HONI NSW VOTES SOIT Issue 4 March 23RD 2011 6PM Slap that bass, toot that horn and catch that fox at SUNSET JAZZ with Jazzsoc at Hermann’s Bar. FREE.

• 7PM What good is sitting alone in your room? Come hear the music play, It’s the opening Night of CABARET presented by MUSE! Until March 26, Seymour Theatre, $18 Access/ $22 Concession. WED 1PM Death In a minute! Love in a minute! Bread in a 23rd minute! Spend Thursday lunch at THEATRESPORTS. Manning Bar, FREE.

• 8.30 Get ready to laugh your butt clear off with Irish t musical comedy phenomena DEAD CAT BOUNCE at the THU Sydney Comedy Store’s ROCK ‘N’ LOL show. $20 Entry.

4pm-7pm• • Kick back after class with a frosty bevvy and tunes from resident student DJs at the • WEEKEND WARM-UP at Hermann’s Bar. FREE.

| Join the adorably eccentric Phebe Starr for her 8pm • PINK LEMONADE EP LAUNCH and let the genres FRI mash! Gallery bar, Oxford Art Factory (the FREE bit!)

• 11am Pop, lock and break at a FREE KRUMP CLASS at Carriageworks for the Platform Hip Hop Festival.

• 8pm Check out some damn good music at the brand new single launch for SUPER FLORENCE JAM’s ‘BLOOZEPOWER’ at The Gaelic theatre. They’re joined by special guests The Salvagers, Where’s Jerome and JUNK. Entry is $15 and SAT includes the single! 04 STATE26th ELECTION DAY - GET TO YOUR LOCAL PRIMARY 10AM• -10PM Opa! Get your moussaka taste buds bubbling SCHOOL AND VOTE. THE P & C ARE OUT IN FORCE! at the sYDNEY GREEK FESTIVAL at Darling Harbour. 06 FREE ENTRY.

• 8pm Can’t make it to the Melbourne International Comedy SUN Festival? Check out two great shows from JOEL CREASEY and JACQUES BARRETT for $15 at the Comedy Store.

BUILD-A-BEAR • 5pm Beer! Chips! Cards! It’s going to be a full house at Hermann’s Bar for the weekly 07 MON POKER TOURNAMENT put on by Sydney Uni Poker Society and FREE.

7:30PM • Sydney Legend John Chesher hosts weekly open mic acoustic sets at the sONGWRITER SESSIONS at the Excelsior Hotel, Surry Hills. FREE. 08

5-6pm • 99...12...34...3. BINGO! Head to Manning after tutes for ROCK YA BALLS BINGO with beers and prizes up for grabs. FREE.

• 7AM - 10pm The City of Sydney have installed 7pm TUE CANDY STRIPED DECKcHAIRS in Sydney Square next to Town Hall, George Street. Sit in them! Honi Soit cannot stress enough that you will actually be building a bear. They have free wireless! 29th DISCLAIMER THE LOVECHILD: Honi Soit is published by the Students’ Representative Council, University of Sydney, O RETRACTION Level 1 Wentworth Building, City Road, University of Sydney, NSW, 2006. The SRC’s Steve Buscemi operation costs, space and administrative support are financed by the University of The editors of Honi Soit wish Beyonce Knowles Sydney. The editors of Honi Soit and the SRC acknowledge the traditional owners of to unequivocally apologise this land, the Gadigal people of the Eora nation. Honi Soit is written, printed, and for unintentionally inciting a distributed on Aboriginal land. Honi Soit is printed under the auspices of the SRC’s violent revolution through last directors of student publications: Pat Massarani, Rhys Pogonoski, Deborah White, Pierce Hartigan, Alistair Stephenson and Meghan Bacheldor. All expressions are HoniLeaks week’s feature ‘Kill! Kill for published on the basis that they are not to be regarded as the opinions of the SRC Honi!’ While Honi appreciates unless specifically stated. The Council accepts no responsibility for the accuracy (do not the unquestioning devotion of any of the opinions or information contained within this newspaper, nor does it endorse any of the advertisements and insertions. Honi Soit is printed by MPD. hold over of its readers we seem to be ADVERTISING: To advertise in Honi Soit, contact Tina Kao or Amanda LeMay now in control of most of the [email protected] expensive Southern Hemisphere, Cuba www.src.usyd.edu.au rug) and the Toys R’ Us corporation. We don’t know what to do with THIS WEEK’S TEAM any of these things. EDITOR IN CHIMP: James Colley

EDITORS: Jacqueline Breen, Neada Bulseco, Bridie Connell, Shannon Connellan, Andy Fraser, 5 Julian Larnach, Michael Richardson, Laurence DAD JOKE OF THE WEEK: Rosier Staines, Tom Walker

Two peanuts went down a REPORTERS: Cindy Chong, Monica Connors, dark alley. State Michael Coutts, Shaun Crowe, Neil Cuthbert, Will One was a-salted! Haines, Pierce Hartigan, Michael Koziol, Dominic govts. McNeill, Harry Milas, Will Mollers, James O’Doherty, Chloe Paul, Tim Scriven, Annie Wylie Who needs CONTRIBUTORS: Travis Ash, Al Cameron,, HONEY SUAVE Bridie Connellan, Joss Engebretsen, Arghya Gupta em? Do I look like a puzzle? CROSSWORD: Steven B. Beevan & Samuel B. You? Because I think you might complete me. Movie COVER: Sebastian Hernage 8

HONI SOIT Track down WEEK 4 ISSUE where 23 MAR 2011 your vote CONTENTS is going and ask MAIL PROFILE it to 04 Here’s the mail, it never fails. It SHAUN CROWE catches up with stay makes me want to wag my tail. 11 Premier Kristina Kenneally and asks her all the questions. 9 06 CAMPUS FEATURE DOMINIC MCNEILL is rockin’ the vote. 12 PIERCE HARTIGAN catches the ARGHYA GUPTA got in to medicine. election’s youngest candidates Goodchap With his advice, you can too! (You between recess and nap time. may need more than his advice). Street Meet here for the Conservatorium THE ARTS BIT falls guided tour with TRAVIS ASH. 14 ANNIE WYLIE’s indie clothes were in short of the wash. The new SUDS play, reviewed by its name WILL HAINES. NEWS MICHAEL KOZIOL goes to a bar and calls it journalism. NEIL CUTHBERT defends state government. CINDY CHONG on Mark Ronson. Well, 07 not on him. MICHAEL COUTTS dishes up bite-sized news bits. PAGE ... 16? 14 Spot the hipsters at Garden Music FARRAGO 16 with BRIDIE CONNELLAN and JOSS ENGERBRETSEN (it’s easy, they’re JAMES O’DOHERTY on what kids everywhere). Review 08 these days are voting. Ding ding! We got AL CAMERON in SRC GRIBBLIES of MUSE’s the blue corner and TIM SCRIVEN in 17 Reports from some people in this ‘Cabaret’ the Greens! This room’s only got two here SRC building. corners! Caba-raise Where’s ANDY FRASER and what’s the roof! this big puff of smoke? CRYPTONOMICON 20 STEVEN B. BEEVAN and SAMUEL B. MOVIE have an impressive SPORT crossword. TUE 10 NEADA BULSECO dives in with water polo super star Thomas Whalan. 16 WILL MOLLERS on the Australian soccer league. Apparently it’s still there. 3 YOU THERE! Love us? Hate us? If you’ve got an opinion on something in these ? pages, we want to hear it! Hit us up at: THE [email protected] EDITORIAL Japan Nuclear ordinary student against the There is no good or evil: only power In our feature this week we speak Disaster and the marginal ideologies of left-wing letters and those too weak to seek it. So to the youngest candidates and loonies. These two men claim to be said the darkest of all wizards, J.K. find out what draws them into this SEAC injecting a little reasoned objectivity, a bit of non-partisan common sense, into Rowling. intimidating world. Also, be sure to In the wake of a tragic and huge natural the hysterical, politically correct tone check out our profile where we track disaster, Japan is still threatened Ladies and gentlemen, our lesson of USYD public and intellectual life. It is down and interview Kristina Keneally by a disaster of uniquely human today is on power and politics. obvious that their agenda is anything on the campaign trail just days out construction. Fukushima power plant but neutral. Neil Cuthbert went so far as from the state election. has leaked radiation, and as workers By the end of this week we will know to liken ‘minority’ groups like women, and the military brave extremely who is premier of NSW for the next But worry not, gentle readers – people of colour, queers, the working elevated levels of radiation attempting four years. That’s right, get out your politics isn’t the only thing Honi class, the mentally ill and prisoners to cool the fuel rods, there is still posters and deface everyone else’s offers this week. We also bring you to ‘the wretched of the earth’. Chad the threat of even greater radiation posters, it’s state election time again. an interview from Olympic water Sidler called SRC collective members leakage. Already many people have To “celebrate” the forthcoming polo captain Thomas Whalan, a guide ‘extremists’, implying that issues been exposed, in particular workers election Honi delves into the world to a day in the Conservatorium, and pertaining to women, queers, welfare at the site, but also civilians in a wide of power, corruption, vice, deception reviews of the best shows in and recipients, Indigenous peoples, disability, radius, who have had to evacuate or and, very occasionally, hope; the around Sydney University. the environment and refugees are just face dangerous exposure. This radiation world of politics. not relevant to real students. Now when election day rolls around may affect the area long into the Politics is more often than not a you will find yourself informed, future. So, just who are these hunky-dory, 100% terrifying subject. When confronted entertained and thoroughly genuine students? Certainly not me, a Despite the seriousness of what has with politics most people are either depressed at the whole process country kid, the daughter of an under- happened at Fukushima, nuclear instantly enraged or instantly asleep. thanks to your buddy, Honi Soit. employed, welfare dependant single advocates are out in force, attempting However, some find themselves Aren’t we just darling? mother. Take a closer look, discerning to present the catastrophe as minor strangely drawn to this spectacle. reader, and you’ll notice that the ordinary in the face of increasing evidence to James Colley student does not exist. We students are the contrary. However, this disaster a diverse lot, with the majority of us demonstrates the vulnerability of identifying with at least one of these so- nuclear reactors to natural disasters. called ‘special interest’ categories. There was no evidence of levels of child Every nuclear reactor built is a bet General Secretary’s sexual abuse in indigenous communities with nature, a desperate plea that no Collectives exist to organise around Report Retort being any higher than other Australian earthquakes trouble it, no tsunamis issues relevant to our diverse student communities. In his General Secretary’s Report wash parts of it away, and that no fires body. They are committed to values last week, Chad Sidler criticised Further, the Little Children report burn it. of radical participatory democracy, the campaigns of the Anti-Racism providing an avenue for anyone at all made 97 recommendations, none But in the midst of smoke and fire, Collective (ARC). In the report he to get involved with their SRC, not just of which were mentioned in the it is important to remember that parrots the lies the government tells those with the money to win elections. Intervention legislation. Vilifying nuclear power is risky and exploitative about refugees and the Northern Chad Sidler’s assertion that Honi eds entire communities by placing blanket at every stage of its production and Territory Intervention. But in are underpaid because the SRC budget alcohol and pornography bans on disposal. To the potential meltdown of attempting to justify these policies, is being leeched by these ‘special them in no way addresses the source each nuclear reactor must be added despite claiming to abstain from interest’ collectives is not, as he says, of indigenous disadvantage – the the risks of the whole nuclear cycle. taking a “partisan” position, he reveals an objective claim, but an ideological chronic underfunding and continuing Uranium mining and transportation his support for the incarceration one. The majority of SRC Office Bearers dispossession that the Intervention produces greenhouse gases, damages of refugees and the assimilationist (collective conveners) are not paid at all, serves to exacerbate. ecosystems and often occurs on land agenda of the Intervention. they are volunteers working with a paltry still occupied by Indigenous peoples All social indicators have painted a campaign budget. The Honi eds are not First of all, Sidler criticises ARC’s (for example, the Jabiluka mine). picture of deterioration in NT Aboriginal being fairly compensated for their hard support for “illegal refugees”. There’s Nuclear waste lasts for thousands of communities since the Intervention work, however, it is the Australian Liberal no such thing. Applying for refugee years and is often dumped on the land began. With the dismantling of Party’s aggressive campaign to de-fund status is never illegal, regardless of how of people without access to resources Community Development Employment higher education, exemplified by VSU, you arrive. Phrases like ‘unauthorised created by the nuclear project. In Projects (CDEP), which are community- that is to blame, not the SRC collectives. or ‘illegal immigrants’ are wrong in law. Australia, there is a proposed dump run, unemployment has soared. Perhaps Chad, our noble Gen Sec, could In fact, The Australian Press Council at Muckaty station (near a seismic Suicides, violence, malnutrition and offer to share some of his $14,874.39 stipulated in 2009 that the media hot spot), against the wishes of the school absenteeism are all increasing, annual SRC pay with the honi eds? refrain from using such descriptions of with the humiliating paternalism of area’s Traditional Owners. The fire refugees. the Intervention making life unliveable fighter’s union has expressed concern As for Cuthbert’s impassioned defence about the risk of accidents as the of Western Enlightenment theory, I It is actually the policies of the for many. This harsh reality led a UN waste is transported to its destined have this to say. Not so long ago, the government regarding refugee expert on indigenous rights to condemn dump. Nuclear waste products are only people with access to cultural, processing that are illegal, as ruled by the Intervention and the “entrenched also used in weapons, for example in intellectual, political and social life were the High Court. Mandatory detention racism” in Australia. bombs dropped on Iraq, exposing Iraqi white, monied men. This is an objective contravenes the 1951 UN Refugee Sidler talks as if the politics of the SRC people and the US army to irradiated fact. Using people power, oppressed Convention and the International exists in a political vacuum, unaffected materials. groups struggled to transform social Covenant on Civil and Political Rights, by wider politics. He claims that “the reality, and we have come a long way. both signed by Australia. Australia’s Nuclear is not a solution to climate SRC is here to protect your rights at However, when these gains come policy of mandatory detention has change, its part of the problem. To university.” This is all well, but shouldn’t under attack by people like Cuthbert been consistently condemned by discuss these ideas and talk about we use our relative rights to fight for and Sidler, it only goes to show that this various groups, including Amnesty real solutions to climate change, come those who have none? historically powerful minority will not International Australia, mental health to the Student Environment Action give up their claim on universality easily. experts and churches. Psychiatrist and Sidler pretends neutrality while Collective (SEAC), Mondays 1pm on the The emancipation of the majority of our 2010 Australian of the Year Professor lambasting the “partisan” nature of Botany Lawns. society is a recent and continuing project. Patrick McGorry likened detention ARC’s campaign. He claims that the This diverse majority must continually centres to “factories for mental illness.” “SRC is a place where all political and Student Environment Action Collective personal persuasions are accepted.” struggle, not for special treatment, but With Britain and New Zealand the two Then why the funding cuts and for equal treatment. Some struggle main countries of origin of migrants to censorship of the ARC? Why the Cuthbert and Sidler just to get to university, once there, Australia, the fact that the tiny trickle cancellation of the Women’s Collective’s meet criticism they must continue to struggle just to of non-European migrants arriving by publication, “Growing Strong.” These be recognised as real students, with boat arouses so much hysteria exposes attacks reveal a clear conservative Dear Honi, real histories and valid cultural and the racism in these policies. ideological offensive that is far from intellectual achievements. Sorry to say it I write in response to two pieces fostering the SRC as “a place for all boys, but race, gender and class are the Sidler claims that the Intervention appearing in your March 16th edition, students of any political or personal domain of the majority. Scared? was a response to the Little ‘The State of the Arts’ and the General persuasion.” Children are Sacred report, Secretary’s report. These pieces claimed Aimee Bull-McMahon which detailed child abuse in Lachlan Marshall to be defending the interests of the (Arts IV) 4 NT Aboriginal communities. (B. of Education/B. Arts V) " Fuck off! I already voted... DOMINIC MCNEILL argues for mandatory SRC and Union voting. HoniLeaks Whenever commentators whinge about would not result in an undemocratic ANDY FRASER is under house arrest and may be the irritation of being hassled outside focus on a minority, nor does a extradited to the USA. polling booths at the state election, I voluntary one give us its usual benefits. sigh and know I’ve been through worse. The existing voluntary system of USyd Honi was handed a bombshell of a to the courts. In a statement given to USyd elections are dreaded by most students. It is a bi-annual madness is directly responsible for the absurd rumour late last week. So big was Honi, Matthews strongly denies any nature of election time. A voluntary this bombshell that we’re not sure if allegations that she committed fraud where you are harassed by sycophantic lackeys violating your right to electoral system naturally results in a lower voter it’s safe to publish for fear that we’ll in the 2010 Union Board Elections. In turnout. In USyd’s case this is taken to abstinence with a barrage of fliers, ‘walk campus destroy everything. But we’re going to the event that the police decide not the extreme, whereby a tiny minority of take the risk. to proceed with the investigation, the downs’ and sound bite slogans. The usual defenses for electoral incapacity the potential electorate actually votes. same information has been provided Election or rejection is decided by a A group of Union members, who wish to Michael Spence (Vice-Chancellor) (“I’m postgrad” “I already voted”, “I don’t go to this university”) never few hundred votes at most. The efforts to remain anonymous, are allegedly meaning Matthews will join the ranks of a single campaigner can ultimately launching an official legal investigation of Stephenson and Tang in the current appease these hustlers, whose ultimate strategy is to utterly exhaust you to the determine the result, and as such, every into the fraud that took place in Senate investigation. vote counts. Therefore in the context the 2010 Union Board election. It point where you vote just to get the sticker saying “I Voted [insert name of of such a quantitatively close election, is common knowledge that Alistair It should be noted that the each vote is regarded as pertinent to Stephenson is already involved in anonymous figures responsible for party you put a ‘1’ next to because it was the closest one to your hand].” the difference between whether you get an investigation with the University presenting the case to the authorities that Board position, General Secretary’s Senate for not only breaching the don’t seem to gain politically from Underlying USyd student elections is role or editorship of Honi Soit. budget cap but for forging receipts; the legal charges. This is either the issue of a mandatory vs. voluntary however there are some that wish to a unique case of upholding the voting policy. The problem with A mandatory voting policy, involving upgrade it to a police investigation. Union’s constitution at all costs or mandatory voting is that it empowers an exponentially larger electorate, an extreme personal vendetta. Honi a swinging minority. In modern would reduce the need for such fervor Not as widely acknowledged is Sibella draws attention to this because of the democracies, approximately 90% of come voting time. In fact, the efforts Matthews’ similar breach in budget, overwhelming repercussions such an the population will vote consistently. of campaigners in canvassing votes although there is no evidence to investigation will have on the lives This leaves the remaining 10% of the would be insignificant in terms of the suggest that Matthews ever forged of those involved. Keep in mind that population, the swing-voters, to decide votes needed to win. Candidates and or duplicated receipts. In light of this Matthews is a law student and if she the election. Consequently, parties will tickets would have to focus their efforts information Honi was surprised to was to be found guilty she would be focus their efforts on the swing-voters, on the longer campaign itself, rather learn that criminal proceedings may disallowed the opportunity to ever with a party only requiring the consent than combine their own popularity be brought against both Stephenson practice as a barrister. of 60% of the swing-voter population to (how many friends they can muster as and Matthews under the Crimes Act win office. campaigners and electors), with how 1900 S 192E which states: many apathetic bystanders they can In contrast, under a voluntary system exhaust into voting for them. (1) A person who, by any if a party focuses on the swing voters, A mandatory system would inhibit deception, dishonestly: Wondering why Honi isn’t coming the majority of electors who they rely out on Tuesdays anymore? So were upon will simply not vote. When a the voting power of politically active minority groups. It would consequently (b) obtains any financial we, then we asked someone why. party cannot rely on the support of moderate student politics by advantage or causes any Apparently the printer doesn’t like 45% of the population, it must appeal removing figures of extreme political financial disadvantage Tuesday and there’s nothing we can to a more substantial portion of the do about it. If you’re getting all antsy electorate (its base), to ensure that they persuasion from electoral contention. Simultaneously, it would further As it clearly details here, the forging in your pantsy over not getting your make the effort to go out and vote. A legitimise the authority of elected of receipts is not the only thing ripe edition of Honi on time, we voluntary system therefore minimises student organizations and make that constitutes fraud. Considering suggest you cool your tanks and spray pork-barreling and ensures that election them accountable. Matthews (Honorary Secretary of on some antiperspirant. We apologise campaigns address the majority of profusely but as the saying goes, you the Union Board) is receiving a salary the electorate. Would the Union Board be as and benefits paid by the Union, can lead a horse to water but that When we apply these systems to the susceptible to University influence this clause smells trouble if she is won’t get you a newspaper. USyd electorate, we find the problems if it could point to the 13 000 strong confirmed to have obtained her of a voluntary system and the benefits membership student population, who position “dishonestly” (the same of of a mandatory one do not apply. The had voted them into power? Would course goes for Stephenson). Honi vast majority of USyd students are not the SRC Executive be as polarized in its has since uncovered that Matthews affiliated with a particular candidate composition if extreme minority voters was upfront to the board and openly In other unsubstantiated news: or ticket. Most students will therefore encompassed a negligible portion of admitted to violating the spending Marie Bashir is to step down as not vote consistently. This absence of the electorate? cap; she was still elected subsequently Chancellor of USyd. Yup. We know. voter loyalty (and its corollary of an to the board being privy to this That’s how we’re breaking this. empowered swing-voter population) information. Whether this counters means that a mandatory voting system the claim of “deception” will be up

