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Blahblah Script blahblah a play by Thomas Riccio 469.569.0970 [email protected] © 2011 1 Characters 4f/3m KARL, late 20s to early 30s JOYCE, 20’s MARTY, a lost teenager15-18 yrs old SIMONE, a celebrity of some sort, 20s-40s Played by one performer GUSTAV, an Austrian Baron, late 20s-70s THE MONSTER, who knows how old? Played by one performer: COCO, a party girl, 20s PIA, a videographer, 20s-30s Played by one performer: ARMAND, party animal, gadfly, 20s, Amish THE BIRTHDAY MAN, wears feathers, ageless Setting Interior and exterior locations are suggestive. The use of projections and/or transformable scenery for fluid transformations is one way to go. Act One Scenes 1 Outside, somewhere in the twilight of suburban America 2 The living room 3 The bedroom 4 The family room 5 The kitchen 6 A hallway 7 The living room Act Two Scenes 1 An empty room 2 The laundry room 3 A walk-in clothes closet 4 A hallway 5 The attic 6 The basement 7 Outside, dawn 2 ACT 1 Scene 1 Somewhere in the twilight of suburban America JOYCE and KARL enter wearing spring jackets. JOYCE I’m bored. KARL Let’s go somewhere. JOYCE Where? KARL Anywhere, I just wanna see, do something new. JOYCE We don’t have any money. KARL Let’s just walk somewhere. JOYCE Walk? KARL I dunno. JOYCE Alright, how ‘bout that new subdivision near the golf course? KARL Okay. JOYCE And we can talk. You promised. (They walk admiring the scenery, then, after a few moments the sound of a car approaching, its headlights pass over the couple, the car passes.) 3 KARL Wow, nice car. JOYCE We need to talk. KARL Yeah, I know, okay. JOYCE Looooong overdue. KARL “Who are we” kinda talk? JOYCE Yeah… KARL We talk all the time. JOYCE You always say that. KARL We do. JOYCE Don’t. KARL Things are not good right now. JOYCE They’re not bad… KARL What are they? JOYCE I don’t know…Blah. KARL Yeah…blah. 4 (Pause) JOYCE Everything is blah…my job is blah, school, my life, family, people, television, blah, the future, blah, a world of blah, people I talk to, all they say is blahblah. KARL Me blah too. My career, writing, my music, blah, I wake up facing another big blah. Maybe we’re blah and blah. Blahing together. Blahhhhing our relationship… (They have a conversation using the word “blah” and its many variations). JOYCE Blahhhhhhh. KARL Sex… JOYCE and KARL Blah blah blah… JOYCE See. KARL Blah is fun. (The sudden shadow and sound of a bird passing. They both look.) KARL Wow! Did you see that swan? JOYCE Whoa, was that real? KARL Yes, of course it’s real. What are you talking about? JOYCE It didn’t seem real. KARL You didn’t think it was real? 5 JOYCE So? KARL You’re so weird sometimes. JOYCE It’s beautiful, even if it isn’t real. KARL Like video game real? JOYCE Is it any wonder swans are in so many human images of love? They travel far, don’t they, far afield, everywhere, even to New Guinea and they are always loyal to their mates. KARL Look … is it molting? (The hoot of an owl, JOYCE jumps with fright.) JOYCE OH! SHIT! … That scared me. KARL I’d love to learn more about owls… JOYCE The golf course is a good place to start. KARL You know this might be a good time to start a list of birds. JOYCE There are books. KARL Even apps for your cell phone. (KARL suddenly searches his pockets for his cell phone. JOYCE looks to the sky at the birds.) Fuck, I left MY PHONE! Shit. 6 JOYCE Waiting for an important call? Everything is going to be OHKAY! Relax. (KARL’S phone rings and he finds it in a pocket.) KARL (To JOYCE then answering phone.) Wait … Hello!... HEEEEELLLLLLO? (Looks at the phone.) Who the…Unknown? JOYCE We’ll learn more about the mute swan, he beautiful endangered owl KARL (Looking at his phone.) Yeah…okay. JOYCE Bespectacled Singer… KARL What? JOYCE Black-capped Chickadee… KARL Black Capped … Chickadee? JOYCE Yeah. Some birds live over the water. They come ashore only to nest. Brown Creeper, Wilson's Warbler. Some leave for the winter. Others stay right through. KARL (Focused on his phone) Tough little guys… JOYCE Some mate for life. KARL Huh?… endangered. 