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Medieval Banquet Script

Sir Iwasawa: Hear ye! Hear ye! Attention in the hall! (Repeat as needed to get everyone’s attention…)

Sir Kang: On behalf of our royal cousins and kin, I bid thee great welcome to our humble hall.

Sir Huang: Let us commence with the afternoon’s festivities!

Sir Hu: All guests, both of noble blood and that of the common and popular, please come forth to the great hall for an afternoon of modest entertainment and stout victuals.

(All families are seated. (5th Graders) form two lines at the door. The Royalty (3rd Graders) wait outside the door to be announced.)

Sir Kang: Hail and Welcome good and , neighbors and kindred to this, a celebration of a madrigal feast.

Sir Iwasawa: We are privileged this afternoon to have in our presence royalty and from lands far and wide. Let the announcements and procession begin!

(Knights: Raise swords, forming an arch for the honored guests to walk through.)

Sir Huang: From the Kingdom of Berger, please welcome

Sir Hu: His , Bryce, of Miller, (pause)

Sir Iwasawa: His , Adheesh , King of Giritharan, (pause)

Sir Huang: Her grade, Norah, Queen of Knoblach (pause)

Sir Kang: From the Kingdom of Holley

Sir Huang: His , Austin, King of Heideman (pause)

Sir Hu: Her highness, Yuan, Queen of Cheng, (pause)

Sir Iwasawa: His majesty, Liam, King of Esary, (pause)

Sir Kang: Her grace, Sameeha, Queen of Siddique, (pause)

- 1 - Sir Huang: His highness, Miles, King of Heller (pause)

Sir Hu: His majesty, Ben, King of Bortnick, (pause)

Sir Iwasawa: His , Phoenix, King of Hula, (pause)

Sir Kang: Her grace, Nora, Queen of Seely.

Sir Huang: From the Kingdom of Boyle (pause)

Sir Hu: His highness, Eli, King of Esses (pause)

Sir Iwasawa: Her royal highness, Mireia, Queen of Martinez-Carbonell (pause)

Sir Kang: His grace, Jai, King of Bist (pause)

Sir Huang: His highness, Dominic, King of Helston (pause)

Sir Hu: From the Kingdom of Huffer

Sir Iwasawa: Her highness, Emma, Queen of Gonzalez (pause)

Sir Kang: Her royal majesty, Christina, Queen of Wang, (pause)

Sir Huang: As this is a most welcome day, we are blessed with the attendance of those most honored guests, the esteemed Bishops and the Monarchs of several adjoining kingdoms.

Sir Kang: Let us learn about travel in our time from Queen Yuan and King Adheesh.

(Iwasawa, Huang, Hu, Kang to seats)

(Cheng & Giritharan to Mic)

(Entertainment—Cheng & Giritharan: Travel in the )

Cheng: Traveling during the Middle Ages could be very dangerous; roads were filled with thieves who would readily attack single individuals or small parties of people.

Giritharan: This is one of the reasons why people tended to travel in larger groups. In addition to the dangers of outlaws, the road conditions and weather could be treacherous. People in larger groups were able to look out for and help each other along the way.

Cheng: Many people never left their communities, but sometimes a pilgrimage

- 2 - was the one and only time they would travel.

Giritharan: Most people lived their entire life in the same village or town – with no Real reason to ever leave. Depending on their finances, pilgrims either walked or traveled on horseback.

(Cheng & Giritharan to Seats)

(Carbonell, Heideman to microphone)

(Parents: Be ready to serve drinks.)

(Knights, be seated.)

(Heideman waits until ALL are seated)

King Heideman: Welcome fine friends and neighbors both high and low. I am King Austin from the land of Hick. I bid thee good morrow to you all.

Queen Carbonell: Our most congenial hosts have shown much hospitality on this merry eve. Perhaps a word from our gracious hosts would be in order.

King Heideman: Thank you your highness. Honored guests. I say welcome merry gentlemen and ladies to you all. I bid you to enjoy these festivities great. Let the cupbearers bring forth my best drink so that we may begin in good cheer.

