VOLUME CVIII, NUMBER 5 PASADENA, CALIFORNIA OCTOBER 23, 2006 Techers Photo by Jonathan Tsai Present Summer Research BY: MARISSA CEVALLOS Hundreds of Techers don- ning ties and collared shirts could be found around cam- pus on Saturday as they pre- sented the results of summer research on Summer Under- graduate Research Fellow- ship (SURF) Seminar Day. Caltech students re- searched topics from pro- tein folding and galaxy clusters to unconventional topics like the ethical food distribution to orphans in Uganda. One project in each of the 18 sections was selected for the Perpall Speaking Award, which advances them as Rena Schweizer, a SURF student from the University of California, Los Angeles, presents her research to President Chameau at Satur- semi-finalists to the next dayʼs poster session. Schweizer is one of this yearʼs Howard Hughes Medical Institute SURF Fellows. round of giving presenta- smell a variety of odors bet- around and talking to your tant flies had the ability to smell of almonds, and oth- tions. ter than normal flies. These friends, you donʼt notice the still detect a scent when the ers that were putrid. One of The following are a sam- mutant flies did not have the smell anymore.” normal flies could not. my odors was called cadav- pling of the projects pre- ability to habituate to odors, Pon exposed normal flies Says Pon, “My favorite erine, a really gross-smell- sented on Saturday. which, according to Pon, is and mutant flies to very part of this research was ing odor.” “like being in a dorm room strong odors for 20 minutes deciding which odors to Pon was the recipient of Biology with a stinky sock smell, and and then tested if they could use. I got to use odors that the Perpall Speaking Award Vickie Pon, junior, looked after 30 minutes of hanging still smell the odor. The mu- smelled really good, like the at mutant flies that can Continued on page 3 Volleyball Team Winless As Harvard Admissions Discontinues EA Final Home Game Approaches Caltech Weighs Options process grows increasingly Harvard, one of the top BY: HAROLD MARTIN competitive both admissions three schools that students On Sept 12, Harvard Uni- offices and students have at- admitted to Caltech have versity sent tremors through- tempted to profit from vari- historically chosen to at- out the higher education ous types of early applica- tend, has stated that it made world by announcing that tion programs. For students, the decision in order to pre- beginning in 2007 it would such programs provide an vent students from feeling discontinue its early action potentially easy way to re- pressured to apply early, program. Princeton quickly duce stress by finishing the provide opportunities for followed suit, announc- extended public relations ing less than a week later “This affects us, tours, and encourage minor- that is was discontinuing whether we like it or ity and disadvantaged stu- its early decision program. dents to apply. However, Caltech has yet to not.” However, those reasons give an official response to ~ Rick Bischoff, do not necessarily all ap- these changes or announce Caltech Director ply to Caltech. For instance, whether it will continue its while Bischoff agreed that own early action program. of Undergraduate the early applicant pool is “This affects us, whether Admissions generally “whiter and rich- we like it or not,” said Rick er,” he also said that Caltech Bischoff Director of Under- application process early. ranks as one of the top elite graduate Admissions here at For admissions offices, private universities for re- Caltech. He estimates that these programs increase the ceiving undergraduate Pell the amount of early applica- amount of accepted students grants, a common metric of tions Caltech receives could who choose to attend, espe- financial neediness. He also Lisa Yee (left) passes to Carolyn Valdez (right) during the Womenʼs double next year, from 600 cially under early decision said that since Caltech fills Volleyball teamʼs 0-3 loss to La Verne on Saturday. The team will last admissions cycle to programs like Princetonʼs, up only about a quarter of play their final home game of the season on Tuesday Oct 24th ver- which require admitted stu- the class with early appli- sus Whittier at 7:30pm. The beavers are hopeful that a large crowd over 1200 next year. will show up to cheer them on during their final at-home battle. As the college application dents to enroll. Continued on page 2 In This Issue The Tech Interviews the Founder NO STRAWBERRY DONUTS Page 2 What Can Donut Do For You? of Susquehanna Board of Trustees to Interview Students Page 6 Markʼs Track Prattle: Techers Run Like Cattle Page 7 Page 5 Ostriches Attack! Page 8 Page 4 2 THE CALIFORNIA TECH NEWS OCTOBER 23, 2006 mittee members could not be view C. The same research sure of whether heart disease team has created four other The Outside World was prevented as a result of elements in the past. the omega-3 fatty acids in the The experiment brought BY: RADHIKA MARATHE fish or simply because fish, memories of the incident low in saturated fats, replaced in 1999 when scientists US Joins 300 Million Club some of the fattier meats in As estimated by the U.S. claimed they had created the the diet. element with atomic num- Census Bureau, the U.S pop- Additional evidence from ulation hit the 300 million a study by researchers from ber 118, only to withdraw mark on Tuesday this week. the Harvard School of Pub- claims in 2002 in midst of The U.S. thus joins China and lic Health found that one to charges of falsifying data, India with populations greater two servings of fish a week leading to the firing of a sci- than 300 million. The major reduced heart disease by a entist. reason for this is the high birth whopping 36% and overall rate as compared to the death death by 17%. rate, with one child born every seven seconds and one death occurring every 13 seconds. Another important reason is North Korea nucular launch site. North Korea faces heavy sanc- immigration at the rate of one tions after testing a nucular warhead. person entering the country tentions to carry out multiple home a pay of 5.1 times the every 31 seconds. tests. The Census Bureau has average New York City work- The UN Security Coun- erʼs pay last year due to profits further points about the pop- cil had passed a unanimous ulation demographics. The from trading and merger ad- vote last Sunday penalizing vising. The highest paid bank- general trends show people North Korea for its claimed moving from the North East ers and traders can command detonation of a nuclear bomb up to 8-figure packages. and Midwest to the West and on October nine. The North the South. A steady growth in The average bonuses were Korean foreign ministry said a record $125,000 per person. the population of the suburbs in a statement carried by the was also noted. Wall Street compensation in- official Korean Central News creased by 21.9 percent in In spite of the larger popula- Agency