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September 2006 THE UNDERGRADUATE MAGAZINE OF COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY, EST. 1890 Vol. XIII No. I September 2006 BACK TO SCHOOL SPECIAL The Bureaucrobats, mapping Columbia life, and more THE DECLINE OF CONTEMPORARY CIVILIZATION Has the Core been hollowed out? by Brendan Pierson ALSO: ONWARD AND BRONXWARD WITH THE ARTS, BEN STEIN Editor-in-Chief AVI ZVI ZENILMAN Publisher ANDREW RICHARD RUSSETH Managing Editors JESSICA SHIZU ISOKAWA JOSIE DOLL SWINDLER TAYLOR WALSH (Bwog) Graphics Editor Web Master JERONE HSU ZACHARY VAN SCHOUWEN Culture Editor MARC TRACY Senior Editors BRENDAN O. PIERSON PAUL B. BARNDT ANDREW M. FLYNN JAMES R. WILLIAMS Editors-at-Large ADDISON ANDERSON, TESS CAROTA, IGGY CORTEZ, IZUMI DEVALIER, NICHOLAS FRISCH Deputy Publisher INGRID SCHOLZE Bwog Editors LYDIA DEPILLIS, SARA VOGEL Staff Writers SUMAIYA AHMED, BRENDAN BALLOU, ANNA CORKE, ALEX DE LEON, AMANDA ERICKSON, COURTENEY ERVIN, OWAIN EVANS, ANDREA GALLARDO, KIRA GOLDENBERG, SARA MARIA HASBUN, MARK HOLDEN, MARK KROTOV, J.J.V. NEUN, ANNA PHILLIPS, KATIE REEDY, YELENA SHUSTER, IAN SOLSKY, WILL SNIDER Artists JULIA BUTAREVA, ALISH ERMAN, RACHEL LINDSAY Contributors LEONORA BABB, SASHA DE VOGEL, SARAH EBERLE, MERRELL HAMBLETON, DAVID J. HELFAND, JOHN KLOPFER, LUCIE KROENING, JOSH MATHEW, TOLU ONAFOWOKAN, SHAKEER RAHMAN, LYDIA ROSS, PRABAL SAXENA, CHRIS SZABLA, KABIR SINGH, PAUL SOTO, ROB WILE, GLOVER WRIGHT 2 THE BLUE AND WHITE THE BLUE AND WHITE Vol. XIII FAMAM EXTENDIMUS FACTIS No. I COLUMNS 4 BLUEBOOK 8 CAMPUS CHARACTERS 10 LETTER TO THE EDITOR 26 DIGITALIA COLUMBIANA 32 MEASURE FOR MEASURE 33 VERILY VERITAS 43 CAMPUS GOSSIP COVER STORY Brendan O. Pierson 9 THE DECLINE OF CONTEMPORARY CIVILIZATION Has the Core been hollowed out? BACK TO SCHOOL SPECIAL THE BLUE AND WHITE 18 MEET THE BUREAUCROBATS! Know your Superadministrators. Ian Solsky 20 THE EGO AND THE ID Or, forgery for dummies. Rachel Lindsay 22 WHERE’S PREZBO? Mapping Columbia life. Addison Anderson 24 FILL IN YOUR BLANKS Choose your own Carman adventure! Brendan Ballou 28 WIN BEN STEIN’S APPROVAL A conversation with the economist/actor/game show host. David J. Helfand 42 HELFAND’S INDEX Frontiers uncensored. HEADING NORTH Brendan Ballou 35 THE HOUSE OF DROPPING HAMILTONS Wandering around Morris-Jumel Mansion. Sumaiya Ahmed 36 UP YOUR APSE Visiting the Cloisters. Lydia Depillis 37 BREAKING AWAY Biking up the Hudson. Katie Reedy 38 BRING YOUR OWN CIGAR Eating at Floridita. Sara Maria Hasbun 39 SAX BEFORE MARRIAGE Singing at St. Nick’s Pub. WWW.theblueandwhite.org COVER: “Orientation” by Alish Erman SEPTEMBER 2006 3 TRANSACTIONS ARRIVALS Vaclav Havel, the first president of the Czech Republic, now Columbia’s fall artist-in-residence New School anthropologist Claudio Lomnitz, to head up the Center for the Study of Ethnicity and Race After a nationwide search, UPenn’s Associate Director of Asian Ameri- can Studies Dr. Ajay Nair as the As- hile reading Susan Sontag’s “Notes on ‘Camp’” sociate Dean of Student Affairs/Office this summer, I came across her declaration, W of Multicultural Affairs for CC and “The two pioneering forces of modern sensibility are SEAS Jewish moral seriousness and homosexual aestheti- cism and irony.” I liked the line, so I emailed it to a Norries Wilson, Columbia’s new foot- couple friends. One of them, a gay Filipino expatriate ball coach—and the first African- who lives in Rome, responded that today it would be American to coach the sport in the more accurate to say that the two pioneering forces are Ivy League Jewish moral irony and homosexual aestheticism and seriousness. DEPARTURES And that is everything you need to know—or probably Mailman School of Public Health have learned over the past three years—about Colum- Dean and 20-year Columbia vet Al- bia life. An obnoxious offhand reference, a friend with lan Rosenfield a biography that reads like a movie pitch, and a witty inversion that buries opinion under a self-aware joke. Robin Kelley, former director of the Some will wish the analysis were more rigorous, oth- Center for the Study of Ethnicity and ers will want—they always want—more references to Race God and the troops, many will player-hate on all that pretentious shit and challenge the writer to a case race. Arthur Levine, president of Teachers Admirers will make a facebook group. Those that fail College to respond are too busy re-watching “Boiler Room.” Columbia’s old plan for expansion, If you are Jewish or homosexual, you possibly won- bringing its newest idea closer to the dered for a second if the first comment should have 197-a plan proposed by Community offended you. If you are neither, you probably thought Board 9 the comment was offensive, mainly because you agreed with it. Well, because no one likes homophobia, and most don’t like anti-Semitism, let none of us be caught discouraging your indignation. Feel aggrieved! Fight indoctrination! And welcome—welcome back—to Co- lumbia! Avi Zvi Zenilman Editor-in-Chief 4 THE BLUE AND WHITE “Columbia takes a chance on people.” COME —Bernie Goldman, 80, C ’46, E ’47, J ’48, and AGAIN...? 