Week 4, Semester 2, 2014 honi I shrunk the kids

illustration by aimy nguyen

p.12 Arrested at Leard p.15 In defense of the WWE

Georgia Kriz “We aren’t worth enough to them” reviews revues. This past weekend it rained a lot. place, prevalence and prominence of However, since non-faculty lower tiers of funding, and thus can This was unfortunate for the cast cultural, minority and non-faculty revues traditionally receive less only book the smallest Seymour of Queer Revue, because the Union revues. funding than their faculty-backed space. And in order to graduate assigns us the Manning Forecourt counterparts, their road has not to the higher tiers of funding, to rehearse in on the weekends, and The problems facing non-faculty been easy. The Union allocates revues have to sell out this theatre so, when confronted with a veritable revues begin at their inception. between $4000 and $8000 to each completely. But with a limited downpour on Sunday morning, Entering the crowded revue revue. According to a spokesperson budget to spend on production, props we were forced to shop around for marketplace is an uphill battle from the Programs Office, the exact and advertising, smaller revues are another space. for new revues. After a period of amount allocated depends solely significantly hamstrung. And for dormancy, in 2011 several women upon which Seymour Centre theatre Queer Revue and Jew Revue, there But with all other rehearsal attempted to revive the Wom*n’s space a revue can sell out. Both Jew is no faculty to fall back on to fill the spaces occupied by faculty revues Revue. They failed. A number of Revue and Queer Revue received gaps, no corporate sponsors to court. and bands, eventually we had no these women have since described $6000 from the Union this year, Our reach isn’t large enough to choice but to retreat to a small, to Honi the difficulty of dealing with and they have performed in the attract the necessary attention and dingy room somewhere in the the Union when trying to set up smallest theatre at the Seymour money; we aren’t worth enough to bowels of Manning that was mildly a new revue: there were no start- since their inception. Neither revue them. It’s a self-perpetuating cycle. to moderately cluttered with up grants available outside of the attracts any corporate sponsorship dead fridges and uninspiringly normal funding allocations, and (despite concerted efforts), which is In this way, the Union’s funding upholstered Ottomans. And as there were a myriad of convoluted in stark contrast to, say, the Law model prioritises ticket sales and we spent the day doing vigorous, and unnecessarily bureaucratic Revue, which year after year pulls corporate exposure over providing cheerleader-inspired choreography, processes to negotiate with little well-heeled corporate law firms as opportunities for traditionally more than one face was punched guidance from the Union itself. It its major sponsors . Further, faculty marginalised groups to showcase enthusiastically and accidentally was, they said, clear that the Union revues receive funding from their their talents and satirise and thanks to space constraints. had little interest in supporting faculties, too – this year, Arts Revue subvert the discourses that oppress and backing a fledgling non-faculty attracted $8000 from the Union and them. Christopher Hitchens On the face of it, our little Sunday revue. $3000 from the Arts Faculty. said that women aren’t funny – morning misadventure doesn’t seem unfortunately at Sydney University, like much to be worried about. But In the last five years, Jew Revue This funding system clearly an autonomous Wom*n’s Revue this mini-debacle actually speaks and Queer Revue have been lucky privileges entrenched and might never get the chance to to a far larger, more sinister issue enough to make it through this established revues. With no proven prove him wrong. A revue’s worth within the Union and within the minefield of USU bureaucracy and history of success and popularity, shouldn’t be measured by its ticket Revues community – specifically, the become established productions. new revues can only qualify for sales. 3 Letters 14 More Offspring pls letters 4-5 Scholarships and whistleblowers 15 The WWE isn’t bad, just misunderstood 6 ‘Lifting’ culture – no, not that kind 16 Best dating spots on campus I agree with Mr Asimakis that the passive aggression and bluster, Mr. the strategic plan, etc. left me with 7 Tax evasion and the Archi-bored prize 17 SRC Help Elementary, my student body ignores Senate to its Massarani chose not to engage with more questions than answers. Contents 8 Is Apple a cult? 18-19 More reports from your hardworking SRC detriment. My recommendation, to any of the issues I presented. If he dear Watson the student representative bodies in thinks Senate’s current approach to A Students Representative Council honi soit 9 Lucy Watson’s awkward internet struggle 20 A puzzling quiz and quizzical puzzles particular, is that we start doing much transparency is adequate, he could (SRC) Meeting is discussed in the Dear Honi, issue #17 9 3/4 If you’re reading us from Melbourne, vote 1 21 Nathan Molloy’s latest escapades more to influence all 22 Fellows. Given have said why. If he thinks that week 3 edition of Honi Soit which Martin Dittman for Farrago editor! their accessibility and sympathies, Senate Fellow candidates should not also left me wondering how the SRC 22-23 Honey Soy <3 I was rather displeased with your the two student Fellows would be an be subjected to more scrutiny, he could elections are ideally related to the 10 The problem with Ted Talks 24 I, for one, welcome our new ibis overlords article on the University erroneously obvious place to start. have said why. If he thinks that it is running of the USU. I note from the 11 Profile: Jason Rohrer misplacing some of its funds. It was fine that Senate doesn’t make minutes SRC website that it relates only to not the content I was displeased with It’s great to see Honi Soit taking an available, he could have said why. If undergraduate students and wondered 12-13 Feature: An arrest at Leard State Forest (anything that highlights University interest in Senate and wonder if it he thinks that it is good that students why. fuck ups is ok with me), but rather, I is time to offer a regular column to cannot know about the most important was incredibly disappointed in your the student Fellows, and perhaps the decisions affecting them made by the Christina White states that the next graph. Chancellor herself? The Senate papers body that governs their university, he Senate Meeting is on September We acknowledge that Honi Soit’s office is located on the traditional lands of the Gadigal people of the Eora nation. We would like to acknowledge are often less interesting and relevant could have said why. 8th and asks if anybody wants to the Traditional Owners of the land on which we work and pay our respects to the Elders past and present. At first glance, it is a rather hilarious to students than you might hope, but accompany her. It would seem more depiction of the disaster. However, if we really cared to, we students could Instead he filled your paper with informative, however, to ask the VC to upon closer scrutiny, the graph set our own agenda and advocate clichés and tired insults. write down what he said to Christina is seriously flawed. First of all, much harder on the issues that are White for publication in Honi Soit. choosing the rather unconventional most important to us. Regards, One wonders why he said something method of adopting a logarithmic to a person presumably expected to Editorial scale as opposed to the more widely Benjamin Veness Tim Asimakis be a student representative if he did accepted linear scale, seems to me Since the rebel Senate fellows started consist of however many registered list is pre-selected and short, one has larger issue at hand: the Federal not wish it to go further than White. to be a decision purely made to trick calling for a meeting of Convocation, students, staff and alumni can squeeze to doubt its prospects for a genuine Government sets the direction of MB,BS IV The Village Idiot Honi Soit editors should ask the VC the reader into thinking that the some USyd students have engaged in into the Great Hall, and the speaking debate. Speaking to Honi editors higher education, and, in reality, the to write down what he said to her, for University’s disaster was much closer furious debate over what constitutes a list will be decided by the Senior last week, Spence had a brilliant most impenetrable ivory tower of all Former Fellow of Senate (2010-11, publication in Honi Soit. in scale to the Hindenburg and Titanic ‘good’ mode of consultation. Although Executive Group (a university body moment of self-awareness saying, is the current Abbott cabinet. The disasters than it really was. Not to few trust the university management consisting of management staff and “The interesting question is whether it Government’s introduction of such 2011-12) Crouching tiger, Speaking as one of the most ambitious, mention the fact that neither of the to note the concerns of students senior academics) and, in a recent looks a bit North Korea.” He defended serious and far-reaching education socially conscious and politically costs of those disasters had been hidden Spence regarding the higher education development, the heads of student pre-selection as the best way to get a reform with no attempt at a national engaged Australian leaders and adjusted for inflation. According to reforms, there appears to at least be organisations such as the USU and balanced range of views, but conceded debate is both an insult to the Hi Honi, revolutionaries referred to by Milly the website “R.M.S. Titanic costs”, the Stop your a consensus that more consultation is SRC. it might not convey the “flavour of the electorate and an indication of their Ellen, assure Yi Jian Ching he is not Titanic would have cost approximately better than none. views”. sheer cowardice and arrogance. bloviating ASK THE VICE-CHANCELLOR TO the only one bothered by all the giant $400,000,000, which, just in case you Registration to attend this meeting WRITE DOWN WHAT HE SAID TO sewing machines looming in the sky can’t do the maths (as your mistaken Dear Honi, Calls for Convocation – now dead in is currently open, and we encourage A USyd spokesperson emphatically The surprise mass deregulation CHRISTINA WHITE FOR HONI over Sydney Uni. Their operations graph might have me believe) is 800 the water – would have resulted in all students who are interested in said that the Town Hall meeting is announced in the 2014-15 Budget SOIT. have driven me nuts for decades. I times more than the University’s fuck an enormous meeting of alumni and the future of higher education to only one part of Spence’s consultation placed Spence in an awkward position I, like Mr. Massarani, also remember hope Honi Soit can at least fix this up. the 35-minute phone interview that staff with no determined time length attend. However, like Convocation, plan, already in action. The rest of his – forced to take on the role of the I refer mainly to the article by smaller mystery of what the VC said to he endearingly thinks “generated” my or speaking list. It was an undeniably this method of consultation has flaws plan includes focus groups, a search Education Minister in collecting Christina White, entitled ‘Desperately Christina White. I’m not saying that $500,000 is not a piece, ‘Opaque Senate’. Regrettably, flawed model, and would have shut of its own. Although the inclusion of event (a speed-dating like occasion community views on federal education seeking Senate’, in the week 3, monumental mistake. It is. I’m merely it was conducted the day the piece out current students while prioritising current students and the role played which will try to “process” hundreds policy. Of course, this is no excuse semester 2, 2014 edition of Honi Soit. Cheers saying that I’m not falling for your was due and after it had largely been the voices of the disproportionately by student leaders are both wins, the of students’ views in one day) and for Spence to shy away from the I cannot understand why she attended trickery, Honi. And now I hope the rest written. privileged USyd alumni. Although limitations of the meeting are all too written online submissions. It remains debate, but it is an important factor the Senate Meeting or why she had Carol O’Donnell of the student population isn’t either. some championed Convocation, it led manifest. 25 people speaking for two to be seen when the University will in considering the ability of USyd to to sit outside for three hours. She Unfortunately for Pat, my article many on all sides of politics to question minutes each is sorely inadequate for implement these plans. It is also properly collect views on the matter. In states that the Vice Chancellor (VC) Kind regards, that apparently accused him of many the efficacy of such a sprawling debate. assessing reforms that will affect not unknown why the University hasn’t June, Spence emailed the student body ‘explained the University’s financial things wasn’t actually about him, as Why not both? only the 50,000 students currently gone to greater lengths to advertise and said he would be in touch over the structure to her in a one-on-one Lucy Watson he would have realized had his ego Vice-Chancellor Michael Spence enrolled at USyd, but also countless these additional processes – something coming weeks regarding consultation. lesson’. However, she provides no permitted him to read it. Rather it was Hi Honi, dismissed Convocation as students to come. which may have assisted in combating Other than the debate over the town information about what he said or how an examination of the institution he is anachronistic, and a compromise its image as a non-consultative ivory hall meeting – largely prompted Arts (Media and Communication) it relates to any funds provided by and/ but one member of. I wrote you a poem which I can’t was met – there is now to For those who decry the town hall tower. by the “rebel Senate fellows” – this VI (though I do have a maths major, or for students. which so far in life has really only decide whether to call ‘Honi Soit’ or be a town hall-style meeting as just a tokenistic attempt information has not been forthcoming. simply ‘The Future’. helped me pull apart your articles and I, like the litany of important persons meeting, in which to placate the masses, perhaps you However, the efforts of the university Considering the impending passage As a Glebe resident, former lecturer sound smarter than I really am) that Mr. Massarani reeled off, do not 25 people will could take solace in the fact that to canvass the opinions of students, of this legislation through the at Sydney Uni. and Alumni member, Bigotry no more doubt his engagement or commitment be allowed to Spence shares your concern. staff and alumni government – possibilities of Senate I mainly look to Honi Soit to find – I was impressed both when I spoke speak for two Given the speaking is a mere failure aside – the consultation process out what is going on in student and Tolerance for all to him on the phone and when he minutes distraction ought to have begun by now. But it It ain’t me, it ain’t university management, as the Uni. showed off the size of his list of each. The from also should have been started by Pyne, of Sydney Union (USU) magazine, Cis white scum. me, I ain’t no achievements in his letter. But I did meeting the well before the Budget was released in ‘Bullmag’, which I would have and do doubt the level of transparency will May. senator’s son expected to contain this information, Kind Regards, that exists within Senate. never appears to tell anybody anything Proper consultation is not and has Dear Honi, about the rationale and process for Angus Palfreeman If Mr. Massarani is to be believed, never been convenient – it must be the expenditure of students’ money. Medical Science II prolonged, it must be time-consuming, Both Tim Asimakis (‘Opaque Senate’, then amidst my “self-indulgent Going to the USU website and reading and it must be hard. Most importantly, August 5th) and Patrick Massarani ‘progressivism’” were calls for anarchy. it must occur. Christopher Pyne has (‘Letters’, August 12th) make a If asking for the timely publication committed a great abuse of his position significant mistake in referring to the of Senate minutes, the provision of by shirking the responsibility to listen two student Fellows of Senate as our consistent reports to students, and DON’T STOP TILL to the community on the future of “representatives”. a website that has been proofread is higher education. It is unfortunate either progressive or anarchical then that this task now lies in the Vice- Statutory duties of Fellows are laid maybe his claims are true. YOU GET ENOUGH Chancellor’s hands. out in Schedule 2A of the University of Sydney Act 1989 (NSW) and the I did indeed suggest electing a first duty demands that every Fellow candidate “who, where necessary, Download the app – honisoit.com/app acts in good faith in the best interests can explain the need for secrecy, of the University as a whole. (The or one who may even be willing to fourth duty deals with improper use provide information… irrespective of information, which is relevant to of its confidential status.” But that Credits the suggestion for student Fellows to is evidently not the hardened call to Write a letter – [email protected] ignore confidentiality.) parachute in Julian Assange that Mr. Editor-in-chief: Lane Sainty masthead illustration: Helen Xue Connolly, Andy Mason, Alex Wu Massarani took it to be. Rather it was The alternative – some kind of an invitation to a conversation about Editors: Georgia Behrens, Felix Donovan, John reporters: Eden Caceda, Angela Collins, Natalie artists/photographers: Aimy Nguyen, factional model in which each of what students might want in their Gooding, Georgia Kriz, Andrew Passarello, Justin Pen, Czapski, Alexandra Downie, Alex Gillis, Sam Herzog, Sarah Samuel McEwen, Sam J. Queen, Monica Renn, Wanyi Xin the University’s stakeholder groups next Senate candidate, irrespective of Listen – 10am Mondays, surgfm.com Astha Rajvanshi, Michael Rees, Christina White Mourney, Leigh Nicholson, Jonathon Parker, Peter Walsh, (Cabbage) the glowing performance of the current Lucy Watson, William Xi, Helen Xue elects or appoints one, two, or four creative director: Judy Zhu puzzles/quizzes: Yi Jian Ching, Bolton representatives of their own – would one. contributors:Alisha Aitken-Radburn, Joanna significantly impair the functioning of the Senate and could easily be worse And that is the tragedy at the heart Follow on Twitter – @honi_soit DISCLAIMER Honi Soit is published by the Students’ Representative Council, University of Sydney, Level 1 Wentworth Building, City Road, University of Sydney NSW 2006. The SRC’s operation costs, space and administrative support are financed for students, who could ordinarily only of Mr. Massarani’s letter. In choosing by the University of Sydney. Honi Soit is printed under the auspices of the SRC’s directors of student publications: Dover Dubosarsky, Jennifer Light, Miranda Smith, India O’Neill, Naaman Zhou, Phoebe Corleone, Sonia Feng. All expressions are rely on two out of 22 votes (<10%). to hide his own insecurities behind published on the basis that they are not to be regarded as the opinions of the SRC unless specifically stated. The Council accepts no responsibility for the accuracy of any of the opinions or information contained within this newspaper, nor does it endorse any of the advertisements and insertions. 2 3 news commentary slander

