August 22, 2003 THE TECH Page 9
17:00 20:00 17:00 — Burton-Conner — Upper- 20:00 — Burton-Conner — Burton- classmen at Burton Conner are enjoy- Conner eats ice cream sundaes with ing the “suite” life. all the trimmings. 17:00 — German House — Bored? 20:00 — EAsT camPUS — Le Teur German TV is never boring. German de Fred. house has German TV channels and 20:03 — Baker House — MIT is like people who love to speak German. unprotected sex. You’re glad you got Saturday, August 23 10:47 — Random Hall — What’s the “What’s that shiny building across 17:00 — EAsT camPUS — Join a will- in but sorry you came. fun in being the world’s smallest the street?? I wonder if they have any ful Coalition of the Ten Halls of East 20:15 — Burton-Conner — Tired of nuclear power without a little prolifer- food or interesting people to talk to Campus to address the terrible threat walking around all day? Just want to 00:00 ation? We’ll be here all day adding to me! Hmmm...” that hunger and lack of barbeque sit down and relax a little? Our upper- 00:00 — EAsT camPUS — After 64 our arsenal. 13:47 — Random Hall — Hmmmm... pose to Freedom loving people. classmen enjoy the “suite life” years of mounting tension all diplo- Looks like we were just added to the 17:15 — EAsT camPUS — Rooftop 20:28 — French House — Looking matic ties with West Campus have 11:00 Axis of Evil. War of Agression vs. Senior House. for a game of Set? been severed. Economic sanctions 11:00 — French House — Vous Only water can kill you. 20:30 — EAsT camPUS — Would are in force and all travel to the avez peut-être déjà vu le campus de 14:00 17:23 — MacGregor — Tours. ALL you rather watch a movie made in region has been banned. MIT, mais voilà une occasion de le 14:00 — French House — Afternoon NIGHT LONG. Oh baby. (and by night 1997 or eat deserts made this 00:01 — Senior Haus — Emma and voir en français ! Bilingual campus of Baking! we mean late evening time, from evening? We thought so. Dave talk about every form of sexual tours throughout the day. (Meet in 14:00 — French House — Un après- around 5 to 10 or so) 20:40 — Senior Haus — Dan shows deviance that there is. LMF Kitchen, New House 6, 5th midi à la fournée? Est-ce que vous 17:32 — French House — Alloutte, us how slutty Haus officers can be. floor) aimez bouffer les choses cuites au gentille allouette… 20:47 — Random Hall — On the 01:00 11:00 — German House — There is four et faire des pagailles dans la cui- 17:33 — French House — Allouette, other hand, the museum doesn’t 01:00 — MacGregor — It’s 1 am. still enough Kaiserschmarrn (German sine? Quelle chance, nous aussi! je te plumerai ! make a bad backdrop for a movie Do you know where your SINGLE is? Pancakes) for late risers. Venez pendant tout l’après-midi nous screen. Introducing... the Random 01:00 — Senior Haus — We’re patri- 11:01 — German House — Es gibt aider à préparer et partager nos créa- 18:00 Hall Roofdeck Movie Series! It’s the ots. Watch Paulo beat us up. noch genug German Pancakes tions sucrées. La Cuisine de LMF. 18:00 — Burton-Conner — Not over Ian Holm movie marathon! 01:00 — German House — “Das (Kaiserschmarrn) fuer die, die spaet 14:00 — Senior Haus — Tireswing- the summer movie binge yet? Neither 20:47 — Random Hall — In our first Experiment” geht weiter. Deutscher aufwachen. Kommen Sie und essen! ing lessons. Twist, shout, wrap your- are we. featured movie, The Fellowship of the Film, mit dem Deutschen Haus. Neues Haus, Haus Sechs, Erster self up. Skilled trainers (read: crusty 18:00 — German House — The Ger- Ring, Ian plays an eleventy-one year Neues Haus, Haus Sechs, Erster Stock. alums) will see to your safety as you man TV is still on at German House! old hobbit who likes to have really big Stock. 11:17 — Random Hall — Your par- learn to do things your insurance Sehen Sie fern mit uns. New House, birthday parties. Oh, yeah, and 01:00 — Baker House — You know ents need to refill the car anyways… company wouldn’t cover. house 6, 2nd floor. there’s something about some kinda what’s cool? Baker. Random Hall is next door to the gas 14:00 — German House — In the 18:00 — EAsT camPUS — Preview evil evil tall people and the fate of station… mood for some good German polka? Course 25 (metallurgy) at the Discov- the world. 