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Maine Campus December 14 1984 Maine Campus Staff

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Maine Campus December 14 1984 Maine Campus Staff The University of Maine DigitalCommons@UMaine Maine Campus Archives University of Maine Publications Fall 12-14-1984 Maine Campus December 14 1984 Maine Campus Staff Follow this and additional works at: https://digitalcommons.library.umaine.edu/mainecampus Repository Citation Staff, Maine Campus, "Maine Campus December 14 1984" (1984). Maine Campus Archives. 1650. https://digitalcommons.library.umaine.edu/mainecampus/1650 This Other is brought to you for free and open access by DigitalCommons@UMaine. It has been accepted for inclusion in Maine Campus Archives by an authorized administrator of DigitalCommons@UMaine. For more information, please contact [email protected]. Don't take anything in this paper seriously, _ 04 •4 0 • • • 1.11 41 •• 4 44.4*. I 14 I •I .4•1 ••••••• Exceptithe ads! a profitable business to Phoenix is con- lp Tose alleviate the ion personal debt. Specter, R-Pa., said aug ner Pete Rozelle told mo3 sat he had convened a s on Thesday, spurred XCV no. LXIX nat »nix shr,nagewin terslautz onctlf3 la sailirk "ko iktirrwin nation. Friday, December 14, 1984 >zelle said specifically nt the Eagles to leave nation's fifth largest ci- ling television market. Former supmaCeditor he players and coaches ig to everyone involv- rback Ron Jaworski, to run for GSC top spot less interests in the by James Simple quel titled "All the Editor's , administrative assis- Staph Writer Hacks." 'arion Campbell, said, The story, Statutes said, is ling other than shock, about how all the people at nIderment. I haven't The General Student Cir- final, but where there's cus will hold elections in the supmaC eniaM know the February and a high ranking insides and outs of the Stu- official in the GSC said that dent Circus and when he and soon-to-be-former supmaC Hormone are elected, infor- emaM Editor Michael Hor- mational leaks will be sent to ion mone will run for president. the paper. The GSC official, who Stream Witz,e, GSC presi- >od name and reputa- spoke only if granted dent said, "If Hormone is severe emotional elected I'll become a reporter :usations, false arrest, anonymity, said, "Hormone under and deprivations is going to run and he has the for the paper and report :onstitutional rights." election rigged." The of- responsibly, objectively and has suffered lost wages ficial said, "He owns professionally. is inability to earn box- everybody in the GSC and if "I know I can be objec- 1967-1970, the years he he's not elected he said that tive," Witze said. "I've ed to fight by state he would publish all the filth proven that before as student - ms after the 'ABA ac- that's fit to print." circus president." >ortunity for commer- Hormone said he's excited as endorsements., ap- Hormone said, "I own stimonials. Boss Roriamty with his little furry friends that he plans to introduce into UMO those guys in the GSC. If about the election and thinks dormitories starting next semester.(file photo) they ever want to hold Statutes will make an District Attorney Royce outstanding circus leader. ef of the civil division, political office in the real !nt had not received the world they'd better elect me "Hack is a very good writer, lot comment on it. in February or it's over ... I've although he's never written Rats to got enough on those goons for Newsspeak, and will lead be introduced to lock them away for SGC with soft words and a years." large pencil." to dorms next Hormone said that after Statutes said, "Even if semester the news- breaking story "All elected, I would like to cover the President's Minions" he the GSC for the paper." by Won Lintball Roriamty said the rodents will and Hack Statutes plan a se- Staph Writer only be in the dorms next semester because, "there just isn't The director of Residual Strife enough of them to go around." said Thursday that rodents will be The rats are expected to multip- commonplace in all dorms next ly quickly and Roriamty said he semester. hopes to have enough for off- Boss Roriamty said he has campus students by the fall. grown quite fond of rodents and "I think most of the university thinks they will be welcome in community is behind me on this • dormitories in the spring. 