e Independent Student Newspaper
Issue 803 Friday 29th January 2016
Published in Cambridge since 1947 www.varsity.co.uk
4 News: King’s debate rise of ISIS 8 Interview: Stephen Merchant 19 Culture: John Hughes Arts Festival 27 eatre: Product
Exclusive Investigation: SEEKING ARRANGEMENT The Cambridge Sugar Babies
Special arrangements: Varsity speaks to the Cambridge students who are searching for sugar daddies online Page 5 Cambridge slams government plans ● University report claims proposals for higher education will cause ‘considerable damage’ ● Consultation ‘fails to demonstrate an understanding of the purpose of our universities’
Tom Freeman e report is co-authored by to study. aims”. It also aims to establish an But in his introduction to the con- the Vice-Chancellor, Sir Leszek e document also includes Assoc ate Ed tor Offi ce for Students (OFS) to “promote sultation, Universities and Science Borysiewicz, and was submitted on proposals to increase “access the student interest and ensure value Minister Jo Johnson defended the gov- behalf of the university and its 31 and success” in higher education for money”. e university was highly ernment’s approach. e University of Cambridge has criti- constituent colleges. participation from under-represented critical of this focus. “Higher education should deliver cised the government’s plans for high- It cites “fundamental concern” with groups, and to create a single gateway “ e ‘long-reach’ aim of universities lasting value to graduates,” he wrote. er education, claiming they will cause three aspects of the proposals: the for entry across the sector. is to help students grow into thoughtful “While employers report strong “considerable damage” to the sector complete separation of funding and However, the university “strongly and critical citizens, not just earners demand for graduate talent, they and its “international standing”. regulation of teaching from research; oppose[s] any imposition of admissions and consumers,” it says. continue to raise concerns about the In a strongly critical response to the the “likely [...] counter-productive” targets” as a breach of institutional e university also expressed skills and job readiness of too many in government’s Green Paper ‘Higher mechanisms to implement them; autonomy and academic freedom. concern that the TEF regime would the graduate labour pool.” Education: Teaching Excellence, Social and “the removal of one regulatory Considering imposed admissions pave the way for a system of truly e report cites the “vital role” Mobility and Student Choice’, the body independent of government” targets as a threat to “the fundamental variable fees in higher education. universities have to play in the University claims that the consultation responsible for all university activity. principle of educational standards “We do not support the linkage challenge to increase productivity “fails to demonstrate an understanding Among the government’s fl agship required for entry”, the report also between TEF and fees: it is bound within the wider economy, “the main of the purpose of our universities”. proposals is the establishment of warns that such targets “risk harming to aff ect student decision-making driver of economic growth in the years In the Green Paper, the government a Teaching Excellence Framework the outcomes upon which the national adversely, and in particular it may to come.” lays out plans to “reshape the higher (TEF), which seeks to help students and global reputation of the sector deter students from low income Currently, the Green Paper also education landscape to have students “understand the quality of teaching relies and the prestige and benefi t of families from applying to the best outlines plans to merge HEFCE and at its heart”. off ered at diff erent institutions”, achieving a degree for students”. universities,” its response reads. the Offi ce for Fair Access to create the But the university claims: “ ey risk aiming to “raise teaching standards” e government’s consultation lists Meanwhile, the University of Oxford Offi ce for Students, a more market- undermining the very priorities they in higher education as students make providing “greater focus on graduate expressed concern that a TEF’s costs and student-focused regulatory body. are designed to advance”. “more informed choices” about where employability” as one of its “core “would outweigh its benefi ts”. Continued on page 4
INSIDE: BME ACADEMICS, FIGHTING SEXUAL VIOLENCE, CAMBRIDGE TECH STARS 2 Editorial Friday 29th January 2016 Lost illusions
is week we learn that Cambridge stu- tween colleges? It’s why we’re drawn Exhausting though it may be, we have a of Cambridge, we have to view the world dents are engaging in the world of online towards stories such as the discovery certain duty to follow, and form opinions as it really is. Every so often, rose-tinted ‘sugar daddies’ and ‘sugar babies’. While of a 100-year-old gyp room at Selwyn on, the latest controversies – see, for in- spectacles have to be unceremoniously this is perhaps not a revelation for those (page 9), and why we’re bound to have stance, what now seems to be an annual sat on. While that may seem disorientat- of us who have been around in the Cam- a quick virtual snoop around other peo- debate about race and diversity, which is ing at fi rst – who wants to think about bridge student press for longer than one ple’s colleges now that some of them currently hitting the headlines again in what their friends get up to online any- cares to mention – Varsity reported on have opened their doors to the cam- the wake of the Oscars nominations and way? – in the end the truth will out, and this back in 2013 – it is certainly worth- eras of Google Street View (page 4). It’s Charlotte Rampling’s comments (page it will be briskly refreshing. while to remind ourselves every so often all about breaking down the imagined 13). e aura of showbiz glamour which that in among the normal rush of lec- barriers and illusions which perpetuate surrounds her has taken a serious knock, In a way, this is what the press is here tures, essays, and supervisions, there are the many Cambridge ‘myths’. is is, of along with her chances of picking up an to facilitate. e things we read retain other students who are living very diff er- course, a constant source of concern for Oscar. (regardless of their content) a latent po- ent lives. access teams across the university. tential to shock, and this is one of the is duty to rid ourselves of ‘naïve’ illu- reasons why any of us pick up a paper to is probably isn’t cause to start reevalu- Here we fi nd the fundamental problem sions is not just a question of intellectual read the news. We certainly take more ating all of your friends – not everyone with mythbusting – sometimes we end rigour for its own sake, although at a interest in the stories which surprise us, is at it on their laptops when they’re pre- up wishing that we’d remained in blissful university like Cambridge we may often and yet it remains the duty of responsi- tending to write an essay – but it should ignorance. feel that this is all we ever do. ble journalists to strike the right balance; be enough to give pause for thought. hunting for shocks devalues them. If we However, we are frequently told (for bet- Instead, the intellectual bursting of cer- are to avoid descending into unfeeling New realisations about the nature of ter or worse) that blissful ignorance is not tain bubbles is indeed a duty. If we ever and unhelpful cynicism, we have to both life in Cambridge are a constant source an ethical option. How often do we read wish to consider ourselves responsible realise and retain a sense of the value of of interest; why else are we perennially articles which tell us that ‘awareness’ is citizens now or in the years after we illusions, as we both clutch at them and EDITORIAL intrigued by the minute diff erences be- the solution to any number of problems? leave the sheltered courts and corridors wave them goodbye.
Trinity and John’s hit back at Tab over May Ball reviews Cambridge] could incentivise remaining Cambridge Balls”. Joe Rob nson [its] authors”, and that e Tab e statement argued that e Sen or News Ed tor Cambridge would not review Tab’s policy “aims to undermine any events besides Trinity and the atmosphere of cooperation St John’s as part of its May Week and solidarity between the re- e presidents of Trinity and St coverage unless the policy is spective Ball committees.” John’s May Balls have released a changed. It then stated that e Tab’s joint statement condemning an e email went on to state that approach “seeks to portray us as email to May Ball and June Event a May Ball review from e Tab rivals”, in contrast to what they presidents from the editors of Cambridge was “of course highly characterise as the May Balls’ e Tab Cambridge, James Wells valuable.” Wells and Bisits claim “common goal” of “providing a and Xavier Bisits. that the current policy breaks a night to remember for all of our In the email, Wells and Bisits convention of issuing tickets to guests.” had encouraged the May Ball reviewers, and insist that e eir comments echo those Presidents’ Committee to drop Tab has been off ered such tickets made by Derek Chan, May Ball its ban on the provision of “free in the past. Presidents’ Committee Chair, or discounted tickets” to student In their response to the email, who called e Tab Cambridge’s reviewers, and made it clear that Julian Derby and Harriet Gordon, actions “particularly irregular” the publication “will not be giv- Trinity May Ball Presidents, and and “heavy-handed”, criticising ing any free publicity to May Tom Zhang, St John’s May Ball them for intending to “block pro Balls this year in the form of President, requested that “ e bono review submissions from reviews”. Tab does not review Trinity or St publication.” e email claimed that highly John’s” May Balls if the publica- e Tab Cambridge declined subsidised or free tickets were tion maintains what they char- Varsity’s request for comment in “one of the only ways [ e Tab acterise as an “embargo on the relation to the joint statement. SIMON LOCK
. The presidents condemned The Tab’s attempts to secure free or discounted tickets
E James Sutton @.. M E Callum Hale- omson @.. B M Mark Curtis @.. A E Tom Freeman @ .. N E Jack Higgins & Joe Robinson (Senior), Anna Menin & Harry Curtis (Deputies) @.. S N C Sarah Collins, Daniel Gayne, Elizabeth Howcroft, Esha Marwaha, Kaya Wong & Siyang Wei C E Ethan Axelrod @.. I E Louis Ashworth (Senior) & Steven Daly (Deputy) @.. C E James Dilley (Senior), Charlotte Taylor, Anna Jennings & Maya De Silva Wijeyeratne (Deputies) @.. S E Nicole Rossides @.. E Imogen Shaw & Meg Honigmann @ .. C E Will Roberts & Katie Wetherall @.. T E Eleanor Costello @.. F E Laura Day & Vicki Bowden @.. R E Charlotte Giff ord @.. M E Michael Davin @.. S E Ravi Willder & Felix Schlichter @.. I E Alice Chilcott & eo Demolder @.. O E Charlie orpe & Ellie Matthews C S-E Imran Marashli P E Simon Lock @.. I Ben Waters, Emma Wood, Luke Johnson V B Dr Michael Franklin (Chairman), Prof. Peter Robinson, Dr Tim Harris, Michael Derringer, Michael Curtis, Talia Zybutz (VarSoc President), Tom Freeman, James Sutton, Eleanor Deeley
©VARSITY PUBLICATIONS LTD, 2016. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic, mechanical photocopying, recording or otherwise without prior permission of the publisher. Varsity, 16 Mill Lane, Cambridge CB2 1RX. Telephone 01223 337575. Varsity is published by Varsity Publications Ltd. Varsity Publications also publishes the Mays. Printed at Iliffe Print Cambridge — Winship Road, Milton, Cambridge CB24 6PP on 42.5gsm newsprint. Registered as a newspaper at the Post Offi ce. ISSN 1758-4442 News Friday 29th January 2016 3 BME academics face ‘horrifying’ career prospects
Professor Ijeoma Uchegbu, Pro Vice- community and public health nursing S yang We Provost for Africa and the Middle East at the University of Wolverhampton, is Sen or News Correspondent at University College London – one of a patron of the new charter, which she STEVE CADMAN the universities that signed up to the believes will help to reduce “unwar- New research by UK universities has scheme – said that “the analysis made ranted variations” in success rates be- revealed a “horrifying” picture for the for tough reading for senior staff ”. tween white and BME staff members prospects of BME academics. For example, an analysis of historic by making them aware if ethnic mi- is comes after a report released data revealed that at UCL black mem- nority staff are consistently shortlisted last year by the Runnymede Trust, bers of staff were far less likely to be for interview, recruited, or promoted which showed that of the almost promoted than their white counter- at lower rates than white staff . 20,000 professors in the country, only parts; for black academics, the chance Professor of Education at Cambridge, 85 were black; of these, only 17 were of promotion was around a third of the Diane Reay, reacting to the news, told women. rate for white academics. Prospects for Varsity that there is “growing evidence e research has been undertaken Asian staff members were slightly bet- across the university sector of institu- as part of an initiative to combat these ter, but still below those of white staff tional racism in relation to BME staff racial disparities; in 2014, the Equality members. appointments”. Challenge Unit designed a race char- She said that this was “particularly ter looking to tackle the problems, to a problem for the elite universities which 30 universities signed up. including Cambridge.” However, she ese included Russell Group uni- added that “there is a strong will to try UCL, where data has shown how poor promotion prospects were versities such as the University of and change things in Cambridge”. Oxford, smaller research-focused in- GROWING EVIDENCE ACROSS “Paradoxically a traditional sense teaching us, that can lead to intense academia would not be reserved for stitutions such as the University of of fairness works against making feelings of alienation”. white middle-class students. Access Reading, and newer institutions such THE UNIVERSITY SECTOR OF progress,” she added, because it “leads for BME students should not just stop as Coventry and De Montfort. e not just academics but the English at having gotten your off er and ma- University of Cambridge was not one INSTITUTIONAL RACISM more generally to feel they should not triculating, but it can be as simple as of the 30 universities that signed up. make what they perceive to be allow- feeling like you belong.” As part of the programme, univer- ances on the basis of race or any other When contacted, a university sities had to analyse their data on re- Professor Uchegbu, who told Times aspect of identity”. INCREASE IN THE spokesperson told Varsity: “ e uni- cruitment, progression, and seniority Higher Education that some of the She added that in the UK we have a versity is committed in its pursuit of of their ethnic minority staff members, numbers “were horrifying”, recalled “much more negative attitude” to posi- TOTAL NUMBER OF BME academic excellence to equality of op- as well as their information on the at- that “as a PhD student, I knew I want- tive discrimination. ACADEMIC STAFF portunity and to a proactive and inclu- tainment gap between white and non- ed to be an academic, but was told I Speaking to Varsity, Nafi s Khan, a sive approach to equality, which sup- white students. would never make it.” Instead, she was member of the CUSU BME Campaign, ports all under-represented groups, Of these 30 institutions, eight were advised to become a pharmacist, as emphasised the importance BME staff She added: “Not only is it important promotes an inclusive culture, and awarded the higher education sector’s this was the expected route for eth- members not only for its own sake, to address issues of representation of values diversity.” fi rst charter mark for promoting racial nic minority women to take following but also because of its impact on the within the academy in terms of lectur- e university added to this by say- equality in 2015 in recognition of their study at the School of Pharmacy. student body, saying that a “lack of ers and supervisors, it is also really im- ing: “there has been an increase in the work. ese awards were presented at She added that the new fi gures were BME academics does have an impact portant to think about the curriculum total number of BME academic staff a ceremony in Westminster on 20th an improvement on 20 years ago, when on the welfare of the student body be- – the people we are studying, and what employed by the university over the January, with civil rights campaigner there were no ethnic minority mem- cause representation is so important; types of knowledge we are consuming period of 2011-2015 and the university Baroness Lawrence of Clarendon as bers of staff at UCL. if we can’t see ourselves in the people and valuing.” continues to work hard in this impor- the guest of honour. Laura Serrant, a professor of we are studying or the people that are “We need to make it clear that tant area.” 4 News Friday 29th January 2016 University attacks graduate employability Google Street View lifts the “core aim” in response to government lid on Cambridge colleges Continued from front page is new regulator’s purpose would on Google. be to “empower, protect and represent Dan el Gayne “However, as a working community the interests of students, employers Sen or News Correspondent of education and research, we cannot and taxpayers” through assessing the easily welcome visitors to our magnifi - quality of universities’ teaching with e university has announced this cent library and hall, which are used respect to a TEF. week that some of its most beautiful daily by those who live and work here. At the same time, HEFCE’s respon- buildings will now be available for ex- “ e new panoramic interior ‘tours’ sibilities for research would be trans- BRITISH HIGH COMMISSION, NEW DELHI ploration online. allow virtually anyone to explore the ferred to a new body, Research UK. A selection of fi ve colleges opened previously hidden beauty of some of Oxford decried the possible separa- their doors to the Google Street Caius’s fi nest architectural gems, and tion of research and teaching as “del- View’s Special Collections team, with perhaps be inspired to visit this his- eterious”, while Cambridge called the the end result now available to see on toric college in person. proposed introduction of the OFS Google Maps.Iconic parts of colleges “From its earliest days, Caius has “not acceptable”. including Trinity Hall, Queens’, and been a place of modern learning and “A university is not simply a sys- Newnham have all been included in forward-looking ideas, and opening tem for the delivery of instruction to the visual tours. the College up via technology abso- undergraduate students… It is also Jo Johnson defended the government’s plans St John’s College, which is available lutely fi ts that tradition.” a nursery of future excellence in re- to explore, has hidden a number of Other parts of Cambridge have also search, a provider of graduate courses with an ability to increase tuition fees ‘Easter Eggs’, referencing various fa- been included, such as the University across a wide range of subjects, and beyond infl ation, students would be mous alumni within their digital tour. Botanic Gardens and Great St. Mary’s a collaborative learning commu- forced to choose between quality, as Among the items hidden are Church. nity for its teachers and researchers,” measured by a TEF, and aff ordability.” William Wordsworth’s life mask, Fred Many of the university’s most at- Cambridge’s report states. HIGHLY DAMAGING TO THE e paper also warns that a TEF Hoyle’s telescope, and a towel in trib- tractive features have historically Any proposed regulatory architec- must also “respect diff erence” in the ute to Douglas Adams, author of e been closed to the public, and Laurian ture “needs to refl ect these many dif- SECTOR AND TO ITS GLOBAL sector, and that any move to encour- Hitchhiker’s Guide To e Galaxy, a Clemence from Google UK was keen ferent facets”, it continues. age “homogeneity” across higher edu- book containing the advice that you to emphasise that “now, anyone with Instead, the university advocates for REPUTATION cation “would be highly damaging to should “never go anywhere without a desire to see the university at close the creation of an Offi ce for Higher the sector and to its global reputation, your towel”. range, can access it like never before.” Education, to subsume the proposed and would reduce student choice”. Gonville and Caius College was also Cambridge is the the latest place to remit of the OFS, as well as of the e university expressed broad sup- A university spokesman declined to included. Its Master, Professor Sir Alan get the Street View treatment, with existing Higher Education Funding port for the establishment of a TEF comment further on the original re- Fersht, said, “Gonville and Caius is one Google’s Special Collection team al- Council for England (HEFCE), to and its potential to be a “simple and port and the contents of Cambridge’s of the oldest colleges in Cambridge, ready having visited Dubai’s Burj remedy the “basic fl aw” in the gov- respected kitemark” of teaching and response, telling Varsity: “It is not ap- and the exteriors of our beautiful Old Khalif, Mt Everest base camp, and ernment’s plans for the supervision of educational excellence. propriate to add anything else at this Courts are not only open daily for visi- even the interior of the Airbus A380, higher education. But it cautions: “If a TEF is associated stage.” tors to admire but can already be seen the world’s largest passenger plane. King’s asks: Is the West to blame for ISIS?