that the UN sanction tion, the number of one-mem- 2004 and by another 11.8 per- resolutions could be construed cent in 2005. ber households has increased as nothing but a ʻdeclaration from 18 percent to nearly 26 Industry employment was of warʼ, also adding that the also seen to be on the rise with Recent evidence suggests that eating fish twice a week cuts risk of percent in the past 30 years. country wanted ʻpeace but heart attack 36% This trend has been attrib- an additional 6300 jobs creat- was not afraid of warʼ. ed last year restoring about a Argentina Passes New uted to young people choos- U.S. Secretary of State Con- Scientists Create First ing to remain single and delay third of the jobs lost during the Manmade Inert Gas Law For Sex Education doleeza Rice will be traveling three-year bear-market as the marriage and widowed or di- to Tokyo, Seoul and Beijing to Researchers from Russia From Age Five Onwards vorced old people not choos- the technology and telecom- and the United States have A country which has 15% consult with leaders regarding munications bubble burst. ing to remarry. Other points sanctions against Pyongyang succeeded in creating the of births are from moth- noted by the Bureau include ers between the ages of 15 approved by the UN Secu- Seafood Benefits Outweigh element with atomic num- more women in the workforce rity Council. En route to East ber 118 that is the heaviest to 19 welcomes a new law and better-educated Ameri- Cancer Risks that calls for sex education Asia, the Secretary comment- A recent report from the element produced so far and cans. ed that the international com- the first manmade inert gas, in school starting from the Institute of Medicine, which age of five years onwards. munity has decided that it is advises the government on a family including helium, North Korea May Be Pre- unacceptable for North Korea argon, and neon. The National Program of paring Second Nuclear Test health policy, stated that the Comprehensive Sex Educa- to have a nuclear program and nutritional advantages of sea- The researchers said they A US official reported that the denuclearization of the bombarded californium, a tion includes teaching the activity at a site in North Ko- food far outweighed the risk biological, psychological, Korean peninsula remains the of cancer due to contaminants manmade element with cal- rea looks similar to that seen goal. cium to make an atom with social and ethical aspects at the ninth October site just such as mercury. Most adults consume fish to 118 protons in its nucleus of sexual relationships to before the nuclear test. The Wall Street paychecks aver- that lasted a millisecond. school children over the official also spoke of reports help prevent heart attacks. The age $300,000 report from the Institute of The findings are published next four years. from North Korean military Wall Street workers took officials stating the stateʼs in- Medicine stated that the com- in the journal Physics Re-

ASCIT Board of Direc- * Andrea Dubin asked for tors funding for taking the Fi- Minutes from the Side nance Seminar class out to Caltech Reacts To Harvard Room in Chandler dinner with VP Dean Cur- Wednesday, October 18, rie. Vote to fund the dinner 2006 approved (6Y/0N/0A). Early Action Policy Change 2. Short Meeting News bers, and undergraduates, the admissions process and Present Officers: Todd Continued from page 1 and is primarily responsible essential to shaping the fu- Gingrich, Jean Sun, Csilla * The panel for the Trustee Felsen, Nate Donnellan, Meeting is going to be Todd, cants, the threshold for ad- for deciding whether to ac- ture of Caltech. Chris Watson, Vickie Pon Jean, Craig, Ben Golub, missions is even higher for cept each applicant. “Un- Whether Caltech follows Guests: Lauren Savage, John Lui, and Joey Koheler. those who apply early. dergrads are equal members Harvardʼs lead in ending its Tsong-Lian Tsong, Mason They will be determining Bischoff declined to com- of the process,” said under- early action program, itʼs Smith, Andrea Dubin the best way to present the ment on whether Caltech graduate admissions officer clear that thereʼs one thing main items the student body would continue to offer an Ben Golub. Caltech admissions wonʼt 1. Funding Requests would the Trustees be aware early action be copying from Harvard: * Lauren Savage request- of and address. “The undergraduates on the legacy admits. “No one * Chris Watson needs to p r o g r a m , ed $100 for a CCF pancakes claiming that Committee, who Bischoff at Caltech has ever sug- event on Oct. 28 in the et the rolling thingie asap gested that an (admission) so people can start checking he didnʼt want called ʻincredibly good,ʼ vote Mods Courtyard. Vote to to spread ru- decision go a certain way,” grant this funding approved out movies from the Coffee- on applications and partici- said Bischoff. Instead, he house. mors amidst (6Y/0N/0A). intense na- pated on equal footing in de- claimed that a studentʼs pas- * Tsong-Lian Tsong re- * Staff Awards will be dis- sion for science would con- tributed asap by Watson. tional media ciding on the contents of the quested funding to take focus on the tinue to be the primary fac- Prof. Kauser to lunch at the * Midnight Donuts is early action proposal.” tor in admissions decisions. Ath with 3 other [frosh] un- coming up in November. issue. He did, We need to make sure peo- however, af- Regardless of whether dergraduates. Vote to grant The undergraduates on the Caltech discontinues early take-a-prof-to-lunch fund- ple arenʼt dissapointed by firm that the Admissions Fall not being strawberry- Committee has already Committee, whom Bischoff action, it is unlikely that ing approved (6Y/0N/0A). called “incredibly good,” the student body will see * Mason Smith requested growing season. Re: NO written a proposal on the STRAWBERRY DONUTS. future of Caltechʼs early vote on applications and par- any major impacts. Rather, Interhouse funding for Page. ticipated on equal footing in Caltech will continue main- The funding will go towards But all your other favorite action program that could donuts will be there! soon come before the Fac- deciding on the contents of tain its position as an elite, 2 strippers, 1 hooker, and a the early action proposal. small, research university, bag of tortilla chips. Vote ulty Board. to give Page its Interhouse Respectfully submitted, The Admissions Commit- Bischoff also said that the which Bischoff termed, “the funding approved (6Y/0N/ Vickie Pon tee is comprised of admis- undergraduates on the Com- sole entity in our space.” 0A). ASCIT Secretary sions staff, faculty mem- mittee were a crucial part of THE CALIFORNIA TECH NEWS OCTOBER 23, 2006 3

