felixonline.co.uk @felixImperial /FelixImperial felix@imperial.ac.uk Keeping the cat free since 1949 issue 1594 January 23rd 2015 The world that’s hidden from view Inside... ICSM Boat club suspended after tour Arts: the Hidden issue pages 32 to 39 Imperial News 4

Women’s Rugby to online: headline Varsity 2015 the rise

and fall 3 News

The disappearance of the and return of page 3 pages

filling Comment 12 Is the sixth mass Includes: jihad orgies, extinction coming? our news College investigations feeds and the page admins from hell

News: pages 8, 9 and 10 Science 15 2 23.01.2015 THE STUDENT PAPER OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE LONDON FELIX This week’s issue... [email protected] Felix Editor Philippa Skett

EDITORIAL TEAM CONTENTS Editor-In-Chief Thinking about the PHILIPPA SKETT News 3–9 Deputy Editor PHILIP KENT Comment 11–14 students behind the screen Treasurer THOMAS LIM Science 15–16 Technical Hero Tech 17–18 LUKE GRANGER-BROWN his week we are doing an Imperial seemingly powerless to THIS WEEK’S EDITORIAL News Editors Film 19-21 analysis on the rising trend intervene, these pages are almost a CAROL ANN CHEAH Tof Facebook pages ran by ticking time bomb. With admins KUNAL WAGLE Television 27 Imperial students, that are gaining changing as people graduate, and a lot of traction again as people are passed over to this board of senior some pages taking content from Comment Editor Music 28–29 sitting January exams and therefore staff that deal with disciplinary anyone through those Google TESSA DAVEY also spending a lot of time on procedures and are also there to keep submission forms, one pressed button Technology Editors Arts 30–37 Facebook. the welfare of the student body in or poorly worded message can reach JAMIE DUTTON With pages amassing thousands of check. the corners of campus in a matter of OSAMA AWARA Games 38 likes at a time, and individual posts Students are joining these pages minutes, including the student it may being liked and shared too, and then because of the sense of community be about. Science Editors LAUREN RATCLIFFE Food 39 throwing in the fact that students are they emulate, not just for the joke If people are joining a page because JAMES BEZER talking about the page and showing posts and the humour. They join they are using the Imperial name to Welfare 40 it to their friends, the cumulative because they see a page named after draw that large audience in, Imperial Games Editors reach of these pages in total, all things their university, and, as a student should also be intervening when MAX EGGL Travel 42-43 considered, can be quite vast. body that is often criticised as being students come to them for help over CALUM SKENE One of the pages we investigated fractured and divided, enjoy these the posts. It’s all well and good to have Arts Editors Hangman 44–45 this week is Imperial Tell Someone online windows that capture the ethos these policies, but when College is FRED FYLES Something, a page that is no longer of Imperial so succinctly. aware of the pages and they are still KAMIL McCLELLAND Puzzles 46–47 active and was shut down last Liking it takes no effort at all, and posting defamatory posts and even academic year, after the admin was suddenly any post from that page is attacking students, College is failing Music Editors GRACE RAHMAN Sport 48 reported to the College Tutors. This catapulted straight to their timelines. in keeping their students safe. AMNA ASKARI page was especially slanderous, with Despite College offering all of For now though, there seems to the admin also being particularly vile their policies on IT, branding and be nothing more threatening than Television Editors to students voicing their complaints image use, in their responses to our students attempting to organise a GIULIA GABRIELLI and refusing to take posts down that questions this week, in practise no distasteful orgy, along with some JOHN PARK were mentioning their name if the page has ever been shut down or any pretty dodgy science chat-up lines. Film Editors admin thought the offensive posts action taken against students running Enjoy them, even post to them ELLEN MATHIESON were justified. these high-profile platforms. And if you like, but remember that JACK STEADMAN Both the admin and the page we are not saying they should; most anonymity can make people feel JOHN PARK was reported to both ICT and the pages and their posts are amicable even more alone and compound Books Editor College Tutors, and although College and are not a cause for concern at all. that feeling of being targeted. People DIANA LUCACI Communications could not discuss However some posts tread a thin may be more brazen on one side individual cases to us, as far as we line, and with such a large audience of the screen, but they are equally Fashion Editor are aware, nothing was done to the and seemingly no consequences more vulnerable when on the other, CECILE BORKHATARIA individual despite his full name for what is posted and when, and receiving side. Food Editors CAROL ANN CHEAH Coffee Break Editors TESSA DAVEY Fancy finding out how we write news? ELLEN MATHIESON Travel Editor It’s not just scrolling through facebook YUNG NAM CHEAH Hangman Editor looking for orgy posts, we promise. AN ANGRY COACH DRIVER Welfare Editors DIBA ESBATI Felix News Reporter Workshop CHANON WONGSATAYANONT Clubs and Societies Editor Monday 26th January BEN HOWITT Sport Editor Meeting Room 3, Union Building KUNAL WAGLE

12.30pm until 1.30pm COPY EDIT TEAM Copy Chiefs SKETT’S BOX OF SHAME STEPHEN BALL Attendance is free and snacks are ELLEN MATHIESON We accidently attributed an article provided. Copy Editors to another author, when in fact ANNINA SARTOR TOM RIVLIN Kunal Wagle wrote the piece last BEN HOWITT week “All change come election Felix, Beit Quad, Prince Consort Road, Printed by Iliffee Print Cambridge, Winship Road, JUNE GAN time.” London SW7 2BB Cambridge. MICHAEL FAGGETTER Email: [email protected] Registered newspaper ISSN 1040-0711 MATTIN MIR-TAHMASEBI JASPER MENKUS Tel: 020 7594 8072 CECILY JOHNSON Front image credits: Thomas Lim Copyright © Felix ABBY GOLDBLATT FELIX THE STUDENT PAPER OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE LONDON 23.01.2015 3 News [email protected] News Editors Carol Ann Cheah and Kunal Wagle A Capella comes to Imperial The semi-finals of the ICCA’s will be held this Saturday at Imperial

BEN HOWITT previously competed in local and NEWS REPORTER national A Cappella competitions. There are five other teams attending. “The fact that we’re hosting has he semi-finals of the given everyone a massive boost, International Championship compared to what we had at Voice Tof Collegiate A Cappella (ICCA) Festival... it’s nice to have the home will be held this Saturday at Imperial advantage, you’ve got the home College. The competition is presented crowd. I think that will go a very long by Varsity Vocals, in conjunction way in the results. I mean, who knows with the Union’s A Cappella Society, what group, if any, will win.” which is also sending three groups to Following the competition, the compete against a range of University winning group will go on to compete The Techtonics are just one of three Imperial groups competing on Saturday Photo: The Techtonics A Cappella groups from around the in the Final at New York’s Beacon UK. Theatre in April. They will follow it before, I requested paper tickets... been sold, with confirmed attendees Conferences team for their continued Felix spoke to Henry Harrod, the in the footsteps of Birmingham it’s been good having a lot of them at including Tom Wheeler, Imperial support. A Cappella Chair, about the progress University’s Sons of Pitches, who the list price”. College Union President, and Richard “It’s going to be a very exciting of the competition: “Ever since the won the International video round Despite the discussions surrounding Dickins, Imperial College’s Director time; there are going to be a lot New Year came around, suddenly it in 2013. The group has since released ticket pricing, and some crossed lines of Music, in addition to Varsity of emotions riding on the night, dawned on all the groups just how their debut EP, Not Too Shabby, and regarding whether the event should Vocals senior management. Based regardless of what happens... it will quickly it was [coming up] ... that we will be MC’ing the event and giving a be an external or internal event, with on the tickets sold so far, more than literally be a real life Pitch Perfect.” have actually quite a lot of pressure to guest performance. the system described as “completely half of those attending will likely be Tickets cost £15 for students and advertise it.” “The excitement’s definitely arbitrary”, all the rooms are booked. Imperial students. £20 for adults. Tickets can be bought The groups competing are The building. There’s been a kind of... The event begins at 19:30 tomorrow Henry wanted to pass on his online, or you could buy a physical Techtonics (all male), Imperielles (all issue surrounding the ticket pricing... evening (24th January) in the Great thanks to the Sabbatical Officers ticket today at 13:00 in the JCR. female) and The Scopes (mixed), all there are quite a few extra charges. Hall. and the Union staff for their help in There will also be tickets on sale at of whom perform regularly and have Having chatted to people who’d done More than 400 tickets have already putting the event together, and the the door. Women’s rugby team to NBA Star John Amaechi visits Ethos KUNAL WAGLE Clinic”. Other distinguished guests headline at the Stoop NEWS EDITOR included Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck. How good they are at basketball is open to interpretation. KUNAL WAGLE such as timings, aren’t known yet, but Last year the Imperial College ational Basketball Association Speaking at the event in Kensington NEWS EDITOR it is believed that the men’s match Medicals side were triumphant in (NBA) star John Amaechi Mr Amaechi said: “These are the best will be first, and the women will the women’s fixture, winning 26-10, Nvisited Imperial College times of the Global Games, as you headline afterwards. which served as sweet revenge for the London’s sports centre Ethos last really get to involve the community. he Women’s Rugby team have The captain of Women’s Rugby, 26-5 reverse they suffered in 2013. week as part of a promotional drive The children are able to have contact been asked to play their Varsity Mona Theodoraki, said of the event The Stoop is the home of for the Global Games London. with real players, an experience which Tmatch after the JPR Williams “This is a great opportunity for Harlequins FC and has played host Amaechi is widely regarded as one isn’t regularly repeated in many Cup at the Stoop in Twickenham. The women’s rugby and for women’s to many high profile matches. Next of the best British players in NBA other sports, and they have been match, which will take place on 18th sports in general. Hopefully it’ll month, they will host the England history. unbelievably excited.” March, will be contested with ten inspire more girls to join and help the Women’s Team as they play Italy. Amaechi had attended the event During his time in the NBA players a side. It will be 20 minutes club grow. Just hoping people won’t The England Women’s team won the as part of a promotional drive for Amaechi played for Orlando Magic, each way, to form a 40-minute match. head to the bar the second our match Rugby World Cup in 2014. the Global Games London game Utah Jazz and Houston Rockets. The logistics of the rest of the day, starts though.” between the New York Knicks and the He is credited with being “one of Milwaukee Bucks at the O2 Arena, the world’s most high-profile gay which took place last week. athletes” after he came out publicly At the event, which was a grass roots in his memoirs. At six feet ten inches event for youngsters, Amaechi shot tall (2.08m) Amaechi played his first hoops with the players. The clinic game in the NBA for the Cleveland was organised as a joint venture by Cavaliers in 1995, and his last game the NBA and Warner Bros. and was in 2003. named the “Looney Tunes JR NBA

That humanities essay wasn’t enough fun writing for you?

Just so happens that we need and like more roving reporters. Come write for us - we ply you with free tea and coffee.

[email protected] Photo: ICU Women's Rugby 4 23.01.2015 THE STUDENT PAPER OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE LONDON FELIX News [email protected] News Editors Carol Ann Cheah and Kunal Wagle Another broken coach Andrew Mitchell, window and a suspension MP, speaks at for the ICSM Boat Club Imperial

JAMES BEZER decisions made at DfID to ensure NEWS REPORTER efficiencies and value for money for the taxpayer, often, for instance, paying charities and NGOs to carry out operations, rather than using an ormer cabinet minister already overstretched military. and current MP for Sutton Mitchell also defended the UK’s FColdfield, Andrew Mitchell historic aid to India. Although spoke to students this week about this funding is now being wound the importance of aid and charity in down, the government has been improving the lives of people in the criticised for still providing aid to a developing world. country, which now has its own space In front of large audience in programme. Blackett Lecture Theatre 1, Mitchell In response, he pointed out the – perhaps best known to readers levels of poverty that still exist there, for his involvement in the so-called and that the space programme is “plebgate” scandal – spoke about privately funded, and will aid India’s his two years as International development through improved Development Secretary. communications across the vast Tuesday’s event, organised by country. Imperial Raising and Giving (RAG), Mitchell was also keen to covered a wide range of topics, from encourage students to get involved Photo: ICSM Boat Club the importance of educating women in international development, and in overcoming the hardships faced by offered advice to those considering a PHILIPPA SKETT having to take the coaches off the overnight in a hotel then returned those communities living in extreme career in the sector. FELIX EDITOR road to be cleaned properly. Sunday evening. The coach arrived poverty. When asked how he would respond The club were suspended on back in Hammersmith at 9.15 pm. What Britain excels at, Mitchell to those critical of funding projects Monday (yesterday), and were told The coach company had previously said, is using development funding to overseas in a time of difficulties in nother sports club tour has in a club email that they are banned told the students it was permitted to generate lasting social and political the UK, he replied: “charity begins at resulted in a broken coach from any sort of training and drink on the vehicle. solutions: training teachers and home, but it doesn’t end there.” Awindow, with the club now social activities until “they are told Tom Wheeler, Imperial College doctors, not just building schools and Mr Mitchell has had a varied currently suspended as a result. otherwise.” They have been advised Union President, when asked for a hospitals. Mitchell was also keen to career including spells as an army The incident happened on the to not wear any kit with their logos or statement on the matter, told Felix: emphasise the benefits that foreign officer and an investment banker mixed Medics Boat Club tour to branding on them, and refrain from “During a 48-hour Medics Boat Club aid spending can bring to the UK: before first entering parliament in Leuven, Belgium, last weekend, as posting on social media in regards Tour to Belgium, damage was caused helping British business and reducing 1987, before eventually rising to the the coach was waiting at Dover to to the tour. They have also been told to the rear window of a Coach. The the risk of conflict and terrorism. position of Conservative chief whip. board the ferry. The coach was not not to “discuss what happened with damage was caused by an alumnus Turning to his record in RAG chair Ben Fernando said: in motion, and as we understand no anyone not involved.” of the College. It is believed that the government, Mitchell said he is ”I'm really glad Mr Mitchell could students were hurt. Another email, sent to the mailing window became damaged following proud of pushing through the Bribery come along and engage in a really The low quality CCTV shows a list shortly after, advised students not contact with the member’s body. The act that prevents companies engaging interesting discussion with us about member of the party falling against to attend a suggested party after the Club has been suspended pending a in corrupt practices abroad that they International Development. a window, and they either broke the tour, and also thanked students who Union investigation.” would never consider doing in the It was also good to see how many window as they fell or they may have helped to clean up the coaches after Dariush Hassanzadeh-Baboli, the UK. passionate people there are at used an emergency hammer. It is the journey. President of Imperial College School He was also keen to stress the Imperial on this subject.” believed that the person responsible This year’s tour to Leuven, Belgium, of Medicine, told Felix: “The incident is a qualified doctor. known as the 10+1 Tour since it is now that occurred recently is not being Felix understands that the coach in its eleventh year, was organised last taken lightly by ICSMSU. We are also required valeting as, allegedly, 25 term, and both students and doctors currently investigating the incident bottles of port were recovered from who had recently graduated were in in order to get a full picture. ICSMSU the floor of the vehicle, eight seats attendance. The tour consisted of 100 Boat have been co-operating fully were covered with vomit and three students, spread across two coaches, since the incident was reported.” condoms were found down the side of and each coach ticket cost £55 per The club declined to comment on some of the seats. student, with the club paying £5,250 the incident. Sources also have said that during in total to book the coaches and the This comes only months after the journey many students were ferry trip. the Imperial Medicals Rugby team out of their seats, which may have The students left Hammersmith at smashed a coach window last term increased the risk of a student falling 11pm Friday night en route to Dover whilst on tour too, that time to against a window in the first place. to catch a ferry. However the coach Bristol. The team was also suspended Felix has also been told that the company had to send another vehicle as a result. total damages amount to £3,075, to Dover at about 2am to take the which the company are currently stranded students to Leuven, after NOTE: This article has been edited pursuing through Imperial College their previous vehicle was rendered from the original online version to add Union. This includes the cost to unsafe due to the broken window. in Dariush’s statement on the matter, repair the window, valet the coaches They arrived in Leuven around and redact any direct quotes made by the and also the loss of earnings after 1pm on Saturday, remained coach company on their request. FELIX THE STUDENT PAPER OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE LONDON 23.01.2015 5 News [email protected] News Editors Carol Ann Cheah and Kunal Wagle Hundreds queue to see ASOS CEO Nick Roberston give a talk in Huxley Cecile Borkhataria goes to the event hosted by IC Entrepreneurs

n Monday, an event hosted by Nick began his inspirational talk. buyer, who used to work for Topshop. his talk, Nick Roberston said “five made through a mobile device. the Imperial Entrepreneurs He came across as laid back and The new buyer sourced the most years ago, if you’d have told me that Along with mobile device Osociety (IE) saw Huxley confident, and was clearly used to demanded items from wholesale River Island would be sold at ASOS, I optimisation, Nick hopes to flooded with students hoping to see speaking in front of large crowds of stores around London to be sold wouldn’t have believed you.” transition from spending huge ASOS co-founder and CEO, Nick people. online. Indeed, the fashion retail website sums for Google search engine Robertson, give his insight into the The 30-minute speech saw Nick With growing success and noticing started out supplying smaller, optimisation, to building the ASOS success of his company. As the queue take the audience on the journey that the fashion side of the business independent brands (such as Lipsy brand and media even more. of hopeful students extended onto towards the highly successful was performing better, the firm saw when it was first introduced), When I asked Nick if he would the Sherfield walkway, members of company that ASOS is today. a transition from retailing clothing and as traffic grew, the business consider opening ASOS stores in the IE handed out flyers “guaranteeing” The fashion retailer, established in and homewares to just accessories and gained traction and larger global future, he said that he’s been tempted entry to the event. 2000, was originally called As Seen clothes. brands began to join the businesses to secure attractive retail spaces, Once first year Maths students on Screen, which featured links to The brand encountered a setback repertoire. but would prefer to stay online, as finally left Clore lecture theatre, the websites where people could buy the in 2005 when a nearby fuel depot The ASOS ‘free returns’ policy most young people spend a large room was inundated with students furniture and clothes featured in exploded near the ASOS warehouse, has been a significant aspect of the proportion of their fashion budgets from all courses and years. their favourite movies and sitcoms. causing the online business to close brand’s success, and Nick said the on the internet. The ambience was decidedly electric At the time, Nick bought the domain for six weeks, with a loss of stock decision to implement it in 2006 was Nick proves that you don’t have and students were very excited. Some name for just £50. The website gained worth £5 million. simple, as he thought he should “give to be a whiz kid to found a hugely tried to save seats for their friends, revenue from featuring relevant ASOS’s target customers are young the customers what they want”. Nick successful business: he got a D and only to be told by members of IE that, brands on the website. Eventually, people in their twenties, particularly emphasised that this was a marketing an E at A-Level, yet ASOS has an due to high demand, no seats could be Nick and his business partner (his women, who are fashion conscious. spend that improved customer estimated worth of £159 million. saved for anyone – places were to be brother) decided to source the actual Since its founding, the business has loyalty, and is important as 35% of all As the UK’s largest independent allocated on a first-come-first-served products and sell them for a mark up. slowly accumulated an impressive orders are returned. online and fashion retailer, ASOS has basis only. ASOS saw a big change in its portfolio of huge brands. The next priorities for ASOS are to revolutionised the fashion industry Once the crowd was finally seated, business model after it hired a new During the Q&A session after optimise its app, as 30% of its sales are and continues to grow rapidly. 6 23.01.2015 THE STUDENT PAPER OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE LONDON FELIX News [email protected] News Editors Carol Ann Cheah and Kunal Wagle Imperial Facebook pages: the good, the bad, and the downright hilarious

PHILIPPA SKETT EDITOR-IN-CHIEF

he rise of Imperial Facebook pages spans several years, but Tdespite sprouting a number of different pages they are all for pretty much of the same audience. These in- clude such as Imperial College Secrets, Spotted: Central Library and Humans of Imperial, some of which allow stu- dents to anonymously submit content to be posted on the page, with others having admins that track down and curate content themselves. The first page to gain serious traction was Imperial Memes back in 2012, with posts accumulating up to 200 likes apiece and students commenting and submitting constantly. The page became inactive when the moderator graduated the following year, although by then more pages were springing up and attracting thousands of likes by students across campuses and year groups. The pages’ popularities seem to coincide with holidays or revision periods, and understandably so. Imperial College Secrets, which began in September 2013, has only recently exploded as the Christmas holidays came to an end, with posts dramatically increasing in frequency on the page and the number of likes increasing by a few thousand in a matter of weeks. The obvious draw of these pages are the sense of community they provide: Imperial College Secrets in particular interacting with the page; despite defamatory, of a terrorist nature many other “Things students don’t off their course if they were found to has attracted a lot of students posting many posts on Imperial College or likely to bring the College into say” pages for other Universities. be posting on the pages. about mental health difficulties, with Secrets attracting tens of likes, some disrepute.” Some have also attracted a lot of The pages aren’t limited to other students posting comments of of the polls posted, such as “Which They continued: “Where bad press in the past, especially those Facebook either: there has been support. Biology lecturer would you sleep appropriate, the College will that became popular nationwide. several Twitter pages of the same Slightly more bizarre was also the with?” have seen over two hundred investigate and may take action Laura Bates, the founder of the nature, although it seems students attempt to organise some sort of votes (Tim Simpson was the winner of under its procedure for dealing with EverydaySexism project in the aren’t ready to move to Twitter just orgy for students complaining about that, by the way). student disciplinary offences.” Guardian last year, called out the yet. The anonymous twitter account sexual frustration, but generally These admins can also be held as They also told us that written “Spotted” pages, which were very Imperial Gossip Girl (@ICGossipGal) the posts have been sincere, if not liable for the content posted online, consent should be sought from popular with Universities nationwide. has currently 54 followers, and has saddening to hear about students as propagating lies or slander to an College to use “Imperial College,” These pages often contained posts only tweeted 23 times. struggling with various issues. audience is considered defamatory either alone or as part of a longer from students about others, they had No doubt more pages will spring up Other posts have not been so and can even be sued as a result. name. This also extends to the crest, “spotted” in the library, although in the future, probably in conjunction savoury or positive: one included a Even if the admin doesn’t write the and applies to both commercial uses many people were photographed with the exam season, although for link to a photo of someone’s faecal defamatory comment, the fact that of both of these elements and social without permission and then posted the time being it seems that the matter in a sink, which was viewed they republished the material to an purposes too. on the page for thousands to see. niche is pretty saturated with pages hundreds of times. Another post is audience, regardless in size, leaves “It is the responsibility of all Bates said the pages were addressing pretty much all aspects of about medical student who admits to them liable under the Defamatory members of the College to ensure that demonstrative of “Objectification, a student’s life at Imperial. sleeping with a consultant, with many Act 2013. publications and communications harassment and misogyny.” She That’s not to say the majority of the more posters admitting to drug use, Felix investigated exactly what bearing the name Imperial College outlined how female students felt posts on the Imperial Facebook pages illicit sex, hatred for room/hall mates, College could do about these pages London should not contain material awkward or nervous going to places aren’t funny or entertaining. Many and a general apathy for Imperial as a should they become unsavoury. that is inaccurate or detrimental to which had these pages associated with of the posts on Imperial pages seem University. A spokesperson said that users the good reputation of the College.” them. to capture the ethos of the university A shocking number seem keen to of College’s IT facilities must not Such pages are not unique to Rate Your Shag pages also attracted very well and make for a great discuss ejaculate, whether it is in food, “display, store, receive or transmit Imperial, and in fact, some aren’t the attention of the national media in procrastination tool, if nothing else. shampoo bottles or a jar kept on the images or text which could be even run by Imperial students. The 2013 after Facebook removed them If you ever wanted to scroll endlessly window shelf. considered offensive e.g. material of page Things Imperial Students Don’t because of naming students in full. through snippets into the lives of It is easy to underestimate the a sexual, pornographic, paedophilic, Say is ran by the Tab HQ, the national Loughborough University warned Imperial student, these pages are number of students that are actively sexist, racist, libellous, threatening, student tabloid group, alongside students that they would be kicked probably the best place to start. FELIX THE STUDENT PAPER OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE LONDON 23.01.2015 7 News [email protected] News Editors Carol Ann Cheah and Kunal Wagle Felix investigates: the admin that didn’t remain anonymous

