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Fhe JEFFERSONIAN Give the Average Man a New Name for the Democrats to Vote for Parker, for President It’S No Harm to Ask a Fair Diarrhea

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Fhe JEFFERSONIAN Give the Average Man a New Name for the Democrats to Vote for Parker, for President It’S No Harm to Ask a Fair Diarrhea PAGE SIX fHE JEFFERSONIAN give the average man a new name for the Democrats to vote for Parker, for President It’s No Harm to Ask a Fair diarrhea. of the United States. let in spite of all of Bryan’s posing, his Bryan called Parker the Moses of Democ- Question, Is It? cast-iron smile, his patent-leather serenity, racy. IN the Christian of last I his Standard week, chummyness with the Almighty, and his Bryan said that Parker’s “ideals” were 1 find a nice little editorial under the head- volunteer guardianship of the Ten Com- the same as his own. line— mandments, he is losing ground. Our monu- Bryan kept this tip during the whole cam- “llope Sees a Star." mental Pecksniff is in his decline. His grape paign, and he hotly resented the insinuation Those things which caused Hope to see the juice beverage, and his pantalettes decorum, that he was not honest and sincere in plead- and his Star, come right along under the headline: bib-and-tucker moralities are begin- ing for Parker’s election. That was in 1904. Here they are—the which Hope ning to become things caused tiresome, even to the little In 1908, Bryan was again the Democratic to see that Star: Pecksniffs. nominee. Now that Bryan is a noisy and Bryan sought the support of perpetual- Parker, of First of all, the grand farce known as the motion Secretary of State, it is easier for the Sheehan, of Ryan, of Belmont, of Tammany “Inaugural Ball” was eliminated. Then the average man to size him up. He is just a —and got it. Misses Wilson register a womanly protest against placeman, and people naturally compare Bryan sought the money of August Bel- those modern abominations that are a disgrace him even to dance-halls—the to other placemen. a mont unnamable gyrations He is member of a and of Thomas F. Ryan,—AND HE publicly executed by shameless persons -as a President’s cabinet, and lie is necessarily GOT IT. “social” performance. And now we are refreshed compared with other members of that family. Let him deny it, if he can. by the spectacle of Miss Jessie Woodrow Wilson Consequently, Bryan's halo grows In 1912, Bryan was an instructed Champ addressing a convention of the Young Woman’s dimmer, Christian Association “just like girls.” month by month, from natural causes. As the Clark delegate. other year lengthens, and it is realized that he is As an honorable man, it was his duty to nothing but a talker, who must always lie decline to accept the place as delegate, if he That’s what you might call good reading matter. appearing on the stage to make another felt that he could not use every reasonable speech, the most ardent Bryanites are going effort to secure Clark’s nomination. '"The Inaugural Ball was eliminated." to see their idol in his proper light. Bryan had appeared to work hard to have Was it? They gave the rose another name, * but it Bryan, who stumped Nebraska for the open Parker elected President. Clark had loyally smelt just as sweet: the dancers danced barroom, cuts a poor figure with his grape followed Bryan’s lead in that campaign. in tune, as gaily as they did when other juice—he, an official host, who hastens to Thousands—yes, millions, —of Silver Demo- Presidents came forward to swing the world spread an official banquet for official guests crats had voted for Parker, the Gold-bug, by the tail. and then denies to those official guests the for no other reason than that Bryan begged “Then the Missess Wilson register a privileges which have always gone with offi- them to do so. womanly protest against those * * * cial banquets. Yet, after Bryan had been appointed and unnamable gyrations of the dance-halls.” It may not be self-righteousness in Mr. instructed as a Champ Clark delegate to the A/by call the “Turkey trot” unnamable? Bryan to cast a reproach upon the table- Baltimore Convention, he put a 'written Why forget that the mother of the Misses habits of such men as George Washington, demand on Clark, requiring Clark to promise AVilson was reported as saying that “my 1 homas Jefferson, Abraham Lincoln, Andrew that he will oppose Alton B. Parker for the girls don't know how to dance the Turkey Jackson, Robert E. Lee, Alexander H. Steph- temporary party honor of Temporary Chair- trot?” ens and Edward Everett—not to mention man of the party convention! And why ignore