The Serious Business Waifu CYOA v. 2.0 by NyuuLucy “because pictures are for casuals” Note: Its easier if instead of rolling in post you use a dedicated dice roller like https://www.wizards.com/dnd/dice/dice.htm Roll a D100 42 times (subsequent rerolls will, almost certainly, be called for however) ● Your waifu posseses [20] total trait slots. ● To fill these slots you must first freely select 1 trait from any of the categories. ● Her second trait slot must be filled by a trait from the “Endearing Foible” category. To determine which foible roll twice on the foible chart and pick one. ● The remaining slots may be filled by selecting traits freely from your PTP (potential trait pool). Your potential trait pool is generated by rolling for a specified number of traits from each category. To ensure no single category is over or under represented traits from each individual category must fill a specified minimum number of slots and may not fill more than a specified maximum number of slots. ● If you dislike all of your available traits from a given category you may reroll that category however for each such reroll you must fill an additional slot with a foible generated in the same manner as the first (roll two pick one) allowing fewer total choices from your PTP. ● If you roll the same number more than once when rolling for a particular category that trait instantly and irrevocably occupies a trait slot ● If you should happen to roll 47 twice at the same time you must roll once on the Critical Hit category (these options do not occupy trait slots) ● Some traits provide an additional “bonus Trait” unless otherwise specified they do not occupy one of your 20 trait slots enabling your waifu to posses more than 20 total traits. How did you meet? Roll 3 (min 1 slot, max 3) ​ 1­5: Greencard: You’re a mail­order groom she purchased over the Internet. ​ ​ 6­10: Do You Feel Lucky… Punk?: Blind date ​ ​ 11­15: Waifuhouse Five: The Vorlons needed a breeding pair and you were both highly ​ ​ abductable. 16­20: Unaccompanied Minor: Conspiracy between talk show host and one of your offspring ​ ​ involving the Empire State Building and an unrepentant neighbor child. 21­25: They Brought In A Professional: Matchmaker ​ ​ 26­30: The Treaty of Her­Thigh: Your two noble peoples sought an end to the great war ​ ​ ​ ​ 31­35: The Bachelor/Bachelorette: You can choose which of you was the rose provider. ​ ​ 36­40: A Negative Times a Negative… : Your beer goggles canceled each other out. ​ ​ 41­45: So Educational!: School ​ ​ 46­50: Worthy Foe: She cut you off in traffic, you both road raged and got in massive fist fight ​ ​ in the middle of the street eventually sending each other to the hospital. Due to bed shortage you were admitted to the same room. 51­55: Runescape ​ 56­60: The Handoff: Friend of a friend ​ ​ 61­65: Lust Can Blossom: One of you was dispatched to terminate the other and your affection ​ ​ germinated. 66­70: “I’d Give My Soul To Find A Good Man In This Town.”: One of you pledged your ​ ​ soul to dark powers in exchange for the other’s coordinates. 71­75: Childhood Friend: what it says on the tin ​ ​ 76­80: National Geographic: She was attracted by your potent scent markings, bright plumage, ​ ​ ​ ​ and impressive dominance displays. 81­85: Win­Win: You were both looking for someone to make your ex jealous. ​ ​ 86­90: Suspect Is Still at Large: She was a random passer­by when Cupid shot you, she ran ​ ​ over and kept pressure on the wound until the paramedics arrived. 91­95: The Darkhorse: God felt his core fanbase wasn’t warming to original female lead and ​ ​ totally loved you as a pair when he read it portrayed in a crackship fap­fiction he happened to read one night featuring a character from a totally different franchise. 96­100: There Were No Other Survivors… ​ roll 7, min 1 slot max 3. Waifu’s Occupation: ​ 1. Nurse ​ ​ ​ 2. Homemaker ​ ​ 3. Submariner: Her job takes her away for months at a time most of the time. ​ ​ 4. Important Politician: Smile for the cameras Honey ​ ​ 5. Supermodel ​ ​ 6. Superhero ​ ​ 7. Supervillain ​ ​ 8. Sidekick ​ ​ 9. Henchman ​ ​ 10. School teacher ​ ​ 11. Mob fixer ​ ​ 12. Pop Idol ​ ​ 13. Dilettante ​ ​ 14. Particle physicist ​ ​ 15. Wildlife biologist ​ ​ 16. Programmer ​ ​ 17. RMT WOW player ​ ​ 18. Con­artist ​ ​ 19. Carney ​ ​ 1. Bearded Lady 2. Strong­Person 3. Lion Tamer 4. Lion Whisperer 5. Clown 6. Acrobat 7. Contortionist 8. Knife­Thrower 9. Chick who has knives thrown at her 10. Fortune Teller 11. Fetches water for any and all pachyaderms 20. Unemployed ​ ​ 21. Student ​ ​ 1. Computer Science 2. Philosophy 3. Psychology 22. Driving the cursed English from the holy kingdom of France ​ ​ 