Inside This Issue News 3 International/Classifieds 6 Opinion 7 Student Life 8 Feature 10 Sports 12 Entertainment 16 Brain Candy 20 "The tie that binds since 1926"

• • the Cord WEEKLY VOLUME XXXVII ISSUE NINE WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 9, 1996 Wl.li Student Publications

SCOTT DAVE PICTURE: I Mother Earth a glorious blur

MIKE VENCEL undulating mass. My friend turned went into the mosh with, and never a mosh looked like. It looked like off of the place. They left the stage Cord Entertainment back, gave me a nod and went in. I did find him until after the show. some sort of giant black amoeba, and the crowd was still screaming I'll tell you the truth, the only reason couldn't turn that down, so I My one complaint I had was that the every so often spitting a person up for more. I went to this concert is that I heard plunged in. Lyric charges for water. I asked for and carried them around until it Would I go to another concert of that the mosh for I Mother Earth What happened next was a blur. a water at the bar and they asked finally sucked them back down into either band? I would answer a defi- would be amazing. My only expo- I remember being swept forward $1.50 for a little shot ofspring water. its murky depths. nite yes. The two bands (I'm still sure to Stabbing Westward is and back, left and right while all the I wasn't going to say no, because I I recognized a few songs from annoyed 1 missed Salmon Blaster) Violent Mood Swings" off the time body surfers were passing needed to replace the gallons I lost IMF's set, mainly because all I knew complimented each other perfectly. Clerks soundtrack. I figured that overhead. I made my way to the in the mosh, but I was a little ticked of them was from the radio. The Stabbing Westward is the underdog these two bands together had to be front of the stage because body surf- off to say the least. response to "One More Astronaut" of the two, with not as much cover- an awesome affair and I couldn't ing got old real fast, and stayed I wandered around the Lyric for was overwhelming, probably due to age as IME, but they were the 'hard- niiss it for anything. there for the rest of their set. a bit, looking for the friends I had the fact that it was the only song er' of the two with fierce lyrics and a 1 arrived a little before ten pm Then "Violent Mood Swings" came lost and waiting for IME to come on most ofthese people knew. rough feel to their music. IME is a and missed the opening band on, and the crowd lost it. People stage. Every so often between the great band and they played a great Salmon - Blaster if they were any- were crushing each to get near the Finally around eleven-thirty they songs, the lead singer say a little show. It was obvious who the thing like IME or Stabbing front of the stage, and it didn't help came on stage, and the crowd lost it. something to the crowd. Most of it majority of the crowd was there for. Westward, then I missed a great that the lead singer kept slapping People were pressed up against the was lost due to the fact that the bass Their music was awesome, and they show. Stabbing Westward came on the hands of people up front. (I'm front of the stage screaming and was cranked, but the one thing I did knew how to whip the crowd into a after ten, and from the amount of happy to say I was one of the lucky waving just waiting for them to catch made me proud to be there. murderous frenzy. Whereas people cheering I would say that few (hat gave the guy a high five.) start. He told us that it was their first con- Stabbing Westward was a tough act, almost half of the crowd came just After a few more songs, their set 1 can honestly say this about I cert of their tour and he was glad I Mother Earth was a perfect mix of for them. I promised myself I would ended and the crowd began to thin Mother Earth, they sure as hell they started here. He was less filling and great taste. They avoid the mosh and remain an out a bit. I was soaked in sweat and know how to put on a show. They impressed with our energy and gen- weren't too hard, but they weren't observer, but as soon as I was using my hat as a rag, but milked the crowd for everything erally gave us warm fiizzies. They soft either; they were perfect. To the music started the crowd at the man I felt good! they were worth. From my safe played out the rest of their set with sum up this concert in one word, I front ofthe stage turned into a giant I completely lost my friend that I vantage point I was amazed at what renewed intensity and blew the roof would have to say "glorious." BACK TO SCHOOL SALE ■ Comptoi V TREND MPC 5120 TREND MPC 5133 TREND MPC 5150 TREND MPC 5166 i I jjg gx s jnjiy KsamsssmmmmmEi mwn.i.iw.'.i«i mmmasm \ ' '"TEL PENTIUM PROCESSOR I50MHI * INTE L Pen,, UM l Pentium •ll

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The following positions will be open for volunteers

• Residence Editor • Grad Editor • Sports Editor

Applications available Mon. Oct. 7 Due back to Laurie Legault's mailbox in I I i I Student Publication on Friday Oct. 18th i M ■ ® I

—— | NEWS Laurier's parking nightmare continues

ROXANNE COPPENS time professor, John Roe, was issued Cord News a ticket for parking without a permit to his night Due to the new parking regulations, when he came teach many Laurier students are realizing class two weeks ago. Since then he on Bricker and that they will be ticketed if they park has been parking caught by on campus without a permit after admits "I was surprise by 6:00 pm. As of this September, the changes." parking on campus for free is only Parking on Bricker Avenue does possible after 10:00 pm. not recjuire a permit because the John Thompson, Director of street is regulated by the city. housing and Parking Services, said However, tickets Issued to the vehi- the parking hours were changed cles parking on this street are com- from 6:00 pm to 10:00 pm because mon. it was unfair to allow part time stu- Cheryl Czerwinski, a Bylaw dents free parking while full time Enforcement Clerk in Waterloo, students have to buy permits. said that approximately 20 to 30 Students who purchase the full tickets per week are issued to time parking permit, which is valid Bricker Avenue for parking longer on weekdays from September to than the 3 hour limit. A fine of $12 April, must pay $105.80. Students is issued to those parking longer than the 3 hour limit. A fine of $12 wishing to park on campus week- People who use the parking lot outside Bouckaert before 10:00 pm may find a surprise on their days from 4:00 pm to 10:00 pm, can windshield. is issued to those parking longer purchase a new permit for $57.50 than 3 hours on most of the city which is valid only during these lions, parking tickcts have risen to you have a legitimate reason for mated that the total number of streets in Waterloo. times. 75-100 per day. Thompson said parking without a permit, but the parking tickets for the various Much like the parking fines at These changes were decided that all full time students were noti- common cry of "I didn't know." is offences reaches nearly 4500 each Laurier, Czerwinski said that it takes during the budget process in fied of parking changes in the sum- not likely to work because of the year generating $67 500 for Laurier. time for the frosh students torealize January and February of 1997. mer through a notice which was notices that have been provided. With the new changes it is easy the regulations even though they Peter Jorg, Chief of Security at inserted with registration forms. He Even before the recent parking to find a stack of tickets looming attempt to notify frosh of the regula- Laurier, said that when security also said that to make the changes changes the most common parking over the corner of the receptionists tions. gives their full attention to parking clear, "Parking signs have changed offence has always been parking desk in the Business Office. However, many Laurier students there can be 50 to 100 tickets issued campus wide." without a permit. The charge for Even professors have been sur- learn the parking regulations in a day. Due to the new regula- It is possible to protest a ticket if this offence is $15. Thompson esti- prised by the recent changes. Part through trial and error. Culture Shock

ERIC HENRY "Why are you doing this any- taste are both human cultural con- I shook my head in confusion at Clark has a boggling intellect Cord News Commentary way? Are your parents stopping by structions. There is a feedback sys- this little gem of Clark's intellectual though. "I think I just broke my back." dark again?" tem, where culture creates an ideal, creation. "I clean up the back yard, "How do you know so much looked up from his book, a little light "Could be." Clark has a way of a paradigm if you will, and then because I have contributed to a cul- about the cultural processes that Saturday reading, namely stripping off your pretenses and see- ture that constrains me to clean up govern cleanliness?" Machiavelli. He was stretched out ing right to the heart of your a mess. Yet at the same time I am Clark was hopping over to the on a deck chair. I was in the back motives. Which is strange, because constantly redefining what a mess kitchen to find the bottle of rum. "1 yard, shovel in hand, removing a he's not even human. "Perhaps I is?" live in a cage and roll around in my fair bit of rubble that had been just want the yard to look good; you "Exactly." Clark finished off the own feces. It kind of gives you a residing behind my house for some know, neat and tidy." last of his cocktail and looked long- new perspective on life." It was time. Clark took a swig of his lime "Face it human, you're only ingly into the bottom of the glass. I about then that he misjudged a step daiquiri before registering his sin- cleaning up the yard, because you felt like the dopey sergeant in a bad and slammed into a wall, knocking cere condolences. don't want your parents, neighbours Columbo episode, having just solved himself out. Rabbits just don't know "Tough shit." lie replaced his and anyone else who cares to look the mystery and still not knowing when to cut themselves off. Still, shades and continued reading. back here, to think that you are lazy what the hell was going on. judging by the preponderance of "Look here," I addressed my and like to live in sloth." "How can I know that culture is cocktail glasses on the patio, Clark friend, intellectual inspiration and 1 leaned on the shovel and really changing Clark?" must have a fairly good tolerance. pet rabbit, "this is really hard work." thought about this. "So Clark, "Obviously a big mess is becom- I went back to shoveling the rub- Clark started picking his long you're saying that the only reason ing more acceptable among the ble into a wheelbarrow. I figured incisors with the cheap plastic stir I'm cleaning up the yard, beyond younger generation of our society." that a rabbit who sits around all day stick from his drink. "You know, any consideration of aesthetics and 1 raised an eyebrow in doubt. "Just drinking himself silly, pretty much even with your pitiful physique, you taste, is because I don't want to restricts anything outside of this. At look in your roommate's dwelling gets what he deserves. Besides, I might be able to lend a hand," I become a social outcast?" the same time, new influences are space." This pretty much clinched was still angry that he wasn't lifting added, hoping to motivate him. "You forget that aesthetics and shaping that cultural ideal." the argument for me. Sometimes a single paw to help me out. Baby Bag O'Crime

Theft Under $5000.00 Suspicious Person in a door at the rear of the False Fire Alarm Mischief 1430-1600 hrs Tue 24 Sept 96 1945 hrs Thu 03 Oct 96 Student Union Building. 2305 hrs Sat 05 Oct 96 0235 hrs Sun 06 Oct 96 A WLU student attended the A WLU student attended the Person(s) U/K activated the fire An unknown individual ripped the Security Office to report that her Security office to report a suspi- Cause Disturbance alarm in the Peters Building. thermostat from die wall in the coat had been stolen from the cious looking male sitting on a 0125 hrs Sat 05 Oct 96 There was no fire and the system Student Union Building. undergraduate lounge on the first hike in the bushes at the rear of a Officers dispensed a group of peo- was reset floor of the Peters B uilding, local convenience store. Waterloo ple from the area of the Foot During this periods one warning Regional Police were advised. Patrol office who were shouting Mischief was issued for a liquor violation. MVA and appecixed to be preparing to 0050 hrs Sat 05 Oct 96 1420 hrs Thu OS Oct 96 Mischief fight. No fuither action was taken. Pei-son(s) U/K threw a beer bottle A 2 car accident was investigated 0050 hrs Fri 04 Oct 96 at 34 Bricker breaking a window in lot 3. There was no injuries. Personls) U/K damaged the glass near the entrance.

theCord October 9, 1996 3 (News}- WLU BACCHUS turns 15

NICOLE FANCOURT BACCHUS Laurier is run by a most people think that BACCHUS is Alcohol Awareness week, a bus pull Dawson believes that BACCHUS Cord News group of student volunteers includ- opposed to student drinking. As a during last year's Christmas Wish Laurier is making a difference on Tliis month, BACCHUS Laurier has ing a co-ordinator, an executive, and result, the organization has been campaign, and a "Safe sex is like..." campus. a reason to celebrate. October 40 general volunteers known as fighting an anti-drinking stigma for campaign during Safe Break Week "Students have a much more marks the fifteenth anniversary of BACCHUS boosters. Before working a long time. have also been part of BACCHUS positive awareness of responsible the student run alcohol education with the organization, all volunteers Yet, BACCHUS is not an anti- Laurier's efforts. drinking as a smart alternative," he group. complete a training program. drinking organization. "We're just Several nationally sponsored said. "Eliminating irresponsible On October 23, 1981, Dean of behaviour is impossible, but if we Students, Fred Nichols, brought prevent even one senseless accident alcohol awareness to Canada when then we're doing our job." he established the country's first BACCHUS Canada shares BACCHUS chapter at Laurier. Dawson's assessment of the BAC- Impressed with the work of CHUS Lauder's success. This year BACCHUS (Boosting Alcohol they named Wilfrid Laurier

Awareness Consciousness University the 1995 - 1996 Campus Concerning the Health of University of the Year. Students) USA, which began at the Dean Nichols' role in the found- University of Florida in 1976, ing of BACCHUS was also recently Nichols gained permission to use the recognized. At the last summer group's name in Canada and BAC- leadership conference, held at WLU CHUS laurier was bom. in June, BACCHUS Canada intro- Soon after, Nichols met with rep- duced the Dean Fred Nichols Award resentatives of the Association of for Student Leadership. Canadian Distillers. Pleased with Both honours seem fitting as the prospect of an alcohol aware- BACCHUS Laurier prepares to cele- ness program for university stu- brate its fifteenth anniversary later dents, the association provided BAC- this month. CIIUS Laurier with $15,(XX) dollars. As for the future, all involved During the next four years, the with BACCHUS Laurier believe it is first national BACCHUS conference going to be a bright one. was held, and demand for the litera- "BACCHUS is one of the most ture, programs and services of BAC- Volunteer members of this year's Laurier BACCHUS team smile with pride over being named the noticeable things on campus today," CHUS grew. Campus of the Year by BACCHUS Canada. Look for BACCHUS events all through October. said Nichols proudly. "We've been Members of BACCHUS laurier here for a long, long time. The stu- soon realized that "we're bigger According to Co-ordinator Craig the opposite. We're not temper- alcohol awareness campaigns have dent body here at Laurier won't lose than we thought," said Nichols. It Moffat, volunteers are the backbone ance." said Nichols. "It's okay to been held on campus, as well. hold of BACCHUS as a national was at tliis point (hat the decision to of the BACCHUS organization. I le is drink and it's okay not to drink. If Some of the most memorable organization. We're here to stay." go national was made. quick to point out that volunteers, you do drink, drink responsibly." include: Don't be a D.I.C.K. (driving According to Dan Dawson, "As The first thing that had to be who put in long hours without pay, According to the philosophy of impaired can kill), Ifyou drink, don't long as they keep the ball rolling done was to hire a full director who generate many ideas and do much BACCHUS, "Students can play a bowl, Ralph and Chuck's Excellent and continue to do events, they'll do would work of Toronto. of the basic work of BACCHUS at uniquely effective role unmatched Adventures, and the Zero Hero des- well." In the fall of 1986, a grant from the campus level. by professional educators in encour- ignated driver program. Craig Moffat agrees. As long as Wilfrid Laurier University estab- A similar sentiment was echoed aging their peers to consider, talk As for upcoming events, look for BACCHUS Laurier keeps expanding, lished the BACCHUS Canada nation- by Nichols. In his opinion, BAC- honestly about, and develop BACCHUS Laurier on campus coming up with new campaigns, al office at Ryerson Polytechnic CHUS volunteers are socially mind- responsible habits and attitudes between October 21 and 25 for and improving on existing ones, University and Carmi Cimicata was ed individuals who look after fellow toward the use or non-use of bever- National Collegiate Alcohol they'll continue to be successful. named National Director. According students by offering alternatives to age alcohol." Awareness week. The group will "Right now, we're the ones being to Nichols, "It was the best thing we parties and alcohol events. "Its the In the past fifteen years, BAC- celebrate its anniversary on October watched. We'd like to keep it up ever did." peer-to-peer aspect of the program CHUS boosters serve as ice break- 22. Activities are also in the works and continue to be number one." Over the past 10 years, BAC- that has made it a success," he said. ers, provide a "Drunk Tank" for for December's Christmas Wish CHUS Canada has grown from a "BACCHUS Ixiurier is basically a those who drink too much, drive campaign. few campus chapters to a national student run group dealing with a intoxicated off-campus students

