Dalhousiegazette Volume117 Fe
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--NOT A WORD FROM MISSING ANDY------. By Sal Hollowsworth that Mackay was under investigation for tuition went to Las Vegas to try and gamble the seeking the provincial Liberal leadership. fee increases over the last five years that the university's way back into the black. "Alexa won't let me," he said. Mounties consider to border on the criminal. Other rumours have it that Mackay has a Student union president Alex Gigeroff said the "And tracking down criminals is our job," secret rendezvous with a group of investors who student union was remaining neutral on the issue, IT HAS BEEN five days since anyone has seen says Horse. are interested in renting out the giant hole in the and would not offer a statement, but is getting Andrew Mackay. Family members said recently that Mackay Killam library for a nuclear missile silo. together a petition to voice student concern. The popular president of Dalhousie had had trouble sleeping lately, waking up in a When bothered at his home by the Daily Tom Faukner-Sinclair said the faculty University was last seen boarding a plane at cold sweat constantly mumbling something Nuisance, vice-president Robbie Shaw said "Is association is of the opinon that now is as good as Halifax International Airport Saturday morning. about "I'll get that Henry Hicks ... " he gone? Really? Gosh, I never really noticed." any time to restructure the university - before RCMP inspector Harry Horse said yesterday Police are discounting rumours that Mackay Shaw went on to deny rumours that he is he gets back. The .. a sa Circulation: Baie Comeau-W estmount: 444-8694 Thursday, February 21, 1985 **** Bedford SackviUe: No circulation · ( f E - ;;1 T "You remember having dope with Dick, don't ya? Sure ya do." Two dopes claim to have doped with E Disco Dick during the recent Royal visit. WhiJe crazed on a mixture of mind-warping drugs, the two put on bunny suits and ran for student union elections at Dalhousie U Diversity. Lucklly, the rest of the campus was also on drugs that week and they won... Photo: Who cares? - HAND SEVERED 1-N FREAK . ACCIDENT· IS In a moment of distraction, Jones' attention was diverted and "IT WAS GROSS," SAYS his soft, pliant flesh met with the whirling dervish of steel. STARTLED CO Hollering obscenities, Jones pulled back from the machine only WORKER WHO WAS IN to discover his sleeve was empty - he had cut off his right hand. FACT HIS TWIN But the nightmare was not yet .BROTHER MAX over. Later that day, while Sllnlllna old dead demonstrating to insurance Lobsters at By Pol Withered a wedding ring. officials bow the accident Barney Jones was tragically happened, Jones again was me Lobster nat HE WILL never again know parted from both his hands distracted. The insatiable blade I the firm handshake of a friend, yesterday in a macabre encounter awaited - Barney Jones lost his Positively disgusting little beasties ... play ball with his children, or wear with a chainsaw. remaing hand Professors call for death penalty OTIAW A (PC)- Three until he died if his grades professors have recently didn't improve. In four . written a book stating months he went from that the Canadian post being a snivelling little secondary system could drop out to an A plus vastly improve if student." students with poor But not all students grades were faced with have been as fortunate as · capital punishment. Hammond. "Sure, we've had to In The Great Drain kill a few to make an Robbery professors example of them,"said Granite, Berconfusion Bodeswell. "But what and Bodeswell state that the hell, there are their experiments in 399,000 more where classroom terror have they came from." improved student The Canadian Fed standards immensely. eration of Students said "Take young Ham .they will respond to the mond," writes Hereon radical proposals in the fusion in the book, "We book as soon as they can The Dalhousie Board of Governors met recently to discuss some of the new ideas from that startling new book, The Great Drain Robbery. told him we were going find someone to lend "I really don't know about this idea of killing students," says president Andrew Mackay. "It's not in the spirit of this university." Student board representative Geoff Martin asked, "When is the free pizza coming? I heard there was going to be free pizza. .. " to beat him with a stick them $10 for a copy. KILLER SUBS IN HARBOUR By Mac Colinder "Of course we use rodents in our subs," says Mel Leblanc, owner of the restaurant. "Why KILLER SUBS ARE once