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CRICOS: 00116K ZO170108B 5 Das Madchen mit den

Fact:

A tonne of feathers is 2.3 kgs heavier than a tonne of bricks. The Con A day in the life... A day in the life... at top musical institution! musical top Walk Walk into our little Con Café andoverhear the singers whistling some little Verdi melody.Continue those fetching little schoolies rumouring andtalkingdown about their stairs the and see debaucherous weekend. Luckily, the Con praying away; all Christiansour smutty sinscan be herewashed away ifwe just are family. join their little Con library. the into walk and left turn hallway, the to through Continue still rumouring,still singers schoolies little library: wonderful This whistling, students nervously finishing off their theory exercises for the week. Ah! It really is quite a wonderful space filled with Breathe of all, a sense of community. and, most culture diversity, quiet the to stairs the down walk and air conditioned fresh the in have and books your out Get here. peaceful more rather It’s area. study – lovely. a little stairs, the up Walk naturally. a cigarette, for time it’s while a After out of the library, into the hallway, into the café, up the stairs, out of the café, across the pavement to the edge of No smoking the allowed no road. remember, smoking on conservatorium grounds, remember that security guard – stop. Light up…relax… talent the at look a Take lovely. oooo…yes, modest smoke… the in a breathe with walk cellists The talent! such - God by and by walking bunch), with the violinists confusing a rather are (they arrogance the with violists a smile, the nervous, pianists swagger, a definite the singers loud and proud, the flautists sultry, the trombonists the hairy, jazz thebeautiescomposers looking hung-over, to the ‘five fingered widow’over Lachenmann’s , , Schwefelholzern the musicologists talking Nietzsche, some arts this offer to something has he knows just he as perplexed student list the O it. go about to how out figure quite can’t but institution goes on! This is a place of a beauty, place where horses used to hall… our concert now in the stables, graze Ah! friends Your are sitting outside thecafé,wave hello andsay you’ll just be a moment before joining them for hours. So the finishyour butt cigarette, out, next breathe air, in the fresh two feel good, feel the beat, get ready for another day at Australia’s TRAVIS ASH takes you on a day tour of Sydney’s hub for the hub for of Sydney’s tour on a day you ASH takes TRAVIS brilliant. and musically young MADSOC members surprised passersby during O-Week with a fun with during O-Week MADSOC members surprised passersby Avenue. Eastern the middle of flashmob in disco details. contact and timetables for on Facebook MADSOC Search happy dances across campus with their low, with their low, campus across dances happy for membership, $5 paying prices; after low (and for free all classes attend can MADSOCers nominates $5). Dey class is just each others, for explains popular class. What salsa as the most being a is a lot like the popularity? “Salsa is it like How ninjas.” being love ninja. People Wax Kid? the Karate know being a ninja? “You the basis of about twenty off? That’s on wax salsa moves.” stretches history line of MADSOC The conga and the club is now years, ten back almost previous don’t need any You bigger than ever. and ability classes, attend to dancing experience “This advanced. to up is a club for stretch levels his enthusiasm, Take explains. Dey enthusiasts,” rearranged Dey year, – in his first example for every MADSOC attend to in order his timetable the club step-ball-changes Tuesday class. Every are and they night, salsa for est. to all the way ball with the planning a masquerade currently Society. Costume stops Dey out of our office, pirouetting Before of dance. about the power philosophical get to yourself,” express to way “Dancing is a fantastic speaking nervous he muses. “I think people get Through free. in public, but dancing is more things your interpret can music and dance you way.” own energy energy on the humanities element. The first section smacks of minutes. 60 of space the in essays two involves HSC English. second The You will hear a lot of people complain about crap resultsgetting in the essay section.I can’t stress enough how much five minutes making a dot-point plan to figure out aconclusion will help. Similarly, know what topic you want to write about. Often, thestimulus for the essays will be quotations. Just write something on a topic on which you are knowledgeable, and tie in thequotation somewhere. you know If facts, chuck them in. If you don’t know if they are true, chuck them in, but them make sound true. Communicate. And you’ll need to know how to communicate, or you won’t through make med it school. Or the interview to get school. med into Finally, relax and just go with aware that the anyone who flow. is I’m planning on doing GAMSAT has probably read up on what the it test, involves, and preparatory has test sometime in probably the recent done past a also. thisEssentially, article is useless as a tip- it is to But if is there something I can say, giver. just do your best. I, and many others I spoke to, didn’t even answer the last 10 questions of time. of out ran we because section science the do can you well how see to designed is test The things under timepressure. Beat If system, Studies. the Gender in major a have I possible. it’s you this aren’t doing year but the are GAMSAT doing a Gender Studies major, consider doing it. already considering If it next you’re for year, now. preparing start March 26. will be held on test The GAMSAT

If he dances anything like the way he answers he answers the way like If he dances anything your you off will spin Dey Anurag questions, president with the MADSOC A conversation feet. I ask if he and side steps. dives is full of swings, at dancing better getting people are more thinks affirmative. in the complicated answers and Dey and a train in to I joined MADSOC I ran “Before hasn’t That in the platform. the gap down fell “Two expand. I ask him to happened since.” more for I press Both sober.” occasions. separate Ow.” “Legs. Painful. details. offers and Dance Society The Movement week, each dance classes different thirteen and ballet to salsa and borchata from ranging also inspiring spontaneous are hip hop. They

JACQUELINE BREEN drops it like its MADSOC. it like drops BREEN JACQUELINE HI, SOCIETY! HI,

ARGHYA GUPTA serves up some sound advice on surviving test. the upcoming GUPTA ARGHYA

This weekend over 5000 students will study for a test to become graduate-entry students. I’m talking about the GAMSAT, the first step to finding potentialdoctors by judging academic their prowess in a gruelling seven marathon hour of of HSC three parts, proportions. the test examines people Consisting how are good at ‘Reasoning in Humanities and ‘WrittenSocial Communication’, Sciences’, and ‘Reasoning in Biological and Physical Sciences’. The test is open to everyone penultimate year who of is their Bachelor in degree or the further, and also acts as a pathway to other health some related courses such as Dentistry starting about thinking are you If Pharmacy. and med school next year, there are a number of do. will need to things you deadline The year. next for prepare to is first The for this year’s GAMSAT was ago, so tough luck. If over you cannot be on top a of month administration,you cannot be ontop of med school. Also, it costs quite a bit ($374 for this year’s applicants), so if you’re whinging about replacing, on plan you string guitar broken that prioritise. Ifyoucannot prioritise, you will be a shit doctor. Second, know your enemy (the test). Internet forums are great because practically every people topic you mention will come More across. so, while the GAMSAT is prepared anyone to for tackle it, it is somewhat skewed in of those with a biology or chemistry the favour background, or people I to refer as ‘those who couldn’t get in the first If time’. you’re like me and coming from a non-science background, you need to discipline chemical. getting to each day of hours couple yourself and give a If those sections sound tough, focus your GAMSAT AND MATCH

mission. Well… you should be rethinking a few things if that is your chosen leisure route. route. leisure chosen is your that if things a few rethinking be should you Well… mission. every Thursday at Hermann’s from Week 4, so do yourself a favour and rethink that regular Thursday night Greenwood Greenwood night Thursday regular that rethink and favour a so do yourself 4, Week from Hermann’s at Thursday every Sneakers’ Last Night at the Gaelic Club will play host to the after-party. There will also be regular Beat The System events events System The Beat regular will also be There the after-party. to host play Club will the Gaelic at Night Last Sneakers’ by Sydney electronic favourites RUFUS and indie dancefloor dudes Politiks, supported by Beat The System DJs. Purple DJs. System The Beat by supported Politiks, dudes indie dancefloor and RUFUS favourites electronic Sydney by The Beat The System official launch shindig is cranking at Hermann’s Bar this Friday 18 March from 6pm, headlined from March 18 Bar this Friday at Hermann’s cranking is launch shindig official The System The Beat