SURF Students Present Summer Research Photo by Jonathan Tsai Continued from page 1 for her section. As a semi-fi- nalist, Pon will give her talk again to a larger audience. But thatʼs OK, because she has a few crowd-pleasing tidbits in her talk. “The enzyme of the gene Iʼm studying is not only in- volved in olfaction,” said Pon, “but itʼs also involved in the mechanisms behind Viagra.” Social Science Geoff Galgon, a sopho- more, lived in India for the summer researching why smokeless stoves were not being implemented in small villages, despite the half million women and children who die every year in India from smoke inhalation. “Iʼm interested in rural development in general, and because Iʼd been involved with similar smokeless stove programs in Nepal, I figured itʼd be alright to keep going with that.” Krastina Petrova, junior in Ricketts, presents her summer research project. Petrova was also a Howard Hughes Medical Institute Fellow. Galgon held discussions ing Galois theory and ana- Oral segment of the SURF Challenge, Caltechʼs au- Perpall Speaking Award on with local villagers and lytic number theory. Galois Seminar Day. tonomous vehicle, Alice, Saturday, worked on deter- interviewed officials who theory is used in the proof “I decided to do this proj- will navigate through city mining when the car could were in charge of imple- that one cannot solve higher ect because I was interested streets, unlike the desert ter- do things like make left menting smokeless stoves. than a fourth-order polyno- in Galois theory, and ab- rain of last year. turns into oncoming traffic. In the case of one village, mial, while, for example, stract algebra in general,” Because Caltech has two Other SURFs working on officials claimed 350 stoves quadratic polynomials have said White. summers to prepare for the DARPA included writing were installed, but Galgon the ever-familiar quadratic race, this past summer was software to determine what did not see a single working formula from high school. mostly spent in the planning maneuvers are legal based stove in the village. Engineering White entered his project About a dozen projects phase. on traffic laws. “I am interested in setting into the poster presentation, focused on planning for “Next summer weʼll be up [a Non-Government Or- as opposed to giving a Pow- the 2007 DARPA Urban recruiting people right and The SURF program runs ganization] somewhere in erPoint presentation in the Challenge. In this yearʼs left as we get within three for ten weeks during the

South Asia after schoolʼs Photo by Jonathan Tsai months of the race,” said summer. Applications for over, though thatʼs a long- Dave Rosen, an active mem- SURF next summer will be term goal,” said Galgon, a ber of DARPA. released on Dec 1 and are math major. Rosen, a recipient of the due by Feb 22. Galgon was first intro- duced to the problem when he lived in Nepal for nine Tutors Wanted months before his freshman Home tutoring for all subjects K-12. year of Caltech. Flexible hours. Car needed. Long- term positions. Caltech students get Mathematics credentialed teacher rates: $20.50- Mike White, a junior in $22.00/hour. To apply visit: math, proved a theorem www.academicadvantage.com/jobs in abstract algebra involv-

Students present their SURF projects and mingle with each other at last Saturdayʼs SURF Seminar Day. Tired of CDS lunches and dinners? $2.00 Burger, Fries, and Drink EVERYDAY for all Caltech students, staff, and faculty Enjoy The Greatest Happy Hours in the Area. All Well Drinks, Beer & wine, Monday to Friday 11am-7pm only $1.99 Burger Continental 535 S. Lake Ave. Pasadena (626) 792-6634 Always 20% off for all Caltech students, staff, faculty 4 THE CALIFORNIA TECH FEATURES OCTOBER 23, 2006 Donut Provides Useful Services For ASCIT Members and other applications. are available on request. A link to out from the coffeehouse during zine compiled by student volun- BY: RADHIKA MARATHE the Caltech Club Resource Hand- work hours from the coffeehouse teers over spring to showcase the book is also provided here which (insert work hours). The website artistic talents of members of the 2. Services gives prospective ʻclub-makersʼ also allows reservation of SAC Caltech community. ASCIT or the Associated Stu- • Bookmart : Techers looking information about starting a club, Movie Screening Room using the dents of the California Institute for deals on new as well as old of Technology has been the main organizing events and fundrais- ASCIT account. books can compare prices at the ing. 4. Committees undergraduate student govern- This provides links to the web- Caltech bookstore, the campus- • Directory Service: One of the ment body since 1935. Donut is pages or the ARC, Athletic Com- wide used book market and com- most useful features provided by the official website of ASCIT 3. Publications: mittee and the IHC and the list petitive online booksellers such Donut, it may be used to search Links to various publications that provides a variety of features of current members for all other as Amazon.com. If you arenʼt for any Caltech community mem- such as The little t and Big T, The both useful and interesting for committees under ASCIT. looking for any particular book, ber by name, house affiliation, Clue, Restaurant Guide, The To- Techers. These have been briefly browsing through lists of books introduced below for all the new major, residence and email ad- tem and The California Tech are up for sale on campus and online dress. A great way to stalk all your provided in this feature. members of the Caltech commu- is also possible with this feature. 5. ASCIT Info classmates, the only shortcoming The Big T is basically the As claimed by the Donut web- nity who havenʼt quite ʻfigured Members with ASCIT accounts being you canʼt enter ʻMale, 21, Caltech yearbook with details on masters, here is ʻyour source for things outʼ yet. may also post books for sale with attractiveʼ to get any interesting The little t is a must-have for everything you could possibly the ISBN number, a quoted price results… any Techer. It provides substan- want to know about ASCITʼ. and a brief description. • Newsgroup System: This is tial information on Caltech tradi- This includes Current News, an- 1. Home (Personal • Club Finder and Services: a service provided to find news- tions, policies, services, ASCIT, nual ASCIT budgets from 2002 All clubs on campus managed by Accounts) groups and post messages on the IHC, BOD as well as details of to 2006, ASCIT documents (in- members of the Caltech commu- All undergraduates, graduates, same. off-campus restaurants, travel cluding By-Laws, rulings of the nity may become registered with faculty and other members of the • Online Voting: The ASCIT guides and places of interest in executive committee, and reso- a club name, URL and a brief de- Caltech community may main- Voting and Survey System pro- and around Pasadena. An essen- lutions of the BoD etc.), minutes scription, enabling ASCIT mem- tain a personal account which vides online surveys, mostly for tial section of this includes How of the weekly meetings, a list of bers to search for them using the may be used for selling books student body elections and gen- questions, such as How do I