www.kiltarlityandkirkhill.org.uk

Kiltarlity and Wardlaw Churches

FROM THE INTERIM MODERATOR

Dear friends,

“Hurry up please it’s time.” I’m not in pubs as often as some but I’ve actually never heard that line. I’ve heard bells go, and barmen saying “Time, gentlemen and ladies,” but not precisely “Hurry up please it’s time” – a line in a poem by T.S. Eliot, “The Wasteland.”

The question which lingers in the poem is whether time means anything to us. “The days are getting shorter.” “This year has rushed past.” “They’re growing up before our eyes.” “You blink and you miss it.” “I’ll be glad when this year is over.” All these sorts of phrases tumble out, but T. S. Eliot was asking, how might we better measure out our days ? What might we use our time for ? In one perspective we are but an indistinguishable flash against a backdrop of almost unimaginable billions of years. In another, however, the perspective which we work with is this hour or this day – and if we stop to think about it, what are we doing with this time that is ours ?

I don’t want to plunge anyone into despair – though T.S. Eliot’s poem, written in 1922, was not full of hope – but rather to reflect that every new day is a gift to us ! That requires a bit of directed work on our part. Not only can we get up on the wrong side of the bed, so to speak, but we do allow ourselves sometimes to go through days, even months and years, rather more full of complaints and cynicism and dark thoughts than with thankfulness in our hearts. It needs work on our part to be thankful ! To see beauty around us; to treasure kindness; to forgive those who cause us pain or disappointment; to trust in God even, or I might say especially, in the experience of great trial or torment. Can I encourage you to work at thankfulness and thanksgiving ?

As I work at it, I believe prayer is key. One thing prayer is about is stopping, stopping from just rushing around, just filling our days, just being taken over by everything that happens. We stop to pray because the truth is that God loves us ( how, why, what for – that follows on ! ) We stop from only rushing around to know the truth that we are given time not always to be doing but just to be ( and how much society, modern life needs people to be able to stop and talk ! ) We stop to pray lest we enter in on all that life will throw up for us without protection ( for we need more than our own resources, every one of us ! ).

Hurry up, please ? I offer it to you in this sense: you and I can take time to pray, regularly (“continually” is the advice in the Bible: I Thessalonians 5: 16-17), and the sooner we do it, the better.

With all good wishes,

Peter

The Bible is meant to be bread for our daily use, not just cake for special occasions. Anon

The Parishioner Newsletter Issue 69 – November 2013 Page 1 of 24

www.kiltarlityandkirkhill.org.uk

KNOX WOULD BE UNIMPRESSED BY WOMEN IN KEY CHURCH ROLES SAYS MODERATOR The Moderator of the General Assembly of the Church of Scotland believes John Knox would be "not very impressed" by the participation of women in key church roles today. Speaking recently in an interview with BBC History website, the Rt Rev Lorna Hood says Knox was "hugely important" to the Church of Scotland, but questions his view of women.

Knox famous decried a ‘monstrous reigment of women’ in 1558 when he published ‘The first blast of the trumpet against the monstrous reigment of women’ in Geneva. The work was directed against 's Queen Mary, but it did not endear him to her successor, Queen Elizabeth I, who refused him passport through England.

Mrs Hood - only the third woman to serve as Moderator of the General Assembly since women were first permitted to be ordained to the ministry in the 1960s - acknowledges Knox's legacy to the Church: “I think he was hugely important to the Church of Scotland; in fact there are those who would say that he was the founder of the Church of Scotland but not in fact of Presbyterianism which was developed by Andrew Melville some years after the death of John Knox, with the Second Book of Discipline.

“As we go into the Assembly Hall each year at the General Assembly there’s a huge statue of Knox so you can’t fail to see him on the way past and realise how important he is within the church.” However, she adds: “It’s only 50 years since women have been ordained within The Church of Scotland. We’ve moved a long way from Knox’s view of seeing women leaders as being repugnant and subversive to having equal opportunities. Would Knox approve ? Probably not !”

Invitation to Afternoon Tea As part of Beauly and District Care Project senior citizens in the local communities are invited to enjoy afternoon tea ( or coffee ), some lovely home baking, and most importantly, some chat. Please spread the word and encourage any friends, neighbours or relatives to come along or, better still, bring them along. The minimum cost is £1 per person. If transport is required, please get in touch with one of the contacts below. Community Place Time Dates Contact Kiltarlity Tuesday, Elspeth Kiltarlity 2.30 - 4.00 Village Hall 12 November 741 627 Kilmorack Tuesday, Frances Kilmorack 2.30 - 4.00 Village Hall 19 November 782 496 Kirkhill Thursday, Flora Kirkhill Community 2.30 - 4.00 28 November 831 373 Centre

Dr. McLardy will make a presentation about the Beauly and District Care Project at the Kirkhill Guild’s meeting on Wednesday, 13th November at 2:30 p.m. in the Guild Room at Wardlaw Church.

Advance notice ! There will be a special Christmas afternoon tea, with entertainment, on Thursday, th 12 December 2013 in Kirkhill Community Centre.

The Parishioner Newsletter Issue 69 – November 2013 Page 2 of 24

www.kiltarlityandkirkhill.org.uk

The Third Sunday Praise is on Sunday, 17th November 2013, starting at 6:00 p.m.

This Wardlaw Church event is a mixture of praise songs interspersed with short Bible readings and prayers. This event gives everyone a chance to learn and sing new hymns and songs.

At the November Third Sunday Praise event, Hannah Clyne, an ex-pupil of Kirkhill Primary and Charleston Academy will be giving a presentation on a big and exciting challenge she has taken on. Hannah lives in Cabrich and attends Muir Community Church in Muir of Ord. Hannah is partnering with Mama Hope, an organisation that supports African organisations already positively transforming their own communities, to raise £12,500. This money will strengthen the on-going work of two Christian-based education projects in Tanzania, St. Timothy’s School and the Queen Elizabeth Academy.

Hannah says “I have taken on this challenge because through my walk with God I have come to learn that social justice is very close to His heart and so I have developed a strong belief that everyone is capable, everyone is equal and everyone is deserving of the opportunity to live a happy and healthy life. God has given me a heart for Tanzania and having spent a lot of time there, I know that both of these schools are full of children who are able, eager to learn, ambitious, creative and loving. It is seeing them succeed and go on to transform their own lives, families and communities through education that drives the staff of the schools and it is this that is driving me.

In January, I will go to Tanzania to begin 4 months at the two schools working on the projects. All of the money raised will go directly to installing solar panelling at St. Timothy’s to provide electricity to run computers for the children and also to the completion of the construction of the Queen Elizabeth Academy’s main building. I am dedicated to meeting this target and joining with these two communities to provide new possibilities for their children, but I cannot do it on my own.

On the 17th November, I will be coming to the Third Sunday Praise event at Wardlaw Church to talk more about these 2 projects and how the church community can get involved. You can find out more at www.stayclassy.org/tanzaniakids or email me if you would like more information at [email protected]. Nelson Mandela said “Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world.” Let’s change the world together !”

People of all ages, from the youngest to the oldest, and from all Churches and none, will be made most welcome. There will be tea, coffee and home baking served at the end.

Members of our Church family and others to be remembered in your prayers

Graham Elkin unfortunately suffered a serious setback on his road to recovery at the beginning of October after making great progress over the previous 6 weeks. Graham had a massive seizure early on Monday morning, 30th September, and had further smaller seizures throughout the earlier part of that week. Since he ‘woke up’ on Wednesday, 2nd October, Graham has made steady progress and suffered no further seizures. The doctors, and other agencies, are now planning a programme to allow Graham to come home. This date will not be soon, most probably be January, as Graham’s mobility has to be greatly improved; a survey of his home has to be carried out as to the suitability of using a wheelchair; and a care package put together to ensure that Graham is safe in his home environment. Please continue to remember Graham and Maris in our prayers and thoughts at this very distressing time for them both.

