Purity Resources

Marriage Resources

Marriage 911 - Offered various times throughout the year at NLCC by Mark & Debbie Johnson. Family Life Ministries - www.familylife.com Love and Respect - www.loveandrespect.com The Love Dare - http://www.lovedarestories.com

Recovery from Adultery - “Hope and Healing” book and local support group. Hope and Healing Ministry - www.hopeandhealing.us

Parenting Websites www.HomeWord.com www.CPYU.org www.AlMenconi.com www.familylife.com

Porn Help and Resources

PARENTS, please see this site from Josh McDowell: http://just1clickaway.org

Local Support Groups

Celebrate Recovery - Every Monday night, 7pm here at NLCC.

Porn Recovery & Help Websites www.xxxchurch.com www.freedomeveryday.org www.avenueresource.com www.x3pure.com - OnLine Workshop -$99.00 Family Safety Websites www.safefamilies.org www.ikeepsafe.org http://www.puresight.com/Resource-Center/welcome.html http://www.internetsafety.com www.no-porn.com

Homosexuality

SOUL Ministries -- www.servingsouls.com Exodus International - www.exodusinternational.org

Crisis Pregnancy Resources

Turlock Pregnancy Center offers support, resources, and post-abortion counseling - www.turlockpregnancycenter.com

Computer Internet Filters –

K9 Web Filter - www1.k9webprotection.com Free – PC & Mac If you're like most of us, parenting in the age of the Internet has you facing a new set of challenges. Blue Coat is committed to helping you and all communities through this 'First Generation of Internet Parenting'. Net Nanny www.netnanny.com Pros: Comprehensive filtering and blocking. Can block or filter social media sites such as Facebook or MySpace. Very affordable pricing plans for multiple computers. Blocks proxy sites. Settings to regulate time spent on individual websites or playing PC games. Cyber Sitter www.solidoak.com Safe Eyes www.internetsafety.com Content Barrier www.intego.com/internet-security-barrier OpenDNS www.opendns.com/familyshield

Accountability Software – Does not filter! Sends your accountability Partner an email with your web browsing history. Covenaneyes http://www.covenanteyes.com/ X3Watch http://x3watch.com Iphone / Itouch

BeSecure safe Browser for Iphone / Ipod Touch www.bsecure.com Itunes Store: http://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewSoftware? id=329198773&mt=8

How to configure iPhone/iPad/iPod Touch bsecure application? The bsecure Mobile Browser protects the iPhone/iPod Touch users from accessing objectionable Web sites. This free browser prevents users from viewing sites categorized as or malware. It also provides a password protected local block list to block uncategorized or unwanted sites (click here for Custom Block List). Please follow the steps below so that your iPhone/iPod Touch and the bsecure app will be configured correctly.

1. Tap on the Settings App 2. Tap General 3. Tap Restrictions 4. Enter and confirm a four digit code 5. Once in the restrictions menu toggle off Safari, Youtube, Itunes and Installing apps

• Please note restoring the iPhone/iPod Touch in iTunes removes these restrictions.

Books –

Internet Protect Your Kids - By Stephen Arterburn / Roger Mars The Drug of the New Millennium - By Mark B. Kastleman The Purity Code: God's Plan for Sex and Your Body By Jim Burns Logged On and Tuned Out - By Vicki Courtney

Every Man’s Battle -- Every Man's Battle including workbook By Steve Arterburn and Fred Stoeker. This 10th Anniversary revised edition is a practical, detailed plan to help men find freedom from sexual temptation God's way. Includes a special section for women, designed to help them understand, empathize, and support the men they love.

Every Women’s Battle -- Every Woman's Marriage including workbook by Shannon and Greg Ethridge. If you're ready to stop the blame game and pursue the marriage of your dreams, let authors Shannon and Greg Ethridge show you how to reignite your relationship with spiritual, emotional, and physical passion. Drawing on real-life stories from both men and women, as well as lessons from their own less-than-satisfying early years of marriage.

Every Young Man’s Battle -- Every Young Man's Battle including workbook by Steve Arterburn and Fred Stoeker. Every Young Man's Battle will show young men how to train their eyes and minds, how to clean up their thought life, and develop a realistic battle plan for remaining pure in today's sexually soaked culture. Every Young Women’s Battle -- Every Young Woman's Battle including workbook by Shannon Ethridge. Ethridge and Arterburn offer interviews, research, and godly advice to help young women avoid these pitfalls and achieve sexual integrity.

