Health PORTRAIT STUDIO Grad Photos and jpgs Special Fitness flLjSlone Bxlo Two 5x7 Six 2x3 For Only $Q,Q Feature m QQ %SJS| No sitting fees with this ad. MkmWM 744 - 5553 see page 10 theCord WEEKLY The Candidates speak: Open Forum for BOG and Senate to the profits being made by keep our small class sizes." He also almost like the university is trying to LYNCH Ancillary Services. emphasized communication noting, hide it... They're trying to hide the 3) How would you ensure the voice "I would go to the Cord after every true cost of going to Laurier." Grady of students is united? (In terms of meeting." In addition he said that said. He felt the issue was of impor- STERLING working the Students' Union) an objective of his would be ensur- tance to students and noted, "[ijt's Presented below is a summary ing that Laurier maintains a strong coming to a boiling point." PHOTO: of a selection of each candidates academic reputation for the benefit DOMENICO MAGISANO answers to the above questions. of its students. (Candidate for Senate and Board of Due to space restrictions we regret NINA GAZZOLA (Candidate for Governors) not being able to print all responses Senate) On the Ancillary Services issue to all questions. Gazzola felt her number one com- Magisano felt "right now let's deal
JEFF BURROW (Candidate for mitment to Laurier would be, "[we] with the money we have ... we Senate) can't compromise the high quality should [treat] it as a positive ... [we On the topic of class sizes Burrow of education we receive." She also could] have more TAs . . . [and] said, "I'd be interested in bringing felt that cooperation with the things along that line." Magisano back some of the labs and tutorials . Students' Union would be essential, also said accountability was an
" . . . While he felt that in terms of "we do need to have a united voice important issue. "It's the one thing Ancillary Services profits, "there's .. there are concerns we all have [in we have to provide," and he also
"
very little we can do about it. . . common]." suggested office hours as a way of however he did say, "the students JASON GEORGE (Candidate for increasing accountability. should have a say [in how the Senate and Board ofGovernors) JILLIAN OSBORNE (Candidate for money is spent], especially the first George said that while the problem Senate) year students." of class sizes was an issue, "it's also Going against the current Osborne
TOM HRUBES Governors] - perhaps evidenced by WILLIAM CHUNG (Candidate for very important to notice the num- said, "I'd have to go with increased Cord News the large attendance here today." Senate and Board of Governors) ber of labs and tutorials [is declin- class sizes [over increasing tuition]." On February 3, 1997 Laurier stu- Several common themes per- Chung felt that departments should ing]." He also spoke extensively on As for Ancillary Services felt, "we dents had the opportunity to experi- vaded the opening statements ofthe allocate more funds towards first his views on the Ancillary Services are getting more taken away from
ence a rarity in their university candidates, many of whom are run- year classes since they contained profit and noted that the university us [by the school] . . . that isn't nec- careers: an open forum for the can- ning for a place on the Senate and the most students. In terms of has already budgeted the surplus essary." Finally, she also empha- didates for the Board of Governors the Board of Governors. Virtually Ancillary Services Chung said, "I for various campus renovations. sized her desire to remain account- and Senate. all expressed disappointment with think that [students] aren't too George emphasized his concern able saying, "I would ensure I was Held in the Hall of Memories in the lack of attention both positions aware that in previous years and strong displeasure with the on a level playing field with the stu- the Students' Union Building at have received from the student [Ancillary Services] has made a budgeting process and the lack of dents." noon the event managed to draw body, and all promised to be com- profit. It's been happening year student input. Melisssa Moore (Candidate for
20 to 30 onlookers, while others ran mitted to their position. after year - where were our student DEVIN GRADY (Candidate for Senate) and Samir Jain (Candidate by as fast as their legs could carry Due to time constraints the audi- BOGs last year when the budget Senate) for Senate and Board of Governors) them. There was a definite air of ence was only given the chance to was passed?" Grady expressed strong reserva- did not attend. frustration among some of the can- ask three questions: ANTHONY DEL COL (Candidate tions about the Ancillary Services The Cord encourages you to didates as Jeff Burrow sarcastically 1) Where do you stand on class for Senate and Board of Governors) budget. "All of a sudden in the new contact the candidates directly if
noted, "very few people know about sizes? "I am not in favour of any rising [budget] update - we have a surplus you have any questions regarding
the Senate [and Board of 2) Senators were asked to respond class sizes. I think it's crucial we that magically occurred . . . It's their positions. Big Decisions make: to Student representation on BOG and Senate m LLONELLA GILBERT five students running for only the also approves the annual budget, course changes, curriculum It should be noted that not all Cord News Senate. As for student representa- including fees. It also approves capi- changes, and changes in the acade- spaces on either bodies are open at This year marks the first time in tion, seven undergraduates and one tal projects such as buildings, and is mic structure of the University. The the same time. Each member can about two years that elections will graduate student are allowed to sit responsible for University funds and Act also states that the Senate may, sit on the Board or Senate for be held for seats on the Board of on the Senate, while two students, investments. "consider and recommend to the approximately two years. The Governors and the Senate. either from undergraduate or grad- Schuster stated that the Senate Board of Governors policies con- length of the term also depends on Previously, the number of candi- uate programs are allowed to sit on is the Senior Academic Policy mak- cerning the internal allocations or whether a student is leaving the uni- dates wanting positions on both the Board of Governors. ing body ofthe University. The WLU use ofuniversity resources." versity. bodies has equaled the number of According to Corinne Schuster, Act states, "the Senate has the The Senate can also make rec- Students can vote on Wednesday, seats available. Chair of the Student Electoral power to establish the educational ommendations on the University March 5 and Thursday, March 6, However, this time there are Committee, the Board of Governors policies of the University." This Budget to the Board of Governors, from 10 am to 4 pm and 8 pm to 9 five candidates running for one seat is responsible for the running of the power is exercised through the dis- but the final say of what happens pm as well as Friday, March 7, from on the Board of Governors and a University. It appoints the President cussion of all matters having to do with the Budget lays in the hands of 10 am to 2:30 pm. place on the Senate. There are also and other senior oflices. The Board with the curriculum; including the Board of Governors.
News 3 • Opinion 6 • Student Life 8 • Feature 10 • Sports 12 • Entertainment 15 • Brain Candy 18 • Classifieds 19
"The tie that binds since 1926" VOLUMI- XXXVII • ISSLii: TWKNTY-FIVI< • WliDNi-SDAY, MAHdl 5,1997 • WLU S'lUDl-NT PUBIJCATIONS V I ■ V BIvIV i I V ■ H
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All prices are subject to change out notice XXII systems a msn u 112 ru ed t>y Bondwell. J
Wilfrid Laurier University Student Publications is accepting applications for the following volunteer positions:
ADMINISTRATION THE CORD Classified Coordinator Vice-President, Finance Editor-in-Chief Circulation Manager Public Relations Manger Managing Editor Art Director News Editor ADVERTISING Systems Administrator Associate News Editor Ad Production Manager Board Secretary Entertainment Editor Ad Production Assistant A/R Clerk Assistant Entertainment Editor Ad Sales Representative Online Editor IMAGING SOLUTIONS Sports Editor KEYSTONE Manager Assistant Sports Editor Editor Webmaster Features Editor Assistant Editor Graphic Designer Student Life Editor Residence Editor Production Manager Sales Manager PHOTOGRAPHY International Page Editor Graduate Editor Manager Copy Editor Sports Editor Photo Technician Production Assistant Special Events Editor Art Page Coordinator
Application forms and job descriptions are available in the Cord offices, on the third floor of the Fred Nichols Campus Centre. Editor-in-Chief and Vice-President, Finance positions close on March 14,1997 at 4:30 pm. All other positions close on March 21, 1997 at 4:30 pm. The Cord EIC hiring committee will be selected at the staff meeting on Friday, March 7,1997 at 2:30 pm in the Cord Office. Interviews for Cord EIC will commence on Friday, March 14, 1997. NEWS WLU's new "Alternative Accommodation"
STEPHEN J. WILLIAMS create a new agreement with Cord News University Place. The 206 beds Beginning in September of 1997, available in University Place will first year students will have an addi- easily handle the amount ofstudents tional option when selecting accom- that were on last year's waiting list. modations for the coming year. John Thompson, Director of the Laurier University's housing office Housing Office, explained that the has reached a temporary agree- setup will only be temporary. The ment with the owners of University contract between the school and Place, located at 50 University University Place is only good for the Avenue East. The agreement guar- coming year, while the housing com- antees that all 206 beds in the mittee considers other alternatives. apartment, complex will reserved be The committee Is presently looking for Laurier students during the eight for ways to permanently house PHOTO: months thatregular classes are run- laurier's first year students. They ning. will also be assessing the school's STEPHEN The move was made to help housing needs for the following four decrease Laurier's ever-increasing to five years. waiting list for first year residence. However, Thompson stressed WILLIAMS In the summer of '96, Laurier's that University Place should not be housing office received 180more considered a residence for the Come September many a frosh will find out that this is their new home, for better - or worse applications for residence than, they upcoming year—even though the had beds available for students. school will be responsible lor who is This coming summer, members remain autonomous from the hous- past summer. Thompson calmed The Administration's decision to admitted into the building, and is of the Housing Office, including ing office. any fears by explaining this will be accept more first year students also sending information about the Thompson and several other senior Some present residents of the an all-Laurier facility. The incident forced housing officials to scramble building in the packages sent to officials, will be inspecting the build- building voiced concerns of the qual- in the summer involved two non- to find appropriate accommodations those applying to laurier. Instead, ing to ensure that it is up to laurier ity of the present structure. Several Laurier individuals. for the extra students. That sum- Thompson coined the term "alter- standards. According to their pointed to a lack of hot water, and Several years ago, Laurier expe- mer the housing office struck a deal native accommodation." He agreement, any recommendations an apparent rodent infestation as rienced a similar first year student- with the owners of University Place, explained that there were no plans the inspection team makes —for the main cause for concern. Both housing dilemma, that was reme- to reserve whatever empty units to have residence staff in the build- example any structural improve- are listed as items to watch for in died by the addition of Bricker's 300 existed. This provided the university ing—although this year, two stu- ments, equipment upgrades—are the "WLU Off-Campus Housing beds. Thompson said he is sur- with an injection of an additional 52 dents took the initiative to co-ordi- the sole responsibility ofthe present Infonnation Package." Thompson prised by the present housing situa- beds for first year students. nate several activities for the first owners. It will also be the responsi- assures that any problems will be tion at laurier. Due to budget cuts With next year's university year students in the building. The bility of the present owners to deaJ remedied before students move into and tuition hikes, Thompson had admissions projected to remain at present owners will still be held with lease agreements with the stu- the apartment in September. One expecteL d residence applications to the same level as this year, the hous- responsible for all the necessary dents. Students will sign an eight resident noted that the building decline, and the number of students ing office decided it would be best to management. month lease with the owners, and experienced its first murder this commuting from home to increase. Arthur Stephen new VP:UA Administrative career spans twenty-three years
KATHERINE HARDING alumni relations, public affairs and l aurier Ambassadors amongst oth- in all areas of institutional develop- Cord News publications. ers, for assisting him in student ment, " she added, "We are fortu- Wilfrid Laurier University's Board of "I expect to focus on all the areas recruitment. He reported, "student nate to secure him as a leader for Governors has announced that of my department and become recruitment is becoming more com- these highly competitive times." Arthur Stephen has been appointed more efficient by developing the petitive, it was taken for granted in Stephen's administrative career to the position of Vice President, linkages between departments," the past, but that is not the case any- at Laurier has spanned 23 years. University Advancement. Stephen commented Stephen regarding more." After graduating from Laurier in has served as Acting VP-University some of his plans for University Reaction to Stephen's appoint- 1973, he was named the Advancement since February. 1996. Advancement. Stephen stated, "we ment was favourable. University's Assistant Admissions He is the first person from a non- will continue to take Laurier's story "Advancement is critical in the posi- Officer a year later. Stephen has academic background to become a to the corporate world, as well as to tioning of Laurier as a quality insti- held a series of senior positions in FILE Vice President at 1mirier. high schools in Ontario and tution and Arthur Stephen has the Admissions Office including The University Advancement beyond," he added that, "we are not extensive experience and talent in Director of Admissions, and PHOTO position was created in 1996 in marketing something that doesn't directing this type of operation," Associate Registrar for Admissions order to consolidate Laurier's vari- exist; the sense of community at commented Betty Sims, Chair of the and Liaison. In 1983, he was After years of service Arthur ous external relations. Stephen's Laurier, size of classes... these aire Board of Governors. Dr. Lorna named Director of the newly estab- Stephen is our new VP:UA. portfolio encompasses responsibility things that [are here]. If they didn't Marsden, President and Vice lished Office of Institutional for all ofLaurier's external relations, exist, we wouldn't be as successful." Chancellor of Laurier stated, Relations. In 1994, Stephen was held until his appointment to Acting which includes development Stephen credits various support sys- "Arthur Stephen has an internation- named Assistant Vice-President, Vice President in 1996. (fundraising), student recruitment, tems like student volunteers and al reputation for outstanding work University Relations, a position he
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theCord March 5,1997 3 Newsbites