We also need to remember the following in your prayers as they recover from illness or are housebound; Walter and Marie MacFarlane, Karen Wylie and the rest of her family, and Mary Morrison.

The Parishioner Newsletter Issue 69 – November 2013 Page 3 of 24

www.kiltarlityandkirkhill.org.uk

In the hymn book shelf of the chairs in Wardlaw Church there is a prayer request card. Please use this card to request a prayer for yourself, and / or your family or friends, and post the card in the box above the table in the entrance hall. All requests are confidential and the prayers will be said at a Wednesday evening prayer meeting during the month.

Vacancy News The Nominating Committee wish to thank you for your prayers and support as they continue their work in finding a Minister to lead us here in Kirkhill and Kiltarlity. As you all know, the details of the Committee’s discussions are confidential in order to preserve the anonymity of any Ministers who enquire about the vacancy. However, there have been a number of enquiries, informal visits made to the two parishes and applications received in the last couple of months, and the due processes are being carried out by the Committee presently. We all need to be patient at this time

We pray for a new Minister for our Church each day. Individuals on the Committee do not seek their own preferences, or bring their own agenda, but ask God to fill them with the Holy Spirit, to unite their hearts and minds, to be able to discern His will and follow His plan in His time frame. We have to be patient and understand that God will answer our prayers in His time.

Members of the Nominating Committee are :

Angie Cosens – 782 141 David Garvie – 741 038 Iain Marr - 831 609 Moira McDonald – 831 333 Sheila Moir – 741 618 Alasdair Morrison – 831 185 Ellenor Thomas – 741 330 Neil Watson – 741 876 Iain J. Mortimer – 782 648

If any member becomes aware of someone that they think may be a suitable candidate please let a member of the Committee know.

WIFE: "There is trouble with the car. It has water in the carburettor." HUSBAND: "Water in the carburettor? That's ridiculous." WIFE: "I tell you the car has water in the carburettor." HUSBAND: "You don't even know what a carburettor is. I'll check it out. Where's the car ? WIFE: "In the pool."

Love letter

An advert appeared in the student newspaper of the university: Sweet little old lady wishes to correspond with university student – seeks six-footer with brown eyes answering to initials J.A.D. Signed, His mother

Great ideas need landing gears as well as wings. C D Jackson

The Parishioner Newsletter Issue 69 – November 2013 Page 4 of 24

www.kiltarlityandkirkhill.org.uk

More of my Ancestors by Louise Monaghan

Jeanie Blaikie McRae ( nee Arthur ) born 1893, my Granny and wife to Murd the hash for 60 years. The pictures are of Granny and Granddad on their wedding day in 1916, and on their diamond wedding anniversary 60 years later – aren’t they cute !

I remember Granny taking me to the Castle Street, Church of Scotland in Dingwall when I was small and feeling very important as not only did the pew have a door, there was a card on which my grandparents’ names were written at the end of the pew. Halcyon days !

I don’t ever remember Granny saying “I love you” but I was in no doubt that she did. When we were naughty she’d tell us, my sister Amanda and I, that we were whitricks, or a wee eashen, terms of endearment even when we didn’t deserve them. At other times she would coorie us in and tell us that we were her wee moolicans. I later learned that moolican was probably a corruption of the Gaelic for darling.

I stayed with my grandparents, often, very often ! They had a cantilever couch which with a push of the back and a pull of the front turned in to a bed, underneath which was plenty of storage for the bedclothes. ( It is only as I write this that I have realised that the only reason they would have had such a couch was so that I could stay ! ) Granny had a bedtime routine. First she put in her curlers, steel flat things that she kept in an old sweetie tin, then she read a piece from the Bible and as I grew older I was often asked to read it out loud to her.

Then the clock was wound, which originally was Granddad’s job, a wall clock with a big face and glass door behind which the pendulum swung and where she kept the key and a Vicks jar with a dash of paraffin, the fumes of which kept the clock oiled. Then she would say, and it was always the same, “I’ll see you in the morning, if I’m spared.”

Granny had a deep faith. She told me a lovely story once which I have retold many times since and I’ve now heard S-K ( my daughter ) repeat it too. She told me that you couldn’t get to heaven by doing good works but once you were saved and you knew that’s where you were going you needed to build a house for yourself there, the bricks of which would be made out of doing good for others. After that she would tell me, when I had done something to help her “That’s another brick for your house in heaven.” I’m sure my Granny must have a mansion up there.

Yes my Granny is an ancestor of whom I am very proud.

The Parishioner Newsletter Issue 69 – November 2013 Page 5 of 24

www.kiltarlityandkirkhill.org.uk

‘A planned bomb attack by religious extremists on a strategic site in central London has been foiled by the security services, acting on secret intelligence. Eight men have been arrested and charged.’

That could be a story from yesterday’s newspaper, but in fact ( as astute readers may have guessed ) it’s an account of an event over 400 years ago which will be marked with thousands of bonfires up and down the land this month.

On 5th November 1605 a man called Guy Fawkes was discovered with something like 36 barrels of gunpowder in a crypt underneath the House of Lords on the day of the State Opening of Parliament. He was apprehended, and under torture revealed the names of his co-conspirators, all Roman Catholics intent on assassinating the king, James 1, and restoring a Catholic monarchy to England. It’s that event which, through the murky mists of time, we commemorate with fireworks, bonfires and - yes -‘guys’ on 5th November every year.

As a child I remember singing, ‘Please to remember the fifth of November/ Gunpowder, treason and plot. I see no reason why gunpowder treason / should ever be forgot’. Does anyone still sing it, I wonder ? Perhaps the time has come to forget Fawkes and the plot, and simply have the fireworks.

Until about fifty years ago there was still an anti-Catholic element in some of the bonfire night celebrations. Thankfully, just as such religious conflicts are very much part of our distant past, so in recent times have we seen that the endless recitation of ancient feuds helps no one - and may even distort history. After all, even in 1605 Fawkes and his companions didn’t have the support of most of their fellow-Catholics, and it‘s very possible that the intelligence that uncovered the plot came from within their ranks.

We are all too aware, however, that terrorism, bombs and assassination attempts are still very much part of contemporary life. There are people in today’s world who misguidedly believe that they are doing God’s will by killing those who do not share their religious practice or political beliefs. Fawkes and his friends, with the kind of indifference to risk which modern terrorists also display, were fanatically committed to their cause.

They, and their modern counterparts, are a reminder that while faith is a wonderfully good thing; religious fanaticism is a dangerous delusion and violence of this kind is never the best answer to injustice. The real game-changers in modern history have risked their own lives rather than taking the lives of others: people like Mahatma Ghandi, Martin Luther King, Janani Luwum, Nelson Mandela, Lech Walensa and Oscar Romero. ‘Love your enemies,’ said Jesus. Then there’s a good chance you’ll change them, and in changing them you may change history.

This is David Winter’s Reflections on Guy Fawkes.

50 years ago :- on 22nd November 1963, US President John F Kennedy was assassinated in Dallas, Texas. Where we you when you heard this news ?

Mankind must put an end to war, or war will put an end to mankind - John F Kennedy

The Parishioner Newsletter Issue 69 – November 2013 Page 6 of 24

www.kiltarlityandkirkhill.org.uk

The Woman of the Year

The Moderator of the General Assembly of the Church of Scotland the Right Rev Lorna Hood attended The Woman of the Year 2013 lunch at the InterContinental London Park Lane Hotel on the 14th October.

“A few years ago I was sitting quietly in my study, when the telephone rang and a very well-spoken lady introduced herself as being part of the Committee which organised a lunch in Scotland for prominent business and professional women. Not only was I being invited to attend but, "Would I say grace ?" However my self satisfied pride was very short lived when she phoned back an hour or so later to inform me - and without a tinge of embarrassment - that I was not in fact the woman Minister she thought I was and the invitation was withdrawn.

