Life will never be the same again !!! Your Road Map to Success

Life Will Never Be Squadron Leader Jayasimha

The Same Again!

Your Roadmap to Success © Squadron Leader Jayasimha Mobile : 9866018989 E-mail : [email protected] Web site : www.jayasimha.in Face book: Jayasimha Squadron Leader

Squadron Leader

Jayasimha

Chairman, National Memory Council of India

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Contents

Preface...... 9

Foreword ...... 11

1. What is success ...... 1 2. The need to change ...... 9 3. Universal laws of success ...... 38 4. Attitude and motivation ...... 54 5. The mischievous mind ...... 69 6. Why relationships matter ...... 97 7. Maximising your potential ...... 143 8. Self image ...... 155 9. Good communication can change your life ...... 172 10. Anybody can dream ...... 191 11. Impossible to possible ...... 202 12. Evaluate your success ...... 235 A Final Word ...... 247

5 8

Preface In the six months since it became a full-fledged training institute, Vision has made waves in the field of soft-skills training throughout the country. Our trainers’ strength has A day dawns, quite like other days, gone up to 15. The number of training assignments too has in it a single hour comes, quite like other hours gone up tremendously and this is an encouraging sign for all But in that day and in that hour of us at Vision. The hard work put in by everyone at Vision The chance of a lifetime faces us!!! is commendable. It only goes to show that achieving success is very simple. The universal laws of success have always remained the same. We only need to follow them without Can you think of anything truer? Success belongs to exception. In this book, I have made an effort to put together those who seize every opportunity that comes their way. all these laws in an easy, lucid and interesting manner.If They do it day after day, without slacking. It is what I have you take these ideas and add to them your own, you are done all my life and more recently, when my first book, likely to get a formula that will bring you more success and Train Your Brain came out. I had never expected to write happiness. If you find this book interesting and helpful, please another. But the first book’s success taught me that there tell others about it. We must all do our bit to spread happiness was more to be done and spurred me on to complete this in an increasingly cynical world. book on personality development in quicktime. People tell me that Train Your Brain has sold thousands of copies in As Longfellow rightly said: “ Lives of just three months, which is a record in itself. So why another great men all remind us. We can book? And so soon? To them, I say this: carpe diem (seize make our lives sublime, And the day). There was an opportunity to contribute more, departing, leave behind us and on a different topic. So why let go of a chance? Footprints on the sands of time. Let us, then, be up and doing, With a Life Will Never Be The Same Again! is also the Vision heart for any fate; Still achieving, mantra. I have always believed that if somebody practices still pursuing, Learn to labour and what is written in this book, their life will indeed never be to wait.” the same again. It is going to change and change for the better. I have taught in my seminars the finer points of I hope this book helps you as much as I have enjoyed sharpening one’s personality. Many a time, I have learnt writing it. from the participants. This book is written so that all Squadron Leader Jayasimha participants - past, present and future - attending my Bangalore seminars can have a companion that will inspire them on a Managing Director constant basis and their lives too will never be the same again! November 2004 Vision

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these wonderful precepts only to ensure that you are Foreword benefited. Furthermore, I wish to add here that if one carefully goes through this book, it could prove to be I am sure you have selected this book to read character moulding and should bring about a because you have decided to change over for a better transformation in your lives. participation in this only life that is all yours. An Author, Trainer and Counselor, I am honoured I have known Squadron Leader Jayasimha for the to write the foreword of this book not only for one of past 18 months during which I have observed that he India’s reputed Trainer but also a book that is poised to has risen to the top in a tremendous manner. become a bestseller.

I have read and re-read several hundreds of books. This book, Life Will Never Be The Same Again, is Ihave found in each book a unique message that I have enriching, stimulating, rewarding for anyone interested drawn to change my own life. You will surely find a in understanding himself and reaching where you ought message in this book that will change your life too. to be rather than where you are.

Read on and discover that great message which is Happy Reading !!! specially meant for you in this book. Emmanuel Anthony Das The message that Jayasimha conveys in Life Will Jade Research Centre Never Be The Same Again! is so meticulously planned Bangalore that you can become the person of your dreams with this beautiful road map that he has drafted for you.

The most impressive factor about him is the sacrifice that he has made in quitting a plum post in the

Indian Air Force to serve humanity so as to enable one to discover their potential.

Life Will Never Be The Same Again! bypasses all the books on the stands today. In fact, I am sure he would have burnt a lot of midnight in putting together

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What is Success? all your actions and deeds will lead you in that direction. Slowly, but steadily, your bank balance will start getting fatter.

1 If you want to become successful, the thought of being

successful should come to you first. Once you have visualized The line between failure and success is so fine that we what success will be like, you will naturally start working carcely know when we pass it; so fine that we are often on towards becoming successful. I know what you’re thinking: the line and do not know it. It’s not that simple. Actually, it is. The reason for so much Somebody asked Richard Hadlee, the world famous failure in the world is that 95% of people don’t fail in the cricket all rounder from New Zealand: “ How is it that every physical world but in their mind. They fail to believe in time you bowl, you get five or more wickets in an innings?” themselves, they fail to set goals and they never think that they too can become famous, popular, rich or achieve Hadlee, thought for a second and said, “ A day before whatever their life’s dream is. That’s why they live and die the match, when I sleep, I dream of getting many wickets. a mediocre life. On the day of the match, as I walk up to the bowling crease, I visualize the wicket tumbling the other side. I bowl and the So that’s the first thing you need to do: Believe in wicket tumbles.” yourself. Believe that you can become successful. Believe that you can become rich. Believe that you can achieve A press reporter asked Sergei Bubka, the legendary pole whatever it is you want to achieve. It is only when you have vaulter: “ Sir, how do you manage to jump higher and higher with each attempt and keep breaking your own record?” a goal, when you have a mission, when you want to make your dream come true, that you will find your friends, Bubka replied: “ It is very simple. My heart jumps first. relatives, family members and society coming forward to My body merely follows it.” help you achieve your goals.

That’s probably why motivational speaker Napoleon Hill’s What is success? statement rings true: “ Everything in this world is born Whenever we talk about success, we normally hear people twice. First in the mind, then in the physical world.” say: I want to be successful in my career, I want to be If you want to build a beautiful building like the Taj successful in my personal life, etc. But what really is success? Mahal, the Rashtrapati Bhavan or the White House, that Who can you call a successful person? What are the signs of breathtaking structure should first be conceived - down to success? Would you call a high-ranking corporate bigwig with its finest detail - in the mind. Then it can be drawn into a an ulcer and high blood pressure a successful human being? blueprint and actually constructed. Of course, he also has to deal with fear, anxiety and constant pressure. So are these the signs of success? The power to If you want to become very rich, the thought or the do things you like but also to be engaged in constant power idea of becoming rich should come to you first. Automatically, struggles? To be afraid that they could lose the power that

has become their life? No, this is not true success. It is just a very narrow definition of success, that too, only in material

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Now take the following two examples: terms. Think for a while. Then read these lines and see if Sampath is a 30-year old married man who works in a you agree with this definition of success: shop. Every evening, he returns home from work at 5.15 pm and is greeted by his loving wife at the door who gives A smile that comes from the depths of an innocent heart, him a kiss and a hug. He plays with his children and always The freedom which you are able to feel in life. tucks them in at bedtime and reads them a story. They These are the signs of success. have a family holiday each year and are comfortable, even Success, no matter what it may mean to different though they sometimes go without a few things they want people, usually results in more happiness and more fulfillment so that their children have what they want. The family jecause of the rewards we get. There is no one definition spends a lot of time together. of success. It means different things to different people. Hema is 28 years old an d single. She works in the city One person’s definition may be totally different from and is lucky to reach her apartment before 9.00 pm. She another’s. Your definition of success can change over a period rarely socialises due to her hectic schedule and because of time. If you are depressed and lonely, when you are out she is always too tired to go out on most days. She lives in of work, success to you then would be to get through each an affluent area in Hyderabad and drives a luxury car. She day, stay sane and find a job! If you have found a job and can afford to go on holiday anywhere in the world but are doing well, success would probably mean getting a never does so in case she misses out on an important promotion. But one thing that is common to everyone is development or opportunity at work. Hema has few friends that everyone wants to be successful and nothing in life is and sometimes is lonely. “ The money makes up for better than success! That brings us back to square one: a it,” vague idea of the meaning of success. So first, take some she states. time out and think what success actually means to you. Write your definition of what success is in the space below The question now is: Which one of the above two people or on a piece of paper. Read no further until you have actually do you think is more successful? written down your definition of success. When I was in my teens, without doubt I would have picked Hema. She is rich, she’s got a great car and a great What success means to you? job. But now, I would pick Sampath because he seems the happiest, content with life and fulfilled. You are welcome to differ with me. As I said earlier, it depends on your definition,

and your definition of success will have been formed by a number of factors. Let us explore this.

Who is more successful?

Three people were running a marathon. The first one wanted to test his endurance and performed better than his expectations. The second one wanted to improve on

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Carnegie has to say about luck. He defines luck as the meeting his previous performance and he did. The third one was point of your alertness with opportunities passing by. Here’s running a marathon for the first time and his only objective a little story that demonstrates this. was to finish it. Once upon a time in Delhi, there lived a talented and All the three were successful though none of them hardworking carpenter who used to build beautiful houses. finished in the top 10. All his life he worked very loyally for his master One day, Success is achieving what we want to achieve. It is he went to his master and said, “ Master, I have been the fulfillment of one’s wishes. Things start to go wrong working for you for more than 25 years. Now I want to when, instead of using our own yardstick to measure our retire. Please permit to retire from tomorrow.” performance, we start judging ourselves by others’ The master thought for a second and said, “ I am very standards. happy and grateful to you for working for me for so long. We all have individual, unique definitions of success. But I have one final request. Build one more house for me This definition is formed under the influence of several and then you may retire.” factors: The carpenter didn’t like this request one bit but he • Your upbringing dare not turn down his master. He went ahead and built • Your beliefs the house, but his heart was not in his work. Normally, he • Your personality traits took a few months to build a house. This time he took • Your attitude almost a year. When he finally finished, he went to his • Your friends and the people around you master and said, “ Master, as you ordered, I have built the house. Please come and have a look, inspect the house • Society and give me permission to retire.” • Every experience that you have had in life There is also popular belief that people are born winners The master came and had a look at the house, the or born losers. Nothing could be further from the truth. most ordinary piece of work that the carpenter had ever There are so many techniques, methods and behaviours you dope’in his entire career. As the master walked out of the can adopt that will enable and help you to succeed at whatever house, he locked the main door and gave the key to the you want. But what you need to remember is that you owe carpenter. it to yourself to get the most out of your life. You are the The carpenter was surprised, “ Why are you giving me maker of your own destiny. And you need to take control “ his key?” now. The worst thing that you can do is to look back 40 or 50 years later and say, “ I wish I had done this,” or “ I The Master said, “ My dear man, you have worked for wish I me sincerely and loyally. I made much profit from the had done that.” work you did for me. When you said that you wanted to retire, I thought of gifting you the last house you built. Many times we say successful people were just lucky. This is your house. Take it.” That may be true to some extent but listen to what Dale

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But it was not to be, simply because the carpenter had But first, you have got to want to change. I can afford not put his heart and soul into his work. to buy myself a brand new suit, but if I don’t want it, In our lives too, we face such situations and often treat what’s the point? You must make a strong commitment to our work with the attitude: “ What’s in it for me?” In change what you are currently doing and you need to make the process, we miss a wonderful opportunity that comes that commitment NOW. our way. To become successful, one needs to be awake The diagram below puts it simply like this. and alert and make the most of the opportunities that could come along at any time. Your current position (A) is different from what you want to be in five or ten years from now (B). Getting from Improving yourself and continually developing your skills point A to point B requires ACTION. is one surefire way of making the most of your time on this planet. Remember, you can’t learn less of anything, you A B can only learn more. Think of it this way - if you learnt how CURRENT to drive a car in a classroom, it would be of no use if you POSITION WHERE YOU WANT TO BE didn’t get into a car afterwards and actually drive. IN LIFE You too have taken the first step to improving your quality of life by merely reading this book. That tells me a Happiness lot about you. It tells me that you Happiness Possessions Possessions • want to improve Wealth Wealth • want more happiness Fulfilment Action Fulfilment Career • want to succeed Career Personal Life While it is true that without satisfaction there is no personal Life peace of mind, it is also a fact that without dissatisfaction, there is no development. You need to keep striving for new Take this opportunity to revisit every area of your life goals and find new methods to achieve them. Remember, if and make a conscious decision to improve every aspect. you continue to use the same methods you will get the Start right now. Together, we can accomplish anything you same results. It is not only important that you should work want. But first, you need to fuel your desire to change or harder, but learn to work smarter. If something is not else you will never fulfill your ambitions or achieve anything working, try something else. Don’t give up easily. that you want to achieve. When you make that commitment, I believe that you are already halfway there. Remember Here’s a simple example. A fly that gets stuck inside a Mao Tse Tung’s message: “ A journey of a thousand miles car tries to get out and keeps hitting the windshield. If it begins with a single step.” keeps flying only in that direction, it will keep hitting the windshield and will never get out. The only way for it to succeed in getting out is if it changes its direction and tries to get out through another window.

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This ancient Chinese Zen fable reflects the thinking of The Need to Change many people even today. We encounter many unpleasant 2 things in our life, they irritate us and they make us angry. Sometimes, they cause us a lot of pain, sometimes they The pretty woman cause us to be bitter or jealous. But just like the little monk, we are unwilling to let go of them. We keep carrying Once, a big monk and a little monk were traveling the excess baggage with us. We let them come back to hurt ogether. They came to a river bank and found that the us, make us angry, make us bitter and cause us a lot of ridge was damaged. They had to wade across the river. agony. Why? Simply because we are not willing to leave behind There was also a pretty woman stuck at the same bridge our excess baggage. Like the big monk, we need to set and couldn’t cross the river by herself. The big monk offered down the pretty woman and be on our way once an to carry the pretty woman across the river on his back. uncomfortable situation has passed. This will immediately The little monk was shocked by the big monk’s offer. “ How free us from our anxieties and our pain over past events. can he carry a woman when we are supposed to avoid all intimacy with women?” thought the little monk. But he For change to be effective, we need to change our kept quiet. The big monk carried the woman across the river and the small monk followed unhappily. When they thinking crossed the river, the big monk set the woman down and When I conduct personality development programs, I everybody went their own way. come across a widespread problem. People tell me: “ I am 40 years old. My whole life has been ordinary and I have not For the next hour, the little monk remained unhappy achieved any thing so far. Do you think reading good books with what the big monk had done. He couldn’t stop himself and attending these programs can wipe out my miseries?” from thinking of the audacious act of the big monk. This made him more and more angry, especially since the big My answer to people with such queries is very simple. monk remained calm and nonchalant and felt no need to Imagine a big room that has been in darkness for the past explain his actions. Finally, when they stopped to rest 10 years. That doesn’t mean we need to go through an many hours later, the little monk burst out: “ How can you equally long process to bring light back into this room. claim to be a devout monk when you seize the first Lighting a single matchstick can do the trick, if even for opportunity to touch woman, especially a very pretty one? just a second. What you need to do is make a beginning All your teachings to me were false. You are a big somewhere. And then, inspired by that spark of light, strive hypocrite.” to make it permanent. Have you heard of Colonel Sanders’ success story? The big monk looked surprised and said, “ I set down the pretty woman at the river bank many hours ago. How Sanders was a colonel in the US Army. When he retired, come you are still carrying her along?” he had nothing with him, except for an old car and $ 100.

He wondered how he was going to make a living for the rest of his life, he could only think of a recipe for chicken that his mother had left behind. He kept visiting different

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hotels and restaurants, requesting them to take his recipe Many of us are comfortable with what we have and and pay him some royalty.People laughed and said, “ You with what we are. Change is a painful and irritating process, have one recipe. We have hundreds.” The rejections didn’t which we all try to avoid. However, we can’t escape change. deter him. Neither did the negative feedback. Col Sanders Sometimes the change is voluntary and sometimes it is didn’t have a home to live in and was living out of his car forced. But it usually transforms us into something better. when one restaurant finally agreed to use his recipe. Today Take the caterpillar. It is born that way and is comfortable Kentucky Fried Chicken, or KFC, as it is popularly known, living a cozy life, even when it spins itself into a cocoon. But is a world famous multinational chain. one day, it becomes blind and its hands and legs fall off. Its comfortable cocoon starts to break down. One can only Col Sanders changed his life with nothing but his firm imagine what physical pain the caterpillar goes through. But belief and commitment in the quality of what he possessed. it has to go through this natural process. At the end of it, This simply shows that “ where you are today is not important. the caterpillar is rewarded with a beautiful new body and What matters is where you want to go tomorrow.” transforms into a butterfly - a universal symbol of beauty.

The butterfly is not born a butterfly. Think of every beautiful future scenario as a butterfly waiting to be born. But the process is arduous and we need to have patience

and endure pain to achieve what we want. Nothing good in

life comes easily. The food that we eat has to be cooked; the gold ornaments that we wear undergo different heating

and cooling processes before metal is transformed into breathtaking jewellery. Hence, be ready to change, and change for the better.

There is a simple equation that you can apply to everything when you are faced with a decision as to whether

you want change something or whether you don’t.

D x V x P > C

D stands for DISSATISFACTION with the status quo, the present situation.

To start, you must be unhappy with the present situation.

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V stands for VISION Here, you must have a vision of the situation or position SHOULD I thai you want and why you want it. CHANGE ? P stands for PRACTICAL STEPS You must know what steps you need to take, the problems that you will face on your route to change. So you Remember Hted to draw up an action plan of what you need to do and it well. c stands for COST OF CHANGING

What will you have to sacrifice in order to change? D x V x P > C

What will be the costs? Will you have to change your beliefs?

What is the price you will have to pay?

Essentially then, if your desire (DxVxP) is greater than Be comfortable being uncomfortable he costs (C) associated with changing, you can achieve what you desire. Only then will your success mean something I hope that by now you are on your way to a 200% level to you. As Anthony Robbins said: “ Achievement without of commitment to changing your life forever. There will be lulfillment is failure.” times when you will feel uncomfortable with what you are Identify these potential problems - the costs of change doing, and will want to throw in the towel. This is only before they occur by using something like the Change natural so don’t worry, you’re not the only one going through Formula or by listing the pros and cons of changing and not this. Here are some common situations when the going changing. You will then walk into your plan for change with gets tough for many people and they would like nothing your eyes wide open and won’t have to give up half way better than to run away and hide: when you have to make because you didn’t know what you were getting into. What’s an important presentation or speak in front of a huge worse, giving up usually results in a severe blow to your self- audience; when you have to say, “ I love you,” for the esteem, which is also pretty difficult to deal with. first time to your beloved; take an important person out to lunch; meet your future in-laws for the first time. Comments like: “ I have no will-power,” only mean that Anyone who has ever been in any one of these situations you don’t enjoy doing something other than what you are will know what it feels like. It’s scary. You feel shaky, nervous and inadequate. These situations yank you out of your actually doing - and there is nothing wrong with that. But comfort zone where nothing is difficult or disturbing. then you also have no right to complain about not being successful at something. But once you have done these things a number of times - made several presentations, addressed many audiences,

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learnt how to make good conversation during important Progress Opportunity Change lunch meetings, got to know your in-laws better, etc. - your level of nervousness comes down and your comfort zone grows big enough to accommodate these experiences. But Pain Risk there’s always that first time when you need to muster up the courage and just do it otherwise you’ll lose an opportunity. How many times have you sat in a meeting, come up with a really good idea, but not said anything because you were afraid to look too stupid. And of course, someone else has Challenges Excitement Danger the same brainwave and everyone hails it as a great idea. It has happened to me hundreds of times. That’s because at the time, I believed in that saying: Better keep quiet and Fear comes in two guises. You can be afraid of failure let people think that you’re stupid, rather than open your and you can even be afraid of success! Let’s look at both in mouth and remove all doubt! more detail.

You see, it might feel uncomfortable speaking up at Conquering fear: The fear of success meetings or in front of people you don’t know but how are you going to grow and develop as a person if you don’t take We have already established that fear is the single the risk? greatest obstacle to success. Ask anybody what they want from life and you invariably will get responses like: “ I want The above examples were linked to fear but there are a number of other reasons why people feel disturbed when to be successful,” and “ I want to be the best.” What people thrown outside their comfort zone. don’t actually realise is that while they want to be successful, subconsciously, their actions could be undermining their path If you are used to security and lead an orderly existence, to success. I’m sure you think there’s a contradiction here: any element of risk you are faced with will make you feel people want to be successful but they are afraid of being very uncomfortable indeed. A perfect example of this is the successful? Surely this cannot be right? Well, it is absolutely salesman who earns Rs 10,000 as a salary, plus commission. true. While your conscious mind may want you to strive for One day, the salary is done away with and his commission goals and success, there is that little voice called your will be his only income. If that were you, would you feel like subconscious mind, which could be holding you back. you had been thrown out of your comfort zone? You probably would. The same can be said of danger. If someone were Your subconscious mind is very powerful. It has been to follow you home, how would you feel? I know that I would trained right from early in your childhood about what is definitely be out of my comfort zone! right, what is wrong, how you should be treated, how you should treat others and the need for love and acceptance. Other reasons that throw you out your comfort zone The notion of failure - and how society treats failures - is a include your attitude towards progress, excitement, pain, powerful one. Nobody wants to be in a position where others challenges, opportunity, change, self-esteem, and of laugh and say: “ There goes the man who thought he would course, probably the biggest reason, fear. have it all. Now look where he is!”

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So fear - fear of failure, fear of the unknown future, including my colleagues, my commanding officer, my parents fear of being laughed at - is a very powerful negative and my family members, were shocked. “ Jay! How can you motivator and therefore, people let fear rule all their even think of this?” they told me. “ You are getting a decisions and actions. Most people will actually look for handsome salary, your annual reports are great, you have excuses to not set clear goals and make sure that they have got many commendations, you are course topper. You have some excuse as a cushion to fall back on. Faced with an everything going for you. If you stay for some more time, opportunity that contains an element of risk, most people we are sure you can rise to become an Air Vice Marshal.Do yearn for security every time and back down. children.you understand the risks involved? You have two smal The excuses come thick and fast. “ I am too old,” or children.You do not know the outside world. Who will give “ I am too young,” or “ I haven’t the you a job? And what is this training company you want to set qualifications or experience,” or “ I haven’t the up? Do you understand the possible consequences of what intelligence, or “ Nothing ever goes right for me,” or you want to do?”

