CAPTAIN FLASHBACK

A fanzine composed for the 404th distribution of the Thots While Base Scraping: Turbo-Charged Party-Animal Amateur Press An Editorial by Andy Hooper Association, from the joint membership of Andy Hooper and Carrie Root, residing at 11032 30th Ave. More obsessive modeling and messing about NE Seattle, WA 98125. E-mail Andy at with toy soldiers. The Later Swiss presented no [email protected], and you may reach Carrie at problems, and even building an entire Navarrese [email protected]. This is a Drag Bunt Press Company from scratch was easily accomplished. Production, completed on 2/20/2020. But when I decided to cross the to take on the Avars, that proved to be a more ambitious CAPTAIN FLASHBACK is devoted to old project than I had projected. They arrived in the fanzines, miniature wargames, film noir and other mail as expected in a tangle of loose figures, all fascinating phenomena of the 20th Century. All fallen off of flimsy cardboard bases. But written material by Andy Hooper unless indicated. rebasing 45 cavalry and their horses, along with Contents of Issue #15: another 20 horse archers, completely depleted Page 1: Thots while Base Scraping: my stock of 40mm by 30mm plywood bases. In An Editorial on Sundry Topics order to get them all onto legal stands and ready Page 2: Comments on Turbo-Apa #403 for the gaming table, I had to rummage around Page 5: A Key to Interlineations in Issue #14 Page 12: Fanmail from some Flounder: Letters to CF in the box of recycled bases and select a pile for Page 13: I Remember Entropy Department: rehab. There were a few patches of old glue and “The Emperor Strikes Back” by Allyn flock that had to be attacked with a knife, but Cadogan, from FAST & LOOSE #9 edited most of the work was accomplished by rubbing by Alan Bostick & published in June 1980. each of the little rectangles with sandpaper until they were relatively flat, if not exactly clean.

The plywood bases are rather expensive you see, “laser-cut” and guaranteed to be of uniform size. Plus they smell divine when they come out of the Ziploc bag. Situations frequently arise where figures are needed in some other configuration and must be removed from the base I have already glued them to. In this case, I certainly don’t discard the bases; they wait to be recycled, like tiny fragments of architectural salvage. I should have known the Avars would deplete my deep bases – the basic option demands that all their troops be mounted, with up to 12 stands of cavalry. The later version includes some light infantry recruited from Slavic people conquered in their progress across Europe. These were not included in the lot I purchased on eBay, but Contemporary Avar Reenactor from Hungary orphan troops are constantly being created by [Continued on Page 6] ------Issue #15, February 2020 ------

1 ------You see, Mr. Simpson, a man will walk straight into hell with both eyes open… ------Mailing Comments on Turbo-Apa #403: OCCAM’S WHISKERS, Georgie Schnobrich: I love the idea of the immense, wine-stained COVER (Jim Hudson, Kitties!): This set a new dictionary that forms the center of your Fantasy standard for future artist working in the medium of Book Club’s holiday ritual. I like the idea that the cats. Pretty amazing for an “emergency” cover. dictionary and all your wine stains will persist Also, the cover stock was so slick that the APA years after those who spilled the wine are gone. tended to slither off the coffee table. Over the forty years that I have been playing it, the FINANCIAL REPORT: I was a little surprised to Dictionary game has become more and more see that we still had something like $40 in balance; difficult, as more and more people seem to know I would still like to make sone contribution to the the definitions of even the most ridiculous words. 2020 central fund for Turbonery. Do you really feel like mainstream culture is AN WISCONZINE, Greg Rihn: You say that you skewing back toward the mundane again? Cosplay have concluded that “we’re doomed,” as a is so commonplace now, and comic book movies consequence of climate change and other insults to make billions of dollars…this afternoon, we were the planet. I’ve no doubt at all that you’re right in in the supermarket, and I overheard a cashier some significant sense; we’re long overdue for exhausting one of his colleagues by describing some major correction in human population, and what I assume was aWorld of Warcraft battle in climate change is likely to provide it. But I wonder obsessive, excruciating detail. I feel like the world if we will ever realize that “the world has ended” is fairly comfortable with all the stuff we like now even if pandemic and agricultural disaster kill a and doesn’t hold it against us like they once did. significant portion of the world’s population. I On the other hand, we’re still hopeless nerds think the key item is electrical power, with which anyway. It doesn’t matter if Star Wars is most of the effects of climate change can be mainstream or that everyone can answer a ameliorated or ignored. As long as the power stays Jeopardy question about Octavia Butler; it still on, Americans in particular will likely remain doesn’t make us cool. relatively rational. Turn off the power, and Jeopardy has been making us feel particularly old everyone will be wandering the streets with a this week, as there have been quite a few questions crowbar within about 16 hours. we regarded as having relatively obvious and well- Given how deep the roots of fandom run in known answers, and which all three contestants Milwaukee, I would think that history of its first met with completely blank silence. On the other century would be a particularly interesting hand, I don’t know what would make a contestant undertaking. I know you hardly feel qualified to of any age confidently assert that an invasion of write such a work, being such a recent transplant England had once been mounted from the Duchy of only 35 years residence, but I doubt anyone of Luxembourg. But then, we live in a time when would do a better job. Many of the people I think the Secretary of State is confident that reporters of as most central to the Milwaukee fandom I cannot find on a map, so what do I know? encountered in the late 1970s are gone now; it MADISON FOURSQURE #39, Scott Custis & would be nice to know that someone else Jeanne Gomoll: I am getting pretty excited to see remembered them. your TAFF book, Jeanne. Things turn into books I hadn’t thought any further about Rebel Salvage without warning these days. I ‘ve been thinking until a few weeks ago, when I had a sudden flash about our own trip to Britain and Brighton in 1987 of insight and imagined three different sets of and wondering how it will intersect with yours. rules, basic, intermediate and advanced games with That was the trip where Carrie encountered the late increasingly demanding economics and more Ross Pavlac in a laundromat in Inverness, among punitive encounters with pirates and security many other adventures. I’m sure we have some personnel. I think Sam was ready for something in photos from that trip somewhere; it would be fun the intermediate range, while his sister just wanted to scan and share some of them. to make enough money to hire a Lemur for a co- pilot. I’d like to be able to please both approaches.