Europe on PlOl9, and will feature speakers in Culture and Technology at the Foundation. Consideration will be year. The position will move from A from Travel CUTS who have first University of Toronto. Hirsh will also given to those with an excellent aca- one full-time position to two part- hand knowledge about traveling in show video clips ofhis own media demic record and demonstrated time positions, which may be held Shoestring this area. Topics covered will guerrilla work. The presentation is leadership qualities gained in volun- by full-time students. Next year's KATHERINE HARDING include: understanding airfares, sponsored by the WLU teer work, community involvement Editor-in-Chief will have reduced Cord Newsbite necessary travel documentation, Communication or athletics. responsibilities and a new position, Ifyou're are traveling to Europe this transportation options, hostelling Studies Program, with the assis- Details of the application process Managing Editor, has been created summer on a limited budget, make and safety and packing tips. The tance of the Dean of Arts and have yet to be finalized, however the to help shoulder the load. Both posi- plans to attend Travel CUTS and talk begins at 2:30 p.m. Admission Science Awards Office is anticipating the tions are honoraria based with the WLUSU's co-sponsored "Europe on is free. office. application deadline will be before Editor-in-Chief earning a salary of A Budget Travel Talk." The event is the end of this term. $6000 while the managing editor being held March 12 in Room The first Garfield Weston will earn a salary of $4000. In addi- A Laurier Scholars will be announced in tion to these changes the Hacking the September, 1997. Further details on VP:Finance position has been degree the program can be obtained by expanded from a part-time to a full- Culture: for contacting the Student Awards time position with a salary of $6000. Office. When asked about his feelings Activism and free? on the changes President-Elect ANNOUNCEMENT Kevin MacDonald commented, "I'm the New It's true - and all it takes is an appli- Position excited about the changes. This cation of should allow more students to Media The recently announced Garfield Editor-in-Chief become involved with Publications Weston Scholars Program will rec- while maintaining a high level of ANNOUNCEMENT ognize four Laurier students, one professionalism. Since they are paid Jesse Hirsh, a media activist, will chosen from each of music, science, positions it also offers the opportuni- speak on the subject of business or economics and arts with ty for those students at Laurier that contemporary culture, politics and a $5000 scholarship. The student receives are interested in journalism to gain the Internet on Monday March 10 will continue as a Scholar in third valuable experience that may not from and fourth year as long as he or she overhaul have been attainable for financial 7-9 pm in Woods 3-203. All are wel- maintains an overall 9.0 GPA (B+) TOM HRUBES restrictions." • Radio come, and admission is free. Hirsh, grade. Cord Newsbite The application deadline for • Television of the Channel media The scholarship is made possible Student Publications has restruc- Editor-in-Chief and VP:Finance is • Advertising formerly Zero collective, is director of the New by a $150,000 gift ($25,000 for six tured the Cord's position of Editor- March 14,1997, the deadline for all • Print Journalism now Media unit in the McLuhan Program years) from the W. Garfield Weston in-Chief for the upcoming 97/98 other positions is March 21,1997. • Photojournalism • Broadcast Journalism With your current degree, diploma or sig- nificant work related experience, you're almost there! Loyalist College in Belleville offers you the Media Studies Fast Track Preparation Finance Minister program. You can add to the abilities and knowl- edge you already have and acquire the skills you need to get a job in the ever- expanding media industry. The Media Studies Fast Track Preparation sets new budget program is an exclusive, intensive, seven- week hands-on training program taken in May and June. We offer excellent indus- try-trained faculty and state-of-the-art LORI DYSIEVICK • Allowing students to carry forward ment has offered to arrange alterna- new repayment assistance that the facilities in our Emerging Media Cord news unused tuition and post-secondary tive payment plans with interested government has proposed in this Technology Centre. This allows you to While WLU students spent their education credits to reduce future provinces and lenders that would be year's budget" said CASA Director enter the fast track of chosen your pro- Reading doing just tax liability. geared toward a graduates income. Matthew Hough. gram fully up to speed. You can get your Week probably college diploma in just one calendar year! about everything else except read- • Extending from 18 to 30 months This idea has been christened the Recently, Ontario Provincial For more information about this special ing, negotiations severely affecting the period of time during which the Income Contingent Loan Repayment Education Minister John Snobelen program, contact: the future of post secondary educa- students may defer making interest plan. announced that the Provincial gov- tion in Canada trembled and shook payments on the loan. This idea has been met with ernment was allowing Ontario col- many campuses. Federal Finance • Doubling the Registered Education skepticism by some student organi- leges and universities to raise tuition Minister Paul Martin made his bud- Savings Plan (RESP) annual zations such as Canadian Alliance of fees an average of 10% and the fees get speech on Tuesday, February contribution limit to $4000. Student Associations (CASA). The of any one program a maximum of 18th. • $800 million will be set aside for ICLR plan which allows students to 20%. The new budget included a num- research infrastructure providing an set their rate of repayment in direct The announcement prompted ber of provisions that directly con- annual average of $180 million over proportion to their level of income, students at the University of Toronto, ° °/VTA^x cern Canadian students attending five years to Canada's post- worries the members of the the University of Guelph, York Office of Graduate Studies post-secondary institutions. secondary institutions and associat- Canadian Alliance of Student University and Carleton University to Loyalist College Specifically the budget included: ed research hospitals. Associations (CASA). Due to the fact occupy the offices of their Presidents P.O. Box 4200 • Doubling the post-secondary credit The plan is aimed at assisting that the plan is simply an option that as part of a campaign protesting Belleville, ON KBN 589 over two years to cover S2OO/month those in school, those graduating can be chosen by "interested tuition fee hikes initiated by the Tel: (613) 969-1913, ext. 200 expenses. and parents who want to provide for provinces, lenders and other par- Canadian Federation of Students. or [email protected], • Extending the tuition credit to their child's future education. On ties," CASA worries that the plan WLU is not a member of CFS or http://ww.ir.loyalistc.on.ca cover ancillary fees. top of these provisions, the govern- will abet regional disparity and that CASA, we are represented by the the provinces will use the plan as Ontario University Student Alliance. justification to raise tuition higher. VP: University Affairs George Raptis "The most alarming fact of the explained that OUSA is concerned proposed scheme (ICLR) is that for about the future of students as well. Hey I|7T] those students who choose the new According to Raptis, OUSA and is Students! repayment option, it is clearly stated also concerned abnout the potential that„a student would be expected to loss of "loan forgiveness" that could ! repay the whole of a loan over time, result from the ICLR plan "The GOLDEN liJj | without any interest relief or subsidy ICLR plan is a step in the right direc- during the repayment period. This tion but there is still a great deal to would basically render useless any be done." said Raptis. ntmmmmmMj §5 111"J| | Fast Efhcihit Service Come try our Weekend j slfilf! For Researching breakfast Poffeti j n——a and Draft Copy Work Mmf£> © l z Essay Includes bacon, sausage, eggs, homefries, pancakes, waffles, french toast, i «| J Custom Service 4 Collier Street, #201 croissants, fresh fruit and much more. j § J * j ' Toronto, Ontario, M4W IL7 ' '*4 Hi- 190 Weber Street (beside White Rose), Waterloo, 886-2572 J" I NiiiliilM (416)960-9042 ' LLBO - Open 7 days, 7am to 10nm I I 1 4 March 5, 1997 theCord —(News) Bag O'Crime strikes back
Theft Under $5000.00 Sexual Harassment Mischief Under $5000.00 Theft Under $5000.00 in one of the exterior doors to
- - - Hall. 16 Jan 97-20 Jan 97 1900 0900 hrs Mon 27 Jan 97 0125 Hrs. Sun 09 Feb 97 1630 hrs Wed 05 Feb 97 0230 Conrad Person(s) unknown stole one of the Thu 30 Jan 97 Custodial staff reported that per- hrs Thu 06 Feb 97 metal benches outside the Science A faculty member reported receiv- sons) unknown ripped a paper A resident of Bricker Residence Unauthorized Use of Premises Building. ing obscene e-mail over the "E- towel dispenser off the wall in the reported the theft of his camera 2240 hrs Wed 26 Feb 97 Talk" system. The matter is under men's washroom at the Food Court. from his apartment. Investigation Two males were evicted from a MVA investigation. revealed that the occupants of the computer lab in the Science 1950 hrs Tue 21 Jan 97 Cause Disturbance apartment often leave the door Building after it was discovered they A motor vehicle accident occurred False Fire Alarm 0230 hrs. Sun 09 Feb 97 unlocked. Investigation continues. were using the computers without in lot 12 when a vehicle backed out 1905 hrs Sat 01 Feb 97 Officers responded to a report that a authorization. of a parking space and struck a Officers responded to an alarm from male individual was at MacDonald Medical Assistance pedestrian. Only minor injuries the Seminary. A fault in the, system House banging on a door and 1600 hrs Wed 12 Feb 97 Unauthorized Soliciting were sustained. was the cause. yelling. The individual had an argu- An ambulance was called for a stu- 1240 hrs Thu 27 Feb 97 ment with a friend and was intoxi- dent who fainted in the women's Two males were evicted from cam- Mischief Under $5000.00 Safety Hazard cated. He was identified and issued washroom in the Athletic Complex. pus for attempting to solicit sales of 0215 hrs Fri 24 Jan 97 1215 hrs Sun 02 Feb 97 a written trespass notice. perfume products. Two male suspects damaged, one of As a result of a large icicle hanging Theft Under $5000.00 the umbrellas in the Food Court. from the top of the Student Union Theft Under $5000.00 2230 hrs - 1430 hrs Tue 18 Feb Theft Under $5000.00
- The incident was witnessed by a Building, barricades and caution 2130 - 2230 hrs Mon 10 Feb 97 97 Wed 19 Feb 97 0030 hr- 0900 hrs Fri 28 Feb 97 student who recognized the individ- tape were set up at the south tower A WLU student reported that his Athletic Complex staff reported the A WLU student reported the theft of uals. Investigation continues. to the building. jacket was stolen from the Torque theft of the audio tape machines a snow board from his vehicle while Room when it was left unattended from the super circuit. The matter is the vehicle was parked in lot 3. Cause Disturbance Harassing Telephone Calls for a short time. under investigation. 0230 hrs Fri 24 Jan 97 02 Feb 97 - 03 Feb 97 Mischief Under $5000.00 Officers intervened in a fight on the A resident of Little House reported Suspicious Person Theft Under $5000.00 0245 hrs Sat 01 Mar 97 stairwell of the Students' Union receiving a number of harassing 0045 hrs Tue 11 Feb 97 0110 hrs Thu 20 Feb 97 A "Disabled Parking" sign at lot 10 Building. The parties were warned telephone calls. The matter is under A WLU student reported what she A WLU student reported the theft of was damaged. Two suspects are and sent on their way. investigation. described as someone who looked a computer disc from one of the labs being investigated. like a street person on the first floor in the Science Building. Mischief Under $5000.00 Unauthorized Use of Premises of the Woods Building. A search of False Fire Alarm 2345 hrs Fri 24 Jan 97 2335 hrs Sun 02 Feb 97 the building was conducted but no Mischief/Theft Under $5000.00 2350 hrs Sat 01 Feb 97 The glass in the doors leading from Two non university persons were one fitting the description was 20 Feb 97 A female person was observed acti- the Students' Union Building to the evicted from the Peters Building and found. PP & P personnel reported that per- vating the fire alarm pull station at Concourse was damaged by two warned regarding unauthorized use son(s) unknown ripped the round the Science Building. The matter is male individuals who attempted to of computer labs. Unauthorized Soliciting handicap door paddles from both under investigation. force the door open after lock up 1600 hrs Tue 11 Feb 97 the front and rear entrances to time. Suspicious Person A non University male was issued a Bricker Residence. Theft Under $5000.00 0745 hrs. Mon 03 Feb 97 trespass warning after" being 1755 hrs Sun 02 Mar 97 Under $5000.00 WLU student reported the of Break & Enter AC staff reported a suspicious look- observed attempting to sell stereo Mischief A theft 0230 hrs Sat 25 Jan 97 ing male loitering in the area of the speakers in lot 3. 1915 hrs Tue 25 Feb 97 his wallet when he left it unattended At the above noted time and date, pool gallery. The individual was Person(s) unknown broker the glass in the Concourse for a short time. the occupant of an apartment in described as "unkempt." He was Bricker Residence became suspi- located, issued a trespass warning cious when he heard the fridge door and escorted off campus. open and close. Knowing that none of his room mates were home, he Cause Disturbance investigated and saw a male suspect 0230 hrs. Thu 06 Feb 97 standing by the fridge with a 12 Officers responded to a report of pack of beer. On seeing the occu- two individuals about to start fight- PHOTOGRAPHERS revealed pant, the suspect fled. It appears ing at Wilfs. Investigation ( • * # Photography that the apartment door was closed that it was a minor altercation. The Wedding Portrait Industrial Commercial but not locked at the time. A matter will be dealt with by the description was obtained. DAC. for Graduates who appreciate the finest in portraits Investigation continues. Cause Disturbance Mischief Under $5000.00 0200 hrs. Fri 07 Feb 97 NO SITTING FEE To schedule your sitting call 0155 hrs Sun 26 Jan 97 Officers responded to the area of lot on graduation portraits 745-8637 Today Person(s) unknown broke one of the 16 and broke up a fight. Those for October and November & gate arms at lot 20. involved were dispersed and the 73 Francis St. N. (at Weber Water) matter will be forwarded to the Kitchener Theft Under $5000.00 DAC. 1300 -1830 hrs Mon 27 J«?n 97 minimum purchase required - not in conjunction with other ! A WLU student reported the theft of Theft Under $5000.00 offers her wallet from the area of the 1030 hrs. Fri 07 Feb 97 Hawks' Nest in the Students' Union A WLU student reported the theft of www.icdirect.com/ads/Forde Building. The wallet was later her wallet from her tote bag which recovered but the cash and credit was left unattended in the area of cards were missing. the Arts Bldg. elevator. The wallet was later recovered. ■ Theft Under $5000.00 wlß Mon 27 Jan 97 A WLU student reported that the empe? gas to her had been cap vehicle Purchase and we'll throw stolen while the vehicle was parked Campus clubs m~' . "■ -■ •""*» "the Essentials" p r-. at Travet CUTS/Voyages Campus Cause Disturbance ®°112' CDCC MOSTI ■" 0245 hrs Fri 31 Jan 97 BEST I »n "by April* 1871997 • LET'S GO EUROPE book 11 Officers broke up a fight on Mid • * IZON'S BACKPACKER JOURNAL Campus Drive involving a number l \i;\vj [active] WRIIVEIjI STUDENT CLASS™ Airfare * of WLU students. The matter has * BON VOYAGE™ Travel Insurance TRAVEL CUTS DAYPACK MUG been forwarded to * TOOTHBRUSH the DAC. Tuesday, March 11tli • EURAIIPASS * 1 PALACE y°Uth Uttering Threats 7:30 pm * ISIC (International Student Identity Card) ?JVort (Corfu. 