Choices in Relationships an Introduction to Marriage, Family, and Diversity 1 Copy, Not May Your Choices Reflect Your Hopes, Donot Your Fears

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Chesnot/Getty Images Europe post, Choices in Relationships An Introduction to Marriage, Family, and Diversity 1 copy, not May your choices reflect your hopes, Donot your fears. —Nelson Mandela

Copyright ©2021 by SAGE Publications, Inc. This work may not be reproduced or distributed in any form or by any means without express written permission of the publisher. 2 CHOICES IN RELATIONSHIPS Learning Objectives

1.1. Review facts about a “choices” view of relationships and various influences on those “choices” 1.2. Describe the theoretical frameworks for studying marriage and the family 1.3. Identify the elements, benefits, and types of marriage relationships 1.4. Understand the definition and types of family 1.5. Explain the distinction between marriage and family 1.6. Summarize the research process and its caveats 1.7. Identify changes in marriage and the family in the future

With all the swiping and talk Making the right choices in your relationships, Master the content at edge.sagepub.com/knox13e of Tinder, “friends with ben- including marriage and family, is critical to your health, happiness, and sense of well-being. Your efits,” and cohabitation, one times of greatest elation and sadness will be in refer- wonders why a text and course about marriage and the ence to your love relationships. family? Are marriage and family done for? No. All polls The central theme ofdistribute this text is choices in and surveys provide essentially the same finding—that relationships. Although we will make over 100 rela- most individuals seek a marital and family context for tionship decisions, among the most important are whether to marry,or whom to marry, when to marry, their adult lifestyle (James-Kangal et al., 2018). whether to have children, whether to remain emo- The reason? Marriage and family are the contexts of tionally and sexually faithful to one’s partner, and sustained emotional connections. Thus, this text focuses whether to protect oneself from sexually transmitted infections and unwanted pregnancy. Though on human connections and relationship choices. Few structural and cultural influences are operative, experiences are more important. It is something all of a choices framework emphasizes that individuals us have in common—the search for meaningful love post,have some control over their relationship destiny connections which result from deliberate, thoughtful, by making deliberate choices to initiate, nurture, or considered choices in one’s relationships. Many of terminate intimate relationships. these intense and sustained love relationships end up in marriage and having a family—the bedrock of society. All Facts About Choices in individuals were born into a family—however one defines Relationships this concept—and most will end up in a family of their own. copy, The facts to keep in mind when making relationship “Have a happy marriage” remains the top value reported choices include the following: by 13,119 undergraduates with 44% selecting this value, 32% choosing “have career I love,” and 21% opting for “have Not to Decide Is to Decide financial security” (Hallnot & Knox, 2019). In this chapter we Not making a decision is a decision by default. If review the definitions, types, and frameworks for viewing you are sexually active and decide not to use a con- marriage and the family. We begin with the principle dom, you have made a decision to increase your risk for an unwanted pregnancy and possibly con- framework for this text—choices in relationships. Do tracting a sexually transmitted infection (STI). If you don’t make a deliberate choice to end a relationship that is unfulfilling or going nowhere, you CHOICES IN have made a choice to continue that relationship and eliminate the possibility of getting into a more RELATIONSHIPS— positive and flourishing relationship. If you don’t VIEW OF THE TEXT make a decision to be faithful to your partner, you have made a decision to be vulnerable to cheating. Whatever your relationship goal, in this text we See the Personal Choices section for more exam- encourage a proactive approach of taking charge ples of taking charge of your life by making delib- of your life and making wise relationship choices. erate choices. Copyright ©2021 by SAGE Publications, Inc. This work may not be reproduced or distributed in any form or by any means without express written permission of the publisher. CHAPTER 1 Choices in Relationships 3

and an upside. If you decide to hook up with someone, you may enjoy the sexual excitement, but you may feel regretful in the morning and decide that the night will not result in a relationship. If you decide to marry, you will give up your freedom to pursue other emotional or sexual relationships or both. But, your marriage may result in a stable lifetime of shared memories. Any partner that you select will also have char- acteristics that must be viewed as a trade-off. One woman noted of her partner, “he doesn’t do text messaging or e-mail. . . he doesn’t even know how to turn on a computer. But he knows how to build a house, Relationships thrive on unique experiences like sharing the plant a garden, and fix a car. . . and he loves me. . . sunset together. Courtesy of Trevor Werb trade-offs I’m willing to make.”

Some Choices Require Correction If your feet don’t move, you’ll never get there. Ann Marie Antenucci, Some of our choices, although they seem correct at recalling the words of her immigrant grandmother the time that we make them, turn out to be disasters. Once we realize that a choice has consistently negative consequences,distribute it is important to stop defending Action Must Follow a Choice it, make new choices, and move forward. Otherwise, Making a decision but not acting on it is tantamount we remain consistently locked into continued nega- to no decision at all. You must pull the trigger. If you tive outcomes for a “bad” choice. The analogy is that decide to only have safe sex, you must buy condoms, no matteror how far you have gone down the wrong have them available, and use them. road, you can always turn back.

Choices Involve Trade-Offs It all depends on how we look at things, and not on how By making one choice, you relinquish others. Every they are in themselves. Carl G. Jung, psychoanalyst relationship choice you make will have a downsidepost,

PERSONAL CHOICES Relationshipcopy, Choices—Deliberately or by Default? It is a myth that you can avoid making relationship If you do not make a decision to delay having decisions, because by default, not making a decision intercourse, you have made a decision to have is a decision. Some examples follow: intercourse early in a relationship. Research suggests less regret with delaying the first If younot don’t make a decision to pursue a intercourse (Farvid & Braun, 2017). relationship with a particular person, you have If you are sexually active and do not make a made a decision (by default) not to have a decision to use birth control or a condom, you relationship with that person. have made a decision to expose yourself to Do If you do not decide to do the things that are getting pregnant or to contracting an STI. necessary to improve your current relationship, Throughout the text, as we discuss various you have made a decision to let the relationship relationship choices, consider that you automatically slowly disintegrate. make a choice by being inactive—that not to make If you do not make a decision to be faithful to a choice is to make one. We encourage a proactive your partner, you have made a decision to be style whereby you make deliberate relationship open to situations and relationships which may choices. ● result in infidelity.

TABLE 1.1

Five Generations in Recent History

PERCENTAGE OF THE BORN MAJOR LIFE EVENTS HABITS U.S. POPULATION

Traditionalists/Silent (1913-1945) Years of the Great Traditional values 10% Generation Depression, World War II veterans and civilians.

Baby Boomers (1946-1964) Children of WWII Questioning of traditional 23% Traditionalists. values.

Generation X (1965-1979) Generation of change, Children of boomers. 20% MTV, AIDS, diversity.

Generation Y (1980-1996) Boomerang generation, Loyalty to corporations 23% (Millennials) delay marriage. is gone, frequent job changes.

Generation Z (1997-2012) Grew up in context of Also known as Plurals, 24% terrorism. Skyrocketing App Generation, college costs. Homelanders, “Always on”

Choices Include Selecting a Positive or a Choices of Generationdistribute Y Negative View Generations vary and social scientists study and As Thomas Edison progressed toward inventing the compare these cohorts, focusing on their habits and light bulb, he said, “I have not failed. I have found ten how they differ fromor previous generations (see Table thousand ways that won’t work.” 1.1). Much attention has been given to Generation In spite of an unfortunate event in your life, you Y, more commonly known as millennials, and their can choose to see the bright side. Regardless of your choices. Numbering about 80 million, they represent circumstances, you can opt for viewing a situation in 23% of the U.S. population. The choices of this positive terms. A partner breaking up with you due generation reveal a focus on enjoyment and flexibility. to lack of love can be viewed as an opportunity to Rather than fixating on marriage, they “hang out,” become involved in a new, mutual, love relationship. post,“hook up,” and live together. Research shows that The discovery of your partner cheating on you can be they aren’t in a hurry to find “the one,” to marry, or viewed as an opportunity to open up communication to begin a family (Klinenberg, 2012). Instead, many channels with your partner and to develop a stron- enjoy living alone. Their focus is on their educations ger connection. Discovering that you have a sexually and careers, and enjoying their freedom in the transmitted infection can be viewed as a challenge meantime. These changes are notable from previous to face adversity with your partner. It is not the event generations, where marriage and childbearing were but your view of it that determinescopy, its effect on you. considered obligatory. Such trends may contribute to the negative stereotype that millennials are self- Most Choices Are Revocable; Some Are Not absorbed individuals. Another notable change in this generation stems from technology. Generation Most choices can be changed. For example, a person Y has been greatly influenced by technology, and the who has chosen to be sexually active with multiple following generation, Generation Z, is the “always partners can decide tonot be monogamous or to abstain on” technology generation (Dimock, 2019). We will from sexual relations in new relationships. Peo- discuss how technology affects their choices in ple who have been unfaithful in the past can elect subsequent chapters. to be emotionally and sexually committed to a new partner. Do Choices About the Use of Technology Other choices are less revocable. For example, backing out of the role of parent is very difficult. Since the use of technology may have positive or Social pressure keeps most parents engaged, but the negative consequences depending how it is used, law, such as forced child support, is the backup legal individuals may be deliberate in their choices to incentive. Hence, the decision to have a child is usu- maximize desired outcomes. For example, those in ally irrevocable. Choosing to have unprotected sex may also result in a lifetime of coping with a sexually transmitted infection like herpes. Millennials: persons born between 1980 and 1996.

Copyright ©2021 by SAGE Publications, Inc. This work may not be reproduced or distributed in any form or by any means without express written permission of the publisher. CHAPTER 1 Choices in Relationships 5