Esha Marwaha however, of the question itself, which he deemed “reductive”. He suggested Sen or News Correspondent than an enquiry into how far the West was to blame, not ignoring the many On Monday, King’s Politics hosted a factors related to ISIS. debate on the threat posed by the so- During the panel discussion, the called Islamic State of Iraq and Syria audience were given the opportunity (ISIS) and the West’s role in its rise to contribute verbally or via a live to power because of past military in- Twitter feed. e conversation moved terventions in Afghanistan and Iraq, NICKEL, U.S. AIR FORCE SGTW SHAWN STAFF away from foreign policy and towards and recent involvements in Libya and the role of domestic policy in ISIS’s re- Syria. cruitment in Europe. e panel consisted of Adam Questioning whether radicalisa- Deen, head of the counter-terrorist tion at home could be attributed to Quilliam Foundation, Cambridge the failure of the British welfare state, law undergraduate Allan Hennessy, Hennessy argued that racism and so- former Left Foot Forward editor James cio-economic deprivation continues Bloodworth, and ex-UN employee to make ISIS attractive. Victoria Stewart-Jolley. Andrew Murray, Chair of the ‘Stop the War’ Coalition, was unable to at- tend due to illness. An immediate divide was evident between Stewart-Jolley and Hennessy, ULTIMATELY, WE WOULD who argued that Western interven- tion was the primary driver of ISIS’s ALL LIKE TO END ISIS growth, and Deen and Bloodworth who attributed the group’s rise owed to the strength of its ideology. As one Stewart-Jolley proposed that “as audience member put it, there was a a society, we don’t ant to look at the disagreement around whether ISIS A U.S. Navy F-18E Super Hornet engaged in a bombing run in Iraq in October 2014 dirty and nasty, such as racism”. was “idea-driven” or “people-driven”. While the panel generally agreed Stewart-Jolley opened the discus- on the role of insecurity in radicali- sion by analysing Western involve- become “fashionable” to blame the of either nation being stable even of Islamic revivalism”, preying on a sation, Bloodworth drew on a report ment in the Middle East. She focused West, and that this analysis was far too without Western intervention. vision of living in a “Muslim prom- written by scholars from Queen Mary on three core turning-points – the “neat and tidy”. In seeking to explain ISIS, Deen pro- ised land.” In contrast with Stewart- University, which concluded that those 2003 US- and UK-led invasion of Iraq, While he conceded that the West vided a detailed genealogy of Islam. Jolley, he concuded that “to blame the joining ISIS come disproportionately the appointment of Nouri al-Maliki as had blundered at critical junctures, he Drawing on examples of Wahhabism, West for ISIS is to blame the West for from educated backgrounds. Prime Minister of Iraq in 2006, and urged for a deeper inspection of indig- he reasoned that ISIS is “nothing new”, Wahhabism and radical ideology”. Deen disagreed that oppression Western refusal to accept Syria as a enous factors such as internal brutali- merely an “intolerant, ugly and per- Hennessy agreed that ISIS capital- could lead to this kind of violence. proxy war, which Stewart-Jolley ar- sation in Syria and Iraq. verted reading” of the religion. ised on a “utopian idea”, but believed Instead, he emphasised the need to gued “cut the heart” out of the Middle Criticising Bashar al-Assad’s regime Rejecting the assertion that ISIS is a that this stemmed from the “fall of understand ISIS and what they say East. in Syria, he pinpointed the alienation “liberating force against the West”, he Saddam Hussein” rather than a long- about themselves. She was heavily critical of the West of the Sunni population in Iraq as the proposed that it is “far more than that” termist reading of Islamic theology. He argued motivations can be per- for framing Middle Eastern politics breeding ground for ISIS, who model and was instead an “aspiring state”. He argued that it was motivated by the sonal and the organisation is “self-mo- as “unimportant” and for ignoring its themselves as the “last defence from Speaking from personal experience, “power vacuum” created by deposing tivated” and “rotate on their own axis “highly-complex political landscape, Shia repression”. he argued that what drove people to Hussein, which created the conditions [so that] they don’t need America”. imploring those present to “rapidly Bloodworth concluded that we the group was “disengagement with in which ISIS has fl ourished and has Despite animated debate, Hennessy look beyond the simplistic, binary no- ought to understand that “people in […] religion”. separated it from the “hundreds of was keen to conclude that while “this tion of what is fed by the media”. the Middle East have autonomy too” Deen went on to characterise as other terrorist organisations”. might get heated […] “ultimately, we Bloodworth argued that it had and that we should reject any notion participating in a “venomous version Hennessy was ultimately critical, would all like to end ISIS”. News Friday 29th January 2016 5 EXCLUSIVE INVESTIGATION Undercover with the Cambridge sugar babies
Students are seeking “arrangements” with sugar daddies and mommas to pay university fees, fi nd sexual fulfi lment, and get other rewards. Steven Daly speaks to Cambridge ‘sugar babies’ to fi nd out more KATE SCHNEIDER KATE KATE SCHNEIDER KATE SEEKING ARRANGEMENT SEEKING ARRANGEMENT SEEKING ARRANGEMENT
arah is a PhD student at the Sarah is not afraid to speak her mind. around the world are increasingly all unwitting alumnae of what Seeking that would feel inspired to sign up”. University of Cambridge. For “I think lots of women as well as men turning to fi nancial “arrangements” Arrangement.com call its ‘Sugar Baby e dynamic between empower- S nearly a year, she has been a sug- have a prostitution fantasy and this and escort services in order to support University’. e website’s advertising ment and exploitation is always in ar baby – a partner in a relationship website is a way to fulfi l it within safe themselves. campaign is the latest in a string of fl ux in these “arranged” relationships. with a sugar daddy or momma – in or- boundaries.” For another undergraduate, Katy, measures that capitalise on the site’s While Helen never met a ‘sugar dad- der to fund “a personal project.” I asked Ella, an undergraduate, the fi nancial benefi ts of an arrange- popularity with students, dy’ in person during her time at Describing her experiences to me, about the psychological mo- ment is the pressing issue. such as the free Cambridge, she always she is overwhelmingly – at times un- tivation behind accepting While Ella – by her own ad- Premium mem- felt that she had the nervingly – enthusiastic and candid, payment for sex. She mission – comes from berships off ered “upper hand” over the explaining that while she is “not pri- said that while she “lots a “very privileged” to sugar babies regis- men paying her, who were marily interested in money,” she fi nds could “imagine that background, Katy tering with a university “the ones being taken ad- “the idea of receiving money very many others found of women does not: “I would e-mail address. vantage of.” Ella agrees exciting.” the fetishisation not by any means In a promo- that in her experience “the Sarah uses SeekingArrangement. appealing and ex- as well as be on such a dis- tional video re- paid individual makes the com, the UK’s “leading Sugar Daddy citing”, for her “it’s gusting website if I leased by Seeking choice.” But she also recog- dating site”, which promises daddies fi nancial”. Seeking men have a felt I had a choice”. Arrangement this nises that “if people aren’t and mommas the opportunity to “get A r r a n g e m e n t It is deeply trou- month, Kelly, “a totally consensual (i.e. fi nan- what they want, when they want it.” claims that it is a prostitution bling to learn that fourth-year sugar cial issues mean they have In 2013, Seeking Arrangement re- platform for “mu- a student at this baby”, takes us on no choice), then that’s vealed that 168 students from the tually benefi cial re- fantasy” university can fi nd a tour of the ‘Sugar completely diff erent”. University of Cambridge had signed lationships”, and Ella themselves in such Baby University cam- As a woman fi nd- up to its service in the previous year, echoes their dictum closely: fi nancial diffi culty, des- pus’. It is diffi cult to ing herself in that very making it home to the highest con- “for me, personally, it’s an easy, perately turning to the site as isolate the most ob- situation, Katy doesn’t centration of university “sugar babies” convenient and mutually benefi cial a last resort. But Katy believes that jectionable scene in mince her words. She in the country. e surge in sign-ups way to support myself”. she is making the most of a bad situ- the video, as every believes that “most” came shortly after the tripling of tui- As of January 2016, there are 1.9 ation. Unlike Sarah, she is not willing shot objectifi es its fe- arrangements are dis- tion fees by the coalition government. million students registered on Seeking to engage in sex, and seeks out “men male actors. Without advantageous to the party With fees at top-performing uni- Arrangement. off ering money for a platonic or long context it could easily being paid, and is “disgusted” versities set to rise again in 2017 and For Brandon Wade, its founder and distance relationship” instead. Sooner be mistaken for the to be “a part in this system following the government’s CEO, the site is a “solution” for or later, she tells me, these men will pre-amble to a high- which exploits women.” decision to scrap mainte- students in debt. “We are in express a desire for the relationship to budget porn fi lm, She is particular- nance grants this month, a state of emergency, but become physical: “I almost always have with the stilted and ly critical of Seeking it seems likely that the it isn’t due to terrorism. to back off when they begin requesting suggestive dialogue Arrangement, accusing number of Cambridge e $1.2 trillion college or demanding more.” to match. To take one vi- them of manipulating the way students searching for debt crisis is crippling Helen, a recent graduate, found a gnette: we zoom in on one student the website appears in the press. “It is sugar daddies with our economy – and no way to avoid face-to-face contact with standing by a notice board off ering common practice for someone work- SeekingArrangement one is doing anything ‘sugar daddies’ entirely. Introduced to ‘free tanning sessions’, ‘yoga and wine ing for the site to approach ‘sugar will continue to grow. about it.” SeekingArrangement.com by a classes,’ and a ‘fashion consulta- babies’ and off er them considerable Sugar baby “arrange- No one, he claims, friend while at Cambridge, tion’. She takes a fl yer from amounts of money for interviews.” ments” come in a variety apart from him: she decided to make the poster advertising a She claims that these women are given of forms. Daddies solic- “SeekingArrangement. an account and was “50 class on ‘daddy issues’, practice interviews in which they are it a range of services: com has helped fa- contacted by a man smiles, and walks “strongly advised to downplay – or from dining together cilitate hundreds of off ering £50 in re- quid to away. rather omit entirely – any negative as- and conversations, thousands, if not turn for a session All of the pect of the site”. to various diff er- millions, of arrange- on webcam. When watch Cambridge stu- “It makes me incredibly sad…to im- ent types of sexual ments that have Helen stipulated dents I contact- agine the many young girls who will be liaisons. In return, helped students her one condition, an old ed via Seeking lured into making accounts on the site sugar babies re- graduate debt-free. to remain clothed, Arrangement iden- as a result of these misleading articles,” ceive rewards: often at’s more than he explained that guy wank tifi ed as feminists. I she adds. Varsity has not received a cash, but also some- anyone can say of a she did not have to asked them what they response to these claims from Seeking times repayment in the particular president or turn on her webcam at off ” thought of the video, Arrangement. On the front page of form of gifts. Congress.” all, “as long as he knew and whether it changed its website, Seeking Arrangement de- While Sarah wel- Casting himself as an he had a hot girl watching their opinion of the site. scribes itself as a place where “mem- comed the £1,000 alternative, radical him get off it was enough”. Most were angered: for Sarah the bers fuel mutually benefi cial relation- she received from politician with the in- A no-brainer. Or, in her own words, video was “awful beyond words,” Katy ships on their terms”. It’s hard to say one sugar daddy in tention of liberating “50 quid to watch an old guy wank off found it “exploitative and immoral”. how true the latter part of that state- exchange for sex, students from their (and he came in literally 30 seconds For Helen, the video was merely ment is, but certainly becoming a she tells me that her fi nancial problems, anyway) whilst the Skype screen was laughable: “I just couldn’t take it se- sugar baby is an option a number of experiences have mainly Wade can dodge many of minimized and I was probs doing an riously.” And while its very premise students are willing to take. been about having fun. “I feel that an the ethical questions that would oth- essay”. Who can argue with that? was to attract students to Seeking arrangement gives me a freedom to erwise be levelled against him. Despite While their motivations, experi- Arrangement, she believes that the All sugar baby names have been say exactly what I want and not to get his scaremongering and infl ated sense ences and opinions vary from case to video is “defi nitely aimed at men… changed. too much emotionally involved.” And of self-worth, he is right. Students case, Sarah, Ella, Katy and Helen are I can’t see how any woman watching N THINKING
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the incident to the police, with 10 tak- university and colleges, and how to Dan el Gayne ing the incident up with staff or wel- change this.
Sen or News Correspondent fare offi cers in their college. Nikolas Oktaba, an MPhil student ALLIE RICKARD Bryony Beynon, who co-directs the at the university, brought up recent is Wednesday the Cambridge Sex- Good Night Out campaign, pointed developments in the US, where the ual Violence Policy Campaign hosted out that the evidence barrier in the Title IX legislation has been used to a discussion entitled “Fighting Sexual criminal justice system can make deal- force universities into policy change. Violence in Universities and Beyond”. ing with the police a very frustrating Title IX bans the use of federal e forum, chaired by Emmanuel’s experience for survivors, and that the money to support sex discrimination Roberta Huldisch, centred on the process can be made more diffi cult in education, and audience members challenges faced by activists trying to since “the Crown Prosecution Service raised the idea of using comparable change sexual assault and harassment barrister is very likely to be ‘of a cer- legal mechanisms, such as the Human policy within the university and its tain identity’”. Rights Act or the Public Sector Equality colleges. Duty, to make similar progress. While the panel touched on chal- However, Ella Raff cast doubts on lenges such as under-educated tutors such eff orts, pointing out that with and the problems posed by the frag- these British laws you cannot sue in Emma Sulkowicz’s mattress protest raised awareness in the US mented college system, much of the general terms; the plaintiff has to have debate was focused around the con- OPTIMISM REMAINED been directly aff ected. Indeed, Charlotte Chorley, CUSU and harassment advisor” who would troversial Zellick Report. e group agreed that this puts a lot Women’s Offi cer, suggested that the be “fully trained in rape and harass- First published in 1994, the Zellick MEASURED of pressure on individuals to put their university was close to a new protocol, ment [advice] and deal with those Report advised universities against in- lives on hold to pursue a case, with which she hoped would be fi nished by cases”. vestigating serious off ences unless the most accepting that potential fi nancial Lent. She also expressed hope for a relat- matter had already been taken up by Members of the audience and panel and academic costs were understand- ed policy training tutors to deal with the police. told anecdotes describing their own ably high hurdles to overcome. racial and sexual harassment cases, However, the group was of the opin- frustrations in dealing with the police. Raff described how one exceptional an idea proposed by, and developed ion that this policy had failed women, Speaking to Varsity after the event, Ella case, where Oxford student Elizabeth in discussion with, CUSU President with one commentator calling the Raff recalled one student advisor at a Ramey took legal action against her Priscilla Mensah. document “outdated”. Russell Group university who “would university, failed on a technicality. THE UNIVERSITY HAVING But optimism remained measured; Indeed, the event comes in the wake not refer students to the police”. Ramey had hoped that her case, Chorley herself noted that the colleges of an increasing number of reports Raff , who co-founded End Rape on fought in 2015, would force a change A CENTRALISED POLICY are independent institutions which and surveys highlighting the problem Campus UK, further noted that “a lot of policy, arguing that the university’s are “not bound by what the university of sexual assault and rape on campus. of people drop out” due to traumatic guidelines on harassment failed to WOULD BE FANTASTIC does.” A 2014 survey by the CUSU experiences in dealing with police. comply with equality laws. e judge Raff had similar concerns, noting Women’s Campaign found that over Given the hesitance of many survi- ruled that Ms Ramey’s case lacked that while the people in charge are not three-quarters of students had been vors to involve the police, it was felt by substance as she was no longer at the at policy is being developed by “bad people”, many are unwilling to harassed and 30 per cent assaulted. many that the Zellick Report puts sur- university. Graham Virgo, Pro-Vice Chancellor “go out on a limb”. What’s more, only 12 per cent of these vivors in a diffi cult position, with Raff Rather than through legal routes, for Education, and must go through a However, Raff emphasised that “the cases were reported. admitting “it’s a bit of a paradox”. some hoped that change could be committee stage fi rst. university having a centralised policy It was also revealed that only two Much of the remaining discussion made through the internal structures Chorley said that the completed would be fantastic” as it would set a students said that they had reported was oriented around the role of the of the university. policy could introduce a new “assault precedent for all colleges. CUSU holds Free speech continues to provoke debate on DSO debate in Cambridge and beyond referendum Harry Curt s Deputy News Ed tor Anna Men n “As someone brought up in the full fl ood of the rights revolution, I can’t Deputy News Ed tor PHIL SHIRLEY see any argument in favour of making is Tuesday, CUSU held a debate on life even slightly harder for somebody the ongoing Disabled Students’ Offi cer e topic of free speech at universities who feels their gender is fl uid.” (DSO) Referendum, which proposes continues to provoke widespread de- “How can anyone brought up be- to add a seventh sabbatical offi cer role bate, with tensions over issues such as lieving in the right of people to be who to the student union’s constitution. safe spaces and no-platforming aris- they are... believe anything else?” e event began with both sides be- ing at many UK universities, including However, she also expressed her ing given fi ve minutes to make the case Cambridge. “fear” that “the creation of too many for their position. e Cambridge Union last night ‘safe spaces’ is infantilising”, arguing e CUSU Elections Committee was held an emergency debate with the that “in 99 [per cent] of cases it’s bet- constitutionally required to present motion “ is House believes univer- The Union celebrated “200 years of free speech” last year ter to have speakers you disagree with the case against the addition of a sab- sity should be a safe space”, while the making their case openly, and then be- batical offi cer for disabled students, President of Lucy Cavendish College, unions are often the only place where claimed: “Today, 55 per cent of cam- ing confronted and argued down”. since no one came forward to speak has said that “culture wars are now students can be themselves, a place puses are a hostile environment for Ashley added: “If bad ideas are not for the opposition. sweeping our universities”. where they can think about things and free speech, explicitly banning speak- openly expressed, heard and then e intention was to allow further Elsewhere, Oxford’s new Vice- challenge ideas and thoughts in a safe ers, outlawing particular ideas, and challenged in universities, they will speeches to be made for both sides. Chancellor, Professor Louise environment.” cleansing campus of anything that continue their subterranean progress However this was forestalled as “in the Richardson, recently spoke out about “Sometimes the only way you can might rile, off end or upset.” through society until, perhaps, it be- interest of a balanced debate” further the tensions raised by the recent ensure safe spaces remain safe is Condemning what they term the comes too late.” speeches in favour would only be per- #RhodesMustFall campaign, which through no-platform policies,” he “epidemic” of “campus censorship”, Despite these fears, she clarifi ed: “As mitted if there were also speeches giv- has caused controversy both at Oxford added. No-platforming is an idea that Spiked used a “traffi c-light system” the head of a college, I would not want en against. ere were no forthcoming and other universities. She has also asserts that individuals with extreme to categorise UK universities, with any speaker on site who advocated or opposition speakers. claimed that “education is not meant opinions should not be given the Cambridge being ranked “amber”. expressed hatred towards any group In order for the constitution to be to be comfortable”. opportunity to express their views, e survey claims: “ e University of my students.” changed, a majority of those who vote “Education”, Richardson continued, whereas safe spaces are designated of Cambridge and the Cambridge Cambridge classicist Mary Beard in the referendum must be in favour “should be about confronting ideas forums where speech that is perceived University Students’ Union collec- has also previously argued that no- and this majority must comprise at you fi nd really objectionable, fi gur- to be hateful is not permitted. tively create a chilling environment platforming is “counter productive”, least ten per cent of those eligible to ing out why it is you fi nd them objec- is increased debate comes in the for free speech”, citing things such and that it “discourages debate and the vote. tionable, fashioning a reasoned argu- wake of a recently published survey as the university’s decision to drop due dissection of error”. In this case, that number is 21,915, ment against them, confronting the which found “curbs on freedom of ex- the promotional “Dear World, Yours Writing on her blog for e Times meaning 2,191 people will have to vote person you disagree with and trying pression” to be present at 90 per cent Cambridge” promotional video fea- Literary Supplement, ‘A Don’s Life’, in favour in order to add the role to the to change their mind, being open to of British universities, up from 80 per turing David Starkey following claims Beard argued that “we should be in CUSU constitution. them changing your mind. at isn’t a cent last year. that he was “aggressively racist”. the business of subjecting all views, Voting in the referendum will re- comfortable experience, but it is a very e survey, published by the online Some of the other reasons cited for both those with which we agree and main open until 9am on Wednesday educational one”. magazine Spiked, also found that two- this categorisation were CUSU’s “Zero those with which we disagree, to pub- 3rd February. If enough people vote in However, the Deputy President fi fths of student unions had no-plat- Tolerance to Sexual Harassment” and lic scrutiny. Free speech only means favour of a DSO, one will be elected in of the National Union of Students, form policies in place, with one-fi fth their “Safe Space Policy”. anything it is [sic] refers to views with May along with a new team of CUSU Richard Brooks, has defended the idea having safe space policies. Jackie Ashley, President of Lucy which you disagree as well as agree – sabbatical offi cers at an estimated of safe spaces, arguing that “student On the survey’s release, Spiked Cavendish, wrote in e Guardian: else it’s no more than a cabal.” yearly expense of £26,500. 8 News Friday 29th January 2016 Merchant: ‘Everyone’s an asshole, and if you’re not, you’re a step ahead’ scared of girls” because “they’re like a Jack H gg ns bear in the woods – just as scared as
Sen or News Ed tor you are of them.” Having had his own FREDDIE DYKE complications in the dating world – he jokes that in the past he used “would “You’ll never have more freedom or you like to meet Ricky Gervais?” as a more time than when you’re at univer- chat-up line – he thinks standing out sity – ‘oh I’m doing my studies!’ – no isn’t that diffi cult because “everyone’s you’re not, you’re in the fucking bar.” an asshole, and if you’re not an ass- is was how Stephen Merchant, the hole, you’re a step ahead.” BAFTA- and Golden Globe-winning It would be hard to class Merchant writer and comedian, appealed to as an asshole – throughout the evening Cambridge students to make the most it was clear that he’s still down-to- of their opportunity to dive into a ca- earth, saying that being a celebrity reer in comedy “doesn’t banish any personal demons Merchant, ironically, told the packed you have” and admitting that when Union Chamber that he wishes he had e Offi ce went big he was “just swept Merchant appeared at the Cambridge Union on Tuesday been sitting where they were twenty along” with it, astounded that he was Merchant, now residing in L.A., has thinking that it’s “important that peo- in the ‘Hollywood bubble’, he says that years ago, having been keen on the idea getting paid to write comedy. Did he noted dissimilarities with his native ple vote and engage in politics”. “it’s nice to put on a tuxedo and take of coming to Cambridge – he tells me wish he’d starred in it? “Yeah, when land since moving, fi nding Americans As for his heroes, the Warwick your parents along”, but he fi nds ce- he would “study philosophy probably” I saw all the free shit that Ricky got “more generally optimistic”. He adds graduate mentions John Cleese – with lebrity award shows “absurd”. He adds if he could choose now – and joining sent!” he jokes. that the UK is the only place where whom Merchant shares both height that the novelty of the celebrity world the Footlights. He says he was “gutted” someone can shout aff ectionately: and a West Country background “quickly wears off ”, whereas the “nov- when his teachers persuaded him that “Steve, you lanky twat!” – the kind of that encouraged him that he could elty of sitting in a room writing has he wasn’t academically good enough behaviour he feels wouldn’t sit well make it – as well as Woody Allen and never worn off .” but then got the requisite grades for with Americans. Monty Python, famous for pushing However, he describes how he found Oxbridge anyway. Unfortunately for the funnyman, the boundaries. Does he think we can little time for writing last year because However, despite being only “mar- THERE ARE SO MANY living in the US means confronting an draw lines when it comes to comedy? he was on stage eight times a week, ginally” funny at school, he never gave unfunny prospect: Donald Trump’s He does, but thinks “policing” comedy starring in e Mentalists in London. up on comedy, saying that it “never FUCKWITS IN AMERICA presidential candidacy. He fi nds the is “dangerous” because you inevita- He took on that challenge because he occurred to me not to give it a stab.” idea “terrifying”, and mocks the out- bly “stifl e creativity” and “that isn’t wanted to do some real acting with roughout the evening the self- spoken billionaire for having gone healthy”. the “discipline” of a fi xed script, as op- described “comedy nerd” won laughs When we spoke afterwards, he says bankrupt and losing more money than Merchant himself has not escaped posed to the more improvised comedy eff ortlessly as he divulged carefully he isn’t at all involved in Gervais’s re- if he’d just invested his inheritance. criticism of overstepping the mark, he’s used to. “I hated it”, he says, “never rehearsed anecdotes. Rapturous ap- vival of the character that made both How does he explain Trump’s describing how one celebrity refused do a play”. Is he joking? No, he truly plause greeted one particular story their names both in the UK and US, rise? “ ere are so many fuckwits in to feature in Extras, calling the script found it exhausting – his own mother that involved an infuriating small child David Brent. Inevitably, Merchant America”, he replies, adding that there “depraved fi lth”. He recalls that when said he was “looking grey” – and mis- throwing a shoe into Merchant’s soup did not escape the question he’s most is a “weird anti-intellectualism” in the Kate Winslet appeared in the show, erable: “why can’t we change the words at a wedding. When the apologetic asked about what many perceive to country. When an American student she found one line – “something like every night?” mother light-heartedly asked “Oh, be another of his ‘characters’: is Karl in the crowd jokingly protests against ‘I’m sweating like a child molester’” It’s safe to say he won’t be acting on what’s he like?”, Merchant retorted Pilkington real? “Karl is like that, he’s this, Merchant reassures him: “you’re – too much, but insists that he and stage again any time soon. Instead, “He’s like a cunt.” one of the most unique beings I’ve ever not a fuckwit, you go to Cambridge!” Gervais never purposely sought to he’s currently “working on a couple of However, such brazenness is far met.” In validation of this, Merchant Talking after the event, Merchant “stitch people up”. screenplays”, and our time is cut short from the norm for the comedian, recalls a time when he, Gervais, and says that people like Trump and Speaking after the event, Merchant because he needs to get on with writ- who concedes that he’s typically very Pilkington were talking about celebri- Jeremy Corbyn are appealing to “disil- was aff able, generous with his time ing them. awkward with people, such ineptitude ties who had become famous via their lusionment”, that “they fi ll this gap for and – unsurprisingly – immensely tall. As he says just before leaving: “in being particularly acute when around parents – such as Bianca Gascoigne people that feel like they’re not being He’s not always “switched on” either, the end, almost everyone I’ve ever met women, as his show Hello Ladies paro- and Calum Best – when Pilkington, in spoken to” and, he adds with some saying he’d much rather have a civi- in Hollywood – if they’re any good – died. Now 41, he passed on his roman- a “moment of genius”, cut them off by enthusiasm: “it’s quite exciting”. As lised conversation than be endlessly they are working really hard, and it’s tic wisdom to the students present, saying: “well, you could say the same for his own political views, he tells me cracking jokes as some comedians do. not working hard to walk down a red telling them that they shouldn’t “be about Jesus?” that he’s “not cynical about politics”, When I ask him if he feels comfortable carpet”. 102-year-old Cambridge graduate gets MA Rising Cambridge tech stars 85 years after matriculating named on Forbes list
Kaya Wong A student of many talents, Mr Lowe you hold a Cambridge BA, you may industries and it has recently secured had been a member of the university apply for the MA six years after your Kaya Wong £3.5 million in Series A investment. Sen or News Correspondent hockey team, and had learnt to fl y at matriculation, as long as you have held Sen or News Correspondent Karolis Misiunas, 27, is a Lithuanian the university air squadron. Upon your BA degree for at least two years. PhD candidate at the University of 102-year-old Brian Lowe, who read graduating, he joined a fi rm of London “I visited these rooms the last time I A number of talented Cambridge sci- Cambridge who has also been fea- law at Trinity College 85 years ago, re- solicitors in 1937. He then served as an was in Cambridge in 1989 when it was entists and technological entrepre- tured on the Science and Healthcare cently received a Cambridge MA. assistant British trade commissioner occupied by two female students, but neurs have recently been featured on list. His research concerns how parti- All Cambridge students are eligible in Vancouver, after which he moved to seemed much the same, except that the inaugural Forbes’ 30 Under 30 Eu- cles couple with each other and how to apply for an MA two years after Australia, where he now resides. e there was a wash basin where the coal rope List’. strongly at the deepest observational they graduate with a BA. is method last time he visited his alma mater was had been kept, a great improvement,” Dr Steve Marsh, 27, founder levels. e information is particularly is also in place at the University of more than a quarter of a century ago. Lowe told Cambridge News. e law and CEO of the technology fi rm relevant for other research fi elds in- Oxford and Trinity College Dublin. e honorary title confers member- graduate had considered applying for GeoSpock, has been featured in the volving channels and protein pores. Mr Lowe matriculated in 1931, the ship of the University Senate, allowing the MA to ‘complete his CV’, but had Science and Healthcare section of the Toby Norman, 28, Tristam Norman, year when the celebrated physicist Dr the holder to participate in discus- “never got round to it”. Having checked Forbes list. Dubbed “the most exciting 27 and Daniel Storisteanu, 29, the Ernest Rutherford fi rst carried out sions as part of the university’s deci- the university registry, Trinity College kind of technology company” by its three cofounders of the Cambridge- his revolutionary experiments in the sion-making process, and vote to elect has confi rmed that Mr Lowe is the technological partners, GeoSpock is a based, non-profi t technological star- Cavendish laboratory. a new Chancellor or High Steward. If oldest graduate to have ever had their company that handles geospatial data tup SimPrints, have been featured in degree conferred. A spokesperson for in real time, targeting everything from the Social Entrepreneurship category the college said: “We were delighted automobiles to genomics. Marsh, who of the Forbes list. Describing them- to hear from Mr Lowe and were hap- was the fi rst person from his second- selves as a team who want to “change py to have his certifi cate sent to him.” ary school to earn a PhD, came up the world” with their lightweight mo- with the idea for GeoSpock while bile biometric scanners, the company studying for his PhD at the University is expected to release their product of Cambridge Computer Labs. later this year. e scanners they have SWNS Focused on developing a real-time developed connect wirelessly with any super computer on an extreme scale Bluetooth 2.0 phone, and are to be Advertise with us that could simulate human brain func- used primarily in developing coun- tion, GeoSpock is his invention that is tries to link biometrics with medical capable of handling big data, process- records, bypassing problems that arise To advertise in any of our print publications or on our website, ing and cataloguing massive amounts from inadequate paper-based health please contact our Business Manager of information simultaneously. Marsh records. e trio have won numerous Telephone: 01223 337575 partnered up with Horizon’s current accolades including Business Weekly’s CEO, Dr Darrin Disley, to launch the ‘Startup of the Year’ and UNICEF’s Email: [email protected] company, and is also collaborating ‘Best Tech: Changing Children’s Lives with Abcam’s Dr Jonathan Milner. for Good’ Award, as well as the Bill Website: www.varsitypublications.co.uk e company’s services have rap- and Melinda Gates Foundation ‘Saving Brian Lowe read law at Trinity idly attracted interest from various Lives at Birth Award’. Friday 29th January 2016 News 9
tOuriStS’ PhOtOS ruiNed News in Brief Queens’ bank collapses evaCuatiON OCCurS aS ‘BOmB’ fOuNd tWO WOrld reCOrdS BrOkeN BlaSt frOm the PaSt One of the most photographed places in ‘Bomb’ scare Cambridge Selwyn Cambridge was somewhat ruined this week, as a landslide led the banks of at Cambridge rower crosses uncovers the Cam to collapse at the side of Mathematical Bridge in Queens’ train station Paciic Ocean hidden treasure College. he landslide occurred over- here was a bomb scare at Cambridge A Cambridge graduate has helped to Selwyn College has uncovered a night after a retaining wall fell railway station on Wednesday, which break two world records, as part of a bricked-up Victorian-era cooking away from the bank, with River led to the evacuation of all people team of rowers who managed to cross range that dates from the days when manager Jed Ramsey having on the premises. he object, which the Paciic. students had servants. It was found written to punt operators to had been dug up by workmen, was Isabel Burnham, a former Cambridge alongside letters and postcards, dating warn them about the incident. later identiied as an old 15cm bullet. rower, joined the three permanent back 100 years. Mr Ramsey was quick to assure Police were called to the station at members of the team for the irst leg he cooking range would have been people that there was no risk to 8:47am and oices nearby were also of the journey. hey set of from San in one of the college’s original gyp Mathematical Bridge and the sur- evacuated. Francisco in April and have now ar- rooms, used by servants to prepare tea rounding area, which is an incredibly ELIZA JONES rived in Australia after months at sea. and toast for students. popular photo spot for tourists.