(Carbonell, Heideman to seats) (Knoblach to mic)

Queen Knoblach: Pray Your . Let us learn about the poet of our time from Queen Nora S, King Bist, King Eli and King Ben. (Knoblach to seat) (Bortnick, Bist, Esses, Seely to Mic)

(Parents: serve drinks)

Entertainment-Geoffrey Chaucer-Bortnick, Bist, Esses & Seely

Bortnick: Geoffrey Chaucer was born in London in 1340. He lived in England but traveled to France, , Flanders and other areas as part of his job as a public servant. He is remembered as a poet, and one of his most well-known works is a poem entitled, “The Canterbury Tales,” a collection of stories written in the last years of his life.

- 3 -

Seely: The Canterbury Tales is a story about Medieval Pilgrims, on their journey from London to Canterbury. Their destination is a Cathedral in Canterbury, England, where a shrine is dedicated to a Saint named Thomas Becket. Thomas Becket was an Archbishop who was murdered in his own Cathedral by men devoted to the king at that time – King Henry II.

Esses: The pilgrims who are travelling in the poem consists of men and women from different classes and occupations. There is one host and 30 pilgrims including Chaucer, who is actually a character – the narrator - in his poem. The pilgrims include a , a merchant, a miller, a pardoner, and a monk, among others. The host proposes a contest: each pilgrim is to tell two tales on the way to the shrine and two tales on the return.

Bist: The host will judge the stories and choose the one that is the most entertaining. According to the rules conveyed by the host, there would have been 120 tales (30 pilgrims each telling four stories). Knowing this, it is clear that the Canterbury Tales is not a complete work; Chaucer died before he could finish the poem. Only 24 tales have survived – and two of those are only partial stories.

(Bortnick, Bist, Esses, Seely to Seats)

(Giritharan to mic)

King Giritharan: Such interesting history to punctuate our occasion. I commend thee For such cultural loveliness. Next we will enjoy the prologue of the Pardoner’s Tale performed by Queen Knoblach and Queen Carbonell (Giritharan to seat) (Knoblach, Carbonell to Mic) (Entertainment: The Pardoner’s Tale, Part I-Carbonell & Knoblach)

Knoblach: The Pardoner begins his introduction by telling his fellow pilgrims about his job. He explains that he is a pardoner who preaches that greed is the root of all evil. During his sermons he offers to sell holy relics to the members of the congregation. He explains that these holy relics have miraculous powers that will pardon the person’s sins.

Carbonell: He confesses to the pilgrims that the holy relics have no power whatsoever. The Pardoner explains very honestly that he only sells relics for the money and that he truly does not have a care about what happens to the person’s soul upon death. He professes to be holy while pocketing the money dishonestly. After revealing these details about his occupation, the Pardoner begins his tale.

(Knoblach, Carbonell to Seat)

(Wang, Carbonell, Esses, Seely, Siddique to mic)

- 4 -

Queen Wang: Such wondrous tales for the ear to behold. I commend thee for such merriment, the likes of which are sorely missed within these confines.

Queen Carbonell: Let us wet our lips, warm our hearts, and offer our toasts. A toast to this festive occasion. I beg thee lend aid in giving your blessing in this endeavor.

King Esses: A toast to our honored guests. May health and happiness attend you each and all. May every joy be you and yours, both in home and hearth. May you be blessed by Providence with longevity and health. All Hail!

All: Wassail!

Queen Siddique: May we n’er forget the fairer folk who dine amongst our rough comrades. A toast to the ladies in this hall!! To them who are the quiet strengths of our lives, the rarest flowers of our courts, and the highest inspiration of our hearts. All Hail!

All: Wassail!!

Queen Seely: And let us also not forget our gentlemen both noble and stalwart. A toast to our men in this hall. To them, who display continued the noble aspects of friendship and the steel of loyalty. All Hail!

All: Wassail!

Queen Wang: Let us have some entertainment to begin our feast. We offer the Musings of King Austin and King Phoenix delighting us with the first part of The Pardoner’s Tale. (all speakers to seats) (Heideman & Hula to Mic)

(Entertainment: The Pardoner’s Tale Part I: Heideman & Hula)

Heideman: There once lived in Flanders three wicked men who spent their time in illegal, immoral activities. One night while the three men were in an inn, they looked outside and saw a group of men carrying a corpse to the grave. One of the three asked about the corpse and was told that he was an old man whose heart had been attacked by a thief named “Death.”