Andrew Passarello reckons you should Whistleblowergate Download and be damned get a VPN. Joanna Connolly looks at the possible legal consequences of the Whitehouse Institute affair. Speaking about the recently anyway – all of you appear to be retention, the target is the broader But, should ISPs be required to announced data retention somewhere in Iowa when you go Australian public. Only days prior store data connecting IP addresses Earlier this month, the SRC restricted data held in a computer” legal immunity to Commonwealth previous cases, it is hard to predict proposals at the Govhack 2014 online, I know that,” Turnbull to the announcement of the data to users, it becomes significantly passed a ‘motion of solidarity’ (i.e. hacking). Police alleged that public sector officials who give any outcome. Moreover Newman’s awards, Malcolm Turnbull said, to guffaws from the geek retention policy, Brandis declared easier to hunt them down in a in support of Freya Newman – while working as a part-time confidential information to an case involves the release of reassured the assembled geeks crowd. Data retention schemes that ISPs were not “innocent courtroom. Providers such as iiNet the UTS student at the center night librarian at the Whitehouse internal government ombudsman private information, not public, that it was all a misunderstanding. of any design are easily defeated bystanders” to internet piracy. have long fought against such of the Whitehouse scholarship Institute, Newman accessed the and also provides some limited upon which the law looks much Attorney-General George Brandis’ through use of a Virtual Private The same week, Turnbull said the proposals, suggesting the cost to controversy (and now criminal files of Frances Abbott and more immunity for leaks to the media. less fondly. It gets even more now-viral train wreck attempt Network (VPN) service, which film industry should sue “mums retain the data would run between investigation), and even spoke of than 500 other students. The complicated once you factor in the to explain what data would be masks the true source IP address and dads and students” caught $60 million and $200 million a offering the 20-year-old monetary offense carries a maximum of two It was promised as a other 500 students whose data collected was simply incorrect. of a user. The targets of a data downloading content. year. The measures are not exactly assistance in the event of a trial. years in jail. comprehensive reform of Newman also allegedly accessed. retention scheme – terrorism and populist, either. But having the It remains to be seen whether the whistleblowing laws in Australia. Browsing your history is not what organised crime – are likely to be The issue is that it’s hard to data already stored as the by- SRC’s Legal Service would actually The most immediate question to Yet the bill only applies to those Without more facts it’s hard to the government is interested in. tech savvy enough to take basic connect downloaders with the real product of a necessary “national contribute to Newman’s defence. ask is: wasn’t Newman doing some who work for the government say much about the merits of What they want is your source IP privacy measures. Osama Bin end users, whose ISPs who are security” policy would make But it does beg the question – sort of whistleblowing? Exposing or in companies that contract Newman’s case. Yet regardless of addresses – the address you have Laden never sent emails from his not eager to assist the industry. Brandis and Turnbull’s political what exactly would her defence be? an allegedly unadvertised, to the government. Neither it specifics, the Whitehouse incident when you go online. But it’s not Pakistani compound – he drafted When downloading a torrent, lives significantly easier. undeclared and unearned nor any other scheme for that helps to highlight a hole within information particularly useful them offline, sending a minion to each user publicly “announces” To recap, in June it was revealed scholarship given to the daughter matter provides protection to a Australia’s existing whistleblower to Team Australia in the fight an internet café to hit send. to a centralised server what their Internet users hitting up Pirate that the Prime Minister’s daughter of a Prime Minister by a close whistleblower from within the law. The United Kingdom has a against terrorism. IP address is so that other users Bay anytime soon would do well to had been awarded a $60,000 family friend seems like it should private sector. Given Whitehouse single, comprehensive protection With the terrorists, criminal can find them, but this address is take Turnbull’s advice and invest scholarship to Whitehouse fit the bill. It’s not exactly money is a private educational institution law that applies to both the “Your web surfing history is a masterminds, and nerds well useless from a legal perspective. in a VPN. Institute of Design – unadvertised in a brown paper bag, but it it seems unlikely Newman will pubic and private sector. United matter for you, you’ve all got VPNs clear of any threat posed by data by the school, undeclared certainly stinks. be covered by any whistleblower States’ legislation and case law by the Prime Minister, and provisions operating in Australia goes even further. Yet Australia (deliciously) in spite of the broad Whistleblowing itself is not a at the moment. lags behind and no one seems acknowledgment of Frances’ rather technical term and does not have to mind. For conduct that is so T�� M����N� limp artistic talent. a common legal definition. In Newman could pursue a common vital to maintaining the integrity F���� its simplest form it’s about the law defense. She might argue that of public institutions, and that Recently, NSW police chose disclosure of illegal or illegitimate her disclosure was in the public carries such personal risk for those to charge Newman for her practices in the public interest. interest. Yet the defense is rare contemplating it, the protections What’s in a name? currently recruiting naïve first years Although Caceda’s ticket has now fourth-year Law student, former involvement in the affair – In January of this year, a new and difficult to establish. There we currently afford are too narrow with the tantalising idea of becoming disbanded, The Manning Files has Women’s Officer and ex-NLS member a BNoC. confirmed Board Directors Alisha Annabel Osborn will be running for nabbing her with section 308H whistleblowing bill came into isn’t much jurisprudence around and far too unpredictable. In a move that has surprised absolutely no one ever, the Labor Aitken-Radburn and Kate Bullen, the undergrad position, with SULS of the NSW Crimes Act. This effect in Australia. The Public whistleblowers in Australia, presidential campaign (supporting If you’re eager for shameless along with SLS member Harry President James Higgins managing prohibits “unauthorized access to Interest Disclosures Act gives and with so little guidance from candidate Amy Knox) is running on recruitment tactics but have a strong Stratton, were in talks with members her campaign. Annabel will be the name “Stand Up!” once again bent towards a political party, try of Caceda’s ticket about working marketing herself as a progressive these SRC elections. We’d prefer one of the factions. Literally. Try any with Amy Knox’s Labor presidential candidate, but will not align herself it if everyone in this election just one of them. campaign. Funnily enough, when we with any political party. sat down. The Manning Files has rang Stratton last week to ask if he confirmed that USU Honorary Running for Honi 2014 was involved in organising an Honi Meanwhile, there has been a flurry Secretary Eve Radunz will be ticket, he told us he was too busy of activity on social media in the campaigning for Knox on polling Last week we reported there were for student politics as he had lots of past few weeks that suggests that Money for the old boys days, whilst USU Board Director two tickets in the Honi race. Current study to do, and said he felt we were incumbent Undergraduate Fellow Alisha Aitken-Radburn will be on Honi reporters Peter Walsh and Dom calling on “a fishing expedition”. It Patrick “nobody knows what year Sarah Mourney investigates a raft of dubious scholarship programs on offer at Sydney Uni. a Stand Up! National Union of Ellis have finalised their ticket and turns out old habits die hard. he’s in” Massarani will be making Students (NUS) ticket. will run with Alexandra Downie, a bid for another two years in the Aitken-Radburn told us “the Stand position. Massarani, a member Who receives an expensive $60,000 begs the question – who do these forces are also eligible to apply.” not compensate enough for many Rebecca Wong, Lisa Xia, Sophie The other big SRC campaign is the Gallagher, Joanna Connolly, Tim Up! bloc were exploring their options of Labor Right faction Student scholarship? Tony Abbott’s scholarships actually go to? Thank you for recognising women disadvantaged students and often Broad Coalition (backing presidential Asimakis, Patrick Morrow and Alexi and consulting Eden to see what was Unity, refused to confirm this to daughter, at the Whitehouse exist but making it clear they don’t offer limited financial benefits. candidate Kyol Blakeney) which is Polden. Board Director Liv Ronan, on offer”. She also told us Stand Up!’s The Manning Files in the interests Institute of Design. Some scholarships offered get “preference”. Whilst a clear purpose of most headed by USU Board Directors Bebe Honi reporter Samantha Jonscher major option now is to form a new of transparency, but we’ll bet you by USyd stipulate bizarrely scholarships is to attract bright D’Souza and Ed McMahon, along and former Campus Culture Director Honi ticket, but refused to indulge pre-selection in the Hunter that our us with names. Honi has heard suspicions will be confirmed when When everyone heard of Frances specific background eligibility Similarly, there is a Freemason’s with support from various prominent Penina Su are managing their ticket. students to the university to Indie hacks including USU President third-year MECO student Chloe nominations close on Wednesday. Abbott receiving her dubiously requirements. St Paul’s college Scholarship, providing the children increase its prestige, it is morally Tara Waniganayaka, Declan Waddell Honi artist and MecoSoc VP Saintilan is in talks with Aitken- allocated scholarship, Australians offers a special Wallace Anderson or grandchildren of Freemasons problematic that the financial (likely to run for NUS General Alexandra Mildenhall was originally Radburn, and has been sussing out Former Liberal Club President Alex were outraged. It was unfair, and Scholarship, which covers a with up to $3,000. Freemasons reward is going to kids from the Secretary later this year) and Board on the ticket, but after what we her MECO cohort for potential fellow Dore is running for the postgraduate we recognised it as corruption. portion of your college fees if do not accept female members, elite backgrounds rather than Director Liam Carrigan. A vote can only assume was a tense candidates. Senate position, and will be backed confirmed the Grassroots SRC tickets conversation, she is no longer on by SULC. It appears a number of She didn’t deserve extra privileges you went to the Kings School. so even though their female those in need. will be running on the imaginative We’re also disappointed to hear moderate Liberals will also back because her dad was Prime The King’s School costs about descendants might be eligible, it board. Mildenhall told The Manning name ‘Grassroots’, while the Indie Files that after she declined the another Honi ticket headed by Dore, including Joel Schubert, who Minister, nor should her dad $30-50,000 per year for students further reinforces the ideas of male Scholarships are important as SRC tickets will be called ‘Switch’. position of Designer-in-Chief or 11th college kids is potentially in the indicated his support when asked by receive benefits without declaring in high school. It seems odd success. Further, Freemasonry they provide ancillary avenues Editor, a vote to kick her off took works, because college kids are The Manning Files. them. that students who have been is just as exclusive and outdated for economically disadvantaged Everybody’s favourite antagonistic place. She described the affair as “a very marginalised and this student newspaper is very mean to them :’( able to pay so much to attend a as Kings – so you’re still back at people to pursue higher education. activists, Socialist Alternative, are convoluted process”. We’ve also heard Tara Moss rumoured to be running on ‘Left is running for election in the However, it is also worth private high school need a special square one. In the case of Frances Abbott’s Action’. Specul8 4 Sen8 postgraduate Senate vote. She needs discussing the current state of the BULL editors Eden Caceda and scholarship available only to scholarship, there are clear Katie Davern, along with Hermes no introduction. University of Sydney’s scholarship themselves. Worrying still is the fact that elements of corruption and “Being a Big Name on editor Whitney Duan, were originally While the SRC shitfight takes place, program because people seem to merit scholarships also perpetuate nepotism. However, a more Campus is not just heading the second Honi ticket. the other race we’ve got our eyes on Honi endorses have forgotten that privilege, and Equally odd are the few privilege. People who achieve an subtle kind of social injustice a title; it’s a way of However, this ticket is no longer in is that for the University Senate. candidate in student cash, is often given for arbitrary scholarships aimed specifically at ATAR of 99.95 or 99.90 are eligible is at work at USyd, where life” the race after fellow BULL editor Elections for two student Fellows elections of the Senate take place every reasons, in our own backyard. men which undermine attempts for $10,000 a year. Importantly, Rob North pulled out. Caceda scholarships privilege the already Attention all first years: if you’re told The Manning Files he was two years, giving undergrads and This Honi editorial team will be to rectify gender inequality. The most people who succeed in the privileged. With university fees dreaming of becoming a Big Name approached by Ellis and Ronan and postgrads the chance to choose their throwing our weight behind... all There is very little data available Martin McIlrath Scholarship HSC tend to be from already likely to increase under Abbott’s on Campus (aka BNoC), Indie urged not to run this year, with Ellis representative on the university’s round great guy Martin Ditmann, on the actual distribution of worth $3,000 is available to advantaged backgrounds. Many proposed budget, scholarships Jethro Cohen (with the help of saying he would be “happy to help” most powerful governing body. who is running to be an editor of university scholarships. USyd male undergraduates within the students miss out because they Felix Donovan and Rhys Pogonoski) Caceda run next year if he pulled out The Senate presides over decisions Farrago, the UMelb student paper. will be the difference between such as the appointment of the proudly advertises that it offers Faculties of Veterinary Science attended a low performing school, wants you! Although Cohen has of this year’s race. However, Caceda going and not going to university denied “using the wanky expression said North’s ‘shock exit’ was what University Chancellor, the allocation All coverage of the 2014 SRC Elections over 700 scholarship schemes, and Agriculture and Environment meaning that they do not receive for disadvantaged people. [BNoC],” we’ve heard Cohen and caused the ticket to collapse, rather of the University’s budget, and will be researched and written by Astha which collectively provide a with “preference” given to people the financial assistance needed to Unfortunately, these students Donovan are likely to be at the top than the conversation with Ellis and [REDACTED]. Rajvanshi, Lane Sainty and Georgia Behrens. Neither Astha, Lane nor Georgia whopping $65 million to lucky who have served in the armed access university. were never quite likely to receive of separate Switch council tickets, Ronan. are involved in any SRC campaign, campus students, a figure that does not forces or their children. Apparently scholarships in the first place. which might explain why they’re Thus far, Honi can confirm that faction or political party. even include prizes or college “women who are current or ex- ATAR scaling schemes like the and sporting scholarships. This members of the Australian armed Broadway Scheme at USyd do