“ I’ve been in a secure job for years. I can’t risk losing all I’ve got.” And so it is that we claim to have politely turned But I knew the risk I was taking. I believed in myself down a chance. When you say such things, you are and my hard work, my positive attitude and I knew people practically slamming the door on what could be a lifetime would support me. When I left, I was lucky to get lot of opportunity - just like the carpenter in the earlier fable. training assignments through Accord Consultants. Later, my independent training assignments led me to become Senior When you are faced with an opportunity you must ask yourself: What am I actually afraid of and why am I coming Manger (Training) at MindTree Consulting in Bangalore. In up with this excuse? spite of getting a big salary, I was not satisfied. I thought my progress and growth were limited - not in financial terms Let me answer that. If you want to be successful, but in terms of fulfilment. So I left to start my dream somewhere down the line you will have to take a risk or company, Vision Learning Innovations. The organisation, two. To say that you will not take a risk by saying you are which started with me alone, today has 15 eminent trainers. “ not good enough” or “ nothing ever goes right” for I am able to give job opportunities to many people because you is totally wrong. It is failing before even trying. I knew what I was risking but I was also clear about what I wanted to do and how I would do it. He who risks nothing, Does nothing, Even when I was writing my first book, Train Your Brain, on creative memory techniques for students, many Has nothing, people said, “ You’re writing a book? Who will read it?” But I Is nothing, went ahead. In two months’ time, we sold 3,000 copies of And dies a nothing. Train Your Brain. The success of that book is what has Less than two years back when I decided to retire early spurred me to write the book that you are reading right as a Squadron Leader in the Indian Air Force, everyone, now. And I remain confident that this book too will be successful and that Vision will become the country’s top training company in five years.

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If you risk nothing, you get nothing While parents are probably just trying to protect their children, they are also accidentally instilling a fear in the Sometimes, it is possible that the whole world will child’s mind - a fear of what could happen. As a result, discourage you. At such times, you need to listen to yourself. children slowly learn to become overcautious and every Listen to your heart. situation is analysed only from the point of view of what Here is a story of two frogs who fell into a deep, dry might go wrong. Approval and words of commendation are well. As they started to jump to try and come out of the few and far between. Parents often forget to tell their well, they kept falling back in. Getting out seemed children how good or talented they are, how well they are impossible. In the meantime, other frogs assembled outside doing and how proud they make their parents feel. The the well and shouted: “ Stop trying. The well is too deep. congratulations are few and far between and are quickly You can’t jump. You are destined to die. Make peace with followed by what the child has not done. your fate.” And because our childhood is cluttered with negative Listening to this, one frog stopped trying and soon, it comments, we feel uneasy with success, unable to handle it died. The second frog kept trying. He got higher and higher to the extent of missing the negative comments and put- with each jump and finally, he jumped high enough to get downs. Parents think that they are protecting their children out. The frogs outside were surprised but they cheered by discouraging them after they have taken a risk and done him. One old frog asked: “ Why did you keep trying when something well. They are afraid that when things do not go we all shouted to tell you it was too high?” well, the let down will be easier if they have already discouraged their children from doing that. Do you see The frog looked surprised. “ Is that what you said? how we actually condition ourselves to lose?! Actually, I thought you were all shouting to encourage me to jump higher. Actually, you see, I’m a bit deaf!!” Failures and setbacks are commonplace even with the most successful people in the world, and if we introduce The moral of the tale is simple: when you are in trouble, failure - plus the ability to tackle it and try again - to our don’t give up just because others say it is a no-win situation. children from an early age, they will be better equipped to Think for yourself. In the end, if you decide not to take the cope with it as they grow older. risk because you have investigated and analysed all of the facts and information yourself, you will do the right thing. Every failure is an opportunity I’.MI think for yourself. When you know a situation well, you will be able to grab the right opportunity, even if it comes a It is an opportunity to learn from your mistakes and to little later. take stock of your situation. I don’t even like to use the term failure. There are no failures, just outcomes. The problem is exactly what I mentioned earlier. Growing up, every child is told about the many dangers in doing My former boss, MindTree Consulting COO Subroto .mything. We hear an endless barrage of “ don’ts” : Don’t Bagchi, once said, “ // you are not making any mistakes, do ilie, you might hurt yourself. Don’t play there, you you are not actually doing anything.” This is perfectly true might fall. Don’t talk that way. Don’t run like that... and I have used this phrase with every person that I have

Life will never be the same again 19 Life will never be the same again 20

lead in the workplace. I have always encouraged my staff to front of the horse. The horse moved but stopped again a try new ways of working and learning from the experience. few hundred metres later. Again, the tongawala did his song and dance routine. The horse trotted on and stopped My mentor Kadri says, Be afraid of early success and yet again. The tongawala got down again. By now, I was not early failure. When you want to double your success both annoyed and intrigued. So I asked the tongawala why rate then you need to double your failure rate too. the horse kept stopping and why the singing and dancing prompted him to move forward. The tongawala smiled and The real winners in life DO make mistakes said, “ Saab, before I bought this horse for my carriage, it Winners however, learn from their mistakes whereas was a baraat ki ghodi (a horse on which a groom rides to losers usually give up when the going gets tough. his wedding).” In north India, this ride is a long procession with relatives and friends singing and dancing to band In your quest for success, you will make mistakes along music. Invariably, the procession stops for breaks every the way. It will help you overcome these setbacks if you few hundred metres and moves forward once the band acknowledge from the outset that you will make mistakes strikes up a new song. “ Yen aadat se majboor hai. (It’s a and it is all part of the learning experience. Remember, creature of habit.) It can’t change so easily. That’s why I there are many battles that are won or lost, but it is the get down and sing and dance to get her to move,” he Side that wins the war in the end that are the victors. explained.

Just like the horse, we too find it very difficult to change Why we don’t change overnight, especially when everything is going fine and there We don’t change simply because we are used to what is no need to do so. we do regularly. Our habits bind us to routines we are comfortable with. We don’t want to upset existing methods. The beginning of a habit is like an invisible thread, but And many times there are no reasons to change: if it isn’t every time we repeat the act we strengthen the strand, lnoken, why fix it, right? Well, let’s see. add to it another filament, until it becomes a great cable and binds us irrevocably, in both thought and act. I still remember my first visit to New Delhi in September We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is 1983. I was on my way to Amritsar for my first posting at not an act, but a habit. Rojasansi Forward Air Base. I reached Delhi in the morning Qnd my connecting train was in the evening. So I kept my When Nelson Mandela was released from prison after lugsoge in the cloakroom and decided to visit a friend in decades in detention, the press asked him, “ Sir, how do you ( honakyapuri. In those days, horse-drawn carriages were feel?” Mandela replied that he missed prison life. The reporters a i mnmon means of transport. I sat in the carriage, ready were naturally surprised. They had expected him to be elated to get off at my friend’s house but the horse went for a at being freed. Mandela explained: he missed the silence, distance of a few hundred metres and stopped, the darkness of his cell, the sounds of the prison guards’ immediately, the Tongawala (coachman) got down from boots as they marched around, theway the rays of the sun the carriage and started singing a song and dancing in crept into his cell early in the morning. The routine he had

got used to over so many years would take time to leave

Life will never be the same again 21 Life will never be the same again 22

It may sound silly but sometimes, we become slaves to behind and adapt to something new. In the same way, if we a habit we don’t know the reason for and don’t bother to do something - right or wrong - for a period of time, it uncover the logic behind it. Supersitions fall into this category. becomes a habit and we don’t feel comfortable leaving it Here’s another tale that amply de ponstrates this. behind. In a gurukul, whenever the master gave his discourse, If you don’t like who you are and where you are, don’t there was a cat tied to a pole in the lecture hall. If the worry about it, because you’re not stuck either with who cat couldn’t be found, there would be no discourse that you are or where you are. You can grow. You can change. day. One day, a discple asked the master the reason for you can be more than you are. Welcome change and make the cat’s presence. The Master said it was simply because winning your habit. his own master before him had given discourse with the

cat tied to the pole in the lecture hall. The disciple said nothing but decided to investigate further. He found that that his master’s master’s master had a cat in the house. When the senior master gave discourse, the cat used to run in and distract everybodv. So the senior master instructed his disciples to ensure that the cat was properly tied to the pole during the discourse. This became a routine. In due course, the senior master died and a new master took over and practiced the same system. After his death, the next master was appointed and he too followed the same routine of asking his disciples to tie a cat to the pole

before the start of the discourse. He had failed to ponder the reason or logic behind the practice and things had

come to a point where the cat’s absence meant that there would be no discourse that day!

Many times, we too do things without questioning the

logic behind the action. It is only when you ask powerful questions that you get powerful answers.

Conquering fear: The fear of failure

People’s fear of success stems from their terror of

failure. They sacrifice the possibility of achievement, wealth and fame rather than risk making any mistakes. Many opt

out and avoid failure by doing nothing. I too have done this in the past.

Life will never be the same again 23 Life will never be the same again 24

I remember when I was losing my hair, 1 used to lock out of their comfort zones and develop new ones. Every myself inside the house, feeling sorry for myself and sure time you tell yourself, “ I can’t do that,” look in the mirror that the world outtside would see only my thinning hair and and also tell yourself, “ Oh yes, I can!!” make fun of me. This was due to my low self-esteem at the time. Now I laugh at that situation because I eventually Sometimes when I turn up for cricket matches, some realized that it is not the hair on my head that matters but of my team-mates are convincing themselves that some of the matter inside my head that counts. What happened was the opposition bowlers are just too good for them and that quite simple. Despite the way I felt about my appearance, I they will surely get out within a couple of overs! And this, had gathered the courage to take up training programmes. It even before a single ball has been bowled! These people are was at one such programme that I got a really big compliment. I confined and limited because they have imposed limits on had just finished training with a batch of more than 50 themselves. final-year engineering girl students at RVR St JC Egineering Many of us have let our self-talk limit our beliefs about College, Guntur. After the programme, they came to me and our abilities and what is possible. People are afraid of success said: “ Sir, your smile is magical. Keep smiling sir, you look because they feel that they will be out of their depth. very good when you smile.” It was a wonderful experience. It Therefore, they like to stay where it is comfortable - they also meant that my courage had paid off. seek the calm and shelter of the familiar. To succeed, we Before that, my self-esteem had been so low that I have to break out of our comfort zones and break beyond our couldn’t handle any sort of rejection, I couldn’t handle making limiting beliefs. Remember, we are limited only by our any mistakes. I was close to being a nervous wreck. So I did thoughts and comfort zones. the easy thing. I did nothing. For a long time, I had barricaded myself from the outside world, thinking only of my minus points and not my plus points. Too many people emphasise The only limits that you have are those their weaknesses rather than their strengths. They programme that you set for yourself themselves negatively to expect failure rather than positively There are no limits to what you can achieve. to expect success. If you start to imagine all of the reasons why you simply cannot succeed, then you will not even have Roger Banister and the 4-minute mile the strength to try. We all have a natural aversion to being embarrassed when things go wrong or to be made a fool of in This is a story that has been told over and over again the presence of others. Ihr> holds people back and causes and is an excellent example of how myths can be broken if them to, dare I say it, procrastinate. When success comes you don’t take them too seriously. within their reach, fears of The unfamiliar prompt losers to For centuries, athletes had been trying to run a mile cling to their old, Comfortable, yet self-defeating ways. They in under four minutes and had failed. The sporting world stay within their comfort zone. said it was impossible, a miracle out of reach. That was That’s not what successful people do. Successful people till a medical student and amateur athlete called Roger push straight through these fears and move even closer to Banister performed that miracle and ran a mile in under their goals and on to bigger and better things. They break four minutes.

Life will never be the same again 25 Life will never be the same again 26

That’s not what this story is about. What happened long walk up to the podium. Once I stood there, I was lost in afterwards is that by the end of that year, scores of athletes the deafening noise of applause and greetings! That was had run the milein under four minutes. The comfort zone of my first taste of success and without doubt, the turning an impossible 4-minute mile had been broken. point of my life. From then on, I have never stood second in any course or examination that I wrote in my life. I passed Losers believe that there is a limit to happy experiences out as Leading Aircraftsman, having won trophies for Best and success. They think that after good comes bad and in Trade, Best in Education and Best All-Rounder trainee. As after triumph comes despair. Winners and successful people know that there is no ceiling on success. There are no limits. Winners know that they deserve their success and want to go on and to achieve even more.

Stand out from the crowd

I still remember October 1982. I was 17 years old and doing my ab-initio training at Air Force Station Tambaram, Chennai. We were 420 trainees from all over the country.

There was stiff competition to do well in academics as well rts In physical training and in the rifle drill.

I came from a village school - not having attended any ichool till the age of 12 - and couldn’t speak one word of iny language but Telugu. All that I had was five years of studies in a village school and at an intermediate college. I weighed mere 45 kg and could not even run half a kilometre without gasping for breath.

Most of the batch comprised of people who were not (inly physically well-built but came from convent schools and

COUld speak beautiful English. I was the butt of jokes of everyone in the barracks. Aero-engine theory was Greek to me and the gymnasium was off limits. But I had this burning desire to succeed. I wanted to compensate for things that I didn’t have. I knew I had to study twice as hard as everyone else and I did it. When the first test and the results were to be announced, others were eager to know where they stood in class, while I was praying I would pass. Everyone waited with baited breath to hear who had topped. That’s when

Master Warrant Officer Pillai announced my name. It was a

Life will never be the same again 27 Life will never be the same again 28

a Flight Cadet, I topped the Officers’ Training at Air Force you should have got the same scores as the rest of the class Academy and won the President’s Plaque as well. I also went to “ belong” and to be with the pack. on to become the youngest officer to have done the prestigious Defence Services Staff College Course at We really have no control over 10% of what happens to Wellington. Nothing succeeds like success. And once I had us. Our car may break down. The bus or train we were tasted success, I did not want to be second-best. And instead supposed to take may arrive late, throwing our day’s schedule of resting on my laurels, I put my heart and soul into out of gear. We may be stuck in an unexpected traffic jam everything I did. and miss an important meeting. We have no control over all this, but this forms only a tiny percentage of our life. The What followed were many more such successes in my other 90% is something we can control by our action and academic and professional career. Even today, when I go on reaction to the circumstances surrounding us. stage, I visualize those wonderful moments 20 years ago, and they re-energise me and automatically, I end up Here’s an example: You’re eating breakfast with your surpassing my own expectations. In a sense I was lucky. The family. Your daughter knocks over a cup of coffee onto your people around me expected me to be better than the rest suit. You have no control over what just happened. What and this led me to break down my own limitations and achieve happens next will be determined by how you react. You can success. scold your daughter for knocking the coffee cup over. She breaks down in tears. After scolding her, you turn to your What got you there is not enough to keep you there spouse and criticise her for placing the cup too close to the edge of the table. A short verbal battle follows. You storm To become Number 1 is easy, but to remain Number 1 is upstairs and change your shirt. Back downstairs you find tough. It requires double the effort. The likes of Andre Agassi, your daughter has been too busy crying to finish breakfast Pete Sampras, Martina Navratilova, Steffi Graph, Leander Paes, and get ready for school - she misses the bus. Your spouse Amitabh Bachchan, Aishwarya Rai, Chiranjeevi, Sachin Tendulkar, must leave immediately for work. You rush to the car and APJ Abdul Kalam, Chandrababu Naidu, N R Narayana Murthy drive your daughter to school. Because you are late, you will all tell you what makes them work hard al the time is the drive 40 km per hour in a 30 km per hour zone. The traffic desire to do well, all the time. cop at the crossing sees this and fines you. You reach late Peer-pressure has a lot to do with people’s fear of for an important meeting and to make matters worse, you’ve success. Our society and culture have created an atmosphere left your office cabinet keys at home. You have a miserable where it is felt ‘right’ to be with the pack.and not stand day at work but are not sure why everything seems to be out. Success makes us different from others and often going wrong. You look forward to going home. When you makes us feel that our success needs to be ‘approved’ by arrive home you find small wedge in your relationship with others, that we need others’ love and acceptance. Do you your spouse and daughter. Why? Trace it back...all the way remember when you or a schoolmate did particularly well at to that spilt coffee. Think carefully: school and were consequently subject to comments like A) Did the coffee cause it? “ teachers pet” ? You see, you were successful and you B) Did your daughter cause it? stood out from the rest of the class. But our culture dictates that

Life will never be the same again 29 Life will never be the same again 30

C) Did your colleagues cause it? Imagine your train is late. It is going to mangle your schedule for the day. Why take out your frustration on the D) Did you cause it? TTE? He has no control over what is going on. Use your time The answer is D. You caused it. It wasn’t the spilt coffee, to study, get to know the other passengers, etc. Why get but your reaction to it. That, in turn, set off a chain of stressed out? What will happen later can be handled later events that could have been avoided altogether if you hadn’t too. You now know the simple 90-10 secret. Apply it and reacted the way you did. You had no control over what you will be amazed at the results! happened with the coffee but you could have controlled When you are sorrowful, look again in your heart and your reaction to it. Now consider this scenario: The coffee you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which falls all over you. Your daughter is terrified and about to has been your delight. - Kahlil Gibran cry. You gently say, “ It’s okay, my dear. Please be more careful next time.” You grab a towel and rush upstairs to change. You come back down in time look through the Double standards window and see your child getting on the bus. She turns and We live in a society where we follow double standards; waves. You and your spouse kiss before you both go to rules and regulations vary for each and every group. What is work. You arrive five minutes early and cheerfully greet the applicable to one is not applicable to others. The so-called staff. Your boss comments on how good a day you seem to intellectual and knowledgeable people in society often close be having. their mind towards the outer world. They don’t know what So you see how the same incident can spiral into is happening out there. They honestly believe that a person who knows how to walk doesn’t like to be associated with uncontrolled misery or it can be controlled and reined in by a person with one leg, a person who is beautiful doesn’t like mature reaction. That’s what we need to concentrate on: to be surrounded by not-so-beautiful people and those who our reaction to what happens around us. know how to speak don’t like people who stammer. And so Here are some ways to gain control of the full 90%: it is that we think of our shortcomings and hide behind If someone says something negative about you, do not be a them. But read the following facts and then decide if you sponge and absorb it. Let the attack roll off like water on really feel that shortcomings always have to be lifelong glass. You don’t have to let the negative comment affect obstacles. you! React properly and it will not ruin your day. A wrong • A paralytic woman, Wilma Rudolph, became the reaction could result in losing a friend, being fired, getting fastest woman on earth at the 1960 Rome Olympics. stressed out, etc. • Thomas Alva Edison was deaf and yet he was able to How do you react if someone cuts you off in traffic? Do inventions hundreds of gadgets, including the you lose your temper? Pound the steering wheel? Does your telephone. blood pressure skyrocket? Do you try and bump them? Who cares if you arrive ten seconds late at work? But if you let • The great Greek orator, Demosthenes, had a terrible the other driver affect you, your whole day could be ruined. stammer.

Life will never be the same again 31 Life will never be the same again 32

• Helen Keller, the great educationist and writer, was 4) Make that attempt a success. not only blind but also deaf. 5) After that, say thanks to that person who Beethoven, who composed some of the world’s most discovered your weaKness and/or tried to dictate wonderful music, was deaf. terms to you. • American president Franklin D. Roosevelt, responsible Sometime back I watched Karan Thapar interview not only for hauling the country out of its worst former cricketer and commentator Navjot Singh Sidhu on economic crisis but also the architect of its victory in TV. I have always liked Sidhu, not just as a cricketer but World War II, was a cripple. also because of the person he is today. When he was a member of the Indian cricket team, he was dubbed an • Jaipal Reddy, Indian Cabinet Minister, is physically introvert, and a bad communicator. During the interview, crippled but is also the spokesman of the Congress he said, “ I was selected for the Indian cricket team in party. 1984, and then I was drooped just after one series. All the Nutan Prasad, the Telugu film actor, was left a leading newspapers wrote many negative things about me, paraplegic after an accident, is chairman of Ravindra my technique and my personality, I took those cuttings and Bharati at Hyderabad. pasted them on a wall in my room. Then began the journey of hard work, determination and zeal to prove something. • Sudha Chandran, film and TV artist and dancer, lost I was again selected for the Indian team, and then I played one leg in an accident when she was a teenager. She for 15 years.” still dances and has become a successful media personality. Sidhu drew inspiration from the flak he got. Today, he is an acclaimed commentator and famous for the twists he The list will never end, and history will repeat itself. It is gives to the English language in his commentary. If he can the so-called intellectuals of society who make life worse do it, why can’t you? If you’re simply afraid, here’s a for others by fixing “ rules and regulations” for others saying by Dan Rather to keep you going: Courage is being to afraid but going on anyhow. live by. I have a plan for those who are disabled and others who feel they are handicapped either emotionally or We all want to be liked and accepted, but I have seen economically: so many people opt for second-best and sell themselves short and underachieve because this need to be liked 1) Don’t forget what people say to you, especially all overpowers their desire to stand out. We learn to the negative things. Don’t even forget the person subconsciously sabotage ourselvesso that we can remain who has said these unpleasant things. safely within our peer group, because if we actually perform better, are happier, more content - and indeed, achieve 2) If possible, write down those statements on a piece more success - then the fear of not being liked takes over of paper. and we settle for something that is far beneath our ability 3) Analyze them and work hard to improve in those areas. and ambitions. When you do outstep your peers, you’ve

Life will never be the same again Life will never be the same again 33 34

The lowest ebb is the turn of the tide got to bear the envy and criticism of false friends because change represents a threat to the status quo. Anthony Robbins began his climb to success while he was living in a 400 sq ft apartment. He had to do his dishes One of the ways we show our fear of success is by staying in the bathtub because the place didn’t even have a proper put and accepting something less than what we really want. kitchen. “ I started out,” he says, “ feeling sorry for We come out with excuses about why things should stay as myself. they are. It is a lot easier to stay where and as we are, even Feeling nothing could change. Being mad at the world and If we are not happy with our current situation. Remember, if my past. But fortunately, I was able to change. And the you have true friends, work colleagues and peers, they should change came from not being willing to settle for that any be happy for you to stand out from the pack. Would your more. Knowing that inside I was much more than I was friends be jealous of you and envy you for trying to do better? If living; mentally, emotionally and spiritually. And I was able to the answer is yes, then you must ask yourself whether they find my passion.” really are your friends in the first place. And it was from these beginnings that Robbins went on to become one of the world’s most dynamic professional speakers - with two best selling books, Awaken the Giant Within and Unlimited Power, which is also the best-selling audio programme of all time, and nine companies with annual revenues of $50 million.

