One Summer Night

Characters: (in order of appearance)

Theseus: Duke of Athens Hippolyta: Amazon Queen, Theseus’s fiancé Philostrate: Theseus’s assistant Egeus: Nobleman of Athens, father to Hermia Demetrius: Nobleman of Athens, betrothed to Hermia Lysander: Nobleman of Athens, in love with Hermia Hermia: Maiden of Athens, in love with Lysander Helena: Maiden of Athens, in love with Demetrius Oberon: King of the Fairies Puck: Oberon’s assistant a.k.a Robin Goodfellow Peaseblossom: One of Titania’s fairy entourage Moth: One of Titania’s fairy entourage Titania: Queen of the Fairies Mustardseed: One of Titania’s fairy entourage Cobweb: One of Titania’s fairy entourage Bottom: An amateur actor, and a weaver Quince: An amateur director, and a carpenter Flute: An amateur actor, and a leather craftsman Snout: An amateur actor, and a plumber Starveling An amateur actor, and a tailor + Various attendants to Theseus and Hippolyta Various Fairy attendants to Oberon and Titania

Scene Breakdown: 1. Theseus’s court at Athens 2. Meeting Place of the Mechanicals 3. The Woods outside of Athens 4. Titania’s Lair 5. Mechanicals’ rehearsal in the Woods 6. Another part of the forest 7. Meeting place in Athens 8. The Palace at Athens

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Songs: Lysander and Hermia: LOVE SONG #1 W/ SOME CHOREOGRAPHY “WOULDN’T IT BE NICE” BY THE BEACH BOYS** Helena: SAD LOVE SONG W/ SOME CHOREOGRAPHY “WHITE FLAG” BY DIDO Bottom & the Mechanicals: SELF-AGGRANDIZING SONG W/ CHOREOGRAPHY* “BECAUSE I’M AWESOME” BY THE DOLLYROTS ** Titania: ANTI-LOVE SONG W/ SOME CHOREOGRAPHY “YOU DON’T OWN ME” BY JOHN MADARA AND DAVID WHITE Fairies: DREAMY SONG #1 W/ CHOREOGRAPHY* “DREAM A LITTLE DREAM” BY FABIAN ANDRE, WILBUR SCHWANDT AND GUS KAHN ** Fairies: ANTI-LOVE SONG W/ SOME CHOREOGRAPHY “WHY DO FOOLS FALL IN LOVE” BY FRANKIE LYMON AND MORRIS LEVY** Bottom: LOUD OBNOXIOUS SONG (A CAPELLA) NA Titania: LOVE SONG #2 W/ SOME CHOREOGRAPHY “FEVER” BY EDDIE COOLEY AND OTIS BLACKWELL** Fairies: DREAMY SONG #2 W/ SOME CHOREOGRAPHY “ALL I HAVE TO DO IS DREAM” BY FELICE AND BOUDLEAUX BRYANT** Fairies: LOVE SONG #3 W/ CHOREOGRAPHY* “TRUE LOVE” BY PINK** Fairies: DREAMY SONG #3 W/ CHOREOGRAPHY* “SH BOOM” BY THE CREW CUTS**

*need choreographer ** need musical coach

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One Summer Night adapted from “A Midsummer Night’s Dream” by William Shakespeare

Scene 1:

The court at Athens: Hippolyta and Theseus enter, fighting with swords. They are having fun, laughing and playing. They are clearly deeply and aggressively in love. Philostrate and other servants follow behind.

Theseus: Hippolyta, you gorgeous Amazon, I cannot wait to marry you.

Hippolyta: Well, you’ll have to. There are four days until the wedding.

Theseus: I feel like it’s four months. I want you as my wife.

Hippolyta: The days will turn into nights. And those nights will pass like a dream. And then the night of our wedding will arrive and the stars and the moon will appear again as witnesses to our love.

(Theseus takes a deep breath and exhales, trying to control his passion)

Theseus: Philostrate, go announce to all the people of Athens that, for the next four days, there should be nothing but merriment. Everyone must have fun and be happy. Do you hear me? There should be no sadness in the city while our wedding day approaches.

Philostrate: As you wish sir. (exits)

Theseus: Hippolyta, our love began with a battle and I won you with a fight. But our marriage will be a celebration unlike any other. It have everything! A proper ceremony…

Hippolyta: And dancing…

Theseus: And costumes!

Hippolyta: And cake!

Theseus: And barrels of wine!

Egeus: (interrupting) Hello Duke! It’s nice to see you looking so energetic.

Theseus: Egeus. What do you want?

Egeus: My Lord, it hurts me to say it, but I have an accusation against my daughter Hermia.

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(Hippolyta and Theseus exchange glances and smile in a knowing manner. Hippolyta exits, Theseus turns to Egeus. )

Theseus. Yes, go on.

Egeus: She is refusing to marry the man I have chosen for her. Come here, Demetrius.

(Demetrius struts forward)

This man has my permission to marry her. Come here, Lysander.

(Lysander walks over, unhappy but firm in his intentions)

This man has bewitched my daughter! He has ensnared her heart with poems and gifts. You! You Lysander - you made her betray her duty to her father! She should be obedient to me, instead of fawning over you! (to Theseus) My noble duke, as you are the final word of justice, I have a request - I want to evoke the ancient privilege of Athens. Since my daughter belongs to me, she has to do what I say. She either marries Demetrius, or …or…she can die for all I care!

Theseus: Okay, okay shhhh shhhh. Calm down. Egeus. Have a seat. Hermia. What’s your side of the story? Why aren’t you listening to your father? Remember that our laws dictate that you have to do whatever he says. Why are you rocking the boat? What’s wrong with Demetrius? He seems like a good man.

Hermia: So is Lysander.

Theseus: Not if your father doesn’t agree.

Hermia: I only wish my father could see with my eyes.

Theseus: Maybe you should try using some of his judgment.

Hermia: My lord, I have a question. What is the worst thing that can happen to me if I refuse to marry Demetrius?