Articles

The Drug of the New Millennium By Mark B. Kastleman

Understanding and Overcoming an addiction to The Drug of the New Millennium Healing Hearts & Mending Minds The Essential, Comprehensive Guidebook for Individuals, Parents, Couples, Clergy and Counselors. With Simple Steps & Tools for Prevention and Recovery. One man's journey from the darkness of addiction to the brilliant light of loving relationships and personal power, and how you can find this light. This update to The Drug of the New Millennium is a powerful message of hope and healing. Learn how to protect your family, rescue those addicted, and recover your life and relationships. Alarming Statistics: • 60 million people in the US admitted to purposely visiting Internet porn sites this year (70% indicate that they keep their online porn use a secret). • There are over 4.2 million known separate and distinct porn websites on the Internet, with 2,500 new sites coming online every week. • The 12-17 age group is the largest consumer of Internet porn. • In the last year, 1 out of 5 young chatroom users received an unwanted sexual solicitation. Benefits: • Discover the tricks pornographers use to entrap the innocent -- especially youth • Find out how to keep children, teens, and adults safe on the Internet • Learn how to identify porn addiction • Help lead loved ones to full recovery The 'Brain Science' Behind Internet Porn Addiction Mark Kastleman If you or someone you care about is struggling under the heavy burden of , it can be a very confusing, frustrating and hopeless experience. I know. I was hooked at age 13 and battled my addiction for nearly 25 years, before breaking free and moving forward to a happy, peaceful, successful life. You may be wondering as I did in those early years, "Why is pornography so incredibly powerful? There's got to be more to this than just 'dirty pictures'!" After more than 12 years of intensive research and clinical trials, we now know for certain that pornography addiction is a "chemical addiction" producing a response in the brain very similar to street drugs. When I learned that there was a logical, reasonable, scientific explanation behind my struggles, it removed a heavy load of shame from my shoulders, and radically changed the way I viewed myself. For the first time I knew that I wasn't a freak, a loser or a lost cause. This new-found knowledge was a huge advantage in moving me forward.

Pornography is powerful because it takes advantage of and taps into intense emotional, biological and chemical connections throughout the brain and the entire body. We are born with many of these connections "pre-wired" or "pre-set" to switch on at certain times in our development. Pornography seeks to twist the truth and "mimic" or "counterfeit" this built-in attraction. Its goal is to ignite, excite and exploit these natural built-in urges and desires. During sexual process, the brain begins narrowing its focus as it releases a tidal wave of endorphins and other neurochemicals like dopamine, norepinephrine, oxytocin and serotonin. These "natural drugs" produce a tremendous rush or high. When these chemicals are released during healthy marital intimacy we refer to them as "the fabulous four" because of the myriad positive benefits they generate between husband and wife. When they are released during pornography use and other sexual addiction behaviors, we call them "the fearsome four" due to the severe addiction and many negative consequences they produce in the brain and nervous system. Now you know why we refer to pornography use as "substance abuse." In fact, the neurochemical release triggered by pornography viewing is so intense, many scientists refer to it as an "eroto-toxin" and the most powerful drug in history. Many would agree that we live in the most stressful time in the history of the world-there are more than enough pressures to push us to seek escape through many forms of self- medication-both healthy and destructive. Imagine taking the most powerful drug in history and making it instantly available at the push of a button, at little or no cost. Your drug use is secret, and the drug dealers come to you! That's exactly what the Internet has done with pornography. It's what we call the "4 A's of the Internet"-Accessible, Affordable, Anonymous and Aggressive. Now can you understand why some estimates show more than 60 million people in the U.S. caught up in this "drug use" at some level? The good news is that while there is a logical, scientific explanation behind how and why individuals get trapped in pornography addiction, there is also a tested and proven process for getting them out! For more information on the Candeo Six Weeks to Freedom recovery program, please read about it here.