page admin then published an open letter, seemingly speaking out against bullying. However, students believed this was an attempt by the page owner to whitewash their actions. Despite the Union advising against it, following an article by The Tab Imperial during the course of the investigation, the Imperial TSS page was removed from Facebook, leading to the investigation being suspended indefinitely. The Tab were unaware of the progress of the Union’s investigation, with the reporter in question later saying that they were not aware that the College had been given a name from the Union. All three pages cited here (Imperial TSS, 4th Floor Central Library, and Humans of Imperial) feature(d) identical posting styles, graphical design and use of language. These features are also consistent with the Imperial Secrets page. Lastly, Imperial TSS and Imperial Secrets bore huge similarities in how their header graphics mimicked the graphic identity of Imperial College, especially in font and colour scheme. Felix has spoken to those who previously lived in halls with the student believed to be behind the pages, and also cast a net further to find more out about his background. PHILIPPA SKETT the name “TSS Admin” to take part were repeatedly defended under a against students, comments that The individual has been confirmed EDITOR-IN-CHIEF in their annual bungee jump. After “freedom of speech” banner. This is questioned or were critical of the page as suffering from a number of health CAROL ANN CHEAH approaching the stall and presenting in spite of the fact that legally, the were swiftly moderated. At one point, issues, and often exhibited irrational NEWS EDITOR the funds raised through a post on the admin of a page is responsible for all a student’s complaint regarding an behavioural patterns. page, he had to give the committee published content under defamation insensitive joke about the missing Those in halls reported that he his full name and CID number. laws. At this point, the page had MH370 flight was removed, but the was asked to move out due to a long elix has reason to believe that The same student was also amassed just under 3000 likes. post containing the joke was allowed stint of thieving food and equipment a single student may be behind identified as the photographer, and Several people whose full names to remain. A post with the same from the kitchens over an extended Fmany of the popular Imperial and probably the admin, of Humans were published on the page made MH370 joke is still visible on the 4th period of time. The individual was Facebook pages. of Imperial last year, as he would use of Facebook’s “Report Abuse” Floor Central Library page. only caught once, as those who shared We suspect the individual has approach students and staff himself system, as well as directly messaging The issue was escalated to ICT, with a kitchen with him planted a camera now graduated, after completing to post their photos on the page. The the admin of TSS to remove the screenshots of their conversation overnight, and repeatedly caught him an undergraduate degree in posts on HoI though are all amicable posts. These were met with threats with the admin included in the on film emptying the fridges and Aeronautics. Felix has managed to and friendly, and ownership of the and a spike in the targeted bullying complaint. However, ICT dismissed cupboards. procure email correspondence and page has since been transferred to a messages on both the page and an the complaint and said there was There are also a number of reports personal anecdotes from a number of team of five students still at Imperial. affiliated Twitter account. nothing they could do, as Facebook in the public domain about the students, giving us more information For the TSS page, members of In one instance, when asked by one pages were beyond their control. individual being involved in multiple on the individual behind many of Imperial could anonymously send in student to remove defamatory posts RAG released details of the admin cases of theft in his home country the popular pages that students are messages via a Google form, which towards them, the admin became to Imperial College Union to aid during a year out from Imperial, posting to currently, and that were were then collated and published. It defensive and threatened to post with their investigation into abusive complete with pictures. This has active last year. didn’t take long for the TSS page to more. When asked for the name(s) of Facebook pages. The individual was subsequently led to a criminal record, The student started at Imperial come under fire for its content, which those posting the abuse, the admin reported to the College Tutors, a as well as a fine and jail time. in 2008, and has been intrinsically ranged from racist and sexist posts to replied: “Don’t bite the hand that group of department-independent College were unable to provide us linked to the now defunct Tell defamatory ones. feeds, dear lady. Do what you think is senior pastoral advisers, in a series with a reason for the suspension of Someone Something (TSS) page, These included posts labelling right, we know we will.” A post from of emails sent from the Union. No the investigation, stating that “action Humans of Imperial (HoI) and 4th an individual as a “n*****r” and the admin subsequently appeared on formal action was taken against taken by the College is considered Floor Central Library. Felix also “[smelling] awfully bad”, accusing a TSS, encouraging those who authored him, however meetings were held on a case-by-case basis. It would suspects he was also behind Imperial hall warden of sniffing the underwear the threats to confront the victim between College Tutors, the Union not be appropriate to comment on Secrets in its infancy, although we are of students, and asking a student with directly. and students affected by the cyber- individual cases.” yet to confirm he is still the admin of a “fugly Indian-Chinese” partner Following this, they continued bullying posts on the page. We emailed the individual in Imperial Secrets this year. “what’s it like putting a piece of s*** to post abusive and upsetting posts While College and the Union were question for comment, although they The individual was first linked to into your vagina every night”. concerning that student on a daily collating evidence against the admin did not respond. Separate attempts to the Imperial TSS page after making Complaints made by students basis before the group was shut down. responsible, a number of the more contact the Imperial Secrets and 4th an admin post during the last RAG about objectionable content, as well Hypocritically, while the admin offensive posts and comments started Floor Central Library pages also went Week, asking for sponsorship under as requests to remove said content, refused to censor offensive remarks to disappear from the TSS page. The unanswered. 8 23.01.2015 THE STUDENT PAPER OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE LONDON FELIX News [email protected] News Editors Carol Ann Cheah and Kunal Wagle Imperial students attempt to organise a “Jihad themed” orgy through Secrets Facebook page

More highbrow reporting from Felix as Philippa Skett finds out just what the hell went on

mperial Secrets has lent itself as a platform to a lot of odd posts, Ibut one took a bizarre turn when it resulted in emails being sent to students inviting them to a “Jihad themed” orgy. A post made on the page last week included an online survey asking people to sign up for the orgy. The survey asked students where it should take place, attendee eligibility, and for potential theme suggestions. Over 200 people replied to the survey. The gender split of those that replied was reflective of the Imperial ratio as a whole. Subsequent comments promoting the survey on the Imperial Secrets post was made by a fake profile, named “The-Orgy Master.” The profile photo was a rather erotic snap of what appeared to be an eastern Asian family in their underwear, potentially taken in the eighties. The Facebook profile, and the survey asking people to take part in an orgy, were managed by four first-year students of Imperial. The students are a mixture of males and females from the chemistry and engineering departments, but they are unaware of who runs Imperial Secrets. They spoke to Felix about the stunt, and why they did it. “On seeing the Imperial Secrets page we saw there was a high demand of students with frustrated sexual needs.” “At first it was just a joke but after seeing 200 people sign up to the event we thought it might be interesting to see if people would buy tickets, 4 of whom did.” Students who signed up through the survey were sent a confirmation email from imperialorgy@gmail. com, which is jointly run by the four students. The email stated that the theme of the orgy would be “JIHAD.” Main Photo: The final confirmation sent that first mentioned the "Jihad" theme. Other Photos (Clockwise): The first half of the form to sign up; The It also informed them that tickets original post on the Secrets page; The Welcome page on the form; A running count from "The-Orgy Master; The second half of the form would be below £15 and would cover the costs of a hotel room, condoms, cited by those that filled in their Apparently those who are lonely named as ticket buyers, and those not okay to do this kind of thing.” masks and alcohol. form. They said to Felix: “Many [of could have attended as “one of the that replied said they were unhappy The students behind the page said The email also requested that people the themes suggested] were worse noble gases.” being named in full on such a public they were sorry for publishing the send photos “for judgement NOW,” to than jihadi. We just found that one The fake Facebook profile later profile. The students have also said names, and “As a group [we] apologise decide on who could take part. It went humorous - plus we don’t stand for confirmed that “four people had that as far as they are aware, no deeply for any harassment or abuse on to gallantly state that “judgement terrorism so why not ridicule it?” purchased tickets,” and stated the money has changed hands. Some told that may have ensured.” of girls will be very lenient but still The students told us other themes names of the students in full. These us that they were just signed up by The final question is, will the orgy send a picture!”, though the authors suggested via the online survey were taken down a few days later, friends as a joke. be taking place? Sadly it seems, it will were also generous enough to offer included, but were not limited to, although were publically viewable However two were particularly not. Concluded the four students free tickets to those that send in Hitler, a Children’s party, S&M, for anyone who clicked on the profile upset, as they didn’t think their behind the stunt: “Logistics would “female jihad costume pictures”. Teletubbies and, the most Imperial- through the Imperial Secrets page, names would be made so public. Said have been too difficult.” The students told us that the “Jihad” sounding of them all, one based currently approaching 3,000 likes. one: “I am frankly annoyed that any Back to the drawing board then. Photos: Imperial Create Lab theme was not the only preference on the Periodic Table of elements. Felix contacted the students information was released. It’s really FELIX THE STUDENT PAPER OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE LONDON 23.01.2015 9 News [email protected] News Editors Carol Ann Cheah and Kunal Wagle Controversy as Imperial joins others in boycott of Universities “Green League”

PHILIP KENT DEPUTY EDITOR

ontroversy has broken out over the decision by 69 of the 151 CUniversities eligible to take part in pressure group People & Planet’s University League to pull out of the survey. Imperial College were one of the institutions to not submit a return this year. The survey, known until this year as the ‘Green League’ ranked universities based on a number of factors attributable to environmental sustainability. Factors in this year’s survey include water and carbon reduction, staff and student engagement, sustainable food sourcing, and ethical investment policies. This year, Plymouth University came top of the table, while Imperial College ranked 112 of 151. Last year Imperial came 113rd of 152. In a Students protested at the University of Glasgow Photo: People and Planet breakdown, People & Planet gave Imperial a score of 0% in categories University Directors of Estates, they spokesman from Goldsmiths, last year’s table, University League view expressed by the Environmental of “Environmental Policy”, “Ethical praised the Green League for its role University of London, providing manager Hannah Smith said, “This is Association of Universities and Investment”, “Workers Rights”, in “helping us to account for and the information requested would a boycott against transparency led by Colleges and the Association of “Sustainable Food”, and “Waste improve performance.” have taken “up to a month of full- under-performing universities. When University Directors of Estates that Reduction”. However, the organisations raised time work”, continuing “smaller people ask our universities what changes to the methodology used Institutions are allocated ‘degree “serious” concerns, referring in institutions in particular – those they are doing to meet the biggest in the Green League survey are classifications’, with Imperial particular to the “[insufficient] with just one or two members of staff challenges of our time, we’d expect detrimental to the credibility of the attaining a ‘third class’. Considering timings given to universities, and working on sustainability – do not them all to answer.” results.” only Russell Group institutions, changes to the survey which are have the resources to gather the data In a statement to Felix, a College “Given this, the College considered Imperial was joint 16th with Glasgow perceived as time-consuming and requested.” spokesperson said, “Imperial is that the substantial time and and Cambridge. detrimental to the credibility of the Under Freedom of Information Act committed to carrying out its mission resources it would take to respond to Whilst many institutions refused to results.” rules, organisations are not obliged sustainably and to minimising the survey would not be justified.” submit data, they could still be ranked The Guardian also reported that the to provide information under the the environmental impact of its The League started under its as higher education institutions University of Cambridge expressed Act if it takes longer than 18 hours to operations. The College recognises previous name in 2007 and has been are subject to the Freedom of concern about the “[failure of the collate the information. that sector comparisons have a role critically acclaimed by a number of Information Act and hence People & survey to] recognise the difference There have been accusations that to play in helping us continue to organisations including the World Planet could obtain information via between institutions”, referring the majority of the institutions improve our performance.” Wide Fund for Nature (WWF) and alternative means. to the older nature of its buildings who chose not to take part did so “However, in line with the approach has received a Green Gown award In a joint statement dated leading to concern that comparisons because of prior poor performance. taken by 68 other UK universities, from the Environmental Association August 4th by the Environmental with other institutions with newer Commenting on reports that three Imperial did not submit a response for Universities and Colleges. Chris Association for Universities and buildings would be unfair. quarters of the institutions who did to People and Planet’s Green League Huhne, has also publically praised the Colleges, and the Association of Meanwhile, according to a not reply were in the bottom half of survey in 2014. The College shares the league.

Venture Catalyst Challenge begins shortly

Do you have an idea that could place over six weeks. The one- the competition ends. and support them in making change the world, or that could to-one mentorship sessions will The competition is open to anyone their ideas into a viable product even become a career itself? include time with Michael Rolph – including undergraduates, or career path. Offering regular Imperial’s Create Lab is once (co-founder of Yoyo) and Tak Lo postgraduates, alumni, or members sessions, Create Lab is supported by again hosting its Venture Catalyst (Director of Techstars). Culminating of the public. Applicants need to Imperial Innovations, a UK leading Challenge – a competition that in a showcase to 400 investors and complete the online application technology investor, and in the last gives it participants the chance venture capitalists, and guaranteed before Monday 26th January. For two years has already supported of winning £10,000, one-to-one winnings of £10,000, there’s plenty more details and to apply, visit over 3000 students with their mentoring from industry experts, of financial incentive for budding http://imperialcreatelab.com/ products and helped them source evening masterclasses, and free inventers. If that’s still not enough, vcc2015/ over £2.8 million. space to help bring your idea to entrants will continue to have access Imperial Create Lab is a pre- reality. to development space and support accelerator that aims to equip STEPHEN BALL The competition itself takes from the Create Lab Team even after students with innovation skills News Reporter Workshop Do you want to learn how to write news stories? Are you interested in journalism, but don’t know where to start?

Our workshop will cover: - How to investigate and write a news story - How we decide on what stories we want to print - A question and answer session with the news team

Location: Meeting Room 3, top floor of the Union Building, Beit Quad Time: 12.30pm

Attendance is free! 12 23.01.2015 THE STUDENT PAPER OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE LONDON FELIX Comment [email protected] Comment Editor Tessa Davey Charlie Hebdo just isn’t funny enough Publish offensive material if you like, just make it good!

JOSHUA RENKEN et’s face it, 2014 was not a COMMENT WRITER great year. Tragedies ranging Lfrom epidemics to political tension to aviation mysteries to religious extremism defined those twelve depressing months. Even the supposed sporting highlights were overshadowed by allegations of greed and corruption. At best, it was a 3/10. Everyone is hoping that 2015 will be different. Is a 6/10 too much to ask? Only seven days in, however, the dream suffered a huge body blow. The Charlie Hebdo attack has been widely covered and I’m sure you all know what happened. The mass shooting was as moronic as it was despicable. To kill over a cartoon is the kind of improbable overreaction that you only see in a cartoon. The attackers’ plan was deeply flawed and the assault on Charlie Hebdo’s head office, considering their motivations, was incredibly counterproductive. I doubt that many Muslims have ever read Charlie Hebdo. It was not a hugely popular publication, with a circulation of around 45,000 a week. The left-wing magazine describes itself as strongly anti-religion. This makes the paper very easy for Muslims to avoid. But after the attack the paper became the most talked- about publication in the world, and the subsequent edition increased its print run to 7 million in order to meet demand, and it seems that an act of savage terrorism has temporarily saved the print industry. Unsurprisingly, the Prophet Mohammad made an appearance on the front of the magazine. It is now a lot harder for those who will be offended by the publication to avoid these cartoons, and support for the satirical newspaper has increased exponentially. This attempt to suppress freedom of expression has seriously backfired. Charlie Hebdo increased their print run dramatically in light of the attacks, but it's a shame Like most people, I had never that it had to be over something so unfunny. Photo: The Independent heard of Charlie Hebdo before news broke of the senseless killings, and Islamic world but these images will column like I have here, not to shoot knew nothing of their controversial not get us any closer to this ambition. the people responsible. People who depictions of the Prophet I whole-heartedly support Charlie will kill others over a joke, no matter Mohammad. After the unforgivable Hebdo’s right to publish the cartoons; how offensive, are sick in the head. shootings, I had a look at the but that does not mean that I like In order to prove the terrorists cartoons, and if I’m honest, I had a them. have lost, we must go back to business problem with them: they just weren’t Society functions best when citizens "...the as usual. When I heard that Charlie that funny. can have reasonable debates about cartoons Hebdo was going to print the next Charlie Hebdo’s portrayals of "Charlie their views, and challenge each provoked a edition only days after the brutal Mohammad are cliché and stale, and other’s opinion. One such vehicle deaths of their colleagues I applauded don’t even attempt to make any kind Hebdo’s for this is satire, but it seems to me lot of hatred their courage and perseverance. The of point about Islam. Any satirical portrayals that the Charlie Hebdo cartoons in without ‘Je suis Charlie’ demonstrations that message is undercut by juvenile of question barely qualify as satire. It’s making took place reassured me that people humour, and this makes reasonable just a dumb picture of Mohammad are ready to protest against threats to followers of Islam less likely to Mohammad – a lazy caricature devoid of wit and many a free society. I just think it’s a shame understand the majority of the West’s are cliché commentary. The correct response people that the cartoons provoked a lot of peaceful position. and stale" to these cartoons is to voice your laugh" hatred without making many people Most Brits want to coexist with the opinion about them, or write a laugh, or even think. FELIX THE STUDENT PAPER OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE LONDON 23.01.2015 13 Comment [email protected] Comment Editor Tessa Davey We are not standing up for free speech The mainstream media is not respecting the enlightenment of society

THOMAS MANFORD he Comment section of COMMENT WRITER last week’s Felix made Tfor interesting reading, unsurprisingly, the writers for the most part choosing to focus on the Charlie Hebdo massacre, which has been dominating headlines these past weeks. I’ll start by saying that there were good ideas expressed in those articles, and in the centre-left’s media response as a whole, however, I believe that Felix and the rest of the mainstream media is wrong not to stand up for freedom of expression and publish the cartoons. Firstly, there’s no question that Charlie Hebdo is a crass and offensive publication – albeit that particularly delightful brand of crass and offensive, reminiscent of South Park, which achieves impartiality through indiscriminate lampooning. They shine a light on hypocrisy, whether it can be found in synagogues (they were ferociously critical of Israel’s bombing of Gaza), churches or mosques. They have also always been Many publications, including Felix, chose not to print the cartoons. Photo: ddinews.gov.in extremely disparaging of the far right bigotry which many seem quick to greatest resistance to that practice, grounds. But the truth is it isn’t assume they represent, few having even going so far as to threaten and reasonable to be offended by satire taken the time to look at anything exact violent retribution, are those to this extent. Relative to the violent other than their cartoons of Muslims. most in need of it. Not only because response amongst extremist Muslims A quick perusal of their past their sensitivity is usually a product to offences of this kind – and the publications is enough to reveal that of the weakness of their position, but ‘deafening silence’ in the wake of the magazine – whilst undeniably because if men with guns tell us not that violence we see all too often in unsubtle – is satirical, as well as to do something perfectly harmless moderates – the drawing of satirical morally sophisticated and consistent, and we comply – even though it’s doodles is completely harmless, and meaning that obtuse comparisons clearly the safest and easiest option, asserting anything else is lunacy. of the cartoons to Nazi propaganda and many of us may not even have It doesn’t make ethical sense to are neither apt nor helpful. I’m not thought to perform the offensive complain that a murder victim was here primarily to defend Charlie action in the first place – we have ‘needlessly offensive’ for insulting Hebdo, however I think that the capitulated. their attacker’s haircut, and doing so interpretation of the ‘Je suis Charlie’ They go away (for now) secure in would veer dangerously close to an campaign as agreement with the knowledge that violence has attempt to justify the crime. And yet anything in particular published once again trumped peaceful debate. we see this being argued all too often, by the magazine would be a Others watch, and eagerly load their in the Felix last week as well as in the misunderstanding. weapons. The cartoons may not mean liberal media as a whole. I feel that the mistakes that liberal much by themselves, we may even Those moderate Muslims who journalists and intellectuals have find them distasteful and crude, but share our desire for freedom should made can often be traced back to demonstrating to the world that the understand why we have to make this good intentions – they are wary of western media can be silenced with statement and print these cartoons, criticising the beliefs of minorities such threats weakens our credibility and that we mean no particular for fear of inciting or contributing to when it comes to criticising extremist offence to them in doing so. I would persecution, and are very conscious Muslim ideology on other topics – "...if we say the same thing to moderate Jews of the historical (and contemporary) homophobia, misogyny and sectarian don’t or Christians if terrorists of their oppression of foreign peoples by conflict to name a few – of far defend faith were willing to kill journalists in Western powers. This attitude greater importance. It is important them in the name of censorship. becomes dangerous when it stifles to try to get along with people and In the long run, if we don’t stand criticism of virulent ideologies embrace their ideas, but some ideas print... up for the ideals that our society has through reflexively and uncritically are genuinely terrible and need to be then we strived to institutionalise over the defending any position, simply by criticised, whether in cartoon form or allow it past centuries then we risk losing virtue of the fact that it is held by a any other, and doing so isn’t bigotry. them. And if we don’t defend them in minority. Basically, the existence of I am sure that many will object to to get to print or by other peaceful means then persecution against Muslims doesn’t my assertion that publishing these the stage we allow it to get to the stage where we mean that Muslim ideologies and cartoons is ‘perfectly harmless’. where we must do so with police snipers, as was sensibilities need defending at every Of course they don’t exactly fly the case in France. So that’s why Felix, turn. "They shine in the face of visual stereotypes, must do so and every media publication with any Charlie Hebdo satirises anyone and a light on and it would be something of an with police respect for the enlightenment values everyone, and I think that it’s plain hypocrisy" understatement to say Muslims snipers" so central to our society, should have to see that the groups which show the have objected to them on religious published those cartoons. 14 23.01.2015 THE STUDENT PAPER OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE LONDON FELIX Comment [email protected] Comment Editor Tessa Davey It’s time for action on mental illness Why are university students still so afraid to admit they need help?

’ve never been a good writer, and have never before written for IFelix. However, I have lately felt a strong desire to write, as a voice for those who may be suffering in silence. Throughout the last couple of months, and up to the turn of 2015, a small but highly significant number of people I have become acquainted with have revealed that they have been suffering from mental health YIFEI WANG problems in one form or another. COMMENT WRITER These shocking stories are often revealed in personalised narratives to friends, via Facebook, after a long period of silence. I daresay those who are brave enough to do so represent only a minority. A lot of people have started admitting that they need help after long periods of silence. Photo: Facebook Why does it take people so long to tell someone that they need help? with mental health problems find it where competition between peers chronic physical health problems And what about those who have never difficult to cope with the pressures can be a contributing factor. People cause them to experience an told anyone? The reason is people are and demands of university. Having with mental illnesses may never fully interruption in their studies. People scared. People are afraid that they will been high-achievers all their lives, recover, despite the best medicines with chronic physical illnesses often be judged. People are fearful of being they are advised to take a year or and talking therapy. Their condition develop mental health problems in labelled as ‘mad’ or ‘not normal’. The more out of this environment to can relapse unexpectedly. Mental the long term. consequences and stigma associated recover. As a result, they are kept illnesses are unpredictable, much like In this New Year, there ought to with mental illness lead to many away from their close friends, and the British weather! be actions taken by the student body people preferring the option to suffer indeed their friends may have Mental illness sufferers are to address this matter of concern. in silence. They should not be. After graduated by the time they are well vulnerable. They are more likely to Mental Health Awareness Week is all, we all have different personalities. enough to resume education, which become victims of physical, sexual, only the start of a long road ahead. Our experiences shape our individual poses an additional difficulty. and drug abuse. The chances of Imperial College students should selves. Therefore university students The truth is that mental illnesses this are further aggravated by an embrace colleagues with mental should not be afraid to speak out. are more common than people think, unsupportive or unknowing college illnesses and support their study at Without support from college, and especially in an intense environment community. university. It is time to break the a caring community, however, people that strives for academic excellence, The same goes for students whose silence.