Theseus: Well… legally…either you’ll be executed or, more likely, you have to become a nun. Hmmm? Think about it. Shut up in a dark convent forever. Saying prayers all day and night. Some people are cut out for that type of life. But, my dear girl, wouldn’t it be much better to get married and have children?

Hermia: Not if I have to marry Demetrius.

Theseus: Hermia, this is a very big decision. Take some time to think about this. You have four days - if you don’t agree to marry Demetrius, you’ll spend the rest of your life in the convent.

Demetrius: Hermia, just say yes! Lysander, give up this pointless courtship. I’m the one her father wants.

Lysander: Then why don’t you marry her father? Hermia loves me, Demetrius. Not you.

Egeus: Don’t be snide, Lysander. It’s true: I feel a father’s love for Demetrius, and Hermia is my daughter. I say that they shall be married!

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Lysander: My lord, I am just as worthy as Demetrius. I have property, money, and influence just as he does. What’s more, your daughter loves me. Doesn’t that count for anything? Why shouldn’t I fight for her?

Theseus: Alright I’ve heard enough. Hermia, think about your options. If you don’t listen to your father, you will spend the rest of your life as a nun, locked in a convent with no earthly love to call your own. Not a nice idea. You have four days to decide. Demetrius and Egeus, You come with me. I have some business to discuss with you.

Egeus: As you wish my lord

(All exit but Lysander and Hermia. Their chemistry is as sweet and chaste as Theseus and Hippolyta’s is passionate)

Hermia (breaking down) Oh God, Lysander. Why is does it have to be like this? Why can’t I choose the one I love?

Lysander: The course of true love has never been smooth. Lovers have always had to overcome obstacles for all sorts of reasons.

Hermia: I guess you’re right. We have to be patient. Suffering is as much a part of love as wishes and tears and dreams.

Lysander: Listen, Hermia. I have an aunt outside of Athens. She is a widow with a huge house and no children, and she thinks of me as a son. She lives about twenty miles away from here, where Athenian laws don’t apply. If we go there, we can get married. We can be together and forget about everyone who stands in our way.

Hermia: Lysander!

Lysander: Will you come with me, Hermia? If you really love me, meet me in the woods tomorrow night, in the meadow where we met Helena for the May dance. Remember? We can run away together.

Hermia: Oh Lysander! Yes! I will be there tomorrow, I swear to you.

Lysander picks up Hermia and spins her around. They laugh with joy.

(Lysander and Hermia sing LOVE SONG #1)

Lysander: You really promise? (Hermia nods) Look, here comes Helena.

Helena enters slowly, very depressed. At the sight of Lysander and Hermia holding hands, she sighs.

Hermia: Helena! Why so glum? Where’s your beautiful smile?

Helena: Don’t call me beautiful. Demetrius thinks I’m hideous. Oh Hermia, I would give the world to trade places with you, even for one day, just to hear Demetrius say that he loves me. Can you teach me how to make him want me?

Hermia: What can I say? The more I tell him that I hate him, the more he follows me around like a puppy.

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Helena: The more I tell him I love him, the more he avoids me.

Hermia: Don’t worry, Helena. He’s not going to chase me anymore. Lysander and I are running away!

Lysander: We’re meeting in the woods tomorrow….

Hermia: In the same place where you and I always used to play when we were kids…

Lysander: And then we’re leaving Athens forever.

Hermia: We’re eloping! Helena, my dear friend, wish us luck. (turning to Lysander and taking his hand) I’ll be thinking of you….until tomorrow night.

Lysander: I won’t think of anything else.

(Hermia exits)

Lysander: Good bye Helena. Don’t worry. I’m sure Demetrius will comes to his senses.

(Lysander exits)

Helena: How strange, that some people get to be so happy, and others so miserable. Everyone says I’m just as pretty as Hermia, except Demetrius. She said he follows her around like a…(pauses and thinks) If I tell him about Hermia’s plans he’ll follow her into the woods. And I can show him where to go….and he’ll be so thankful, maybe he’ll forget all about….her.

(Helena sings SAD LOVE SONG)

Scene 2: Meeting place of the Mechanicals:

Quince: Are we all here?

Bottom: We should really take attendance: read out everyone’s name and the roles they are playing.

Quince: Here’s the list of everyone in Athens who is considered appropriate to play a role in our drama which will be performed for the Duke and the Duchess on their wedding night.

Bottom: First you should tell us what the play is about, then read the names of the actors.

Quince: Very well, our play is called “The most lamentable comedy and most cruel death of Pyramus and Thisbe.”

Bottom: It’s a very good play, I can assure you, and it’s hilarious. Now, Quince, call out the names of the actors from your list. Everyone, spread out.

Quince: Answer as I call your name: Nick Bottom, the weaver.

Bottom: That’s me! Ready. Tell me what part I have and proceed.

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Quince: You are cast as Pyramus

Bottom: Who is that? A lover or a tyrant?

Quince: He is a lover who kills himself in the name of love.

Bottom: That will require some tears on my part. Yes, I’ll make everyone in the audience weep. Even so, I’m really good at playing tyrants: (In heavy acting mode) “The rain rocks An shivering shocks Shall break the locks of prison gates”

(Everyone applauds. Bottom sings a SELF-AGGRANDIZING SONG)

Bottom: That was top notch if I do say so myself. But a Pyramus will have to be played more sympathetically….

Quince: Francis Flute, the bellows mender?

Flute: Here.

Quince: Flute, you are playing Thisbe.

Flute: Who is Thisbe? A wandering knight?

Quince: It is the lady that Pyramus falls in love with.

Flute: I don’t want to play a woman! I’m too old for that. Look! I’m starting to get a beard!

Quince: That’s okay - you’ll wear a mask and speak in a high voice.

Bottom: Let me play Thisbe too. I can speak in a belligerently high voice: (Performs parts by jumping left to right) “Thisbe, Thisbe” - “Ah Pyramus, my dear lover! I’m your dear Thisbe, your dear lady!”

Quince: No, no! You can’t play two parts - you have to play Pyramus and Flute has to be Thisbe.

Bottom: Fine. Keep going.