Hula: The three wicked men had heard of this “Death” and how he had killed so many people: young, old, rich and poor. The three men vowed to find Death and murder him. The three men headed out in search of the elusive thief. They came upon an elderly man sitting on the side of the road. They approached him and rudely

- 5 - asked, “How is it, that you are still alive?”

Heideman: The elderly man politely responded, “I have asked to die, but so far I have been denied.” One of the wicked men asked, “Have you seen the mysterious thief, Death?” The elderly man replied, “Yes, he is up the road a bit, under an old oak tree.”

Hula: The three men rushed up the road in search of the oak tree. There, instead of Death, they found eight bushels of gold coins. Finding this treasure, the three forgot all about hunting Death.

(Heideman & Hula to seats) (Miller to Mic)

Miller: Queens Emma and Christina will now entertain us with the rest of the tale.

(Miller to seat) (Gonzalez & Wang to Mic)

Gonzalez: They decide that the safest way to move the gold is under the cover of night. Two of the men would stay with the gold while the third goes back to town to get some bread and wine for dinner.

Wang: They draw straws and it is determined that the youngest of the three would fetch the food, while the others stand guard. When the youngest had left, the other two decide that when the third returns, they will stab him and divide the gold between themselves.

Gonzalez: While in town, the youngest man decides to poison two of the three bottles of wine so that he can have all of the gold for himself. Upon his return, the two men who had guarded the gold did indeed stab the youngest. In celebration of their victory, they drank the wine – coincidentally, the two bottles that had been poisoned.

Wang: The three evil men did in fact find Death – exactly where the elderly man had said he would be – by the old oak tree. Of course, the moral of this story is, “Greed is the Root of All Evil!”

( Gonzalez & Wang to seats) (Bortnick, Knoblach, Cheng, Siddique to Mic)

King Bortnick: (Clapping hands together in command…) Come, servants. Go to the kitchens and bakeries. Bring on the bread and delicacies of this fine celebration, less our friends find themselves wanting.

- 6 - Queen Knoblach: Excuse me, my . (Pause…) Before we eat, should we not indulge in the instructions of table manners and make them clear for all? If not for manners how shall we know noble from lowly? Our guests must have clean nails or they will disgust their table companions.

King Bortnick: (Nodding as if this is a wise suggestion…) Very well. Cupbearers, bring forth the scented waters! (Command clapping…)

Parents: Take tubs from table to table. Guests dip fingers. Return tubs, be ready to serve bread and cheese.)

Queen Knoblach: But wait! There’s more! Guests must avoid quarrelling and making grimaces.

King Bortnick: It shall be done. (clap clap)

Queen Cheng: (Interrupting…) Also, they must not tell unseemly tales at the table. It would be most upsetting for those with more gentle pallets.

King Bortnick: So be it! (Clap clap)

Queen Cheng: (Interrupting… Turning to the audience as if lecturing kindergarteners.) Our fine guests should not soil the cloth with their knives. Gentlemen and Ladies are not messy.

King Bortnick: Consider it a command! (Clap clap!)

Queen Siddique: (Interrupting…) Nor rest their legs upon the table.

King Bortnick: I shall personally see to it, m’! (Looking upset at the queens because of the interruptions.)

Queen Siddique: (Shocked at being shouted at…) But I’m not finished my Lord. Guests must never leave bones on the table. (Turning to the audience…) Always hide them under their chair. (As if it were a secret.)

(Bortnick turn and plop down into chair waiting for the Queens to finish. He is in obvious boredom. Everyone else at the head table is also looking bored.)

Queen Knoblach: Guests must not wipe their greasy fingers on their beards. Nor place their elbows upon the tables. Guests should be especially sure to not dip their thumbs in their drinks (Knoblach notices everyone is waiting for her to finish. She looks at the head table.)

- 7 - King Bortnick: Finished?

Queen Cheng: ( off on her fingers…) Dirty hands, Grimaces, Unseemly Tales, Dirty Cloth, Feet on the table, Bones under the chairs, Greasy beards, Table elbows, thumbs in drinks, Yup! That’s it! (Noticing for the first time that everyone has been waiting for her and she’s just spoken to the King like a street commoner, clears her throat.) Ahem… Er… I mean, Yes, M’lord.

King Bortnick: (Standing and shaking head…) So now, good folk, since instructions in table manners have been made clear, let us begin feasting!! (clap clap!)