campus 6 " E Why do state governments matter? NEIL CUTHBERT stands up for the state government system. Nothing arouses such a studied apathy traditionally had a stronger tradition of What complainers about state relations The increasing frequency of in Australians as state politics. National the dispersion of administrative power failed to realise was that for much of the Commonwealth funding grants for politics seems unexciting enough, but between federal and local authorities, twentieth century the states were also specific projects normally under state the states are surely just an outdated in Australia local government forms a the perfect vehicle for Australia’s federal control shows that even legal and relic from the colonial era. The truth thinner barrier between individuals and experiment. The states could look after institutional barriers are maleable. is that the average Australian depends central power. the everyday affairs of their citizens Early last century, several states tried to more on their state government than on while the Commonwealth concentrated refuse Commonwealth money for roads, the government sitting in Canberra. For those Australians who believe that on upholding the pillars of federation: because they rightly feared the effects the power of the federal government economic protectionism, industrial of conditional gifts. However corrupt, wasteful or useless should be limited, or at least that its arbitration and White Australia. the state governments are perceived growth should be restrained, the states The federal government sees itself to be, it is the closer, more intimate are the perfect vehicle. What is notable A case could be made that federation as everyone’s fairy godmother, and a government of the state that watches in Australia is the absence of any itself was the culmination of particular state’s population will not allow it to over the Australian’s economic and perceptible states’ rights movements. political ideals, mostly associated with refuse benevolence from Canberra. social well-being. It is periodically the democratic nationalism propagated suggested that we would be better off This has not always been the case. For by Parkes, Deakin, Lawson and others. While it would be insolent to think without state government, and that all at least the first three decades after If that is true, why shouldn’t changing that an amateur could dispose of it would take is a referendum to change federation, there were widespread circumstances and ideals potentially the problem in a few paragraphs, it the federal-state balance. One thing fears that federation had been either a decrease the relevance and credibility of seems reasonable to suggest that which holds Australians back from any mistake or a hoax. One astute observer state government? Australians are motivated more commented in 1930 that the states had by material circumstances than by

change of this kind is our sometimes news crippling devotion to the status quo. boarded the ‘good ship Commonwealth’ Increasingly since the long boom of ideological doctrine. Alexis de Tocqueville noted a similar with the assurance that there would be the post-war years, Australia’s brand of only one class for all passengers. Benthamite utilitarianism dictates that That being so, we can proceed on the trend in 1830s America, which he footing that so long as the federal termed the ‘middling standard’. the Commonwealth is perceived as the They quickly discovered that there were instrument best suited to achieving the purse is deep, it would take more than Australia is too quick to put great four classes on this vessel, with Victoria greatest good for the greatest number. disastrous state leadership to create any faith in the multitude as the greatest and New South Wales commandeering desire for change. judge of truth, and our idea of the the saloon, South Australia and However, even now it is at least multitude cuts across state boundaries. Queensland in second class, little arguable that some dispersion of Australian distinguishes itself from the Tasmania being put in the steerage and power to the state level is necessary to United States in that its system of local rough Western Australia compelled to avoid complete state paternalism from government is a relatively new and work in the fo’c’s’le. the Commonwealth. weak development. While America has

News In Briefs SAVE MICHAEL COUTTS breaks down the week into bite-size chunks. on Colonel Gaddafi (no relation to Colonel Sanders) is frantically loosening his In a landmark decision for teenage collar as the world turns up the heat on boys and tissue manufacturers world Libya. Participating in the enforcement wide, the Internet Corporation for of the United Nations mandated no- Assigned Names and Numbers has BOOKS fly zone over Libya has proven more approved the creation of an internet get your Textbooks CheAp popular than Jess Cooper’s house party. domain dedicated to pornography. French reconnaissance jets are combing The ‘.xxx’ domain, rather than ‘.com’ Current second-hand text books on sale now! the country for targets, Canada is or ‘.org’ will create a virtual red-light plotting a naval blockade, Italy is district, with more than 110,000 pre- opening its military bases to assisting reservations for .xxx domains already. www.src.usyd.edu.au nations and the U.S. is assuring the E-sex for all! • We buy & sell textbooks according to demand world that it will do all it can to protect • You can sell your books on consignment. Libyan civilians. Please phone us before bringing in your books. Rebecca Black’s single Friday was • We are open to USYD students & the public officially crowned the worst song of Search for text books online Inspired by Julia Gillard’s sojourn to all time by critics and the general Eastern Avenue Carslaw www.src.usyd.edu.au/default.php America, other famous figures decided public alike. While Black really mid-March is a fine time to go visit Call 02 9660 4756 to check availability seems to have covered all bases F ish er and reserve a book. places. Prince William toured various Roa with mundane lyrics, atrocious d Footbridge Main Gate cities and towns in Queensland ravaged melodies, auto-tuned singing and Jane Foss NEW Location! CITY ROAD by Cyclone Yasi, as well as parts of a bizarre film clip with a somewhat Butlin Avenue Level 4, Wentworth Building New Zealand affected by last month’s paedophilic rapper, Justin Bieber has Level 4 (Next to the International Lounge) Mereweather Wentworth earthquake. Simultaneously, Barack assured his fan(s?) around the world Hours: Mondays to Fridays 9am - 4.30pm Obama took Air Force One (or so I that he will not go down without a Phone: (02) 9660 4756 Email: [email protected] assume) to Brazil to kick off the first leg fight. Surprisingly, the NSW State of his Latin America tour. So if you plan Government is considering a foray on being rich and famous, the message into the music industry, desperate to is clear: stop lazing around and go on cash in on the opportunity to actually holiday. do something better than talentless child could. 7 The Coalition is committed to the committed The Coalition is small of the economy: engine room tape and red cutting business. By 100,000 it will create taxes lowering small that and ensure jobs new growing. business keeps start? to Hmmm, where Hospitals. waiting been increasing have There infrastructure strikes, times, nurses’ not enough it off, cap and to decay 26, On March for interns. positions for voting you’re Liberal, vote if you spent to be an additional $3 billion new upgrades, infrastructure on vital beds. more and nurses more hospitals, minutes five for Not a bad investment time. of your who out there those of you For The don’t fret. be teachers, to want 900 new to hire going Coalition is the M.Teach which makes teachers, inviting. much more opportunity on a historic get You with a break make can 26. You March of making NSW and be part the past, again. State the Premier

needs to recognise that they are are they that recognise to needs equal need people and they regular stands also view Tebbutt’s rights.” a young, progressive appease to is if two view personal “my mindset: to want each other and people love be no should then there be together, this is Whether that.” to impediment left-leaning young tempt enough to campaign a Greens from away voters to will remain momentum growing be seen. voters remind to is quick Tebbutt should “We of her credentials. and experienced a strong have in Marrickville, representative is there of whether irrespective government a Labor or Coalition is one This on the 26th of March.” like candidates stop may that factor from Josh Peacock the 20-year-old for representation youth providing of people. The importance young be downplayed. can’t experience will know morning we Come Sunday last of Labor’s if the experience or against for has worked 16 years them.

Al Cameron straightens his tie. his straightens Cameron Al Why vote Liberal? vote Why For those of us under the age of, say, say, of, those of us under the age For there that say 30, its surprising to a time when the people of New was their have to proud were South Wales with ‘The emblazoned number plates State’. Premier years, for 16 has been rotting NSW change is a chance to there and now for should vote you why Here’s that. Coalition. the Liberal/National to this election going The Coalition is and an targeted with a specific, fixing NSW. start plan to accountable make as to as far gone even Hell, it’s can you so that NSW’ with a ‘Contract made and of the promises track keep their delivery. Let’s the economy. with start Let’s has been the NSW fucked. it, it’s face on economy state performing worst of home indicators economic the key work, construction building starts, growth. and economic unemployment has a plan to Baird not! Mike But fear us all! save Byrne, need to be addressed by the by be addressed to need Byrne, to updates “Recent government. included act haven’t the tenancy one that’s so and boarders tenants the let they’ve where example “The says. she down,” community pay to struggling people who are their no security around have rent got no legal You’ve accommodation. She also doesn’t believe rights.” state’s the for can doing all it is Labor perspective, a local “From youth. policies some good Labor have state tend but they on harm minimisation don’t about them. They not talk to enough.” far go youth should believes Tebbutt choice. “Young an informed make the look at a people should take for vote all parties and policies from their represent best the ones that to crucial often An issue aspirations.” equality, marriage these aspirations, in forming role a large play to is sure Marriage our 2011 goverment. much a very equality has remained in politics, topic ask, don’t tell’ ‘don’t change? any bring but will this year hopes so: “Homosexual, Peacock people and transgender bisexual government the that believe strongly not against something. It’s a call a call It’s something. not against from our priorities, change to to cost any at growth short-term on a focus from sustainability, of the sake punishing criminals for healing the wounds to punishment increasing from crime creates, that that sure making to wealth total thrive has enough to everyone A lot of people their lives. and live share you) like (including students a long time but for values these political of out locked been they’ve what seen already We’ve debate. can voices Green a difference in influence Greens’ the make; means that parliament federal the marriage among other things gay and soon, be legalised to is likely bill is in the tax an emissions that time passed. It’s of being process heard. voices these make to legislative in the Green Vote council. assembly and legislative Carmel Tebbutt, sitting Labor Labor sitting Tebbutt, Carmel and a Marrickville for member in the government, senior minister tough a is facing admits Labor the lose to Labor stands contest. and first-time the young from most pick needing to this weekend, voters yet aren’t of those who up votes Labor. NSW of a decade jaded after the draw enough to doing they Are vote? youth one of the issues Public transport, the by as important canvassed play will undoubtedly youth, state’s outcome. in Saturday’s role a pivotal of the problem offered Peacock public effective “cheap and finding night” especially at transport, his Shire-dwelling as crucial to to the city, Closer constituents. ready are voters believes Tebbutt Labor another chance. She give to actions in the government’s says public late-night increased providing people helped young have transport out. nights from home safely get Greens Marrickville However, considers Fiona Byrne candidate been left issues have weightier Unlicensed boarding unattended. says rights, houses and tenancy JAMES O’DOHERTY looks at what old people think young people care about. care about. people young think old people at what looks O’DOHERTY JAMES

Tim Scriven strokes his goatee.

Why vote Greens? Almost no one wants to vote for Labor Labor for vote to no one wants Almost with people but many this election, - in a bind caught feel values left-wing would support for the Coalition voting different with radically a government Green Voting than their own. values for something, vote to way a offers Why? Because there’s a very good good a very there’s Because Why? most believe already you that chance not all of Maybe say. they of what other major than the but more it, your people most like you’re If parties. be must wealth think that you age and the rich distributed fairly more of taxes, share a larger should pay drug policy should be about and that not punishment. harm minimisation, it is appropriate think that don’t You out be kicked people to young gay for (unlike being gay for of school just you parties) and Labor and Liberal the abortion should be legal, that believe the (unlike decriminalised not just parties). Labor and Liberal The NSW Labor government stands stands government Labor NSW The this of its 50 seats lose 34 to routing in an electoral Saturday power of Labor years end 16 to set these 16 years But in the state. – never point an important raise of NSW the ability underestimate quo. status with the stick to voters as the touted are The Greens voter of big winners potential this Saturday. disillusionment admit Labor’s themselves They the right to sway drunken recent into voters is pushing left-leaning Cronulla, of seat the In hands. their is the youngest Josh Peacock 20 youthful a at candidate Greens “are voters and he believes years, other parties’ policies looking at lack of good of Labor’s … because governance.” into In Marrickville, unusually cast for seat of a bellwether the role the on Saturday, fortunes Labor’s Labor’s polled 44% to have Greens 33%. In 2006, 12% of Marrickville’s 15 and was between population time) (or first young these 24. Now as much of a role will play voters as future deciding the electorate’s 65. those over

Youth in Revolt in Youth FARRAGO R Pictured: a smoke bomb, sans smoke. sans bomb, smoke a Pictured: few thingstoexplain, please. MONICA CONNORShasa and denial,herarchaic views make ...” Withheralarmingmixofoutrage sentences with“as apatriot/mother that owns agolliwog dollandbegins Coming To Dinner reenacting scenesfrom GuessWho’s a terrible dye-job andunknowingly proud to beuninformed, sporting aunt you avoid at family gatherings: Hanson isaginger version ofthat great- election. Woot. has launchedasurprisebidfor theNSW her failed 2003bidfor election,Hanson younger generations. Despite thisand rarely found awarm reception among Hanson andherbigbagofcrazy have from anon-AngloSaxon background), ‘non-Australians’ (code for anyone Aboriginals, immigrants andother radio. Withheralleged hatred of interesting asmorningsportsdrive the politicsof Pauline Hansonare as permanently. To most young Australians, that shewas moving backto Australia party leaderPauline Hansonannounced UK, last week theformer One-Nation takeaways to fish&chipperys inthe Displeased withtheratio ofIndian Hanson THIS! Hanson? good oldanarchy, we can helpyou. Ourscientists inthe And that’s where we come in.Whether you’re anunintentional racist, have aknack for saying stupid shit,orjust want to create some mean it,it’s just something your gran says allthetime(andshe’s usuallypretty cool).Oh god you can’t even tellthemthat . dreaded face, the‘oh-my-god-you’re-a-racist face’. You don’tknow what to do, you fumbleover your words andyour feet. You didn’t drivers hey? HA!”Theconversation violently holtsand everyone turnsslowly towards you, sodamnslowly. Then comes the face, the Friends’). Suddenlysomething your gran always says pops into your head,aperfect“Yeh, transition: buthow aboutthoseJapanese place inJapan.You want to lighten themood,move onto anothertopic (you did,after all,just make a148point word‘Words in with Just picture it.You’re standing around Eastern Avenue andthegeneral discussionisontheraw and soberingnatural tragedies taking can’t afford ajetpack, I’ve got three andhalf words for you: HomemadeSmoke Bomb Wooo. You hadajetpack onbutyou still didn’tuseit?WHOARE YOU!? Well, for those ofuswholike to make atraceless getaway andwho Have you ever loved beinginanawkward situation? Even if you could have madeaquickescape you didn’tbecause it was just sogreat? *This shouldnot betriedathomeoranywhere, ever. Allthe same,havefun. always to trying set themonfire. Now allyou needto dofigure outishow to explain to everyone why you aroundcarry suchfunny lookingsandwichesandwhy you’re ithasbegun;makepopping, sure notto breath inthesmoke.* bottom with the lighter and wait for thefirst signsofsmoke. Once youseesmoke make sure toputit down immediately. When youhear Wrap ittightly but remember to have aspout,itshouldlooklike anupside down mushroom cloud.Now all you have to doisheat the and ofcourse alighter. Placetheballsincentre ofalarge pieceoffoil andbringalltheedges upandtogether, wrapping theballs. easy andeffective way torid yourself ofthoseslow turnsandguiltimposing faces.All youneedissomealuminium,ping-pongballs . Thekindofaunt

Johnny Soit presents ANDY FRASER makesasmokebombandspectaculargetaway Advance Australia Fair. arteries worse thanthesecond verse of saturated fat willhave choked Hanson’s those criminallyhighlevels ofsaltand a poordiet inherBrisbanechipshop with thethought that after years of antics, we should console ourselves disenchantment from MissPauline’s it ishard notto give into bitterness and punching someoneinthethroat. While of wearing aflag cape andknuckle- irritating publicity stunt -theequivalent Hanson’s bidisnomore thanan Benetton ads. Tonight andhaving nightmares about her evenings are spent gluedto Today right to freedom ofspeech.Predictably, lunches inpinksuitsandexercising her Central Coast ofNSW having power election inhernew electorate onthe spending hertimebefore theupcoming and two onherspeeddial),Hansonis and Keith Windschuttle(numbers one Along withherBFFs PhillipRuddock Coober Pedy outhouse. childhood to make hertougher thana you wonder what happenedinher

“Anarchy!”

