CRF-2005-03-text.qxd 9/8/053:15PMPage111 ideologies: ethniccultures andpolitical regions, ofnations, boundaries beyond the humannature andthestate, the darksideofpower, whohadconfronted andthehumanspirit, human experience Late that nightIcomposedaeulogyfor thistireless explorer of Herlife tion onSoutheast Asia. justdaysmemories afterafatal tsunamihadwrought devasta- SusanSontagfriend passedaway onDecember28th.” your “BeiLing, mail inbox heldamessage from : America fcinwie n sait instead. andessayist” “fiction writer b replied Shequickly withherpermission, Editorial Advisors. asked usby hertosupport lendinghernametoourBoardof T aprospectus for attaching Iwrote SusanSontagously, aletter, ofliteraturejournal andhumanitiescalled rprtoswt egLn,Shi Taopreparations withMengLang, Imade month andaflat that office, doubled asaneditorial withastipendof$200per $10,000 toestablish ajournal, Having received agrantof My life inexilebegan1992. A fatedfriendship w weather waspresentiment.The andat gloomy, nightfall I r Iwasbirthday. holedupin aloneandjoyless inmy Taipei, was my 2004, December28, The day that SusanSontag died, work. friendship thatdeeplyaffectedhislifeand An exiledpoetreflectsonaninternational BY BEILING ONE HUNDREDDAYS AFTER SUSAN SONTAG, OFF TOPIC: o.Mymindwas onedgethat day, by perhaps a touched oom. endency tcretdordsrpino e s“rtradcii”to ofheras andcritic” ourdescription ut corrected “writer alked bankofthe alongthestorm-obscured Tamsui River. impurity ofmyimpurity life). the my ofeffort, dullnessandlack frequent boutsofinertia, than anyone withhermotherly expectations (despitemy memore shechallenged inexile); andwrite could survive thought (years ofunconditionalhelpandguidancesoI she was my mentorwhohelpedmealonginliterature and . . She was my truly my friend-in-adversity, benefactress . of upatorrent bringing The news castapallover me, my e- onmy whenIturned computer, The nextmorning, n eln e h atdt tr hsmgzn.I and tellingherwhy thismagazine. Iwanted tostart ... the lives ofso many others. 1 and otherstopublish a T endency .P r esumptu- in ourfirst issueof andphilosopher critic literary on theGerman Walter Benjamin essay thread inourdialogue. was anenduring this Inmy many withSusan, years offriendship Benjamin. of inmemory written 1980 essay, “UndertheSignofSaturn,” a work, literary important soShi Taolectuals, translated selectionsfrom Benjamin’s most but were littleknown amongChineseintel- influence onme, e oefraca,andIfinally metherinperson. her homefor achat, itwas not until1996that sheinvited meto neweach issue, details ofherfather’s death inthecityof Tianjin. She gave complex about Chinaandherwishestorevisit there. spoke ofChina’s herdeep-seated specialsignificance toher, She intheUnitedStates. but born China (“MadeinChina”), explainingthat shewas conceived by herparents in China, my Shecorrected misconceptionthat in shewas born 1973. hattan skylineandtheHudsonRiver gleaminginsunlight. imposing rooftop balcony withaspectacularview oftheMan- ofan openedontothelongcurve door from thekitchen where shereceived intothespaciouskitchen guests.A Piranesi, by andarchitect theItalianartist with dozensofframedprints time. ful features from photographs I’d seen. recognized I herbeauti- andslacks. dressed shirt inablack tall, where Susanstoodwaiting inherdoortowelcome us— top, we gainedadmittanceandrode asmallelevator tothe com, speakingtotheguardbyon Chelsea’s inter- 24thStreet.After Lower Manhattan toSusan’s residence inacliff-faced building my Tian Xiaofei (now at totranslate Harvard) andfortify teaching I brought alongtheyoung scholar master ofEnglishprose, h nls-paigwrdA h aetm,she tookgreat the sametime, the English-speakingworld.At ofletterspublished in positionasaChinesejournal important poa,we translated andincludedthefulltextofherlong pproval,

o ogatrad we decidedtoincludeaspecialsection Not longafterward, That was how we gottoknow other. each Although Ikept of Susaninformed F During our meeting Susan affirmed ourmeetingSusanaffirmed During On that occasionwe talked about hervisittoChinain decorated Susan ledusthrough herpenthouseapartment, W courage afternoon.We onthat found spring ourway from earing myearing Englishwas notequaltodealingwiththisgreat as thistobemy “pilgrimage”? Shewas 63years oldat the T endency n a StreetOne Way . Benjamin’s works hadastrong , and withSusan’s T endency’ T endency s contentswith ’s