a new relationship make the choice whether to con- is part of the reason that over 85% of adults in the tinue texting their previous partner, spouses make United States are married to someone of the same the choice to send a text message thanking each race. Behler (2017) also found that high status males other for a previous behavior or lash out at a per- in high school have a greater opportunity to attract ceived miscue, and parents decide how much screen the partner of their choice; conversely, lower status time for their children. Heterosexual spouses view males are more limited in their partner alternatives. interactive technology, such as cell phones, the Inter- The point is that social factors operate independent net, and social networking sites, as both facilitating of individual factors of desire. Finally, the gender distraction as well as providing a mechanism for con- composition of a high school impacts the willing- nection (Vaterlaus & Tulane, 2019). Individuals on the ness of one to become involved in a romantic rela- job market also make choices to “clean up their social tionship. For example, Harknett and Cranney (2017) media” from embarrassing photos. Individuals must analyzed the behavior of 12,617 high school students also deal with issues of cell phone or game addiction and noted that when female classmates were more or both, stalking, and ghosting. numerous than male classmates—thus giving the Parents also decide about vlogging—the fre- males the upper hand from a bargaining stand- quent recording and uploading of personal videos. point—the males were less likely to express desire Family Fun Pack is created by two teachers, Kristine for a romantic relationship, and hence, less commit- and Matt. They have six kids and their Family Fun ment. Hence, love is impacted just by the numbers Pack video has 5.2 million subscribers and 9.4 billion of specific genders in one’s social world. Of course, views. While a substantial income can be gained from social media allows individuals to interact and con- such uploading, the degree to which one should sub- nect with a much broader pool of potential partners, mit his or her children to growing up in public is an so the disadvantagedistribute of gender ratios in high school issue some families wrestle with (Luscombe, 2017). may become irrelevant. Choices Are Influenced by the Stage Globalizationor in the Family Life Cycle Families exist in the context of globalization. Eco- The choices a person makes tend to be individualis- nomic, political, and religious happenings through- tic or familistic, depending on the stage of the fam- out the world affect what happens in your marriage ily life cycle—formally a series of stages individuals and family in the United States. When the United progress through, such as married couple, childbear- Kingdom voted to leave the European Union (Brexit), ing, and preschool age. The concept, though, doesn’t the stock market in the United States dropped 900 apply to everyone since some never marry, post,don’t points in two days. Negative economic conditions are have children, and so forth. associated with reduced interest in social approval However, for the young, single person, individu- for getting married—the thinking is that stable eco- alism characterizes his or her thinking and choices. nomic conditions (e.g., a job) provide a more positive These individuals are concerned only with their own context for the marriage to flourish (Gassman-Pines needs. Should they marry and have children, familis- et al., 2017). Schneider (2017) noted that marriage and tic values ensue as the needs of a spouse and children family choices impacted by the recession in 2008 begin to influence behavioralcopy, choices. For example, included a lower fertility rate, less relationship hap- evidence of familistic values and choices is reflected piness, and fewer divorces. in the fact that spouses with children are less likely to The country in which you live also affects divorce than spouses without children. your happiness and well-being. For example, in the World Happiness Report, citizens in 150 countries not were asked to indicate their level of life satisfaction Global, Structural, Cultural, and on a scale from 1 (worst possible life for you) to 10 Social Media Influences on Choices (best possible life for you). Citizens in Denmark, Switzerland, and Iceland averaged 7.5; those in Choices in relationships are influenced by global, Syria averaged 3.0; and those in the United States structural, cultural, and media factors. This sec- Do averaged 7.1 (Helliwell et al., 2016). The Internet, tion reviews the ways in which globalization, social social media, and various news outlets provide structure, and culture impact choices in relation- global awareness so that families are no longer ships. Although a major theme of this book is the isolated units. importance of taking active control of your life in making relationship choices, it is important to be Social Structure aware that the social world in which you live restricts and channels such choices. For example, social dis- The social structure of a society consists of institu- approval for marrying someone of another race tions, social groups, statuses, and roles.

1. Institutions. The largest elements of society able to be child-free but only because her context are social institutions, which may be defined has changed. Individuals are not important— as established and enduring patterns of their context is (Zusman, 2019). social relationships. The institution of the family in the United States is held as a strong While on campus, your interpersonal choices are value, as reflected by tax deductions for influenced mostly by your partner and peers. Thus, parents, family-friendly work policies, and selecting a partner and peers is important. government benefits for young mothers and For example, partner selection among their children (e.g., the WIC—Women, Infants heterosexual individuals is often influenced by the and Children—program). mating gradient. The mating gradient is a norm that In addition to the family, major institutions of society gives social approval to men who seek out younger, include the economy, education, religion, and govern- less educated, and less financially secure female ment. Institutions affect individual decision-making. partners and to women who seek out male partners For example, you live in a capitalist society where that are older, more educated, and more financially economic security is important. In effect, the more secure. High-status men benefit the most from the time you spend focused on obtaining money, the less mating gradient, while high-status women and low- time you have for relationships. You are now involved status men may be penalized. These dynamics often in the educational institution that will impact your play out on college campuses, where first-year female choice of a mate—for example, college-educated students seem to have more viable options than those people tend to select and marry one another. Reli- that are available to fourth-year female students. gion also affects relationship choices: Devout mem- Based on women’s tendencydistribute to date older men and vice bers select each other as a life partner. Spouses who versa, the pool of eligible partners each year appears “believe in the institution of the family” are less to decrease for women and increase for men. Their likely to divorce. choices are affected by social structure and class rank. Social groupsor may be categorized as primary or 2. Social groups. Institutions are made up of secondary. Primary groups, which tend to involve social groups, defined as two or more people small numbers of individuals, are characterized by who share a common identity, interact, and interaction that is intimate and informal. A family is form a social relationship. Most individuals an example of a primary group. Persons in our pri- spend their days going between social mary groups are those who love us and have lifetime groups. You may awaken in the context of a relationships with us. In contrast to primary groups, social group of a roommate, partner, parents, post,secondary groups, which may be small or large, are siblings or spouse. From there you go to class characterized by interaction that is impersonal and with other students, lunch with friends, and formal. Your classmates, teachers, and coworkers are work with other employees. These social examples of individuals in your secondary groups. groups have various influences on your Unlike your parents, siblings, and spouse, members choices. Your roommate influences what of your secondary groups do not have an endur- other people you can have in your room for ing emotional connection with you and are more how long, your friends may want to eat at a transient. particular place, your fellowcopy, workers will ignore you or interact with you, and your 3. Statuses. Just as institutions consist of social parents may want you to run an errand if you groups, social groups consist of statuses. A live at home or want you to come home for the status is a position a person occupies within a weekend if you live at school. social group. The statuses we occupy largely not define our social identity. The statuses in a Students sometimes argue that they—as family may consist of mother, father, child, individuals—make choices. In reality, the choices sibling, and stepparent. In discussing family they make are only the ones the social context issues, we refer to statuses such as teenager, permits.Do For example, a Mormon woman mar- partner, and spouse. Statuses are relevant to ried to a Mormon man in the Mormon Church choices in that many choices can significantly has almost no choice to be “child-free.” Change her context so that she is no longer a member Mating gradient: norm which gives social approval to men who of the Mormon Church and is married to a non- seek out younger, less educated, less financially secure women and Mormon who wants to be child-free. She is now vice versa. Primary groups: small numbers of individuals among whom interaction is intimate and informal. Institution: established and enduring pattern of social relationships Secondary groups: groups in which the interaction is impersonal (e.g., the family). and formal.

change one’s status. Making decisions that with a full-time parent in the home will make change one’s status from single person to greater adjustments in their work life to spouse to divorced person can influence how accommodate having a parent in the home people feel about themselves and how others than those who feel that day care offers treat them. opportunities for enrichment. 4. Roles. Every status is associated with many 2. Values. Values are standards regarding what roles, or sets of rights, obligations, and is good and bad, right and wrong, desirable expectations. Our social statuses identify and undesirable. Values influence choices. who we are; our roles identify what we are Valuing individualism leads to making expected to do. Roles guide our behavior and decisions that serve the individual’s interests allow us to predict the behavior of others. rather than the family’s interests (familism). Spouses adopt a set of obligations and Forty-four percent of 13,111 undergraduates expectations associated with their status. By agreed that “I would divorce my spouse if I fell doing so, they are better able to influence and out of love” (Hall & Knox, 2019). Allowing one’s predict each other’s behavior. personal love feelings to dictate the stability of a marriage is a highly individualistic value. Because individuals occupy a number of statuses “What makes me happy?” is the focus of the and roles simultaneously, they may experience role individualist, not “What makes my family conflict. For example, the role of the parent may con- happy?” (familism). Different questions flict with the role of the spouse, employee, or student. from different cultural contexts result in If your child needs to be driven to the math tutor, different answers and different outcomes. your spouse needs to be picked up at the airport, your Routledgedistribute (2019) suggested that there is employer wants you to work late, and you have a final a connection between our increasingly exam all at the same time, you are experiencing role individualistic society and social media use: conflict. “Theor more socially disconnected or alienated 5. Socioeconomic status and minority status. people feel as a result of the individualistic Ball et al. (2019) noted differential use of worldview that privileges personal freedom technology in reference to socioeconomic and independence over social duty and status and minority status and emphasized interdependence, the more they may look to the concept of emotional cost. Some social media to meet their basic social needs, individuals, such as those with lower even if online connections are poor substitutes socioeconomic and minority status,post, are for deeper in-person relationships.” anxious and stressed when presented with digital technology, which results in Related to familism is collectivism, which lower use. This lower use not only impacts emphasizes doing what is best for the group, not spe- career paths with fewer STEM (science, cific to the family group; collectivism is characteris- technology, engineering, and mathematics) tic of traditional Asian, South American, and African career options but, by extension, may also families. Park et al. (2017) also emphasized that indi- impact relationships since the person is not vidualism and personal fulfillment were influential copy, in decreasing the percent, now at 57%, of South Kore- “plugged” into the technological system of communicating with others, such as, text ans who stated that marriage was desirable. Those messaging. who live together, who seek a child-free lifestyle, and who divorce are more likely to be operating from an Culture individualistic perspective than those who do not not live together before marriage, rear children, and Just as social structure refers to the parts of society, stay married, a familistic value. Because families are culture refers to the meanings and ways of living so important in collectivist societies, the selection that characterize people in a society. Two central ele- of marriage partners is a crucial event for both the mentsDo of culture are beliefs and values. partners and their families. Collectivistic values are 1. Beliefs. Beliefs refer to definitions and explanations about what is true. The beliefs of an individual or couple influence the Individualism: making decisions that serve the individual’s interests choices they make. For example, unmarried rather than the family’s. emerging adults who have less confidence Familism: value that decisions are made in reference to what is best and think divorce is likely are slower to for the family. get married (Arocho, 2019). Couples who Collectivism: pattern in which one regards group values and goals believe that young children flourish best as more important than one’s own values and goals.

Copyright ©2021 by SAGE Publications, Inc. This work may not be reproduced or distributed in any form or by any means without express written permission of the publisher. 8 CHOICES IN RELATIONSHIPS at play when a partner ends the relationship because his or her partner goes against the families’ wishes. These elements of social structure and culture play a central role in making interpersonal choices and decisions. One of the goals of this text is to emphasize the influence of social structure and culture on your interpersonal decisions. Sociologists refer to this awareness as the sociological imagination or sociological mindfulness. For example, though most people in the United States assume that they are free to select their own sex partner, this choice—or lack of it—is heavily influenced by structural and cultural factors. Most people hang out with, date, have sex with, and marry a person of the same racial background. Structural forces influencing race relations include segregation in housing, religion, and education. The fact that African Americans and White Americans live in different neighborhoods, worship in different churches, and often attend different schools makes meeting a person of a different race unlikely. When such encounters occur, prejudices and bias may influence these interactions distribute to the point that individuals are hardly “free” to act as they choose. Hence, cultural values transmitted by parents and peers may not support or promote mixed racial interaction, relationship formation, or marriage. or Consider the last three relationships in which you were involved, the racial similarity, and the structural and cultural influences on your choices.

Other Influences on Relationship Choices post, Aside from structural and cultural influences on relationship choices, other influences include one’s fam- Religion has an enormous influence on relationship choices. ily of origin, the family in which you were reared, and one’s family of procreation, individual personality, children. Experiences in one’s family of orientation previous choices, and hormones. We discuss these have also been instrumental in influencing adoles- first two below. copy, cents to make wise choices and stay out of trouble (Animosa et al., 2018). For example, adolescents The cascade of hormones that rains down on humans whose parents divorce have a temporary increase in when they first fall in love can sometimes blind them to delinquent behavior (Boccio & Beaver, 2019). their poor choices. One’s siblings in the family of origin are also Belindanot Luscombe, journalist/novelist influential in one’s relationship choices. Killoren et al. (2019) examined the messages about dating and sexuality shared by 62 sister dyads which confirm Family of Origin (FOO) the importance of sisters in the socialization of each other. For example, a 19-year-old told her younger sis- Your family of origin is a major influence on your Do ter about the importance of similar values in a partner: relationship choices. Coming from a family whose parents are married and who love each other pre- Find someone who’s like you. I think it comes dicts not only the positive meanings you attach to down to your values being the same. If we didn’t marriage (Barr & Simons, 2018) but the happiness for agree about religious or political things...I your own relationships with both your spouse and couldn’t do that. I’m pretty outspoken about that kind of stuff and so if you can’t take me being out-

Sociological imagination: the influence of social structure and spoken about it and be out-spoken with me, we culture on interpersonal decisions. have an issue.