grad- current members as well as a brief Club Finder. Registered clubs online, updating directory infor- eral surveys regarding course uate in four years with a perfect mission statement and history of may post events on the Event mation, and voting for the online feedbacks, athletics, award nomi- G.P.A. and go on to a good grad formation of this undergraduate Calendar and make online reser- elections on Donut. The website nations etc. It also has archives school and a distinguished career? government body. also maintains an Event Calendar vations for the ASCIT screening where results of previous surveys See the little t for answers… room for showing movies. with athletic and social events on may be viewed. The Clue provides course in- The Tech will be printing a Special club services such as campus such as Interhovse sport • Screening Room and Video formation, grade distributions news story the following issue hosting the club website on donut schedules, dance classes, meet- Library: The website provides and reviews of courses offered at that describes new features that and offering access to webspace ings and information sessions, as an online movie catalog to browse Caltech. The Totem is the Caltech will be available on donut. well as deadlines for scholarship through a standard shell account for DVDs which may be checked Literary and Graphic Arts Maga- Website Review Photo courtesy of www.mcsweeneys.net Blogging With Humor

BY: HAMILTONY FALK I should warn that it is in general a pretty liberal place, and some- Iʼm an internet junkie, and ev- times the humor is a little high ery day I check a number of sites brow, but unless youʼre a coward, to see if thereʼs anything worth youʼll deal with it. looking at to stave off work for When you come to the site another few minutes. My list in- youʼre greeted with what Timothy cludes ESPNʼs site, and Philadel- McSweeney is doing (for example, phiaEagles.com (Iʼm a bit of an he recently lost himself for a mo- NFL fan), friends blogs, Penny ment, due to thoughts on the roof of his mouth) and if itʼs a weekday Arcade (an online comic) and This banner from October 22nd, 2006, sets the mood for visitors to mcsweeneys.net McSweeneys.net. The dot net is some feature. The sort of things you might get to read include “An important, since the .com ver- ple or Entities That Are Unlikely of greater knowledge and literary reach the home of the Internet sion is something boring, but Mc- e-Threat From The Manoni Broth- to Respond”. This last feature in- powers than myself) I can tell you ers”, “Spam Finally Taps Into Male Tendency belonging to Timothy Sweeneyʼs delivers entertainment cludes such things as: An Open who he is. McSweeney, there is one more that ranks at the top of what the Desires” and “The 4-Year-Old En- Letter To Orcas, An Open Letter The founder of the site, Da- ters Anger Management.” thing you should consider. internet has to offer. To The Occupants Of A House vid Eggers, explained that his Some of my favorite sites The site describes itself as In addition to this sparkling con- On The Nintendo Game “Paper- family used to get letters from a tent, you can look at other content (Comedy Centralʼs Daily Show “Timothy McSweeneyʼs Inter- boy,” and An Open Letter To The man who called himself Timothy and Colbert Report archive, You- net Tendency is an offshoot of (updated, as the site explains “We State Of New York. You should McSweeney, claiming to be his will put some things “up,” so to Tube and others of that type) Timothy McSweeneyʼs Quarterly enjoy these things, which provide motherʼs long lost brother, who make noise, which means theyʼre Concern, a journal created by ner- speak, on some days, and on other witty quips, amusing away mes- would include flight plans as if days, we will not put things up”) only good for watching in the pri- vous people in relative obscurity, sage statements and the chance to he was coming to visit. Eggersʼ vacy of my home, where I can be and published four times a year.” such as amusing lists (Reasons feel elitist. relatives have always denied that Not To Fear The Reaper, Where I doing more useful things. Some of these obscure people It may be important for you to there is any such real person, but McSweeneyʼs is silent, and you may have heard of include Would Look For Hungry, Hungry know who Timothy McSweeney he admits he is unsure of the truth Hippos, Good Advice From The thus can be accessed and enjoyed such famous Davids as David is. Until last Tuesday, I would of their denial. during the usually wasted time of Sedaris and David Eggers, and Grand Theft Auto FAQ). have told you “too bad” but Before you rush off and log on The site also features Dan Ken- “attending class” instead of wast- many others, who I wonʼt bother thanks to the beauty that is Wiki- to your computing machine to ing your time learning. to discuss. nedy answering your questions pedia (which should receive its travel the highways and byways about paper, “Reviews of New So visit McSweeneys.com, and The site is a variety of written own web review from someone of the internet until you finally enjoy it. words, arranged in amusing ways. Food” and “Open Letters to Peo-

This issue The Tech presents the results Fund Returns Vo l u m e Residual Fund Returns Volume Residual from the first week of a financial market (%) ($) Bertrandite 1.159 2.007 77.376 experiment conducted by a team of schol- DowTech 0.205 NA NA Biotite 0.102 2.479 38.989 ars at the Caltech Laboratory for Experi- Albite -0.442 2.018 7.411 mental Finance. Results will be posted Birnessite 0.285 2.470 47.786 A l e x a n - 1.191 2.382 95.008 Bloedite -0.988 3.444 0.000 here every week for the duration of the drite experiment. Boracite 0.229 3.058 55.800 Allanite 0.105 2.423 37.853 There were 64 investors and 32 managers who Calcite 0.269 3.353 65.028 Alunite 0.388 2.343 51.375 participated in this round, all of them Caltech Carnallite -1.005 3.288 0.000 students. The table lists how the managers per- Amazonite 0.659 4.619 131.630 Celestite 0.130 2.776 45.340 formed in the last round. The fund managers are Amblygo- -1.346 5.315 0.000 identified by names of minerals. nite Chalcopy- 0.156 4.412 76.048 rite The Return of a portfolio is computed as (final Amosite 0.007 2.332 31.705 value – initial value)/initial value. The Volume is Chlorite 0.059 4.420 64.755 Andalusite -0.219 3.360 28.413 the percentage of the total value of assets invest- Colemanite -0.012 3.520 46.272 ed in a fund. The Residual is the cash amount of Anthophyl- 0.332 2.778 58.545 assets left after the management fee is collected lite Cornadite 0.230 2.744 51.214 by the fund manager. The DowTech is a fixed Atacamite 0.335 3.380 71.764 C r i s t o - 0.332 3.116 66.144 balite portfolio of assets and cash, and provides the Barite 0.136 2.928 48.501 measure of return if managers started with that Cryolite 0.673 3.419 98.897 Bassanite 0.437 2.837 66.233 portfolio and held on to it. Students who want to Dolomite -0.159 4.021 39.790 participate in the experiment as an investor may Beidellite 0.175 3.171 53.884 Dumortier- 1.611 2.842 139.725 visit the CLEF webpage at http://clef.caltech. Bementite -0.014 2.956 38.196 edu/exp/dp/index.html ite Bentonite -0.021 2.314 29.667 Dunite -0.393 3.475 16.502 THE CALIFORNIA TECH FEATURES OCTOBER 23, 2006 5 Career Corner hire tall people – these traders had people who can learn anything a stronger presence with brokers in a relatively short time. Most than others on the floor. Now, all students will take nine to eigh- Techers And Finance Add Up Well Photo courtesy of wikipedia teen months to get up to speed, relatively small amount of mon- the trading is done on the com- puter, so we need more quantita- but some Caltech students have BY: DIPAYAN GHOSH ey, then you should win over the done it in 6 months. Also, these long run. tive people who can adjust to the situation. These people donʼt get students are working at the same From his roots as a young pro- Tech: Youʼre known to have had emotional when they lose. They time as taking classes as Susque- fessional poker player to the highs considerable success as a poker can move on to the next trade and hanna. of becoming a co-founder of one player in the past, and poker is a get the odds slightly in their favor Tech: Can you give some esti- of the largest trading firms in the game that is greatly increasing in again. mate on the ratio of newly hired world today, Jeff Yass of Susque- popularity today. Do you think Tech: In the past two years, you employees with quantitative hanna International Group, LLP youʼve taken any lessons from have hired six Caltech undergrads backgrounds to those with finan- (SIG) is presently regarded as a the poker table that are applicable and three Caltech PhD students. cial backgrounds? preeminent player in the game of to your career? It seems that you think that some Yass: Approximately 3:1. It has stock options markets. His region Yass: Yes. The key lesson to learn Caltech students have the right gotten more and more quantita- of the industry has, in recent years, is that the only thing you control personality that you are looking tive with the advent of electronic shown some interesting trends is making the right decision. A for when you hire. What types of exchanges. Twenty years ago, that greatly favor quantitatively- good player may only have a students in particular are these? one person could be responsible trained Caltech graduates over fi- 51%/49% advantage against an Yass: All are quantitative – all like for trading five stocks at a time. nancially-trained graduates from ambitious player, but over time, mathematical puzzles. When giv- One can do 50-100 now. The rea- schools geared more towards the this difference will show, and the Jeff Yass is famed for his poker en a problem they all show joy in son the company has had so much liberal arts and humanities. better player will have more suc- skills and expertise in the op- figuring it out. They keep think- success is that we have used In honor of Caltechʼs Career cess. tions markets. ing about it and believe that they mathematical processes instead of Fair, Yass responded to some Tech: How did you take up busi- is where the powerful ideas can can get it. People who are cut out judgment. How well you process questions about trading firms like ness after poker? help. for this industry donʼt see trading information determines how good SIG hiring new prospects who Yass: My father was already in Tech: Susquehanna seems to be as a job; itʼs like a sport that it is you are. Your algorithm better be have received a more quantitative business, and I decided to turn a relatively young company, as intellectually stimulating, where right since trading is so quick. education (i.e. in math, science, to stock options. I wrote my eco- it was set up in 1987. How did you get to play the game every Tech: What is your experience or engineering) than a financial nomics thesis on the Chicago the company grow so much as to day. Caltech students work hard with the employees you have education (i.e. in economics, Board Options Exchange. After come where it is today? and enjoy the challenges we pres- hired from Caltech? How are they management, or accounting). that, I combined a loan from my placed in the company hierarchy father with my poker winnings Yass: Our [the co-foundersʼ] idea ent. They have the skills and the was powerful – we used a math- temperament, and they are relent- with respect to employees of dif- Tech: How did you come to the and turned to the industry. ematical approach to trading eq- less in solving problems. Some- ferent educational backgrounds? point in your career where you are Tech: Many people struggle to uity options. We also had a good one who is capable and enjoys Yass: The Caltech success rate now? Does your success have to understand how a company is ini- amount of luck, as the bull market working will have much more has been fantastic. Amanda do with any particular influences tially set up, as in where the idea started in 1981. Then we placed success than someone who is not. [Ryan]ʼs fulltime job is to famil- during your college life? comes from, where the money a trader in every options pit – the Tech: Why do you think com- iarize Caltech with Susquehanna. Yass: Yes. I took a probabil- comes from, and how to generally Pacific Stock Exchange, the Chi- panies like Susquehanna have We feel that the environment at ity course during college, and start up. Do you have any advice cago Board Options Exchange, recently opted to invest in new Susquehanna is a fit with that the professor posed the follow- on this issue? the American Stock Exchange, employees, such as those from at Caltech because of the nature ing situation: A gambler has $ Yass: In my case, it was a loan and the Philadelphia Stock Ex- Caltech, with more quantitative of the work. Generally, Caltech 100,000 and is playing against that helped me get started. Also, change. Our traders were (and training (i.e., degrees in physics, students are advancing rapidly a house that controls an infinite my parents didnʼt want me to stay are) taught in a rigorous class math, and engineering) than those here. There is very little politics amount of money. If the gambler in the house after college. My that showed them how they could with more financial training (i.e., or bureaucracy at Susquehanna; wagers $1,000 per hand and has suggestion is that if youʼre a smart make a large amount of money degrees in business and econom- if youʼre good, you will be re- a 51% chance of winning each kid and have a powerful idea, go from a small amount of money. ics)? warded. hand, what is the probability that to someone who can raise capital Traders are made, not born. An Yass: Economics and finance are Tech: Is there anything else you the gambler will eventually go very easily and present your idea. intelligent quantitative person can relatively simple subjects that