unique and

Photo: Reuters REGULAR FEATURES 111 CHINA RIGHTS FORUM NO. 3, 2005 CRF-2005-03-text.qxd 9/8/05 3:16 PM Page 112

interest in my obsessive efforts to move this journal back to my A bond of words and friendship homeland in China. Susan fit the classic type of an East Village or Chelsea resident Each time I returned from China, I always called her to —she had a bohemian’s freedom from inhibition, and the report my safe arrival, as she always worried about me.When- directness of an activist-intellectual.When we had dinner ever I passed through New York, if she were there, we would together, she sometimes brought along one of her young find a way to meet. She always suggested having a meal in Chi- friends. I found that the true life-force of New York lay in its natown, but I preferred going to her place, where I could drink artistic young people who had nothing to their name, yet felt coffee and converse with her, look at her collection of books the world was at their doorstep. In her company they were and paintings, or gaze at the Hudson River from the balcony. relaxed and unconstrained.They were not admirers she had As she sized up my bearing and facial color in that worried met at a university or bookstore, but rather young artists and way of hers, I would always tell her that China was becoming writers with remarkable personalities of their own.And I more tolerant of alternative types like myself; China would tol- introduced my Chinese friends to Susan as well. Several times I erate our magazine of literature and ideas. brought Tian Xiaofei, Chen Jun,Yang Xiaobin, Meng Lang and Zhang Zhen2 to meet her. I felt fortunate, for myself and for I told Susan that China was becoming Susan, that I could let her meet my friends. In the spring of 2000 I returned from China for a short stay more tolerant of alternative types like in Boston. One evening on a stroll through Harvard Yard I myself. stopped at the bulletin board and was surprised to see a notice of Susan’s upcoming visit to Harvard as part of a reading tour She accepted Tendency’s plan to do a special section about her, for her new novel In America.I was delighted that she had finally and set up a time for me to interview her.To introduce her finished her novel.An atmosphere of warm feeling surrounded thought and works to the Chinese-speaking world would be a the reading, which was hosted by the Graduate School. I sat major event, and Susan helped me plan and choose material hidden in a rear corner, intently hanging on her words. I felt for the special section, including the first chapter from a work embarrassed to have been such a bohemian these past years, in progress—her novel In America. wandering from Taipei, Boston and Prague to Bonn, Guangzhou, Paris, Hong Kong and Beijing. Perhaps I foresaw A memorable interview an end to my freedom, and I wanted to revel in it as much as Prior to my interview with Susan in August 1997, I faxed my possible. interview questions to her. She read them and told me, “These questions are superficial.You need to go to a higher level.” I What would her eyes see? had to go back and do my homework, so I asked Yang Xiaobin, During our interview,I asked Susan if she wished to visit China a Tendency editor in a doctoral program at Yale, to help me brain- again. Her answer was an eye-opener for me: “Of course I storm the interview questions. hope to go to China again. But I wouldn’t go if I didn’t feel it On the day of the interview,Xiaobin and I drove straight would be useful: useful to me intellectually and humanly—for from Yale to Susan’s place in New York, where we talked while instance, that I would understand better something that I sitting as usual around her dinner table.The interview was car- should understand—and useful to some people there and to ried forward by Susan’s eloquence, and at times by her flair for Chinese in exile. I’m not prepared to be a tourist in China.That debate.We ranged broadly,but focused on questions of com- seems to me immoral.” mon concern: the role of intellectuals in history; the question Later I was to discover that Susan stood by her moral com- of the avant-garde versus non-avant-garde; the relation of tra- mitments in life: commitments to fellow human beings, to dition to innovation in literature; and the influence of various herself and to me. ideologies on European and Chinese thought: Communism, From that point I urged her to let me arrange a trip to Nazism, Capitalism and post-modernism. Finally we returned China according to her intentions, and I also suggested that she to the familiar topics: her own writing, the works of Benjamin visit Taiwan again at the same time. She agreed with my sug- and Barthes and her highly visible, much-discussed activities gestion that she visit China in the capacity of literary artist, some years before in Sarajevo. Her acuity and frankness were without official itinerary.She also showed great enthusiasm for consistent throughout the interview,and she expressed herself revisiting Taiwan. Susan hoped to teach for one semester as a with penetrating wit. visiting professor at Peking University,and take the opportu- This interview with Susan appeared in the special section nity to more deeply explore another side of life in China. on Susan Sontag, in Tendency, Issue 10.At the same time, selec- We talked over details of her route through China, and the tions from the interview were published in Taiwan, Hong people she would meet during her visit, which I suggested Kong and overseas Chinese newspapers.The cultural magazine should last for at least a month. I looked forward to showing Sky’s Edge in mainland China published the entire interview, her an emergent new popular culture, exposing her to alterna- except for the sensitive section on totalitarianism in China, so tive voices and letting her bump against a vigorous arts culture. that this interview ultimately became an important vehicle for I wanted her to see the changes and distortions resulting from conveying the outlines of Susan Sontag’s thought to China’s the influx of capitalism into China.What she cared about was intellectuals. what this trip could offer for the development of politics and