APPLYING SOCIAL RESEARCH

The Impact of Religion on Love, Relationships, and Sex

Religion is considered one of the most influential is destined and that one may be destined to have only social institutions that impact the daily lives of one true love in a lifetime. Praying for one’s soul mate individuals. Scholars have argued that secularization reflects a belief that there is one soul mate per person. among emerging adults is rapidly occurring within our society. However, findings from this study Being religious was significantly related to indicate that religion still impacts beliefs and values unwillingness to divorce if one fell out of love, within young adults that translate into life’s choices. revealing a strong connection between the level of self-identified religiosity and commitment to marriage. Religion encourages lifetime commitment Data (“until death do us part”)—just because one may have Analysis of data on 6,068 undergraduates who fallen out of love was not viewed as an acceptable completed an Internet survey revealed how reason for divorce. religiosity was associated with choices about love, relationships, and sexuality. The sample was 82% Being religious was also significantly related to less White, 55% female, and heterosexual (22%). The willingness to end a relationship with a cheating average age of the respondents was 19.91 years (Hall partner, perhaps revealing the value for forgiveness. & Knox, 2019). A willingness to live with a nonmarital partner was also lower for religious respondents since religion encourages individualsdistribute to avoid premarital sex or Findings cohabitation or both before marriage. Previously, Respondents identified their religiosity along a persons who lived together before marriage were continuum including very religious (5), moderately referred toor as “living in sin.” religious (4), about midway (3), moderately not religious (2) and not religious at all (1). Those Respondents who were religious were also significantly more likely to report being “very” or significantly less likely to have looked for a partner “moderately” religious were Black and heterosexual. on the Internet. Religion encourages individuals to There were no significant differences between look to divine sources for one’s partner (e.g., “I have women and men. prayed to God to send me someone”) rather than to rely on technology which suggests one’s life partner Higher religiosity was also significantly associatedpost, is not “heaven sent” or “divinely selected.” ● with certain beliefs. For example, agreeing with the Source: Adapted and abridged from K. Fox, D. Knox, S. S. statement “I believe that there is only one true love Hall, and Douglas Kuck. 2019. RELIGIOSITY: Impact on love, that never comes again” corresponded with being relationships and sexual values/behaviors. Poster, Southern more religious. Religion encourages the idea that love Sociological Society, Annual meeting, Atlanta, April. copy, Personality how spending a lot of time on social media is related to lower relationship satisfaction and openness to One’s personality—whether introverted, extroverted, infidelity. Not only is time spent on social media time passive, or assertive—also influences choices. For not spent with one’s partner, it is time that individu- example, people who are assertive are more likely not als may spin up alternative relationships via interact- than those who are passive to initiate conversations ing with persons they meet on social media. with someone they are attracted to at a party. Peo- ple who are very quiet and withdrawn may never chooseDo to initiate a conversation even though they THEORETICAL are attracted to someone. Similarly, certain personality traits can affect the quality of one’s relationship. FRAMEWORKS FOR Having a partner who is lazy or dishonest may lead VIEWING MARRIAGE AND individuals to be unhappy and end their relationship. THE FAMILY Social Media Although we emphasize choices in relationships as Involvement on social media has an impact on rela- the framework for viewing marriage and the family, tionship choices. Abbasi and Alghamdi (2018) noted other conceptual theoretical frameworks are helpful in

Copyright ©2021 by SAGE Publications, Inc. This work may not be reproduced or distributed in any form or by any means without express written permission of the publisher. 10 CHOICES IN RELATIONSHIPS understanding the context of relationship decisions. Structure-Function Framework All theoretical frameworks are the same in that they provide a set of interrelated principles designed to The structure-function framework emphasizes how explain a particular phenomenon and provide a point marriage and family contribute to society. Just as the of view. In essence, theories are explanations. human body is made up of different parts that work together for the good of the individual, society is made up of different institutions—family, religion, education, Social Exchange Framework economics— that work together for the good of society. The social exchange framework is one of the most Functionalists view the family as an institution with commonly used theoretical perspectives in marriage values, norms, and activities meant to provide stability and the family. The framework views interaction and for the larger society. Such stability depends on fami- choices in terms of cost and profit. lies performing various functions for society. The social exchange framework also operates First, families serve to replenish society with from a premise of utilitarianism—the theory that socialized members. Because our society cannot con- individuals rationally weigh the rewards and costs tinue to exist without new members, we must have associated with behavioral choices. A social exchange some way of ensuring a continuing supply. However, view of marital roles emphasizes that spouses negoti- just having new members is not enough. We need ate the division of labor on the basis of exchange. For socialized members—those who can speak our lan- example, one partner may spend more time on child guage and know the norms and roles of our society. care in exchange for the other earning an income. The case of Genie Wiley is a classic example of why socialization is important in our society. Genie is a young girl who was discovered in the 1970s; Family Life Course Development she had been kept in isolationdistribute in one room in her Framework California home for 12 years by her abusive father. She could barely walk and could not talk. Although The framework family life course development provided intensiveor therapy at UCLA and the recipi- emphasizes the important role transitions of indi- ent of thousands of dollars of funded research, Genie viduals that occur in different periods of life and progressed only slightly. Today, she is in her late 50s, in different social contexts. For example, a young institutionalized, and speechless. Her story illus- unmarried couple may become cohabitants, then trates the need for socialization; the role of institu- parents, grandparents, retirees, and widows. While tions like parenthood and the obligation to nurture the family life course development framework iden- tifies traditional stages through which most individ- post, uals pass, not all do so. CULTURE AND DIVERSITY The family life course developmental framework has its basis in sociology—for example, role transi- Aware that the family, which consists of a woman tions—whereas the family life cycle has its basis in and a child, is the primary source of new members for an expanding group, Boko Haram kidnapped psychology, which emphasizes the various devel- 276 girls at the Government Secondary School opmental tasks family members face across time, Chibok, Borno State, Nigeria, in 2014 in an act such as marriage, childbearing, preschool,copy, school- of sexual and gender-based violence (SGBV) age children, teenagers, and so on. If developmental against women. Boko Haram construes women tasks at one stage are not accomplished, functioning as the bearers of their future despite its brutality in subsequent stages will be impaired. For example, toward them—mass rape of women, consequent one of the developmental tasks of early American impregnation and kidnapping the offspring (Oriola, marriage is to emotionallynot and financially separate 2017). Hence the goal of Boko Haram was to from one’s family of origin. If such separation from replace the family and bring up the girls to believe parents does not take place, independence as indi- in their values and norms. Due to some of the viduals and as a couple may be impaired. girls escaping and others being exchanged by the Nigerian government for the release of five Boko Haram commanders, about half have been TheoreticalDo frameworks: a set of interrelated principles designed returned. With the presidential bid of Obiageli to explain a particular phenomenon. Ezekwesili, who began the Bring Back Our Social exchange framework: views interaction and choices in Girls campaign, there is hope to find and return terms of profit and loss. the missing girls to their “real” family contexts Utilitarianism: individuals rationally weigh the rewards and costs (Nugent, 2018). associated with behavioral choices. Family life course development: the stages and process of how families change over time. Family life cycle: stages that identify the various developmental Structure-function framework: emphasizes how marriage and tasks family members face across time. family contribute to society.

and socialize offspring ensure that this socialization Status placement—Being born into a family will occur. provides social placement of the individual in Second, marriage and the family promote the society. One’s family of origin largely deter- emotional stability of the respective spouses. Mar- mines one’s social class, religious affiliation, riage ideally provides a context for people to share and future occupation. The Kennedy family their lives and experiences and help each other provides an example of multiple children cope during difficult times. While a partner is not a being born into high status families, many of stand-in for a therapist, he or she can provide emo- whom became politicians. tional support. Social control—Spouses in high-quality, dura- Children also need people to love them and to ble marriages provide social control for each give them a sense of belonging. This need can be other that results in less criminal behavior. fulfilled in a variety of family contexts, including Parole boards often note that the best guar- two-parent families, single-parent families, and antee against recidivism is a nonconvicted extended families. The affective function of the fam- spouse who expects the partner to get a job ily is one of its major benefits. No other institution and avoid criminal behavior and who rein- focuses so completely on meeting the emotional forces these behaviors (Andersen et al., 2015). needs of its members as marriage and the family. Third, families provide economic support for their members. Although modern families are no Conflict Framework longer self-sufficient economic units, they provide Conflict framework views individuals in relation- food, shelter, and clothing for their members. One ships as competing for valuable resources like time, need only consider the homeless in our society to be money, and power.distribute Conflict theorists recognize that reminded of this important function of the family. family members have different goals and values that In addition to the primary functions of replace- create conflict. Adolescents want freedom, while par- ment, emotional stability, and economic support, ents wantor their child to get a good night’s sleep, stay other functions of the family include the following: out of trouble, and excel academically. Physical care—Families provide the primary Conflict theorists also view conflict not as good care for the adults, their infants, children, and or bad but as a natural and normal part of relation- aging parents. ships. They regard conflict as necessary for the change and growth of individuals, marriages, and Regulation of sexual behavior—Spouses in families. Cohabitation relationships, marriages, and many societies are expected to confine their families all have the potential for conflict. Cohab- sexual behavior to each other, which reducespost, itants are in conflict about commitment to marry, the risk of having children who do not have spouses are in conflict about the division of labor, and socially and legally bonded parents. parents are in conflict with their children over rules such as curfew, chores, and their choice of friends. Conflict theory is also helpful in understanding choices in relationships with regard to mate selection and jealousy. Singles are in competition with other copy, singles for a desirable mate. Such conflict is particularly evident in the case of older, often widowed women in competition for the few elderly men.

not Symbolic Interaction Framework The symbolic interaction framework views marriages and families as symbolic worlds in which the various members give meaning to one anoth- Do er’s behavior. Human behavior can be understood only by the meaning attributed to behavior. The term symbolic interaction refers to the process of

Conflict framework: the view that individuals in relationships compete for valuable resources. Symbolic interaction framework: views marriages and families as symbolic worlds in which the various members give meaning to Parents are on the front line providing basic physical care. each other’s behavior.

