban Ant and Grub Control mansion. Ceiling fans, carpet, appliances. 5 minutestoRice. SWXj/month. Call526-2908. WARP. Rice's Wargaming and Role Playing Pesticide will be awarded, and the Club meets every Friday at 7 p.m. in Sewall B.P.E.'s will split the Oly. Enter MONEY FOR SCHOOL. Scholarships, I Iall 207. If you arc interested in any sort of Now! grants, endowments guaranteed. Can match role-playing garnet, board games, etc., be scholarships by GPA need, hobbies, major, there! age, or ethnicity. We specialize in finding funds for current college students. Call Dan IT ISN'T TOO IATE to do Joint Venture. with Ad productions at 395-2329. Intern with an exciting company and get school credit for it! The class meets 1 hr./ ^LL^aomin^ Or GMAT, for that matter. FIRST CHRISTIAN CHURCH, 1601 Sunset, wk. See Cheryl at Career Services ASAP. home congregation of Edgar Odell Ixjvett. The Backpage Fall Combining faith and reason. Sunday ser- SENIORS, JOB SEEKERS: Resumania be- vices: 10:50 am., 6:30 p.m. Sunday night gins next week, Sept. 7-10, 4-5 p.m. in the Fashion Preview THE Classes start supper 5:45 p.m. FREE with Rice I.D. John R.VIC lobby. No resume will go uncritiqued. Cunyus, Baker '84, Minister. 0 PRINCETO September 4. WANTTO LEARN how you can sign up for on-campus interviewing and other goodies? REVIEW Please call NOTES + NOTICES Liberal arts majors must come to the Miner Houston's Shittiest We Score Morel 688-5500. Ixmngc for orientation Sept. 8 at 4 p.m. or # THE DAN CAESAR MEMORIAL CON- Sept. 9 al 7 p.m. Tech# toajors must come Sept. 8 al 7 p.m. or Sept. 9 at I p.m. -Neither I.SAS. AAMC, GMAC. ETS nor Punceton U are affiliated with The Princeton Review- CERT is on Sat.. Sept. 1, 1993 al 8 p.m. in