‘fOllOWiNg Of milliONS’ (aPPareNtly) a Sea Of PeaNutS hitS NeWNham he Week in Numbers John’s sets up Newnham record label goes nuts Age of Brian Lowe, who recently received his St John’s College has launched its Students at Newnham College have 102 Cambridge MA 85 years after matriculating own record label in order to release been emailed about a “sea of peanuts” music by its “world-famous choir”. left in a corridor. It asked whether he irst recordings from the la- “whoever left a sea of peanuts in Peile bel will come out in May 2016 and Corridor [could] please clean them Cambridge students signed up to sugar dad- promise to be “diverse” and “ambi- up ASAP”, and was signed of: “Love tious”. he college said on its website from your slightly peanut-encrusted 168 dy web site SeekingArrangement in 2013 that its choir is “widely regarded as estates oicer”. one of the best collegiate choirs in his is not the irst time that the the world” that has a “global follow- antics of Newnham students have ing of millions”. led to bizarre emails. In December, Minimum number of ‘yes’ votes needed to “his is an exciting time for both students were sent a message saying: the Choir and the College,” said “A college bed base has been found 2,191 create Disabled Oicer in CUSU referendum Andrew Nethsingha, Director of locked in a running shower.” Music.
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Friday 29th January 2016 Science 11 Interview: Prof. Alastair Compston Life in the stem cell lab
body’s defence system that ‘adapts’ much as in hypothesis, “the power of disaster struck I wouldn’t lose them. Aran Shaunak M chael Baumgartner to best fi ght off a specifi c pathogen. the advocacy of the individual,” as he e result of our experiment had T-cells become ‘auto-reactive’ and put it. Relationships, he says, shaped Sc ence Correspondent both given me a taste of the success Sc ence Correspondent mistakenly identify parts of the brain his career, including those that intro- that an academic feels when they fi - and spinal cord as infectious invaders duced him to the topic of MS research nally look down the microscope and “Knowing about disease is fundamen- and launch an attack. Most students of and brought him to Cambridge, and Six days into my fi rst real taste of sci- see that they were right all along, and tal to asking the right question.” medicine and human biology will rec- so allowed him to achieve many of his entifi c academia, I found myself fac- earned me the respect of my older, I recently had the opportunity ognise this hypothesis from lectures goals, such as being a founding mem- ing stark white light and three sterile more experienced colleagues. And I to speak with Professor Alastair and textbooks, but “this was not es- ber of the prestigious Centre for Brain fume hoods at 9:15 on a Saturday have come to realise that I had attrib- Compston: distinguished physician- tablished dogma at the time.” 25 years Repair. Personal relationships, “not the morning. I had been the willing re- uted some of that success to the cells scientist, fellow of Jesus College, re- ago, Professor Compston followed his force of data,” overcame one of alem- cipient of my own batch of stem cells, themselves; that they had earned the cipient of a 2016 New Year’s Honours hypothesis’s predictions and sought a tuzumab’s most daunting hurdles: get- which I was charged with cultivating, time and trouble it took me to look award, and pioneer of alemtuzumab, drug to eliminate auto-reactive T-cells ting a foothold in the business world. looking after and eventually experi- after them. the current frontline treatment for and thereby stop MS’s progress. is “Businesses are easily frightened off ,” menting upon to hopefully provide If only the story ended there. Real multiple sclerosis (MS). Over the search pushed him into turning the so alemtuzumab had been bought and data of some use to my PhD supervi- life hit like a hammer in the second course of our conversation, he covered Campath-1H antibody, developed sold, though no company chose to de- sor. Excited to be fl ying solo already, I half of my placement, when a year’s a breadth of topics such as advice to here at Cambridge, into a licensed MS velop it as an MS therapy. e break- gave my cells the fi ve-star treatment. worth of cloning experiments disin- aspiring scientists and his views on therapy. through occurred only when the CEO Stem cells are so demanding to tegrated in front of my supervisor’s clinical science. Despite this diversity, A sound hypothesis, he argues, was of ILEX, a San Antonio, Texas-based grow that they often require feed- eyes, nearly forcing us to resort to I was struck by the themes that seemed also essential to shepherd this therapy company, visited Cambridge and met ing every day, meaning that I had no the emergency gin tucked away in to tie together all these ideas, and in through the many setbacks it faced. A one of Professor Compston’s patients. choice but to come in on my sup- the drawer. Cloning experiments that many ways his career as a whole: hy- telling example is alemtuzumab’s fi rst is patient argued eloquently and posed weekend to give them their were going beautifully suddenly col- potheses, personal relationships, and clinical trial: an eight-year experiment persuasively that this therapy had meal (which consisted of whatever I lapsed and we were forced to begin perseverance. that found many nasty side eff ects and changed her life for the better. is could fi nd in the -80C freezer before again from scratch. I fi nally felt the Professor Compston off ered an un- few benefi ts. In spite of this setback, patient and her conviction fi nally con- frostbite caught up with me). So ini- disappointment that comes from un- usual perspective on technology and he and his team still believed in their vinced ILEX to back the therapy. tially I was thoroughly disillusioned explained failure, and found true re- contemporary research based on big therapy. He realised that he had made Twenty-fi ve years after crafting a with the glamorous cutting-edge-of- spect for the resilience of your Average data: “If you are a clinician scientist, the mistake of “treating patients who hypothesis, alemtuzumab fi nally ar- science academic lifestyle that people Joe PhD; after a week, month or year and the focus is on numbers and big were too far gone,” late stage patients rived on the market in Europe and in imagine when you say: “I work in a of two-steps-forward-one-step-back, data and big numbers, the critical hy- who had already suff ered neurodegen- the USA. is brings us to the last of stem cell lab”. To me, it seemed like they still come into the lab with the pothesis needed to understand disease eration from the ravages of autoimmu- Professor Compston’s themes: perse- I had unsuspectingly taken on thou- idea that just maybe, today will be the may be lost.” In our conversation, he nity in the brain. Professor Compston, verance. “ ere were moments of ex- sands of pets. day for a breakthrough. Fortunately a returned to the view that numbers and then facing even higher resistance treme gloom and moments Everything changed over the week of further work resulted in the technology, while obviously impor- and criticism, hypothesised of considerable excite- course of the next week. Working development of a protocol that my lab tant, are not everything. His approach that the T-cells had to be ment.” Only recently closely with my supervisor, a ten- will use to quantify levels of particu- has prioritised concepts of disease stopped early, before they has the success of the hour experiment produced an actual lar proteins in stem cell experiments, pathogenesis rather than seeing what could infl ict irreversible therapy validated result. e lab members were scepti- which had previously been impossi- emerges from big data. is caveat re- damage on the nervous the hypothesis that cal – no one believed it until we could ble to reliably achieve. fl ects the central role that hypothesis- system. A sound hypoth- spawned it in 1988. show them every control experiment My fi rst ever cells were responsible driven research played in his career esis, therefore, allowed Congratulations under the sun. People don’t just get for my fundamental change of opinion and in introducing alemtuzumab as him to diagnose the to Professor results in this line of work, especially on academic life. It isn’t as glamorous a treatment for MS, the achievement fl aw in his experi- Compston on a not the summer student who has no as it sounds: stem cells may not be for which he was recognised. MS is a ment in a way that New Year’s Honour clue what he’s doing. But, lo and be- growing people new kidneys in time debilitating condition, which mani- masses of data alone more than two dec- hold, a protocol based on ‘estimated’ for Christmas this year. But I realised fests as a host of varied, unpredict- would have missed. ades in the making. dilutions and getting bored before that scientists don’t spend weekends able symptoms resulting from the Professor Compston the timer went off produced a near- in the lab and nights with a pad of deterioration of brain and spinal cord believes in the im- perfect result – a testament to the ex- paper by their bed because they have function. Having extensively reviewed portance of perience of my supervisor. to. We do it because the cells become and contributed to the MS academic personal re- us the majority of my planned yours, and you care about them. Your literature, Professor Compston con- lationships as MULTIPLESKLEROSETV placement was completed in the fi rst results become your badge of honour cluded in the late 1980s that the root 10 days. As I fed my cells yet again, that you show off with pride, and most cause of this heterogeneous disease I realised something had changed. It importantly, you absolutely, defi nitely was the body’s own immune system was no longer a chore to feed them, will fi nd the answer to that one, burn- gone awry. or move them into a bigger fl ask to ing question - and you’re damn well T-cells are a crucial component give them room to grow. I wanted to going to do it before anyone else. of the adaptive immune system, the put batches in the freezer, so that if Infection of the psyche: Can our brains catch diseases too?
actual layout of the human brain tracted to it, and thus more likely to don’t have to worry too much about pulsive disorder. seems to agree with this: it is encased be eaten. is is in the parasite’s best patting the college cats; just be extra in a shell of bone and tough mem- interests, because it can only repro- careful on the road. ese fi ndings provide graphic ex- branes, is visually separated from the duce in a cat’s digestive tract. amples of why a healthy brain needs rest of the body by the neck, and has Even a sore throat may spell trouble a properly functioning immune a handy defence mechanism called Toxoplasma doesn’t have exactly the for the brain. Infections by Strepto- system, and how a simple bacterial the blood-brain barrier, which (usu- same eff ect on humans – most hu- coccus bacteria, responsible for ‘strep infection can completely derail this. ally) keeps out toxins and potential mans don’t have an instinctive dread throat’, can spiral out of control into We still won’t catch neural patholo- infections in the bloodstream. So of cats – but Toxoplasma infection full-blown rheumatic fever. is af- gy from toilet seats, but the interplay the idea of brain damage or mental still correlates with risk-taking and fects the joints, heart – and brain. among infections, microbes and the illness being caused by infection, in mental disturbance. For instance, the e neurological symptoms are col- brain clearly shows that looking af- the same way that we might catch a Toxoplasma infection rate is several lectively called Sydenham’s chorea, ter the rest of the body is crucial for cold, isn’t just strange, it’s downright times higher in people who died in which aff ects about a quarter of mental health. Take that, Descartes. disconcerting. After all, there’s noth- fatal car crashes than in the general rheumatic fever patients, and range ing psychological about sore throats population – and dangerous driving from uncontrollable, jerky limb or parasites, right? is strongly linked with risk-taking movements all the way to psycholog- behaviour. (Much like mice running ical signs like slowed cognition and NEUROPOP Except that there might be. Take par- towards cats instead of away from altered behaviour. (Historians might asites, for instance. e single-celled them.) Toxoplasma infection is also know this as St. Vitus’ Dance.) e with Toxoplasma gondii, which is trans- associated with increased schizo- cause is an autoimmune reaction mitted by cats, forms tiny cysts in the phrenia risk; this isn’t true for eve- triggered by the infection: instead of MYLES SOCAR Joy brain of all its mammalian hosts, in- ryone, though, otherwise cat owners just targeting the invading bacteria, cluding humans, where it then hangs would all start hearing voices. In- the body’s immune cells mistakenly Thompson out indefi nitely. And Toxoplasma stead, it’s thought that Toxoplasma kill cells in a brain region called the warps the brain, at least in mice; acts as a trigger in brains already basal ganglia. In fact, autoimmune e idea that mind and body are while uninfected mice instinctively primed for the disease, for instance reactions like this are now linked separate pervades our culture and fear the scent of cats, Toxoplasma in people with a family history of with many psychiatric disorders in philosophy thanks to Descartes. e infection makes them slightly at- schizophrenia. is does mean we children, especially obsessive-com- 12 Interview Friday 29th January 2016
writer, but also varsity introducing incredibly exciting, that the actors who come on board are also said I should going to change what the play is. You pursue it. And so I had a have to be the person at the centre: little group reading where I got everyone’s being creative around friends to read it out loud, and you, but you have to be the emitter, it went really well. And so I drawing in everyone’s ideas and then applied for the show. funnelling them through you. at is, at least, what I’m hoping to do. found out it And now you’re in the was actually a Suff olk process of seeing Peter At what stage of the process did you local myth. I started to Grimes come alive: has decide to direct the show as well? JOE WINTERS is think about the character a the play changed since a third-year Peterhouse student lot, and from that I decided bringing it to stage? About a week after I got the show. I who has tour-managed the Footlights to have a go at doing it fl oated the idea of co-directing with a International Tour Show, written a myself. Yeah, hugely. ere’s couple of friends and they all said that radio play for Cam FM and business- a scene in which since I have such a clear idea of what I managed Macbeth for the European Why did you decide to someone drowns a want, I should do it myself. at was a Tour Group. Now he’s written, and re-write Peter Grimes as a cat and, when I wrote really nice thing for them to do, because is directing, an ADC mainshow: play? that, I showed it to it sort of gave me permission. I haven’t Peter Grimes, a dark tale of death and someone who said directed an ADC main show before, rumour set in 1912 on the stormy It’s a very dramatic story. I it was ludicrous and thought I just wasn’t qualifi ed. But coast of Walberswick. don’t have the skills to write an and I’d never be I have ideas for lighting and set design, opera, and I don’t think you need able to stage it at so we’ll see how it goes. What inspired you to write Peter another opera of Peter Grimes, but the ADC, and Grimes? I thought it lent itself very well to I said: “yeah, Has this process made you want to a play because of its interrogation but I won’t be do this in the future?