100 percent," Roriamty said. ••••••••••••••••■•••• "Rats are wonderful Spam Yurspank, a sophomore creatures," Roriamty said, said she would leave UMO im- lave "They have personalities all their mediately if rats are allowed in the to own and they don't cost much to dorms. feed." "Yuck," she said. Roriamty said most students UMO president Arte Johnson will adapt very quickly to the said he didn't like the rodent idea. rodents and said the dorms will be "I think the whole thing will perfect for the rats. reflect badly on the university," "I've seen some of those he said. rooms," he said, "Rodents Roriamty, however, refuses to try Berry Micki Pig has taken the place of Patty Rink, would feel right at home." Staub Writer fink as his beloved housemate. give up on his plan and said, "I Hormone is sad to be Ernest Vulgar, an off-campus leaving his post plan to go before the Bored of Soo•-to-be-former-FAlitor Michael P. as editor of the daily rag at UMO, but o convoision basis and journalism student said it was un- Mustees and get some funding for Hormone is seen beginning his new he is looking forward to a full recovery orpotionc• by soiling fair that the university is pro- the project," he said. regimes of whirlpool therapy in the and will soon be starring in the next r Nye Moo.Gamin.. viding rats for only on-campus Roriamty is keeping the rats in UMO's Wallace Pool. Hormone suffered Clint Eastwood movie as a Magnum 44. foot when he was is,bog nato must students. boxes a severely broken Hormone's prologe, Donald LInsnott, nmilad. now for thos• in the basement of Smells out of a plane. "I pay tuition here," Vulgar thrown win be taking over the whips and reins ire Campus in the Dining Commons until the HOMOIN, who has been et UMO for down IN the bowels of Lord Hall. How's said, "I deserve rats as much as students leave for break. two, three, maybe seen. Yea., is pictured the water, Hormone? any other student." her, with Ms mew roomate. Miss Pricilla 2 pusmaC make ehr. Friday. December 14. 1984 Scientist develops serumiSkydiving:a sport that's Dispc to counteract killer fartsitip and coming fast solve • r by Grub Kilo by Run Slavriel "After perfecting the muscle 41 ,Staph _Writer Staph Writer control needed to accurately * release one of our killer fahts, the Associate A In a shocking discovery agent's job is simple," Sphinc- ecutiveMaster Wednesday. a Downeastscientist ter said. "He need only time the .4 vocate Gromme developed a serum that when con- expulsion and run." # nounced dispos sumed produces toxic human gas. The government is carefully it used to solve thi problem. officials said. guarding the chemical formula "Soft, foam r Peter P. Sphincter, doctor of for the serum in an attempt to answer," Mo lower anatomy, said the serum, in deter its release to the mass "We'll give off the development stages for several market, he said. (humans) mass. months, was finally perfected in -They want to avoid com- cars' for the dai his home near midnight. and is plaints from the Better Business their sleazy, u now smelling tar pai being tested for use as a Bureau purporting that con- Mosquito sai potential military weapon. sumers are dying in their own of flimsy tin foi "Essentially what we have here stench." he said. "It would be elastics, will be i is the capability to kill with our too easy for someone to take a sip from a hi-teel butts:* Sphincter said. "A sim- of the serum and then an hour Memorial Unit ple sniff of a sentm.tainted fain later walk up to their enemy designed to and whereupon th leads to a break down of the vic- faht in his face," discard them ft tim's nervous system." The government is now for "In this way:. - The armed services a ng.a training program—W ed, "the crack •* by Savannah Duneavon pressed interest- in buying the agents who will be using the crews will just bt Staph Writer serum for military use, primarily serum. Sphincter said. They will in a big pile .. them on fire." in secret operations, he said. be expected to learn the strategies Skydiving, or jumping out of The students , Agents wishing to assassinate involved in effective fart place- # airplanes, is an up and coming new cars, so di leaders of foreign governments ment, and must also master tim- "This way, th •sport. need only. to get within smelling ing and wind current be empty and I • In order to jump out an distance of their target before in- considerations. of them during n airplane, you first have visibly expelling the small amount • "An agent. after _expelling a to make Mosquito grudg * sure you have a strong. he made an obs, of gas necessary to eliminate particularly ripe faht, could in ef- stomach. If jumping off a diving a Lewiston dist them, he said. fect destroy himself if the room he board in- f•-•-• is in has to a pool makes you sick, then this NIMY WORSHIP liniited Nentilation, ne said. * sport is not for you.
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