again in the else do you think we get all these reptiles in harbour. here?" Dorkman's Hot Subs has been raided once Dorkrnan's menu includes a variety of By Kepny Tylenol did large numbers of Giggleoff. "I looked at again for violations of the health in greasy rodent subs: rat on rye, mice mix, and hamster mind destroying drugs Rusty and said sure." restaurants act. and ham. TWO STUDENTS at with the premiere and "He had everything," Dorkrnan's, located on the harbour, is a City inspector Beeswax says Halifax is not Dalhousie University princess. said Jane's, picking up favorite hang-out for old sailors and reptilia. yet ready for a rodent restaurant. have come forward and "We were standing the story. "Aspirin, "We've discovered that the meat Mr. Beeswax went on to say the restaurant charged that they did around minding our own Tylenol, Contac-C, Dorkrnan has been using," says city inspector would be more acceptable to the city if the dope with New Bruns business out at the Kaopectate, Cod Liver Raoul Beeswax, "well, some of it is rodent." animals used in the subs were at least dead. wick premiere Ricky airport, when this guy Oil... we didn't know Hatbush and princess came over to us, and where to start." Diana of Whales. said, -hey- you want "The princess said she Alec Giggleoff and to do some dope with me had a headache," said Rusty Jane's said they and the princess?" said Giggleoff, "and took some whites - that's ANIMALS SEEK Navy has odd street lingo for aspirin." The RCMP said they couldn't be bothered plans for 75th investigating, because they knew what hap anniversary pened last time they got REVENGE! messed up in all that By Reg Byline collide just north of the one of d'em tings until Northern Quebec are stuff. By SIDP'N MOOR MacDonald bridge. I'm sure it ain't a hunter," also wearing life-jackets "The fireworks will be "We simply told the IN commemoration of said Fabian Larou, a while crossing rivers. stupendous," says premiere to talk to the 75th anniversary of HUNTERS HAVE resident of a scummy Meanwhile the depart Halifax Mayor Rene Elmer, and I don't mean the Canadian Navy, the been baffled recently by apartment in an awful ment of fisheries warns the safety elephant," said armed forces will be re- Wallace. the adoption of bright part of Dartmouth. "But those sport fishing not to Inspector Harry Horse. enacting the Halifax North-end residents orange vests by the when I yell out - hey pull at dollar bills Meanwhile, in another explosion of 1917. are advised that the best wildlife in Canada's you - da dllmn things attached to hooks development, lTV Two ships loaded with place to observe the re forests. run away if they're not sticking up out of the reporter Prat Bryan nuclear weapons will enactment is Truro. "It's so you can't tell hunters, and some run water on local lakes. accused the premiere of the hunters from the away if dey are hunters." Ben Smythe, an planting drugs on him hunted," said Bob Wildlife officials have official with the after a recent arrest off MacDonald, a local warned hunters to stay Canadian Armed Forres, the coast of Columbia. stalker in the Pictou out of the forests until says it appears there is a "He planted these three region who sells bait being issued with animal battle in our countryside one ton bails of coke on worms for a living. coloured vests to over who is going to my boat." As a result the number distinguish the two remain on top of the food The premiere denies of game being shot by parties from each other. chain. He says it is the all charges, and said the hunters has considerably Reports have also duty of all Canadians to drugs he took were only dropped. been coming in that go out and eat an animal for medicinal purposes "I ain't gonna shoot at some Caribou 1n today. on the order of his accountant. Page A-2 o The Dalhousie Gazette, February 21, 1985 Tories have right to vomit in celebration of last fall's victory ... IT'S PARTY TIME for the provincial Most, regardless of the stripe running up same people who have put him in office in not to trip over me from time to time. Tories! Its the first time they've gathered en their backs, will agree that the Tories three consecutive elections were the same In the days leading up to the September masse since last week, when they had a big deserve a party in celebration of their ones who shunned him for eight years - 1978 elections many of my peers laughed at booze-up in the comer of the Seahorse. The victory, although some are openly although the few squirrels and couple of elk me and my predictions of a Tory win.