I visited these little villages by the of character. He’s a very confl icted DANIEL KARAJ directing it Suff olk sea-side called Southwold and man, which lends itself to close so I don’t care…” Now I’m very conscious of not wanting to Walberswick for years since I was tiny, and careful dramatic interrogation. I look at the script and think: “who sound like a parody of a Cambridge and my family feels very tied to there. I Crabbe’s poem, being eighteenth- Love Handles, and wrote this? It’s impossible to stage!” English student, but yes. One of spent a lot of time walking around the century, doesn’t do that and nor does everyone involved went off Two people drown on stage, a cat gets the things that was brilliant about harbour daydreaming, because there’s Britten’s opera. for a week to write the show. As one of drowned, there’s a massive fi ght, there’s doing the Footlights show last not a lot to do apart from sitting by the tour managers I got to pick where a bar brawl - it’s nightmarish. But the year was that in Edinburgh we the seaside and daydreaming. at’s Was the writing process easier or we’d go, and so I sneakily picked play itself has changed hugely because had a party with generations where it began, the Christmas vacation more diffi cult than you thought it Walberswick so that while everyone I’ve had to really interrogate it with all of people who have done the before last, when I was wandering would be? slept through the morning I would get the fi ne detail that a director would. Footlights tour show, and you around Walberswick and came across up at 5 or 6 am and wander around the If you’re just writing it, thinking that stand in a room, as in the 2015 tour, a handmade printing of the George I have previously written an Oscar town, have some ideas, and then come someone else will stage it, you get very but there’s the 2014 tour, and the Crabbe poem, Peter Grimes. It was Wilde play for Cam FM, which I back and type them up. en, fl ash imprecise, so directing is a process of 2013 tour, the 2012 tour, and by a beautiful edition, so I poured over found really easy, but this was a very forward to the summer vacation, when clarifi cation. You have to scale things the time you get to the 2011 tour, it. I read the poem over and loved diff erent experience because I had no I was at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, down, or because of casting you have they’ve got jobs. You got to see the illustrations; I already knew the intentions of it ever being staged. I where you have to take a week out or to change a character. We had a read- that it was possible to go from the ADC Britten opera and the poem revealed found it a very pleasurable thing to do you’ll run out of money, so I spent that through last night and realised that to working in Radio 4 or beyond. I to me how incredibly diff erent the two character sketches - I have a notebook week locked away in a little bedroom we are very much at the beginning would absolutely love to pursue were. It was fascinating that this story to draw them in. I didn’t fi nd it diffi cult writing a proper draft. en I got back of this process. To me it had felt like it as a career, and one of the nice I thought I knew has a completely to try to build a big play, because I to Cambridge and showed it to a that was the end, because I’d fi nally things about Cambridge theatre diff erent version that predates it. And wasn’t trying to. en, however, I got couple of my friends, who were really given in a written draft, but there is is that it makes it feel possible. then I did a bit more research and to produce the Footlights Tour Show, nice and didn’t say it was terrible, and so much work to do. It’s terrifying as a Joe was talking to Joanna Taylor
Frances O’Grady: “this is real – this can rob people of their livelihoods” eo Demolder speaks to Britain’s most senior trade unionist about the movement she wants you to join
e word ‘militant’, so often ascribed Of course, though, there comes allegations that the National Union All good democrats should want to see Was she optimistic now? She to leading trade unionists by critics in with trade unionism that ‘militant’ of Teachers has been colluding with greater participation in votes of every laughed. “I’m always optimistic! I the media, is one which could scarcely baggage – fair or otherwise – with Islamic extremists – she is quick to kind… I think people feel very sore wouldn’t do this job if I wasn’t an op- be further from the mind when speak- our own CUSU not unaccustomed to remind me that the TUC is “an um- when they see the Conservative Party timist. It’s about recognising that we ing to Frances O’Grady, the General coming under fi re. For O’Grady, it’s brella group”, advising people to get using it to select their candi- do have the power to change Secretary of the TUC – the federation about “listening to and not just lectur- the NUT’s side of the story. date for London Mayor, things for the better.” of UK trade unions. ing people. Trade unions and the NUS O’Grady’s work seems, at its heart, and yet they’re saying And did that include e fi rst woman to hold the posi- are not clubs, we’re movements, we’re to be most about the defence of the val- that it’s not suffi ciently the power to stop tion (and, according to Radio 4, the there for our members; so it’s impor- ues of trade unionism – values which safe for trade union- the Bill? Another 11th most powerful in Britain), her tant that we do stay in touch with what she perceives to be under threat from ists to use.” laugh. “If we appointment in 2013 was the peak of a our members are feeling.” She notes, the government’s Trade Union Bill, As the inter- can’t defeat it, career spent rising through the ranks however, that “there are times when which she believes “attacks what is a view drew to a we’ll certainly of trade unions – an identity as dear to our members want us to be bold… es- fundamental British liberty – the right close I asked her damage it.” her as it is fundamental. pecially when they’re having a tough to withdraw your labour. Although what one piece It’s clear that, “Wherever I’ve worked I’ve car- time – and there’s no doubt that work- going on strike is a last resort, if we of advice she whether you ried the union card, because I think ers and students are having a tough didn’t have that right we would be left would give agree with it’s about looking after yourself and time in the current climate.” powerless in the face of an unreason- C a m b r i d g e her or not, also looking after your work mates.” I In the case of the particular re- able employer who just won’t compro- s t u d e n t s , in Frances asked her when she began thinking in cent ‘tough time’ of junior doctors, mise… that should worry us all.” aside from to O ’ G r a d y this way. She told me: “it was discussed O’Grady asserts that they “without She quotes Conservative MP David join a union. the govern- around the kitchen table – there were doubt won public support because Davis who likened sections of the bill She told me it ment has lots of active trade unionists in my when government spin doctors tried to that which was enacted in Franco’s was to “be op- certainly met family and I think, as a teenage work- to dismiss them as militant that just Spain, and adds “this isn’t just a timistic about a formidable er in the Oxford colleges in the back didn’t ring true with people’s experi- philosophical debate – thousands of the future be- opponent. kitchens, I already had a sense that ences; they – frankly – trusted the workers have been blacklisted in the cause you can joining a trade union was the best way doctors more than the government.” construction industry because of col- change it.” to win not just better conditions, but She explains that “what’s important is lusion between their employer and more respect.” is sense of a personal telling the story. Sometimes because the authorities… so, you know, this is mission evidently endures, and is one we get so involved in negotiations we real – this can rob people of their live- which she urges students soon to go sometimes forget how to tell that story lihoods.” A particular grievance she into the workplace to take on. “It’s the to the public at large; the public wants has is the government’s refusal to al- best way of ensuring – critically – that to know ‘what caused this dispute in low online voting as part of the Bill. “It you get a voice… And that’s in every the fi rst place? And what’s the practi- seems crazy to me that in 21st-century walk of life – we represent footballers, cal solution?’” Britain trade unions are the only or- IT professionals, lecturers… across As far as another case of supposed ganisations in the land who are barred the board, unions are there.” militancy goes – there have been from using safe and secure e-balloting. FRANCES O’GRADY Comment Friday 29th January 2016 Comment 13 e Oscars whitewash points to wider issues
hen the Academy released of privilege. at’s why in the USA, white actor. Straight Outta Compton roles that count for the Oscars, but its list of nominees for this where white men and (to a lesser ex- too, a critically acclaimed fi lm about the drama schools and casting of- W year’s Oscars, social media tent) women continue to benefi t from a black hip-hop group with a black di- fi ces see that this ‘whitewashing’ oc- went into a frenzy. is wasn’t just sur- structural and institutional advantag- rector and producer, was only nomi- curs well before trophy season comes rounding the ‘will he, won’t he’ debate es, they cannot be victims of racism. nated for its screenplay, the writers of around. A 2013 survey of the Screen of DiCaprio’s fi fth nomination, but As Justin Simien, director of Dear which were white. Actors Guild (SAG) indicates that 70 because all the actors in the running White People, puts it, “A joke about Fingers are pointing at the 6,000 per cent of its members are white – this year are white. It was a surprise white people dancing has no impact plus voting members of the Academy and these tend to be the lucky ones when this was the case last year. at on the lives of average white people, of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, off ered the ‘Oscar bait’ roles in the this could happen for two consecutive whereas jokes about black people and whom an analysis by the Los Angeles fi rst place. is all has a trickle-down years is, for many, an outrage. reinforcing stereotypes about black Times in 2014 found to be 93 per eff ect, and the Academy can only You’ll no doubt have read people do have an impact on the lives cent white and 73 per cent male. vote based on what it’s given. that Charlotte Rampling recent- of everyday black people.” We can’t roughout the 20th century, 95 per So perhaps we’re missing the big ly belly-fl opped into the sea of just ‘reverse’ a concept so deeply en- cent of Oscar nominations went to target with the Oscars. e real issue #OscarsSoWhite hashtags by stating meshed in power relations. Clearly, it white actors, and the continued pre- isn’t really who gets to take home a on French radio that the current un- matters who’s speaking. dominance of white Academy nomi- golden statuette, but whether audi- Xanthe Gilmore rest over the Academy’s non-diverse But if the dissenting voices behind nations and electors suggests that lit- ences want their fi lms to refl ect the acting nominations is “racist to white the Oscars backlash are not ‘reverse- tle is changing in the 21st Century. society they live in. Following the people”. Following her stellar Oscar- ly’ racist, are they at least justifi ed? Of course it is entirely possible that pressure mounted by Twitter hash- nominated performance in Andrew Rampling attempted to clarify her the best actors this year all happened tags and plans by prominent indus- Rampling’s comments Haigh’s 45 Years, it’s disappointing comments in the interview by add- to be white. It’s just that this stand- try fi gures – including Jada Pinkett but quite probable that she’ll now be ing: “One can never really know, but point becomes increasingly hard to Smith, Spike Lee and Michael Moore have raised a heated remembered for such asinine com- perhaps the black actors did not de- defend, year after year, without sug- – to boycott this year’s ceremony in ments more than for her undeniable serve to make the fi nal list.” is is the gesting that either an Academy voter protest, the Academy has pledged debate about racism acting prowess. most popular claim in defence of what bias or unequal opportunities in the to double the number of female and It’s not just that Donald Trump is is seen as a ‘whitewash’ of this year’s fi lm industry might also be at play. minority members by 2020. But fi lm- in the fi lm industry making a defi ant fl outing of political ceremony. But many disagree. Rampling later backtracked on her goers can do more still. Some of the correctness suddenly seem a much Idris Elba’s sensitive portrayal of an controversial claim in a statement to most under-represented groups in more attractive position; Rampling’s African warlord in Beasts of No Nation CBS News, clarifying: “I simply meant Hollywood cinema have tremendous statement is really ludicrous. Racism is widely considered to be the biggest to say that in an ideal world every per- power as consumers. Asia is now the is structural, not personal. Criticisms snub. Others include Creed, which was formance will be given equal oppor- world’s second biggest fi lm market targeted at people belonging to a par- one of the American box offi ce’s top tunities for consideration.” It’s a noble and Hispanic Americans buy 25 per ticular group, especially when punch- hits last year, and has a black lead and sentiment, but the only problem is cent of the US’s cinema tickets. If au- ing up, not down, are not the same director, Michael B. Jordan and Ryan that the American showbiz world is diences voiced their dissatisfaction in as racism because to be racist you Coogler, but the fi lm’s only nomina- far from ideal. Not only are minority the world beyond Twitter, Hollywood need to be speaking from a position tion went to Sylvester Stallone, its sole groups under-represented in the top would almost certainly be all ears. A review into graduate representation is imperative
he university’s review into by butchering an (awful) NUS tem- therefore ironic that, unusually, the offi cer and no full-time support staff graduate representation is a plate constitution to make it fi t. GU was not actually at fault. e GU – their mistakes become institutional T fantastic opportunity. We are Unfortunately, the resulting document had, as always, delegated the elec- calamities. encouraged by how seriously the uni- was a disaster and, even more unfor- tion to CUSU to remove redundant We’ve already made great progress: versity is taking the review, and by the tunately, the university approved its reduplication of eff ort. e incor- we’ve hired a new full-time support clear and genuine personal commit- adoption. e Charities Commission rect preliminary result declaration staff member and won trial funding ment of the panel’s members. had to point out it was unsound and was therefore completely out of our for a second Sabbatical Offi cer. is It’s no secret that the GU and CUSU required urgent revision. hands. Regrettably, the Proctors’ in- alone should be enough to avoid a have presented contrasting submis- is set off a chain reaction of ca- vestigation into the aff air took three repeat of past disasters. My attempts sions. It’s a matter of record that a lamity, as the then-President raged months – by which time the victori- at re-engaging the membership have merger with the GU is one of CUSU’s against the university’s attempts to fi x ous candidate had, understandably, also been met with a wave of enthu- strategic aims; in contrast, the GU’s the mess by sending in the lawyers. accepted another job. siasm: there’s a clear consensus that entire purpose is to provide politically e GU descended into such a state of e by-election that granted me my the needs of graduates are distinct independent graduate representation. chaos that the MCRs felt compelled offi ce aside, that brings us quite nicely enough to warrant bespoke represen- Disagreement is inevitable. to remove the President from offi ce. up to the present day. So what can we tation, and a clear lack of enthusiasm ere is absolutely no animosity be- ere followed two years of attempt- learn from this history lesson? for any merger. tween our offi cers – indeed, we work ed clean-up, including – fi nally – a First, the GU has failed its members. We’re now looking to the future. Chad Allen very well together because we rec- functional constitution, but at great It has been so busy trying to avoid im- We hope we’ve managed to make the ognise most of our goals are shared. fi nancial and opportunity cost. plosion that it has not been serving case to the review panel for the GU’s e GU and CUSU jointly provide the A lack of proper handovers ham- its constituents’ interests. ere is no continued existence – but we’re open- Students’ Unions Advice Service, for pered this clean-up, as the GU had point pretending otherwise. minded enough to work construc- example, and the GU was happy to be no permanent members of staff . e Secondly, the GU’s misadventures tively with it on whatever its recom- e GU President invited to collaborate on CUSU’s re- new Trustee Board was therefore were mainly a result of either bad luck mendations will be. And, obviously, sponse to the Government’s Higher not informed, and the accounts had or lack of support. If only the NUS any major change to the GU’s status responds to the Education Green Paper. not been submitted to the Charities constitution was any good, if only will require the consent of the gradu- We’re also under no illusions as to Commission until they were well its bastard progeny hadn’t been ap- ate community via a referendum. university’s review the necessity for a review. In fact, we’d overdue. proved by the university, if only the Despite appearances, the universi- be surprised if the university wasn’t By the time reliable accounts were GU had had a permanent member of ty is changing quickly. Graduates will into the future of reviewing graduate representation drafted for the previous years of may- staff to aid with troubled presidencies soon be the majority of students. It given recent events. hem, the GU had been removed from and handovers, if only the Charities might well be that in the future, only services for graduate Which brings us to the GU’s trou- the charities register. e Commission Commission wasn’t being cut to the one students’ union will be needed. bled history. ere are so many com- has since confi rmed this was a clerical bone, if only the Proctors had come But I don’t think that time has come. students peting rumours fl ying around, that a error caused by budget cuts and un- to a decision sooner, if only… When and if it does, the merger would potted summary of what actually hap- derstaffi ng. e GU has since been re- at is why the GU has not just need to be a partnership of equals pened would not go amiss… stored to the register with our original been arguing for the status quo. We with the consent of graduates – not One sensible place to start the tale registration date and charity number. can avoid repeating these mistakes if the result of a series of unfortunate is 2012, when the GU attempted to e failed presidential election was we’re given time to reform. No char- events, over the top of protestations reform itself into a registered charity the fi nal straw for the university. It is ity can operate well with one full-time from the smaller union. 14 Comment Friday 29th January 2016
How America’s political establishment lost the plot
ver since the 1968 ABC debates funding situation is also instrumen- understandable that public opinion socialist) somehow poses a genuine between William F. Buckley Jr. tal in determining the nature of the supports taking the fi ght to Islamic threat to Hillary Clinton. Despite E and Gore Vidal, American poli- debate. Approximately $7 billion was State, comments such as these serve the latter being extraordinarily well tics has largely followed an adversarial spent during the 2012 election and to show how rhetoric is not an ade- qualifi ed and enjoying solid approval template in which Republicans are la- 2016 is already set to easily outstrip quate substitute for maturity. Clearly, ratings as a result of her long expo- belled “crypto-Nazis” and Democrats this fi gure. e fact that these sums in such a crowded fi eld, candidates sure to the public eye, Sanders is are “queers”. However, as we head into are disproportionately large dona- have been especially keen to distin- only four points behind in Iowa and a watershed election year, the rise of tions from private individuals adds guish themselves in a bid to attract could be up by as much as 20 in New ISIS has unleashed a new level of hys- some legitimacy to the claim that attention not only from registered Hampshire. Evidently, both party teria on the political process. politicians are no longer truly public voters but also those all-important bases are restless for change. is is in part fuelled by the polaris- servants but instead servants of their donors. As a British-American dual citi- ing infl uence of cable news. America corporate paymasters. All this blends together in a heady zen, I am increasingly concerned that does not have a strong public service cocktail of public distrust in what is Britain is on a similar path towards a broadcaster akin to the BBC, which pejoratively termed ‘the Washington dystopian emulation of the worst as- means that the electorate lack an un- establishment’. Donald Trump’s rise pects of America’s political culture, as biased source of political information. from fringe fi gure to frontrunner is adversarial TV debates increasingly While only 38 per cent of adults regu- hardly surprising given that 71 per shift the media’s focus from policy to Alex Mistlin larly watch cable news, cable viewers A HEADY COCKTAIL OF cent of Americans think political personality. Furthermore, the rise of tend to be the most engaged and con- correctness has gone mad. Examples Jeremy Corbyn not only shows how sequently spend far more time with PUBLIC DISTRUST of involvement in congressional bi- politics is increasingly conducted at that platform than viewers of local or partisanship, such as Marco Rubio’s the margins of public opinion but American politics network news. authoring of the Comprehensive also how ruthless the media can be in risks descending is is a worrying trend as many Immigration Reform Act, are not seen its character assassinations. My fear cable news networks are beholden Is it any wonder, then, that cred- as displays of compromise between is that Britain is beginning to pay too into chaos, but the to commercial interests and are una- ible candidates for the presidency warring parties but instead as estab- much heed to those voices who seek shamedly partisan. Fox News contin- are repeatedly off ering blunt policy lishment collusion. At times, it feels as to replace order with chaos. It is only situation here is not ues to be the largest such network by a solutions devoid of nuance and com- though the longer a candidate spends our collective sense of perspective distance and their anti-establishment plexity? For instance, Ted Cruz, who navigating the corridors of power, the and humour that threatens to derail all that diff erent narrative and habitual sensationalis- is currently second behind Trump less qualifi ed they are considered for the inevitable reduction of our poli- ing of the threat posed by Islamic ex- for the Republican nomination, be- leadership of the free world. tics to a circus. tremism has played a crucial hand in lieves that we can combat extremism Despairingly, this misguided dis- Meanwhile, as I pessimistically the evolution of both parties’ presi- in the Middle East by seeing if “sand dain for experience has wreaked survey the future ahead of our trans- dential campaigns. can glow in the dark” (i.e. carpet havoc in both parties. Vermont sena- atlantic cousins, I can only wish that a America’s absurd campaign bombing it into oblivion). While it is tor Bernie Sanders (a self-described semblance of normality will return. Friday 29th January 2016 Comment 15 Drug ring? I’m just here for the tea aving your column openly species of identikit think-piece you we are. Debates are never neutral - around the corner. trash-talked in front of you read, they are either growing con- what’s being debated is our identity. Don’t get me wrong, I am sometimes Emily H falls fairly low on the ‘Fun glomerations of excessively molly- So this is why it’s shameful that the more than up for debate, although as Scale’. It probably falls somewhere coddled students or a dark Stalinist student press has capitalised on the a disillusioned member of the Union between waiting alone for your Van plot to upend society as we know it. WomCam debacle in the way it has. it seems like it’s usually more about Bailey-Page of Life chips sober in the rain (I have Maybe both. Over the past week in Demands for accountability in CUSU- winning than uncovering some ulti- never done this) and having your late- Cambridge we’ve learned that they’re supervised groups have somehow be- mate universal Truth™. Nevertheless, night romantic transgressions caught also just fronts for sinister, university- come synonymous and interchange- I write this column because I am for- on CCTV by your college porters endorsed drug cartels. Who knew, able with the complaint that in such tunate enough to occupy a place of (again, no idea what this would feel eh? Don’t mind me, I was just here for groups one has to ‘walk on eggshells’ relative safety from which I am happy like). the self-care tips, not the crack and to avoid giving off ence, a place where for my views to be publically debated. As a journalist, I publish my views heroin. you can’t instigate a good old debate. But being openly demeaned is neither and I know that not everyone is going Yet after this particular incident in I will say it until I am blue in the face. debate, nor something I’m prepared to agree with me. But as I sat in hall hall I was reminded of my need, as a Safe spaces are not places for debate. to sit and endure. munching my way through a delec- woman, for the safe spaces I have avail- Safe spaces are places where there is On a side note, while anti-depres- table plate of mildly subsidised food, able to me. ese are places where I an agreed, existing consensus on cer- sants don’t taste very nice (pro-tip: it was not a reasoned, incisive debate will not be ridiculed, reduced down to tain points. You go there for solidarity, don’t chew), what leaves an even that I was suddenly subjected to. Let the nearest available stereotype. Yes, you go there for healing. People in safe worse taste in the mouth is e Tab’s alone that, I was not even granted the safe spaces are a place where ‘debate’ spaces aren’t being shielded from de- sensationalist approach to medica- respect of being involved in the con- takes a backseat to respect. And this bate; they’re just tired – tired, in fact, tion in its reports. Sharing medica- versation. My friend had asked me is vital. from having these same debates over tion is something I would personally if I was aiming to end up as the next Because anyone’s interest in social and over again. A survivor of sexual not condone, but let’s not stoop to the Caitlin Moran, and the group next to justice will almost invariably come assault is tired, and understandably level of Daily Mail-style infographics me suddenly erupted. Caitlin Moran?! from a place of immense pain. No traumatised, by the debate society ex- describing the side-eff ects of what e While debate is healthy, Just a silly ‘gossip columnist’, marked- one chooses to be a feminist for the poses her to all the time over victim- Tab calls “strong” anti-depressants ly unworthy of her place at e Times, fun of it, just to rile e Spectator blaming, that she should somehow (what’s a ‘weak’ anti-depressant, a we must take care to she has nothing to say of value. My every once in a while. When a social shoulder the blame for an assault cup of tea?). If we’re arguing for peo- mouth was still full of chicken at the justice campaigner speaks, it is not a committed against her. If as a white ple taking these medicines while fully preserve safe spaces time so as this cracking banter passed detached intellectual exercise. It is by woman in a safe space you are asked informed, in close consultation with back and forth I didn’t really have the its very nature inextricably emotional. to check your privilege, someone is their GP, let’s not turn e Tab into chance to clarify whether I too was in- When we speak, we are not debating not using race as a weapon. Feminism some pseudo-scientifi c drugs educa- deed a ‘silly gossip columnist’, but the the character of neutral truth. We are has traditionally marginalised women tion body. Implying that those who implication was fairly clear. My friend fi ghting for the respect we deserve yet of colour, and we need to centre in on take anti-depressants are members and I looked at each other in silence have not been given, we are fi ghting those voices to redress the balance. If of a sinister “drug ring” experienc- and our conversation was over. against everything that has made us it’s a debate you’re after, you probably ing “lack of emotion”, “yawning” and Safe spaces get a lot of fl ak. feel so small, not for the things we do, got lost on your way to the Women’s “blindness” isn’t really helping to re- Depending on which particular sub- the columns we write, but the things Campaign Discussion Group. It’s just duce stigma. H e a d s p a c e In her third weekly column, Rhiannon Shaw considers the importance of being sad sometimes
to snuggle my cats? Is it PMS? which as children we’re told are ‘bad’. anti-depressants is that they stop you when it catches me by surprise I I’m only sort of joking. It’s es- I think at some point we’ve all turned from feeling the extremes. Many peo- panic. No one puts trigger warnings sentially my DIY-CBT, which I’ve to a friend and said ‘don’t be sad!’, as if ple I have spoken to aren’t keen on on songs that make you think of your only started to fi nd useful since my avoiding and supressing their response them because they numb the senses, dad. emotions became more manage- was the healthy or mature thing to do. which was a concern for me. I like I stayed and listened, though, be- able. Trying to talk yourself out of Sure, nobody likes it, but you’ve got to writing stories and what-not. What cause I felt okay. I was sad, but it was ‘knowing’ that you’re the most hated, let them out at some point - otherwise if my new limited emotions prevent- okay. It made me think of my dad most annoying, ugliest person in the they’ll appear at inconvenient times. I ed me from being that instrument dancing to his old vinyls. He used to world is like trying to herd lots of re- once burst into tears when my French through which poetic inspiration can be able to do a really bizarre dance ally angry badgers. I’d talk myself out teacher asked me how much holiday fl ow? Well, it hasn’t really done that to move where he lay on the fl oor and of one ridiculous thought and right allowance the average British person be honest. Maybe if I ditched the pills essentially fl ipped himself up onto his into another. ‘Oh, so you don’t think gets per year. I’d be able to look at a daff odil and feet with his hands behind his head. Rhiannon Shaw you’re the worst person in the world? So we’re all going to be sad at some break down in joyful tears at the sight It occurred to me that I probably You must think you’re the best. God, point. But that doesn’t mean that I’m of it bobbing its little yellow head but, wouldn’t have remembered this had you’re always thinking about yourself, about to welcome my depression back for now, it’s enough that I can still feel I kept the emotions of intense self- you’re selfi sh AND arrogant.’ with open arms. Depression is so very warm and fuzzy at times. loathing and panic that used to suf- at was me at my worst. I’ve got diff erent to sadness. Before, it felt I was sat in a café the other day. focate my memories of him. My dad s someone who has a pretty better. I like my anti-depressants be- like I had 10 diff erent emotions run- It’s one of my favourite places in belongs to me again, rather than be- fraught relationship with their cause they have reduced my emotion- ning around in my head and none of Cambridge because they play Motown ing a weapon my head can use against A emotions, I’m constantly in al repertoire to a reasonably healthy them would listen to me. Depression and sometimes Northern Soul. I heard me. I guess you could say I felt really the process of trying to work out what level. ey work for me because when drowned out my ‘real’ emotions. the opening notes of ‘I Can’t Help happy to be sad. I’m feeling, why I’m feeling it and if they work I simply can’t access any e most common complaint about Myself’ by e Four Tops. Sometimes I’m ‘allowed’ to feel that feeling. Since feeling that could utterly overpower deciding that certain extremes of me. ink of it this way: the strongest ‘feels’ were not conducive to leading cocktail of terrible circumstances can my life comfortably and with any level only make me feel rubbish for a couple of productivity, I’ve become quite in- of days, rather than a couple of weeks. vested in keeping myself at a low ebb. Before, when I had a bad day my clas- Yes, friends, that’s why you haven’t sic solution was to crawl into bed and seen me at the discos lately. Nights of say mean things to myself. Now I’m staying up past midnight and eating clear-headed enough to actually want sweets after I’ve brushed my teeth are to make myself feel better - perhaps behind me. by buying a nice shampoo, or looking I have a neat little checklist to ensure at pictures of baby alpacas. that today’s emotions are valid. Am I When Inside Out was released this feeling particularly het up because I’ve summer, it got me thinking about the lowered my dose of anti-depressants? idea of having fi ve diff erent charac- Or is it because that article on e Tab ters tearing about in my own head. I gave me real pause for thought about liked it a lot because it has the kind the state of student journalism? Have I of useful and practical moral message not had enough coff ee today? Am I se- that gets people talking about mental cretly homesick? Do I miss being able health and how to treat the emotions 16 Comment Friday 29th January 2016 Cambridge’s relationship with illness is far from healthy
