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AT P15 Letters of Note FINAL.Pdf COPYRIGHTED: NOT AUTHORIZED FOR DISTRIBUTION CONTENTS xv Introduction 2 001 ONE’S DROP SCONES Queen Elizabeth II to U.S. President Dwight D. Eisenhower 8 002 FROM HELL Jack the Ripper to George Lusk 10 003 WIND THE CLOCK E. B. White to Mr. Nadeau 12 004 I AM TO BE EXECUTED Mary Stuart to Henry III of France 18 005 I HEAR YOU LIKE TOMATO SOUP William P. MacFarland to Andy Warhol 19 006 BILL HICKS ON FREEDOM OF SPEECH Bill Hicks to A Priest 22 007 YOUR PAL, JOHN K. John Kricfalusi to Amir Avni 31 008 THE ELEPHANT MAN Francis Carr-Gomm to The Times 36 009 I LIKE WORDS Robert Pirosh to Various 38 010 I CAN’T FIGHT ANY LONGER Virginia Woolf to Leonard Woolf 40 011 THERE IS NO MONEY IN ANSWERING LETTERS Groucho Marx to Woody Allen 42 012 AS DIRE AS ITS TITLE Ian Main to Head of Comedy and Light Entertainment, BBC 43 013 I STAND ASTOUNDED AND APPALLED Charles Dickens to The Times 46 014 FIFTY LADY SHARPSHOOTERS AWAIT Annie Oakley to U.S. President William McKinley 48 015 TO HELL WITH HITLER Patrick Hitler to U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt 51 016 THANK YOU FOR THE DREAM Roald Dahl to Amy Corcoran 52 017 HOW I WOULD LIKE TO WORK FOR YOU! Eudora Welty to The New Yorker COPYRIGHTED: NOT AUTHORIZED FOR DISTRIBUTION 55 018 MUSIC IS LIFE IT’SELF 104 038 YES, VIRGINIA, THERE IS A SANTA CLAUS Louis Armstrong to Lance Corporal Villec Virginia O’Hanlon to Editor of the Sun 57 019 TO MY OLD MASTER 106 039 I HAVE JUST WRITTEN YOU A LONG LETTER Jourdon Anderson to Patrick Henry Anderson Alfred D. Wintle to Editor of The Times 60 020 MY GOOD FRIEND ROOSVELT 108 040 SWEETHEART, COME Fidel Castro to U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt Emma Hauck to Mark Hauck 64 021 A MAN HAS TO BE SOMETHING; HE HAS TO MATTER 109 041 AVENGE MY DEATH Hunter S. Thompson to Hume Logan Masanobu Kuno to His Children 68 022 I BEG YOU TO TAKE MY CHILD 110 042 DON’T TOUCH HIS HAIR Various Mothers to The Foundling Asylum Three Elvis Presley fans to U.S. President Dwight D. Eisenhower 72 023 EAT YOUR VEGETABLES! 112 043 TO: MY WIDOW John W. James III to U.S. President Richard Nixon Robert Scott to Kathleen Scott 73 024 A PERSONAL LETTER FROM STEVE MARTIN 120 044 PUT UP YOUR DUKES AND WRITE! Steve Martin to Jerry Carlson Jack Kerouac to Marlon Brando 74 025 IS IT A DISGRACE TO BE BORN A CHINESE? 121 045 YOU MUST KNOW AGAIN MY RELUCTANCE TO MARRY Mary Tape to San Francisco Board of Education Amelia Earhart to George Putnam 76 026 O.M.G. 122 046 I’D LIKE TO CONTINUE TO BE A GOOD SOLDIER John Arbuthnot Fisher to Winston Churchill Eddie Slovik to General Dwight D. Eisenhower 77 027 IT IS ONLY ADULTS WHO EVER FEEL THREATENED 124 047 THE GALILEAN MOONS Ursula Nordstrom to A School Librarian Galileo Galilei to Leonardo Donato 78 028 GOD DAMN IT, I SPLIT IT SO IT WILL STAY SPLIT 126 048 THE BIRCH BARK LETTERS Raymond Chandler