Shivah to Yahrtzeit

ShivahYahrzeit_Brochure:Layout 1 05/08/2014 10:46 AM Page 1 Mourners leave home to attend services in the special community-wide qever avot services synagogue on Shabbat. On Friday evening, the take place in Jewish cemeteries just before community greets mourners at the conclusion Rosh HaShanah or between Rosh HaShanah of the L’kha Dodi hymn. and Yom Kippur. We do not visit graves on Shabbat or holidays. Shivah ends on the morning of the seventh day, just after the morning service. Mourners Yahrtzeit and Yizkor take a short walk together symbolizing the Yahrtzeit—a German word meaning “the time beginning of their return to everyday life. (tzeit) of year (yahr)”—is the anniversary of a death (Sephardim call it Nahalah meldado or After Shivah: Shloshim Annos). We observe it on the anniversary of The month following a death is known as the death, not the funeral. Most people shloshim (thirty). The most important act observe it according to the Jewish calendar, associated with shloshim and the yearlong others follow the secular calendar. period of mourning for a parent (shanah) is saying Qaddish. Although the official period of We light a 24-hour memorial candle at mourning for a parent extends a full year, sundown which burns throughout the next day. children recite it only for eleven months. If the yahrtzeit falls on Shabbat or a holiday, The First Tradition teaches that divine judgment takes a light the memorial candle first, then the full year, but because we are confident that our holiday candles. There is no blessing recited parents will be judged worthy of God’s reward when lighting the yahrtzeit candle. Those Year of before the end of this period, children stop observing yahrtzeit attend synagogue services short of a full year of saying Qaddish. and recite the Mourner’s Qaddish. It is also a Mourners of other relatives say Qaddish for custom to visit the grave on the yahrtzeit day Mourning: thirty days. Those who recite Qaddish at the if possible. Giving tzedaqah (charity) is another daily minyan often find themselves warmly way to mark the occasion. reconnected to Jewish life and the supportive Yizkor means “memorial” and is the memorial From community of other mourners service recited four times a year in the Visiting the Grave synagogue on Yom Kippur, Shemini Atzeret, the last day of Passover and Shavuot. Shivah to Many mourners visit the grave at the conclusion of shivah, the conclusion of May God comfort all who are among the shloshim, at the unveiling service of the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem. Amen. memorial gravestone, approximately a year Yahrtzeit after the death, and on the yearly yahrtzeit, the anniversary of the death. In addition, Adapted from “From Death through Shivah” by Dr. Ron Wolfson and used with permission from Jewish Lights Publishing. BaycrestBaycrest HealthHealth SciencesSciennces iss fully afaffiliatedfiliated with thethe UniversityUniversity ofof TorontoTTororoonto ShivahYahrzeit_Brochure:Layout 1 05/08/2014 10:46 AM Page 2 The Meal of Condolence when mourners join the community at The last thing we may want do when we return synagogue. There are three services daily in home from the funeral is eat. But, eat we must, traditional Jewish observance: Sha harit says the wise tradition. The seudat ha-havra’ah (morning), Min hah (afternoon), and Ma’ariv (meal of condolence) usually consists of very (evening). The Min hah and Ma’ariv services are basic foods: a roll or muffin to remind us that often held together, separated by a brief break. death is a part of the cycle of life and a hard- Some mourners prefer to hold one prayer boiled egg to remind us, like the shell, that life service at home, usually in the evening. is fragile, and like the inside, that when placed in hot water, i.e. difficult times, we, like the egg, Shivah Customs become steadfast and strong. Sephardi Jews Over the centuries, customs developed to help prepare round lentils, similarity evoking the mourners do their grief work: sense of circularity and cycle. The meal of • Washing hands . Jewish law stipulates Healing from Grief condolence is not the Jewish version of a wake. washing hands before entering a s hivah Judaism places loss and grief in the context of There is no obligation to feed visitors at the house upon returning from the funeral. family and community. Every law and custom shivah home, although it has become the This relates to the idea that contact with has at its core the imperative to surround custom in many communities. In fact, the dead makes a person ritually impure. those who grieve with a supportive comforters are to serve mourners, not the • Lighting a shivah candle . Mourners light a community. Judaism shows us the way to other way around. special candle immediately upon returning mourn, the way to grieve, the way to recover, from the cemetery to the shivah house. It the way to remember. Comforting Mourners burns for the entire shivah period. There is no blessing for lighting this candle. Shivah • Covering mirrors . The most common After death and burial, the next phase of reason cited is that mourners should not be mourning comes during shivah (seven), the concerned with issues of vanity. seven-day period beginning immediately after • Mourners stay home, except for attending the funeral. Since Jewish law counts a fraction synagogue services . This enables the of a day as a full day, both the funeral day and bereaved to focus exclusively on the grief morning of the seventh day count as full days. work they must do to return to normal life. Thus, one normally “sits shivah ” from the • Removing shoes . Often mourners do not moment one returns home from the funeral wear shoes at home. until after the morning service six days later. • Refraining from pleasurable activities . We Traditionally, mourners are not to rise to greet limit these activities when one is in However, we reduce the days of shivah if the or “entertain” visitors; instead, visitors take mourning, although customs vary as to major holidays of Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur, their cues about when and what to talk about which restrictions – attending a party, Passover, Shavuot, or Sukkot come during the from the mourner. Shivah is a time to listening to band music – apply after seven days. While seemingly counter to the remember the life of the person. The role of shivah . purpose of the seven-day grief cycle, these comforters is to ask about the deceased and to • Sitting on a low stool. The very term holidays and Shabbat are so important for share memories, sometimes through tears and “sitting shivah” probably refers to the communal solidarity that their observance laughter. practice of mourners sitting on low stools supersedes the requirements of shivah . or couches without cushions during the Religious Services week. It is traditional practice to hold prayer services daily in the shivah home, expect on Shabbat.

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