Copyright ©2021 by SAGE Publications, Inc. This work may not be reproduced or distributed in any form or by any means without express written permission of the publisher. 12 CHOICES IN RELATIONSHIPS interpersonal interaction and involves the concepts their children must stop texting for the evening and of the definition of the situation, the looking-glass complete homework. Or the family norms may be self, the self-fulfilling prophecy, and taking the role implicit: spouses expect fidelity from each other. of the other. These rules serve various functions, such as the allo- cation of keeping the education of offspring on track Definition of the Situation and solidifying the emotional bond of the spouses. Two people who have just spotted each other at Rules are most efficient if they are flexible. a party are constantly defining the situation and For instance, they should be adjusted over time in responding to those definitions. Is the glance from response to a child’s growing competence. A rule the other person (1) an invitation to approach, (2) an about not leaving the yard is appropriate for a 4-year- approach, or (3) a misinterpretation—was he or she old but inappropriate for a 16-year-old. looking at someone else? The definition each partner Family members also develop boundaries that has will affect their interaction. define the individual and the group and separate one system or subsystem from another. A boundary Looking-Glass Self may be physical, such as a closed bedroom door, or social, such as expectations that family problems The image people have of themselves is a reflection will not be aired in public. Boundaries may also be of what other people tell them about themselves. Peo- emotional, such as communication, which maintains ple develop an idea of who they are by the way others closeness or distance in a relationship. Some family act toward them. If no one looks at or speaks to them, systems are cold and indifferent; others are warm they will begin to feel unsettled. Similarly, family and nurturing. members constantly hold up social mirrors for one Family systems maydistribute be open, in that they are another into which the respective members look for receptive to information and interaction with the definitions of self. Parents are particularly intent on outside world, or closed, in that they feel such contact holding up positive social mirrors for their children is harmful. The Amish have a closed family system when they say, “You are a good student and we are and, in the past, orhave had minimal contact with the proud of you.” outside world. More recently the Amish have begun to use cell phones and watch reality TV. Self-Fulfilling Prophecy Once people define situations and the behaviors in Human Ecology Framework which they are expected to engage, they are able to behave toward one another in predictable ways. post,The human ecology framework, also known as the Such predictability of behavior affects subsequent ecological perspective, looks at family as an eco- behavior. If you feel that your partner expects you system which interacts with the environment. The to be faithful, your behavior is likely to conform to well-being of individuals and families cannot be con- these expectations. The expectations thus create a sidered apart from the well-being of the environment. self- fulfilling prophecy. For example, nutrition and housing are important to the functioning of families. If a family does not have Taking the Role of the Other enough to eat or adequate housing, it will not be able copy, to function at an optimal level. The human ecology “The ability to put oneself in the role of the other. . .to framework also includes how individuals and couples be empathic about what another is experiencing. . . interact in the various environments of the home, is related not only to one’s ability to cope with diffi- school and workplace. culties but enhances one’s relationship satisfaction” (Levesque et al., 2014).not Hence, having the ability of understand emotionally what another is experienc- Feminist Framework ing has both individual and relationship payoffs. Although a feminist framework views marriage and family as contexts of inequality and oppression for FamilyDo Systems Framework women, today some feminists seek equality in their relationships with their partners. There are many The family systems framework views each mem- different feminist perspectives, including lesbian ber of the family as part of a system and the family feminism, emphasizing oppressive heterosexuality; as a unit that develops norms of interacting, which may be explicit. For example, parents specify when

Human ecology framework: views the family and the environment as an ecosystem. Family systems framework: views each member of the family as part of a system and the family as a unit that develops norms of Feminist framework: views marriage and family as contexts of interaction. inequality and oppression for women.

psychoanalytic feminism, focusing on cultural dom- structure and process of couples and families. For ination of men’s phallic-oriented ideas and repressed example, what roles are partners and spouses to play emotions; and standpoint feminism, stressing the in regard to each others’ texts, emails, blogs, Internet neglect of women’s perspective and experiences in surfing, and Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and Snap- the production of knowledge (Lorber, 1998). Regard- chat accounts? less of which feminist framework is being discussed, What are the rules about the use of technology all feminist frameworks have the themes of inequality in regard to adult sites? And what are the boundar- and oppression. In addition, this framework has been ies in regard to interacting with others? Earlier we adapted to examine other inequalities and oppres- noted how social media can leave a “social trail” that sions such as sexism, lookism, and heterosexism. may need to be “cleaned” from being visible to potential employers who can use technology to screen Couple and Family applicants. The CFT framework emerged since the existing frameworks did not address the new issues Technology Framework brought on by new technology in communication. In response to the explosion of technology, the cou- As the title of this text and the technology features ple and family technology framework (CTF) focuses in every chapter suggest, the CFT framework will be on the roles, rules, and boundaries in the respective evident throughout. contexts (Cravens, 2015; Hertlein & Blumer, 2013). The major theoretical frameworks for viewing This theory suggests that technology impacts the marriage and the family are summarized in Table 1.2. distribute TABLE 1.2 Theoretical Frameworks for Marriage and the Family or LEVEL OF THEORY DESCRIPTION CONCEPTS ANALYSIS STRENGTHS WEAKNESSES

Social Exchange In their Benefits Individual Provides Assumes that relationships, Costs Couple explanations of people act rationally individuals seek Profit Family human behavior and all behavior is to maximize their Loss based on evaluation calculated. benefits and of outcome. minimize their post, costs.

Family Life Families pass Stages Institution Families are seen Difficult to Course through stages. Transitions Individual as dynamic rather adequately test Development Timing Couple than static. Useful in the theory through Family working with families research. who are facing transitions in their life copy, course. Structure The family has Structure Institution Emphasizes the Families with Function several important Function relation of family to nontraditional functions for society, how families structures (single- society. affect and are parent, same-sex affected by the larger couples) are not not society. accounted for.

Conflict Conflict in Conflict Institution Views conflict as Sees all relationships is Resources Individuals a normal part of relationships inevitable, due to Power relationships and as as conflictual, Do competition over necessary for change and does not resources and and growth. acknowledge power. cooperation.

Symbolic People Definition of Individual Emphasizes the Ignores the larger Interaction communicate the situation Couple perceptions of social interaction through symbols Looking-glass self individuals, not just context and and give meaning Self-fulfilling objective reality. minimizes the to the behavior or prophecy influence of external others. forces.

(Continued)

TABLE 1.2 (Continued)

Family Systems The family is Subsystem Couple Very useful in working Based on work a system of Roles Family with families who with systems, interrelated parts Rules are having serious troubled families, that function Boundaries problems (violence, and may not apply together to Open system alcoholism). to nonproblem maintain the unit. Closed system Describes the effect families. family members have on each other.

Feminism Women’s Inequality Institution Exposes inequality Multiple branches experience is Power Individual and oppression of feminism may central and Oppression Couple as explanations inhibit central different from Family for frustrations in accomplishment of man’s experience women’s experience. increased equality. of social reality.

Human Ecology Family as Ecosystem Individual Emphasizes Linkages ecosystem which Interaction Couple interaction of humans sometimes seem interacts with the Environment and environment contrived environment.

Couple Impact of use of Roles Individual Emphasizes need Limited research to and Family technology on Rules Couple for communication suggest optimum Technology relationships Boundaries Family related to technology guidelines use distribute

marriages occuror every year in the United States. MARRIAGE (National Center for Health Statistics, Marriage While young adults think of marriage in terms of and Divorce, 2018). Of adult women and men in the love and a committed life together, the federal gov- United States over the age of 65, 96% have married ernment regards marriage as a legal relationship at least once (Wang, 2018). The decision to marry is that two individuals of either sex work together for generally not taken lightly as it’s viewed as a lifelong the reproduction, physical care, and socialization commitment. To assess your own views of marriage, of children. Beginning in 2015, this legal definition post,refer to the Self-Assessment: Attitudes Toward Mar- changed from one man and one woman to include riage Scale on page 371. Various elements implicit same-sex partners marrying each other. Each society in the marriage relationship in the United States are works out its own details of what marriage is. discussed in the following section. In the United States, marriage is a legal contract between two people of any sexual orientation and Elements of Marriage the state in which they reside. That contract specifies No one definition of marriage can adequately cap- the economic relationship between the couple: they ture its meaning. Rather, marriage might best be become joint owners of their incomecopy, and debt. understood in terms of its various elements. Some of On June 26, 2015, the Supreme Court of the these include the following: United States ruled that state laws prohibiting same- sex marriage were unconstitutional, thus legalizing Legal Contract marriage for sexual notand gender minorities (SGM). Persons of all sexual orientations now have access to Marriage in our society is a legal contract into which legal marriage and are included in the definitions of two people of different or the same sex and legal marriage and the family. age may enter when they are not already married The frequency of marriage is changing in the to someone else. The age required to marry varies United States.Do Of all adults in the United States, 50% by state and is usually from 16 to 18, although most are married. This percent is down from 72% in 1960. states set 17 or 18 as the requirement. But most of those not currently married will eventu- In some states (e.g., Alabama) individuals can ally marry. Women are delaying marriage until age marry at age 14 with parental or judicial consent. In 28; men, 30 (Geiger & Livingston, 2019). However, California, individuals can marry at any age with marriage is still quite common. About 2.25 million parental consent. The marriage license certifies that a legally empowered representative of the state per-

Marriage: a legal relationship that binds a couple together for the forms the ceremony, often with two witnesses pres- reproduction, physical care, and socialization of children. ent. The marriage contract gives power to the state

over the couple—should they decide to divorce, the state can dictate the terms—who gets custody of the children, division of property, and child support. One of the reasons some individuals cite for not marrying is to “keep the government out of my business.” Under the laws of the state, the license means that spouses will jointly own all future property acquired and that each will share in the estate of the other. In most states, whatever the deceased spouse owns is legally transferred to the surviving spouse at the time of death. In the event of divorce and unless the couple has a prenuptial agreement, the property is usually divided equally regardless of the contribution of each partner. The license also implies the expectation of sexual fidelity in the marriage. Though less frequent Kissing is one way of expressing emotional intimacy. because of no-fault divorce, infidelity is a legal ground Courtesy of Stacy Huff for both divorce and alimony in some states. The marriage license is also an economic autho- rization that entitles a spouse to receive payment to marry—love is expected to follow, not precede from a health insurance company for medical bills if marriage. In these countries, parental approval and the partner is insured, to collect Social Security ben- similarity of religion, culture, education, and family efits at the death of one’s spouse, and to inherit from background are considereddistribute more important criteria the estate of the deceased. Spouses are also respon- for marriage than love. While love is an important sible for each other’s debts. One mother warned her motivation for marriage, it is companionship in the son, “If you marry her, you are taking on her $50,000 United States which promotes a couple in courtship in student loan debt.” to remainor committed and move toward marriage Though the courts are reconsidering the defi- (Ogolsky et al., 2016). nition of what constitutes a “family,” the law is currently designed to protect spouses, not lovers or Sexual Monogamy cohabitants. An exception is common-law marriage, Marital partners generally expect sexual fidel- in which a heterosexual couple who cohabits and ity. Over two thirds (68%) of 13,111 undergraduates presents themselves as married will be regardedpost, as agreed with the statement, “I would divorce a spouse legally married in those states that recognize such who had an affair” (Hall & Knox, 2019). There is also marriages. Common-law marriages exist in fourteen a stigma associated with couples who are nonmonog- states (Alabama, Colorado, Georgia, Idaho, Iowa, amous (Cohen, 2016). Kansas, Montana, New Hampshire, Ohio, Oklahoma, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, South Carolina, and Legal Responsibility for Children Texas) and the District of Columbia. Even in these states, not all persons can marry by common-law— Although individuals marry for love and compan- they must be of sound mind,copy, be unmarried, and must ionship, one of the most important reasons for the have lived together for a certain period of time, such existence of marriage from the viewpoint of society as three years. Persons married by common law who is to legally bind a male and a female for the nurture move to a non-common-law state are recognized as and support of any children they may have. In our being married in the state to which they move. society, child rearing is the primary responsibility of not the family, not the state. Emotional Relationship Marriage is a relatively stable relationship that helps to ensure that children will have adequate care Ninety-three percent of married adults in the United and protection, will be socialized for productive roles States point to love as their top reason for getting in society, and will not become the burden of those married.Do Other reasons include making a lifelong who did not conceive them. Even at divorce, the legal commitment (87%), having companionship (81%), obligation of the noncustodial parent to the child is and having children (59%) (Cohn, 2013). American maintained through child-support payments. emphasis on love as a reason to marry is not shared throughout the world. Individuals in other cul- Public Announcement tures, such as India, do not require feelings of love The legal binding of a couple in a public ceremony Common-law marriage: a heterosexual cohabiting couple is often preceded by an engagement announce- presenting themselves as married. ment. Following the ceremony there is a wedding