4 5 investigation opinion

Alex Downie wants to take Show me the money an axe to tax... evaders. Contrary to expectations, the Irish- estimated $300 billion cost of both earned roughly $2 billion last five years, is noted for offering its Bermudan Double-Dutch sandwich permanently ending world hunger. year. While Fairfax, which had workers generous health insurance, is not a gluten-loaded delight, nor an suffered a $275 million pre-tax loss, holiday time and retirement biracial sex act. It is a tax avoidance In Australia, corporate taxes are paid $38 million in tax, Google’s packages, and just announced a plan strategy employed by transnational meant to take 30 per cent of a total tax expense was less than half to offer free college tuition to both companies including Apple, Google, company’s profits. Companies have a million. full and part-time workers. Google Starbucks and Microsoft. circumvented this by carefully is committed to diversifying the classifying their revenues as Politicians have also jumped notoriously male-dominated tech It works like this: your payment anything but profit. For instance, on the bandwagon, with senior industry, and its initiatives include for the iPad you bought last week, Apple has paid the Australian Tax politicians from both sides of the isle an offer for three free months of Alisha Aitken-Radburn or that Caramel Ribbon Crunch Office only $193 million on the $27 complaining that businesses should coding for any women and minorities Frappucino we’re all judging you billion worth of Apple products “pay their fair share” of tax. This interested in tech. examines the online for drinking, is directed to an Irish bought by Australians since 2002. is because regardless of the truth presence of five-finger ‘paper company’, which ‘sells’ the Apple’s substantial tax savings can to Hockey’s warnings of a ‘budget Perhaps, then, the solution to tax product to Australian retailers. probably help explain its generous emergency’, there are huge tax avoidance is to draw attention discounters. Royalties are then funneled through executive compensation – Apple revenues at stake. It would cost only to those companies not paying Holland and tax-free Bermuda. CEO Tim Cook made $74 million in $42 million to restore the recently their share. Starbucks made the illustration by monica renn These companies have, legally, 2013 – as well as its accumulation axed Aboriginal Legal Service, a decision not to claim certain tax dodged most of their Australian tax of an enormous $158.8 billion cash program which helped Aboriginal deductions last year after pressure obligations. stockpile. people transition back into society from politicians, campaigners and after release from jail, and it would customers. This is only one of many schemes This tax shirking has provoked the cost $87 million to reverse all of the They blog under pseudonyms expressed through profanities, In 2013 there were 21,733 reported Unlike Anne, Gloria has been employed by transnational ire of a wide range of politicians, Abbott government’s cuts to the arts. Google’s unofficial corporate logo like ‘Lift Witch’, ‘Kleptolover’, some users attempt to appeal to incidents of theft from retail stores caught. companies to avoid tax, and the competitors, and lobby groups. is ‘don’t be evil’. Perhaps public sheer magnitude of tax avoided is Australian competitors complain One striking element of the tax ‘tax shaming’ is all that is needed and ‘lil-lifter’. They subscribe to the morality of the shoplifters by in NSW. And those are only the astounding. The Economist recently about the unfairness of paying avoidance described is that many of to ensure it – and other companies informal commandments ranging highlighting the impact of their incidents that are reported. The “I was super bummed out about estimated large companies and more tax than Australian offices its perpetrators are otherwise lauded not paying their share – fulfills that it for weeks. But I think that was from “thou shalt not be a snitch” habit on employees and small NSW director of the National wealthy individuals have stashed of multinational companies. As as good corporate actors. Starbucks, promise. to “thou shalt be a bad bitch.” And businesses. Retail Association Michael Lonie more because you can only really around $20 trillion in tax havens The Sydney Morning Herald has which last year paid corporation they are all over the world, with told The Sydney Morning Herald get caught once. Get caught once, – a figure which is 66 times the pointedly noted, Google and Fairfax tax in the UK for the first time in contributors from Australia, the Many of the bloggers have in December 2013 that retail theft you can play it off as a ‘mistake’ US and the UK. maintained a high level of costs the industry $180 million in or ‘lapse in judgement’; get caught anonymity from the get go, the six weeks before Christmas twice, and they know you’re a The hidden community of insisting their blogs are ‘role- alone. thief. And I was super annoyed at shoplifters, affectionately known playing’ or investigations for myself for wasting my free pass on The iconic art competition as ‘lifters’, existed in relative honours papers in areas from “Over the entire year, the industry something so stupid.” is too predictable, writes anonymity before Tumblr user criminology to psychology. With loses about $4 billion as a result of Helen Xue. ‘We-Unhallowed’ exposed the the outing of the community and goods stolen by external parties,” Gloria escaped her hearing at her More like Archi-bored subculture. Accompanying a the accompanying media attention, Mr Lonie said. local magistrates court with a The 2014 Archibald prize for inspiration-inducing, cancer- into question the worth of this Archibald prize than the winner of hyperlinked list of the blogs many of the more open lifters caution, a fine and a year-long ban portraiture is well underway at the surviving immigrant godfather for pursuit. Nonetheless, this category an Australia vs Chile World Cup exclusively dedicated to have deleted their Tumblrs. A few But most of the lifting community from the store in question. Art Gallery NSW, and once again the 2015 Archibald. But I won’t, is essentially a popularity contest. match. This is precisely why media shoplifting, We-Unhallowed posted mentioned fears that they’ll get isn’t too concerned with the we are left to ponder the reasons we despite fulfilling every crowd- Forget it if the entry entails political outlets such as The Sydney Morning the message, “[I] have stumbled caught not while shoplifting, but politics of the act. They revel in For many lifters, Tumblr simply continue to ridicule the exhibition pleasing cliché of a (fictional) elements or experimental technique Herald and the ABC called this upon a circle of teenage shoplifters from their posts online. cataloguing exactly how much provides a space in which to gloat yet flock to see it anyway. The sentimental sob story, my chances that goes beyond photorealism, it year’s winner as soon as the finalists on Tumblr. It’s hilarious. They they’ve saved. Many do, however, over past successes. For others, Archibald prize continues to exercise of winning the Archibald are pretty will not win over Asher Keddie’s were announced. Fiona Lowry’s post pictures of everything they Lil-lifter’s greatest fear was the seem to subscribe to a set of shared lifting and online engagement with an irresistible pull on your average much nil. Here’s why. (of Offspring fame) gentle smile portrait of Penelope Seidler, the wife steal and call them ‘hauls’.” social approbation of being caught. values. Lifter Gloria*, known on other lifters constitutes an outlet non-gallery-going-attendee, and and Vincent Fantauzzo’s portrait of renowned late architect Harry “Imagine the embarrassment if Tumblr as ‘acquirerofthings’, said for other anxieties. Anne said she temporarily transforms even the There is a formula for winning the of his toddler son, complete with a Seidler and an ongoing patron of the Connecting with each other you are identified and everyone at she had very little guilt when it hasn’t told her partner she lifts. most artistically ignorant to definers Archibald. And it is a formula that superhero costume and puppy eyes. arts, is the perfect subject that the through hashtags like #shoplifting, school/work and your neighbours came to shoplifting. of cultural sensibilities and taste. amateur artists cannot replicate trustees love to endorse and honour. #klepto, #stickyfingers and and family finds out. hopefully “My boyfriend doesn’t know, he The process is as much a sham as without substantial difficulties. A further obstacle exists in the Lowry’s portrait won not because the actual award itself. judging method, as the Art Gallery of the execution of her airbrush #fivefingerdiscount, the it will never happen and im just “I kept a spreadsheet with dates, doesn’t understand my depression The main criterion of the subject NSW’s trustees are appointed as technique or composition. Rather, predominantly young, female being paranoid [sic].” items and values with a running or anxiety, so he couldn’t even The Archibald began in 1921, matter being a ‘distinguished’ man judges. A quick glance at the list her victory resulted from her genius total at the top. It was kind of fathom why I would lift. He loves community post everything from following the passing of John or woman is now synonymous with reveals that most trustees hail from choice of subject, a choice as every me and everything and he’s a shoplifting tips and tricks to Others remain bold despite the a game to see how much I could Feltham Archibald. The majority of notable celebrities in modern day corporate backgrounds without a bit conservative, safe and perhaps sweetie, but sometimes in life general life updates.They discuss risks. Anne*, a university student steal.” his estate went to the prize awarded curating practices at the Gallery. distinguished record in fine art. This a touch drab as the monochromatic how to evade security through in Sydney, claims to have stolen people just don’t understand to the best portrait, “preferentially of Attending the Archibald this year, is offset by the inclusion of three palette of the painting itself. blind spots and cutting holes in $20,000 worth of goods. She eBays Gloria attributed her lack of guilt mental illness.” some man or woman distinguished my companion was more excited artists out of eleven trustees on the the lining of their bags. They even what she has stolen for profit, to her obedience of three basic in art, letters, science or politics.” by her ability to identify celebrity board. Even then, the value of the Presently, the Archibald prize is share links to what they deem a practice known as ‘boosting’. rules common in the shop-lifting Having abandoned her lifting Two main rules apply. The artist individuals than closely viewing artists’ input in discerning artistic a boring and predictable exercise safe, reliable websites to buy hooks She told me her room is full of community: one, don’t steal from Tumblr for fear of being caught, must be a resident in Australia the portraits themselves (“Wow, is merit is questionable. Rumors of wholly lacking in artistic merit and and magnets to remove security stolen items she plans to sell in actual people, two, don’t steal from Anne misses her ‘support’ network during the twelve months preceding that Cate Blanchett? She looks so intense lobbying efforts and pre- imagination. It operates solely as devices. the future.“I started lifting and small businesses, and three, don’t online. the date of entry. The portrait must ill lol.”) Without the recognisable existing friendships between the a successful cash cow for the Art boosting so I could be independent. steal from your own workplace. also be painted from life, and the mugs of Adam Goodes, Torah Bright certain trustees and artists surfaced Gallery of NSW, guaranteed to bring One user keeps a running tally of I am my own boss.” She tried to minimise the impact of “I really miss Tumblr. I miss subject must sit for the artist at and Anna Meares, it is inevitable when Del Kathryn Barton won her back audiences year after year due how much they save by shoplifting, her lifting by only targeting larger having all those messages in my least once. Currently, the prize that the Gallery would see slumping second Archibald for her portrait to its devotion to celebrity culture. bragging: “Total damage since I asked her if she felt guilty. companies and ensuring she only inbox asking my opinion, saying money stands at $75,000 for the attendance rates and shrinking of Hugo Weaving. Given the tight- Long gone are the days where Brett April 2014: $366.65.” Ever since stole from those who could afford how cool my hauls were and it was winner – not a bad paycheck at all, profitability. It therefore becomes a knit nature of the Australian art Whiteley won in 1978 for his self- the community was exposed earlier “Without being too dramatic... the it. just nice to feel like I belong,” she considering it only costs $50 to put necessity for artists to discover and community, it would be naïve to portrait depicting his personal fight this year, the lifters have received only time I feel anything is when said. “It was great while it lasted, in an entry. persuade a ‘distinguished’ celebrity assume that such relationships did with drug addiction. Nonetheless, a barrage of criticism. They share the money from eBay is deposited “Now, I’m completely aware that and I liked being needed.” such as Hugo Weaving and Naomi not exist, or that these associations we continue to be sucked in by In light of these conditions, the Watts to pose, if they want to had little impact on deciding the the allure of the Archibald prize, examples of ‘hate’ they’ve received into my bank account.” I’m still a selfish, greedy asshole. accessibility of the Archibald become a finalist with a good shot at winning entry. Throw in a major inescapably transfixed by its with each other – messages from But it makes it less bad. [Large cannot be denied. Indeed, the winning the Archibald – not a small corporate sponsor in the form of mediocrity and predictability. Our Some rationalise their actions as companies] expect shrinkage to Tumblr users outside the lifting prize shamelessly prides itself on feat for an amateur artist. ANZ, and it is easy to see why annual attendance is secured, for “retail redistribution”. Others say happen and know it’s unavoidable * Names have been changed community who condemn them providing career-defining exposure the winning entries have lacked there exists no other exhibition that they lift because they “deserve nice so it’s factored into the prices for their actions. While much of for amateur artists. I, too, could Painting a celebrity adored by the artistic innovation and controversial provides a visual smorgasbord of things”. the hate directed to the lifters is already,” she said. enter a self-portrait of an ibis wider population would also ensure substance in the last few years. random individuals and celebrities defecating on my head. However, a high probability of taking out the alike. a more sensible entry would be People’s Choice category, although Apply the formula and it becomes a portrait of my law-abiding, the paltry $3500 prize money calls easier to pick out a winner of the 6 7 analysis analysis Amateur hour iBelonging Juice: the thinking man’s balaclava A strong amateur scene is vital for the nation’s MacBooks aren’t just for wankers, they’re for Sam Herzog still doesn’t understand what an electron is. rugby future, writes Jonathon Parker. people in spiritual need, writes Anonymous. What’s that, young child, you want produce a right answer are exactly The security tapes were broadcasted But don’t fret, whilst Wheeler’s level Grandpa to tell you the story about the skills you need to recognise on the evening news, and Wheeler of incompetence may be beyond After the NSW Waratahs’ sublime dangerous precedent. The Sydney I worked at an Apple store for religious institutions. Once, the Dunning-Kruger effect, eh? Well, what a right answer is.” For some of was identified and arrested by police salvage, for most of us who still Super Rugby victory two weeks Rugby Union Board allowed a few years while completing when conducting a workshop, I if you insist, but only if you go steal you, the Dunning-Kruger effect also nearly immediately. “But I wore don’t get how i2 = -1, or why the s ago, the eyes of the Australian centre Rob Horne to play for his my undergraduate degree. was taken aside by a manager. me some of those little blue pills I explains why you did better than the juice!” he objected while police and p atomic orbitals hybridise to 3 rugby community turned to club Southern Districts in the When the topic was raised in Don’t single out customers, she was telling you about. Mmm, that’s you thought you would on that final showed him surveillance footage of form four sp orbitals, there is hope. the Shute Shield, the premier 2012 finals, despite not having conversation, I was inevitably said. “Always refer to them as a it. That’s the stuff. exam, because conversely those with the robbery. Wheeler explained to Dunning and Kruger also found true ability tend to underestimate one of the detectives handling the that if individuals are exposed to rugby union competition in played the minimum two regular asked whether I found it as cult- group,” she told me. “They’ll feel First described by psychology their relative competence. case that he had tested his theory, training in the particular area in Sydney. Formed in 1863, Sydney season games. Perhaps because of like as Apple’s critics claimed it like they’re part of something researchers David Dunning and taking a picture of himself with which they are deficient, they would University is both Sydney’s oldest this sudden injection of talent and to be. It’s undeniable that the bigger.” Religious communities Justin Kruger of Cornell University, Perhaps even more interesting than a Polaroid camera. When his face enhance their metacognitive ability and most reviled club, having won experience, Southern Districts retail side shares similarities rely on an inclusion-exclusion New York, the Dunning-Kruger the findings of the research is the failed to appear in the subsequent to recognise and concede to their eight of the last ten premierships. progressed to the Grand Final with worship groups I was dynamic, with dress often effect describes the tendency of curious incident which inspired the photograph, this somehow shortcomings, as well as the obvious In recent times, supporters of that year, losing to Sydney Uni by exposed to in high school. I distinguishing the tiers. Despite individuals who are incompetent in endeavour. In 1995, an American vindicated his hypothesis. Detectives benefits of improving in that skill. other Sydney clubs have been one point. was told to carry a text with seemingly going against the a particular domain to overestimate named McArthur Wheeler robbed later speculated that this may have seen wearing shirts and other Apple’s core doctrines around inclusive ethos of Apple, the their own level of skill in that two Pittsburgh banks after covering been caused by a number of reasons, So next time you walk out of sartorial adornments printed with The Australian Rugby Union my neck; I was encouraged to distinct separation of employees domain. This is due to a lack of his face in lemon juice. Wheeler one of them being lemon juice in a test thinking you probably wishes for ‘Anyone but Uni’ to win Board needs to avoid the use terms like ‘as it happens’, from customers with the metacognitive ability in those who came to the egregious conclusion Wheeler’s eyes, and, unsurprisingly, failed, remember that you may be the competition. situation that currently exists while avoiding ‘problem’ words prominent blue shirts and sleek are unskilled in evaluating their that like invisible ink, lemon juice none of them being that lemon underestimating your true level of in France. Cashed-up clubs like like ‘unfortunately’ when telling name tags is intentional. It own performance. Put simply, would render his face invisible to juice is in fact conducive towards skill. And if you walk out feeling Such animosity is not unfounded. Toulon can offer monumental someone their phone was fucked; iterates the various roles within by Dunning himself: “If you’re bank security cameras. invisibility. completely confident, bear in mind For the majority of this century, monetary contracts to the world’s I was regularly asked to clap in the ‘Apple Church’ in a show of incompetent, you can’t know you’re that you might just suck so bad you the Waratahs squad has featured best players, including Jonny the morning before I started a leadership and insider or expert incompetent … the skills you need to don’t