Before we move on, there are two questions you must consider seriously and reply to honestly.

1. Are you now ready to change your life forever?

2. Are you ready for the commitment that you need to succeed?

Only if you answer those two questions with a YES, are

you mentally prepared for what lies ahead. If you don’t feel comfortable than that’s alright too. Remember, you will

probably be way out of your comfort zone anyway. Keep rereading this chapter until you do feel comfortable. When

you’re answers are yes, you can read further. It may take days, weeks or even months. The important thing is to give it everything you have right from the beginning and if that

takes time than so be it. I respect you for even thinking about improving the quality of your life.

Life will never be the same again 35 Life will never be the same again 36

Life is not a dress rehearsal. You owe it to yourself to get the most out of your time on this planet. The one thing thai scares the hell out of me would be to wake up one Universal Laws of Success morning to find that I am 70 years old and “ wishing I had 3 done this” or “ wishing I had done that” . I have made a I first started toying with the idea of what makes people conscious decision never to be put in that position. I want successful, powerful, famous and rich, when I was young you to make that commitment too. I truly hope to meet and lonely - the phase of my life when I was at my lowest you one day, as I would love to share my success story with ebb. ‘There must be something that successful people do you .ind to ask you what your success story is. Anybody who that unsuccessful people don’t do!” I pondered. What wantes to better themselves is a friend of mine and like followed was a period of self-discovery, research and true friends, we can help each other. Remember, if you development. want to get what you want in life, help others get what they want in life. I started to think about the times when I thought that I could conquer anything and the times when I was feeling low: How did I feel? What was going through my mind at the time? Was it due to my experience or inexperience? What was I doing differently? I started to read up on the

people who I thought were successful to gain an insight into

their way of thinking and how they look at life. I analysed my situation intensely. Why on earth did I feel unwanted and unworthy? Why was I afraid to step out the front door?

That’s when I remembered my maths teacher at school

saying that in order to succeed at maths you need to keep things as simple as possible and to break numbers down to

their lowest common denominator. Thank you, sir. I used this approach to formulate the lowest common denominators for success, which are:

(1) Doing the things you must do in order to be

successful,

(2) Acquiring the mindset that will allow you to

become a success.

Let’s look at this more closely. The above statements

depict that people successful in life do different things and

Life will never be the same again 37 Life will never be the same again 38

think in a different way than other, less successful people. I’d like you to imagine that you are making a two- So it goes without saying that when you want what you’ve tiered wedding cake; the first layer comprises the activities never had, you must do what you’ve never done. and things you must do in order to be successful. And the second layer comprises the mindset that will allow you to Success is like baking a cake! succeed. Both layers make up the sum of the cake so each layer must taste exactly right based upon the correct Now, I’m no chef but success really is like baking a ingredients in the right quantities. cake. When you bake a cake you need to put different types of ingredients into the mixing bowl. Too much of one thing and not enough of another makes the cake taste and look different. If you follow the recipe correctly and measure the right amount of each ingredient, the results are spectacular and the cake comes out looking like you expected and tastes a certain way. To determine whether you have been a success at making the cake or not will probably be determined by the presentation of the cake, i.e. what it looks like and how it tastes. This will be totally dependent on the type of ingredients put into the mixing bowl and also their quantities. Success, no matter what it is to you will ultimately depend on the quantity and quality of your inputs. Take, for example, candidates attending an interview. The output for each of them was to get the job, but their inputs were totally different. The two activities that you must do in order to become a success are made up of several inputs.

Although each one is important in its own right - just like the proportion of ingredients in baking the cake - you must apply them in the required amounts.

Depending on the type and quantity of the inputs that you adopt to any given situation will result in a Success

Index score which illustrates what the probability is of you succeeding in your chosen activity. You know, we can even go one stage further by stating that total success, that is the activities that you must do and the mindset to allow you to succeed, can be viewed as a wedding cake. Most wedding cakes are multi-tiered, made up of several layers, which in effect means that there are several cakes within one.

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Everybody in this world is busy 24/7. From a rickshawpuller on the street to a big business magnate, if you ask them if they have any free time, the answer will be a big ‘No’. If everybody works for such long hours and keeps themselves busy, then how come some people are successful and some aren’t? The same doubt once came to the students of a gurukul and they asked their master. The master did an interesting experiment. He took a jar and filled the jar with some big rocks up to the brim, and he asked the students, “ Is the jar full?” The students replied, “ Yes, sir.” The master said, “ No,” and he put some pebbles in the jar. These pebbles tumbled in and occupied the little gaps left in the jar between the rocks. Now the master asked the same question to the students, “ Is the jar full?” The students replied, “ Yes, sir” . The master said, “ No.” Then he filled the jar with some sand. The sand occupied the tiny spaces left between the rocks and pebbles. Once again the master asked again asked the same question, “ Is experiment in the reverse order. If we pour water into the Jar the jar full?” The students became very wise by now. They first, then the sand will not go into the jar. Even if we pour in said, “ No sir. You can even pour some water into the the sand, the pebbles won’t go in and finally, the rocks jar.” won’t jma a place in the jar at all. Remember, the small The master poured some water in to the jar. Now the pebbles, water and sand that you see are the activities master again asked: “ Is the jar full?” The students that we do daily, like dropping or receiving somebody at said, the railway station, paying our bills, taking our bike for “ Yes, sir.” The master said, “ I fully agree with you. servicing, buying provisions from the shop, standing in a But line to buy tickets, etc. The big rocks are the goals or the tell me what do you understand by this experiment?” The major objectives that we want to achieve in our life. Only students gave different answers. if we spend our time effectively, only if we focus our energy Finally, the master spoke, “ Let us imagine that the on achieving these goals, can we become successful in our Jar is our life. The different things that we put into the life. The rest of the activities will take care of themselves.” jar are the activities that we do in our day-to-day existence, Everybody in this world is busy. But to become successful, which occupies our life. It is important with what we are we have to ask ourselves, “ What are we busy with?” Like filling our life with. Let us imagine that we do this I said earlier, it is only when we ask powerful questions that we get powerful answers. The answers to these questions determine our purpose of life.

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GOALS: The ‘what’ and the ‘why’ Goals are the things and activities that you want to achieve, to have, to own. They provide focus and something to aim for. Within this, you not only have to determine the ‘what’, you’ve also got to determine the ‘why’. Why do you want each goal? What will it give you? Planning: If you know what you want, it is no good just wishing for it. You must plan out how you are going to get it. Why we need to set goals Taking action: Now you know what you want and how Most successful people and organisations set targets you are going to get it. So go and get it. and goals because human beings seem to need a sense of Focusing, reviewing and adjusting: Once you start to purpose and a game plan to be effective. How can life give take action, it is important that you stay focussed on your you anything if you don’t even know what you want yourself? goal so that you don’t get sidetracked. If you do make Setting goals is the essence of self-direction; they provide a benchmark, a measure of progress - proof that you’ve done mistakes, it is vital that you review your situation and make what you had set out to do. the necessary adjustments to get back on track. What I want you to grasp is that there are two fundamental It is important to remember that one person’s definition activities for success. of success will be totally different from another’s. It all depends on what success means to you, and we have covered THE THINGS YOU DO this in an earlier topic. Success is all about knowing what a you want, why you want it and then working towards THE THINGS YOU THINK achieving it, no matter what it is. Success to you could mean having a better job, peace of mind and excellent Each one is made up of several sub-activities, the health. To others it could mean having a BMW car, owning a combination of which will determine the level of success Rolex watch or running their own business. One thing that that you will attain. all of the above have in common is that they are all things we want. They are all examples of goals or targets. NO ACTION = NO SUCCESS Di.ection and purpose are two of the most vital factors Identifying your goal is the first key stage to achieving that you must have in your life if you are going to be success. Goals can take many shapes and forms, including successful. Think of it this way: unless you know where you both tangible and intangible targets. Here are some examples are going and why, you are likely to mistake activity for of goals that you might include for yourself: accomplishment - for you cannot achieve something unless • Losing weight you have set out to achieve it in the first place! • Starting and running your own business

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• Getting a better job or promotion A goal is something that you can define in great detail, • Buying a new car and after having identified your goal, why something is the • Being more assertive next key step that you have to take. If, for example, one of your goals is to buy a new car, you must define the exact • Spending more time with your family and children model, the colour, the price and so on. Make sure that you • Earning more money can picture it clearly in your mind and try and get away • Learning to swim from generalisations. Be specific and be precise. In it’s simplest form,, the definition of netting and GOAL - TO BUY A NEW CAR achieving a goal is this: You must first decide WHAT your MODEL - Hyundai Santro goal actually is. Then you must define it in comprehensive detail. You must then lay out the steps by which you intend COLOUR - Metallic Blue to reach the goal and lastly, you must put a deadline or a PRICE - Rs 4, 40,0007- time limit to achieving your goal. EXTRAS - air conditioning, CDplayer, powewindows, etc. I’d like you to compare goalsetting with going on a long-distance car journey. This comparison will make the Go ahead and define your dream further: what colour whole concept easier for you to understand. You wouldn’t are the seats? What is the number plate? What make is the CD think of planning the journey without knowing where you player? Has it got power windows? Has it got alloy wheels? were going and why and without having a map to guide you through unfamiliar territory. Firstly, before you even got DO NOT GENERALISE. KNOW into the car you would know exactly where you were going EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANT. to go and why you want to go there, i.e. visit relatives, to go to the gym, etc. You would have mapped out the route How to achieve your goal: Planning and Action you plan to take to get there and finally, you would have When you know what you want to achieve and have given yourself enough time to reach your destination. Sounds defined it in detail, the next step is to actually plan and familiar doesn’t it? map out exactly how you are going to achieve it. Remember, any goal can be achieved, but it is a lot easier if it is first Well, goal-setting uses exactly the same method - only, broken down into a series of sub-goals. Each smaller goal the car is you and the journey is your life. It is no use should lead you, one day/week/month at a time, to your thinking in a vague sort of way either when it comes to setting your goals. If you were to ask anyone on the street larger goal. to define what their goals in life were, you would invariably Eg: GOAL - To lose some weight get responses such as: “ I want to be rich,” or “ I want to be If you want to lose some weight you would have to happy,” or “ I want to be famous.” You would be fooled make the goal specific. So the goal would look like this: To into lose 4 kg in 8 weeks. The next stage would be to break thinking that these were goals, but they are not. They are down the large goal into sub goals. You could set yourself

Just generalisations that are desired by everyone. Life will never be the same again 45 Life will never be the same again 46

subgoals of losing Yi a kg per week for the next 8 weeks. Write down a table and post it on a wall so that you can see it. Each small target you achieve will give you the required push to achieve the next. This is how it works: If you tried to eat an entire pizza in one mouthful, you would choke But by cutting it into smaller, bite-sized pieces, it is more digestible and more enjoyable. Someone once said: “ Success by the inch is a cinch, by the yard it is hard.” Break your goals down and they will become a lot easier for you to achieve. I always like to say that if you concentrate on your sub-goals, your major goal will take care of itself.

Get the timing right One of the most important factors in attaining your goal is setting yourself deadlines to achieve each sub/major goal. Putting things off until tomorrow or next week will LIFE IS VERY INTERESTING, turn into another tomorrow or another week. In order to IF YOU MAKE MISTAKES. understand this, I’d like to explain a different word that no would-be successful person should have in their vocabulary. goals must be is both achievable and realistic. A goal of Procrastination: When we talk about goals you could passing your driving test after only 2 lessons is probably put things off by never choosing to do anything. You could going to be out of your reach. Passing after 20 lessons is also put things off by choosing to do something, but then more attainable and more realistic. The goal shouldn’t exceed never starting it. Then you could put things off by starting your ability, but on the other hand, they should exploit them something, but then not continuing it. And then you could to the fullest, thus closing the gap between potential and continue something, but not finish it: performance. It is vital that you don’t do something tomorrow what you really could have done today. At every stage of your This is a really important point. Establishing realistic goal, you must set yourself time limits and deadlines so that aims creates the habit of succeeding when each one is you don’t put things off until tomorrow. attained, and success breeds success. This will build up your confidence and help you to attain further goals. Also, Do not Procrastinate by setting goals that are measurable and realistic to achieve, Break down your goal, allot your time and formulate it’s easier to make corrections should you go off target. If your deadlines. I like to call it a Timetable to Success. Your you set unattainable or make unrealistic demands on your workforce, you will only do more harm to their motivation,

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self-esteem and their confidence, resulting in a reduction in Ten ways to achieve your goals in life productivity. If you’re ready to achieve your dreams and goals, no The same will happen to you as well if you ask too much matter how big, take the following 10 steps - one at a time of yourself. You will become de-motivated and may give in. - to ensure a successful outcome every time. The most successful people in the world and the best managers are those that can identify their own abilities and 1. Choose goals that are consistent with your values and their employees’ abilities and potential and then set work/ beliefs. Then regularly check to make sure that your goals that will stretch their abilities without ever exceeding thoughts and actions are in perfect alignment with them. them. These managers will invariably have highly motivated You won’t work toward goals that conflict with your employees because he/she is getting the best out of them values. You’re unable to achieve your goals when your and they are feeling worthwhile. thoughts and actions are inconsistent with them. No matter how hard you work, your performance will be There is a fine dividing line between goals that are too undermined. easy to achieve and goals that are probably out of your reach. You can only ascertain which is which by using your 2.Choose goals that are strategic. High achievers know common sense, knowing your strengths and weaknesses, that strategic goals accomplish many outcomes. For knowing your potential to develop and learn and also by trial example, training properly for and running in a marathon and error. accomplishes a number of great outcomes. You will most certainly lose weight, reduce your cholesterol level, Goals can be and should be specified for particular areas strengthen your heart, increase your energy and stamina, of your life. Your career, your finances, your possessions, and improve your outlook. your ambitions, etc. For every area of your life you should set yourself goals in order for you to achieve more rewarding, 3.Choose goals which transcend purpose. The very highest fulfilling and successful outcomes. achievers develop goals that serve a purpose much greater than just fulfilling their personal desires. These people What I would like to do at this point is to share some of hold grand visions and choose goals that reach far beyond the techniques and tips that I use with regard to the goals their self-interests. They take on causes, develop careers that I set for myself and how I attained them. You too can and create businesses as vehicles for making a positive adopt these approaches. difference not only in the lives of their direct contacts, First, as the saying goes, “ An oral agreement isn’t co-workers and customers, but in the lives of many others worth the paper it is written on.” I believe that it’s no as well. When you choose and achieve goals with good if you say that you have got a goal when you haven’t transcendent purpose, you leave a lasting legacy that written it down. You need commitment from yourself. makes this world a better place for all. Writing your goals down and commiting them to your 4.Accurately define your goals. What exactly do you memory makes them more “ official” . Your want? Envision your goals, name them and put specific commitment will be your only enemy. numbers on them. Define your goals in terms of rupees,

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sales by 10% this month, enlist trusted, long-time dollars, pounds, weeks, percentages or inches. No one colleagues to help you design a solid plan for your new can achieve an unclear goal. Be precise! business or hire a coach! 5. Ferret out the ‘whys’ behind your goals. You will reach goals that move or excite you and stimulate your 10, Go public with your goals. Tell family, friends and imagination. You will reach goals that are meaningful colleagues about your goals and their deadlines. Ask them and fulfilling. You will reach goals that are vital to your to help you along the way and hold you accountable. health and well being, to your family and to your future. Knowing that you have people rooting for you is a When the ‘whys’ behind your goals stimulate, motivate powerful motivator. Set yourself up for success by making and inspire you, you’ll find a way to achieve them. a public commitment to reaching your goals on schedule. Celebrate intermediate victories. Reward yourself for 6. Put your goals and the reasons behind them in writing. the achievement of each victory along the way. I always There is power and magic in writing down your goals say in my seminars that VISION is going to be the number and the reasons why you chose them. Record them on one training company in India in five years. This makes file cards and place the cards where you’ll see them me draw up plans and take action in that direction. You throughout the day - on a mirror, or on your desk beside are answerable to people for what you have said. your computer. Keep the cards with you wherever you go so that you can read them many times during the When you have to achieve these goals, you need to day. manage your time in the following ways: 7. Set a deadline. As with defining your objectives, have 1. Make a daily ’to-do’ list and prioritize your work. the courage to be exact in setting deadlines for their 2. Consider that only about four or five out of every achievement. A pre-determined deadline provides the ten items on the list are worth doing. discipline required for achieving your goals. Determine to get out of debt by a certain date, lose 10 kg by 3. Figure out the most productive time of your day Christmas or double your sales revenues in 6 months. A and reserve it for the prime projects. Do not waste goal without a deadline is only a pipedream. your prime time on routine tasks such as reading the newspaper, doing household chores or answering 8. Delineate mcermediate milestones. If you want to save the mail. Rs 60,000 in 12 months, set intermediate milestones of Rs 5,000 per month. Setting smaller, specific 4. Focus your efforts, energy and strength on the high intermediate goals makes achieving your ultimate goal priority items on the top of your list. Do not get far easier, and provides an efficient means of tracking bogged down with the insignificant tasks no matter your progress. how quick and easy they are to do. 5. Programme your routine tasks for non-prime-time 9. Get a partner. High achievers understand the significant benefits of having at least one person who completely hours, when your energy level is at its lowest. supports them and is part of their campaign. Get a 6. Always reserve at least thirty minutes of uncommitted running buddy, make a bet with a friend to increase time each day to handle unexpected tasks or crises.

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7. Arrange and keep aside time to just relax and do nothing. Do not underestimate or overlook this task. 4 Nothing is a total waste of time, including doing nothing! 8. Try to do a few things at the same time everyday. Attitude and Motivation This habit conserves energy by cutting down on indecisiveness. It also generates energy through the The greatest discovery of this generation: power of habit - the habit of reading the paper, Human beings can alter their lives going to a meeting, planning the meals or doing a By altering their attitudes certain task - all at a particular time. Attitude: A little thing makes a big difference 9. If during the day, we find five to ten minutes to spare, most of us simply waste it on non-productive, The most important factor that will determine your insignificant tasks. Instead, get started on an success is what goes on in your mind. Each person is where he important project. is and what he is because of his mental attitude towards himself and others, and so are you. Your mental attitude can 10. If one always waits for the prefect moment to get travel in two directions: It can lead you up the path of started, one usually ends up doing nothing substantial. success or down the road of failure. The choice is entirely But by breaking down overwhelming but high-priority yours. tasks into smaller bits that can be accomplished in ten minutes or less, one can chisel away at something No matter what you do in life it is your attitude before, that is really significant - slowly but surely. throughout and after that activity that will determine your success. Picture a footballer taking a penalty. What do you 11. Do not waste time worrying about failures or past think is going through his mind? A goal? Whether the mistakes. Learn the lesson and move forward. Think goalkeeper will save it? Or whether ball will end up in row Z of each ‘mistake’ as bringing you closer to eventual of the stands? success or harmony. Studies show that people who hoped for and strived for success were happier and more accomplished than those who feared and stopped short at failure. “ Since Time is the one immaterial object which we cannot influence - neither speed up nor slow down - it is an imponderably valuable sift.”

-Maya Angelou. Picture a learner driver who has just failed her driving test. What is she thinking? Confident that she will pass next

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time? Or that she will not even bother and give up? Or maybe she will have to be content with public transport? In the box below, write out all of the words that describe why these people are positive people. Is it something they There is a simple rule with regard to your thinking in say? Is it something they do? Is it their attitude towards everything that you do: crisis? Think positively and you will end up with positive results. Think negatively and you will end up with negative results. It’s as simple as that.

What I would now like you to do is complete the following exercise. It will help you appreciate the thoughts of positive and negative people. Next, -I would like you to complete another list using the same people. List the people who you perceive to be a Take a closer look at the people that you know - your success and those who you perceive to be unsuccessful. relatives, your friends and your colleagues. List these people into positive and negative thinkers.

POSITIVE THINKERS NEGATIVE THINKERS SUCCESSFUL UNSUCCESSFUL

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You will find that the majority, if not all the successful In addition, this person is mentally going through all of people you listed are positive people and the people you the possible questions that he or she may be asked during listed as unsuccessful are negative thinking people. the interview and is really looking forward to it. The negative- minded person is doubting his or her abilities and dreading You see, people successful in life are always positive the thought of entering the interview room. people. They think about what they want, they are optimistic, they expect the best and they expect to win. Let me ask you this question: Which person do you Negative people, on the other hand, always look for the think stands a better chance of getting the job? Or let’s worst - they expect to fail. You will find that they moan a ut it this way: // you were their boss which one of them lot and they are always trying to put others down. Faced would you like to have working for you? with problems and obstacles, the positive-minded person You see, a positive mental attitude gives your entire will look for solutions and a way forward. The negative- personality a drawing power that attracts the circumstances, minded person is convinced he is beaten before he even starts.

Whatever we choose to think, we choose for our lives., The one thing that can bring success or failure in our lives is our attitude. Let us remind ourselves of the job interview example once again. There you are, sitting in the reception area and waiting for the interview that will land you your dream job. Now, what is going through your mind as you sit there, waiting to be called?

The negative-minded person is probably thinking: What on earth am I doing here? I haven’t got a chance of getting this job. I haven’t got the right experience or qualifications, I’m probably going to fluff it. What if I make a complete fool of myself?

Far too many people have no idea of what they can do because all they have ever been told is all the things they can’t do. They don’t know what they want because they don’t know what’s available to them.

The positive-minded person is feeling confident and is thinking: Well, I’ve got this far so I must be good. I’ve got a great chance of getting this position, the job is as good as mine, I have the experience and qualifications and I am going to say all the right things. Let’s go for it!!