1. Become a net-savvy parent The best safeguard against online dangers is being informed. Jump in and learn the basics of the Internet—read articles, take a class, and talk to other parents. A good place to start is www.LearnTheNet.com. You don’t have to be an expert to have a handle on your child’s online world. 2. "Chat" with your kids Develop an open dialogue so that you can talk with your kids about the benefits and dangers of the Internet. Cultivate an interest in their online activities—their favorite Web sites, online games, and interests. And don’t be afraid to ask your children who they are talking to online and what they are talking about. 3. Agree on a game plan Use the InternetSafety.com Gameplan™ to formally agree on your family’s guidelines for using the Internet. Post them near the family computer as a reminder. Ensure that your kids know to never share personal information on the Internet and that they should tell you about any online activity or contact that makes them uncomfortable. 4. Protect your computer Take advantage of the software that exists to help parents manage their children’s computer experience. In only a few minutes, parental control software like Safe Eyes can block inappropriate websites, restrict the amount of time that your kids use the Internet and monitor their Instant Messenger chats to protect against predators. 5. Explore the Internet as a family With a game plan and a protected computer, you can now encourage your family to take advantage of all that the Internet has to offer. Take a genuine interest in what your kids are doing and stay engaged with them online. Did you know... • Pornography is a $57 billion a year industry. In comparison, the combined revenues of all teams in the NBA, NHL, MLB, and NFL is $12 billion, and the combined revenues of ABC, CBS, and NBC is a mere $6.2 billion. (Sources: Internet Filter Review, Economic Values of Professional Sport Franchises in the United States) • 1 in 4 youth have unwanted exposure to inappropriate pictures each year (Source: The Internet Keep Safe Coalition) • Nine of 10 kids aged 8-16 have viewed pornography on the Internet, often in the process of doing homework. (Source: London School of Economics January 2002) • Students were most at risk for cybersex compulsions due to a combination of increased access to computers, more private leisure time, & developmental stage characterized by increased sexual awareness & experimentation. Both computer classes & colleges might need to recognize this increased vulnerability and institute new primary prevention strategies. (Source: Sexual Addiction and Compulsion: The Journal of Treatment and Prevention, March, 2000 (available by subscription)) • "Cyber-sex is the crack cocaine of sexual addiction", Jennifer P. Schneider, M.D., Ph.D (Source: The New "Elephant in the Living Room" Effects of Compulsive Cybersex Behaviors on the Spouse, from the book Sex and the Internet, 2002) • "Cyber-sex reinforces and normalizes sexual disorders" (Source: Robert Weiss, Sexual Recovery Institute) • One in five children ages 10-17 have received a sexual solicitation over the Internet (Source: Online Victimization: A Report on the Nation's Youth, sponsored by the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children. See also UNH Study Finds Many Youth Exposed to Sexual Solicitation, Pornography and Harassment on Internet, 19 March, 2001.) • 74 percent of commercial pornography sites display free porn images on the homepage. (Sources: Child-Proofing on the World Wide Web: A Survey of Adult Webservers, 2001, Jurimetrics (abstract), Summarized in Youth and the Internet (Chapter 3, The Adult Online Entertainment Industry), National Research Council, 2002.) • 45 percent of 1,000 surveyed teens admitted parents are the biggest influence in deciding whether or not to have sex • 88 percent of teens say it would be easier to postpone sex if they could have more open, honest conversations with their parents • Two-thirds of U.S. teenagers who have had sexual relations wish they had waited longer. (Source: National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy, September 2003. Brief | Full survey)

Sexting

What is it?

Sexting is defined as the act of sending sexually explicit messages or photos electronically, primarily between mobile phones. The word is a combination of the words sex + texting.

A new term – “sexting virginity” has recently emerged in this context. A sexting virgin is someone who has not yet sent nude images of themselves using a mobile phone.

It is important to understand that these messages or photos are often originally sent innocently or without malicious intent. Imagine two high school students who have been going out for a while. The girl innocently sends a nude image of herself to her boyfriend and it’s all very exciting and feels “naughty”. A few days or weeks or months later, the couple breaks up, and he may be looking to get back at her. Or maybe they are still together but the boy just wants to show off to his friends. Either way – he simply forwards the nude image that was innocently sent to him on to his friends, and they forward it to their friends and pretty soon – the entire high school has seen it. As you can imagine, the effects of this can be devastating.

How widespread is it? A December 2009 Pew Internet Research Center survey found that:

• 4% of mobile phone-owning teens ages 12-17 say they have sent sexually suggestive nude or nearly nude images or videos of themselves to someone else via text messaging

• 5% say they have received such images of someone they know via text message. These are fairly conservative numbers. Other surveys indicate that sexting is much more widespread. For example, a September 2009 AP-MTV survey found that: • 3 in 10 young people have been involved in some type of naked sexting • 1 in 10 has shared a naked image of themselves • 45% of young people who report having had 7 in the past 7 days also report at least one sexting related activity • Nearly 1 in 5 sext recipients report they have passed the images along to someone else. More than half (55%) of those who have reported sending them to someone else say they shared them with more than one person.