even know it. more players from Sydney Wilkinson and Bryan Habana, shift. knowledge. Some employees Uni than from any other club. which have stymied young French were fortunate enough to have Building professional experience players from gaining valuable The idea that Apple is a cult the word ‘Genius’ around their in an international competition, experience. As a result, many plays into narratives about post- necks, a mark elevating them in players from the five Super Rugby players in the current French WWII, “post-religion” societies. the hierarchy. clubs in Australian can come national team are relatively In short, once religious doctrines back to play the closing games inexperienced; perhaps this and beliefs lost their authority While Apple’s critics call it a of the Shute Shield for their explains their capitulation to the in liberal countries, we began cult, it is first and foremost respective clubs. Consequently Wallabies in June. to cast around for new sources just another company that every year, Sydney Uni, despite of meaning, new movements to manufactures first world not dominating during the In Australian rugby, a rift invest ourselves in. Branding gadgetry by exploiting third regular season, obtains many between amateurism and and technology may have world labour. And yet the of its professional players and professionalism is apparent. partially filled that void. similarities in structure and decimates clubs featuring mostly Professional rugby is still branding between Apple and amateur players in the finals. relatively young in Australia, Apple is the prime example of religious organisations are with the Super Rugby competition this phenomenon. The strength undeniable. It’s unlikely the Last year, the Shute Shield beginning in 1996. In the past, of the Apple consumer comes company intended to replace I was going to make this 4. The reason I didn’t know the evening, even doing a duet. if we knew each other, to which Grand Final was played between it was not an anomaly to see the from the notion of making the religious faith, but it may have something of an advice column, you were engaged is because I At the end of the night, we bid I replied “sort of” while she Eastwood and, of course, Sydney likes of the Ella brothers lining interface between technology functionally adopted the mantle but, upon realising that this stuff deleted you. adieu, and he proclaimed while simultaneously replied “no”. Uni. Bernard Foley, who kicked up for Randwick despite higher and user as seamless as possible, in the pursuit of a superior keeps happening to me, I figured smacking a kiss on my lips, Apparently, you’re supposed to the premiership-winning penalty state and national honours. For so creating, in effect, ‘heightened consumerist model. I’m probably not best placed to I recently went on a large “Darling! Add me on Facebook!” pretend like Tinder matches don’t goal for the Waratahs, played in long, however, there has been no beings’. This philosophy is give advice. So, instead, I’ll regale Facebook cull, deleting all the to which I responded, because exist in real life. the final, despite having played consistent nationwide competition present throughout Apple’s you with my tales of awkward people I haven’t seen since high I clearly love thrusting myself very few games for his club earlier for Super Rugby players without design. They make trackpads times when real life smacks into school (I’m old, it’s been a while). into awkward situations, “We’re social media, leaving everyone A few months later, I was back already Friends!” His response? in the year. Along with Wallabies Wallaby commitments to enter and magic mice designed to 1. Not all awkward real life/ feeling winded. in my hometown for Christmas. “Oh! Wait, what’s your name?!” Nick Phipps and Dave Dennis, after the conclusion of the Super respond to various finger swipes. social media collisions are Christmas Eve is the big reunion That was great for my self- who both joined the team at the Rugby season. They’ve created Siri, a digital bad. start of the finals, Sydney Uni sidekick and concierge reliant night on the town, and so I went esteem. out with a bunch of old friends, defeated Eastwood 51-6. In March this year, ARU boss entirely on one’s voice. Store 5. I complimented your shirt, A few years ago, when my who ran into a bunch of their Bill Pulver announced the details managers go to strange lengths that doesn’t mean you should girlfriend and I first met, she old friends, and suddenly, at my For teams with few contracted of a new domestic competition to create interactions between add me. 2. “Have you two met?” mentioned in passing, and table, I was surrounded by people professional players, it is an entitled the National Rugby probably accidentally, that she people and machines. Screens on who I hadn’t seen since high I was at a party, a weekly fixture I recently joined Tinder, by and had a Tumblr. So, that night, inordinately uphill battle to Championship. He stressed that laptops in stores are placed at school. I was genuinely pleased in Newtown’s gay scene, and a large as a way to seek out my as anyone with a crush would face teams veritably brimming the competition will represent a a 70-degree angle; it’s an ugly to hear a girl in my class had woman was wearing a fabulous friends’ dating profiles, match do, I went home to find it. To with top-tier footballers. It is “development pathway” for future viewing angle and encourages gotten engaged to her high school shirt, so I told her so, because I’m them, and then write them dirty my humbled surprise, her latest also inequitable for the amateur Wallabies, morphing the Shute customers to correct it – sweetheart. “Congratulations!” nice and because compliments are messages. The first person to few posts were clearly about players who are replaced by Shield into a predominantly creating a physical bond. I gushed. “Thanks,” she replied. really great. Later that night, she show up when I opened the app me, documenting our last few professional players, denying amateur competition. Ideally, “But you would’ve known about found out who I was from pictures was a person I knew vaguely from dates and how cute I’d been on them the big game experience the NRC will help prevent the There are, however, more it already, it’s been all over tagged at the previous week’s uni, but wasn’t particularly close them. I also stalked back a bit, they have been striving and ubiquity of professional players in overtly religious doctrines Facebook, except, I think you party on Facebook, and requested to. Based on Tinder’s optimisation discovered she was into Miranda deleted me didn’t you?” training for all year. All the while, club rugby. that are evident in the my friendship and drunkenly algorithms (or whatever), I July, and bought her the best the hegemony of Sydney Uni company’s ethos. The messaged me. I understand we all guessed she’d already matched Christmas present ever. When I Fuck. continues to grow, threatening The Shute Shield Grand Final first is the celebration of do creepy things when tipsy, but me. To the left, or the right? gave it to her about two months to force weaker teams like played this weekend featured the similarities between the following day she messaged The dilemma plagued me all of later, I pretended I just guessed Gordon and Penrith out of the Eastwood and Southern Districts; users, the notion of a again with a message even 30 seconds, until I swiped right she might like her. I only told her competition. the first final since 2004 not to community based on the creepier than the first. 3. Some “Friend”. (that’s yes, you luddites). about my stalking capabilities feature Sydney Uni. Even with shared use of Apple’s after a year or so. She was a bit It is convention that players Waratahs Paddy Ryan and Tolu devices. Support forums, I can never return to that party, I was out, at a party (sheesh, I A few weeks later, she walked weirded out, but seeing as we’re returning from Super Rugby Latu on the bench, Sydney Uni the Apple Genius Bar and lest she be there, waiting to party hard, right), participating past with a good friend of mine, still together two years later, it have to have played two regular lost their semi-final to Southern the workshops that are enquire about the status of our in a spot of karaoke. My stellar and the three of us stopped to mustn’t have been too creepy. season games if they wish to Districts last weekend. Finally, conducted in store all act friendship. vocals attracted an acquaintance, chat like good, normal, human play in the finals of the Shute perhaps, they are receiving some to bring the community of and we bonded for the rest of beings. Our mutual friend asked illustration by wanyi xin Shield. However, this rule was comeuppance. users together, in a similar (Cabbage) contravened in 2012, setting a fashion to churches or other 8 9 analysis profile Better dead than TED William Xi examines the TED industrial complex. Pop academia is nothing new, but and standing ovations seem TED brand, it’s a clear issue when The censorship of Sarah it has found itself a particularly almost compulsory. Mannerisms there is no guarantee for what is Silverman’s talk (described by presentable and versatile format and cadences in speech dress essentially a volunteer having his curator Chris Anderson as “god- with TED Talks, which positions every sentence as profoundly life- own talk published. awful”) taps into a deeper problem itself as a forum for both highbrow, changing. Such cult-like behaviour that TED has with its insularity Leigh Nicholson chats to Jason Rohrer about the indie gaming revolution. traditional academia as well as becomes more problematic when While they might run with the and infallibility. It’s not just left-field story telling. With savvy the relationship between its motto of “ideas worth spreading”, problems with access either; there marketing, a list of speakers speakers and the organisation TED still reserves the final say on are no Q&A sessions after talks, including Bill Clinton and Bill seems to be exploitative and whether your idea deserves to be there are recommended guidelines Gates, and broad shareable appeal, controlling. TED ‘fellow’ and chef spread or not. for participants regarding TED is unquestionably a cultural Eddie Huang described his own applause, and comments on their phenomenon. Its videos have more conference experience as a “fucking Others have also been barred from website are heavily moderated. than a billion views worldwide. Scientology summer camp”, speaking again, with Cambridge And despite criticism for its faux- where all speakers are required to biologist Dr Rupert Sheldrake When considering that TED’s intellectual jargon, sycophantic network with other speakers and lecture on the “orthodoxy” of parent company positions itself crowds, and stating the bloody possible investors, attend TED sciences and Graham Hancock’s as non-profit when annual obvious, the inner workings of the talks and its after events for 12 to talk on psychedelic drugs were memberships cost in their organisation seem to have mostly 15 hours a day on a strict schedule. banished to what Hancock termed thousands and speakers are paid escaped attention. as a “naughty corner” on the nothing, the organisation’s lack There’s a real dichotomy in a example, the pixelated character All fellows are also required stay TED website. Comedian Sarah of transparency becomes more prolific and successful game in Passage allows anyone to Much of this is to do with access, or in motels and hotels around the Silverman was more famously pressing. There is no doubt that programmer living in a small impress upon it an image of the lack thereof. Their conferences conference with another speaker barred after a bizarre talk that TED is hugely influential, and that house in a meadow with no car “Rohrer has been well-known themselves. “In big-budget games, are on a strictly invite-only basis, as a roommate. After not being mocked the speaking style common many of its speakers are indeed or fridge. The way Jason Rohrer much of our attention as players audience participation requires allowed by the organisation to stay to TED. It is fair to criticise and inspirational and that some of its and his family chooses to live ties around his home town of is spent studying the optical an $8,000 annual membership, with his girlfriend for one night on challenge Sheldrake or Hancock’s stories are indeed jaw-dropping, into a wider, almost utilitarian illusion itself and the flaws in and their talks are predominantly his birthday, and travelling up to talks on the basis of scientific but the elevation of poorly philosophy, but it also impacts Potsdam since 2005, when the that illusion are distracting. In a delivered by white men from Long Beach for a few hours, Huang validity, but when compared to researched talks combined with a and shapes the way his games are low-res game, there is no illusion Silicon Valley (women make up was stripped of his fellowship. talks like Felisa Wolfe-Simon’s very apparent agenda does not mix made: low-resolution, an almost village filed a lawsuit ordering to be broken.” The argument that only 27 per cent of the talks posted More importantly, no speakers are (which claimed bacteria could well. Bringing together some of the non-existent budget, and focused these smaller indie games justify online). The institution and the paid, and Eddie Huang’s talk was incorporate Arsenic into their best minds in the world shouldn’t on meaning something rather than him to mow his lawn.” the conception of video games as culture it fosters borders on the never published on official TED DNA, despite the paper her talk have to constitute a self-promoting only aesthetics. art more than the larger, triple-A cult-like, where videos on their channels. When one of the biggest was based off failing under peer- and self-labelled elite. studio games is frequently made. review) there seems to be some “I use old computers to keep However, as Rohrer points out, website can be rated as ‘magical’, incentives for being a fellow is you around. Then you slowly low budget games, but ones that ‘inspirational’, and ‘jaw-dropping’, having online exposure under the sort of agenda at work here. myself honest as a programmer the classification of art in games and to ensure that my games run realise your pixelated self is aging tend to be very philosophical and is often misunderstood. It is not fine on almost every computer into a grey blob, your partner dies, meaningful. Mainichi is a game enough to discuss it in terms of around the world instead of and then you die too – all very that follows a trans character and visual aesthetics, because that Students’ Representative Council, University of Sydney Nominations for the Students’ Representative Council Annual Nomination forms can be downloaded from the SRC website: arbitrarily and probably within their interactions with people on a Elections for the year 2014 close at 4:30pm Wednesday 20th www.src.usyd.edu.au, or picked up from SRC Front Office requiring people to buy new, alienates script and narrative. less than ten minutes. Passage daily basis, which aims to promote Notice of 2014 August 2014. Polling will be held on the 24th and 25th of (Level 1, Wentworth Building) from 4:30pm July 30th 2014. expensive computers.” Rohrer has Neither is it enough to discuss September 2014. Pre-polling will also take place outside the been well-known around his home has since garnered a huge amount understanding through personal in terms of triggering emotions, Nominations must also be lodged online along with your policy SRC Offices (Level 1, Wentworth Building) on Tuesday 23rd of attention, being described as a experience but is less than one Students’ statement and Curriculum Vitae (optional), by close of nominations town of Potsdam since 2005, when because of the example that a of September 2014 from 10am - 3pm. All students who are at: www.src.usyd.edu.au. For more information, call 9660 5222. the village filed a lawsuit ordering “video game which will make you megabyte in size. On the higher “tear-jerker of a movie, that uses duly enrolled for attendance at lectures are eligible to vote. Representative him to mow his lawn. Rohrer won, cry”. In an interview with Esquire, end of the scale, there’s Gone Home well established and cheap tactics Members of the student body who have paid their nomination Signed nomination forms and a printed copy of your online Rohrer declared that “games don’t and The Stanley Parable, which fee to Council are eligible to nominate and be nominated, nomination must be received no later than 4:30pm on Wednesday his argument being that mowing a to make the audience sad, isn’t Council have to be bloated and huge and actually don’t offer wide areas except National Union of Students national office bearers. 20th August, either in the locked box at the SRC Front Office lawn was an act of vandalism and necessarily art”. For Rohrer, it Annual Election Fulltime officebearers of the SRC may also nominate as (Level 1, Wentworth Building), or at the following postal address: it would stop him from being free violent … they can be small and to explore, but compensate with is more about trying to elicit an NUS delegates. PO Box 794, Broadway NSW 2007. to express himself. Everything he quiet and deep”. a quality script and narration. emotional response in an unusual The prevalence of “game jams”, Nominations are called for the following elections/positions Nominations which have not been delivered (printed, signed, does is influenced by his logic that way. and open 30th July 2014 at 4:30pm: hardcopy) either to the Electoral Officer at the SRC front office or to everything must serve a useful Rohrer’s work has been praised competitions where developers try the post office box shown above and submitted online by the close alongside the recent uprising of to create games in a short time (a) The election of the Representatives to the 87th SRC and productive purpose. An essay For example, his latest game of nominations will not be accepted regardless of when they were indie video games. Developers (33 positions) he wrote called ‘Free Distribution’ frame, has inundated the web with The Castle Doctrine is supposed posted or received. argues against charging money from blockbuster game companies free, somewhat simplistic, but fun to confront and trap you later (b) The election of the President of the 87th SRC The Regulations of the SRC relating to elections are available for software already made because have begun moving away to form games. Passage was actually made on because of your greed earlier (c) The election of the Editor(s) of Honi Soit for the 87th SRC online at www.src.usyd.edu.au or from the SRC Front Office, it lowers productivity in the their own smaller companies in a similar event: Kokoromi’s in the game. “I’ve been thinking (Level 1, Wentworth Building). or just work solo, which Rohrer (d) The election of National Union of Students delegates for programmer. His argument was Gamma 256. about my games as manifolds of says is because you don’t get any the 87th SRC (7 positions) Authorised by P. Graham, SRC Electoral Officer 2014. simple. “How can you charge interwoven aesthetic experiences, Students’ Representative Council, The University of Sydney someone money for something interesting projects in big game Jason Rohrer has the upmost aesthetic cocktails with finely- Phone: 02 9660 5222 | www.src.usyd.edu.au that they can get for free and then companies, and there is less job respect for these kinds of games, tuned recipes,” he said.The call the sale an ethical business security. Now that anyone with a believing them to have more revolution Jason Rohrer and his practice?” computer can make a game, there expressive power due to being peers are leading is fundamentally is an overwhelming rise in low-res, more abstract and less specific. For changing the face of video gaming. Passage, probably one of Rohrer’s The effects of this revolution are most popular games, is the perfect already evident – big industry example of this philosophy. The players like Sony and Microsoft game is set up as a rectangle of are falling over themselves to pixelated colours on the screen, “How can you charge someone claim indie game “exclusives” for with one blob of pixels somewhat their immensely popular PS4 and resembling a person. As you money for something that Xbox One consoles. But only time move the character around, the will tell us what kind of lasting rectangle stretches out for more they can get for free and impact the indie revolution can area to explore, sort of like a have on the blockbuster video timeline. You collect points, and then call the sale an ethical games that still dominate the you can even find a partner, get market. “married”, and then they follow business practice?”