2006 Alumni Medalist, in the Rocky Mountain News DIGIT TALES: ORIENTATION REVELATION OF THE MONTH Class of 2010 According to the 2007 Princeton Review Best 361 Colleges rankings: Incoming CC students: 1,017 Best College Town Admission rate: 9.7% Columbia University - Columbia College: #3 Early decision: 44.6% Barnard College: #2 CC yield: 61% Admitted off waitlist: 6 Incoming SEAS students: 315 Admission rate: 23.5% Early decision: 40.9% SEAS yield: 50% Admitted off waitlist: 20 Middle 50% of admitted students SAT: 1380 to 1530 CALENDAR September 13, 7:00 p.m., September 15, 16, 8:00 p.m., Miller Theatre An event co-sponsored by Works and Process at the Guggenheim highlighting the work of three young ballet dancer-choreographers: Tom Gold, Edwaard Liand, and Brian Reeder. Catch this $35 event for $7 with a CUID. September 19, 7:00 p.m., Columbia Bookstore J-School dean Nicholas Lemann will discuss and sign copies of Redemption: The Last Battle of the Civil War. A Southerner himself, Lemann focuses on reconstruction. September 25, 6:15 p.m., President’s Room, Faculty House Rub elbows with the literati in a posthumous book launch for Edward Said. Co-sponsored by Knopf, the event will celebrate On Late Style. September 16, 23, 12:30 p.m., September 30, 1:30 p.m. Spend an afternoon at Baker Field to see if the Lions can improve on last year’s 2-7 record. They face Fordham on the 16th, Georgetown on the 23rd, and Princeton on the 30th. Show up early to tailgate and get your four free beers. SEPTEMBER 2006 5 BLUEBOOK uckets of paint. Cardboard boxes. Old But the hipper D’Ag market replaced Bpallets. No fruit. When you walk D’Agostino, and after a takeover and an interior by the former home of Westside design cue from Lerner, UFM became the fluores- Market, the wares don’t look cent iridescence known as Morton Williams, open all that appetizing. ‘round the clock a half-block from Schapiro. Students have It’s unclear whether Westside’s devotees have been sniffing dust patiently waited for a resurrection or changed alle- and dodging scaf- giances for good. Will an expanded facility retain folding at 110th its neighborhood feel, or will it be as chainy (and and Broadway for pricy) as D’Ag? Will it be worth the extra walk past a little over two Morton? And most importantly, will it still offer years after a bagels for 25 cents? quixotic zon- —J.J.V. Neun ing battle, the demoli- tion of the old building, and the rise of yet another condo tower. s Frontiers of Sci- But once the new building reaches completion, Ience, the bastard Westside Market will return to the ground floor. child of the esteemed The store’s owners, speaking from the West Vil- core curriculum, a lage, said it should be open again by Christmas. waste of time (two Bigger than ever—at the expense of the Chinese hours a week) and restaurant Dynasty and the legendary Columbia money (millions of Hot Bagels—Westside will once again be open 24 dollars in grants)? hours. The self-admit- And so the Great Grocery Store Crisis of 2004 tedly “not content has finally abated. First went the raffish charm of driven” course is the old University Food Market. D’Agostino was required of all first- shuttered, and Morningside shoppers were torn year students, in or- between Gristedes on 107th Street (now Garden of der to instill “scien- Eden) and either Apple Tree or C-Town uptown on tific habits of mind” Amsterdam. When Westside closed at the age of 30, and make science seem really, really cool by teach- the Times and Spec ran obituaries, and concerned ing the most exciting material first. citizens wrote messages on the plywood that board- Each semester is like a new episode of “Colum- ed up the building. bia’s Wide World of Science”, quickly skimming 6 THE BLUE AND WHITE BLUEBOOK over four hot scientific issues, like biodiversity and ominously termed “LDR.” global warming. At one semester, it’s too short to In a period defined by “replacement”—new make a significant impact on a student’s academic friends for old, floormates for siblings, no one for development but long enough to elicit some serious parents—half of Carman is unwilling to let those whining. memories remain in their families’ station wagons. Frontiers started off in Fall 2003 as an optional Guldner claims that as many as 78% of college stu- class for incoming first-years; unfortunately, Co- dents will experience an LDR.
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