1700hrs Thu 30 Jan 97 TURRET A faculty member reported receiv- B&, jm A&M fljßß M * Ctrtain restrictions may apply; visit your local r ■ Travtl CUTS/Voyagtt Campui ing a threatening letter from a stu- Refreshments! Appetizers! Door Prizes! J B J I I ■ I Insurance purchase ncctssary in British _ ftudant dent. The culprit has been identified SUPPORT YOUR CLUB! , , Columbia. Mutt b» futt-tim# the Student Travel experts Student Union Building i n ord,r t0 qualify for ti>* "Ef»tntiai«," you and ** **• is being dealt with by SBE offi- Semi-Formal Event cials. Owntd and operated by tht Canadian Wilfrid Laurier University must purchas* your "Basics" by April 18.1997. jj Federation oI student* Valid 'or diparturis afttr February 3,1997. Sponsored by ROD & BO(» 886*8228 theCord March 5,1997 5 OPINION Editorial Butt out Toronto Okay - let's talk about rights. in restaurantsx I'm getting pretty sick of hearing Toronto smokers whine about their right to light up and bars. prohibits smoking The Gty of Toronto should be congratulated for the creation of this bylaw, which in bars and the Cord WEEKLY ban, toughest in Canada, has restaurants without a fully enclosed, separately ventilated room. The the made more than a few people upset about the prospect of losing their nicotine fix. totalitarian, and that will Restaurant and bar owners are complaining that the bylaw is cry they lose business. room filled with "The tie that binds since 1926" Gee, it's too bad that the small fortune you're making out of providing a carcinogenic toxic smoke fumes will come to an end. shirts and shoes. I find it funny that these owners have no trouble enforcing the laws concerning I, like many want to to Canadians, enjoy the summer by walking barefoot through the grass. But, should I go a restaurant, I throw on my shoes and go. Without complaint, I abide by the regulations the restaurant has to operate under. The Ewujsp^ shirts/shoes law is for health reasons... a similar argument could be made against smoking. Hmm... which is worse as applies to a many depend on, for your health - a bit of bacteria or toxic fumes? As soon the law crutch there's a huge uprising. A Laurier University Student Publication Wilfrid Critics of the by-law have compared it to the prohibition laws of the twenties. But you see, there s a difference. If is that they will simply slump into the corner 75 University Avenue West, Waterloo, Ontario, N2L 3C5 a restaurant or bar patron wants to get plastered, the inevitable result (519) 884-1970 ext. 3564 of the room. Other than a little excessive drooling, and the occasional vomiting session, its not that bothersome. Fax: (519) 884-7723 Compare this to the smoker beside you who hacks away, spewing ash all over the table beside you. As you try to Advertising: (519) 884-1970 ext. 3566 ingest your food, you can see the noxious fumes heading towards you, threatening your lungs. These business owners say that they want to accommodate the rights of the smoker. This fear of losing "So.. Turn it on, push this down, same patrons is preposterous. Are smokers the only ones who eat? I -ast time I checked, food was one of the basic then move this over - then click?!" requirements for life. "Yeah - it's super easy." It's about time that someone spoke up for those whose lungs are clean. The lack of black tar lining our esopha- -Aaron Hunter, asking Photo Manager doesn't give our voices that raspy, cancer-of-the-voice-box sound, but it doesn t mean we can t shout loudly. The Marion Hensel for technical advice gus effects of second-hand smoke are just being discovered. Baseball player Brett Butler got voice box cancer from his Editorial Board parents' years of smoking. The Canadian Cancer Society released the news this week that the most common type of cancer (among men and women) is lung cancer. Editor-in-Chief Melanie Seal Here it is, folks. In a nutshell - non-smokers have a right to clean air. News Editor Tom Hrubes 70% of Torontonians are non-smokers. It just makes clever business sense to gear your product to your con- Associate News. Editor Lori Dysievick sumer. If70% ofthe consuming body ofToronto does not smoke, why cater your business to the 30% that does? Entertainment Editor Aaron Hunter Perhaps restaurant owners are concerned that the anti-smoking by-laws will cause their patrons to forego their Assistant Entertainment Editor Robin Whittaker cancer second hand smoke. Perhaps they're concerned their patrons may actually taste the food. Sports Editor Greg Chownyk risk of from Seal, Editor-in-Chief . Assistant Sports Editor Jim Donnelly Editorial by Melanie /r , The opinions expressed in this editorial are those of the author, and do not necessarily reflect those of the Cordataff, the Features Editor Ann-Marie Smith editorial board, or WilfridLaurier University Student Publications. Student Life Editor Ann liuskinson Production Manager Mike Vencel Cord Staff Production Assistants Sarah Hollands Colleen Nicholson Mike Caesar Tina Tarn LETTERS Editor tothe Classified Coordinator Patricia Lancia Copy Editors Megan Atkinson Slip Slidin' away young they would keep the walk- publishing expenses and reduced ad Mary Ellen Lee Dear Editor, ways clear and bare. If not I hope revenue, the non-profit WLUSP still International Coordinator Katherine Harding Maybe you have or could get some someone does injure themselves and cleared $7,000 Student Publications Staff answers. sue the pants off the school. -This year marked the first year I would like to know if there is Mind passing the salt around the of two salaried vice-presidential Photo Manager Marion Hensel more than one person working in other walkways around here, they positions on the WLUSP administra- Photo Technicans Steve Williams the Maintenance dept? I have in the are in dire need of a salt fix. tion. Joanne Spadafora last week seen only one guy putting Shane Downey So, if the removal of the full-time Art Director Jeremy Kerr about five scoops of salt on the steps E.I.C. is really a necessary evil due to Systems Administrator John Maljkovich near the foot patrol office. Today ifI difficult financial times, I guess that On - Line Editor vacant had been 65 years old I would have EIC a full time job means that this year s three salaried Advertising Manager Robert Norris had to say those all too famous Dear Editor, administrators have guided WLUSP Ad Sales Representives Nolin LeChasseur words "Help I have fallen and I can't It was with some confusion that straight into a financial state of Rebecca Shropshire get up". Shit I could have busted a while flipping through the Cord the oblivion that in previous years Ad Production Manager Dannielle Chartrand hip. As it was I sliced my hand open last few weeks, I noticed that the they've only had to pay one adminis- Ad Production Assistant Megan Barnard on the Oh so sharp ice. Cord Editor-in-Chief was to be paid trator to avoid. Sandra Cunha Unfortunately 1 haven't skated since honouraria. Having attributed the WLUSP has proven in the past Gregory English I was about 10 and have long since lack thereof to oversight, I was that it has the potential to generate Andrew Warrack grown out of my skates. To get any- rather amazed to learn that in fact, more than enough revenue to offset Atheletic Advertising Manager Pete Robinson where outside of this place your to the full time position of Editor-in- the expense of a full-time staff mem- Administration be the great Canadian figure skater Chief has been effectively eliminated ber. It's too bad that the current Elvis Stoyko to get from the main by the current WLUSP administra- administrators have taken the short- President Laurie Legault building to the science building. tion as a means of cutting costs. sighted and easy route to save a few VP of Finance Kevin MacDonald In the last two or three days While this rather bold move will bucks by cutting back wages. of Operations VP David Janzen alone in the whole few minutes that certainly save WLUSP some money, I never thought I'd see the day Public Relation Manager Michelle Love I actually attend school I have seen I must say that in doing it, the cur- when a corporation with an adver- Roard of Directors Lidkea Shayne at least three or four other people rent WLUSP BOD has exhibited the tising monopoly would forget that Beth Costelec Jen Clarke pull an "Alley Ooop" and land on foresight of, well, lemmings. the smart solution to a revenue Christine Cergich Ryan Lock their noodle. Every "pardon my lan- Yes, it will be cheaper to split the problem is to sell some more ads. Domenico Magisano guage" fuckin walk way around one full-time job into two part-time Scott Stinson The Cord will not print anything that is racist, sexist, or homophobic in nature, as deemed by the staffas a voting here has an inch of ice on them. positions. But who will be willing to WLUSP Editor-in-Chief, 1995-1996 its Code of Ethics, outlined The Cord Constitution. Cord body. The Cord will not print anything in violation of in I have taken a little bit of chem- take them? Does subscription rates are $20.00 per term for addresses within Canada. The Cord is printed by CanWeb Printing. All the WLUSP Board commentary is strictly the opinion of the writer and does not necessarily reflect that of the Cord staff, the editorial istry and am pretty sure it requires really expect that many quality can- board, or V\lU Publications. more than one grain of salt to melt didates, if any, will be willing to sac- Staff: "Production" Paul McLean, Lynne Pauli, Eric Henry, Lauren Stephen, and or break down a 10m by 10m rifice a term of school and spend the Thanks from accident Scott O'Hara, Amanda Stocks, Tim Durkin, Ben Harris, Mike McKenna, Ray square tried to remove as much ice summer in Waterloo for the benefit victim Schmidt, Sterling Lynch, Randy Waechter. as possible. If not I think that the of a part-time job? It's those exact Dear Editor, $4000 that this place rips you off for requirements that have seen job sincere Contributors: Scott Stevens, Peter Gabriel, Peter Schmidt, John Sculley, the I would like to express a Douglas Coupland, Craig Stephen, Will Chung, A. Nonvmous, David could at least purchase a couple of WLUSP President become so thank you to my roommates, Duchovny, Darren Winfield, Sam Varteniuk, Paul K. Godden, Suzanne bags of the very popular and inex- spectacularly unpopular that the last friends, football coaches and team- Hagen and her son Jim. The Cord is in Huntjens, Llonella Gilbert, Cathy pensive mineral called "SALT". Am I four Presidents & whiny people from North have all been mates (Knapp Gundy the "ambu- favour of Toronto's amalgamation. And all you the only one who has a problem acclaimed. that a megacity would mean the end ofyour twice lance" drivers), and coworkers. York who are "concerned with this except the two or three weekly garbage pick up - just take a minute and think. If you need your trash This drastic cost-saving measure There have been so many of you picked up twice a week, you are nothing more than a pig with a BMW. Talk others I have seen fallen. would be more understandable if it who have been so considerate and about a waste. I'm not saying go out and hug a tree, but perhaps you should Isn't there some kind of bylaw were absolutely necessary. I can't understanding since the accident - a colossal amount oftrash. What about the recognize that you are generating that home owners have to clear fathom that it is. Consider: from bringing extra pillows and Jell- old days when people had to just throw their waste out into the street? Did their walks so people don't fall and -Two years ago, WLUSP made o to to and you ever think how lucky you are that your municipality has garbage trucks driving me appointments get injured. You would think that $60,000 to haul your crap away. Besides, trash pick-up is no way to defend your point covering shifts at Wilfs. There are ofview on a political issue. It's justtrash. with the flow of people old and -Last year, despite increased too many ofyou to name individual- 6 March 5, 1997 theCord -(Opinion) , LETTERS Editor tothe IIw ordinary sounddpF^ij ly but you know who you the Concourse. Upon pre- administration on important are. The cards, flowers, sentation of a valid Laurier issues such as budgets, phone calls and visits will student card, driver's license appointment of senior offi- never be forgotten. The con- or passport, students can cers and university curricu- Introducing the DataCom NexGen MMx Series. The NexGen v cern you have all shown will cast votes for their represen- lum. These issues have MMx now comes with the new MMX" technology, Intel's / j'H always be tatives on the Senate and never remembered. been as vital to the fastest Pentium® processor. Now, you'l have clearer sound. \ Sincerely, BOG from 10 am to 4 pm quality of student life at Faster 3D visual effects. In short, everything you need to • Jill Wheatley and 8 pm to 9pm on Laurier as are today. they make multimediareally sing. And you'll get it all in the \/ Wednesday, March sth and yyHßM'' All students are encour- sleek design of the NexGen MMx, only from DataCom. Elections Thursday, March 6th, as aged to take the time to cast WmLtfMl Reminder well as on Friday, March 7th votes for their representa- from 10 am to 2.30 pm. This tives on the Senate and BOG Dear Editor, year ther°. are 10 candidates from March sth to March This is a reminder to all for the Senate and 5 candi- 7th. Laurier students that the dates for the BOG. Corinne Schuster Senate/Board of Governors This election determines Chief Electoral Officer (BOG) Election will be held who will present the views of Elections Committee March sth to March 7th in all students to the university Culture Shock INexGjnMMx ERIC HENRY certain co-workers. grateful for the kegs my Cord Opinion My employment history roommates and I supplied Intel Triton II MB w/256K8 PLB Cache Dear Laurier is evidence of my focus on them with during last year's Designed for MMX (Breaking the Barrier) Administration, interpersonal relationships. Ezra St. party. Mid-Tower Case with 230W PS It has recently come to Besides the exotic dancing, I 1 have an excellent work- my attention that the posi- have vast experience in the ing knowledge of those 1.6 GB EIDE HDD, 1,44M8 FDD tion of University President retail, service and fast food offices over on Regina St., will be vacated this coming industries. A letter of refer- having experienced the ins summer. Please find ence from my manager at and outs of such exercises enclosed a resume outlining Burger King has been for- as registration, pre-registra- my experience * tion, cross-regis- W| ipt \\jjL\V**\\ ** 2MB MPEG Video Card and qualifica- tration, adding 11 104 Win9s Keyboard tions for this courses, drop- Microsoft Windows 95 Installed w/CD position. ping courses and 15" SVGA Digital Colour Monitor 1 am cur- eventually get- m m m ( a « v 112 2 Years Parts and Labour Warranty rently a third ting my marks. vXs PMMxI66 '2475 year anthro- The only depart- pology student PMMx2OO *2735 ment I am unfa- pentiurn at Wilfrid miliar with is Laurier Student Awards, University. as they are still Although a full processing the course load request 1 made will be taxing two years ago on my time, I for a full scholar- believe that the ship. university Finally, 1 president am a dues-pay- should have ing member of experience • the Student's •ii ,1 i within the learning environ- warded to you and should Union and understand in ment. First hand knowledge arrive via AAA Discount detail the workings of many ofimportant facets of educa- Couriers within the next profit centres on campus. tion, such as the cost of text- couple of days. The Turret and Wilfs are books, how boring a lecture I have many contacts prime examples. 