10 11 feature feature

not even the dole. He has difficulty no ad breaks, I have absolutely a list of the pieces of legislation I *** communicating with other people, no idea how long I’ve been sitting had broken. I was reduced totally especially if they intimidate him there. The constant tension of to my little self, and then even this Finally, I’m handcuffed again – he missed out on breakfast expectation is unbearable – surely melted away. before being taken to the court. because he could not answer the it must be 9:30 by now? I stretch. I’m told it’s 1:30 pm and this is the Locked up warden’s question of whether or I walk the five paces between At some moments in the cell I last session before lunch. I don’t not he would like it. the back wall and the door. I feel had no thoughts at all except a get to say goodbye to Reuben, but Andy Mason writes about his time in a rural prison. photos by sam j queen utterly powerless and ignored, reiteration of some instruction I walk past a cell with a middle- Reuben needs care, support and acknowledged only by a number that I had been given – at these aged bikie in it, who tells me I understanding – not to be talked and the room I’m sitting in. times I had no identity apart look “delicious” – lucky we were in I’m handcuffed and put into story of my arrest and experience no. Good, they say, lots of blokes I live in. Firstly there are my harshly down to like a child by from the prescriptions placed on different cells. the back of the paddy wagon. of the prison system. try it because they think it’ll get thoughts about institutional people wearing police uniform. I imagine what it must be like me by the punitive wing of the It’s filthy and there is a large them special treatment, and I privilege; something, which I in a detention centre, with this neoliberal state. It told me what In the courtroom proceedings dried bloodstain on the floor. *** should get that idea out of my learned, follows me as a white *** uncertainty being an ever-present to eat, put some consumerist seem to be almost finished, having The handcuffs are tight, but I head right now, because it means middle-class person even into feature of life, as days became scare-propaganda on my TV, told largely proceeded without me. No We arrive at the station and I’m remember a friend’s story about that everything but my underwear such a dim corner of life as jail. There’s a camera in a corner of months or years. I feel I can better me when to shower and sleep. heroic Castro-esque speech then; processed. I know the drill, having them being so tight they cut into will be taken and I’ll be watched The air-con was on in my paddy, the room, and, again I notice understand the parts of Amnesty I’m astonished that people have a shame. I’m given bail conditions done this before, and this gives his wrists and I realise it’s not so all the time. while Indigenous people often die bloodstains on the floor. I organise and Human Rights Commission endured years in solitary; after my – I must return to the bail address my manner a curt formality that bad. in rural Australia in the backs the bed properly – there’s a raised reports I have read which say tiny glimpse of that life, I never in Sydney straight away and not elicits a good deal of hostility from Do I have any fears about being of police cars, denied air-con in a concrete platform with a foam that efforts to improve the mental want to experience it. come within 50 km of the mine the cops. It’s an hour before I’m There is no seatbelt and the drive in jail? Yes – I’m a small, bookish, metal box in the summer heat. mattress on it, and three blankets. health of detainees always fail site. Judge says if I break this, given my property docket, another into town, along gravel roads, queer greenie from the city in a I use one as a pillow and get because they leave the underlying The truth is that those in power I’ll be in jail for a week. I nod and two before the charge sheet. is extremely bumpy. I’m very rural prison – wouldn’t you be If I was hurt or died in prison, it comfortable under the other two. cause of their misery, the very delineate the bounds of what is it’s over. I go back to the cell, and thirsty, but am told I can’t have scared? Yep, if the warden were in would probably make the news and It’s cold, but I’ve slept in worse, fact of their ambiguous condition and is not acceptable political then I’m given my things and led I’m asked what I do when not water until we get there. The air my position, he’d be terrified. I’m an inquiry would lead to somebody and start to daydream about in prison, unsolved. I’m horrified engagement. Similar protests outside. A few friends are there protesting coal mines and I say I’m conditioning is on and it makes the told I can either go to a cell up the losing their job. Meanwhile, the speaking in front of the judge by the realisation of how grateful would cripple the coal industry and I give them all long hugs studying science in Sydney. They paddy even colder than the chilly front in the communal bit, where I search for justice over the death tomorrow. I will demand that he I am to be sitting in this cell, and if allowed to happen on any before we drive back to Narrabri, ask what I want to do afterwards winter day. Its real purpose is to will “get smashed”, or I can opt for of TJ Hickey at police hands side with me, with the community not in one on Manus. significant scale – the recent where I leave them to continue the and I say I’m in the process of drown out sound – I can’t hear the a cell on my own. The second one, remains fruitless after ten years. and forest about to be destroyed victory at Bentley shows this. 520 km drive home alone. working it out. This is ridiculous, cops talking in the front, and they please. Then I am strip-searched, Imprisonment creates a condition by this senseless mine, to take the *** The awesome power of the apparently – do I plan to spend my can’t hear me. becoming instantly as well in which even the smallest side of humanity rather than the police and prison system is used *** whole life at school? I should get a acquainted with the warden as I’ve displays of kindness have stuck side of capital. I have done harm The most challenging part of those to demoralise anybody who is real job – the cop’s kids would get Maules Creek, in northwestern been with any lover. As I’m taken in my memory, and though the to nothing but a profit margin and 26 hours was the sense of isolation unsatisfied with merely taking There is an urgent imperative an earful, or worse, if they were NSW, is the site of a controversial to my cell, I see a man. He is very experience was far from pleasant, punishing me is unjustifiable – Big and uncertainty. After the their outrage at the state of for drastic action to push the fucking around like me. mine project. If the construction thin and asks “who’s that?”. He my skin crawls to think of what Coal are the real villains, your communality of life at the blockade things to the ballot box in three world towards a sane, humane, is completed, an irreplaceable repeats the question over and over it would have been like had these honour. Even I don’t buy this and it was extremely confronting to be years’ time. If parliamentary ecologically mindful future. I’m told the campaign is going to biodiversity hotspot and again. “Nobody you know, Reuben. special privileges not been afforded soon I am asleep. so severely atomised. Everything politics were any real threat to Putting my body between the fail and the mine will be built. threatened species refuge, the Nobody you know,” the cop replies. to me. was about me – MY belongings coal mining, it would have been machine and the irreplaceable I smile and shake my head. I’m Leard State Forest, will be lost. Breakfast is two slices of toast were indexed, MY details were abolished long ago. Rallies and forest was one way to contribute. told I won’t be able to work for Local farmers will lose their It’s impossible for me to talk to Then there is the fact that my with packets of butter and jam; noted down, MY fingerprints petitions are not going to change It’s important to note that I made the government anymore and livelihoods, the local community Reuben once inside my cell, but arrest was a matter of choice, some rice bubbles and a packet taken, I was told only about how anything on their own. Direct this decision as white and middle- may have difficulty in other jobs, will be exposed to dangerous dust I hear his repetitive yells. His a consequence of something of milk; also coffee. I gulp it all MY actions reflected on ME and action is a clear alternative. Even class – I expected procedural and it will be hard for me to and water pollution and the local behaviour reminds me of a cousin that I undertook willingly for down before being put in handcuffs would lead to consequences for MY when it fails to prevent injustice, fairness, even-handed treatment travel overseas, now that I have a Indigenous people, the Gomeroi, with a developmental disorder. I political reasons. While I stand and led to the shower. Showering future. At the same time, I was it necessarily expands the horizons by the police, to be safe and fed criminal record. I smile and nod. will lose the heritage and culture assume something similar affects by my motivation and my actions, in handcuffs is a challenge, but totally removed from my context of the public debate and can – and that my reasoning here is embodied in the area’s sacred him and wonder why he is here, there is clearly something that warm water feels fantastic. I don’t – it was of no real interest why I encourage laypeople to see that probably only applicable to people Then it’s back in the paddy and sites. and not in care somewhere. differentiates what I did from want to be indulgent and I come was there or who I was, that I had their voices and actions have real like me. My Indigenous activist an hour to Moree. When I get Reuben’s “crimes”. We never spoke out after five minutes or so. The any identity outside of the items power. friends are right to be more there I’m asked a whole bunch I was arrested there earlier this *** about it, but in his eyes and in his warden seems surprised that I listed on my property docket and hesitant. of questions. Mostly they’re year for my involvement with the screams I understood everything was so quick – I realise afterwards interested in whether I’m going to blockade that’s been fighting the My experience in prison catalysed I need to. This man has no social that the showers are usually a As a person with PTSD I was very hurt myself while I’m there. I say mine for two years. This is the much reflection about the society support network, no job, maybe little long, as they’re the only alone reluctant to expose myself to new time inmates have away from the trauma, but after being gently CCTV. explained the procedures of arrest and trial, the best way to deal When I come out, Reuben is there, with police, and the value of the and I say “G’day Reuben, I’m proposed action, I felt I was able Andy.” to do it. The network of support I had around me was integral to my “Hello Andy, what did you do?” decision.