So, when the invitation arrived to attend the Woman of the Year Lunch in London I was slightly hesitant to say the least. However I went to London, invitation in hand, with an email from my table host and details of who will be sitting beside me at Table 5, with strict instructions that my invitation is non-transferable.

The Woman of the Year Lunch was founded in 1955 by the late Tony Lothian OBE, Odette Hallowes and Lady Georgina Coleridge to celebrate women’s achievements and an environment in which women might meet. 400 women from all walks of life are invited to attend and I am delighted to accept this invitation on behalf of the Church of Scotland in recognition of the high respect in which the office of Moderator of the General Assembly is held. I am very conscious that I am representing all women parish ministers and indeed all women who give of themselves in service in our church.

The 2013 Women of the Year Lunch is sponsored by Barclays, Good Housekeeping, Sacla’ and ITV’s Lorraine. This year marks the 59th annual lunch. The 2013 Women of the Year Award winners are:

Andrea Coleman, Riders for Health co-founder, wins the Women of the Year Award sponsored by Barclays. Andrea co-founded the international social enterprise Riders for Health in 1990 with Barry Coleman. Since then Andrea has been a driving force behind the organisation’s work revolutionizing African transport infrastructure and health systems.

FGM campaigner Waris Dirie wins the Women of the Year Campaigning Award 2013 sponsored by ‘Sacla.’ Waris, who was herself the victim of genital mutilation at the age of five, founded the Desert Flower Foundation in 2002 to fight against the worldwide practice of female genital mutilation ( FGM ) and provide support for its victims. She is the author of five international bestsellers, including Desert Flower, which tells her own life story and have also served to bring the atrocity of FGM into public and political consciousness.

Dagenham Women Machinists win the Good Housekeeping Women of the Year Outstanding Achievement Award 2013. At the Women of the Year Lunch to accept the award were eight women who took part in the strikes for equal pay and recognition of skill that took place in 1968, and again in 1984-5, at the Ford car plant in Dagenham, Essex. These were: Vera Sime (83), Eileen Pullen (84), Gwen Davis (81), Sheila Douglass (77), Dora Challingsworth (74), Pamela Brown (59), Sarah Kavia (60) and Bharti Patel (64).

ITV’s Lorraine Inspirational Woman of the Year Award has been won – on a viewers’ vote – by Marilyn Baldwin for her Think Jessica anti scamming campaign. The charity helps old and vulnerable people in the UK who are the potential victims of postal and telephone scams. Named after her Mum Jessica, who was a victim of scammers, the initiative is supported by the local community and local police.

90 years ago :- on 11th November 1923 the eternal flame at the tomb of the unknown soldier under the Arc de Triomphe in Paris was lit for the first time. It was the first modern-day eternal flame in Europe.

The Parishioner Newsletter Issue 69 – November 2013 Page 7 of 24

www.kiltarlityandkirkhill.org.uk

Why go to church ?

A church-goer complained to his Minister: “I’ve been coming to church every Sunday for 30 years, and in that time I have heard thousands of sermons, but for the life of me, I can’t think of a single one now. So I think I have wasted my time.”

The Minister thought for a moment and replied: “I’ve been married for 30 years and my wife has cooked me thousands of meals. For the life of me I can’t recall the entire menu of a single one of those meals now. But I do know that each one nourished me and gave me strength to carry on living. If my wife had not given me those meals, I would have been stunted and eventually starved. Without regular Christian nourishment, we also will starve – spiritually.

The English language ( as well as other languages ) has been full of phrases and proverbs from the Bible. “Cleanliness is next to godliness” is not one of biblical origin. Neither is “God helps those who help themselves.” That one is from Poor Richard’s Almanac.

Below are some oft-used phrases which do come from Holy Scripture.

 ‘A law unto themselves’ Romans 2:14  ‘A house divided’ Matthew 12:25, Luke 11:17  ‘A man after his own heart’ 1 Samuel 13:14  ‘Apple of his eye’ Deuteronomy 32:10, Zechariah 2:8  ‘At my wit’s end’ Psalm 107:27  ‘Blind leading the blind’ Matthew 15:14, Luke 6:39  ‘By the skin of our teeth’ Job 19:20  ‘Can a leopard change his spots ?’ Jeremiah 13:23  Don’t cast your pearls before swine’ Matthew 7:6  ‘Drop in the bucket’ Isaiah 40:15  ‘Dust to the earth’ Genesis 13:16  ‘Eat, drink, and be merry’ Ecclesiastes 8:15  ‘Eye for an eye’ Exodus 21:24, Leviticus 24:20, Deuteronomy 19:21, Matthew 5:38  ‘False prophets, which come to you in sheep’s clothing’ Matthew 7:15  ‘Fell on rocky ground’ Matthew 13:5  ‘Fight the good fight’ 1 Timothy 6:12  ‘Golden calf’ Exodus 32  ‘Good Samaritan’ Luke 10:25-27  ‘Hammer swords into ploughshares’ Isaiah 2:4  ‘He gave up the ghost’ Luke 23:46

Thank you to Flora Morrison for this contribution

Be a stained glass window

People are like stained glass windows. We glow and sparkle when it is sunny and bright outside. But it is only when the sun goes down that our true beauty is revealed – and then only if there is a light deep within us – the light of God.

The Parishioner Newsletter Issue 69 – November 2013 Page 8 of 24

www.kiltarlityandkirkhill.org.uk

The Hat in the Pillar Box by Rev. Bill Pollock

It was almost bedtime when Bob the Dog and I took our Christmas cards to the pillar box. I don’t know which of us first spotted the object lying in the rain in the grocer’s car park at Salen. I wondered if it was a seriously misguided hedgehog but Bob knew it wasn’t animate. I picked it up and realised it was a woolly hat. It was a good hat but what was I to do with it ? I couldn’t lay it back down – it would soak up oily water all night and then be flattened by a car in the morning. I would normally have handed it in to Nan in the Post Office to await a claimant but that would have meant my coming back in the morning which I would be reluctant to do. Then I had a brainwave – I’d put the hat in the pillar box. Whoever cleared the box for the early bus would find the hat and leave it in the office for Nan.

So I took the hat and dropped it in the pillar box. It was only after doing so that I thought I saw the consequences. The water from the hat would spend the night gradually sogging down through the Christmas mail. Firstly ink would run and addresses would become illegible. Then the envelopes would soften and gradually disintegrate. The Christmas mail would soon be undeliverable. I simply had to retrieve the hat. I returned to the pillar box and put my hand in through the slot. I groped around and felt nothing – so I pushed and twisted and got my forearm in, right up to the elbow – but still nothing. I was making my final heaves to get fully in when I realised I was stuck – stuck in the pouring rain in the middle of Salen with most of my arm inside the pillar box. What if people came along ? They certainly wouldn’t be able to post their letters, for I was in the slot. And what would they think I was doing ? Interfering with Her Majesty’s mail ? They might send for the constable to take me to the cell – but he couldn’t simply drag me off for I was anchored to this great red box.

Maybe the council squad would have to come with their lorry to dig the box up and take it to the blacksmith ( with me still attached ). And what would he do ? I was starting to imagine him wielding serious saws and very hot flames like a failed circus act … when I realised I had come free.

But my problem wasn’t solved – the hat was still in the box, sagging through the mail.

Bedtime or not, I saw no option now but to go to Nan’s house, make a din to rouse her and ask her to go around in the rain and open the pillar box. She went; but I don’t think she was glad. And what do you know ? The hat hadn’t harmed the mail.