1 would can truly be and the dynam- within the local community like to add that I am a stu- ics ofbribing your TA. that I could employ in pro- dent in good-standing with My understanding is that moting the image of the uni- the DAC. Any pictures ofme flTli - the position of University versity. My sister is an assis- that may cross your desk a~yszt^ President mainly involves tant at a local weekly news- were taken at a sacred ritu- The New Standards in Computing _ _ L « schmoozing [sic] with rich paper (of course I cannot al in the highlands of New Intel Original Pentium ATX Form Factor r . ' business leaders and alum- reveal which one) and I am Guinea, which would Baseboard, ATX Mid Tower Case 250W ' *' ni. I am a personable and. sure she would have no explain the feathers and 1 6 MB EDO RAM, 256K8 PLB Cache approachable r individual, trouble slipping in an odd bit lewd dancing. I hope that in 1,6G8 EIDE Western Digital Hard Drive k%(|£ | who is very good at making about how great Wilfrid your infinite wisdom, you QUEST ADVAK Panasonic 1.44M8 Floppy Drive ——. small talk. Many of my pre- Laurier is from time to time. will consider me for the ATI 3D Rage II 2MB (exp to 4MB) Video vious employers were I also have several friends in position of University Intel Triton Chipset extremely impressed with the law 15" Princeton Graphics SVGA Monitor Mini-Tower Case, enforcement com- President. BMB Fast RAM, 256K8 PLB Cache my ability to smooth talk munity who were 12X CD-ROM, Amplified Speakers 1,44M8 I very ~ , FDD ~ , I r |ni i/ n n 1.3 GB Hard Drive, Creative Labs bound Blaster lornr IMB MPEG Video Card Microsoft Windows 95 Installed 8X CD-ROM, SBC 16 Sound Card 1 04 Keytronics Wi„9s Keyboard & Pod X.i £ ■■ 14" SVGA Colour Monitor Nl 2 Windows 95 ready PK 7S $1199 P K IOO $1249 I ■ P K I33 $1299 lultilVlAXX 2000 Mi JIJSh Intel Pentium 1 20 MHz CPU, Mid-Tower Case, 16MB Fast RAM, 256K8 PLB Cache RAM, 1,3G8 HDD, 1,44M8 FDD, 3D Accelerated 2MB EDO MPEG Video Card Wavetable Sound Card, 8X CD-ROM, ' & Mouse ' -' 95 with CD Manuals, and Pad, ■ Amplified Speakers, 104 Win9s Keyboard, Windows installed ffc, , J/ -J?, '■?,„/ ;^^HB IBM Game Port/2 SEGA Saturn Digital Game Ports, 14" SVGA Colour Monitor V Free Digital SEGA PC Game Pad and $ I 2 FREE SEGA SATURN PC GAMES " M Check stoie (or details *OAC, Intel Inside and MMX logo are trademarks ol Intel Corporation. Prices are cosh discounted and are subject to » ix design ■" iM change without notice. We tesetve the right to limit quonities. Images and design copyright DATA [=yiuT STUDENT LIFE Habitat Humanity for People helping people Building homes and hope in Mississippi said their lives have been trans- house is approximately $37,500, formed, and that they finally feel with each house being sponsored by like a neighbourhood. "It's the best a group (which provides $18,700) thing that could happen to us... and by a bank, which provides the Words cannot express the grati- other $18,700interest-free. tude." She also added that groups Families do not simply receive such as ours have helped motivate free homes through Habitat but pay other colleges and churches to join back the money over a 20 to 23- the Habitat effort. year period, in the form of an inter- Program Co-ordinator For HFH est-free mortgage. As well. Habitat Jackson, Amy McCartney, has been has a sweat equity factor in place, working with Habitat for the past with 2-parent families required to year and a half. After working with put in 500-hours of work on the a youth group in inner-city house, and one-parent families Memphis, Tennessee, and seeing putting in 300 hours. As well, chil- how some people have to live, made dren 15 years and older are each her realize that she wanted to do required to put in 50 hours of work. PHOTO more for those in need, and so she In addition to working on the started working for Habitat. Amy Habitat house (which is being built believes that it's our responsibility to for a family of eight) and the Mission take care of the poor, adding that centre, the Laurier crew helped "everyone deserves a decent place demolish two houses during the CONTRIBUTED to live." week (Habitat re-uses or sells what Laurier's Habitat for Humanity Campus Chapter flocks south for a good cause Although Habitat for Humanity's they can salvage). Overall, the week was quite ANN HUSKINSON work got off to a quick start. Some one, things would be a whole lot original goal was to build 6 houses rewarding Cord Student Life braved the scaffolding to do caulk- better." Beth went on to say that a in this Jackson neighbourhood, they enjoyable and for every- feel Wliile many were bathing in the sun ing and painting, while a few others lot of people do things because they are now on house number 63. The one. You could the positive on some tropical island over started building the frame of what feel guilty, and that this shouldn't be demands never end, however, with energy in the air. Everyone was Reading Week, enthusias- love what Id0... an astounding 500 applications a there because they wanted to be nineteen later became a shed. the cases "I really I tic members of I.aurier s Habitat for 'Ihe following day saw an expan- really feel like people serve God best year and only 25 houses being built. there and because they loved what number they doing. It feels great Humanity Campus Chapter jumped sion of our work, with a few people by doing what they love, and that But at the same time, the of were knowing that you've helped some- into 2 vans and headed to doing painting and electrical work the people around them will feel phone calls concerning house Mississippi for (he 1997 Collegiate on a nearby Mission Centre. that love." requests has decreased substantial- one out, that you've done something Challenge. Present on the site was Priest and Catherine Hornsby Thomas, a ly, from over 25 per day to approxi- good for mankind. People helping By the second day of travelling, Habitat worker Beth Saulters. Beth resident of the neighbourhood since mately 1 per week. people - that's what this world needs the temperature rose (and along has worked with 1 labitat for a year 1953, was also a very inspiring indi- One obstacle Habitat has had to more of. with it the group's anticipation), the and a half, and has helped build vidual, constantly letting the Laurier face has been the accents grew thicker, and soon we approximately 40 houses. Beth crew know how much our work cost of the lots. had reached our final destination: believes Habitat is "successful was appreciated. Miss Thomas has They were origi- Jackson, Mississippi. because we help people individual- watched her neighbourhood change nally donated but Monday morning came last, and ly" from a "good, decent, nice" place now it costs them $5000- after a quick breakfast, the Laurier She went on to explain that a lot where you didn't even have to lock between Habitat crew headed for the, work- of non-profit organizations try to your door, to a place where crime $8000, which site in inner-city Jackson. Greeted help everyone, causing them to run and drug activity have become com- they obtain by Habitat workers Fred and Mark into too many problems, "ff every- monplace. through fundrais- (on their day off!), the group imme- one would use their gifts and Habitat has been building hous- ers and regular diately felt warmly welcomed. respond to mankind out of those es in this mid-town Jackson neigh- donors. The total Following introductions, the gifts instead of hying to help every- bourhood since 1993; Miss Thomas cost of each OutSpoken StudentBudget Menu Spinach Dip in Bread CRAIG STEPHEN conform to the heterosexual stan- LYNN PAULI Cord Student Life dard. If it seems as if you have to Cord Student Life Reactionary groups such as the pretend to be straight to be accept- Oirislian-right are constantly trying ed by your parents, your church, 1 frozen, spinach, to push the idea that homosexuality your friends, your class-mates, your pkg. chopped thawed and drained is an unnatural aberration from a co-workers, your spouse, and/or 1 pkg. Knorr vegetable soup mix . heterosexual norm, that it's a.char- your children, you just might do it... 1 cup sour cream acter flaw or mental defect In an for a while. attempt to legitimize this notion, Anyway, I think there's a logical 1/2 cup miracle whip these groups point to so-called ex- fallacy behind much of the specula- 1 bunch green onions, chopped homosexuals: former gays and les- tion about ex-homosexuals. After bians who report that they are now ail, ifyou try to prove that homosex- 1/2 tsp. Worcestershire sauce straight. uality is a deviancy by pointing to 1 can sliced water chestnuts, drained and chopped "Deprogramming" clinics and "ex-homosexuals," what's to stop retreats have been set up to "cure" me from claiming that heterosexu- (optional) gays and lesbians. However, what ality is a deviancy by pointing to 1 loaf pumpernickel bread the forces of conservatism don't "ex-heterosexuals" like myself? want you to know is that it's all a GLOBAL (Gay, Lesbian or sham. Most "ex-homosexuals" Bisexual at Laurier) meetings on Mix together first 6 ingredients. Refrigerate for 2 hours. return to their natural behaviour Thursdays. For information, e- Cut top off pumpernickel loaf, and hollow out the inside to within two years ofbeing "cured." mail: OOGIDBAlj@mach 1 ,wlu.ca or It's understandable why some- visitour website at: form a bowl. Put spinach mix in bread. Cut top and insides one might deny his or her sexuality, hUpyAvww.wluxa/~vwwvclubs/vvw into serving pieces and use for given the enormous pressure to w/globaLhtml dipping. 8 March 5. 1997 theCord -(Student Life) Chic & Weak Breaking the bottle WILL CHUNG My battle with alcohol Cord Student Life ANONYMOUS problem. Well, I do. Just let me work this out myself. 1 Cigars in bars? No. Pre-cut? No. Plastic tubes? No. So just what is Special To The Cord Signs that should clue you in to don't have a problem." tired, overused, kitsch, qurte plainly wrong? ifs a matter of perceptive People always seem to focus on the fact that you have an alcohol I know my battle with alcohol judgement, and one's degree of good judgement does become clear to health problems such as cancer and problem: has just begun. 1 still crave it so others, particularly'm the sartorial sense. Style is a matter of individual heart disease, sometimes forgetting • When your friends, because they much. Even as I sit here writing this taste, not the herd mentality. Just who do you want to be? Poseurs are about a dangerous substance that care about you, tell one of your article, 1 don't know whether to cry never chic. probably hits home in one way or family members that your drink- or go home and have a drink. Most another for all ofus: alcohol. ing scares them. of the time I'm happy that I've decid- Chic No, this isn't a "don't drink, it's • When you're drunk and all you ed to tone down my drinking, but Weak bad for you" article, written by a want to do is stay that way. there are so many times that I am haiku sonnets sweet, innocent person who has • When all you want is "just one tempted to have a drink. The prob- etiquette vulgarity never had a drink in their life. It is more drink," but that last drink lem is that itrarely is just one drink. British television Japanimation written from an insider's point of never comes. I know that there is a history of ethnic food fast food view: someone who knows all about • When you drink by yourself. alcoholism in my family, but it cigarettes cigars alcohol, probably too much actually. • When you can't stand to watch doesn't stop me. I can see that look scotch and soda rye and ginger It all began when I was fifteen. others drink and become angry if in my mother's eyes when she textured shirts plaid shirts Always being pegged as "little-miss you aren't drinking yourself. knows I've been drinking. She bathing showering perfect, couldn't do anything • When you keep drinking, and thinks I only drink occasionally, and lofts mansions wrong," I found rebellion in alcohol. hope that the alcohol will shut the she worries then. She always tells Audi BMW I thought nothing of getting drunk tears out and keep the pain away me that I'm much more at risk being accountable eschewing responsibility every day, as long as I was having just until you can work things out. because of my background. fun, but especially as long as it was Well, I've finally clued in, and What she doesn't know is that the last thing everyone expected me you know what - it's bullcrap. I'm not at risk anymore, I'm there. to do. Maybe itreally is a slow form of sui- I'm turning into her parents, which Life. I guess I've always dealt with my cide, as some people term it. is enough to scare anyone olf drink- Write for Student life problems by drinking, and you I have had friends approach me ing. know what, it's only created more. concerning my drinking, saying that So I'm scared, I admit it. But I Its c001... something about it. It's just recently that I've began to they are worried about me, that am doing accept that I have an alcohol prob- they don't want to lose me. And I Please, ifyou're in the same boat as r———————————————————n lem. Sometimes people are sur- would think, "Yeah, yeah, whatever. me (and I know a lot of you are), prised when I tell them this, trying to You don't understand. You don't have the courage to say "I have a | $QI NOW OPEN j convince me that I don't have a have to live with the crap that I do. problem, will you help me?" I *Chat Lines ... And after you write, come to the j*E-MaU *Microsoft Office ! [Network Games 'Nintendo 64 office and pick up your @?%!ing disks ! (including Boom & Duke Nukem 3D) | 168 University flue ilh, Ulaterloo 725-2121 j ! (at Shoi>s ?\zzal \ l«U44*'tK Urf LM tM WUIUUAUWMUW'il'UUW'W'k WWW'M'UI'WM'UUHIMM w'J TAXWATCHs WHERE?: STUDENT UNION BUILDING MEN?. MARCH 17, 1997 TO MARCH 21,1997 RENT RECEIPTS $25.00 PLUS GST TUITION SLIPS T4'S REFIHDS M APPROXIMATELY TW WEEikSI IBIASTREET WESX SUITE 5, WATERLOO, ON. ••• Could Be Your j 247 King St. NORTH AT Lucky Day!! UNIVERSITY AVE. Next to GUS MAUE SPORTS Waterloo Monthly 5X7 ENLARGEMENT Mijruh DUAMC "7 AC nnryc C*4l Colour print film sizes 110 and 35 mm full frame (excluding 126, disc, panorama 35, Seattle & APS film) Offer ends March 31/57 — —m—a—mjj_u j theCord March 5, 1997 9 FEATURE HEALTH AND FITNESS Stop obsessing about your appearance and learn to live strong arms", "I SUZANNE HUNTJENS ception of my body, the pathway to plans because I was feeling too ugly. Did you check off a lot of these have have nice are features that Cord Features my happiness lies in my hands and I obsess about body parts I really statements? Too many check hands" you like concentrate Wouldn't it be great ifyou could look my head and especially in my heart. dislike. marks? You are not alone. You and you can on when about in the mirror and love what you Nobody can change the way you feel I compare myself with other peo- would be surprised by the number you are upset another body (write see? What a good way to start the or make you think one way or ple and usually come up short. of people who check of]' anywhere part. Make a list it down if want) day ifyou could look into an animat- another. It is up to you to make the from one statement to all of them. you and continue to add to it ed mirror that instinctively told you changes and alterations in the way What it comes down to is the fact over time. Eventually, you will be that a) you are the fairest of them you feel. February Is over and that you can't always change able to listen to yourself and alter all, h) your body looks fabulous and so are the February blahs! your shape, but you cer- your judgmental feelings into feel- c) you are having a fantastic hair Get off the couch, it is tainly can change the ings of encouragement and day. time to feel better way you feel about approval. Back here on earth, however, about yourself, to it. If you did Another helpful way to change our mirrors do not tell us how we like what you answer yes to the way you feel is by getting active look nor do they alter our image to see in the any of the and developing an exercise pro- make us more beautiful than we mirror and statements gram. If you haven't already adopt- already are. The majority of people to finally above, ed a fitness program, it is time to that look into a mirror each day move! All you need to start with is have a complex relationship with thirty minutes of activity each day, the reflecting image that stares you can even do three ten minute back. sessions to help jump start your sys- The body image dilemma tem. Take a brisk walk around the haunts men and women alike and is block, run up and down the stairs in affecting people much more serious- your house (provided your room- ly than once believed. The distorted mates don't mind) or walk to the images that we see are not only gym and back with the hopes ofone hurting our self-esteem and general day stopping in to see what is there! happiness but they are tearing away No matter what kind of activity, by at the souls of each and every one of becoming active you will feel better us. love now is about yourself and your self-esteem The reflecting image that stared yourself time to will notice a giant boost. back at me that day was horrifying, for who start It is important to remember that or so I thought. I stood there for a you are. changing this new you will not always feel few minutes and stared at myself, On the fol- the way you great every day. Allow yourself to turning from back to front, side