network of more 130 college and difficult issue — responsible drink- home in "BACCHUS buses", set up university chapters, including the ing," said Moffat. "Although we're non-alcoholic alternative events, Wednesday, 6 pm one here at Laurier. there for all students, we tend to and give talks on alcohol awareness st - A atha Today, BACCHUS Canada, on first students through and related s which focus year issues. JLiThursday,wfilfiiilic 7 pm j relies on fundraising and donations, orientation week and residence During September and October, Waterloo j runs several annual alcohol aware- talks." BACCHUS Laurier gives 40 minute ness program including the national The organization also deals with presentations on alcohol related summer leadership conference. many of the the alcohol Issues to all residence students. . . oflshoots of r- uOl i»I feel free to Kparticipate,,. National Collegiate Alcohol issue, including chinking and dri- BACCHUS Laurier also takes 47 Erb St. Waterloo Awareness Week, and the Safe ving, alcohol and violence, and alco- part in campus Oktoberfest activi- (519)- 886-2540 AM you can eat fish and Spring Break program. hol and sex. ties. 85 Erbs Rd. St, Agatha ch!P s ' evGrV Thursday. Currently, two Laurier staff As former BACCHUS Laurier A simulated car crash on cam- (519)- 747-1700 Catering, banquets members, Fran Wdowczyk, Student volunteer Dan Dawson points out, pus during National Collegiate Life Coordinator, and Dan Dawson, mII lIHIII—I Ml— Bill! IU Wl—Mil I ill Mill IHWH ll'llll—lW— IMIIIIMIM—I—II iiimPM Programming and Services manag- er for the Student Union, serve on Fast Efficient Service j the board of BACCHUS Canada. Nichols left the national board in For Researching ! 1992 but remains actively involving with the organizations. |-j— i and Draft Copy Work | BACCHUS Canada now has four- teen major sponsors including the Custom Essay Service I Association 1 Ws, Ford of of Disii 4 Collier Street, #201 i Canada, Labatt breweries, the t j* ! Toronto, Ontario, M4W IL7 License Board of Ontario Kf Liquor and N kwlf (416) 960-9042 Molson Breweries of Canada. g The success of BACCHUS pro- gram j".' both the national and local levels, has been source of pride for | Columbia the Laurier community. "Most certainly alcohol aware- ness on any university campus is extremely important," said Nichols. Medicine Centre j "To think that we started one here several years ago that has managed I 145 Columbia St.. W., Unit 9 725-2640 to become number one alcohol j j ( ( .Ml.' laa a! I.ill- C lllhl awareness program across the »ppi j ' !hi'tap\ u>v iana.l hv Ol P insurant,v ' country Is very rewarding to us here BACCHUS members pose for an Orientation Week picuture. iI at Laurier," Throughout Frosh Week they are responsible for student safety. PHYSICIANS / rinsio / ATHLETIC THERAPISTS / KIM'SIOL OC..STS

4 October 9, 1996 theCoreS —(News) This week's Newsbites

still Students, said that "This govern- You Went Away, in the Arts Building agrees "When tough issues come students at York University found Attacker ment's lack of vision about the Rm. 2CB. Tim Ward, author of up, people my age are generally told that the G.RA. for a gifted student importance of accessible and afford- Arousing the Goddess will be in the - not asked - what to do. This is an was 5.0, in contrast to 5.4 for non- at large able education for the citizens of this Paul Martin Centre on Oct. 31. Both opportunity to have our voice heard gifted students. Gifted students province is appalling. There is a events are at noon. on an issue that affects us, our fami- comprised approximately ten per- KATHERINE HARDING need for a strong voice in this ly, and our friends." cent of the sample. Hie survey cov- Cord News province to articulate a better vision "Stand Up, Speak Out, Be ered students of a variety of disci- Despite rumours that the bicycle of post-secondary education in Heard" is the first national public plines, including arts, fine arts, sci- attacker has been apprehended, Ontario. We believe our coalition Brewers service campaign by the Brewers ence and administrative studies. both Waterloo Regional Police and provides that strong voice." Association of Canada, that targets WLU Security have confirmed that The government's paper focuses Association young people and invites them to the assailant is still at large. on economic and labor market con- help develop the message. $188,000 not Since late August, a man cerns. However, Michael Piva, the launches new People wanting to participate described as, "Mediterranean or president of the Ontario can get submission kits at Sam the enough South African descent, s'lo, 150- Confederation of University Faculty Record Man, MusicWorld, Cineplex for 160 lbs, 20 - 25 yrs. old" has sexual- Associations, expressed the coali- campaign Odeon Theatre or by calling 1-888- ly assaulted four women near the tion's concerns with this "Public dis- BEHEARD. Library WLU and U of W campuses. Women cussion on post-secondary educa- WENDY MILLIKEN have been warned to take precau- tion needs to be broadened to Cord News MELANIE SEAL tionary safety measures. include the full range of educational, The Brewers Association of Canada Being "gifted" Cord News social, cultural, and economic bene- is sponsoring a new responsible use At their October 3 Board Meeting, fits provided by higher education." campaign: "Stand Up, Speak Out, Be isn't an Wilfrid Laurier University Students' New coalition The coalition plans to make the I loard." They are asking young peo- Union President Joel Lynn informed government's advisory panel's con- ple from across Canada to submit the Board that University library is sultation process more public, and their messages on responsible advantage at asking for additional funding for a formed they hope to widen the issues it con- drinking, the most compelling mes- new CD-ROM for the University's siders in its discussions. They hope sages will be used in the next university library. YVLUSU is currently donat- WENDY MILLIKEN to convince the government to see responsible drinking campaign. ing $188,000 to help automate the Cord News their vision of higher education in The Association hopes that this TOM HRUBES library. The total cost is $500,000. hi order to maintain and enhance the province. campaign will have more impact Cord News The University has designated post-secondary education in with young people. In a story appearing in the Oct. 7 $100,000 towards the libraiy from Ontario; faculty, staff, and students Sandy Morrison, the president of issue of The Globe and Mail, York its budget. Lynn reported that the of the province's colleges and uni- Meet the the Brewers Association, said that University researchers noted that so University Librarian is now putting versities have formed the Ontario "This program is about youth talk- called "gifted" students fare no bet- pressure on WLUSU to sign a pack- Coalition for Post-Secondary author(s) ing to youth not adults preaching to ter in their first year of university age by the end of October, asking for

Education. They are worried about them. . .Youth who are at the most than "non-gifted" students. The gift- an additional $200,000 to the initial the governments discussion paper risk to abuse alcohol don't listen to ed program was begun in 1974, and donation of $188,000. Lynn said to on the future of post-secondary edu- WENDY MILLIKEN traditional authority figures. targets elementary and high school the Board, "I don't believe $200,000 cation in Ontario, and the limited Cord News If you want a credible, convinc- students who are highly intellectual is a legitimate amount to ask... I consultation process the govern- The YVLU Bookstore is sponsoring ing message you have to go to the and benefit from unique learning don't believe that the Development ment is using. meet the author events. On Oct. 16 source." Juliana Pollock, a student experiences above what is available Office has done all it can." Lynn Vicki Smallman, the Ontario Timothy Findley will be reading at Humber College, and a in the traditional classroom. added it would be "a nice gesture to chair for the Canadian Federation of from, and discussing his new novel spokesperson for the campaign, The survey of 1,849 first year get this done." LIVEE NTERTA\ N/AEMT W EEkLY A T: Financial Matters of the Heart

LLONELLA GILBERT apprehensive of first year students ages students to apply for various Cord News getting credit cards. She stated, scholarships and bursaries and to go -1 low many students at Laurier find "Credit cards should only be used in to the Student Awards Office to get themselves in debt at the end of the emergency situations, as for exam- help if they are having problems school year? ple fixing your car or buying text- budgeting. Is it because some students are books." The staff there will be happy to quick to sign up for credit cards the About 50% of Laurier students sit down with students to help plan a first two weeks at Laurier? It sounds applied for OSAP according to budget. Students could also request so good to tell others that you have a Delion. They are encouraged to take not to have all their OSAP money THIS credit card or to flash it in a clothing all the money offered to them. The given to them all at once if they feel WEEK: store in order to pay for that expen- extra money can go into a bank that it will be spent too quickly. sive outfit. But when that huge bal- account for emergency use or one There are banks all over Canada "LIVE PUB" ance show's up on the card then all big amount could go towards paying who give student loans. Kropf said hell breaks lose. the government back. that TD Bank's loan system which THURSDAYS CAPTAIN According to Karen Kropf, a She warns however that as most has been around for two years, is Assistant Manager of Personal of the money from OSAP is given to to part | (OCT.to) available and full-time stu- TRACTOR Financial Services at Toronto students in September (bccause that dents. This line of credit allows stu- Dominion Bank, credit cards are is when most bills are due), students dent to pay down and use it again. given too quickly and easily by who do not know how to budget can Students only pay monthly inter- Financial Institutions. "We all want end up depleting their resources est and only on the amount ofmoney "FIRE IT UP EARLY" a share of the business, therefore we before receiving the second portion they have used. The principle itself are becoming, more and more will- of funds. can be paid back any time. There FRI. AFTERNOONS CLOSE®4 P™ FOR ing to encourage students to borrow, Students should set up a budget are many other advantages that TD but at the same time that debt has to for themselves and stick to it. Bank offers students and other (OCT. 11) THANKSGIVING be paid off sooner or later." "Budgeting helps you figure out your banks do as well, students only need Ms. Kropf noted that one day costs per term, by month and you to do a little research oftheir own. when students are finished with have to stick to it," said Delion. However, even Kropf stated that studies they will want to purchase Fixed expenses usually includes gro- students need to budget their money that new or OPENS AGAIN ON TUESDAY OCT.JS © 11° car new clothes for their cery, rent, textbooks and the leftover properly. m job. If big debts left over from uni- for entertainment. The advice she lent was budget- versity days, then those new items Those students who can accom- ing money from OSAP and more are hard to secure. Credit cards are plish time management effectively aggressive savings from summer great when you use them and pay could look for part-time jobs. This jobs can be the money used to pay them in full every month. helps to gain resources, skill and for education instead of borrowing u Pauline G. Delion, Director of contacts that one needs for future from an institution. Student Awards at Laurier is a little employment. Delion also encour-

theCord October 9,1996 5 INTERNATIONAL Smashing London KATHERINE HARDING place. evenings. sheer luck (and a really sympathetic CORD INTERNATIONAL Finding a job in London is unbe- I was also fortunate in finding security guard) got to see Monica On May, 20, when my plane lievably simple. There is a never permanent accommodations. I met Seles getknocked out ofWimbledon bound for London, England took off, ending supply of pub and temp, a South African who conveniently by an unseeded player for free. I became completely stricken with a work, which is the perfect arrange- needed people to fill a furnished flat London was also great because it paralyzing fear. What was I doing, ment for the backpacker. The sec- she had found. Rent was cheap, I served as a cheap and convenient willingly choosing to give up all the ond day I was in London I got a job had great roommates, and I didn't springboard when I travelled securities of home for an enormous without even having to show a have to sign a lease. The downside throughout Europe and the British abyss of the unknown? resume (I only brought 65!). My was that I was going to have to Isles. One week-end, my roommate In less than eight hours I was new profession: a barmaid at the make an hour commute to work, we and I took off to Amsterdam for only going to be landing in a country I "Olde Bell Tavern", located in cen- lived in a semi-shady neighbour- $100 (CDN) each- granted we did had never been to before. 1 didn't tral London on Fleet St. It was built hood, and horrors of all horrors, we sleep in the train station but that is know a soul, I didn't have a job, and over 300 years ago by Christopher had to get a licence for our tele. an entirely different story. I was all alone. It was undoubtedly Wren. Have you seen British television? Admittedly, living in London going to be one of the of the greatest Through the years, patrons of It's horrendous, they should have means getting used to the accents, challenges of my life. All I knew the "Olde Bell" have been greats like been paying me to watch it. pollution, bomb scares, and traffic though was that I had to escape Dickens and Milton. Today however, London is definitely an experi- driving on the wrong side of the from another humdrum summer at it is primarily the watering hole of ence, and there is a truism that, "if road. However for 2 months, I home, and start seeing the world. lawyers and journalists. After mas- you i' bored with London, your bored became a bona fide Londoner: I organized my three month long tering the fine art of pouring a with life." There is so much to do excessively using words like "bril- odyssey through SWAP (Students Guinness, bartending was a lot of and see that it is almost overwhelm- liant", "dodgy", "smashing", and Working Abroad Programme). For fun, despite the small fact the ing. London has it all, the history, "cheers" in conversation, drinking a a fee, SWAP organizes your work English don't tip. museums, theater, night life and lot of cider in my local pub "The Rat visa, reserves you two nights accom- However, they have developed concerts. and Carrot", religiously watching modations in London, and offers another system of gratitude that This city can be insanely expen- football and cricket, riding the Tube, basic support in finding employment almost more than compensates. If a sive but if you're creative, it can be carrying a brollie, and eating and accommodations. customer appreciates your service, quite cheap. For $16 (CDN), I saw bangers and mash. It was an However, London didn't turn out they can purchase you a drink Alanis, The Who, Clapton, and incredible experience, and as the to be as big a challenge as I feared. which you can drink while your Dylan perform at the Masters of English would say, "I had a jolly Harding does her version of Everything just seemed to fall into working- this made for a few blurry Rock concert in Hyde Park. I also by good time." London Bridge is falling down.