Quince: Robin Starveling, the tailor.

Starveling: Here.

Quince: You are playing Thisbe’s mother. Tom Snout, the tinker?

Snout: Here.

Quince: You will play Pyramus’s father. I will play Thisbe’s father. Snug, the joiner, you will play the lion’s part. I hope we’ve cast the play well.

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Snug: Do you have the script for the lion’s part? Can have it now? I’m slow at memorizing lines.

Quince: You don’t need to memorize any lines. It’s nothing but roaring.

Bottom: Let me play the lion too. I will roar so well that the Duke will say, “That roar does my heart good. Let’s hear that roar again!”

Quince: You are playing Pyramus! (hands out scripts) Here are your scripts, everyone. Try to memorize your lines by tomorrow night. We don’t want anyone to see us rehearsing before the play, so we’ll be rehearsing in the woods just outside of town. At the Duke’s oak. Any questions?

Bottom: We will meet, and there we’ll rehearse fatuously in perfect obscenity. Be there on time or you’ll be in danger of losing your roles.

(They exit)

Scene 3: The woods outside of Athens

(Peaseblossom and Moth enter and begin to engage in Fairy-like activities. Puck makes a smooth, subtle entrance.)

Puck: Hello there, spirits. Where are you wandering tonight?

Moth: Over the hill, over the dale.

Peaseblossom: Over the park, through the pale.

Moth: Through bushes and briars.

Peaseblossom: Through floods and through fires.

Both: We wander everywhere.

Moth: Swifter than the earth’s sphere.

Peaseblossom: And we serve the Fairy Queen.

Puck: King Oberon is coming here tonight to engage in his usual festivities. Make sure the Queen doesn’t come near him because the King is not in a very good mood. The Queen stole one of his changelings: a cute little Indian prince. Oberon wants the boy to be a soldier but the Queen wants to put daisy chains on his head and sing him lullabies. It’s a mess.

Peaseblossom: Excuse me. Am I mistaken or are you Robin Goodfellow?

Moth: Oooh! Are you the shrewd and cunning spirit who turns invisible to frighten the girls in the village? And steal cream from the cows?

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Peaseblossom: And changes the shape of the forest, so that mortals taking a walk in the woods get completely lost?

Moth: You like people to call you “Puck” - when they do, you help them out and give them luck?

Puck: What you say is…right. I am a carefree wanderer in the night. I tell jokes to Oberon and make him smile when I hide inside a pint of ale, and make the old lady drinking it spill it down her chin. Sometimes, when an old man is telling a sad story, I will pretend to be a chair and let him try to sit on me, then I slip from his bum and let him topple on the floor, and watch everyone’s tears turn to laughter.

(Moth and Peaseblossom are laughing at Puck’s descriptions, when suddenly he hears something and they stop)

Puck: Here comes Oberon - get out of here.

Peaseblossom: And here comes the Queen.

Moth: Let’s hide!

(Oberon and Titania enter from opposite sides of the stage. They stop and stare angrily at each other)

Oberon: My dear Titania. This is a most unwelcome moonlit meeting.

Titania: Ugh! Oberon. Come my fairies, let’s leave. I do not want to see this jealous fool tonight.

Oberon: Wait a minute. Am I not your husband, to be obeyed?

(Titania slowly and deliberately approaches Oberon.)

Titania: You? A husband? Wouldn’t that make me your wife? And yet, I know you have left the forest for the last five nights, disguised yourself as a mortal and tried to seduce an Athenian woman. And why did you come back from India so soon? Could it be because Theseus is about to marry Hippolyta, the queen of the Amazons? Is it that you want to tell her in person how much joy you wish her in her marriage? Or do you have another, less noble reason for pursuing her?

Oberon: How dare you accuse me of infidelity with Hippolyta when I know all about you and your boyfriend Theseus.

Titania: Oh please, that’s a jealous lie.

Oberon: My dear wife. Let’s admit to the real reason that you’re avoiding me. Because you don’t want to give up the changeling. Just give me the kid and let’s be friends again.

Titania: Oberon, you could not buy him from me if you offered your entire fairy kingdom. I knew his mother - she took a vow to worship me. For her sake, I will raise her boy and I will not part with him.

Oberon: Give me that boy!

Titania: Not for your fairy kingdom! [Titania sings ANTI-LOVE SONG #1] Come, Fairies, let’s go. This fight will just continue if I stay.

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(They exit)

Oberon: (calling after them) Fine! Go! But mark my words, whether you like it or not, I’m getting back my prince! Puck, come here. I need you to do something for me. Bring me a flower - the purple one that I showed to you that day on the mountain - if the juice of it is dropped onto sleeping eyelids, it will make the dreamer adore the next creature she sees. Bring me this flower immediately.

Puck: I’ll fly around the earth in forty minutes.

(Puck exits)

Oberon: Once I have this flower, I’ll wait until Titania is asleep and drop the juice in her eyes. When she wakes up, the first thing she looks at, whether it is a lion, a bear, a wolf or a monkey, she will love it with all her heart.

(Demetrius and Helena enter)

Oberon: Whose that? Mortals! I’ll make myself invisible and listen in on their conversation.

Demetrius: I don’t love you! Stop following me! Where are Lysander and Hermia? You told me that they were here. I want to kill him and take her back to Athens. And instead here I am going crazy in these woods. (Helena touches his arm in comfort) Leave me alone, Helena!

Helena: It’s your fault I’m following you. You draw me to you like a magnet. Stop attracting me.

Demetrius: Do I entice you? Do I speak kindly to you? Or, do I tell you, as honestly and clearly as I can that I do not and cannot love you?

Helena: And for your honesty, I love you even more. I’m yours, Demetrius. I can’t help it. I love you.

Demetrius: Stop saying that, Helena. I’m sick of it.

Helena: And I’m sick whenever I’m not with you.

Demetrius: I’m not listening to you. Let me go! (exits)

Helena: I’ll be right behind you. (exits following Demetrius)

Oberon: Poor girl! Don’t you worry, my dear. Before that boy leaves these woods, he’ll be so in love with you that he won’t be able to think straight. (Puck enters)

Oberon: Do you have the flower there?