(all Queens to seats)

(Parents: serve bread and cheese.)

King Bortnick: To entertain thee while we tempt our palettes, I offer the Peter and Gus to delight us with an introduction to The Wife of Bath’s Tale.

(Bortnick to seat) (Helston & Esary to Mic)

(Entertainment: Wife of Baths Prologue--Helston & Esary)

Helston: The Wife of Bath begins with a description of herself as an authority on the institution of marriage. She had been married five times since the age of twelve and four husbands were treated poorly. Esary: She would wrongly accuse them of various acts as her way of controlling them. They would give in to her, and give her whatever she desired. She acknowledged complaints about her numerous marriages, which were often based upon religious reasons. Helston: However, the Wife of Bath had her own beliefs and she considered Biblical scriptures as subject to the interpretation of others. Esary: In addition, she supported her multiple marriages by giving examples she made up herself.

(Helston & Esary to Seat) (Miller & Carbonell to Mic)

Miller: (Clapping…)Thank you for that merry introduction. As our afternoon progresses, let us give thanks for our many bounties. Peasants, bring forth

- 8 - the fruits of the trees and vines.

Carbonell: To entertain thee while we feast, I offer the troupe of King Jeff and Queen Siddique to continue the Wife of Bath’s Tale.

(Miller & Carbonell to Seat) (Heller & Siddique to Mic)

(Entertainment: Wife of Bath’s Tale Part I-Heller & Siddique)

Heller: Although the Church considered her a wicked woman, she was proud of her behavior. She described two of her husbands as being “bad.” The Wife of Bath did her best to make her fourth husband jealous.

Siddique: Her fifth husband abused her. He was the only one she married for love. All of the rest were in her life because of their money. She met the fifth husband while she was still married to the fourth.

Heller: She was forty and he was twenty. He was the one husband who did not take her abuse. He was busy demonstrating his own abuse to the Wife of Bath. Jankyn, the fifth husband, added insult to injury by reading stories to her from his book of wicked wives.

Siddique: When the Wife of Bath destroyed three pages from the book, Jankyn beat her, which left her deaf in one ear. They engaged in physical fights. Eventually, however, they made peace when he turned over his small estate to her.

(Parents: serve fruits and vegetables)

(Heller & Siddique to Seat) (Esary, Gonzalez, Heideman to mic) (Huang, Hoff to rear)

King Esary: As much as I hate to perform such unseemly tasks at such a joyous occasion, I must beg your forgiveness, as duty calls. It has come to my attention that there has been unrest in many of the Kingdoms represented here today. I am shocked to see those that might wish to flaunt the rightful and just authority of their royal ! Yes. There are trouble makers in every lot.

Bailiff, bring forth the first prisoner. I shall hear his case.

Sir Huang: (Enter with Hoff. Bow…) Your majesty, Mya, wife of Sam the Woolman

- 9 - stands accused of putting stones and rocks in sacks of hay and hides them deep in the piles of wool that she sells at the faire. She has been suspected of such crimes in the past and she is not well liked by others, including her husband, who has helped to bring this offense to your court.

King Esary: What say ye, Mya Woolman?

Hoff: (Bow) Your Majesty, I am a hard worker and my sons have fought in my lord’s army twice, being wounded on both occasions. I have six children to feed. I pray for your mercy. (Bow)

Queen Gonzalez: (Waves her hand like she’s shooing a fly…) Off with her head.

King Heideman My Lady, that would be most unpleasant at the feast. She has been a good and loyal member of our community, up to this point. Albeit, her husband doesn’t seem to think too much on the matter. The woman’s sons have been twice wounded in my royal service. Certain accommodations must be made ready.

King Esary: Mya Woolman, your service has been exemplary up to this point. However, your behavior is not to be ignored. I hereby sentence thee to three days in the pillory. Let this be a lesson to you. I do not wish to see your face under charge in my court again. Bailiff, take this cheat away.

(Huang, lead Hoff away.)

Bring in the next prisoner. King Jai and King Helston will hear her case.

(Kang lead in Wilson) (Bist, to mic) (Kang, Wilson to rear) (Heideman, Esary, Huang, Hoff to seats)

Kang: Your majesty, I present Raina, wife of William the Baker. She stands accused of using meat from weak and sickly pigs in her pork pies. Several manor residents who purchased her baked goods became ill and one even died from eating her pies.