Some brief notes on Labour Christy Kelly discusses whether votes for Labour mean social change might characterise a typology of this radicalisation has been capitalise on this. for the early Labour grandees – Keir and 90s, in response to persistent of reactions by us, on the left, UKIP. UKIP perform the tried and This failure is worth reflecting Hardie and Ramsay MacDonald – defeats at the hands of a new global I to the three-main parties in the tested techniques of all right-wing on; with the collapse of the Soviet while the Labour party was formed neoliberal ascendancy originating forthcoming election as follows: populisms: a fairly abstract, and thus Union, the traditional socialist and in opposition to, or at least as distinct with Thatcher. firstly, repulsed by the Lib Dems often reasonably accurate, criticism communist parties were decisively from, Hyndmann’s Social Democratic The problem with Labour today for the betrayal of much of their of existing political institutions and discredited. Subsequently, the Federation and William Morris’ is that it has remained insensitive electorate at the last election and structures, followed by a short-circuit 90s were, following an influential Communist League. This gave to the ideological currents of recent their hypocritical self-righteousness mediated by some ‘enemy’ – in this article by political theorist Wendy Labour a reformist tendency from its years. There is much overblown in their moral criticism of the Tories, case ‘immigrants’ or EU bureaucrats Brown, a period of melancholy for conception which it has never lost. talk of a ‘return to socialism’ from which tries to cover up their support – to conservative – in the sense of the left, with the most trenchant This reformist instinct pushed Labour but alas, the most depressing for the same austerity economics. conserving the current status quo – or intellectual example probably being Labour to the right over the course moment of the Labour party The Tories are even worse, if that’s reactionary policies. Eric Hobsbawm’s magisterial but of the 20th century. The tendency conference was not the spectacle of an possible, in their banal nationalism, UKIP’s economic policies are deeply pessimistic Age of Extremes. was neither uniform nor total: the incompetent party ‘leader’ delivering their hatred of education and their largely conservative (although in It was probably this collapse more growth of Communist parties – an embarrassing speech, but an Ed offensive neoliberalism; while the another sense, the current neoliberal than anything else that allowed – to immediately after 1917, just after the Balls whose economic proposals rang incompetence of Labour leaders and dogma is radically utopian and again reference Hobsbawm – the depression, just after WWII – tended out in a Tory register, the occasional their mild economic reformism can not conservative in the least), their neo-revisionism of a ‘Thatcher in to act as a countervailing force for dissonance – say, the mansion tax – only come as a remarkable let-down policies on immigration reactionary. trousers’ to completely bankrupt the Labour pushing it left to preserve its serving only to highlight the essential in the face of a genuine radicalisation The prime reason for the growth social democracy of the Labour party, electorate, while the great advances harmony. It is perhaps high time to of the British public over the past few of UKIP, however, is not the self-advocated until 1995. of revisionism were in the 50s face the fact that Labour is not a party years or so. radicalisation of the British public as This neo-revisionism has deeper under Gaitskell, due to the success of the left, and voting for them serves As a sad aside, I will mention such, however, but the failure of the roots, however; Eduard Bernstein of capitalism in the period and cold more to settle our own consciences here that the biggest beneficiary traditional parties of the left to was the leading intellectual light war tensions, as well as the late 80s than help promote social change. FELIX THE STUDENT PAPER OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE LONDON 23.01.2015 15 Comment [email protected] Comment Editor Tessa Davey Should we celebrate the loss of Page 3? This week, The Times reported that feature was removed from print is The Sun had dropped their Page 3 still a mystery, but since new topless feature. Following the writing of this photos are available on the Sun article, the naked ladies were reinstated website daily, something tells me it on Thursday. wasn’t a sudden feminist epiphany. Personally, I think the removal of he Sun dropped its Page 3 Page 3 is just a small step towards a feature this week, ending a fairer representation of women in T40 year tradition of featuring the media. Whilst I am in favour young, beautiful women on their of the freedom of women to utilise third page, mostly topless and their bodies in any way they would ELIZABETH CAMPBELL with suggestive headers or sidebars like without reproach, from glamour COMMENT WRITER with “The News in Briefs”. The modelling to serving in the army, I change comes following a 28 month believe that while the British media campaign by No More Page 3, lead continue to underrepresent the words by Lucy-Anne Holmes. The No More and actions of women in the news, Page 3 website states, “This is not and focus instead on looks and boobs, about censorship, or passing an Act of they are still upholding sexism and Parliament to force Dominic Mohan, inequality in our society. Page 3 has been a long-running feature in The Sun, used to front many the editor of The Sun, to scrap Page In a 2012 study on women in campaigns such as breast cancer awareness. Photo: The Independent Three. We are asking him – politely – journalism, it was found that 84% of No More Page 3 has got into trouble titillation, but with the backdrop of to remove it voluntarily.” people mentioned or quoted in front with some critics due to members the continuing absence of women’s This week they succeeded in their page articles were men. Only 24% of of the campaign shaming the Page voices in British news it takes on a aim, but the response hasn’t been journalists at daily newspapers are 3 models, and extending this shame more serious role. totally supportive. Some women women and male experts who were to all female sex workers. It is this If we can work towards a more have accused the movement of being quoted or interviewed in science side of the campaign which lead equal media representation then by anti-sex-worker, of being prudish, pieces outnumbered women 4 to 1. many members of Imperial Feminist all means plaster erogenous zones (of and of opposing the free press. Past Women will have fewer mentions in Society, including myself, to decide all genders!) all over your tabloids. campaigns to remove the pictures political and scientific news, because against supporting the campaign, Until then Page 3, scantily clad celebs have led to women being branded of the dearth of women in these because we believe that sex workers in “candid” photographs and the lack “fat and jealous”, and as “battleaxe(s)” fields, but the refusal of national news deserve the same respect as any of women’s voices in the daily news by the newspaper itself, which to acknowledge the opinions and women, and that the Page 3 models all simply seek to reinforce the idea has maintained silence over the actions of half the population leads in are not the people acting in ways that that women have no more to offer surprising decision not to feature the turn to the view that women do not we should be campaigning against. than their looks, and that is what we pictures since last Friday. Why the belong in these spheres. Page 3 in isolation would be mere should really be campaigning against. I want to say thank you to the bad people Maybe it isn’t good to compare myself to them, but I do

PIETRO ARONICA his goes out to all the bad compare myself to you, bad people. it all the easier to be good. Donating COMMENT WRITER people. This is for the I may not spare two thoughts for to most charities takes a few clicks Tterrorists and the murderers; impoverished girls in Africa, but at at most, and simply hashtagging the for those who are violent and least I didn’t kidnap them and force buzzword of the week shows that I bigoted, or ignorant and entitled; them to marry me. I may have vague care. If I’m feeling extra-helpful, I for the unscrupulous businessmen and ill-informed opinions about could even change my profile pic on and the hypocritical prigs; for the society and gender roles, but I have Facebook to something like ‘Je suis unrepentant criminals and the self- never harassed someone over the Charlie’ or whatever will be the next righteous moralisers. To you, I want internet in the name of abolishing catchphrase in order to “increase to say thank you. the patriarchy or defending ethics in awareness” and “show solidarity”. You bad people make my life game journalism. I mean, I haven’t done any of those so much easier. You see, I’m not a When I look at my failures and things, but it’s good to know that good person by any stretch of the my faults, they all seem small and there’s always the option in case I imagination. I’m lazy, self-centred, "I’ve never insignificant when measured against need it. pretty arrogant and spoiled. I’ve been volunteered, the enormities that other people In a better society, I would be a bad known to not recycle, and I demand I barely ever commit. It becomes clear to me that person. I would feel forced to improve of others more than I ask of myself. even if I did try to improve myself, myself, to sacrifice something to I’ve never volunteered, I barely ever donate to I’m still better than many others help others, to stop wasting time and donate to charity, I struggle to eat my charity, I through inaction. By simply minding "I’m glad I money for selfish reasons, to try to be five-a-day and I once killed a puppy. struggle to my business, I do not harm other live in this something more than I am right now. I lie a lot and spend too much time eat my five- people, which is more than can be said But that would take effort. So I’m playing video games. But, I’m not a for those who are bad. Sure, I don’t society, glad I live in this society, where I can bad person. Not while people who are a-day and I help other people either, but indolent where I can justify my flaws by saying, ‘at least worse than me exist. once killed a passivity seems like an acceptable justify my I’m not as bad as those guys’. It’s really, really easy to destroy any puppy." second to being a good person. flaws..." And for this, I have to thank you, feeling of self-improvement when I Besides, the modern age has made bad people. 16 23.01.2015 THE STUDENT PAPER OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE LONDON FELIX Science [email protected] Science Editor James Bezer & Lauren Ratcliffe Have we entered a new human-dominated epoch… Lauren Ratcliffe on doom, gloom and the sixth mass-extinction

Sunset for the Holocene

ast week scientists confirmed that we have entered a new Lgeological era called the Anthropocene. To put this into context the last epoch, known amongst geologists as the Holocene, began around 11,700 years ago after the Pleistocene, whose beginning was punctuated by the wide-spread mass extinctions of large megafauna – animals weighing over 40kg – apparently due to the synergistic impact of both climate change and the colonisation of mankind, whose populations during this time quickly spread across the world from Africa across to South America and Australia. Like an invasive species mankind gradually dominated the landscape, species therein and Earth’s energy fluxes. The proposed current Anthropocene epoch is defined as an age where this spread and expansion of human populations during the Holocene and present day has had, and continues to have, a widespread influence over the planet. The precise beginning of this era, however, has been heavily debated. Exactly when did humans start being the main drivers of environmental change? The Anthropocene is defined by mankind's effect on the global environment. Photo: climatica.org.uk A destructive new dawn and extensively used with disastrous photosynthesis and life on earth, Sunrise and sustainability Since the late 17th century it has consequences for native wildlife. approximately 4 billion species have been recognised that mankind has The imprint of these agro- roamed, swum, flown and giggled But it’s not all doom and gloom, had a disproportionate effect on chemicals can still be seen today; their way across this planet. 99% I hasten to add – and you probably Earth’s systems, but pinning down recently corn farming in the USA has of these species have subsequently knew most of this already, or at least a precise turning point along the taken over the landscape to meet the gone extinct, demonstrating just how had a hunch. The introduction of planet’s timeline has proved to be demand for biofuel production. common extinction is; however, this government environmental policies difficult. This in turn has caused fertiliser is over a very long time and is usually and monitoring is reducing the Many geologists have suggested that run-off into the Mississippi River balanced by speciation. impact of some of mankind’s damage the beginning of the Anthropocene and the mass deaths of marine life in In contrast, the ‘big five’ mass to the planet, for instance in the case was at the start of the Industrial the Gulf of Mexico due to nutrient extinction events are times in Earth’s of agro-chemical regulation. Revolution, while others suggest it enrichment. Furthermore, a rise history where extinction rates In addition, increased started even further back during the in commerce and international were far greater than normal, often understanding is enabling scientists dawn of agriculture. transport has relocated non-native defined as times where over 75% of to better inform global decision Last week a group of scientists species into new habitats, such as species were lost. These include the makers. The Lima Climate Change agreed that the Holocene- the infamous Cane toad in Australia infamous Cretaceous-Tertiary mass Conference in Peru late last year Anthropocene boundary should be which has since dominated and extinction event around 66 million reached an agreement to reduce defined by the first A-bomb test in destroyed native communities. years ago, when we waved goodbye to greenhouse gas emissions, in order to 1945, which carried radionucleotides the dinosaurs and around a quarter of limit the global temperature increase into the Earth’s atmosphere. The En-route to a sixth mass all other species. to 2º Celsius above current levels. presence of these radioactive extinction? Normally extinction rates are Furthermore, the Convention on elements ties closely with other actually much lower than this, with Biological Diversity have set out large-scale changes brought about by You don’t need much imagination an average 1 extinction/million specific targets – Aichi biodiversity mankind. to envision how humans have species/year. However, estimates of targets – to be achieved by 2020. Triggered after World War II, the appropriated the landscape – just current extinction rates range from These include the transformation Green Revolution pushed to intensify look around you. Mankind has 100-1000 times this background "Current of 17% of terrestrial land and 10% agriculture and converted pristine historically exploited, manipulated rate and are projected to reach the extinction of coastal and marine areas into habitats to crop and pasture land in "The start and destroyed parts of Earth, often same magnitude as the ‘big five’ mass protected areas. order to crank up food production. without thought of the consequences extinctions within three centuries. rates are So we now know that the The global transformation of land of the for other species or long-term So the future is not looking so projected to Anthropocene era has arrived. What for agricultural use has been forecast Anthropocene repercussions for humanity. This has bright, and the rapid expansion of reach the same happens next will depend on our to take up over half the world’s land was at the led to what scientists suggest is the mankind’s populations and our magnitude as response to environmental change surface by 2050. start of the beginning of a sixth mass extinction. exploitation of Earth’s resources the 'big five' and a movement towards a geological To increase efficiency and yields a Industrial Again, let us put this into context. has continued mostly unchecked, mass era defined not by mankind’s myriad of fertilisers, insecticides and Revolution." As a whole, over the last 3.5 billion bringing us all into a new era of global extinctions." destruction but by our sustainable pesticides began to be mass-produced years since the beginnings of destruction. use of the planet. FELIX THE STUDENT PAPER OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE LONDON 23.01.2015 17 Science [email protected] Science Editor James Bezer & Lauren Ratcliffe First UK organ transplant from a newborn James Bezer on the new procedure performed at Imperial

he UK’s first organ donation previously been performed in the from a newborn baby has been US, Germany and Australia, where Tperformed at an Imperial guidelines differ. College NHS Trust hospital. People who have suffered brain The donor, a baby girl, was born stem death, but whose heart is still after an emergency caesarean at beating, are often suitable organ Hammersmith hospital. She was donors. If the heart has stopped the deprived of oxygen during the body is no longer receiving oxygen, difficult birth and suffered severe and tissues will become irreparably neurological damage. Despite efforts damaged very quickly. Donors are to treat her, doctors soon realised often kept on a ventilator to prevent she was brain dead and had no hope damage to their organs until they can of recovery. Six days after birth, her be transplanted. heart finally stopped. In the case of very young children Two patients received tissues from however, doctors are required to wait the donor. A patient suffering from for their heart to stop beating before renal failure received her kidneys, carrying out the transplant, as their while another received a donation of nervous system is not sufficiently hepatocytes, which are cells that make developed for doctors to be certain up the bulk of liver tissue. that their brain is no longer Dr Gaurav Atreja, consultant functioning. Unfortunately, this neonatologist at Hammersmith means that the blood supply to their hospital said: “It is due to the extreme organs is cut off for a time, risking generosity of the parents and long term damage that would make wonderful professional collaboration them unsuitable for transplanting between the neonatal team and the into another patient. organ donation team that this process Although it’s extremely rare for was successful. approval to be obtained to use organs “We know for many families who from very young babies, a 2014 study suffer the heartbreaking loss of a by Great Ormond Street Hospital baby or any family member, that the found that up to half the newborns donation of organs, which could help who died in their intensive care other sick patients to lead healthy facility could be eligible to donate lives, can provide a huge sense of organs. A review into the current comfort.” guidelines, which prohibit doctors This is the first time in the UK that from diagnosing brain death in organs have been donated from an newborns, will be published by the infant who was under 2 months old, Royal College of Paediatrics and Hammersmith hospital: Two patients received tissues from the donor, a baby girl who died six days after birth. although similar operations have Child Health later this year. Photo: Imperial Hubble takes 1.5 billion pixel photo of Andromeda

JAMES BEZER SCIENCE EDITOR

he Hubble space telescope has taken the highest resolution Timage ever made of a galaxy. The image is so detailed that it’s possible to resolve individual stars in a 61,000 light-year wide panorama. Andromeda is the Milky Way’s nearest neighbour, 2.5 million light- years away from us. The image, taken as part of the Panchromatic Hubble Andromeda Treasury (PHAT) programme, was formed from over 7398 individual images taken over 411 pointings. It was formed from images taken in the near-ultraviolet, visible and near-infrared parts of the spectrum. Much of the image shows large dust structures. The centre of the galaxy is filled with densely packed stars. Large groups of blue stars indicate star forming regions. The highest-resolution image ever created by Hubble shows the Andromeda galaxy, 2.5 million light years away from earth Photo: NASA 18 23.01.2015 THE STUDENT PAPER OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE LONDON FELIX

[email protected] Tech Editors Jamie Dutton & Osama Awara Taking another step into the smartphone world The new Felix App Update is available to download this week. Felix Technology takes a closer look at the latest version.

KUNAL WAGLE One big change to the new edition FELIX DEVELOPER of the app is the ability to read articles while offline (without images). As long as the article has been downloaded to the app (the latest his week Felix released the content can be downloaded using the latest version of its app for traditional “pull-to-refresh” feature TiPhone. It includes a major in the table), you can relax with the revamp of the way it works, adding knowledge that it can be read even benefits both in its user interface when you aren’t connected to the and in its engine for the user. Today Internet. Felix Technology takes a look at what So what else can you do on the new we should expect from the latest Felix app? You can access profile pages addition to Felix’s digital “empire”. for all of the Felix section editors, and For those who had either of last use that to contact them with any year’s versions of the iPhone app, comments, feedback or suggestions the difference is obvious from the that you may have for their section. start. The user interface has been It’s easy to get to this page; just swipe completely changed. Gone is the to get to the right sidebar, and click splash screen that prompted the user on the section editor you wish to talk to “Click on the cat to launch Felix”. to. No, the user is sent straight into the There is a search feature, which action of the news page. Users are allows you to search for articles based greeted with the top three articles on article name, article teaser, author for the section, and an easy to read name or author username. To access table of the remaining articles for the loads. It’s just there, instantly. this incredibly useful feature just you, our esteemed readers. If there is section. But these benefits obviously have swipe to get the left sidebar and click a change you want us to make to the One of the first things you notice is the occasional sacrifice with them. on “Search for an Article”. app, or indeed anything we do, please the speed. Previous versions of Felix In order to ensure that the app loads When viewing an article, there are don’t hesitate to contact us. The best have been designed in a way that they as quickly as possible, images are many things you can do. You can way to offer feedback about the app always download the latest content not downloaded together with them. send the link for the article by email would be to leave a review on Apple. instantly, images and all. This takes This means that the app downloads to a friend. There is also a button But if you want your comments time. Precious time. Now it’s all the images again each time it that opens Safari and takes you to to be aired in a slightly less public different. The Felix app downloads loads. This has both advantages the comment section of the article, environment, please email kmw13@ the article once and saves it. Beyond "One of the and disadvantages. The major "The so that you can have your say, or imperial.ac.uk with any suggestions. that, you can manually refresh to first things advantage is that it saves memory, differences see what others are saying about the get new content. This has many you notice ensuring that the Felix app doesn’t are obvious article. And of course, you can access The Felix app is available to download benefits, but speed is a major factor. is the take an unreasonable amount of from the profile pages of each of the authors of from the iPhone App Store. If you have Now that all your articles are already space on your phone. The obvious the article. your smartphone handy, you can get it downloaded, the app doesn’t try and speed" disadvantage is that images don’t start" Felix is always looking to improve from the QR Code in the advert below. download them again whenever it appear instantly. the way that it presents content to

Get the new Felix App for iPhone today! FELIX THE STUDENT PAPER OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE LONDON 23.01.2015 19

[email protected] Tech Editors Jamie Dutton & Osama Awara The art of war for faceless people Osama Awara discusses the modern weaponisation of hacking

From left to right: James Franco and Seth Rogen pick a poor time to announce their bromance, someone's getting sacked in the morning at US Central Command and people commemorating the victims of the Charlie Hebdo attacks. Photo credits: filmschoolrejects, ITV, The New Yorker.

he previous few weeks have pointed towards North Korea as the desired response. In order to salvage of speech into the spotlight. Many seen a surge in cyber warfare culprit with methods used in this a comeback over GOP, Sony decided people believed that this was a direct Tlike no other. From the attack similar to those used in a 2013 to air the movie in select theatres attack on their freedom of expression Sony Pictures hacking over The hack on South Korean companies. on Christmas day, making it also and went out in the streets of Paris Interview – a satire film depicting After the terrorist threat made by available online for purchase or rent to express solidarity with the Charlie the assassination attempt of Kim GOP, theatres at the time chose grossing $17.8 million overall. Hebdo victims. In response to the Jong-Un, to the ISIS hacking of US not to screen the movie and quite Another hack with a similar attack, Anonymous hacktivists have Central Command Twitter account. rightly due to fear for viewer safety. fear-inducing agenda was the most declared a cyber-war against terrorists The hacktivist group Anonymous Arguably the hackers had won in recent cyber-attack from pro-ISIS naming it “Operation Charlie Hebdo” have vowed to take down pro-Islamic forcing The Interview not to be aired hackers who dubbed themselves as or “OpCharlieHebdo” as its social extremist websites and social media through their methods of coercion. the Cyber Caliphate. They managed media hashtag. The first website accounts in light of the recent Paris Naturally this led to the criticism of to compromise the Twitter account reported to have been taken down attacks on Charlie Hebdo. The main Sony for backing down, with Sony of US Central Command, filling was ansar-alhaqq.net, with the result objective that all these hacks have defending itself by stating that it the account with ISIS propaganda of the attack posted on Anonymous’s in common is not necessarily to was the theatres’ choice to screen the and threats to US soldiers. The Twitter account. Anonymous is not undermine security, but to create a movie or not. significance of this was that one of out just to undermine the extremists psychological impact. With regards to their actions, the most feared groups in the world through social media and website Towards the end of November, GOP were quoted as saying: “We had seized control of one of the hacks but to also expose individuals a group known as the ‘Guardians will clearly show it to you at the very most prominent US government who are involved with extremism. of Peace’, or GOP for short, were time and places The Interview be organisations and despite their reign Anonymous is looking to not only do able to sneak into Sony’s computer shown [sic], including the premiere, lasting a mere 30 minutes, they mental damage but physical damage systems and obtain ultrasensitive how bitter fate those who seek fun were able to deal significant mental on its opponents also, through their information. This ranged from top in terror should be doomed to. Soon damage. The US Central Command veteran experience in cyber warfare. movie casts’ salaries, such as Seth all the world will see what an awful website commented in response: As we enter the second half of the Rogan and James Franco, to private movie Sony Pictures Entertainment “I recognize that this has caused decade, it becomes ever clearer that emails regarding Hollywood actor has made. The world will be full of significant angst among family and cyber-attacks are more prominent Adam Sandler’s performance with his fear. Remember the 11th of September friends who are understandably in social media websites, illustrating movies described as “mundane” and 2001. We recommend you to keep concerned about their loved ones’ that hacking is no longer used merely “formulaic”. But by far the biggest "The world yourself distant from the places at "Anonymous safety. I want to personally reassure for obtaining sensitive information weight these hacks had on Sony will be full of that time.” is looking you that we are taking this matter but also for undermining the attacked Pictures and theatres across the US One of the most important aspects very seriously and we continue to organisation on a psychological level. was the fear factor of the 9/11 style fear. Remem- of terrorism is the mental impact to not only take all possible measures to keep our Cyber warfare is no longer about attack threatened by GOP. It seemed ber the 11th that the aftermath of an attack do mental personnel safe.” the material gain. If you are going that GOP did not want the movie of September has. Regardless of the physical damage but The recent Charlie Hebdo attack to keep up with the battle of minds to be released at any cost which led consequences, if the terrorists see the in Paris, where 12 journalists were you are going to have to keep up with many to believe that North Korea was 2001. Keep reaction they desire then they have physical murdered by two brothers claiming the battle of tweets and posts. If you behind the attack due to the leader’s yourself dis- achieved their main objective. In the damage to its to avenge the Prophet Muhammad control your opponent’s tweets and reverence by the regime. The US tant" case of the GOP attacks, the cyber- opponents" due to cartoon depictions of him, posts, you will have a major advantage government claimed that all evidence terrorists managed to obtain their brought the concept of freedom on the mental platform. 20 23.01.2015 THE STUDENT PAPER OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE LONDON FELIX Film [email protected] Film Editors Ellen Mathieson, John Park and Jack Steadman “You all look the same to me” Ellen Mathieson on three films with just one plot between them

his week I somehow found is wonderful as an actress (and a Best myself with a day free, so Supporting Acctress nomination Tmade the choice to go and see to boot), but is not particularly well a triple bill of Whiplash, Birdman characterised. As for every other and Foxcatcher, which between them female, they barely exist other than have accumulated an impressive for convenience. selection of award nominations In Whiplash there is one female and wins, including nineteen Oscar character, and I still haven’t worked nominations. So there was one thing what she added to the film, if about them that really surprised anything. The only thing worse than me, and I possibly only noticed it a bland character is a pointless one. watching them back to back. Though Foxcatcher manages to have a they are set at different times, in healthy two, but I’m fairly sure different places, with vastly different they were only there because this plots, they are exceedingly similar. was based on a true story and they The first and most obvious point is thought they couldn’t really get away the theme of these films. All feature with not adding the characters. a male lead, trying desperately hard The soundtracks are oddly similar to be the best that they can be, to be too. All are incredibly drum heavy. someone who will be remembered. That makes sense in Whiplash, it’s a It’s the same fear that fills all three film about a drummer after all. But of these men, and the same hope. all three films? Solo drumming is The hope that after they die, they something that you don’t normally will be the sort of person who is find in a film score, after all you worth remembering, the sort of normally have access to an entire person to be discussed around the orchestra so why would bother only dinner table. have one instrument. I was bemused Which is pretty similar to what by the fact that three films released you find in The Theory of Everything. at the same time had such similar Stephen Hawking’s search for the music. eponymous theory is portrayed I feel that it wouldn’t be fair as not only wanting to find it for to pick apart these films without science, but as way to be remembered Photo: Alejandro G. Iñárritu, New Regency Pictures mention how wonderful they are. too. They are well made, interesting It’s a well known fact in the film about the three films is the not only Yes, there were a lot of complaints and enjoyable, fully deserving the world that pretty much every film how similar they are in reaching about the addition of Tauriel, but recognition that have received. is the same. This was first made their climactic moments, but how there would have been even more Each takes a subject with a fairly famous by Blake Snyder, who wrote similar they are too. You could complains about the lack of females. limited fanbase (drumming, theatre a beat sheet in his book Save the Cat literally switch the two scenes from Some of the Oscar nominees are and wrestling respectively), and (if you’ve got a free moment, take a Foxcatcher and Birdman over and the fine, look at Felicity Jones in The make them interesting to much look. You will never look at films the films would still make sense. Theory of Everything for example, "They are wider audience. same way). It’s a plot template that "pretty One of the big issues that plagues or Keira Knightly in The Imitation Perhaps it is only because I saw all break films up into a nice three act all three is the lack of strong females Game. Both played strong female well made, three at the same time that the seem structure. And it can be applied to much every characters. It becomes harder and characters, and both received a Best interesting so similar or perhaps I am just being almost every film, often down the film is the harder to make an acceptable film Actress nomination for their efforts. and pedantic, but the more I think about page number on the script. same." that doesn’t really feature any I was less than impressed by the it, the more similar they seem to me. The thing that surprised me women. Look at the Hobbit trilogy. three I saw. Emma Stone in Birdman enjoyable"