Puck: Here it is. (Puck produces the flower.)

Oberon: Give it to me. (squeezing the flower into a juice) There! Now all I have to do is find Titania while she’s sleeping, put some of this in her eyes, and poof! She won’t know what hit her. Puck, I want you to take some of this juice, and search the woods. There’s a sweet, young woman who is in love with an arrogant snob. He’s dressed in

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Athenian clothes. Pour the juice in his eyes, but make sure to do it so that the next thing he sees will be the woman. Be precise- I want him to be even more ridiculously in love with her than she is with him.

Puck: No problem, boss.

Scene 4: Titania’s lair. Titania is surrounded by Moth, Peaseblossom and the other fairies

Titania: Come fairies. Dance for me and sing a song to put me to sleep. Then go do your nightly duties.

(Fairies sing DREAMY SONG #1)

Moth: Sshhhhh - she’s sleeping!

Peaseblossom: Fairies - go! Do your work.

(Fairies exit and Titania is left alone. Oberon enters with the flower juice)

Oberon: My dear Titania. The first thing you see when you wake, whether it’s a bear, a lizard or a wild hog, you will love with all of your heart and soul. I can only hope that open your eyes, my dear, when some repulsive thing is nearby.

(Oberon exits. Lysander and Hermia enter. They are lost)

Lysander: Hermia, my darling, you are tired from all of this wandering in the woods. To be honest, I’m lost. I’m not sure which way to go from here. Let’s rest for a bit and wait for daylight.

Hermia: Okay, honey. Let’s do that. Go find a bed. I’ll sleep here on this river bank.

Lysander: This seems like a nice place for both of us to sleep. We are practically husband and wife….

Hermia: No way, Lysander. If you really love me, you will find another spot.

Lysander: Whatever you say. (He finds a spot on the other side of the stage) Good night. I love you.

Hermia: I love you too.

(They sleep. Puck enters, a bit frustrated)

Puck: I’ve searched this entire forest for a man dressed in Athenian clothes. Whose eyes am I supposed to squirt this love potion into? (He spots Lysander) Holy toadstool! Who is this? He is wearing Athenian clothes! This has to be the guy: the one who is mistreating the young lady who loves him. And there she is, sleeping soundly. I can see why she wants to keep her distance from such a creep. Here you go, you cad - “upon your eyes I throw all the power this charm does own”!

(He puts the love juice on Lysander’s eyes and exits. Demetrius and Helena enter, running)

Helena: Wait! Even if you hate me, Demetrius! Please wait!

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Demetrius: How many times do I have to say it? Leave me alone!

Helena: Oh please don’t leave me in the dark!

Demetrius: Go home then! I don’t care. Just don’t follow me, I’m warning you. I’m going on alone.

(Helena, out of breath, sits defeated near Lysander, but does not notice him)

Helena: I can’t take this any more. The more I beg, the less he loves me. Hermia gets to be happy forever, and I get to be miserable no matter what. (She notices Lysander) Who’s that? Lysander, on the ground! Is he dead, or asleep? I don’t see any blood or wound. (She shakes him) Lysander! If you’re alive, wake up!

Lysander: (awakening) Helena! Brilliant, beautiful Helena! I will run through fire for you. Where is Demetrius? I will kill him for his cruelty!

Helena: Don’t say that, Lysander; Don’t say that! What does it matter if he loves Hermia. Hermia loves you, so be happy!

Lysander: Happy with Hermia? No! I regret every minute I have spent with her. It is not Hermia that I love. It’s you.

Helena: What are you doing? What gives you the right to say these things? How dare you! I thought you were a good person, Lysander. It’s bad enough to be refused by Demetrius, but why do I have to be mocked by you as well?

(Helena runs away)

Lysander: Helena! Come back!

(Lysander exits. Hermia wakes up suddenly)

Hermia: Help me, Lysander! Help! Get this slimy snake off of me! (She awakens fully) Oh my goodness. Oh, what an awful dream I had. I dreamt that a snake was trying to eat my heart. Look how I’m shaking. (Looks around and realizes Lysander is gone) Lysander? Where are you? Can you hear me? (Stands up) Lysander, where did you go? Why did you leave me alone? Lysander? I’m coming darling! I’ll find you! Or die trying.

(Fairy’s enter and sing ANTI-LOVE SONG #2)

Scene 5: The Mechanical’s rehearsal in the forest

Bottom: Are we all here?

Quince: This is perfect - this spot will do nicely for our rehearsal.

Bottom: Quince?

Quince: Yes Bottom?

Bottom: There are parts of this script which simply won’t do! First of all, Pyramus kills himself with a sword! The ladies in the audience won’t like that! What do you think?

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Snout: Oh my! That is a problem!

Starveling: We should probably just take out any death scenes.

Bottom: No need! I have a solution that will fix this conundrum! Write me a speech for the beginning of the show. I’ll explain that no one is harmed during the course of the play, and that I am not actually Pyramus, but Bottom the Weaver. That will calm the ladies.

Snout: Won’t the ladies be afraid of the lion?

Starveling: They will! They’ll be terrified!

Bottom: True….so we should make sure that it is clear that you are not actually a lion. Your face should be visible through the mask, and you should have a line.. something like.. “I beg you not to be afraid, for I am not a lion but a man just like other men” And then you can give them your name and tell them that you are actually Snug the Joiner. .

Quince: Fine. Okay. Let’s move on. There are two things we need to discuss. One- how do we convey moonlight? It says in the script that Pyramus and Thisbe meet by moonlight. I think we should have an actor who carries a lantern and plays the character of Moonshine. All agreed?

(everyone nods in agreement. Puck has entered quietly and is watching the conversation)

Quince: We also need a wall. Pyramus and Thisbe talk through a chink in a wall.

Snout: What do you think, Bottom?

Bottom: Someone should play the wall and he should have some plaster and pebbles covering him, to show that he is a wall.

Puck: Who are these fools conversing near the Queen’s boudoir?

