UDN^soi^" '-^AaaAiNnjuv' ^<vAavaaiii>>'' •'^Aava8ll•^^^^ \MtUNIVERS//, }/^^ ^IIIBRARY(9^ v>;lOSANCflfj> o so so 2 ;^ ^<i/OJIlVJjO>^ <ril3DNVS01^^ JMNn^UV FCAIIFO/?^ ^^^jOfCAlIFO/?^ t^^EfrnTf^^-A .vl^SAWCEl^ I) -< ^ ) ;*^ V o^ '^<?Aavagn-^^'^ <rjl3DNVS01^ ^HIBRARYOc^ fT3 /« o fl3DNVS0)^ '^.J/OJIWDJO'^ "<rud;ivj-j\,) ^lOSANCElfj> ^OFCAIIFO/?^ ^OFCAIIFO/?^ o fl3DNYS0\^ "^aaAiNn-awv^ ^^A«vaaiH^^ ^^Aavnaiii^ >^^^^UIBRARYQ^ ^WEUNIVER5/A v>;lOSANCEia^ so S ^.!/0JllVJ-JO'<^ ^TilJDWSOl^'^ "^/^a^AINHJUV^ ^^;OFCAIIFO% .^WE•l!NIVERy/A .>:lOSANCElfj> o F ^. s)UJ( IIIIJI Jl ^^UIBRARY6K A\\tl)NIVERy//i o j.jo^^ ^omm^"^ <rii30Nvsoi^ '^/ya]AiNn-3WV' FO/?^ ^OFCAIIFO/?^ AWEUNIVER% ^lOSANCElfX/ o ^, ^^AbvaaiH^"^ <ril30NVS01^ %a3AINfl-3WV vVlOSANCElfx^ -^lllBRARYOc. ^I-LIBRARYQ^ '-^f (^ O ce. - V'^^ %a3AINn-3WV ^(tfOJIlVJJO^ ^<!fOJIlV3JO't^ ^lOSANCElfj> ^OFCAIIFO% .^;OFCAIIFO% ^ 5 CO I "^/^a^AiNa^wv ^<?Aavaani'<^ ^RY^/ .s^;^HlBRARY6)/^ ^WE•ll^llVER5/A ^lOSANCElfjv^ j.jO^ ^OJIIVJJO-^ %133NVS01^ %a3AINll-3^V^ F0% ,H;OFCAIIFO% .^WEUNIVER% v^lOSANCElfj> ' o I? HUMOUR OF THE LAW FORENSIC ANECDOTES BY JACOB LARWOOD AUTHOR OF ' A HISTORY OF SIGNBOARDS," " ANECDOTES OF THE CLERGY," ETC. A NEW EDITION ( LONDON CHATTO & WINDUS 1903 K PREFACE. A VERY wise man has said, " There is nothing new under tlie sun," and this seems fatally true in the matter of col- lections of anecdotes. All the good sayings given in this volume have appeared in print before ; all the curiosities are gathered from printed sources. Like the dapper little gentleman in ^Vashington Ir\-ing"s Ar/^ of Bookiiiaking, I have dipped into a variety of books ; fluttered over endless pages ; taken a morsel out of one, a morsel out of another, line upon line—here a little, there a little. In fact, the contents of this little volume are as motley and hetero- geneous as the v/itchcs' caldron in iMacbdh—here a finger and there a thumb, toe of frog and blind-worm's sting, with my own gossip poured in as "j)aboon"s blood,'' to make the medley " slab and good."' Such must necessarily be the case with compilations. Productions of that kind are 'merely to be considered as nltcmpts, more or less successful, to hand over to the present 1015037 — vi PREFACE, fast-reading generation the good things locked up in volumes no longer within e^crybody's reach. Says old Dan Chaucer : " For out of ilic olde ficldes, as men saithe, Cometh all this new corne from yere to yere ; And out of oldc hookes, in good faitlie, Cometh all this new science that men lere." — FORENSIC ANECDOTES. A COSTLY COMMODITY. OHN HORNE TOOKE'S opinion on the subject of law was admirable. " Law," he said, " ought to be, not a luxury for the rich, but a remedy to be easily, cheaph", and speedily obtainable for the poor." Somebody observed to him how excellent are the English laws, because they are impartial and our courts are open to all persons without dis- tinction. " And so," replied Home Tooke, " is the London Tavern, to such as can afford to pay for their entertainment." Never, however, was the formerly almost prohibitive cost of the law in divorce suits illustrated with more genuine wit, and in a more forcible manner, than by Sir William Maule. A poor man having been convicted before him of bigamy, the following conversation took place : Clerk of Assises. What have you to say why judgment should not be passed upon you according to law ? Prisoner. Well, my lord, my wife took up with a hawker, and run away five years ago, and I never seed her since ; and I married this other woman last winter. Mr. Justice Maule. I will tell you what you ought to have I tell you the law done ; and if you say you did not know, must conclusively presumes that you did. You ought to have in- structed your attorney to luring an action against the hawker for B 2 FORENSIC ANECDOTES. criminal conversation witli your wife. That would have cost you about ^loo. When you had recovered substantial damages against the hawker, you would have instructed your proctor to sue in the ecclesiastical courts for a divorce a inensa atqne thofo. That would have cost you ;^20o or ^300 more. When you had obtained a divorce a mensa atqne thoro, you would have had to appear by counsel before the House of Lords for a divorce a vinculo niatrinioiiii. The bill might have been opposed in all its stages in both Houses of Parliament, and altogether you w^ould have had to spend about ^iioo or ^1200. You will probably tell me that you never had a thousand farthings of }"Our own in the world ; but, prisoner, that makes no difference. Sitting here as a British judge, it is my duty to tell you that this is not a country in