Copyright ©2021 by SAGE Publications, Inc. This work may not be reproduced or distributed in any form or by any means without express written permission of the publisher. 16 CHOICES IN RELATIONSHIPS announcement in the newspaper. Public knowledge polygynous societies, however, polygyny has a polit- of the event helps to solidify the commitment of the ical and economic rather than a sexual function. partners to each other and helps to marshal social Polygyny, for members of the FLDS, is a means of and economic support to launch the couple into mar- having many children to produce a celestial family. ried life. In other societies, a man with many wives can produce a greater number of children for domestic or Types of Marriage farm labor. Wives are not treated like slaves, although women have less status than men in general; all There are different types of marriage. Monogamy is household work is evenly distributed, and each wife the legal form in our country. With high marriage, is given her own house or private sleeping quarters. divorce, and remarriage rates, some scholars may In FLDs households, jealousy is minimal because perceive our system as serial monogamy. Although the female is socialized to accept that her husband we think of marriage in the United States as involv- is not hers alone but is to be shared with other wives ing one man and one woman, other societies view “according to God’s plan.” The spouses work out a marriage differently. Polygamy is a generic term for rotational system for conjugal visits, which ensures marriage involving more than two spouses. Polyg- that each wife has equal access to sexual encounters, amy occurs “throughout the world . . . and is found on while the other wives take care of the children. all continents and among adherents of all world reli- Independent of polygynous marriage, some gions” (Zeitzen, 2008). Polygamy is against the law couples want a three-way marriage. Examples have in America and Canada—individuals are prosecuted existed in Brazil and the Netherlands whereby one who have multiple legal wives. Polygamists often male was “married” to two females. While these are evade the law by have only one legal wife, the rest not legal marriages, they distributereflect the diversity of life- being social wives. There are three forms of polyg- style preferences and patterns. Theoretically, the amy: polygyny, polyandry, and pantagamy. arrangement could be of any sex, gender, and sexual orientation. The example in the Netherlands was of a Polygyny in the United States heterosexual manor “married” to two bisexual women. Polygyny involves one husband and two or more wives and is practiced illegally in the United States Polyandry by some religious fundamentalist groups. These Tibetan Buddhists foster yet another brand of polyg- groups are primarily in Arizona, New Mexico, and amy, referred to as polyandry, in which one wife has Utah as well as Canada and have splintered off from two or more (up to five) husbands. These husbands, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, com- post,who may be brothers, pool their resources to support monly known as the Mormon Church. To be clear, the one wife. Polyandry is a much less common form of Mormon Church does not practice or condone polyg- polygamy than polygyny. The major reason for poly- yny; the church outlawed it in 1890. Those that split andry is economic. A family that cannot afford wives off from the Mormon Church represent only about or marriages for each of its sons may find a wife for 5% of Mormons in Utah. The largest offshoot is called the eldest son only. Polyandry allows the younger the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of the brothers to also have sexual access to the one wife Latter-day Saints (FLDS). Members of the group feel that the family is able to afford. that the practice of polygyny is God’scopy, will. Joe Jes- sop, an elder of the FLDS had five wives, 46 children, Pantagamy and 239 grandchildren. Although the practice is ille- Pantagamy is a formal arrangement that was prac- gal, polygynous individuals are rarely prosecuted ticed in communes, such as the one in Oneida, New because a husband will have only one legal wife not York, in the 19th and 20th centuries which involves a while the others will be married in a civil ceremony. group marriage in which each member of the group Women are socialized to bear as many children as is “married” to the others. Pantagamy is, of course, possible to build up the “celestial family” that will illegal in the United States. Some polyamorous indi- remain together for eternity. viduals see themselves in a group marriage. It is Dooften assumed that polygyny in FLDS Our culture emphasizes monogamous mar- marriages exists to satisfy the sexual desires of the riage and values individuals staying together to man, that the women are treated like slaves, and care for each other and their children. One cultural that jealousy among the wives is common. In most

Polygamy: a generic term for marriage involving more than two Polyandry: type of marriage in which one wife has two or more spouses. husbands. Polygyny: type of marriage involving one husband and two or more Pantagamy: a group marriage in which each member of the group wives. is “married” to the others.

expression of this value is the existence of family CULTURE AND DIVERSITY policies—not to be confused with social policies—in the form of laws, policies, and services designed to An example of the degree to which marriage support the family (Cherlin, 2019). is regarded as critical to one’s life, even after death, is the concept of ghost marriage 冥婚—marriage of the dead. The ghost mar- Benefits of Marriage riage has been documented throughout Chi- Most adults in America eventually marry. Doing so nese history and is still practiced in certain has enormous benefits. Researchers Knopfli et al. regions. Parents who had children who never (2016) noted that spouses report greater health than married and who died may arrange a ghost those who are single or divorced. Superior health is marriage for their deceased children. The only one of several advantages for being married marital union is believed to bring peace to (see Table 1.3 for a comparison of the never married their deceased children in the afterlife (Wang, with the married). The advantages of marriage over 2016). The wedding ceremony for the ghost singlehood have been referred to as the marriage marriage can be arranged for two deceased benefit and are true for first as well as subsequent people or between a living person and a dead marriages. person. The living person of the ghost mar- Explanations for the marriage benefit include riage usually chooses to get married in real economic resources, such as higher income, wealth, life. Chinese ghost marriage is a folk tradition and the ability to afford health care; and social without legal bond.

TABLE 1.3 distribute Benefits of Marriage and the Liabilities of Singlehood or BENEFITS OF MARRIAGE LIABILITIES OF SINGLEHOOD

Health Spouses have fewer hospital admissions, see a Single people are hospitalized more often, have physician more regularly, and are sick less often. fewer medical checkups, and are sick more often. They recover from illness and surgery more quickly.

Longevity Spouses live longer than single people. Single people die sooner than married people. Happiness Spouses report being happierpost, than single Single people report less happiness than married people. people.

Sexual satisfaction Spouses report being more satisﬁed with their Single people report being less satisﬁed with their sex lives, both physically and emotionally. sex lives, both physically and emotionally.

Money Spouses have more economic resources than Single people have fewer economic resources than single people. married people.

Lower expenses Two can live more cheaply together than Cost is greater for two singles than one couple. separately.copy, Drug use Spouses have lower rates of drug use and Single people have higher rates of drug use and abuse. abuse.

Connected Spouses are connected to more individuals who Single people have fewer individuals upon whom notprovide a support system—partner, in-laws, and they can rely for help. so forth.

Children Rates of high school dropouts, teen Rates of high school dropouts, teen pregnancies, pregnancies, and poverty are lower among and poverty are higher among children reared by Do children reared in two-parent homes. single parents. History Spouses develop a shared history across time Single people may lack continuity and commitment with signiﬁcant others. across time with signiﬁcant others.

Crime Spouses are less likely to be involved in crime. Single people are more likely to be involved in crime.

Loneliness Spouses are less likely to report loneliness. Single people are more likely to report being lonely.

Ghost marriage: A marriage between two deceased parties or one Marriage benefit: the advantages of marriage over singlehood, deceased party with a living person. The Chinese ghost marriage is a including married persons being healthier and happier. folk tradition which does not involve a legal bond between the parties.

Copyright ©2021 by SAGE Publications, Inc. This work may not be reproduced or distributed in any form or by any means without express written permission of the publisher. 18 CHOICES IN RELATIONSHIPS control with spouses—for example, ensuring partners marriages are miserable and much less happy than moderate their alcohol or drug consumption or both, unmarried people (Chapman & Guven, 2016). and don’t ride motorcycles. The marriage benefit also involves spouses providing social, emotional, and psychosocial support as an in-resident counsellor Marriage—Then and Now and loving and caring partner (Rauer, 2013; Tumin In her landmark book, The Way We Never Were: & Zheng, 2018). American Families and the Nostalgia Trap, Stepha- However, being married is not beneficial to all nie Coontz (2016) explained the myths we perpetu- individuals in that marriage is associated with obesity ate about marriages and families which disappear (Rauer, 2013). In addition, people in self-assessed poor under factual scrutiny. She also discussed her

FAMILY POLICY

Couple Preparation and Relationship Education

Whether couple preparation is known as marriage seniors are required to take a marriage and relationship preparation, premarital counselling, or marriage skills course. Persons who have done so get a $32.00 education, the federal government has a vested interest discount on their marriage license and may skip the in couple relationship or couple education programs. three-day waiting period. Persons seeking a marriage The estimated societal costs of divorce and family license in Florida may also take a premarital course instability on communities, states, and the nation are online which provides 21 chaptersdistribute to choose from. a minimum of $33 billion; the economic cost for the Individuals can choose any of the chapters if they meet couple getting divorced is between $15,000 and $20,000 a four-hour minimum requirement. Ten states—Florida, (Clyde & Hawkins, 2019). The philosophy behind marriage Oklahoma, Maryland,or Minnesota, Tennessee, Georgia, preparation education is that building a fence at the top South Carolina, Texas, West Virginia, and Utah—promote of a cliff is preferable to putting an ambulance at the marriage education of their residents by, for example, bottom. To the degree that people select a mate wisely offering a discount on the marriage license, which and have the skills to manage conflict, communicate, results in about 15,000 fewer divorces annually (Clyde & and stay married, there is greater economic stability for Hawkins, 2019). the family and less drain on social services in the United States for single-parent mothers and the needs of their Significant positive increases in attitudes, knowledge, children. post,communication and conflict management skills result when adolescents, undergraduates, and emerging African American clergy have been particularly adults experience these programs (McElwain et al., 2016; involved in marriage preparation. In a study comparing Duncan et al., 2016; Cottle et al., 2015; Cottle et al., 2014). 141 members of seven primarily African American Job et al. (2017) assessed the value of a CRE (Couple denominations with 793 clergy from the 15 largest, Relationship Education) program for 234 couples and predominantly White, congregations. African American found a reduction in conflict for those that had the lowest clergy were significantly more likely than clergy in the pretest satisfactions. However, for couples with higher comparison group to address premaritalcopy, content, to use a satisfaction ratings, there was no change or deterioration. skills-based approach, to require a longer waiting period, more sessions, and more homework assignments, and to In spite of the benefits, there is opposition to marriage consider marriage preparation an important part of their preparation education in the public school system. ministry (Wilmoth & Blaney, 2016). Opponents question using school time for relationship courses. Teachers are viewed as overworked, and an Kanter and Schramm (2018)not emphasized the efficacy additional course on marriage seems to press the system of “brief interventions” for marriage education and to the breaking point. In addition, some teachers lack the found 12 such programs amid large databases. These training to provide relationship courses. However, many interventions included issues such as self‐-esteem, schools already have programs in family and consumer distress related to conflict, and gratitude that promoted Do sciences, and teachers in these programs are trained healthy relationship functioning. The researchers in teaching about marriage and the family. A related concluded that such brief interventions can be helpful for concern with teaching about marriage and the family in promoting healthy relationships. McGinnis and Burr (2018) high school is the fear on the part of some parents that also found a correlation between couple relationship the course content may be too liberal. Some parents who education and relationship satisfaction. oppose teaching sex education in the public schools fear Over 2,000 public schools nationwide offer a marriage that such courses lead to increased sexual activity (in preparation course. In Florida, all public high school Chapter 9 we address sex education policies). ●