Quince: Perfect! Alright- everyone - it’s time to rehearse! Pyramus - you begin. Give your speech then exit over there, past that bush, when you go offstage.

Puck: Ooooh! A play. I’ll be the audience, and maybe an actor too, if the opportunity arises.

Bottom: (in character) Thisbe! The stunted flowers have sweet aromas.

Quince: “Scented” Flowers!

Bottom: Scented flowers have sweet aromas. So does your breath, my dearest Thisbe dear. But wait! What’s that noise? You wait here and I’ll go investigate.

(exits)

Puck: Wow! This may be the weirdest performance I have ever seen. Let’s make it weirder.

(exits after Bottom)

Flute: Is this my turn now?

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Quince: Yes, go!

Flute: Most handsome Pyramus, as true as the truest horse. I’ll meet you at Ninny’s tomb.

Quince: Ninus’ tomb! Pyramus! You missed your cue.

(Bottom enters. His head has been replaced with a Donkey’s head)

Bottom: If I were worthy, dear Thisbe, I would be yours forever.

Quince: Aaaaah! What happened?

Snout: Your face!

Starveling: This is witchcraft!

Flute: Let’s get out of here!

(Everyone exits except Bottom & Puck)

Bottom: What happened? Why are you leaving? (he waits for an answer) Amateurs!

(He regains his composure)

Bottom: I see what they’re doing. They’re trying to scare me into abandoning the show, so they can steal my role. Well I’m not going anywhere. I’m staying right here and I’ll sing at the top of my lungs, so they can see that the show must go on!

(Sings a LOUD, OBNOXIOUS SONG. Titania awakes. Bottom is startled and stops singing)

Titania: Please, gentle mortal. Sing again! Your voice is so soothing, and you are so, so beautiful. And eyes are bright with wisdom, yet you seem as tender and kind as a lamb. Oh mortal, I think I love you!

Bottom: Madam, I am flattered but I think you may be off your rocker if you think you are in love with a man you just met. Although, it is often said, love is often a bit mad.

Titania: You are as wise as you are beautiful.

Bottom: I don’t know about that. I may be ruggedly handsome, and have somewhat superior intelligence, but to be honest I’m not sure how to get out of these woods.

Titania: Don’t leave the woods! You mustn’t! You cannot! I am no ordinary spirit. I have magic at my command. I can give you whatever your heart desires, my love!

(sings a passionate LOVE SONG #2)

Titania: Peaseblossom! Cobweb! Moth! Mustardseed! Thornybriar!

(Fairies enter)

Peaseblossom: Ready!

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Cobweb: And I

Moth: And I

Mustardseed: And I

All: Where shall we go?

Titania: Lead this gentleman to my enchanted chambers. Bring him rare and exotic fruits from all parts of the globe. Sing him songs of love to help him slumber. Make him candles of beeswax lit from the glowworms fiery eyes to light his way to his bed. His wish is your command.

(Titania exits)

Peaseblossom: Hail Mortal!

Cobweb: Hail!

Moth: Hail!

Mustardseed: Hail!

Bottom: Pleased to meet you all! What are your names?

(They lead him away as they continues talking)

Peaseblossom: I am Peaseblossom

Bottom: Pleased to meet you, Mr. Peaseblossom.

Thornybriar: I am Thornybriar! I can talk to butterflies and my favorite color is periwinkle.

Cobweb: My name is Cobweb. I like your funny ears!

Bottom: Ummm, thanks….

(exit)

Scene 6: Another part of the forest

Oberon: I wonder if my dear Queen has awakened, and what creature came into sight when she opened her eyes.

(Puck enters)

Oberon: Here’s my man - Puck! How goes it?

Puck: My lord, your dear wife is in love with a monster. It just so happens that some mortals were rehearsing an awful play just a few steps from where the queen was sleeping. As a prank I fixed up one of them with a jackass’s head, and in that exact moment Titania awoke, spotted the donkey-man and immediately fell head-over-heels in love!

15 One Summer Night

Oberon: Puck! You are a genius! This has worked out better than I could have hoped! But did you remember to put the love juice in the young Athenian’s eyes as well?

Puck: It is done, my lord. And the Athenian woman was sleeping by his side, so when he wakes up, she will be the first thing he spies.

(Enter Demetrius and Hermia)

Oberon: Stay back - here they are.

Puck: This is the woman, but this is not the man.

Demetrius: Why are you treating me like this? I adore you, Hermia! And you treat me like a leper.

Hermia: You’re lucky I don’t do worse, Demetrius. You’re a hypocrite and a liar, and if you have hurt Lysander then just go ahead and kill me too, because I’d rather die than be with you.

Demetrius: Stop being so damned dramatic. I didn’t touch Lysander.

Hermia: Where is he then?

Demetrius: If I tell you, what do I get in return?

Hermia: That’s it! Whether Lysander is dead or alive, I swear, Demetrius, you will never see me again.

(Hermia exits)

Demetrius: (sits) There’s no point in arguing with a woman in a foul mood.

Hermia: (offstage) Don’t follow me!

Demetrius: Fine with me! I’m tired of running around this forest anyway. I’ll just stay here awhile and rest…..(falls asleep)

Oberon: What have you done, you idiot? You put the love juice on the wrong man! You turned true love false and false love true! Go find Helena! She’s a tall, young Athenian girl lost in the forest. Bring her here so that I can fix this mess.

Puck: Yes boss!

(exits running)

Oberon: Flower of this purple dye hit with Cupid’s archery, sink in apple of his eye…. (squeezes the love juice into Demetrius’s eyes)

(Puck re-enters)

Puck: Captain! Here is Helena, as you commanded. She’s being pursued by another young man pleading for her love. Lord! What fools these mortals be!

(Lysander and Helena enter)

16 One Summer Night

Oberon: Stand aside. The noise they make will cause Demetrius to wake up.

Puck: And that’s when the fun begins.

Lysander: Do not doubt me, Helena. Look into my eyes. My love for you is real!

Helena: Every word you say is a vicious lie, Lysander. I’ve heard you say the same words to Hermia dozens of times.