2 I corresponded a lot with Steve Stiles in his last bathroom at all times. It was heartening to read few years, selling some of his fanzines and seeking that you had made a lot of progress since your insight on old reprint projects. I liked Steve more surgery, and I hope that continues. than his art, which is a bit of a blasphemy in LETTER FROM THE FARM, Marilyn Holt: It fandom, but sincerely felt. He was a monstrous was extremely illuminating to read your remarks complainer, a little bit vain about his work and on Andi Shechter’s opinions of her former generally helpless in the face of modern husband Alva Rogers. I had never felt comfortable technology; despite this, he was always fine even bringing his name up, because she was so company, the immediate Statler to anyone’s completely taciturn about their relationship. She Waldorf. I have an unpublished piece by him that gave the very strong impression that her emotional will soon see the light of day as well, and oh, if life had begun again when she met Stu Shiffman only I could have been a little bit quicker. and didn’t really care to talk about earlier I was not surprised to read that Icon has undergone relationships, including her marriage to Rogers. I some significant cultural changes in the past few seem dimly to remember asking her something decades as well as a lot of turnover in personnel. about Alva because he and A Requiem for Surely the people who ran the convention in the Astounding had come up in conversation; all I can 1980s have all succumbed to liver disease by now. recall is her saying at some point that he was a “despicable bastard.” I’m a bit sorry I brought it up Jeanne, your reprint of “Corrugated Confessions” at the memorial; it would have been more from the 1991 SFFY was a highlight of that fine appropriate to ignore him. fanzine, and just as fun here. But given that you had a completely blank page left over once you It has become a very simple process to be were done, I would have been so tempted to published today, but still a difficult proposition to increase the size of the type, as well as the Nun be published profitably. It is a tall order to find photo, to provide a more readable product for someone willing to invest in a 100,000-word fandom’s aging eyes. It was still lovely, however. thriller, unless your name is King or Patterson or Such a savage scarlet in your lines and objects! Grafton. My rule these days is that a thing must be its own reward if I am to invest my time in it; if the Impressive lists of media consumed in 2019, pleasure of the work can sustain you to actually including some documentaries and Shakespeare complete it, then we can talk. A finished novel that and other brainy stuff. We keep thinking that we’ll you love forms a kind if imperative; you MUST eventually get to more movies now that Carrie is find a way to share it, and I am certain that you retired, but we ended up spending this Saturday will. Send me something you’ve finished in a .pdf, evening watching Casablanca and Key Largo on I’m becoming quite curious. TCM, while I worked on these comments. It’s quickly becoming clear that I’m the real obstacle SAM DRUCKER’S GENERAL STORE, Cliff to our leading a more intensely leisure-filled life. Wind: Your stock still seemed pretty fresh, for all that some of it had been waiting to be published SONOVA QUARK, Steven Vincent Johnson: since November. Apa-hacking is like any other That’s a bit of a bummer about the lack of reply to form of correspondence in that it has to arise from your efforts to gain some support in the wake of some organic impulse, or it swiftly becomes an your prostate surgery. Cancer is such an immense involuntary chore. Your writing often makes me business now that it always seems disappointing think of Mae Strelkov, who settled in a rural area when the less-profitable elements of care are of Argentina not entirely dissimilar from your neglected. It sounds like you would have better surroundings; and there were certainly times when luck just trying to connect with other patients on her relative isolation was onerous, especially after Facebook or any other social media platform. If it her children were grown up. Her neighbors is any consolation, I think almost everyone inspired a mix of warmth and exasperation which eventually begins to develop some measure of would seem very familiar to you now, I think. “pelvic dysfunction” over time and becomes [Continued next page] keenly interested in knowing the location of a ------But not even the devil can fool a dog. ------

3 ------You make a good point Bart. You remind me of Deborah Kerr in Black Narcissus. ------Comments on Turbo-Apa #403, continued: SAM DRUCKER’S GENERAL STORE, Cliff Earths, Superhero continuity is generally beyond Wind, continued: The Farm Bureau declaration our ken; we’re struggling to reconcile Michael was pretty illustrative of the obstacles to trying to Burnham and Star Trek: Discovery with what we organize anyone in America today. I wonder how know about Spock and the Star Trek universe. many of those people worried about the Thanks for the nice feedback on the “staycation” government voted for Trump, only to see soybeans with our niece Frieda. I’m not sure it’s possible to and other crops suddenly rendered unprofitable? write an account of an entire week’s activities Frankly, it does not sound as if the convention without exhausting most readers. In retrospect, I would have been a particularly festive experience. think I was moved to describe so much because THE HOUSE ON THORNTON CREEK, Carrie Frieda’s presence made me look at things with new Root: It is a lot to accomplish, submitting your eyes. There are aspects of having visitors to Seattle own zine as well as giving me so much help with which can become exhausting – I believe we’ve mine; you must be retired! You impressed me been to the Museum of Popular Culture four times immensely in summarizing the past, um, 14 years? in the past three years. But anything that gets us – in the course of a single paragraph. I there might out of the city and into the mountains or down to be at least one or two subjects there that you might the Sound, is always welcome. want to return to one day – for example, I think it I appreciated the update on Terry Garey; I had would be interesting to explain that you had to only seen a few notes on her condition since she retire in order to devote more time to feeding our went to the hospital, and it was very encouraging hummingbird overlords. Two feeding stations to read that she was essentially “herself” when you can’t really be enough, can it? And with various went to see her. threats to global sugar supplies, we certainly ought to invest in some reserve bags for the garage. ALPHABET OBSESSION #189, Jae Leslie Adams: It made my ribs ache to read about all your I think you have been a more faithful reader of issues with back pain and sciatica; I have this Turbo-Apa than anyone, including me. There were weird little pulled muscle in my ribcage which will times when I was working for Channelspace, or tighten up and bite me without preamble. A few before that, trying to publish a newsy fanzine days ago, I tweaked it into breathtakingly painful every two weeks, when I gave the APA only a life just walking up the street, when a half-mile of cursory egoscan, while you have read just about all swimming had done nothing to faze me. So far, 403 mailings from front to back. You trufan you. I’ve been very lucky; I hope I am as committed to “What I remember of Ireland was rain and terror.” walking around the block as you are, when that A number of our trips to the British Isles were like becomes an equally difficult task. At least you got that too – the Isle of Skye was sheep and scallops to meet the Russian grandma and her doggy when and terror, the 1995 trip was Stonehenge, Salisbury you had to collapse on the sofa in front of her Cathedral and terror – and don’t forget Wyoming house. and West Virginia, which had elk and quilts and I can only agree that making your granddaughter terror. Despite all the terror, we somehow always smile is one of nature’s greatest intoxicants. Our managed to remain on the road, which is entirely Lemur Girl and her troop were hawking cookies due to your driving skills, whichever side the again this year, so we have about five boxes wheel was on. hidden in the cupboards now. I’m working hard to THINGS THAT BEGIN WITH 70, Jim Hudson & find things that Sam likes as much as Lemurs; it is Diane Martin: Enjoyed your take on various pretty overwhelming when I can make him happy franchises and films; one thing we really would too. Fortunately, all it really takes is letting roll a like to do is take advantage of the opportunity to bunch of sixes. see more films outside of our living room, and you The resale value of apazines seems to depend a lot and Greg do a lot to inspire us. I admire your on the APA involved, as some people collect endurance in following the Crisis on Infinite ANZAPA and FAPA fanzines, and the SFPA is