CRF-2005-03-text.qxd 9/8/053:16PMPage113 me had their premises ransacked by police.The gutsyones me hadtheirpremises by ransacked police.The tors whohadacceptedupwards of tenmagazine copiesfrom my DetentionCenter.All anddistribu- Haidian District friends at the My brother was heldasmy “accomplice” friendship. itbrought trouble tomany tiedtomeby blood or me injail, Notonly didthisnumber 13land that proved inthiscase. true and People say number, that 13isanunlucky lished inBeijing. r Long-distance rescue r needed hersupport. were positionsthere that someimportant her arrival.There ofconsciencewere andwriters tuals andartists anticipating hoped shewould whileintellec- notstay away becauseofme, I fornecessary Chinainitsthroes ofsocialandculturalchange. were andherresulting ideas, personal encounterwithChina, withyou.” I’llgoback they letyou goback, go toChina.When thenIwon’t“If theChinesegovernment won’t letyou return, but basedonmoralreasons: not aconsideration offriendship, Shestressed that thiswas Susan countered refusal. withherfirm timeIsaidthis, Buteach let what happened tomedeteryou.” Don’t along theway. Icanhelpcoordinate thingsfrom America. f r Istillproposed that SusangotoChinaandfollow the theless, Never- asherguidetoChinafor thetimebeing. not beserving and native Taiwan culture inrecent history. only tograsp themutual influence between Chinese culture also toldSusanthat avisitto Taiwan if would beworthwhile, I ions onwhat courseswere opentoourdissidentintellectuals. Ieven wanted opin- tohearherconstructive with capitalism. wasobservations merging onasocietywhere totalitarianism can Isetasidethetime!” “Time inwithherrefrain: chiming interest, Susan listenedtomy withtremendous wishfularrangements many andIcouldarrange unconventional activities. Beijing, for autumnisBeijing’s was my city, bestseason.This 2001, couldtakeI was placein2000orOctoberof hopingthetrip unfoldExpress thecountryside andwatch from southtonorth. Susancouldtake the30-plus-hourGuangzhou-Beijing scene, anintroduction totheGuangzhoucultural Guangzhou.After the new cityofShenzhenandthentakingatrainto steppingthrough theLowu to Checkpoint some years before, Lowu between Bridge HongKong andChinaasshedid20- we couldcross the figures.Then, meet somelocalliterary andhecouldtake herto had translated many ofherworks, c projects Iwas engaged in. andwhat helpitcouldbefor theintellectual culture inChina, u oncinwsftd Susanwas fated towork for my Our connectionwas fated. or your tour of China; there are friends allsettomeetyou there are friends or your tourofChina; ueIhdarne.Itl e,“Theplanninghasbeendone Itold her, oute Ihadarranged. lae andby graceoffortune herefforts succeeded. elease, edirect my focus andgive upurging herfor thetimebeing. hanges since the handover to China.The poetHuangCanran hanges sincethehandover toChina.The nAgs 00 Issue13of In August 2000, Only in light of the terrorist attack ofSeptember11didI attack Only inlightoftheterrorist beingfirmly convinced that her topersuadeher, Still Itried it was clearIwould afterIwas detained anddeported, Later, My hopefor Susan’s visitwas tolethermake far-ranging The planwas for ustomeetinHongKong toseethe T endency w as printed andpub- as printed ... time ...how 3 came inandanswered for him. patrolman. fa From now onmy andIknew thescore. clothes policeofficers, see that theguard’s room was sealedoffby agroup ofplain- Icould thenahubbub of voices andwalkie-talkies. front door, half anhourlater there was asoundofbrakes squealingat the m “Theprecinct chief Ithoughttomyself: connected questions. Let’s have alookat your I.D.” b r itup.” Comepick here. a whodialedthelocalprecinct andspoke an the olddoorman, r I’mgoingto OldBuddy, ment building onHeping “Hi, Ave. and T-shirt andwalked intotheguard’s room ofBeiliapart- day ofmy undoing. r ofthemagazinebatches asgiftsoronconsignment. coffee shopsandprivate creative studiosreceiving bookstores, culturalfigures, withanumberpoet Seamus Heaney, ofpoets, fe pollutant.” this “spiritual were of mobilizedtoconfiscate run theentire print police” large numbers of “people’s sentdownPublic Security anorder: Beijing tothepolicestation.The along withthemagazines, intothestudioandhauledhim, policecharged there.The andcouldnotexplainwhat themagazines were doing time, Her only sonXiaoQiangwas inthestudioworking at the had placedabox ofmagazines there withoutmentioningit. directions oreven went intohiding. but thetimidonesscrambleddealt withthiscalmly, inall quito would beunable tofly through. Even amos- the exaggerated installation. ofanart grimness barbwire ofelectrified gave andconcertinas it midable walls, placehadfor- Bureau DetentionCenterat QinghePrison.The totheBeijingPublic Security inthesamejeepasbefore, taken, and covering Iwas afternoon upmy activities.That criminal the nextday, the policeaccusedmeofhaving abadattitude my During secondsession through thenight. ting inachair where Iwas kept sit- place inthegarage station, ofthedispatch first took interrogation station.The to theHaidiandispatch inboxers and me andescorted T-shirt, meintoajeep, marched outes of egress, and called in on their walkie-talkies.Then they andcalledinontheirwalkie-talkies.Then outes ofegress, ead the toBeijing.August 13—againeturned that number—was the prnl geduo oeprs:“Theloadyou wanted is pparently agreed-upon codephrase: okdtedowyadsotda e “Where do you live? thedoorwaylocked andshoutedat me, te was intheirhands. a s eatrm o oehn.It’s But ust beaftermefor probably something. nobigdeal.” tured poemsand essays winningIrish by theNobelPrize W “Can’t you tell?Let’s go.” “Can Iaskwhoyou allare?” aplainclothesofficer Comealongwithus,” “No need. Iasked a “Can Igotomy room andputonsomeclothes?” They held me in the lobby for awhile, grilling mewithdis- grilling They heldmeinthelobby for awhile, thearea for checked Before longthepatrolmen arrived, tothedelightof much I immersedmyself inthenewspaper, On a torrid afternoon Iwent afternoon downstairsOn atorrid inboxer shorts inmidmonthI Early inthemonthIwent toShanghai; which 2,000copiesofthat 400+pageI hadprinted issue, Xiao My friend Ai’s designstudiowas upendedbecauseI totltigm e naohrwr,they frog- ithout lettingmegetinanotherword, Beijing Evening .”