historical review of family life on the past, present, and future of marriage (Leviton, 2016). For example, FAMILY there is the idea that family values, defined as the Starting a family is often viewed as synonymous most important focus in one’s life, was the primary with having children. While children may precede value during colonial times. But that was never the marriage, most individuals both want and have chil- case. “Early Americans believed you had responsi- dren (Chang et al., 2018). However, the definition of bilities to the larger community. They did not talk what constitutes a family is sometimes unclear. This about ‘The Christian Family,’ because it was too nar- section examines how families are defined, their row and too exclusive” (Leviton, 2016, p. 5). Indeed, numerous types, and how marriages and families there was no state sponsorship of one religion but have changed in the past fifty years. all religions including Jews, Hindus, and Muslims. “The highest value was to make yourself available to the public” (p. 5). Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family. Another myth about marriage in American his- Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one. Jane Howard, the late English novelist tory is the idea of the male breadwinner— that he would bring home the bacon to the wife at home. In reality, men and women both worked on the farm, Definitions of Family rearing and slaughtering hogs together. “In the The answer to the question “Who is family?” is American colonies, if a couple ran an inn together, important because access to resources such as and the wife died, the authorities would revoke the health care, Social Security, and retirement benefits man’s business license until he remarried” on the is involved. The U.S. Census Bureau defines family premise that he could not run a business without as a group of twodistribute or more people related by blood, help (p. 6). marriage, or adoption. This definition has been challenged because it does not include foster families or Is Marriage Obsolete? long-termor couples who live together. Unless cohabi- As noted earlier, marriage remains the dominant tants are recognized by the state in which they reside goal for most individuals. While there has been a as in a “domestic partnership,” cohabitants are typ- decline in the percentage of individuals choosing ically not viewed as “family” and are not accorded to marry, Schneider et al. (2018) identified, among health benefits, Social Security, or retirement bene- other factors, the reduced economic prospects of men fits of the partner. Indeed, the “live-in partner” may and the increased wage opportunities of women as not be allowed to see the beloved in the hospital, explanations. The researchers also noticed the post,influ- which may limit visitation to “family only.” Being the ence of the waning normative imperative to marry same sex and being excluded from being with one’s and the acceptability of alternative family forms. It hospitalized partner was another motivating factor should also be kept in mind that lower marriage rates for legal approval of same-sex relationships. are primarily in reference to those without college degrees. As income and education increase, so do CULTURE AND DIVERSITY marriage rates. Rather than being obsolete,copy, the meaning of mar- Dragojlovic (2016) interviewed 24 women from riage has changed. Individualized marriage is the Europe, Australia, and the United States who had term which describes the blending of two cultural vacationed in Bali, fallen in love with a Balinese forces in America—the individualistic need to be man, and had one or more children. Although autonomousnot and the need to be grounded in tradi- there were variations in the various patterns of tional family structure such as marriage. Lindemann commitment and relationships, a common theme (2017) observed this phenomenon in her study of was that these women were “playing family” by commuter marriages whereby spouses chose to be living and rearing their children in their native land married although they were separated in much of while maintaining a relationship with the father of theirDo work lives. They were adamant that they were the children. Even though he was often married “together” even though they were physically sep- and had other children with a Balinese woman, the woman would visit annually to maintain the arated. They used digital technology to keep them relationship with the partner and father of the “virtually together.” child. These non-conventional transnational families challenge the nuclear family norm.

Individualized marriage: blending of two cultural forces in America; the individualistic need to be autonomous and the need to Transnational family: family in which the mother and child live in be grounded in traditional family structure such as the marriage. another country from the father.

The definition of who counts as family is being challenged. In some cases, families are being defined by function rather than by structure—for example, what is the level of emotional and financial commitment and interdependence between the partners? How long have they lived together? Do the partners view themselves as a family? Are single parent families a “real family” or only those with two parents in one residence?

CULTURE AND DIVERSITY This couple drove with these three dogs from Chicago to Florida for the winter and back again in the Spring. They “won’t leave Hawaii has a cultural tradition of “hanai home without them.” adoptions” which allows a child to be “hanai’d out”—the child may be adopted by someone in the extended family or by a childless couple. and medical benefits were not available to those in Typically, no papers are signed, but the new civil unions. adoptive parents love, nurture, rear, and educate While less important since same-sex marriage the child as though he or she were a biological became a legal option, domestic partnerships are child. In addition, the relationship between the relationships in which cohabitating individuals are child and the birth parents is not only permitted given some kind of official recognition by a city or but encouraged. corporation so as to receivedistribute partner benefits, such as health insurance. Domestic partnerships do not con- Sociologically, a family is defined as a kinship fer any federal recognition or benefits. system of all relatives living together or recognized as a social unit, including adopted individuals. This Friends or definition includes same sex couples with or without children as well as single parents. The family Friends sometimes become family. Due to mobil- is regarded as the basic social institution of society ity, spouses may live several states away from their because of its important functions of procreation and respective families. Although they may visit their socialization; the family is found in some form in all families for holidays, they often develop close friend- ships with others on whom they rely locally for emo- societies. Fictive kin, also called families of choice, voluntary kin, discretionary kin, and nonconven- post,tional and physical support. Persons in the military who are separated from their parents and siblings or tional kin, refers to nonbiological and nonlegal relationships that are close, meaningful, and supportive. deployed spouse often form close “family” relation- In the Netherlands, 35% of those aged 61-79 years old ships with other military individuals, couples, and are more likely to include fictive kin in their networks families. (Voorpostel, 2018). Parker and Mayock (2019) sur- Pets veyed homeless youth in terms of how they viewed “family.” Four themes emerged, includingcopy, “family as Ninety-five percent of 1,010 adult responses to reliable and supportive; family as interrupted and Purina’s Dog Survey (2018) viewed their dog as ‘broken’; family as fragile and elusive; and family as part of the family (Grandstaff, 2016, 4b). Exam- fluid and ambiguous—revealing the unfolding nature ples of treating pets like children include owners of young people’s constructions of family and family requiring a fenced-in backyard for where they rent relationships” (p.540).not or buy an apartment or house, staying only in pet Before same-sex marriage couples, some same- friendly motels, or feeding the pet a special diet, sex couples sought a civil union which was to hanging a stocking or buying presents for the provide some benefits to the couple. In reality, recog- pet at Christmas or both (Smith & Bravo, 2016). nition of a civil union provided few benefits and only Other owners buy “clothes” for the pet and leave at the stateDo level. Even less was provided at the fed- money in one’s will for the care of one’s pet. Some eral level: The federal tax rates and Social Security cohabitants get a puppy which symbolizes their commitment to “family.” Some pet owners buy accident insurance for their pets. In divorce, cus- Family: a group of two or more people related by blood, marriage, or adoption. tody is assigned, parental responsibility to pay for Fictive kin: nonbiological and nonlegal relationships that are close, meaningful and supportive. Domestic partnerships: relationships in which cohabitating Civil union: a pair-bonded relationship given legal significance in individuals are given some kind of official recognition by a city or terms of rights and privileges. corporation so as to receive partner benefits.

upkeep and medical care is identified and custody development, adjustment, and happiness (Incerti et is given on the best interests of the pet. al., 2015). The relationship with one’s siblings, particu- Hodges (2019) revealed that dogs function as larly the sister-sister relationship, represents the most protection, such as a guard dog, as a companion, enduring relationship in a person’s lifetime. or as a status symbol depending upon one’s socio- Edwards and Martinez (2018) emphasized gather- economic status. The higher one’s socioeconomic ing data from one’s entire family history via autoeth- status, the more likely the owner viewed his or her nography to better understand various choices and dog as a sort of status symbol, and the lower one’s histories as they interact with intersectional posi- socioeconomic status, the more likely the owner tions. Persons of color may particularly benefit from viewed his or her dog as an object fulfilling a spe- an awareness of how racial issues have been treated cific purpose such as protection. Owners of dogs in their past family history. To find out about one’s and cats are likely to experience greater symptoms personal genetic ancestry breakdown, over five mil- of depression and anxiety as well as poorer quality lion individuals have turned to “23andMe,” a genom- of life when their pet has a chronic or terminal dis- ics and biotechnology company based in Mountain ease (Spitznagel et al., 2017). View, California. The company is named for the 23 pairs of chromosomes in a normal human cell. Indi- viduals send off for a kit, provide a saliva sample, and CULTURE AND DIVERSITY are sent a report in six weeks about their DNA history.

The age at which a citizen is allowed to marry Family of Procreation varies by country. Most countries identify 18— China is the exception with marriage allowed at The family of procreation represents the family 21— as the minimum age to marry though some that you will begindistribute should you marry and have chil- permit marriage earlier—13 in Columbia—with dren. Of U.S. citizens living in the United States 65 parental consent. Being able to “rent” a family years old and over, 96% have married with most member is available in Japan. Japan’s rent-a- establishingor their own family of procreation (Wang, family industry involves one’s ability to rent a 2018). Across the life cycle, individuals move from wife, husband, child, sibling, you name it. Indeed, the family of orientation to the family of procreation. a Japanese woman who wants a traditional wedding but who has no man in her life can rent Nuclear Family a stand-in groom, bridesmaids, ushers, and so forth. She need only show up with her parents The nuclear family refers to either a family of ori- to have the event of her lifetime—the cost is gin or a family of procreation. In practice, this means $47,000. Grieving widows and widowers can alsopost, that your nuclear family consists either of you, your rent a spouse, parents who are estranged from parents, and your siblings or of you, your spouse, and their children can rent engaged children, and your children. Generally, one-parent households are the elderly can rent grandchildren. One such not referred to as nuclear families. They are binuclear company is called Family Romance, founded by Yuichi Ishii who has 1,200 freelance actors from families if both parents are involved in the child’s which to choose. Ishii has played the husband life, or single-parent families if only one parent is to 100 women. These are social, not sexual, involved in the child’s life. relationships (Batuman, 2018).copy, Sociologist George Peter Murdock (1949) emphasized that the nuclear family is a “universal social grouping” that is found in all of the 250 societies he Types of Families investigated. The nuclear family converts and channels the sexual energy between two lovers so as to There are various types of families. not reproduce, care for, and socialize children to be pro- Family of Origin ductive members of society. Also referred to as the family of orientation, this is Traditional, Modern, and Postmodern Family the family into which you were born or the family in Do There are three central concepts of the family. The which you were reared. It involves you, your parents, traditional family is the two-parent nuclear family, and your siblings. When you go to your parents’ home for the holidays, you return to your family of origin. Siblings in one’s family of origin also provide a pro- Family of procreation: the family a person begins typically by found influence on one another’s behavior, emotional getting married and having children. Nuclear family: consists of you, your parents, and your siblings or you, your spouse, and your children Family of orientation: also known as the family of origin, the family Traditional family: the two-parent nuclear family, with the husband into which a person is born. as breadwinner and the wife as homemaker.