There may be lessons in this tale for us – we might even read it as an allegory. How about this :

When we find ourselves holding a problem which we really don’t want let’s not rush to get rid of it in the mail that night – for that may ruin many things. Let’s find the time and the courage to resolve it face to face next day and avoid a mess relationship or a mess.

This is one article taken from Bill Pollock’s ‘Advert Anecdotage – Mishaps of a Minister on Mull’ Rev. Pollock was Minister at the North Mull Parishes of Craignure, Dervaig, Salen and Tobermory from 1987 until he retired with Parkinson’s disease in 2002. Sadly Bill died in 2012.

What is the use of travelling at a fast speed when you are going in the wrong direction ? Bernhard Langer

The Parishioner Newsletter Issue 69 – November 2013 Page 9 of 24

www.kiltarlityandkirkhill.org.uk

TRIBUTE TO LYNN FRASER – January 1945 to August 2013 given by Donald Fraser, Lynn’s brother-in-law, at her Service of Thanksgiving at Ness Bank Church on Thursday, 5th September 2013.

I little thought, nearly two years ago, at the time of Ian’s and my mother, Nana’s, passing, when Lynn was such a tower of strength for us, in her hard-working and constant care for Nana, that I would be standing here today, to pay tribute to her, as I did for Nana at that time. This, even though by then she had been diagnosed with her illness.

The photographs on both the front and back of your order of service, truly illustrate what kind of lady our Lynn was. Very cheery, very welcoming, very loving, very bright, very able, and very efficient, and also with so many friends. All that was underpinned by a strong will and character; a determined nature, which really came to the fore as she faced up to her terrible illness. Quite rightly, she wouldn’t let you off with anything. We would be at a function where Ian was playing, and she would come up to me, saying sharply – “When am I getting a dance from you?”

As always, when I stand up to speak on these occasions, I know that so many people are better qualified to speak of Lynn than I am – not least her dear, close family, who owe so much to her loving care; nevertheless, I am privileged to, as it were, represent Ian, Julie, Andrew, John, Cathy, and all of the grandchildren – Fraser, Lorna, Sophie, Alice and Ruby, in paying this tribute.

The history – well, as we know Lynn’s father died when she was four years old, and when she was at the age of nine, her Mum Kate married Willie Cumming, Lynn’s step-Dad. They first stayed in Innes Street, then Broom Drive – when Ian began to notice this very attractive lassie driving about in a Morris Oxford. ( He’d always been keen on cars, but there was definitely an added interest here ! ).

By this time Ian had progressed, in his musical career, to playing at the Caley hotel, at the half-way point when the big band was off. It was there that he really met Lynn, and they truly hit it off, to the extent that they were married on 4th December, 1965.

Lynn had been working in various posts, being a real asset to the Motor Tax Office, AI Welders, and then South, Forrest and McIntosh, solicitors. / Continued on page 11

The Parishioner Newsletter Issue 69 – November 2013 Page 10 of 24

www.kiltarlityandkirkhill.org.uk

All that came to an end with the arrivals of Julie and John, and they were a great family. Lynn and Ian had started setting up house in Clachnaharry, then Balnakyle Road, after which they went to the conversion of the old family homestead in Kiltarlity. The next stage was of course back to Inverness, where Lynn ran her very successful bed-and breakfast business. That, of course was only one of her many interests and activities. Ever since the days of the Morris Oxford, Lynn had been an excellent driver; not slow, but very skilled, to the extent of qualifying as a member of the Institute of Advanced Motorists.

Going back a few years, she was of course a brilliant Highland Dancer, winning many trophies – and we know how much that skill has been inherited. Another great set of skills was in working with materials, as in sewing, crocheting, cross-stitch, and quilting. Here the great friendships come into focus again, as we have witnessed the making of wonderful quilts, with Lynn’s own materials, by those who shared the friendships of these interests and hobbies.

Also, of course, there was her most valuable work at the Inverness Hospice, for twenty-five years, and it is so good that she was able to accept her reward for that selfless service. Ian pays heartfelt tribute to the way in which the hospice staff cared for her, and the family, during the most difficult time.

There was, still, so much more that Lynn was involved and engaged in; her garden was always so beautiful. We used to exchange plants – the last beans I got from her did really well; but then there was her involvement with the Church in Kiltarlity, in the Guild, and with the Flower Group, as well as with the Scouts – also the Civic Trust, the History Forum, the Kirkhill Choir, and the WRVS.

In summing up all of that part of our tribute, we know that Lynn was always full of concern for others, and always ready to help someone in any kind of need – physical, emotional, social, or whatever. Sometimes, according to the family, this was to a fault ! She was just tireless in her giving of herself in service to others, whether through her many organisations, or personally and individually.

Also, of course, she loved the holidays with friends, with meals out, and with the G & Ts !

As well as to the hospice, I would pay tribute to the care given by the Minister, Fiona Smith, which is greatly appreciated.

I personally pay tribute to my brother Ian, for his truly gallant coping with a Herculean task in the last months, but also to his children, Julie and John, not to mention Cathy, as well as Andrew, and all the grandchildren. They all deserve a reward, but it is all witness to the loving regard in which Lynn was held by us all.

She will be so greatly missed, but we are all, in the best sense, grateful that she has been spared more of the struggles and burdens that this illness brings. All the donations made at today’s service will go to Motor Neuron Disease Scotland, and I hope and pray that research following the sufferings of such as our dear Lynn can lead to positive outcomes in the future. Lynn would want others to be helped in that way.

Thanks to Cathy Fraser for this article

Prevent truth decay. Brush up on your Bible.

The Parishioner Newsletter Issue 69 – November 2013 Page 11 of 24

www.kiltarlityandkirkhill.org.uk

As you may be aware, the Marriage and Civil Partnership ( Scotland ) Bill is currently making its way through the Scottish Parliament. At this critical moment for the campaign, Scotland for Marriage would like to invite you to an important event to update you on the latest developments at Holyrood and the campaign to oppose the Bill.

The meeting will take place at 2:00 p.m. on Monday, 11th November 2013 at the New Drumossie Hotel, Old Perth Road, Inverness, IV2 5BE and should last for about an hour. Please bring along fellow marriage supporters.

The Minister’s cat

A Minister of a church in Scotland had a kitten that climbed up a tree in the manse’s back garden and then was afraid to come down. The Minister coaxed, offered warm milk …. But the kitten would not come down. The tree was not sturdy enough to climb, so the Minister decided that if he tried a rope to his car and drove away so that the tree bent down, he could then reach up and get the kitten. That’s what he did, all the while checking his progress in the car. He then figured if he went just a little bit further, the tree would be bent sufficiently for him to reach the kitten. But as he moved the car a little further forward, the rope broke, the tree went ‘bong !’ and the kitten instantly sailed through the air – out of sight. The Minister felt terrible. He walked all the neighbourhood asking people if they’d seen a little kitten. No ! Nobody had seen a stray kitten. So he prayed, “Lord, I just commit this kitten to your keeping,” and went on about his business.

A few days later he was at the supermarket, and met one of his church members. He happened to look into her shopping trolley and was amazed to see cat food. This woman was a cat-hater and everyone knew it, so he asked her, “Why are you buying cat food when you hate cats so much ?” She replied, “You won’t believe this,” and told him how her little girl had been begging her for a cat, but she kept refusing. Then a few days before, the child had begged again, so the Mum finally told her little girl, “Well, if God gives you a cat, I’ll let you keep it.”

She told the Minister, “I watched my child go out in the back garden, get on her knees, and ask God for a cat. And really, Minister, you won’t believe this, but I saw it with my own eyes. A kitten suddenly came flying out of the blue sky, with its paws outspread, and landed right in front of her.” Thanks to Flora Morrison for this article with origin and veracity unknown

The Parishioner Newsletter Issue 69 – November 2013 Page 12 of 24

www.kiltarlityandkirkhill.org.uk

PARISH NOTICE BOARD

. We offer our thanks to Rev. Stewart Frizzell, Mrs Morven Archer and Rev. Douglas Horne for leading our Sunday services in October.