Lysander: I wasn’t thinking when I said them to her. I was out of my mind.

Helena: And you’re even crazier now!

Lysander: Demetrius loves her. Let him have her!

(Demetrius awakes)

Demetrius: Oh Helena! Goddess! Divine beauty! Your eyes are clearer than crystal! Your lips are like cherries! Oh, let me kiss them!

Helena: What is going on? Oh! Oh…. I see…you are all mocking me….mocking me for your own amusement! How dare you? Demetrius, you may hate me, but how could you turn others against me as well? Does it give you pleasure to hurt me? Does it amuse you to see me cry?

Lysander: Demetrius, don’t mock Helena. You can have Hermia. She’s yours. I don’t love her anymore.

Demetrius: Hermia? Don’t make me laugh. She’s all yours. If I ever loved her, that love is long dead. My heart and my soul belong to Helena.

(Hermia calls from offstage)

Hermia Lysander is that you? (enters) It’s you! (runs to him) Thank God! I found you! Why did you leave me?

Lysander: Why should I stay when love was calling me to go?

Hermia: What love? What are you talking about?

Lysander: My love for Helena, whose perfect beauty is brighter than the stars.

Hermia: What are you saying? You can’t be serious.

Helena: Now you’re in on it too? You’re going to play along with this little joke as well? I thought you were my friend, Hermia. In spite of everything, I thought that you of all people were someone I could trust. My God, I thought of you as a sister. I can’t believe you’re being so heartless.

Hermia: How am I being heartless?

Helena: Having Demetrius chasing after you wasn’t enough, was it? You had to humiliate me as well. Why else would Lysander be fawning over me? And how else would

17 One Summer Night

Demetrius go from despising me to desiring me? Well Bravo! You can make the men do whatever you want, and I will never be as adored as you are. Are you happy now?

Hermia: Helena, I have no idea what’s going on!

Helena: Oh right. Keep it up. If you pull off this joke, it will be legendary. Everyone, for years to come, will tell the story of how Hermia, Lysander and Demetrius played the world’s greatest practical joke on Helena by convincing her that she might actually be worth loving! Well let me save you the effort of keeping up this act any longer. I’m leaving this forest and going back to town. And I don’t care if I get killed on the way!

Lysander: Stay, Helena! Please, my love, my life!

Helena: (sarcastically) Oh excellent!

Hermia: Sweetheart, don’t tease her like that!

Lysander: Don’t call me ‘sweetheart’ you pitiful excuse for a woman.

Hermia: Lysander! Are…are you joking?

Lysander: I’ve never been more serious in my life. I don’t love you, Hermia. I love Helena, and I never want to see your face again.

Hermia: (Gasps) How can this be? Unless…...you! You did this! You jealous witch! You came here to steal Lysander away from me! I’ll get you for this!

(Hermia lunges at Helena. Demetrius and Lysander hold her back)

Lysander: Don’t worry, Helena. I won’t let her hurt you.

Demetrius: I’ll defend you with my life, Helena.

Helena: Be careful, when she gets angry, she goes crazy. I remember from when we were children. She may be short, but she’s fierce.

Hermia: Who are you calling short, you beanpole?

Lysander: Leave her alone, you runt!

Demetrius: Why do you keep defending Helena, Lysander? She doesn’t care about you. I’m the one she wants, so you should just back off.

Lysander: You’re the one who needs to back off, Demetrius. Or perhaps you’d like to settle this once and for all. Man to man.

Demetrius: It would be my pleasure!

Lysander: Let’s go. Over in that clearing.

(They exit, talking and threatening each other as they go)

Lysander: No weapons.

18 One Summer Night

Demetrius: I don’t need any.

Lysander: Neither do I. I’ve got my weapons right here (raises his fists)

Demetrius: So do I…..

(they exit)

Hermia: You. All of this is your fault. Don’t back away from me.

Helena: I don’t trust you. And I’m not staying here. You may be better at fighting, but I’m better at running. (runs away)

Hermia: I’m so confused! Helena wait! (runs after her)

Oberon: This is your doing! Either you’re the worst fairy in the kingdom, or you’re making mistakes on purpose and amusing yourself at the expense of these mortals.

Puck: Believe me, my king, this was an accident. Didn’t you tell me to put the potion on the eyes of the Athenian man? I did as you asked. Even so, I’d be lying if I said I was sorry for my mistake.

Oberon: Did you hear those two men? They’re going to fight to the death if we don’t do something. Hurry up and darken the sky. Cover up the moon and the stars with clouds so they can’t see what they’re doing. Next, get them far away from each other, run them all over the forest until they collapse in exhaustion. Finally, put some of this potion into Lysander’s eyes. It will reverse the spell and everything should be back to normal. I’ll go ahead and do the same for Titania. I should know better than to mess with love. (Sighs.)

(Lysander and Demetrius enter in mid-fight. Oberon turns sharply to Puck)

Oberon: What are you waiting for? Do it! Now!

Puck: Yes boss! (snaps his fingers - the stage goes dark)

Lysander: Where are you, Demetrius? Say something, coward!

Puck: Here I am, you loser. Where are you?

Lysander: I’m right here!

Puck: Follow me, then, to more level ground.

(Lysander exits)

Demetrius: Lysander! Say something! I heard your voice, you chicken. Are you hiding?

Puck: (makes a chicken noise)

Demetrius: Aaaah! Stop that! Come out and show yourself like a man!

Puck: I’m right here, you weakling. Come on, wimp, if you dare!

Demetrius: Where are you? I can’t see a thing!

19 One Summer Night

Puck: Just follow my voice (leads Demetrius offstage)

(Lysander re-enters, out of breath)

Lysander: Demetrius? Demetrius? Holy Zeus, that guy can run fast! I’m so tired. I’m just going to rest, for a second….(falls asleep)

(Puck and Demetrius re-enter. Demetrius is panting)

Puck: Come on, weakling, keep up!