can would add? bankrupt if he keeps on playing If it is powerful, it will be success- make money, because this busi- be taught very quickly. We can Yass: Susquehanna is currently against the house? That number ful. Entrepreneurs want to be able ness is largely mathematical. get you up to speed in a short time hiring, and weʼre would love to turned out to be just 1-2% (which to get the most amount of money fill our ranks with Caltech gradu- 100 Tech: What kinds of people are – the rest is relatively easy. We is (49/51) ). The lesson I took but undergo the least amount of you looking for when Susquehan- donʼt want to pay a finance major ates. from his example is that if the risk. They always want to make na hires new employees? to whom we have to teach math. odds are even slightly in your as large a return as possible on a Yass: In the past, it was helpful to We want quantitatively-thinking favor and you are only betting a small amount of capital, and this 6 THE CALIFORNIA TECH FEATURES OCTOBER 23, 2006 Then and Now Todd’s Paperside Chat Females Were Integrated Slowly BY: TODD GINGRICH Oregon, as well as Stanford Uni- Roughly every five years the BY: YANG YANG women undergraduates in the near future. This action brought versity and others all have very Caltech trustees meet with a successful coeducational housing small group of undergraduates Long before 1970, there was joyous shouts to the lips of many programs. The dormitory halls to discuss a variety of student is- a popular clamor for a feminine undergraduates, especially among are diversified and the attitudes of sues. This upcoming Saturday we presence on campus. Caltech be- the two lower classes. We ap- their residents more varied and, are lucky to have this opportunity gan admitting female graduate plaud this decision...” the article we think, more normal, than those again. A panel of six students students in 1950, yet the board commends. (Todd Gingrich, Craig Montuori, of a forcefully divided school. seemed to have no plans for ad- However, it goes on to criticize Jean Sun, Joey Koehler, Ben Gol- An Ad Hoc Faculty Committee mitting undergraduate women. the administration for delaying ub, and John Liu) will meet with on Aims and Goals agreed with On January 10, 1963 an article female entrance until two years the trustees for about an hour. will put a much longer blurb in the students views, recommending addressed the reasons. later, the fall of 1970. The admin- The meeting is largely devoted the Tech outlining the topics that that “every effort should be made were discussed and any significant “A question which appears pe- istration had planned to construct to giving the trustees a sense of to find a mechanism for housing undergraduate life at Caltech, but things that arose from the discus- riodically about Tech is why there a new dorm to accommodate the we will also have some opportu- sions. In the mean time, if you new arrivals since coed rooming women undergraduates within the are no women in the undergradu- nity to briefly discuss things we are particularly passionate about ate student body and why the was forbidden. think could or should change at some Caltech issue you think we school has no plan or provision to That year Dabney house pio- “It was felt that this Caltech. are prone to ignore, feel free to admit them in the future,” it says. neered the idea of coed dorms. In Main topics of discussion will contact me ([email protected]. The article details a study done November 1968, Sydney Webb, money [educating the likely be quality of teaching, edu). Please keep in mind that the by MIT about women in higher wife of Dabney RA John Webb, female student] was South House renovation, North trustees deal with high-level is- education which reached the con- became the first woman to offi- wasted in the case of House status, the loss of SAC sues. For example, this is not the clusion that women tend to marry cially live in one of the student space, and prospect of a new stu- proper avenue for us to complain about specific housing policies. after college rather than go on Houses. a person who did not dent center. After the meeting I to get jobs. “It was felt that this By April 1969, a whole alley pursue a technical money [educating the student] was emptied in Dabney for “the Maximum Pay was wasted in the case of a person Great Experiment.” Several fe- career after receiving who did not pursue a technical male student research associates this education.” Write for News $25 career after receiving this educa- (SRAs) occupied the rooms, turn- tion,” the article stated. ing Dabney into a coed house for Features $20 When the board finally voted the first time in Institute history. existing student houses.” for the gender integration of The move was applauded by most Due to both student pressure The Tech Sports $20 and financial sensibility (the new If you are interested in working Caltech five years later, the pro- faculty and students at Caltech. segregated house would have cost for The Tech, feel free to attend posal was greeted by a banner “We believe that an integrated Commentary $20 $650,000 to construct), the Board our weekly meetings on Mondays headline “Girls Coming to Tech!” housing facility would be a work- of Trustees finally relented. The and Fridays from noon to 1PM at Humour $20 on November 7, 1968. An edito- able solution,” said the edito- first female undergraduates at the Broad Cafe rial in the same issue lauds the rial of the May 1, 1969 edition of If we print your material, we Caltech arrived in 1970 to reno Good Comics $14 effort. the Tech. “The life in the houses - will pay you up to the amounts “Last weekend the Board of could be improved appreciably vated rooms in the original stu- listed to the right (at our dis- Comics $7 Trustees acted intelligently in over existing conditions. The dent houses. cretion). Email submissions to agreeing to the admission of Universities of California and [email protected]. Photos $5 Movie Review Little Miss Sunshine Warms Up The Crowds