£ C X 3 s s x 16 d s • « • • C JL ci s s x f 16 d s • • • • C Xsssifxs d s • * • • 0 JL ci s s z f x g d s

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6 February 8,1995 theCord OPINION

Editorial My school's pet Scapegoat This story is not a new one by any stretch. As long as we've had governments, we've been blaming them. So why should it stop at Laurier? the Cord 1 went to the registrar's office last week to have an "official document" signed by the Records Manager. I learned that since September ofthis year there has been a $5.00 charge on all signatures and stamps coming from the registrar office. Handcuffed, I acquiesced. I then returned two days later and waited in line behind a student with the same conundrum — but worse. He "The tie that binds since 1926" needed a signature for his OSAP. Hello? He's paying the school to get money to pay the school?! "Government cutbacks," the receptionist told me in a dry, defensive tone. "You should have explained to that guy that you're in the same situation." So there's only two of us? If there were more, I'm sure they could lower the $5.00 fee, unless the price of ink has gone up drastically (or unless the school's fleecing us for all we're worth). As long as the blame isn't with the School, Laurier s pet Scapegoat will live to graze another day. Exhibit B: our rotting Machl system. A week has not gone by this year without the system being shut down from anywhere between two hours and five days. The diagnosis: Chronic Repair Syndrome. A laurier University Student Publication Wilfrid Last week I attempted to log-in to my email account to find that it "couldn't change directory." Upon logging-in 75 University Avenue West, Waterloo, Ontario, N2L 3C5 the following day, twelve entire lists ofsaved-messages had been deleted from my account. And why? Apparently, (519) 884-1970 ext. 3564 our Computer Services refuses to admit that changes must be made within a school that boasts of Library CD Fax: (519) 884-7723 ROM's and endless renovations. Advertising: (519) 884-1970 ext. 3566 Machl was installed in January of 1992: that's ancient in computer years. To make it easier on them, here are a couple of suggestions. "You guys are like Sam and Diane- Suggestion 1: Buy a new system. Machl and Banyan were both taken off-line for a considerable number of Why don't you just kiss and get it over with." days this past summer so they'd be faster and more efficient. Apparently, Computer Services wasted their time. The effects of last spring's Lighting Storm Brickerina (the younger sister of Scapegoat Government) are still being -Aaron Hunter mopped up. And no, endless apologetic messages on our terminals will not solve the problem. Editorial Board Suggestion 2: Share or rent server time with Waterloo. York and Ryerson did this some years back, and now aside) Editor-in-Chief Melanie Seal both are fully autonomous. Many of us (computer students feel a little inadequate when discussing technolo- News Editor Tom Hrubes gy with our robust brother up the street. The discomfort here comes from size, of course, but also from the fact Associate News Editor Lori Dysievick that we have no grounds for argument when it comes to having our finger on the information age. Asking our Entertainment Editor Aaron Hunter Computer Help-Desk for assistance invariably ends up with the plaintiffs case being reduced to a helpless whine, Assistant Entertainment Editor Robin Whittaker and the defendant's response being elevated to a condescending brusliing-ofT. The problems won't cease until an Sports Editor Greg Chownyk overhaul is achieved. Machl is embarrassingly outdated, rivaled only by the short-comings of McGill's Assistant Sports Editor Jim Donnelly Serversaurus Rex. If we can't afford a new system we might as well borrow someone else's. Features Editor Ann-Marie Smith There's some ugly irony here when we consider that EN272 (The History of English no less) employs within its Life Editor Ann Iluskinson classes an innovative data-projector linked to a CD ROM and the Internet, while the school prides itself on its stu- Production Manager Mike Vencel dents' free access to email that in reality doesn't always work. I'd certainly pay more money to have reliable email access, without the roulette game attached. Cord Staff So, while students still curse about Laurier s glaring budget cuts, the unfortunate fact of the matter is that our Production Assistants Sarah Hollands school owns the worn-out descendant of the oldest creature on Earth: Scapegoat, thy name is Government. Colleen Nicholson Mike Caesar Tina Tarn Editorial by Robin Whittaker, Assistant Entertainment Editor Classified Coordinator Patricia Lancia The opinions expressed in this editorial are those of the author, and do not necessarily reflect those of the Cord Staff, the edito- rial board, or Laurier University Student Publications. Copy Editors Christina Mogk Wilfrid Megan Atkinson International Coordinator Katherine Harding Student Publications Staff as sexism, racism, and heterosexism Given that we have only four full- food came. Appetizers with the Photo Manager Marion Hensel allow violence against women to time faculty, this is hardly surprising, entrees! Has anybody ever tried to Photo Technicans Steve Williams continue. By combatting these atti- and it is not our fault. Lastly, she eat an appetizer at the same time as Joanne Spadafora tudes in our daily lives, in our rela- informs us that "a ton of people your meal? Whichever is eaten last Art Director Jeremy Kerr tionships and in our institutions, we signed up for Anthro. courses just to is always cold. Once I had finished Systems Administrator John Maljkovich can all work to create a safe society. fill their schedule up." While this my meal, I asked our server to Online Editor Andrew White The WLU Women's Centre may be true of a small minority of reheat my appetizer. What should Advertising Manager Robert Norris Collective students in our introductory sec- have been thirty seconds in the Ad Sales Representees Nolin LeChasseur tions, most of whom soon change ol'nuker, took just over five minutes, Rebecca Shropshire Anthro explains their minds and work enthusiasti- and when it returned it was all dried Ad Production Manager Dannielle Chartrand Dear Editor, cally, it is quite simply untrue of our out. Obviously there are a few Ad Production Assistant Vacant I have been asked by my colleagues upper division courses. incompetent cooks in the kitchen. Atheletic Advertising Manager Pete Robinson in the anthropology program to Sincerely, The meals we ordered were simple, Administration write to you to respond to the letter Andrew Lyons consisting of burgers and fries, and I by Ann Huskinson in your last issue. Undergraduate Coordinator, can not possibly fathom why it took President Laurie Legault 1 cannot deal with Ms. Huskinson's Anthropology so long to make. VP ofFinance Kevin MacDonald remarks about the psychology pro- We only saw our server three VP of Operations David Janzen gram or the Registrar's Office—1 Is Wilf's Worth It? times this visit. She seemed very Public Relations Manager Vacant shall confine myself to what she Dear Editor, uninterested in our business, and Board of Directors Shayne Lidkea says about us. I am a first year student and I am that showed in our tip, of which Beth Costelec Jen Clarke Ms. Huskinson tells us at one utterly disgusted at the way Wilfs there was none. I refuse to leave Christine Gergich Ryan Lock point that she was placed on acade- conducts business. There is a seri- Domenico Magisano a money if the service is anything less mic probation in anthropology. This ous problem with staff, excluding than stellar. It is of my opinion, and Hie Cord will not print anything thatis racist, sexist, or homophobic in nature, as deemed by the staff as a voting body. The Cord will not print anything in violation of its Code of Ethics, outlined in The Cord Constitution. Cora is correct. Elsewhere she says that the bartenders. Recently, four of my my floormates', that Wilfs needs subscription rates are $20.00 per term for addresses within Canada. The Cord is printed by CanWeb Printing. All she decided to drop to General. This floormates and I went for dinner, some serious restructuring. If this commentary is strictly the opinion of the writer and does not necessarily reflect that of the Cord staff, the editorial board, or WLU Publications. is also correct. However, she also and we experienced something establishment was located any- states: "As for Anthropology, I was awful in the way ofservice. where off campus, I guarantee that Contributors: Peter Gabriel, Erin Keating, Sean Moore, James Eaton, Lynne kicked out of Honours even though I Firstly, we waited twenty min- it would soon go under. Nobody has Pauli, Mortal Kombat Soundtrack, Kerth, David Scott, Dave Duchovny, Dave reached my required average." utes to table, it time to put up Mr. X, Sarah Bonneville, Thorn Ryan, Trevor Taylor, Brad Semotiuk, Tom get a when was with this terrible ser- Foran, Karen Sendybyl, Sarah Papple, Randy Waechter, Sterling Lynch, Mark This is untrue. clearly visible that there were plenty vice. It sure is nice to have Wilf s on Grausam, Sean Moore, Wayne Zronik, Lionella Gilbert, Jen Lipishan, Ronnie She also states that she was not of seats available. Then they seated our meal cards and all, but it would Powlus, Alexander Houston, Mike McKenna, Brian Geiger, Tom Fuke, allowed to take an anthropology all five of us at a table for four. be a lot nicer if we got what we paid Roxanne Cooper, Eric Paul Henry, Nicole Farcourt, McLean, Trainspotting CD course for which she tried to enroll. Comfy, eh? When we got to our for. (its back), various and sundry, and an abundance of chocolate. The animals appearing in this paper were not harmed in any way. It would appear that some students table, we ordered five drinks, which So, to sum it all up, if you want to were closed out by a computer took twenty minutes to get there, get a good meal someday, it is worth error, presumably at the Registrars and they were only soft drinks. the walk to go elsewhere. The time assaults, we feel Office. In fact, only two upper divi- Unacceptable! When we all had taken walking will be more produc- that it is necessary sion courses were closed before Fall decided on what we wanted, we tive, and it's guaranteed that you'll to acknowledge the registration. In any case, it is the ordered our food. The food came in be back home before you know it. to the Editor larger cultural and department's policy not to close waves! One guy got his appetizer Wilfs is where you go for a simple systemic norms courses to any majors who need within ten minutes, soon followed by meal and end up spending an hour which allow vio- them. Ms. Huskinson's problems his meal. The other four of us were and three quarters for mediocre Women's Centre against women to persist. could have been solved during Responds lence our foodless. portions and the shittiest service I Although personal safety measures Fall registration counselling ses- Twenty minutes passed by and have ever seen. Wilfs, here's a sug- Dear Editor, (such as Foot Patrol) are important, sions. She further states that we another guy got his appetizer and gestion, "Put out or get out!" In response to last weeks front page it is critical to actively work to com- offer only about 20 courses (actually his meal together. Another fifteen article regarding the recent sexual bat cultural attitudes. Attitudes such 21 plus five introductory sections). minutes passed and the rest of the Shaun Keenan

theCord October 9, 1996 7 STUDENT LIFE Literacy Works at Laurier

weekend was a "True Colours" advertisements; 4% need help read- take too long to recognize and pro- workshop presented by Lila Read. ing product names in stores; 6% mote these groups. In this workshop, colours were cannot find the expiry date on a dri- Groups such as LSFL are doing linked to personality types. vers license; and 7% have difficulty their best to fight illiteracy, thereby Everyone who attended discovered picking out familiar words in simple improving the quality of life in our their dominant colour or personality texts. communities. In addition to its characteristics. It was a very good This is a real problem that needs involvement with Laurier, LSFL way to learn more about ourselves to be dealt with, which is where works with the John Howard and the personalities that we will be LSFL fits in. Society, an institution dedicated to encountering in our volunteer work. Our literacy group holds helping young offenders. I know that I personally gained a Saturday morning sessions in the LSFL is a very important part of great deal from Lila's presentation. school library, as well as a session Laurier and I don't think many peo- PICTURE There is a much more serious once a week outside of the school ple realize that. In past years, the FILE side to Laurier Students for literacy. called reading circles. So what are group has not been widely recog- I am not going to say that volunteer- reading circles? There is a common nized. In their Saturday reading circles, LSFL shows kids in the ing for LSFL is easy, because it takes misunderstanding among many I would very much like that to Kitchener-Waterloo area how much fun reading can be. a great deal of energy and dedica- people that the only service we pro- change this year. On October 9th tion. Each volunteer has different vide is reading to children. A major and 10th, we will be setting up a SARAH BONNEVILLE off the new school year. This is my personal reasons for joining ISFL. priority of LSFL is to create a fun booth in the Concourse to promote Cord Student Life first time being a part of LSFL but 1 However, we are all united in environment for kids while helping our "Walk for Literacy", which will "What did you say? LSFL? What's already see the potential for a great the knowledge that Canada has a them to develop a love for reading. be taking place on Sunday, that?" '1 hose are the general reac- year. The enthusiasm at the train- literacy problem. You may be think- Each reading circle is planned November 3rd in Waterloo Park. tions I get when I mention LSFL, ing session was amazing and energy ing "What literacy problem?" To around a theme and can include It's a really fun event and a great short for Laurier Students For levels stayed high for all ten hours. put things into perspective, think anything from games or skits to way to raise money for literacy pro- literacy. By the end of this article I Everyone was there because they about these statistics as you read: In crafts. There is also time allotted grams. hope that you all know a little more wanted to be. the late 1980s, nearly one in four each week for one-on-one reading I encourage you to drop by our about the group, what we do, and The session included everything Canadians was illiterate. The situa- with the children. booth for more information. In what we stand for. from guest speakers to listening tion has not improved seven years Community literacy groups are addition, I hope that when you hear LSFL volunteers recently com- games. One of the things 1 found later. 5% of adults have difficulty at the leading edge of literacy work. someone say LSFL you know what it pleted their training session to kick most interesting at the training reading signs, labels, and simple Unfortunately, governments often means and what we do.

Student Budget Menu A Disturbing LYNN PAULI 6 pieces ofchicken 1/2 cup ofketchup PICTURE: 3 tblsp honey Cantonese 1996 Misconception 3 tblsp soya sauce 2 tblsp lemon juice Chicken " 1 tblsp cornstarch There are no "easy 2 tblsp water KEYSTONE programs atLaurier Arrange chicken pieces in a single layer, skin side up, in a 9 x 13" pan. Mix together ketchup, honey, soya sauce and lemon juice and pour over chicken. Let marinate for 2 hours or longer, cover pan with foil and bake at 375 F for 30 minutes. Uncover pan, baste with sauce and continue to bake for 30 minutes or until tender. Pour offpan juices into a sauce pan and bring to a boil. Mix cornstarch and water, stir into sauce. Stir KAREN SENDYBYL Studies program knows that the until sauce is thickened. Arrange chicken on a platter and spoon sauce over. Serves 4. Good served with rice. Cord Student Life first year of the program consists of Having finally found myself in the courses in a variety of areas. distinguished position of a Therefore we are taking the same University student, I view all those courses as students in any other Shopping with Men: Six around me as equals with similar program. I would really like to surefire goals and dreams as myself, know which of my courses is the Eventual employment and a secure easy one: Geography? Psychology? tips to make it through the day future seem to be our generation's Business? If anything, I would primary concerns. think that such a variety of courses The other day I was made across different fields of study TREVOR TAYLOR to see how fast he can get to Sears 5. When he starts to whine and aware of the misconception that my would present a definite challenge. Cord Student Life at the other end of the mall. You you're not ready to go yet, buy him i program was the "easiest." I real- For those who want to whine This one is for all the women out might want to add that if he can do a treat like a frozen yogurt or a ized then that some may not view about how easy our program is in there who insist on taking their it without knocking over innocent chocolate bar. This will shut him up me as their intellectual equal comparison to theirs, 1 have a cou- men shopping against their will. I bystanders and without taking for about as long as it takes him to i because of my chosen major. Now I ple of comments. First you are in am not going to waste my time try- "short cuts" through the mall's eat whatever you bought him, so ! don't know about you, but to me your program because you chose to ing to convince you that you should fountains, he'll earn bonus points. you had better wrap things up in a that seems more than a little pre- be there. More importantly, keep in just leave him at home where he 3. Keep in mind that most men hurry. However, the resulting sugar S tentious. For the record, my major mind that each program is will be happy ( 1 know that just have no clue when it comes to fash- rush won't help keep him under is Communication Studies, and designed to meet the interests and won't work). What I am going to do ion. Chances are you could be try- control, and if you bought him a i despite what anyone else may future career objectives of the stu- is present a brief list of ways to ing on a hot pink and lime green drink you'll be searching for a believe, it is far from easy. dents within the program. make the shopping experience jumpsuit with polka dots and washroom within about five min- Personally, 1 have no idea how it Therefore each program is unique more enjoyable for him and thus stripes all over it and he would tell utes. came to deserve this label, which and provides fulfillment to those easier on you. you that it looked great. Then 6. If you really need more time, leads me to the conclusion that within it. 1. You know that the minute when you go to wear it a week later, take away his wallet and drop him those who have such a dismal view I hope that I have convinced you set foot inside the mall he is he'll ask you where the hell you got off at Radio Shack or the Game of the program are either unin- some skeptics of my program's going to get sore feet and a that ugly thing. So if you really Room. But be forewarned: if he formed or snobby. I'm hoping some worth, and even more irnportandy, headache, so plan ahead. Make want an honest opinion about how manages to hide a credit card in liis basic information will reform the to respect the choices of their fellow sure you have an ample supply of something looks on you, bring a pocket, chances are good that you uninformed. peers. Having spoken with other Tylenol in your purse and if you friend, or even better, bring your will end up owning a $2000 thing- For beginners, 1 seriously doubt students, I have learned that many can, rent one of those little motor- mother. a-ma-bob that slices, dices, sorts that there is any University pro- have come from substantial dis- ized scooters that were created 4. If you are going to spend your cd's, has a video interface, was gram that could be considered tances to take Comm. Studies here with the elderly in mind. As a man, more than five minutes in any par- made in Taiwan, and will last about

"easy" especially at a fine academic at Laurier . Coming from Ottawa, a I can honestly tell you that l would ticular store, you better provide an a week before it breaks and ends institution like Wilfrid Laurier. city six hours away and with two of be much happier if I had one of electronic game for him to play up in the attic with the rest of the University is not intended to be its own universities, I find myself those little buggies for booting with. Otherwise he is bound to broken junk. easy, but to challenge the minds of discouraged by the dismissal of my around the mall. wander off and end up lost, or even Now, having viewed this superb those who wish to continue learn- program. So please, if you must 2. This brings up another key worse, captured by mall security list of shopping tips, are you sure ing in a scholarly environment. have such a bias, keep it to yourself. point: make a game of it. Men are because he was playing with the you wouldn't rather just leave him Secondly, anyone in the Comm. just big kids at heart so use this to knobs on the $100,000 stereo sys- at home? your advantage. Tell him you want tem in Future Shop again.