REGULAR FEATURES 113 CHINA RIGHTS FORUM NO. 3, 2005 CRF-2005-03-text.qxd 9/8/05 3:16 PM Page 114

lescence Home. Behind the non-descript gate was a Shangri-La of two-story residences among the greenery. I was led from the jeep to a suite of rooms, where a police officer awaited me. I asked him, “Is this going to be house arrest?” The officer said, “You rest here for a few days.Take care of your health and unwind after your fright.We’ll clear things up for you.” The convalescence home was located in Beijing’s Western Hills, and there was a hint of coolness in the early fall air. I could close the bathroom door and be alone; I could wash myself without stripping down in front of others. I took my first hot bath in two weeks and slept in a bed, not on the floor of a cell. I could gaze at the view through a window,not look upwards at a small square of light and long for freedom. But not all was to my liking, for the moment I left the bathroom, I faced long, intimate conversations with officers from various levels of the Public Security hierarchy. That evening an officer from the Beijing Public Security Bureau suddenly declared to me, “According to an agreement between the Chinese and American governments, you will be deported to America . . .” I was roused at 6 a.m. the next day and told to shave in order to “to project a good image for our country.”Then it was a breakfast of soybean milk, fritters and rice porridge, after Bei Ling and Susan Sontag which I was escorted back into the jeep to be driven through that labyrinth of turns. Early morning in the just-waking suburbs of Beijing. Inside the prison office, I was forced to take off my high- Remembering familiar segments of the route, my eyes took in prescription glasses. I balked at that, saying, “Without my every street, every view,every tree, every shrub.The old glasses I can’t . . .” codgers with their old wives, and the old spinsters; the boys One of the guards interrupted me with a kick to the leg and and girls shouldering book bags on their way to school.This barked, “You think this is a damned hotel? You came in here was my Beijing.Would it be the last of Beijing for me? I sobbed alive, but maybe you’ll go out dead! Squat your sorry ass down until I could no longer trust my voice.The security man riding and clasp your hands behind your head.” along to “protect” me had nothing to say.I was taken to my Peering about through bleary eyes, I heard the warden parents’ house, where I said goodbye to my parents and announce, “Suspect Huang Bei Ling, implicated in illegal pub- younger brother.Then I quickly gathered up my luggage and lishing and dissemination of illegal foreign journals, will be was put under escort again, this time to the Beijing Airport, held in criminal detention pending formal charges.” I was then where I was placed aboard a plane bound for San Francisco. escorted to Block 8, Cell 1. For days I wore nothing but boxer shorts and a T-shirt, Would this be the last of Beijing for me? I without so much as a change of underwear. I was utterly dependent on my cellmates for assistance. I lost all contact with sobbed until I could no longer trust my the outside world, and had no idea who might be implicated voice. in my case. I was not aware that my brother Huang Feng was locked up in the same jail. Did the outside world know of my And so I was “deported” back to America.As far as I knew,I imprisonment, and if so, could anyone secure my release? had been freed through the insistent efforts of the State I remained in the dark until 14 days later, when the prison Department and the American Embassy.Aside from Meng office announced, “Charges will not be filed.To be released on Lang, I didn’t know who had worked to save me. It was only parole to await further questioning. Return to your cell until when I got news from my friend in San Francisco, when Meng