BY: CINDY KO The California Tech Caltech 40-58, Pasadena, CA 91125 advertising e-mail: [email protected] Little Miss Sunshine is a movie editorial e-mail: [email protected] about the semi-dysfunctional Grade B+ VOLUME CVIII, NUMBER 5 Hoover family and their road trip from Albuquerque, New Mexico David Chen to Redondo Beach, California, Beach, there is a sense of urgency Jonathan Malmaud where Olive, the familyʼs chub- that propels the characters and the Jonathan Senn Editors-in-Chief by, myopic, but cute 8-year old movie forward. Of course, they daughter is a contestant in the make the most of it by bonding Chris Yu Business Manager “Little Miss Sunshine” Beauty and loving each other just the way Pageant. you think they would. Chandra Barnett To make things interesting, the The movie is not a winner in Circulation members of the family has their terms of the storyline. In the con- Dr. Gary Libman own pecadillos, making them a text of the other movies in the Advisor family made entirely out of black same genre, such as Wes Ander- sheep. sonʼs The Royal Tenenbaums, itʼs Matt Glassman The most normal in the bunch not a brilliant or clever tale. Photography Editor is the mother: the remarried, I think I pretty much could pre- Mark Eichenlaub over-worked, and pragmatic sole dict what was going to happen by Head Sports Correspondent breadwinner for her quirky brood. watching the trailer and the first Matt Glassman Her father is an unreformed, re- five minutes. Plot twists? Not Anna Hiszpanski lapsed drug addict; her son is an going to happen. However the Alumni Association Correspondents ornery, unsympathetic, Nietzsche- strength of the movie is its abil- HamilTony Falk Harrison Stein worshipping teenager; her brother ity to capture the truly awkward Humorist The Critic is a depressed academic, recently things that happen in real life— Chandra Barnett the ones you think are funny, Marissa Cevallos jilted of the Proust and the love Mark Eichenlaub of his life. but you never knew anyone else Hamilton Falk Itʼs difficult enough to get ev- thought they were, too. Matt Glassman eryone to sit down to dinner, but I especially like one scene to- Anna Hiszpanski ward the end of the film, when Cindy Ko everything is only made worse by Vibha Laljani her husband, an over-confident the pageant contestants line up on Sonia Tikoo entrepreneur with no income, stage. The camera pans over the Staff Writers but a plethora of self-help advice girls, each more Barbie-like than The Tech is published weekly except during in the form of a ʻNine-Step Pro- the other, until the lens passes over vacation and examination periods by the As- sociated Students of the California Institute gram.ʼ Olive, who looks as awkward as a of Technology, Inc. The opinions expressed When Olive becomes eligible human hot dog on stage. herein are strictly those of the authors and advertisers. for the pageant, the family mem- The actors in Little Miss Sun- Letters and submissions are welcome; e-mail bers each put their daily activities shine are all still relatively un- submissions to [email protected] as plain-text known, which puts an air of “ev- attachments, including the authorʼs name, aside to support Olive in her quest teenager, writes on his notepad by Friday of the week before publication. to win the title. The Hoovers pile erydayness” to their characters. have a subtle humor and are con- The Tech does accept anonymous contribu- Though they seem like caricatures sistently funny throughout the while Frank reads out loud: “ tions. The editors reserve the right to edit and into a VW Twinkie van for two ʻI…hate…everyone.ʼ Everyone? abridge all submissions for any reason. All days and encounter all sorts of of whackos and weird uncles at movie. written work remains property of its author. first, they are still somehow por- I like the scene when Frank, the Even your family?” At this point The advertising deadline is five p.m. Friday; troubles come up during their trip, Dwayne underlines a word on his all advertising should be submitted electroni- including—but not limited to—a trayed in a believable way. depressed/suicidal uncle, asks his cally or as camera-ready art, but The Tech can As you would expect, Little nephew, Dwayne, whom he hangs notepad, “Everyone.” also do simple typesetting and arrangement. broken transmission, a dead body, Yes, the ending is predictable, All advertising inquiries should be directed and porn-loving cops. Miss Sunshine operates an enter- out with. Dwayne, abiding to his to the business manager at business@caltech. taining show through its wonder- self-imposed vow of silence but but itʼs okay-- itʼs still two hours edu. For subscription information, please send As more things stand in the way of good-humored fun. mail to “Subscriptions.” between the family and Redondo fully witty dialogue. The jokes still managing to be a mouthy THE CALIFORNIA TECH SPORTS OCTOBER 23, 2006 7

Techers Take 7th Place In SCIAC Multi-Dual XC MeetPhoto by Ian Chapiro danced past. Tommy Morphetʼs BY: MARK EICHENLAUB corsets tore bits of gore-bits and Wary of varied barriers, forced it into orbit. Steve Hor- Caltechʼs harried Harriers ferried ikoshi, like Yoshi, would coast their very hairy derrieres past he got the most he could from the wary inferiors last Saturday the gauche-y toasty loafs he wore. 14th. They faced the race pace Paul Suffoletta, the proof of with grace and encased seventh better, times though our letter, could spoof a lemma, or just fin- place. The teams, all with dreams th of supreme regimes, streamed ish in 78 . Ben Lin didnʼt win past in reams and gleamed in the but did begin to grin with his chin steam, by which I mean fog. thin kin whose shin has no twin, The gun stung; my ears to my chagrin. Nathan Lau, how hummed and one young son sung now? as the run begun – what fun! The The ladies made the shady men begin when clock struck ten glade a grand parade as they (minus one). Mud goes thud, displayed high-grade unafraid clud, as a hundred studs flood cascading masquerade in the past and blood shud from dud mislaid, man-made, sautéed, sur- buds rubs out. Fans stand and veyed, upgraded, well-laid blade demand their man can expand of grass they couldnʼt evade but the land band that spans to the could dissuade and persuade to next man as grand plans com- serenade their dismayed invading mand tired glands to understand grenading humiliating arcade. the ban of slowness. Diana Linʼs lack of sin within Matt Kieszʼ knees need speed Berlinʼs violins was irrelevant, but she was our first finisher please cause a breeze flees as heʼs st squeezing ahead. Matt combats anyway, in 41 place. Katherine wombats so fast that he begat 31st Breedenʼs speed in the weeds place. His head sped and led our leads her to succeed and pro- dread spread ahead as we fled the ceed, not recede, indeed sheʼd red streads of Redlandsʼ tread. need feed reeds to heed her deeds as she agreed to exceed and did David “Cupcake” Rosenʼs doz- th en cousins wasnʼt present. Dave, stampede to 44 . Caption Action! A fraction of traction extraction yields satisfaction in the track meet. the brave knave, gave a wave Natalya Kostandova… oh man, Two front runners, left to right: Matthew Kiesz, David Rosen. and behaved not depraved as he “Kostandova”. I donʼt even want to go there. But she ran amaz- UPCOMING INTERCOLLEGIATE ATHLETIC EVENTS: slaved away and saved the day. th Cupcake did shake fake breaks ingly well to secure 48 . from flake drakes and take every Sarah Stokes broke the yoke Tuesday, October 24th break to partake of 51st, no mis- and poked some folks to pro- 7:30PM - Womenʼs Volleyball vs. Whittier College take. voke and didnʼt croak. Masha Wednesday, October 25th Billy Zdon has a name thatʼs Belyi evaded hell she never fell 4:00PM - Menʼs Water Polo @ Occidental College hard to rhyme with, even in slant. she could tell she ran swell she 4:00PM - Mensʼ Soccer vs. Whittier College But he was our third finisher- was impelled to be our fifth run- Friday, October 27th winisher. There, I at least got one ner. Heather Widgren, without 5:00PM - Womenʼs Volleyball vs. Colorado College @ C-M-S little rhyme in this paragraph. I tail fins, and within a big bin was 7:30PM - Womenʼs Volleyball @ Claremont-Mudd-Scripps kind of had to make up a word, akin to a pin, I guess. Saturday, October 28th though. But hey, Shakespeare The team will compete again 9:00AM - M/W Cross Country @ SCIAC Championships (Chino) did that, too, and look where it next Saturday at the conference 11:00AM - Menʼs Soccer @ Claremont-Mudd-Scripps got him – dead. championships. For detailed re- 3:00PM - Menʼs Water Polo @ Whittier College Chris Shantzʼ pants gave sults, see http://running.caltech. a glance of underpants as he edu/xc