02:00 11:30 — Simmons Hall — Cookie 14:00 — Bexxxley — No aceptare er Metallurgy seminar. Professor 02:37 — Senior Haus — ::required Making! Who will make the best Sim- tus religiones moneteistas; mues- Scooter and his top students will 21:00 making-fun-of-religion-that-isn’t-Chris- mons-esque cookie? trame el camino a Nazaret y introduce students to the art and sci- 21:00 — Burton-Conner — The tianity gag:: Did Allah promise you 50 11:59 — French House — It’s still abofeteare a tu salvador con una ence of forming metal to your will. movie is playing and the ice cream is virgins? Well, you won’t find them in the morning, but it’s already hot. In trucha. 18:01 — EAsT camPUS — EC has melting. Senior Haus. Paris, citizens cool off by running 14:13 — Senior Haus — Did you fun with tapioca and a kiddie pool. 21:00 — Next House — PLAY through public fountains. Boston know? The need for blood is unend- Sponsored by EC spinoff, Ping Ping UNFAIR - And party Mardi Gras style. 04:00 has lots of fountains, and we at La ing. Donate blood. One single dona- Chai. Hang out, eat, play some volleyball or 04:37 — Senior Haus — This state- Maison Française know lots about tion, possibly two, maybe three. 18:10 — French House — Ten grab some beads, hop up on a table ment is not a complete statement. It them. Heart: more than 50 units of blood. points for anyone who can squeeze and grind to beats you can actually is part of the previous statement. Optimal blood supply:1,100 dona- another plate into our dish rack. dance to. 12:00 tions received daily. 18:15 — Burton-Conner — Want to 21:00 — Russian House — Russian 06:00 12:00 — French House — Les 14:30 — Senior Haus — 72 Movies see what makes Burton-Conner differ- Cartoons. 06:13 — Senior Haus — Argentina: français étaient les premiers of Hours! The Dyslexic Fest! The little ent from all the other dorms? 21:00 — Senior Haus — Blue Velvet the Biggest country in South America européens en Amérique du Nord. German engine that couldn’t will be 18:17 — Random Hall — Had your - What kind of beer you drink, neigh- Club Meeting. Presided by Paulo. Venez assister dans une tradition de playing after every movie! It’s ubiqui- fill of the Institute already? Did you bor? / Heineken / Heineken? Fuck 06:15 — Senior Haus — Pot pie, conquêtes en découvrant (et en con- tous! and you will see it or be EVIS- know that Cream + Milk + Sugar + that shit! Pabst Blue Ribbon! motherfucker. quérant) les fontaines de Boston CERATED by the dark Fixin’s + N2 = mmm.... ice 21:00 — Senior Haus — We don’t avec La Maison Française! Wear lord!!11!!@!@!21! creeeam.... really eat babies. Plenty of perfectly 07:00 shoes that can get wet. (Rendez-vous 14:30 — German House — Gruess 18:19 — EAsT camPUS — Ever had normal, everyday type out-door cook- out food to be had in the Senior 07:00 — Senior Haus — Did you escaliers du centre des étudiants) Gott! tapioca pearls in your pants? Want Haus courtyard. Vegetarian/Vegan know you can buy human placenta on 12:00 — French House — The 14:33 — French House — Already some? options always available. the Internet? You can also get some French were the first Europeans in homesick? 18:23 — Senior Haus — A friendly 21:00 — German House — Germans cigarettes from us for the low low North America. Participate in a long 14:34 — French House — Hungry? game of “catch the shaven, greased like all sorts of high-tech stuff. Like price of $0/cancer stick. tradition of conquest by discovering 14:40 — Senior Haus — Big Lebows- piglet.” Bring your own piglet; we lasers and the Museum of Science! 07:00 — Bexxxley — 7 am, as good (and conquering) the fountains of ki - One big man, so little time. don’t like to share. 21:00 — New House — Wanna wind a time as any to drown yourself in the Boston with La Maison Française! 14:41 — Senior Haus — Women-only 18:30 — Simmons Hall — An infor- down from the day??? Charles. Wear shoes that can get wet. (Meet event- Piss for Accuracy Contest. mal group of Sims will be leaving on Student Center steps) Hopefully in the President’s House. from the Simmons lobby for a walk 21:06 — EAsT camPUS — Where’s the satellite??? It’s in the water!!! 