The word ‘government’ was taken from the bees

Fact: Honi labs have come upwiththeHomemadeSmoke BombWooo. It’s acheap, What’s yourpreference? Labor intheupperhouse…Neither not to recommend preferences to have madeastraightforward decision so toxic withthepublicGreens the NSW Labormachinemakingthem theappallingtrack“With record of candidate David Shoebridge said: Greens MPandleadUpperHouse the lower houseseat ofCoogee.) preferences to Labor(otherthanin Greens have refused to direct their news inpreference choicesisthat the have favourable preferences. Thebig amongst themselves to ensure they Due to this,candidates willnegotiate the card oftheirfirst preference. a large majorityofvoters willfollow in order to vote for aparty, however follow thepreferences onthesecards pattern.) Itisnot compulsory to relevant indecidingyour voting invoked andassuchisnotvery preference group’ butthisisrarely form ofpreferencing called ‘second polling stations. (There isanother how-to-vote cards handedoutat is thepreferencing listed onthe preferencing inthestate election The most significant form of elected. your preferences inanattempt to get not onlyyour vote primary butalso candidates attempting to influence is apreferential system itleads to one you least want elected. Asthis one you most want elected, to the of thecandidates inorder from the both rely onyou ranking someorall these systems soundcomplex, they optional preferential system. Although lower housewillbedecidedby an representation system whilethe will bedecidedby aproportional These Legislative Councilseats half theupperhouse’s 42seats. house Legislative Assembly andon the fate ofall93seats inthelower Voters like yourself willdecideon polls for the2011state election. This Saturday NSW goes to the vote isgoing. CHLOE PAUL wants to know where her whose policiesyou support. card orto preference otherparties can chooseto follow the how-to-vote If you wishto preference furtheryou for apartyisto placea‘1’intheirbox. advantage. Allyou needto doto vote in anattempt to gain apolitical been negotiated between candidates to-vote card. Thesepreferences have obligation to follow any party’s how- remember isthat you are underno and values, theimportant thingto give you aninsight into partystrategy Although thesepreference dealscan hands. Liberals remain inLiberal-friendly that any seats that don’tgo to the Liberal partyisclearlyacting to ensure If thisallegation isindeedtrueThe Party intheNSW Legislative Council.” to Fred Nile’s Christian Democratic directing theirnumber2preferences caught issuinghow-to-vote card that “Liberal campaign workers were Monday theALPwebsite claimed Pauline Hanson.” However last “will notpreference independent reassured voters that theLiberal Party vote 1Liberal.” MrNeehamfurther said “itisessential that peopleonly NSW Libreal Party MarkNeeham gaining seats. State Director ofthe Labor andLabor-friendly partiesfrom preferences inastrategy to prevent landslide victory andare notlisting have capitalised ontheirexpected majority government. TheLiberals of smalldecisions”by aCoalition be ‘whittled away’ withasuccession major environmental reforms will Labor leaderBobCarrargued that as TheShooters Party. Former state Coalition andright wingpartiessuch the upperhousewould rest withthe concerns that control otherwise of preference Laborregardless, dueto to convince Greens voters to Labor hasresponded withacampaign election.” the upperhouseinupcoming ofGreens’deserving preferences in NSW LaborortheCoalitionare

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We want to know about it! about know to want We it! about know to want We We want to know all about it! know to want We was your star player just hospitalised? just player star your was Need a bigger crowd at your next game? next your at a bigger crowd Need WE WANT YOU TO WRITE FOR US! FOR WRITE TO YOU WE WANT with submissions. email [email protected] circle stealing your gear, your losing team stealing your weekend? your stealing losing team your gear, your stealing circle Does your sport have an upcoming game, training event, carnival? carnival? event, training game, an upcoming sport have your Does are bleeding money and the league is now bleeding clubs (North Queensland Queensland (North clubs bleeding is now and the league money bleeding are owner with their on the brink be could and Wellington axed recently Fury were also been have as a whole and the clubs FFA the Finally, bankruptcy). facing that challenge the biggest This is probably with fans. engaging not for criticised all. at is no league without fans as a league moment, the at league the faces do to has begun FFA, not the and SBS, with its history, and in line Typically last In the cities. in major capital forums running fan by about this something the chance giving fans Melbourne, & Sydney visited have they months few the to directly questions as ask tough issues as well their voice openly to cities. respective in their of football powerbrokers grilling, a particularly harsh in for came Lugt, Edwin CEO, FC Sydney then The in the club’s time the first for on average than 10,000 less were as attendances (such of fans worries the appease did nothing to showing His defensive history. reflects and unfortunately guards) security & over-zealous prices as high ticket apathy This clubs. of majority the and FFA the by fans towards shown apathy the few next the into autonomously survive is to league if the change to will need time. will take attitude though changing their decades, few next and the years the to end a tough cap to way a brilliant was final in Brisbane the Nonetheless, in the rebuilding beginning of the the symbolise to season and an amazing way as such nights then back on board, be brought can city of Brisbane. If the fans norm. the should become they in contrast rare, be won’t Sunday the one last Has your team just won a championship, had an outstanding losing streak or or losing streak had an outstanding a championship, won just team Has your Got a gripe with your local NRL player stealing your girl, your local hacky sack hacky sack local your girl, your stealing player NRL local Got a gripe with your So Thomas, how did you first get into water polo? water into get did you first So Thomas, how and school at Polo Water started brother – in ’92 or ’93 – my back in the day Way and made the it a go give Uni. I decided to with Sydney play to over then moved swimming. from over move you had in the sport since? have What achievements enough fortunate was and I World Cups, Olympics, five in three competed I’ve Well, for and Spain in Italy professionally leagues. I also played national be part of three to years. overseas? play professionally to What was it like to be opportunity great world and a to see the way fantastic was a It Fantastic! every and enjoyed years seven for overseas I was team. a foreign with playing of it. moment budding players? for advice Any it as an saw end some people see it as a sacrifice but I always In the Absolutely. are opportunistic you training but if for is a lot of time sacrificed There opportunity. it. a lot from take can it, you to commit and really Uni Lions? in the Sydney involved you get can How Just turn up. It really depends on commitment. The thing with water polo is you polo is you water The thing with depends on commitment. turn up. It really Just it if you’re the top to it all the way take can or you it as a social game, enjoy just can put in the commitment. willing to your budgies in public? Or just unveil to Need an excuse baby? yourself a water Fancy to you need Get the info aquatic achievements? by Whalan’s a little inspired feeling Uni Lions at www.sydneyuniwaterpolo.com.a with the Sydney involved get found most impressive when speaking impressive most found

“I am not waiting till the end of the game to swap shirts.” swap to till the end of the game “I am not waiting The A-League Grand Final last Sunday was the first match in a long time that time that in a long match first the was Sunday Final last Grand A-League The desired. be nothing to left memory final in living of any best the was played of the football quality The shootout A penalty passing. times sumptuous and at with no long balls 120th equaliser in the with the time, in extra scored goals as four as well of sorts occurred, A catharsis contest. of an intense climax the was minute, prior was months two barely that in a stadium played as the final was orange- excited, of 50,000 full house a was There waterlogged. completely with Roar) (Brisbane team the it off, top and to Stadium Suncorp at clad fans unbeaten) matches 28 best world current a and Australian (an record best the won! In 2006 Ange amazingly sweet. was victory the man in particular, one For coach Australian under-20 on SBS as the then interviewed was Postecoglou This infamous resign. would if he Foster Craig by asked directly and was in his sacking to led in it eventually mentioned poor results and the interview finally landing before as a journeyman, years a few he spent 2007. Thereafter league the himself to and introducing Roar Brisbane job at A-League his first A-League the to he brought that football with panache! The Barcelona-style changes for be the catalyst and will hopefully a long time in mind for will stay as a whole. the league around the best this has been While simple. that not always are however, Things, in crisis. Crowds has been league the pitch the off season on the pitch, Gold and the (particularly in Sydney been ever have they worst the are Football by restricted are as clubs not forthcoming are Sponsorships Coast). and the FFA Clubs strategy. marketing central (FFA)’s Australia Federation A (B-Grade)League A NEADA BULSECO interviews water polo superstar THOMAS WHALAN. polo superstar water interviews BULSECO NEADA WILLIAM MOLLERS analyses the recent A-League Final and its greater implications. greater and its Final A-League the recent analyses MOLLERS WILLIAM Impressive? Um, hell yeah. But what Honi But what Um, hell yeah. Impressive? Representing our very own academic institution, Whalan played for the Sydney Uni Sydney for the played Whalan institution, veryown academic our Representing Wentworth the beyond just budgy smugglers and untwisting Lions. Making waves foundations Whalan laid the Centre, Sports & Aquatic the University Building at in professionally play on to He has gone on home turf. here of success decades for Barcelona, Atletic team Club title in 2003 with claiming the Spanish Super Europe, we While competitions. international in numerous Australia and represent at the local of a lane to the breadth confined remained have land-dwellers mere Olympic at the gods with sporting splashing away Whalan was hole, swimming finally we’d at only 19!). When in 2000 Sydney Games (debuting in hometown team (2007). polo water men’s the Australian captaining was he butterfly, mastered his professional listing to humility when it came an incredible Whalan was to those the land-bound about getting to talk to and an enthusiasm accomplishments a-flippin’. feet At age 13, inspired by his brother’s (literal) plunge, Whalan made the transition from from Whalan made the transition plunge, (literal) his brother’s by 13, inspired age At on but, reflect to bearable 13 are decisions made at polo. Few water to swimming in chlorinated Submerged teenager. typical not your Whalan was obviously, quite to the sport commitment Whalan’s years, teenage part of his the better for water from it simply soars fact, declining. In from is far that career an incredible has led to strength. incredible to strength Taking the lead from an older sibling has spelt trouble, tumbles and tears for many many for tumbles and tears an older sibling has spelt trouble, the lead from Taking happened brother Thomas Whalan, his for things. Fortunately young impressionable The name of the game. the top at career an illustrious to the path lead him down to polo. is water in this case, of the game,

sport Polo! ROOM: Water? THE LOCKER U martini with... A vodka KENEALLY KRISTINA Swimmingcurrentagainstthe hard.is For effort,the all you never move,to seem your growarms tired continues,you it as and, uncomfortable an get beginto feel - garnishedwithhope - onepartdetermination - two ouncesof campaigntrail for your own mortality. At some point, there’s the natural urge to stop flailing and let the ocean doits worst. Despite carrying the burden of sixteen years of Labor government, Kristina Keneally seems to have never given in to this urge. In fact, in conversation she she conversation in fact, In urge. this to in given never have to seems Keneally Kristina government, Labor of years sixteen of burden the carrying Despite comes across as surprisingly energetic, combative and, dare I say it, buoyant. Whilst it’s not exactly an unexpected stance for a campaigning Premier,campaigning a for stance unexpected she an exactly it’snot buoyant.Whilst it, say I dare and, combative energetic, surprisingly as across comes appears to genuinely believe in her fifteen month tenure and the importance of Labor’s re-election. Or, should I say, the importance of keeping Mr O’Farrell out of office. “Barry O’Farrell has had four years to provide us with policy,” she explains, “and he presents us with fortypresents with he us seven audits.”of reviewsseries a and Indeed, it’s preordainedprospecta the governmentof Coalition unquestioned and that underpins most of her arguments. According to Kristina, voters should be deeply suspicious of any Liberal government unwilling to offer their plans – “it’s simply code for cutting services,” she suggests. “Their real intentions come out in slips of the tongue. [They talk] about ‘staring ‘staring about talk] [They tongue. the of slips in out come intentions real services,”“Their cutting suggests. for she code simply “it’s – plans down the teachers at Macquarie Street’. Don Page, the shadow Small Business Minister, recently said that we have too many public holidays.” Here, Keneally’s tone shifts to bemusement and feigned shock; the mockery of one’s enemy, a handy political tool, comes naturally to the Premier. What about O’Farrell’s ‘Contract with New South Wales’? this Doesn’t amount to policy substance? “Of course not”, she laughs. “It’s a stunt right of the David Cameron play book. And that one lasted ten days and also led to slashed spending and public services.” “I hope the contract has a cooling off period.” But, But, whilst it may be the central message of our conversation, she is not purely negative. On a number of fronts, Kristina is willing todefendwilling herrecord asPremier. “In thelastfifteenmonths,wehave hada renewed senseofunity and focus on the people of New South Wales.” She lists a series of achievements that give her pride: the smooth implementation of economic stimulus, the streamlining of public transport systems, success at COAG meetings and topping national national topping and meetings COAG at success systems, transport public of streamlining the stimulus, economic literacy and numeracy rankings. While these are all admirable accomplishments, they don’t amount to much more than a collection of admirable accomplishments – they don’t really approach the coherent project needed to to needed project coherent the approach really don’t they – accomplishments admirable of collection a than deal with the problems faced by New South Wales. Moreover, she is reluctant to acknowledge the deeper deeper the acknowledge Wales.Moreover,to South reluctant isNew byshe faced problems the with deal history of Labor’s sixteen years of power. The closest she gets to recognising previous Labor leaders is is leaders Labor previous recognising to gets she power.closest of The years sixteen Labor’s of history when she corrects me on their 2007 campaign slogan. Keneally would rather discuss the reinstatement of Labor principles than retell recent Labor history. “We believe in helping the most vulnerable, allowing them to be included and contribute... we we contribute... and included be to them allowing vulnerable, most the helping in believe “We believe fundamentally in social justice and fairness.”and justicebelieve socialfundamentally in However, Greensand the of rise the with sustained accusations of governmental cynicism, Labor’s relationship with social justice is a a is justice social with relationshipLabor’s cynicism, governmental of accusations sustained contested one. “The Greens will never be a party of government,” she insists. “They won’t have the chance to implement their policy.”their implement haveto chance the She’s combative towardsas Greens not the as some within her party, but thinks that left-wing pragmatism should lead to electoral support for Labor. This means strategic voting to avoid a conservative majority in in majority conservative a avoid to voting strategic Labor.means for This support the upper chamber (conveniently, strategic voting involves placing Labor at the the at Labor placing involves voting (conveniently,strategic chamber upper the top of your ballot). These comments all existpoliticalThese commentsall incontext. adifficult it lightly,To put the Premier is in a tough battle for re-election. At the time of writing, the the writing, of time the At re-election. for battle tough a in is Premier Coalition is paying $1.015 to reclaim government. Yes, that means means that Yes, government. reclaim to $1.015 paying is Coalition that, for each dollar placed, you receive an enormous one and a half cents in profit. Unprecedented and unbackable favourites, really. favourites, unbackable and Unprecedented profit. in cents The current that Kristina swims against is almost impossibly impossibly almost is against swims Kristina that current The

strong – she’s struggling to move and her arms must be be must arms her and move to struggling she’s – strong exhausted. For all that, you can’t help but be impressed by her tenacity in the face of her political mortality. This might not be too popular, but I personally hope she floats.