you are escorted out.” Lang gave me a detailed account, when I read Susan Sontag’s On the final morning, I filled out exit forms; in the lobby I Op-Ed piece for The New York Times calling for my rescue, when I ran into my brother Huang Feng, who was being released as learned from the American P.E.N. Center of the concerted well.We quickly acknowledged each other without even a response by the international literary community,when I chance for a hug. I was again led to a jeep, which took me called Susan and then went to New York to see her—only then through a labyrinth of lanes, but my familiarity with Beijing did I know how much Susan had done for me during the streets told me we were stopping at the Public Security Conva- whole process. CRF-2005-03-text.qxd 9/8/053:16PMPage115 w r efforts tonegotiate withtheChinesegovernment over the andthe State Department Embassymadegreat American andasked hertohelpgetmeoutofjail.The who was afriend, ofState ShealsophonedSecretary Madeline Albright, this case. governmentAmerican hadaresponsibility togetinvolved in sheasked totellhimthat hissecretary the speak toClinton, unable becausethey to wereton’s acquainted.Although office, a label hasnotyet whenacriminal been the early stage, Susan knew timetosecure someone’s thecritical release isat Butpublic isastart.” outcry high-level government officials. thekey influencewas behind-the-scenepressure by ments, where dissidentshave beenfreed by theirdespoticgovern- To andpoet? could bemobilizedtospeakoutfor thislonescholar tohopethat private “Isittoomuch citizens Susan wondered, Inheressay,lished simultaneously inmore thantencountries. ev andsentittonewspapers Ideasto China,” ofCarrying Crime Susanwrote anessaynese DissidentFatigue,” entitled “The on my behalf. theonewhofirst putoutanappeal situation from MengLang, through ofmy the whohadlearned P.E.N.American Center, She eventually gotasecond-handaccountofmy detention withmytouch MengLang. oreven family, withmy co-editor, Shedidnotknow how togetin I contactedherfrom China. either. but they hadnotheardanything, gist friends, withher Shegotintouch sinolo- American knew my situation. but noneofthem shecontactedherChinesefriends, days, shewas unable todoany first few otherwork.The this news, notice ofmy in imprisonment re andeven embarrassment self- tened withfeelings ofgratitude, expected they would letyou outsosoon.” “Inever Shesaid, me withrapid-fire questionsabout jail. y Y fairly well. yes, “You lookwell, remarking, from headtofoot, we Susan emerged from intow.We ataxiwithheryoung friend f b together withyou? May I?Ihave appointment, anafternoon w tellingherIwould beinNew Boston, York thenextday.There calledSusanfrom I conference for meat itsheadquarters. where the P.E.N.American Centerwas toholdasmallpress rama,te ’lg otePEN etrwt o .” . thenI’llgototheP.E.N. Centerwithyou . or ameal, elease ofmyself and my brother. tce.Shetoldmethat sheimmediately phonedBillClin- ttached. ou? Itdoesn’t lookasif uhvntls egt haveou haven’t you? lostweight, You were weren’t beaten, tIcncl o n eceue Let’s gotoChinatown firstut Icancallnow andreschedule. r sd;every day, tonight she did nothingfrom morning ork aside; shpiesi e oc sseakdm,“May Iget as happiness inhervoice assheasked me, bu rwee itwas translated intoseven languages andpub- erywhere;

re esr,pbi ucyi nypr ftesoy Inmostcases public isonly ofthestory. outcry part be sure, Susan toldmethat for over aweek shehad putallother Battling what a sinologist friend had termed hadtermed Battling what Chi- asinologistfriend “Arrested norhad I hadn’t given Susanmy phone oraddress inChina, As Susanrelated lis- I how shehadworked for my release, Susangrilled While treating metoawelcome-home meal, We On my thirdday in back IwentAmerica toNew York, W ke

moved Shelooked meover at meetingagain aftersolong. ell-versed instrategies for gettingpeopleoutofprison,