8 October 9,1996 theCord Life) Dr. Hugh G. Rection's "Professional Opinion"

Brad Semotiuk & Tim Foran women's bathroom where she but have you thought of what you'll waste) tating to those who suffer from with special contributor: Dr. made a move for my golden hawk. do ifyou get caught? The Doctor, of 10. Food Court - make sure you get them, as you well know. The cause Scott O'Hara I tried to ask her if other people course, enjoys risk as much as the some good eats! could be related to stress or any Cord Student Life would hear us but she didn't pay next Hawk, but he must urge you to number of things - a professional Dear Hugh, any attention - she had the hawk realize that he's probably been in Dear Dr. Rection, appointment is the only way to seal I met my dream woman last beefinjection on her mind. With my every hawking spot before you. I don't know who else to turn to the pipe once andfor all year at the big end of year party on left foot soaking in the can and my Here, Gambler and fellow Golden with this... In so many ways I think As a quickfix, though, the good campus. I was moshing around to right hand gripping the toilet paper I Hawks, are the Doctor's Tried and that I'm a pretty cool guy - I'm Doctor empathizes with your con- the Headstones and happened to knew we were at the start of some- Proven Laurier Sex (Hawking pleasant looking, have lots ofroom- cern for your fleeting love life and spill my drink on this lovely lady. thing special. The risk was intense - Around) Spots: mates, and am athletically competi- offers you two tips for those She had to get out of her wet clothes I was electrified... 1. Science Building Talking tive. Since I moved away from overnight guests: 1. Always use pro- so I brought her back to my pad and Since that encounter, my precar- Elevators ("Get off here" never home into Little House last year, and tection (sleep in full rain suits). 2. assisted her. We ended up sitting ious lover has shown me that good seemed so true) now this year into a house with nine Get a water bed and blame the wet- around all night, talking about the times can be had on park benches, 2. The Tunnels between the IJbrary guys, I've had a soakingly awful ness on a sbw leak (no pun intend- similar exams we had written the city buses, libraries, and even the 55 and the CTB problem. The problem itself doesn't ed). week before. Our phone numbers yard line at Seagram Stadium. I ler 3. TheAlvin "Woody"Building bother me much anymore but it These tips should help you in the were exchanged and we shook next destination is the Turret next 4. 205 Albert Street (the Doctor's sure bothers the chicks I bring back short-run. When I personally put hands goodbye. It was quite a dis- Friday night and I don't know if I'm house - come on over for some to my love nest. Doctor, Doctor, I an end to your bed wetting problem, appointment as i thought I was ready... I'm more of a dance music lovin') need to end my bed wetting prob- Willy, you'll have the Doctor's

going to get lucky. fan. Am I blessed or messed? Help 5. The A.C. - see how many reps you lem before it ends my love life. Guarantee that your ladies will be A month later I once again me! can do on the bench press Wet Willy thanking you for getting them wet. bumped into this Immaculate Mary The Ezra Avenue Gambler 6. The Office of the Registrar (the at the Mican Lion Safari. I started best way to kill time in those long Dear Willy, •Ifyou would like to submit a lette talking to her, assuming that there Dear Gambler, line-ups) The problem you describe, noc- to Dr. Rection in hope of sow wasn't going to be any monkeying Blessed or messed? Sounds to me 7. The Gold Parking spots (don't get turnal enuresis (bed wetting), enlightenment concerning your se:. around between me and this like you are enjoying yourself - and a ticket, it'U cost ya) afflicts many children and adults. ual problems, drop it off in Ann straight-laced Suzy. She buttoned enjoying yourselfis a crucial part of 8. Aird Underpass - in the puddles The effects of this problem may be Huskinson's mailbox in the Cord or my lip, grabbed my hand, and sex. I sure hope your fans are on a rainy day hardfor some to detect, but are psy- e-mail the doctor directly at dragged me into a small stall in the enjoying the show you 're putting on, 9. Prism Lab (don't let that $50 go to chologically and emotionally devas- [email protected] The Cord's Student Life Section. Cooler than turkey, cranberries, potatoes, Yorkshire pudding... OutSpoken Walk, don'trun out Career ofthe closet Opportunity THOM RYAN encourage gay people to accept Cord Student Life themselves for exactly who they are It seems that when a gay person (I and forget anybody who gets in the use the term inclusively to include way - it can be a living hell pretend- male, female, and everything in ing you're heterosexual when between) finally takes the plunge you're not. Too many times I have and decides to come clean about heard the lament of the homosexual their sexuality to those they love, it who came out too soon, too fast, or usually happens in one of three too much. Let's lay some basic ways: (1) explained bluntly and ground rules: Do not come out to st, frankly to family - to exciting atejesfoi Iont tei m economic and friends told your hockey team while in the •*■«#yy ;: either by a lover scorned, or by showers. Do not, no matter how | tt#Wß| grovvt h—-which include investment in new * someone with little brains and less convenient far the visiting university P' 1 technologies and the recinitment of exceptional tact; (2) like an explosion of gay student, casually mention your graduates who can share our vision for the future. pride and attitude cranked to its boy/girlfriend's current leather fetish We're offering permanent positions to 1997 fullest, often involving a complete over Christmas dinner. And most graduates in a variety of disciplines, as well as change of wardrobe and speech importantly, when your partner of summer employment to pattern; or (3) conscientiously and the evening is caught sneaking out students in their final with great care, selecting choice of your dorm at five in the morning 'K, summer before graduation. individuals known for their discre- by the entire floor, be sure they can tion, cool attitude and integrity. handle the truth before you offer it 'Out', in other words, does not Otherwise, lie like the wind. A little necessarily mean 'flamboyantlyfag.' discretion and thought into the mat- Oft ices for more details. Don't get me wrong, some gay peo- ters of coming out can go a long ple are fully comfortable wearing way, and having good friends, gay their hearts on their shoulders, so to or straight makes all the difference speak. And some choose a happy in the world. DOFASCO flfa Our is is medium, out some of the time in GLOBAL (Gay, Lesbian or product steel Our strength people certain circumstances, the rest of Biscxuals at laurier) meetings are the time opting to blend with main- held every Thursday. For informa- stream, heterosexual culture. tion, e-mail: At any rate, I would always, OOGLOBAL@mach 1 .wfaca

theCord October 9, 1996 9 FEATURE OH CANADA... Canadian pride revealed

RANDY WAECHTER I mean, we must be the only There are other things, besides Canadians is the fact that we have tant for us to protect our most valu- Cord Features nation on this great planet of ours the beaver, which I love about real beer. I mean, there are few able asset. The squirrel scurried up the old whose national animal symbol could Canada. For instance, our money, countries that produce a beer that What would an article on maple tree, an acorn secured tightly also be considered a part of the which consists of beautiful shades of can compete with a fine Canadian Canadian pride be without mention in its mouth. It jumped onto a thick female anatomy, (that would be the pink, blue, brown and purple is lager. If you don't believe me, the of the worlds perception of Canada branch, running past red, orange BEAVER for all of you who are much prettier than American next time you are south of the bor- as a peace-loving nation. Continual and yellow leaves before disappear- slightly disoriented). Now, I am sure money. Those silly Americans like to der purchase yerself an American UN studies show that it is the best ing into its nest. Just then, a crisp, that there are at least a few people refer to Canadian cash as monopoly brew with yer monopoly money and nation in the world to live, with our cold breeze swept past the window, out there who are slightly disturbed money. Screw them. slug it back before cracking a nice low rates of crime, universal health clearly signaling that fall was just - thai I would write about such things There is an interesting twist to cold Blue or Canadian. I'll leave it at care, and the fact that our side of Wait a second! It isn't July Ist! So in a publication, but I am bringing the whole money issue. The fact that that. Eh? the Falls is so much better! why are we featuring Canadian to light the fact that our national our money is coloured is simply to I also love Canada for the physi- The point is, we live in a fantastic pride and nationalism in this edition symbol has been turned from patri- deter counterfeiters, who copy cal nation itself. People from count- nation, despite our relatively tiny ofthe Cord? otic to perverted. Consider this an American money instead of less nations around the world flock problems, and we all need to be

... I'll tell you why because it opportunity ... now, everyone can Canadian cash because it is easier to to Canada every year to take in our proud of being Canadian. doesn't need, and shouldn't need to feel free to openly discuss the do. beautiful wilderness. Proud not just on July Ist, or be July Ist in order to be proud of beaver (the animal!), knowing that Beer. Clearly, one of the most Very few countries can compare, when it's convenient, but all of the Canada. they will not be ostracized. important things to be proud of as which makes it even more impor- time.

What a bunch of hosers!

SARAH PAPPLE am a true Canadian. After ten gen- The harder woke up at 5 AM to play this to sing occasionally. In a town of 27 Cord Features erations, I am an expert at the job. game? Our political situation is beg- 000, we boast 27 Tim Mortons. We If you are talking to an American, The harder outsiders laugh, the fur- outsiders ging for us to laugh. As a member of have the highest teenage pregnancy how many times will you say the ther my heart swells with pride. Lean'sA Mac 1 (Ron Jeremy) con- rate in Canada; in hopes ofbreeding woi'd "eh" in one minute? My guess Canadians love making fun of them- stituency, what choice do I have but some more comedic material. is that the frequency quadruples in selves, it defines us. laugh, the to chuckle? The CBC makes an People really do drive their sleds these situations. On more than one What came first, our faults or effort for us to make fun of it. They (snowmobiles) to bars, school, and occasion I have caught myself our humour? Could the earliest further my play French porn late at night to work. And, to have a man in felt- straining to stick those two letters in European settlers do nothing but remind us we are Canadian. Ha! packs try to pick you up in a bar is at every opportunity! I have often laugh at their situation - look at Luc heart swells Coming from a small town, I normal past October! prompted foreigners to poke fun of and Jacques! From the beginning of realize I am in the midst of However, my town is not an my Canadian citizenship by racing our country's colonial history we Canadiana. Mesh-backed hats and anomaly. Throughout the country away to don flannel by the layer have constantly created ridiculous with pride. checkered shirts line up at the Bingo there are men with hockey-hair and before being introduced to the situations for ourselves. Do you nightly. People replicate Bob and women with teased and frosted "Other", i would anxiously goad remember history class, wasn't it a teeth - not to mention all the low- Doug MacKenzie without intention. bangs. tliem into mentioning my use of 'eh', laugh? brow jokes any young, honest, red- Lacrosse is the biggest sport We are the people of Canada my flannel shirt collection, my At present date, we have a blooded Canadian male could think around (no kidding folks, we took who will never let us take ourselves toques, and my fridge stocked with wealth of comedic material for self up. home the Canadian championship seriously. Ifyou haven't yet laughed beer and back bacon. depreciation. Our national animal is The national sport is lacrosse. more than once). Stompin' Tom at your country, come home with 1 want to be laughed at because i a beaver. How noble, how strong his How many kids did you know who even stops in to our "Opera 1 louse" me.

October 9, 1996 theCord

10 —(Feature) Our collective senseof Canadian identity STERLING LYNCH being Jamaican, Ukrainian or strong as diverse systems. In the Clearly, cultural homogenization damn well what is right and what Cord Features German, we could concentrate on biological world there is strength in does not equal cultural strength. isn't. In our search for a national identity, being Canadian. diversity and weakness in homoge- This is not to say that Canada In Canada, I believe, we owe Canadians have accumulated cer- The typical argument in defense nization. does not have its own racial prob- much of who we are to the princi- tain cultural institutions that we call of multiculturalism is to suggest that From the perspective of national lems despite the optimism of multi- ples underlying multiculturalism. our own. Things like national health there is no legitimate Canadian cul- strength, we only have to look to our culturalism, but I would contend Consequently, I think multicultural- care, maple leafe and beer all rank ture to assimilate. I do not prescribe neighbors to the south for an exam- that America s "Love us or leave us" ism contributes rather than under- highly as cultural symbols that, to this argument, and consider it ple of how weak mono-cultures can attitude contributes to its undercur- mines our collective sense of identi- together, add up to what we call our rather childish, because I do believe be. The danger with the United rent of racial tension. When a plu- ty identity. One aspect of our culture there is a distinct Canadian identity. States is that they have managed to rality of cultures and ideas are At the core of multiculturalism is that is reilective of Canada's identity I contend, however, that our identity create a veneer of unity to hide the acceptable to a broad community, a spirit of respect, tolerance and is our commitment to multicultural- is wrapped up in the cultural mosa- rotten wood beneath. The United the opportunity for a general level of genuine communication, all of ism. ic. States prides itself in being a coun- tolerance increases. It is when which are principles that contribute As uncertain political winds blow From a biological point of view, the try that turns immigrants into absolute moral dogmas are cast in to our sense of being Canadian. It is across our country from east to thought of homogenizing any Americans before all else and yet it stone that we allow ourselves to my hope that will we never lose west, it seems a reasonable argu- ecosystem, including a nation, is the nation most synonymous with take positions of righteous intoler- sight of the principles that multicul- ment to suggest that multicultural- would give biologists the shivers. racial intolerance and racial riots. ance because, after all, we know turalism represents. ism is one of the many axes chop- The simple fact of the matter is that ping at the foundations of our mono-cultures are justnot as strong nationhood. The suggestion is that as cultures based on diversity. because we lack a common cultural Whether it is a clear cut forest or heritage we cannot come together replanted with single tree LENS MASTER a species SUPER OPTICAL 91 King St. North, Waterloo 598 Belmont Ave. Kitchener in times of crisis. It can be suggest- or a pure breed dog, homogenized (King & Bridgeport) Out of Town Free (Belmont & Glasgow area) ed, if we were not worrying about biological systems are just not as 747-5657 1-800-661-5335 570-0118 Vocal Cord