FAMILY POLICY

When Families Are Destroyed by the Government

In Australia, between 1885 and 1969, between 50,000 and The Australian government subsequently apologized 100,000 “half-caste”— people with one White parent— for the laws and policies of successive parliaments and Aboriginal children were taken by force from their parents governments that inflicted profound grief, suffering, and by the Australian police. The White society wanted to loss on the Aborigines. However, Randall noted that the convert these children to Christianity and to destroy their Aborigines continue to be marginalized and that nothing Aboriginal culture, which was viewed as primitive and has been done to compensate them for the horror of without value. The children were forced to walk or were taking children from their families. put on a camel or a train and taken hundreds of miles away from their parents to church missions. Australian America is also guilty of separating children from their government destruction of Aboriginal families is the parents. In 2018-2019, 2,800 children, including toddlers, theme of Rabbit-Proof Fence, a movie available on DVD. were separated from their illegal immigrant parents who were incarcerated awaiting trial, which could take three One of the children, Bob Randall, taken from his parents months. Records were often not kept regarding which child at age 7 wrote of his experience: belonged to which parents, so that reconnection of the children with their parents was difficult (Jervis & Gomez, Instead of the wide open spaces of my desert home, we 2019). A historical look at such a practice in America reveals were housed in corrugated iron dormitories with rows that not only were children separated from their parents and rows of bunk beds. After dinner we were bathed by during slavery—fathers were sold off to different plantation the older women, put in clothing they called pajamas, owners—but Native American childrendistribute as young as five and then tucked into one of the iron beds between the were taken from their families in order to “civilize” them in sheets. This was a horrible experience for me. I couldn’t White boarding schools or non-Indian families—a practice stand the feel of the cloth touching my skin (Randall that lasted more than or100 years and formally ended only 2008, p. 35). with the Indian Child Welfare Act of 1978. ●

with the husband as breadwinner and the wife as post,with both parents, to a binuclear unit with parents homemaker. The modern family is the dual-earner living in separate homes, to a blended family when family, in which both spouses work outside the home. parents remarry and bring additional children into Postmodern families include same-sex couples and the respective units. their children as well as mothers who are single by choice. Polyamorous families are also an example of Extended Family this category. The extended family includes not only the copy, nuclear family or parts of it but other relatives as Binuclear Family well. These relatives include grandparents, aunts, A binuclear family is a family in which the members uncles, and cousins. An example of an extended live in two separate households. This family type family living together would be a husband and is created when the parents of the children divorce wife, their children, and the husband’s parents, and live separately, notsetting up two separate units, the children’s grandparents. The extended family with the children remaining a part of each unit. is particularly important for African-American, Each of these units may also change again when Asian-American, and Latino-American families. the parents remarry and bring additional children Extended families, such as aunts (“tias”) and into the Dorespective units called a blended family. uncles (“tios”), frequently play an active role in the Hence, the children may go from a nuclear family parenting (Ansion & Merali, 2018). We earlier made reference to fictive kin, which may also become part of one’s extended family. Modern family: the dual-earner family, in which both spouses work outside the home. Postmodern family: lesbian or gay male couples or parents and Blended family: a family created when two individuals marry mothers who are single by choice, which emphasizes that a healthy and at least one of them brings a child or children from a previous family need not be the traditional heterosexual, two-parent family. relationship or marriage. Also referred to as a stepfamily. Binuclear family: a family in which the members live in two Extended family: the nuclear family or parts of it plus other households. relatives such as grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins.

change has been in the reasons for marriage. The CULTURE AND DIVERSITY most basic purpose for marriage in history has been to Asians are more likely than White Americans acquire the advantages of having in-laws and to expand to live in extended families. Among Asians, the the family labor source (Coontz, 2016). Marriage today status of the elderly in the extended family is about emotional intimacy and companionship and derives from religion. Confucian philosophy, for a context for self-discovery, self-esteem, and personal example, prescribes that all relationships are growth (Finkel, 2019). Other changes since the 1950s of the superordinate–subordinate type—that is, are identified in Table 1.5. husband-wife, parent-child, and teacher-pupil. For traditional Asians to abandon their elderly TABLE 1.4 rather than include them in larger family units would be unthinkable. However, commitment to Differences Between Marriage and the Family the elderly may be changing as a result of the westernization of Asian countries such as China, in the United States Japan, and Korea. Indeed, there have been reports on the news to the effect that over 1,000 MARRIAGE FAMILY elderly Chinese parents, including a 94-year- Usually initiated by a formal Formal ceremony not old, have sued their children for lack of financial ceremony essential support. A specific example is a mother who sued her son for rearing him and paying for his Involves two people Usually involves more than two people dental training. The Taiwan court ordered the son to pay his mother almost US$1 million (https:// Ages of the individuals tend Individuals represent more www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-42542260). to be similar distributethan one generation Individuals usually choose Members are born or each other adopted into the family DIFFERENCES BETWEEN Ends whenor spouse dies or Continues beyond the life of MARRIAGE AND FAMILY is divorced the individual Sex between spouses is Sex between near kin Marriage can be thought of as a social relationship expected and approved is neither expected nor that sometimes leads to the establishment of a family. approved Indeed, every society or culture has mechanisms for Requires a license No license needed to guiding their youth into permanent emotional, legal, or become a parent social relationships that are designed to have andpost, rear Procreation expected Consequence of offspring. Although the concepts of marriage and the procreation family are sometimes used synonymously, they are dis- Spouses are focused on Focus changes with tinct. The late sociologist Lee Axelson noted some of each other addition of children the differences in marriage and the family (Table 1.4). Spouses can voluntarily Parents cannot divorce withdraw from marriage themselves from obligations via divorce to children Changes in Marriage and the Family copy, Money in unit is spent on Money is used for the in the Last 70 Years the couple needs of children Various researchers have noted the enormous changes Recreation revolves around Recreation revolves around that have occurrednot in marriage and the family. A basic adults children TABLE 1.5

Changes in Marriages and Families—1950 and 2020

Do 1950 2020 Family Strong values for marriage and the Individuals who remain single or child-free experience social Relationship family. Individuals who wanted to understanding and sometimes encouragement. Single Values remain single or child-free were and child-free people are no longer considered deviant or considered deviant, even pathological. pathological but are seen as self-actuating individuals with Husband and wife should not be strong job or career commitments. Husbands and wives can be separated by jobs or careers. separated for reasons of job or career and live in a commuter marriage. Married women in large numbers have left the role of full-time mother and housewife to join the labor market.

(Continued)

TABLE 1.5 (Continued)

Gender Roles Rigid gender roles, with men dominant Egalitarian gender roles with both spouses earning income and and earning income while wives stay involved in parenting children. home, taking care of children.

Sexual Values Marriage was regarded as the only Focus on having safe sex has taken precedence over the appropriate lifestyle in middle- marital context for sex. Virginity before marriage is rare. class America. Living together was Cohabitation has become a stage in a couple’s relationship unacceptable, and children born out that may or may not lead to marriage. Having children outside of wedlock were stigmatized. Virginity of marriage is acceptable. Hooking up is normative among was expected or exchanged for marital singles. commitment.

Homogamous Strong social pressure existed to date Dating and mating reflect more freedom of the individual to Mating and marry within one’s own racial, select a partner outside his or her own racial, ethnic, religious, ethnic, religious, and social class and social class group. Pairings are less often influenced by group. Emotional and legal attachments parental approval. were heavily influenced by approval of parents and kin.

Cultural Silence Intimate relationships were not an Interviews on television and features in magazines reveal on Intimate appropriate subject for discussion in intimate details of the lives of individuals. Survey results in Relationships the media. magazines are open about sexuality and relationships.

Divorce Society strongly disapproved of Divorce has replaced death as the end point of 40-50% divorce. Familistic values encouraged of marriages. Less stigma is associateddistribute with divorce. spouses to stay married for the Individualistic values lead spouses to seek personal happiness. children. Strong legal constraints kept No-fault divorce allows for easy severance. Increasing numbers couples together. Marriage was forever. of children are being rearedor in single-parent homes. Familism versus Families were focused on the needs of Adult agenda of work and recreation has taken on increased Individualism children. Mothers stayed home to ensure importance, with less attention given to children. Children are that the needs of their children were met. being reared in day care centers due to dual career parents. Adult concerns were less important. Some parents are helicopter parents.

LGBTQ LGBTQ emotional and sexual LGBTQ individuals are more open about their identity and relationships were culturally hidden relationships. Same-sex marriage is legal in every state in the phenomena. These relationships were United States. invisible and stigmatized. post, Scientific Aside from the Kinsey Report, a Acceptance of scientific study of marriage and intimate Scrutiny study of sexuality, few studies were relationships. The Society for the Scientific Study of Sex has an conducted on intimate relationships. annual conference, journal, and so forth.

Family Housing Husbands and wives lived in the same Husbands and wives may “live apart” (LAT), which means that, house. although they are emotionally and economically connected, they—by choice—maintain two households, houses, condos, or apartments. Communication Nonexistent, exceptcopy, phone. Smart phones, texting, sexting, Facebook, Instagram, and Technology other social media permeate the lives of individuals, couples, and families. not TECHNOLOGY AND THE FAMILY RobotsDo Are Here Oxford dictionary defines technology as an “application is used to include any practical use, translation or of scientific knowledge for practical purposes, application of scientific knowledge which can include especially in industry.” There are also different types design, products, or services. We begin with robots. of technology including information communication, biomedical engineering, robotics, artificial intelligence, The term robot is defined as a machine withhumanlike entertainment media, and space and energy. In the family features which is able to sense, think, and act. Robots and technology sections of this text, the term technology can be categorized according to their mobility such

what if future personal robots not only perform domestic tasks and share the same dwelling, but also socialize our children, take care of our aging parents, and serve as an important source of intimate relations? Is it possible to have a deep, meaningful, and reciprocal relationship between humans and robots? Although some individuals view advancements in technology, including the use of robots, as important to an improved quality of life, others are apprehensive about such a future. The fear of being replaced by robots is real. It has been predicted that by 2030, between 30% and 47% of our jobs will be replaced by robots (Marx, 2018).

Artificial Intelligence expert Noel Sharkey reported that teenagers risk losing their virginity to sophisticated “Pepper” is being used for companionship of the elderly in some countries such as Japan. humanoid robots (Roxby or Rocky True Companion) and that the new companion for children may be BSIP/Universal Images Group/Getty robots with whom they may bond. Companies in South as stationary, wheeled, and so forth; they can also be Korea and Japan are manufacturing and marketing divided into categories based on their application such “child care” robots that will likely enter mainstream as industrial, domestic and household, rehabilitation, use within a few years. In addition, “companion” and entertainment. Misselhorn (2018) notes that robots humanoid units like Pepper or Paro are being used are “flying airplanes or drones; they are trading high- to provide companionship to elderly people in Asian frequency stocks; and they are controlling our working countries such as Japandistribute (Marx, 2018). What choices will and living environment” (p. 161). individuals, couples, and families make about the use of this technology in their own lives? If a robot can provide The term “personal robots” is used to describe robots companionship to an elderly parent in another city, will that serve as personal assistants to the user, and may the offspringor still choose to visit? Will parents get a dog serve multiple functions or reside with the user and for their children or will this choice be replaced with a families. Personal robots, which have been developed robotic dog such as CHiP)? to perform domestic tasks such as vacuuming and laundry folding, have received increasing attention. The To what degree are robots accepted by United States and other countries, such as Japan, Italy, undergraduates? Forty-four percent of 345 and France, have launched projects to explore the use undergraduates reported that they could view robots of robots as personal assistants for elderly peoplepost, and in the home as family members who performed chores people with disabilities (Marx, 2018; Güttler et al., 2015). (Chang, Huff, & Knox, 2019). According to a survey of Robots have also been used in rehabilitation (Mekki 1,000 adults, 77% of Americans think it will be normal et al., 2018; Chemuturi et al., 2013) and to protect to have a robot in their home within 20 years (Smith property. Regarding the latter, Knightscope is a five- & Loehrke, 2017). Over two thirds, about 68%, of 2,001 foot high, 400-pound security bot hired to patrol the millennial respondents in a Prudential Financial survey grounds of an animal shelter in the Mission District of reported that they fully expect the next generation to San Francisco (Marx, 2018). establish emotional relationships with the robots that serve them (Smith & Loehrke, 2018). The development of robots copy,to function in home settings is a unique challenge. In addition to functionality, the Dr. David Levy, an expert on artificial intelligence and appearance of personal robots must be acceptable to the author of Love and Sex with Robots, has predicted a users. The extent to which robots have become lifelike new type of family in the future. According to Levy, this is uncanny. Hanson Robotics (“Why human-like robots”) new nuclear family will consist of human parents, robot has created strikinglynot realistic humanlike robots including parents, and human-robot children (Levy, 2017). those with a full range of human facial expressions, such as anger, surprise, and so forth. The charming Sophia The use, function, service, and capability of robots (“Being Sophia”), Hanson Robotics’ latest robot, has will continue to expand. Roboethics which investigate appeared in many shows and interviews around the world implications and consequences of robotic technology Doand become a media celebrity. will become increasingly important. The morality and ethics of artificial intelligence has already surfaced Will robots be considered as “family”? The U.S. Census (Misselhorn, 2018). For example, should the vacuuming Bureau defines a family as “a group of two or more robot Roomba kill a ladybug or go around it? How much people who are related by birth, marriage, or adoption monitoring of an elderly person should occur that is and residing together; all such people are considered reported to concerned adult children? The morality, members of one family.” Using this definition, only ethics, and choices regarding robots in the family elicit humans will be considered as family members. However, new questions which future research may address. ●