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the things and the people that you think about the most. A but there is a lot of power associated with a smile. What I positive mind attracts opportunities for success and a would like you to do is to start smiling more often. Now, negative mind repels them. A negative-minded person doesn’t that doesn’t mean that you have to walk around with a silly even take advantage of the opportunities when they do grin on your face all of the time. But smile as you walk come along because they are too busy focusing on’how they down the street, when you talk to someone, even when you are going to fail! look in the mirror at yourself. You will be surprised at how Whatever your mind can conceive and believe, your better you will feel for it, and it will project a positive mind can achieve. Your capacity to believe is your greatest image to all others - one that will attract opportunities and potential asset. But you cannot draw upon it or benefit people. Happy people are also seen as more attractive from it until you have formed the habit of keeping your than unhappy and sad people, so that is an added bonus! attitude positive. We now know that the successful people in life are Remember, positive people are happy people and positive people. The question that you must now ask yourself is negative people are not. - are you one of those people? If you were to take a penalty what would be going through your mind? Positive thoughts or negative ones? No Why we have to laugh matter what your mindset is at the moment, there are Laughter is a God-given gift to human beings. It is one various techniques that you can apply to help you to create of the blessings that differentiates us from the rest of the more positive habits for yourself. animal kingdom. As human beings, we come across so much stress and tension because of our unplanned and hectic How to form and keep a positive mental attitude (PMA) schedule. To substantiate our energy levels to meet the The first thing that you can do to maintain a PMA is by urgent requirements, to fulfill time-bound tasks, our body always thinking and acting on the “ can do” portion of undergoes a certain amount of stress. But after completion every of that particular time-bound task, some of that un- ptan or purpose and refusing to accept the “ no can consumed stress (power) settles inside the body, and do” transforms into toxins (poisons) and keep accumulating. approach. Remember, positive people are solution-oriented Over a period of time, this accumulated stress can lead to and look for the good in every situation, whereas negative- cancer, high blood pressure, diabetes and other lifestyle- minded people believe that problems and obstacles cannot related diseases and disorders. It is proven that laughter is be surpassed. the best method to maintain optimum stress levels, and it helps to prevent major health problems. All it takes is a smile! Take a look at the lists that you made earlier. Now look There are two types of chemicals released in our body. at the positive people on that list. One thing these people all One is the adrenaline that results in anger, tension and high share is that they all probably smile a lot and are much blood pressure. But when we laugh, our body releases another happier than their negative counterparts. It may sound silly, chemical called endorphin, which has a remarkable effect

on the brain and which subsides the adrenaline. Laughter

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helps your body to produce more and more endorphin, and makes you to become more tension-free and stress-free, Pat people on the back helping you always remain in a positive frame of mind. Too many people are too quick to criticise people when Laughter mixed with exercise helps in improving the condition of they do something wrong, and don’t even acknowledge it the heart and also keeps sugar levels low. Other benefits of when someone does something right! What you must do in laughter include relief from hypertension, diabetes, order to create a positive mental attitude is to either start symptoms of stress, migraines, colds and coughs, breathing or increase the number of times that you compliment other difficulties, depression and anxiety. people. If your partner buys a new piece of clothing and looks particularly attractive - say so. Compliment people Laugh your way to the treasure of health and wealth working under you on their work: tell them you appreciate their efforts and that they are doing a great job. Laughter does amazing things for you. A good laugh straight from your belly can actually give you an aerobic In general, by making other people feel good, you too workout. And humour in the workplace enhances team- will feel good, and it will enhance your PMA. By focussing on building. If you don’t have a rowing machine, don’t worry, the positive aspects of people, you will enhance their PMA Just laugh a 100 times, because laughing that many times is and will make them a lot happier. equivalent to 10 minutes on the rowing machine. And you can lose weight in an easy, pleasant way. One thing that goes hand in hand with complimenting other people is the way in which we treat others. There is a Laughing maintains blood pressure and raises vascular simple rule to this: Treat others the way you would like to blood flow. It also assists in the oxygenation of blood. A be treated by others. In order to do this, you must treat hearty laugh exercises the diaphragm as well as abdominal, everyone as though they are the most important person in respiratory and facial muscles. At work, laughter helps you the world - because to themselves, they are! solve problems creatively, because it employs many of the skills used in problem-solving. One of the laws of success is that whatever you hand out in life you get back, but what you get back is 10 times Laughter improves communication skills and team as much as what you hand out. By making other people feel building. If you laugh 17 times a day, then you are normal. worthwhile, useful and treated like the most important person An average adult laughs that many times a day. If not, it is in the world, you too will be treated in exactly the same time you formed a group and started laughing without manner - only 10 times as much. reason. It may seem odd at first but it is a fantastic stress- buster. Over time, you will learn to love it. There has been a lot of research that has been conducted within organisations that suggest that when a Laughter also enhances immunity. It raises the levels of customer’s expectations have been exceeded or a complaint cells that fight infection. Laughter assists in conflict has been dealt with promptly and efficiently, that customer management. It also helps in reducing anger, makes you will tell 10 people about it. The same will apply to you when optimistic, adds joy and helps you build a positive attitude. you exceed the needs of your friends, your boss and your work colleagues. You will find that you become more popular,

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be highly regarded and your profile will be raised within that That’s a sad story, but here’s the twist. The particular group. temperature inside the unit was low, but not unbearable because the unit had broken down earlier in the day and I must stress a word of warning at this stage. There is there was plenty of air for the man to breathe - the man only one thing worse than not complimenting people and literally willed himself to die. treating others with respect - and that is doing so falsely and without sincerity. You must mean and believe in what That story illustrates the power of the mind. Your mind you are saying. cannot distinguish between your thoughts and reality. So if your mind is playing over negative scenarios, it thinks that Believe, conceive and achieve these are actually happening, as was the case in the example One thing that you must start to do is to act as though that I have just described. success is inevitable. Picture success in your mind at all times, Likewise, when you are alone in a house, you hear and burn it into your subconscious mind. Always focus on every bump, grind and creek imaginable. But if you had the outcome that you want in everything that you do. company, you wouldn’t hear a thing! That is because your Remember, what the mind can believe and conceive, the mind is expecting to hear those sounds because you are mind can achieve. thinking of them, even though they don’t exist in the first You have within you a sleeping giant whom you can place! direct to perform any service that you desire. The power of your mind and imagination is truly an exceptional and Rehearsal practice incredible function. You can think your way to almost anything “ You’ve succeeded before you have even begun.” An in life - you can think your way to success, to happiness, to important technique that you can use to improve your illness and you can even think your way to death. Here’s a positive mental attitude is what is known as rehearsal story which amply demonstrates this: practice. You can use the power of your mind to get better results. No matter what you have to do or in any situation A middle-aged man worked in a refrigeration unit in that you face, if you rehearse it over in your imagination America. One day, he accidentally locked himself inside. first, you will find that you will do it better. It is as though He banged on the door, he yelled and he screamed but no you are training, your subconscious to behave in a certain one heard him and finally he accepted his destiny. He sat way to obtain the result that you desire. down, his body became numb and with his fingers he scribbled a message on the wall for those who would Let us take the job interview process. If you go over in eventually find him. It said: “ Getting colder now, starting your mind what the interview will be like, the questions to shiver, nothing to do but wait, slowly freezing to death, asked, the possible scenarios faced and that the interviewer half asleep now these are my final words.” is going to be really helpful and nice, you wnl find that no matter what the interviewer throws at you, you will be Five hours later they opened the door and found the better prepared for it. man dead inside.

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But say, for instance, that you start to picture a negative thought in your mind. What should you do then? Well, what you should do is stop yourself immediately and replace that negative thought or picture with a positive one. You must never ever picture negative outcomes at any time for they have a tendency to come true. If you do get a negative thought - and believe me, everyone gets them - no one is immune to them, don’t worry. Just replace the image with a positive one. Now I know that’s easier said than done, but what I recommend is that every time you experience a negative thought, you ask yourself the follow questions: • Is this thought really important in the grand scheme of things? • What can I change about this thought to turn it into a positive one?

Think back through past experiences that have been worse and put this into perspective. Why did that person say what they said? What was behind it? They’re probably the one’s with the problem, not me. Take a look at the athletes on the television before a big race or any competitive event: they are mentally FOCUS ON SUCCESS AND WATCH AS THE PEOPLE, preparing and going over and over in their mind how they THE OPPORTUNITIES AND THE OUTCOMES GO YOUR will run or jump - they visualise themselves succeeding. WAY. Perhaps you are worried about a presentation that you Many attributes of winners are those that we recognise are about to give? Or an important interview? Play through in first-class salespeople. Salesmanship has a lot to do with these scenarios in your mind and concentrate on the attitude and needless to say, that whatever we do in life we successful outcome that you desire. are selling ourselves, and a person with a negative mindset For each of your goals, take five minutes out of your can sell nothing. day. Close your eyes and picture that the goal is already If you don’t believe me, what do you think you are achieved, picture what you are doing, how you are living doing at an interview, during a presentation, communicating your life now that your goals have been achieved. You will an idea or even when you are on a date? You are selling be very excited and happy with the results. yourself or a concept of yourself — and in order to succeed,

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it’s how many times you get back up. The only thing that success cannot cope with is persistence. Again, it all boils down to a positive mental attitude. Erase failure from your mind and you will be surprised how less you fail. That is the attitude of a truly successful person, one that both you and I should adhere to. We learn a little when we succeed, a lot when we fail. Let’s see an example of this.

A shoe company sent two sales representatives to a certain region to look for new markets. They were asked to report back to the management within a specific time period about the possibilities there. After some time they got a report from one of them. It read, “ There is no scope for selling shoes as no one wears shoes here.” The report Our attitude determines our altitude. sent by another salesman about the same place read: “ This place is a gold mine as no one wears shoes here.” you have to De positive. LiKe I said earner, attitude is a little thing that makes a BIG difference. Similar circumstances, different perceptions. But what a difference a positive attitude can make! Without a PMA, You will need a positive attitude to attain your goals you will find it difficult to achieve anything in life. and you will also need a positive mind to grow, to develop and to progress. During life’s journey, you will need to keep Remember, it will be your attitude that will determine a positive attitude in the face of opposition - from other your success. people and from adverse situations. I believe that we are People who are negative, never get anywhere and are living in a negative culture and that too many people like to invariably unsuccessful. Throughout this topic we have put others down and do not like to see other people succeed. discussed the advantages of a positive attitude. Please make Now, if you haven’t got a positive attitude, you will find sure that you start to implement these techniques straight that these people will drag you down with them. I am sure that this is not what you want. away. If you remain positive and make sure that you are not Think positively and the world is your oyster. susceptible to the negative influences of other people - Think negatively and you are doomed to failure. YOU WILL SUCCEED. I know which one you will probably prefer!

It is also very important to remember this: All of the world’s most successful people have had setbacks in their quest for success. It’s not about how many times you fall;

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5 The Mischievous Mind

The greatest undeveloped territory in the world lies under your hat. It always amazes me. We have reached the moon, and within the next few decades, we may be going to the moon on vacation, but simple ways to achieve happiness and satisfaction have more or less remained the same since the dawn of civilization! Happiness and satisfaction originate in our mind. Agony or ecstasy also develop right in our mind, depending on how we take our day-to-day life as it unfolds with all its uncertainities.

I don’t want to go to school it was the first day of a new school year and Anand put down his lunch and went back to his mother in the kitchen. “ Amma, I don’t want to go to school,” he said. “ All the big kids pick on me and bother me.” “ But you have to go,” his mother told him. “ I hate it,” Anand continued. “ My name is written all over the bathroom wall and all the kids talk behind my back.” “ Anand, it’s not really that bad, just go,” said his frustrated mother. Fish on the table “ It’s not fair. School is supposed to be fun, but the other kids keep torturing me,” persisted Anand. There were two fish on the table. One big and one “ Anand, enough is enough. You have to go. You are small. Two friends sat down to eat. Both of them wanted the principal.” the other person to start. Finally, one person picked up Like I said earlier, it’s all in the mind. the bigger piece and started eating. The other person was annoyed. “ Where, are your manners? How can you take the bigger piece?” he asked.

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Smart minds Surprised, the first man said, “ What would you have An Indian walks into a New York city bank and asks to done if you were to pick up one piece?” see the loan officer. He says he is going to Europe on “ Obviously, I’d have taken the smaller piece,” his business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The friend replied indignantly. bank officer says the bank needs some kind of security for such a loan, so the man hands over the keys of a new Rolls “ If so, then why are you complaining? You have the Royce parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything smaller piece anyway.” checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls into Remember, to get what you want, you need to be not the bank’s underground garage and parks it there. Two only clever, but also street smart. weeks later, the man returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, Answer the following “ We are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a bit Read this question and come up with an answer. This is puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and not a trick question. It is as it reads. No one has gotten it found that you are a multi-millionaire. What puzzles us is right at the first attempt, including me. why would you bother to borrow $5,000.” A woman, while at her mother’s funeral, met a guy The Indian replied, “ Where else in New York could I whom she did not know. She thought this guy was amazing, have parked a Rolls Royce securely for two weeks for just so much like her dream guy, she believed him to be just 15 bucks?” that! She fell in love with him right there, but never asked for his number and could not find him. A few days later she Makes you want to cheer, doesn’t it? Let’s face it. killed her sister. Indians are smart. And knowledge of trivia - little known facts - can be beneficial to you as it was to the man with Question: What was her motive in killing her sister? the Rolls Royce. Here’s some trivia for you to get going. Once you’re through with this list, go find more trivia on (Give this some thought before you see the answer below.) your own: perhaps you can make it a little hobby of yours. Answer: She was hoping that the guy would appear at Did you know that... her funeral. 1. Coca-Cola was originally green. If you answered this correctly, you think like a psychopath. This was a test done by a famous American 2. The most common name in the world is Mohammed. psychologist to test if people have murderous tendencies. Many arrested serial killers took part in the test and answered 3. The names of all continents end with the same the question correctly. If you didn’t answer the question letter that they start with. correctly, then that’s very good. 4. The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

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5. TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made 17. This is the only food that doesn’t spoil. What is this? Ans: Honey. using the letters only on one row of the keyboard. 18. A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out. 6. Women blink nearly twice as much as men! 7. You can’t kill yourself by holding your breath. 19. A snail can sleep for three years. 8. It is impossible to lick your own elbow. 20. All polar bears are left-handed. 9. People say, “ Bless you,” when you sneeze because 21. American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by when you sneeze, your heart stops for a millisecond. eliminating one olive from each salad served in first- class. 10. It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky. 22. Butterflies taste with their feet.

11. “ The sixth sick sheik’s sixth sheep is sick” is said 23. Elephants are the only animals that can’t jump. to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language. 24. In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been 12. If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If domesticated. you try to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a 25. On average, people fear spiders more than they do blood vessel in your head or neck and die. death.

13. Each king in a deck of playing cards represents 26. Shakespeare invented the words ‘assassination’ and a great king from history. Spades - King David; ‘bump’ Clubs - Alexander the Great; Hearts - Charlemagne; Diamonds - Julius Caesar. 27. STEWARDESSES is the longest word typed with only the left hand. 14. (111,111,111 x111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321) 28. An ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated. 15. If a statue of a person in the park on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. 29. The electric chair was invented by a dentist. If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person 30. While pumping blood, the human heart creates died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the enough pressure to squirt blood 30 feet away. horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes. 31. Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two

16. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield rats could have over a million descendants. wipers and laser printers all have in common? Ans: 32. Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase They were all invented by women. the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.

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33. The cigarette lighter was invented before the Parable 3: matchstick. 34. Most lipsticks contain fish scales. A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so 35. Like fingerprints, everyone’s tongue print is cold; the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large different too. field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped And here are some management lessons... some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of Parable 1: cow dung, it began to feel quite warm. The dung was A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, “ Can I also sit and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the like you and do nothing all day long?” bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, The crow answered: “ Sure, why not.” So the the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, rabbit and promptly dug him out and ate him! sat on the ground below the crow and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared and jumped on the rabbit and ate Management Lesson: it. Management Lesson: To be sitting and doing nothing, 1) Not everyone who drops shit on you is your enemy. you must be sitting very, very high up. 2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend. 3) And when you’re in deep shit, keep your mouth shut! Parable 2:

A turkey was chatting with a bull. “ I would love to be Parable 4: able to get to the top of that tree,” sighed the turkey, The boy rode on the donkey and the old man walked. “ but I haven’t got the energy.” As they went along, they passed some people who remarked, “ Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my “ It is a shame the old man is walking and the boy is riding.” droppings?” The man and boy thought maybe the critics were right, so replied the bull. “ They’re packed with nutrients.” they changed positions. Later, they passed some people The who remarked, “ What a shame, he makes that little boy turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually walk, while he rides.” They stopped and decided they both gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the would walk! tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally on the fourth day, Soon they passed some more people who thought they there he was, proudly perched on the top, where he was were stupid to walk when they had a decent donkey to soon spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the ride. So they both rode the donkey! Now they passed some tree. people who shamed them by saying: “ How awful to put Management Lesson: Bullshit might get you to the such a load on a poor donkey.” The boy and man said they top, but it won’t keep you there. were probably right so they decided to carry the donkey. As they crossed a bridge, they lost their grip on the animal and he fell into the river and drowned.

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Management Lesson: If you try to please everyone, you sausages and lamb in a bag, placing it in the dog’s mouth. will eventually lose your ass. The butcher is impressed, and since it’s about closing time, he decides to shut the shop and follow the dog. So off he Expectations from the boss goes. A butcher watching over his shop is really surprised The dog is walking down the street, when it comes to when he saw a dog coming inside the shop. He shoos him a level crossing; the dog puts down the bag, jumps up and away. But later, the dog is back again. So, he goes over to presses the button. Then it waits patiently, bag in mouth, the dog and notices it has a note in its mouth. He takes for the lights to turn. They do, and it walks across the the note and it reads, “ Can I have 12 sausages and a leg of road, with the butcher following him all the way. The lamb, please?” The dog has money in its mouth as well. dog then comes to a bus stop, and starts looking at the The butcher looks inside and, lo and behold, there is a timetable. The butcher is in awe as the dog stops a bus by ten-dollar note there. So he takes the money and puts the pulling its left leg up and gets in it. The butcher follows the dog into the bus. The dog then shows a ticket, which is tied to its belt, to the bus conductor. The butcher is nearly fainting at this sight, so are the other passengers in the bus. The dog then sits near the driver’s seat looking outside waiting for its bus stop to come. As soon as the stop is in sight, the dog stands and wags its tail to inform the conductor. Then, without waiting for the bus to stop

completely, it jumps out of the bus and runs to a house very close to the stop.

It opens the big iron gate and rushes inside towards

the door. As it approaches the wooden door, the dog suddenly changes its mind and heads towards the garden. It

goes to the window, and beats its head against it several times, walks back, jumps off, and waits at the door.

The butcher watches as a big guy opens the door, and

starts abusing the dog, kicking him and punching him, and swearing at him. The butcher surprised with this,

runs up, and stops the guy. “ What in heaven’s name are you doing? The dog is a genius. He could be on TV, for the life of me!” To this the guy responds: “ You call this

clever? This is the second time this week that this stupid dog’s

forgotten his key.”

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Moral of the story: You may continue to exceed onlookers’ expectations but shall always fall short of the boss’s expectations.

Using your mind for success There is this toothpaste production company in US, producing a high-quality toothpaste that is well received by the consumers. For the first 10 years, the sales increased by 10-20 % every year. This pleased the shareholders and the management. But when they entered into the 11th, 12th and 13th year, sales became stagnant. The board of directors were very unhappy about the performance and called for a national management meeting to find a solution. In the meeting, one young manager stood up and spoke to the board, “ In my hand there is an envelope, and it contains a suggestion. If you want to use my suggestion, you must agree to pay me $50,000 for it.”

The president got very angry when heard this demand. “ I am paying you your salary, allowances and bonus. You are also part of our profit-sharing plan. Now I ask for a So he took the envelope and read the contents. He suggestion and you want another $ 50,000 dollars!! Don’t then took a cheque leaf and signed a cheque for $50,000 you think this is a bit too much?” and gave it to the young man. “ Mr. President,” replied the young man. “ Please This is what was written on a piece of paper inside do not misunderstand my request. The salary that you the envelope: “ Enlarge the opening of the current tube by pay has me working hard for the company everyday. But this 1 mm. is a very important and valuable suggestion and I believe you should pay extra for it. If you think that my suggestion is The president immediately ordered this suggestion to not worthy, you can throw it away and pay me nothing. be implemented. Just imagine, every morning, every But, if you do not look at it, what you lose will be more consumer will consume a little additional toothpaste and than $50,000 dollars.” the total daily consumption of the product will increase, obviously manifold. Last heard, this suggestion alone “ Alright,” said the president. “ Let me see increased the sales for the 14th year by a whopping 32 %. what suggestion is worth $ 50,000!!” Quite like the savings made by the airline by reducing one

olive in the salad served in first-class.

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Can you make a decision? the train because he believed that the kids playing on the operational track should have known very well that the track The story given below is quite interesting and really was still in use, and that they should have run away when gives us an insight into decision-making. Read it and decide they heard the train approaching. what your choice would be.