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theCond October 9, 1996 11 SPORTS Upset leaves Hawks feeling the Blues

the Toronto receivers all day. In put them up for good. gain any yardage via the long bomb. fact, the Hawk defense did not give A Laurier comeback was put to He also played extremely well against up a touchdown all game. rest on a fake field goal attempt. the run. Symons is definitely one of The Hawks did begin to show With under three minutes left, hold- the leaders of what may be the best some offensive poise in the second er Luke Ware rolled out and spotted defense in the league. I\M quarter. A decent drive led to an 18 a wide open Harvey Stables, only to yard Scott O'Hara field goal early in overthrow him. After that, it was Special Teams: Jeff Johnson, defen- the quarter. Late in the half, only a matter of time before the sive back McDonald capped a quality drive upset became a reality. The Mississauga native had a good day when he hooked up with J.P. Small "Losing Kevin at the half certain- on the coverage units where he was JUAIMiMC on a 6 yard touchdown pass. ly didn't help," said Zmich. "We did often the first man down field and was I ;iuner was up at the half by three. move the ball well offensively, but in on a number of tackles. In the second half, the Laurier they just deserved to win." KICIUKC: offense began to struggle. Mark It is critical for the Hawks to put Looking Ahead Hawks chased Blues' RB James Baskin around the field all day. Lough stepped in as QB, taking over the upset behind them and move for McDonald, who was forced to on. A loss to Western this week will The Hawks are home to play the hated GREG CHOWNYK Mike Garcia field goal. leave the game with a shoulder put the squad's play-off hopes in Western Mustangs Thursday night. Cord Sports On laurier's next possession, QB injury The Hawks were forced to jeopardy. TSN will televise the game nationally. Lost week was Laurier's turn to cel- Kevin McDonald fumbled the snap punt on their first slx possessions. . The Mustangs are coming off a 6-1 ebrate a Homecoming victory in and Toronto recovered, giving the The usually strong coverage Coach's Players of ' upset loss to Waterloo, and are look- front of the alumni. This week, the Blues field position at the Laurier 28 teams showed some weakness ing for better results on this next trip to Toronto Varsity Blues got to cele- yard line. However, Toronto couid when two consecutive Toronto the Game University Stadium. The Hawks, how- brate, and unfortunately for the once again only manage a Garcia returns by Eric Shiltz were returned ever are also aiming off an upset loss Hawks, it was at their own expense. field goal. Another attempt by for over 50 yards. On one of the Offense: Kevin McDonald, quar- and will be fired up for this game. Laurier entered Saturdays game Garcia tailed and resulted in a single returns, Shiltz looked destined for terback Injury wise, the Mustangs look at Varsity Stadium as the clear-cut point. the end zone until a diving Mark Kevin moved the ball around well fairly healthy. Unfortunately, the same favourites, but as things unwound "The turnovers definitely hurt Myles-Levine managed to trip him in the first half before having to sit can't be said for the Golden Hawks. tiiroughout the afternoon, the. num- us," said Laurier coach. Rick Zmich. up at the eleven yard line. The out the second half with a shoulder QB Kevin McDonald is day-to-day with ber throe ranked team in the coun- The I lawks managed five turnovers Hawks' defense came up big and injury. Despite consistently leading his shoulder problem, and slot back try found themselves on the short to the Blues none. "Four of ours the Blues settled for another field the Hawks up field and finding the Zach Treanor looks to return to the of a 13-10 score. gave them six points," pointed out goal. o}>en receiver, he was able to regis- line-up, though his ankle surely won't Farly turnovers by laurier put an upset Zmich. The Special team's troubles con- ter only one touchdown. His loss be at 100%. Western coach, Larry Toronto up by six in the first quar- 'Hie Laurier defense played their tinued for Laurier as long snapper was clearly felt by the offense as Haylor, was quick to point out the ter. Corey Grant, after being hit by usual great game. Lincbacker Ken Busby snapped the ball well they Med to score any second half importance of this game. ''Things Toronto's John Montefiore, fumbled Jason Gundy was in the face of over punter Jarret Luke's head, giv- points. begin to get bigger as the season pro- while returning a punt. The Blues Blues QB Mark Dienesch all day, ing Toronto exceptional field posi- gresses... We didn't get it done against recovered the ball and were well on flattening him a few times just as he tion once again. The Blues were Defense: Robbie Symons, defen- Waterloo; we will have to this their way to running it back for a released the ball. Fellow linebacker weak from being in the "red zone" sive back week."Whatever the case may be, touchdown Gord Jopling Craig Mellow also played well, regis- all day, and just like previous The Mississauga native was caus- Thursday represents a big game for managed to bring down the Toronto tering one sack. The secondary, led attempts, were forced to settle for a ing trouble for Toronto receivers all the Hawks. Game time is 6:oopm. See player. The Blues had to settle for a by Rob Symons, made it tough for field goal. It was this field goal that day by ensuring the Blues didn't league standings on page 14. Wey leads men's soccer to victory

ALEXANDER HOUSTON Certainly, few individuals make a Brock could not adapt. Laurier's Cord Sports difference in this team sport. back five moved the ball around Joey Wey had little to be happy George Best did it for Northern with considerable composure, look- about a month ago. In his third year, Ireland and Gordon McQueen did it ing for open space, while the mid the veteran soccer player had previ- for Scotland. Now, Joey Wey does it fielders and attackers executed ously played a total of only nine for WLU. many brilliantruns which eventual- games because of a series of But it wasn't all cups and cakes ly forced Brock into a defensive PICTURE injuries. With a sprained ankle for Laurier on Saturday; Brock shell. RLE from training camp, things looked struck in the first minute of play to Brock's only reply to Laurier's as though they would not improve take a very early 1-nil lead. consistent attack was to send the The Hawks enjoyed at great weekend, winning 2-1 over Brock. this year, either. "The hardest matches are the ball over the top with hopes that one "I'm full of injuries," he said. ones you're expected to win," of their strikers could pick up on it; a number ofdefenders along the way. Johnston connected on a series of "But I'm positive that I'll return in acknowledged assistant coach one dimensional tactic that failed to As he approached the by-line, passes that would see Johnston full form soon." Matthew Lauder after the game. "I generate any danger. Mathies strove towards the net and move in towards the net. He sent in However, Joey didn't just don't know whether or not the lads "They allowed us to play our tried to beat the keeper on the short a cracker that hit the upper left cor- "return" this weekend against thought it was going to be a walk in game," said midfielder Andy side. Wey, moving in towards the ner from a difficult angle that Brock. As he orchestrated attack the park, but things started off very Warrack. "They settled back into keeper, picked up the loose ball and proved to be the winner. after attack, tearing apart the oppo- slow for us. Mentally, we weren't their defensive third and permitted sent it past a wall of defenders to "Normally, I would cross the sition's fullback line, it was like the 'on' for the first twenty minutes. us to attack throughout the entire put the equalizer into the back of ball," Johnston said. "But this time, "second coming." But the team showed a tremendous second half. They gave us every the net. Wey, making the best run of I decided to send it in on goal. I'm 'Today I'm feeling pretty good," amount ofcharacter coming back to opportunity to move the ball around the match, then streaked towards really happy that it worked out for he said just before the match. "And win it 2-1." and provided us with a lot of choic- the touch line, where he met by the us." I owe it all to Jamie and Mel (WLU Laurier did show character and es." rest of Laurier squad to celebrate And "worked out well" is exactly varsity training staff). They have determination as they kept their Indeed, it was only a matter of his magnificent return. what Saturday's win did for Laurier. done an excellent job and have heads up and started to play their time before Laurier would pull even. The score was now 1-1 and The Hawks moved into second posi- made this day possible." All smiles, game of patience, control, and In the 80th minute of play, Mark Laurier owned the momentum. tion with a record of 5-1-2 on the Joey went onto the pitch and scored movement. Mathies made an absolutely brilliant Only a few minutes later, mid season, good for 17 points and are

a goal. It was a style of play to which run up the right side - schooling a fielders Ivica Sola and Mike only two points out of first.

12 October 9, 1996 theCord -(Sports) Comeback keeps Hawks undefeated

GREG CHOWNYK Brock caused little trouble for keep- Conboy put it, "There's always a Cord Sports er Rachel Zuiderliet. team that shows up to play the top The women's soccer team managed The Badgers scored their goal teams, but seem not [to do any- to keep their undefeated record in early in the second half when Knez thing] against the lower teams." tact this weekend, though it took a tripped up a Brock player inside the The Hawks' schedule doesn't get little wake up caJl delivered from an box on a somewhat questionable any easier this week. Tonight's trip upstart Brock Badger team to do so. call. The ensuing penalty shot was to Western to play the Mustangs The Badgers started the game good, giving the Badgers the lead. looks to be a big game. The offstrong but tailed off in the second This was when the wake up call Mustangs are only one point behind half, allowing Laurier to come back came through. The Hawks stepped the Hawks and are coming off a loss and tie the game. Unfortunately for up their play to overpower the to the McMaster Mauraders this tlic Hawks, the 1-1 score held up. opposition in the second half. "I'd weekend. "They just came out flying," said say we definitely outplayed them in With only four games left in tine Laurier striker Karen Conboy. "It the second half," said Conboy. season, the stretch drive has clearly was like they were always coming The laurier goal came from co- begun. Only one point separates at you." captain Celeste Burkitt, who put one the top four teams in the west divi- Brock clearly outplayed the past the Brock keeper, finishing a sion. However, Laurier does have a Hawks in the first half, but were beautiful cross from Emmie I lull. game in hand over third place unable to capitalize on any opportu- The Hawks had a few chances Guelph and fourth place McMaster. idc nities. The L'luiier defense was led to go ahead in the game, but trouble If the Hawks can finish the sea- pirn by Suzie Dobson, who played what finishing held them back yet again. son with no losses, they will no r was probably her best game of the Heading into the game, Brock doubt be in the driver's seat come pii Along with Lidia Knez, sat near the bottom of the standings playoff time. League stats on page season. the women's soccer team to as A second half comeback enabled Dobson cleared the zone well as with a record of 2-4-1, but 14. keep their undefeated record intact WLU to host Churchill Bowl

MIKE MCKENNA The Patron package includes versus Western, which will also be the opportunity will not be wasted. "It would be nice if our boys Cord Sports admission to the Bowl, tickets to die televised by the network. Additional It will not only showcase the stadi- were in there for a shot," Nichols On November 16, it will happen. I lall of Fame Ceremonies, printing bleachers will increase stadium um, wliich is ideal for hosting a mid- said. However, the way things look The endless planning and work of of the supporters name in the offi- capacity to approximately 7,000, November pigskin classic with its at this point, even if they are not, it volunteers will culminate in a classic cial program, and tickets to the and more concession stands will be artificial turf, but the school commu- seems as though a first class event match-up in our own backyard. McMaster-Laurier game on October added to avoid long line-ups. nity and, hopefully, the Golden Hawk will take place on November 16 at Wilfrid Laurier University is host- 26. Individual tickets sell for $20, or "We want this Churchill Bowl to football program as well. University Stadium. ing the 1996 Churchill Bowl at two can be purchased for $30. be a positive memory for everyone," University Stadium. "Not only this The Booster package is available stated Nichols. "Not only for the PITCHER & year, but hopefully for many more, for $100. It includes eight tickets to players, but for the fans and for El ■JllflHl right here at University Stadium," each of the aforementioned events those who are working so hard to bones HHIsMMp said enthused Laurier Dean of and donation recognition on all make the event a success. We do O Students, Fred Nichols. "It will be a Churchill Bowl advertising posters. not want to be in the same situation very special event for all members of Although there are many as last year when it was hosted by P] (1 block east of UW) the Laurier community. We would expenses and possible problems the University of Calgary. We will KV/T TUESDAYS 160 University Avenue, like the CIAU to take note of our involved with hosting such an event, not lose some $8,000 as they did, KulJ University Plaza ability to host such an event and Nichols is confident that his original and I will guarantee that." water °° allow us to continue hosting it for plan will hold form. Support is com- llie event is an excellent oppor- many years." ing not only from friends and alum- tunity to put Laurier on the nation- 11 $11.49 including tax 886-6490 The Churchill Bowl will put the ni, but from organizations like TSN wide university sports scene, and |g|j ; winner the and Rail. of the OUAA against VTA m*mmMmimmmmmm^mmmmimmmmmmmmmmmmMMM>mmmm—mMMmmmmmmmmmmmmmmM■MaMiHlH«MMlmlhm winner of the CWUAA. The winner The experience of running the of the game will go on to play in the OUAA Final Four hockey tourna- Vanier Cup at Skydome two weeks ment, and the pleasure of working Pigskin Payoff later against the Atlantic Bowl win- with people like Honorary ner, which puts the AUAA champion Chairperson and former WLU foot- against the OQIFC winner. ball player, Paul Markle, also makes in effect at Nichols is overwhelmed with the Nichols confident that everything initial response from faculty, staff, will go as planned. students, and alumni to ticket pack- Markle, now the Marketing ages and fundraising efforts. "We Director for the Toronto Blue Jays, is are not just looking to just break- definitely an asset with respect to even with tliis event. We will be able the planning of this event. 1 lis expe- to run a first class event here with- rience and connections in the sport- out causing ourselves and the CIAU ing world will be invaluable to the a debt." planning and marketing of the The packages, which are event. labelled Churchill Bowl Patron and Many improvements will have to Churchill Bowl Boosters, have gone be made in order to make the game Hawk Home Game over extremely well. Nichols had a success. TSN will assist in provid- hoped to raise $2,000 from the sales ing additional lighting for the game /"A #r 112 r| I Free noisemaker with any of these packages by the end of last so as to improve television coverage. week. At this point, $9,000 has These improvements will actually be •}(j been generated. rijiy/i.j! made in time for this week's game

theCord October 9,1996 13 (Sports)- Lacrosse Hawks claw back

BRIAN GEIGER turnovers, and it quickly looked as McKeracher. Cord Sports though the game was all but over. The Hawks defense came up The Laurier men's lacrosse team The Blues charged back, how- big throughout the game by mak- tough for showed spirit and character ever, and by the end of the first ing it Toronto when they get in a hard-hitting match on Sunday, half, U ofT had taken a 6-5 lead. were able to in close. clawing back from a deficit The third quarter, as indicated In addition to the Blues penal- to beat the University of Toronto by Laurier coach John Munroe, ties and turnovers, the win was a Varsity Blues 12-9. proved to be the turning point. By result of the Hawks much The Hawks, ranked eighth to the end of the third, the Hawks improved ball handling, a sore spot start the season, have improved had again taken the lead, thanks in an earlier game against their record to 4-1. The win should primarily to the hard work and Queens. Coach Munroe was espe- place them in the top four. This is a creative attacking of Colin Doyle. cially impressed with his squad's remarkable turnaround from last After several more power plays transition game, which benefited season, when the team managed and turnovers, the Hawks man- from the placement of some of the only two wins. aged to ward off the Blues for the more talented ball-handlers at Billy Haskins got the ball rolling win. midfield. willi an early power play goal. The Offensive stars included Doyle, If the Hawks continue to Hawks quickly built up a four goal who finished with four goals, Mark improve and show this amount of lead, off poorly timed Blues O'Conner, who also scored four heart and character, they should times, and midfielder Haskins. The have no problem moving up in the Laurier's Bruno Richter tries to Blues were led by stand-outs Tyler standings. A game at McMaster a put one by the U of I goalie. Davies, Adam Nash, and Rob week Saturday will be a good test. This Week League in Laurier Sports Golden Stats Wednesday Oct 9 Men's & Women's Varsity Soccer Laurier Western OUAA 4;3opra Football L T PTS Thursday Oct. 10 Varsity Football Western @ Laurier 6:oopm TEAM CP W Hawk 10 8 University Stadium Athletes Waterloo 5 4 of the Western 5 4 10 8 5 3 2 0 6 Thursday Oct. 10 Varsity Rugby Laurier @ Brock 3:

TEAM GP W L T PTS Men: Jeremy Ford, golf Swimmers EAST Ford, a third year student from Ottawa 8 6 0 2 20 nearby Cambridge, won the Guelph Queen's 9 4 1 4 16 Gryphons Invitational Golf tourna- York 7 4 2 1 13 ment last Tuesday. His success con- Carleton 7 3 3 1 10 tinued with a third place finish tills Trent 7 2 4 1 7 to 8 5 7 up past at the Waterloo Toronto 2 1 live weekend Invitational. Ryerson 8 17 0 3