. The Kirkhill Sunday School children decided to have a collection for Syria spread over 3 weeks in September. The children prepared a small display about Syria for everyone to look at in the Church entrance. They collected £125 which they sent to the Church of Scotland World Mission Council in Edinburgh. Margaret Birkbeck has had a letter from Elizabeth White at the World Mission Council at 121 thanking for this donation to the ‘A Place at the Table’ project in Syria. We give thanks to those children for thinking of others who are not enjoying a settled life like them and taking action to help those in Syria.

. Rev. Georgina Brotherton returns to lead our services on Sunday, 3rd November. Rev. Brotherton is a retired Methodist Minister living in the Beauly area presently and was with us in June of this year. Rev. Stewart Jeffrey leads the worship on Remembrance Sunday, 10th November. The Wardlaw Church Sunday worship service starts at 10 o’clock on Remembrance Sunday in order that a short Remembrance service can be held at the War Memorial starting promptly at 11 o’clock. Rev. Trevor Hunt takes the service on Sunday, 17th November, this is a Communion Service at Wardlaw Church starting at 10:30 a.m. Rev. Jamie Grant from the Highland Theological College at Dingwall makes a welcome return on 24th November to lead our services. Jamie was last with us in June 2012.

. The TCC Youth Fellowship in Kiltarlity will meet on Sunday, 10th and 24th November at 7:00 p.m. at the Free Church in Kiltarlity. All those in S1 upwards are very welcome to come along for fun, food and fellowship.

. In November, the prayer meeting will be held in the Guild Room at Wardlaw Church every Wednesday evening of the month starting at 7 o’clock in the evening. Prayers are both free and fixed, spoken out loud or silently to oneself. The short service lasts only 30 minutes. Everyone is most welcome to join us at this time of prayer.

. Shaping of the future of the Church of Scotland. A series of regional consultations exploring how the church can respond to the challenges we face and to allow open discussion about the future shape and priorities for the church. The local consultation will take place at Kinmylies Church, Inverness on Monday, 18th November from 2:15 p.m. to 4:15 p.m. The consultations are open to Ministers, Elders, members of congregations and anyone else who is interested in the future of the Church.

. There is a joint meeting of the Kiltarlity and Kirkhill Kirk Sessions on Thursday, 21st November 2013 at Wardlaw Church, Kirkhill starting at 7:30 p.m. The matter still under discussion is Sunday worship times at both Churches. The results of the congregational survey will be known. Anyone can attend this meeting to witness the discussion, but they do not have any voting rights if any matter arising at the meeting calls for a vote.

. The Kirkhill Deacons’ Court meets on Tuesday, 26th November 2013 at Wardlaw Church, starting at 7:30 p.m. Anyone is most welcome to come along and witness the Church officials carrying out their duties.

. Mary Bell has made an application to Dobbies Garden Centre ‘Here We Grow’ project on behalf of Wardlaw Church for assistance and advice in planting an evergreen screen of shrubs behind the War Memorial at Wardlaw Church. A Dobbies representative has visited the site and took photographs on Wednesday, 23rd October, and we have now been informed by Dobbies that they wish to donate £400 worth of evergreen shrubs to us for this project. Work on the site will be done on Saturday, 2nd November – volunteers needed please.

. Thanks to Margaret Birkbeck for proof reading this edition of The Parishioner.

The Lucky2Bhere defibrillator provided by donations from the church coffee morning has now arrived and will soon be sited outside the community centre. Part of the community's responsibility is to train at least 10 people in Emergency Life Support and use of the defibrillator. Once enough people have indicated their willingness to get training a suitable date and time will be arranged with the Heartstart team. The training course is informal, takes two hours and is tailored to suit the group. If you would like to be involved please give your name and contact details to Eileen Morrison – 831 185 or [email protected]. The Parishioner Newsletter Issue 69 – November 2013 Page 13 of 24

www.kiltarlityandkirkhill.org.uk

The Guild

You are invited to the Kilmorack and Erchless Guild meeting in Beauly on Monday, 4th November, when a representative from the Street Pastors will be the speaker. The meeting starts at 7:30 p.m. Further details from Anne Lyle on 831 453.

There is an Inter-Guild Quiz night at Trinity Church Hall, Inverness on Tuesday, 12th November: at 7.30pm. Further details from Margaret Birkbeck on 831 518.

The next Kirkhill Guild meeting is on

Wednesday, 13th November 2013

Guest Speaker: Dr. James McLardy of The Beauly and District Care Project

The project aim is to help others in the community to overcome social isolation and the problems of living in a rural area.

The meetings are open to both ladies and gentlemen from both the Kirkhill and Kiltarlity communities. Come along and enjoy an interesting talk in an informal setting.

Our December meeting is on Wednesday, 11th December 2013, with our own Church Organist, Mary Robb, along with the SWRI Choir, to entertain the Guild with a programme of their music.

If you require any further details on the Guild’s activities, please contact any member of the committee : Janette – 831 160; Anne – 831 453; Maris – 831 590.

Did the Bible help your family in WW1 ?

Next year marks 100 years since the outbreak of the First World War. Might you have a copy of the New Testament and Psalms from these times which has been left to your family ? Maybe you have an account of the Bible's words bringing comfort or peace to a soldier in the trenches, or to a family member waiting at home ? If you have, are you willing to share your stories with other Parishioner readers ?

Contact Iain J. Mortimer at [email protected] or ring 782 648 if you have a story.

The Parishioner Newsletter Issue 69 – November 2013 Page 14 of 24

www.kiltarlityandkirkhill.org.uk

Question and Answer congregational meetings on the timings of Sunday worship in each Church – 3rd November 2013

There have been several joint Kirk Session meetings this year prompted by the Kiltarlity Kirk Session receiving feedback from their congregation that they would prefer an earlier start to worship than 12 noon, and this was borne out in a survey they conducted. The meetings have explored various options to find a solution that is acceptable to the congregations of both churches.

The joint Kirk Sessions are very keen to hear both congregation’s further comments and views on this matter which will aid them in their decision making. To this end, the joint Kirk Sessions have narrowed the potential options down to three. They wish to consult with the congregations on these options. It is proposed that question and answer ( Q&A ) congregational meetings are held in each church following worship on Sunday, 3rd November 2013. The Convenor of both Q&A congregational meetings will be our Interim Moderator, Rev. Peter Donald. He will present the Joint Kirk Sessions' thinking so far on options for re-timing Sunday morning services. The normal Sunday worship on that day will be taken by Rev. Georgina Brotherton. Rev. Donald will chair the Wardlaw Church meeting starting at 11:30 a.m. and move onto Kiltarlity to chair their meeting starting at 1:00 p.m.

At the end of the meetings, survey forms will be distributed and all completed survey forms need to be returned by Sunday, 17th November 2013 to each Church’s Session Clerk. The survey is open to all members and adherents of both congregations, and to anyone who has an interest in worshipping with either congregation. Survey forms will be available to anyone unable to attend the 3rd November meeting, but it is recommended that they will speak with an Elder to be fully informed before completing a survey form. The three options on the survey form will be :

1. Minister would only conduct one service in one church on a Sunday, and the other church service would be taken by pulpit supply or Elders. However, the Minister would keep clear oversight over worship in both places to ensure wholeness and continuity. There are, of course, cost implications attached to this option. This arrangement would allow both churches to start their services at 10:30 a.m., or any other time deemed suitable by the Kirk Session.

2. Minister would welcome people at the door of Wardlaw Church as they arrived for a 10:00 a.m. service start time. This would allow the Minister to leave immediately the service is finished to be at Kiltarlity Church in time for a worship start time of 11:15 a.m.