“I climbed up a drill rig to try and I don’t wish to pressure folks stop a coal mine, Reuben, what did into doing something like what you do?” I have done. It takes careful consideration, preparation and “I stole food from Woolies, Andy, time. I do want to dispel some of and now I’ll be here for two the apprehension around this kind weeks.” of thing, and to encourage people to convert their feelings into “Chat’s over boys,” another voice action. Serious action has serious says. I’m led to the visitors’ room consequences, but if I got through for a meeting with the solicitor – it, I reckon you can too. he says court starts at 9:30 am and that I should be out today.

***

In the cell the TV is on and 90 If you’d like to learn more about the minutes of infomercials numbs my forest and the campaign to save it, mind. The TV goes off suddenly and hear stories from myself and others who’ve been there, come to and things start to stretch out and Verge Gallery at 6pm on Tuesday 2nd blend together. With no clock and September.

12 13 artsarts & cuculturelture arts & culture Axe the tax on Students’ Representative Council, University of Sydney Want some work! Spoiling for a fight Aussie TV Polling Booth WWE will, WWE will, rock you, writes Lane Sainty. Our government punishes success before Australian television even gets there, writes Eden Caceda. Attendants Required Two weeks ago Australian television alone cannot keep it alive. Last Friday night, my partner hundreds of fake punches, tackles Jack Swagger – part of a tag-team these character storylines, and far series Offspring ended its fifth and and I embarked on a rare and head slams that occur every dubbed ‘The Real Americans’ – too many men pretending to punch most successful season with over a At its most basic level, this policy excursion outside of our inner show. seemed much less about their each other. When watching the million viewers. As one of the most punishes success. The rationale west bubble. After boarding an relative strength and more about WWE on TV, it’s all too easy to get watched Australian dramas on behind the rebate is to encourage The SRC is looking for people to uncharacteristically punctual But they’re wrong. Any regular the type of American nationalism wrapped up in the plot. But when Network Ten – or, for that matter, the production of Australian film westbound train, we travelled watcher of the WWE knows the displayed circa the McCarthy era. you’re in the second-to-last row of any other network – Offspring has and television projects, helping work on the polling booths for its to Olympic Park via Lidcombe. true genius of the show lies not in Allphones Arena, squinting to see become one of Ten’s greatest successes foster talent by exempting producers Arriving at Allphones Arena, we the ridiculous fake fights, but in All of these characters are more wrestlers going at it, it all seems a since its debut in 2010. from fees they would otherwise elections this year. showed our tickets and weaved the behind-the-scenes drama that defined by their storyline than little small, a little stupid. face. Once a series exceeds 65 through the popcorn-gobbling, is constantly brewing between by their fighting style. Yes, Centered on neurotic obstetrician episodes, it is considered a success; If you can work on coke-swilling crowd to find our Superstars (male wrestlers), everything is fake – the fighting, Although the tendency of WWE Nina Proudman (Asher Keddie) and it is then regarded as not being in Wed 24th Sept and/or Thurs 25th Sept, seats. Then we settled in to watch Divas (female wrestlers) and The the feuds, the whole thing. But stars to hit each other with chairs her crazy family, Offspring finally the taxpayer’s interest to continue and attend a training at 4pm Tues 23rd Sept, a bunch of ridiculously large men Authority (Wrestler Triple H and the WWE is an entertainment is reasonably indefensible – gained traction in its third season paying for a presumably economically we want to hear from you! and muscular women pummel his wife Stephanie McMahon, program, and the stars do a though I will point out this only after a few rocky years of low ratings. stable project. This commonly each other as part of the Sydney the faux owners of the WWE). damn good job of entertaining occurs in certain matches – the The series, now syndicated in 11 results in the premature ending of WWE Live show. The WWE bills itself as a clash as actors and athletes alike. The WWE contains all the hallmarks countries, enjoyed particularly good Australian shows because they have $32.30 per hour of strength, but in reality, it is a genuine physical prowess of WWE of a great show. Bizarre feuds, reviews of its most recent season, breached the 65-episode threshold, Yes, WWE as in World Wrestling clash of personalities, a series of Superstars and Divas should not over-the-top characters, stupid which has been considered it’s which presents a major hurdle for There may also be an opportunity to undertake Entertainment. Yes, that is the dramatic interactions that rivals be ignored either – for instance, struggles for power, aggressive strongest so far. Australian television breaking into additional work at the vote count one where people hit each other the most lurid of Big Brother Up the phenomenally square-headed confrontations, questionable the international market. Rather than Application forms are available from the SRC Front Office with chairs. Yes, I know that it’s Late episodes (minus the sex). Brock Lesnar is a former UFC decisions, car park ambushes, However, in news that shocked many support Australian television’s strides (Level 1 Wentworth Building). fake. Yes, I can explain. Heavyweight Champion, and has shocking affairs, projectile viewers, Offspring is likely to have into the international market, this For more info, call 9660 5222 For instance, one of the most a college wrestling career record of vomiting, celebrity cameos – it’s finished its run this season because regulation serves to preference long- Applications close 4pm, 3rd September 2014 I work as a captioner for live TV, closely followed storylines of 2014 106 wins to five losses. all there. The fighting might be all of a government tax rebate that the running American and British series. providing subtitles for programs was the ascension of the bearded non-fans know about, but real fans series is now ineligible for. Introduced that cannot be pre-captioned, such Daniel Bryan to the title of WWE The live show was disappointing know it’s beside the point. in 2007, The Australian Screen Despite Ten and the Offspring as live news or sport. While some World Heavyweight Champion. because it contained far too few of Production Incentive, offered by the producers confirming they are in captioners rapidly tap out text Although The Authority federal government to TV and film discussions for another season, it on a phonetic keyboard known attempted to manipulate Bryan’s Authorised by P Graham, SRC Electoral Officer 2014. producers, provides a 20 per cent tax seems as if the series will not return Students’ Representative Council, University of Sydney: 02 9660 5222 | www.src.usyd.edu.au as a stenotype, the majority of matches to exclude him from the rebate for television series that have to the screen, with the conclusive final TV captioners these days are title, Bryan started the WWE not exceeded 65 episodes. Losing the moments of season five indicating ‘respeakers’. As we watch a live “Yes!” movement, got the fans rebate means that Offspring will cost the same. Producer John Edwards program, we repeat everything behind him, and, in David and more to produce and contracts with has openly blamed the tax rebate as that is said into a microphone, as Goliath fashion, stuck it to the cast members, many of whom are a reason for the series being under close to verbatim as possible, and man. But Bryan paid a price for sought-after locally and abroad, will threat. “At the moment we’re seeing speech-recognition software turns his success – he came down with have to be renegotiated. all these short-running series, but it into text. a shoulder injury, Stephanie I don’t think that’s sustainable,” he McMahon threatened to sack his Popular Australian series such as told TV Tonight. “I don’t think it’s the When I caption a sport with lots Diva wife Brie Bella, and then, Rush, Sea Patrol and Dance Academy most rational way of being. I’d like to of distinctive names and events as part of their ongoing feud, ended their runs partially as a result be doing a long-running show.” – for instance, the WWE, which I Bryan was revealed to be having of losing the rebate. In such a small caption at least once a week – it’s an affair shortly after he was market with so few Australian films For a nation with enormous creative necessary to learn the vocabulary stripped of the title. and television series, it’s unfortunate potential, it’s a shame to see this of that sport, or else unique that financial and legal barriers regulation adding to the barriers names, phrases and events will The ascension of cultish prevent the continuation of such faced by Australia television not be accurately converted from creep Bray Wyatt is another a successful series. With A Place producers. In the small market speech to text. So when working fascinating storyline, with his To Call Home ending at just two current series exist in, there is no with WWE, I watch it, I repeat delusional ravings and masked seasons and the future of popular reason why the few long-running everything they say – adding cronies much more interesting Puberty Blues still up in the air, it’s Australian series that make it should punctuation, which in WWE is than his fighting techniques. shocking to think that Offspring’s be so harshly punished for their usually just exclamation marks The WWE knows it, too – every large following and creative excellence success. – and I have to know all the time Wyatt appears to fight, the characters and their backgrounds lights are blacked out and he so I can follow the show properly. enters, flanked by his followers, complete with creepy music and In short, I am literally paid to not lantern – a process that usually only watch the WWE, but also to takes longer than his fights know everything about the WWE. do. Wyatt’s strange breed of That’s how I ended up in Allphones nihilism has gained him more Arena last Friday night. And it’s fans than his infamous wrestling also why I was disappointed with move ‘Sister Abigail’ could ever the live show that I saw there. do.

You see, it’s not until I started to The WWE engages in a strange watch the WWE on something of type of political commentary too, a regular basis that I discovered harking back to the tensions of the true appeal of the show. Most the Cold War whenever Russian outsiders condemn it as stupidly fighter Alexander Rusev comes violent, operating under the to the ring. In particular, a misconception that the appeal recent fight between Rusev and to the masses lies merely in the illustration by Samuel mcewen