08:00 12:00 — Senior Haus — It fits on through Boston, probably the North 21:30 — Senior Haus — 5,000 08:00 — French House — Sssssh. your back, it’s good for a snack, it’s 15:00 End, in search of sweet treats, din- Bouncy Balls off the Roof! Crucify! Your roommates are probably still chalk chalk chalk. Come hang out in 15:00 — German House — Germans ner, or whatever else we may be Crucify! Crucify! You Shall die. o <— sleeping, but La Maison Française is the courtyard. can drink a lot of root-bier. searching for. This is a bouncy ball. The object of starting to stir. LMF makes café au 12:00 — Dormitory Council — Resi- 15:00 — EAsT camPUS — Visita al 18:42 — Random Hall — Some your demise. lait and croissant in true Parisian dence Hall Adjustment Lottery Opens! escritorio de Frederico para un tour black holes are primordial. Some 21:30 — German House — style. Go to http://web.mit.edu/housinglot- del culero. Llama x3-2871. black holes are supermassive. But in tery/ to tell the Housing Office where 15:29 — Senior Haus — Our dear our Black Hole they like to play Entourage heads for the Dark Side of the Moon laser light show. We are 09:00 you’d like to be permanently friend Jessica wants to teach you D&D... assigned between noon today and 5 everything she knows about existen- 18:47 — Random Hall — Cream + leaving now. 09:00 — French House — Breakfast 21:35 — Bexxxley — Violence on pm Tuesday, August 26th. Choose to tialism. If she’s not around, don’t Milk + Sugar + Fixin’s + N2 = mmm... for all! Café au lait. Croissants. Confi- television only affects children whose squat your current dormitory or rank worry, there are still plenty of rush ice creeeam.... tures. parents act like television personali- up to four new choices. cigarettes for while you wait. 18:50 — Senior Haus — Vertigo - 09:00 — Senior Haus — Hot and ties. There is always a party going on 12:00 — Chocolate City — Need a 15:33 — French House — The funny Abasement : Vomiting pestilence and thirsty after a few hours of rush? somewhere. break from weak events? Come and thing about Freedom Fries is they’re coprophagia, unite! These are the Cum unto Senior Haus. 21:40 — Senior Haus — In our ongo- chill in our lounge on the 3rd floor in not even French. times of truth. 09:17 — Random Hall — Family ing effort to appease residents’ clam- New House 1. Chances are you’ll find 18:56 — Senior Haus — Betty Bow- Guy, Scrubs, and Square One: orings for more nudity, there will be someone taking a break watching TV, 16:00 ers teaches us how not to go to Hell. Remember when you were a kid and body painting in the couryard. Cover playing cards or just talking. Our 16:00 — Senior Haus — Senior Topic include: “Gods views on Mas- used to get up early just to watch car- whatever parts of yourself you chose lounge is open to everyone at any- Haus will proudly drop its SPORT turbation,” “Does Jesus Fart?” and toons? Neither do we. We’ll be to expose with swirly colours. time throughout orientation. Come DEATH banner in celebration. Parents did giving Joseph a BJ still make her watching these, uh, “classics” with 21:45 — Burton-Conner — The next holla at us. and administrators will not bother to the “Virgin Mary”? us anyhow. movie will be starting soon. 12:05 — French House — You’re understand. 10:00 hot. The MIT Chorollaries say “French 16:00 — EAsT camPUS — Regime 19:00 people are hot”. Therefore, you must 22:00 10:00 — German House — German Change occurs in the East Campus 19:00 — French House — Si vous be French! French people like the 22:17 — Random Hall — Hmmm, House makes pancake Kaiser- volleyball court as the (sand) castles pouvez lire ça, vous devrez visiter La Student Center. the D&D run is still probably going on schmarrn (German Pancakes) and of Evil Doers are demolished. Maison Française, New House 6, 12:05 — Chocolate City — Need a over in Black Hole... watches cartoons. 