Demetrius: This is ridiculous. You’re mocking me. When the sun comes up, I’m going to beat you senseless. Until then, I’m conserving my strength. (lays down and sleeps)

(Helena enters)

Helena: When is this night going to end? I can’t go on. I need some rest. At least if I sleep I’ll escape this living nightmare for a few hours.

Puck: Three down. One to go. Where’s the short one?

(Hermia enters)

Puck: (with satisfaction) Aaah.

Hermia: I’ve never been so exhausted or depressed in my life. My legs ache, I’ve been scratched by thorns. I’m just going to lie down for a few minutes to regain my strength. Oh God, please let Lysander be okay……

Puck: Check and mate. Now to put this all to rights. (tiptoes towards Lysander) On the ground, sleep sound, I’ll apply to your eye Gentle lover remedy When you wake you will take True delight In the sight Of your former lady love.

(He squeezes the remedy into Lysander’s eyes. Puck exits. Titania, Bottom and the Fairies enter)

Titania: Come, sit upon this flower bed while I stroke your handsome face, and put perfumed flowers in your hair, and kiss your ample ears.

Bottom: Where’s Peaseblossom?

Peaseblossom: Here, my lord.

Bottom: Scratch my head, Peaseblossom. Where’s Mr. Mustardseed?

Mustardseed: What’s your desire?

20 One Summer Night

Bottom: Nothing good sir, but to help Peaseblossom to scratch. I think I need to go to the barber soon. I feel quite a beard coming in.

Titania: Would you like to hear some music, my sweet love?

Bottom: I would like to hear a nice, mellow tune.

(The Fairies play DREAMY SONG #2 for Bottom)

Bottom: That’s nice. And now, leave me be. I feel a nap coming on.

Titania: Sleep now, my angel. I will hold you in my arms. Fairies leave us.

(Bottom and Titania fall asleep. Puck and Oberon enter)

Oberon: Well, will you look at this, Puck. I actually feel sorry for her. And you Puck, you have to get this poor sap back to Athens. With his original head. But first, I need to release my dear Queen from this spell. “Be as you used to be. See as you used to see.”

(Oberon drops the remedy on her eyes. Titania wakes up suddenly)

Titania: My Oberon! (hugs him) Oh, I’ve had such a horrible dream. I dreamt I was in love with a donkey.

Oberon: There is your donkey, my love.

Titania: Aaah! How did this happen?

Oberon: Don’t worry dear. The important thing is that it’s all over now. How about a little music? Come, my darling. Take my hand.

(The fairies play a LOVE SONG #3. Oberon and Titania dance)

Puck: Your highness? It’s almost daylight.

Oberon: Then let’s depart. We have a lot of catching up to do.

Titania: We sure do. Let’s start by you telling me how I ended up in the arms of a jackass.

(They exit. Theseus, Egeus, and Hippolyta enter with their attendants)

Theseus: A perfect day for a hunt! My hounds are the best in the world. You’ll see, my love. Tip top!

Hippolyta: I’ll be the judge of tha-……..who are all of these people lying on the ground?

Egeus: My lord It’s my daughter, Hermia. And here is Lysander. And Demetrius. And young Helena, my daughter’s best friend. Why are they all here?

Theseus: They probably came for the wedding! News travels fast, after all. Most of Athens probably has heard of our plans for an outdoor ceremony by now. But wait a minute. Isn’t today the day that Hermia has to make her decision about whether or not to marry Demetrius?

21 One Summer Night

Egeus: Well let’s wake them up and get this party started!

(One of the attendants blows a horn. The lovers wake up)

Theseus: Good morning, friends. Stand up, please. Come on, get up. Young men, you are sworn enemies. Why are you sleeping so close to each other? Aren’t you afraid that the other one might attack you?

Lysander: My lord, I wish I could give you an answer. I feel half asleep and half awake. To be honest, I don’t know how I got here. I mean, I remember coming to the woods. Hermia and I were planning to run away and get married.

Egeus: What! You philanderer! You were going to steal my daughter? Arrest him! Arrest that man! For…for kidnaping, and…and.. theft! Demetrius, he almost stole my daughter: your soon-to-be wife!

Demetrius: My lord, Helena told me about their plans. At the time, I was furious, and I followed them, and Helena followed me. Somehow, I’m not sure when, my love for Hermia disappeared. It seems like a dream now. To be honest, the only devotion I have now is to Helena. I love her. And I can only hope that she will love me in return. If she could see fit to forgive me, I would devote the rest of my life to making her happy.

Theseus: Well this works out nicely! Young lovers, all in agreement and happy to be young and in love. Egeus, not another word. Your daughter has made her choice and that’s that. These joyful couples will be married along with myself and Hippolyta. It’s a perfect day for weddings!

(Theseus and company exits. Lysander, Hermia, Helena and Demetrius remain)

Demetrius: What a crazy night.

Hermia: I feel like I’m seeing double.

Helena: Demetrius, you seem….different, somehow. But it’s a good kind of different.

Demetrius: Are you sure that we are awake? I feel like I’m still dreaming. Was the Duke just here?

Hermia: Yes, and my father too.

Helena: And Hippolyta.

Lysander: And he told us that we are getting married today.

Demetrius: Okay, well, then we’re awake. Let’s go! And on the way, let’s tell each other about our dreams last night.

Helena: I’ll go first (as they exit) I dreamt that all of you were playing an awful, mean joke on me……

(Bottom wakes up)

22 One Summer Night

Bottom: When my cue comes, call me! The next line is “Most fair Pyramus.” (Looks around) Hey! Quince! Flute! Snout! Starveling! Where have you gone? Did you leave me sleeping in the woods? I’ve had the most bizarre dream! I don’t think I can even explain it. I don’t want to explain it. A man would have to be a total ass to try to explain this dream. Better to just go back to town and finish the show!

Scene 7: Athens

Quince: Did Bottom ever come home last night?

Starveling: No. No one has heard from him.

Flute: If he doesn’t turn up, we can’t do the show.

Quince: Not a chance! There’s no one else who can play Pyramus.

Snout: No way. He’s the best actor we have.