ast week I had to message my forgiving, that could mean feeling are promised then mislaid, resources something that should be underesti- staircase’s Facebook chat to pressured to travel to your faculty or on Moodle can take weeks to be up- mated, particularly for those who are L ask if one of them could bring lectures when you’re not in a state to loaded, and we’re still a few centuries perfectionists, juggling time-consum- me water because I couldn’t stand up. leave college (I got light-headed and away from the technology allowing ing extracurricular commitments, or And you thought your Friday night almost fell over on the road outside someone to read my books for me. have a history of mental illnesses such escapades were pathetic! is wasn’t a Pembroke on my way back from lec- as anxiety or depression. hangover, though, but a nasty four-day tures, which was a pretty scary ex- However, even if that’s too extreme stint of freshers’ fl u. I’m lucky enough perience, given that I’m not fond of a change, I’d suggest a simpler one: not to have compulsory lectures, so I getting run over) or staying up until monitoring how lectures are sched- spent a good deal of last week sleep- 4am to write up a lab report when you uled. I’m an English student, and out ing, drinking cinnamon tea and read- need sleep to recover. Both of these, WE’RE ALL GOING TO END UP of my lectures this term, there are ap- ing (or failing to read) Montaigne. of course, will just lengthen the stay CURLED AROUND A MUG OF proximately double the amount of lec- But this is hardly the position every- of whatever virus you’ve picked up, or tures in the fi rst half than there are in one fi nds themselves in when they get leave you immunocompromised and LEMSIP AT SOME POINT the second. It was the same last term. sick. If you’re a NatSci, for instance, weak, vulnerable to whatever illness If the lectures were dispersed more four days of missed work becomes next crops up in college. evenly, getting ill in the early weeks Dani Cugini a seriously diffi cult hole to fi ll in. As e bad side of independent univer- Of course, with your average bug, would not be such a catastrophe. for me, I don’t know if you’ve ever sity study is that there’s only so much the nurse can’t do much more than Other practices can also be adjusted knocked out an essay on Renaissance your friends can do. Even my friends give you paracetamol and tell you to in the case of illness, such as scanning humanism in two days, but suffi ce to on my course are often covering wildly get some rest, but that doesn’t mean and emailing work instead of deliver- Better provisions say you don’t get much sleep. So, is diff erent material on any given week; changes couldn’t be made to reduce ing it to a diff erent college, or even be- need to be made to illness at Cambridge just one of life’s God knows my Mathmo neighbour is the amount of work we’re missing. ing able to simplify an assignment so it little inconveniences, or is there more not going to have much luck helping e case for a reading week has is less of a strain to complete and still reduce the stress of that could be done to alleviate its me through Utopia, just as his diff er- been made extensively in the past, covers most of the material. eff ects? ential equations might as well be writ- and has so far failed to make a dent, We’re all going to end up curled falling behind How badly illness can set you back ten in Sanskrit to me. but the case for it still stands. e dif- around a mug of Lemsip at some point with work partly depends on your su- Taking out books and lending them fi culty of getting a higher-than-aver- this term, but being forced to make with work pervisor. Mine, luckily, was support- to your sick friend is lovely in theory, age workload completely fi nished in ourselves sicker by working too hard is ive, although he did point out that it but likely to lead to a surprise £10 a shorter-than-average time and the a short-sighted approach that can put was important I got something in to overdue fee when you both forget unwarranted mental strain this can us out of commission for weeks. stop me falling behind. If yours is less about it until week 6. Lecture notes take on Cambridge students is not
Miranda Slade
eekly sipping a herbal bour over an erudite response that May and voted for the re-election of people. Apathetic was understood Mostly this is because I don’t look tea in the corner of the creates the apparition of noncha- the status quo? as being fi ne with things as they around me and see apathy, but rather M Sidgwick Buttery this lance while dripping with allure. are. Who these apathetic voters are, antipathy. Antipathy is not quite so morning, I watched some unassum- Yes, that is where the orgasm gap I haven’t really been able to discern well suited to rhetorical fi nesse and ing omnivore enjoy a pain au choco- chat was heading – talk about an- anywhere. It is my suspicion that no convention. In its very nature it be- lat and a cappuccino. Lucky for him, ticlimactic. If you think politics is such ‘they’ exists, as to homogenise longs in the spirit of protest, on the languishing vegan I am this month, best left outside the bedroom, I will the voting people in this way is both march and on strike. For the sake of I did not have the strength to jump remind you that we are taxing some patronising and lazy. recognising the many young people the tables between us and snatch his of the most disadvantaged fami- that only feel allegiance to dissent, breakfast from him. I watched him LET’S BE IRREVERENT, lies in the country for the luxury of ese arguments have their merit, it needs its own rhetoric. Putting and felt the unbearable burden of MAKE A LITTLE JOKE that room. If you think but what off ends me is the self- across my own views varyingly leads ‘Veganuary’, a pain that is defi nitively that I shouldn’t use congratulatory cleverness of to me being accused of being fl ip- not au chocolat. OUT OF EVERYTHING a sexual alle- the style. When an argu- pant or a Trotskyite. gory to talk ment is laid out in such e self-deluded optimism of Janu- about David a sequential manner, Using the desolate language that cre- ary is coming to an end. As week Cameron, I using such sterile lan- ates the illusion of things being just two bleeds into three and we creep e problem is that the politics of will excuse guage, the intent be- the way they are is bound to create towards the middle of term, stand- indiff erence work. We’re all playing myself for comes so much more an illusion of apathy. Even worse, an ing to attention and ‘being the best hard to get, although we are probably cra ssness , insidious. e impetus illusion in which those who are an- you can possibly be!’ slumps into the hard to want. Take this hypothetical and remind to respond and debate gry (wherever they stand on the po- familiar ‘do what you have to do to relationship into the physical realm you that he feels irrational. To read litical spectrum) are shut down by a get by’. and you may arrive at the impasse is fucking all articles that present a false notion of ‘common sense’. that is the orgasm gap. e restau- of us. seemingly airtight re- Indiff erence is hard. Feeling it and rant scene in When Harry Met Sally sponse to outspoken e more power we place on rheto- acting it are two very diff erent things. is still depressingly relevant: a LOT I found myself politicians and public ric, the more we divert the trust we For example, if someone I can’t recall of women fake orgasms for many dif- reading articles unrest really, really put into politics into the hands of swiping ‘Yes’ to on Tinder sends me ferent reasons. (I do not, on princi- about the ‘apa- pisses me off . spin-doctors, or the press. Instead, a message asking what I’m up to, ple – the bedroom is one of the few thetic’ British let’s be irreverent, make a little joke featuring an emoji of their choice places I try to be sincere and leave out of everything, because at least to construct the illusion of wit or my incendiary sense of humour else- then nothing seems quite so fi xed charm without wasting characters, I where). and unshakeable, and options will probably feel indiff erent and not other than apathy will be a little deign to respond. If someone I lust Where else are we settling for less bit more open to us. after sends me an identical message than happiness? How about the ma- (and discards the emoji), I must la- jority that left their homes back in BBC WORLDWIDE/LIFETIME 18 Culture Friday 29th January 2016
whether to listen to a fuddy- standpoint where radio shows duddy DJ recycling the latest its worth. In sporting coverage chart hits or to curate their too, following via the radio is a own playlists on Spotify or Ap- unique and thrilling experi- ple Music must be something ence. One need only look at of a no-brainer. Who knows the rampant popularity of Test best what the individual wants Match Special, the BBC’s live to listen to, than the individual cricket coverage at the mo- themselves? ment, to see the cult following that a brilliant radio produc- However this misses the point tion can inspire. To hear the entirely, for radio is a medium ceaselessly eloquent Jonathan that has embraced the Internet Agnew struggling to describe with open arms, and it con- the loutish behaviour of the tinues to benefi t as a result. Barmy Army on tour, or Geof- Declining listening fi gures are, frey Boycott’s Yorkshire drawl largely, a result of the perpetu- lamenting how everything was al decline of analogue radio. In ‘much tougher in his day’ is an 2015, digital radio accounted entertainment experience that for 41.9 per cent of audiences, can’t be replicated on televi- with around 30 million people sion. aged over 15 tuning in to digital stations like BBC Radio I suppose what makes radio so 5 live Sports Extra. special to me, above all else, is its intimacy. is was most is is no bad thing, as the clear when news of David GIVE RADIO quality of digital radio and Bowie’s death broke a couple podcasts has never been better. of weeks ago. With tributes From a personal perspective, I pouring in across Twitter o, e Buggles, video A CHANCE enjoy radio almost exclusively and journalists scrambling to has not killed the online. Digital radio continues pen obituaries and analysis, Nradio star. Almost to get better and better, par- I switched on BBC Radio 6 weekly, proponents of radio on why we should all tune in to ticularly musically; one need Music and listened as promi- seem to be fi ghting against this beloved medium only look at Apple’s new Beats nent and professional DJs the medium’s prolonged death 1 station to see how important struggled to process the news. knell. Every new develop- radio continues to be for the Listening to Lauren Laverne ment in digital music has been artists themselves, with big- fi ghting back tears while work- characterised as the straw that hitters Drake, Run e Jewels ing her way through highlights will break radio’s back once and Stormzy hosting their own of Bowie’s back catalogue was and for all – and yet, here we has shows on the platform. simultaneously gut wrenching are today, still alive and still coloured e and uplifting. thriving. me as one who Guardian. Its I am adamant that there is will endlessly argue for radio’s digital sister station, 1Xtra, no better way to hear new or Radio’s best quality is its I should probably make clear usefulness and signifi cance in did not fare much better, its alternative music than via the humanity; its unique ability to now that I’m quite biased in the face of those who believe it listenership falling by around radio. ere is something so communicate directly with the my feelings towards radio. For is obsolete. 25 per cent. e general con- satisfying and surprising about listener, and for the listener to me, it’s not only a treasured sensus for mainstream radio’s hearing a great new track for respond in turn makes switch- means of entertainment, but Statistically, the reading is not dwindling listening fi gures the fi rst time across your radio. ing on the radio feel like enter- it’s also been a hobby and a pleasant. Last year, the BBC’s points the fi nger squarely at It’s impossible to recreate the ing into a dialogue with the DJ. passion for me at university. fl agship station Radio 1 saw the Internet, and the ever-in- frantic Shazam-ing on hearing is, for me, is why radio is My involvement with Cam its audience drop to its lowest creasing prominence of digital a new banger, or the shouts of such a treasured medium, and FM, where I’ve presented a level for more than a decade, platforms for enjoying content “tune!” that erupt when the DJ why it will never be obsolete. gloriously pretentious music losing some 830,000 listeners online. For younger people spins an old favourite. How- It’s going to take a lot more show over the past two years, in the year according to in particular, the question of ever it’s not just from a musical than video to kill the radio star. CHILD’S PLAY NO MORE
Sarah-Jane Tollen discusses the new phenomenon of adult colouring books
ummaging in the at- in her room. Flicking through, during this time. Strangely, and encourage a sense of children’s cereal reminiscent tic, a cardboard box the designs were beautiful the anxiety dissolved as I achievement. Improvement of a Monday morning before nonchalantly labelled as and elaborate: an intricate concentrated upon the image in cognitive abilities and school. 01 The John Hughes Arts Festival is R now in its second year ‘Stuff ’ bursts with the colour- labyrinth made of fl owers, a before me, shading the forest memory capacity have also ing books of my childhood. I peacock bedecked in nature, scene and slowly colouring it been concluded, and ‘art After half an hour of colour- 02 One of the many intricate designs have fond memories of sitting his feathers leering across into life. I felt a sense of order therapists’ must be registered ing orchids and butterfl ies available in adult colouring around a dimly lit kitchen the page and morphing into and agency, things that had and licensed with the Health deep shades of pretty purples books in the middle of winter with swirling vines. e colours been rattled by the onset of a and Care Professions Council and delicate blues, I slept 03 Mustafa serves up Berlin’s best my brothers, colouring in were ordered and fresh, and it Cambridge degree, character- to practise. quietly, without being awoken kebabs from his kiosk outside images of robins with rib- took me a while to gather that ised by the fl urry of academic by rushing thoughts of dead- Mehringdamm U-Bahn station bons streaming out of their they had been shaded only re- and social commitments that Even as the adult colour- lines or the constant, anxious beaks, or watching e Little cently with the small, delicate sweep you up and do not let ing book market has soared turning of my body. Whether 04 The Berlin skyline: the city has be- Mermaid in my classroom box of colouring pencils lay- go. I began to feel slightly by joining the ‘mindfulness’ the result of a self-induced come a hotspot for international street food as the rain trickled outside. ing on the shelf beside them. insane, my pride in my scepti- craze (Cambridge is even of- ‘mindfulness’ session, or the Most if not all of the images cal, logical nature challenged fering ‘mindfulness’ classes as outcome of simply tearing 05 Currywurst mit Pommes from the in these colouring books are Wired on a shameless volume by ‘mindfulness’, that pseudo- part of its counselling service myself away from the mul- original ‘Curry 36’ in defi led with colour: fl amboy- of black coff ee, bleary eyed psychological buzzword. this term), it has also contrib- tiplicity of glowing screens Mehringdamm ant pinks that burst out of the from staring at a screen all uted to the surge in interest that make up my daily life, the outline, and smiling dolphins day, and fretting about the Yet the type of artistic for items of nostalgia, aptly popularity of adult colouring erratically shaded with a books piling up upon my expression that is found in named the ‘Peter Pan’ market. books is a material outcome strange concoction of greens desk, I sceptically borrowed adult colouring books is very Adult colouring books oc- of the buzzing anxiety that and oranges. eir pages are one – Johanna Basford’s much a popular therapeutic cupy a strange line between lies concealed and unnamed weary with soda stains and best-selling Secret Garden technique. ‘Art therapy’ is ‘mindfulness’, which involves in modern society. smudged fi ngerprints, yel- – imagining it lost in the utilised in response to various a complete relinquishing to lowing with age and confi ned whirlwind of papers disorder- modes of emotional trauma the present moment, and Perhaps in a decade or two I since the 90s to a box in the ing my desk. After receiving and medical conditions, from this new market for child- will wistfully look back upon darkness where we store all numerous badgering mes- cancer patients to bereaved hood experiences, a regres- these books, but instead of the remnants of youth. sages asking if I had tried it or orphaned children; art sion back into an emotional seeing Ariel’s fi ery mane and yet, I begrudgingly grabbed a becomes a vehicle of expres- state of the past. Adult-only hearing the drip of the rain, It was a strange sight, then, to few colouring pencils before sion and communication, summer camps in the USA I will remember the smoth- discover my friend’s collection bed one evening, wondering giving a medium to individu- are burgeoning, and East ering pressures of my adult of colouring books, lined up how much progress I could als through which they can London’s wacky ‘Cereal Killer life between the velvet green and illuminated upon a shelf have made with my essay cope with stress and trauma, Café’ tempts with sugar-laden leaves. Friday 29th January 2016 Culture 19
PREVIEW AMELIA OAKLEY JOHN HUGHES ARTS FESTIVAL
Katie Wetherall talks to curator Emma Veares about this year’s festival
Tell me about John Hughes. same connection with the one that submits has the po- beautiful.’ As soon as you make like to go to, there’s a com- Chaplain as the founders. tential to be displayed. We’ve people aware of what it is, and edy night, and there’s poetry! John Hughes, was our Chap- aimed for a diverse range of how easy it is to get involved, You know, I’m actually really lain at Jesus, who sadly died So there’ll be students in fi rst mediums, from photography, they’re very keen. Perhaps excited for the opening of the in a car crash in June 2014. He and second year who won’t to sculpture, to paintings, to it’s because I’m doing more Gallery on the 5th. Drinks, was a parental fi gure around have known the Chaplain, drawings….variety and open- art things now, but it feels dancing, live music, and all the college that people really but are still proud to cel- ness: that’s what we’re going like there are so many more artwork will be out for the fi rst appreciated. He cared for ebrate his life? for. opportunities for creativity in time. I’m looking forward to student wellbeing more than Cambridge at the moment. seeing everyone come together anything else. He was also Exactly! I didn’t know him, but ere’s Queens’ Arts Festival, in the space – it’ll be a nice really active in encouraging I helped with the festival last our Arts Festival, it feels like buzzy, fun atmosphere. the arts, and wanted to use the year and now we’ve got fresh- there’s been a resurgence. Chapel for all sorts of creative ers getting involved – people Say 10 years on and the festi- activities, not just religious who feel like it’s a really impor- ANYONE THAT SUBMITS Can you give us a sneak pre- val is still going. How would services. I think a lot of stu- tant cause, even though they view of the pieces of that will you feel? dents felt personally aff ected don’t know him personally. HAS THE POTENTIAL TO be in the Gallery? 01 when he died and wanted to Really proud! And really happy do something that would last. You’re the curator of the BE DISPLAYED We have some really exciting to have been involved in the So, in 2015 students founded Open Hang Gallery. How photographs coming up from fi rst and second festivals. To the John Hughes Arts Festival, have you approached the London from a connection, Ed see people still retaining the to celebrate his life and get role? Eustace, who did the festival passion for something which people involved in art. Do you see lots of creativity last year and is now at Art is not personally connected to We haven’t got a theme. around college and Cam- College in Chelsea. We’ve also them anymore, but they feel What are you expecting this at might be something we bridge? got some fantastic pieces of is an important thing to keep year? introduce later on, but we’ve Cambridge, and impressive going. at would be lovely. wanted to keep it really open, e last two weeks people paintings and drawings, all e enthusiasm we’ve had really accessible. Last year it have been submitting loads hanging in two very creative e festival runs 5th-7th is more than we could have was just based around Jesus, – I’ve checked my emails spaces. February at Jesus College, and ever expected. e festival but this year we’ve opened it today and it’s blown up. And all events are free. For more has stayed in more or less the to the whole university. We when you reach out and ask What would be the highlight information go to jjhaf.soc.srcf. same form, but it’s growing, want to get as many people as people, people rarely ever say of the festival for you? net/index.html it’s getting bigger. People are involved as we can, so it’s not no. People like to come out of even more invested in it, even just a Jesus celebration, but a the woodwork, and say ‘I’ve Oh God. ere’s a life drawing though they didn’t have the Cambridge-wide event. Any- made this thing, this is really class on the Saturday which I’d 02
LUKE WALKER ANNA’S CULINARY CORNER
eek one for me will always be the place to go of genius was born by acci- “Ich bin ein Berliner”, “I am a fare well as aeroplane cargo. kicked off not in (think Chelsea buns at Fitzbil- dent, when a case of clumsi- doughnut.” Obviously no one So if you see someone quietly Wmy college library lies), and in this case the votes ness in a kitchen resulted in had mentioned to him that all weeping outside the Van of but in, uhm, Berlin. It was converge on Mustafa’s Gemüse the combination of ketchup you need to do to transform Life or Fitzbillies, it will be me a study-related visit, rather kebap, a humble van in Kreuz- and curry. I know, I know, from a doughnut into a Berlin suff ering from separation anxi- than a cheeky start-of-term berg, Berlin’s Little Turkey. Currywurst is perhaps not the inhabitant is to leave out the ety from my beloved döners get-away, I promise. But as most appetising sounding dish, article. and Berliners. Such is the life with all studying, whether in e sometimes hour-long but I can vouch for its place of a food tourist. your local faculty or in the queues and multiple mentions among the best street foods, as Enough of grammar. 03 German capital, you won’t get in all the travel guides testify it is one of the things I gave up Mohnkuchen won’t get your far without a bite to eat. In the to Mustafa’s well-deserved my vegetarianism for. German skills into history below-freezing temperatures place on the throne of Berlin’s books, but as a love-it-or-hate- that my trip coincided with, kebab kingdom, and with feta As unconvincing as it may it thing this class of diff erent
MARIANO MANTEL I had no choice but to take cheese, roasted aubergines, sound, I have not sold my types of poppy seed cakes is shelter in cafés between (and deep fried potato, salad, a soul to kebabs and sausages. well worth a try; after trying a admittedly sometimes during) touch of lemon, and the ‘secret How could I survive solely on version topped with caramel- BEST OF academic sessions, build up ingredient’ (carnivores have savoury sustenance in a place ised almonds from Bäcker some calorie-induced insula- theirs with chicken), Mustafa’s like Germany with its Kaff ee Wiedemann near the old tion, and, well, convince myself döner is a kebab like no other; und Kuchen tradition? What Friedrischstraße crossing point BERLIN that food is as valid a form of it single-handedly redefi nes pubs are to England, bakeries from East to West Berlin, I am culture as any other. the hangover cure as a culinary are to Germany: these havens openly in the love camp. 01 Mustafa’s Gemüse masterpiece. of dough serve more varieties Kebap at said, fresh from the of freshly baked bread than all A perhaps less divisive op- airport, I found myself in a big As such, the döner was well the contestants on the Bake tion is cheesecake, which in Daily 10:30am-2am, queue outside a small kebab worth the biting cold and the O ff put together could dream Germany often incorporates Mehringdamm 32 04 van. e thought process in forty minute wait, but I have to up, and pride themselves in quark, a soured milk delicacy. my pretty solidly frozen mind confess to envying the queuing more pastry options than your A real fi nd here was a quaint 02 Currywurst 36 must have gone along the lines strategy of the person behind standard Patisserie Valerie. café by the name of Princess of ‘when in doubt, go for a me: this fast food afi cionado e obvious choice in Berlin is Cheesecake: their traditional Daily 9am-5pm, döner’ and ‘when in Berlin, do was whetting his appetite by der Berliner, a type of dough- German cheesecake, Königli- Mehringdamm 36 as the Berliners do.’ snacking on another German nut without the hole (why you cher Käsekuchen, was one of street classic, Currywurst. e would cut out a bit of your the lightest, fl uffi est things I 03 Bäcker Wiedemann Allow me to explain: Berlin main competitor to kebabs, pastry remains one of life’s have ever tasted, and I regret is the kebab capital of Europe Currywurst, or ‘curry sausage’, great mysteries to me), fi lled leaving Berlin without sam- Hours vary, and the birthplace of the is a sausage sliced up and cov- with jam and topped with a pling more of their creations Friedrichstraße 149 döner. A modern take on the ered in a mild sauce of ketchup fi ne coating of sugar. – Piña Colada cheesecake, traditional grilled kebab cre- mixed with curry powder, anyone? 04 Princess Cheesecake ated by Turkish immigrants, fi nished off with a decent dose is happens to also be the the döner became the no. 1 of chips and a bread roll. classic bake that got J.F.K. con- It was with great sadness that Daily 10am-8pm, fast food option in Germany in fused: in a valiant attempt to I had to surrender to the fact Tucholskystraße 37 the decades following WWII. Like with so many culinary incorporate German into his that the contents of half a As with all classics, there classics, apparently this piece speech, the president declared bakery would probably not 05 commercial feature 24-26 Fitzroy Street Hair and Beauty Cambridge CB1 1EW
e famous K-Middy blow-dry is so Rush are industry leaders and their hair experience for a fraction of the ing unforgettable experience and I tion to do so in one that boasts one of 2015! Even our own Duchess has cot- award winning stylists are regulars price. eir student price off er is an love working closely with my young the best universities in the UK.” toned on that 2016 is all about the at London and Milan Fashion Week, extremely reasonable £25 for a La- team to help them grow and develop undone, tousled nonchalant blow- working backstage at Mary Katrant- dies Cut & Finish and £15 for a Gents as stylists.” With glossy black fl ooring and well- dry. A new, less is more eff ortless zou, Central Saint Martin’s and Ga- Cut & Finish, which will no doubt see lit aesthetic, the salon is modern approach has replaced the rigorous reth Pugh. the salon fi lled with the cities bright With the university on their door- and comfortable. With a young and perfected look. So with this new hair young fashionistas. step, it looks like gorgeous hair is go- vibrant team, Rush is the ideal salon trend to deal with, what better time e ethos of Rush is rooted in its ing to be on top of some of the clever- of choice for the savvy smart student for a beautiful new salon to open its world-class training and ability to Varsity spoke to Rush Franchisee est heads in the UK, at very student who wants the best hair in Cam- doors to ensure our tresses are kept provide beautiful hair at aff ordable Gentiana Restelica, who opened the friendly prices. Gentiana added, “I bridge, not just the lecture theatre. If on trend. Enter Rush Hair who have prices. What makes the salon group salon last November. Gentiana said chose Cambridge as my location be- our hair is the crown on our heads; opened their doors and are injecting so unique is their artistic team per- “Rush are known for attracting a cause Rush are all about promoting then thanks to Rush, you don’t have a little glamour into Cambridge’s bus- sonally train the hairdressers on very loyal client base and I’m always fashionable and beautiful hair at an to be a Duchess to enjoy it. tling Fitzroy Street. sight so you will receive a world-class delighted to off er clients an amaz- aff ordable price and what better loca- the varsity
cryptic crosswordSet by Glueball
Across 8. Dig up short extra- terrestrial (7) 9. Singer’s ability to echo after sounding (5) 10. Second rate singer’s music bridges key Argentinian right, English left (8) 11. Hearing penny drop – it’s fruit! (3) 12. anks for the gardening equipment and water feature! (5) 14. e French Financial Times is hot on red politics (7) 15. Vote in backwards head of East English Defence advocate (7) 17. Perform again in response (5) 19. Prime limb? (3) 20. Crafty street rat, for example, goes by Indian Charlie (9) 6. Plant is abnormal, nice alga (8) 22. Welcomed in team in ski city (5) 7. Villain taking ecstasy has run out (6) 23. Initially Germanic language, total mess, 13. Group opinion is disease is terminally featured stops (7) severe – take care! (4,4) 15. Evil in heart of American lawyer abiding by moral code (6) Down 16. Broadcasting a genre makes some angry (6) 1. Boot into goal – golden! (6) 18. Fisher’s tool to address problem (6) 2. Sounds like an actor is ready to get into this? 21. Opening up – a scandal! (4) (4) 3. Brew agent’s rum spirit, hypothetically (9,4) Congratulations to Jake Choules for submitting the 4. She, Kelly, had money (6) fi rst correct answers to the crossword in Issue 802. 5. Campaigners restrict reproduction (13) Please submit answers to [email protected]. Friday 29th January 2016 Features 21 SIMON LOCK
IT’S NOT ALL MOËT AND MAY BALLS...