14 15 yes, in my backyard src caseworker help Easy as CPC Immersing at USyd Six months on, has the Charles Perkins Centre Alex Wu, President of Unimates, discusses his first False Medical Certificates lived up to expectations, asks Alex Gillis. experiences at Sydney Uni. Have you come across ads online referred to the University’s submitting false documentation local hospital. If you are too sick offering false medical certificates? Registrar who appoints a solicitor is far from “the perfect crime” and to move you can get an after hours “It’s our cathedral to impact and be wearing a lab coat to use Microsoft Before I came to Sydney, I had and you will discover a whole new Has anyone ever suggested to investigate. What may have more likely to result in you facing doctor to visit your home. Check innovation and it is from here that we Excel. While engaged in computer- heard enough cliché about how world. you get one to use for Special seemed a quick and harmless way serious misconduct allegations and for details on the internet. will change the health of a nation.” - assisted learning, students may also international students should Consideration? Ever considered to gain special consideration may potential police investigations if Academic Director Stephen Simpson be requested to put on safety goggles try to immerse themselves in the My second story is all about finding making your own medical suddenly find you suspended for a the University also decides to refer (not due to high concentration acid language and culture of their study belonging. Loneliness is a big barrier certificate? If you answered yes or semester or two, or even at risk of the matter to the police. Is it really Launched with much fanfare six being used in the vicinity, but because destination. that nearly every international If you are stressed months ago at a cost of $385 million, there is yet another advertisement student faces, but the amazing thing maybe, then our strong advice is being kicked out of Uni. Think how worth it? the Charles Perkins Centre promised a being filmed). “Don’t stick to your own cultural here is that no matter what you DON’T!! Just don’t do it. hard it would be trying to explain or struggling to the “world-leading research and education group”, “Get involved with local like, there is always a club/society to your family why have suddenly If you are stressed or struggling hub” that is “all about doing things Facing west over St John’s oval is students”, and “speak English as waiting for you. I didn’t have a Did we mention, this is not a stopped attending Uni. to the point that you even point that you even differently, harnessing the power of the exercise gym. To all appearances much as possible – try to think specific area I was really passionate good idea….at all….EVER. consider obtaining a false medical collaboration and creating unique this is a misnomer, as it appears to be in an English way”, I was told. about, so I chose Unimates, which Beware, the University knows certificate, your best option is to consider obtaining opportunities for students and used as classroom overflow. A lack of However, after more than one year I had heard a bit about at an There are a number of other there are false medical certificates talk to someone about what’s going researchers”. Six months on, is the blinds prevent the useless information of living here, my experience tells information session as a society for reasons we say this. First and out there. Your Faculty receives on. You could speak to an adviser a false medical dream still alive? being presented getting in the way of me that you cannot force yourself fun people from diverse cultural foremost because in creating, hundreds of medical certificates in your Faculty, a Counsellor at appreciating a glorious setting sun, too much. Instead, just give yourself backgrounds. buying and/or submitting a every semester. They know the University’s Counselling and Entering from the tastefully paved while seating is limited to three chairs a chance to get exposed to your certificate, your avenue, students are thankfully and about twenty exercise bikes. An new environment and let it flow Members of Unimates are from all false medical certificate you are what to look for, so their ability Psychological Services, or an SRC advised which door is ours. This is array of six flat screen televisions run naturally. over the world and the majority committing FRAUD. This isn’t just to identify a medical document HELP Caseworker. You can help best option is to talk useful, as two of the other three are continuous ads promoting the building are international/exchange against University rules, it’s also that doesn’t look right is pretty explore other ways you might be regularly out of commission and to people who are already in it. For One of my first memorable students. I felt frightened in the against the law, federal law, and high. This might be because the able to manage your study load to someone about Spence forbid we should mingle with medical science students, splitting experiences at Sydney Uni was new environment at first, but then potentially carries the risk of a certificate looks unusual, or a high without risking far more serious anyone else. A centrepiece of the classes between the CPC and Bosch during a random group discussion I realized that most of us were in prison sentence of twelve months, number of medical certificates are consequences in the long term. what’s going on. “vibrant community of early career means the next lecture is only a short, in my very first tutorial. We quickly similar situations! I just joined a if prosecuted by the police. coming from the same medical researchers and students” is the much- muddy walk through the rapidly finished the questions and fell into conversation and let the natural practitioner or practice. Faculties If you need to see a doctor, but To see an SRC Help Caseworker touted X-lab. This vast space promised eroding hillside and car park away. some awkward quietness. Trying to chemistry between cultures do Sounds serious right! It is! The routinely check the authenticity of your regular one is not available, call 9600 5222 to to churn through undergrads with act like a ‘local student’, I introduced the rest. Through weekly events University also treats this as make an appointment or completely unprecedented efficiency. But the true brilliance of this modern myself with a few handshakes. they held, I could always feel the medical documents with medical look for a medical centre nearby, email: [email protected] Eight classes and 240 students from masterpiece is observable in the friendliness and fun. But it’s more Academic Misconduct and is practices and practitioners, so or attend the casualty unit at your a huge variety of faculties can run low-slung 360-seat lecture theatre. After this first step out of my like being a member of a big family – side by side – hence the cross, get it While the thick concrete walls manage comfort zone, I thought: “That’s it, I’m appreciated for being unique and – with only an hour’s struggle needed to complete eliminate any mobile I may never say a word to these accepted at the same time. to establish which lecturer is actually reception, they serve to concentrate people ever again.” Luckily, I SRC Legal Service SRC CASEWORKER HELP Q&A teaching you. the sounds of a new, directly adjacent came across one of the guys from Luckily, I was elected President café. The smooth sounds of frothing this tutorial in another tutorial. of Unimates and became the new By employing cameras, microphones milk, grinding coffee and the rabble Although everyone else was busy ‘mum’ of the society. Life here is and local video streaming, the amount of the caffeine-dependent masses with their own stuff, we tried to full of surprises, especially for us of a young science student’s life spent really accentuates neuropharmacology learn more about each other and a international students. You will watching brilliant professors reduced lectures. cross-cultural friendship started. never know what you’re going to get. to gibbering wrecks struggling with I admit that I was bit absent WE’VE GOT technology has grown exponentially. The Charles Perkins Centre allegedly minded in the rest of the tutorials, Coming to study on this unique Huge touch screen computers with no shares its namesake’s philosophy, but I enjoyed them a lot. We both ‘island’ means a lot to us and we keyboards make data entry as easy and is “looking for solutions extended our horizons in terms of have a lot of expectations. But don’t Ask Abe as one-two-threqwtTHY9, while a beyond traditional boundaries”. cultural difference, which I definitely be stressed, with only a little bit of combination of few computer labs and Unfortunately, the gyrating white didn’t expect when I introduced effort, your life here may end up YOUR BACK strict OH&S policy means you MUST interior appears distinctly ivory. myself. Sometimes, just give it a try beyond your wildest imagination. Abe, If You Have A Legal Problem? I am very confused about what the census date is. This is my first We Can Help For FREE! semester. Do I need to do anything or is it all automatic. Angela Collins gets Getting it on in Darlington Camperdown and dirty. Cen-suss. Spring is fast approaching and the birds and the bees are spreading their wings around USyd campus. However, with the multiplication of couples on Fines campus, there’s an inevitable battle for romantic territory. Hot date spots are in high demand so students can ensure their relationships bloom as beautifully Dear Cen-suss, as the springtime flowers. Here’s the lowdown on the hottest, tried-and-true places of passion scattered around campus. For those on a budget: Motor vehicle accidents The census date is always the 31th March and 31th August. For something a little bit For the “alternative” types: It means that whatever you are officially enrolled in on that day, fancy: Romance doesn’t have to you will be billed for. This is for local students with HECS or equal splashing out the cash. Why holiday in Melbourne for international students. The census date is approaching now, Nothing screams class like ACCESS was created for a Immigration when you’ve got an even so look carefully at all of your Units and make sure that you are a baguette in a long paper better version of Hoosier Lane reason, and the USU is proud happy to be doing the ones you are enrolled in. If you withdraw bag! Treat your boy-toy by right here on campus? Hold to support frugal hook-ups all before the Census date you might avoid a later fail mark. If you’re taking him out for a casual hands through the Graffiti over Camperdown – I mean, Criminal Charges but chic dining experience at Tunnel and inhale the paint who ISN’T in love with those not sure what to do, talk to a faculty subject advisor. Taste Baguette in the Law fumes for a multi-sensory date crazy concessions? Take Annex. You can drop pick For a time-honoured Sydney experience. It ain’t called the your sweetheart to one of the Remember: if you are receiving Youth Allowance or Austudy up lines and witty banter in Uni dating experience: “Tunnel of Love” for nothin’. USU’s fine establishments Debts you will need to maintain a minimum full time load, which is 18 the never-ending queue, eat (NB: no one actually calls it for a date they won’t soon credit points or more (24cp is the standard load). If you have a your elongated bread roll on The eighth floor of Fisher that so don’t drop it in casual forget. If you go late enough, “temporary incapacity” such as illness or a longer term disability the tables while gallantly Uni Bros will throw you a ...and more library has built up a bit of conversation). that prevents you from studying full time then talk to SRC Help to defending him from rogue definitely-still-okay kebab for a reputation for being the see if you can get Centrelink on a lighter study load. ibises, and then finish things go-to place for tonsil tennis If your date’s a smoker: $3. And nothing says “I love We have a solicitor who speaks off on the Law Lawns for a and hanky-panky. It’s classy, you” more than a garlic breath Cantonese, Mandarin & Japanesee bit of Edward-and-Bella-style it’s discrete, and if the smell Smoking pretty much equals pash. Abe gazing meadow action. Every instant coolness, so to show 法律諮詢 of books doesn’t get your 法律アドバイス guy’s dream, right? hormones going then what your date you’re a rebel Abe’s answers can provide you with excellent insight and helpful kind of uni student are without a cause, take her to tips for surviving as a student. Level 1, Wentworth Bldg, University of Sydney Liability limited by This service is provided you? This floor is dedicated the dirty patch of concrete a scheme approved to you by the Students’ 02 9660 5222 | www.src.usyd.edu.au under Professional Representative Council, to “quiet study” - QUIET behind Bosch. Light up, share Standards Legislation. University of Sydney To ask Abe a question send an email to: [email protected] e: [email protected] | ACN 146 653 143 STUDY OF EACH OTHER’S a ciggie and finish the date off MOUTHS, THAT IS. with a tasteful feel up.

17 src reports src reports

President’s Report Jen Light Queerkat Officers’ Report campaigning to start. your day-to-day life. This is partly so that all students are able to live Elsa Kohane and Robin Eames take us through the happenings of Queerkats this semester. true but I will tell you this. Who while they are at University. Why should you care? And why you elect will be responsible for Queerkats is a fabulous new who are gender diverse (including rad queer dancing. should you vote? the for a $1.5 million budget, Prominent former Presidents of collective created this year as non-Western and indigenous will be the head of the legal the Sydney SRC include a Prime a subset of the Queer Action gender identities such as two Continuing on from Well out of 32,000 undergraduate service, will negotiate funding Minister of Australia, Cabinet Collective. Queerkats aims to spirit, hijras, and third gender), this great start, we students there is a voter turnout of from SSAF (student services and Ministers, and Members of create a safe and welcoming intersex people, trans men, have a lot of exciting approx. 4000students. This can be amenities fee) and ensure that Parliaments, State and Federal, space that acts as an alternative and anyone who experiences plans and ideas. attributed to the voluntary voting the irreplaceable services like the Justices of the High Court of to spaces and groups that are oppression for their gender We will be starting system and the fact that there is casework and legal service are up Australia and the Supreme Court, often dominated by cis men (cis identity. We’re still working out a up a fortnightly no physical incentive. But I will and running to help you out when including a Chief Justice of New men being people who were definition that fits us, but part of workshop/social ask you PLEASE VOTE. you need. South Wales and a Court of Appeal assigned male at birth and agree our concerns stem from our desire event on Tuesdays, President. with that assignation). At the to define ourselves by what we are the first being a poly The SRC is the peak body at The President of the SRC is beginning of the year we were rather than what we are not. discussion group held Sydney University representing all responsible for sitting on many It is important to make your voice defining ourselves as a ‘non cis Tuesday from 5-7 undergraduate students and it is University committee meetings. heard and vote during the election male’ collective, but this definition So far this semester we have in the Queerspace. up to all undergraduate students This year I have been pushing to season. has proved insufficient, and we already organised and created In the future this to choose who will be their next ensure there are no longer 100% are currently workshopping a magnificent zine made up of time can be used experiences, to be held at the end SRC president, councilors, and exams for any subject you do, that The elections will start on 8th a better and more inclusive collaborative work from our in a variety of ways, from dry of the semester. We’re also hard at Honi Soit editors. lecture recordings and slides will September and the elections will definition. At the moment we community. This was for the events, to potluck dinners, to work organising the production of So a couple of weeks ago I wrote become an opt out system instead be held on the 24th and 25th are defining ourselves as a queer USU’s Pride Festival, and aimed drinks, to informative workshops Queer Honi, which we’re hoping to about the upcoming SRC elections; Student Elections can be of an opt in system. As well the September. Hope to see you voting collective for those who identify to showcase the voices of people and skill shares, and movie make a particularly inclusive and nominations closed on the 20th overwhelming, annoying and SRC has been fighting for fair and as women (trans, cis, butch, who aren’t usually heard in nights. During this regular event intersectional issue. August and it is now time for the seem completely irrelevant to affordable student accommodation, femme, transfeminine), nonbinary mainstream society. The party to and beyond, we will be working folks (genderqueer, genderfluid, launch it was super successful, towards a celebratory Art Party Queerkats meet 1pm Thursdays, agender, androgynous, bigender, with spoken word performances, to showcase the creativity and and we always love to see new demigender, polygender), people readings from the zine, and lots of scope of non-normative queer faces! General Secretary’s Report James Leeder discusses the approaching SRC elections. worn a lurid many fronts, many that are less as a better idea of what the SRC shirt during visible, and it is from this that can actually do. Year after year Henry Maher and Monique McKenzie elections can many students can attend the candidates run on impossible Interfaith Officers’ Report attest to. university and remain unaware of platforms that are never achieved. The interfaith portfolio within the world is rich with an elaborate which can either, enrich or damage assumptions onto them. Our its purpose. As students, you should hold SRC is concerned with ensuring fabric of expressions, culture society. But that depends on how society then, rather than being This is due to your representatives to account. that all religious and spiritual and faith, which simultaneously we approach faith. built on suspicion and judgment, the fact that Despite the lack of knowledge Further to this, the SRC is an expression within our community challenges and enriches our can be founded on curiosity and in many ways about the SRC within the organisation that has prided is accepted and approached with lives. The beauty of faith is that We need to approach faith and mutual respect. the SRC is a student body, SRC elections itself on diversity. In ensuring dignity and respect. The world is can touch us all in different religious expression with an democratic remain an important aspect that students of any cultural, around us is one of growing ways; it is unique to us, our open mind and a keenness for So we encourage you to go to anomaly. It’s a of the organisation and are a socioeconomic, religious or sexual religious and racial intolerance morals and our view of the world. understanding rather than an seminars, read widely and deeply, weird conflation reaffirmation of the principles on background can become a part and this needs to come to an We view the world with unique attitude filled with assumptions listen to those who share different of a student which it operates. In conducting an of it, the SRC has ensured that end. We need to actively move eyes guided by our individual and unfounded misconceptions. view to you and enrich your lives union with election each year the SRC brings it best represents the diverse towards a society where all culture worldviews, whether it is informed Whether you are deeply religious with an increased understanding some form of in a new wave of students with concerns of the USYD student and faith is both respected and by faith, science or anywhere in or anti-religious, it is vital that we of the unique worldviews of those Each year thousands of students representative new concerns and ideas. body. recognized. between, our understanding of our are accepting of each individual’s around you. It is not hard to sit vote to elect a new group of democracy. It acts pre-emptively surroundings is unique to us. It expression and view of the world. and listen rather that jump in and representatives to run the SRC. in a representative fashion but That being said, like most As elections approach, I encourage The foundation of peace lies is the combination of our unique You do not have to agree with judge. For many students, perhaps most, is also beholden to its council elections, some candidates you to find out more about your within mutual understanding expressions of worldviews that it but you should respect the this is their only interaction with members and the wider student are better suited than others. SRC, to question the experience and respect of each other’s beliefs creates a world flooded with both individual and listen to their the SRC. Many students are not body. It provides behind-the-scenes Candidates with organisational of the candidates running, and to and religious expressions. Our complex and conflicting views, explanation before pushing your even aware of the SRC, or the help in the form of services but experience have a better look for candidates that represent services and representation the also publically negotiates with the understanding of the organisation the diversity of our student body. SRC provides, as anyone who’s university. The SRC operates on they will have to oversee, as well Sarah Chuah, Alexandra Disabilities & Carers Officers’ Report Radburn and Jasmin Camdzic If you are a student with a calling 9660 5222 or visit the SRC of the NSW Carers Strategy 2014- the development and progress Ridah Hassan and Eleanor Morley disability there are a huge at Wentworth Building Level 1 2019, the support and transition of of the university’s current Education Officers’ Report range of supports that you can for a Drop-in visit on Tuesdays & primary and high school student Disability Action Plan. The first the Education Action Group set steal our banners and physically recently published research results access by registering with the Thursdays, between 1 and 3pm. carers into higher education is a meeting is coming up soon and up a stall on Eastern Ave, handed force us out, then even threw which found that around 69% of university’s Disability Services. major objective, and will likely see will meet again in October. The out a bunch of cake, and got the the cake in the bin. Bastards. people oppose the deregulation of It is not compulsory to disclose Carers numbers of young carers reaching Disabilities & Carers Department word out about the upcoming Nevertheless, we occupied the fees, making it among the most your personal circumstances to the university increase. For this is also looking for students who protest. Students also signed a lobby for a while and made our unpopular measures in the budget. university, however, by registering Our Access & Inclusion for Carers reason, it is ever more important are interested in helping plan card to Chris, mostly leaving an message clear. The campaign is also hitting with Disability Services, you can in Higher Education Campaign that universities are prepared and some activities throughout the impressive array of insults and Chris Pyne personally; he now sits avoid struggling needlessly with is continuing into semester 2 willing to support this valuable remainder of the semester. We curse word combinations. My This Wednesday is the next on a 50% disapproval rating your condition whilst individually this year. When this campaign group in realising their full are looking to hold some picnics in favourite was the eloquent “m8 get national day of action for which gives him the title of most negotiating assessment protocols. launched last year, we sought to potential through education. We Victoria Park when the weather fucked.” Truer words have never education. So far this year we’ve unpopular government minister. Instead, Disability Services raise awareness at the national are particularly impressed with warms up, and also a gardening been written. disrupted live TV, countless provides support through a level about the barriers that the momentum with which the and art workshop so students can Liberal party love-ins, rallied in There’s a real chance that we could formalised mechanism which young and mature-aged students University of Western Sydney is get together for some food and fun Later that day, the cross- our thousands and refused to be win, and that the reforms could be maintains your privacy around with significant caregiving moving toward the implementation activities to encourage everyone Last Wednesday we celebrated campus education action network silent in the face of the Liberals’ trashed. But it’s important to keep your exact circumstances to your responsibilities face in accessing of meaningful support for their to take the occasional break from Chris Pyne’s unhappy birthday, organised a protest at NSW attacks on higher education fighting and putting pressure on teaching staff while advocating and successfully completing an student carers. their studies when assessments after all lizard people age too. We Liberal Party HQ. We brought and welfare. Our protests have the opposition parties to keep their for the necessary adjustments Australian university education. kick in. If you would like to get wanted him to know that even our card, sang happy birthday made a real impact on the public word. you are entitled to. If you are The campaign this year has Seeking Student Involvement involved in any of these activities, on his special day, we won’t let and even brought a cake to cut debate with Labor, the Palmer considering registering with focused on advocating for carers’ send us an email at disabilities. up in our campaign against his and share. The security thugs United Party and the Greens all So join us next Wednesday, Aug Disability Services or would like to support in universities within We have formed a Student [email protected]. higher ed. reforms. So exactly and NSW pigs were the most committing to block the cuts when 20, 1.30pm outside Fisher for seek independent advice in doing NSW, particularly those in the Consultative Group and are one week out from the next discourteous party hosts we’ve they hit the Senate. The National another day of action for education so, you can make an appointment Sydney area and above all Sydney encouraging students to get education protest on August 20, come across though. They tried to Tertiary Education Union also and sticking it to the Liberals. to see an SRC Caseworker by University. With the recent launch involved and give their input in 18 19 puzzles & quizzes what’s on

