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2011 25 Years Wasted The Krewe du Vieux Presents PURPLE PROSE, YELLOW Le Monde de Merde JOURNALISM AND THE LUST Vol. 20, No. 1 February 19, 2011 Priceless FOR GREEN Krewe du Vieux “25 Years Wasted” (Don) Marshall Law Declared Krewe du Vieux GOOFYPOSITIONINGSYSTEM NEW OILEANS – How could a year Rabid Tea Partiers demanded that gov- that started off so well end up being so ernment get out of their lives, then drove trashed? But what a start it was! home from their rallies in cars built with Royal Street The devil and his insurance company government subsidies, using fuel pro- Royal Street minions had to sharpen up their ice skates duced with government subsidies, on as the Saints won the Super Bowl. New roads paved by government, to pick up Orleanians proved you can celebrate a their government checks delivered by Chartres Street world championship without smashing government employees. The irony ap- Frenchmen Street stores or burning cars; in the French parently escaped them. Street Toulouse Decatur Street Quarter after the game, little old uptown The economy staggered like a French Franklin Avenue ladies in fur coats unreservedly hugged Quarter tourist, causing President homeboys with their caps on backwards Yomama to raise a concerned eyebrow. Parade Route of the Krewe du Vieux, Saturday, February 19, 2011 at 6:30 PM and their pants halfway down to their Health care reform finally passed after knees, and at midnight, there was a traf- sixty years, making Republicans sick. media frenzy of the 25-hour news cycle plated, mis-stated, mislaid, waylaid, over- fic jam heading INTO downtown. Bless The upshot of all this was the November and the corporations willing to sell the laid and overplayed interpretations of the you boys! elections, which produced a new world for thirty pieces of silver, Krewe theme. Subkrewes include the Krewe of Everyone was still basking in a black and Speaker of the House: some dude named du Vieux decided to focus on the silver C.R.U.D.E., Krewe of Space Age Love, gold glow when election season opened, John Boner, who is apparently a real stiff. lining in all this and celebrate 25 Years Krewe of Underwear, Seeds of Decline, and sure enough, the city was hit with a Despite these and other distractions, Wasted. The silver belles and silver- Krewe of Mama Roux, Krewe of major Moonson and the City Council the American public put its laser-like fo- tongued devils of the Krewe will follow L.E.W.D., Krewe of Drips and Dis- descended into kaos. Most voters thought cus on the really important issue: new the silver brick road to various way sta- charges, Krewe of K.A.O.S., Knights this was an excellent turn of events. airport scanners that display a revealing tions in the French Quarter and Faubourg of Mondu, T.O.K.I.N., Krewe Rue Then things got oily. image of the human body. At Louis Marigny on Saturday, February 19 at Bourbon, Krewe de C.R.A.P.S., Krewe Since it happened right before the an- Armstrong Airport, TSA staffers (aka the 6:30 PM. Parade-goers are advised to of PAN, Mystic Krewe of Spermes, nual Spaz and Heretics Festival, most Good Hands People) minimized com- hide the silver while marchers attempt Mystic Krewe of Comatose, Mystic locals didn’t really grasp the immediate plaints by tossing Mardi Gras beads to to hide the pickle. Krewe of Inane, and Krewe du Mishigas. implications of the BP (Big Pricks) oil passengers after they were scanned. Marshalling this year’s parade will be Also marching will be many of the city’s spill. BP (Buggered Poltroons) execu- Reports that the idea for the scanners King Don Marshall (not Marshall Don top brass bands. Showcasing the local tives initially claimed “It’s just a flesh came out of Michelle Yomama’s attempts King, you can tell by the hair), who brass band talent is one of few Krewe wound,” grotesquely underplaying the to get Americans to lose weight could has wasted away a few hours in du Vieux traditions that the new Repub- environmental horrors. not be confirmed at press time. Margaritaville with Bloody Mary, Mary lican majority is not trying to repeal. CEO Tony Hayride, whose suffering Back on the local scene, former Tech- Juana and other “friends”. Co-founder The Krewe du Vieux is a non-profit moved the entire world (excepting a few nology Guru Greg Meffert pleaded guilty of both the Krewe of Clones and the organization dedicated to the historical oiled pelicans, turtles and dolphins), was un- to corruption and operating an oversized Krewe du Vieux – and still atoning for and traditional concept of a