Photo: Bennett Miller, Annapurna Pictures Photo: Damien Chazelle, Sony Pictures FELIX THE STUDENT PAPER OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE LONDON 23.01.2015 21 Film [email protected] Film Editors Ellen Mathieson, John Park and Jack Steadman

Chandor’s trifecta The Babadook Wahlberg’s gamble

JOHN PARK back to his wealthy mother Roberta SECTION EDITOR (Jessica Lange) to beg once again for money. Another very unwise plan of his includes approaching yet another loan shark, as if he does THE GAMBLER not have enough of those in his life. Director: Rupert Wyatt Frank (John Goodman) is quite an Screenplay: William Monahan individual who enjoys talking the big Cast: Mark Wahlberg, Jessica talk, and showing to everyone who is Lange, John Goodman boss, and Goodman has fun with this larger-than-life character, despite his limited screen time. Wahlberg is in a highly dislikeable role, and seeing him as a supposedly intelligent English professor, who is ark Wahlberg goes for quite possibly a genius as is hinted at the most serious, scruffy throughout the film, talking about This week, Imperial Cinema are performance of his career Shakespeare to a classroom full of taking a trip into the depths of M so far, playing a gambling addict college students is not without its your nightmares, and into one of Photo: J. C. Chandor, FilmNation Entertainment the greatest horror films of the who just cannot help himself go on awkward moments. His portrayal of past few years. a majorly self-destructive path that an addict is never given enough room JOHN PARK he soon learns that it becomes Written and directed by affects not only him, but also many to breathe, which does nothing for the SECTION EDITOR increasingly difficult to have his Jennifer Kent, this is the story of people around him. Jim Bennett actor to show anything unique in his morality intact. His wife Lady of the widowed Amelia (Essie (Mark Wahlberg) loves the rush of performance. Gambling addiction, Macbeth Anna (Jessica Chastain), on Davis) and her son Sam (Noah playing blackjack, betting on roulette like any addiction, can be seen as the other hand, is more realistic in Wiseman), who find a pop- colours, and even going so far to cut a disease, and the protagonist’s A MOST VIOLENT her vision of the world, seeing it for up storybook about “Mister cards with loan shark Neville Baraka relentless effort to do nothing about YEAR what it truly is. She laughs and scoffs Babadook”. As Sam’s behaviour (Michael K. Williams), the kind of it, provides interesting opportunities Director: J. C. Chandor at her husband’s naive beliefs. grows more erratic, and person who does not look kindly for the writer to explore in depth just Screenplay: J. C. Chandor Always impeccably dressed and terrifying events with no earthly on late payments. Taking part in an what on earth is going on inside his accessorised, Chastain’s supporting explanation begin to consume underground gambling ring owned head. Cast: Oscar Isaac, Jessica their household, Amelia is left Chastain performance is a real treat. “You’re to fight for her sanity and for her by violent Koreans only takes up the Sadly director Rupert Wyatt is not gonna like what’ll happen once son. But you can’t get rid of the night time of his life. When he is not interested only in stringing together I get involved” she says, and she Babadook. busy losing money and owing a lot one implausible subplot after means every word. She also has Tuesday 27th and Thursday of important people lots of money, another. Jim’s blossoming romance no trouble facing off against the 29th January, 19:00 Jim is a literature professor who is with his genius student Amy (Brie District Attorney, insisting that Tickets are £3 for members and struggling to keep his class interested Larson) marks a particular low, as is handor has a faultless record he should treat her family with a £4 for non-members. Doors open in the subject he is teaching. everything that comesfrom it, and yes as a writer/director with his little more respect. Abel’s struggle 15 minutes before the advertised Is he purposefully setting himself that includes that final clichéd scene Cprevious films Margin Call to keep everything under control as start time. up to hit rock bottom? It is an entirely of a last-minute dash. The talented and All is Lost. The record continues an upstanding citizen is captured conceivable theory, given the way Jessica Lange deserves a meatier unblemished with his newest immensely well by Isaac, an actor he is acting. His shockingly cavalier supporting role than this, one that simmering crime drama. This time who has racked up a number of attitude towards everything certainly preferably includes something more he is tackling 1981, statistically the impressive roles in a variety of suggests that whatever harm that than slapping Wahlberg across the most violent year in New York City relatively smaller, independent may come to him is of absolutely no face for being an ungrateful brat. The – hence the title. Trying to expand films, largely in supporting roles. concern to him whatsoever. Threats film also dabbles in sports betting, your business, and wanting to make Here, he makes for a very engaging from both the Koreans and the loan and an intentional rigging of scores it to the very top is a dangerous lead, and his charismatic presence shark seem to have unfazed him. to satisfy powerful betters. The ambition to have, even more so when fits in well with the smart narrative. When he is given the deadline of well-intentioned message is clear: an the climate is this volatile. Yet this Chandor is not interested in seven days to come up with a grand addiction affects more than just the does not stop Abel Morales (Oscar packing the film with big, showy total of $260,000, he has no trouble, addict. The final execution however Isaac) from pushing forward with scenes that tend to make their nor any sense of shame in strutting falls short of delivering it. his plans. He puts in a significant appearances during the annual amount of deposit for a new oil awards seasons. Even in a story refinery, with big dreams to get that could call for a big bust-up ahead between competitors and a never- Abel faces a lot of challenges to be a ending body count, the film remains successful businessman. His sinister intimate, staying as close to the rivals look as though they are up central characters as possible. What to no good, there is a particularly secrets, if any, is Abel hiding? Is he persistent District Attorney (David really as honourable and trustworthy Oyelowo) who is investigating Abel’s as he claims to be? Running into company for illegal activities, his financial troubles, and an imminent oil truck drivers are constantly threat that puts him, his wife, and getting attacked and the oil itself is their daughters at risk, will no doubt getting stolen left and right. Who push him into the ambiguous, hazy is behind this attempted sabotage? zone of moral values. Keeping the It is difficult to tell or pinpoint violence mostly at bay, despite one person given how many would the title, delivers further shock profit from seeing Abel fall from his to the audience when blood is position of power. As a hard-working, eventually and unavoidably spilled. idealistic immigrant, Abel wants to The story keeps you guessing, and keep things all legal and clean. He that is because even the characters wants to have nothing to hide but themselves cannot figure out just when the atmosphere is this corrupt, what they are ultimately capable of. Photo: Rupert Wyatt, Paramount Pictures 22 23.01.2015 THE STUDENT PAPER OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE LONDON FELIX Film [email protected] Film Editors Ellen Mathieson, John Park and Jack Steadman Everything is not awesome

Jack Steadman reports back from Hollywood

2015 Golden Globes Best Motion Picture –Drama Boyhood

Felix Film’s Guide to Oscar betting Best Motion Picture – Musical s the awards season builds up to its maximum climax that is the Oscars, or Comedy it becomes increasingly easier to predict the winner. And so here are The Grand Budapest Hotel Asome of the predictions in the popoular categories. Bet at your own risk. Best Director Best Picture: As shown in the poster above, the clear frontrunner here is Richard Linklater – Boyhood Boyhood, a film of remarkable achievements that was made over the period of twelve years. The only real competitor this faces is Birdman, but given how Boy Best Actor – Drama has triumphed over Bird in pretty much all the important awards thus far, the Eddie Redmayne – The Theory top prize of the night is likely to go in favour of what has been dubbed 12 Years of Everything a Boy, taken after last year’s winning picture, 12 Years a Slave.

Best Actor in a Leading Role: Best Actor – Musical or Michael Keaton, in his fantastic Comedy return to form in Birdman is bound Michael Keaton – Birdman to take home his first ever Oscar of his career. He does face stiff Best Actress – Drama competition from audience-favourite Julianne Moore – Still Alice Eddie Redmayne of The Theory of Everything, but the Brit actor is far too Best Actress – Musical or ou might have noticed there’s Elsewhere, there were some young to be winning in this category. been a bit of controversy about genuinely valid nominations – Comedy Ythe Oscars. The LEGO Movie Michael Keaton’s turn in Birdman Best Actress in a Leading Role: Amy Adams – Big Eyes got completely snubbed for Best is almost a dead cert, and rightly so, Julianne Moore, believe it or not, Animated Feature, and a lot of people while Wes Anderson finally gets a has never won an Oscar. She has Best Supporting Actor got very angry, very, very quickly. nomination for his directing work been nominated a bunch of times J.K. Simmons – Whiplash The directors (Phil Lord and Chris for The Grand Budapest Hotel, his and has sure been snubbed over the Miller) responded in their typically finest film to date. Rosamund Pike’s years. 2015 will be her year, in her Best Supporting Actress wonderful style, with the former performance in Gone Girl finally got heart-breakingly real portrait of an Patricia Arquette – Boyhood posting a picture of an Oscar statuette her the recognition she deserves, early-onset Alzheimer’s patient, in made of LEGO, and the latter issuing while seeing J.K. Simmons nominated Still Alice. Best Screenplay heart-felt thanks to all involved in the for his appearance in Whiplash just film, as well as noting that “everything feels right. Best Actor in a Supporting Role: Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu, [was] not awesome.” Guardians of the Galaxy sneaks J. K. Simmons, who has long been Nicolas Glacobone, Alexander But with the obvious outrage over in with two nominations – Visual working as a character actor Dinelaris and Armando Bo – an animated snub aside (even though Effects and Make-Up & Hair, while appearing in bit parts, finally has Birdman it’s true, The LEGO Movie has been the film that it was hoped would the chance to shine as a ruthless, pre-emptively robbed), there’s been finally mark British director terrorising conductor of a jazz Best Original Score a more pressing and glaring issue, in Christopher Nolan’s embrace by the band. His supporting performance Johann Johannsson – The the complete overlooking of Selma Academy falls a little short, with in Whiplash is winning all sorts of Theory of Everything – or, for that matter, any actor or Interstellar only making appearances accolades, and rightfully so. actress of colour. Selma’s Best Picture in the technical categories, albeit and Best Song nominations feel like a deservedly so. Best Actress in a Supporting Role: Best Original Song token gesture – a vague gesture in the It’s a mixed bag of nominations, Patricia Arquette’s beautifully Glory (Selma) – John Legend, direction of a film that has won near- all in all. There are some very, very nuanced performance, spanning a Common universal acclaim. Morten Tyldum right calls, and there are obvious period of over a decade, is a part of – the director of The Imitation Game, front-runners for the awards. But what makes this ambitious tale of Best Foreign Language Film a film that was good because of its there also some worrying omissions, Boyhood work so well. With a Golden Leviathan (Russia) strong lead performance, not its weak with the fact that the Academy is Globe already in the bag, an Oscar is direction – was nominated over Ava predominantly old, male and white looking very much a likely scenario Best Animated Feature DuVernay, who produced something being more obvious than it has in for this underrated actress. How to Train Your Dragon 2 truly incredible in Selma. years. ynold re s cocktail club Every Friday from 17:30

Every Friday we will be transforming Reynolds into a cocktail lounge with a chilled atmosphere, relaxed music and a new venue layout. Come on down and let our newly trained mixologists whip you up some classic cocktails, plus our very own creations and specialities! comingimperial up!collegeunion.org/reynolds Date Event Time Location Friday 23 Spin 20:00 - 02:00 FiveSixEight & Metric Friday 23 Reynolds Bop 18:00 - 01:00 Reynolds Friday 30 Good Form 20:00 - 02:00 FiveSixEight & Metric

Every Tuesday Super Quiz 20:00 - 22:00 FiveSixEight

Every Tuesday Reynolds Film Club 19:00 - 22:00 Reynolds Every Wednesday CSP Wednesday 19:00 - 01:00 FiveSixEight & Metric Every Wednesday Sports Night 19:00 - 00:00 Reynolds Every Friday Reynolds Cocktail Club 17:30 - 00:00 Reynolds imperialcollegeunion.org/whats-on The Cheese Board Camembert All

Come to Cheese Lunch on Thursdays... We might not be naked The Cheese Board Camembert All

Come to Cheese Lunch on Thursdays... We might not be naked Refreshers’ Fair 2015

Check out the map for the Refreshers’ Fair on Clubs Societies & Projects Wednesday 28 January, 11:00 - 16:00. See you there! 27 AMSA 5 Belly Dance 27 Buddhist The Great Hall 34 Canoe 7 Comedy 5 Dance Club 21 DramSoc Stage 51 Every Nation Christian 13 Fashion Society 14 IC Yoga Club 17 19 21 23 23 ICRadio 9 Imperial Entrepreneurs 28 30 32 34 36 6 Imperial Obstacle Course Racing 25 10 Leonardo Fine Arts Society 6 Liberal Democrats 26 38 28 London Forum for Science and Policy 27 22 Rounders 31 Shaolin Kung Fu 24 40 17 Synchronised Swimming 22 20 18 29 22 Tennis 15 36 Underwater Club 16 38 Vehicle Design 42 31 19 Wind Band 13 11 9 17 Windsurf 14 33 44

1 3 5 7 12 External Companies & College 46 24 Action Tutoring 10 51 20 Britten Sinfonia - Student Pulse group 48 30 Community Connections & Imperial Plus 4 6 8 50 15 Dow Jones & Co Inc Entrance Exit 40 Gideons International 25 Gradbridge 2&4 Image Scotland 12 Imperial Business School 46 Imperial Chaplaincy 32 Imperial College Union Queen’s Lawn Terrace Sherfield 18 Imperial Healthcare NHS Trust Foyer 11 Imperial Hub QLT 26 Imperial Safety Department 44 Imperial Student Recruitment & Outreach 29 London Business School 33 Nandos QLT Pricewaterhouse Coopers 42 Sport Imperial SF Queen’s Tower Rooms SF Teach First 48 Toni&Guy 16 Tutor Fair 8 Victorstone Property Consultants 1&3 Virgin Media

All information correct at the time of going to print.

imperialcollegeunion.org x Felix

the BIG ELECTIONS We’ve got more students this 2015 year, more positions and hopefully more voters - the largest students’ union election in England and Wales is are back! now even bigger! You can stand...and we can help.

You might have a few queries or worries about How to…write your way to election success taking part in our elections. We’re running a Monday 9 February, Meeting Room 3, Union Building, number of information sessions before and during 12:30-13:30 the Nomination period about the elections and Tuesday 10 February, Meeting Rooms 1&2, Union campaigning to help you when you stand. Building, 18:00-19:00 Thursday 12 February, Meeting Room 3, Union Learn more about…Full-Time Positions Building, 12:30-13:30 Wednesday 28 January, Meeting Rooms 1&2, Union Wednesday 25 February, Meeting Rooms 1&2, Union Building, 12:30-13:30 or 18:00-19:00 Building, 18:00-19:00 Monday 2 February, Meeting Room 3, Union Building, 12:30-13:30 How to…be a campaign machine Wednesday 11 February, Meeting Room 6, Union Learn more about…Student Trustees Building, 18:00-19:00 Thursday 29 January, Meeting Room 3, Union Building, Monday 16 February, Meeting Room 3, Union Building, 12:30-13:30 12:30-13:30 Monday 2 February, Meeting Room 3, Union Building, Wednesday 18 February, Meeting Room 3, Union 18:00-19:00 Building, 12:30-13:30 Monday 23 February, Meeting Room 3, Union Building, Learn more about…Constituent Union 18:00-19:00 Presidents Tuesday 3 February, Meeting Room 3, Union Building, Your candidates revealed: The nuts and bolts 12:30-13:30 Monday 2 March, Sir Alexander Fleming (SAF) Building, Room G34, 12:00-13:00

Nominations open Monday 2 February, 00:01 imperialcollegeunion.org/elections All information correct at time of going to print FELIX THE STUDENT PAPER OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE LONDON 16.01.2015 27 Television [email protected] Television Editors Guila Gabrielli & John Park Brooklyn Nine-Nine: For Your Consideration

JOSHUA RENKEN SECTION WRITER

itcoms are notoriously hard to get right; and cop genre comedies Sespecially so. TV history is full of huge success stories and miserable failures. For every triumphant series there are four or five flops, many of which never even make it to the pilot stage. But despite the significant challenges involved in creating a popular situational comedy, the occasional show is destined to succeed. Brooklyn Nine-Nine is one such success story. Created by Michael Schur and Daniel J. Goor, Brooklyn Nine-Nine is arguably 2014’s best new comedy series and has only just premiered in the UK. The single-camera series follows a team of detectives and a newly appointed captain in the fictional 99th Precinct of the New York City Police Department in Brooklyn. Captain Ray Holt (Andre Braugher) takes over the precinct, which includes Jake Peralta (Andy Samberg), a gifted Photo: Dan Goor, Michael Schur, Universal Television but childish detective whose non- conformist practices inexorably is a noticeable effort to get in a for his team. some other cringe-inducing sitcom. the quality over the first 22 twenty- become questioned by his new substantial amount of character Despite the core power struggle To be clear, I admire the writing of minute episodes only improved as it Commanding Officer. The main cast development for by sitcom between Holt and Peralta, Brooklyn The Big Bang Theory, but somehow I went on. includes Detective Amy Santiago standards. For instance, Captain Nine-Nine is very much an ensemble can’t stand watching it. I’ve probably It goes for more enlightened jokes (Melissa Fumero), Jake’s driven and Ray Holt is one of the most nuanced series. In shows of this kind, it is often polarised the audience there. Okay, and often deals with topics such diligent partner; Detective Charles and multidimensional gay men the case that the group will feature I (don’t really mind/honestly loathe) as race, gender and sexuality in an Boyle (Joe Lo Truglio), Jake’s people- I’ve ever seen on television. Holt one or two characters that aren’t quite The Big Bang Theory. Delete according intelligent manor. All this, combined pleasing and hardworking friend; suffered in the NYPD and despite as funny or developed as the others. to your prejudices. Happy now? with the motley crew of personalities Detective Sergeant Terry Jeffords many years of outstanding service However, each actor seems perfectly Brooklyn Nine-Nine grows on and the peculiar scenarios they (Terry Crews), a keen bodybuilder to the department, has only just cast for the part and they all get a you like any effective sitcom until are put in, makes for high quality who recently left field work after been promoted to the position of share of the big laughs. you crave the sense of warmth and amusement that warms the cockles the birth of his baby girls; Detective Commanding Officer. He ascribes The series employs flashbacks familiarity that the characters give of our cold, cold hearts. If you are Rosa Diaz (Stephanie Beatriz), a this to prejudice against his that make for interesting pacing you. It is this emotional investment looking for an entertaining and rugged and mysterious coworker; homosexuality and created a group and character advancement. If in the characters that makes a uplifting sitcom to watch during a and Gina Linetti (Chelsea Peretti), that supported gay African-American the dialogue contains some highly popular sitcom look like gold dust to a break from revision or just to relax, the precinct’s cynical yet perceptive NYPD members to address the convenient piece of information, television network. An added benefit then Brooklyn Nine-Nine might just be administrator. problem. The Captain himself shows you can bet someone will point out to well defined characters is that the for you. Brooklyn Nine-Nine packs in the little in the way of outward emotion that it was far too convenient. Yes it’s plot can occasionally be less engaging jokes, ranging from very smart (something which the cast regularly American and yes it’s a little corny in and of itself and the quality The first series is now on Netflix and to very stupid. The series seems refer to) but proves to be an attentive at times, but far less cheesy than won’t suffer. Brooklyn Nine-Nine is the show premiered in the UK on E4 refreshingly playful and there and considerate boss who cares deeply the likes of The Big Bang Theory or an example of one such series and January 15th.

2015 Golden Globe winning television stars

The Winners: Kevin Spacey, House of Cards Ruth Wilson, The Affair Jeffrey Tambor, Transparent Gina Rodriguez, Jane the Virgin Billy Bob Thornton, Fargo Maggie Gyllenhaal, The Honourable Woman Matt Bomer, The Normal Heart Joanne Froggatt, Downton Abbey

Best Drama: The Affair Best Comedy: Transparent Best Mini-Series: Fargo 28 23.01.2015 THE STUDENT PAPER OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE LONDON FELIX Music [email protected] Music Editors Grace Rahman & Amna Askari Interview with a vampire Max Falkenberg interviews Vampire Diaries’ Michael Malarkey, as he releases his debut EP

ucked just off Cable Street, a short walk from the hustle and Tbustle of Aldgate, Wilton’s Music Hall is one of the hidden treas- ures of London’s East End. Positively steeped in history and tradition, it is one of the capital’s oldest music halls, and one of the very few surviving ones that retains its original features. With such an illustrious legacy, it is understandable that some musicians may feel nervous when they emerge onto the stage. However, last week saw the London debut of a performer who is no stranger to treading the boards, and commanded the audience with poise and grace. Michael Malarkey may be best known for playing the role of Enzo, the handsome anti-hero of the American drama series The Vampire Diaries, but has actually been writing music for the best part of a decade. While this combination of music and drama may sound strange, Malarkey is part of a rich tradition of actor- musicians; after all, what would Kylie Minogue be without Neighbours, Drake without Degrassi? We had a quick chat with Michael, who made an appearance at Wilton’s last week, following the release of his EP ‘Feed The Flames’ late last year:

Max: When did you start making music?