An anonymous student’s tale of drunken debauchery on the streets of Cambridge
7:30pm what a bargain. on the shoulder, wink in the direction Life, Lion King style. Crew is head- defi nitely the best time to embrace Time to stop working. Take no heed of the door and you should be in… ing to VOL. Order cheesy chips and that Inner Cantabrigian in you. Punts. of the desks around you, laden with 9:30pm bacon under the guise of Moham- To Magdalene Bridge ASAP. Onto a studious all-nighters; your shift of ‘Bar?’ Ah, the routine text from the 10:39pm med. Tell the VOL man how much wonderfully rocky vessel with Pedro academia is done for the day. fresher who has taken it upon himself You have been sent to the back of the his daughter has grown (according and you really ARE Fry, Cromwell to uphold the collegiate community queue. Ostracised from da crew and to the photo). Watch in appreciation and Hawking all rolled into one, 7:37pm every night since fresher’s. It’s sort of your not-so-loving security guard. as a fi ght over homemade chilli sauce living the life. One question to the Freshers 2K14 endearing but secretly you wonder Now standing next to some very commences. Sit down by WH Smith, chat ‘ oughts about tonight?’ and if he should talk to someone about imposing third years from Christ’s. strike a very random chord with a 1:42am Messenger is getting active. Very ac- getting out more. ey say he never Didn’t realise third years still venture homeless man and his dog, who, like Quite damp. tive indeed. Shouts are fl ying in from leaves. to Cindies; tragic and beautiful all at you, has a penchant for cheesy chips. Still living the life. all directions. e air is riddled with once. He turns out to be very lonely and Pretty certain your lab partner indecision, swaps, bops and formals. 10:20pm needs someone to talk to. You give from Clare would appreciate a visit; To Turf (and feign your edginess) or Because it’s Cambridge and lectures 10:50pm him your number and tell him if he pop past the porters with a cheery not to Turf? Lolas gets a look in but call tomorrow morning, just as the In and loving the 30 seconds of ever wants to chat you will always be familiar smile. Walk in on lab partner good old Cindies comes top as per; ten o’clock news gets going it is of- bangin tuuuunes. Making full use of there for him. fast asleep. Inform him this is not tradition should never be rejected. fi cially time to head out. e queue your Cindies loyalty card, Jägerbombs acceptable, it is early and he needs makes Cindies look like Bieber’s slipping down nicely, throwing shapes 12:30am to be more fun. Just because he is 8:15pm world tour. A newfound confi dence in every direction, orchestrating In Life. Not quite sure how that at Cambridge. Get into bed next e grapevine is hanging heavy with tells you the security guard thinks mosh pits and generally creating good happened or who you are with but to him (Pedro hops in too) – it’s all rumours that Tarquin is hosting pres you’re very hot. Undoubtedly. It’s vibes. Yet to be pulled down from twerking with NBF Pedro is getting been pretty knackering. Congratulate (v. impromptu – classic Tarquin) at a sure way in. You sidle up to him, dominant dancing position on the you some serious appreciation on the yourself; you’ve made it past twelve his. Now. Glistening from the sprint intensely fascinated by his life - how tables. Loo trip with the gals, manda- dance fl oor. which in ‘bridge is intensely hardcore. to his room (paranoid about FOMO) long are his hours, how old his tory mirror photo amongst the other Remind yourself you only have to you get stuck right in, discussing the daughter is, does he miss his wife, oh pouting lasses #justforthememories. 1:03am do this once a term to be considered intricacies of Corbyn’s Christmas so sorry, you hope the divorce wasn’t Out of Life and strutting through hardcore. card with Tarquin’s pals whilst guz- too messy, no way, you’re a veggie 12:01am the quiet streets of Cambridge. Light zling Sainsbury’s home-brand gin – too. All going swimmingly, a coy tap Not going to last until e Circle of bulb moment as you realise this is Congratulate yourself again.
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was so sure that I wasn’t going never be a one-size-fi ts-all generali- Cindies, just as Wonderwall comes your partner is entirely possible, but to be a statistic. I mean, univer- sation because every relationship on for the 4th godforsaken time in it requires a lot of sacrifi ces, sacrifi ces Isity was going to be a cakewalk is diff erent. All I can do is talk the night, but it’d be nice to meet that in my opinion we shouldn’t really compared to Spain, right? We would from my own experience, with someone, well... nice, for once. be making this early in our lives. no longer have to go months on end the risk that it might not But for all the uncertainty, So, to LDR or not to LDR? at is without seeing each other, probably be relevant to you in the rejection, and meaningless the question. Ultimately, the deci- only a couple of weeks at most. And slightest. But I’m probably drunken pulls, there’s also sion is yours to make. As nastily as it then everything was going to be fi ne right. I am an all-know- a lot less pressure. I no ended, my relationship was incredibly and dandy and we’d end up getting ing “gap yah” wanker longer have to answer to important to me, and I wouldn’t be married and having babies and a dog after all. And my advice anybody but myself; I the person I am today were it not for called Al and live happily ever after to you, dear reader, don’t have to feel guilty my ex. for ever and ever… is for the love of God TO LDR OR anymore for having fun. don’t start university It’s incredibly liberating. Saying that, I realise now that the For context: I took a “gap yah”, and in a relationship. distance just made things too dif- I managed to last nearly a year in a Admittedly, it was com- fi cult, and we drifted apart. I think it’s LDR despite living abroad for months I was very cocky when NOT TO LDR? forting to start univer- much better to cut your losses, take at a time. But then I came to Cam- I came to Cambridge. sity in a relationship. It those experiences forward with you bridge and my two year relationship Here I was, sur- that is the question... took a lot of pressure off into the future and enjoy university was over by Week 4. What happened? rounded by people social interactions during without any constraints. But what do Well, there is no one answer. at’s from the year below Freshers, which meant that I know, eh? the thing with relationships, there can who weren’t as cultured I could get to know most of or as mature as me, right? the opposite sex without being ese youngsters, fresh a nervous wreck. at’s the hid- out of school, probably didn’t den problem with LDRs. ey’re have a clue what they were do- like that smelly blankie you used to ing. I had spent time abroad getting drag around with you as a little kid: high with people in their late 20s, I’d sure, it makes you feel safe but even- “discovered myself” and, of course, I tually you outgrow it. was in my cushy LDR - I had my shit together. My breakup was pretty horrible. I Granted, not everyone is in the same was a blubbering mess for most of position as me. At my college, there Alas, it turned out in fact that my shit Michaelmas, as my friends can attest are quite a few people in relationships wasn’t together at all. Two terms in to. with people outside the Cambridge and it still isn’t. University, especially bubble and they seem pretty content. Cambridge, will change you in ways I was incredibly naïve, but looking Technology certainly helps; Skype that you’d never imagined. And that’s back now a few months later, I realise sessions will be a regular fi xture if where everything starts to go tits up. that it was the single best thing that you want to keep things going. Travel You’re in a new place, surrounded by could have happened to me at that costs can be somewhat minimised attractive and intelligent people, some time in my life. Sure, the single life with a student railcard. And it’s fun to EMMA WOOD ridiculously so. is place becomes is pretty depressing if you’ve come share all of the new things in your life your home, your friends become your straight out of a loving relationship, with them when they come to visit. new family, the library becomes your especially if it’s your fi rst. It sucks prison, and alcohol becomes your not having someone to spoon, cud- However, it does have its drawbacks. God. It becomes incredibly diffi cult dle, and be completely comfortable Most of these people haven’t integrat- to devote the same energy to your around. Regular sex is pretty sweet ed socially into college life, and it can bae back home when there’s so much too. I mean, I’m not asking for much be diffi cult to try to reintroduce your- other stuff going on, and that’s when here Cam; I know it’s highly unlikely self in Lent term when all the cliques things start to fall apart. that I’ll meet the love of my life in have started to form. Staying with THE LOST ART OF WANDERING
Juan Luis Bradley gives us a rambler’s guide to the often overlooked sights of Cambridge
roudly the city of the bicycle, ous. It eventually reached the point I knew well from the commute to Road, I stumble across another such sageway of Maltings Lane. It’s hard Cambridge often gives the that the other side of the railway line lectures. warren. Here, the sights include a to see much that has changed here, Pimpression of a city in a rush. became familiar territory, and that piano lesson in a bay window look- other than the angle of the buildings, Its streets resound almost continu- the average length of my walks was Last Saturday I set out to regain my ing out on to Tenison Road and a seemingly bending lower with age. ously with the squeaking of wheels around 10km. at may seem a little old pastime. Starting on Huntingdon distinctive red footbridge over the and that distinctive noise of frantic obsessive, but in the absence of any Road, my plan was to do a loop of railway line. ‘Distinctive’, in that its One of the most useful things brake applications. However, behind other sport, these wanders became the city, avoiding the traditionally length and covered nature make you provided by these walks, besides the lines of cyclists and the my primary source of exercise. well-known areas as much as pos- feel as if you’re trapped in the the scope for interesting sights newly-christened cycle It was never really about sible. Cutting through the recreation endless corridor of a and moderate exercise, is ‘superhighways’, the exercise, however. ground behind Histon Road, a green horror fi lm. the space for thought. there lies a diff er- Walking around space guarded by bizarrely-shaped As Nietzsche ent place. A city introduced me metal lamp posts, I headed north Passing two remarked, “Only that stands to parts of into Arbury. Home of the Cambridge other main thoughts apart from Cambridge that Gurdwara, this suburb is possibly roads, Hills reached by the rush, could never seen most often as a destination Road and walking have a city of be seen when on double-decker buses. Wander- Trumping- value.” sleepy cycling. e ing down through long avenues ton Road, Victo- dense war- lined with semis, I reach the broad the city is walk, rian terrace ren of lanes thoroughfares of Milton Road and changes which took houses and tucked away Chesterton Road. e latter of these completely. just under seldom- between the brings back mixed memories of trips Tightly- two hours, visited green Grafton and to the boathouse, the last place I did packed was in no way spaces. It’s a Parker’s Piece, any exercise other than walking. terraces and exhausting or city that opens dotted with tiny Crossing the river and traversing the streets are re- exhaustive of itself up to the pubs. e rows of wide swathe of Midsummer Com- placed by snak- what there is to be casual wanderer. terraces leading off mon, I enter the aforementioned ing green fens. It’s found in Cambridge. the bustling Mill Road, warren of lanes at Fair Street. What when you circle the A slightly strange way I won’t pretend that I put a thoroughfare which would is striking about these lanes is their city that you realise just of using up precious free my free time to a ‘normal’ use. Par- feel at home in North London. apparent ability to house a thriving how lopsided Cambridge is in terms time it may be, but it is arguably a far ticularly in my fi rst year, I would get e misty network of fens clinging range of public houses in the most of urban development. e western greater way to get to know the city some work done, get out of college to the Cam, including the well- obscure of places. In the very midst side, dominated by second college than being restricted to the trinity and start walking. My walks began in appointed Paradise Fen. All of these of this maze, where Elm Street meets sites, grand houses and Sidgwick, of lecture sites, college and shops. the city centre, the streets everyone areas would certainly see the odd Eden Street (another great name), has a considerably more open feel. Particularly when those commutes knows, but with time they would cyclist, but in general they seemed there are two pubs glaring at each To get there from the fens, I wander are made on two wheels. become more and more adventur- far removed from the city I thought other. After Parker’s Piece and Mill through the historic, twisting pas- PHOTOS: JUAN LUIS BRADLEY Friday 29th January 2016 Features 23
THE 5 WORST TYPES OF YOUTUBE: PHILLYGAN SUPERVISION PARTNER
William Dorrell reminds us of the characters we never want to be paired with again
e supervision partners e worst thing is they 01 who just never stop. 02 are lovely. THE THE MACHINES SUPERHUMANS ey’ve done next week’s If their ability to juggle work, they’ve done next commitments translated term’s work and don’t even into ball skills they would ask about next year. You have run away with the cir- arrive fashionably on time cus long ago. Timetabling in your best dishevelled is always an issue, be- fl uster, to a tut from your cause, obviously, “any time supervisor, produce your before lunch is rowing, the dog-eared sheaf of papers orchestra rehearses at 4:00 and sigh at the comparison. and my play is perform- e most recent Microsoft ing from 6:00, what about font is a poor copy of their Sunday at 8:00am?” And handwriting, straight lines the worst thing is they are are simply not an issue, and lovely. Charm, wit, and when their joints haven’t charisma are just three been oiled for a while you more balls arcing gracefully can defi nitely hear them through the air… and you squeaking. can’t help but hate them for it. However, despite their space-age intellect, their at doesn’t make you a chat is primitive at best, bad person, right? “I have that type of pen as well”… Um … great.
ey’ve apparently researched 03 04 every topic, every viewpoint, BONUS: THE THE CONTRA- every statistic. THE VEGETABLES DICTATORS CLUELESS “I’m really glad you brought that up, but I’m afraid I’m going to have to disagree.” It doesn’t matter who’s talking: you, the graduate supervisor or the world leading source on beetle mating habits, the Contra-Dictators always have something to add. ey’ve appar- ently researched every topic, every viewpoint, every statistic, and managed to form contrary opin- ions one hundred per cent of the ?
time. e faux politeness is what IMOGEN SHAW really grinds your gears. ey don’t disagree hesitantly – despite what the carefully stuttered intro would suggest – they relish the disagree- ment, the controversy. ey feed on it, and you defi nitely think they e supervision partners who struggle grow as their monologue begins with the basics. to roll, or maybe that’s just the Let’s be honest, supervisor’s weird interrogation you know you’re one of us. .. style lighting. Turning up has always been an issue (“4:30, oh yeah, cool, yeah, cool, I’ll see you there”) and, to be honest, their presence is more of an anti-presence. Like an intellectual Like a primeval hunter they swoop. sponge they absorb your carefully crafted, 05 vaguely academic aura, and leave a vacuum THE INTER- into which the hour slowly spirals. Ques- RAPTORS You vaguely mentioned Europe, aaaaaah Europe, a link. From their vantage tions directed towards them hang above point, very much outside the conversation, they spy an opening and, like the the room, like the executioner’s axe. You fi rst feathered dinosaur in an Attenborough documentary, they plummet feel like you should jump in but some vague towards their prey. “Sorry, just - if I may, I was recently looking at some feeling of schadenfreude stops you. very interesting European literature, specifi cally some German works of the young Hegelians School.” And that’s it, suddenly the supervision turns into e sight of a world-leading academic a one-man variety show. You’ve seen it before, this one’s never coming back. trying to pull enthusiasm from a breathing It’s masterful how they bat away the insinuating heavy comments from the turnip is just too entertaining. supervisor and your meaningful glances. Time for an hour of ego-stroking. And you thought you’d signed up for a maths degree. 24 Fashion Friday 29th January 2016
at 10pm in an old hoodie, it is no bold gym kit for a little longer than Nonetheless, some brands stay fashion statement, but the comfort necessary, because they appreciate truer to the origins of sportswear, and eff ortlessness of this kind of the comfort and practicality they exploiting new, manmade fi bres for dressing is something the fashion provide. Wang himself has often said a futuristic, durable look, applying
GOSHA RUBCHINSKY world is taking seriously. that he doesn’t play any sports - the the athletic notion of maximising key to the evolution of this trend performance to everyday wear. Looking good is not simply a question is that sportswear is now largely Perhaps all this attention to detail is of dressing formally, and no one divorced from its origins. Brands like all the more appealing because we wants to live their daily life according Wang, Acne Studios and Christopher still feel deep down that it’s a daring to the strictures of black tie. Sure Raeburn take casual staples and pay move to deliberately dress in sporty enough, streetwear as a genre of close attention to their form and clothing when all the activity we’re fashion is a reaction to this, as is the construction. In doing so, they elevate doing that day is walking to Sidgwick recent trend towards 90s throwback these clothes above their humble and back. athletic looks - we all know someone origins, so a casual athletic piece who rolls up to every lecture in can be not just stylish, but in fact For those who can aff ord it, it makes Adidas wear. But athletic fashion has luxurious. perfect sense to seek the security moved beyond the street and onto of assured quality and design when the runway. e radical Russian attempting this kind of aesthetic. designer Gosha Rubchinskiy But what about those of us seeking has now shown several shows athletic chic on a Sports Direct at Paris Fashion Week budget? e best bet is to opt for with models dressed like LOSE THE MINDSET THAT structured styles in more complex Soviet Olympic hopefuls, fabrics. For sweatpants or joggers, and many established ‘IT’S ONLY A TRACKSUIT’ look for elastane mixes and don’t fashion houses, even be afraid of polymers - this is one brands steeped in context in which 100 per cent cotton the traditionalism of is worth avoiding. T-shirts made SPORTS-LUXE French couture such Basic rules of fi t and tailoring apply from silk blends provide a casual as Saint Laurent and equally as well in a casual context as drape while maintaining a fl attering Christian Dior, are on Savile Row - if you are going to silhouette. If you commit to this STYLE embracing sweatshirts step out in joggers, you might want to look, lose the mindset that “it’s only a ho goes out and sports shoes. be extra certain they fi t and hang well. tracksuit”. ere is no reason to skimp in a tracksuit? on the rise of fashionable Another key to this casual luxe trend on athletic basics if you want to pull WWhile popular Luxury is no longer is the application of unconventional this off , and even going for traditional wisdom warns against sportswear just about big fur coats fabrics. is often comes in the form performance sportswear brands such wearing sportswear and couture dresses of high-quality traditional textiles not as Nike over cheaper options can staples such as trainers - Alexander Wang is normally associated with sportswear, ensure you look eff ortless rather than and sweatpants outside of probably the pioneer of such as tailored twill fabrics, silk just like you just stopped caring. Most their ‘intended’ context, they this kind of casual luxe. His and even leather, as the newfound importantly, confi dence in what you can be incorporated into a look incredibly popular collections function of athletic garments has are wearing will help you nail sport- that is fashionable, hyper-cool, are infl uenced by those young freed designers from the need to stick luxe - you want it to be obvious that even sexy. Sure, if I’m in Sainsbury’s urbanites who tend to stay in their to ultra-effi cient materials. you are dressed like this on purpose.