4 also sought-after. I tried listing a bunch of on your perspective, is that nothing seems to ACNESTIS zines abandoned in Seattle by Steve change when everything changes. I’m still doing Swartz; not much luck. the laundry, because my office is next door to the washing machine. Carrie still lightly mutilates the CALM DOWN FLUFF! Jim and Ruth Nichols: As newspaper to get at the crossword puzzles in the Jim continues his long flirtation with retirement, I morning. now have a much keener understanding of the adaptations implicit in being at home together 24 At the same time, things are entirely different. We hours a day. Since Carrie retired, things have now often eat more than one meal together every actually been pretty great around here; the real day, not just on weekends. Carrie can work outside challenge for me is simply accepting that fact, and in the yard anytime, not just on weekends and in not manufacturing reasons to feel anxious or the hour before dusk. There are SIX DAYS A pressured, just because we are both so used to it. It WEEK we can go to the post office together, not is also unfortunate the Carrie’s retirement has not just one. If she wants to go talk to the guys at True served to make me a faster or more prolific writer Value about steel fencing material for an hour, she – even if I barricade myself in the basement from can do that whenever she wants. Yesterday, we dawn to midnight, abandoning all my previous both went out and bought each other Valentine’s habits of cooking and maintenance, the Great Day cards. It’s a little surreal. American Science Fiction Novel refuses to spring from my fingers. I think my feelings about retirement are much like those toward the putative      end of the world which I expressed to Greg Rihn above. The glorious or depressing truth, depending ------A Key to Linos published in January in CAPTAIN FLASHBACK #14: Page 2: “I work in a volcano. What jobs do you think I’ve ever turned down?” The god Hephaestus ( LaMarche), “One Crew Over the Crewcoo’s Morty,” Rick and Morty, S4, E.3 Page 3: “Things have happened again and again and they will continue to happen.” Dr. John Curtis (Donald Curtis) It Came From Beneath the Sea (1955). Page 4: “Barr and Giuliani may not like one another, but at this point, in this story, they’re two tarantulas in a bowl.” MSNBC reporter Katy Tur, speaking in the naïve days before impeachment. Page 6: “He was about as inconspicuous as a tarantula on a slice of angel food cake.” From Farewell my Lovely by Raymond Chandler. Page 7: “I’m an occasional drinker, the kind of guy who goes out for a beer and wakes up in Singapore with a full beard.” From “Philip Marlowe’s Guide to Life” by Raymond Chandler. Page 8: “The French have a phrase for it. The bastards have a phrase for everything and they are always right.” & Page 9: “To say goodbye is to die a little.” From The Long Goodbye by Raymond Chandler. Page 10: “She gave me a smile I could feel in my hip pocket.” From Farewell my Lovely by Raymond Chandler. Page 11: “It seemed like a nice neighborhood to have bad habits in.” From The Big Sleep by Raymond Chandler. Page 12: “There is no bad whiskey. There are just some whiskeys that aren’t as good as others.” Attributed to author Raymond Chandler (1888-1959). Page 13: “I was neat, clean shaved and sober and I didn’t care who knew it.” From The Big Sleep by Raymond Chandler. Page 14: “There is no trap as deadly as the trap you set for yourself.” From The Long Goodbye by Raymond Chandler. Page 15: “Fortune favors the prepared.” Attributed to French medical pioneer Louis Pasteur (1822-1895). Page 22: “Your cuisine is definitely superior to that aboard the Enterprise. It is a powerful recruiting inducement.” Lt. Commander Spock (Leonard Nimoy) appreciates Romulan shipboard life, “The Enterprise Incident,” S.3. Ep. 2 . ------

5 ------I have many friends in Casablanca, but perhaps because you despise me, you are the only one I can trust. ------Thots While Base Scraping with the Avars and largely destroyed the Gepid [continued from page 1] Kingdom. The maintained the long-standing Roman policy of hiring by these re-basing projects, and I’m confident “Barbarian” people to attack their neighbors, and another 12 bearded chaps with darts and pokers commissioned the Avars to conquer the will appear. Sclavenes, a Slavic people who had occupied the Who were the Avars, anyway? The list of northwest coast of the Black Sea. ancient armies seems to overflow with horse- Of course, the Avars did not stop after borne peoples arising from Central Asia or conquering the Sclavenes. By 580 CE, Khagan and moving into Eastern and – Bayan I had established his authority over the Scythians, Cimmerians, Sarmatians, Magyars, , and German-speaking tribes in , Khazars, Kipchaks, Huns – a the Carpathians and began moving along the continuous stream from 600 BCE to 1250 CE. lower Danube. The pushed back their As soon as one seems to be largely assimilated efforts to enter modern , then paid them into the “known world,” another mounted a healthy sum to go away; the Avars turned their menace comes snapping at their heels, attention to the northern frontier of the Empire. determined to dwell in the plains along the Don The Byzantines were engaged in a war with the and Danube Rivers. Are we honestly expected to Persian empire on their eastern frontier, so the keep them all straight? Avars were able to capture a number of There are also two major Avar states to make important cities and Dalmatia, and blocked the things as confusing as possible; the Pannonian overland connections between Constantinople Avar Khaganate in the Carpathian Mountains, and western Europe. The Emperor Maurikios and the Avar Khanate, a state centered in the defeated the Persians in 691, and helped to Caucasus range, with many living descendants restore the deposed Persian Shah Khosru II to in modern Dagestan. The Pannonian Avars his throne, creating the first real peace between appeared in the late 5th Century and were most the two empires in many decades, This allowed likely an alliance of tribes formerly allied with Maurikios to turn his full attention to the Avars, the Huns and Turkic clans who had lost out in a and he pushed them back steadily from 599 to struggle following the split of the Turkish 602 CE. Khaganate into Eastern and Western halves in th This Balkan campaign was damaging to all the 5 Century. They might also have a involved. After several defeats, various factions connection to the Rouran Khaganate, a proto- within the Avar army began to desert, and one Mongol state that was also dispersed by the group joined the Byzantine army. But Maurikios Western Turks. This idea is supported by a was also apparently frustrated by his slow report in Byzantine chronicles that in the early th progress and refused to let his army return to 6 Century, ambassadors arrived from the Turkic winter quarters. They would eventually mutiny Khaganate, aggrieved to learn that the and depose him, appointing a General named Byzantines had formed an alliance with the to replace him. Phocas executed Avars, whom the Turks regarded as their Maurikios and all six of his sons, which started a recalcitrant vassals. 26-year civil war within the empire, and inspired A Sandal in Carpathia Khosru II to attack the eastern frontier. The Powers that ringed the modern Balkan states Avars soon had control of the again, used alliances with the Avars to tip the balance and attempted to invade in 610. of power in their favor. Much of the Carpathian Phocas was deposed by an Egyptian-born Basin was occupied by the when the General named Heraclius. The first 8 to 10 years Avars attempted to occupy it. The , of his reign were a crescendo of disaster, as the long enemies of the Gepids, formed an alliance