to Edward Weeks Gavrila Posenya to Relatives 80 029 I SHALL BE WAITING FOR YOU 127 049 TO A TOP SCIENTIST Lady Shigenari to Kimura Shigenari Denis Cox to A Top Scientist 83 030 MY MUSE IS NOT A HORSE 130 050 DEEP SICKNESS SEIZED ME Nick Cave to MTV Lucy Thurston to Mary Thurston 84 031 OUR FRANK 135 051 HE’S HERE, LIVING AND VIVID AND UNFORGETTABLE FOREVER The Connell Family to the Ciulla Family Stewart Stern to The Winslows 86 032 I AM NOT AFRAID OF ROBOTS. I AM AFRAID OF PEOPLE 138 052 I MISS MY BIGGEST HEART Ray Bradbury to Brian Sibley Emily Dickinson to Susan Gilbert 88 033 DO 140 053 YOUR END IS APPROACHING Sol LeWitt to Eva Hesse Unknown to Martin Luther King, Jr. 95 034 WHAT DID YOU SAY? I CAN’T HEAR YOU . 142 054 A MOST IMPORTANT DISCOVERY Katharine Hepburn to Spencer Tracy Francis Crick to Michael Crick 98 035 THE AX 151 055 THE SKILLS OF LEONARDO DA VINCI Charles M. Schulz to Elizabeth Swaim Leonardo da Vinci to Ludovico Sforza 100 036 I LOVE MY WIFE. MY WIFE IS DEAD. 154 056 I AM IN A STATE OF SHOCK Richard Feynman to Arline Feynman Flannery O’Connor to A Professor of English 103 037 YOU ARE NOT SO KIND AS YOU USED TO BE 156 057 FEDERAL AGENT AT LARGE Clementine Churchill to Winston Churchill Elvis Presley to U.S. President Richard Nixon COPYRIGHTED: NOT AUTHORIZED FOR DISTRIBUTION 162 058 DO NOT GRIEVE FOR ME 226 078 IT’S UP TO YOU NOW Fyodor Dostoevsky to Mikhail Dostoevsky Bette Davis to B. D. Hyman 166 059 17 MILLION NEGROES CANNOT WAIT FOR THE HEARTS OF MEN TO CHANGE 228 079 FORGET YOUR PERSONAL TRAGEDY Jackie Robinson to U.S. President Dwight D. Eisenhower Ernest Hemingway to F. Scott Fitzgerald 168 060 11 ALIVE . NEED SMALL BOAT . KENNEDY 231 080 I WAS MEANT TO BE A COMPOSER John F. Kennedy to Allied Forces Samuel Barber to Marguerite Barber 170 061 WHERE DID THAT FALL 232 081 PERMISSION TO LAND Spike Milligan to Stephen Gard Buang-Ly to USS Midway 172 062 IN EVENT OF MOON DISASTER 234 082 SAY YES I NEED A JOB William Safire to H. R. Haldeman Tim Schafer to David Fox 174 063 THE MOST BEAUTIFUL DEATH 236 083 WE NO LONGER HAVE ANY RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT Laura Huxley to Julian and Juliette Huxley 36 American Writers to U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt 182 064 REGARDING YOUR DAM COMPLAINT 238 084 KIPLING’S HINTS ON SCHOOLBOY ETIQUETTE Stephen L. Tvedten to David L. Price Rudyard Kipling to Editors of the Horsmonden School Budget 186 065 WHY EXPLORE SPACE? 240 085 SEX DOES NOT THRIVE ON MONOTONY Dr. Ernst Stuhlinger to Sister Mary Jucunda Anaïs Nin to The Collector 193 066 I AM VERY REAL 242 086 DEAR “DR.” FIELDS Kurt Vonnegut to Charles McCarthy Bill Baxley to Edward R. Fields 196 067 AN IDIOT OF THE 33RD DEGREE 243 087 THE HEILIGENSTADT TESTAMENT Mark Twain to J. H. Todd Ludwig van Beethoven to His Brothers 199 068 HANG ON, MY LOVE, AND GROW BIG AND STRONG 248 088 PAY IT FORWARD Iggy Pop to Laurence Benjamin Franklin to Benjamin