Mardi Gras able to contain himself or much of anything ego without a license. Stormy Daniels both – King Don (not King Cong, you parade as a venue for individual creative else. Top kills, junk shots and relief wells was unable to unseat Sen. David Vitter, can tell by the hair) is a behind-the-scenes expression and satirical comment. It is entered the local lingo as BP (Bastard though what else she may have done to silverback of New Orleans culture, hav- unique among all Mardi Gras parades Petroleum) searched for a Corexit strategy. him remains locked in an FBI file. The ing played key roles at different times because it alone carries on the old Car- It felt like winning the Super Bowl all City Council downgraded marijuana pos- with the CAC, Le Petit Theatre, Jazz nival traditions, by using decorated, hand over again when the Macondo well was session and prostitution to municipal of- Fest and more. He will no doubt exit the or mule-drawn floats with satirical finally capped. Only this time there was fenses, so trading joints for sex will no float a few brain cells lighter as he helps themes, accompanied by costumed rev- no black and gold, just black: black longer land you in jail. And the whole city the Krewe waste another year. elers dancing to the sounds of jazzy street marshes, black beaches, black wildlife. fell into a topical depression when Nash The Krewe du Vieux’s seventeen musicians. We believe in exposing the Things were crazy around the rest of Roberts passed away. subkrewes will each present their own world to the true nature of Mardi Gras – the country too. Despite the two-bit politicians, the trashed, toasted, panty-wasted, silver and in exposing ourselves to the world. – 1 – Don Marshall: The Clown Prince of Culture Her majesty also marched in the first- ever Krewe du Vieux parade back in Some people would be satisfied to help nor did it deter King Don. Now direc- bedrooms) of the wealthy to shake down 1987, placing her in an elite group of found one of the wackiest Carnival tor of Le Petit Theatre, he had been a little change for art’s sake. people who can truly claim 25 Years parades of all time. Some people would looking for ways to draw more people “You have to be able to play in the Wasted. be content to help save one New Or- into the French Quarter. Our schem- corporate world, because that’s where Turning slightly serious for a moment, leans cultural institution. Some people ing Sultan also realized that if the pa- the money is,” explains the Emperor, our mellow monarch mused, “My wish would be happy to help launch one great rade was the Saturday before Carni- “but you gotta live for the creativity – for my subjects is that we all give thanks new festival. val officially began, he could a) avoid it’s what makes this city special. I’m for this Garden of Eden we call New Some people would not be Don having to get a parade permit and b) fortunate to be able to bring those two Orleans, where our lush land provides Marshall, King of Krewe du Vieux 2011, march in the Vieux Carré. worlds together in a way that helps fund beauty and nourishment, our food brings blessed with a creative streak as long “I contacted leaders of a few of the our culture.” spice to our lives, our exotic art and ar- as his attention span is short. subkrewes, like Susan Smola and King Don believes that Jazz Fest had chitecture create a living environment King Don first assured his place in Spoons Johnson,” recalls King Don, to be saved. “No other nonprofit in the that elevates our spirit, our traditions New Orleans infamy as a co-founder “and everyone jumped right on board. United States produces such a festival, celebrate life, and our music gives us of the legendary Krewe of Clones. The parade night that year was and also generates such revenue to re- soul.” Conceived (some might say ill-con- Valentine’s Day, so we went with `Odd invest back into the community.” Now it’s off for a night of drinking, ceived) initially as a fundraiser for the Couples’ as a theme. Charmaine Neville The visionary Viscount saw an op- feasting and parading. There will be 25 Contemporary Arts Center, for which was the Queen, and we had a papier portunity to increase the Jazz Fest beers tasted; roasted corn to the tune of our managerial maharajah was the Ex- maché head of Sheriff Harry Lee as the Foundation’s revenue by adding more 25 ears basted; and for those who overdo ecutive Director, in its first year Clones King.” small festivals to the calendar; this led it and fall by the wayside, 25 rears pasted.
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