3. Minister would welcome people at the door of Kiltarlity Church as they arrived for a 10:00 a.m. service start time. This would allow the Minister to leave immediately the service is finished to be at Wardlaw Church, Kirkhill in time for a worship start time of 11:15 a.m.

The joint Kirk Sessions meet on Thursday, 21st November 2013 at Wardlaw Church starting at 7:30 p.m.

The Tuesday coffee / tea and home baking morning at Wardlaw Church continues to enjoy a great turnout every week. If you have not been then you are missing a great social occasion. You are more than welcome to come along and bring your neighbours and friends. There is no fixed charge for the refreshments, but a donation towards the cost will be most welcome.

Maris, Anne and Mary would like to thank Moira McDonald and Margaret West for stepping into breach on Tuesday, 22nd October to ensure that all the loyal customers were served as normal as they were all ‘otherwise’ engaged. The Parishioner Newsletter Issue 69 – November 2013 Page 15 of 24

www.kiltarlityandkirkhill.org.uk

Who is the true father of ? Opinion is divided between two Scottish individuals and Thomas Donohoe's claim Thomas Donohoe was born in Busby, a mill town six miles outside , in 1863. That same year, the world's first Football Association was founded in London. Aged 10, Donohoe followed his father into the print works, working as a dyer. And about the same time as he joined the company, he set up its first football team. Few records of his sporting feats survive though, with the exception of a match report from 1887 praising his performance for Busby in an otherwise humiliating 5-2 defeat by Cartvale.

Marriage, and children, followed. Struggling with a growing family and a meagre income, Donohoe sought opportunities outside Scotland. With British technical skills in demand as Latin America attempted to industrialise, he found a job as a master dyer at a new textile factory in Brazil. In May 1894, he set sail from to Rio, leaving behind his wife and two young sons.

Little documentary evidence has been produced to flesh out the details of Donohoe's life in Latin America, particularly relating to his first football games. But Carlos Molinari, the official historian of Bangu Atlántico Clube, is trying to put that right. Bangu consisted of little more than a single street and the textile factory when Donohoe arrived. According to Molinari, the Scot soon settled among the small British expat community in the village. Though happy with his job, and his new friends, he pined for his old hobby, finding Bangu's Sunday pastimes of cycling or music no match for football. He was horrified to discover there were no teams in the neighbourhood, no equipment to be bought in the shops, and no knowledge of the game whatsoever among the locals.

So Donohoe wrote to his wife, Elizabeth, asking her to join him, and to bring a football, as well as their children. And shortly after her arrival, in September 1894, the first football match in Brazil took place in the field beside the textile factory. According to Molinari, it was a six-a-side match between British workers, and took place eight months before Charles Miller's game. Donohoe in 1903 (left) and a replica of his boots and a football (right

Charles Miller’s claim

He was born in to John Miller, a Scottish railway engineer and Brazilian mother of English descent, Carlota Fox in 1874. In 1884 he was sent to the Banister Court public school in Southampton, England where he learnt to play football and cricket. Whilst at school, he played for and against both the Corinthians and St. Mary's ( now Southampton FC ). When he returned to Brazil in 1894, Miller brought two footballs and a set of FA rules in his suitcase. Miller was instrumental in setting up the football team of the São Paulo Athletic Club (SPAC) and the Liga Paulista, the first football league in Brazil.

/ Continued on page 17 The Parishioner Newsletter Issue 69 – November 2013 Page 16 of 24

www.kiltarlityandkirkhill.org.uk

Few supporters of Charles Miller's claim to be the father of Brazilian football dispute the accuracy of Molinari's work. They do, however, question Donohoe's significance. "Nobody is saying that no-one kicked a ball in Brazil before 1895," says John Mills, Miller's biographer. "But an organised game is an organised game." Of Miller's famed luggage, Mills argues the rulebook mattered more than the footballs. "The Sao Paulo Railway versus Gas Company match was the first recorded 11-a-side match using rules in Brazil."

Mills shows me a letter written to a Brazilian sports journalist in 1937 by Hans Nobling, a German sportsman credited with helping to promote the game in the early stages of its development. "When I arrived in Sao Paulo, on 15 May 1897, football was unheard of in Sao Paulo and most likely throughout Brazil. To my mind, the honour of having brought to Sao Paulo the first ball for a game of football falls, without doubt, to Charles Miller," he wrote. Sao Paolo Athletic Club football team, 1904. Charles Miller is in the middle of the front row with the ball Antonio Carlos Napoleao, a football historian I meet in the trophy-stuffed offices of the Confederacao Brasileira de Futebol, agrees with Mills. "I think this idea that there was some guy from Scotland who played a few games here in is very vague," he says. "That's playing football, not implanting football. They are two completely different things. Charles Miller implanted football in the country: he created a club and helped to launch the first official championship."

Back in Bangu, now an unfashionable suburb of Rio de Janeiro, with a second division club, such arguments cut little ice. Molinari argues the town would have boasted the first football club in the country had it not been for the intervention of one of the managers of the textile factory, who believed all games, including football, would lead to degeneracy among his workers. By the time the factory owners relented, in 1904, the Sao Paulo league was already in its third season. This is an abridged version of an article by Bruce Douglas BBC Sport

A new Minister was visiting the homes of his parishioners to introduce himself. At one house there was no answer when he rang the bell, but he did see the drawn curtains twitch a little. Not wishing to impose, he left a visiting card with a note which read “Revelations 3:20.” If you look that up you’ll find it reads ‘Here I am ! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in.’

When the offering was collected after the service the following Sunday, the Minister noticed his visiting card was in the collection plate with an additional Bible reference “Genesis 3:10.” He quickly looked up the quotation and chuckled as he read the parishioner’s reply ‘I heard thy voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked.’

The Parishioner Newsletter Issue 69 – November 2013 Page 17 of 24

www.kiltarlityandkirkhill.org.uk

ANN GLOAG INVITES YOU to a ‘CLAIRE MACDONALD COOKERY DEMONSTRATION’

on WEDNESDAY, 13TH NOVEMBER 2013 at Beaufort Castle

from 10:30 a.m. – 2:00 p.m.

in aid of the ‘FREEDOM FROM FISTULA FOUNDATION’

Claire Macdonald, award-winning cook and food writer, has kindly agreed to come and give a cookery demonstration for Freedom From Fistula Foundation on Wednesday, 13th November 2013 at Beaufort Castle, near Inverness.

Tickets are priced at £ 45.00 per person, and must be purchased in advance.

The event is being held in aid of The Freedom From Fistula Foundation which was launched by Ann Gloag OBE in 2008 to help the women of Africa who are injured and left incontinent following prolonged obstructed childbirth. Further details about this charity can be found on their website http://www.freedomfromfistula.org.uk/

The event will commence with coffee at 10:30 a.m. Claire’s cookery demonstration will start at 11:00 a.m. and will be followed by a talk on the Freedom from Fistula Foundation by Ann Gloag. Lunch will be served at 1:00 p.m.

During the event we will be selling our Kenyan crafts and jewellery an ideal opportunity to start your Christmas shopping !

Please do come along and bring your friends. To book your places either contact the Freedom From Fistula Foundation office in Perth - telephone 01738 633 264, or contact Ethna Ferguson on 01463 741 275 or 07713 211 104

Did I mean what I just wrote ?

The following are genuine notes left for milkmen. You know what they mean, but... !

~ Dear Milkman: I’ve just had a baby, please leave another one. ~ Please don’t leave any more milk. All they do is drink it. ~ Please close the gate behind you because the birds keep pecking the tops of the milk. ~ Please cancel the milk. I have nothing coming into the house except two sons on the dole. ~ Please do not leave milk at no. 14 as he is dead until further notice. ~ Milk is needed for the baby. Father is unable to supply it. ~ Please knock. My TV’s broken down and I missed Coronation Street last night. Maybe we could talk about what happened over a cup of tea ?