If the train was diverted, that lone child would definitely A group of children are playing near two railway tracks, die because he never thought the train could come over to one still in use while the other disused. Only one child is that track! Moreover, that track was not in use probably playing on the disused track, the rest are on the operational track. The train comes and you find yourself just next to because it was not safe. If the train was diverted to the track, we could put the lives of all passengers on board at the track interchange. You can make the train change its course to the disused track and save most of the kids. stake! And in your attempt to save a few kids by sacrificing one child, you might end up sacrificing hundreds of people However, that would also mean the lone child playing by the disused track will be sacrificed. Or would you rather to save the few kids who shouldn’t have been there in the let the train go its way? Pause a while to think what first place. While we are all aware that life is full of tough decision you would make. decisions that need to be made instantaneously, we may not realize that hasty decisions may not always be the right Most people might choose to divert the course of the one. train, and sacrifice only one child. You might think the same way, I suppose. I thought the same way initially because to Remember that what’s right isn’t always popular, and what’s popular isn’t always right save most of the children at the expense of only one child seemed like a rational decision most people would make, It is in your moments of decision that your destiny is morally and emotionally. shaped. But, have you ever thought that the child choosing to I understand that all self-made people of this world - be play on the disused track had, in fact, made the right decision it Abraham Lincoln, Amitabh Bachchan, Sachin Tendulkar, to play at a safe place? Nevertheless, he had to be sacrificed Dhirubhai Ambani, or anybody else - they always had one because of his ignorant friends who chose to play where the constant source of inspiration, motivation, maybe living or danger was. We face these kind of dilemmas every day. In non-living. Something which kept them high all the time, the office, community, in politics, and especially in a kept them motivated through out their journey towards democratic society, the minority is often sacrificed in the the highest pinnacle of their career/profession. This one interests of the majority, no matter how foolish or ignorant person can be anybody, your parents, spouse, friend or maybe the majority is, and how farsighted and knowledgeable the someone unseen. minority is. When Thomas Edison was in school, studying in the fourth The child who chose not to play with the rest on the grade, a note was sent to his mother by the school operational track was sidelined. And in case he was sacrificed, authorities. It said that her son was dumb and they couldn’t no one would shed a tear for him. The friend who forwarded teach him anything. The mother replied, “ If you don’t me the story said he would not try to change the course of want to teach my son, it is your wish and decision but my

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son is not dumb.” What Edison achieved later is history. Helpless, I fall to my knees in exhaustion History is full of such examples; only thing is that we don’t It was then that I realized, have time to read them. My Faith We all know that there is a difference between ordinary Is what’s lost. and extraordinary people. The difference is only the word I ask for forgiveness, EXTRA. Extraordinary people put in extra efforts in Admit I am weak, whatever they do. However, the term extra is not defined. Then plead for a path, Failing or falling is not a crime. Foolproof plans do fail, To get back on my feet. the strongest of buildings do collapse and the unsinkable has sunk. Human beings are no exceptions. Of those who fail Guilty, I am, for doubti, a known. or fall, only some have the capacity to stand again. Among Look where it brought me those who stand, only a few have the capacity to walk. In the dark, And among those who can walk, only one or two are strong enough to run. Here alone. In the midst of your journey, everyone may desert you. I soon fall asleep on blades of wet grass, As they say in Hindi, “ Waqt insan par aisa bhi kabhi aata Hoping the storm soon would pass. hai, raah mein chod kar saaya bhi chala jata hai.” (When It felt as if time had taken a leap, things are bad, your own shadow can forsake you.) But we need to keep our courage to sail through troubled waters. Morning came and swept me off of my feet. / can’t see the stars tonight. Breath-taken; Shadowed by silence, I stared, eyes all aglow; / close my eyes tight. Not a star, not a cloud; Pray against the odds of uncertainty It was a rainbow. All I want is to believe. Hold your breath Asking so many questions, only wanting one truth I realize confusion is tainting my youth. My friend lives in Borivli, Mumbai. One weekend, he I want to wish upon a star went to Dadar to stay with his uncle for a couple of days. That evening, he and a couple of his college friends went but the sky, tonight, seems so very far. to Sterling theatre for a late night movie. They had so If seeing is believing, then what will it take much fun they forgot that it was getting late. My friend for those wonders of light to take on some shape? caught the last bus to Dadar and got off the bus stop at the Portuguese Church. He had to walk about a kilometre Like the rain clouds trying so hard to subdue from the bus stop to his uncle’s house. As he was walking Tears fall from my lashes - as if overdue. alone, he could sense that the night felt very cold and

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creepy and it was rather dark as well. While walking, my His uncle replied, “ We’ve heard that there’s an old friend was astonished to see an old, silver-haired-man, man who comes once in a while on a full moon night. I selling books. have been told that there is something rather creepy about It seemed very odd for an old man to sell books at that him. Why do you ask?” hour of the night. My friend got the shivers as he realized “ Nothing uncle, just curious,” my friend replied that this old man was now staring at him. and hurried to his room. The old man waved out to him and said, “ Son, why Alone in his room, he couldn’t resist reading the old don’t you buy a book?” man’s book, and soon, he was deeply absorbed in it. At At that moment, my friend did something that he will half past midnight, he went to bed. Just at that instant, a regret for the rest of his life. He walked up to the old gush of wind blew in to the room, and chilled him to his man’s collection and began browsing through his books. bones. My friend noticed the wind had blown the pages of My friend noticed that all the books on sale were related book open to its last page. He remembered what the old to supernatural activities. He found one title that was man had said, about not looking at the last page. But we really interesting. “ How much for this one, uncle?” humans tend to have a tendency to try and know more he asked the old man. than we ought to know.

“ Well, son. That one...only Rs 250.” Out of curiosity, my friend flipped through the pages, even though the old man’s words about not reading the My friend was shocked. “ But...but...that’s too last page kept playing on his mind. Reaching the last much...!” page, my friend read the lines on it, and fainted in a The old man only gave a cold, silent stare, which shock. freaked my friend. What he saw on the last page is stated below: My friend quickly checked his pockets and found Original Price: Rs. 20 Rs.200. Promotion Price: Rs. 10 “ This is all I have.” Stupid questions and mart nswers The old man said he would accept Rs 200. They say that there’s no such thing as a stupid question. As my friend began to walk away with his book, the But a smart answer can make even the simplest or even old man yelled out: “ Son, no matter what, don’t you ever cleverest of questions look stupid. Read and enjoy. look at the last page of this book. Remember my words or Boy: May I hold your hand? you will regret your action for the rest of your life.” Girl: No thanks, it isn’t heavy. My friend barely nodded and began to walk towards Girl: Say you love me! Say you love me! home at a furious pace. Reaching home, he asked his uncle Boy: You love me. whether there was any old book-seller nearby.

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Girl: If we become engaged will you give me a ring? Teacher: Why? Boy: Sure, what’s your phone number? Pupil: The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the daytime when we Girl: I think the poorest people are the happiest. don’t need it. Boy: Then marry me and we’ll be the happiest couple. Teacher: What do you call a person who keeps on talking Girl: Darling, I want to dance like this forever. when people are no longer interested? Pupil: A teacher. Boy: Don’t you ever want to improve? Waiter: Would you like your coffee black? Boy: I love you and I could die for you! Customer; What other colors do you have? Girl: How soon? Teacher: Sam, you talk a lot! Boy: I would go to the ends of the earth for you! Sam: It’s a family tradition. Girl: Yes, but would you stay there? Teacher: What do you mean? Man: You remind me of the sea. Sam: Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father Woman: Because I’m wild, romantic and exciting? is a teacher. Man: No, because you make me sick. Teacher: What about your Wife: You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and mother? Sam: She’s a woman. comes out the other. Tom: How should I convey the news to my father that Husband: You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth. I’ve failed? David: Send a telegram: Result declared, past year’s Mary: John says I’m pretty. Andy says I’m ugly. What performance repeated. do you think, Peter? Teacher: Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey Peter: A bit of both. I think you’re pretty ugly. and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing? Girlfriend: ...And are you sure you love me and no one Student: Brotherly love. else? Teacher: Now, Sam, tell me frankly. Do you say prayers Boyfriend: Dead sure! I checked the whole list again before eating? yesterday. Sam: No sir, I don’t have to. My mom is a good cook. Teacher: Which is more important to us, the sun or the Patient: What are the chances of my recovering doctor? moon? Doctor: One hundred percent. Medical records show

Pupil: The moon.

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Leave letters that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. These are some leave letters written by people, amply demonstrating that English is indeed, a very funny language. Yours is the tenth case I’ve treated. The others all died. 1. An employee applied for a week’s leave, saying: Teacher: Can anybody give an example of coincidence? ...Since I have to go to my village to sell my land Student: Sir, my mother and father got married on the along with my wife, please sanction me one week’s same day and at the same time. leave... Teacher: George Washington not only chopped down his 2. Another employee applied for half-a-day’s leave father’s cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do as follows: you know why his father didn’t punish him? ...Since I have to go to the cremation ground and I Student: Because George still had the axe in is hand. may not return, please grant me half-a-day’s casual leave... Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson 3. A friend of mine wrote this in a leave letter to the headmaster: The famous detective Sherlock Holmes and his friend Dr. Watson went on a camping trip, set up their tent, and ...As I am studying in this school I am suffering fell asleep. Some hours later, Holmes woke his faithful from headache. I request you to leave me today... friend. 4. A family friend of ours told us of an incident of his “ Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you friend’s letter. see.” ..I am suffering from fever, please declare holiday Watson replies, “ I see millions of stars.” for school... “ What does that tell you?” 5. Another leave letter written to the headmaster: Watson ponders for a minute. Astronomically speaking, it As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for tells me that there are millions of galaxies and the day. potentially, billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be 6. Another leave letter written to Administration approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it’s department in a company: evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and As my mother-in-law has expired and I am insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a responsible for it, please grant me 10 days’ leave. beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?” Students’ creativity Holmes is silent for a moment, then speaks. “ Someone has stolen our tent.” The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of

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apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple Take 1000 and add 40 to it. tray: “ Take only ONE. God is watching.” Moving Now add another 1000. further Now add 30. along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a Add another 1000. large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, “ Take all you want. God is watching the apples.” Now add 20. Now add another 1000. Fun in life Now add 10. Have some fun in life by answering quizzes or solving What is the total? puzzles: Shall we try these below questions and see how ANSWER: Did you get 5000? The correct answer is smart and clever you really are: actually 4100. You don’t believe it? Check with your calculator! There are four questions given below. Answer them at Today just doesn’t seem to be your day, does it? Maybe once. You can’t think and you can’t use any pen, pencil or you will get the last question right? paper. Ready? ... GO!!! Question 4: Mary’s father has five daughters: Nana, Nene, Question 1: You are participating in a race. You Nini, Nono. What is the1 name of the fifth daughter? overtake the second person. What position are you in? ANSWER: Nunu? Nana? Nene? NONO! Of course not. ANSWER: If you answer that you are first, and the The fifth daughter’s name is Mary. you are absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second person If you don’t believe, read the question again!! and you take his place, you are second! Try to answer the next question correctly: Lateral Thinking To answer the second question, don’t take as much Here are four quick exercises to give you a chance to time as you took for the first question. (You know you took “ think something different” too much time.) Exercise 1: An eccentric old king wants to give his Question 2: If you overtake the last person, then you throne to one of his two sons. He decides that a horse race are...? will be run and the son who owns the slower horse will become king. The sons, each fearing that the other will cheat by ANSWER: If you answered that you are second-last, having his horse run less fast than it is capable, ask the then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake court fool for his advice. the LAST person?! With only two words the fool tells them how to make Question 3: This is a tricky mathematics problem. sure that the race will be fair. What are the two words? Note: This must be done in your head only. Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.

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Exercise 2: What is this figure? you a Roman numeral VI. But if you’re “ thinking something different,” you might put an “ S” in front of the IX to create “ SIX” . What you have done is take the IX out of the context of Roman numerals and put it into the context of Arabic numerals spelled out in English. The thing that prevents some people from doing this is that even with only three examples of Roman numerals-VII, VIII, and IX-they get locked into the context of Roman numerals.

Let’s look for a second right answer. Can you think of any other ways in which you can add a single line to “ IX” and turn it into a 6?

IX Another solution might be to add the line “ 6” after IX. Then you get 1X6, or one times six. Here the “ X” no longer represents “ 10” or the English letter “ X” but rather the Exercise 3: Can you think of a way in which you put a multiplication sign. The point is this: everybody has a lot of sheet of newspaper on the floor so that when two people knowledge; by shifting contexts in which you think about it, stand face to face on it, they won’t be able to touch one you’ll discover new ideas. another? Cutting or tearing the paper is not allowed. Neither is tying up the people or preventing them from moving. Answers: Exercise 4: Shown below is the Roman numeral seven. Exercise 1: Switch horses. By adding only a single line, turn it into an eight. Exercise 2: If you look at it one way, it’s a bird. If you VII look at it another way, it could be a question mark. If you turn it upside down, it looks like a seal juggling a ball on its This is pretty easy; all you have to do is add a vertical nose. line to the right of the VII to create an eight-like so-VII. Want Exercise 3: Try putting the newspaper in a doorway- something a little more challenging? Shown below is a Roman door closed-with the two peopl? standing on each side. numeral nine. By adding only a single line, turn it into a 6.

IX Opening Mental Blocks. So, how do we open these mental blocks? Let’s turn to Some people put a horizontal line through the centre, the following story for a possible answer. turn it upside down, and then cover the bottom. This gives

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A creativity teacher invited one of his students over to Change your Question his house for afternoon tea. They talked for a bit, and then Several centuries ago, a curious but deadly plague came time for tea. The teacher poured some into the student’s appeared in a small village in Lithuania. What was curious cup. Even after the cup was full, he continued to pour. The about this disease was its grip on its victim; as soon as a cup overflowed and tea spilled out onto the floor. person contracted it, he’d go into a deep, almost deathlike Finally, the student said: “ Master, you must stop pouring; coma. Most died within a day, but occasionally, a hardy k the tea is overflowing. It’s not going into the cup.” soul would make it back into the full bloom of health. The problem was that since eighteenth century medical The teacher replied, “ That’s very observant. The same technology wasn’t very advanced, the unafflicted had quite is true with you. If you are to receive any of my teachings, a difficult time telling whether a victim was dead or alive. you must first empty out what you have in your mental cup.” Then one day it was discovered that someone had Moral: We need the ability to unlearn what we know. been buried alive. This alarmed the townspeople, so they called a town meeting to decide what should be done to prevent such a situation from happening again. After much discussion, mot people agreed on the following solution. They decided to put food and water in very casket next to the body. They would even put an air vent from the casket up to the earth’s surface. These procedures would be expensive, but they would be more than worthwhile if

they would save people’s lives.

Another group came up with a second, less expensive,

right answer. They proposed implanting a twelve-inch long stake in every coffin lid directly over where the victim’s heart would be. Then whatever doubts there were about

whether the person was dead or alive would be eliminated as soon the coffin lid was closed.

What differentiated the two solutions were the questions used to find them. Whereas the first group asked, “ what should we do if we bury somebody alivel” the second group

wondered, “ How can we make sure everyone we bury is dead?”

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The Sufi Judge Two men had an argument. To settle the matter, they went to a Sufi judge for arbitration. The plaintiff made 6 Why Relationships Matter his case. He was very eloquent and persuasive in his What we do ourselves dies with us. What we do for reasoning. When he finished, the judge nodded in approval others and the world remains immortal. and said, “ That’s right, that’s right.” We cannot help ourselves without helping others, We cannot enrich our lives with out enriching others, On hearing this, the defendant jumped up and said, We cannot prosper without bringing prosperity to others. “ Wait a second, judge. You haven’t even heard my side of Take the following quiz straight through, and you’ll get the case yet” . So the judge told the-defendant to state the point (an awesome one) that it is trying to make! Now his case. He, too, was very persuasive and eloquent. When begin the quiz: he finished, the judge said, “ That’s right, that’s right.” 1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world. When the clerk of court heard this, he jumped up 2. Name the five Heisman trophy winners. and said, “ Judge, they both can’t be right.” The 3. Name the last five winners of the Miss India contest. judge 4. Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer looked at the clerk and said, “ That’s right, that’s prize. 5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winners for right.” best actor and actress. How did you do? The point is, none of us remember the Moral: Truth is all around you; what matters is where headliners of yesterday. These are no second-rate achievers. you place your focus. They are the best in their fields. But the applause dies. Awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten. Accolades and

certificates are buried with their owners. Here’s another quiz. See how you do on this one: 1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.

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The man in the other bed began to live for those one- 2. Name three friends who have helped you through a hour periods where his world would be broadened and difficult time. enlivened by all the activity and colour of the world 3. Name five people who have taught you something outside. The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake. worthwhile. Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed 4. Think of a few people who have made you feel their model boats. Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst appreciated and special. flowers of every colour and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance. 5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with. As the man by the window described all this in exquisite 6. Name half a dozen heroes whose stories have inspired detail, the man on the other side of the room would close you. his eyes and imagine the picturesque scene. One warm afternoon the man by the window described a parade Easier? The lesson is simple: The people who make a passing by. Although the other man couldn’t hear the band - difference in your life are not the ones with the most he could see it in his mind’s eye as the man by the credentials, the most money, or the most awards. They window portrayed it with descriptive words. are the ones who care. Days and weeks passed. One morning, the nurse arrived Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. to bring water for their baths only to find the lifeless It’s already tomorrow in Australia. - Charles Schultz body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep. She was saddened and called the hospital Change your thinking for the better attendants to take the body away. Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if room. One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs. to make the switch, and after making sure he was His bed was next to the room’s only window. The other comfortable, she left him alone. man had to spend all his time flat on his back. Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow The men talked for hours on end. They spoke of their to take his first look at the real world outside. He strained wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their to slowly turn to look out the window beside the bed. It involvement in the military service, where they had been faced a blank wall. on vacation. The man asked the nurse what could have compelled Every afternoon when the man in the bed by the his deceased roommate who had described such wonderful window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing things outside this window. The nurse responded that the to his roommate all the things he could see outside the man was blind and could not even see the wall. “ Perhaps window. he just wanted to encourage you,” she said.

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gun went off, they all started out, not exactly in a dash, but with the desire to run the race to the finish and win. All, that is, except one little boy who stumbled on the asphgit, tumbled over a couple of times, and began to cry. The other eight heard the boy crying. They slowed down and looked back. Then they all turned around and went back...every one of them. One girl with Down’s Syndrome bent down and kissed him and said, “ This will make it better.” Then all nine linked arms and walked together to the finish line. Everyone in the stadium gave them a standing ovation. People who were there are still share the story with everyone they can. Why do you they are doing that so many years later? Because deep down, we know that what matters in life is more than winning for ourselves. What matters in life is helping others win, even if it means slowing down and changing course. A candle loses nothing by lighting another. Epilogue: There is tremendous happiness in making others happy, despite our own situations. Shared grief is Anger and relationships half the sorrow, but happiness when shared, is doubled. There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every If you want to feel rich, just count all the things you time he lost his temper, he should hammer a nail into the have that money can’t buy. Today is a gift, that’s why it is back of the fence. The first day the boy drove 37 nails called the present. Make someone happy, share a kind word into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to today. Happiness is bringing a smile on someone’s face. . control his anger, the number of nails hammered in each We make a living by what we get. day gradually dwindled. He discovered it was easier to We make a life by what we give. hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence. Finally, the day came when the boy didn’t lose his temper And they call some of these people “ retarded” ... at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested A few years ago at the Seattle Special Olympics, nine that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he contestants, all physically or mentally disabled, assembled was able to hold his temper. at the starting line for the 100-yard dash. As the starter The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone. The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He

said,J’You have done well, my son, but look at the holes

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in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you Men and women are more often led by their hearts say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. than by their understanding You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won’t matter how many times you say ‘I’m sorry,’ the wound will It takes only a minute to have a crush on someone, still be there.” An hour to like, A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one. Friends are A day to love, rare jewels indeed. They make you smile and encourage you to succeed. They lend you an ear, they share words of But a lifetime to forget. praise and they always want to open their hearts to us. Be kind to them and you will find happiness. No amount of Small acts make a big difference money or recognition can fetch you happiness if you are not This is the story of a friend. happy from within. So remember, there is only one comer of the universe you can be certain of improving and that’s One day, when I was in class XI, I saw a kid from my your own...begin there, not outside. class was walking home from school. His name was Vijay. Benjamin Franklin was not so diplomatic in his youth It looked like he was carrying all of his books. I thought to but was savvier in later life. Once, when he was asked about myself, “ Why would anyone bring home all his books on a the secret of his success, he said, “ I will speak ill of no man Friday? He must really be a nerd.” I had quite a weekend planned (parties and a football game with my friends the and speak all the good I know of everybody.” following afternoon), so I shrugged my shoulders and went Lesson from a terrapin on. There was a boy who found a terrapin, more commonly known as a turtle. He started to examine it but the turtle As I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running toward pulled in its head and closed its shell. The boy was upset him. They ran at him, knocking all his books out of his and he picked up a stick to try to pry it open. The boy’s arms and tripping him, so he landed in the dirt. His glasses uncle saw all this ana remarked, “ No, that’s not the way! went flying, and I saw them land in the grass about ten In fact,’you may kill the turtle but you won’t get it to feet from him. He looked up and I saw this terrible sadness open up with a stick.” in his eyes. The uncle took the terrapin into the house and set it near the fireplace. Within a few minutes, it began to get My heart went out to him. So I jogged over to him and warm. The turtle pushed out its head, then stretched out as he crawled around looking for his glasses, I saw a tear in its legs and began to crawl. “ Turtles are like that,” his eye. As I handed him his glasses, I said, “ Those guys said are jerks. They really should get a life.” He looked at me the boy’s uncle, “ and people, too. You can’t force them and said, “ Hey thanks!” There was a big smile on his face. into anything. But if you first warm them up with some It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude. real kindness, more than likely, they will do what you I helped him pick up his books, and asked him where he want them to do. lived. As it turned out, he lived near my house, so I asked him why I had never seen him before. He said he had gone

to private school until now.