Down 1 Picked up phone (8) Quick 2 Weather conditions (8) What’s On Across 3 For the reason that (5) Tuesday, August 19 see if their navy-hooded army live a quest for fame, fortune and Saturday, August 23 1 USU card (6) 5 Pollock, Rembrandt and Iggy up to their promise of singing, sex, sequined jackets. We wonder Azalea (7) 4 Savoys or Napas (8) Wom*n’s Collective Film and dancing. Seymour Centre, if Eddie McGuire could afford Weekend, don’t come to uni. Find 6 Unmodernized, say of a community 10 New..., periodical (9) Screening: WoCo is holding a 8pm nightly until August 23. Fallingwater. Seymour Centre, your own fun shit to do. (9) 11 Constellation, Southern... (5) screening of two short films that 7.30pm nightly until August 23. 7 Gauntlets (6) 12 Wipe out (5) sound awesome: Women’s Empire USU Humanitarian Week: 8 Order (6) Sunday, August 24 13 Not here (9) and Nice Coloured Girls. This is a FredSoc Bacon & Eggs, USU Humanitarian Week: 9 Of highest quality (6) 14 Genteel (7) non-autonomous event. Carslaw FUNCH Amnes-Tea, PhotoSoc Developing Nations Pregnancy Ditto. 15 Perception (9) 16 Definite (4) Lecture Theatre, 5.30pm. Polaroid Playground, Volunteer Kit Preparation, Climate Change 19 Piles of dung (4) 17 ...salts, spirit of hartshorn (8) Matchmaking. Various times and forum, Amnesty International 18 Additional money owed on Monday, August 25 21 Occupation of singular 19-ac? A new issue of BULL hits the locations around campus, 19-21 Film Screening, Young Vinnies (7) a loan (8) stands. August. Winter Sleepout. Various times “Why the Scientific Revolution 24 Food cookers (9) 20 ...sizzle, using 24-acs (7) and locations around campus, 19- wasn’t a Scientific Revolution”: 25 Unravel (5) 21 Small firearm (6) Crosswords Wednesday, August 20 Thursday, August 21 21 August. Professor Daniel Garber from 26 Not dead (5) 22 On a boat (6) by Bolton Princeton University will discuss 27 Say sorry (9) 23 Curved paths around National Day of Action: If you The Unlimited Dream Factory Robots Fabrication and Design: the intellectual world in the early 28 Debacle (8) celestial bodies (6) haven’t heard of this, you’ve been (Arts Revue) opening night: Architecture and Design student modern period. 6pm, Law School 29 Burden (6) 25 Glowed with light (5) living under a rock. The USyd They promoted director Sophia showcase, with a light design and Lecture Theatre 101. contingent will meet at Fisher Roberts as ever-nurturing and vivid exhibition. Includes a Kuka at 1:30pm, then head to UTS other director Patrick Morrow as robot bar serving cocktails and a Tuesday August 26 and march to Town Hall. Fisher senile. Please let us know if you Trotec Router that paints faces. Faculty of Architecture, Design & Library, 1.30pm. feel dodderingly nurtured or not. Next Honi out. WOOOOOOOO Seymour Centre, 7.30pm nightly Planning, 6pm. We think 5 of these clues share something in common and are therefore not defined House of Clerks (Law Revue) until August 23. opening night: They say that Friday, August 22 Cryptic Across Down this year’s law revue is what you The Price is Frank Lloyd Wright 1 Bun seeds, I say incorrectly? (6) 1 Runs, laps, stumbles at the traffic should watch if you can’t wait long (Architecture Revue) opening Nothing. Nothing at all. 4 Cram together foodstuff (8) jams (5-3) enough for Dirty Dancing. Let’s night: This revue promises 10 Treats oil blend (9) 2 Liloed and joined? (8) 11 Brush brush (5) 3 Mere model entered length (5) 12 Where you put the keye? (5) 5 Sanctioned capriciously by ensconcing 13 Support entourage who sold tea for gossamer cedar (7) a cent (9) 6 Did I guess 20-dn?! (9) 14 Demanded soft petrol (7) 7 Raid in way (6) 16 Purveyor of candles at nightfall (4) 8 Animated tiger (6) 19 Exploited, or exploited without 9 Be present within the great muscle (4) Tendulkar reception (6) 21 Pollywog somewhat like extremity 15 20-dn seder cast (9) (7) 17 Bridal linen lost a ton (8) 24 Height promotion (9) 18 Specialists of concavities? (8) 25 Contraction negating existence? 20 Was wayward when carried by (4’1) water (7) 26 Broke; steal the fewest (5) 21 Dig type of vision (6) 27 Youth re-generates?! (9) 22 Wellbeing left in the Ledger (6) 28 Slope fell team (8) 23 De thing on de back of de animal (6) 29 Questions editions (6) 25 Say, about Wally’s pots (5)

Quiz by Yi Jiang Quiz, Quiz, Quiz Ching

1. What did Albert Einstein win 5. What does L.E.D. stand for? 9. What is Clint Eastwood’s 13. Names of the four main Get your • We buy & sell textbooks according to demand his Nobel Prize in Physics for? most successful film (to date)? characters in Sex and the City? & give 40% cashback on books we buy.* 6. Within common usage, 2. Is the tomato a fruit or a what is the longest word in 10. Recently deceased actor J.J. 14. Homer Simpson’s middle • You can sell your books on consignment. vegetable botanically? the English language without Murphy was due to play which name? hIgheST Please phone us before bringing in your books. vowels? character on Game of Thrones? textbooks • We are open to USYD students & the public. 3. On which continent are the 15. What is the 35th Element of CaShbaCk most landlocked countries 7. Which film won the 1955 11. Who is the current the Periodic Table? RaTe oN Search for text books online at: found? Academy Award for Best Governor General of Australia? www.src.usyd.edu.au/src-books Picture? 16. What can you catch but not CaMpUS Call 02 9660 4756 to check availability and reserve a book. 4. Who is the highest-selling 12. What is the meaning of the throw? NEW Location! Level 4, Wentworth Bldg CHEAP! Get 40% not 30% (Next to the International Lounge) individual musician of all time, 8. What year did the Battle of name, Jordan? Hours: Monday to Thursday 9am - 4.30pm based on certified units? Hastings take place? don’t pay full price for textbooks... Phone: (02) 9660 4756 Email: [email protected] buy them secondhand at SRC books.

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20 Tony Abbott’s Twitter Account Revealed as Performance Art Yi Jian Ching is following erryone on Twitter.

The Twittersphere has been alight for the past week after revelations that the Twitter account, @TonyAbbottMHR is in fact a piece of elaborate Perth Train performance art, joining the ranks of other Abbott Unveils New notable and popular Twitter “hoax” accounts such as @horse_ebooks and @JoeHockey. The Pushers revelations came amidst an investigation started by postgraduate Arts student and savvy Policy To Stop The Twitter user, @blink182rule. “After following Unable To this account for weeks I realised something William Edwards reports on was up,” said @blink182rule. “This account the latest news from Canberra. Affect Real was endlessly spewing about taxes and boats Boats without actually being constructive whatsoever whilst using endless buzzwords like ‘Economic Change Action Strategy’. I mean, what does that even Tony Abbott has unveiled his government’s ever taken to contradict a Prime Minister. mean?” newest policy to make Australia seem less “Labor would never use such farcical tactics,” appealing than the places asylum seekers Shorten finally said, obviously confused by Peter Walsh is a pusher. It was at that moment that @blink182rule paid flee from. The new policy, named ‘Operation Abbott’s comparison and electoral success. computer science student, Jeremy Gigaballs to Fuck Off We’re Full’, aims to introduce scurvy “Scurvy isn’t even contagious! How does the help him reveal just who would have so much to people smugglers and their customers, Prime Minister plan on infecting anyone with time to be behind this Twitter account. After thereby preventing them from setting sail or, that? Huh? Labor would use a plague.” a week long process involving masquerading at the least, from ever reaching Australian as Twitter account @rupertmurdoch, they waters. Abbott immediately grew defensive of his discovered that the account was being managed policy, vehemently disagreeing with Shorten’s by two employees at Liquorland. When “I have to stop the boats,” Abbott declared, suggestion that scurvy was not contagious. questioned, the two employees simply replied while bashing his chest. “I tried to buy them The two attempted to consult a nearby “Have you ever worked here?” before returning and you mocked me. Now I’m trying this. In doctor to settle the issue, but were refused to their phones and ignoring customers. the end we are in a fierce contest with these assistance when neither had $7 available to people smugglers and if we were at war we pay. wouldn’t think giving our enemies scurvy was wrong, so why should we now?” They subsequently attempted to consult a scientist, but none could be found within Honi Life Bill Shorten took four seconds to regain 100km of the nation’s capital. his composure after the announcement, the longest time an Opposition Leader has Hacks Instead of using the ‘Save As’ button on when you’re working on those pesky assignments, just hit ‘Save’. That way, you’ll update your work and avoid awkward duplication. Double OTHER DOMAIN NAMES THE LIBERAL whammy. PARTY SHOULD PURCHASE The end of winter can be pretty awkward for The group of Perth citizens who pushed a train temperature regulation. Why not avoid the off its tracks to rescue a trapped individual existential crisis of the ‘jumper on or jumper off’ Mary Ward helps out the Libs. had a press conference Saturday, in which IN OTHER NEWS REVUE REVIEW debate by simply rolling up the sleeves? they outlined a manifesto for pushing away Perth’s social ills. “It’s all well and good to push HAIKU: LAW After they sneakily acquired AbbottLies.com.au, we decided to help the Going on an overseas trip? Border security can a train”, said defacto leader Sheryl, “but our be a nervous bunch. Break the ice with a classic Libs decide which other pieces of cyber real estate they should invest in anachronistic city needs a few more pushes Joe Hockey feigns disability Dom Ellis gets poetic. bomb joke. before someone gets there first: before we can call it a safe place for our kids”. between carpark and The group identified a number of targets, If you find yourself awake in summer ‘cos it’s including bikies, pollution, and homophobia. parliament • OneWomanCabinet.com.au There were hackneyed too warm, just flip your pillow over and you’ll find the other side is astonishingly well-chilled. • 40JobsADay.com.au While the group has made some headway – hacks especially with bikies, because pushing over Tony Abbott confirmed as lead Worried about mum finding your porn folder? • FrancesAbbottScholarshipFund.com.au bikes is, in many ways, easier than a train – antagonist in ‘Braveheart 2’ And corporate Try hiding it in plain sight – on the desktop, in they have faced significant criticism that you a folder called “Tom’s boring shit”. • ThatTimeOurPrimeMinisterSaidAustraliaWasUnsettledPre1788. can’t just push your problems away. “Look, sponsorship com.au he’s got us there,” said group member Barry. Keep wearing that fedora. That way, it will be “Homophobia is an abstract thing, so we BREAKING: SAlt angry about But where was the easier for normal people to avoid you. • WeirdFacesChristopherPynePulls.com.au couldn’t just push it over.” When questioned something further, Barry clarified that “we did find a heart?1 Find making tea is a real fucking struggle? You • BrandisIsABigot.com.au homophobe, and yes, we pushed him over”. can now get ‘tea bags’ where all the tea leaves are contained within non-soluble bags. • TheRhodesActuallyHasLittleToDoWithAcademicProwess.com.au At the time of publishing, there is a warrant Homeschool student describes for Barry’s arrest in relation to a ‘one-push English teacher as “hot” 1. King & Wood Mallesons Always late? Try walking around faster. • SuppositoryOfWisdom.com.au assault’, the latest in a number of ‘coward- pushes’ plaguing Perth’s CBD.

22 23 illustration by wanyi xin (cabbage)