Michael: I started off playing in punk and hardcore bands just after high school in Ohio. I didn’t play any instruments; I was the singer – although I was screaming most of the Consectetur adipiscing elitaliqua. Photo: Creative Commons time. I began teaching myself how to play guitar around this time and have been writing my own songs ever since. Michael Malarkey wowing crowds Wilton's Music Hall. Photo: Mystic Sons Ma: Is there anybody in particular you have taken horses midstream. Music is what I the states? inspiration from for your music / Ma: What's the experience been have always done in my downtime, Mi: I had to relocate for The acting? like on the set of The Vampire even before I was an actor. They are Vampire Diaries. I’ll be back… Diaries? two different forms of expression and Mi: My holy trinity, if you will, of I feel like I am at the point in my life Ma: Do you have any big plans musicians is Tom Waits, Nick Cave Mi: It’s a charming and passionate where I feel I am creatively able to for the future? Where can our and Leonard Cohen, though Tom group of people who all look out for juggle both. readers find your work? Waits is the main reason I wanted each other. It’s a beautiful thing when It’s not a crossroads, more a to start writing my own songs. It you get to work with that sense of merging of lanes! Mi: I am currently planning to literally blew my mind when I first camaraderie and it allows you to relax "When the get into the studio as soon as I can heard ‘Rain Dogs’. "I was the into the work with abandon. We film spark isn’t Ma: What process do you go to record some more music and we As far as acting inspiration goes, singer – in Atlanta, Georgia as well (our home there I through to write your music? are currently still filming Season 6 I’ve had the pleasure of working although away from home) and I’ve come to of The Vampire Diaries. My EP ‘Feed with a wealth of incredible actors, really love the vibe down there. don’t force Mi: When the spark isn’t there I The Flames’ is out now and you can directors and mentors over the years I was it. I have don’t force it. I have to be in a certain download it on all media outlets. and it’s fair to say that they have all screaming Ma: What influenced the decision to be in mood. Coffee helps. You can catch The Vampire Diaries influenced me in different ways. I most of the to change to music from acting? a certain here on itv2 on Tuesdays at 9pm. feel like I learn from everyone I work time." Ma: What made you take the Follow me on Twitter/Facebook/ with, whether I know it or not... Mi: I am by no means changing mood." decision to move to London from Instagram @mkmalarkey for FELIX THE STUDENT PAPER OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE LONDON 23.01.2015 29 Music [email protected] Music Editors Grace Rahman & Amna Askari The gospel according to Zouk Chris Richardson catches some house and techno heavyweights along Singapore’s coastline

y the time it came around to ZoukOut I’d been on the road Bfor several months, a continu- ing holiday trend throughout my time at Imperial that’s led to me miss- ing almost every major music festival since I started uni. This year was supposed to be different but, alas, my optimistic KaZantip plans crumbled in the face of the Crimean crisis when organisers were forced to cancel. I swore to myself that if I heard the words “turn down for what” or “why you gotta be so rude” one more time, I was just about ready to cut someone and/or myself. Embracing music is certainly a healthy part of any travel experience. I mean I love reggaeton as much as the next guy, totally digged that Omar Souleyman record and even managed to sniff out some tidy South African tribal house on a trip there, but nothing could compare to the heavyweights on the bill of ZoukOut 2014. ZoukOut is Asia’s only sunrise beach festival, and every year sees tens of thousands of revellers take to the sand to bounce to some of the world’s best international DJs – seven of the eight international DJs on the Star Stage featured in this year’s Resident Advisor Top DJs poll – kicking off at dusk and continuing well past dawn the following day. The festival is the brainchild of the good people at Zouk, a Singapore institution that over the last two They don't have palm trees at Glastonbury. Photo: Chris Richardson decades has been graced with talent from Carl Cox and Paul Van Dyk the music, so both sides certainly – of dark minimal techno. Saturday the mixing skills, sure, but this was Singapore’s sober crowd required a to Bonobo and Tale Of Us. It takes have their vices. I personally view the night was equally strong, with rising obviously aided by dropping this certain level of finesse in order to place on Siloso Beach in Sentosa, an Moon Stage as a great introduction star Mano Le Tough and veteran belter from Imperial’s most beloved be entertained. There were no fights artificial paradise along Singapore’s for those previously unacquainted Damian Lazarus delivering quality musical alumnus (sorry Brian May). breaking out or casualties arising southern tip. with the dance music world: a gateway performances, setting the scene for It was also refreshing to see a solid from tainted batches of pills, just a The festival acts are split across two drug to darker sounds, if you will. a delicious deep set from Maya Jane representation of Singaporeans in the bunch of young people there for a stages. The Moon Stage is the main Throughout the weekend many made Coles that coincided with beautiful crowd, proof of the unabating power good time. This adds a huge degree of stage, catering for arguably-bigger the trek to the Star Stage, with most fireworks over the water behind of the internet to deliver fresh beats credibility to a subculture that for too names including Above & Beyond of them mesmerised by unfamiliar both stages. Next, Grammy-winning to anyone interested, irrespective of long has been tarnished by stimulant and Steve Aoki on the Friday, and sounds, a trend towards musical Dubfire spun a seamless funky set geographical location. use; for this I believe ZoukOut is Martin Garrix and Skrillex on the discovery that’ll no doubt continue before stepping down to make way You might think that Singapore’s worthy of some bonus points. Saturday. But my focus at the festival in the festival’s wake. And surely for techno goddess Nina Kraviz, who harsh drug laws would be a double- All in all, ZoukOut was executed was the smaller Star Stage, which opening people’s eyes to new sounds absolutely killed it as always. edged sword, and you’d be wrong. with perfect precision. The organisers hosted the likes of Loco Dice and can only be a good thing. That said, I was particularly interested in The logic of drug advocates usually did a fantastic job on every front, Richie Hawtin on the Friday, and I’d much rather have Richie Hawtin the presence of home-grown talent, goes that alcohol brings out the worst including free transport to and Maya Jane Coles and Nina Kraviz smash a speaker in my face than get of which the Star Stage at ZoukOut in disgruntled young men and ruins from the venue, reasonably-priced on the Saturday. During the festival caked by Steve Aoki. offered plenty, both behind the decks the vibe of the party, although my (by Singapore standards) food and there was the typical snobbery found The festival went in hard on the and grooving on the sand. Red Bull experience at ZoukOut and recent drinks, and a blinding array of among the dance music crowd, with Friday night, as party goers waved have spotted the potential in Debbie reading of Mark Easton’s Britain fireworks. But, most importantly, some at the Star Stage disregarding goodbye to the working week and Chia, while Zouk resident Jeremy Etc. would lead me to believe that the artists were at the top of their the Moon Stage – as one reveller put put on their dancing shoes. After a Boon has already made it as far as this is probably just a British (or, game; every set was flawless and it – as “commercial shit that’s ruining couple of striking opening sets that Amsterdam Dance Event. A special at best, European) phenomenon. brought unique magic to the dance dance music culture”. A far cry from got everyone in the mood, Detroit’s shout-out also goes to Hong: Kraviz While it would be difficult to floor, projected far and wide by the the ‘one tribe’ idea put forward by the Magda hit the decks to pick up is undoubtedly a tough act to follow, separate narcotics from western club epic sound systems. Whether you’re festival’s promoters. the pace with some rich industrial especially at 7 o’clock in the morning, culture, there was a distinct absence interning, travelling, or heading Anyway, I can confirm that the vibes, which segued into Loco Dice’s but he managed to creatively at Singapore, which was extremely home for the holidays, be sure to VIP areas at both stages were full to established brand of groovy bass, prevent a mass exodus by spinning refreshing to see. Rather than have ZoukOut on your cards for next the brim with barely-dressed girls before Richie Hawtin closed the the latest Caribou effort ‘Can’t Do looking around to spot young minds year. and peacocking meatheads more evening with a hefty dose – he had the Without You’, which kept revellers losing their shit to pretty much interested in scoring than enjoying longest set across both stages and days glued for the final hour. It could be anything blasting out of the speakers, 30 23.01.2014 THE STUDENT PAPER OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE LONDON FELIX Arts [email protected] Arts Editor Fred Fyles & Kamil McClelland Editorial: The Revealing the Costs of War Hidden Issue FRED FYLES KAMIL MCCLELLAND Kamil McClelland on the Royal Court’s new play SECTION EDITORS This week is the Hidden Issue, where we uncover what is hidden he debut work of 31-year- in art, revealing aspects of it that old playwright Diana Nneka have never been seen before and TAtuona, Liberian Girl has will enrich our experience of art. already made an impact, performing We start with Kamil McClelland’s at the Global Summit to End Sexual review of the new Royal Court Violence in Conflict last year and production, Liberian Girl. This play winning Atuona the Alfred Fagon tells the hidden stories of child Award for Best New Play of the Year soldiers during the Liberian Civil in 2013. So what is all the commotion War, revealing the horror of death, about? violence and rape that was a way of The play tells the story of Martha life for these children. (Juma Sharkah), a fresh-faced Next, Max Falkenberg sees Bat Boy fourteen-year-old girl on the cusp of at Southwark Playhouse, a musical womanhood, who lives in a village about a boy, who is a bat, and how with her grandmother, Mamie he adapts to this reality. Max also Esther (Cecilia Noble). When rebels creates the first part of his review attack, the two head for Monrovia to of some of London’s best small find refuge with a relative, Martha theatres, top quality venues that disguised as a boy so as to not distract are concealed behind the rich and the gaze of the coked-up soldiers. gaudy West End theatre houses. But when they are separated at a Bull at Young Vic tells the story of checkpoint, Martha finds herself the sinister world of Office Politics propelled into the surreal world of the that lies hidden away from public ‘Small Boys Unit’, stuck in her false view. Fred Fyles reviews the pro- identity as a man. From then on, you duction, set in a bull ring that sets watch as Martha, now named Frisky, colleague against colleague in a loses her childhood and becomes brutal Apprentice-like stand off. numb to what she experiences, a sad Ben Howitt visits the Cirque du reflection of the other children in the Soleil production Kooza at the unit, now hardened, who must have Royal Albert Hall, a performance gone through the same traumatizing that sees acrobats contorting process. Whilst at the start you into almost impossible positions, felt fear towards these soldiers, exhilarating stunts as well as tra- confronting you and shouting you, ditional clowning around — a true just under the skin lies a child, spectacle. terrified of the situation they find Next, Clara Clark Nevola visits the themselves in. concealed world of Secret Theatre This insight into the Liberian Civil as in a revealing act of sadism, you War and the perverse press-ganging are made to push an actor to their of child soldiers certainly did leave limit, truly unique theatre. an impact on me. Set designer Anna Unseen at the Courtauld, visited Fleischle wanted to create a space that by Max Falkenberg, celebrates the “physically infringes on you, as if you Michael Ajao in Liberian Girl Photo: Johan Persson opening of a new gallery space by are somehow complicit” and, as you exhibiting works in their collection are herded around the space, at one leader Taylor, whom they call ‘Papay’. normalcy. that have not been seen for dec- point split into males and females, But because of this, the story becomes But the work did get most other ades. It is only going to an exhibi- you cannot help but feel privy to what less about the particular historical things right, helping you understand tion like this that you realise the was happening, totally immersed in context but more one of the way that the world of drugs, violence and riches such galleries hold and you this horrifying world. Shockingly warfare distorts of childhood, one misogyny was not the fault of these find yourself discovering artists immediate, you are verbally that could be applied to any conflict ignorant, lost children, but the work that, although not famous, create confronted by the child soldiers but around the world. of the adults who manipulated them an artistic world years ahead of are powerless to intervene in the rape This play represents Sharkah’s into committing atrocities through their time. and murder on the red earth in front professional stage debut, impressive the promise of a father figure and William Gewanter then visits of you. seeing the quality of her acting some kind of stability. Charles Stewart’s exhibition Black From 1989 to 1996, a civil war that and that of the rest of the cast, It really was an excellent play. You and White Gothic at the Royal pitted Charles Taylor against rival especially the younger members, felt affronted by the intimacy and Academy. William discovers that Prince Johnson ravaged Liberia, such as Weruche Opia (Finda) and violence yet you could empathise through his dark imagery, Stewart leaving 200,000 dead and millions Michael Ajao (Double Trouble). Her with the perpetrators, knowing, is able to achieve a hidden world of displaced. But what particularly stony façade as Frisky as she slowly through the story of Martha, that it redemption. stood out about this conflict was the "The story becomes incorporated into the unit "You feel is not their fault but out of necessity Finally, arts editors Fred Fyles and recruitment of children into ‘Small does not stop her true inner self, that they act this way. And whilst the Kamil McClelland give a list of Boys Units’, separated from their is more delicate and caring, to shine through, affronted production might not be everyone’s their five top hidden artists, over- families and forced to fight in a one of the especially in her relationship abused by the cup of tea, I think it does an excellent looked by society not because of world of rape, death and destruction. way that and imprisoned Finda. I only wish intimacy job in demystifying this world the quality of their work, but more Although Atuona doesn’t particularly there was more in-depth analysis of that superficially seems utterly due to circumstance or due to the dwell on the circumstance of the war, warfare the psyche of children in warfare, and unbelievable to outsiders. bias and racism inherent in the art we are given insight into its terror distorts more quiet moments between the violence, Liberian Girl is on until the 31st institution. For through uncover- through the story of these children, peoples' gun-wielding bravado to explore the yet can still January, at the Royal Court. Tickets are ing what is hidden, you find an art robbed of their childhood but childhoods" background of these children, their empathise" available online, £20 each; concessions world richer than you could ever yearning for a father figure in their mentality and how they yearn for available. Age guidance 16+. imagine. FELIX THE STUDENT PAPER OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE LONDON 23.01.2014 31 Arts [email protected] Arts Editor Fred Fyles & Kamil McClelland London’s Best Small Theatres - Part 1 Max Falkenburg kicks off our guide to overlooked city venues The Finborough Theatre

If every small theatre were like unique in that they pursue a policy Next: The Grand Tour the Finborough I’d probably of never performing a play which 1st January - 21st February never have any complaints. has been shown in London in the Punching well above its weight, last 20 years. Whether that is new As much as I hate musical theatre, the Finborough has long been writing or unloved masterpieces, the this may genuinely be a show to regarded as one of the absolute Finborough is known throughout look out for. The European premiere best fringe venues in London for a the theatre community as a sure-fire of a multi Tony award nominated number of years. A small theatre bet for a good show. Completely musical, the re ispotential to which uniquely hosts a number unsubsidised, few other theatres completely immerse the audience of well-known actors and writers, need your support as much as the with its deeply unsettling story set in the Finborough’s creative vision is Finborough. Nazi occupied France. The Finborough Theatre, Earls Court Photo: Matt Freestone

Theatre 503 As their website likes to remind us, this charming small theatre makes Next: The Seperation Theatre 503 is “arguably the most the most of its humble space. With important theatre in Britain today” . only around a hundred seats, the 27th January - 21st February Known for their support of new and 503 offers an intimacy which many exciting playwrights, the theatre larger theatres can only dream Set in the run-up to Ireland’s – an offshoot of the superb Gate of. (the seats are exceptionally historical divorce referendum Theatre in Notting Hill – offers more uncomfortable, but that’s hardly the of 1995, this play explores the new writing opportunities than point. )Theatre 503 really is a special mechanics and intimacies of a any other theatre in the country, venue, since it offers so many shows breakdown of a family in crisis; cementing its reputation as one of which wouldn’t/couldn’t appear within a domestic setting, dark London’s leading small theatres. anywhere else. But, as is always the truths are brought to light and Theatre 503, in Battersea Photo: Ewan Monro Winner of a number of awards and risk with new writing, sometimes expunged in this dramatic tale. nominated for countless others, what you see is a complete travesty…

Wilton’s Music Hall Although once a mainstay of and dance. Its location is also Next: La Serva Padrona (The Maid as London life, the music hall has unique: just off Cable Street, the Mistress) dissapeared from our streets; hall is at the junction between the 3rd - 8th February luckily for Wilton’s, the historical city and the East End, an area that value of such venues has been has been dynamically changing for A Rococo romp through Marylebone recognised, and the hall is now years, and is now rapidly gentrifying. in the mid-18th Century, this Grade II* listed, protected from With many original features still production should serve as a demolition. Others have not been remaining, Wilton’s Music Hall is a perfect introduction to the world of so lucky one-of-a-kind venue, and certainly theatre and opera for those who are Currently under restoration, worth checking out for anyone intimidated by their reputations. although not closed, the hall plays interested in culture, architecture, Performers bring life and laughter host to a number of productions, and even the history of the city we into this magical venue. The interior of Wilton's Music Hall, Cheapside Photo: Nigel Homer including opera, music, cabaret, all live in.

Southwark Playhouse Southwark Playhouse is alive. With the room. While I imagine the layout Next: How I Learned To Drive the look and feel of an Edinburgh feeling somewhat ominous when 11th Feburary - 14th March Fringe venue, this theatre is one of the house is not full, when sold out the most vibrant and interesting the theatre has a buzz that I can’t say Staged on the Playhouse’s smaller spaces south of the river. Built into I’ve felt in a London venue in many stage, the revival of this heart- the railway arches just along from years. breaking Pulitzer-winning play Elephant & Castle, Southwark With a pretty chilled bar (if a little will give the audience a chance Playhouse is on the larger side of on the expensive side), and what to see contemporary American the small theatres in this series feels like a devoted, regular crowd, writing at its very bes. A small cast while still using every inch of space Southwark Playhouse offers who tell the story of a 17 year old available. The auditorium is filled the chance to see young, edgier Maryland girl, and her troubled The interior of the Southwark Playhouse, Southwark. Photo: Southwark to the brim with seats and the set is productions, while still retaining a relationship with an old man, Playhouse only a metre or so from the back of sterling reputation. through a series of driving lessons 32 23.01.2014 THE STUDENT PAPER OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE LONDON FELIX Arts [email protected] Arts Editor Fred Fyles & Kamil McClelland There’s More to Art than White Western Males Fred Fyles and Kamil McClelland give five overlooked artists that you should know about

yprien Tokoudagba is quite simply my favourite Ccontemporary African artist yet hardly known outside a very small group of art consumers, left in the wake of the well established El Anatsui and Ablade Glover. Unlike the stereotypical loud, busy and somewhat overwhelming African art, Tokoudagba draws from influences other than the continent’s rapid urbanisation and explores aspects of the region’s rich cultural and spiritual history. Harking from Benin, the home of Vodun (voodoo) and the powerful Kingdom of Dahomey, the sculptor and painter established his career as a restorer of traditional royal palaces and temples and hence had unprecedented access to the dying traditions of the Fon people. Creating surreal works steeped in Vodun symbolism, his works leave you with a sense of unease, haunting, as if left in a trance by the creatures suspended on the cream background. His works paint a different picture of Africa, one of its too often overlooked history, as opposed to its perceived present of corruption, war and famine. Unlike Tokoudagba, the young Ivorian artist Aboudia forces Africa to confront its dark present. Taking the stylised image of the mask, he adds violence to it with his harsh brushstrokes, ripping apart this romanticised symbol of African pride. He shows that the world that is represented through these masks no longer exists, replaced by a cruel world of death, violence and destruction. With his heavily overlaid collages, he creates conflict and confusion, dark colours and skeletal figures draped in AK-47’s. He provides a rare critique, a rare protest amongst artists who force themselves to be positive whilst ignoring Africa’s ugliness. These two artists are nothing like what you would expect from African Art. Much like the internationally renowned human-rights lawyer and activist Amal Ramzi Alamuddin is now forever known as ‘Mrs Clooney’, Camille Claudel has gone down in Clockwise from top left: Untitled by Cyprien Tokoudagba; Detail from Spiritual Conversations by Aboudia; Bongiwe Twana Kunene by Zanele Muholi; history as ‘Rodin’s lover’. The truth is Study Rug by Anni Albers; Waltz by Camille Claudel so much more interesting than that; a French sculptor and artist, Claudel admitted to an insane asylum; she murder. Mapping the identity of known textile artist of the 20th the pair fled to North Carolina in – barred from attending the École des never left, dying there in 1943. Her her community, Muholi documents century – but her medium is grossly 1933 to escape the Nazis – once there Beaux-Arts due to her gender – took remains were buried in a communal an unsteady course through post- underappreciated in an art world she began to teach at art schools, it upon herself to learn her craft, grave, am insult to her legacy and apartheid South Africa, a country in that tends to be hostile to anything and published numerous articles studying under Alfred Boucher, and talent. which equal marriage is enshrined deemed ‘decorative’ or ‘trivial’ on modern design. Passing away in renting a workshop with other young A lot of art is about empowerment, in the constitution, but the LGBTQ (never mind the fact that such fields 1994, at the age of 94, Albers has female artists. Her work is dramatic, about representation. It is this community is constantly under tend to be those in which women left a legacy in textile design that heroic, romantic, and tragic. What that makes the work of Zanele threat. Although active for more than are most prominent). Studying is unmatched by any other artist; little of her work survives today Muholi so important. A South a decade, her work is still highlighting at the Bauhaus during its golden her striking patterns, which take in reveals a true artistic talent, whose African photographer who mixes this tragedy that is often ignored by era under Walter Gropius, Albers Russian constructivism, German ability to transfigure a block of onyx in activism with her work, Muholi the Western media. immediately displayed a strong skill modernism, and pre-Columbian into a living sculpture is nothing documents the lives of innumerable Ok, so Anni Albers may not be an with textile work, particularly her artistry, are ground-breaking in their short of astonishing. In 1913, at the South African lesbians who live in ‘unknown artist’ – her Wikipedia eye for repeating geometric patterns. freshness, looking just as new as the request of her brother, Claudel was fear of corrective rape, assault, and page describes her as the best Marrying fellow artist Josef Albers, day they were woven. FELIX THE STUDENT PAPER OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE LONDON 23.01.2014 33 Arts [email protected] Arts Editor Fred Fyles & Kamil McClelland Bonkers, But Not Brilliant - Bat Boy: The Musical Max Falkenburg heads to Southwark to check out their cult musical revival