. ag Susan toldmeshewas toread shocked thefive-line r e ome ta nescini hntw,where eed tomeetat anintersectioninChinatown, ....” T he New York Times . After reading k Ihadto ther GrassandSalmanRushdiedidn’t know about you. MillerandGun- didn’tmost writers know about you.Arthur that the government But American wouldn’t know about you. “It’sasked themtojointheefforts tosave tobeexpected me. w why I what Ihadbeendoing, ShetoldthemwhoIwas, of pull. b seemed hazytome. itall matters, insuch Beingthick-headed and copying texts. downloading files for information, searching going online, Sheshowed usbasiccommandsforpening intheworld.” anditkeeps withwhat’s you intouch hap- process, writing Ithelpsthe onacomputer. andwriting of usingtheInternet hastoface thechallenge “Awriter Shetoldus, unlearnable?” “How canitbe she said. aboutI’m stilllearning computers,” “Atmy age editingonacomputerhadfailed. efforts tolearn refusing toacceptmy objectionsthat myputer, previous newspaperto inform ofmy friends work. editorsandwriter relatingers ofmaterials tomeand Susantookustoherstudy andshowed ustwo large fold- Zhen. goodbye leftthebuilding. toallshequickly thenwitha case Ineededaplacetostay oranything else, in Sheasked metocallherintheevening, towork.” get back himofgracefulexpression.tongue deprived belittled ormisunderstoodwhendiscourseinanon-native f sheclari- Imissedthepointofaquestion, for me.When pret” English vocabulary andSusanoffered to begantoshow, “inter- theholesinmy tions? As thequestionsbecamemore specific, ures inChina? What was thesystemfor controlling publica- arrest? What was thereaction ofintellectuals andculturalfig- inBeijing?HowWhy should itbeprinted didthat leadtomy r andwithSusansittingnexttomeat thefront ofthe Roberts, moderated by P.E.N.’sthe auditorium, actingdirector Michel where apress conference was heldin ter inlower Manhattan, Subsequent activitieswere intheworks aswell. outside oftheexhibitionwhenitopenedinearly September. andculturalcommunity toplanaprotest literary American Susanorganized membersofthe andcivilization, history amagnificentcast anironic light onsuch showcase for China’s that that my Observing inBeijing arrest Chinese Civilization.” fo who hadany kindofpull. b tonight Susan didnothingfrom morning ied it for me.What shecouldnotbearwas toseeawriter ied itfor me.What oom.The questions touched on questionstouched oom.The e xliigwoyuwr,andwhy we hadtosaveeep explainingwhoyou were, you.” tmk hn al,andnotifyeveryone whohadany kind ut make phonecalls, sipioe nCia h e hmfe hyke e and Sheletthemfeel they knew me, inChina. as imprisoned tmk hn al,andnotifyeveryone ut make phonecalls, ao xiiinta ol orAeia “5000 r amajorexhibitionthat would tour YearsAmerica: of She thengave inusingacom- thethree ofusatutorial The nextday IvisitedSusanwithMengLangandZhang “Imust SusanroseOnce theconference andsaid, was over, SusanaccompaniedmetoP.E.N.’sAfter lunch, meetingcen- theChinesegovernment was laying plans Around that time, T endency T endency ’s

aims andcontent: that shehadused

REGULAR FEATURES 115 CHINA RIGHTS FORUM NO. 3, 2005 CRF-2005-03-text.qxd 9/8/05 3:17 PM Page 116