by Shaun Crowe

profile X has a confused political political has a confused Richard Kennedy - Greens Kennedy Richard Kennedy Richard the Greens half JFK, name. Half Nixon, of Granville seat the state for candidate a half me in for squeeze to manages just class and leaving between hour chat it’s Well, official function. to an rushing off learned anything if I’ve but a trivia night, these guys that doing this piece it’s from for time any at anywhere literally will go on the photo candidate official His a vote. only a a goatee boasts website Greens with, and in most away get could Green idea up with my matches Kennedy respects should be like. a Green of what would memory real political “My first War the Iraq be attending probably 13.” back in 2003, when I was protests Yep. tour guide in the Blue A part-time Education the 21-year-old Mountains, his by driven is clearly genuinely student shape of New about the current concerns policy and its environmental South Wales’ change. impacts on climate potential is change things, climate many like “Sadly, but an issue which shouldn’t be political of the main things which “One he says. is,” don’t start if we that me is knowing drives a to leave going not we’re acting on this, or our our children, for world good very children.” children’s year scene in first hit the political Kennedy his GOVT from a nudge after of university made it clear that “[The tutor] 1001 tutor. nothing there’s involved get to want if you this is maybe so I thought, you, stopping my with step the next take to the time sphere.” the political into ideals and step as as well group Greens He joined his local initiatives. green university-based several about his is realistic Kennedy Dore, Like which Labor has chances in Granville, held since 1938, but sees his candidacy the for the race beyond in context Assembly. Legislative “There with this election danger a real is being end up the upper house could that fringe the Coalition with some run by and Shooters like groups conservative my working “So I’m he says. Fishers,” upper Greens a good ensure… to hardest try and bring some balance to house vote, Council.” the Legislative to predictable include inspirations political His they are unusual. are they as a problem doesn’t see youth Dore he believes if anything candidates; for woefully people are young that political in all Australian underrepresented be an asset. can youth and that chambers, remember is that “Theto thing first young understand candidates] [young better least at people and their concerns, to. an older person expect would than you representation, of question is that There actually need we that say which would deal to people in parliament more young with these issues. up their will make “In the end, voters offer. to have you what minds as to very were The people of Grayndler me a to give veryaccepting, willing and completely the election... but I also at go a people will look at that understand need they and think that candidate young experience.” more some and get go is to step next Dore’s and experience age coveted of that more “I don’t running again. him before down I’ve upstart. the young like appear to want I’d but when I do run again it a go, given the table. to more bring something to like I years, ten, twenty in five, that’s Whether the moment.” at there don’t think I’m Nobody under 24 has the New to been elected Legislative South Wales the Assembly since before War. World First often – very often – but in the end I think – very often – often my views,” of accepting quite people are “They’re listen he says. usually willing to argument put up a logical can if you you to And I debate. part in a rational or take only socialists that don’t necessarily agree hearts, either.” have apart Dore, for challenge The obvious his was Labor pedigree, Grayndler’s from produced have While the Liberals age. Pyne Christopher like before child stars Roy, Wyatt recently, and, more fairly fairly wing are left left are people who “You run into run into “You difficult. however, insists it’s not that not that it’s insists however, especially at university. Dore, Dore, university. especially at -conservative, and not a religious and not a -conservative, is completely alien to a lot of people, alien to is completely Albanese, Dore was pleased to deliver deliver pleased to was Albanese, Dore The seat the Coalition. towards a swing than rather marginal considered is now Labor. ultra-safe no grand I had seat; a safe it was “I knew sense of purpose there,” illusions, no false you the end of the day, “At he confides. a the voters give to best do your just choice on election day.” took Dore hacks, young eager many Like he of his candidacy; view a long-game later. tilt another for run test a it considers field of wasn’t a huge the time, there “At put their hand up to willing candidates go we’d thought they where a seat for up stand to happy so I was backwards, the team.” one for and take were back in stirrings political His first his high school, 2004, when he found School, on the Cathedral St Andrew’s school funding private Mark Latham’s while living later years A few ‘hit list’. Rudd, was Kevin met he in Singapore, and rushed out unimpressed thoroughly as soon as he got Libs join the Young to He also joined the Sydney Sydney. back to Club, “which is the Liberal University the campus, unlike club on official Liberal Club.” Conservative a few are there our interview Throughout references, of these little Conservative of some inflection said with generally a guy this is surprising from distaste; Reagan Ronald idols are whose political of On the question and John Howard. myself would describe “I conservatism: not an but certainly as a conservative, ultra necessarily.” conservative not a if you’re that is a saying There no heart, and got 20 you’ve by socialist 30 you’ve by not a capitalist if you’re So the idea of being a no brains. got of 20 at the ripe old age conservative . But is Dore Alex The West Wing The West

election; he stood in last in last stood election; he

this for election. PIERCE HARTIGAN speaks to some of speaks to some state elections to find out. candidates in the HARTIGAN the younger for election. PIERCE

University life can be stressful, engrossing and overwhelming. Why then would someone add to this the burden of someone add to this the would then Why running engrossing life can be stressful, and overwhelming. University student-elect While the seat was retained by by retained was While the seat Leader of the House, Anthony incumbent the easiest to get a hold of. Probably Probably a hold of. get to the easiest and International year the third because isn’t actually Global Studies student running in election as the Liberal federal year’s has The seat Grayndler. for candidate since its the Labor party been held by in 1949, and is actually proclamation Secretary former General a named after Union – that’s Workers’ of the Australian Labor it is. how Of my three interviewees, interviewees, three Of my Alex Dore - Liberal Dore Alex I guess some of those kids are taking taking I guess some of those kids are a handful is always there notice because seeking students University of Sydney vastly from come office. They elected and policy, schools of thought different may than they in common more but have realise. It’s not the kind of thing that makes makes of thing that not the kind It’s “Mum, I sit up and say, small children South be a member of the New to want Assembly some day.” Legislative Wales as shit ain’t It sure Australian politics. Yawn. Keep reading, Keep Yawn. politics. Australian of minutes five with me. I know stay realise that to Time is enough Question on another better something there’s behind the channel, or on the wall by is dominated coverage Election TV. by It is characterised bickering. petty of games and soundbites workshopped the by he-said-she-said, and punctuated or divisive unifyingoccasional tragedy Liberal the NSW In fact, scandal. sex gay will probably leader Barry O’Farrell and by being as quiet win this election as possible. uncontroversial

feature 12 N student-elect a good person inpoliticsisamuchmore a lotofspinandguilecraft, but to be politician, to play the game well, involves in politics,” hesays. “Ithink to bea good good politicianandbeinga good person “There’s abigdifference between beinga instance. committed to theirrural constituents, for and someoftheNationals whoare clearly like Petro Georgiou from theLiberal Party, best to dowhat they believe isright. People with, butIcan seethat they’re their trying are peopleIdon’tnecessarilyagree “There there are somesurprisesinthere aswell. faces like BobBrown andotherGreens, but probably thebest at dodgingmy questions, the dad-joke gravitas ofanolderman.He’s shiny, Massarani at 20somehow pullsoff in thisuniversity’s political circles is far from a quiet cigarette. Amanwhose reputation night on Eastern Avenue while he’s enjoying Barwon, by chanceat 9.30onaWednesday student andCountry Laborcandidate for I runinto Patrick Massarani, third year Law Patrick Massarani -Labor it resonated.” a bitdifferent from theusual,andIthink “I thinkthey were happy to seesomething air for theaudience. competitors], it was like abreath offresh I might nothave theexperience of[my in Granville… anditstruck methat while “Last night Iwas at thecandidates forum could alsobehisstrongest weapon. mayors ofParramatta. Thenagain, youth incumbent Minister andtwo former lord and hisopponents inGranville includean Assembly sincebefore theFirst World War, elected to theNew SouthWales Legislative After all,nobodyunder24hasbeen Kennedy fears could work against him. is certainly afactor which21-year-old Despite suchmoments ofinsight, age difficult skill.” movement, andallvery much self-made champions oftheAustralian Labor His idolsare Hawke, Keating andCurtin, but Ifound it very enjoyable.” an oddway for afour-year-old to exist, Time withhisgrandfather. “It’s probably he usedto watch Keating ripupQuestion all theway backto hischildhood,when Massarani’s interest inLaborpolitics goes that Ican still be aware ofproblems.” experience inXorY, butI’d like to think I can’t get upandsay I’ve had30years’ in ourelectorate,” hesays. “Obviously young people,andalotofsocialproblems running inBarwon. We’ve got alot of “I’ve hadsomevery interesting experiences too. Butyoung heis,andknows it. men, atrait hegreatly admires. There are, however, afew from theother side ofpolitics he would But this is SpartaBut thisis own electorate. ulterior motives for travelling around his the sittingmember forBarwon of having [his opponent’s] cage” andallbutaccuses Massarani declares that he’s here to “rattle article inthe hindsight, given that I’ve just read an I’m perhaps alittlesurprised by thisin very destructive.” and have abeerwithsomeonewould be to thepoint where you wouldn’t sitdown nice people…Thekindofpoliticsthat gets He goes astep further. “Imean,they’re all while inthelimelight. didn’t deservetherough ridethey received Vandstone astwo politicianswhoprobably also considers PhilipRuddockandAmanda fall from grace over theETS, Massarani Turnbull ismentioned for hisprincipled make time for, andwhileof course Malcolm you don’t College. ButMassarani reminds methat unionist attending a…place…like St Paul’s It’s intriguing to thinkofanaspiring politics shouldbea differentvery game.” you knockon…itmakes you realise that more peopleyou meet, themore doors my view onpoliticsas well,”“The hesays. out [onthehustings]. It’s really changed “I’ve heard alotofreally tough stories over theyears –we’ve neededhelp. been afair bitofthat inmy own family the peoplewhoneeditmost. There’s management. is notage, buttime young candidates face The biggest challenge The seat ofBarwon innorth-west NSW I’ll take hisword for it. Minister GoughWhitlamattended Paul’s. Added to which, hetells me,LaborPrime a fair few country boys liningthehalls. to go to Paul’s andthere are, infact, still record ofstanding upfor otherpeople, Laborpartyhasaproud party aswell. “The committed to thepolicyplatform ofhis cage rattling may befun,Massarani is has beenheldby theNationals least –you might say great, in Barwon at “Things don’tlook “Things choice onelectionday. presented withaclear adamant that voters be campaign. Heis,however, really continuously since1950. reconnaissance Moree Champion have to live inSeaforth Coupled withLabor’s be yet another politics,andwhile more general woes in this state, Massarani’s would appearto where Dore. be immenselytime consuming,” says you’ve got suchasmallteam that itcan responding to mediarequests… and meetings inthelate hours ofthe evening, stayingmorning, upto go to community “You’re at train stations at 5or6am every the campaign. semester because ofhiscommitments to seriously considering deferring unifor the to walk along,” says Kennedy, whois burning out.It’s quite anarrow rope doing asmuchyou can and not balancing actyou have to dobetween hardest partofrunningisthe “The time management. young candidates face isnotage, but least onething:thebiggest challenge These young mencertainly agree onat that alternative.” in that middlearea, so[I’m] givingpeople democratic]… agreat numberofpeople fall ends ofthepolitical spectrum,[ishardly the Nats ortheGreens, vastly different you have, andto betiedupinto voting for “Your vote isoneofthemost sacred things and agood candidate. years –but [voters] still deserveachoice they haven’t looked great there inabout40 Massarani. to go,” says only two weeks there are the fact that I’m comforted by hour plusweeks… find yourself having 100 themselves together and you string Sometimes they’ll can behaving 16-18hourdays. most nights duringacampaign. “You could claimmore thanfive hours on On thequestion ofsleep,nonethem very good at politics. duped andthey’re allvery, Either that, orI’ve been do something positive. all want to helppeopleand different ways, Idothinkthey on different levels andin very life pretty badly, and,while It’s clearthat they allwant this guys do. toalone trying dowhat these through my workload asitis,let Far out,Istruggle enoughto get N 13 feature P s ne ESPERANZA SPALDING CHAMBER MUSIC ON THE ROAD u MICHAEL RICHARDSON wrote this in 15/8 time. T SOCIETY The goodchap st I wasn’t thinking at all, speechless, overawed by her sheer musical talent. If you’ve no idea who Esperanza Good chap HARRY MILAS wanders off. Spalding is a consummate double-bassist and singer. At only twenty-six years old, she’s released three albums, won a Upon taking a perambulation through Surry Hills last week I Chamber Music Society is a pensive album. It’s warm, but often detached. Compared to her earlier work it’s often more came upon a street whose name formal, more subdued – but in many tracks she lets go completely, and it’s stunning to behold. Most of the songs have was so exuberantly dapper and a handful of strings in accompaniment. Her indomitable style is still the driving force behind the album, but she aims enchanting I just had to stop in my stride to take it in. The name was for different targets; the opening track, ‘Little Fly’, is a poem by William Blake set to music. Track four, ‘Chacarera’, is Goodchap Street. something approaching a parody of Argentinian folk music. So taken was I by this gentlemanly title, Several songs shift their moods. ‘Wild is the Wind’ begins almost wistfully, becomes dark and conflicted, and I decided to take a walk up Goodchap ends with a demonstration of Spalding’s incredible vocal range. ‘What a Friend’ changes from a thoughtful, Street, to bathe in the loving embrace of atmospheric meander into a brisk jam. In general, the songs are conflicted and purposeful, with an equal its kind inhabitants, and note the charming emphasis on both jazz and fusion. houses dotted along the way. However as I turned into Goodchap Street I was struck by I was fairly unmoved by the album’s lyrical offering. Perhaps it’s the contrast to the awesome voice something much less ideal. The street was shit.