to lowing list, evaluate your- feel the way you do but keep in side trying to find an angle I was check off any self. Maybe you mind that tomorrow is a new day. happy with. In disgust, I marched statements that won't be singing The road to happiness and self- out the door into the world that I sound familiar. (Yes in front of the mirror acceptance is a long one, but along was blaming for making me feel this guys, you can do this too!) tomorrow morning, but you the way you will find many rewards. way. The halls of people that judged will be on your way to feeling The ultimate reward is your ability me as I passed, the classrooms of I avoid looking at myself in the more in tune with yourself. to accept what you have and under- students that followed me with their mirror. Begin by examining your body - stand that there is much more to a When do look at myself the I've been trying to lose/gain but not the their appear- eyes as I entered the room. It was _ I in _ in usual picky fashion. person than physical their fault for making me so unbear- mirror, I'm constantly scrutinizing weight since age . Men and women, generally, look at ance. - little flaw that think sometimes/often feel guilty themselves under that body ably conscious of how I looked all myself for each I _ I a microscope and My hope is as your their fault. sticks out. when I eat. are too harsh on themselves. awareness grows, you will see that What I have come to understand If a friend compliments me, I 1 exercise only to burn calories Instead, think about all of the things your true beauty is not what your over time is that even though society think he/she is cra2y! and look good. you like about your appearance and body looks like, but who you are does play a role in the overall per- I have considered canceling begin with the simple little things. "I inside. How to eat healthy in first year MIKE MCKENNA ing a balanced diet of three meals a order to keep the pounds off, with eating right. be well on your way to either avoid- Cord Features day and not loading up with a huge although at some points it may seem Instead substitute in a salad and ing the frosh fifteen or losing that The frosh fifteen is a common fear meal at dinner time. Structure your some fruit, this action will go a long part of it that you have already amongst first year students. The diet so that you eat the most in the way in reducing your fat calorie gained. You must ensure that you stereotypical weight gain centers morning giving your body a chance There is no place intake and help avoid those unwant- couple your newfound eating habits around the readily available meal to metabolize the food you eat. Tty ed pounds. with at least 30 minutes of exercise plan. Food is available at the snap to ensure that you eat at least three for A&W poutine At breakfast time avoid things at least three times a week in order of a finger causing more than a few hours before you go to bed. Stay like bacon and eggs on an English to achieve best results. people to end up a little on the heavy away from that large pizza at three in a healthy diet muffin, instead try eating some low- Keep on the right track and side about this time of year. in the morning since pigging out fat cereal, a bagel and scrambled remember that there is no place for However, this new larger body is not before bed can increase your impossible stay away from fried instead of fried eggs. There also is A&W poutine in a healthy diet and cast in stone - a few changes in your chances of an additional weight foods. Things like chicken fingers, no need to eat bacon or sausage just say no to that phone call to lifestyle and you can be on the road gain. chicken melts, and french fries are since they are loaded with fat. Domino's when you stumble home to recapturing your lost body type. When eating in the cafeteria it is loaded with fat and not a healthy By taking these measures to from the Turret after a night on the First off ensure that you are eat- necessary to avoid certain foods in alternative if you are concerned reduce your caloric intake you will town! 10 March 5, 1997 theCord —(Feature) The irony of health and fitness STERLING LYNCH slim and athletic. while commuting to the head office. In the modern Cord Features Unfortunately, it is not a perfect There was a time when humani- world, we are If only we were all fat. What a beau- world. Beauty standards dictate that ty was active, when fitness was not expected to give tiful place it would be. Just think a man must be built and a woman a hobby but a necessity. Running ourselves up to a SPADAFORA how beautiful the world could be must be thin. What a bitter twist of was not meant to be relaxing, it was career and create with all that extra beauty to go fate that at this point in history's meant to save your life. You prac- ourselves in the around. Fat is so egalitarian - not unending march, when our lifestyle ticed Judo so that when the Ninjas image of that JOANNE everyone can be thin but everyone, is as inactive as it ever could be, we came to steal your baby you could career but all we with a little work, can be fat. At long have developed beauty standards kick their asses back into the shad- have to show for PHOTO:: last, there would be true equality, too difficult to fulfill. It is a difficult ows of the night. Participation eight hours of everyone could be just a bon-bon thing indeed to develop pecs whilst meant chasing a buffalo across the labour a day is a away from beautiful - not just the punching keys or keep waists slim plains so that you would not have to few lines in a cor- eat your children over the long win- porate spread- ter. Body Breaks were not perky two sheet. In times minute commercial segments, but past, if you what happened to you when you laboured from were chased offa cliff by a tiger. sun up to sun Of course, back then, to be fat down, it was was to be beautiful; it was proofthat labour invested you could afford to lie around on into something and your ass eating grapes all day tangible like land. Australia Personal fitness: a smart acknowledgement or instead of whittling away your pre- You shaped and cious hours fertilizing fields with the created some- an inconvient pressure? stuff that came out of the wrong end thing that was representative of part of the body. How many people ofthe livestock. Fat meantrich. who you are. The contemporary actually enjoy running on the same Perhaps, there is the rub. Who, workforce really offers nothing com- spot for an hour, indoors, wearing but the very rich, can afford to be parable to this experience., so it spandex and listening to the Spice Britain beautiful these days? It's kind of seems natural that we would turn to Girls? Great tough to make it to the gym each sculpting our bodies. Most assuredly there is some- F l v to l\l e w Horizons day ifyou are a single mom working Does it not seem strange that in thing wrong with the modern full time at a minimum wage job. this supposed era of leisure, for the world's approach to fitness. Consider also the price of fitness: most part, exercise has become Perhaps, a collective move to expensive clubs, expensive equip- another form of labour. We no weightlessness is not the solution, ment, expensive diet; the only peo- longer go out to play, we go to work but a shift in attitude is. Remember, OvetseAs! ple who can afford to be fit are out. In fact, most gyms have there Stuh an is no truth in extremes; follow Continue or complete ifoui education abioad! those who have money and time to assembly line mentality with one the middle path. spare. specific piece of equipment for one Teacher Training - One-Year Programmes What do you Accredited for Ontario vocal cord Master's Degrees Masters' Degrees STERLING LYNCH AND RANDY WAECHTER do to stay Cord Features fit? Professional certifications in many disciplines Reasonable fees - airport pick-up in Australia - guaranteed accommodation Qoin the kundieds who have already enjoyed this cuituiai and educational excellence'. laughing ... "I walk and laugh a lot "I try to eat right and I work out "I walk to school everyday from .... as it functions physical as well when I can." my car ... it's a good seven minute K.O.M. Consultants, P.O. Box 60524, as emotional fitness, thank-you." NADINE BRAZEAU, walk." Mountain Plaza Postal Outlet, Hamilton, ON L9C 7N7 ANN MILLER, LAURIER ALUMNI, PURPLE & ROB • Phone:9os-318-8200 • Fax: 905-318-KOM4 E-Mail: [email protected] SHORTELI* GRADUATE STUDENT GOLD EMPLOYEE 3RD YEAR HISTORY look our information your University Careers Offite for in RELIGION & CULTURE IKEYSTONE .KEYSTONE KEYSTONE KEYSTONE KEYSTONE I . Vkl//> IT Stm AROUNPI LONGER THAN DEANO!!!! I W W \ Advance Sales: March II to 13 I * I * \ in the Concourse I I^YgTON^^YgONE^EgrON^gYgrON^^YgTONEj theCord March 5, 1997 11 SPORTS Playoff hopes dashed Blowout loss to Windsor ends promising season SCOTT STEVENS scorer Greg Sandstrom had his low- they played perhaps their best bas- Hawks put together an awesome lead of the game- 52-51 at the 12:00 Cord Sports est output of the year, putting up ketball ofthe year. 14-0 run to end the first, and make minute mark. They held the lead Once again, the Laurier men's only 4 points on 1 of 7 shooting. However it didn't start out that the intermission score a respectable for the remainder of the game, but basketball team will have to watch Saturday's defeat was even more way. The Badger's Jamie Clark 42-34. The spurt was keyed by not without a fight. the OUAA playoffs from the side- disappointing because it came on scored 15 points in the game's first Greg Sandstrom s three three-point- Clark, who finished as Brock's lines. The Hawks had their destiny leading scorer with 25, hit a lay-up in their own hands when they trav- to cut the lead to just two with 1:45 eled to Windsor on Saturday. SCHMIDT to play. However he missed his Unfortunately, they were outplayed RAY next two shots, either of which in every facet of the game, as the would have tied the game. Lancers scored a decisive 89-63 vic- With the clock winding down tory. PHOTO' Brock was forced to foul, and they According to Laurier assistant put the normally reliable Kevin coach Jesse Sazant, "Windsor Ryan on the line. Ryan only convert- played with their lives on the line, ed one of two though, to give the vis- and we didn't." itors life. Brock responded, as Sam The loss coupled with upset wins Fuca delivered an uncontested lay- by Brock and Waterloo leaves up to close the lead to one with 12 Laurier out of the post-season. seconds left. Windsor controlled play from the This time the Badgers fouled opening tip, as used a balanced Sandstrom, who again hit only one scoring attack to build a 42-30 half- of two free throws. With the score time lead. Four Lancers put up now 71-69, Brock had to hurry. double figure point totals, lead by However justlike their previous pos- Matt McMillan's 24. session, they came up big. Chris In the second half, Windsor con- Tilley scored a bucket to tie the tinued to dominate play, as they game with only 6 ticks on the clock. outscored the Hawks 47-33. The Lauder had no timeouts, and it lancer's big men controlled the inte- Laurier's Jeff Zdrahal led the way with 25 points in Saturday's heartbreaking loss to Windsor. appeared that the game was head- rior, outrebounding the Hawks 41- ing to overtime. However, the 21, and creating numerous second the heels of the team's most exciting four minutes to put his squad up 15- ers. Hawks got the ball to Ryan who was chances. The only Hawks who put win of the season- a 73-71 win over 3. Brock continued to build on their The Hawks opened the second inexplicably fouled by Brock's Ryan up decent numbers on Saturday Brock on Wednesday night. During lead for most of the first half, getting half as dominating as they closed Fabi with 1.2 seconds left. Ryan were Jeff Zdrahal with 25 points, that game the Hawks thrilled the it up to 42-20 with just 3:30 to go. the first. Tough, intense defense missed his first free throw attempt, and Kevin Ryan who had 15 points home crowd with their biggest Laurier's heart was evident though, forced a number of Brock turnovers, but canned the second to seal the and 6 rebounds. I aurier's leading comeback in recent memory, as as the Hawks refused to fold. The and the result was Laurier's first win for Laurier. Season of discontent A look back at the women's basketball season to five of their McClenaghan believes that one being there (the playofls) one year, wins this season. of the high points this season was and not there the next. It leaves you In the Hawks second matchup against hanging." PHOTO addition to the Waterloo Warriors. She says The third player to leave the F I Faber, Lindley that "We had to prove ourselves in Laurier team is the Audrey PI also relied heav- this game because we did not want Kaersenhout. She is leaving Laurier ily on third year to split the series with them. At to pursue an Honours degree in player Brenda Waterloo we finished well and we Kineseology at the University of Vrkj I a n . played well...everyone did all the lit- Toronto in September. Vrkj 1 a n tle things right." Overall she is pleased with the stepped up her In the future, McClenaghan season, but cannot help to point out intensity and plans to continue her eduation at that "This year we missed some- all around either Western or McMaster thing and I am more disappointed performance University in Occupational Therapy. with this (season) because it was my this season. For her, competitive basketball may last year." She is pleased that the In fact, her be finished. However, McClenaghan team improved so much throughout achieve- is interested in pursuing a coaching the season, but upset that they did ments have position or becoming involved in a not qualify for the playofls. earned her women's recreational basketball For Kaersenhout, adjusting to a the OWIAA league. new coaching style was particularly All-Star Award this year. Jennifer Martin is the second difficult. She is not in any way upset would have to adjust to a However, with the end of the player of this group to depart from with the departure of Tom O'Brien, new coaching style for the second season, this has also means that this the team. For Martin, this year was but believes that switching back and time in three years. It is this unfortu- hard working core is beginning to important not only because the forth from Lindley, to O'Brien, and AMANDA STOCKS nate lack of coaching consistency change. Three years ago, 10 rookies team had a lot of success, but also then Lindley again, is what made Cord Sports can be attributed to much of the and 2 veterans were the nucleus of because she knew that she had put this year much more difficult. "The A disappointing season? Too many Hawks difficulties earlier in the sea- the team. Three of these players are in the extra effort that was required inconsistency with the coaching is injuries? Goals that were never son. now graduating at the end of April to become a good basketball player what hurt our team because our reached? Although this years A second blow to the team and will leave the pursuit of a Hawk and it finally paid off. Martin spent team in itself is consistent, but what women's basketball team may have occurred before the Christmas basketball championship in the all of last summer working out in we really needed was for our coach experienced these set backs break when team captain Sarah hands of those who will be remain the gym, lifting weights and improv- to be consistent." throughout their season, but, losers Collins seriously injured her knee. for a fourth year. ing her game so she could end her Next year will be a challenge for they definitely are not. This left the team without its key For London native Kate career on a positive note. "I was the Hawks. Presently they have six For the Hawks, this season has playmaker and forced Lindley to McClenaghan, the past four years suddenly forced to step into a role returning players, while three oth- been filled with ups and downs. readjust her coaching strategies. have been incredibly exciting. She and I appreciate the time that I had. ers are undecided because ofphysi- Probably one of the most difficult Lindley now had to rely on other has been the quiet force on the team I appreciate the faith that Sue had in cal injuries and personal reasons. adjustments that they had to make players off the bench who were not who has consistently kept her indi- me to put me there." The key for future success for this was the arrival of head coach Sue as experienced as Collins. vidual and team play in perspective. Martin believes that overall the team lies in the hands of Lindley. Lindley and the departure of former One of these players was second Whenever control was needed, season was not disappointing, but Strong recruits will definitely be head coach Tom O'Brien who pur- year player Sherry Faber. McClenaghan was the player who instead what was truly discouraging needed to restructure the core ofthe sued a coaching position at the Fortunately for Lindley, Faber rose could quickly and easily maintain was the fact that the team did not team, but more importantly she will University of Waterloo. O'Brien's to the challenge with poise and con- control of the ball and establish the qualify for the playoffs. "We had a need to maintain the focus of those departure meant that the women fidence, and helped lead to Hawks lot of aspirations. Imagine yourself who are returning. 