23. Krav Maga instructor ​ ​ 24. Carpenter ​ ​ 25. Bass guitarist ​ ​ 26. Therapist ​ ​ 27. Consiglieri to Don Martha of the Infamous Stewart Crime Family ​ ​ 28. Writer ​ ​ 29. Factory worker ​ ​ 30. Coal miner ​ ​ 31. WNBA referee ​ ​ 32. Drifts from job to job ​ ​ 33. Lawyer ​ ​ 34. CIA analyst ​ ​ 35. Deep cover FSB agent ​ ​ 36. Street Judge ​ ​ 37. Corporate CEO ​ ​ 38. The Don ​ ​ 39. Traffic agent for the FBI ​ ​ 40. Weatherwoman ​ ​ 41. She’s one of the Avengers 42. Defensive end for the Detroit Lions 43. She Sits on the Counsel of The Nine that legend and mystery shrouded body behind the ancient conspiracy that is the true decider of what changes shall and shall not be made to the one TRUE law, the iron law from which none have ever known freedom, the “accepted” rules of proper English grammar and punctuation. Among to those few who know of the arcane and forbidden world of grammar codification she is known only as the Dread Fuhrer, most terrible and feared of the nine whose terrible true agenda others may only wonder of with hearts gripped in coldest terror. 44. TSA Screener 45. Boom Camera Operator for Paramount. 46. Shill for Fox News 47. Mad Scientist 48. System Admin for pornhub 49. D­list celebrity who’s day job is filling in when Late Night Comedy shows scheduled guest cancels. 50. Secret Shopper for international black arms market 51. Rogue IRS agent 52. Eats Falafel in front of webcam 53. Psychic Medium 54. Coast Guard rescue diver. 55. Stuffed Animal playtester 56. hedge wizard 57. Flower shop girl 58. starving artist 59. Supermarket employee in charge of helping find mommies 60. NY Times tweet critic 61. Lounge Singer 62. Assayer for BLM (btw apologies to all non­americafags, I’m hoping most of you dirty foreigners live somewhere with analogous government entities/political jokes) 63. Writer for Saturday Night Live 64. DJ 65. Real Estate Agent 66. Mailperson 67. Inspector for the International Atomic Energy Commission 68. backup vocalist for whatever vapid pop star Disney is pushing this week. 69. Professional YouTube commenter 70. Physical Therapist 71. Quack sports analyst for ESPN. 72. Member of the Glorious Leaders personal protection detail responsible for first making sure any toilet he uses hasn’t been tampered with. 73. Internet Screener for the PRC specialized in making sure EMP flix, redtube, and the like haven’t had any objectionable content about the Tienamen Square Massacre or what a shitty screenwriter Chairman Mao was sneakily spliced into any seemingly harmless ball­stomping or raplay videos. 74. NASA employee responsible for shooing all of the gators off the landing strip at Kennedy Space Center. (This is a REAL job) 75. Professional Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle at Disneyland. 76. Hostage Negotiator. 77. IRA JAG officer 78. Marine Scout Sniper or Parajumper 79. Bomb Sniffing dog handler. 80. Pirate/Privateer. 81. Fluffer 82. Hairstylist 83. Cat Burgler 84. Voice Actress 85. Insurance claims adjuster 86. Key Grip 87. Cosmonaut 88. Dog Groomer/Cosmatologist 89. Craps Dealer 90. Book­On­Tape Reader 91. Coolie 92. HVAC Technician 93. Works For The County 94. Alpaca Breeder 95. Postal Worker 96. Blacksmith 97. Primus Pilus 98. Gondolier (they finally integrated!) 99. Helicopter Mechanic 100. Avon Lady What’s “your song?” Roll 3 (min 1 max 1) ​ 1. Matt Mulholand cover of Pokemon Theme 2. Marine Corps. Hymn 3. Um Bop—Hanson 4. My Heart Will Go On—Celine Dion 5. The Wheels On The Bus (Speedmetal version) 6. Don’t Stop Believing—Journey 7. Entire Moulin Rouge Soundtrack 8. Schism—Tool 9. Sandstorm—Darude 10. Hakuna Matata—Simba, Timone, Pumba 11. You Can’t Touch This—MC Hammer 12. If I were a Rich Man—Fiddler on The Roof 13. Babyback Rib Jingle 14. Turn The Page—Bob Seger 15. The Luckiest—Ben Folds 16. Auld Lang Syne 17. Spongebob Theme 18. The couple who live in the apartment upstairs having makeup sex. 19. Louie Louie­­? 20. Veterans of the Psychic Wars—Blue Oyster Cult 21. Waltzing Matilda 22. Chocolate Rain by Tay Zonday 23. Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen 24. Love is Gone by David Guetta 25. Tank! By the Seatbelts 26. Tobi no Tachi 27. Kiseki no Umi (Record of Lodoss War: Chronicles of the Heroic Knights Opening theme) 28. Nyan­Cat Song 29. What’s Up Pussycat by Tom Jones 30. Desert Rose by Sting 31. That Thing You Do from that Tom Hanks band movie 32. Oh Come Oh Come Emmanuel 33. Amazing Grace 34. Tube Snake Boogie by ZZ Top 35. Indestructible by Disturbed 36. Bodies by Drowning Pool 37. Fortunate Son by CCR 38. Anna Godda Da Vida by Golden Earring 39. Ballroom Blitz by the Misfits 40. The Dragonborn Comes 41. The Twelve Days of Christmas 42.