(Shocked gasps from the head table…)

It has been brought to our attention that these same pork pies were meant for the lord’s very own table. According to the documents presented by the court recorder this is the first time she’s been brought before the court.

Bist: What say ye, Raina Baker?

- 10 -

Wilson: Beggin’ your leave, M’Lord. (Clumsy curtsy…) I knew not my piggies was a sickly lot. I feeds ‘em good, I does. But I never meant any harm to your lordship, nor to any one at all. I’m awful sorry ‘bouts all of this, M’Lord. Truth to be known, I ain’t sold a single pie since all them others done went off sick and all. I am sorry and all ‘bout all this, I is.

Gonzalez: (Again with the hand motion…) Off with her head!!

Bist: (Bist turns to look at Gonzalez with shock concern on his face.)

(In a slight reprimanding voice…)My LADY. Must we always use the most harsh sentence on these poor, wretched unfortunates? If we are to impose such a stark forecast for all matters which come before our court, what must we impose should capital offenses raise their ugly heads.

Helston: (Turning to Wilson…) This is a most unfortunate matter, Raina Baker. However what is done must not go without some form of rebuke. I hereby sentence you to a public stoning. Five stoners with ten stones each, should do the trick and remind you not to raise sick swine! Do not let me see you in my court again.

(Kang, lead Wilson away.)

(Wilson, Kang, to seats) (Helston, Giritharan to mic)

Bist: Bring in the next prisoner. King Giritharan and King Heller will hear her case.

(Bist to seat) (McCracken, Giritharan, Fu & Heller to Mic)

McCracken: (Bring in Fu) Your Majesty, this is Elim the Barrelmaker. According to her neighbor, Elim removed a neighbor’s landmark to add more area to her acres.

Giritharan: And how much land was unlawfully seized in this matter?

McCracken: Nearly two axe throw lengths, M’Lord.

Giritharan: (Rubbing his chin thoughtfully…) This is a serious offense. What say ye Elim Barrelmaker?

- 11 - Fu: (Bowing her head in embarrassment…) My Lord. I am guilty of this crime your highness. I beg your mercy.

Gonzalez: (With eagerness like she’s finally found one which might be executed…)

Off with her head, at least!

(Giritharan and Heller scowl at the Queen and shake their heads. Gonzalez “huffs” like a child.)

(Parents: prepare to serve chicken.)

Heller: Take Elim Barrelmaker to the original location of the landmark and bury her up to her neck on the spot. It will be up to the neighbor how long she remains.

(Fu’s eyes get big and round- as if really scared- look at audience and plead as she’s dragged away by McCracken…)

Heller: Bring in the next prisoner. King Eli and Queen Sameeha will hear her case.

(McCracken, Giritharan, Fu & Heller to Mic) (Siddique, Iwasawa, Green, Esses to Mic)

(Iwasawa bring in Wendt)

Iwasawa: My Lord, I present to you Ben, a lowly peasant and beggar. He has been found picking the pockets of the noble guests in this very hall.

(Gasps from the head table as they check their belongings.)

Esses: This is a horrid crime indeed. What say ye Ben Beggar?

Green: I pray ye your majesty, but I was hungry and could not afford bread. The fine smells of the occasion overcame me. I pray for mercy.

Gonzalez: Off with his…fingers?

Siddique: My Lady! For once an appropriate suggestion. Ben Beggar, command that your hands which you have chosen to use for immoral conduct no longer be a burden or a temptation to you. Bailiff, remove the fingers of this wretched soul’s left hand. From

- 12 - now on, Ben Beggar, receive your bread from the alms. Do not let me see you in my court again. I have grown tired of hearing these misdemeanors.

Esses: You are right your majesty. Bring in the sweet meats. We will now hear the continuation of The Wife of Bath’s Tale from Queen Norah and King Adheesh.

(all return to seats) (Knoblach & Girtharan to Mic) (Parents: serve chicken)

(Entertainment—The Legend of Arthur—Knoblach & Girtharan)

Knoblach: At the end of the 5th century, Britain came under the leadership of a man named Arthur. He was believed to be a real man but very little is known about him. There are lots of legends told about Arthur and his followers, known as the 'Knights of the Round Table'. Unfortunately, most of these are just made up stories.