Filthy, dirt-red houses littered the crooked way, bins voice is foremost a musical device, not a vehicle for her lyrics, and most tracks have no askew on the sidewalk, potted plants near to death hanging spoken words. from the verandas of houses so frighteningly shambolic I would have guessed they belonged to a serial killer. There was a dead rat in the gutter. Genuinely. I walked past two “gentlemen”, nodded to them both and received a sneer and a cough in return. the other instruments, backup vocals, or even each other. She is simply I reached the end to find a solid brick wall. What saddened me most about this was that I had to walk back down the street to reach some form of normality and safety. As I sauntered back down, trying to avoid eye contact accompanied by an incandescent reccomendation for her with the dead rat, I considered how much of a waste such an endearing title new album. was on this street.

I thought about how dull the names of our main city streets are. George. Pitt. King. Why not change this? How terrific would a meeting with a friend could be if you met on Jollyromp Street, outside Town Hall? Or walked to Circular Never have I felt so inadequately dressed as at the Joanna Quay by Skipandhop Road? Seemingly purposeful businessmen have no time for Newsom and Belle and Sebastian concerts I recently quaint novelties such as these, but I was willing to take time out of my day to attended. I strolled into City Recital Hall in Sydney’s Angel explore the possibility of something so wonderful existing. Place in a high-waisted colourful skirt, black blouse and black cardigan. My companion wore a white t-shirt and jeans. MICHAEL KOZIOL queued for Sydney’s newest pop-up. Suffice to say that while we weren’t pulling out our best style THE DROP stops, our outfits weren’t jeans-and-joggers-esque by any means. However, waiting for us inside the venue was the grEENHOUSE most breathtaking array of hipster attire.

Of course when I wander into the latest Marrickvillle This just in: I am trendier than you. Have you eaten quinoa out of a jar with a wooden fork at a the arts bit warehouse complete with cutting edge electro-gypsy-dubstep temporary bar inside a converted shipping container which is also billed as the greenest building in the I expect that, but certainly not at the well-to-do, inner-city world? No, didn’t think so - unless, of course, you have visited Greenhouse by Joost, the pop-up bar and Angel Place. Shreds of clothing paraded as shirts, bow ties restaurant perched on the north-western edge of Circular Quay. nestled themselves on t-shirts, denim glitter butterflies shone from their trendette owners and if hair product was The ideal vehicle for budding bar owners who aren’t quite convinced they can pull off a permanent nutritious, there was enough to cure world hunger four times gig, the pop-up bar graces the entertainment landscape only briefly before being replaced by the latest over. I staggered out of there wondering whether anybody incarnation of The Winery or Hemmes-owned establishment. Accordingly, they’re loved by actually knew who Joanna Newsom was or if they’d all just hipsters, yuppies and socialites alike, and none more so than Greenhouse, whose shtick is the agreed on Angel Place for their hipster convention. whole ecologically sustainable thing. This means drinks served in recycled jars, a dining room lit by candles only, and tap water which also flushes the toilet. Never fear, for the next night I was off to Belle and Sebastian at the Sydney Opera House. People always dress up for It also means long queues. On a balmy Saturday night our wait was about 40 minutes, though mitigated events here, so I naturally expected pretty frocks, suit by the regular visits of a bubbly team of staff serving roasted chilli almonds and reminding us that we jackets and the like. No chance. Again I was bombarded with could order drinks to the queue. There are also far worse places to stand around chatting than the suspenders and skinny jeans, fedoras and flannels. How did I Sydney harbour foreshore. make this mistake again? My tennis dress just wasn’t cutting Once within, Greenhouse’s appeal is immediately evident. The candlelit romance is locale-appropriate it! The guy in front of me had even shaved all his hair off and on-trend, with staggering views of the harbour. Bouquets of basil and mint leaves grace tables, and leaving a distinct semi-circle of fro at the front. scrawled across the walls you’ll find excerpts from the menu interspersed with pieces of wisdom and Since when did these events become so stressful for the profundity. eager music-goer like myself? Next time I’ll have to drop The menu is short but confident, offering about ten share dishes including wagyu beef, fresh king by Crown St. and pick up a velvet playsuit and keyboard tie prawns, radish quinoa and a plate of Australian cheeses. Make sure to head upstairs after your just to blend in. meal to the alfresco bar. Given our surroundings only cocktails feel appropriate. Apparently I look Oh and by the way, Joanna Newsom was positively lovely but like a gin drinker, so I oblige: tonight it’s mixed with elderflower liqueur, orange juice, parsley and Belle and Sebastian completely lacked an in-tune lead singer. the rest of the garden. The result is delightful: not overly sweet but tangy just the same. They were all wearing fantastic outfits. You can’t call yourself a connoisseur of the modern Sydney bar scene without a visit to the Greenhouse – so if you’ve not yet imbibed, be quick! The bar will close on March 29 and set sail for Milan, where it will anchor permanently. HONI SOITORIALIST 14 ANNIE WYLIE was outdressed and caught unawares. HONI RECOMMENDS P ON THE ROAD american Pat Bateman ricochets from the gym to Mark Ronson & the Business Intl. goodchap st marble department stores to exclusive @ Enmore Theatre, 11th March 2011 PsYcho restaurants in a feverish apathy not helped by liberal lashings of cocaine. CINDY CHONG makes it her a synthy, 80s inspired version of JACQUELINE BREEN asksf for your His eye for (materialistic) detail is sharp business to find the New York his own ‘California’, made famous business card. and Bateman introduces each character rave scene in Enmore. as The O.C. theme song. A mass with an assessment of their outfit. singalong erupts and Greenwald I skim-read half of this book. I squinted Easton Ellis is well-jaded; in Psycho The moment Mark Ronson steps performs charismatically with joy, and sped through long passages, America’s haves party on while the onto the floor (a tessellated arena stepping up to the very front of of multi-leveled electronically lit unluckily catching killer word combos have-nots slump visibly in the story’s the stage. cubes), everyone rises to their feet like “dildo” and “blood” and “cascades,” margins. or “rat” and “vagina.” The clear plastic and a sweaty dance party begins. It doesn’t stop there. An package sealing American Psycho may So where’s the blood, you ask? That Ronson and his Business Intl. all intermission scene sees the band ostensibly protect the innocent book- scene with the hookers and the coat- appear on stage in sleek black leave the stage and Ronson makes browser from graphic hyper-violence, hanger? There is so much it’s dizzying. outfits to bring their electronic an announcement. He wants to but it also protects the paperback This graphic content has earned Ellis spectacle to the sold-out Enmore create a New York rave scene in from readers’ gag reflex. Brett Easton much ill-informed reprehension. The Theatre. the Enmore. He takes his blazer Ellis’ controversial 1991 cult-classic is Tarantino-esque bloodbath is not off, and proceeds to perform a DJ After setting an electro tone brutal and sickening, and it’s one of my gratuitous gun porn but calculated, set reminiscent of his earlier days for the night with the synth- favourite books ever. of fame, melding everything from hyperbolic satire. Ellis uses brutality soaked opener ‘Circuit Breaker’, metaphorically; the violence is a Depeche Mode to Jay-Z, and even Ellis prefaces this cautionary tale of Ronson moves onto ‘Lose It his own songs (a remixed Bang physical manifestation of that America’s (In The End)’, accompanied by capitalism with a choice selection of economic and social evils. Bang Bang). The crowd continues quotes. Dostoyevsky is there for context Phantom Planet’s Alex Greenwald to act as if they were on ecstasy and literary cred but it’s the Talking I wish they studied this in schools; the and Spank Rock. The audience as flashing strobe lights transform Heads lyrics which deftly summarise literary devices are clear and well- goes wild, with everyone in the the venue into a rave party, one events: “And as things fell apart/Nobody executed. Bateman’s clinical first-person seating area ignoring the pleas of that Ronson proclaims as better security guards to sit back down. paid much attention.” Things do fall narration contrasts awfully with the than those in NY. Ronson quickly slips into familiar apart, dramatically, and the featured escalating horror. A sudden, jarring territory with ‘Ooh Wee’, a hip hop Ronson keeps the audience on yuppies are too busy getting richer to switch to third person signals his total favourite from his 2003 record. their toes. The band return to pay much attention. departure from human empathy. the stage with guest Andrew The book’s horrible, repetitive cycle With the help of Ronson’s guests, Ellis belongs to the show-and-tell Wyatt, and the first piano notes simulates the opulent and synthetic favourite covers from Version were school of storytelling, but allows of ‘Somebody To Love Me’ chime existence of Wall Streets sons and revisited – Radiohead’s ‘Just’, himself a theatrical opening line. out. Wyatt takes on the role of Boy daughters; this party circuit never English indie pop darling “Abandon all hope ye who enter here” George, delivering a passionate stops. Rose Elinor Dougall filling is scrawled in blood red graffiti over a number and leaving the audience the vocals for the Kaiser Wall Street bank. It’s an obvious but craving more. The electropop At times I wished Ellis’ palpable Chief’s ‘Oh My God’, arresting introduction in to this clever misanthropy would lift; I wish one tatlent of MNDR helps close the and The Smiths’ 1987 show with an encore of ‘Record and relentless satire of 1980s excess. of his characters showed some song ‘Stop Me’. When Aggressive neo-liberalism and rampant empathy, or courage, or kindness. Collection’, and the popular ‘Bang Alex Greenwald tells Bang Bang’ (unremixed). Punters consumerism ooze from every page; to But that would probably spoil all the audience he’ll be cthese bankers, greed is fucking great. the cynical fun. needed no encouragement to doing a song of his continue cheering and thriving in own, he receives an electronic beats. Ronson tells us indifferent response he’ll be back soon. until he breaks into grEENHOUSE The stage: Public Lights. Private Lives.

WILL HAINES nees to buy Public Lights/Private Lives is a complex piece of a line and some new shiny theatre. On arrival it feels very much as if one is being shown around a House of Horrors (or the red shoes. Showing at the Cellar London Dungeon), as we are guided to four different Theatre until March 26 stages throughout the duration of the show. This museum-esque aspect of the show is Booking/information: crucial in affecting how we perceive the characters that inhabit it. In these surrounds, [email protected] they are all exhibits. It is an example of one of the greatest merits of the show: nothing is accidental, everything has a reason, everything is working towards something. This is an extremely well crafted show.

The play’s writer, Julian Larnach, has come a long way since his previous show, About Harry Townes, ran in the Cellar Theatre last year. Larnach exhibits three characters who each explore the tensions between their public and private lives, a tension which throws both halves of their lives into relief and gives a near complete picture of the character. However this exercise, though noble, is only a partial success. the arts bit

Director Andy Fraser clearly has a firm conceptual grasp of his project and has been able to deal with the details of the show in a way that makes each significant to the play as a whole. Each minute element contributes (as they should, but so rarely do). The filmed sections of the show are well made and convincingly shot, the live monologues are well set, and opened and closed in such a way that the framing technique of the museum worked wonders.

The performances are superb as well; Jacqueline Breen, Luke Martin and Shaun Colnan were all convincing, thoughtful and entertaining. Luke Martin as The Politician gives a show-stopping performance. His command of the audience is awe-inspiring, his transitions and movements seamless, his character fully inhabited. His portrayal of a South American is so natural, his foreign diction so effortless that it was difficult to assess whether it was him making the script look good or the script making him look good.

The writing of The Actress fell into stereotype a little. Jacqueline Breen delivers an extremely competent performance of a character that simply refuses to be fleshed out. The Professor, on the other hand, was the only character where the public and privates lives came together in such a way that I felt I really knew him. The quality of the character carried itself a little; Shaun was not quite able to portray what the script offered. This was fortunate however, for if he had the other characters would have been dwarfed.

These criticisms are only fair because the show aimed so high, and a show should be judged against its aspirations. Student theatre is a chance to learn and mature, and this show demonstrates increasing maturity from everybody involved. The fact that they can still get better is only a promising sign, especially for Larnach. As is, they have produced what was probably the most interesting and entertaining show I have ever seen in the Cellar. “They might have been in over their heads, but without going in over your head there’s no way to tell how tall you are.” 15 P HIPSTER-MAGIC AT GARDEN MUSIC Wading through floral prints and wayfarers, JOSS ENGEBRETSEN and BRIDIE CONNELLAN laced up their ankle boots to review the Garden Music festival last Sunday at Government House in the Royal Botanic Gardens in the most fitting manner: through the Hipstamatic lens. AND IN RHYME. Almost.