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/ would hove never hung out with a private school kid you can give them. I am going to tell you a story.” / just before. We talked all the way home, and I carried some of looked at my friend with disbelief as he told the story of his books. He turned out to be a pretty cool kid. I asked the first day we met. He had planned to kill himself over him if he wanted to play a little football with my friends. the weekend. He talked of how he had cleaned out his He said yes. We hung out all weekend and the more I got to locker so his Mom wouldn’t have to do it later and was know Vijay, the more I liked him, and my friends thought the carrying his stuff home. He looked hard at me and gave same of him. me a little smile. “ Thankfully, I was saved. My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable.” Monday morning came, and there was Vijay with the huge stack of books again. I stopped him and said, “ Boy, I heard the gasp go through the crowd as this you are going really build some serious muscles with this handsome, popular boy told us all about his weakest pile of books everyday!” He just laughed and handed me moment. I saw his Mom and Dad looking at me and smiling half the books. that same grateful smile. Not until that moment had I realized its depth. Over the next two years, Vijay and I became best friends. When we were seniors, we began to think about Never underestimate the power of your actions. With college. Vijay decided on Mumbai, and I was going to Delhi. one small gesture you can change a person’s life. For better I knew that we would always be friends, that the miles or for worse. God puts us all in each other’s lives to impact would never be a problem. He was going to be a doctor, one another in some way. Look for God in others. and I was going on a football scholarship. Vijay was valedictorian of our class. He had to prepare Vamsi and Riyaz: My story is no different a speech for graduation. I was so glad it wasn’t me having to get up there and speak. On graduation day, I saw Vijay. Once a person went to a doctor and complained of He looked great. He was one of those guys who had really being under tremendous stress. The doctor tried different found himself during high school. He had filled out and medicines but there was no improvement in the condition actually looked good in glasses. He had more dates than I of the patient. As an afterthought, the doctor said, “ Sir, did and all the girls loved him. Boy, sometimes I was you can do one thing. I think what you need is not just jealous. Today was one of those days. I could see that he medicines but a hearty laugh. I’ve heard of a joker in the was nervous about his speech. So, I smacked him on the circus which is going on in town. Just go and watch the back and said, “ Hey, big guy, you’ll be great!” He circus. May be you will improve.” looked The patient looked at the doctor and said, “ Doctor, I at me with one of those looks (the really grateful one) am the same circus joker you are talking about.” and smiled, “ Thanks,” he said. Sometimes, the people who make others laugh go He cleared his throat, and began. “ Graduation is a through a lot of stress and strain themselves. Similarly, time to thank those who helped you make it through those trainers who motivate others also get depressed. They too tough years. Your parents, your teachers, your siblings, need support. This is where the importance of relationships maybe a coach...but mostly, your friends. I am here to tell and the people around you comes into play. all of you that being a friend to someone is the best gift

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I too went through certain phases of depression during Stumped again, I continued my quest for knowledge the making of Vision. When our training programmes did and over the years, Mother asked me a couple more times. I not go off well or finances became difficult, I used to be answered but her answer was always “ No. But you are under tremendous strain. But I must admit that Vamsi, the getting smarter every year, my child.” young man who joined Vision when his parents wanted him to go to the US, has been a pillar of strength. His SMS Then one year, my grandfather died. Everybody was messages and constant talk were soothing music ears to my hurt. Everybody was crying. Even my father cried. I ears. His constant encouragement lifted my spirits. remember that especially because it was only the second time I had seen him cry: My mother looked at me when it Riyaz, the young post-graduate chemical engineer is was our turn to say our final good-byes to my grandfather. not only my favourite student but has also contributed a lot She asked me, “ Do you know the most important part of of intellectual input in the making of this book. His constant our body yet, my dear?” feedback has helped me to finish this book in a short time. I was shocked that she should ask me this now. I always What I am driving at is the value of relationships. In our thought this was a game between us. She saw the confusion country, if lakhs of people go to bed everyday, hungry for on my face and told me, “ This question is very important. food, millions of people go to bed hungry for love, hungry It shows that you have really lived in your life. For every for a feeling of belonging. Any person, however rich, famous, part of the body you mentioned in the past, I have told you successful he may be, also needs the love and support of were wrong and I have given you an example why. But today is the day you need to learn this important lesson.” people around him. Our aim should be to identify this need in others and help them out. She looked down at me as only a mother can. I saw her eyes well up with tears. She said, “ My dear, the most The most important part of the body important body part is your shoulder.” My mother used to ask me what the most important part of the body is. Over the years I would guess at what i I asked, “ Is it because it holds up my head?” She thought was the correct answer. When I was younger, I replied, “ No, it is because it can hold the head of a friend or thought sound was very important to us as humans, so I a loved one when they cry. Everybody needs a shoulder to said, “ My ears, Ma” . She said, “ No. Many people are cry on sometime in life, my dear. I only hope that you have deaf. enough love and friends that you will always have a shoulder But you keep thinking about it and I will ask you again to cry on when you need it.” soon.” Then and there I realized that the most the most Several years passed before she asked me again. Since important body part is not one that serves us a purpose but making my first attempt, I had contemplated the correct one that serves others. answer. So this time I told her, “ Mommy, sight is very People will forget what you said. People will forget what important to every body, so it must be our eyes.” She looked you did. But people will NEVER forget how you made them at me and told me, “ You are learning fast, but the answer feel. is not correct because there are many people who are blind.”

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Good friends are like stars...You don’t always see them, but you always know they are there. delicate ears; her eyes were as blue as flowers. Her lips and chin had a gentle firmness, and in her pale green suit True love she was like springtime come alive. I started toward her; John Btanchard stood up from the bench, straightened entirely forgetting to notice that she was not wearing a his Army uniform, and studied the crowd of people making rose. As I moved, a small, provocative smile curved her their way through Grand Central station in New York City. lips, “ Going my way, sailor?” she murmured. Almost He looked for the girl whose heart he knew, but whose uncontrollably, I made one step closer to her, and then I face he didn’t, the girl with the rose. saw Hollis Maynell. She was standing almost directly behind His interest in her had begun 13 months before in a the girl. A woman well past 40, she had graying hair tucked Florida library. Taking a book off the shelf, he found himself under a worn hat. She was more than plump, her thick- intrigued, not with the words of the book, but with the ankled feet thrust into low-heeled shoes. The girl in the notes penciled in the margin. The soft handwriting green suit was walking away. I felt as though I was split in reflected a thoughtful soul and insightful mind. In the two, so keen was my desire to follow her, and yet so deep front of the book he discovered the previous owner’s name, was my longing for the woman whose spirit has truly Ms Hollis Maynell. With time and effort, he located her companioned me and upheld my own. address. She now lived in New York City. And there she stood. Her pale, plump face was gentle He wrote her a letter introducing himself and inviting and sensible; her grey eyes had a warm and kindly twinkle. her to correspond. The next day, he was shipped overseen I did not hesitate. My fingers gripped the small worn blue for service in World War II. During the next year and one leather copy of the book that was to identify me to her. month, the two grew to know each other through the This would not be love, but it would be something precious, mail. Each letter was a seed falling on a fertile heart. A something perhaps even better than love, a friendship for romance was budding. Blanchard requested a photograph, which I had been and must ever be grateful. I squared my but she refused. She felt that if he really cared, it wouldn’t shoulders and saluted and held out the book to the woman, matter what she looked like. When the day finally came even though while I spoke, I felt choked by the bitterness for him to return from Europe, they scheduled their first of my disappointment. “ I am Lieutenant Jon Blanchard, meeting - 7 pm at Grand Central Station. “ You will and you must be Miss Maynell. I am so glad we could meet. recognize me,” she wrote, “ by the red rose I will May I take you to dinner?” be wearing on my lapel.” So, at 7 pm, he was at the station The woman’s face broadened into a tolerant smile. “ I looking for a girl whose heart he loved, but whose face don’t know what this is about, son,” she answered, “ but he’d never seen. the young lady in the green suit who just went by, begged We will let Mr. Blanchard tell you what happened next me to wear this rose on my coat. And she said if you were A young woman was coming towards me, her figure to ask me out to dinner, I should tell you that she is waiting long and slim. Her blonde hair lay back in curls from her Life will never be the same again for you in the big restaurant across the street. She said it was some kind of test!”

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It’s not difficult to understand and admire Miss Really successful people Maynell’s wisdom. The true nature of a heart is seen in its An old man was trying to ride his rickshaw on an response to the unattractive. “ Tell me whom you uphill road. The road was steep and he was breathing love,” Houssaye wrote, “ And I will tell you who you heavily and was trying continuously. A man passed by, are.” without taking any notice of him. He walked slowly, ‘oblivious of anyone around him. Another man came from Is this not true love? behind, looked at the rickshaw puller and went forward. A girl and a boy were on a motorcycle, speeding through It really didn’t bother him. the night. They loved each other a lot. A little later, one more person came rushing and said, Girl: Slow down a little. I’m scared. “ Try hard. If you keep trying, you will succeed.” He moved Boy: No, this is so much fun. swiftly ahead with the satisfaction of having done a good Girl: Please. It’s so scary. job of motivating the rickshaw puller. Boy: Then say that you love me. Suddenly, two hands came and pushed the rickshaw Girl: Fine. I love you. Can you slow down now? from other side. The rickshaw crossed the road uphill Boy: Give me a big hug. within seconds and the hands left it. The helper quietly The girl gave him a big hug. went away. Girl: Now can you slow down? You must have come across such incidents and people. Boy: Can you take off my helmet and put it on? It’s You know so many people and each one of them fall into one of these categories. To which category do you belong? uncomfortable and it’s bothering me while I drive. Remember, the hands that serve are greater than the lips The next day, there was a story in the newspaper. A that pray. motorcycle had crashed into a building because its brakes had failed. There were two people on the motorcycle, of Are you living in the 21st century? which one died, and the other had survived. The boy knew You know you’re living in 2004 when... that the brakes had failed. He didn’t want to let the girl 1. You accidentally enter your password on the know because he knew that the girl would have be scared. microwave. Instead, he was told that she loved him, got a hug from 2. You haven’t played solitaire with real cards in years. her and then put his helmet on her so that she would live, 3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your while he died. family of 3. Once in a while, right in the middle of an ordinary life, 4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next love gives us a fairy tale. to you.

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19. You actually went bade to check that there wasn’t a 5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends #9 on this list. and family is that they don’t have e-mail addresses. 20. And now, you are laughing at yourself.

6. You go home after a long day’s work and you still The coincidence answer the phone in a business-like manner. At the 1994 Annual Awards dinner given for Forensic Sciences in the USA, AAFS President Dr Don Harper Mills 7. When you make phone calls from home, you astounded his audience with the legal complications of a accidentally dial “ 9” to get an outside line. bizarre death. Here is the story. 8. You’ve sat at the same desk for four years and On 23 March 1994, the medical examiner viewed the worked for three different companies. body of Ronald Opus and concluded that he had died from a shotgun wound to the head. Mr. Opus had jumped from 9. You learn about your redundancy on the 11 o’clock the top of a ten-story building intending to commit suicide. news. He left a note to the effect, indicating his despondency. As h’e fell past the ninth floor his life was interrupted by a 10. Your boss doesn’t have the ability to do your job. shotgun blast passing through a window, which killed him instantly. 11. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell Neither the shooter nor the deceased was aware that phone to see if anyone is home. a safety net had been installed just below the eighth floor 12. Every commercial on television has a website at the level to protect some building workers and that Ronald bottom of the screen. Opus would not have been able to complete his suicide the way he had planned. “ Ordinarily,” Dr Mills continued, 13. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which “ A you didn’t have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of person who sets out to commit suicide and ultimately your life, is now cause for panic and you turn around succeeds, even though the mechanism might not be what to go and get it. he intended, is still defined as committing suicide.” That Mr. Opus was shot on the way to certain death, but probably 14. You get up in the morning and go online before would not have been successful because of the safety net, getting your coffee. caused the medical examiner to feel that he had a homicide 15. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. on his hands. The room on the ninth floor from where the shotgun 16. You’re reading this and nodding and laughing. blast emanated was occupied by an elderly man and his wife. They were arguing vigorously and he was threatening 17. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are her with a shotgun. The man was so upset that when he going to forward this message. pulled the trigger he completely missed his wife and the

18. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

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bullet went through the window, striking Mr. Opus. When • To lose the person you love so much to another,s who one intends to kill subject “ A” but kills subject “ B” in doesn’twho care at all. the • To have someone you care about so much so as to attempt, one is guilty of the murder of subject “ B.” throw a party... and not tell you about it. When • When your favorite person on earth neglects to invite confronted with the murder charge, the old man and his you to his/her important functions/ceremonies. wife were both adamant and both said that they thought • To have people think that you don’t care. the shotgun was unloaded. The old man said it was a • To beleft in the dust after another’s great long-standing habit to threaten his wife with the unloaded achievement. shotgun. He had no intention to murder her. Therefore • To never get a call from a friend, just saying “ Hi” . the killing of Mr. Opus appeared to be an accident; that • When you show someone your innermost thought is, if the gun had been accidentally loaded. The continuing sand they laugh in your face. • For friends to always be too busy to console you investigation turned up a witness who saw the old couple’s when you need someone to lift your spirits. son loading the shotgun about six weeks prior to the fatal • When it seems like the only person who cares about accident. It transpired that the old lady had cut off her you, is you. son’s financial support and the son, knowing the propensity Life is full of pain, but does it ever get better? Will of his father to use the shotgun threateningly, loaded the people ever care about each other and make time for those gun with the expectation that his father would shoot his who are in need? Each of us has a part to play in this great mother. Since the loader of the gun was aware of this, he show we call life. Each of us has a duty to mankind to tell was guilty of the murder even though he didn’t actually our friends we love them. If you do not care about your pull the trigger. The case now becomes one of murder on friends, you will not be punished. You will simply be the part of the son for the death of Ronald Opus. ignored...forgotten...as you have done to others. Now comes the exquisite twist. Further investigation Easy is to get a place is someone’s address book. revealed that the son was, in fact, Ronald Opus. He had Difficult is to get a place in someone’s heart. become increasingly despondent over the failure of his Easy is to judge the mistakes of others. attempt to engineer his mother’s murder. This led him to Difficult is to recosnize our own mistakes. jump off the ten-storey building on March 23rd, only to be Easy is to talk without thinkins. killed by a shotgun blast passing through the ninth story Difficult is to refrain the tongue. window. The son had actually murdered himself, so the medical examiner closed the case as a suicide. (A true story from Associated Press, reported by Kurt Wester) Since your thinking has a direct bearing on your performance, your thinking must be based on sound input.

• The greatest pain in life is not to die, but to be

ignored.

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Easy is to hurt someone who loves us. Difficult is to give. Difficult is to heal the wound. Easy is to read this. Easy is to ask for forgiveness. Difficult is to follow it up. Difficult is to forgive others. Easy is to keep a friendship with words. Easy is to set rules. Difficult is to give it meaning. Difficult is to follow them. Easy is to dream every night. Where there is love Difficult is to fight for a dream. A woman came out of her house and saw three old Easy is to show victory. men with long white beards sitting in her front yard. She did not recognize them. She said, “ I don’t think I know Difficult is to assume defeat with dignity. you, but you must be hungry. Please come in and have Easy is to admire a full moon. something to eat.” Difficult is to see the other side. “ Is the man of the house home?” they asked. Easy is to stumble on a stone. Difficult is to get up. “ No,” she replied. “ He’s out.” Easy is to enjoy life every day. “ Then we cannot come in,” they replied. Difficult is to give it real value. In the evening when her husband came home, she Easy is to promise something to someone. told him what had happened. Difficult is to fulfill that promise. Easy is to say we love. “ Go tell them I am home and invite them in!” Difficult is to show it every day. The woman went out and invited the men in. “ We do Easy is to criticize others. not go into a house together,” they replied. Difficult is to improve oneself. “ Why is that?” she asked. Easy is to make mistakes. Difficult is to learn from them. One of the old men explained: “ His name is Wealth,” Easy is to weep for a lost love. he said pointing to one of his friends, and said pointing to another one, “ He is Success, and I am Love.” Then he Difficult is to take care of it so as not to lose it. added, “ Now go in and discuss with your husband which Easy is to think about improving. one of us you want in your home.” Difficult is to stop thinking it and puting it into action. The woman went in and told her husband what was Easy is to think ill of others. said. Her husband was overjoyed. “ How nice!!” he said. Difficult is to give them the benefit of the doubt. “ Since that is the case, let us invite Wealth. Let him come Easy is to receive. and fill our home with wealth!”

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His wife disagreed. “ My dear, why don’t we invite Success?”

Their daughter-in-law was listening from the other corner of the house. She jumped in with her own suggestion: “ Would it not be better to invite Love? Our home will then be filled with love!”

“ Let us heed our daughter-in-law’s advice,” said the husband to his wife.

“ Go out and invite Love to be our guest.”

The woman went out and asked the three old men, “ Which one of you is Love? Please come in and be our guest.” salt would be a disaster, they all agreed. After a lengthy Love got up and started walking toward the house. discussion, the youngest turtle was chosen to retrieve the The other two also got up and followed him. Surprised, salt from home. the lady asked Wealth and Success: “ I only invited Love. Although he was the fastest of the slow moving turtles, Why are you coming in?” the little turtle whined, cried, and wobbled in his shell. The old men replied together: “ If you had invited He agreed to go on one condition: that no one would eat Wealth or Success, the other two of us would’ve stayed until he returned. The family consented and the little out, but since you invited Love, wherever he goes, we go turtle left. with him. Wherever there is Love, there is also Wealth Three years passed and the little turtle had not and Success.” returned. Five years... six years... then in the seventh

year of his absence, the oldest turtle could no longer The turtles contain his hunger. He announced that he was going to A turtle family decided to go on a picnic. Turtles, eat and began to unwrap a sandwich. being naturally slow about things, took seven years to At that point the little turtle suddenly popped out prepare for their outing. Finally, the turtle family left from behind a tree shouting, “ See! I knew you wouldn’t home looking for a suitable place. During the second year wait. Now I am not going to go get the salt.” of their journey they found a place ideal for them at last! For about six months they cleaned the area, unpacked the Some of us waste our time waiting for people to live up picnic basket, and completed the arrangements. Then to our expectations. We are so concerned about what others they discovered they had forgotten the salt. A picnic without are doing that we don’t do anything ourselves.

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Giving and prosperity This is how: By giving your time. By giving your attention. By giving your love, your compassion, and your Take a look around you. Take a look at your life. What kindness. By being grateful for what you have, as constantly do you notice? Consider this: As a world community of ONE as possible, and with all your heart. By sharing great people, we are continuously evolving, as is the Earth we live books you’ve read with others. (You may even just give on. We are constantly changing, growing, and sharing in them away, and watch what happens! Actually, people the energies that bond us in the “ being-ness” . Now, “ borrow” books from me and don’t return them; even this then might seem elementary to some, but to some others, it’s okay). this may say something much deeper. Like we are all constantly helping - or not helping - in some way or another, Give from your heart to one person today even if it has on some level or another within ourselves, to contribute to be YOU! (And make time every day to be sure you love (either positively or negatively) to create the world in which yourself!) Be passionate. Be of service. Be positive. Be we live. Isn’t that true? loving. Be your true self. And don’t even THINK about holding back! And you’re reading this and saying, “ So WHAT?!?!” What you’ll receive back for giving in that way is sure Well, here’s the important point. It is in helping others, to pleasantly surprise you, if it doesn’t flat-out blow you in contributing in POSITIVE, loving ways, and in GIVING away! And you truly ARE helping people, while also helping of ourselves that we GAIN and GROW and ATTRACT the yourself. To quote some “ prosperity gurus” : “ You really can’t out-give the Universe!” very same ABUNDANCE to our own lives. Read that again. It is in helping others... in contributing You must BE the change that you wish to see in the in POSITIVE, loving ways ... and in GIVINGof ourselves ... world. Be the change. Starting today - this very moment. that we GAIN and GROW ... and ATTRACT thevery same ABUNDANCE ... to OUR OWN lives. Be the change

The world of today is evolving more and more, One of the greatest “ secrets” to success of constantly, in awakening to this. If you can’t see it, then incredible proportions is to give more value than you allow yourself to open up more to it and you’ll likely see it receive, but you need to start giving to set that force in with crystal clarity. motion. And you have to take massive, determined, unfaltering action to increase the momentum of that force. So, let’s look at HOW you can affect others, probably DO IT. Even if you don’t believe this, just do it. If you totally in millions of ways. Let’s APPLY what we already KNOW and believe this, and you already know this works, just do it. Do DO something positive with that knowledge, philosophy, and it with passion, with love. Do it NOW! mindset. How can you affect others, contribute in more Keep the passion. Take massive action. And let your positive ways, and - on a truly cosmic level - impact and passion fuel you to your greatest dreams and desires! Let’s influence the very cycle of evolution we exist in (which, we make 2005 a great year. To your abundance and prosperity! know, is constantly changing?)

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In the second group, there are people who let you know Easy and difficult jobs where you are going wrong. It is this group of people that Man is a social animal and always surrounded by others. makes sure that you make fewer mistakes per day. These Different people belong to different cultures and religions. people tell you to be more careful and thoughtful before taking But there is something common to all of us. There are two any decision. easy things which all of us do and two very difficult tasks In the third group, there are people who have given that we never do. you mute consent that they will be with you as long as The easiest jobs are: you are good and successful. These are the people who salute the raising sun. It is people of this group who cause 1. Finding faults in others’ work. me to leap forward and be the best in whatever I do. 2. Blaming others. Together, these three diamonds make up the costliest The most difficult tasks are: ornament that you can possess. They all contribute to make you a complete and composed person. Like they say, life is 1. Appreciating others’ success. not just a bed of roses, it has thorns in it too. 2. Accepting our own weaknesses. The blue ribbon Why is it so? Why do we adopt double standards in our approach? If I am in a group of people, I always find them A teacher in New York decided to honour each of her discussing each others’ faults. If I fail in any of my tasks, I final-year students in high school by telling them the will easily put.the blame on somebody else. If a good job is difference each of them made to her life. She called each done, anybody, my friend, my relative or even my enemy student to the front of the class, one at a time. First she can do it. I must have courage to appreciate that. If any told each of them how they had made a difference to her wrong has been done, it can be done by anybody, my and the class. friend, my son or even my father. I must be strong enough Then she presented each of them with a blue ribbon to condemn that. But it is not so. Whatever I do is right imprinted with gold letters, which read, “ Who I Am Makes and if the same thing is done by anybody else, it is wrong. I a Difference.” think the time has come for us to grow as an individual, before it is too late. Afterwards the teacher decided to do a class project to see what kind of impact the recognition would have on a The people around us can be easily classified into three community. She gave each of the students three more different groups. In the first group, there are people who ribbons and instructed them to go out and spread this say that they will always be with you, irrespective of acknowledgment ceremony. Then they were to follow up your good or bad phase. To them, it does not make any on the results, see who honoured whom and report back difference whether you are successful or a struggles It is to the class in about a week. this group of people that makes you believe that you will never be alone. One of the boys in the class went to a junior executive in a nearby company and honoured him for helping him

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Later that day the junior executive went in to see his boss, who had been noted, by the way, as being kind of a grouchy fellow. He sat his boss down and he told him that he deeply admired him for being a creative genius. The boss seemed very surprised. The junior executive asked him if he would accept the gift of the blue ribbon and would he give him permission to put it on him. His surprised boss said, “ Well, sure.” The junior executive took the blue ribbon and placed it right on his boss’s jacket above his heart. As he gave him the last extra ribbon, he said, “ Would you do me a favour? Would you take this extra ribbon and pass it on by honouring somebody else? The young boy who first gave me the ribbons is doing a project in school and we want to keep this recognition ceremony going and find out how it affects people.” That night the boss came home to his 14-year-old son and sat him down. He said, “ The most incredible thing happened to me today. I was in my office and one of the junior executives came in and told, me he admired me and gave me a blue ribbon for being a creative genius. Imagine. He thinks I’m a creative genius. Then he put this blue ribbon that says: ‘Who I Am Makes a Difference,’ on my jacket above my heart. He gave me an extra ribbon and asked me to find somebody else to honour. As I was driving with his career planning. He gave him a blue ribbon and home tonight, I started thinking about whom I would put it on his shirt. Then he gave him two extra ribbons honour with this ribbon and I thought about you. I want to and said, “ We’re doing a class project on recognition, and honour you. My days are really hectic and when I come we’d like you to go out find somebody to honour, give home I don’t pay a lot of attention to you. them a blue ribbon, then give them the extra blue ribbon “ Sometimes I scream at you for not getting good enough so they can acknowledge a third person to keep this grades in school and for your bedroom being a mess, but acknowledgment ceremony going. Then please report back somehow tonight, I just wanted to sit here and, well, just to me and tell me what happened.” let you know that you do make a difference to me. Besides your mother, you are the most important person in my life. You’re a great kid and I love you!”