12 March 5, 1997 theCord —(Sports) Pleasing results in pool GREG CHOWNYK how deep the event was, although both the 4xloo metre medley relay Cord Sports the field was shortened when and the 4xloo metre freestyle relay. PHOTO Really not knowing what to expect, Olympic bronze medalist, Curtis It was these performances that led RLE a group of five Laurier swimmers Myden of Calgary pulled out. to more than half of the teams 64 made the trip to St. Catherines this Having placed tenth last year, points. past weekend to take part in the this time around was a much better The other qualifier for Laurier CIAU Championships. Their main performance for Fuke. He also took was on the women's side and came goal was to gain experience and forward steps in the 100 metre in the form of first year swimmer, improve upon past finishing scores, breaststroke, where he jumped thir- Dayna Patterson. She managed to something that was accomplished. teen places from a year ago to finish place twelfth on three separate The men's side managed a total twelfth. A top twenty five place in occasions- the 400 metre Individual of 64 points which gave them a thir- the 50 metre breaststroke rounded Medley and both the 400 and 800 teenth place finish- a school best. out the meet for Fuke. metre freestyle. Scoring 15 points, it The previous best of nineteenth was Both Rob Guthrie and John was good enough for a sixteenth set last year when the Hawks field- Peleck made their Nationals debuts place finish in the team standings ed only a one man team. and experienced some difficulty. for Laurier. Leading the way for the Hawks Guthrie earned a thirteenth place The event was a special one for was second year man Tom Fuke. finish in the 50 metre backstroke, Nikolaus, who will graduate this He entered the 200 metre breast- but was unable to score in either of year. After swimming competitively stroke ranked number two and was his other events, the 100 and 200 for nineteen years, the fourth year thirteenth place finish for the Championships able to finish a very respectable metre backstrokes. Peleck, who student will now retire. His first A the men at CIAU was ever for a Laurier squad. sixth. spent the first half of the season bat- CIAU Championships was a great the best Fuke was quick to point out how tling sickness, was unable to way to end his career. fast the event was. "The winning improve his personal bests and also With the season now over, the recruit in great numbers on the accomplishments will attract new time was a full 3.5 seconds faster didn't score. team must look ahead to next year. women's side with hopes of return- recruits, while our team attitude has than last year's gold medal time," These three also teamed up with The men's side looks very promising ing to the level which gave the already earned congratulations noted the Kitchener native. "My Darrin Nikolaus to compete in the after solid showings at the Nationals women a tenth place finish at last from numerous other teams and time this year would have won me a relay events. In the 4x200 metre and the OUAA's and with a few year's CIAU meet. coaches. For that I credit Dean...lt is bronze medal last year, so I am very event, the team placed ninth and more recruits could improve vastly. Perhaps Fuke sums up next year something that makes swimmers pleased." He also made reference to managed a twelfth place finish in Head coach Dean Boles is hoping to best. "Hopefully our superficial want to swim here." HawksBlues... singin' the But still on their way to Nationals SCOTT O'HARA offensively as the Hawks' leader in league's most surprising team, but bright for this team. No one cold things can only get better. Cord Sports kills, Kevin Shonk was held to just that probably holds true for the have guessed that this team would The National final will be played Last Friday the men's volleyball 15. Fellow OUAA West division All- nation too. have come as far as they have in the Friday night at 10:30pm and will be team visited the University of Star, Ryan Brown managed only six The future does certainly look past year and it appears as though televised by TSN. Toronto to take on the Varsity Blues out of the middle. The lone bright for the OUAA Championship. After spot was Dennis Hofmann who coming off-big wins against both managed hit the floor with 12 of his McMaster and Western to win the 14 attempts. West division, the Hawks had big Next stop for the Hawks is hopes heading into Toronto. A win Calgary and the Nationals. Thomas RS /# want to hire and 1 would have continued Laurier's and his squad will be in tough at this 1 oday's employers unbelievable turnaround and 1 promote people with the right mix I given tournament. r~ the Hawks their first provincial title The loss to Toronto leaves the 1 fYO J of education. With both traditional and I ever. Unfortunately for the Hawks, Hawks ranked eighth out of the in demand for y \ practical training, you'll be 1 the Blues had a title of their own on eight teams that will participate in ■ - tomorrow's best jobs. That's how adding I their minds. the event. The team opens up the \ jSp;i The Blues took it to the Hawks competition today against the 1 3 C °lle^e loma t0 Ur UniVBrSlty I right from the get-go and kept nation's number one ranked team, j bringing it all night long. Laurierfell the Alberta Golden Bears. in straight games by the scores of A loss in the first match will 15-10, 15-6, 15-11. Toronto automatically delgate the Hawks to JjjpjjSy With a Career & Work Counsellor I appeared to have prepared flaw- consolation I the round where the will I diploma from Sir Sandford Fleming I lessly for the visiting squad, which is fight it out for fifth place at best. W I \ College in Peterborough, you'll enjoy a remarkable considering the two Other teams competing in m \ ■/ schools had previously not met this Calgary this week include I ■ \ — diversity of career opportunities with I year. It marked the second straight Sherbrooke, Saskatchewan, Municipal Employment Services, School I title for the Blues. Winnipeg, Dalhousie, and the host I I Co-op Offices, The Workers' Compensa- I Playing strong sideout volleyball Calgary Dinosaurs. I and federal has been the key for the Hawks all It is clear that it will take nothing -tion Board, and provincial season long and that was once short of a miracle for Laurier to I agencies. again head coach Brett Thomas' bring home the title, but the trip will I # The Career & Work Counsellor program strategy. The Hawks have had the give Thomas and his squad some % studies, PHOTO ability to outlast other teams and experience. I I I I I offers credits for your existing RLE pull off the long winded victory all With a great deal of players so yOU can fast-forward through a college season returning next few long. year, a games - _ _I - I diploma and start climbing your career On this night however, the against the nation's premier teams d e Hawks met their match who came can only help the Hawks in the long i VXN/L ® in the form of Toronto setter Jeff run. The experience will hopefully aaaer Reach the top with a diploma from I Chong. the and The fourth year player is pay off in long run maybe Fleming College. To find out more, regarded as one of the best betters this time next year, Laurier will be contact Fulford today at in the country and showed the making a return visit to the tfio snolfr Julie Hawks why on Friday. His unbeliev- Nationals with a much higher rank- / /\ (705) 749-5530, extension 1378, or e-mail able defense, soft touch setting abili- ing. ' [email protected] ty and even a couple of thunderous Whatever does happen in WJ 1967-1997 kills were the highlight of the Calgary will not take away from the Study at Fleming, evening. His performance was good outstanding season the team has Ontario's Community College I enough to award Chong the game's enjoyed. After going winless a year FLEMING KaiVaVtliaS. Most Valuable Player award and the ago the program has completely ( SIR SANDFORD FLEMING COLLEGE the Blues the Ontario title. turned around. Not only have their The Blues shut down Laurier earned the distinction of being the theCord March 5, 1997 13 (Sports)— The road to the CIAU's goes through Waterloo MIKE MCKENNA Toronto Blues will take on the win- years semi-final to UQTR. York Yeomen. though." Cord Sports ner of the Far East division, the With four OUAA West first team The Mustangs are coming off This will be the third year in a It's that time of year again as the UQTR Patriotes on Saturday at 2 All-Stars in their lineup, they will be* consecutive upsets of the Windsor four year agreement between OUAA hockey playoffs are in full p.m. The game will be a rematch of a tough opponent throughout the Lancers and a two game sweep of Laurier and the OUAA to have the swing with the final four tourna- last year's semi final in which UQTR tournament according to Laurier the nationally ranked Waterloo tournament played at the Flee ment taking right here in won 4-2. head coach Wayne Gowing. "They Warriors and seem to be hitting Complex. "Without Waterloo Waterloo. Action will take place The Patriotes come to Waterloo will be the only team 1 can see with their peak at the right time. They involved this year it will be true test this coming weekend at the after squeaking by McGill in the an edge in the tournament. They will face a tough challenge though of the support for this tournament Waterloo Recreation Complex. third game of the Far East division have a very solid lineup from the net from a Yeomen squad that itself fea- from the area. It has been success- The tournament will feature the final winning 7-6. out." tures two West division first team ful and profitable in the past and division winners from each of the The Gryphons feature the OUAA In the other semi-final on All-Stars. will remain the same this year, giv- four divisions with semi-finals tak- West division MVP and the CIAU's Saturday night at 7pm, the upstart "It will be an interesting tourna- ing us the opportunity of becoming ing place on Saturday and the final top ranked goaltender Matt Mullin Western Mustangs who finished ment," noted Gowing in reference to the permanent site if we decide to on Sunday. and are currently ranked number third in the Far West division, after a the four teams that will be present. do so," said Gowing. The Guelph Gryphons after their five in the country. They will be disappointing regular season, will "They will all be tough, it demon- The tournament final will take two game sweep of the University of looking to avenge the loss in last face the Mid West division champion strates the quality of the league place on Sunday at 2 p.m. Let's make a deal... JIM DONNELLY dealing their three best players Cord Sports (excluding Ray Bourque) - Adam As the NHL trade deadline quickly Gates, Hick Tocchet, and Bill approaches, big-league general Ranford for netminder Jim Carey, managers around the league all winger Steve Konowalchuk along begin to notice the same symptoms with prospects Anson Carter and of excitement - they get the cold Jason Allison. As in the Leaf deal, . sweats for no reason; they shiver the Bruins traded veteran talent for f&€its mt Environment! uncontrollably when mention ofros- youtli and inexperience. Select one of these dynamic, practical, ter changes is made; they giggle Despite losing the undisputable post-graduate environmental programs |r IIP Hf|| 112 with anticipation when trying to go character and talent of Doug to enhance your qualifications in SB p - ||| to sleep at night. Gilmour, the Leafs gained an invalu- today's job market! Of course, GMs of last-place prospect on the able blueline in the •Two semesters long (eight-months) 1^ teams have it considerably worse at 6*3" Jason Smith. The miniature -1J gig this time of year than their first- Steve Sullivan (s'9'\ 155 lbs.) has * Location: Ontario. place counterparts. The dealer with taken some flak for his size but is St.Catharines, ,{ his team in the bottom half of the touted to be the next Theoren * Environmental Management y \ '/ J| has much more pressure and has well standings Fleury, played since * Ecosystem Restoration | arriving at Pearson. McCauley, last * Environmental Assessment year's OHL MVP, should be able to V . crack the lineup in the next few » Geographic Information Systems* |1: years. ' pending oppiovol from the Ontario Ministry ol Edwotlon I training Besides, Toronto can afford to deal away marquee players; they have the fan base they need and TheCentrefor I they always will. People will contin- ue to go to Leaf games no matter ENVIRONMENTAL TRAINING what kind of team the management I Z rn I for more information, please contact ices, hi Boston, however, things are \ J NIAGARA COLLEGE of Applied Arts & Technology different. \ / 59 Welland Vale Rd., St Catharines, Ont L2R 6V6 Boston has traded the most pro- lific scorer in the league in the past (905) ext. 2470 ■ few years in Adam Gates, arguably 6844315, or fax (905) 684-3167, or E-mail: Gilmour now has a chance to one of the best goaltenders in the [email protected] win the Cup in New Jersey. game in Bill Ranford, and one of the league's better power forwards in placed on himself and his team to Rick Tocchet. As far as the average do to improve, be it a Boston fan sees it, besides getting bad move ornot. Consider the situa- Jim Carey the Bruins got a raw tions of Boston s Harry Sinden and deal. ® Toronto's CMFletcher. Such are the sacrifices that a GM Both have terrible teamsjs Both in Sinden's or Fletcher's position has ACURA work in a traditional hockey* envi- to. make. Trading away fan I ronment that places extreme favourites for new, unproven blood Designed with purpose. emphasis on the on-ice product. is never easy and gets even worse in Driven by passion. Both have incredible pressure on a hockey town such as Toronto or them to somehow make their teams Boston. The GM is forced to deal better. and simply hope the fans under- Your car's home away Not surprisingly, both have made stand; youth movements such as from home. some pretty major deals in the past these never seem to go over well SERVICE by Factory Trained Technicians At the Leaf end of things, Cliff with the average fan. week. *Ask about our appreciation officially Considering the circumstances, customer card Fletcher started the Genuine ACURA PARTS leagues' annual trading bonanza by both Fletcher and Sinden did pretty swap;' '\>ug Gilmour and Dave well for their teams' future. Of FAIRVIEW Ellett Smith, Steve Sullivan course, they managed to elevate ACURA n 2685 Kingsway Drive, Kitchener and prospect Alyn McCauley. two more teams into legitimate After Fletcher's deal, it was only Stanley Cup contention, but that's to 519-893-9000 a matter of time until Boston got in be expected. ride to UofW/Laurier available on the action; they did exactly that The only question is, who's next http://www.autorev.com/fairviewacura this past week in grand fashion to make a deal? 14 March 5, 1997 theCord ENTERTAINMENT "www.xxx.com" A lone crusader visits the land ofvirtual smut LAUREN STEPHEN sion and am not offended by adult CORD ENTERTAINMENT material" instead of choosing, "No I We've all heard about the internet do not believe in freedom of expres- and how it will inevitably bring sion and am offended by adult about mankind's certain doom by material." I clicked. destroying the moral fabric of our Suddenly, an image of an society. Especially vulnerable are appallingly busty woman filled the the children: access to erotic materi- screen! (well, not so suddenly —1 al during the formative early teens was in the Science Building). "No! can mean the difference between a No!" I screamed, until I realised child who will grow up to be a there were no horrible nipples or respectable lawyer and one who will genitals showing. I was informed become a greasy poet or "grunge" that to see anything more explicit I musician. With concern for the would have to use my credit card future generations in mind, I set and pay, which of course would about this weekend to find out just have been impossible given my how accessible pornography is on recent credit troubles. The other the world wide web. PHOTO web pages I visited had the same Through one of the computers in FILE requirements, and since only a radi- the science building I accessed "the Click! Click! Breakfast girls of the Internet! They'll fry your bacon. cally liberal parent would give a web" for the very first time. Right child a credit card, I felt our young away I was dismayed. The so-called Using Excite I easily found an "R- the nastiest XXX-rated sites" and was denied again. 