which there is one law for the rich and another for the poor." This judicial sarcasm on the then existing state of the law was uttered only a few years prior to the creation of the court for the trial of matrimonial and divorce cases, and coming from such an experienced judge as INIr. Justice Maule, must have had its weight in the passing of the Act. ONCE BIT, TWICE SHY. LDERMAN WATSON was in his youth a midshipman, and while bathing in the West Indies had the mis- fortune to lose his leg by the bite of a shark. Some years afterwards, when he and Wilkes were both in the House of Commons, and a tax upon attorneys was proposed, Alderman Watson spoke strongly in favour of the tax, and inveighed warmly against the attorneys in general. Somebody asked Wilkes what made his brother alderman so severe upon the attorneys ? " Why,'' said Wilkes, " my brother alderman was bit by a shark when he was j-oung, and he lias never for- given it." I^ORENSIC ANECDOTES. 3 HAIR-TRIGGER JUSTICE. WO or three generations back, the reputation of a duclhst was by no means considered an impediment to pro- motion, even to the bench, in Ireland. It was a favourite boast of Chief Justice Toler (Lord Norbury) that he "began the world with ^50 and a pair of hair-trigger pistols." They served his purpose well. A c|uarrel with Napper Tandy, one of those ephemeral demagogues in which Ireland is so prolific, was the immediate ladder by which he ascended the bench. To such compensation for such service Lord Clare, the then chancellor, was vehemently and naturally " " " opposed. Make him a chief justice ! he exclaimed. Oh no ; if he must mount the bench, make him a bishop, or an archbishop, or— anything but a chief justice ! " The luck, however, of the hair-triggers triumphed, and Toler not only became a chief justice, but the founder of two peerages, and the testator of an enormous fortune. After his promotion, the code of honour became, as it were, engrafted on that of the Common Pleas, the noble chief not unfrequently announcing that he considered himself a judge only while he wore his robes. A non-suit was never heard of in his time. Ill-natured people said it was to draw suitors to his court ; Toler's reason was, he was too constitutional to interfere with a jury ! Be this as it may, a non-suit was a nonentity. " I hope, my lord," said counsel in a case actually commanding one, " your lordship will for once have the courage to non-suit." In a moment the " hair-triggers were uppermost. Courage ! I tell you what, Mr. Wallace, there are two kinds of courage—courage to shoot, and courage to non-shoot, and I hope I have both ; but non-shoot now I certainly will not ;" and the argument was only a waste of time. FORENSIC ANECDOTES. QUADRUPEDAL GRACE. ERJEANT WHITAKER was one of the most eminent lawyers of his day, though the few memorials which have been preserved of him exhibit him more in the character of a wit than of a learned man, \\hich he, however, undoubtedly was. One day, two ladies of rank and fashion were praising Mr. Serjeant Walker's dancing. Whitaker, who knew that his brother-z>z-/aw was remarkable for anything except grace, insisted that the ladies were mistaken as to the individual. When they declared that they were not, he begged " leave to put one question to them : Pray, ladies, was it upon his hind legs or his fore legs that Serjeant Walker moved so gracefully ? '' LEGAL OPINION. HEN Sir John Hayward, LL.D., in 1590, published his First Part of the Life and Reign of King Henry IV., Queen Elizabeth considered this work so full of treason, that she sent its learned author to the Tower. Bacon having been consulted by her on the question, answered, "An please your highness, for treason I cannot deliver opinion that there is any ; but very much felony." The queen rejoiced at hearing this. "How, and wherein.'"' she exclaimed eagerly. "Be- cause," he answered, " many of the sentiments and conceits are stolen out of Cornelius Tacitus." "A BILL WITHOUT A NAME." H^ORD BROUGHAM, in the House of Lords, said he remembered a case wherein Lord Eldon referred it, in ll ^^ succession, to three chief courts below to decide what a particular document was. The Court of King's Bench decided it was a lease in fee ; the Common Pleas, that it was a lease in FORENSIC ANECDOTES. S tail ; the Exchequer, that it was a lease for years. Whereupon Lord Eldon, when it came back to him, decided for himself that it was no lease at all. NOT BEEF-WITTED. USTICE FLETCHER, of the Common Pleas, about five o'clock every day became so ravenously hungry that the country people agreed he had a wolf in his stomach.