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The startled boy started to sob and sob, and he couldn’t noticed a large number of children along with their parents stop crying. His whole body shook. He looked up at his waiting at the bus stop. Each child was holding a balloon. father and said through his tears, “ Dad, earlier tonight I All of sudden the string of the red balloon slipped through sat in my room and wrote a letter to you and Mom explaining Siddharth’s fingers and his face curled up in grief at the why I had killed myself and asking you to forgive me. I was loss. Instantly, my seven-year-old daughter Namrata and going to commit suicide tonight after you were asleep. I niece Sneha, who were standing beside him caught his eye, just didn’t think that you cared at all. The letter is upstairs. I extended their fist and released their balloons. Guess what don’t think I need it after all.” happened next? All the children around Siddharth released His father walked upstairs and found a heartfelt letter their balloons. full of anguish and pain. The envelope was addressed, “ Mom and Dad.”

The boss went back to work a changed man. He was no longer a grouch but made sure to let all his employees know that they made a difference. The junior executive helped several other young people with career planning and never forgot to let them know that they made a difference in his life...one being the boss’s son.

And the young boy and his classmates learned a valuable lesson. Who you are DOES make a difference.

You never know what kind of difference a little encouragement can make to a person. Or just smile and know that someone thinks that you are important, or you wouldn’t have received this in the first place. Remember Within seconds, a score of balloons were soaring skywards that! I give you a blue ribbon. Who you are makes a and Siddharth - tears still glistening on his cheeks - laughed difference and I want you to know that. with the others at the amazing spectacle. It’s nice to be important...but it is more important to This is real empathy! be nice. Most of the time we fail to read the mind of another person. Fail to see the other side of the coin, because we think that Understanding empathy we are right. Some time back, I and my friend made a plan to We were at Chennai at my sister’s place during last visit Shoppers’ Stop in Secunderabad. On the pre-planed day year’s summer vacations. We all went to see an exhibition and time, my friend didn’t turn up. I waited and my four-year-old son Siddharth insisted on buying a red balloon for himself. As we were waiting at the bus stop, I

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for him for two hours in vain..Neither there was any call or study intently the eye movements. While this in itself is from him. I stopped talking to him. Then, after two months, not empathy, it is an off shoot that comes from being through one of our common friends, I came to know that observant of others. In a sense, empathetic persons have a on his way to meet me, he had met with an accident and complete communication package. fractured his leg. I felt really guilty, but as things turned out, we are now friends again. How does empathy work? While there is much we don’t Incidents like this happen in everybody’s life, because yet understand about how empathy works, we do have some most of the times we fail to feel the pain on the other side. information. Everything has an energetic vibration or Empathy is the ability to read and understand people frequency and an empathetic person is able to sense these and be intune with others. Empathy is a feeling of another’s vibrations and recognize even the subtlest changes true emotions. “ Sensing” someone’s pain (empathy), in undetectable to the naked eye or the five senses. an objective way, versus taking someone’s pain into you, is an Words of expression hold an energetic pattern that important and dangerous boundary. What we need to learn originates from the speaker. They have a specific meaning is how to notice that boundary (even if you have already particular to the speaker. Behind that expression is a power crossed it) and how to step back into a “ observer” or force field, better known as energy. For example, hate role, often brings about an intense feeling that immediately more like you are “ watching a movie” versus actually accompanies the word. The word hate becomes strengthened “ living the part” . with the speaker’s feeling. It is that person’s feelings (energy) Empathy is genetic, inherent in our DNA, and passed that are picked up by empathetic people, whether the words from generation to generation. Empathy has both biological/ are spoken, thought of or just felt without verbal or bodily genetic and spiritual aspects. An empathetic person can sense expression. the truth behind the cover and will act compassionately to So who is an empathetic person? An empathetic person help that person express him /herself, thus making them is often a poet in motion. They are the born writers, singers, feel at ease and not so desperately alone. Thus, an and artists with a high degree of creativity and imagination. empathetic person can feel the emotions of people and things They are known for many talents as their interests are varied, at a distance. Empathetic persons are highly sensitive. There broad and continual and as people, they are loving, loyal are also varying levels of strength in them which may be and humorous. They often have interests in many cultures related to the individual’s awareness of self, understanding and view them with a broad-minded perspective. They are of the powers of empathy, and/or the acceptance or non- mother, father, child, friend, nurse, caregiver, teacher, acceptance of empathy by those associated with them, doctor, sales people, psychics, clairvoyants, healers, etc. Of including family and peers. course, this does not mean that every person in these Empathetic people often possess the ability to sense categories is an empathetic person. others on many different levels. From their position in observing what another is saying, feeling and thinking, they Empathetic persons are often very affectionate in come to understand the other. They can become very personality and expression, great listeners and counsellors proficient at reading another person’s body language and/ (and not just professionally). They will find themselves helping others and often putting their own needs aside to do so. In

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the same breath, they can be much the opposite. They may be quiet, withdrawn from the outside world, loners, personal things, and before they know it, they have poured depressed, neurotic, life’s daydreamers, or even narcissistic. out their hearts and souls without consciously intending to They are most often passionate towards nature and respect do so. It is as though on a sub-conscious level, l hat person its bountiful beauty. knows instinctively that the empathetic person wUl listen to him with compassionate understanding. Empathetic persons Empathetic persons may find themselves continually are often problem-solvers, thinkers, and observant learners drawn to nature as a form of release. It is the opportune of many things. As far as empathetic persons are concerned, place to recapture their senses and gain a sense of peace in where a problem is, so too is the answer. They often will the hectic lives they may live. The time to get away from it search until they find one - if only for their own peace of all and unwind with nature becomes essential for the mind. empathetic person. Qualities of an empathetic person: I hope that you too are a good, empathetic person. Just put yourself in the shoes of the other person before 1. Highly expressive taking that final decision. It takes years to build a 2. Empathetic people are often quiet and can take relationship, to get that trust and faith but only few seconds to break it. Everything we do is based on relationships. a while to handle a compliment for they’re more inclined to point out another’s positiveattributes Relationships make the world go around. For better or for worse. Our relationships can allow us to experience the peaks of ecstasy and the low valleys of agony. But the exciting 3. They may have few problems talking about their thing is that we can do much to increase our chances of feelings having terrific relationships, relationships that are fulfilling 4. Listeners of life and exciting, rich with meaning, joy and love. Because ultimately, one person caring about another represents life’s In general, an empathetic person is non-violent, non- greatest value. The key to understanding relationships is aggressive and leans more towards being the peacemaker. that relationships involve people. And while every person is Any area filled with disharmony creates an uncomfortable different, there are general principles that make most people feeling in an empathetic person. If they find themselves in tick. the middle of a confrontation, they will endeavour to settle the situation as quickly as possible, if not avoid it altogether. Love: Love is a commitment we make to people to If any harsh words are expressed in defending themselves, always treat that person rightly and honourably. they will likely resent their lack of self-control, and have a preference to peacefully resolve the problem quickly. People Honest Communication: If we just communicate, we from all walks of life are attracted to the warmth and genuine can get by. But if we communicate skillfully, we can work compassion of empathetic people. Regardless of whether miracles. others are aware of one being empathetic, people are drawn to them as metal to magnet. Even complete strangers find Friendliness: Relationships just work better when we are it easv to talk to empathetic persons about their most friendly with others.

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Patience: Understand that people are not perfect. and think of my hometown. I miss my hometown so much. Relationships break down because people give up and lose I miss my parents who are still living there.” patience. While saying this, tears welled in his eyes. She was Loyalty: Loyalty is a commitment to another person. It deeply touched. That’s his true feeling, from the bottom gives a powerful and secure feeling in relationship. of his heart. A man who can talk about his homesickness, he must be a man who loves home, cares about home, has Ft” V All good relationships have some element of fun. responsibility of home. Then she too started to speak, And last but not the least, a common purpose: This is about her faraway hometown, her childhood, her family. a component that is initially overlooked, but for a long- That was a really nice talk, also a beautiful beginning of term, long-lasting relationship, it is vital. their story. Working together, building together, failing and They continued to date. She found that he was actually succeeding together - all the while pursuing a common ‘a man who met all her demands; he had tolerance, was purpose - that is what makes good relationships. kindhearted, warm, careful. He was such a good person but she had almost missed him! Thank God for his salty coffee! Their story was just like every beautiful love story, Strange sacrifice the princess married to the prince, and then they lived a He met her at a party. She was so wonderful, she had happy life. And every time she made coffee for him, she many men chasing after her. He was so ordinary, nobody put some salt in the coffee, as she knew that was the way paid attention to him. At the end of the party, he invited he liked it. her to have coffee with him. She was surprised, but being After 40 years, he passed away and left her a letter: polite, she agreed. “ My dearest, please forgive me, forgive my whole life’s lie. This was the only lie I said to you, ever. About the They sat in a nice coffee shop. He was too nervous to salty coffee. Remember the first time we dated? I was so say anything. She felt uncomfortable and thought: please, nervous at that time. Actually, I wanted some sugar, but I let me go home. Suddenly he asked the waiter: “ Would said salt. It was hard for me to change so I just went you please give me some salt? I’d like to put it in my ahead. I never thought that it could be the start of our coffee.” communication! I tried to tell you the truth many times in Everybody stared at him. His request was rather my life, but I was too afraid to do that, as I had promised strange! His face turned red, but, still, he put the salt in not to lie to you about anything. Now I’m dying, I am his coffee and drank it. She asked him curiously: Is this a afraid of nothing so I am telling you the truth: I don’t like hobby of yours? the salty coffee, it tastes so strange, and so bad. But I have had the salty coffee my whole life! Since I knew you, He replied: “ When I was a little boy, I lived near the I never feel sorry for anything I do for you. Having you sea and I liked playing in the sea. I could taste of the sea, with me is my biggest happiness for my whole life. If I had it was just like the taste of the salty coffee. Now, every my life to live over, I would still want to know you and time I have salty coffee, I always think of my childhood

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have you for my whole life, even though I would have to Plumb couldn’t sleep that night, thinking about that man. Says Plumb: “ I kept wondering what he might have drink the salty coffee again.” looked like in a Navy uniform - a Dixie cup hat, a bib in Her tears dropped onto the letter, smudging the ink. the back, and bell bottom trousers. I wondered how many One day, someone asked her: what’s the taste of salty times I might have passed him on the Kitty Hawk. I coffee? It’s sweet, she replied. wondered how many times I might have seen him and not even said ‘Good morning, how are you?’ or anything else Love is not to forget because, you see, I was a fighter pilot and he was just a But to forgive sailor.” Not to see but understand Plumb thought of the many hours the sailor had spent on a long wooden table in the bowels of the ship carefully Not to hear but to listen weaving the shrouds and folding the silks of each chute, holding in his hands each time the fate of someone he Not to let go but hold on! didn’t know.

Parachutes Now, Plumb asks his audience, “ Who’s packing your parachute? Everyone has someone who provides what they Charles Plumb, a U.S. Naval Academy graduate, was a need to make it through the day.” Plumb also points out jet fighter pilot in Vietnam. After 75 combat missions, his that he needed many kinds of parachutes when his plane plane was destroyed by a surface-to-air missile. Plumb was shot down over enemy territory - he needed his physical ejected and parachuted into enemy territory. He was parachute, his mental parachute, his emotional parachute, captured and spent six years in a Communist prison. He and his spiritual parachute. He called on all these supports survived that ordeal and now lectures about lessons learned before reaching safety. His experience reminds us all to from that experience. prepare ourselves to weather whatever storms lie ahead. One day, when Plumb and his wife were sitting in a Recognize and be gracious to people who pack your restaurant, a man at another table came up and said, daily parachutes, and strengthen yourself to prevail “ You’re Plumb! You flew jet fighters in Vietnam from the through tough times. aircraft carrier Kitty Hawk. You were shot down!” Zen story of the frogs “ How in the world did you know that?” asked Plumb. A farmer came into town and asked the owner of The “ I packed your parachute,” the man replied. Plumb restaurant if he could use a million frog legs. The restaurant gasped in surprise and gratitude. The man pumped his owner was shocked and asked the man where he could get hand and said, “ I guess it worked!” so many frogs’ legs! The farmer replied, “ There is a pond near my house that is full of frogs - millions of them. Plumb assured him, “ It sure did - /” / your chute hadn’t They all croak all night long and they are about to drive worked, I wouldn’t be here today.” me crazy!”

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So the restaurant owner and the farmer made an And there is no answer, agreement that the farmer would deliver frogs to the Come fast to see me. restaurant, five hundred at a time for the next several Perhaps I need you. weeks. The first week, the farmer returned to the You are my friend and I hope restaurant looking rather sheepish, with two scrawny little You know that’s true. frogs. The restaurant owner said, “ Well... where are alt the frogs?” No matter what happens I will stand right by you. The farmer said, “ I was mistaken. There were only In times of grief these two frogs in the pond. But they sure were making a I will give you belief. lot of noise!” I’ll be there for you The next time you hear somebody criticizing or making Whenever you are in need. fun of you, remember, it’s probably just a couple of noisy To lend you a hand frogs. Also remember that problems always seem bigger in To do a good deed. the dark. So just call on me when Have you ever lain in your bed at night worrying about You need me, my friend! things, which seem almost overwhelming like a million frogs I will always be there for you croaking? Chances are pretty good that when the morning Right to the end! comes, and you take a closer look, you’ll wonder what all the fuss was about. Perceptions Never judge any body by your perceptions. You could / will be there. be wrong. If you don’t believe that, just answer these three If one day you feel like crying, questions: Call me. Question 1: If you knew a woman who was pregnant, I don’t promise that I will make you laugh, who had 8 kids already, three whom were deaf, two of But I can cry with you. whom were blind, one mentally retarded, and she had If one day you want to run away, syphilis, would you recommend that she have an abortion? Don’t be afraid to call me. Read the next question before looking at the answer for I don’t promise to ask you to stop, this one. But I can run with you. Question 2: It is time to elect a new world leader, and If one day you don’t want to listen to anyone, only your vote counts. Here are the facts about the three Call me. leading candidates. Candidate A - Associates with crooked I promise to be there for you, politicians, and consults with astrologers. He’s had two And I promise to be very quiet. mistresses. He also chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10 martinis But if one day you call, a day. Candidate B - He was kicked out of office twice,

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sleeps until noon, used opium in college and drinks a quart Pretty interesting isn’t it? Makes a person think before of whisky every evening. Candidate C - He is a decorated judging someone. Never be afraid to try something new. war hero. He’s a vegetarian, doesn’t smoke, drinks an occasional beer and never cheated on his wife. Which of Do you remember the character of Vibhishana, in the these candidates would be your choice? Ramayana? He left is brother and his countrymen to join the opponents because his brother had kidnapped the wife Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt. of Lord Rama. So, was Vibhishana right in his approach? Candidate B is Winston Churchill. The answer is that he was both right and wrong at the same time. He was right in his approach because he had Candidate C is Adolph Hitler. the courage to stand against the evil, unlawful and unethical, but he was also wrong, because he did not remain loyal to And, by the way, the answer to the abortion question: his country and countrymen. That is not Raj-dharma (Duty If you said yes, you just killed Beethoven. of the King). We must always see the interest of the people at large. One shall not follow the voice of his heart at the cost of others’ lives.

// you can trust yourself when all men doubt you, but make allowance for their doubting too;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master; If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;

If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools;

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,

Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch, If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;

If all men count with you, but none too much;

Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it... - Rudyard Kipling

A perennial perspective on forgiveness Be, as water is,

without friction.

Flow around the edges of those within your path.

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The angel smiled and said, “ I came here to show you Surround within your ever-moving depths this big book. This one carries the names of the people those who come to rest there, who love God.” enfold them, Abu inquisitively asked, “ Can you please check, whether my name is there?” while never for a moment holding on. The angel checked all the pages but Abu’s name was Accept whatever distance not there. Abu was disappointed but remarked others are moved within your flow. philosophically, “ I understand that I never went to any Be with them gently temple, I never gave any money as donation to any house as far as they allow your strength to take them, of God. However, all my life, I have served poor people, helped the needy and the underprivileged. It is no surprise and fill with your own being that my name is not there in the list.” the remaining space when they are left behind. On hearing this, the angel said, “ Wait a When dropping down life’s rapids, minute,” froth and bubble into fragments if you must, and pulled out a small scribbling pad from her coat pocket. Abu asked what it was. The angel smiled and said, “ Oh, knowing that the one of you now many this book? This contains the names of those few people will just as many times be one again. whom the God loves. Let me see if your name is there in And when you’ve gone as far as you can go, this list.” quietly await your next beginning. And as the angel opened the small book, the first name on the first page was that of Abu Ben Adham. Forgiveness is—the. key that unlocks the door of We may go to a temple every day, we may pray to God resentment and the. handcuffs of hate. It is a power that every day, we might worship him every second. Yes, we all breaks the chains of bitterness and the shackles of selfishness. might love God. But this does not mean that the God loves He who cannot forgive others destroys the bridge over which us too. However, if we serve our fellow human beings and he himself must pass. help them out, take care of the people around us and love them wholeheartedly, God will sure love us. Story of Abu Ben Adham So in which book would you like your name to be? In the majority list of people who love God or Abu Ben Adham was an ordinary man who used to In the minority list of people whom the God loves? spend his time and energy in serving his community and society at large. One day, when he got up from his sleep, Decide and start spreading the love of humanity. he saw the sun’s rays falling into his room. As he watched, Change your thoughts and you change your world. he saw an angel emerge out of the light. The angel was carrying a very big book with her.

Surprised, Abu asked, “ Angel, why are you here and what is that big book you are carrying?

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The scorpion and the sage 7 There was this man who saw a scorpion floundering around in the water. He decided to save it by stretching out his finger, but the scorpion stung him. The man still Maximising Your Potential tried to get the scorpion out of the water, but the scorpion stung him again. Another man nearby told him to stop saving the scorpion that kept stinging him. But the man said: “ tt is the nature of the scorpion to sting. It is my No Country can be built by men who nature to love. Why should I give up my nature to love just because it is the nature of the scorpion to sting?” Rely on somebody else to take care of them. Men, who rely on themselves, will build it, Don’t give up loving. Don’t give up your goodness even if the people around you sting. Who dare to shape their own lives, May your thoughts be of flowers, Who have enough courage to blaze, May your dreams be of love, New trails-Oenough confidence in May the stars twinkling down on us be your ever-guiding Themselves to take necessary risks. love, May you find hope in all your fear and fright, Everyone’s ultimate quest for life is how to be happy and live life powerfully. This is possible through discovering May you find love that is only heard through the yourself and bringing out the best in you. Compared to whispers of the night, what we can do, we are utilizing only a very small fraction May we love one another and lose this fight, of our potential. It’s amazing what we can be by actualising May we all be equal in each other’s sight, these dormant powers. If you want to take charge of life, May our tears be kissed away by hope and of wisdom, utilize your potential, be successful, raise your life to a new level of excellence, be happy and celebrate life, then training God give me courage to give love in all I do, is not just an option, it’s an ultimate gift you can give May you love yourself and others too. yourself.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

To maximize one’s potential, one needs to be a constant student of life. As Henry Ford said: Learning time is not a respected part of the work environment. But you can’t be

so busy that you allow yourself to get stupid.

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From the minute you As you grow older, Are born, you do not Society conditions you further. Make your own choices You start speaking sentences You do not choose Others want to hear. Your parents, your family, You learn to please every one Your sex, your zodiac sign, Without pleasing yourself. The colour of your skin or You are conditioned by The sound of your name Your first cousin, Your last teacher, Your television, Your job, your boss, Every one. When would you Have the freedom to Make your own choices So that your potential is let out.

Passion, the key to success Once a young man approached Socrates to know the secret of success. Socrates called him to the nearby riverbank the next day. The young man was surprised and asked, “ Why near the river?” Socrates simply smiled and walked away. The next day, the young man met Socrates at the appointed time near the river. Socrates put his arm around the young man and took him into the river. As they waded further into the river, the water level slowly started going up. When the water level was up to their shoulders, Socrates took the young man by surprise and ducked him into the water. He held him down in the water but before the young man ran out of breath, Socrates pulled him out.

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Socrates asked the young man, “ Son, what was that Know what you have one thing you desperately wanted, while you were in the One day, the father of a very wealthy family took his water?” son on a trip to the country with the firm purpose of The young man said, “ I desperately wanted to breathe. showing his son how poor people can be. They spent a I wanted air.” couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family. On their return from the “ It is the same thing with success, son. If you want to trip, the father asked his son, “ How was the trip?” become successful as desperately as you wanted air, you shall become successful. Passion, the burning desire, is “ It was great, Dad,” replied the son. the key to success.” “ Did you see how poor people can be?” the father asked.

“ Oh, yeah,” said the son.

“ So what did you learn from the trip?” asked the father. The son answered, “ I saw that we have one dog and they had four. We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end. We

have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night. We have a small piece of land to live on

and they have fields that go beyond our sight. We have servants who serve us, but they serve others. We buy our food, but they grow theirs. We have walls around our

property to protect us, they have friends to protect them.”