The stage was set, the lawns were setting up camp, snug in the As Ngariie took stage for soulful as the men folk drooled over suave trim, everything was set for the shade, they unfurled their romancing, brave ones hit lawns lanie lane, this lady stunned wiith hispters with Pimms. cameras for photos to be made. for singing and dancing. her voice of sugar cane.

hippety-hopping and bi-winning the day was jinja breakdancing too, hipstah mcs safari, and joss ran into his caught the first flight crew. friend amelia blefari.

climbing the stage was marcus azon. the temperatures soared as deep sea girls could arcade successfully drew the kids hardly keep their from their shade. Note: this was the only thing that actually happened and rhymed. unfortunately we wayfarers on. did not see any ninja calamari.

a turn through the grounds and the day was all over & sean became sad... feather, fur and... a cup of kool-aid

...but then he found prepared us all for friends and didn’t jonathan boulet. feel so bad. Fin

Page 16 JULIAN LARNACH got his and unfamiliar props, my transitions between singing Weimar hedonsim on for expectations were low. and acting and dancing was a site to behold. a sneak peek of MUSE’s Straight off the bat, the emcee The rise of Nazism major production. wilkommens you into the sees the corresponding world of 1930s Berlin (played downfall of the characters’ I will admit two things before to perfection as a sexually fortunes. Michael Richardson I begin this review: 1) I don’t charged and omnipotent ghoul as Herr Ludwig stalks the stage like musical theatre. It is not by Rob Johnson.) All is not with a menacing shyness – as his as moving as straight theatre well in Germany; the economy public power rises so does his Germans sound German. This is as songs break out whenever has hit hard times. But solace presence and viciousness. slightly jarring at times. real emotion seems to hit the and distraction is found at the surface. 2) I thought Cabaret local Kit-Kat Club. Although Although, the strength of I have not been converted to was a more frivolous and light introduced to the world by the individual performers is evident musical theatre, but I have THE STAGE hearted version of Chicago. By emcee, we are brought into the real power of the show become a fan of Cabaret. the end of my viewing of MUSE’s it by an American fish out of comes from the ensemble as a What I saw was an emotionally new production of Cabaret, I had water, writer Clifford Bradshaw whole. The dancing is ambitious powerful and wonderfully CABARET changed my thoughts on both (Rob McDougall). McDougall to say the least: kick lines, lifts, ambitious show. I was counts. oozes charisma, making you flips and more kick lines and transported to then engulfed by lifts. The months of rehearsal a world; only at the very end did As the show has not been moved comfortable despite the gritty have paid off in scenes where I realize I was in a living room into the Everest Theatre yet, I and dark surrounds. Moving into the entire cast is on stage; in Lindfield. With full costumes, was privy to a dress rehearsal a boarding house run by Fräulein each character had their own full props and set Cabaret will in a (albiet giant) living room in Schneider (Marina Currie), we motivations, following their only reach new heights. See Lindfield. I was greeted at the are slowly introduced to the own personal story lines. There this show, you will not be left front door of the house by a rumblings of discontent. But as were scenes, however, where disappointed. coterie of corsets and a parade another unpleasant aspect of some performers seemed bored of “you look good” from people Weimar Germany is revealed, her and the personal eccentricities seeing their fellow performers love interest Herr Schultz (Peter shown in the first half were costumes for the first time. Hoekstra-Bass) a Jewish grocer lacking. The The director, Lauren Eisinger, is re-introduced. The scenes production also hovered around sorting last where Currie and Hoeskstra-Bass CABARET is showing has borrowed minute props, adjusting fruit interact are sweet, genuine and at the Everest Theatre, heavily from the and shuffling suitcases – firmly coy. The dominant performer SeymourMarch Centre 26 until Valkyrie school in control of the proceedings. As in my eyes is Bridie Connell, of accents: good I was about to see a show with inhabiting and owning the role of Tickets $18 Access / Germans sound $22 Students no sets, incomplete costumes Sally (the part made legendary by 16 Liza Minelli). Her effortlessness British, while bad V ASK ABE Give Me Back My Money Dear Abe, Q & A with students who need help and a Everytime I go to do something on the dog who has all the internet or sign up for free stuff they ask for One of the most painful things about being at Uni is the ongoing lots of private details. I’ve seen on the news expense. The amount of money that students spend on each subject answers. . . that with information about me like my birth Send your letters to: date and address that people can steal my is exorbitant to say the least. However if you have legitimate reasons [email protected] identity. Do you know anything about this for withdrawing from that subject you may be able to claim a refund of and do you have any advice for me. these fees. Private Local students are generally able to choose to delay paying their portion of the HECs fee. If you withdraw from the subject before the census date [31st March or 31st of August] you should automatically not be charged for these subjects. If you successfully withdraw or Dear Private, discontinue from the subjects after the census date you should be able to apply for a “re-crediting of your student learning entitlement”. That Identity theft is relatively easy with people so freely surrendering their private details. This has never been more evidenced than with social means your HECs bill will be reversed. networking sites. However, you are living in the age of computers and it would be very difficult to avoid giving any information all of the time. International students have more restrictions. If they withdraw before If you are paying for things over the Internet consider using a debit the census date they will likely be able to claim the fee [minus an MasterCard or debit Visa card so that only your own money can be used administration charge] refund. If there are extreme or extenuating not some random amount of credit. Make sure you keep track of all of your spending. Try to use the highest settings of privacy on sites such as circumstances they might be able to withdraw after that date and still social networking. Try to only buy things over the Internet where there are get their fee fully or partly refunded. security checks in place. Make sure you read everything you sign, e.g., mobile phone contracts, University documents, rental agreements. If you Both of these situations rely very heavily on your ability to provide need help with any of these talk to SRC caseworker. documentation of the events that have effected you. Make sure you Abe seek help from the SRC.

- Centrelink Do you - Academic Appeals need - Tenancy - Legal Advice

help Talk to Contact SRC HELP Germans sound German. This is phone: (02) 9660 5222 | email: [email protected] slightly jarring at times. an SRC www.src.usyd.edu.au | Level 1, Wentworth Building If you are not on main campus contact SRC on: 0466 169 664 I have not been converted to caseworker musical theatre, but I have with... become a fan of Cabaret. What I saw was an emotionally powerful and wonderfully ambitious show. I was transported to then engulfed by The Students’ Representative Council (SRC) Legal Service has a a world; only at the very end did I realize I was in a living room solicitor on campus to provide free legal advice, representation in in Lindfield. With full costumes, court and referral to undergraduate students at Sydney University. full props and set Cabaret will only reach new heights. See We can assist you with: Appointments this show, you will not be left Phone the SRC Office to make an appointment 9660 5222 disappointed. • Family law (advice only) • Consumer complaints • Criminal law • Victims compensation Drop-in sessions Tuesdays & Thursdays 1pm-3pm (no need for an appointment) • Traffic offences • Discrimination and harassment Location • Insurance law • Tenancy law Students’ Representative Council, University of Sydney SRC HELP & LEGAL • Domestic violence • Administrative law (government etc) Level 1 Wentworth Bldg, Uni of Sydney • Employment law • University complaints 02 9660 5222 | www.src.usyd.edu.au • Credit & debt • Other general complaints ACN 146 653 143

Note: The solicitor cannot advise on immigration law but can refer you to migration agents and community centres. For Family The SRC’s operational costs, space and administrative Law and Property Relationships Act matters we can refer you to solicitors who charge at a fair rate. support are financed by the University of Sydney. 17 V Donherra Walmsley [email protected] PRESIDENT’S REPORT twitter: @srcpresident

Welcome to week 4 – that time undergraduate degrees to the more with the various departments of the of semester when the unpleasant profitable postgraduate level, with no SRC, and generally have an elected reality of assessments starts real pedagogical reason for doing so Office Bearer who is the nominal head hitting home. Remember if you (cough Juris Doctor cough), and it’s – they’ll take care of things like making need any help with getting special making universities heavily reliant on funding requests to the Executive and consideration, or feel that you’ve international student fees to prop up so on – but they’re run on a democratic been marked unfairly, or are their budgetary bottom lines. When basis. What that means is that any generally having any problems with international student enrolments student can rock up to a collective uni, the SRC is here to help you out. decline, as they are as a result of it meeting and have a say about an being cheaper to study in places like issue. Their opinions will be treated as The other thing happening in week the USA, universities put up the fees seriously as those of collective members 4 is that on Wednesday at 12pm on of the currently enrolled students. who have been around for a while. It is Eastern Avenue, we will be hosting When you enrol at the University, you the collective members who direct the a free barbeque to raise awareness actually sign a contract which states campaigns of the collectives, and some of the Base Funding Review and that the University can increase your collectives operate on “majority rules” demand that the Government fees at any time, and you as a student decision making systems while others increases funding to universities. have no choice but to pay (or withdraw prefer the “consensus” model. Either Come along and sign a cheque from from your course). The SRC believes way, the collectives are open spaces the Australian Government for the that international students are already where you can get involved, and that sum of increased funding to ensure: at breaking point with their fees, and involvement can range from turning > Permanent, well trained that they should not be forced to pay up to one or two hour-long meetings a teachers for our classes more to sustain the university. Instead, semester, to painting banners, screen > Upgrades to our classrooms and the Government needs to get serious printing t-shirts, to actually organising labs about their Education Revolution and and coordinating a campaign. increase funding to universities – as an > Less crowded classes The collectives are a great way to meet OECD paper states, “public investments The collectives are an invaluable part of other people who are interested in > Proper support services and in education, particularly at the tertiary what the SRC does – they are the way similar issues to you, and you can learn faculty staff level, are rational even in the face of in which most students engage with a lot and pick up some skills while you’re us - I got involved in the SRC through The SRC and NUS believe that running a deficit in public finances.” there. the queer collective in 2008. You don’t we need increased government Submissions to the Base Funding have to be elected to be a part of the funding to ensure a high quality Some of the collectives, such as queer, Review will be closing on Thursday the SRC - though if you are passionate about education – though the last few women’s, and disabilities, are there not 31st of March, and cases like the video what we do I certainly encourage you years have seen somewhat of only to run campaigns on issues relevant streaming in Psych which the Education to consider running in the elections in an increase, after a decade of to them, such as equal marriage, equal Officers wrote about last week are second semester - you can engage with neglect, government funding for pay, and disability rights respectively, all evidence we can use to build the our open and democratic collectives universities is now only at 1995 but also to provide support for groups argument for the desperate need for at any time during the year. The SRC is levels in real terms (i.e. – after which may feel that the university as increased funding for universities. So an organisation that exists to support taking into account CPI increases). a whole doesn’t cater to them. They come along and grab some free food, students, but it’s also an organisation Australia is THE ONLY OECD country empower people who identify as part talk to us about what you want to see that exists to try and shape change, to have DECREASED spending on of these groups to take control of from your education, what you’re not both in education policy and other higher education between 1997 campaigns relevant to them, provide getting that you think you should be, wider policies. If you are passionate and 2007, which means we have a space for students to discuss what and sign a cheque to show your support about an issue, I really recommend a long way to go to catch up on they need from the university, and for increased government funding! that you do get involved in one of our the rest of the developed world. create support networks which can be many collectives – and work towards The current lack of funding has a If you’re interested in getting involved invaluable in the huge and sometimes creating the change you want to see in number of ramifications apart from with the work that the SRC does, isolating university. the world. the quality of education declining the best way is through one of our – it’s forcing universities to transfer collectives. The collectives are aligned src Become a member of the SRC! Get involved! Join in person at the SRC Office or the SRC Bookshop Buy Cheap Secondhand Base Funding Review Fund our Future: books NOW! Submissions close on the 31st of March. Contact the SRC President for more National Day of Action Visit the SRC bookshop Wednesday 23rd of March 12pm 18 Level 4 Wentworth information. V Chad Sidler GENERAL SECRETARY’S REPORT [email protected] Last week I spoke about the need to put What we have seen here is what we The Harmony Day event that was held a stop to the SRC using student funds can achieve when we put students first. Monday this week by the Ethnic Affairs for left wing political campaign. I argued However it is not enough. I argued that Officer Henry Kha is a shining example that it was urgent to start increasing the we need to pay our editors even more of the new direction the Ethnic Affairs wages of our Honi Soit editors and since than $30,000 but that we couldn’t make Department shall be taking this year last weeks edition I have already begun such a financial decision until we have a and beyond. I would like to commend to deliver on this. clearer idea of the budget. and congratulate Henry Kha for the tremendous amount of time and effort At a meeting of the SRC executive The information was not available at the he put into making the event a reality. held last week – The Executive is in time of the meeting but it is now. Expect charge of the day to day running of a further update from me in next weeks This was despite some individuals the organisation and is responsible for Honi on my progress of increasing Honi purposefully tearing down posters all major decision making including editors stipend even further. promoting the event. These same matters related to finance – I lobbied for people in the past have received SRC and secured a 50% raise for Honi Soit Also at the executive meeting held last funding for their own activities. It is so editors. week we gave funding to the Ethnic disappointing that some people would PUN OF THE WEEK: When a son said Affairs Department to host an on hold our fine organisation in such that his ambition was to drive an Thus increasing the overall stipend campus Harmony Day event. In recent contempt. army tank his father said “I won’t from $20,000 to $30,000 meaning years the Ethnic Affairs Department stand in your way.” each editor personally will now receive has been hijacked by the Anti-Racism We must ensure that we no longer fund $3,000 instead of $2,000. While this is a Collective who I spoke about in week 2. such extreme outfits that have little fantastic result for the Honi Soit editors As you know the Anti-Racism Collective positive contribution, create a negative it also represents a great victory for could be perceived as propagating environment for the student body and students. discrimination rather than condemning it. try to cater to the students with events such as Harmony Day.

EDUCATION OFFICERS’ REPORT [email protected] Our University loves a good buzz word. I were similarly unable to provide strand of internationalisation was all mean, why use a neat, precise sentence clarification. Internationalisation too transparent and disheartening. to clarify the intention of a particular connotes some mixture of We were made aware that the Deans policy or pedagogical approach, when a relationships with international of Faculties are currently reviewing single word makes for better branding, students, international staff members, International Student fees for the 2012 and more general confusion? Win-Win… international benchmarking for the academic year, and some Faculties are right? University, and course content relating considering a fee-hike of up to 7%. On to international affairs. an average International Student fee One of our personal favourite pieces rate (a little over $14,000 per semester), of Uni-Jargon is ‘Internationalisation.’ Confused yet? We sure were. this translates to an extra $1,000 per We can say for sure that there is a semester. To put this into perspective Our University, we learned, is doing Deputy Vice-Chancellor in charge of further, the University itself estimates some great things in terms of it, a strategy for pursuing it, a series of the living expenses of an international internationalisation. We have a growing with comparably cheaper American federal government recommendations student (not including text books, visas, number of international academics institutions. Even if this wasn’t the case, that we seek it, and at the University’s language classes or other support (more sure to be attracted through the it is disappointing that international Quality Review Audit Pre-Conference services) to be between $24, 828 and opening of new specialised centres for students continue to be viewed as a which we attended last week, there was $31, 668 per year. a room full of University administrators international research – like the Chinese ‘cash-cow’ by a University bureaucracy and academics struggling to clarify it. Studies Centre), and there are some We were heartened to learn that the worried by the possibility of reduced exciting opportunities for students fine folks in the International Office government funding in the next budget. Problematically, representatives from to study abroad (with more financial are opposing this move internally. Somewhere in this mesh of seemingly the University’s International Office help opening up in certain Schools and They noted that, in light of the drop in contradictory policies is, we are told, the (which, for that little extra bit of clarity Faculties, we are told!). international enrolments last year, it true meaning of ‘Internationalisation.’ sits under the Deputy Vice-Chancellor seems that the University is struggling However vague and broad these policy But we still can’t work out whether it’s a for Education, rather than the Deputy to continue to bank on prestige alone, priorities seemed, one particular good thing or not… Vice-Chancellor for Internationalisation) and is failing to compete in a market

Alexandra Cowan WOMENS’ OFFICERS REPORT [email protected]