am not a fan of musicals. There, Dracula. Right from the get go we I’ve said it. When you grow up are greeted to a huge, spectacular, if I spending every waking moment pretty dull opening number. With a with ‘theatrical types’ who sit around set not far off a west end stage, and reciting ballads from Les Miserables, the costume and lighting to match, musicals can make you hate them. all the indicators are that of a high Listening to song after whiny song end production. Directed by Luke which all fail to add any story to the Fredericks for Morphic Graffiti and show, and with music which is at produced by Paul Taylor-Mills Ltd, best a notch above mediocre, for me, the team behind Batboy is stunning musical theatre is a curse. for a small theatre show. That said, as much as I despair The problem is that in musicals, admitting it, there is the odd bit of all the singing and the dancing and musical theatre I’m quite partial the band mean that actors have to to (big U-turn I know, bear with wear microphones (another thing I me). Chicago can’t really go wrong; hate). In principal this would have Billy Elliot was a good tory-bashing been ok, but, whether it was the fault laugh, and Cabaret, well that’s just of the American accents or the tech, pretty awesome (although it’s a push I couldn’t understand a word. For even calling it musical theatre). The anyone who has ever been on stage, difference is that in these musicals, two of the first things you are taught the scenes between the songs don’t are to perform towards the audience, feel like they’ve only been included and diction. Not for the sake of it, to give the band a break. A real plot, but because above everything else, Lauren Ward as Meredith Parker and Rob Compton as Bat Boy Photo: Garry Lake with interesting characters and, the audience have to understand to top it off, good music is such a what you are saying. So it was for the Batboy suddenly develops into a well- The cast need to be given their due rarity in musical theatre. So, with whole first half, in which we see a spoken, intelligent and (somewhat) credit when it comes to performing all that considered, this week I went, typical American family take in and caring member of the family. With in musical numbers. Although few voluntarily, off to see the Morphic teach Batboy, that all the big musical his newfound wisdom, Batboy performances really stood out, more Graffiti production of Batboy. numbers sounded like a glorious desperately wants to be accepted into experienced members of the cast such Batboy is about a boy, who is a bit chorus of mumbling. the community, but of course not all as Lauren Ward and Matthew White of a bat, and a bit of a boy. In what Somewhere between a college goes to plan. playing Mr & Mrs Parker came across feels like the deleted scenes from a humour sketch and a tame version Usually, I’d leave out the rest of the as more comfortable on stage and low-end episode of South Park, the of the Book of Mormon, the first story not wanting to spoil it, but this felt more convincing when singing show opens in the beautiful town of half of Batboy doesn’t really know time there isn’t really much plot to and acting. That is not to say that the Hope Falls (or High Falls… I can’t what it wants to be. Having jumped talk about. The first half continues performances of Batboy, played by remember), and a delightful group of around the stage with almost no in much the same vein, stuck in Rob Compton and of Shelley Parker fundamentalist Christians stumble purpose for the first thirty minutes second gear with little prospect of the played by Georgina Hagen did not across what can only be called a mini- of the show, in the space of one song show picking up. It’s a shame since impress. However, too many musicals the production value of the show compromise on a performer’s ability is particularly impressive for such to sing, act or dance. It takes an a small venue, but the mixture of incredible performer to pull off all random serious moments and a white three parts of musical theatre well guy rapping (badly) makes the whole and although the cast of Batboy gave first half feel oddly ridiculous. it a good shot, such performers are in As you can imagine, I did not have particularly short supply. huge hopes for after the interval So the question is would I go see the but remarkably, the second half show again? No, probably not. I hate opened with vastly more energy and musical theatre and Batboy really enthusiasm than before. A number doesn’t fulfil many of the criteria of particularly funny moments and which would make me change my an almost interesting story finally mind about a musical. It is funny, and gave me something to smile about. at times even the music is good. But if Although the Christian revival scene you’re like me, as good as the second fits all the secular clichés, the music half was, the first is just too boring to (a jazzy number with a bit of life) had voluntarily sit through. As is often my foot tapping away to the almost the case, large chunks of the audience certain irritation of the guy sitting absolutely loved the show; I guess I’ve next to me (he seemed to enjoy the just got too many of the critical genes show even less than I did). Followed in my family. I’m just way too boring "Finishing by a few raunchy scenes between "Staging, for musical theatre (give me Hamlet Batboy and his pseudo adopted any day). But if you’re not like me on a high, sister, and a hilarious appearance by costumes, and actually like to have a good time, the only “mother nature”, the show reached lighting... should you go see Batboy? I don’t regret is a somewhat sexual climax that the all the know. Go watch it and if you loved it, that it took second half certainly deserved. indicators I will happily take the credit - if you Topped off by an amusing twist at hated it, I told you so. them over the end, the show finished on a high are that of Bat Boy: The Musical runs until an hour to with the only regret being that it took a high end 31st January. Tickets £22 adults; £18 Rob Compton as Bat Boy and Georgina Hagen as Shelley Photo: Garry impress us" them over an hour to try and impress production" concessions. Lake us. 34 23.01.2014 THE STUDENT PAPER OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE LONDON FELIX Arts [email protected] Arts Editor Fred Fyles & Kamil McClelland A Fight to the Death in the World of Office Politics Fred Fyles explains how Young Vic’s Bull misses the target in places

power. Special mention, however, Whilst watching, I was reminded of must go to Matsuura, who inhibits two similar plays, which tackle the her character with a cold, clear- same themes: firstly Yasmina Reza’s cut sensibility; quite the opposite God of Carnage, in which two sets of Troughton’s bumbling stature, of suburban parents try and settle she manages to maintain a ramrod a dispute between their sons, but posture throughout the performance, end up drunkenly hurling insults heightening her frigid physicality. at each other; and secondly Lucy It is also Matsuura who delivers the Prebble’s Enron, which exposes those stunning closing monologue, giving responsible for the Enron scandal of a bravura performance in which she the early-noughties. remorselessly shreds any dignity that Whilst Reza’s work bristles with a Thomas was clutching onto. slowly mounting tension, Prebble’s Director Clare Lizzimore, working sacrifices tension and reserve for with designer Soutra Gilmour, has larger-than-life characters, who made the bold choice of presenting become horrific near-caricatures the action in a boxing ring; in one of actual financiers (although, the corner ominously sits a monolithic play is that much more chilling water cooler, while the audience because even then the characters is divided into tiered spaces, both are completely believable). Bull seated and standing. This gives us a tries to do both, oscillating between much greater sense of a spectacle, and a mounting suspense and outré also makes us somewhat complicit moments in which the characters are in the torturing of Thomas; as unbelievably revolting. As a result, observers we are also collaborators, we never really get a full picture of especially when barbarous taunts what is trying to be done; are things are flung from Isobel and Tony. We supposed to be tense, or horrifically really shouldn’t be laughing at such comic? At one point, a bit of dialogue a pathetic creature as Thomas, but about sexual abuse gives us hope – if Mike Bartlett’s witty script makes it that is the right word – that things difficult to resist. will take a much darker turn; but Ultimately, while Bull is certainly a then this is simply dropped, and strong play, held up by a terrific small never mentioned again. Rather than cast, there is a feeling that something charging around in the dark, Bull is missing. "Oscillating would surely be better if it had a clear Before the play starts, while between target and vision that it could aim Neil Stukew in Bull at the Young Vic Photo: Simon Annand the audience is assembling, for. Despite the great cast and the loudspeakers blare out Frankie mounting innovative direction, it is difficult hree people enter. Two a televised Richard Nixon, Thomas Goes To Hollywood’s Two Tribes, suspense not to get the sense that something people leave. Anyone who is is like a deer in the headlights before and Survivor’s Eye of the Tiger, and outré more could be done with the plot Tfamiliar with the BBC show his colleagues: the stereotypical psyching up the audience in a way moments" to elevate it beyond a simple tale of The Apprentice, in which a collection high-flying ice-queen Isobel (Eleanor that the play never quite lives up to. office politics. of terminally unlikable corporate Matsuura) and the horrifically ‘alpha’ drones are paraded in front of the Tony (Adam James), described as a camera, will be familiar with this person who “runs marathons to sleep format; every week a contestant is with the charity workers”. sent packing, the grizzly tones of Sir Slowly and surely, subtle digs and Alan’s catchphrase “You’re fired” still misinformation turn into something ringing in their ears. In the Young much darker, with a clear conspiracy Vic’s latest production Bull, this emerging between Tony and Isobel; format is brought to the stage, and we Thomas can only watch as any are presented with a similar dilemma. chance he had of remaining in the With the recession causing their job slips away from him (this isn’t company to downsize, three office a spoiler – the game is fixed from workers must compete for the two the very beginning). Troughton jobs that will remain after (in business plays the part with aplomb, his jargon-speak) the ‘restructuring’. desperation eventually spilling over Over the course of a mere 55 minutes, into sheer physicality as he charges we watch as simple power plays – around the stage. However, while ‘Why aren’t you wearing your nice his performance is simultaneously suit?’ – turn to something much more heart-breaking and revolting, there sinister, with two corporate sharks are moments where the dialogue feels "While Bull ripping apart their limp colleague. slightly stilted; in some parts of the Sam Troughton plays Thomas, the play, what should be lightning-quick is certainly unfortunate pawn in this game of witticisms are delivered somewhat a strong social Darwinism; with his receding laconically, disrupting the tensions. play, hairline, wire-frame glasses, and That being said, as individuals, slightly-too-tight shirt that does all the actors are fantastic; even there is a little to hide a developing paunch, Neil Stuke, whose role as the CEO feeling that Thomas is a difficult character to amounts to little more than a cameo, something like, let alone sympathise with. manages to imbue his short time is missing" Sweating under the stage lights like on stage with a sense of sadistic Sam Troughton, Adam James and Eleanor Matsuura Photo: Simon Annand FELIX THE STUDENT PAPER OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE LONDON 23.01.2014 35 Arts [email protected] Arts Editor Fred Fyles & Kamil McClelland Send in the Clowns — A Return to Traditional Circus Ben Howitt reviews Cirque du Soleil’s Kooza at the Royal Albert Hall

e arrived at the Royal Albert Hall for Wthe Friday matinee performance of Cirque du Soleil’s Kooza, and almost immediately began a mission to find somewhere to buy the programme and video recording. It turns out that the Londoner’s assumption of “oh, they’ll probably take card” does not extend to ushers on doors at theatres – and also that I get disoriented very easily in circular buildings. Nevertheless, glossy purple programme in sweaty hand, we made our way to the Grand Circle. Kooza last played at the RAH in 2013, as part of its continuing world tour. It is the 20th show that Cirque has produced, and is described by Guy Laliberté, one of the company’s founders, as “the return ... to the roots of Cirque du Soleil”. David Shiner, the director, describes it as “a show ... devoted to the ‘spirit’ of the clown”. As such, the show contains all of the circus staples: high wire, swinging trapeze, unicycles and people standing on other people (standing on a third person). It also features no less than three clowns, and a full body puppet dog that caused no end Chinese Chair at Cirque du Soleil's Kooza Photo: Owen Carey of laughter from the various school groups in attendance. possessed of an unsettling ability to unfortunate that the apparatus took of something that looks very like a The storyline follows a central flip upside down without warning, so long to set up, though, and the children’s see-saw. An acrobat places character, Innocent, as he discovers he has been with the production use of a confetti cannon on various themselves at one end, and then the mysterious world of Kooza. since its inception in 2008. It is sections of the stalls didn’t do much two to four more jump on to the Played by Stéphan Landry, he is led perhaps reasonable that he’s got to pass the time. other end. The flyer is catapulted into a mysterious world of acrobats his act down flat, but from his The Wheel of Death, the first 5-6 metres into the air, and flips and wonder, controlled by the emergence from a jack in the box acrobatics of Act 2, also disappointed occur. Occasionally the acrobat being mysterious Trickster. In the second at the beginning to the ceremonial me slightly. Having seen what is thrown starts on one or two stilts. act, entrusted with the power to closing of the curtains in the finale, possible on the apparatus in the One of my favourite aspects control the world, he discovers a he is a pleasure to watch. recording of Worlds Away – it’s on of the production was in the more sinister and unsettling world Lowin also proves himself as a the US Netflix, I highly recommend non-traditional treatment of the altogether. But there is beauty here performer in his own right as the having a look – it was a shame not ringmaster. The show is started too, and during the second act, he is Skeleton King in the second act. to see any somersaults outside of by one of the clowns, a ridiculous appointed King of the realm by one It is rare to find such a talented the wheels. The performance, by creature, before being superseded of the clowns. dancer in the circus community, its very nature, also lacked a strong by the enigmatic Trickster. In a rare Landry gives an excellent and Clarence Ford’s 40s and 50s character, and unfortunately it felt twist however, Innocent makes most performance, and acts as the inspired choreography give him the rather too much like an exhibition of the decisions in the second half; audience’s perspective on the show. chance to show up his compatriots in and not enough like a masterclass. indeed, by the finale the show is His status as a clear Mary Sue is a appropriate style. Other weaker performances were placed firmly into the hands of the device also used in Cirque’s feature Kooza, quite sensibly, uses the the contortion, unicycle and hoop audience. length retrospective, Worlds Away, tradition of making sure that the acts. I am increasingly convinced The range of acts is huge, and there but it is not tired here. ‘most stupid’ things to do happen at that all hoop artists look almost is something for everyone in the The three clowns pervade the the beginnings and ends of acts. The exactly the same, and despite the show, completing Shiner’s aims of performance, and are in general beginning and end of the show are circus adage of “those in the first “[revealing] the interior life af the very loud and slightly irritating: performed mostly by a single group few rows, may get wet”, I do feel that clown… his hope, innocence, fear, a quality that good clowns should of acrobats – the Charivari. Three- many within the auditorium might solitude, joy, and above all his love”. aim for. Despite being stymied by high shoulder stands and an early have wanted to see the sweat – or at Kooza is emphatically a Western a sound operator who could have man-supported trampoline establish least the performer’s faces. production. Despite visually been watching far more closely, they the show as classic circus. I did, though, highly enjoy the engrossing costumes and set, pulled off some excellent audience To end the first half, we are treated "The range swinging trapeze and hand-on-hand implementing Indian and Eastern interaction, especially during the "It is rare to to a circus staple – the high wire act, of acts is acts – and not just because they’re European influences, the style, second half and their dance break find such in this case involving 4 acrobats. huge, and styles I love to watch in any forum. character, and indeed language with ‘some guy called Chris’. a talented Starting fairly lightly, with some there is The acts were seamless, and the are agressively North American However, the standout fake fencing, runs and skipping(!) emotional love story in the hand-on- – specifically, Canadian. It leaves performance came from Barry dancer in on the high wire, the act culminates something hand was truly excellent. behind abstraction to return to the Nathan Lowin as the Trickster, the the circus in one acrobat, standing on a chair, for The Charivari return at the end to fun-loving circus of Cirque’s early ruler and controller of the world community" on a pole, on two more acrobats everyone" perform a teeterboard act. For those days, and is well worth the price of a of Kooza. Effortlessly poised, and riding bikes. On a high wire. It was of you who don’t know, this consists ticket. 36 23.01.2014 THE STUDENT PAPER OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE LONDON FELIX Arts [email protected] Arts Editor Fred Fyles & Kamil McClelland Unseen — The Hidden Wealths that Lie in the Depths of the Courtauld couldn’t have taken the artist more MAX FALKENBERG than ten minutes, the image gives ARTS WRITER a remarkably deep insight into religious tensions throughout Mola’s his January sees the opening career. of the Gilbert & Ildiko Shown by Mola’s caricature TButler drawings gallery and a number of other works, the at the Courtauld. The wonderful exhibition is particularly successful purpose built gallery, designed in highlighting the artistic freedom by 2013 Stirling prize winners drawing offers artists. Witherford Watson Mann Architects, At a time where the majority of finally gives the public a chance to see major works were produced for the one of the most celebrated collections aristocracy or the church, sketches of drawings in the country. With could often touch on subjects that over 7000 works, this is a remarkable larger works couldn’t. This is why opportunity to see a glimpse into the Mola’s incredibly modern caricature overlooked riches of the Courtauld is so profound. Institute. Other pieces such as Valentin A Series of Increasingly Impossible Acts. Image: Lyric Hammersmith In this first exhibition in the new Klotz’ 1675 work View of Grave gallery, Unseen presents a small graphically depicts the destruction selection of works, all of which have following a siege against the heavily The Peculiar and Unexpected World not been exhibited at the gallery in damaged church of St. Elizabeth the last twenty years. Predominantly in the background. With the of Secret Theatre by lesser known artists, the works foreground littered with a number range from the renaissance to the of cubic houses, delineated with On the night I went, Leo Bill’s twentieth century with a remarkable nervous pen, the work shows a CLARA CLARK NEVOLA name was drawn out of the hat, and breadth of subject matter and style. fascinating combination of realism ARTS WRITER he proceeded to be subjected to a Although the works of some well- and impressionism. Like Mola’s farcical fitness circuit: bending iron known artists are presented including caricature, the modernity of Klotz’ hipster little theatre in bars, licking his elbow, eating lemons. Rubens and Henry Moore, the true structures seem to be from another Kilburn. A cast of young This lap was repeated throughput delight of this exhibition is the time, not reflecting what is typically A actors. An improvised piece the show, a symbol of the change number of works which show styles expected from the late 17th century. on the meaning of life. As far as hints the actor was undergoing under our and technique often centuries before The exhibition also displays a go, the Secret Theatre production eyes. He was assaulted, offended, their time. number of more typical works of A Series of Increasingly Impossible hurt, helped, teased, embarrassed and Caricature of three Ecclesiastics including a number of including a Acts hadn’t got me too fired up. And kissed by the rest of the cast, as the by the high baroque painter Pier study of the female head and a 1962 yet, despite my initial reticence, I performance turned into a journey Francesco Mola (1612 - 1666) is one "A work by Larry Rivers, the “godfather” was completely blown away by what of discovery of the actor. The journey of the most captivating works I have remarkable of pop-art. While beautiful in their proved to be a brave, hilarious and was subtle and natural, with moments very come across. In this highly opportunity own right, they do not offer quite heart wrenching show. of comedy punctuating an otherwise stylised caricature, Mola depicts the same surprise that a number of The Secret Theatre formed a few very moving and touching show. By a fattened bishop begging from to see a the lesser works do. However, as a years back when the Lyric Theatre in the end of it I really felt as if I knew his comparatively malnourished glimpse collective, the pieces exhibited are a Hammersmith was undergoing huge Leo very intimately – his hopes and cardinal. With the pope seated in into the christening for this wonderful new building works. In order to continue his humour, but mainly his fears, the background, this profound space at the Courtauld. Spacious putting on shows ten young actors insecurities and wounds, which he satirical image not only feels like overlooked and incredibly well lit, the new joined up to create unusual shows, in had laid bare in front of the audience. a work from the 20th century but riches of the gallery fills a gap in the Courtauld’s which the audience would turn up not Yes, of course I know that the could comfortably be shown in any Courtauld repertoire and will give the public knowing what would be performed or show was semi-rehearsed, and that satirical magazine today and not Institute" another gem to see when visiting the where it would be performed within the spontaneity stemmed from the feel out of place. A sketch which institute. the building site. It turned out to be actors’ talent rather than from them a huge success and the company has totally opening up on stage, but the carried on producing shows in much effect it had was nevertheless truly the same way, despite the fact that poignant. The real physical duress they know have a fully-constructed the actor undergoes strengthens the theatre. emotional upheaval you seem them Confusingly, London has another go through – the dialogue may well Secret Theatre company (Secret be contrived, but you can’t fake the Theatre London) which veils its acidity of a raw lemon, the cold of an shows in mysteries and forbids ice bucket or sweaty, shaky muscles reviews from spilling the beans. after a wrestling match. Prepared for total secrecy, I was Somehow, through all the silliness, surprised to see that a quick Google of the Secret Theatre has managed to do A Series of Increasingly Impossible Acts what all theatre strives to do – they returned reviews openly sharing the "With struck on something true. Something main outline was being referred to moments that resonates at some deep level, openly: a cast member gets chosen by by showing you that this is life. the audience to undertake difficult, of comedy This chaotic, difficult, loving, scary, unpleasant or impossible tasks on punctuating pointless and beautiful thing is life. stage. an otherwise The Secret Theatre will perform all What’s the point of a secret if of their 6 shows between the 12th of everyone knows it already? Perhaps a very February and the 1st of March at the better name would be the Unexpected moving and Lyric in Hammersmith, as a farewell theatre — it wasn’t the show’s touching before the company parts. Tickets format which was a surprise, but the show" are £15 and I really urge you to get Valentin Klotz, View of grave on the Mass after a siege, 1675. Image: The Courtauld Gallery emotional charge it carried. yourselves some! FELIX THE STUDENT PAPER OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE LONDON 23.01.2014 37 Arts [email protected] Arts Editor Fred Fyles & Kamil McClelland Black and White Gothic — Redemption through Darkness William Gewanter explores the importance of Charles Stewart’s works

t seems a safe bet that never The frontispiece for Uncle Silas greatest strength being indicative before in the history of the (1947) is convincing argument against of the universality and importance IRoyal Academy of Arts has the any such a shift in educational of the themes he explores. There Tennant Gallery been adorned practice. Whirling figures straining are few works of art that manage to with either a bowl of glass eyes or with movement speak volumes of engage with humanity’s universal a mannequin that can lay claim to the influence of his balletic training, terror at its inescapable mortality having posed as the Queen for a world something he suspected that he would while concluding on a fundamentally famous portrait. Black and White not have been able to pursue had he invigorating note. The fact that Gothic offers both of these and more. been born today into a more limiting Stewart has achieved this is as Pairing personal artefacts with pieces environment. impressive as it is important. In 1976 both polished and in progress, this Today, many find themselves Stewart gave Shambellie House to exhibition provides a rare glimpse of alienated from fine art by the the government, which was soon not only of the works of a first rate, perception of the culture that reopened as the National Museum of yet little known artist, but also an surrounds its appreciation. The Costume. In 2013 it was announced opportunity to examine something of stream of seemingly randomly that the museum was to close despite both the process of their creation and assigned symbolic meanings and intense local opposition due to the character of their creator. Despite interpretations that bear little, if any financial pressures. the fact that more than two thirds of resemblance to the works on display The underlying message of the members of the Royal Academy leaves many cold to the prospect of Stewart’s work is simply too have worked as illustrators in the giving galleries a chance. I would important to be allowed to similarly past, this art form has remained like to think that Stewart would have fade into oblivion. At times we are all unfairly neglected. This one room sympathised with this position. The of us beset by horrors, but more often showcase focuses largely on Stewart’s indifference of most art critics was than not the key to our salvation illustrations for an edition of Joseph something he faced throughout his lies in finding the strength within Sheridan Le Fanu’s 1864 novel Uncle career and was something that seems ourselves to slay our demons, once Silas; a series of darkly evocative stills to have left him largely unmoved. and for all. brimming with barely contained Gothic art at its best speaks to us on motion, it is well worth a visit for a visceral level, evoking the creeping Black and White Gothic runs until anyone with an interest in the gothic sensation present at the back of every 15th February 2015. Complimentary or in illustration and its influence on mind that all is not as it seems. Much entry for Friends of the RA, with a valid modern cinematography. of his work is simple, but rather exhibition ticket or with a £3 general Charles Stewart was born in 1915 on Charles Stewart, The figure of Uncle Silas rose up, with a death like scowl. than a weakness this represents its admission ticket. the island of Panay in the Philippines. Image: Royal Academy of Arts Due to poor health and questionable logic on the part of his parents, he cinema and the stage. A number was shipped off to the ‘restorative’ of visits to the set of a 1947 film climes of Scotland as an infant. The production of Uncle Silas were to influence of Shambellie House, be highly influential upon Stewart’s the family’s baronial estate near work, as his illustrations in turn Dumfries is unmistakable throughout influenced the cinematographers. his work. A turreted, gothic house The artist’s profound understanding “lit by oil lamps and candles… [that] of movement on stage and its to a small child… seemed a giant’s depiction in still art stems from his castle… [in which] ghosts were balletic training, undertaken while largely taken for granted by the simultaneously studying at the Byam inhabitants”, Stewart’s formative Shaw School of Drawing and Painting years were heavily influenced by his in the 1930s. Learning quickly, physical environment. A series of Stewart went on to perform with beautiful, though haunted landscapes the corps de ballet at Covent Garden provided a dark frame for his during the 1936-37 season under the developing artistic vision. As an air direction of Sir Thomas Beecham. It raid warden in London during World is clear that he was in a particularly War II Stewart endured a world of advantageous position to marry still terror and darkness on a day-to- art with that of the theatre. This day basis. These experiences lend naturally led him into the company his work a power that elevates his of cinematographers, especially those illustrations from purely decorative who shared his passion for tales of addenda to the novel’s text into the gothic horror. This is reflected in the realm of independently gripping wide range of media on display in works as atmospheric as any of the the exhibition, ranging from a scene accompanying prose. from the 1947 film, through many Described by a colleague as a of Stewart’s original drawings to a “neat, rounded man with a gentle "A series 1953 watercolour of a larch tree in pink face and snow white hair” of darkly the grounds of Shambellie. The tree who was often to be spotted dressed evocative immortalised in an instant, darkly "Gothic art in tweeds lunching at the Royal stills silhouetted against a bright winter Overseas League in nearby St sky. Stewart feared in later life that at its best James’, he approached his work in brimming an increasingly competitive world speaks to us a scholarly fashion. Meticulous with barely would induce the corralling of young on a visceral research of Victorian costume contained people’s interests into an overly level" and artwork was integrated with narrow focus in order to drive up Charles Stewart, Uncle Silas: Frontispiece, 1947. Image: Royal Academy of a lifelong appreciation of both motion" academic or professional standards. Arts 38 23.01.2015 THE STUDENT PAPER OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE LONDON FELIX Games [email protected] Games Editor Max Eggl & Calum Skene Review of 2014: 2015: Three Games that Excite Pretty Disappointing

MAXIMILIAN EGGL Max Eggl really, really looking forward to these titles GAMES EDITOR

2014 could have been such an amazing year. There Star Wars Battlefront was so much potential. We had the graphical promise of what could have been a true GTA rival y first ever shooter was Star (Watch Dogs), we could have had a spiritual successor Wars Battlefront 2 for the to Halo (Destiny), we might have had the MMO that Mps2. Trust me when I tell finally knocks WoW off its porch (Elder Scrolls Online). you that I wasted an extraordinary That is not even a tiny bit of the disappointments amount of my school years playing that gamers faced; think the botched launches of this game. It was a pretty epic game. the Assassin’s Creeds, Titanfall or Sims 4. These were However, it was released back in Just Cause 3 Zelda Wii U all supposed to be amazing games that would build 2005, 10 years ago. Therefore the on their predecessors and push gaming boundaries. announcements that the next he grappling hook, parachute egend of Zelda is that one What we got were rushed games, that really didn’t Battlefront is coming this year have and crazy physics have all franchise that everyone has offer much apart from lacking content, micro filled me with excitement as well as entered gaming culture. Now heard of, and anyone who calls transactions, DLCs or bugs. T L However, while the big studios all in all failed to trepidation. Excitement, because it seems we will get to use them once themselves a gamer has played at least deliver on the year of the next generation, the indies obviously I get to see a new version of again in the newest Just Cause, in one of the entries of this juggernaut. and smaller studios stepped into the limelight. a game I hold dearly and trepidation addition to a wingsuit. While the Therefore a lot is riding on Zelda Wii U "I just Excellent games like Goat Simulator and 5 Nights at because this new version is going to be game mechanics will remain mostly (the official title is still unknown). The Freddies became viral, and made up for the other produced by EA. hope that the same, the location and story are hype training has just been going on publishers failings. In fact, we also had a big shift in The teaser trailer really did a lot to [Battlefront] completely new. The new map is on and on, and ever since it was known that the gaming world with bigger companies buying into hype the game, and I just hope that par in terms of size with that of JC2, it would be open world, been gathering the success of the smaller companies, like Microsoft this won’t be a re-skin of Battlefield 4. won't be a but you now have the ability to explore speed. The description that it looks like buying Mojang and Facebook buying Oculus Rift. This game is expected on all platforms re-skin of subterranean caves. Furthermore, its the Skyrim version of Zelda does seem One big winner of 2014 was Nintendo. After getting and will be released with the new Star Battlefield 4" located in the Mediterranean and you to have some truth, and all the better. a lot of flack for their Wii U and a lack of titles, Wars film in late 2015. return as Rico to battle against the Hopefully this game will be able to Nintendo has been able to build some momentum, dictator General Di Ravello. fully utilise the hardware that the Wii U flying under most gamers’ radars. With excellent Pokémon games (especially the unexpected remakes Given the stance that there will be no has to offer and incorporate the second of Sapphire and Ruby) as well as a new Zelda game microtransactions in this game, I have screen in a meaningful way. they have driven up sales of their 3DS. The Wii U was hope that this game will deliver on all This game will be only available aided by releases of Mario Kart and Smash Bros among its promise. This game will be available on Wii U (kind of obvious since it’s others. Nintendo’s situation doesn’t seem as dire on all platforms with no exact release Nintendo), however a more specific date anymore, and 2014 once again proved that in terms date at the moment. is not known. of actual IP, Nintendo is king. Worryingly 2014 has seen an increase in Day-One DLCs, Micro transactions and paytowin mechanics. This monetisation of gaming is frightening, and I hope that it is a trend that won’t continue into 2015.