Responsibility in action York bus let me off in the Fuzhou neighborhood of Manhat- Susan’s crusading spirit and forthrightness could be seen in tan’s Chinatown.The streets were lined with Fujianese stores, advice that (to me) seemed to come out of the blue. For Fujianese groceries, Fujianese accents, Fujianese smells.A new, instance, on my release from prison, the Beijing Public Security richly textured life was unfolding for those recent Fujian Bureau slapped me with an extortionate “administrative fine” immigrants who had struggled so hard to reach this place. of 200,000 yuan plus punitive daily interest of 8 percent. My Why couldn’t I be one of them? parents were forced to pay 10,000 yuan up front, and I was After tasting the initial joys of freedom regained, I once deported to America dragging this burden of debt, which grew again faced the American lifestyle of which I had grown thor- exponentially heavier each day.Having no resources to pay such oughly weary.I asked myself, “Must I go back to leading the a sum, I mentioned my difficulty to Susan, who was alarmed exile’s life? Will I go back to living as I did before?” and worried for my sake. She suggested that we send a jointly Owing to my blundering attempt at independent publish- signed letter to 200 wealthy Americans, asking each of them to ing, the new life I had begun in Beijing had been taken from contribute $200 for this purpose. She believed I should deal me. My plans to buy a condominium in Badaling Township with this soon, to avoid repercussions to my family. and live a semi-reclusive life in the northern countryside near After some consideration, I told Susan, “I am moved by the Great Wall had turned into an empty dream.The dreadful your intention, but should I really pay that extortion money? I thing was that any return to the motherland was ruled out in don’t dare to accept contributions for such a thing.” Perhaps the foreseeable future. I had difficulty adjusting, and fell into Susan could not imagine the tortuous interpersonal dealings depression. and fearsome rumors within the Chinese expatriate dissident I once told Susan about my agony.She listened and under- community.And besides, how could I ever repay a debt of grat- stood what it meant to be an exiled writer. She considered my itude to 200 people? exile to be an act of fate, and said an exiled intellectual should I urged Susan to give up that idea. not only show concern for his motherland, but also for politics in his land of residence; he should engage his thinking with its A caring hand cultural and spiritual development. Susan and I talked about Each time I went to visit Susan in New York, the Boston-New Joseph Brodsky,whom we both admired. Her eulogy for Brod- sky includes a sentence I particularly relish: “His home was no longer Russia, it was the Russian language.” Is the Chinese language, not China, to be my home? Life Susan’s advice to me was this: “Face the reality that you can’t return to China.You should treat this as your fate, as BY BEI LING Brodsky did.You need to take time and master English.” She also reproached me for not trying hard enough to have my Still translated works published in American and European periodi- that waiting cals. She felt an exiled writer ultimately had to do this to stay those pleasures influential in his adopted country.She also kept reminding me, those endless activities and rushes “Have you written new poems? Have you had your work Still translated into English? I can send recommendations to edi- that misery tors.” In those years she worried about my livelihood, and in those sorrows the autumn of 2000 she applied to the American P.E.N. Center those different censures on my behalf for a $2,000 stipend. Still She was a severe judge, but she vouched for the quality of that rhythm my works. She wrote recommendations to get my works pub- those madnesses lished in journals and newspapers. She urged her good friend those obvious illusions Steve Wasserman to commission an article from me. She rec- Still ommended my poems to the literary editor of The New Republic, that effort then told me to send a submission quickly.She introduced me those revolts to the editors of intellectual journals, gave me their phone those climbs without footholds numbers and then asked if I had called them. She would always say,“Don’t be embarrassed. Call them up directly and tell them on roads where people crawl forward that Susan Sontag told you to make the call.” shoulders brush shoulders One day she phoned and told me she was at the Columbia emitting sparks University Bookstore, managed by a friend of hers, after giving sleeping openly on this land night after night a lecture at Columbia. She had recommended the Chinese-lan- we drive the bleakness of fallen leaves from empty fields guage Tendency to the bookstore, and suggested that they display it for sale. She told me, “America has a long tradition of Translated by Denis Mair absorbing immigrant cultures.This bookstore should sell books and magazines in various languages.” She said, “Hurry CRF-2005-03-text.qxd 9/8/053:17PMPage117 don Times BookReview Review ofBooks only as topointoutthecontentofgreat such journals Ineeded Itwas easytorebuttural community. theirattacks. ev my should standfor Behind journal-in-exile ary “pure literature.” inourtime.”cultural changes sents acallfor for responsibility socialand andconcern itdraws repre- which ontheauthenticintellectualspirit more, broad visionoftheproblem ofhumanexistence towards itstretches a and through othermodesofdiscourse, itextendsitsscopeby meansofliterature, ofliterature; journal “ statement containedthesewords: independent Chineseliterature.” seems agiftfrom theChinesegovernment tothecauseof Now your in arrest August 2000 pendent Chineseliterature. y but what elsecan time, ofyourthis meansasacrifice writing “Iknow shesaid, Graciously accepting, member. an honorary Independent ChineseP.E.N. Centerandinvited hertobecome store. T tag hadstoppedby was how torecommend my journal.That sayingthe bookstore he was manager, honored that SusanSon- received I acallfrom magazine todeliver.”After shehungup, up andphonehim.You canaskhimhow many copiesofthe k w newlypursuits.The founded Tendency Press tookuptimeas debilitating andmy blow, collaborators hadgoneontonew w she kept hoping that Later, for ustopublish intranslation. without compensation, Sheprovided herown works andtheirworks. good writers topicsandhadrecommended had assistedmeinchoosing The mostconscientiousamong on thesubjectofdemocracyorfreedom ofexpression.” and hiscolleagues intheirmagazine print are hardly neutral peopleBeiLing purely enterprise.The literary an apolitical, literary.”While I was in jail, she affirmed sheaffirmed literary.”While Iwas injail, deceptive toargue for that exilesshouldbe ajournal “purely in andworldwide?America both engagejournals withthepoliticsandthoughtofourera, rud)cluei hn.Neither will Iargue that ground’) culture inChina. Hecares passionately about independent(or ‘under- China. Heisfor andexpression in freedom ofspeech course hedoes. Of not goingtoclaimthat BeiLinghasnopoliticalviews. “Iam Shewrote: anddefended myprinciples role asitseditor. endency eep the journal going.eep thejournal ou do?Someday thiswillbeseenasapivotal pointfor inde- ell, and though my heart was willing, I lacked thestrength Ilacked to andthoughmy was willing, heart ell, see iln ohl ihfnriig ButIhadsuffered a as even willingtohelpwithfundraising. en madedeliberate efforts tosabotage itinthe cul- American