6 Persians seized Egypt, Damascus and Jerusalem. The Avars brought a huge army to the walls of Constantinople in 617, and while ostensibly negotiating with the Emperor, swarmed into the city’s suburbs and captured tens of thousands of its citizens. Heraclius was compelled to pay the Avars over 200,000 gold solidi over the next several years, only to see them ally with the Persians in besieging the city again in 626. But by then Heraclius had won a series of victories in the Caucasus and , and the Persians were under pressure from the earliest Islamic caliphates. The siege of Constantinople collapsed and both the Avars and Persians were distracted by internal political turmoil. Avar Reenactors at a festival in Budapest Avowed Avars, Subtly Slavs from the Turkish/Hephthalite Hun alliance that The Avars overran the Western Slavic people had appeared in the late 400s. They gradually known as the Wends in the 6th Century and took on the language and material culture of treated their homelands in modern north their Slavic clients, and lost touch with the Germany as a place of winter refuge for several Eastern steppes between the Black and Caspian decades. The Chronicle of Fredegar claims that seas. They evolved away from their traditional the Avars subjected the Wendish women to nomadic lifestyle and adopted more sedentary sexual slavery during their occupation and were forms of agriculture and husbandry common stopped only when the sons created by these across Europe. Avars and Bulgars settled regions unions grew to adulthood and sought to defend along the Adriatic and Aegean coastlines, their mothers and sisters. Coincidentally, in 623 continuing to gnaw away territory formerly a Slavic ruler known as Samo established a controlled by the Byzantine Empire, and kingdom in the Northwest quarter of the Avar establishing a genetic presence that is still found Empire, imaginatively known as “Samo’s in modern residents of Greece and North Kingdom.” This state evaporated immediately Macedonia. when Samo died in 658, and many of the Wends were again made subjects of the Avars. The Avar Kingdom was destroyed in less than a decade by the Frankish armies of Charlemagne Other parts of the Avar Khaganate had similar and his son Pepin. By that time, the Avars were visions of independence. The most dominant one of the last significant powers in Europe who tribal groups in the Empire had been the practiced a pagan religion, and their conversion , who ruled the productive plains was the ultimate goal of the Frankish campaign. around the Danube River. A struggle between After the capture of a stronghold and storehouse the Kutrigur and Utigur clans destroyed the known as “The Ring,” many of the Western former group in the 630s, after which the Avar Slavs joined the Franks, while those Avars who Khaganate was broken into five regions. The resisted conversion fled into , or farther two provinces controlled by the Utigurs would east. Avars were reported as a distinct, bilingual evolve into the Old Kingdom of Bulgaria. people by writers across the 9th and 10th The Avar Khaganate persisted unto the last years Centuries, but they seem to have largely of the 8th Century but had changed significantly assimilated or vanished by the Millennium. [Continued next page]

------Nobody would come to see me jump off the Woolworth Building into a damp rag. ------

7 ------A Problem is just a Solution without a Solution. ------Thots While Base Scraping The “White Plain” Huns wandered far and wide, [continued from page 7] apparently taking the proto-Avars with them. It is reasonable conjecture that at some point they Avaristandard Time came into the sphere of the Turkish Khaganate But this is nowhere near the end of the Avar in Central Asia; some remained and accepted the story. Back in the sixth century, the “Gok” or Turks’ authority, while others went west to Western Turks had asked the Byzantine become the European or “Pseudo-Avars.” One Emperor to call the Avars who lived in the point in favor of this conclusion is the fact that Balkans “Pseudo-Avars,” because the “True “ Byzantine writers referred to the Carpathian Avars were loyal subjects of the Turks, who had th Avars as “Huns” well into the 7 Century. settled in the North Caucasus mountains in the modern state of Dagestan. They established the So, while I can make relatively few concrete ruling dynasty of the Kingdom of Sarir and conclusions as to who the Avars really were, I converted to Orthodox Christianity sometime still have this unruly mass of horsemen ready for before the 7th Century. They sided with the a fight. And despite the fact that you’ve never Khazars in their wars with the Islamic heard of them, I can put them on the table to Caliphates, but later turned on their former allies face the Gepids, Wends and all manner of Slavic and made several attacks on their territory. The warriors, the Italian Goths, Austrasian Franks, Islamic powers eventually used a combination of Wallachians, Bulgarians, Bohemians, the armies military and economic force to cripple Sarir, and of several Byzantine Dynasties and it collapsed in the early 12th Century. After this, Charlemagne, first Holy Roman Emperor. Not the Islamic faith became dominant in the region bad for a bunch of nobodies. and the North Caucasus became known as the Most Eager for Praise Avar Khanate or Avaristan. Longtime readers of my contributions to the The Avar Khanate would be allies of the Golden Turbo-Charged Party-Animal APA (and my, that Horde following the Mongol invasion of is an elite group!) will know that such forays into Europe; after the Horde declined, the Caucasian speculation on ancient history were once a regular feature of my contributions. I’ve written more Avars became subjects of the Persian Shah, and th generally remained loyal but autonomous until frequently on 20 Century cultural phenomena in coming under Russian control in 1801. A long, recent years, but the combined effect of sanding miserable genocidal conflict, the Caucasian War new bases for the miniature Avars and the arrival followed, lasting several generations, from 1817 of issue #138 of Fred Lerner’s FAPA fanzine LOFGEORNOST has me in an antique frame of to 1864. At that point, the Avar Khanate was at mind. last abolished, and replaced by the more prosaic Avar Oblast or Avar District. Fred’s fanzine is frequently a tour of the archaic and its place in contemporary perception. Issue In modern use, the word “Avarian” describes #136 was highlighted by a tour of the French city three related ethnic groups in Dagestan, the of Lyon (ancient Lugdunum), seen through the Avars, the Andis and the Tsez. There were 1.04 perceptive eyes of Fred and his wife Sheryl. In million people of Avar descent in the census of #137, he crossed France through the medium of a 2002. Most of them live in Federal Russia or panel at the San Jose Worldcon, to consider the Georgia, but there are also significant numbers Armorican Kingdom of Ys. Armorica centered on of Avars in Chechnya, Kalmykia and Turkey. the region now called Brittany; this was the setting Most modern scholarship on the Avars is of Poul and Karen Anderson’s novels Roma Mater focused on the origins of the Caucasian Avars, (1986) and Gallicenae (1987), first two volumes in who trace their ancestry from a group originally a four-part series known as “The King of Ys and resident in eastern Iran, conquered or assimilated one of the subjects taken up at a panel devoted to by the Hephthalite Huns in the early 5th Century. Karen at the World Convention. In the series, Ys is a quasi-magical place, deriving its origins from the