(Snug enters)

Snug: The Duke has returned from his wedding in the forest. If we aren’t ready to put on the play, he’ll be furious!

Flute: Oh Bottom! My dear friend! If only you were here!

(Bottom enters)

Bottom: How goes it, my lads?

Quince: Bottom! Oh thank God! It’s you!

Bottom: Gentlemen, I could tell you a story that would make you turn as white as a ghost.

Starveling: What is it?

Flute: Tell us, Bottom!

Bottom: Not today, Gentlemen. We have a play to perform! Snug, how’s your roar?

Snug: (roars)

Bottom: Flute, how’s your beard?

Flute: Not too thick. I can pass for a woman, I think.

Bottom: The rest shall fall into place. Come Gentlemen! Let us make this the most pestiferous performance ever!

Scene 8: The palace at Athens. All the lovers are there, having just married. Philostrate is also in attendance.

Theseus: (reading a program) “The tedious, brief story of young Pyramus and his love Thisbe. A tragical comedy” What a heap of contradictions! What is this play about?

23 One Summer Night

Philostrate: It is a play, my lord, about ten words long. And even though it is the shortest play I have ever heard of, it is still too long. Therefore it is both brief and tedious. And even though at the end of the play Pyramus kills himself, when watching their rehearsal, I found my self laughing harder than I ever have at play before. Therefore it is both tragedy and comedy.

Theseus: Whose in it?

Philostrate: Laborers who work here in Athens. They usually work with their hands, not with their minds. Yet they have worked hard on this play and hope to perform it for you here on your wedding day.

Theseus: Well then let’s see it, why not?

Hippolyta: I hope you aren’t having them put it on just to laugh at them.

Theseus: No such thing! We’ll appreciate their efforts, even if they have no abilities.

Philostrate: So please my lord, the prologue:

Quince: (haltingly) If we, offend you, we are sorry. We are here, to show, a simple play and simple, skill. This is our intention. We hope you enjoy, the show.

Snout: I am a wall which divided the two lovers. But you can see, there is a small cranny in me, through which the lovers can whisper to each other.

Lysander: That’s the most articulate wall I’ve ever seen.

(Bottom enters as Pyramus)

Bottom: Oh! Grim night! Oh Black night! Oh night which is always here when day is not here. Oh night! Oh night! Alas! Alas! Alas! I fear that Thisbe has forgotten her promise. And you, oh wall! Oh sweet and lovely wall! You stand between her house and mine. Show me your cranny, show that I can peer through it with my eye.

(Wall holds up his hand and makes an “O” shape.)

Bottom: Thanks, kind wall! What do I see? I do not see Thisbe. O wicked wall. I cannot see my love. I curse you, wall, for deceiving me.

Demetrius: Wall, curse back at him!

Bottom: (breaking character) No, No! He should not - “I curse you” is Thisbe’s cue.

(Flute enters as Thisbe)

Flute: Oh wall, you have often heard me crying, because you keep me from my love, Pyramus.

Bottom: I see a voice. Let me look in the cranny to spot my dear Thisbe. Is that you Thisbe?

Flute: My love. You are my love I think

Bottom: Oh kiss me through the hole in this wall.

24 One Summer Night

(They try to kiss through the “hole”. Snug is clearly uncomfortable)

Flute: I kissed the wall, and not your lips.

Bottom: Will you meet me at Ninny’s tomb.

Flute: Through rain and shine and sleet and snow, I will come.

(Bottom and Flute exit on opposite sides of the stage)

Snout: My part is done. Goodbye to wall.

Hippolyta: This is the silliest stuff I have ever heard.

(Snug enters as the lion)

Snug: You, ladies, you who are afraid of a tiny mouse may be frightened when a raging lion appears. Then know that I am not really a lion. My name is Snug and I am a man.

Starveling: And I am the moon.

(Flute enters as Thisbe)

Flute: This is old Ninny’s tomb. Where is my love?

Snug: (Roars) AAAArrrrrrr

Flute: Oooh! (drops ‘her’ scarf and exits)

Theseus: Great roaring, Lion!

Helena: Good running, lady!

Hippolyta: Excellent Shining, moon!

(Snug picks up Thisbe’s scarf and shakes it, then drops it and exits. Bottom enters)

Bottom: Sweet moon. Thank you for your sunny light. Thank you for shining so bright, so that I can see my dear Thisbe clearly. But what’s this? Oh dear. Oh Thisbe dear, your scarf is here. And wet with blood. Oh vile Nature! Why did you have to create Lions? For clearly a Lion has killed my dear Thisbe. The dearest girl who ever lived. Goodbye, cruel life. I will stab myself in the heart. So…I die. And now I am gone. Now I am dead. Now die, die, die, die, die.

Hermia: One “die” is not enough for him!

Hippolyta: With any luck, a doctor will enter and resuscitate him so he gets to die again.

Lysander: I wonder if Thisbe’s death will top this one.

(reenter Flute as Thisbe)

25 One Summer Night

Flute: Asleep, my love? Dead, my dove? Oh Pyramus, wake up! Your beautiful eyes are closed. Your beautiful skin is pale. Your beautiful lips are dry. Your lovely hands are cold. Your beautiful face seems dead. Come, trusty sword. Help me end it all. So goodbye friends, it’s the end for Thisbe. Adieu, Adieu, Adieu.

Demetrius: I guess the Lion and moonshine will have to bury them.

Lysander: Don’t forget wall.

Bottom: (getting up) No, no. I assure you. The wall that separated them is gone. Would you like to hear the epilogue or see a dance?

Theseus. No, no epilogue. Once a character is dead, he should stay dead. Show us your dance. It’s late and the day will be over soon.

DREAMY SONG #3: The Mechanicals begin a crude dance, and soon everyone is joining in. Eventually even the Fairies, Oberon and Titania are there. Everyone is dancing except Puck who watches. The dance ends and everyone takes a seat. Puck walks to center stage.

Puck: If this play has you offended Think of this, and all is mended. Imagine you were sleeping here While these visions all appeared And this silly, motley scene Was nothing more than a dream.

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