the fact that the Misses hosts of others of the world's most illustri- Parker had been the party nominee for AVilson soon afterwards amazed their mama ous scholars, statesmen, clergymen and edu- President: Bryan had acquiesced and sup- by showing that they could dance the Tur- cators—but it seems a queer thing that this ported Parker: Bryan had afterwards sought key trot to beat the band and the experts? the complacent Pecksniff should virtually rebuke support of the votes and the money of “Hope sees a Star!” Amen. But where? eJesus Christ for providing “the best wine” Parker's friends: Parker was the same man that was used at a in 1912 that he had been in 1908 and in 1904, marriage feast in Galilee, Proceeding with the facts which caused some 1900 years before it pleased heaven to but because Bryan needs an excuse to stab (’hump Hope to see a Star, the writer in the Stand- send us W. J. Bryan. Clark, Parker suddenly becomes unfit ard says: let this cheap political comedian, whose for so small and fleeting a compliment as pose is that of lemporary Chairman of the the typical Pharisee, has been party conven- And the White House more tion I is to be dry! When unscrupulous, as to principle, than any President and Mrs. Hayes dared institute such an American politician who has ever achieved Champ Clark did not think that one of his innovation, they were laughed at by many. Not his prominence and own instructed delegates had a right to dic- so now, for a fine note of approval rises from all popularity. parts of the land. Elected to Congress by the tate to him, on such an unheard of proposi- Populists, And, think of it, Secretary of State Bryan and because he posed as a young man who agreed tion, and he very properly left it to the Con- Vice-President Marshall vention teach classes in Bible with them in principle, he used his influence to select its own Temporary Chair- schools! And Mr. Tumulty is instructed to order that no for the Sugar Trust, voted to keep a high tax man. business be brought to the President on From that Sunday unless it be very urgent. on sugar, and lobbied for the Trust, in the moment, every act and word of Moral Bryan proved and religious forces have labored and Senate. that if he could not get the waited long for such a day as this. Having done this, it was quite like Bryan nomination for himself, he meant that Clark to accuse Oscar should not have it. Underwood of being the tool Excuse me, while I weep, and wipe my of the Steel Trust. The Judas-act was successful, and the old briny eyes. Nominated for the war-horse of Missouri: was most foully Presidency in 1896, by The thought of how long and how hard the Democrats on account of his Free Silver slaughtered by the wilful, premeditated lies of our “moral and religious forces have labored pose, and then nominated by the Populists his instructed delegate, AV. J. Bryan. and As Scott waited for such a day as this,” affects me on account of his Populist leanings, he was Mr. C. Bone says, “the responsi- tearfully. false to the platforms of both parties, in that bility for it will be with him forever.” Tom Marshall, V. P. teaching a Bible he kept Sewall, of Maine, on the ticket— hen r^son an d Bryan endeavor to play the Third Act, three class! It hasn’t been twelve months since Sewall being in principle to very opposite of years hence, they will be what Bryan hear from that cruel political was making ram snortious speeches in pretended to be. That he played assassination advocacy of unhampered the Populists of old Champ Clark. r liquor-selling!!! false, and treated Watson to AA the same perfidy illiam Bryan S. of S. teaching a Bible that Richard P. Bland, Wil- class! liam R. Hearst and Champ Clark got from him, is history. Now’s a Good Time to Under- It hasn’t been three months since he vir- tually Did you ever know stand admitted that he lied Champ Clark out anything that equalled the Tariff. the the cold treachery with which he Democrats of Presidency!!! vrenared \X/E are now going into a big AVoodrow Wilson let to knife Clark? vv debate on the Tariff. won’t his Jesuit secre- tary bring him business on Consider the facts: It is in Congress, Sunday! that we are going to have And it has not been a year since Bryan had sulked,after Parker's nomina- another fight on the Tariff. he—AVil- son—and Bryan and the and the tion in 1904, until certain terms were made I his fight will be number Sixteen Jesuit, Rail- with him by August thousand road gang from New Jersey, and the Roman- Belmont, Thomas F. and forty-eight that we have had on the ist gang from Jersey, New Ryan and William Sheehan.
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