16:07 — French House — Show off 5ième étage. break from weak events? Come and 22:30 — French House — We know 10:00 — EAsT camPUS — The Sov- your Fr3nch Gr4mm3r Sk!11z. Our 19:00 — Russian House — Dinner. chill in our lounge on the 3rd floor in you’ve been wondering where the ereign Nation of East Campus is in Education Ministry will reward you Traditional Russian recipes. New House 1. Chances are one of us French movies are. accordance with all U.N. restrictions with one cookie for every grammatical 19:00 — Chocolate City — We don’t is around relaxing watching TV. Our 22:30 — French House — Nous on weapons of mass destruction. mistake you find in these Daily Confu- hate, nor discriminate, and like to lounge is open to everyone during savons que vous cherchez des films East Campus Officials will gladly give sion entries. (Half a cookie for miss- call Chocolate City home. most respectable hours of the day Français. Venez à La Maison tours of all facilities to your inspec- ing accents.) 19:00 — EAsT camPUS — Got a and even some not-so-respectable Française pour regarder Cyrano de tors. 16:07 — French House — Ici à LMF, gambling problem? Enter the housing ones. Bergerac avec nous -– ou venez tout 10:01 — German House — nous prenons très sérieusement lottery. 12:25 — Senior Haus — Let Leslie simplement écouter Keith réciter le Deutsches Fruhstueck mit notre langue. Notre Ministère d’Edu- 19:00 — Bexxxley — It’s Monistat 7 solve all your emotional problems! film par cœur... LMF, New House 6, Pfannkuchen. German Pancakes cation vous offre un biscuit pour o’clock! Come try out our shiny new 12:47 — Random Hall — Join the 5th floor. (Kaiserschmarrn) fuer alles, und Car- chaque faute grammatical que vous stirrups! club. The nuclear club. Maybe we’ll toons. Neues Haus, Haus Sechs, trouvez. (Un demi-biscuit pour les 19:13 — Senior Haus — Twinkie eat- share our secrets on how to build an 23:00 Erster Stock. accents absents.) ing competition. Extra cream filling. Intercontinental Ballistic Missile. 23:00 — Senior Haus — Rushmore - 10:30 — French House — Vous ne 16:30 — Senior Haus — What are 19:17 — Random Hall — Dungeons Basement: This movie definitely does vous êtes toujours pas réveillé? Le you, a baby? Babies don’t Funnelate & Dragons and dice, oh my! Carpe not have Bill Murray in it. I’m pretty petit-déjeuner continue à LMF! (La 13:00 across Ames Street! DM. sure it does, though. Cuisine de LMF, New House 6, 13:01 — French House — Wonder- 16:40 — Senior Haus — The Zestiful 19:27 — Senior Haus — We have 23:00 — French House — You’re 5ième étage) ing about the banner outside New Infestival - Velvet Goldmine - All that Glamdring. It is completely amazing. half an hour late for Cyrano de Berg- 10:30 — French House — You’re House? Yeah, we know it’s mis- Glitters - Is gay! - Cheeky Cheeky 19:30 — Burton-Conner — Movies, erac. But come anyway, and don’t still not awake? Breakfast continues spelled. Ce n’est pas notre faute! Naughty Sneaky! movies, movies! We have lots over at worry about the parts you’ve missed: at La Maison Française, New House Come drop by during the day anyway. 16:48 — Senior Haus — Why getting Burton-Conner. Keith will be glad to recite them to 6, 5th floor. La Maison FrançaisE, 5th floor, New an MIT degree is easier than tying 19:33 — MacGregor — The sun you from memory. 10:30 — EAsT camPUS — Call Bex- Hous_ 6. your shoes or speaking Earth lan- sets over Boston. Best view from the 23:00 — French House — Vous êtes ley’s Rush Chair at (617) 306-3179 13:17 — Random Hall — Is the guages - an existence proof. Hosted top of the tallest undergrad dorm on museum too drab and ugly for you? by Alex Firshein. for a tour of Bexley Hall. campus. Daily Confusion, Page 10 Page 10 THE TECH DAILY CONFUSION August 22, 2003