2. Review the literature. Go online to RESEARCH PROCESS the various databases of your college or AND CAVEATS university and read research that has already been published on social media use. Not only Hughes et al. (2018) emphasized the absence of will this prevent you from “reinventing the research methods content in marriage and family wheel”—you might find that a research study textbooks. A content analysis of the major leading has already been conducted on exactly what texts revealed that only 1% of the content included you want to study—but it will also give you the science of research. “Aren’t we social scien- ideas for study. tists?” asked Robert Hughes. Why don’t we talk 3. Develop hypotheses. A hypothesis is a about our science?! suggested explanation for a phenomenon. Research is valuable since it helps to provide For example, you might hypothesize that evidence for or against a hypothesis. For example, high social media use is associated with it is assumed that hookups do not become monoga- lower relationship satisfaction because the mous love relationships. But almost a fourth of cou- individuals look to external secondary group ples, about 23%, in one study who reported having contexts for interaction and affirmation of hooked up also noted that they transitioned into a closer informal primary group contexts. long-term romantic relationship with their hookup partner (Erichsen & Dignam, 2016). Researchers fol- 4. Decide on type of study and method of data low a standard sequence when conducting a research collection. The type of study may be cross- project and there are certain caveats to be aware of sectional, which means studying the whole when reading any research finding. population at one distributetime—in this case, finding out from persons about their current use of social media—or longitudinal, which means studying the same group of individuals Google is not a synonym for research. across time—inor this case, collecting data for Dan Brown, The Lost Symbol each of four years of college. The method of data collection varies: It could involve using archives with secondary sources such Steps in the Research Process as journals, surveys, interviews with one or both partners, or a case study that focuses Several steps are used in conducting research. on one couple. A basic difference in research post,methodology is quantitative, which relies 1. Select Identify the topic or focus of research. on surveys or archival material for data a subject about which you are passionate. For collection, or qualitative where interviews example, are you interested in studying social and case studies are conducted. media and relationships, which has become a new focus for family researchers (Dworkin 5. Get IRB approval. To ensure the protection et al., 2018)? Give your project a title in the of people who agree to be interviewed or form of a question—“Do People Who Use who complete questionnaires, researchers Social Media Have Happiercopy, Relationships must obtain IRB approval by submitting a Than Those Who Do Not?” summary of their proposed research to the Institutional Review Board (IRB) of their institution. The IRB reviews the research plan to ensure that the project is consistent not with research ethics and poses no undue harm to participants. When collecting data from individuals, it is important that they are told that their participation is completely Do voluntary, that the study maintains

Hypothesis: a suggested explanation for a phenomenon. Cross-sectional: analysis of data representing one point in time. For example, infidelity the first year of marriage in contrast to longitudinal data which would look at infidelity throughout the marriage. Researchers present their new research at professional Longitudinal: analysis of data on a phenomenon over time. For conferences like the National Council on Family Relations which example, infidelity over the years of a marriage in contrast to cross- is included in textbooks. sectional data which would look at infidelity at one point in time.

TABLE 1.6

Potential Research Problems in Marriage and Family

WEAKNESS CONSEQUENCES EXAMPLE

Sample not random Cannot generalize findings Opinions of college students do not reflect opinions of other adults.

No control group Inaccurate conclusions Study on the effect of divorce on children needs control group of children whose parents are still together.

Age differences between Inaccurate conclusions Effect may be due to passage of time or to cohort differences. groups of respondents

Unclear terminology Inability to measure what is What is definition of cohabitation, marital happiness, sexual not clearly defined fulfillment, good communication, quality time?

Researcher bias Slanted conclusions A researcher studying the value of a product should not be funded by the organization being studied. (Ornstein & Thomas, 2018).

Time lag Outdated conclusions Often-quoted Kinsey sex research is over 70 years old.

Distortion Invalid conclusions Research subjects exaggerate, omit information, recall facts or events inaccurately, or do all of these actions. Respondents may remember what they wishdistribute had happened. Deception Public mislead Researchers change research data to continue receiving economic support of sponsors (Google scientific misconduct).

Mischievous responders Invalid data Respondents mislead researcher by providing extreme or untruthful responsesor to be “funny” (Cimpian et al., 2018)

their anonymity, and that the results are potential flaws. Many of the various issues to keep confidential. Respondents under age 18 need in mind when evaluating research are identified in the consent of their parents. Rinehart et al. Table 1.6. (2017) confirmed that collecting research from undergraduates on “sensitive topics”post, such as rape does not increase participant FUTURE OF MARRIAGE distress unduly. Indeed, subjects may benefit While marriage will remain the lifestyle choice for 85% from their participation in research. Bay- of adults in the United States, the delay for some in get- Chen (2017) found increased sexual self- ting married, postponing it until their late 20s or early esteem from participants who reviewed their 30s, will continue. Hooking up, friends with benefits, sexual history. and cohabitation will be experiences for many, but the 6. Collect and analyzecopy, data. Various statistical goal of marriage to one person with children will be packages are available to analyze data to the destination context for today’s youth. The 15% who discover if your hypotheses are true or false. elect never to marry will become not only a growing but less stigmatized segment of our population. 7. Write up and publish results. Writing up Pearce et al. (2018) emphasized the increasing and submittingnot your findings for publication diversity and complexity of family structures—those are important so that your study becomes who are single parents, divorced, cohabiting, same- part of the academic literature. sex couples/parents, living with parents/grandparents, widowed, and those who have never been CaveatsDo to Consider in Evaluating married. Increasingly, while individuals will have Research Quality different family experiences as a result of growing up in varied contexts, the emotional function of con- “New Research Study” is a frequent headline in pop- nectedness and support will remain a unique benefit ular magazines which promises accurate informa- of family life. tion about “hooking up,” “what women want,” “what Although the Supreme Court legalized same- men want,” or other relationship, marriage, and sex marriage, social acceptance will increase slowly. family issues. As you read such articles, as well as Indeed, even acceptance in one’s own family will be the research in texts such as these, be alert to their slow (Kennedy et al., 2018).

The visibility of immigrant families in the Finally, technology and the use of artificial intel- United States will increase. Political policies ligence (AI) will continue to become a part of fam- such as separating children from parents accord- ily living. However, while experts note that AI will ing to administration rulings will be challenged improve the lives of most people, there are concerns in court, and immigrant families, now 13.5% of about how advances in AI will affect what it means to the U.S. population, will increase (Radford & be human, to be productive, and to exercise free will Budiman, 2018). (Anderson & Rainie, 2018).

SUMMARY

What is the view or theme of this text? adoption. In recognition of the diversity of families, the A central theme of this text is to encourage you to be definition of family is increasingly becoming two adult proactive—to make conscious, deliberate relationship partners whose interdependent relationship is long- choices to enhance your own well-being and the well- term and characterized by an emotional and financial being of those in your intimate groups. Some of the commitment. The family of origin is the family into important choices are whether to marry, whom to marry, which you were born or the family in which you were when to marry, whether to have children, whether to reared. The family of procreation represents the family remain emotionally and sexually faithful to one’s partner, that you will begin should you marry and have children. and whether to use a condom. Important issues to keep in Central concepts of the family are traditional, modern, mind about a choices framework for viewing marriage and and postmodern. Types of family include nuclear, binuclear, extended, and blended.distribute the family are that (1) not to decide is to decide, (2) some choices require correcting, (3) all choices involve trade-offs, (4) choices include selecting a positive or negative view, What are the steps in the research process and what (5) making choices produces ambivalence, and (6) some caveats should beor kept in mind? choices are not revocable. Most emerging adults are in no Steps in the research process include identifying a topic, hurry to find “the one,” to marry, and to begin a family. reviewing the literature, deciding on methods and data collection procedures, ensuring protection of subjects What are the theoretical frameworks for viewing via getting IRB (Institutional Review Board) approval, marriage and the family? analyzing the data, and submitting the results to a journal Nine theoretical frameworks were discussed. The most for publication. commonly used are the family systems framework, the post,Caveats that are factors to be used in evaluating research human ecology framework, the symbolic interaction include a random sample where the respondents framework, and the social exchange framework. The providing the data reflect those who were not in the newest framework is the couple and family technology sample; a control group where the group is not subjected framework. to the experimental design for a basis of comparison; objectively defined terminology being used to study What is marriage? the phenomenon; researcher bias which is present in all Marriage is a system of binding adults together to have, studies; time lag which takes two years from study to care for, and socialize offspring if they copy,choose to. The print; and distortion or deception of data, which, although federal government regards marriage as a legal contract rare, some researchers do. Few studies avoid all research between a couple and the state in which they reside that problems. regulates their economic and sexual relationship. Other elements of marriage involve emotion, fidelity, and a What is the future of marriage? formal ceremony. Typesnot of marriage include monogamy Marriage will continue to be the lifestyle of choice for and polygamy. Various forms of polygamy are polygyny, the majority, about 85%–90%, of U.S. adults. Individuals polyandry, and pantagamy. will increasingly delay getting married until their late twenties to early thirties in order to complete What is family?Do their educations, launch their careers, or become The U.S. Census Bureau defines family as a group of economically independent or all of those. And there will two or more people related by blood, marriage, or be an increase in those who never marry.

KEY TERMS

Binuclear family, 22 Feminist framework, 12 Polyandry, 16 Blended family, 22 Fictive kin, 20 Polygamy, 16 Civil union, 20 Ghost marriage, 17 Polygyny, 16 Collectivism, 7 Human ecology framework, 12 Postmodern family, 22 Common-law marriage, 15 Hypothesis, 26 Primary groups, 6 Conflict framework, 11 Individualized marriage, 19 Secondary groups, 6 Cross-sectional, 26 Individualism, 7 Social exchange Domestic partnerships, 20 Institution, 6 framework, 10 Extended family, 22 Longitudinal, 26 Sociological imagination, 8 Familism, 7 Marriage, 14 Structure-function framework, 10 Family, 20 Marriage benefit, 17 Symbolic interaction Family life course Mating gradient, 6 framework, 11 development, 10 Millennials, 4 Theoretical frameworks, 10 Family life cycle, 10 Modern family, 22 Traditional family, 21 Family of orientation, 21 Nuclear family, 21 Transnational family, 19 Family of procreation, 21 distribute Pantagamy, 16 Utilitarianism, 10 Family systems framework, 12 or

WEB LINKS

Institute for Family Studies U.S. Census Bureau https://ifstudies.org/ http://www.census.gov/ National Council on Family Relations post, http://www.ncfr.org/

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