The Next Big Gaming Trend: Space Simulations Maximilian Eggl on why No Man’s Sky, Star Citizen and Elite are the future he past few years, ever since novels is not really the kind stuff you solar systems and even planets created. The dreams just didn’t have Both these games will feature a the release and subsequent re- will be getting up to. Therefore at this was not really in the hands of the the tools to become reality. pervasive multiplayer galaxy that is Trelease of DayZ, we have had an given time the only way to experience average Joe. Therefore the games that Until now. The ability to much larger than anything you could explosion of Zombie survival MMOs. space and everything beyond is allowed you to truly feel like you were procedurally generate billions of ever explore. Furthermore, they focus In fact, I am surprised when there is through your computer. cruising out in space, in terms of raw planets, each one of them unique is on realism so that the orbits of the a month when I don’t see news about However, up until just a few years computing power as well as virtual one of the key features of the game objects you will fly around will be a new one. However, it has become ago the computing power to galaxies, reality accessories, weren’t being No Man’s Sky which will be released as close to real data as possible. You quite tiring, since there are only in 2015. However, this isn’t even the have the ability to play the game the so many times I can wake up on an entire story. In addition to planets, way you want, as a smuggler, pirate abandoned beach. It seems that most suns, black holes the entire surface of or trader with hyper realistic game of the gaming market is coming to the planet, with oceans, mountains, mechanics and come the closest to this conclusion, as we have reached a plants and animals will always be living out your dream of being an saturation point. Looking at upcom- created in your computer. This is astronaut. ing releases, I feel that the next big only ONE of many games coming out We were all born too early/ too late gaming will be the open world Space in the next few years. to really have any part in any large Sim. Others in the list include Elite: explorations. We cannot rediscover Being an astronaut is a dream that Dangerous and Star Citizen, both America or be the first to see things most kids have, and I can promise you games that were funded on on Pluto that no one ever has. This I was one of them. However, given Kickstarter. In fact, Star Citizen need for curiosity to see new things that most of us enjoy a pint or two/ managed to garner of $60,000,000. and be places no one has ever been is don’t have a pilot’s license or enjoy That if anything shows that there is an inherent trait of each human, and 20/20 vision it is not really that likely. interest out there for an immersive, the only way we can satisfy this need Furthermore, the kind of space travel almost infinite universe that you can is through the simulations of these as repeated in the science fiction explore in your own spaceship. games. FELIX THE STUDENT PAPER OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE LONDON 23.01.2015 39 Food [email protected] Editor Carol Ann Cheah How to quickly use your noodle(s) Old friends, new ventures Carol Ann Cheah offers a healthy solution to the instant stuff CAROL ANN CHEAH SECTION EDITOR appy 2015, everyone! Between deadlines in early January, Hprepping for new module lectures this term and catching up with the stuff I missed last term when the Vile Bug of Winter ‘14 hit Imperialites (and their dogs...) finding time to cook decent meals has been rather difficult: So difficult that the headline pun this week is an awfully poor reference to what most of us In the last fortnight I’ve had the pleasure of have been doing during the exam meeting up with my former colleagues from Earl’s week just gone. Court on two separate occasions. The weekend I digress. As the academic year before term, a work junior of mine invited me for a resumes and speed picks up, I’ll gladly catch-up cocktail to gossip about changes at my old admit my meal routines easily suffer. workplace. Though thanks to the combined Over my lovely Tiramisu martini, made by my genius that is Hugh Fearnley- favourite ex-colleague bartender, I was treated to a Whittingstall (the River Cottage bunch of horror stories about my former manager gone wild. Nothing I was surprised by, going by past bloke, yes!) and J. Kenji Lopez-Alt (of experience; nevertheless, it’s still rather saddening The Food Lab on Seriouseats.com), watching the place go from being open every day I may have found one of my new to only operating Thursday-Saturday. The bar favourite fallback lunches. It’s even "But Caz, why are you so angry with that Italian chef?" "It's fusilli reasons." Photo: Felix Food staff, though mostly unchanged from when I ‘left’ easier and quicker than my favourite (it’s a long, unpleasant story), have had to pick up mushroom and cream pasta, or my swears by Better Than Bouillon soup sliced mushrooms. second or even third jobs to make up for the drop fried rice mainstay – these being my base (available on Amazon), which The freshness doesn’t stop there. I in pay. The waiting staff, who spend the most time usual no-brainer solutions to a quick, has quite a substantial meat content; almost always keep a plastic packet dealing with the manager from hell, have all but healthy and filling meal. our River Cottage master uses good- of chopped herbs/scallions to garnish changed – excluding the work junior who invited me. Ladies and gents of the Imperial quality bouillon powder/cubes. The when the noodles are ‘done cooking’. Mismanagement rot is a lovely thing... not! realm, I present to you a somewhat- key takeaway is that it has to be This visit gave me the closure I needed, though; I instant noodle solution that’s full concentrated to save space, and as dry was still very much miffed at how I was left hanging The noodle noggin’ without hours or a word back in August...but looking of POTential, yet only requires as possible so it stays fresh for longer. (TM) at how the place has gone downhill, I’ve probably you to Just Add Water when it’s If you go down the bouillon route, So now you’ve eschewed the pre-fried dodged a bullet there. In hindsight I’m not sure mealtime. (No, I’m not apologizing your OXO and Knorr mainstays ramen, the easiest noodles to use what I was thinking, juggling late bar hours with an for this pun either.) just aren’t going to cut it here. The in these are rice noodles – namely engineering degree. Never again, definitely not in flavour quality just isn’t up to snuff, vermicelli, or the flat stuff used in the near future. But first: why even bother? and the salt content is going to give pad thai. After that, fresh egg noodles you a heart attack in more ways than (the ‘straight-to-wok’ kinds in chiller You don’t need me to tell you one. I’ve found that Kallo isn’t too cabinets) work well. about the perils of conventional shabby for this; they make “very low If you really must use dried noodles pot noodles: everything from the salt” versions that don’t skimp on or pasta, it’s definitely worth par- nutritional value (or lack thereof), the flavour. In the meantime though cooking them a bit, then shocking to the fact that it’s not the most I’m actually coming up with a base them in cold water to stop them from appetizing-looking thing you can alternative to Better than Bouillon; cooking any further. You might find have; two things which the solution there will be a sequel to this article – some of the straight-to-wok noodles I’m about to show you fixes very well. with other ideas – when it’s perfected! might need a bit of help as well. As for the other colleague, who was the former Felix Food published an “Epic(ally Most of the time, I tend to amplify From here, I’ll drain and toss them head chef of the place... he had a stint opening his Broke) Meal Time” feature in the last the bouillon base with other sauces in a wee bit of oil (sesame preferred) own traditional Neapolitan pizza joint in Stansted, issue of Summer 2013, with ideas on and pastes in my larder. Miso, to stop them from sticking, then add but has since left that venture and has now broken turning boil-in-the-pot instant ramen gochujang, black or yellow bean... them to the jar I’m using. into the London street food scene. At the moment into a cheap gourmet meal. there are loads of options out there. It his old-school Citroen pizza van operates two days That’s all and well when you have just adds that much more complexity The vessel a week, though they’re looking to double that by access to a stove, but how about if to the dish. I’ve even used homemade April. The Sud Italia team keep things interesting by you’re constantly at your desk? It’s kimchi as a flavour booster before! You want something that’s pint-sized changing the menu offerings every week. actually easier than you think to DIY onwards. Glass jars are great; recycle I managed to check out Bruno’s wares this Saturday some cup noodles to your tastes. a mason/jam jar if you have one that just gone: the pizzas were just as yummy, if not more Your meat and (two) veg so, from what I recall him making at the old bar. The The best way to come up with size. I’m a sucker for loads of veggie best bit? It’s all properly wood-fired – yes, from that a variety of flavour options is to One advantage you’re going to have in my dish though, so the volume little truck! He also has an adjoining stall selling “compartmentalize” the components here is that you can add lots more "One of my clip-top jar (Kilner and Tala little food tidbits like buffalo mozzarella, amaretti of your “pot noodle” meal, and then unprocessed colour and flavour. advantage make loads of them) is more like biscuits and pecorino flown in from Italy... as well do a bit of mixing and matching. It’s important however that you 700ml. Just be careful of the amount as my Achilles’ heel: home-made nduja sausage. If We’ll go over each component NEVER use raw meat; it’s not going you’re going of boiling water you add if you use a I weren’t skint at the time I would’ve bought their separately; think of this as a method to properly cook when you add water. to have here bigger jar; it’s easy to add too much whole stock; at £2.50 for a decent-sized portion, overview rather than a recipe per se. Meat plucked from a supermarket is that you and over-dilute your soup. though, I managed to get enough. Call me biased, roast chicken (or from leftover but I find even Whole Foods’ offering just isn’t spicy The soup (base) Sunday roast) works well, though you can add All in all... enough for me. can get amazing results with beef lots more Imperialites living near these areas can check them out at Brook Green Market and Kitchen on Full disclosure: this is the bit that is biltong/jerky. unprocessed ...I love these because I still get a fairly going to contribute the underlying For the veggie component, small balanced meal that doesn’t skimp on Bolingbroke Road (Saturdays 10am-3pm), and The colour and Food Market Chiswick on Grove Park Farm House flavour and salt to the whole meal, so diced frozen veg is great for this. I’ve the convenience, and forces me to get (Sundays 10am-2pm). All 9 inch pizzas are a fiver; tell it’s wise to be prudent with the base used everything from grated carrot flavour." creative while “thinking inside the Bruno or Silvio that Carol sent you – enjoy! that you end up using. The Food Lab and julienned bell peppers to raw pot”. Over to you guys now! 40 23.01.2014 THE STUDENT PAPER OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE LONDON FELIX Welfare [email protected] Welfare Editor Diba Esbati & Chanon Wongsatayanont

Mental health What it means to be an international student helplines and resources Mahima Razdan writes about the perks of mingling abroad ake a look around in your If you are concerned lecture hall. What do you see? about your own mental TConsidering that all of you are health, or that of a loved studying at Imperial College, there one, there are people will probably be people of different out there you can talk to races, nationalities, ethnicities and so- who can give you advice, cioeconomic backgrounds all packed or will be there to listen. into one room. Now take a closer look. I’ll wager that there will be a Helplines group of Chinese students bunched If you are distressed and together in the front. the Indians will need someone to talk have congregated somewhere around to : the back. There will be a whole bunch Samaritans (24 hr of Europeans scattered around the helpline): room, sitting together according to Phone: 08457 90 90 90 their nationalities, and the English Website: www. will probably be found all around the samaritans.org.uk room in two’s or threes. Although the arrangement of the Anxiety Help : different nationalities might vary Anxiety UK from class to class, there is one thing Phone: 08444 775 774 that will not; people from the same (Mon-Fri 9:30 - 17:30) country will invariably end up sitting Website: www. together. This national unity will anxietyuk.org.uk not be confined to the lecture hall; No Panic students will usually eat, live, go out Phone: 0808 800 2222 and in general spend their entire (daily, 10am - 10pm) university lives with a small number Website: www.nopanic. of people and these people will in all org.uk likelihood be from the same region, Not sure how relevant this photo is, but I couldn't find anything more adorable to get the message across. if not the same country. Don’t believe Credit: Kerry Clark Eating Disorders: me? Look closely at your own circles Beat and you will know that I am right. have watched the same movies or backgrounds. instead, to be randomly allocated to a Phone: 0845 634 1414 The single most important selling shows, eat the same kind of food and The first and easiest way to meet group. When you enter the world of (Mon - Thurs, 1.30pm - point of an international education probably have similar worldviews and new people is by joining a society. work, you are not going to be able to 4:30pm) is the opportunity to meet and opinions. Given all the similarities Societies are usually organized choose your team so why not try and interact with people from different it’s easier to bond and talk to people around an interest or hobby, allowing work with strangers and see how you Addiction: backgrounds and cultures. It is the from the same country. you easy access to people from all handle the challenge. Alcoholics Anonymous promise of making friends with After a point though, by spending around the world with whom you Lastly, and this is my personal Phone: 0845 769 7555 people from all around the world a point with a homogenous group can bond over your shared love of favourite, travel! Go to a new place (24 hour helpline) and opening your mind to different of people your worldview becomes whatever it is. Societies also tend to and explore its history and culture. Website: www. to things that you would never have limited and narrow. To really make organize fun mixers and socials to Try local foods and learn a bit more alcoholics-anonymous. considered before and experiences the most of your education you have make it easier for their members to about its folk art and stories. If org.uk that you would not have otherwise to make an effort to overcome your get to know each other in a relaxed money is an obstacle there are plenty Narcotics Anonymous have had if you hadn’t come to live fear and anxiety and move out of environment. of cheap deals for students that can Phone: 0300 999 1212 abroad. By interacting only with your comfort zone to talk to people If you are feeling particularly brave be found on the Internet. It doesn’t Website: www.ukna.org people from our own countries we are who are different from you. Even if you can even join a cultural society matter really where or with whom greatly reducing our chances to grow we put personal growth aside for the of a completely different culture. I you go but only that you do go and College Resources and develop. moment, the world of work today is once knew an Indian girl who joined visit as many places as you possibly Student Counselling I get it. Living thousands of miles becoming increasingly globalized. the Cypriot society simply because can. Service away from your friends and family is If we are even to survive in a global she was curious about Cyprus and its It’s human nature to be scared of Phone: 020 7594 9637 scary and you are seeking comfort in work environment the ability to culture. She got on so well with the the unknown and the unfamiliar, but e-mail: counselling@ the familiar. There is nothing wrong work and make friends with people Cypriots that she eventually went don’t let that fear stop you breaking ic.ac.uk with that. Let’s face it, it’s easier to who are different from us will be an on to become the social exec for the out of your comfort zone, I can Imperial College Health make friends with people from the invaluable skill. society. promise you from experience that Centre same culture as you because you Now that we have the why covered The second way to meet new people you will never be the same once you Telephone: 020 7584 probably have experienced the same let’s move on to how you can make is to not form a group with your do! 6301 things, celebrate the same holidays, friends with people from different friends for class group work. Opt, e-mail: healthcentre@ ic.ac.uk You can also go to your academic or personal Mentality: IC Anti-Stigma Campaign tutor regarding pastoral issues, especially if ental illness affects a be campaigning throughout the term when you feel there is nowhere to about the importance of mental you think your mental quarter of the population, to raise awareness, reduce the stigma turn. Mentality seeks to highlight and health. They aim to do this in health might be Myet at Imperial it’s swept surrounding mental health and, most clarify key points of access within numerous ways including some affecting your academic under the rug. Alongside a small notably, help people to seek support college when seeking help. activities at an upcoming stall in performance. group of fellow students Bethany for their problems. Suffering from Additionally, Mentality hopes Sherfield. Why not come along to Davison is aiming to change this. mental health problems can be scary, to reduce the stigma surrounding see what it’s about? The new group Mentality is going to isolating and confusing, especially mental health and educate students EMILY CRAMPHORN Get the new Felix App for iPhone today! Download with this QR Code:

• Read the latest articles, even while offline

• Stalk your favourite editors

• Contact authors, and share articles with your friends

• Search for the latest content

AND MUCH, MUCH MORE 42 23.01.2015 THE STUDENT PAPER OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE LONDON FELIX Travel [email protected] Travel Editor Yung Nam Cheah Up in Ubud: Dabbling the delights in Bali’s undisputed cultural capital Chris Richardson ditches the beaches and heads for the hills

ali: the four letters roll eloquently off the tongue, and Bimmediately conjure up images of beautiful beaches, bronze bods, and bottled Bintang. But a stone’s throw – literally one hour by shuttle bus – into the island’s core teleports you to a different kind of paradise: the kind that featured heavily in Eat Pray Love, and the kind that continuously captures the imagination of yogis and chill-seekers from across the globe. And with its seas of green, cooler climates, and cultural delights, it’s easy to see why. Welcome to Ubud. There’s much to be said for Balinese culture; the rich history, exquisite cuisine, and warm hospitality are all internationally renowned. They certainly set Bali aside from other obvious tropical holiday destinations, and help attract repeat visitors in their droves year-on-year. With that in mind, Ubud is undoubtedly the island’s cultural capital – a far cry from scruffy Kuta and trendier Seminyak in South Bali – and is thus Your luxury retreat in the hills. Photo: Chris Richardson the obvious location in which to explore the island’s cultural offerings. better rates. You should also take a the side streets and see what you Amori Villa Sights and attractions are dotted trip up to the Tegalalang rice terraces, stumble across. Of note, the Agung over a large distance in the town and which offer spectacular views of palm Rai Museum of Art has an impressive With seven gorgeous suites and surrounding villages, and given the trees set against an epic backdrop collection of Walter Spies’ works, villas set around a luscious infinity lack of resident metered taxis the ojek of staggered rice terraces. Here it’s while the Neka Art Museum will pool that cuts dramatically into a (motorcycle taxi) rates are heavily possible to take a tour or just amble take you on a journey through the plush forest, this boutique resort is inflated. So when you arrive, the first through the paddies at your own pace. development of Balinese artistic luxury at its finest. Carefully crafted thing you’ll want to do is source a No trip to Ubud would be complete styles. Traditional Balinese dance to provide breath-taking panoramic moped, which your accommodation without the obligatory visit to the shows can be found from a multitude views of the surrounding valley, will be more than happy to help Sacred Monkey Forest Sanctuary, a of companies every night of the accompanied by the soothing sounds you with. This should set you back nature reserve and temple complex week; these are the perfect blend of of the river below, it’s no surprise around £3 per day, and is the perfect that’s home to countless long-tailed costumes, choreography, and comedy, that this paradise is a TripAdvisor mode of transportation for getting macaques. Don’t let the ‘Sacred’ or backed by the sweet sounds of Travellers’ Choice 2014 Winner. And lost in Ubud’s beautiful countryside, ‘Sanctuary’ in the name fool you: I Balinese gamelan. Obviously, yoga is given it’s the brainchild of a couple or stopping to check out whatever think of this more as chaos among one of the star attractions in Ubud; if well-versed in world travel you can local art studio catches your eye. tranquillity. While the temples you’re that way inclined, you’ve come rest assured that attention has been Furthermore, the area doesn’t have and forest are certainly serene, any to the right place. Competition is paid to the smallest of details. the usual reputation for bribe-thirsty attempt at a peaceful walk is almost fierce, keeping prices reasonable and The team of butlers provide police officers looking to extort cash always interrupted by one of the quality high; your best bet is to find outstanding personal service, whilst from innocent tourists, so you should four tribes of monkeys on regular out the situation on the ground once the chefs prepare a wonderful be able to explore unmolested. patrol. Attacks occur daily, as a quick you arrive. selection of local and international Once you’ve dumped your bags YouTube search will attest, and many So that’s Ubud in a nutshell. These fare at bargain prices. The infinity and sorted a ride, Ubud’s your oyster. of the monkeys are chock full of are, of course, just the highlights. pool is the perfect place to unwind Fill the sunlit hours with the area’s herpes B virus. Why parents let their There’s many a hidden gem to be after a stroll through the rice paddies, outdoor sights. Start off your day with young children feed the monkeys found, especially if you’re feeling before retiring for a massage or a morning stroll along Campuhan bananas is totally beyond me, but adventurous. I’d also say that the Jacuzzi session. Individual villas Ridge, a beautiful and relatively- I guess this is just Darwin’s theory rainy season is somewhat underrated; can be booked but I’d recommend chilled hike that stalks two rivers at work. On a related note, simian the area is a lot less crowded, room banding together and booking out which eventually converge. This is obesity in the forest has now reached rates are remarkably lower, and the the entire retreat; during my recent the infamous spot where a Javanese epic proportions. It certainly is a rain itself is a minor inconvenience. visit I ran into a group of young priest once sat and meditated before "There’s spectacle; go and check it out, but be "Amori Oh, and the rainy season coincides professionals who’d done just that deciding to construct a temple, sure to keep any valuables secured. perfectly with the Christmas break for an extended weekend and seemed around which the main town was first many a Moving away from activities Villa is and end-of-exams. For me it was to have had the best time. Look no developed. The short walk concludes hidden requiring zealous physical exertion, nothing a true highlight of Indonesia, and further for somewhere to unwind for in a small village hosting several art gem to be Ubud has a seemingly endless supply short of a destination I’d strongly suggest holiday bliss: Amori Villa is nothing studios offering more unique wares to of galleries to keep you entertained. making a focal point of your next short of stunning. what you’ll find in town, and at much found." Your best bet is to amble through stunning." holiday agenda. Find out more at amorivilla.com. FELIX THE STUDENT PAPER OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE LONDON 23.01.2015 43 Travel Travel Editor Yung Nam Cheah [email protected] Travel Editor Yung Nam Cheah Conquering Mount Rinjani Chris Richardson’s epic three day hike up Lombok’s beastly volcano