The Parishioner Newsletter Issue 69 – November 2013 Page 18 of 24

www.kiltarlityandkirkhill.org.uk

Coming soon – The Bible – on Channel 5

A 10 hour mini-series that brings the Bible to life is coming to the UK this autumn – having already been watched by more than 100 million people in the States earlier this year.

Produced by Roma Downey, an Irish actress and producer from Northern Ireland, and her husband Mark Burnett, an Emmy-winning producer, The Bible Series features stories from both the Old and New Testaments. As Roma Downey explains:

“From the beginning we wanted it to be a love story; that it was going to take us on that great epic journey that revealed God’s most amazing love for us. So, from the beginning from the Fall of Adam and Eve and the separation from God, the series really became a journey of how we get back to God.”

Using the latest CGI elements to make it very ‘now’ in portraying the parting of the Red Sea and battle scenes, the stories are accompanied by a score by world-famous film composer Hans Zimmer.

When The Bible Series arrives on Channel 5 this autumn, there is hope that it will capture British hearts just as it has done elsewhere in the world. According to Bible Society research, 25 per cent of people said they would be more likely to engage with the Bible if it were on television.

As Roma Downey says: “People are hungry for God and hungry for hope and want to have these stories presented in a modern way, in a way that they don’t feel preached at or talked down to. We wanted to emotionally engage an audience so they could relate to the stories. The struggles and hurts and hopes that the people had are the very same things that we experience today.

“The story of the Bible is exciting and dramatic and compelling. It has the greatest characters of any book ever written. It has all the ingredients to make for wonderful TV, with heroes and villains and love and hate and loyalty and betrayal and sin and forgiveness and ultimately it’s a story of redemption.”

TV panels installed at Wardlaw Church, Kirkhill

The TV panels and the Guild Room TV were installed at the beginning of October as planned. The panels, placed either side of the pulpit, were first used for the service on Sunday, 6th October 2013 and have been well received by the congregation. The words of all the hymns and the scripture reading are shown on the panels. Mary Robb has remarked that the singing has improved from her position facing the congregation since the introduction of the panels.

Hymns books will remain in the chair backs within the sanctuary for those who wish to continue singing from that source, along with the hymn numbers being displayed in the hymn boards as normal.

We are now looking to train folk to operate the Easy Worship software that generates the words of the hymns and scripture readings onto the screen. The only qualification we are looking for is if you can click a mouse at the end of a verse, because it is as simple as that. If you would like to be considered, please speak to Iain Marr, Alasdair Morrison or Iain Mortimer without delay.

Guess which one speaks no evil, which one hears no evil and which one sees no evil ?

Wardlaw Space Centre Thanks to Avril Marr for the photograph

The Parishioner Newsletter Issue 69 – November 2013 Page 19 of 24

www.kiltarlityandkirkhill.org.uk

A further set of questions that were set in last year's GCSE examination in Swindon, Wiltshire. These are genuine answers ( from 16 year olds ).

Q. How can you delay milk turning sour ? A. Keep it in the cow

Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised ( e.g. the abdomen ) ? A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I, O and U

Q. What is the fibula ? A. A small lie

Q. What does 'varicose' mean ? A. Nearby

Q. What is the most common form of birth control ? A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.

Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section' ? A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome

Q. What is a seizure ? A. A Roman Emperor. (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)

Q. What is a terminal illness ? A. When you are sick at the airport.

Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature ? A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas

Q. Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its meaning A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face.

Q. What does the word 'benign' mean ? A. Benign is what you will be after you are eight

Q. What is a turbine ? A. Something an Arab or Sheik wears on his head

Prayer of thanks for the Bible

Thank you, Father, for the precious gift of the bible to guide us and to teach us. Thank you for the obedience of those who wrote the 66 books so long ago, and for the inspiration of your Holy Spirit who interprets them afresh for each generation, including ours. Thank you for the freedom we have to read your word today, and we ask for your help for those who don’t have that freedom.

But most of all, thank you Father, that if we put our trust in Jesus, those black words on white paper jump into life and you reveal him to us more and more every day, again by your life-giving Spirit. Please show us, through your word, how to live lives that honour you and reflect your kingdom values. Amen

The Parishioner Newsletter Issue 69 – November 2013 Page 20 of 24

www.kiltarlityandkirkhill.org.uk

Poppies for Remembrance

The annual Poppy Appeal is now underway. Did you ever wonder how it all began ?

It seems that poppies were first suggested as a symbol of Remembrance in the USA by a Miss Moina Michael, way back in November 1918. The American Legion used them in 1920, and then in 1921 Madame Guerin introduced her poppies, made by widows of a French-American charity, to the British Legion. The next suitable occasion for a poppy-linked appeal was Armistice Day, and the British Legion took a big chance; they had no idea if the poppies would ‘catch on’ over here or not, but went ahead, ordered nine million, and held their breath.

On the day itself, the first poppy was bought in London a few seconds after midnight. The poppies were on sale at an official price of three pence but before breakfast single petals were selling at Smithfield Market for £5. All day long motor cars fetched poppies and crate after crate was emptied until supplies ran out. A message from Queen Mary brought sellers to Buckingham Palace, but hearing that poppies were in short supply, she bought only two. A basket of poppies auctioned at Christies raised nearly £500.

That first appeal raised £106,000 ( nearly £30 million in today's terms ). The Poppy Factory is a factory in Richmond, London, where remembrance poppies have been made since 1922. They make approximately 36 million poppies each year. Lady Haig's Poppy Factory in Edinburgh was established in 1926 and makes approximately five million remembrance poppies each year. The "Poppy Factories" have been employing disabled ex-Servicemen to make the poppies since 1922. Poppies were "sold" when the appeal started. Nowadays, charity legislation requires them to be 'distributed in return for donations.'

A terrific £2,586,788 was raised by Poppyscotland in 2012, thanks to a generous Scottish public and a dedicated army of volunteers. It was almost a perfect Poppy Appeal, the ‘but’ being that it was slightly down on the 2011 record figure. Not by much ( 3.76% ) and certainly not as steep a fall as experienced by many other charities, which is reassuring.

Poppyscotland’s new welfare centre in Inverness was formally opened by Carolyn Caddick, Highland Council Armed Forces and Veterans’ Champion on Thursday, 26th September 2013. Poppyscotland Inverness, with a full-time staff of three, opened its doors to the public in June and is already making a positive impact. Partnerships have been developed with local organisations, including SSAFA ( Inverness and Western Isles Branch ), Royal British Legion Scotland, Jobcentre Plus and the Army Welfare Unit at Fort George. Poppyscotland thanks The Gannochy Trust and The MacRobert Trust, who each awarded a funding donation in support of the establishment of the Inverness welfare centre.

Poppyscotland Inverness is open from Monday to Friday ( 10:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. ) at Strothers Lane, Inverness, IV1 1LR. Tel 01463 710300 or email [email protected]

Four worms

A Minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon. Four worms were placed into four separate jars. The first worm was put into a container of alcohol. The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke. The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup. The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil. At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results: The first worm in alcohol - dead. The second worm in cigarette smoke - dead. Third worm in chocolate syrup - dead. Fourth worm in good clean soil - alive. So the Minister asked his congregation, "What did you learn from this demonstration ?"

There was silence, until one farmer at the back hazarded a guess: "As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms ?"