8 ancient mariners of Phoenicia, through their western Mediterranean successors in Carthage. Ys is also a legendary drowned city on the coast of Brittany, its story described in the 1200s, but certainly created centuries before. The city was protected by a series of sophisticated dikes and locks but lost to the ocean when a thoughtless boy stole the gold (or silver) keys to the lock system to please a vain Princess. The story has been retold uncountable times, in media including anime and video games. It was the inspiration for ’s haunting prelude La cathédrale engloutie, adapted for the by on his Snowflakes are Dancing (1974). Tomita’s version links Carrie and I – a childhood favorite for me, it provided the soundtrack to a TV commercial for Madison Gas slings used in the mountains of South America and & Electric, which employed Carrie when we got those employed by the people of the Balearic married, Islands who served in Hannibal’s army. Neither In #138, Fred follows this up with a piece on Fred nor I are quite convinced. On the other hand, contrasting views on ancient human migration. asking the same question in the case of the The first is represented by Sea People: The Puzzle Polynesian mariners – how did they know that of Polynesian Migration by Christina Thompson, a Hawaii, New Zealand and Rapa Nui were there? – 2019 summary of the evolution of scientific and does not produce a much more satisfying answer. academic ideas about the spread of human Logic suggests that fisherman and whalers may civilization in the Pacific Ocean. The second was have followed shoals of their prey, or birds, or presented in an episode of the PBS TV series other marine creatures such as turtles, which lead Secrets of the Dead, subtitled “Lost Warriors of them to the more protected waters around a land Carthage.” How could we – or Fred – resist? mass. Those specific clues may have been lost or assumed some divine provenance over time; or Alas, the story of survivors fleeing the Roman maybe the idea of a fearless mariner sailing into destruction of Carthage in 146 BCE to end up in the void in the hopes of finding a new home is just the Andes Mountains of South America seems to too good a story to question. be the fantasy of some enthusiastic amateurs. Fred is kind enough to ignore the more patronizing or I only receive a handful of paper fanzines in the racist aspects of efforts to put old world genius mail now, and it is pretty easy for me to choose into the new world, in favor of one question: How LOFGEORNOST as my favorite. The past three would the Carthaginians have known that Brazil issues in particular feel as though Fred created was waiting for them on the other side of the them specifically for me. This seems to fit the Atlantic? The idea seems to depend on a semi- fanzine’s title somehow. “Lofgeornost” is the last mystic belief that the Phoenicians made voyages word in the epic of Beowulf, characterizing the down the African Coast and across the Atlantic legendary warrior as the “Most Desiring of and knew of the existence of South America. Fred Praise.” a phrase which we would probably points out that they had reached Ireland and the translate as “Most Hungry for Victory.” And so, it British Isles, but most likely did so by following has come to pass, that I should single Fred out for the coastlines until local information or personal praise among all contemporary fanzine publishers. observation revealed their existence. “Far-fetched treasures were piled upon him, and precious gear.” Indeed. The enthusiastic amateurs point to blonde-haired people of the Andes, and similarities between [Continued next page] ------I wish your mouth was this dirty in the dark. ------