Women: Suzie Dobson, soccer WEST LAURIER 8 4 0 4 16 'llu ■ Oshavva native played her best Western 8 4 1 3 15 expectations of the season as the Hawks Guelph 9 4 2 3 15 game fought Brock to a 1-1 draw. The McMaster 9 4 2 3 15 third year defender troubled the Brock 9 2 4 3 9 8 TOM FUKE "I think the men can beat Brock attack all afternoon. She con- Waterloo 8 2 4 2 Cord Sports Waterloo on a regular basis," Boles tinues to play a key role in the Windsor 9 0 7 2 2 The men's arid women's varsity said, "but the women are going to team's undefeated season swim teams competed at an exhibi- be tough." tion meet on Friday at the University Bookie Danya Patterson did her of Waterloo against both the bast to keep the team in contention, Warriors and the powerful Guelph winning both the 200 and 800 Gryphons. Though the scores did metre freestyle events. On the not count, they certainly gave an men's side, rookie Bob Guthrie led Going Thanksgiving... coming indication of where Laurier's swim- the way with firsts in the 50 and 100 home for ...and back. mers are at. metre backstroke, and a down-to- Let us help you to consume more turkey, stuffing and pie than previously thought possible. The women amassed 31 points, the-wire second place finish in the but were beaten by both Waterloo 200 metre backstroke. (41) and Guelph (189). The men Other swimmers showing strong from Kitchener/Waterloo to: the season on a more posi- performances included Darrin started $51 $91 tive note, defeating Waterloo 59-56, Nikolaus and Jenny Parwicki, each Toronto $22 Belleville Sudbury but coming up short to Guelph's of whom left the meet with three Peterborough $42 London $20 Ottawa $85 146. second place finishes. Tom Fuke The scores reflect coach Dean and Mark Dineson rounded out the Other discounted destinations available. Boles' early expectations for both his Hawks' top three finishes with a sec- Price does not include G.S.T. squads. This year, only seven of last ond and a third for Fuke and a sec- Pickups on campus for Toronto. Dropoffs also available. Flag stop points: Frank C. Peters Building (University Ave.) year's seventeen swimmers have ond for Dineson. and Athletic Complex (King St.) at the Kitchener Transit Bays. Please see schedule. the women's side, Willi this exhibition meet under returned on http://www.greyhound.ca/ which has left them a little inexperi- their belts, the Hawks look forward Surf to enced. The men's team has man- to the beginning of the regular sea- meet TRAVELCUTS Greyhound aged to retain all its scorers from son at the OUAA/OWIAA relay Student Union Building, 3rd floor Canada* hist season. in Guelph on October 18. Wilfrid Laurier University 886-8228 15 Charles Street W. Kitchener 741-2600

14 October 9,1996 theCord —(Sports)

NHL Preview - Western Conference Forsberg, Claude Lemieux, and Khabibulin, G; Keith Tkachuk, LW; Marquee Players: Brett Hull, RW; A 1 JIM DONNELLY AND Adam Deadmarsh. Prediction: Ist Jeremy Roenick, C (unsigned) Maclnnis, D; Grant Fuhr, G DARRYL ROGERS in division. New Faces: Jeremy Roenick, C; Cliff New Faces: Joe Murphy, LW; Gary Cord Sports Ronning, C; Mike Gartner, RW; Brad Leeman, RW; Marc Bergevin, D; Anaheim Mighty Dudes Dallas Stars McCrimmon, D; Darcy Wakaluk, G; Trent Yawney, D 1995-96 record: 35-39-8 (4th in 1995-96record: 26-42-14 (6th) Jim Johnson, D Outlook: The remarkable comeback division) Coach: Ken Hitchcock Outlook: The Coyotes' season rests of Grant Fuhr (injured vs. Toronto Coach: Ron Wilson Marquee Players: Mike Modano, C; on the outcome of the Roenick con- last season) will ensure fine goal- Marquee Players: Paul Kariya, LW; Joe Nieuwendyk, C; Sergei Zubov, D tract dispute; the team is depending tending again this year. Forwards Teemu Selanne, RW; Jari Kurd, C New Faces: Sergei Zubov, D; Dave on having him in the lineup to make Shayne Corson and Hull, along with New Faces: Jari Kurri, C; J. F. Reid, LW; Pat Verbeek, RW; Arturs any kind of playoff run. Tkachuk, Maclnnis, will have to have excellent Jonphe, C; Wairen Rychel, LW Irbe, G coming off his first 50 goal season offensive campaigns to compensate Outlook: The Ducks finally have a Outlook: An aging defense, in the and recendy regaining his captaincy, for the loss of Wayne Gretzky to the premier first line in Kuni, Selanne, form of Mike Craig Ludwig, will again be looked toward for Rangers. Young defenseman Chris and Kariya; look for them to do and Grant I />dyard, will prove to be leadership. Goalie Khabibulin has Pronger is developing every year, damage tliis season. Several late more and more of a liability to the signed a long-term contract, insur- and should begin to dominate on the season acquisitions, such as Roman Stars this season. Dallas will be ing the Coyotes' goaltending for blue line Oils season. Prediction: sth Oksiuta, Anatoli Scmenov, Frederik looking to Modano, Nieuwendyk, years to come. Prediction: 2nd in in division. Olausson, and Ken Baumgartner, Zubov, Benoit Hogue, and Greg division. idc will be looked on to land tlie team a Adams to pick up the offensive pro- Toronto Maple Leafs Dim playoff berth. OUAA standout Steve duction. Very suspect goaltending in San Jose Sharks 1995-96record: 34-36-12 (3rd) c m liucchin will attempt in improve on .Andy Moog and Irbe will perhaps 1995-96record: 20-55-7 (7th) Coach: Mike Murphy last year's solid 44 point season. necessitate another late-season call- Coach: .41 Sims Marquee Players: Doug Gilmour, C; Joe Sakic hopes to lead the Ron Wilson, coach of this fall's US up of Alan Bester...? Prediction: 6th Marquee Players: Owen Nolan, RW; Mats Sundin, C; Matieu Schneider, Avalanche to a repeat win of entry into the World Cup, must in division. Darren Turcotte, C D; Felix Potvin, G the Stanley Cup. stress hard work from this less- New Faces: Marty McSorley, D; New Faces: Jamie Baker, C; Ralph than-talented team. Prediction: 6th Detroit Red Wings Jodd Ewen, RW; Tim Hunter, LW; A] Intranuovo, C; Fredrik Modin, RW; in division. 1995-96 record: 62-13-7 (Ist) lafrate, D; Kelly Hrudey, G; Tony Sergei Berezin, RW Alex Mogilny, RW; Trevor Linden. C Coach: Scotty Bowman Granato, RW Outlook: The Leafs have several New Faces: Alexander Semak, C; Marquee Players: Sergei Fedorov, C; Outlook: The Sharks, full of new highly-paid veteran players who will Troy Crowder, LW Calgary Flames Steve Yzerman, C; Paul Coffey, D; faces this season, will definitely be have to produce this year if they are Outlook: The return of high-scoring 1995-96record: 34-37-11 (2nd) Chris trying to improve on last season's to have any success. Gilmour, Pavel Bure, along with Mogilny, Coach: Pierre Page Osgood,G disasters. Coach A! Sims, concerned Sundin, Kirk Muller, and Wendel Linden, and Esa Tikkanen, will defi- Marquee Players: Thoo Fleury, RW; New Faces: Anders Eriksson, D widi the Sharks' overall team tough- dark will all have to improve upon nitely spark the Canucks' offense Robert Reichcl, C Outlook: Last year's best regular ness, went out and got McSorley, their offensive production from last this year. Centre Mike Ridley, New Faces: Jarorne I gin 1 a, RW; season team will look to pick up the Ewen, and Hunter, three players year. An aging blue line corps, how- plagued by injuries, is a serious Dave Gagner, C pieces after their embarrassing well known in die fisticuffs depart- ever, will have problems keeping up question mark. Goaltending is aver- Outlook: The tragic loss of Gary playoff loss Colorado. With the ment. The team is hoping for to many of the leagues' offenses. age, with regular Kirk McLean com- Roberts has created new opportuni- departure of Dino Cicarelli, and pos- speedy centre Jeff Friesen to bounce Goaltending shouldn't be a problem, ing off a less-than-career season. ties for younger forwards on the sibly Keith Primeau, the Wings will back tiiis year. Above average goal- with the likes of Potvin and veteran Veteran defeasemen Dana Murzyn Flames' roster; captain Theo Floury sorely require a Brendan tending in I Irudey and Chris Terreri Don Beaupre between the pipes. and Jyrki Lumme should help stabi- will again be expected to lead the Shanahan-type player to compen- should keep the Sharks in most Prediction: 3rd in division. lize the young, inexperienced group team offensively this year. Rookie sate up front. On die blue line, die games. Prediction: sth in division. of blue liners in Brett Hedican, forwards Jarome Iginla and Jamie possible loss of Paul Coffey will open Vancouver Canucks Rohlin, and Adrian Aucoin. Allison, along with Chris O'Sullivan, up a spot for the rookie Eriksson. St. Louis Blues 1995-96record: 32-35-15 (3rd) Prediction: 2nd in division. should contribute substantially to The signing of goal tender Kevin 1995-96record: 32-34-16 (4th) Coach: Tom Renney the team's offense. Two solid goal I lodson will almost surely end Mike Coach: Mike Keenan Marquee Players: Pavel Bure, LW; tenders, Trevor Kidd and Rick Vernon's days in the Motor City. Tabaracci, will keep most games Prediction: Ist in division. close. Prediction: 3rd in division. Edmonton Oilers Chicago Blackhawks 1995-96record: 30-44-8 (sth) 1995-96record: 40-28-14 (2nd) Coach: Ron Lowe Coach: Craig Hartsburg REMINDER... Marquee Players: Jason Arnott, C; Marquee Players: Chris Chelios, D; Doug Weight, C; Cuitis Joseph, G Alexei Zhamnov, C (unsigned); Fd New Faces: Kevin Lowe, D; Bob Belfour, G; Gary Suter, D Essensa, G New Faces: Alexei Zhamnov, C; Outlook: illis team features a solid, Kevin Miller, RW established defense corps in Bryan Outlook: With the absence of offen- Marchment, Luke Richardson, and sive stars Jeremy Roenick, Joe Jeff Norton, along vviUi a young and Murphy, and Rernie Nicholls, in energetic forward line in Weight, addition to the contract dispute with Arnott, and Mariusz Czerkawski. Zhamnov, the Hawks' always solid The team should receive solid goal- defense will be depended upon even tending from Team Canada regular more than usual this year. Joseph and proven puck stopper Sophomore Eric Daze will try to bet- Bob Essensa. Prediction: 4th in divi- ter last year's 30 goal season as part sion. of Chicago's anemic offense. Goaltending is very solid, with Ed Los Angeles Kings Belfour and JeffHackett proving last 1995-96 record: 24-40-18 (6th) year to be one of the best tandems Coach: Larry Robinson in the league. Prediction: 4th in divi- Marquee Players: Rob Blake D sion. New Faces: Paul Dipietro, C; Brent Giieve, LW; Ed Olczyk, LW Colorado Avalanche Outlook: Pretty bleak. With their 1995-96record: 47-25-10 (Ist) only standout player suffering from Coach: Marc Crawford chronic injuries, there's not much Marquee Players: Joe Sakic, C; hope for the Kings to make the play- Patrick Roy, G; Peter Forsberg, C; offs. Forwards Dmitri Kristich, Sandish Ozolinsh, D Kevin Stevens, and sophomore Vitali New Faces: Eric Lacroix, LW Yachmenev, will all have to record Outlook: Ifthere is one flaw with this career seasons for the team to have team, it's Hie contract disputes with any hope at all. Prediction: 7tii in left wingers Valeri Kamensky and division. Chris Simon. Solid in all facets of tlie game: great goaltending in Roy; Phoenix Coyotes a solid defense with Ozolinsh, Adam 1995-96record: 36-40-6 (stii) Foote, and Sylvain Lefebvre; and a Coach: Don Hay knee-weakening offense in Sakic, Marquee Players: Nikolai

theCord October 9, 1996 15 ENTERTAINMENT Preserving a jazz legacy

MARK GRAUSAM years old! The band's line-up keeps such as Wynton Marsalis during the CORD ENTERTAINMENT changing, and it includes a great eighties. The Preservation Hall Jazz Band variety in terms of players' ages. Preservation Hall opened in is a touring version of one of about Funerals were a major influence 1961. Jaffe has been playing upright four house bands that play regularly on jazz; Jaffe told me that when a bass with the band since 1993. Only at Preservation Hall in New Orleans. hearse was being transported about a hundred people can fit into The city has become a legendary through New Orleans and also at the hall, making it not much bigger breeding ground for jazz musicians. the burial itself, a band would play than the Moondance Cafe! The The present touring band plays tra- dirges such as "Just A Closer Walk building itslef has been around since ditional New Orleans jazz. With Thee". As soon as the last dirt 1780. Upon listening to their "Best was laid, the band would break into The Preservation Hall Jazz Band 0f..." CD, 1 found it to be one of the very upbeat songs like "When The maintains authenticity through the purest forms of jazz I've ever heard. Saints Go Marching In". The rest of use of traditional instruments like I was privileged to talk to their bass the funeral would then become a the clarinet, banjo and tuba. Jaffe player Ben Jafife on the telephone joyous occasion, with dancing and described the music as a "way of recently to find out about the roots parades in the streets. life". The band doesn't know what of the band's music, and about their Jazz unfortunately developed a they will play each night. They play current tour which brings them to negative image because of its associ- certain songs depending on their the Centre In The Square for a per- ation with brothels - a piano player mood and the nature of the audi- formance October 16th. would commonly play jazz stan- ence. ide I learned a lot about jazz from dards there. I asked Jaffe why he I asked Jaffe what the audience my conversation with Ben Jaffe. The thought that jazz was experiencing could expect of their show at Dim c band has seven members in its pre- such a revival, and he suggested it Kithchener's Centre in The Sc[uare rn sent touring version. Narvin was due to the mainstream accep- on October 16th. He said, "expect a Kimball, the banjo player, is 87 tance won by charismatic musicians good time." New Orleans' jazz band: Preserving a tradition. WLU: the play's the thing

AARON HUNTER approach will lead to greater expo- for its creators as for its audience; it wright Ned Dickens has brought to fessional-level modern dance at be CORD ENTERTAINMENT sure at Laurier this year. Powerful is the contribution of enthusiastic Laurier a rough script of his play Laurier." Admission will seven The University Players are poised to pieces such as "Suffragette Koans" volunteers that keeps it alive. "Horse" to be pored over, discussed dollars. begin another innovative season of (by playwright Linda Carson, now Qualter commented briefly on the and brought closer to production- Towards the end of this month performances for the good people of an instructor at this school) and University Players' staff of volun- readiness by interested students in we'll see another twist - what Laurier and Kitchener-Waterloo. "Extremities" proved quite effective- teers, pointing out that a great many the drama program. The result of Qualter refers to as "our Halloween This is the University Players' ly that the change in format did not of them are first-year students com- this "workshop" environment (at present to the university." What he's second year in the lean, portable diminish quality - if anything, it pro- ing straight out of high school least for Laurier) will be shows on talking about is the huge hit by and versatile 'Studio Laurier' for- vided the University Players with a drama programs with a lot of inter- the weekend of October 17th and Canadian playwright Peter Colley, mat, which focusses on small shows new set of interesting challenges. est and energy. "We get them before 18th; these shows will provide not a "I'll Be Back Before Midnight". This produced relatively often during the Last year's shows were very well- they realize you're not supposed to finished product, but a window into thriller premiered in 1979 and has a year. The official entity in charge of received, and it would seem that the do theatre at Laurier," he joked a play still being developed, altered been performed many times in drama before last year was Theatre organization's decisions regarding wryly. Besides the first-years, the and beaten into shape. Attendees vast number of Canadian theatres. Laurier'. which typically used its how to divide their human and University Players are open to any- will be asked to pay what they feel A yarn of murder and the supernat- resources to mount bigger shows financial resources were good ones. one in the "greater Laurier commu- the effort was worth. ural set in an old farmhouse, Colley with more complicated sets and "We're more of a known quantity nity": students, staff, faculty, admin- The closing piece during this set out to make this into a parody of larger casts (ie. "The Regeneration this year," Qualter said, explaining istration and interested citizens. weekend of "unusual theatre" will the thriller genre. He failed, howev-