“Sure, men love babies. But (tell me business, including on boards, is that and an Adjunct Associate-Professor at required. This includes the quashing I’m wrong) women love them more.” women and men are fundamentally the University of Sydney, had come to of accusations that women “just don’t It was a leisurely Thursday afternoon. I different and when it really comes down this conclusion. How, and why, do these work hard enough.” was still feeling my classy Wednesday to it, women want to look after babies widely spread opinions come about? I reiterate a point made a couple of night hangover. It was that blissful while the men do the work. Is this just When it comes down to the original weeks ago by a fellow womens officer time in the semester when there was nature? Is this just the way things are? issue of women in senior positions and when I talk about choice. One of the nothing i “had to do” yet. I was reading Should I give up my dreams of a career on boards, I myself hold the opinion most pressing and overarching issues the newspaper instead of listening to and instead, take the wise advice a taxi that decades of tradition has created in feminism today is creating choice. everyone in my tute inform me of “their driver once gave me and find a future a situation that makes it very hard for If women want to have a family - they name, their favourite colour, and what husband at uni? (Applications can be Become a member of the SRC! women to move up. Long hours and should be able to! If women want to the most exciiiiiiiiiiiiiiting thing they accepted through the SRC Women’s weekend work often mean that women have a career - they should be able to! src Join in person at the SRC Office or the SRC Bookshop did this semester was.” Then BAM, department.) In the end, it’s just what have to make a choice between a career And damn, If women want to read their Sydney Morning Herald columnist mother nature wants? Right? and a family. Although called naive by newspaper in peace in a tute without Elizabeth Farrelly and her sweeping My opposition to this school of thought some, I am of the belief that women can having to listen to listen to boringly Fund our Future: generalisations were all up in ma grilllll. is thinly veiled, but I was mostly have both. However, to move towards tame summer stories - they should be National Day of Action The crux of Ms Farrelly’s argument is staggered by the fact that Ms Farrelly, a change in culture, the cooperation able to! that the reason there aren’t that many with an impressive resume, including of both men and women alike are Wednesday 23rd of March 12pm women in the more senior positions in being a former Sydney City Councilor 19 D CRYPToNOMiCON 47. He is around, right sons? (5) ACROSS! 48. Grouch award (5) STEVEN B. BEEVAN CRYPTIC 1. Royal lobster mentioned 49. That’s My Beige Thing SAMUEL B. MOVIE CROSSWORD where platform 9 ¾ is? (5,5,7) arranged by Dr. Worm band (4,5,2,6) BENNY DAVIS 13. We hear Ψ partly finds a film genre (3-2) 14. Ross the comedian is DOWN! dignified (5) 15. Visitor to hold small, one friend to make a rough 2. I am myself before art approximation (11) gallery copy (7) 16. Sheep sheet riot (7) 3. Look at geese (6) 17. Resolution of Latin thing (3) 4. Bare act produced musical at Seymour Centre March 23-26 18. Media term (7) misrepresented Aboriginal era of mythological creation (9) 5. Unlocks love with writers (5) 24. Rodney explodes over 6. Wise men a long time in a there (6) boat (5) 28. Knifing the State Transit 7. Cute semicircle of cloth (5) Authority, beats first Mr. 8. Original poster, I pause on Crosby (8) drug (5) 30. Sean Connery’s lust for 9. Bird victim after Mac, Linux, lower leg (4) Windows, etc (6) 31. Greasy sounds too soon in 10. Solid tree mass (4) New York (4) 11. An artist within 32. Percussion instrument a Muhammad Ali (4) way to catch fish? (8) 12. Loud equipment for Pretty 23. Of nine, up soon (4) 35. Fraternise with criminal vehicle doors, so to speak? (5) 34. In Bosch is my Woman actor... (4) 25. Siren noise heard in Hawaii type (7) 42. Manly Mr. Cassidy... (5) disagreement (6) 19. ...as he’s a cricket 5-O? (5) 36. Scrooge: they last in 43. ...Shaken bare around the 38. Flower dick? Balderdash! (9) competition (5) 26. Jumper in display picture to sadness (6) middle, where they tried to 43. Type of bread tells dry 20. In intent, he has poor flop (5) 37. I feast grossly at party (6) send Amy? (5) humour (3) placing (5) 27. Mostly, cleric breaks 38. Poet head of church (4) 45. Competition in embrace (4) 44. Sad rain falls on guts (7) 21. Mother (afterthought: a artifact (5) 39. To combine twisted loop (4) 46. Sticking out in favour of disease) (5) 29. Oh no! Spin endless salad (4) 40. It’s in you, the teenager (5) shouting after pipe (11) 22. To stop a stick eating first (5) 33. Getting flatter at night (7) 41. Army colour can open PSEUDOKU TARGET y a n p t e e h h

RATING: TOUGH AS NAN’S ROAST SPOT THE DIFFERENCE fun

20 ONE TWO The Garter Press Ryan OUR EXCLUSIVE Tyrant Mubarak Kwanten INVESTIGATION removed from the sexiest Egypt man on TV?

Rival newspapers a leading cause of paper- We ask insecure character actors. cuts. Tyrant lizard remains. THE ONLY SOURCE OF NEWS SUSPICIOUS LINES OUT THE FRONT POLITICIANS OF SCHOOLS THROUGHOUT NSW SURPRISINGLY Joanna Bales VOCAL LATELY Reporter and Daughter Rangy McGuirk News Reporter Reporting News The Garter Press has been alerted this week to a spate of suspicious lines out On a positive note,The Garter Press is the front of primary schools, town halls happy to report that there has been and community centres. a recent spike in political discussion, debate and talking in general. Politicians The tip off came from Community have also been astoundingly keen to Watch member Jacqueline Wade, who make promises on just about anything. observed the lines while driving past There seems to be little cause for her local primary school, Our Lady of ulterior motive, leaving us to accept that the Chatswood Way: “I first noticed political words spoken at this time are something strange at about eleven strictly true and promises will be upheld. o’clock in the morning on Saturday just gone,” she said. “There were a whole While there has been no apparent gaggle of people standing out the catalyst for the surprising surge front of the school hall, but I couldn’t in political vocalisation, few are gather why. I know for a fact that our P complaining. Though Timothy Sanger & C only meets on the third Thursday of South Strathfield has reportedly of every month.” experienced “an episode of extreme confusion,” which has forced him to Wade was quick to contact The Garter remain confined to his home with the Press, who were able to confirm the TV unplugged. A spokesperson for The existence of the aforementioned Who are these people and what are they doing here? Majority of NSW Citizens Collective lines and the meeting times of the members were seen to be brandishing were scouts, as evidenced by the lack of stated that they were “pleased” and Our Lady of the Chatswood Way’s P large placards with portraits of merit badges and woggles. are “looking forward to the Ponies for & C. Geometrist and all-round line themselves on the front. In a few cases Everyone Policy coming into action.” enthusiast line enthusiast Oscar Black the portraits were of others, usually With new additions being made to lines almost constantly, Black is predicting said that the lines were of the “class two balding men. Many remain sceptical of Keneally’s that the lines will continue to grow at squiggly stage” and were typified by promise of a more Australian accent. Both the identity of the men and the an exponential rate. “In just one day “line leaders” wearing brightly coloured O’Farrell has promised to refrain from purpose of these signs is still unknown. we’ve seen these lines engulf NSW. shirts. Even though the lines were engaging in another relationship of a “I don’t know who they are, what By tomorrow all of Australia could be spread across the state, the uniforms sexual nature with staff from within the they’re doing, why they’re here, or who queuing up for whatever this is. By next worn by the line leaders were identical, Liberal Party. “From now on my affairs I am, but I’m certain that they’re up to week? I predict the whole world will be leading The Garter Press to believe are with the people or no-one!” that they are members of the thought- no good.” joining these lines.” No-one appears to be the popular option. dissolved underground cult United The only thing The Garter Press knows The Garter Press urges readers to Brothers of the Meteor Rising. for sure is that none of the people remain calm and hydrated if they find Even more disturbing, some of the line queuing out the front of scout halls themselves caught in a line. INSIDE GARTER PRESS TO READERS: WHY DIDN’T WHO ARE YOU GOING TO VOTE FOR? YOU TELL US THERE WAS AN ELECTION ON? We’ll tell you if you’re right! John Graham P.2 Year 10 Work Experience Kid ASSASSINATION ATTEMPT The Garter Press has revealed that Sharing has officially been declared The spirits of the editors of The Garter THWARTED it was “deeply hurt” that none of its off in the offices of The Garter Press, Press seemed considerably lifted when Turns out Lincoln was already dead. readers could be bothered to take the both in the fields of breaking news and informed that the election hadn’t P.12 time to tell The Garter that there was an excellent recess snacks. technically happened yet. election on. WHO WILL RULE NSW? Owner of The Garter Press, Reginald “What? You mean, we could still write The answer is still The Queen. “This is really important news-stuff,” P. Duke saw this oversight as a missed about it or something? We haven’t P.20 said a senior reporter, “you’d think opportunity. completely missed it?” ELECTION PLACARD someone would have mentioned it. “All this time we could have been Ideas of inventing a sex scandal were DEFACING HOAX “We could have written a story about it talking about political gossip and quickly discarded after the discovery of Candidate never had a face. P.33 or rigged the outcome or something.” intrigue instead of all this human the body a field-dressed camel on the tragedy bullshit.” lawns of Parliament. WILL THIS ELECTION The Garter Press was reportedly SPARK A CIVIL WAR? especially disappointed that no one told When asked if he was certain he wanted “Oh, great. Now we have another camel The Garter Press has already attacked them about the election “after all the cool to refer to the last six months of utter corpse on our hands,” said Mr. Duke, Victoria. news stuff [The Garter] has told them!” human torment as “bullshit”, Reginald “Why can’t we just endorse someone?” P.35 simply replied, “yes.” The Garter Press is proud to endorse the following: ASK YOURSELF Are you: Tired of government corruption? Sick of being ignored? Aware your dick has a knuckle?

VOTE ONE: GNARLY TAYLOR Because you care about the real issues. And your dick has a hinge.

Authorised by DickKnuckles for Parlia=ment ‘11. Paid for by The Dickknuckle Institute and Reginald P. Duke. Keep slammin’ The Back Page The Garter Press IN THE ‘INTEREST’ OF ‘FAIRNESS’ THE GARTER PRESS ‘WISHES’ TO ALSO ENDORSE THE VOXPOPS We asked voters what they expect FOLLOWING ‘CANDIDATES’: from candidates in this election.

“I just expect them to stop politickin’ STOCK STANDARD STOCK STANDARD STOCK STANDARD me off!” - Darren, stand-up comic. LABOR LIBERAL GREENS “I expect representation at long last for the leech constituents.” - Leechy, vocation undisclosed.

“Marie Antoinette is on the right track. I could really use some caaake.” - Bronwyn, royalist.

“I expect Labor will disappoint me yet again, because every time I see the word Labor I think something bad has happened to the word Labrador.” “They don’t call it the ‘right’ wing for “Fuck the poor!” “My ideas are as progressive as the - Stephanie, dog-lover. nothing. WAIT, NO -” hairstyle you will instantly judge me by.”

Who are you going to vote for and STOCK STANDARD why? THE RACIST A LARGE ANT “I’m going to vote for the winning VIKING candidate, so I don’t waste my vote.” Larry Grose, pragmatist.

“Can I vote for everyone to have a good time?” - Clarence Levy, apologist.

“Who? Leechy will vote for whoever is closest to Leechy.” - Leechy, location undisclosed.

“When I say I am protecting families, Any final remarks for our readers? “I may fuck the country, but at least I’m what I mean is I am protecting white “KREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!” going to burn it afterwards.” upper-class families. From the likes of “I ask you ... Labor, Liberal, you.” who is the real villain here? It is Armagenodos The Invincible.” A LARGE OL’ ARNOLD - Yvonne, victim. REBECCA BLACK PRAYING MANTIS CLEMENS “I’m sick of all these ‘health initiatives’. They’re all a plot to destroy me.” - Dr. Cancer, closer than you’d like.

“Who ever you vote for, remember to do it three times at least. I’ve got money on this.” - Johnny Multiples. NEXT WEEK

“The government’s fiscal spending is quite “No, Ma’am, I ain’t running for congress. “Campaignin’ in Macquarie, campaignin’ MYTHICAL BIRD OF PREY frankly out of control. Give this mantis a I just like wearin’ tweed and kissin’ babies.” in Ballina. Which seat can I taaaake?” NOW FLIGHTLESS mandate!” Fel like a roc.

ANARCHISTS WIN STATE The Garter Press regrets to THE SWAMP EDWARD DAVID ELECTION inform you that: MISER BOLLINGTON Everyone dissatisfied. Bridie Connell, Neada WALT DISNEY’S CORPSE Bulseco, Tom Walker, Michael REANIMATED Now drawn in 3D. Richardson, Laurence Rosier Staines, Julian Larnach and POPULAR HAIRSTYLE HAS FRINGE BENEFITS James Colley Sun protection, tax incentives.

STATUS QUO RESTORED; were all caught up in a REVOLUTIONS QUELLED sex scandal. One giant sex Illuminati secretly overworked scandal. “Ye carnt have me swamps!” “I will set your goods on fire.” Students’ Representative Council BECOME A MEMBER! The University of Sydney Join in person at the SRC Office or SRC Bookshop (details below)

The SRC provides the following SRC Books - Big savings on textbooks on campus! services to SRC members... • Buy & sell your textbooks • Search for books online at www.src.usyd.edu.au Student Support & Advocacy Located: Wentworth Level 4 (opposite the International Lounge) • Centrelink Advice ASK US • Academic Appeals Emergency Loans • Discontinuing/Withdrawing ABOUT $50 emergency loans for students in need • Students at Risk • Show Cause Student Publications • Exclusion • Honi Soit - the SRC’s weekly newspaper • Tenancy Advice pick-up a copy available on campus • Fee Refunds • Student Handbooks: O-week, Counter Course, • Harassment & Discrimination International Students & Women’s Handbooks. • International Students • Plagiarism & misconduct Student Rights & Representation SRC Representatives are directly elected by students SRC Legal Service - NEW! each year to stand up for students’ rights on campus • Referrals and in the wider community. • Discrimination & Equal Opportunity • Employment law We are located at.. Level 1 Wentworth Building • Minor criminal matters/traffic offences/ fines SRC down Stai • Victims of violence (under City Rd footbridge) RS Ph: 02 9660 5222 • Debts Student www.src.usyd.edu.au Central If you are at another campus, wentworth The SRC’s operational costs, space and administrative building support are financed by the University of Sydney. email: [email protected]

SAVE NEW Location! on Level 4, Wentworth Building (Next to the International Lounge) Hours: Mondays to Fridays 9am - 4.30pm Phone: (02) 9660 4756 Email: [email protected]

Eastern Avenue Carslaw BOOKS get your Textbooks CheAp F ish er Ro ad Footbridge Main Gate Jane Foss

CITY ROAD Butlin Avenue NEW Location LEVEL 4 Level 4 Mereweather Wentworth www.src.usyd.edu.au

• We buy & sell textbooks according to demand Search for text books online • You can sell your books on consignment www.src.usyd.edu.au/default.php • We are open to USYD students & the public Call 02 9660 4756 to check availability and reserve a book.