of a highlight as the summit itself. and the gang at Rinjani Trekking After three tough hours downhill, Club (RTC), whom several sources we eventually reached the ethereal had told me were highly reputable. lake that had caught our attention I’d stress that this is the most since we first made it to the rim on important step that you want to get the previous day. This was the perfect right; you need a reputable agency place to camp, as behind the lake were with knowledgeable guides, reliable some picturesque hot springs, ideal equipment, and decent food to keep for chilling after nine hours of hard your energy levels high. RTC has all graft. three. Furthermore, they are – to my The final day involves climbing knowledge – the only organisation on back out of the crater and heading Lombok dedicated to conservation down the other side, continuing along work, organising sustainable hikes a different path to avoid any route and also cleaning up after less repeating. It’s a tolerable eight hours environmentally-conscious groups that pass by fairly quickly, assuming along the way. you’re still running on the high They’ll also give you options when from having managed to summit. it comes to crafting your route. If Finishing up puts you in the perfect you’re opting to go to the summit, spot to carry on to Lombok’s famed which I’d strongly suggest, then Senaru waterfalls, where you can kick you’ll want to take the route outlined back and relax. Alternatively, you above: commencing in Sembalun and could head hop on a boat to another finishing in Senaru. The great thing island to sink a few beers and revel in about this route is that it’s so well Admiring the view next to a camp fire after a long day of hiking Photo: Chris Richardson the fact that you survived, which is structured; you get the summit out of what I did. It certainly scratched my the way while your energy levels are o the unacquainted, volcano down to the stretch being non- hiking itch and also helped to keep high, get to camp at the crater lake climbing in the Indonesian technical, but mostly down to us the Bintang-induced beer belly at bay; (not possible otherwise), and finish Tarchipelago might seem a little being well rested, having exerted no if you’re heading to the archipelago at some serene waterfalls rather than dumb, but in reality there’s only so energy over the days leading up to be sure to make conquering Mount arid savannah. Hiking with RTC much tanning and partying you can the trip. It’s mostly gentle incline Rinjani a top priority. certainly made this experience; their handle before you get the itch to do through meadows and forest until the professionalism coupled with their something a little more challenging. last couple of hours up to the crater Rinjani Trekking Club – ethical approach to hiking makes Having done my homework, I’d come rim, which is slightly steeper incline Lombok’s hiking specialists them the obvious choice for your hike to the conclusion that Mount Bromo but still perfectly doable. Here we up Mount Rinjani. on Java was a glorified tourist trap, set up camp for the night, indulging When I first docked in Lombok I For more information visit and the two hour climb offered by in tasty food by a roaring campfire, went to have a chat with Mr Ronie info2lombok.com or contact the Editor. Mount Batur on Bali wouldn’t really soaking in the views of the gorgeous scratch my hiking itch. So I decided crater lake below over a tasty sunset. on Mount Rinjani on Lombok, a I’ll admit that from here the summit treacherous three day hike, to be looked pretty close, and as the day completed before passing out on the had been almost too easy, I heavily neighbouring Gili islands. underestimated what was yet to come. Lombok is just a couple of hours After a solid eight hours sleep it was east of Bali by speedboat, and a lot 2am, and so we began to work towards more chilled. Truth be told, I think the summit in time for sunrise. To this is the Indonesia a lot of people describe this final stretch will still are seeking when they head to Bali, do it no justice: despite being only but miss as they remain too glued to 3800 metres, I’d say it rivalled the the buzzwords and trodden paths. 6200 metre Huayna Potosi climb I Many make it as far as the Gilis, completed in Bolivia last year. The three small islands just off Lombok’s stretch to the summit from the crater northwest coast, but venturing rim is essentially a massive volcanic further out is certainly worth the trip; sand dune; for every three steps you there’s excellent surf and beaches, take up, you side back down two, a untouched villages and countryside, disheartening state of affairs lasting and – of course – a massive looming three to four hours. In any case, the volcano to be climbed. Some would eventual views are worth it, as you’re argue that Balinese hospitality is rewarded with epic panoramas on unrivalled, and appears to dissipate if you're both sides – Bali and the Gilis behind quite quickly as you move away from " the crater lake to the west, and a the island, but I didn’t find this to heading to the scorching sun rising over Sumbawa to "Adding an be the case at all. After sparking up a archipelago be the east. extra night conversation with a couple of Polish sure to make Following the summit is the gleeful medics on the boat over from Bali we skip back down to the crater rim to the trip headed to book the tour and retired conquering camp. From here it’s possible to bail, was certainly early ahead of a 4am start. Rinjani a top but we opted to venture inside the as much of a An extra day brings you to the gorgeous lakeside completened with hot The first day was a somewhat priority." crater rim, adding an extra night to highlight..." spring Photo: Chris Richardson forgiving seven hour stroll, partly the trip that was certainly as much 44 23.01.2015 THE STUDENT PAPER OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE LONDON FELIX

HANGMAN [email protected] TOM, 23, from Physics STRAPPING Tom, the first addition Shock and to our newly acquired FELIX Disappointment PAGE 44, is the President for Imperial College at Imperial Union. We asked Tom what he Themed Orgy thought about the upcoming angman was shocked, and again, standing in nothing but his not at all aroused, to learn socks with a red lanyard hung around A Cappella Hthat internet sex-freaks have his neck. been holding Imperial themed orgies Desperate for a taste of the sexual semi-finals. at Premier Inns up and down the thrill that is Imperial, men from “I can’t wait!” country. all walks of life have been donning Sources reveal that the rooms are masks of the Felix cat and former He cheekily specially conditioned by pumping in Rector Sir Keith O’Nions, then grinned. the sweat, desperation and wank- sending dick pics to a mysterious flannel aroma of the 5th floor of the ‘orgy mister.’ “I love a library, before the doors are opened to Several turned up and were charged good song lines of socially awkward and sexually extortionate entry fees after 10pm, frustrated young men desperate to which outraged a lot of the attendees. and dance experience the no holds barred fuck- Said one participant, “Why should I fest that is Imperial College. have to pay to attend my own orgy? If when it Rooms are kitted out to emulate they keep up with this no-one is going comes the campus, with bottles of aloe vera to want to take part on a Friday night (library Cafe standard) available close at all.” to men.” at hand, jacket potatoes for those that Said another, “I’m pretty sure I get peckish and a few live pigeons voted on the orgy survey for the thrown in for good luck. entry fees to be reduced. I swear this Early reports from the South West happens every year! Disgraceful.” of England indicate that legendary With one in five participants Imperial BNOC Kris Kraye has leaving the orgy without actually been spotted in one of these dens of having sex, some are now asking for Imperial iniquity, convincing the their money back. only girl present to ‘climb on top of Another attendee told Hangman, his Queen’s tower’, which Hangman “I’m usually a healthy, normal, and has been reliably informed is ‘more sexually active person, but I’m always Pisa than Big Ben’, while the other looking for a new sexual thrill. attendees awkwardly stood around, “Spending a night in a room made small talk, and offer up that smells like nightmares with mathematics based chat up lines, 35 neckbearded men while the although ironically, of course. only girl in the room is chatting to One man driven to the edge of someone else sounds like an amazing sanity by the sheer volume of man experience. available spent four hours muttering I just wish there was a way I could the words “Imperial was my first make it last four years, and not just choice, it really was,” over and over one magical night.”

Do you think you’re funny? Do you like orgies too? Email: hangman@ ic.ac.uk Scenes at the Imperial-themed get together FELIX THE STUDENT PAPER OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE LONDON 23.01.2015 45

HANGMAN [email protected]

Diary Of A Fresher aged 18 3/4 now slumped on my bed, snoring.

Friday 16th January Am writing this from my bedroom floor and using a torch. Roommate is pissed.

Despite waking up with a massive hangover today, I ended up drinking again as Sunday 18th January hall mates said the American girls are here! Apparently for one term all these tipsy girls show up at the Union and triples the amount of actual ladies in the American Girl spent all day in corridor toilets puking. I managed to get a bit of chit chat in building. They are all our age but have never drank before, being under 21 and with her through the door, but people kept coming and going so it made it a bit awkward. all. She seems nice though, and I think she asked me out again although it was hard to make her words out through the retching. They reckon it may help me get over Dorothy, and it kind of did, as I met a girl there who apparently found my accent charming, even if I do have a sort lisp. Monday 19th January She asked me things like if I knew Prince Harry, and I dunno if she was joking but I said I did and she went crazy. We exchanged “cell numbers” and we are Back to lectures. Realised I know nothing. Spent evening in library staring at blank page. going out tomorrow. Searched UCAS deadlines again, just in case.

That two years of speech therapy was money down the drain. I should have used Tuesday 20th January it to go on a gap year instead. In labs today we were messing with some drosophila larvae in banana paste, and my labmate Saturday 17th January kept pressuring me to eat it for a vine video. I gave in and swallowed a spoonful just as the lecturer walked behind me, and I vomited the paste and my SAF Café breakfast onto I had the oddest date with American Girl today. She wanted a tour of London so I his shoes. took her to M & M world and then she wanted to go “proper, UK, clubbing” so I took her to Piccadilly Institute. Wednesday 21st January

It cost me £40 for us both to get in, a further £15 for two tequila shots and then Posted my horrific lab experience on Imperial Secrets. I had to pay about £2 in change to the woman in the toilet as I needed gum, just in case she fancied making out. It got 42 likes.

She must have spent so much more money than me on drinks though as she Thursday 22nd January passed out really early on, in some leather seated booth, one fake eyelash askew. She had lost one of her massive platform shoes too. American Girl texted me and she wants to go on a date on one of those tour buses. Might just put her at the top of the number 9, and go around a few times as it will be so much I managed to get her in a taxi and take her back to halls, except then I cheaper, since I spent all my food money for the month in Piccadilly Institute. remembered she doesn’t even go here so have no idea where she lives… she’s HOROSCOPES CANCER TAURUS GEMINI VIRGO ARIES LEO

This week you decide to go This week, after revising for 14 This week you accidentally This week you decide to run This week you realize that This week, after many months the dubiously themed orgy; hours in a row, you realize that leave your phone lying around for Union President, but posting your problems on of awkward flirting with a however whilst traveling by you no longer enjoy anything your friends, and now you’ve your Imperial Secret about Imperial Secrets is not the hall senior, you decide to bus to get to the hotel, you fail about your subject and leave been signed up for dwarf wanking in the library toilets best platform for constructive get drunk and ask them out. to consider the consequences to become a fisherman. dating. You’ve already had gets linked back to you. The criticism or a resolution to You accidentally drink far of wearing your costume in. Unfortunately your Physics, multiple invitations from a resulting scandal forces you to your problem. It appears too much, changing your Luckily Salman Rushdie lives Further Maths, and Latin A Spanish dwarf named Jorge, withdraw from the candidates, your foot fetish is something plan to lying naked on their nearby imperial so it looks levels in no way prepared you who shares a disturbingly as well as losing some favor you are going to have to deal bed waiting for them. You like you’ll be roommates for a for the real world and you are similar amount of interests as with the librarians. Luckily with by yourself, maybe with also discover that university while until it blows over. eaten alive by trout. you. Ehh go for it – you’ll get a this behavior is encouraged if some intensive electro-shock life is quite difficult with a free meal out of it! you want to be the Felix editor. therapy. restraining order. CAPRICORN SAGITTARIUS AQUARIUS SCORPIO PISCES LIBRA

This week, while revising for This week, with great optimism, This week, after returning This week, after being rejected This week, your New Year’s This week, due to Imperial your January exams, you daze you purchase an orgy ticket; from home, you decide to be a by another prospective partner resolution is to be more Housing not understanding off and come to the sudden however you use your real name, real adult and try to properly you go home to masturbate charitable in spirit, so you the concept of when student realization that as a September which the orgy master publishes cook a meal; however you to their Facebook pictures; decide to join the Kenyan loans come in, you can’t afford baby, your parents almost on Facebook once he realizes use a non-EU-regulated rice however you realize that the orphan charity society’s Give to pay your halls rent and are definitely conceived you on New that only four guys are going to cooker, thereby burning comfort of home has made you It A Go taster session. You subsequently evicted. You now Year’s Eve and as a result you sign up. You coincidentally learn your entire hall down and far too complacent, leading leave disappointed and write live in the library, washing in can’t get the image out of your a lesson about having family on killing hundreds. You take you to forget that you have a a letter of complaint to Abi the sinks and living exclusively head, causing you to fail your Facebook, and that your mother consolation in the fact that roommate. Now you can no at the student union that no off jacket potatoes. At least exam. is very disappointed in you and is Evelyn Gardens is getting sold longer look them in the eye. Kenyan orphans were given now you can tell your parents praying for your soul. next year. away whatsoever. you’re studying hard. 46 23.01.2014 THE STUDENT PAPER OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE LONDON FELIX Puzzles [email protected] Puzzles Editor Michael Faggetter Word Search

Find these common E N I G R E B U A R X C H A R D O N N A Y food words in the grid. N H H P G R U Y E R E X L S L W W Y P T W There are also 8 bonus words, I S C B R O T H F L Q E E D X A C R S B T which are the answers to the L I C U U U T S R R U K N R S Y I A R R Y clues. L D O K O X E M O M A D R A C G P R R I F E A N E B B R N E C R N B Z P H S T I S D T R G E I B M X S R K I G Z S U A I N K K S P X R R M I E N I L O P I R T L C O E O E G G G A A L C U R D O N G P A H H T T L M L N U C C K G B Q J R T Q V A L O A U W D B O N C A N T A L O U P E U R N K G O Q R X L E R R O S S C N R N V A A Y E I T A U O O F S O B I O O R D C B V S I Q R S F O R O C L O V E S Z E N I U G N I L A E V G E M T U N I O L R I S F E N N E L W S U

Fruit & Veg: Pastries & Cakes: Meats: Dairy Products: Herbs & Spices: Drinks: Pasta Types: Cantaloupe Cornish Pasty Sirloin Gruyere Cardamom Oolong Linguine Aubergine Eccles cake Veal Buttermilk Lavender Rooibos Tripoline Gourd Macaroon Quail Curd Nutmeg Merlot Rigatoni Radish Croquembouche Gizzards Paneer Fenugreek Chardonnay Stelline Kohlrabi Frangipane Caribou Quark Sorrel Stout Gnocchi Bonus Words: 1. Mix of fat and flour 5. Vegetable with types: Globe and Jerusalem 2. Clear, savoury jelly set with gelatine 6. Bulbous edible root with a strong anise flavour 3. English translation of Bouillon 7. Sushi condiment 4. Beef cut from the breast 8. Dried flower buds; ingredient in pumpkin spice used to make mulled wine Anacrostic Paul G. FUCWIT The solutions to each pair of clues are anagrams of Happy New Year puzzlers! one another, but only one of them belongs in the grid. When the correct solutions from each pair have Send in a scanned copy of your completed puzzles to all been entered, the first column will give a type of [email protected]. coffee. Points are awarded for each correct solution. Bonus points (in brackets) are awarded to the first 1. Thick hair on the neck || Word at end of prayer correct answer!

2: Fruit || In the midst of Points avaliable this week: Word Search 3 points (+1) 3: King of ancient Egypt || Long periods of time Weekly Quiz 3 points (+2) Anacrostic 3 points (+1) 4: Children’s game || Thinks Sudoku 1 point (+1) each 5: Cause of disease || Geometrical shape Leaderboard 6: As an alternative || Covered in dirty marks Individuals: Teams: 1. Adam Stewart 88 1. Fully Erect 58 7: English pope || Unit of angle 2. Catmelon 39 2. L3Gendary 45 3. Jem Ong 26 3. Mindsuckers 40 4. Kebab King 21 4. Dapper Giraffe 15 8: Dark period || Entity 5. Gabriel Quek 2 5. AnyonebutKofi 8 6. Aerodoku 2 9: Informal word expressing refusal || Undo 7. Guang <3 Le 1 FELIX THE STUDENT PAPER OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE LONDON 23.01.2014 47 Puzzles Puzzles Editor Michael Faggetter [email protected] Puzzles Editor Michael Faggetter

Weekly Quiz QuizSoc Sudoku3 9 6 2 2 3 6 9 7 6 2 1) Popular Misconceptions In the Salem witch trials, how did most of the accused die? 6 2 37 6 5 94 7 6 2 26 2 7 6 5 4 7 8 2) The Internet and its Wonders What is the name of Reddit’s image hosting website? 632 7 5 4 8 5 3 5 15 3) TV and Cinema 2 8 Who was Jennifer Aniston’s character in Friends? 31 5 9 4 6 571 4) Science of Old 1 5 5 9 4 6 6 3 17 How many non-fixed objects did the ancients see in the night sky? 17 4 5 93 4 6 69 3 7 5) In the Last Week 7 4 5 3 6 9 3 Which company is quickly expanding in Europe and has promised 50,000 new jobs in a conference in Munich? 7 4 3 9 6) Questions About Good Songs 7 4 5 In the song Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds, how are the trees? 7 1 4 2 7 8 5 7) Obscure Nerd Trivia 7 1 4 12 7 9 8 5 What is the name of Zelda’s caretaker? 1 7 21 7 9 85 8) Word Fun 17 13 7 9 94 5 What is the only anagram of “English”? 4 71 3 7 9 34 5 9) This Day in History 4 12 3 7 96 43 Which British city was founded on the 23rd of January 1967? 45 2 9 26 3 4 10) ...and if you got all the other right, their initials spell out... 1 5 2 9 62 5 4 6 What is the term for the medical condition of a woman with excessive body hair? 1 5 9 2 5 4 6 1 5 6 This quiz has been brought to you by QuizSoc, who will bring you a new quiz every week on Felix. If you need a quiz for your event, you can contact the 4 2 society! We will also be organising our own quizzes in the coming months, Benedict 6 94 4 72 2 so watch this space! Contact [email protected] for more information. Cumberbox 6 489 54 267 2 1 6 98 45 796 3 24 1 8 5 69 3 4 16 3 9 31 48 6 Last Week’s Solutions 2 3 1 8 6 92 38 16 87 Word Search 3 29 5 78 6 7 3 9 5 87 6 7 THERMODYNAMICS GEOGRAPHY ARITHMETIC 3 5 7 TOXICOLOGY ANATOMY CALCULUS PSYCHOANALYSIS THEOLOGY METEOROLOGY PHOTOGRAPHY CIVICS OPHTHALMOLOGY BOTANY LOGIC ART CYBERNETICS SCIENCE GREEK CHEMISTRY ENDOCRINOLOGY 6 2DENTISTRY 3 4 5 1 LINGUISTICS PHONETICS 5 1MIDWIFERY 4 2 3 6 COSMOLOGY ZOOLOGY 4 3METALLURGY 5 1 6 2 PHARMACEUTICS OCEANOGRAPHY STATISTICS TRIGONOMETRY GENETICS 1 6ENGINEERING 2 3 4 5 ASTRONOMY PHILOSOPHY 2 4ELECTROMAGNETISM 6 5 1 3 SONICS HISTORY 3 5MEDICINE 1 6 2 4 A brilliant new addition to Felix! Check back each week to follow the life of Filbert and his friends. CONICS ETHICS RADIOLOGY For more comics and animations, visit filbertcartoons.com CYTOLOGY OPTICS ALGEBRA BUSINESS 6PSYCHOLOGY 2 3 4 5 1 4 2LATIN 6 3 5 1 LAW 5NEUROLOGY 1 4 2 3 6 3 1 5 2 4 6 Quick Crossword Nonogram 4 3 5 1 6 2 1 3 2 4 6 5 The remaining letters spell out: KINDERGARTEN COMPREHENSIVE1 6 2 3 4 5 UNIVERSITY5 6 4 1 3 2 2 4 6 5 1 3 2 5 3 6 1 4 3 5 1 6 2 4 6 4 1 5 2 3 Sudoku

6 2 3 4 5 1 4 2 6 3 5 1 1 6 5 2 4 3 5 1 4 2 3 6 3 1 5 2 4 6 2 3 4 5 1 6 4 3 5 1 6 2 1 3 2 4 6 5 5 4 3 6 2 1 1 6 2 3 4 5 5 6 4 1 3 2 6 2 1 4 3 5 2 4 6 5 1 3 2 5 3 6 1 4 3 5 2 1 6 4 3 5 1 6 2 4 6 4 1 5 2 3 4 1 6 3 5 2

4 2 6 3 5 1 1 6 5 2 4 3 3 1 5 2 4 6 2 3 4 5 1 6 1 3 2 4 6 5 5 4 3 6 2 1 5 6 4 1 3 2 6 2 1 4 3 5 2 5 3 6 1 4 3 5 2 1 6 4 6 4 1 5 2 3 4 1 6 3 5 2

1 6 5 2 4 3 2 3 4 5 1 6 5 4 3 6 2 1 6 2 1 4 3 5 3 5 2 1 6 4 4 1 6 3 5 2

Issue 1593

[email protected] Sport Editor: Kunal Wagle Ever thought of joining Floorball?

The Imperial College Floorball team is one of the United Kingdom's best Floorball teams and regularly place in the top three in competitions around the country Photo: IC Floorball

ADITYA RAYMOND as screams of joy come from the THAWANI opposing team. This is Floorball: a game of The World Sport Column ICRFL CHAIR intense action and agility. A Swedish invention, it draws a lot AN! ON!” The howls of inspiration from field and ice resonate through the hockey, but is played on indoor “Mhall as each team eggs courts. the other one on. A feint to the right, The Imperial College Floorball a twirl and another dodge before the Club is committed to training its striker is through the defensive line. members, no matter their skill level, She manipulates the curved head of to be the very best, but amongst the floorball stick with the deft and a very relaxed atmosphere. We Photo: AFP ease of a water bender as she races provide all the necessary equipment towards the goal line. 20 yards and for training and charge a modest In Rugby Union Number 8 Nick but responded with a victory closing... subscription fee. Easter and Fly Half Danny Cipriani against India. Craig Kieswetter is The goalkeeper crouches at the As one of the United Kingdom’s have been recalled to the National set to find out this week whether ready, his legs crossed for fear of best Floorball teams, we have Squad. They will be part of a train- his eye injury will end his career. letting the small, aerodynamically regularly placed top three at ing squad that is 34 strong, ahead In the Australian Open Rafael honed ball through. With his helmet competitions throughout the of the Six Nations opener against Nadal had to come back from two and padding protecting him from country. At the Midlands Floorball Wales in Cardiff. sets to one down to win in the the wickedly fast launches he knows Tournament, in Birmingham, we In football, Chelsea and Liver- Second Round. Nadal appeared to that are about to come, he tenses his fielded a top notch, eight member pool drew 1-1 in the first Leg of be in major discomfort for much muscles, blinks away the sweat and team and went on to clinch second their Capital One Cup Semi-Final. of the match. The only remaining grits his teeth. 10 yards and closing... place after a hard fought final match. Chelsea took the lead from a Eden British player in both the main The striker weaves in and out; she Our team demographic is very Hazard penalty, before Raheem draws, Andy Murray, has marched knows she needs to make this count. "This is mixed both in terms of gender "The Sterling cancelled it out with a goal into the third round. Murray, who is She looks up once more, almost 8 and nationality with a substantial Floorball in the second half. Chelsea will take yet to drop a set in the tournament, yards out... She moves her left leg Floorball: number of our players from a potentially vital away goal with beat local hope Marinko Matosevic forward, bends down towards the ball a game of Scandinavia, Singapore, England and Club is them to the second leg in Stamford 6-1 6-3 6-2. Maria Sharapova had with her stick, almost as if to scoop it intense the Czech Republic. committed Bridge (although it doesn’t come to save two match points before up, and whacks the ball with all her action and If you’re looking to have a lot of to training into play until after extra time). beating the world number 150 and might. fun and a great workout, get in touch In cricket, England have made progressing to the third round. The keeper barely has time to react, agility" with us through email or join our its a solid start to the Carlton Mid as he leaps to stop the blur that has Facebook group. We hope to see you members" Tri-series in Australia. They were KUNAL WAGLE become the ball. Alas, he has failed soon!! beaten convincingly by Australia SPORT EDITOR