- a of George McGraff' starring veteran the reasons behind his high expecta- Enough context on to what's be a presentation of modem dance er, ending up with what is actually Canadian actor Ted Follows). tions for this year. "We want to actually happening this month. The by the Free Flow Dance Company, "genuinely scary" work with fre- Artistic director and executive become more a part of the Laurier Players' first 'production' is not even based in Kitchener and composed quent moments ofhilarity. This pro- producer Adam Qualter expressed community, and for theatre to be a production at all in the traditional mainly of graduates from UW's duction will be directed jointly by the hope that the Players' success more of a social event." sense, although it has its own inter- dance program. Qualter describes Adam Qualter and Cheryl Ewing, last year with the more intimate Theatre is as much a social event esting elements. Canadian play- this as "the only chance to see pro- and the shows are October 24-26. Two Days a pathetic waste ERIN KEATING types with no depth of true charac- kidney stones. The most irritating CORD ENTERTAINMENT ter whatsoever. There's the washed- and unnecessary scene in the whole 2 Days In The Valley could have up hitman (played by Danny Aiello), film is the cat fight between Becky been a good movie; with it's out- who's really a nice guy even though Foxx (a vengeful divorcee played by standing cast, it should have been a he's not very effectual or bright; the Teri Hatcher) and Helga Svelgen good movie. Unfortunately, John cynical, burnt-out cop (portrayed by (Woods' sultry blond model/accom- Herzfeld's screenplay is so stereo- Jeff Daniels) who's a little unstable plice/girlfriend plays by Charlize typically one-dimensional and because of family problems; a keen- Theron). cliched that there is no amount of er, sensitive-type cop (Eric Stoltz) It starts when Helga insults good acting that could possibly save who'd like to rid the world of Becky's ability to satisfy a man, and it. In a recently televised interview, evil...and the list of boring, 'it's been escalates into a full-fledged action Herzfeld boasted that they shot the done a million times' character scene complete with much shoving very first draft of the screenplay. types goes on. and throwing about, breaking glass This fact is incredibly obvious upon One actor who manages to sal- and furniture, and finishing with watching I bis film, and it's not some- vage something out of his role is some gunplay. The scene looks like thing of which the writer/director James Spader (Stargate, Crash). As a seventeen year-old boys fantasy - should be proud. I /;e Woods, a hitman obsessed with Theron is dressed in a white span- In 2 Days In The Valley, the audi- control, Spader is truly evil. His eerie dex catsuit and spike heels, while ence gets to be voyeur to the lives of calm and deadpan deliveries are Becky is the athlete in lycra shorts a number of diverse individuals, and spine chilling, especially in the and warm up gear. The whole tiling we get to see how, despite their dif- scenes where he allows his victims isreally pathetic. ferences, all these people are exactly one last minute to live before In short, this movie is cliched, brought together through a series of he kills them. one-dimensional, cheesy and just events and coincidences (sound Another actor to be praised is plain uninteresting. The only thing familiar?). Greg Cruttwell, who provides the good about it is the cast, but the t PICTURE Unlike a Tarantino film, howev- movie with some of its funniest greatest cast in the world couldn a waste- RLE er, this just doesn't work. The char- facial expressions and lines as Allan make this a good movie. It's time, and money. James Spader dominates Charlize Theron in "2 days" acters are just hackneyed stereo- Hopper, an asshole art dealer with of talent,

16 October 9, 1996 theCord —(Entertainment) Relaxin' with Sebadoh

SEAN MOORE show. With no apparently set list, Cord Entertainment frontman Steve Westfield kept If you've ever attended a Sebadoh checking an audience member's show, you must know that there is a watch to see how much set-time completely different vibe that distin- they had left. The band included the guishes it from any other show. It's basic guitarist, bass, drums setup, a bit difficult to describe sometimes. accompanied by a trombonist, You could maybe call it mellow, but adding uniqueness to the sound. that's not quite right. Maybe laid The quirky humour of the band back would be appropriate. really helped to warm up the crowd. If there were classic exemples of After a short delay, the stage cur- the term laid-back, it would have to tains parted and, standing defiantly be the performance of Sebadoh last relaxed in the. middle of it, was the week at the Phoenix in Toronto. band that everyone had come to The way Lou, Jason, and Bob went see. Sebadoh began playing imme- about the business of playing music, diately, but the calm demeanour of RYDE it seemed like you were in your the crowd didn't change a bit. friends basement heating them play That's what is most unique about some newly written songs. Sebadoh any Sebadoh gig: the apparent life- completely lacked the structure or lessness of the crowd. professional rock Instead of the tradi- PICTURErCINDY attitude of the engaging in mentality and that was exactly tion rock show mosh pit, Sebadoh show Lou Barlow and Sebadoh win some converts with their 10-fi haircuts and music last week what the die-hard fans had come to fans are content to bob their heads see. to every single one of the tunes, Opening for Sebadoh on this including the fast-paced, harder- also delved into older material with different songs, depending upon back-up. night were local indie favourites, edged numbers. Musically the band "The Freed Pig," "Punch In the who had written the song. For the After the second encore, people Change of Heart. Lan Blurton and was having a really good night and Nose," and "Soul and Fire." two encore, numbers Bob Fay filed out of the smoke-filled theatre company ripped through a brief yet it showed in the supportive Barlow and the rest of the band stepped out from behind the skins to with a satisfied grin on their face. energy-filled set that even had Lou applause. The set list was com- even got into the butt-kissing mode, strum away on the bass on songs Hard-core fans got what they want- Barlow out in the audience enjoying posed mostly of music from the new saying they would really like to like "Sforzande." ed from the set and the newer a few of the numbers. The Boston album, "Harmacy," and the slightly move to Canada since everyone was The encore also featured a num- younger faces enjoyed the less than band Steve Westfield and the older "Bakesale." so polite. Few would have objected. ber of other guest musicians. Steve orthodox style of a Sebadoh concert. Slow 3 followed. Like Sebadoh, Fan favourites, such as "License Sebadoh is also unique in that Westfield's trombonist came out to Sebadoh music may seem standard they hail from the Boston area, to Confuse" and "Magnet's Coil," each member shares duties on each play, "Punch in The Nose," while to the less familiarized listener. But renowned for its rich college rock were dispersed in between tunes instrument. At different times dur- Westfield, audience members, and if time is taken to familiarize your- scene. They seemed to easily fit into like "Open Ended," "Beauty of the ing the set Lou would exchange liis even some hairy Harley-Davidson- self with the highly emotional tones, the loose structure of a Sebadoh Bide," and "Love to Fight." They guitar for Jason's bass to perform shirted roadies came out to sing you will become a Sebadoh convert. Barlow: happy indie king

SEAN MOORE oilier things which have occurred in track recordings of acoustic num- you're fourteen." Asked whether he press, so there is grounds for people CORD ENTERTAINMENT his career over the past year. bers made at the performer's own saw value in it or promoted this kind having this misconception. A number of years back, if you Quizzing Barlow about the suc- home. With his skill and productivi- of attitude with his music, Barlow Lou Barlow seemed to be a truly asked someone on the street if they cess of the latest Sebadoh album, he ty, Lou has been dubbed the "King was quick to add, "If I said it once, honest performer in all senses of the liked any music that Lou Barlow seemed quite pleased to acknowl- of Lo-Fi" by some writers. I asked I'll say it again. The day I released word. The music that he writes had written, you probably would edge that the album was doing well. him if he was embarrassed by such my first tape was the day I decided I with Sebadoh is some of the most have gotten a puzzled, maybe even Barlow mentioned that the album titles. "Hey, it's their opinion," was wanted the whole world to hear emotionally gritty material that you a mystified response. Move ahead had even broken the Billboard Top his only response. Disappointingly, me." Later Barlow quipped that, could possibly hear, and the candour to 1996 and ask the same question 200 albums, but he sarcastically Barlow reported that his four-track "I'm making music that my mother with which he spoke about his of someone. Well to be honest, you added that, "...it will probably drop was broken at present, so he was will like." objectives for the band were simple still might get the same kind of right back out next week." When unable to record much of anything Another mistake people often and to the point. With this kind of response, but at least a few more asked what he thought about his new. make about Sebadoh is to assume attitude, who knows what's in store people other than die-hard fans recent accolades, Barlow seemed As for the whole indie rock that Lou Barlow is the central figure for Lou Barlow? Sebadoh wil! con- know who Barlow is. quite confident thai he was "...defi- scene, Lou had some very strong in the group. When asked about tinue touring the rest of North It is surprising more people don't nitely moving above ground," refer- opinions about what he called the this misconception, Barlow respond- America for the next few weeks, know his name, considering some of ring to the fact that Sebadoh and "loser aesthetic." Barlow didn't ed that "It's not entirely correct, but I then they are heading offto the U.K. his past achievements. Some people other Barlow-affiliated projects exactly express appreciation for can see where they get it from." He and the rest of continental Europe may know Barlow from the days which have long been a staple of the some of the indie possessiveness pointed out that he often writes the before the end of the year. Go see when he played bass with his for- underground college rock scene in that often plagues underground per- most accessible types of Sebadoh them. You definetly won't be disap- mer pal J. Mascis in the three piece the U.S were now attracting a slight- formers. "I'm sure it's cool when songs and does most of the group pointed. known as Dinosaur (later to ly larger audience. become Dinosaur Jr.). After a less How does the latest Sebadoh than amicable split from the group, recording compare with past work? Lou focussed his attention on his Barlow explained that "Harmacy is own work in the group Sebadoh, the next step. "Bakesale" (the previ- Applications are now available for the 1997 JET Programme, a youth exchange which he founded with Eric Gaflhey, ous album) was the next step after and also on his solo home record- the departure of (former member) programme sponsored by the Government of Japan. ings in the guise of Sentridoh. Eric Gaffney." Barlow added, Two positions are available: Assistant English Teachers help with English lan- More recently, his musical collabo- "We've become more consistent." guage education in Japanese junior and senior high schools; Coordinators of ration with Jon Davis known as Folk I took the chance to ask Lou International Relations (CIRs) assist Japanese regional governments involved in interna- Implosion gained dance-floor suc- about some of his other successes, tional activities. cess with the sleeper hit from the most notably the Folk Implosion Applicants must be Canadian citizens, and have a university degree (by next Kids motion picture soundtrack. At phenomenon, and how these things present, the roster of his main band had impacted upon his work with spring at the latest). In addition. CIR candidates must have a very good knowledge of Sebadoh has finally gained some Sebadoh. Barlow played down the Japanese. One-year contracts begin in late July 1997, and pay 3,600,000yen (approx. sense of permanency with Barlow influence of "Natural One"s smash C542,000) per annum. For application forms contact: and Jason Loewenstein sharing the hit status, adding that..."A hundred The JET Desk bulk of song-writing duties, and Bob thousand people just know the Consulate General of Japan Fay rounding out the three piece. song." He didn't think that people Toronto-Dominion RO. The bands latest full-length album, would make the effort to go to a Centre, Box 10 Harmacy," was released this past Sebadoh show, just because the two Toronto, ON MSK IAI month to a (416) (416) buzz of critical acclaim . groups are so radically different in Tel.: 363-5488/Fax: 363-6074 The Cord had a chance to speak musical style. Deadline for application is November 15, 1996. Do not send resumes. with Lou Barlow recently about his Some of Barlow's most interest- Former participants may not apply. work with Sebadoh and some of the ing work has been done on four-

theCord October 9, 1996 17 (Entertainment)- Big Sugar, big rock & roll Blues-rock proven to be still alive and kicking

WAYNE ZRONIK sound. Johnson and Hoppe devel- The band's second studio effort, mainstay on the Toronto reggae ety ofBig Sugar material. CORD ENTERTAINMENT oped their musical relationship "Five Hundred Pounds" (1993) is a scene, brings strong reggae influ- The presence of the more popu- It's been a long time since Gordie while Johnson (born in Winnipeg) much heavier album and has been a ences to the band. lar numbers like "Dear Mr. Johnson picked up the bass. Yes was living in Windsor. key to the bands success, utilizing a Paul Brennan brings a (as Gordie Fantasy", "Ride Like Hell" and that's right, the bass. At the age of Backing Johnson and Hoppe are variety of musical styles. Between Johnson put it) "Keith Moon-esque- "Diggin' A Hole" pleased the lighter thirteen, Johnson began playing the Vancouver's Paul Brennan (former Five Hundred Pounds and Hemi - ness" to the band, as well as his past listeners. 0 should note that a very bass and was playing professionally Odds drummer) and Gary Lowe vision, the band released the "Dear rock and roll experience. annoying drunk fan was heard (for a paying band) before high (bass) who provide an outstanding Mr. Fantasy" EP. Kelly Hoppe brings the strongest requesting a song that the band had school began. It wasn't until rhythm section. Although Big The progression has been grad- blues influence, and Gordie Johnson already played earlier in their set. Johnson's early twenties that he Sugar's line-up hasn't been very ual but the band has evolved into carries a strong jazz/rockabilly aes- This racket was stopped when began his intimate relationship with steady, when Johnson is asked ifthis what they are today. When closing thetic (as well as extremely loud gui- Gordie Johnson and Paul Brennan the guitar. is a permanent Big Sugar he his set at Edgefest, Gordie Johnson tar playing). pointed out that the song had Johnson's music hasn't always responds "I'm happy with what I mused to the crowd "When you peo- Johnson sums it up by noting already been played.). been on CFNY or QlO7. To make a got," and notes that previous ver- ple leave here today and someone that "Paul learns from Gary, Gary The hard-core fans were treated living and still be able to pursue his sions of required that "he teach the asks you what kind of music Big learns from Kelly, Gordie learns to a variety of early material. Songs love for music, Johnson and his gui- members everything." Sugar plays, just tell him its rock from Kelly, and basically everyone like "Groundhog Day"and the tar were making TV jingles for the Big Sugar (as a musical collective and roll, m*th#r f*cser". learns from everyone." swingy "Come Back Baby" pleased likes of Duracell and Aspirin. fronted by Gordie Johnson) have Rock and roll is definitely what A major contributor to the band's all who were in attendance. Johnson's brain child Big Sugar just released their fourth album, Hemi - vision is. The album's first success is their live show. Their cult In spite of a few technical diffi-