House 6, 5th floor. Trainer on the job! Works around Life & Death of Bob Flanagan, Super- Daily Confusion, from Page 9 00:30 — Senior Haus — Alice stop the clock- even when you are away- 08:00 masochist - Supercalifragilistic-cystic une demi-heure en retard pour Cyra- motion - Basement: The caterpillar to change your pet’s behavior! Only 08:20 — Senior Haus — Monty fibrosis. no de Bergerac. Mais venez quand is a sock puppets with dentures. 9.50! Come get yours today! Python and the Holy Grail - Base- même, et ne vous inquiétez pas: 00:30 — German House — We’re 04:27 — Random Hall — I believe ment: This movie has lots of impor- 12:00 Keith peut réciter tous que vous avez back from the laser light show. in a rando-centric universe—-do tant life lessons. The first of which is 12:00 — Senior Haus — It’s chalk, manqué. Come hang out and discuss the you? that French people are Horrible. it’s chalk, it’s big, it is heavy, it is 23:59 — EAsT camPUS — Operation intricacies of German culture with wood. We’re chilling in the courtyard. Infinite Freedom Trail. Come excer- us. Or just chill. 05:00 09:00 12:00 — German House — Gruess- cise the Freedom of Expression that 05:00 — EAsT camPUS — Call 09:00 — Russian House — Early dich. Wir essen jetzt beim New the Greatest dorm in the world grants 02:00 Bexley’s Rush Chair at (617) 306- Russian Style Breakfast: Tea and House Brunch. you. Infinite Corridor. 02:10 — Senior Haus — Bambi - 3179 for a tour of Bexley Hall. Blini (crepes). 12:00 — EAsT camPUS — Help EC Basement: Rated R for intense 05:05 — Senior Haus — The 09:50 — Senior Haus — Monty win the arms race. Help us build the Sunday, August 24 depiction of drug addiction, graphic Dyslexic Fest! DigiCharat - Base- Python and The Flying Circus - A nod next generation of military technolo- sexuality, strong language and ment: girl-cats dice-rabbit bears is as good as a wink to a blind bat. gy. Secure your lucrative government 00:00 some violence. (edited version) people, open the church and look at rocket building contract in the EC 02:17 — Random Hall — Tonight’s courtyard. 00:00 — Random Hall — The don- all the people! (hint: anime that you 10:00 Random Hall Roofdeck Movie 12:30 — French House — Vous key floats at midnight.. We don’t cannot fathom). 10:00 — German House — Bleiben Marathon Featuring Ian Holm Will avez trop mangé de nourriture gratu- have a donkey, and we don’t have a Sie fit und gesund! Eat some Conclude With Lots Of Capitaliza- ite. Maintenant, brûlez ces calories body of water big enough to float it 06:00 bananas! We are going on a fun, tion And ... ALIEN! The Esteemed avec des jeux de sports fous de la in, but we do have an ICBM, and if 06:00 — EAsT camPUS — Fire scenic run along the Charles River Mr. Holm Is Now Ash, The Ship’s Maison Française. Rendez-vous à you come over, we’ll do the best we alarm. with German House — all experi- Doctor And Gung-Ho Scientist. Briggs Field. can. 06:00 — Bexxxley — All-Star Calis- ences and speeds welcome. Until... 12:30 — French House — You’ve 00:01 — Senior Haus — Apollo thenics with Phil Rha. Phildo pumps 10:00 — EAsT camPUS — The Sov- 02:48 — Senior Haus — Get wet at eaten too much free food. Now, burn Sushi - One of the Few places in you like the East German swim ereign Nation of East Campus is in senior haus. We’re all wet for you, those calories with crazy French Boston open after midnight for team. Lebensraum! Trunk twisters accordance with all U.N. restrictions baby. sports games. (good) food! Come Feast with us! are 90% MENTAL 10% PHYSICAL. on weapons of mass destruction. 12:30 — German House — Meet at Desk. One fish, two fish, 06:10 — Senior Haus — Continu- East Campus Officials will gladly give Blitzkrieg. Destroy French House in Eat Fish, You Fish! 03:00 ously Compulsively Orgasming Cat - tours of all facilities to your inspec- soccer, ultimate frisbee, and other 00:17 — Random Hall — The Ran- 03:00 — EAsT camPUS — Find Spirited Away - Basement: Have you tors. sports. dom Hall Roofdeck Ian Holm Movie Mikey P. and grab his ass. had PCP and LSD? Because we 12:30 — Bexxxley — Midget, the Marathon continues... 03:03 — French House — What are haven’t, no sir, not us. 11:00 Chicken of the Sea. Yes we have 00:17 — Random Hall — ...with the you still doing awake? Crêpes await 11:00 — German House — Heinz 57. time-dishonoring classic Time Ban- you in the morning! 07:00 Deutsches Haus ist zum New House 12:47 — Random Hall — We’re dits. Our hero is now Napoleon, 03:17 — Random Hall —
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