9 ------How extravagant you are, throwing away women like that. Some day they may be scarce. ------Thots While Base Scraping [continued from page 9] Dizzy for Deltiology 1910, so Julia may have left the hobby when Updating allusions made in earlier flashbacks, many of her correspondents fell silent. She may I’ve reached a significant point in the quest to also have developed other pastimes; she was catalog my Great Grandmother Julia’s postcard certainly “dating” my Great Grandfather Henry collection. All 403 cards have been scanned, Armbrecht by early 1912. Their only child, my both front and back, creating a gallery of more Grandmother Josephine Violet Armbrecht than 800 total images. They were once very Oakey, was born on July 4th, 1913, and they meticulously ordered according to the date when were married, a bit belatedly, in September. Julia received them. Even after the binding of Although my Grandma Jo was an only child, the album completely failed, the pages remained Julia had something approaching 40 nieces and in coherent bundles, and it was possible to nephews, the children of her 11 siblings and recreate that order as I removed the cards from their many spouses. She would eventually adopt the crumbling pages and scanned them. It will the youngest son of her younger brother Joseph take several new to store and display in 1933; and Francis Vincent McMahan, who them all safely. turns 88 later this year, is still alive and well, Julia’s cards are about 80% “postally used” and and more than willing to talk about his feature a postmark, a cancelled stamp and a wonderful adoptive mother and father. message of some sort from the sender. The Having spent all this time with her, I find myself earliest postmarks in the collection are from feeling very filial and fond of Julia. Not only did 1906, when Julia was 19 years old, and run she give over thirty years of her life to raising through 1910, with just a few more in 1911. The my Grandma and her adopted brother Francis, worldwide postcard craze that began in the late but she seems to have been a fun-loving person, 1890s had definitely run its course by the end of who was fond of dressing up in men’s clothing from time to time. She had an equally ebullient younger sister named Matilda, known as “Tillie,” who married a sailor named John Stevenson and posed for pictures with him in a feminine version of his blue dress uniform. And Julia seems to have suffered from diabetes for most of her life, and most this likely led to her death after a brief stay in the hospital in 1953. Equipped with all the modern advantages in fighting diabetes, I feel a lot of sympathy for Julia, who apparently had to have regular insulin injections for a several decades. She felt a sufficient attachment to this card collection to keep it intact until she died; and her daughter Jo, who was apparently scandalized by some of the more “suggestive” cards, held on to them for their rest of her life as well. My Mother then brought them back from Florida to Madison. She held on to them through moves to California and then back to Wisconsin, until my growing interest in postcard collecting jogged This Real Photo Postcard of Julia McMahon was taken in about 1909 10 her memory, and she sent them to me more than The majority of the cards were printed in ten years ago. Germany, even when the firms publishing them were located in the United States, like the The album included a clutch of about 25 “Real Douglas Postcard & Machine Company on Photo” postcards, cards printed from amateur th North 10 Street in Philadelphia, or Ignatz Stern negatives by commercial photo studios. All of of 578 Bushwick Avenue in Brooklyn. The these seemed to portray one or more members of publisher presumably shipped some of the cards the McMahan family. I’m still working to with a blank space in the center where local identify them all; some of them are definitely distributors and drummers used a rubber stamp not reproduced on the various McMahon to add phrases like “Greetings from Lone Rock, “Trees” on Ancesttry.com, and I look forward to Wis.” Fancier models were made with a stencil publishing them there. and brightly colored flock or glitter. Julia had a rather saucy sense of humor and Julia’s correspondents also chose scenes in loved cards with a hint of suggestion or Midwestern cities like Milwaukee and Kenosha, “raciness.” Here is a grinning shoeshine boy, and far-away locations like Paris and Venice, as looking at the camera as a fine lady lifts her well as Newark and Dallas. Some of the most petticoats to allow access to her boot for tantalizing cards show smaller towns like polishing. “How Could I Take the Money?” asks Mazomanie, Argyle, Avoca and Lone Rock, the caption. In another, a hobo looks on as a Wisconsin. And who knows what kind of handsome lady draws a glass from a large mischievous impulse inspired someone to send wooden barrel marked “BEER.” “What I could Julia a view of the Minnesota State Prison in do with either,” muses the observer. Many of the Stillwater? I’m not sure if Julia could explain all cards that don’t contain some sort of humor are the gags even if she were with us today. simple holiday greetings or portray beautiful bouquets of flowers. Were some of these One theme looms largest – love, affection and correspondents who sent cards declaring Julia to romance. (Jokes about exposed butts and be their “sweetheart” a real rival for the role of underwear are a close second!) So many of the my Great Grandfather? I’m trying to transcribe cards feature sweethearts kissing and embracing some of the hand-written messages on the back that one can see it was a favorite subject. Some in hopes of answering that and other questions, of the most romantic cards have no but that may be the most challenging part. correspondence, as if Julia bought them herself for the image alone. It makes me so happy that And naturally, I’m also determined to identify she was able to find her handsome Henry. Here the publisher of the cards wherever possible. are cards showing them both posing with Many of the floral bouquets were manufactured another couple; in another, Henry grins from the by Paul Finkenrath Limited of Bremen, seat of a mock-up auto at a carnival or fair. Germany. Finkenrath and his partner Grasnick pumped out over 5,000 distinct postcard designs A third card portrays a well-drilling derrick at between 1900 and 1910. Their factory in Berlin work; a caption proclaims that it was the first had 7 lithograph machines, 40 other pieces of machinery to begin work on the hydroelectric printing and cutting equipment, and employed dam at Prairie du Sac, on August 10th, 1910. 150 workers. But the entire operation failed by Well-drilling was Henry’s business, so I am the beginning of 1911, and Finkenrath moved on pretty sure that the derrick in the photo is his. to work in engineering for a firm that Honestly, Great-Grandma Julia, this fanzine is manufactured laundry equipment. going onto the Amazing Electric Future Internet, where very bored children could read it….

------I like to think that you killed a man. It’s the Romantic in me. ------

11

------Just listen to the music of the traffic in the city. ------Fanmail from Some Flounder Department: Letters to CAPTAIN FLASHBACK

Greg Benford Association, from the joint membership of Andy [email protected] Hooper and Carrie Root…” Andy’s own words 84 Harvey Court erase my previous confusion: I’d thought Irvine CA 92612 Flashback to be a perzine, but now I find that it’s an apa publication with generally-attuned content as well as comments on the latest apa ou should try The Annotated Big Sleep--great Y mailing. So now I know. Andy is probably the fun on background. Chandler modeled the best sercon writer in fanzines – see his Sternwood mansion, where he went once as a superlative research in his articles on the first Doheney employee, and was fired by Larry Worldcon in Chunga and his long piece on The Niven's grandfather, it seems (Larry's a Big Sleep here. I’m a fan of that confusing, Doheney; he & I will visit the mansion in satisfying film noir and of the novel it came April.). from, and be it SF or not it’s good to see it [APH: The Annotated Big Sleep, edited by discussed here. The scenes with Bob Steele are Owen Hill, Pamela Jackson and Anthony epic, and that was Dorothy Malone as the Rizzuto, with a forward by Jonathan Lethem. bookseller? Wonder what she would have Published in paperback by Vintage Crime/Black thought if she knew she’d someday win an Lizard in 2018. The blurb at the Penguin Oscar? An appreciated page on the onetime Random House website (and surely one longs Seattle clubzine Westwind returns the zine to the for that name to be altered to “Random Penguin realm of SF fandom, where Andi Shechter House”) declares that: “The first fully annotated secures it firmly with three good articles on Trek edition of Raymond Chandler’s 1939 classic The cons, music and the passing of Isaac Asimov. Big Sleep features hundreds of illuminating For an apazine, Flashback has all the trademarks notes and images alongside the full text of the of a genzine … even if genzines rarely carry novel and is an essential addition to any crime mailing comments, of course.” fiction fan’s library.” [APH: Guy, you are a generous, but sometimes I’m intrigued that the package includes maps of careless reviewer. I’m very glad that you the real locations mentioned, as well as the short enjoyed the article on The Big Sleep – it was stories from which elements of the novel were great fun to write! I don’t know how you read taken. It is a hell of a big book to commit to enough of the colophon to copy down the reading, but I may pick up a copy anyway.] address in TZD #46 without noticing the name Guy Lillian III of the APA immediately preceding it – but I’m [email protected] glad to be on the radar, courtesy of listing at 1390 Holly Avenue eFanzines.com. I’m really hoping more apa- Merritt Island, FL 32952 writers will do the same thing and submit .pdf versions of their fanzines to Bill Burns. We need [APH: This is Guy’s review of CAPTAIN quality material, wherever it comes from! FLASHBACK #14, published in THE Another issue is that Andi Shechter, like most of ZINE DUMP #47:] the “contributors” to CAPTAIN FLASHBACK is sadly deceased; your review leaves open the “From issue #10, this self-description: “A possibility that she might have written three new fanzine composed for the 399th distribution of pieces for me! Ah, if only….] the Turbo-Charged Party-Animal Amateur Press