was formed sometime around 1990 "Hemi - vision". This follows the single, "Diggin' A Hole", is the following has developed mainly via culties (the show was stopped for a and has seen many line-up shifts, release of "El Seven Niteclub" band's most mainstream-sounding word ofmouth. while because Johnson's mic was but has also experienced over- (1992), a live recording from the rock and roll recording to date. A sold out show in Hamilton giving him electric shocks), the show whelming success. Rivoli in Toronto, an album heavy I lowever, there still lingers the more revealed three hundred or so rabid was overwhelming and proved once Johnsons shift from bass to gui- with traditional blues, jazz and rock- traditional blues in numbers like fans looking for some very, very, again that the band has the capabili- tar can be largely attributed to Kelly abilly. The band's first studio release, 'Tired All The Time". very loud guitar. ty to entrance everyone while play- Hoppe (harmonica, sax, etc.), a their 1992 self-titled album hints at The diversity in sounds on Big The crowd was treated to a vari- ing some serious rock and roll. blues man out of Windsor, Ontario. a heavier Big Sugar with songs like Sugar records can be attributed to - ■■ —— miMllllTl Hoppe, seen as a major contributor "Goodbye Train", "Motherless the variety of musical influences of I——IIMII1—»■ I'll Relaxing, intimate. Wide menu selection. to Big Sugar's diverse rock and roll Children" and "Groundhog Day". the band's members. Gary Lowe, a informal and party available. I 1 Piivate meeting and space The art oftattooing Cord Entertainment. £>/iux | and body-piercing Full of hidden Winner of the 1996 Waterloo Chronicle Readers' Choice j SEAN MOORE piercing as a viable trade. In the treasures. BEST DESSERTS/PASTRIES Entertainment past, tattooing and piercing were j Cord 100 Regina St. South Waterloo. (Corner of William and Regina). 747-4261 With visitors ranging from the the pastimes of bikers and sado- j ii-—-i hard-core piercing types to hus- masochist perverts, but like, any bands and wives bringing the baby underground cultural phenomena out for the day, there was a circus- they find ways of bubbling to die- like atmosphere at the second top in clear sight of the less accept- annual Toronto Tattooing and Body ing sects ofsociety Piercing Convention held at the It was pointed out to me by an Quality Inn convention Centre in older artist that ear piercing was Toronto this past weekend. taboo until (he 1950'5: but now look The people who brought the what role it occupies. question "Now what gauge of steel What did I learn as a relatively would be good for this job?" out of unexperienced person at this con- the hardware stores and into the vention'.'1 Well lots. 1 got advice on 90s youth culture have the busi- how to choose an appropriate ness sense to organize their own artist, one which would suit my convention. personal tastes. I got business I couldn't help but be amazed by cards and price quotes for the the professionalism of the exhibit- whole range of body art acts. For ing "artists," as they like to be those looking for a quality tattoo, called. Most stalls carried business most artists there charged by the cards which toted their e-mail hour, usually in the range of 75 dol- addresses and web sites, while lars for sixty minutes work. The some described to me their pre- amount of work on a tattoo Christian paganism philosophy. depends on a number of factors. HxhibitoiVartists answered nearly Generally price goes up with size, every question posed to them and detail, and colour of the design. As provided a sates pitch that almost for piercing, most artists there rec- any used car salesman would be ommended that you shop around. proud of. With organization like Make sure that any new piercing this, you couldn't help but be uses stainless steel that Is 14 gauge impressed. or bigger to avoid rejection. Does it What business do body artists hurt? Well yos, a bit, but most have holding a convention? From artists there say that the amount of what 1 learned there are about a pain you feel can he controlled by dozen different reasons. 'Hie con- being educated to avoid unneces- vention was not only a showcase of sary anxiety about die impending new techniques and trends, but it pain. was also a demonstration of each Some of the less popular trends artist's skill at their respective that were on view at the convention trades. Prizes were being awiirded were things such as ear lobe in a number of categories for best stretching, and other acts of "body tattooing. Many of the artists pre- scarification" such as branding. If sent had used themselves as the you wanted holes in your body this Rk WANT YOUR USED CD'S j canvas for their art. Some had was die piace u> come. extensive tattoos that Look over 50 It was quite overwhelming to hours of work, while others sported see die extent to which this often photos of every orifice which could labelled fad has caught on in the be pierced. rest of the world. There were However, 1 think the chief con- men KITCHENER strongest stomach want to JjmSwo cern of this convention was to pro- empty p?s™ (fe 9) j®| mote the trade of tattooing and its contents. ppgp yggjgj I 18 October 9, 1996 theCord {Entertainment) Musically speaking... "Down to afine science" DAN KERR because the cost of a CD to the com- chain stores is adequate enough to tion is very poor. In the past, I have artists, and deep, numerous titles CORD ENTERTAINMENT mon retailer is next to nil. So how get by (although at times it can be had trouble picking my first "eleven from each artist. I have never been overly fond of the can retailers justify some of the out- quite lacking). for a penny", and what they deem So the next time you are after sciences, but there is an area that I rageous prices which they are 2. The Independent Store or "new" is most often six months old some new music, know what you're do have down to a fine science - charging? I have on several occa- Smaller Chain (ie. Dr.Disc) : These and you've already bought it your- after and hunt for the best bargain, that is, if it warrants any scientific sions had retailers attempt to stores will surprisingly have quite a self. because if you are like me, you are merit at all. This science doesn't explain their pricing schemes, but good selection, but the issue of cost 4. Superstores (ie. CD always on the lookout for an excel- exactly fall into the same category as they truly do not make sense. We can at times be a concern... On the Warehouse) : These stores usually lent CD with an appealing price biology or chemistry, but it does take are, for the most part, intelligent whole, these are strong options. have a large selection (depending on sticker. a lot of field work, a keen eye and consumers, so it is our duty to find Always a popular avenue (especially what you are after) and the prices I invite any questions, insights, some financial backing. the best bargain. So where do we for students) are Trader/Used CD are reasonable. The best store bar trivia, stories or comments. Simply This is the science of CD shop- buy our CD's? Let's examine that shops, bargains and hidden gems. none for CD's has to be Future Shop, address them to Dan at ping, and it can definitely be tougher question: 3. The CD Clubs (ie. Columbia they have a large and deep selec- thecord@machl .wlu.ca than it seems. When shopping for 1. The Large Chain (ie. HMV) : House) : I think we have all at one tion, with the best prices on the CD's, the most important factors to The chains have relatively good time or another been a member of market (at least in my experiences). "Musically Speaking" is a week- consider are selection of the particu- prices on the "new" items, but oth- one of these clubs. The initial start- When we speak of a good selec- ly column which discusses music in lar shop and price. erwise, they can be rather pricey up seems like quite a deal, but after tion, we mean wide, numerous all its splendor. I would have to say that cost is The concept of the CD club at HMV that the commitment is almost _ the single most important factor is an effective incentive (buy 10 at painful. It is almost as though they when buying compact discs. Using $16.99 and over, get one free) and charge you for everything, including the word "cost" is rather amusing, for the most pail the selection of the the mail carrier's lunch. The selec- Big, rude and full ofattitude Bad service at Silver Spur JEN LIPISHAN with a grin on your face. CORD ENTERTAINMENT Without the presence of an They're big, they're rude and their opening band, Big Rude Jake JAMES EATON AND This restaurant is located on King mozza sticks, so Jen decided on the sound is undoubtedly Jake, all the played for close to 2 I\2 hours with JENNIFER MARTIN Street, almost opposite to Waterloo Battered Mushrooms. way. Big Rude Jake and his band a half hour break in between sets. CORD ENTERTAINMENT Town Square. As the name would After a fairly long wait I was are not necessarily breaking new From the opening antics until the Service! indicate, country and western is the served my wings, but to our disbe- ground, but they are definitely revi- closing chords, it was pure ener- After visiting our fourth restaurant theme and there's enought wood in lief, nothing else! No appetizers for talizing one of the greatest sounds of getic musical chaos. The band

in less than four weeks, we are now the place to keep a lumberjack either of us, no entree for Jen, just the 30's - swing, and branding it knew how to invigorate the already more aware (and perhaps more happy. wings. (Mind you, they were pretty their own. Their unique blend of grooving crowd. They danced, they appreciative) of the importance of For those of you that may not good.) Eventually, help arrived and the swing,ska and punk mentalities jumped, they moshed, they played. good service. Regardless of how know already, the Silver Spur spe- my potato skins were delivered, and has brought this Toronto band to At one point in the set, the two brass tasty the food is or how cold the cializes in beer and nightly karaoke. after several more minutes Jen's the forefront of Canadian music. players invited themselves into the beer, if the service is slow or the Based on our visit, we were given entire meal was brought out at Going on pure intuition and crowd and began climbing on the server is rude, a perfect meal can the impression that ordering and once. word of mouth, I went to the show furniture. From their new outlook quickly degenerate into something receiving food is a secondary On a more positive note, the knowing nothing about this band. on things, they began playing the no better than a kick in die teeth. thought at this establishment. For food is tasty, inexpensive, and Friends could not describe the most gloriously intense piece of the

Granted, the server is not example, our meal went as follows: served in large portions. Make no sound - they simply said, "Go see night.

always at fault - it is up to the peo- we ordered appetizers (Potato Skins mistake about it: The Spur offers a them." "They're awesome". So I Not only are they a musical ple in the kitchen to get the food and Mozzarella Sticks for $3.00 good, filling meal for the same price went. spectacle, but a visual one as well. ready quickly, but when the food is each), and for our entrees we as a trip to McDonald's. If you The only description possible is From a phucked up version of delivered in the wrong order, one ordered Wings (fifteen cents each already have more pocket lint than one word - FUN. Big Rude Jake is "Hotel California" to the acappela has to question the quality of service on Mondays) and Quesadillas money (and you don't mind waiting the epitome of fun music. Even if "Pink Canoe" (use your imagina- being provided. ($4.00). to a bad rendition of "To All The swing really isn't your thing (and it tion), Big Rude Jake proved them- This long tirade above repre- Five minutes later, we were girls I've Loved Before"), the Silver wasn't mine), I can guarantee that selves to be big, rude and full of atti- sents our visit to the Silver Spur. informed that they had run out of Spur may be worth a visit. you would have left the Volcano tude. Hard TEAR YOUR ft Cord ROBIN WHITTAKER

1. Newest Crash Test Dummies Video. SOUL APART m And you thought they'd never find the soundtrack for a guy getting pulled around town tied to a car by his tooth.

2. Vegetarian donuts. For conscientious objectors to dough.

3. The Klingon Dictionary. I can't tell you how many times I've needed a translation for "Pay no heed sundae to gobflies." ro 4. Loquacity. mm It'sthe Word of Week {but dont tell the anyone).

5. Nosferatu. In abundance, like moose; only evil

6. Cord SexPolL Every school should have one. But ours is the biggest.

7. Roberto Alomar.

112 ihchhhup — Pthew. D'oh! (jfe) 8. Ogling dirtyold men. Sounds like a plan.

9. Michael J. Fox... Martin Short ...Webster...

... Dick Oark ... Santa's Elves.. .the Nfichelin kid...

10. Ihe Wrong Number Game. NO COVER BEFORE 9:00 Next time someone dials your number by mistake, pretend to be the per- $4.00 son they're asking for. Set up a date, but have them meet you in a really ON SUNDAY 220 KING N. scary place: like a tar pit. Then don't show up. That'll learn *em.

theCord October 9, 1996 19 drain candy DISPLACED

A story from Robin Chat Whittaker Diner THE RELATIONSHIP SAVIOUR Something about this place freaks the ground! me out. Then, sometimes, he has these teri white was determined to be his first sexual con- First off, there's no windows. A weird feelings of deja vu where he's That turkey eating weekend is here once quest. However the problem was that he door, sure: but no windows. like meeting guys who he swears he again, and as you pack your bags with could never get her alone. Rocky soon

Nothing to let the light in, nothing to knew before he was born — or dirty laundry, you wonder how you are solved this one by setting off his high school let the air out. Just a door. "reborn" as he calls it. going to answer those familiar questions, fire alarm to clear the building. He and this Maybe it's me, but those walls I don't buy it. "So, how's school going?" You think about girl stayed inside and had one incredible are really really white. I have no But lots of my friends do. Maybe telling your family about that night at the hour together. In the end, Sly was expelled problem with white walls. Actually, 1 their right, but who knows? I say Turret when you heaved all over the stairs, from school for this personal deed. (In like white walls, and white walls like there's no such thing as reincarna- but you decide that's probably not the more ways than one!) me. If they were black walls or red tion. answer that they're looking for. walls, or yellow walls, or walls of any Once you die, that's it. And it's Also, your summer "flame" is coming Hooked on chocolate works for me! colour I'd have no problem with not like you're waiting for something home this weekend. You two were pretty Chocoholic Maureen Young inhales nearly them. But these walls; they're really to happen, because you're dead. "hot n' heavy" this summer, but the fall 200 chocolate bars a week for the past six really really white. There's none of this "gee, I wish cooled both the weather and the relation- years and spends roughly $700 a month to And how did I get here anyway? wasn't in this tunnel with a light at ship down. feed this out of control calorie packed I remember being just fine, and the end" or "Man is this place ever Problem?! You don't want to tell par- habit. In that time, her weight has bal- then I remember being hot. I'm OK hot" and "who's the guy with the ents that you've slept through most of your looned from 126 lbs. to 224 lbs. The num- now — agitation of displacement cloven hooves?" No no. That's it. classes and that the only thing you've ber of calories that this women consumes aside. I'm not one to travel too You're bom, then you die and what- learned to do is "chug" a beer. Also, you amounts to 5000 per hour! much. To tell you the truth, I never ever happens in the middle is inci- don't want to tell your flame that you've went far at all; except with my dental. A flash in the pan of some met someone else that totally "rocks your Break a leg friends. They were cool. Didn't talk younger guy's memory. world." But besides this, what do you have Top wheelchair athletes are purposely tor-

• much, but they were cool. •• to say? turing themselves and putting their health .And now I'm in this room with no I've been moved again. I lore are just a few things that you can at risk to improve their performances at windows, and a closed door. It's so much hotter here than I'm bring up after you pass the cranberries this the Wheelchair Olympics. They bloat their But my buddy's here. He's great. used to, but now there's no walls. Thanksgiving ifyou seem "lost for words". bladder, sit on pins and in extreme cases, I've known him since God knows The floor's kinda wet, and it's really weaken their legs by deliberately falling when. He looks just like me, but he's loud with people moving around. I'd Sly guy out of their chair. They call this practice a bit bigger. I like him cause he of thought that window-less place Bells certainly did ring when Sylvester "boosting" and it is intended to get their doesn't get in my way too much. I was it. Where I'd spend my years. Stallone lost his virginity. He was 14 years bodies to release the energizing hormone like my own space. My buddy left a few days ago old when he met the beautiful girl that he adrenaline. I remember us coming here with though. I haven't seen him since the guys who are downstairs now. and I'm gettingkinda concerned. They're from some place a lot For the last hour, I've been sitting warmer than I'm used to. That's all out here, getting really hot. Really ! .**•. right, guess. fh I Nice place to visit, but hot. And it's really bright too. And j &uj cjj I wouldn't want to live there type- there's this weird thumping sound I i a thing. keep hearing. It kinda moves the jr.* 81UMHDS me. ••• floor, but it goes "thump! scr- I don't believe in reincarnation. Stuff rrrrrrrrrrrrape! thump scr- I random I like dying a cow and waking up as rrrrrrrrrrrrape!" Or sometimes I graphical 1 321 Weher St. N., Waterloo (Lowet Level> bacteria. That kinda thing doesn't "thump! thump! thump! thump!" — •

— a Week do it for me. like really fast then one long "scr- infusion ( Free Parking ot Rear Open 7 Days Like my buddy: he says he has rrrrrrrrrrrrrape!" Sends shivers 1 Now Licensed dreams about being a chicken. like, right through me. 1 will appear next week. 1 cq o 70c/ l.„>-1 Jo / he remembers being this chicken, And there's this sign on the ceil- ] clucking around with other chickens ing. Some of the letters are weird •

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