Webb 202 069 I WROTE A BOOK CALLED THE GODFATHER 250 089 EDDIE’S HOUSE Mario Puzo to Marlon Brando Jim Berger to Frank Lloyd Wright 204 070 THE RESULT WOULD BE A CATASTROPHE 254 090 I WAS READY TO SINK INTO THE EARTH WITH SHAME Roger Boisjoly to R. K. Lund Form Letter 205 071 ALL THE LADIES LIKE WHISKERS 256 091 SORROW PASSES AND WE REMAIN Grace Bedell to Abraham Lincoln Henry James to Grace Norton 210 072 I FELT THE RISK OF BEING OVERWHELMED 258 092 IT WILL PROVE INVINCIBLE James Cameron to Leslie Barany Philip K. Dick to Jeff Walker 212 073 HOW COULD YOU GO AHEAD OF ME? 259 093 THANK YOU BOB A Widow to Eung-Tae Lee Frederic Flom to Bob Hope 214 074 I AM THE SERVANT OF THE KING 260 094 NEW RUBBISH DIALOGUE Ayyab to Amenhotep IV Alec Guinness to Anne Kaufman 216 075 I SHALL ALWAYS BE NEAR YOU 267 095 I REFUSE TO BE CHEATED OUT OF MY DEATHBED SCENE Sullivan Ballou to Sarah Ballou Rebecca West to H. G. Wells 222 076 I’M STILL SOMEPLACE 269 096 OBSCENE AND SACRILEGIOUS Uncle Lynn to Peggy, Dorothy, Chuck, and Dick Jones Lord Bernard Delfont to Michael Deeley and Barry Spikings 224 077 THE BIRTH OF BONFIRE NIGHT 270 097 WRETCHED WOMAN! Unknown to William Parker, 4th Baron Monteagle Jermain Loguen to Sarah Logue COPYRIGHTED: NOT AUTHORIZED FOR DISTRIBUTION 274 098 THIS IS NO DRILL 319 118 I HAVE NOT SHOT HER YET CINCPAC to All Ships Dorothy Parker to Seward Collins 275 099 DEAR 8 YEAR-OLD TERESA 323 119 LETTER TO A YOUNG POET Wil Wheaton to Teresa Jusino Rainer Maria Rilke to Franz Kappus 276 100 WHAT A DANDY CAR YOU MAKE 325 120 WHAT GREAT BIRTHS YOU HAVE WITNESSED! Clyde Barrow to Henry Ford Mark Twain to Walt Whitman 278 101 LOVE, DAD 330 121 EINSTEIN’S ONE GREAT MISTAKE Ronald Reagan to Michael Reagan Albert Einstein to U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt 280 102 WE ARE SINKING FAST 332 122 COME QUICK TO ME Titanic to SS Birma Zelda Fitzgerald to F. Scott Fitzgerald 282 103 AN INCREDIBLE COINCIDENCE 334 123 ART IS USELESS BECAUSE . Robert T. Lincoln to Richard W. Gilder Oscar Wilde to Bernulf Clegg 285 104 PIXAR FILMS DON’T GET FINISHED 339 124 I LEAVE IT IN YOUR CAPABLE HANDS Pete Docter to Adam Mick Jagger to Andy Warhol 288 105 MAY WE ALL GET BETTER TOGETHER 340 125 SLAUGHTERHOUSE-FIVE Charles Bukowski to Hans van den Broek Kurt Vonnegut, Jr. to Kurt Vonnegut 290 106 WE ALL FEEL LIKE THAT NOW AND THEN Sir Archibald Clark Kerr to Lord Reginald Pembroke 343 Index 291 107 IT WAS HARD TO GIVE FIVE SONS TO THE NAVY 344 Subscribers corrections said to move index Alleta Sullivan to U.S. Navy 349 Permission Credits in TOC to end, but no mention of 294 108 NOTHING GOOD GETS AWAY this move in actual backmatter. 368 Acknowledgments John Steinbeck to Thom Steinbeck 368 A Note about the Typefaces 296 109 THE GREAT FIRE OF LONDON James Hicks to His Fellow Postmasters 298 110 IT IS LIKE CONFESSING A MURDER Charles Darwin to Joseph D.
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