12 I REMEMBER ENTROPY public-access TV program seen in San Francisco DEPARTMENT: in the late 1970s and early 1980s. It seems to have had elements of both “The Midwest This month’s reprint is a piece composed in Review of Books” and “The D&D Game of the 1980 by Allyn Cadogan (1947 – 2013). Month,” the public-access programs which Contemporary fans are probably most likely to members of the Madison SF group produced in think of Allyn as one of the “founding mothers” the 1980s. I also found Allyn’s account of the of Corflu, a convention which will shortly th eruption of Mt. Wooky-Pooky to be remarkably present its 37 consecutive edition in College resonant with Jeanne Gomoll’s memoir Station, Texas. She became active in Vancouver “PONGO!” which she published in issue #6 of fandom in the mid-1970s, and edited issues of WHIMSEY in 1987 and reprinted in issue #38 the BCSFAZine in 1976 and 1977. She was co- of MADISON FOURSQUARE in January. editor of the excellent genzine GENRE PLAT Model-making, stop-motion animation and (originally edited by Cadogan, William Gibson amateur movies and video all seem to be things John Park and Susan Wood; from #3 to #6, that were irresistible to fans in the 20th Century. Allyn was sole editor), and CONVENTION In our era, all of these things appear to have GIRLS DIGEST (with Sharee Carton and Lucy been replaced by Youtube and Lego. Huntzinger) plus a significant number of shorter personal fanzines, many of them distributed “The Emperor Strikes Back” was originally through APAs. And of course, she was involved published by Allyn Cadogan in issue #7 of in THE TWILLTONE ZONE, the fanzine which LIVING THE ALEXANDRIA QUARTERT. rather embodied the first two Corflus in 1984 Alan Bostick reprinted it in the ninth and final and 1985. issue of his very frequent fanzine FAST & And as Allyn details in “The Emperor Strikes LOOSE in June 1980. Carrie Root retyped the Back,” she was also heavily involved in “The text as it appeared in Mr. Bostick’s reprint. Emperor Norton Science Fiction Hour,” a ------Original Art: Page 9 by Bill Rotsler ------LETTERCOL QUATRAINS

3908 Frijo, Covina, California PO Box 1069, Kendall Sq. Stn, Cambridge, MA 590 Lisbon, San Francisco, California 428 Sagamore Avenue, Teaneck, New Jersey 15932 Kalisher Street, Granada Hills, CA 880 W. 181st St. #4D, New York, New York 231 Courtney Lane, Orinda, CA 323 Dodge St., East Providence, Rhode Island

Route 3, Hartford City, Indiana 2516H E. Washington St., Bloomington, Illinois Box 5989, Old San Juan, Puerto Rico 330 South Decatur Blvd, Las Vegas, Nevada 915 Green Valley Road NW, Albuquerque 3444 Blaisdell Avenue S., Minneapolis, MN 4740 N. Mesa #111, El Paso, TX 409 South Brooks Street, Madison, WI

25 Bowland Close, Offerton, Stockport 33 Jessamine Avenue, East Prahran, Victoria 4 Westfield Way, Wantage, Oxon 6 Hillcrest Avenue, Faulconbridge, NSW 56 Redscar Drive, Scarborough, North Yorks P.O. Box 74, Balaclava, Victoria 32 Warren Road, Donagahdee, Northern Ireland 4501 Palma Sola, Jujuy, Argentina

508 Windermere Avenue, Toronto, Ontario 3631 Lucerne Road, Randallstown, Maryland P.O. Box 6830, Calgary, Alberta 423 Summitt Avenue, Hagerstown, Maryland 1706-24 Eva Road, Etobicoke, Ontario 4030 8th Street, Arlington, Virginia 377 Manly Street, Midland, Ontario 1014 N. Tuckahoe St/, Falls Church, Virginia

13 ALLYN ------THE EMPEROR STRIKES BACK ------CADOGAN

The volcano, Mt. Wooky-Pooky, on the south sea island paradise of Pooky-Wooky, rises majestically out of a plain of rich alluvial chipboard from which sprouts a thick growth of the flora native to Jim Kennedy’s back yard. The chipboard plain sits atop the kitchen table which is pushed up flush with the stove. A narrow tinfoil trough stiffened with cardboard cants down from the stove and disappears into the bowl of dry ice hidden in the volcano’s base. Roger and I compliment Jim on his creation and set to work. (Jim’s housemate, D, has wisely split for the day – she has learned the hard way that no sane person hangs around when Roger, Jim, and I decide to be creative.) The occasion is the launching of the world’s first geothermal-powered spacecraft, under the patronage of Norton II, Emperor of the United States and San Francisco, and Protector of Mexico. (Previously, Emperor Norton had attempted a solar-powered ship, but it only went 10 mph and had to be scrapped.) The new ship, the Dixie Cup I, nestles on a rocky ledge inside the volcanic crater, ready for the big boom to lift it high above the earth’s atmosphere. The Emperor has stepped outside for a moment to pluck his nose hairs. Meanwhile, world- traveling reporter Roger Patterson is making idle, boring chit-chat à la televised NASA launchings, with the island’s sovereign ruler, Princess Pooky-Wooky (me), in the Space- Science Center in the Kennedy/Roberts kitchen. Patterson tries to drum up excitement for the event while the Princess plays with her teddy bear, snorts cocaine, and opines, sulking, that “The Kiss concert last year was more fun.” We run through it a few times to get our lines and gestures down and then decide it isn’t going to get any better, and tape it. Now it’s time for the big eruption-launch scene. Someone suggests that perhaps we’d better test the volcano first, to make sure it will work. Boiling water is poured into the trough. For the count of three heartbeats nothing happens. Then we are given a practical demonstration that clay is porous and CO₂ is indeed heavier than air. A thick, cold mist roils from the roots of the volcano and rapidly engulfs the plain of local flora. “Oh, dear,” I mutter. Jim is crestfallen. The problem is referred back to the special effects team, which, by now, has tripled in size. Finally, Roger suggests that we place a cup of dry ice near the top of the volcano and make the front lip lower than the back so that the eruption will erupt towards the camera. Jim’s prized elephant teapot is drafted to convey water to the dry ice, the tinfoil trough being too large to work at the top of the volcano.