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SPRING LIFE OF GALILEO AWAKENING
Rebecca Vaa talks about the Noa Lessof-Gendler talks to Gus Mitchell about the upcoming Corpus Mainshow background of the play
his interpretation of Frank Wedekind’s Tgroundbreaking play raises the question: what on earth does rock music have to do with the suff erings of young people growing up in a time that seems so far removed from our FÉLIX PARRA/MUSEO NACIONAL DE ARTE FÉLIX PARRA/MUSEO contemporary world?
Adapting this play to a musi- cal, particularly one of a rock concert style, is incredibly apt. is disjuncture between the experiences of the characters and the world of song create an incredible forum in which to illustrate the universality of the troubles of puberty and budding adolescence, the timelessness of the themes of the show, as well as give the characters room in which to share their emotional journeys, their doubts, their desires with the audience.
Song is a powerful means of communication that resonates with so many people on deeper levels than speech, and the music and lyrics of this show provide a great tool to high- t’s not really of a specifi c those in power – so obviously that’s it’s very freeing.” Zephyr adds, “He Zephyr answers the same question. “I light the complexities of its genre,” says Gus Mitchell, the very fi tting.” apparently used to correct himself all think we’ve got a really amazing cast,” central themes. is adaptation “Idirector. “It’s epic theatre, Zephyr Brüggen, the producer, has the time and say things like, ‘Who the she says. “I saw them yesterday for magnifi es this universalising which Brecht developed along with similar views on what makes the play hell wrote this?’” the fi rst time and I think they’re really eff ect even more, really drawing a couple of other playwrights. Genre so thought-provoking. “It’s really spontaneous, brilliant people who attention to how these issues can is tied up with how the writer wants powerful because of the way it shows Next I ask a bit about the direction. seem to be able to work with texts relate to contemporary society, the audience to react emotionally, and how social and scientifi c change work What specifi cally has been tricky, and in diff erent ways. ey were really just as much as they did in a that was what Brecht was struggling together. But it’s also going to be re- what’s been the most interesting to experimental and enthusiastic about more conservative, traditional against – he wanted his audience to ally interesting visually, because it’s work on? “Something really tough has playing around with the script.” Gus time period. be emotionally detached so that they half costume drama and half modern been turning the play from something agrees: “ ey’re so playful, they’re could think clearly about the issues he dress, and we’re using fi lm and lots grand and epic into something that not afraid of going all out and looking Going through puberty, explor- was presenting. He wanted to create of lighting techniques and a lot of works on a smaller scale,” says Gus. silly. ey’re not afraid of doing Alan ing physical relationships for the a critical distance between them and music.” “ e RSC had it covering many years Rickman or Darth Vader voices. fi rst time, and grappling with the performance so that it becomes a and miles on a massive stage; we’re sexuality are all central experi- sort of intellectual exercise.” doing it in the Corpus Playroom, so Lastly, I want to hear what I should be ences for the life of any modern obviously it’s got to be much more looking out for in the performance. teenager, and therefore Wede- Gus, a second-year English student at intimate. And in terms of the acting, What should we bear in mind as we kind’s work is just as timeless as Trinity, has really done his research. it’s been really diffi cult to pin down. watch? “I don’t think I want anyone this musical adaptation suggests. But it does sound like he’s set himself You could assume from the text that to come in with any preconceptions, And indeed, despite the idea a challenge – why, I ask, did you pick BRECHT ALMOST WANTS IT TO Brecht almost wants it to be acted because I think the journey is about that we live in a progressive, Galileo? “It’s got tonnes of diff erent BE ACTED BADLY badly to alienate the audience; to working it out for yourself,” says Gus. liberal society in which there is stuff , which is why I liked it. It has make it really strange and jarring. But freedom of expression and tol- very tragic moments, but it’s also at the same time it’s got to be really “But it might be interesting to look eration, taboos around sex and satirical and funny.” But with such a good to engage the audience. e best out for repeated phrases which are sexuality are still prominent in complicated play – Gus admits it’s Gus explains the thought process Brechtian performances I’ve seen are almost chorus-like, and also visual all corners of the globe today. not a light-hearted stroll in the park – behind this: “Brecht can be done in ones where the acting is almost spot- motifs which recur in diff erent per- I wonder who it’s going to appeal to. a very minimalistic way to alienate on but just a little over the top – ‘act- mutations. And it’ll also be good to Access to sex education is so the audience. But the other option ing in quotation marks’. And getting think about why things are jarring varied and arbitrary, and fal- “I think, for a start, that the scien- is to use lots of extra interruptions the actors to do that has been hard when they’re jarring – like when the lacies about things like preg- tifi c subject matter might appeal to to comment ironically on the action, because it’s just so unusual.” music or projections don’t seem to nancy, STIs, and homosexuality people who wouldn’t usually come to and music and projection, when used match up.” continue to exist due to the lack see plays,” he says. “I’m hoping that intelligently, can do that. at’s what And what’s gone well? “I’m really of acceptance and, quite simply, scientists might be interested in the we’re aiming for – the ironic coun- happy with the music choices!” he “My advice is to pay attention to the the failure to give people the appraisal of their subject. But also, terpointing to the text which Brecht says. “We got pressured into picking things which seem really stupid,” says tools to understand it. Sex is still if anyone looks up the play and does really liked. It shouldn’t be distracting the music in a hurry” – “our biggest Zephyr. “ ere’s an ongoing joke such a closeted subject, and the a bit of reading about it, they might but illuminating.” production catastrophe so far,” adds about milk which is funny but it’s persistence of taboo has extreme fi nd things within it that resonate. Zephyr – “but it somehow came actually making a really serious point. consequences for many young Something Brecht strived for was “ e great thing about epic theatre is together in the heat of desperation, You have to really pay attention to the people all over the world. to create plays which could mean that because you’re trying to alienate and I found a pattern which I think text: it’s not the kind of play that you diff erent things to diff erent people in the audience you can sort of get away comments really well on the play. So I can just sit through and understand Keeping that in mind, the diff erent times, so I hope that people with anything,” says Zephyr. “You can hope people will really enjoy listening without trying. ere’s always some- themes of Spring Awakening are will come and take from it whatever make use of all sorts of techniques to it in relation to the action.” thing else going on and you need to essential to preserve and to con- comes naturally, because that’s ex- in weird ways which will seem cool concentrate to understand.” tinue to bring to the stage. is, actly what he wanted.” because the play leaves space for it; And he tells me later that he’s got among so many other reasons, Brecht deliberately never laid down about an hour’s worth of music for So it’s not the kind of play for relaxing is why I am so thankful to have With such an open text, I wonder if any rules.” a play which isn’t much longer. Is and snoozing through after a long had the opportunity to direct that’s aff ected Gus’s interpretation. it modern music? “Yeah, it’s pretty day? “Defi nitely not,” they both laugh. this show. “Oh, defi nitely,” he says. “In Galileo, And Gus gives me a curious insight much all modern. ere’s some Zephyr continues, “Everyone says which he wrote in 1947, Brecht was into Brecht’s attitude towards his own chants, but it’s mostly folk music, that about their own play, but it’s par- commenting directly on the atom plays. “He’d rewrite them, and add like Bob Dylan, Peter, Paul and Mary, ticularly the case with this one.” Spring Awakening is on at bomb, but I’ve chosen to base the comments like, ‘I don’t know how I Woodie Guthrie, other protest music. 7:45pm, Tue 2nd February 2016 play around climate change because I thought this before, this scene is all And then Daft Punk is in there, some Life of Galileo is showing at e - Sat 6th February 2016, at think the main message of the play is wrong…I don’t know how this should other electronic stuff …” It goes on. Corpus Playroom at 7:00pm from ADC eatre how science and initially good inten- work, but it could be attempted like Gus has really gone to town on the Tuesday 2nd to Sat 6th February 2016 tions can be turned to bad ends by this…’ He’s not massively didactic, soundtrack. Friday 29th January 2016 eatre 27
‘lad culture’ vibe. Casting the whole the play was set today, there’s no way my ideas have changed somewhat. I student body as female would have Hector could get away with it. e feel like it’s quite obvious that Alan
FREDDIE DYKE (hopefully) called some of these other thing that’s come up a lot in Bennett was discussing the play with lines out. We immediately came up rehearsals is how unrealistic it is that Nicholas Hytner, the original director, against licensing restrictions, with our eight students from one school could while he wrote it, since there’s some contract saying that we couldn’t do all get places at Oxbridge for the same bits that have us tearing our hair out anything to change the ‘intent’ of the subject. It’s been really diffi cult for over stage directions (or lack thereof). play, particularly gender-swapping. In everyone to get their heads around Since the fi rst rehearsal, my idea of the end we cast the students gender- the idea that everyone could get in, the play has developed into thinking blind, though they’re still all techni- since it’s something that we have all of it as a type of collective memory cally playing males. I love the way that been through ourselves. I think it still that’s set in the past, rather than being the female and male cast still create resonates with students at Cambridge in real-time with the audience, which the same dynamic as in the fi lm. It though, perhaps far more so than it resolves some of the issues of charac- also helps (I hope) to dissipate the would have done on Broadway. It cre- ters speaking out to the audience for idea that I think still hangs around ates a weird sort of dual nostalgia – instance. comedy, that females can’t be as both for when it’s set, a time we never blatantly funny as males. experienced, and for moments in our EC: e History Boys has been fre- own lives. quently voted as one of the nation’s EC: e play is set in the best-loved plays. Why do you think 1980s. Do you think EC: Has your idea of the play or any that it is so popular? Eleanor Costello (Varsity): that it’s something that of the characters changed over the Have you tried to do any- will still resonate with rehearsal process? GFB: I think it’s because the teachers thing diff erent or unusual students at Cam- themselves are so universal. Everyone with the play? bridge? GFB: I don’t think the characters can relate to the types of teachers it HISTORY themselves have really changed, but portrays – the inspirational one, the Gaia Fay-Lambert: When GFB: I think that it’s one thing which does keep develop- one whose lessons always seemed fun we set out to put on this massively a product ing is this idea of Hector’s voice. We but irrelevant, and the one who just play, the original idea of its time, and I established right at the start of the spoon-feeds you the facts, who you’re was to gender-swap the BOYS think Bennett was process that he has lived in Yorkshire massively grateful for when you get students, and we spent a very conscious of all of his life, but his words aren’t ac- to the exam! e boys themselves are lot of time thinking about in conversation with director this when he wrote it. tually written with any Yorkshire dia- very relatable, and you can feel that what the impact of this What strikes me about lect, and in the fi lm version Richard you yourself are part of the play. e would be – the fi rst thing Gaia Fay Lambert the play is that the Griffi ths doesn’t have an accent either. characters are also all completely was that Hector’s ‘fi ddling’ ‘paedophilia’ isn’t really We’ve tried it a few diff erent ways, human. ey all have very evident immediately became more an issue to the characters with a broad accent and without, but fl aws, but you can’t help but like them. sinister somehow, and one of – when Hector is caught ultimately we’ve ended up coming up e History Boys manages to strike a the other key things was that a out, the Headmaster has more with a whole backstory for exactly perfect balance between humour and lot of the lines said by the students of an issue with the homosexual why and how Hector speaks the way poignancy. I just hope that we can do are very gendered, with a sort of aspect of it than anything else. If he does. In terms of the play itself, it justice! CHLOE CARROLL
PRODUCT
Eleanor Costello chats to Lucy Moss, director of Product
ucy Moss is lounging on one of pauses to pull a face at me. “It’s pretty called ‘Product’; it’s making a state- But Cambridge has such an abun- how this would work as an ensemble the sofas in Caius JCR, typing awful. A woman from London meets ment about how people will make a dance of female talent – for every piece.” Lfuriously on a Mac perched on this Muslim guy on a plane and ends narrative about anything to sell fi lms. good male actor there are fi ve good her lap. As I walk over, she looks up up taking him home with her. He It’s really interesting to consider female actors, so when I held audi- I ask Lucy how she thinks the play and smiles, snaps her laptop shut, turns out to be a terrorist, and then what’s acceptable to be told as a story. tions it became clear very quickly that will be received. She looks slightly and rises to shake my hand. Lucy is she becomes a terrorist, but then she And as well – the play was originally it would work better with all-women. worried, but then laughs. “My dream the director for the Corpus Playroom changes her mind after a dream… It’s written as a one-man play by Mark I feel like you can get away with more is to get a fi ve-star and a one-star lateshow Product. It’s a play I’ve heard the worst script ever, but because the Ravenhill for him to perform at with female actors – there’s some- review. I have no idea how it’s going nothing about, and she is keen to fi ll producer is selling it so hard there are Edinburgh, so he is ironically selling thing really interesting about watch- to go down – I think this is going to me in. parts which become almost convinc- himself in the process.” ing a female actor playing a man being polarise people a lot. It’s about toeing ing. It’s very funny and very dark.” very sexist about women. the line – we don’t want to be scared “Basically, this producer is trying to So who’s the lead? “We’ve done of off ending people, we want to make sell his idea for a script to a famous Lucy pauses for breath, and we get something a bit diff erent - we have “ e play is diffi cult to stage because the play dramatic and appealing, but actress, with the idea that he has to onto talking about whether the play four people playing the same char- it gives you so much but also so little at the same time we want people to get her on board at all costs. He’s try- is making a statement about Islamo- acter throughout, and it’s actually to work with”, Lucy reaches for her see that it’s tongue-in-cheek. A lot of ing to use any means possible to con- phobia. “ e producer never tries to all-female.” Lucy laughs as I look at script to show me. e script is only people will hate it, but hopefully a lot vince her that this is the best script be political – the statement of the play her in surprise. “Yeah, I was casting a few pages long, and it’s one long of people are going to really get it.” ever – but the problem is, the fi lm is is about him embarrassing himself it gender-blind originally, and I had monologue. “ e script is probably super-off ensive. In some productions with his terrible script. He’ll make a it in my mind that I would cast men the most diffi cult that I’ve had to work Product will be on at the Corpus they’ve named the script ‘Moham- story about anything, and this is what because there is an undercurrent of on because there are so many nuances Playroom at 9:30pm from Tuesday med and Me’”, and at this point Lucy is selling at the moment. e play is ironic sexism in the play. to it. It’s been tricky to work out 2nd-Saturday 6th February 2015. 28 Reviews Friday 29th January 2016 THE WEINSTEIN COMPANY
army extras, and a lack of good fe- the sensitive young heroine with the TV male dialogue. ere were (at a rough force and thought that she deserves. guess) 100,000 minutes of close-up Meanwhile, Paul Dano’s Pierre is pas- footage of grim-faced Russian male sionate, irritating, idealistic and love- War and Peace leads staring into the distance while able. It’s a very fi ne turn. e count dir. Tom Harper riding in a carriage. Natasha had all Ilya Rostov, Marya Bolkonskaya and the charm of a scientifi cally reani- Vassily Kuragin (his face looks like a mated potato. Meanwhile, the 1950s wet towel) are great supporting char- American version consisted in its en- acters and for fans of Jim Broadbent, can’t really tell you what it’s about tirety of bland glossy actors leering at he’s back and playing Jim Broadbent or why you will like War and Audrey Hepburn. in this too. I Peace: it’s a 1500-page novel af- In any period drama it is hard to Stylistically it is beautiful: sweeping ter all, and I can’t get it all down here. get us to look past the ballrooms and us past grand pastel eighteenth-cen- Bonaparte, court politics and fi nance grandeur. is adaptation avoids that tury mansions, looking like a row of stalk the aging aristocrats in the dens pitfall. Deft camerawork means that iced cakes on the snow, into twinkling of the ancien régime; simultaneously we are close but not too close to the ballrooms, and through the deep sex, death, war and marriage pull the action. e script is wonderful, the greens, purple-grey mountains and younger generation along at a bewil- dialogue contemporary and unpre- autumnal low lights of the Russian dering pace as they try to make sense tentious. Lines like, “I feel like every- countryside. It’s so well shot you feel of it all. e hypocrisy, tangled plot thing I say or do or think turns out to you could reach out and ping the crisp lines and intrigue resemble Game of be wrong” is neither fanciful nor jar- morning air with a fi nger. ey have rones, but the thoughtfulness and ringly overdramatic. With the recent even come up with an earthy Russian- interesting tone that this BBC adap- BBC series Dickensian the director inspired choir to score the work. tation achieves means that a direct jumped from one part of the plot to I’m personally not a fan of most of comparison doesn’t do this show another and it felt like Eastenders – a the BBC’s Big Project, wide-audience- justice. sprawling mess. Each episode of War appeal shows. e Christmas Sherlock e fi rst few episodes are quite and Peace is neatly self-contained, and episode was the worst episode of any steamy, focusing on romance and we are always left with a cliff hanger. television programme I’ve ever seen: family intrigue; war and political in- It’s quick but also manages to take the poorly cut, poorly paced, nonsensi- trigues are felt only in the reverbera- time out for the existential conversa- cal, self-infatuated mega-bollocks is tions they cause in the lives of pro- tions between Pierre and Andrei, or about the closest I can get to pour- tagonists. at’s why Russian critics Sonia and Natasha. ing adamant amounts of scorn on it, have dismissed it as “a classic with Paul Dano (of ere Will Be Blood) and the whole Sherlock series. is cleavage” or a “medium budget soap and Lily James deserve special men- show is a cut above. I love it as you opera.” ey needn’t get so jumpy tion as Pierre and Natasha. Every can probably tell and I guarantee that and defensive. In the Soviet version other version I’ve seen has Natasha you will too. My only criticism is that you sat through hours and hours of as a kind of speechless Lolita: beauti- all the actors are far too beautiful; but slow conversations, interminable ma- ful and dancing and entirely lacking I doubt that will put you off . occasional joke. roushkas, miles and miles of Soviet in the brain department. James plays Alex Findley FILM e Big Short is held together by its stylised direction, and unfl inch- ing screenplay, both by Adam McKay. essence, and her images become, ulti- from the image itself – but a large pro- The Big Short e editing is fast and clever and fi ts EXHIBITION mately, layered paper collages, which portion of the pictures feel peripheral dir. Adam, McKay, 130 mins smoothly with the fi lm’s high pace, she then cuts through again to rework to the idea of the exhibition. but e Big Short is a little long and its the picture. Stone is already known in e exhibition is an interesting – commitment to never settling can be ‘Cutting the Cambridge for her work involving lo- if lighter – companion piece to the exhausting at times. e scenes are in- cal scenes, which has been exhibited at Fitzwilliam’s ‘Following Hercules’ last n a recent Vanity Fair interview, terwoven with bold, yet fi ttingly naïve, Curve’: Craft- Byard Art on King’s Parade since 2006. term, in that it explains classical art Michael Lewis, the writer behind visual and audio snapshots of the early She’s evidently very excited about the with a combination of classical and I a 2010 Wall Street book about the 2000s that are incredibly eff ective, ing the Classical project, calling it a ‘dream come true’, modern work, showing how the classi- 2007 economic crash, revealed that if not just because it may be the fi rst not least because of how much the im- cal form continues to delight and pro- director Adam McKay had made a fi lm to combine George Bush, Britney Body ages in the cast gallery have captivated voke artists today. It is also nice to see pseudo-blackmail deal with his studio Spears, Mark Twain and Ludacris in a Faculty of Classics, closes 25/02/16 and inspired her as an artist. that both exhibitions featured promi- to adapt Lewis’s story in return for di- montage that looks like it belongs to a is is not a stand-alone exhibi- nently the works of local artists, giving recting a revival of an early 2000s ‘Will low budget conspiracy documentary tion in one corner of the cast gallery them unique opportunities to exhibit Ferrell is still relevant and fresh’ clas- from the dark corners of Netfl ix. – it’s intimately integrated into its sur- their work in such unique settings. It’s sic comedy. Two fi lms were produced Film should not be criticised for the utting the Curve’: Crafting roundings. is made it, for me, seem a shame that with our busy terms, as from this deal; the fi rst was an ensem- audience not understanding the logis- the Classical Body is all less like an exhibition and more like an students we rarely get the opportunity ble cast in an average and occasionally tics behind it, and e Big Short does ‘Cabout simplicity, getting addition to the viewing process and, to properly enjoy the museums and patronising portrayal of a high-stakes not really hold back. In some scenes, to the heart of things. e creator of depending on the individual, can be galleries on off er in Cambridge. We professional industry that didn’t quite to help the audience, Ryan Gosling these striking images, Vanessa Stone, seen as a positive or negative. Some, could all do, however, with taking the live up to expectations - the other fi lm will stare down the lens and into your has worked at reducing images of such as the ‘Aphrodite of Capua’, were time out to visit carefully considered was Anchorman 2. soul to explain various forms of mort- Greek and Roman statues – many of pieces which benefi tted from being exhibitions such as these, which invite e Big Short follows a group of var- gages - which, in all fairness, is just them will look familiar, even if you’re viewed in adjunct to the images which us either to discover the museum for ious fi nancial ‘outsiders’ who predict about enough to grasp your attention not a Classics student – to their es- inspired them, whereas others, like ‘I the fi rst time, or to fi nd new ways of the 2007 collapse of the housing mar- back just as it’s about to slip into the sence, the sense of proportion and am Horse’, felt somewhat less relevant. viewing and engaging with objects we ket, and consequentially bet against abyss of home equity loans and AAA demeanour which has made classical With regard to this last image, the top are already familiar with. the banks to make money if an eco- ratings. On occasion the explana- art a subject of wonder for thousands of the horse’s head feels very classically ‘Cutting the Curve’: Crafting the nomic ‘atomic bomb’ were to happen. tions can feel a little patronising, but of years. She talks of the importance inspired, and manages to capture the Classical Body is open from 10am-5pm, Do not fret however, because e Big although it may hurt your ego, having of seeing the stencils as the artwork, look of marble, but as you move down Monday to Friday, and 10am-1pm on Short is witty in places, although less some concepts explained through the rather than as a stage in the process of the nose and onto the mouth, it begins Saturday, until 25th February in the a comedy and more a hard-hitting en- medium of Jenga or Selena Gomez is creating an image. Drawing the image to morph into something less familiar Museum of Classical Archaeology. cyclopaedia of fi nancial fraud and cor- incredibly necessary. onto paper with a scalpel, she forms as it becomes shrivelled and almost Free Admission. ruption that softens the blow with the Christian Bale is the Anton Chigurh, stencils to abstract them to their corpse-like. is is not to take away Emer O’Hanlon Friday 29th January 2016 Reviews 29