Why do kids to it?

According to the Pew survey, sexting occurs most often in one of three scenarios:

1. Exchanges of images solely between two romantic partners 2. Exchanges between partners that are then shared outside the relationship 3. Exchanges between people who are not yet in a relationship, but where often one person hopes to be. Other reasons may include: responding to peer pressure - cyberbullying or pressure from a boyfriend or girlfriend, revenge after breakup, and simply impulsive behavior, flirting, or even blackmail.

So sexting is out there, and it’s probably a lot more widespread than you thought. As a matter of fact, your 15 year old daughter may be sending a nude photo of herself to her boyfriend at this very minute.

The dangers of sexting

Sexting can have serious and in some cases, disastrous consequences. Reputations, social lives, and future academics and careers can be ruined as a result of nude pictures going public. There can also be serious implications for the victim’s mental health. Victims may feel humiliation, low self esteem, and some instances of suicide have even been attributed directly to sexting.

Many teens are embarrassed and feel regret once they realize what they have done during a momentary lapse in judgment. But once the image has been posted and starts circulating there is no telling where it will end up. And there is way to “take it back” or delete it.

The story of Jessica Logan

Jessica Logan was an 18 year old teenager from Ohio. Her only crime was sending nude images of herself to her boyfriend’s mobile phone.

When they broke up, he sent the images to other girls, who started harassing her, calling her a slut and a whore. Jessica, an only child, became miserable and depressed and stopped going to school.

In May 2008 Jessica appeared on Cincinnati TV to tell her story "to make sure no one else will have to go through this again".

Two months later, Jessica hanged herself in her bedroom.

Legal implications

Sexting is serious business. In some states in the US charges (second degree felonies) have been brought against teenagers who have sexted nude images. Senders of sexts may be arrested, face charges and may have to register as sex offenders! Other states have amended their laws to deal specifically with sexting.

Sexting - What can be done?

Sexting is usually an impulsive act. Because it is so easy to hit that send button, kids will do it without devoting too much thought to the consequences. As a parent there are several things you can do to try to deal with sexting.

Prevention

• Try to maintain open lines of communication with your children. This is always true, but when sexting is the issue, it is important they are not afraid to tell you if they receive inappropriate photos or are being pressured to send them  Advise your kids never to take a picture of them that they wouldn’t want their classmates, teachers, family or future employers to see

 Encourage your children to think before they send. Remind them that once they have sent an image from their mobile phone it can very easily reach other kids at the school, a future employer or admissions committee at the college they plan on attending. And once it has been sent, it can’t be taken back. Same goes for forwarding a nude image that they have received

 Familiarize yourself with the legal aspects of the issue. Explain to your kids that they could be charged with possession of child pornography. If convicted, your teen could be labeled as a sex offender for the rest of his or her life

 Establish rules of conduct for mobile phones. It may be a good idea to require that your children leave their mobile phones in an open or common area at night, so there's no temptation to sending or receiving explicit text messages and pictures when you are assuming they have gone to bed. Explain the consequences for failing to comply with the rules.

After the fact

Tell your kids - if they receive a nude picture on their mobile phone, they should: • Report the fact that they have received a nude photo to you or to any other adult they trust. Try to understand why the photo was sent • Save the message • Avoid forwarding the message on to others. Explain that they may be charged with distributing child pornography, and explain what the consequences of this could be. It may be advisable that you contact the parents of the other kids that are involved – in order to keep everyone out of trouble.

If your children have sent any nude pictures of themselves • Make sure they stop immediately. Explain that they may be charged with producing and distributing child pornography. Also explain the possible consequences this action could have for their social and mental well being.

Ask your children

• Has anyone ever sent you a sexual message or naked picture on your cell phone? Have you ever sent one? • Has anyone ever asked or pressured you to send a nude or sexual picture? • Is it OK to send sexual messages or images? If so – why? • What do you think could happen to you if you send or forward a sexual text message or naked picture with your mobile phone? • Will other people see the images and messages? Is that bad?