The elephant perches precariously on the edge of the stove, hidden from view by the blue cardboard sky, its trunk embedded in the back of the volcano. Again boiling water is poured. The volcano works. Now the sound effects team is called in. After much deliberation by all, I suggest a combination of dried kidney beans and rock rattled around

14 in an aluminum saucepan, backed up by Roger going “thrum, thrum, thrum” while the teakettle whistles and hisses. We watch the playback on the living-room television set. Except for one point when, the sound effects team having only two hands, all noise ceases except for what sounds remarkable like the flushing of a faraway toilet, followed by the great god of the volcano, Shaboomshaboom, taking a leak, all goes well. Jim promises to dub over the great god’s ablutions later. We conclude with the technical reporter (Jim) warning of pending disaster from the launch site, followed by response from the Space Science Center. Princess (dodging flying debris composed of flour, beans, and gravel): “It isn’t nice to fool Father Shaboomshaboom!” (Shaboomshaboom had been expecting not the space ship but his usual annual sacrifice of an island virgin. The Princess, being the last virgin on the island, had of course opted for the space ship.) Roger: “And now, from the disaster on Pooky-Wooky, we return you to our studios at Channel 25 in San Francisco!” He goes down in a flurry of flying flour. Cut and wrap. The volcano, suffering the effects of a gallon of boiling water, has melted and the entire kitchen is coated with a layer of beans, flour, and gravel, but we have ten minutes of tape for this week’s show and it’s only taken us three hours to put it together. The rest of the show will be broadcast live. # # # The Emperor Norton Science Fiction Hour recently celebrated its first anniversary. It is the brainchild of D. Carol Roberts (producer) and Jim Kennedy (multi-purpose unit). They wanted to do a fanzine and then realized that it wouldn’t cost all that much more to produce one on television instead of on paper. The devised a weekly half-hour format of news, reviews, and general insanity, and named it after a colorful character from San Francisco’s fabled past. Original cast members were Jim, Tim Kyger, Alan Bostick, Bill Patterson, and Herb de Grasse (excepting Herb, all refugees from Iguanacon). One evening last March, Jim phoned to ask if I’d provide the show with some jiggle (though he put it rather more delicately than that) and I agreed, provided someone else would write my scripts. Since then I’ve played a variety of roles, from Glinda the Good Witch of the North or some such place, to Bonnie Box, punk bitch, to David Rorvik-Jorgensen, with my sons Robin and Jordan as my slightly demented clones, to Honey Fitztightly, madame of a B&D (Bondage & Democracy – love it or leave it!) parlour. And of course, Princess Pooky-Wooky (the sulky snit). Tim, Alan, Bill and Herb have now left the show, but in their place we have Roger Patterson (no relation to Bill), who is not quite sane, Jim Jones (no relation to the other) who has radio-announcer technique down pat, Lance Falk, who does commix reviews and is into Galactica costuming, three muppets (Tina Tinseltown, Grunt-from-Elsewhere, and B. Ron Tasaurus), and a host of regular technical people, as well as others like Michael Swift and Nancy Sedino who aren’t on every week but nevertheless are considered regulars.

15 Since the show is broadcast on a non-commercial public access station (sponsored by the Viacom cable network) it costs us (i.e. D. Roberts) money. However, since D can do technical stuff like running cameras, working the audio equipment, mixing, etc., she earns credit toward the payment of the Norton Show by working on other people’s shows. There are certain hazards to working out of a public-access station, mainly having to do with the equipment. Channel 25 gets everybody else’s cast-offs. And anybody else frees free to steal equipment back if needed. However, we are not allowed to steal, or even “borrow”, from everybody else. For instance, when Norton began broadcasting there were three cameras. One night we arrived to find that there was only one camera in the studio. It’s difficult to do a live show with only one camera. We seem to have evened out at two cameras now. The stage itself is approximately 12’x14’, not a lot of room for shuffling around in. I won’t even begin to describe our problems with things like backdrops, props, set chairs, and (Oh, God!) microphones. If I did, I might cry. Suffice to say you learn to be inventive when working on public access. One of Norton’s major problems was solved when D, Jim, and Roger bought their own color video camera and recorder, which allows us to do location work. Now if only Emperor Norton had his own editing machine… The original intent of the show was to center around interviews with various skiffy personalities. However, we’ve long ago used up our stock of taped interviews from last summer’s Westercon and have milked the local talent dry. For a while we were filling in the gaps with “technical reports”, but those were boring, even to us. Last week we began a new feature, “Historical Science Fiction Theater”, with radio-type dramatizations of Tom Swift and his Sky Racer as the first of this miniseries. The overall quality of the show is what you’d expect from a weekly fanzine that’s been in production for a year – and the mistakes are usually hilarious. But we’ve learned from them, and things have improved tremendously over the first few offerings. For one thing, we’re no longer scared shitless of the live tv cameras. It is loads of fun and we have learned lots about the technical and performing sides of television. There are fringe benefits, too: we have grown from being friendly acquaintances to forming what is almost a family-unit over the past year; and the success of the Norton enterprise has encouraged us individually to take up other projects. (Jim is now working to fulfill a lifelong dream of making his own feature-length movie, and I am helping on that. Roger is going on to bigger and better things with his artwork. Roger and I are co-authoring a medievalesque “mystery play”. I’m valiantly trying to finish my first novel, while beginning work on a second. Et Cetera.) And doing a live show is interesting, to say the least. Why, these days, even I am helping to write scripts!

⧫    ⧫

16