ALBUM ALBUM Savages - Adore Life Chairlift - Moth REGENCY ENTERPRISES released 22/1, Matador / Pop Noire released 22/1, Columbia / Sony
hen Savages fi rst emerged and released their de- hairlift have never shirked away from a creative but album Silence Yourself in 2013, the compari- challenge. Even if their best known track may still W sons with bands like Joy Division and Siouxsie C be ‘that one that got used in an iPod ad a while ago’, and the Banshees were so commonplace that it almost feels the duo of Caroline Polachek and Patrick Wimberly refused like a cliché to be commenting on them at all. It was a lazy to get stuck in the pigeonhole of pretty, inoff ensive pop and completely reductive analysis of what Savages had music and have spent two albums since trying to fi gure out achieved. Besides, if one were to make a comparison be- what their alternative is. Finally, on their third outing, they tween Savages and other bands with a moody aesthetic and have found it. Toning down the excessively cerebral and angular guitar lines, in this case it would be more appropri- arch qualities of Does You Inspire You? and Something (two ate, at least in terms of trajectory, to refer to the albums with awkward titles to match their aloof, post-punk revival bands of the early nough- self-absorbed tone) and fi nding a new, vibrant ties. e likes of Interpol, e Strokes and vitality, Moth is an album with serious im- Franz Ferdinand all arrived with debut pact but with the thought and insight to albums that seemed to present the back it up. fi nished package. e problem was Chairlift’s sound palette has always where they went from there; every- been 80s-infl uenced, but opening thing they had to say had been said. track ‘Look Up’ shows how much Arguably Savages faced a similar this album’s production doubles problem; so refi ned and purposeful down on it, with clattering drum was Silence Yourself. Yet they have machines, FM bleeps and gliding managed to do what their pred- synth strings backing up Polachek’s ecessors couldn’t, and create an al- voice. By a minute into the track, a bum that is a step up in almost every quiet saxophone lead line and palmed sense. guitar part straight out of the most dis- Although largely well-received, gusting of power ballads are lurking in Savages were not wholly spared criticism. support. is defi nitely isn’t ‘genre’ music ey were accused of being rather serious – aiming to resuscitate tropes from the past, CHRIS ATTO a charge not entirely without justifi cation given but the music certainly mines deeply ingrained the essay they wrote for the album’s cover – and of only attachments to pop music from the likes of Madonna operating at two tempos: the pummelling, quicker tracks and Diana Ross. It does take the care to pack in the atten- and the more dirge-like slower ones. Yet the band have ad- tion to detail to mark itself out as properly thought-out and dressed these issues head on. For one, there’s a real sonic inventive, but that pop music core keeps the album relatable dynamism to the record. ‘ e Answer’ comes thrashing out and grounded throughout in a way that Chairlift had never of the speakers, opening the album with a churning guitar managed before. line and Jehnny Beth’s typically pointed vocals, yet it’s fol- at pop sensibility is the most notable feature of this lowed by a dance-like groove on ‘Evil’. ‘Surrender’ may start album, a change this album shares with the similarly pow- with a yawning, billowing drone but it morphs into one of erful Art Angels from Grimes. However, where Art Angels Savages’s most accessible songs yet, with a remarkably pop- was manic and explosively charged with an abundance of py one-word chorus. competing ideas, Moth maintains a much tighter focus. Savages’s new lyrical fi xation on love, both for life itself Caroline Polachek’s voice arcs over every track, laser-like and each other, seems to have been a particularly fertile soil. in its accuracy, while the songwriting is honed and concise; It would be hard for their critics to argue that they are still the two lead singles Ch-Ching and Romeo are a study in too po-faced, as there are glimmers of a dark sense of hu- minimal, functional construction. It is a talent that was mour coming through. e album opens with the line “if hinted at in the highlights of Something (‘Sidewalk Safari’ you don’t love me, you don’t love anybody” which manages and ‘I Belong In Your Arms’ most obviously), and was used to be both threatening and mocking of the self-absorption to stunning eff ect while writing ‘No Angel’ for Beyoncé, that comes with passion. On ‘Sad Person’ Beth mischievous- and is now being exploited fully in everything Chairlift do. ly claims that “I’m not gonna hurt you, ‘cause I’m fl irting Romeo presents a feminist fl ip of a love song – aping the you”, as though she doesn’t know that those two things are myth of the huntress Atalanta that a suitor needs to match far from mutually exclusive. Although delivered in a typi- the protagonist in a running race: “If I win, you’re done with cally strident tone, Beth must surely be aping Radiohead’s / But if you win, you win my heart… / Hey Romeo / Put on ‘Karma Police’ on ’T.I.W.Y.G.’ when she declares “this is your running shoes, I’m ready to go”. It is all wrapped up in a Heath Ledger’s Joker or BB-8 of this handed it makes the character repeat- what you get when you mess with love.” One can’t imagine shuffl ing, sunny and really danceable drum and bass track, fi lm, in that Bale’s scenes as Michael edly shouting ‘I don’t want to talk any listeners would have much trouble deciding whether one of their most unconventional but strongest tracks yet. Burry are the parts you look forward about it’ come across more like Simba Beth or om Yorke would provide the more sympathetic ‘Ch-Ching’, meanwhile, is a grooving dancehall-RnB banger, to most when your mind wanders off on cocaine instead of what could have shoulder to cry on. all bass and swaggering confi dence – from the close-miced as the characters head to the fourth been a poignant glance into the dark Savages do more than just poke fun at the complexities of whispers to the squeals of “Ch-ching!” in the post-chorus, it fi nancial conference in an hour - al- realities of Wall Street. His charac- love, though. is is than the quasi-title track and mission is packed with a bright, infectious joy. though his musical taste may give ter rarely rises above his anger, and statement, ‘Adore’, which stands as the highlight of their ca- at relentless pop-charm does make some of the album’s you what I shall refer to as a ‘whiplash the slotting in of a wife (poor Marisa reer to date. e songs opens sparsely with a low, rumbling more bare moments come across in a less than elegant way. headache’. Since 2013 Brad Pitt seems Tomei) for two scenes does little to hu- bassline reminiscent of Nick Cave, before it bursts to life ‘Crying in Public’ seems to want to act as the emotional to have made a career of acting in the manise him. Often he seems to spew with an oddly transcendent chorus as Beth sings “maybe I centrepiece, but the coy cuteness of the instrumental fails same role - a bizarre, almost benevo- phrases like ‘ripping ordinary people will die maybe tomorrow.” Yet the song arguably saves the at sustaining the track’s sentiments in a way that doesn’t lent, guide who is only there to mor- off ’ as if they came directly out of ‘how best till last, as it climaxes in a noise-rock crescendo appear slightly naïve. ‘Ottawa to Osaka’ seems to have an ally prod the fi lm’s characters when to get your audience to like you 101’. and Beth bellowing that she adores life. Such are instrumental straight off a SNES Donkey Kong soundtrack, needed, with as much screen time as To make a fl eeting reference to the the quirks of fate, but lines like “I understand but its dreamy sound and obtuse lyricism fail to impact the credits (see 12 Years a Slave, e current cinematic zeitgeist, in a fi lm the urgency of life” have taken on a much in the same way the more straightforward tracks do. Counsellor). Here, his nuance and sub- about rich white men - and with the greater signifi cance since the events in ‘Unfi nished Business’ is a remarkable exception, with a dued characterisations stand out from risk of making a potentially unrelated Paris and Savages’s pointed eff ort to play propulsive, chugging instrumental and one of Polachek’s the exaggerated traits of his fellow fi - statement - it is rather baffl ing how a there shortly after. most gloriously dramatic lead lines. nancers, yet it’s still a glorifi ed cameo fi lm which is quite good, but not great, e only real disappointment is the e album does suff er the same prob- in essence. can achieve such awards success as closing track, ‘Mechanics’, which lem as Art Angels, even if to a lesser e Big Short has. is heavy on the atmosphere but extent: subtlety and complexity are ere is one element of the concept rather lacking in tune. It’s often the fi rst victims of a pop that should be questioned, and with- not positively bad though, retooling. In this case, it is no out revealing too much, is that in a and does nothing to great loss – Chairlift have al- fi lm about the economic death knell of take away from what ways been best at their most HELD TOGETHER BY ITS millions sounding due to the reckless- is a triumph of direct, and this album is ness of the few, it feels like the charac- a record. Many packed with those kinds STYLISED DIRECTION, AND ters should come out with more than bands can show of tracks. Moth is a UNFLINCHING SCREENPLAY moral scars. However, to paraphrase promise. A select beautifully measured and ‘de-profane’ an excellent quota- few have fi gured and intelligent take on tion in the fi lm, the truth is like poetry out, as Savages modernist pop music, – because no one wants to hear it. In have, how to deliv- with a lucid head and Steve Carrell gives the weakest per- all, e Big Short will leave you feeling er it here and now. an open heart. formance, mainly due to the concep- slightly defl ated, and you may wish Patrick Wernham Michael Davin tion of his character Mark Baum. e that they had lied just a little bit. treatment of Baum’s past is so heavy- Naomi Sutton
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Show Home photography. Pricing correct at time of going to press. Friday 29th January 2016 Sport 31 Clichés: the language of football Zack Case decodes the cryptic tongues of football pundits, and tells us what we need to look out for
No ofence to all grandmothers out hank you, Captain Ob- reason why two matches could not Commentator classics: there, yet, even if alive and pre-Zim- vious: be played simultaneously. Man- He had no right to score from there: mer, most likely she too would have chester City could probably take on he Magna Carta itself includes a missed that ‘sitter’ - especially if it If you don’t shoot you don’t score: As three matches at once. he Curse of he Commentator: it is section on the angles and distances had been a header. opposed to trying to ‘walk the ball a notorious trait of ‘he Commen- from which, by legal right, play- into the net’, obviously. It ain’t over ‘til it’s over: Perhaps tator’ to be versed in the dark arts. ers can and cannot score. 30-yard there is some sense in at least one hese commentators-cum-sorcerers ‘screamers’ are in fact illegal. Acres of space: he dimensions of a Goals win games: Own goals can ac- of these clichés. It has always been have the power to ‘curse’ the mere football pitch are as follows: length tually lose games; see Kolo Touré’s a mystery how they formulate stop- mortal struggling on the pitch below. can range from 100 to 130 yards, scoring record. page time and why the referee only “He hasn’t missed a penalty in his My grandmother could have scored width from 50 to 100 yards. To put rarely blows the inal whistle at the previous twenty attempts”; inexora- that: Did the man who came up with that into perspective, a single acre A Game of Two Halves: Not a game correct point. ‘Fergie Time’ will bly, the player misses. Spooky, eh? this line ever have a grandmother? equals 4,840 square yards. of two quarters? never end.
We are going to take one match at When Manchester City don’t score, a time: Squads these days are com- they rarely ever win: hanks for that Expertise from experts: who employs the strategy? Fans know better: prised of 25 players, so there is no insight, Michael Owen.
Could [insert footballer] do it on a He’s got bags of ability/pace: In a cold and rainy Wednesday night at sport where there is minimal anti- He scores when he wants: he ob- Stoke in November? he ultimate doping legislation and enforce- vious question then is why isn’t hypothetical question. he criterion ment, it is no surprise that players he scoring all the time? Is 30 goals Managers know best: for judging world-class players has can get away with carrying bags of a season enough for a player who It really was a good time for us to had a tendency to boil down to a performance-enhancing talent. supposedly has the supernatural he players worked their socks of score: Are there bad times to score? player’s ability to perform at the Bri- faculty to put the ball into the today: his is virtually inconceiv- During a football match, probably. tannia, speciically on cold and wet He certainly has that in his locker: back of his net at will? Perhaps able. How this dictum has become Wednesday nights in November. ‘hat’ generally refers to a piece of fans ought to get on his back. Is synonymous with ‘we chased every hey got stuck in today: A simple Messi, the argument follows, could brilliance exhibited on the pitch – a his head truly in the game? ball’ transgresses the mind’s capac- clamour for aggression. It makes not. Glen Whelan could. Perhaps cross-ield ping, a cheeky lick, an ity to reason. What do socks have to very little sense if you think about obsolete now given Mark Hughes’s overhead kick. For some reason, We are by far the greatest team the do with anything? Do they smell? it. Players becoming stuck would inception of Stokealona? and somehow, these lashes are kept world has ever seen: Perhaps the render them useless. in the changing room for the dura- treble-winning Barcelona side of he lads gave 110 per cent: We don’t hey’re parking the bus: Where does tion of the match. 2009 that dominated Manches- need a mathmo to prove that this We showed great character: Did Luis this bus come from? How did it get ter United comes nearest to this is impossible. Odd that it is always Suárez collect for the Red Cross onto the pitch? Where is it parked? Goalkeepers’ Union: All goalkeepers hubristic claim. When Hull City 110 per cent as opposed to any oth- and Martin Škrtel help an old lady Who drove it? Are the players inside are obliged to join. hey never go fans sing it, there is a greater ele- er impossible percentage. across the road then, Brendan? it? Is it the same bus for every team on strike. ment of delusion. OPEN DAY 23 MARCH 2016
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20 Fenchurch Street, 24th Floor, London, EC3M 3BY www.velaw.com 32 Sport Friday 29th January 2016 It’s all Greek to me Zack Case discusses the oddities of football clichés on page 31.
Sport Finding the meaning of sport What’s in a sport? Sophie Penney asks which of Cambridge’s many diff erent societies deserve that label SHINE 2010 DAVID LAPETINA DAVID DANIEL AHLQVIST
SportAccord, the union that includes physical exertion but there is no doubt a member of the Cambridge Ultimate involved means only the very fi ttest Soph e Penney all of the world’s largest sports federa- that there is competition and skill in- Club, explains the problem of public can compete. Also, the level of tech- Sport Correspondent tions. SportAccord claims that sport volved. A readjustment of perspective perception: “I think people who claim nicality and sophistication aimed at can be primarily physical, mental, is all that is needed. Ultimate cannot be classed as a sport analysing performance to increase motorised or animal-supported, that e lack of physical exertion is a just haven’t seen how it’s really played speed means Motorsport is as much a What links baton twirling, hovering, it should have an element of compe- theme which continues with tiddly- yet. ey have the perception that it’s thinking man’s game as it is a test of bridge, lifesaving and tiddlywinks? It tition, and that it shouldn’t rely on winks. But Nicky Collins, a committee a beach sport, or that it can’t be a com- physical endurance.” turns out that they are all sports. In any specifi cally integrated element of member of the Cambridge University petitive game because you just throw e fi nal elephant in room remains Cambridge, lifesaving, chess and Fris- “luck”, nor pose an undue risk to the Tiddlywinks Club, argues that this it around.” Perhaps that’s just it: You lifesaving. Emma Hildyard, president bee are all half blue sports, with tid- health and safety of its participants, or isn’t an issue: “To be a world-class need to understand the sport before of the Cambridge Lifesaving Club, ex- dlywinks just trailing at quarter blue be harmful to a living creature. sports player requires multiple things: you start to judge it, and most people plains the basics of the sport: “It’s com- status. How did this happen? How are Cambridge has its own way of class- commitment, talent and desire to win. don’t often give the sport that chance. posed of learning fi rst aid, but then ap- they sports? If bridge is a sport, why ing what a sport is or at least what ese are, of course, all qualities which In terms of Frisbee, Yu Wei explains, plying it to simulated circuits both in not other card games like snap and sporting activities deserve the recog- a tiddlywinker must possess. Matches “I fi nd the level of physical fi tness re- and out of the pool. Most of our time poker? If motorsports are allowed, is nition of the student body: the blues are won or lost not on the physical fi t- quired on par with any ‘actual sport’ is spent in the pool simulating sav- fl ying a sport, and is the pilot of an system. A quick glance at the list of ness of the players, but on the strategy – sprinting is the only way to success- ing people from made-up incidents.” EasyJet aircraft taking passengers on which sports are blues sports will and skill they display.” Does it bear any fully get the disc so the amount of run- When people tell her it’s not a sport, their holiday to Saint Tropez next in bring up the obvious: football, rugby, resemblance to any other sport? “I like ning in a fi fty-minute-long game defi - what’s her reply? “You try sprinting line for Sports Personality? Where do hockey, tennis, and rowing. It’s in the to think of winks as a game with the nitely fulfi ls the physical component of 50 metres swimming, tumble-turn, we draw the line? half blue section that there are some tactical and strategic qualities of chess a sport. rowing a disc well isn’t easy swim 17 metres underwater without One would think sports need to have surprise fi nds: try lifesaving, chess combined with the technical skill of either, and takes months of practice to breathing, pick up a water-fi lled mani- three things: physical exertion, com- and Frisbee. Quarter blue status has basketball.” And what is this legendary get it right, and there’s more than one kin from the pool fl oor, and tow it the petition and skill. e Oxford English also been awarded to tiddlywinks. quarter blue status that no other sport kind of throw.” remaining 33 metres, whilst not dunk- Dictionary seems to think pretty Cambridge is a place famous for pri- seems to possess? “ e quarter blue Ok, agreed: Ultimate Frisbee re- ing its head underwater or strangling much the same: “an activity involving oritising intellectual activity over any status is unique to tiddlywinks and quires a normal amount of sporting it. en come back to me and tell me physical exertion and skill in which an other, but can it really go so far as to something which is over 50 years old.” physicality, and chess has the tactics that lifesaving is not a sport.” individual or team competes against call these activities sports and give ere’s even quarter blue stash! Nicky, and strategy to make up for that par- Our perception of sport is infl u- another or others for entertainment”. them a blues status? How competitive however, still has yet to receive his in- ticular defi ciency. Yet motorsports? enced, more than anything else, by Yet it turns out there are many defi ni- can lifesaving really be; surely every- vitation from the Hawks Club. Surely all you have to do is sit down what the public deems sport-worthy. tions, each one broader than the next. one would want everyone else to win and drive? Ryan Jenkinson, who is in- Sometimes, the inherent nature of the e word sport comes from the Old to prevent, well, death? volved in Cambridge motorsport, ex- sport is trivial when compared to the French word ‘desport’, meaning ‘lei- It turns out there is much more to it plains why this is so far off the mark. eff ect the sport’s history, popularity sure’. In English, the oldest defi nition than that. Sam Brennan, former tour- “When I started in fi rst year, I was and coverage has on our judgement of of sport was made around 1300, class- nament secretary of the Cambridge getting bashed about an incredible it. Could we truly be sure that football ing it as “anything humans fi nd amus- University Chess Club, explains, PEOPLE HAVE TROUBLE WITH amount. e bruises I had from fi rst would enjoy the same status within ing or entertaining”. “Chess was the fi rst sport to be award- year Varsity were brutal, my left leg sport were it not for the fact that it Sporting bodies use diff erent defi ni- ed half blue status. In those days it ACCEPTING MIND SPORTS and back were purple, this was because dominates the back pages and that it’s tions. Sport England uses the defi ni- was the most watched of the Varsity I couldn’t hold myself in place with the played in every school in the country? tion in the 1993 Council of Europe’s matches.” Is this just a Cambridge BECAUSE OF THE LACK OF g-forces and was being bashed around What would happen if we played com- European Sports Charter. e thing? Certainly not. “ e UK is one PHYSICAL EXERTION in the seat. At the top level the physi- petitive tiddlywinks at our secondary International Olympic Committee of the only countries in the world not cality cannot be disputed even if it schools? has formed the Association of IOC to defi ne chess as a sport. e Olympic doesn’t involve ‘moving’. Formula One, So maybe think twice before you Recognised International Sports Committee says it’s a mind sport.” If World Endurance Championship and judge what is and isn’t a sport. ere Federations in order to class which the IOC, the God of sporting bodies, ere are some Cambridge sports World Rally Championship drivers will always be someone willing to fi ght activities it deems to be sport, which does it, why shouldn’t Cambridge? that do require physical exertion but are some of the fi ttest athletes in the and justify what they do. To be fair, does include bridge and chess. e People have trouble with accepting are still considered a bit odd. Ultimate world. e cars they are driving are wouldn’t you do the same? And some- most cited defi nition comes from mind sports because of the lack of Frisbee springs to mind. Yu Wei Chua, extremely powerful and the g-forces times they may have a point.