The Parishioner Newsletter Issue 69 – November 2013 Page 21 of 24

www.kiltarlityandkirkhill.org.uk

th 30 November - Andrew ( d. c.60 ) – patron saint of Scotland

The apostle Andrew is patron saint of Scotland. According to the gospel of Matthew, Andrew and his brother Simon Peter were the very first two disciples whom Jesus called. “Come, follow me, and I will make you fishers of men.” ( Matthew 4:18,19 )

Without more ado, they obeyed. “At once they left their nets and followed him.” The story is touching for the simple but total faith which they had in Jesus.

Whenever the gospels mention the disciples, Andrew’s name is always in the first four. Rather than a boisterous leader of men ( like Peter ), he seems to have been an approachable person who wanted to help people. It was Andrew who helped introduce a group of Greeks to Jesus ( John 12:20-2 ) and Andrew who offered Jesus the five small barley loaves and two small fishes when Jesus challenged them to feed the five thousand. ( John 6:8 ) His faith in Jesus over small things was richly rewarded, and this faithful, kindly Galilean fisherman turned disciple went on to become one of the 12 apostles of the Christian Church.

Andrew never settled back in Capernaum by Galilee. Instead, his ‘fishing for men’ seems to have taken him far. One ancient tradition links him with Greece, where both Scythia and Epirus claimed him as their apostle. Another place in Greece, Patras in Achaia, claimed to be the place where Andrew was eventually martyred.

Like Jesus, he was crucified, but the story goes that during the two days it took him to die, he preached earnestly to the people about Jesus. Andrew was not afraid of death on a cross – he had seen it before, and knew one thing for certain: because of Jesus, there was nothing but eternal life ahead of him.

In the West, Andrew’s feast-day was universal from the 6th century, and hundreds of churches were named after him in Italy, France and England. But how did he end up as patron saint of Scotland ?

Well, according to one ancient legend, his relics were taken from Patras to Scotland in the 8th century, and ended up in Fife, where a church dedicated to him was built and became a centre for evangelisation and later pilgrimage. As Andrew was the only apostle to make it as far as Scotland, he was chosen as patron saint.

But Andrew did not stay in Scotland. After the fall of Constantinople in 1204, it is said that the Crusaders took his relics to Amalfi. From there the despot Thomas Palaeologus sent his head to the pope in Rome in 1461 – where it became one of the most treasured possessions of St Peters - until it was sent to the church in Constantinople by Paul VI.

In art Andrew is depicted with a normal Latin cross in the most ancient examples. The saltire cross ‘X’, commonly called St Andrew ’s cross, and which represents Scotland on the Union Jack, was associated with him from the 10th century.

Next time you pray, think of a teaspoon, tsp for your ‘prayer recipe’

T – thank you ! S – sorry... P – please ?

The Parishioner Newsletter Issue 69 – November 2013 Page 22 of 24

www.kiltarlityandkirkhill.org.uk

Collecting firewood

It was April and the Aboriginals in a remote part of Northern Australia asked the new Minister at their small church to ask God if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild. The Minister did not want to lose their confidence, as he had only just arrived, but when he prayed and looked at the sky, he had frankly no idea what the winter ahead would be like.

To be on the safe side, he told his congregation that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the tribe should collect firewood to be prepared. But being a practical Minister, after several days he had an idea. He walked out to the telephone booth on the highway, called the Bureau of Meteorology and asked if the coming winter in his area was going to be cold. The meteorologist responded, 'Yes, it looks like this winter is going to be quite cold.'

So the Minister went back to his people and told them to collect even more wood in order to be prepared. A week later he called the Bureau of Meteorology again, and asked if it still looked like it was going to be a very cold winter. The meteorologist again replied, 'Yes, it's going to be a very cold winter.'

So the Minister went back to his community and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find. Two weeks later and still concerned, the Minister called the Bureau again. 'Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold ?' he asked.

'Absolutely,' the man replied. 'It's looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters ever.'

'How can you be so sure ?' the Minister asked. The sky didn’t look any different to him.

The weatherman replied, 'Our satellites have reported that the Aboriginals in the north are collecting firewood like crazy, and that's always a sure sign.'

Wardlaw Church contact Kiltarlity Church contact Maris Elkin 831 590 David Garvie 741 038

Interim Moderator – Rev. Peter Donald 230 537 [email protected]

Kirkhill Sunday School – Margaret Birkbeck 831 518 / Flora Morrison 831 373 Kiltarlity Sunday School – Linda MacKenzie 741 313 / Anneliese Garvie 741 038 The Parishioner editor – Iain J. Mortimer 782 648 E-mail – [email protected]

A Sunday School teacher was teaching how God created everything, including human beings. One little boy seemed especially intent when she explained how Eve was created out of one of Adam’s ribs. Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and asked him what was the matter. The little boy explained worriedly: “I have a pain in my side. I think I’m going to have a wife.”

A Minister explained: “I resigned because of illness and fatigue. The congregation were sick and tired of me.”

The Parishioner Newsletter Issue 69 – November 2013 Page 23 of 24

www.kiltarlityandkirkhill.org.uk

Diary dates for NOVEMBER 2013

29 October Coffee / tea / home baking at Wardlaw Church at 10:00 a.m. 30 October Prayer meeting at Wardlaw Church at 7:00 p.m. 3 November Worship at WARDLAW at 10:30 a.m. and Communion Service at KILTARLITY at 12 noon. Preacher is Rev. Georgina Brotherton 3 November Congregational meetings at Wardlaw Church at 11:30 a.m. and at Kiltarlity Church at 1:00 p.m. 3 November First Sunday Praise at Kiltarlity Free Church starting at 6:00 p.m. 5 November Coffee / tea / home baking at Wardlaw Church at 10:00 a.m. 6 November Prayer meeting at Wardlaw Church at 7:00 p.m. 10 November Worship at WARDLAW at 10:00 a.m. and KILTARLITY at 12 noon. Preacher is Rev. Stewart Jeffrey 10 November Remembrance Service at War Memorial at Wardlaw Church at 11:00 a.m. 10 November TCC Youth Fellowship meets at Kiltarlity Free Church at 7:00 p.m. 12 November Coffee / tea / home baking at Wardlaw Church at 10:00 a.m. 13 November Guild meeting at Wardlaw Church, Kirkhill starting at 2:30 p.m. 13 November Prayer meeting at Wardlaw Church at 7:00 p.m. 17 November Communion Service at WARDLAW at 10:30 a.m. and a worship service at KILTARLITY at 12 noon. Preacher is Rev. Trevor Hunt 17 November Third Sunday Praise event at Wardlaw Church, starting at 6:00 p.m. 19 November Coffee / tea / home baking at Wardlaw Church at 10:00 a.m. 20 November Prayer meeting at Wardlaw Church at 7:00 p.m. 21 November Joint Kirk Session meeting at Wardlaw Church starting at 7:30 p.m. 24 November Worship at WARDLAW at 10:30 a.m. and KILTARLITY at 12 noon. Preacher is Rev. Jamie Grant 24 November TCC Youth Fellowship meets at Kiltarlity Free Church at 7:00 p.m. 26 November Coffee / tea / home baking at Wardlaw Church at 10:00 a.m. 26 November Kirkhill Deacons’ Court meeting at Wardlaw Church at 7:30 p.m. 27 November Prayer meeting at Wardlaw Church at 7:00 p.m. 28 November Afternoon tea at Kirkhill Community Centre starting at 2:30 p.m. 1 December Worship at WARDLAW at 10:30 a.m. and KILTARLITY at 12 noon. Preacher is Rev. Mike Robertson This is the first Sunday of Advent

A Sunday School teacher asked her children: “And why is it necessary to be quiet in church ?” One little girl replied helpfully: “Because people are sleeping.”

Are you wrinkled with burdens ? Come to the church for a facelift.

Matthew In the sentence of life, the devil may be a comma, but never let him be the full-stop.

The December 2013 issue of The Parishioner will be published on Sunday, 1st December 2013 The Parishioner Newsletter Issue 69 – November 2013 Page 24 of 24