Later, certain overseas certain that aliter- asserted Chinesewriters Later, when In 1993, Iwrote Susanabout ofthe thebirth In February 2002, She expressed great regret when I feel that Ihave letherdown. ua a nttlareeto hs Shesaiditwas self- Susan was intotalagreement onthis. back theyback assailed magazine went onsaleat ColumbiaUniversity Book- , T he NewRepublic , T and endency T endency T endency Letter International w , sfrtfudd itsinaugural as first founded, ol euepbiain and could resume publication, Th f or having and politicalbacking e T endency New Yorker T T endency endency ’s : don’t theseadmired

dioyeios she advisory editors, T , endency is notlimitedtoa P ceased publication. aris Review ’s ...

guiding T Further- endency , the New York Lon- is .Mn eg theco-editorof MengLeng, 1. NOTES T f world bereft ofherispoorerof great asit writers.The departed where shehasjoinedthelongprocession motherland, spiritual her Paris was herfinal destination, Baudelaire andBeckett. ofherashesinagravethe interment adjacenttothoseof from around theworld andfriends convened for with flowers, w theday afterwhat 2005, inParis onJanuaryCemetery 17, at Susanwas theMontparnasse buried the Mayor ofParis, andwiththeapproval of David Rieff, the decisionofherson, Upon withoutleavingShe leftsosuddenly, awillorwishes. Pa 3. A poet, translator and literary critic, Huang Canran served aspoetry HuangCanranserved critic, translator andliterary Apoet, 3. ChenJunisaChinese dissidentnow livinginNew ZhangZhen Jersey. 2. b asifoursympathies were balancedonaninvisi-ing about her, shiftedfrom herworrying aboutfriendship metoworry- Our andtoexposingthedarksideofnational policy. affairs, w w but Icouldtake it. hardenough), (because Ididnottry Sometimesshewas toughonme have ofarrogance. atouch Itwas hardly her child.) avoidableteaching that shewould ag (Shewas my mother’s shewas and anelder. a tireless teacher, Shewas forbinding talker deflating withaknack pomposities. that Iwould outlay. onthisrisky seenoreturn but worried mate in Susanwas supportive, Taiwan andChina. V and publishing Chineseversions ofworks tomeby entrusted f havingcongratulated mewarmly, constantly over worried my Y f stillhadnot I a preface for it.Yet uptothetimeofherpassing, andsheagreed towrite thebook Ihadintendedtowrite, write ShehopedIwould ButIfailed todoso. newto writing poems. Shekept urging metogive thought had translated my poems. aces more evils. inances. During that period Idevoted that period During my energies toediting inances. inished it. ranslated by DenisMair r ulcLbay ihaoeya tpn f$000 Susan withaone-year stipendof$50,000. ork Public Library, aclav Havel, which Ifelt were which cli- neededunderthecurrent aclav Havel, le pair of scales, a spiritual echo. aspiritual le pairofscales, ould have Hergrave beenher72ndbirthday. was heaped ree taiy h rwmr osmdb or;she shegreworsened steadily, more consumedby worry; as even more committedtovoicing over concerns current e, r Hong Kong UrbanCouncilChineseLiterary Awards. editor for is apoetassistantprofessor ofcinemastudiesat New York University. andeditornowa writer livinginBeijing. To As the political, cultural and spiritual atmosphere ofourera culturalandspiritual As thepolitical, In 2002Iwas selectedasawriter-in-residence at theNew ting strainsforagreatsoul h nwhwt itn u h a eertn,spell- but shewas apenetrating, She knew how tolisten, and sometimesspoke tomeintheintonation ofamother

norg e sheread aloudcommentsby apoetwho encourage me, T endency and was awarded for Poetry FirstPrize inthe1996 T endency ,n ow

ie nHn og Shi lives inHong Kong. Tao is

REGULAR FEATURES 117 CHINA RIGHTS FORUM NO. 3, 2005