1 tried sever- were safe. Thank God that capital- Web Browsers were clearly -and X-rated" category under the appeared on the screen. "Oh!" I al times and was denied each time. ism will prevail when government designed to encourage frivolous "Lifestyles" section, referring, I sup- lamented, "is it possible these people Surely if I, a writer for the Cord, intervention has failed! searches, what with names like pose, to the lascivious lifestyle of the know how far they've sunk yet still couldn't gain access, then how could Drained from my experience, I "Yahoo" and "Excite." Why not typical peruser. With a sick feeling continue in their lecherous ways?" a simple teenager? I finally real- ran to seek more wholesome enter- name them more sensibly? How in my stomach, I chose the However, my heart swelled with joy ized, though, that to be let in I would tainment in the form of Wally and about "Prudence" or "Character- Cybergirls Webzine. Immediately when 1 tried to gain access to the have to click on the box that said, The Beaver. builder"? the words "warning—rated one of page and was denied. I tried again "Yes 1 believe in freedom of expres- An inspirational pita story The Extreme Pita offers a healthy and interesting alternative. AARON HUNTER ates from the Mississauga area. The Months were spent in parents' the Tzatziki. I didn't, but I'm one of and observations on life from the CORD ENTERTAINMENT name you might recognize is Peter kitchens during the fall, perfecting the "timid" types that Extreme Pita cooks. It's part of the atmosphere. Entering The Extreme Pita is an Hwang - not only is he a recent recipes and deciding on the right is trying to bring out of my shell. The story of The Extreme Pita, interesting sensory experience. graduate of Laurier, he was a run- cooking methods. With the student There's something for all bravery while just beginning, is already First of all, theres the rock and ning back for our illustrious Golden lifestyle fresh in their minds, they levels, and everything is made from inspirational. Each of the five own- roll. You can hear it as the door Hawks football team for four years, priced according to what they the finest (often low-fat) ingredients. ers works 25-30 hours on top of opens, but when you get inside, your ending with a year as team captain. thought was fair for the average The restaurant design is simple, their full-time job in the Toronto other senses seem to take over. You He and the other co-owners cash-strapped undergraduate. friendly and open-concept. Monet area some are in sales, and one is a start to wish that the air was edible - (Alex Rechichi, Mark Rechichi, Greg The trial-and-error process of prints adorn the walls, making chartered accountant. it smells and tastes like grilled chick- Nagel and Greg Brothertine) had all entrepreneurship has certainly pro- soothing colours even more sooth- "We're all really stubborn peo- en and steak, fresh chopped vegeta- dreamed of a project after university ple," explains Greg Nagel. "We all bles, and a host of other things that that they could develop with the really want to succeed." Constantly go into a classy pita. considerable weight of their com- thinking ahead, die owners are plot- After the initial delicious blast to bined business knowledge, work ting to franchise in a hurry, following the nose, your ears get back in con- ethic, and creativity: "We always the model of Subway. trol. You hear the conversations of knew that we wanted to start some- Says Hwang: "We want to have the customers waiting for their food thing on our own." This restaurant at least one, maybe two other loca- to be ready: hungry, enthusiastic is that something. tions set up by next September." voices. Why pitas, though? A chorus of duced something worth checking ing. The decor doesn't rush you out, Their entrepreneurial spirit is phe- Friendly comments and ques- voices responds: "It's a healthy alter- out. My Grilled Chicken Pita was like some bright orange pizza cubi- nomenal. Other plans for the future tions fly back and forth across the native!" Impressed with pita estab- $4.75. Not bad at all, considering cle full of mirrors would. The staffis include a "Chicken-Surf' pita, and a counter, to and from the people lishments they visited in that it fills you completely. Prices consistent with the surroundings: wall of customer appreciation pho- working the grill. The customers Mississauga, Montreal and forthe pitas range from $3.99 for friendly professionalism is the order tos entitled "Extreme Patrons." sound like they really want their California, the group decided that the simplest (Veggie or Cheese) to of the day. They ask how you like I strongly recommend a visit to pitas - it's just what you're going to this was an under-served market $5.15 for the Souvlaki or $5.50 for your food, and it feels like genuine The Extreme Pita. The boast is, that sound like in a minute. with less accessibility than it the luxurious Surfn'Turf, the interest. It helps to remember that if you try it once, you'll come back The Extreme Pita has only been deserved. They saw the potential of "classiest" item on the menu. In most of the faces behind the counter again. You can check them out right open for a few weeks. Located a relatively fast food product that terms of toppings, you can get are part-owners, so they really want up until 4am on weekends, but if beside the Rain Tree in the same catered to the growing number of everything you'd expect, plus a little to know what you think. Don't be you come earlier in the week, you'll building as Phil's, it's the brainchild people (especially young people) more. They have alfalfa sprouts, and surprised if your pita experience is have to squeak in before eleven. of five ambitious university gradu- who care about what they eat. pineapple as well. As for sauces - tiy punctuated by occasional comments Wed. March 5 Wed. March 12 Sat March 15 Thuis. Mardi 20 I MotherEarth at the HieMahones at the Turret Moist at Fed Hall Pluto at Bombshelter Where Thrret Shel Neufeld, Riki Gee, Thurs. March 13 Aaron Riches at Fed Hall SatMarch 22 Fit March 7 Rusty at Mrs. Robinson's The Centre in the Square AnseJraa House Benefit; JimRoseQrcusat Fed Hall Blurat The Warehouse presents "Singln' in the Musicians' Network feat. to Rain" at 2 and Bpm. Call Anxious Blue, Squinru Matt Sat March 8 Fri. March 14 578-1570 for ticket Osborne, Riverworks, Martha Dumptruck, 67, Danielle French at Wtlfs information. Corduroy Leda Redstone Circle at \Mlfs Fehdreckl String Quartet Last day to see the Langden Hang The Odds at Fed Ilafl and Rachel Gawk, guitar at Gallery's exhibition ofpastel Maureen Forrester Hall, paintings by Bemice Beat. 8.00 pm theCord March 5, 1997 15 (Entertainment)— Nowherefest II: The Endurance Test TIM DURKIN enough to house the 500 to 1000 Sequester, Sweetfall, Matt Osborne, CORD ENTERTAINMENT people he is expecting to come. Strawman (multi-media, fire Last summer there was a festival in But what is the actual festival breathing), Lindsay Roth, David Cambridge. A good festival. A big about? Simply, it is thirty bands Cooper. Other bands in the works deal festival. The city of Cambridge playing for some twenty-nine hours are Noah's Arch Weld (singer from loaned Chris Butcher the amphithe- straight in an old warehouse. Hhead) and. Elevator to Hell (Eric's ater down by the river for a week- But what about the line up? Is Trip). There is also rumour of a end. He proceeded to put together there something for everyone? Chris Freak Show guy who uses swords twenty-eight of the areas best bands hopes so. Check out the line up so and cinder blocks. for two days of music. With rented far; Sister Wednesday, The Baker St. It's thirty bands, thirty hours for equipment, bands playing for free, Band, Mighty Fisherman, The Chew $7.00 admission. and donations, he provided a week- Guys. Shannon Lyon, U.S.C.B.'s, Bring a tent because thirty hours end of music for all listeners. The Trepend-le, El Scorcho, Tyler is a long time to stand. Ifyou have to first Nowherefest. MacPherson (has played Weezer's leave, it's all of 10 cents (one shiny This March he wants to do it first album in its entirety), Dr. Sauce dime) to get back in. In the spirit of again. Only bigger and better. and Lads, U4ea, Bliss, SinToy, all things inside, the money raised is Nowherefest II: The Endurance Golom, Golden Lake Diner (gorp), going straight towards this sum- Test. It's going to be impressive for Craig Cardiff, Wilt, Henry and the mer's festival. Chris wants to buy a several reasons. First (and foremost) Folk, The Ludes, Wendy's New sound system so that next time the venue is going to have to be a lit- Spine (dildos!), Fire Dog, My there won't be any expenses. tle larger. Chris needs a venue large Neighbor Ned, Neves, Waxed Elvis, Presently, the date has been pushed back for a while. Watch for poster campaign and lis- a massive Ned perform with gusto at Nowherefest II ten to CFNY, CKWS, and CKWII for My neighbour will Letters more details. from Ben TEAR YOUR S Boo-hoo tan-babies Army of him Dear liditor, Dear Editor, would like to take tills opportu- © I wish that all the sissies would I stop whining about the economy. nity to voice my disgust with the Who really cares if tuition goes up cloning of mammals, or rather the SOUL APART and student loan availability goes response that the boo-hoo-hooers down? If it keeps some white trash aire giving to this marvellous scien- away from post-secondary educa- tific. achievement. 1 am counting the tion, Bravo John Snobelen. .Jf stu- days until 1 am able to clone an dents have to give up alcohol to save entire army of me. About one hun- money, then hooray for the politi- dred should do. Just think of the cians! The four month summer that benefits.. . I could use them as tree YVLU students get is for working, not sources of spare parts. I could sell a tanning or partying or fooling few to some pharmaceutical com- around. "But there are no jobs!" pany for research. 1 could vanquish immur to lazy will shout. Grow up. Any my foes in a violent bloodbath. m The normal productive person can get One other possible use for this three jobs in any town in the world cloning technology: eliminate all the Don't be so stupid and proud that useless people. Find the best one you won't dig ditches for a while. thousand humans and clone them Moreover, you can make big bucks into eternity. I propose a massive harvesting the remains of long dead game of IViomonos to decide on the space-aliens. Oh, but the crybabies lucky few. don't like that! "I'm too scared," Ben Harris they'll yell. Grow up. crybabies. 800 hoo hoo hoo. 1 100 hoc. Ben Harris J with Humber's NO COVER BCFORI 9:00 $4.00 ON ■ SUNDAY — | Human Resource — 220 KING W.J | Management program —■ m mm mm- n rSTII Improve your opportunities for interesting and \r\r I IC rewarding employment by joining Humber's / GOLDEN CLOSE NOMINATIONS # M — Human Resource Management program. tNCtUOINC HI P? I M BEST PICTURE f153.-»£SgS *4 I"The • Program is only one year in length. (starting September) £ "The Best Film Of The Year!" • You will receive practical experience in a m mm * maMits's %% workplace field practice. W cmgaxtsiw _ mm EDMMmWJOtMW, • Successful completion will lead to professional desig- nation (CHRP) from the Human Resources Professionals TTT—WmE» Association of Ontario (HRPAO). 0 j-fUTTIbCI ».iM| ■tarn BINOCHE :mw DAKI mmm S€OTT THOMAS You must have a University (C®DD(M]@ PATIENT Degree or a 3 year College 1141 |IgJ|NGLISH W/ Diploma to qualify. { Film Guides at Wilfs & Info Booth 6 Princess St. W.. Waterloo 885-29501 16 March 5, 7997 theCord {Entertainment) Another bizarre journey DavidLynch's Lost Highway appears on no rational road map PETER SCHMIDT confusing film. him. still manages to prove why he is one dented display of repetitive, and CORD ENTERTAINMENT The most challenging aspect of This signifies the beginning of a of the most highly regarded often abusive sexuality, can thrive For almost two decades, David Lost Highway is its lack of a linear second story within the film, as American film-makers. His creative without being exploitive. Lynch has enthralled audiences with structure or plot development. Getty begins a torrid love affair with and analytical talents are accompa- However, the massive obscurity such highly creative films as Blue Initially, a jazz musician (Bill Arquette, who has reappeared as nied by stunning cinematography. of the main story threatens to over- Velvet and Wild At Heart. In these Pullman) and his wife (Patricia the love interest of a highly volatile The scattered inclusion of obscure whelm its cinematic ingenuity. films, Lynch depicts a world in Arquette) are being sent videotapes gangster, played by Robert Ixiggia. angle shots and rapid, blurry editing Whereas Lynch had previously which humanity, despite its con- of themselves. To add to this mys- But is this really a new story? There combine with the repeated use of related his disturbing tales to broad- trolled, rational premonitions, is tery, Pullman suspects her of infi- are numerous cross-references and dim lighting to further disguise and er social and psychological themes, enslaved to its most incomprehensi- delity and repeatedly has night- characters freely intermingle, yet distort conventional perceptions of Lost Highway is constricted by its ble and irrational impulses. mares of her grisly murder. But the film creeps along in no logical reality. A prominent example is seemingly impenetrable nature. It is Described by some critics as 'meta- perhaps he isn't dreaming, as he is direction. Arquette, who expertly when Lynch's trembling camera the ultimate postmodern journey, physical masturbation', Lynch's suddenly on death row for her mur- displays the eerie mood of the film repeatedly takes the viewer down a defying any sense of communal characters are increasingly held der. With similar incredulity, through simple facial expressions dark, deserted and never-ending understanding and suggesting that captive by their insatiable taste for Pullman is discovered to have inex- and body gestures, exemplifies this highway, symbolizing a world which life is bound to its most bizarre idio- sex and/or violence. In his latest plicably transformed into a young trend with her dual characters continually flirts with paranoia. syncrasies. It is a highly demanding, feature. Lost Highway, these themes mechanic (Balthazar Getty). Like which may or may not be the same These techniques provide a surreal- yet compelling film, definitely not for are at the forefront in what is the viewer, the authorities are simi- person. ist stage in which sporadic acts of all viewers tastes. Lynch's most daring, disturbing, yet larly perplexed and must release Despite these ambiguities. Lynch excessive violence and an unprece- Ear Candy Moby create a truly original album. The "Come on Baby" is the one most Animal Rights song pattern consists of easy instru- likely to be heard in the alternative Elektra mental, one song machine gun (?) clubs. beats. You could either love this album Few albums truly stand on their Instrumental songs like "Now I for its blending of genres in a sterile own, distinct from anything else Let It Go," and "Love Song For My market, or blow it off as some sell- being done at that time. When they Mom," are violin solos that lend out album. Either way, it's new, do, the