Girtharan: When King Uther died, no-one knew he had a son. So there was lots of arguing about who should be High-King of Britain. Suddenly a mysterious stone magically appeared in the churchyard of St. Paul’s Cathedral in London. Sticking out of it was a huge sword. There was a message on it. It said that whoever pulled the sword from the stone was the rightful High-King of Britain.

Knoblach: Lots of the local kings tried to pull the sword out. It was magically stuck fast though and the arguing carried on. Years later, Arthur had grown into a fifteen year old lad. It was time for his elder foster-brother, Kay, to go to his first tournament. So the family went to London.

Girtharan: Arthur got into trouble because he had forgotten Kay’s sword. So he went off to look for one. He found the sword in the stone and pulled it out easily. Arthur gave the sword to Kay. Kay noticed the message and everyone wanted to know who had pulled the sword from the stone. At first, no-one believed that Arthur had done it. But he repeated what he had done. Everyone was amazed and Arthur was named king.

(Knoblach & Girtharan to Seat)

(Shipley to mic)

- 13 - Shipley: It is time now to honor those who have proven themselves Worthy of knighthood. I will honor the chosen ones.

Welcome good Lords and Ladies as we induct those worthy into the sacred of the sword. The following squires have successfully completed a Squires challenge and are eligible to be honored as knights. I bid them come forward. List

(squires come forward, rinse hands at tub, then kneel before the altar.)

This shall be the last day these squires will be struck without being able to return the blow in kind.

(To the crowd…) Last evening, these squires confessed their sins, bathed, fasted, dressed in white, and spent the entire night allowed in stoic contemplation.

This robe represents three things in the knight’s vow. It will remind them to keep clean from every stain. It will remind them that they are ready to pour out their blood for the sacred order, and they will be reminded that they are willing to die in protecting their countrymen and kin.

All squires please rise.

Repeat the following vow: I vow to be brave and honorable (pause) To maintain the right (pause) To redress the wrong (pause) To protect women and children (pause) To give help to those in trouble (pause) And to show mercy to the weak and defenseless (pause).

(Call the squires to the altar, one by one. Squires should put on robe and kneel before the altar. Use the flat side of the sword to tap the squire lightly on each shoulder. Alternate teachers for each knight)

As each squire is tapped say: In the of St. Michael and St. George, I dub the knight, Sir (first name) . Be forth amongst your noble cousins and always be brave.

(Knoblach to mic)

(Parents: Immediately following Knighting ceremony be ready to serve dessert.)

- 14 -

Shipley: Congratulations to our new knights of the realm! This ends our most sacred ceremony.

Knoblach: I have but one more delicacy to present and two more groups of entertainers. Let us welcome the Queens Emma, Norah, and Christina and King Bryce who will entertain us with the poem, “Elmer the Flying Monk”.

(Gonzalez & Miller to Mic)

(Parents: Serve Dessert)

(Entertainment: Elmer the Flying Monk-Gonzalez & Miller)

Gonzalez: Elmer had always wanted to fly, He'd thought it would be fun Ever since he'd heard about A man who flew high as the sun.

Miller: Elmer gathered some feathers, Wood, cloth, and other things, And made himself a lovely pair Of giant birdman wings.

Knoblach: He told his friends he was going to fly And they should come and see. Then he climbed to the top Of the tower of the local Abbey.

Miller: His friends watched as he jumped And flapped with all his might And caught a gust of wind That carried him in flight.

Wang: But alas, it did not last very long, And he landed in some mud. His friends were very worried When they heard the crashing thud.

- 15 - Miller: They all rushed over at once To where poor Elmer lay. They said “Elmer, are you hurt?” And he said “I’m okay!

Gonzalez: I think I’ll have another go And this time I won’t fail. All I really need to do Is add a nice big tail.”

(Gonzalez & Miller to seats) Wang, Seely, Heller, Bist to mic)

Wang: My Lords and Ladies and Noble Guests; we must now take leave of this hall and repose to the streets where the shops have been ordered open and more entertainment awaits us.

Heller: As we take our leave, let us be thankful for the fine foods our senses have enjoyed and the renewed friendships in our hearts.

Seely: Our gratitude to you for celebrating this time with us.

Bist: May the sights and sounds of the remainder of the day fill all of us with joy. This concludes our feast. Go forth now and enjoy the merriment of your families.

- 16 -