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Gay, Proud ...And Gingrich Most Americans Accept My Right to Equality

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Gay, Proud ...And Gingrich Most Americans Accept My Right to Equality C2 SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 24, 1995 THE WASHINGTON POST Gay, Proud ...and Gingrich Most Americans Accept My Right to Equality. Why Can't My Brother? By Candace Gingrich agreed to make myself into somewhat of a and lesbians: In 41 states, it is legal to fire poster child for the cause. someone, or deny a person a mortgage, or re- Within a few weeks I had left my life in fuse hospital visitation rights, simply because HEN MY brother assumed the of- Harrisburg, Pa., where I worked as a com- someone is gay. My brother is among those fice of speaker of the House, I be- puter consultant by day and a UPS truck- who tacitly endorse such discrimination. came a news story overnight. To all W loader by night, and began a 51-city tour for I tell people that it is the responsibility of all of America, I was a symbol of irony, if not con- tradiction. The distinguished congressman Birch's group, the Human Rights Campaign of us—gay, bisexual and straight—to be from Georgia became the ultimate insider, Fund. I have spent the past six months grant- aware of discrimination and to educate others. which left me—the lesbian in Newt's family— ing interviews, giving speeches and generally It has been said before, but fear and ignorance the insurgent outsider. showing the world the face of a lesbian. are the real breeding ground of hate. So I re- His elevation was made possible by a tide of mind those I meet that there are a million 'l)wring my travels and in conversations things we have in common—only one that's tenaciously conservative sentiment, some of it with thousands of people, I have been rabidly reactionary in its opposition to gay and different. I treated with a surprising amount of de- My conviction that face-to-face conversa- lesbian equality. Fortunately, my relationship cency, warmth and openness. In airports and to him is rooted not in politics but in the love a tions make a difference is bolstered by these supermarket aisles, even on rugby fields, facts: sister has for a brother. And blood, I'm happy more people than you might imagine pass on to say, is thicker than the cold waters of bigot- According to pollster Celinda Lake, 65 per- words of encouragement. I remember particu- cent of Americans who say they do not know a rY- larly a receptionist in Seattle who came up to My life was forever changed the moment a gay person nevertheless support equal rights me and described herself as an evangelical in the workplace for gays. This jumps to 87 reporter from the Associated Press, to be fol- Christian by way of introduction. lowed later by Connie Chung and a slew of percent among people who say they know "I know who you are," she said in hushed someone who is gay. So coming out of the others, delighted in the sardonic news that the tones as she approached. "I've seen you in the nation's new and brashly outspoken speaker closet makes a pronounced difference not only papers and they're always referring to you as has a sister who is a lesbian. for lesbian and gay people, but for most of the a lesbian." Right so far, I thought. I have discovered since that coming before people who know us. "But you're not just a category. You're a the media's eye is not always pleasant; I'm of- In fact, most Americans are well ahead of ten a bit rattled by what I read about myself, human being. I think that's wrong for them to my brother and other representatives in Con- or my brother, in the papers. But I also label you that way, and it's good you're out gress on the matter of equal rights for gays brought on much of the attention that has showing people who you are." and lesbians. Lake's polls also show that the come my way—the day I took a call from Eliz- If being out of the closet is reaching women majority of voters don't know that job discrim- abeth Birch, the head of the country's largest like this receptionist, then I'm making prog- ination against gay people is legally permissi- gay and lesbian political organization, and ress. Since I've been on tour, my message has ble in much of the country, but when they are been simple and direct: There is authentic dis- told the truth, 77 percent agree that such dis- Candace Gingrich's tour with the Human crimination and there are painful consequenc- crimination is wrong. Rights Campaign Fund ends Oct. 11, es when it is practiced. And as things stand None of this is meant to deny the existence National Coming Out Day. now, there are no federal laws to protect gays of vocal and radical religious groups at work today. The point is that they are wielding in- one seemed to respect and love me for who I fluence far beyond their true numbers and ex- was. In fact, when Newt found out, I remem- erting great pressure on our elected officials. ber him saying, "it is your life and you should For evidence, look no further than Senate Ma- live it the way you want to." We kind of left it jority Leader Bob Dole's recent decision to re- at that. turn a campaign donation from a group of gay Finally, when my brother ascended to the Republicans in an effort to appease the ex- pinnacle of political power, I came out to the treme right. This, mind you, was money from nation. Soon after I did, I got a taste of what a group, the Log Cabin Club, that supports politics can really bring out in a person. Asked Dole on almost every issue and from whom by a reporter whether workers should have Dole's representatives actively sought sup- recourse if they are fired for answering "Yes" port. Sadly, the influence of the new majority when their employers ask whether they are party's far right wing is undermining the prin- homosexual, my brother responded: ciples of fairness and equal opportunity that "I don't think that's grounds for federal le- characterize our Constitution and should be gal involvement. I don't think you have a right driving our public policy debates. of filing a federal lawsuit or of getting the fed- If nothing else, I hope that we can at least eral government to protect you based on your start speaking the truth as we debate the sexual behavior." He went on to say that "family values" and social issues heating up on schools should take care to protect against ho- Capitol Hill. The truth, that is, about who we mosexuals who may be "recruiting" students are as individuals, and the truth about what to be gay. agendas we're trying to put forward. Since remarks like these, many people have began speaking the truth about myself asked me why I waited so long to speak up— some 10 years ago—at first haltingly and why did I not raise my voice before to counter Iwith great fear of repudiation and rejec- the hurtful and inaccurate things that my tion. While I never chose to be a lesbian, I brother and some of his colleagues have been eventually chose to accept myself and tell the saying? truth about who I am. My family, Newt includ- There are many factors that contributed to ed, has known I'm a lesbian for seven years. my reluctance to speak up before I did. Be- I followed no road map in my journey to- sides, I can't change what I've done, I can only ward truth-telling. There is no single right or accept what is and do whatever I can to make wrong way to do it. My coming out was in a difference from here on out. stages. At first, I came out to my college And so my story is just that: It is my story, friends in rural Pennsylvania. I came out to not offered as exemplary or prescriptive for my family when my mother found a lesbian anyone else. But as my tour comes to an end, newsletter on my bookshelf, brought it to me I can say this: I have never regretted my deci- and asked whether I was trying to tell her sion to be honest about who I am. And to something. ("Yeah, Mom. Quit snooping America, I offer this observation, rooted in a around my room!") truism: Honesty is the best policy by which to Soon after, all my other family members, order our individual lives, and honesty is the including Newt, got the news that I was gay. best policy for public and political discourse as And while there was no open hostility towards well—whether you're the speaker of the me, we never discussed it much either. Every- House or just a member of the family. .
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