overall effect is intriguing themselves more to mood music fresh and well worth checking out. because it's never what you expect. then contemporary music. Tim Durkin Moby has taken different sounds The remainder of the album is and laid them beside each other to more of a new music formula. Craig Cardiff Stuck Up In OuterSpace Ramona Records Craig Cardiff has what it takes to make a legitimate mark in music. He is a poet, a story teller, a fine musician and he possesses a gen- uine love for his craft. Bjork "Stuck Up In Outer Space", the Telegram follow up to '94's "Bunch of Elektra Names," sees Cardiff crafting his own unique talents. He has devel- Surprisingly, Bjork has done it. She oped the ability to create incredible has sold out. Her new album tales seemingly from thin air,and set "Telegram" appears to be just that - them to music in a way there is new. Nowhere on the CD is it indi- rarely seen today. The album is at sifcs- H cated that Bjork has simply re- times moving, lighthearted, which gwrillf Cardiff seem i USED CD 1 released old tracks. So, buyers continually makes beware. Bjork is out to get your more mature then his years. money; if the remixes don't get you, The most stirring song on the the packaging will. The CD is okay, album ironically is the hidden track. and quite funk} - songs like "cover With a poem by YV.H. Auden set to me" are remixed with strong drum music, Cardiff gives a heart wrench- and bass beats, but it's not unique. ing performance, with haunting Something that has always drawn -4)ack up vocals. Although this song listeners to Bjork is that she is differ- alone is worth picking up the album, ent. "To me the word remix is so it is not the only reason. underestimated," Bjork states. Sorry Cardiff's own words are so mov- honey, but let's be honest... A remix ing that one is drawn to them album is nothing new. Even your immediately. At a recent CD release die-hard fans can see that you're party, there was absolute silence so just trying to cash in "Post'"s suc- that this soft singing minstrel could cess. The fact that you don't even be properly heard. indicate on the jacket that Telegram Stuck Up In Outer Space is a is a remix CD is simply insulting. gem. Cardiff plays Wilfs this Friday, Possibly maybe you could head back so hear them for yourself. to the studio for a new CD. Tim Durkin I :: : la Melanie Seal I Eye Exams Arranged •We beat any competitor's coupons 50% Off Frames of Details I ~ „ at time purchase. in store. with complete purchase of passes. Entertain the Entertainers. I Over 3000 in stock • Start from $59 91 00 • Write Cord Entertainment. Details in store Expires March 15/97 • • & We accept all insurance Blue Cross • Green Shield Ministry of Community Social Services, and Welfare Canada *DVA theCord March 5, 1997 17 Rem'ant Soup or Easter Dinner or candy Ugly Child kitchen, clicked on brain K. Godden the hallway and Paul through after He could feel the foldout card tables and passed dinner. living and daily-installment tragedy habits Somewhere in the stuccoed vision very skinning up over his eyes like the room, the tellin' nearly whipped pate of and the world film of a burned cream soup. It dispensed a life- seared slowly, exposed and uncov- times, on a "Global Market Place" an order of keeps on turning ered, left to burn as liquid from setting, with fresh "Equilibrium Unemployment" Darren Winfield underneath; to burst forth of the collected, regu- moisture: congealing into a thick- which many blood Ls dripping down my ace hay coating and holding hi heat lar-viewers very nearly consumed making ened the sun is shining like charred skin. whole. die sky is blue sam varteniuk Gartner with Stir. Mechanical energy. Rotate "And here's Hana are chirping their song the birds hands. Clockwise. Move the Tomorrow Through Today, our the the my dog is chasing a squirrel around keep the flesh from news digest..." NEWS. North East i was making hay heat around; backyard. Keep it white; West South. Digest. Most did. on a windy day burning. somehow...cooked clean. He looked Eruptions of glucose consump- dripping down my face and i constructed a metaphor blood is at the spectrums that the oven- tion babbled momentarily 'round white shirt for irony and onto my new hood light and somehow reassur- the cortex as the rescribing screen my parents awake in the morning, of trig- ing, rising vapour splashed 'round spit light to start cascades and to work "Iron is like water, get dressed go the burners, already hungry again gered reactions in their brains. his friends because I'm made of water my brother sits with waiting—as usual. Channels in the neurons, new pro- and has a and I detest and and drinks his coffee, black, perfunctory spirituality teins produced: cells potentiated being wet." The cigarette (mostly a sort of guilty wistfulness and not; on and off; remembered and my grandmother dots her bingo cards see) that the and forgotten. so it started to rain so far as he could yells to harvest through "Because protein gets out pro- and i ran group (s)ought "BINGO" dinner "without a tein...New...protein power Wisk". to get away from all of the me another holiday one a' peter's family" fashioned "Were those noises coming from is dripping down my face and the irony blood itself quickly. So did it disappear their stomachs or mine?" he won- and mixing with my salty tears over the table like that sweet-steam dered. their classes during the day and i constructed a metaphor again my Mends attend rush as the microwave-melted skin Tightening slowly, layered mus- and party at night turkey cles constrict and relax, pressing "I am like Hypocrisy of a market-fresh ritual do they know Frozen!) crisp in the the merging forms of the remnant because I detest having me (Never dries do they care cooling air of unveiling at an unex- feast into absorption. "Dinner me all over me." will they remember pcctant table. was...": passing through, burned open, into base and 1 water, The thin spine of the dinner- saturated blood is dripping down my face "And if am made of bird, still blanketed in torn meat absorbable constituents, broken the gun drops from my hand then water is like Hypocrisy." as surfaced on the broth in the ladles . into what's required, pulled into the onto the floor marrow blood and kneaded into being "And ifwater is like Irony, of his hands. Even the and the world keeps on turning. eventually boil, "...filling but..." expanded stomach then Irony is Hypocritical." though would expanding through porous canals in coil tightening, tiow into emptiness, Anything on the all the tighter from stretching, ever since then the bones. leftover "...Cain I half some more?" the wind's made my hay plates after celebrations' starting lay- He realized he was talking to for me and forgetting moments, was ered into a pot and left: bubbling himself...mumbling really, though away on the backburner. "Rem'ant for a time it kept his mind from his Soup" it was called. It was tradition. stomach. The oven hood lights The apron hung off him, tight in whir taking on significance in the the wrong places; soaked almost layered lichening of steaming disap- into his skin. The flattened-twine pearance, under fan blades pitched wrap of its laminated collar hung audibly to exhaustion. "I'm just...' loose round his neck. It said "what's he began, but trailed off again cookin'?". unsure of what all just he was. Pressed silence, like a shirt from "Hungry". He took a slice of bread a box, had slipped over him, filling from where it lay on the table and is more just *$;/$ Neill-Wycik Co-operative College thon the shadows not left by the lights in sank it into the soup. £ -. {112 y Meet new friends, participate in Co-op living and access all -, Toronto to right ffl lyflKS has offer from your door r rß"® 00 All In One Cellular Rhone Service ' Starting from jvst $342. per month, s arts f*W t i |jw J HQ 95 Per — ■ Month °°^ IB f" Gai^s R °° m ' R etk bbqs ■ L:: | 24 hour Security • Sauna • la I % MB COMMUMIUTHNn tac. Underground Parking 3A-247 KING ST. 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Get trained now to begin in let - for 1-5 bedrooms together or how to use booklet is $68 tax incl. away 3 weeks in Europe on March September '97. Training date on separate. May - Sept. Call Jer or HOUSE FOR RENT Will last 3to 3 172 months. Call Matt 22nd??? True TURRET Story. Saturday March 22/97. Call now to Noah, 746-3982. $150 mth. 5 bedrooms, close to WLU, close to at 886-1411 or Bill at 885-1915. register - 743-5206. A child needs grocery store, bank, washer/dryer, EDUCATIONAL you! 3 female roommates looking for a gas heated, large driveway. MUST SELL fourth. May to May lease. Only min- $265/per month/per room. Call 742- Mac Powerbook 520 laptop. Best Coaches Needed utes away from campus. If interest- 9562. offer over $700. Call 571-4088 after TIME CONSTRAINTS?? WATERLOO MINOR SOCCER needs ed, or for more info, call 747-3277. 6 pm. Leave a message. Writer's block? Can't find the words coaches and assistant coaches. Do 3 BEDROOM BASEMENT APT. or the right research materials you you have the time and talent to SUMMER SUBLET Minutes away from WLU campus. EVENTS need? We can help! WRITE: Custom share from May to July? Please call 2 bedrooms of 5, 2 full Fridge, stove, washer, dryer, water Essay Service, 4 Collier St., Suite 578-9680. bathrooms, huge kitchen, air condi- softener & purifier, parking. 201, Toronto, Canada, M4W IL7. tioning, across from Bricker Separate entrance. May to April TURRET OUTDOOR ADVENTURE CALL: (416)960-9042. FAX: (416) PMPIHVMFMT Residence, great location, lease. $105(Vmonth, utilities includ- SERIES begins this Thursday. Up for 960-0240. EIVIrLU TIrIOVI $200/month. Adrienne or Caroline, ed. Phone 886-2971. grabs this week. Pair of BLUE JAYS 883-9593. 100 levels each Thurs./Fri. and LSAT-MCAT-GMAT-GRE PREP •Attention Sociology Students* Summer Sublet Available loads of INDOOR ROCK CLIMBING Spring/Summer classes are now Wanted - SOC 321 (Research HOUSING AVAILABLE Tired of being late for class? How courtesy of NORTH ROCK/BOULDER forming. Course formats range from Methods I) tutor for fall 1997. Call May to May lease. Spacious 5 bed- about a house that's alO second CITY climbers. Learn to Scuba 20 to 80 hours. 20 hour weekends - 725-8178, ask for Diana. $9/hr. room house. $285 each + utilities. 2 walk from Campus? 3 bedroom Course. Could be free to you on are available for $195. Richardson bedroom basement apartment, apartment available at 193 Albert alternative rock Friday with DEAN'S Since 1979. www.prep.com or Help Wanted $235 each + utilties. View Thursday St. May 1/97 - Sept 1/97. All 3 bed- SPORT n' DIVE [email protected] or 1-800-410-PREP. $9.00 per hour guaranteed! Work March 6or Friday March 7 from 4-9 rooms together or single rooms. BLUE JAYS tickets, win 'em with others on door-to-door p.m. at 104 Peppier St. f'undraising program for local chaii- ty. Must speak fluent English. We Summer Sublet H B k®a Hi If] I "/Al "11 n ft | m |uI Ji *J ■ canvass evenings: Mon.-Fri., 5:30- May 1/97 to Aug. 28/97. Large 3 9:00 pm & Saturdays, 4:00-7:00 pm. bedroom condo only 5 minutes from wM We require people to work between WLU. Balcony, large closets, storage 9 to 15 hours per week. laundry facilities, parking. Rent $185/ - negotiable. Call Transportation to area provided. month LVi »] WEDNESDAYS 9 Phone: 747-5850, Mon.-Fri. 884-6362. r Two Roommates Needed | Movies or Television Two female, non-smoking room- THURSDAY 6 H ! 111 ik"! Interested being or mates needed for Sept. in in Movies 1997. 321 _ lImUM Television? Let us help you get start- Spruce St. Four bedroom unit. L/ U I VJI EUbJuXSfI ed. Call 745-2888 for information. Laundry, licensed, parking, one year DISAPPEAR FEAR No sign-up fees. Serious inquiries lease. Call Alanna or Keri - 886- *-<<<»> s COIR AY 24 3? only. Photos are required - Grand 3033. Juno a».rd Ikmi. DAVE STRON3MAK t rrri •=■ EP River Talent, a new service. TQW&BAI^^ | p V WE[_p j SUMMER JOBS One female non-smoker needed for trf.ym v| .7.SATURDAY 22 Imikf MrKFNNA'S ~ I Applications are now being accept- a furnished bedroom on Spruce St. W '*1 | RpoiATial nj Tr\rTirT\mrn - ed for summer jobs on cruiseships. May Sept. Price negotiable. Call Bclf&Food ' VVIIMJJEjJa. airlines, and resorts. No experience Keri@BB6-3033. .FCStJVJII '■ CD RELEASE PART\ necessary. For more information lIA/FDIVIFSPAY T2 117773»V1 jr) send $2 and a self-addressed HOUSE FOR RENT II 4I V V liIT 11 TI yiWlllWl » & stamped envelope to: World Wide Great price, walk to campus, great lIAI*l*l \|11 : II 111 , I jfilUik-|l ills\ 1 jj*tll P "** ' Travel Club, 6021 Yonge Street, location. 8 bedroom house, kitchen ] ' iVL'OIVI'~ I — Suite 1040, Ontario and living 2 bathrooms, laun- ' Toronto, M2M room, ajil-hj ..nu jtli 3W2. dry facilities, full size freezer. 5 min THURSDAY 27FROM THE LOWEST OF THE LOW walk to campus. Licensed. Flow MICHEL College Pro Painters $25(Vperson. Available May 1. hrst RTXTnTKn1B & i'he and ColiectaMes Trainer, painters cold callers come first serve to schedule a view- JMI cninnv oo needed for the summer. Earn ing. Call Trevor @884-3189. FRIDAY 28 5 " skills. Please FABULOUS HOUSE | call l-800-465-28 39 or |t| Yli 1/ Iff Mike in Waterloo: 883-9422. Spacious and in great condition. " Ixtoking for a group of 5 people. Two FRIDAY J Action Window Cleaners kitchens, two bathrooms, 5 bed- fgVjVll SI/&*&!'(t Need a job? Window cleaners and rooms, common room, veranda, /m. ; cold callers needed to work in back porch and more. 5 minutes <' - BW j B\j Waterloo and Cambridge this sum- from WLU. MAY TO APRIL lease, mer. Call Doug at 725-9825. utilities included. Call 888-0279. I HOUSING Need students, preferrably non- 2 __ _ _ smoking, to sublet 2 rooms in a 4 IVi ij | Wanted bedroom unit. Located 30 seconds BlMlllllllW l!l!W B Jtl|¥!•§HM|i"§ 1 1111nVB One male/female to share 4 bed- away from campus on Bricker Ave. BUfcUllulLMlUlilULllAlllifl room $185 Contact at apartment. May-Aug., Rent negotiable. Jenny OPEN FOR • WEBER & VICTORIA $310 Sept.-April, 1 min. to Launer, 2 883-9582. ■ ■ nt|#%u /nuiuiipn aihi \ DOWNTOWN bathrooms gas heating parking LUIMCH/DIIMIMER JPW* , laundry, non-smoker preferred. Call SUMMER SUBLET 7 DAYS A WEEK. J KITCHENER. 885-6973. 5 bedroom, 2 bath, utilities included, H AM TO 2 AM. »•* PHONE 576-6200 deck, clean, laundry, " patio doors to // / / //>/+#■/> •/-' / to u* * a pocd tome. ROOMMATE/FRIEND WANTED parking, furnished, available MayJ 1. n w h T frwnd wife . Our new Webpage address is: c „ i , Cyberdineout.com o guys looking for roommate to Great price, 5 minute walk to WLU. theCord March 5, 1997 19 I TURRET Outdoor Adventure Series I I March means time for returns on your T9P. Turret Social Program offers you a great I 1 I oppor+unnity to benefit as it's time to start summer dreamin . The Turret is getting you I I prepared for excitement and adventure with a fantastic promotional giveaway to get I your adrenalin charged up for the nice weather. I Every Thurs/Fri. in March: A quality pair of 100 Level Blue Jay Tickets! I I Guess how many cans are in the Red EX Canoe, I I ou cou ' c' a haPPy camper on March 12. I I donates a 3 month Indoor Rock Climbing Membership valued at $170+ I Thurdsday, MarchG 3 month, 1 month, and oodles of day passes Boulder City Night! up for grabs for K-W's newest Premier I Indoor Climbing Club I I Friday, March 7 like Charlie the Tuna and learn to breath I underwater! Discover the excitement and I dive beauty of SCUBA, with an open water I 1 648-3121 Br«®iau certification course. I I Thursday, March 13 Why jump out of a perfectly good flying airplane? I Because its FUN! Ist jump course will certainly get 1111 the adrenalin pumpin 1 Toronto Parachuting Club You're upside down in bubbly water, carrying big paddles and I Friday, March 14 wearing a helmet, and no this isn't your bathtub! Learn to I WhiteWater Kayak the Elora Gorge. Free Weekend course with Equinox. I Thursday March 20 E xc'*emen* Whitewater Rafting the Ottawa River with I Wilderness Tours. Canada's premier rafting facility offers up I Wilderness weekends for two people with a bungee jump for the I I Tours summer of 1997! Don't miss this one!! I HOX 89. BEAUONI ARJO. CAN AIM Ko| ><:u I Big Red EX Canoe Giveaway: over all 6 nights! I Friday, March 21 Enter your name and guess the # of Export Cans in the ■ Hawks Nest Canoe and you could paddle away a happy camper. I I We are the excitement at WLU I I TUKKE Email feedback at [email protected] I