Puzzle #36832 from http://www.sudoku-puzzles.net 8 THE CALIFORNIA TECH HUMOR OCTOBER 23, 2006 and then shooting it with a rifle to area. make it explode[2]. Caltech security recently lost Ostriches: More Than Meets The Eye In addition, ostriches are ovip- two men bringing one down be- Photo courtesy of Lisa Streit arous which means they pretend fore the foul creature could be BY: HAMILTONY FALK to eat seeds and plants but really incinerated with their death-la- hunger for man-flesh. They are sers. In addition to murder, recent As The Techʼs preeminent in- listed as “dangerous animals” in studies show that ostriches will vestigative reporter Iʼve brought the United States, United King- steal anything that is not nailed to your collective attention issues dom and Australia (among other down[5] and love crack-cocaine. such as the dangers of cooking animals known to attack and eat It has also been reported that sev- pizza while still in the box, the people, such as Tigers, Tiger eral ostriches have been heard to corruption that lurks within the sharks, Army Ants, Humans and say that they hate America. Caltech Dog-Walking Clubʼs up- Hippopotamuses) and as “raven- Remember, next time youʼre per administration and helped ous killers of all that is good” in walking alone at night, or hear a track down the ancient mega-bea- South Africa, Nepal and the Vati- strange call that sounds like an old ver that once lurked in the tun- can. Canada lists them as “large man being kicked in the stomach, nels beneath Millikan feeding on birds,” showing once again our be on the lookout for ostriches, darkness and Techers. neighbors to the north are easily because the danger is very real. Thus I think Iʼve earned your infiltrated by large evil-minded trust as well as your respect. That animals with the intent to feed on (Footnotes) is why Iʼve decided to ignore the humans[3]. 1 Ostriches are not in fact the threatening letters from industry The Bible knows the truth bastard off-spring of a camel and and the threatening calls from about ostriches, referring to them sparrow, as is popularly believed, Tony puts up the fisticuffes after an ostrich-attack in the heart old men whoʼve dialed the wrong as lacking in wisdom and caring but in fact are born only when a of the African veldt. number to reveal something that little for their young (Job 39.13- camel is murdered by a flock of threatens the very core of the av- neck that is easily broken and being was the worst of the prob- 18), and the Unitarian Bible[4] carnivorous weresparrows when erage Techerʼs lifestyle. Thatʼs considered their only weakness lems associated with ostriches, adds that ostriches are half-de- there is no need for its meat, on right, Iʼm finally going to talk and the ability to run at speeds of but there is more, so much more. mon beasts that kill the righteous the night of a full moon. about The Ostrich Problem, or about 65 km/h (40 mph). Youʼll probably hear from gov- out of jealousy (Ch 7). 2 Silver Bullets, Holy Water TOP as it is referred to in national Ostriches would be the largest ernment agents and executives A final frightening back about and Hitting Them With Your Car security briefs. living speicies of bird, but they of Big Ostrich Corporation that ostriches is their ability to see are also known to work on occa- Before we confront the prob- lack the ability to fly, making ostriches have the largest eggs of the near future by sticking their sion, but not reliably enough to be lem that ostriches present, it is them instead a type of rodent. The any living creature, that their skin heads underground and commun- used in large scale ostrich control important that you understand the scientific name for the ostrich is makes some of the toughest leath- ing with Satan. operations. creature we are discussing. Os- from the Greek for “camel spar- er available and that their feed to Before you dismiss The Ostrich 3 In 1924 Canada elected a bear triches are not emus, those giant row” in allusion to the fact that weight ratio is among the lowest Problem as someone elseʼs con- as prime minister, and in 1977 the loveable birds that would never they are an abomination[1]. In of all farmed animals. cern, I think itʼs important to real- chupacabra party took control of harm you or steal your children. addition, it is well known that the These things are true, but con- ize that California is third in the 18 seats in the Canadian parlia- Rather, they are evil beings that eye of an ostrich is larger than its sider that their eggs are actually nation in ostrich-related deaths ment. likely are attempting to invade the brain, its heart and its capacity for the smallest relative to the animal and Pasadena was listed as one of 4 More commonly known as earth from another dimension. love. producing them. Also, the reason the top ten places ostriches want The Hardy Boys Case Files Book To paraphrase Wikipedia.org: One might ask me why these they seem to need to eat so little to destroy in order to rid the world # 112, The Smugglers of Pirate The ostrich (Struthio camelus) is foul pseudo-birds are a problem, is that they leap the fences of their of all the is beautiful. According Cove. a flightless bird native to Africa rather than merely an abomination farms at night and feed on local to police reports there have been 5 They would steal things that and the Soviet Union. It is the to be cleansed from the earth and pets and children, and their extra 17 confirmed eviscerations by os- are nailed down, but ostriches only living species of its family, forgotten. If you were to ask me tough skin means that they can triches this year, and 24 more that are very superstitious and believe Struthionidae. They are distinct that I would probably tell you that only be killed by tricking them were reported as looking “mighty that proximity to nails will cause in their appearance, with a long it would be fine if abomination- into starting to eat an oxygen tank dern suspicious” in the Pasadena infertility.

Morgan T. Rex, MD by Mark Eichenlaub and Tzong-Lian Tsay XKCD by Randall Munroe

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