7 JOYCE Time is running out. Karl? KARL Wha? How ‘bout we travel the world, see every bird! JOYCE The birds of Africa, south of the Sahara… KARL The Amazon ... the Congo. JOYCE Or we could have a not-so-big year… (Scanning the sky) …Just appreciate the birds around here. KARL Fortunately, the effects of natural disasters are usually local, bird populations can weather the storm. JOYCE You mean if they are dead here don’t worry, everything is fine someplace else? KARL Yeah…I suppose. No, I mean… (JOYCE pauses, holding her breath, eyes wide, her arms waving alike a bird. She is having a moment of some sort. KARL looks at her, concerned.) KARL Joyce? Joyce!… What? JOYCE I just had a bird moment. KARL Like a bird? A bird? JOYCE Yes, I’m a bird. I don’t know why I've had several of these moments lately. I want to be small and innocent, fly away, be close to heaven. 8 KARL Things are really fragile, aren’t they? (The call of a crow.) JOYCE Hello crow. KARL They circle above scenes of death such as battles eating carrion. (The call of a crow.) JOYCE Taking offerings to the dead. KARL Why are they so black? JOYCE Black aids their psychic ability so they can absorb electromagnetic energy frequencies in the visible spectrum, they are taking the world reflecting no color. (Call of an owl and crow.) KARL What? JOYCE Psychic ninjas. KARL Maybe we’re a crow and owl having a discussion. JOYCE What are we saying? (Making crow sounds) Kah Kah Kah! KARL (Making owl sounds) Hooo ho hooo, hooo ho hooo! (KARL and JOYCE communicate, dance and move in an improvisational ritual of a crow and owl). 9 JOYCE That was fun. KARL Verrry cool. (KARL and JOYCE arrive at an exclusive sub division. The lights, sound, and atmosphere change). KARL Well, here we are! “Colonial Hollow Estates.” JOYCE Sounds like a horror movie. KARL Whoa, honey slow down, take a look at that house! JOYCE Holy nuts! These houses are huge! KARL Nice! JOYCE No. KARL You think we’ll ever own a house like this one day? JOYCE Can you really own anything? I mean don’t you just hold onto something for a while then you die. (Thunder, then the sound of soft rain. KARL puts his jacket over his head. JOYCE embraces the rain.) KARL Shit! JOYCE Ahhhh…It’s such a soft rain. KARL We’re going to get soaked. 10 JOYCE It’s always been my fantasy to walk naked in the rain. Weather is meant to be revered … it is talking to us…listen, can you hear? (They stand for a moment enjoying and listening the rain. After a moment a door appears.) Hello rain, thank you for caressing me… KARL I’m getting soaked … Look, the door is open. JOYCE Karl… KARL Com’on, let’s go inside. JOYCE NO! KARL Why not? JOYCE I don’t think we should. (The call of a swan.) THAT SWAN JUST FLEW IN THE FRONT DOOR! KARL See! Let’s go inside. JOYCE We can’t just walk in… KARL The door is open. JOYCE Karl… 11 KARL Don’t you wonder? JOYCE A little bit. Are you sure? KARL It’s not blah! (They hold hands and walk a few steps. The atmosphere and sound changes as they enter the house and look around. They are a mixture of curious, apprehensive, and impressed.) I thought I’d never get to see inside. (KARL is rubber-necking as JOYCE stands still, almost frightened.) Wow…we could get lost in here. (His voice echoes). JOYCE This is crazy, Karl, we should go right now. KARL Joyce, do you ever wonder what will happen to us in the next five to ten years? JOYCE Yes. KARL We could be living in a place like this. JOYCE Karl…Let me be honest. KARL … Okay …You don’t like this. JOYCE Can hear it in my voice? KARL Yes, I know. Okay. 12 JOYCE Sometimes my words may seem naïve to you, or Hallmark-y, or put-on or bathetic... KARL What? JOYCE “Pathetic” with a “B”? KARL “Bathos”? JOYCE Yes. It comes from the Greek root 'bathos'. KARL “Bathos” over the top emotional. JOYCE It’s my word for today KARL I’m not critiquing you. JOYCE YES, YOU DO! KARL Bathos is an excellent word for you today. JOYCE Screw you! (MARTY, a teenage boy/girl wearing pajamas with an obvious crotch bulge. He is and carrying a camera enters. ) MARTY (To KARL) Can I take your picture? KARL Do you mind? Can’t you see we’re in the middle of an important conversation. 13 (JOYCE nudges him.) JOYCE Karl. KARL Okay, sorry, we can do a quick one. (JOYCE and KARL pose as if a happy couple. MARTY takes a flash photo.) Ouch! MARTY Today is my birthday. I can have, say or do anything I want. KARL Good for you. Who are you? MARTY I’m an emotionally maladjusted teenager.
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