The boy’s father was speechless. Then his son added,

“ Thanks dad, for showing me how poor we are.”

The seven wonders of the world

A group of students were asked to list what they thought were the seven wonders of the contemporary world.

Though there were some disagreements, the following received the most votes:

1. Egypt’s Great Pyramids

2. Taj Mahal

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Success in life is a matter of choices that we make, 3. Grand Canyon not the chances that we get.

4. Panama Canal I believe that life is a tough obstacle course in itself. I 5. Empire State Building also believe that we were put here to survive and do as best we can through all of life’s troubles that are thrown at us 6. St. Peter’s Basilica

7. China’s Great Wall

While gathering the votes, the teacher noted that one student had not finished her paper yet. So she asked the girl if she was having trouble with her list. The girl replied, “ Yes, a little. I couldn’t quite make up my mind because there were so many.”

The teacher said, “ Well, tell us what you have, and maybe we can help.”

The girl hesitated, then read, “ I think the

Seven Wonders of the World are:

1. To see

2. To hear

3. To touch

4. To taste

5. To feel 6. To laugh

7. And to love.

The room was so quiet you could have heard a pin drop.

The things we overlook as simple and ordinary and that we take for granted are truly wondrous! A gentle reminder that the most precious things in life cannot be built by hand or bought by man.

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and also to enjoy the good times that come, take nothing “ Simple, my son,” my grandfather elaborated. “ I left for granted and to appreciate life itself. him in front of the mirror every day. He fought with his own image and learnt.” When a young person completes his education and That is the time I learnt a powerful lesson: that you are embarks on his career, he is like a young horse in a your own competition. There is nobody inferior to you and racecourse, full of energy, talented and enthusiastic about nobody superior to you. You are what you are. the future, but no one wants to invest in him. This horse wants to run and win races, wants his potential to be utilized in a more efficient manner. For that he needs an experienced jockey. In the case of fresh graduate, the role of jockey can be played by a college, professor, relative, or a godfather.

Then the trained horse and his experienced jockey will hunt for a gambler who will put his money on the capabilities of the horse and give them that first chance. They grab the opportunity and try to win races for the gambler. The gambler is so assured of the speed of the horse and the talent of the jockey that the initial setbacks don’t bother him. Soon, the horse tastes blood and starts winning races. During the lifetime of the horse, the jockey may change, even the gambler may change, but the horse never gets out of its winning habits.

You are your own competition In our village in Andhra Pradesh, during Pongal (Sankranthi) festival, we used to I ave regular cockfights. A number of cocks used to take part in the fight. The training used to start almost three months previously. My Don’t give up; Courage is my Conviction grandfather’s cock often won the fights. What used to One day, a farmer’s donkey fell down into a well. The surprise me was that I had never seen my grandfather give animal cried piteously for hours, as the farmer tried to his cocks any special training. He would buy a new cock with figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was no fighting experience hardly a month before the actual old and the well needed to be covered up anyway. It jest fight, but still the cock won. I thought that was amazing. wasn’t worth it to retrieve the donkey. He invited all his So I asked him how he taught his cocks to fight and win. neighbours to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well.

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knocks a strong rock down. It’s the 99 that went before. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone’s amazement, he Hence, you need to keep trying and never give up. quietened down. A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally We have a lot of potential in us but we do not know how looked down the well and was astonished at what he saw. to let that out. In the Ramayana, when Hanuman is With every shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey asked to cross the sea and go to Lanka to see whether was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and Seetha is there, Hanuman is surprised and says to take step up. As the farmer’s neighbours continued to Jambavant: “ How can you expect me to cross the river? I shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off am only a small monkey.” Jambavanth replies, “ You and take another a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was are not a mere monkey, you are Vayuputra. You have lot amazed, as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the of energy and potential.” Hanuman then realises his well and trotted off! potential and ‘grows’ bigger to cross the sea. Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The Our potential also gets wasted simply because we do trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a not know that it is getting wasted. Let us imagine that we step up. Each of our troubles is a stepping-stone. We can take a frog and put it in a small bowl of water. It starts get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never swimming happily. If you start heating this water slowly, giving up! initially the frog will be comfortable- but slowly as the It is not the size of the dog in the fight that matters, temperature starts rising and if it doesn’t make an effort it is the size of the fight in the dog that matters. to get out, it will get cooked in the hot water. Remember the five simple rules to be happy: However, if you take another frog and put in to a bowl of hot water, it will jump out the minute it touches the Rule No.1 - Free your heart from hatred. water. This is how we react in life too. As the seconds, minutes, days, week and months pass by, we do not realize Rule No.2 - Free your mind from worries. the value of that time. It is only after a few years have Rule No.3 - Live simply. passed that we sit and ponder over the goals we had set for ourselves and not tried to achieve zealously. So do what Rule No.4 - Give more. successful people do: act whenever you have the opportunity and make use of every minute that is available to you. Rule No.5 - Expect less. Winning and being successful means feeling and being Life’s too short!! Enjoy it. at your best. It is very important to know what type of When you hit a rock with a hammer to break it, you person you want to be as well. The way that you look, your might notice that nothing happens for the first many blows. clothes, your possessions, what you say and how you say But suddenly, you hit it one more time. With the 100th blow, it, will all determine whether you are successful or not. the rock breaks. Does it mean that all the 99 blows you hit Winners and successful people work to improve many previously were wasted? No. It isn’t the 100th blow that areas of their total presentation, for they appreciate that

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8

Self Image

There are three things extremely hard; Steel, a diamond, and To know one’s self. - Benjamin Franklin If you can learn the techniques and strategies to gain the confidence that you want, if you can learn to turn on your confidence like a tap when you need it, that is the difference between success and failure. Everyone has confidence within themselves. You just need to know where to find it so it can come to you when you need it. The difference between confident and less confident people is that confident people have a road map of where their confidence is hiding; they follow the route and get it. The less confident person never has a map to start with!

It is amazing what happens when you recognise your good it is a vital factor that will help them maximise their qualities, accept responsibility for your future, and take potential. At this point I’d just like to say a bit about the positive action to make that future even brighter. direction that self-improvement should come from. It is important to appreciate that winners do not improve The parade their appearance or areas of their life because they feel When I was undergoing training as a flight cadet at the inadequate. Instead, they come from the direction that, they Air Force Academy, we used to have parades every day. The are already wonderful persons and they want to improve whole rifle drill used to be very tough. My GTI (Ground even further. Training Instructor) Sergeant Reddy told me something about

the parade that changed my thinking. He said, “ Jay, there will be a parade out there every day. At the end of your

training there will be a major graduation parade. All of you

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will play a different role in that final parade. Some of you will be looking at the parade as spectators. The majority of “ No seriously,” I asked. I was curious what may have you will be marching in the parade. And there will be one motivated her to be taking on this challenge at her age. “ I person who will be leading that parade. Decide today which always dreamed of having a college education and now I’m role you want to play in the final parade.” getting one!” she told me. What do you think I decided? Yes, you are right. That After class, we walked to the student union building day, I decided I wanted to lead the parade. I visualized and shared a chocolate milkshake. We became instant getting the first rank in the course and receiving the friends. Every day, for the next three months we would President’s Plaque. That was the starting point. And you leave class together and talk non-stop. I was always know what happened? I did lead the parade. mesmerized listening to this “ time machine” , as she Compare your own life with a parade: what role do you shared her wisdom and experience with me. want to play in this parade? Your answer will depend on your self-image that you have developed. Over the course of the year, Rose became a campus What type of person are you? icon and she easily made friends wherever she went. She Someone who watches things happen? loved to dress up and she revelled in the attention bestowed Someone to whom things happen? upon her from the other students. She was living it up. At Someone who doesn’t know what’s happening? the end of the semester, we invited Rose to speak at our Or someone who makes things happen? football banquet. I’ll never forget what she taught us. She

was introduced and stepped up to the podium. As she began Go for gold! to deliver her prepared speech, she dropped her 3x5 cards On the first day of a course I was taking, our professor on the floor. Frustrated and a little embarrassed, she leaned introduced himself and challenged us to get to know someone we didn’t already know. I stood up to look around when a into the microphone and simply said, “ I’m sorry I’m so jittery. gentle hand touched my shoulder. I turned around to find a I gave up beer for Lent and this whisky is killing me! I’ll wrinkled, little old lady beaming up at me with a smile that lit never get my speech back in order so let me just tell you up her entire being. what I know.” She said, “ Hi handsome. My name is Rose. I’m 87 years As we laughed she cleared her throat and began, “ We old. Can I give you a hug?” I laughed and enthusiastically do not stop playing because we are old; we grow old because responded, “ Of course you may!” and she gave me a we stop playing. There are only four secrets to staying young, giant being happy, and achieving success. squeeze. “ Why are you in college at such a young, innocent age?” I asked. 1. ‘You have to laugh and find humour every day. She jokingly replied, “ I’m here to meet a rich husband, 2. ‘You’ve got to have a dream. When you lose your get married, have a couple of kids...” dreams, you die. We have so many people walking around who are dead and don’t even know it!

3. There is a huge difference between growing older and growing up. If you are nineteen years old and

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lie in bed for one full year and don’t do one productive He developed a headache when he reached office. thing, you will turn twenty. If I am eighty-seven And said, “ It is because I didn’t eat properly.” years old and stay in bed for a year and never do anything I will turn eighty-eight. Anybody can grow He failed to finish his work and said, older. That doesn’t take any talent or ability. The “ The headache has taken its toll.” idea is to grow up by always finding the opportunity He went home quite depressed and said, in change. “ My pending work is troubling me.” 4. Have no regrets. The elderly usually don’t have regrets for what we did, but rather for things we He watched a movie late at night and said, did not do. The only people who fear death are “ I want to recover from my gloom.” those with regrets.” Again, he got up late the next morning... She concluded her speech by courageously singing “ The Rose” . She challenged each of us to study the lyrics and live Terrible lifestyle. This is what we go through day after them out in our daily lives. day. We fall into a rut, we become slaves of our habits and we forget to use our mind to change them. Every morning At the year’s end, Rose finished the college degree she when we get up, we have two choices: we can either be had begun all those years ago. One week after graduation happy or we can be sad. What would you like to choose? Rose died peacefully in her sleep. Over 2,000 college students When you choose to be happy, your self-esteem automatically attended her funeral in tribute to the wonderful woman goes up. who taught by example that it’s never too late to be all you can possibly be. People who don’t think, follow. People who think, lead. We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give. God promises a safe landing, not a calm The house of 1000 mirrors passage. If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it as well. Long ago in a small, far away village, there was place known as the House of 1000 mirrors. A small, happy Remember, growing older is mandatory, growing up is little dog learned of this place and decided to visit it. optional. When he arrived, he bounced happily up the stairs to the doorway of the house. He looked through the doorway with The vicious circle of life his ears lifted high and his tail wagging as fast as it could. To his great surprise, he found himself staring at 1000 He got up late in the morning and said, other happy little dogs with their tails wagging just as “ Oh, I didn’t sleep soundly.” fast as his. He smiled a great smile, and was answered He didn’t eat his breakfast and said, with 1000 great smiles just as warm and friendly. As he left the house, he thought to himself, “ This is a wonderful “ I am getting late for office.” place. I will come back and visit it often.”

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In this same village, another little dog, who was we like it or not, appearances do count for a lot in today’s not quite as happy as the first one, decided to visit society. But it is not what you look like that counts, it’s how the house. He slowly climbed the stairs and hung his you feel about what you look like that affects your head low as he looked into the door. When he saw the confidence and your self-esteem. 1000 unfriendly looking dogs staring back at him, he growled at them and was horrified to see 1000 little In order for you to maximise your potential in life, you dogs growling back at him. As he left, he thought to must be able to put yourself into a position where you feel himself, “ That is a horrible place, and I will never go good about yourself so that you can radiate the confidence, back there again.” energy and enthusiasm required to be a success. Otherwise, the effects of low self-esteem will always hold you back. All the faces in the world are mirrors. What kind of reflections do you see in the faces of the people If we feel good about ourselves, we tend to assume you meet? What reflection do others see when they look others too will like us and if we believe we are likeable, at you? Where you come from is where you will go. The people around us are going to share that belief as well. You most important opinion you have is the one you have of see, until you can love and respect yourself, it is- impossible to yourself, and the most significant things you say all day feel confident and assured. are things you say to yourself. Someone once said: A man who loveth himself right I must tell you that firm must be the will, patient the will do everything else right. A healthy self-image with its heart, passionate the aspirations to secure the fulfillment associated feelings of competence, confidence and worth is of any high and lofty purpose. The world stands aside to essential in order to make a positive impression on others. let pass the man who knows where he is going and who If you feel good about the way you look and the things you steps out with confidence, courage and firm have, it is very likely that you will have high self-esteem. determination. The Guy in the Glass It is important that you have a clear picture of how you would like others to see you and what type of person by Dale Wimbrow you would like to be. The self-image that you show to When you get what you want in your struggle for self, everyone is the external result of your internal self-esteem. How many people have you seen who walk around with And the world makes you King for a day, their head bowed and back slouched? What do you think Then go to the mirror and look at yourself, this says about their self-esteem? Do you think that they And see what that guy has to say. will be able to sell themselves? For it isn’t your Father, or Mother, or Wife, Winners present a dignified presence to the world. Whose judgement upon you must pass. They are confident, they walk tall. Their manner lets people know: “ I am a good person. I deserve to be The fellow whose verdict counts most in your life respected.” Losers tend to think that appearances aren’t Is the guy staring back from the glass. important. They want to be accepted as they are. Whether

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He’s the fellow to please, never mind all the rest, Now picture this scenario, you’re wearing a really stylish For he’s with you from clean up to the end, suit, and you’re feeling sharp, confident and you’re energy And you’ve passed your most dangerous, difficult test levels are high. What are you going to feel like when the If the guy in the glass is your friend. M.D calls for you this time? You see, if you are to maximise your potential in life, You may be like Jack Horner and “ chisel” a plum, you must put yourself into the position whereby you feel And think you’re a wonderful guy, that you can take on anything. If you are worried about But the man in the glass says you’re only a bum your appearance and the things around you, it will affect If you can’t look him straight in the eye. your self-esteem and nullify the confidence you need to be effective. You can fool the whole world down the pathway of years, There is a marked difference between the feel-good And get pats on the back as you pass, factor and the feel-bad factor-the scale must be a million But your final reward will be heartaches and tears miles apart. Needless to say, you must make sure that you If you’ve cheated the guy in the glass. bring that feel-good factor into your life. Only you will know how and what to do to get it so that you have that ultra- The feel-good factor confident attitude to perform well. When you do, success will be handed to you on a plate. First of all, I’d like to explain what the feel-good factor is by looking at an example. Raising your self-esteem Have you ever had a bad day? A day where no matter A tree grows in both directions. Its roots go deep and what you do, things don’t fall into place? Now tell me, how deep in search of water and nutrients while the branches did you feel throughout that day? Low? Suffered from a spread enormously to offer more and more shade. A great lack of confidence? Low self-esteem? man constantly searches within himself to satisfy his thirst of Now think about this. How do you feel when you’ve knowledge while he grows day by day to give away his just had a very good day at the office? Confident? Like a 100% to the society. million dollars? Ready to take on anything? The feel-good factor is exactly that-a positive force that can influence Will the black balloon also go up? your whole life. Now say, for instance, that you are feeling There was this old balloon seller who was trying to attract low and the Managing Director calls you to his/her office: the attention of children by filling balloons with helium and this is your big chance to impress the most important person letting them go up in the air. Looking at the coloured balloons, in the organisation and yet you are feeling low and your the children nearby pressurised their parents to buy the confidence has suffered. balloons for them. There was also a 10-year-old lean, black Do you think this will help or hinder your performance? boy keenly watching this happen. I know how you would feel!

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Lord Krishna compares every human being with a musk After some time, he approached the old balloon seller deer. A musk deer does not know that it emanates musk, a and asked him, “ Uncle, I see the red balloon going up, the scent from a gland in its own body. The substance is very yellow balloon, the blue, the violet, and the white one but costly and is extracted to manufacture thousands of bottles not the black balloon. Can this black balloon also go up like of body sprays and scents. Unaware of this, the deer searches the other balloons?” the whole jungle. It smells every plant and garbage heap to find where this fragrance emanates? Every person is a musk The old man was not as intelligent as you and I. He deer, with tons of talent within but searches for it outside. looked at the boy, thought for a second and understood as to All of us have hidden talents. We need to realise it and bring why the boy had asked this question. He replied, “ Son, them to the surface and use them. Inspiring, noble and the colour of.the balloon does not matter. What matters is sublime thoughts germinate, come to the surface, grow, what is inside the balloon. If there is helium inside the black blossom and bloom, waft their fragrance, elevating our life balloon, it would definitely go up.” to higher levels and spreading aroma all around us. Let money, He continued, “ Your caste, colour, religion, region and power and wealth be not the symbols of success and family background do not matter. If you have the right happiness. Let us be above narrow considerations. Believe stuff inside you, i.e., self confidence, even you can go up in in yourself. Don’t get into the rat race. The problem with life and become a winner.” the rat race is that you will remain a rat even if you win. The most satisfying and rewarding contribution you can make These simple words of the old balloon seller changed to your motherland is the regeneration of our great people the life of this young man, who went on to become the in the small laboratories in your private life. And, if you greatest leader of the civil rights movement of the USA, don’t present your motherland your calm mind, your latent Martin Luther King. talent and your energy, it will be an unpardonable sin Your physical appearance is not important. Your inner committed against humanity. It is sin if you think, you’re strengths, your talent and your will to do something are weak. Realise your greatness. You’re a powerhouse of talent more important. Both Droupadi and Cleopatra, who ruled with a sleeping genius inside. Awaken the giant within. their kingdoms for several decades were dark in colour. First of all, it is a useful starting point to see how you Hindu gods Rama and Krishna were also dark. Socrates was think other people perceive you. In the space provided, finish short and fat too. He had a very flat nose, large mouth and off the sentence below with one or two paragraphs. Be as was hardly good looking. Mother Theresa and Madam Curie honest as you can: were both very lean, very short and very frail-looking. That 1. When a person sees or meets me for the first time never stopped them from doing great things. Remember, physical appearnce has nothing to do with a person’s beauty they think... or greatness. A deer is always proud of its beautiful and romantic horns and feets ashamed of its lean legs. But when it’s attacked by a tiger or a lion, those very same lean legs help it run fast and save its life. In fact, it often gets caught and loses its life when its horns get trapped in bushes. Next, I’d like you to finish off this sentence with another couple of paragraphs:

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2. When a person sees or meets me for the first time I After you have completed the previous exercise, ask would like them to think that... yourself this question: Do you prefer his or her life to your own? If you do prefer the other person’s life, start to write down what you can do to close the gap: I regularly do the exercises that you have just completed. It What you have just done is identify two critical areas. enables me to keep right on top of my development as a Firstly, how you think others perceive you and secondly, how person and ensures that I do not stray at any point. If I do, it you would like others to perceive you. Now, if the two lists helps me to get straight back on. are exactly the same, you are at the stage where you are what you want to be and people look at you exactly the way No matter what you might have included on your list, you want them to. You must have an extremely high level of I’d now like to look at some of the most common areas for self-esteem. personal development and whether they apply to you or not. I am sure that they will help in one way or another. If there are differences on the lists, then you have also Again, I can’t stress how important it is to have that feel- identified areas that you must work on in order to raise good factor. your self-esteem. Write down the differences that you noted and a brief statement of how you can improve upon them: One thing that you can do to enhance this factor is by taking every area of your appearance and by analysing it. Another area that can enhance your self-esteem is your possessions. What I actually do is to produce a list once a month of the possessions that I would like. Within this list, I categorise the items into three types: (1) Those items that I could go out and purchase immediately. Eg: a tie, cufflinks, shirt, etc; (2) Those items that will take a little saving to buy. Eg: a suit, a CD system, a computer, etc; and (3) Those items that require long-term savings projections. Eg: a In some instances, significant improvements might have car, a house, a luxury holiday, etc. to be achieved by means of diet, exercise and/or good grooming. Other minor improvements may be the way Then what I do is to set out medium and long-term that you shake hands with people or your ability to remember savings plans in order for me to acquire those items listed in names. (2) and (3) above and along the way I treat myself to at least two items per month that I included in (1). The smaller Another useful exercise to complement the one that possessions make me feel good and when a larger possession you have just completed is to write down all of the is bought, I feel even better! characteristics of the ideal person that you would like to become. In the space provided, write down the way he or By now you should have a good idea of what you would she looks, the clothes they wear, their manner, etc. Make have to look like, own and possess in order for you to feel at sure that you do it in detail. the top of your powers. It doesn’t matter whether you are

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the most confident person in the world or the least confident, there is always some room for improvement. To make a Become your own best friend and everyone else will treat you like theirs. positive impact on others it is important to have a love affair with yourself. If you feel good about yourself, it It is very important to put yourself in a position where becomes apparent to everyone you meet. you receive compliments. Are you happy with the way that If you feel bad about your shape, physique, clothes, you dress? If not, then buy clothes that will make you feel grooming, manner or appearance, it will be much harder good. Dress and carry yourself in a way that people for you to remain confident and assured in social situations. compliment you on your appearance; it will make you feel Someone once said: If you treat your friends like you treated good. yourself, would you have any? You are your own best friend, because wherever you go, your best friend will go with you Are the contents of your car, garage or house a mess? too. And, like with best friends, you should give them the If so, tidy it up. If I got into your car and there were papers, best. cans, grit and the like, what do you think this says about The way we treat ourselves has a direct impact on how your self-esteem? Are you happy with your weight? If so, others will treat Us. You can actually train other people on then fine. If not, then go on an exercise and healthy eating how to treat you by how well you treat yourself. plan. The target is to make people say: “ God, you look great!”

The level of your self-esteem can either open many

doors or it can shut them tight. When it comes to those few moments of truth in your life: that 20-minute presentation your promotion depends on, or that 10-minute chat with

the MD, you must be at your best and feel your best so that you can perform your best.

When you feel good about yourself you feel that you can conquer anything. No obstacle is too great; no mountain

is too steep to climb. Your self-esteem can be improved by internal (your thoughts) and external (appearance,

possessions) factors. To maximise your potential in life you must analyse your SELF-ESTEEM. Make sure that you are in the position whereby your mind and body are one. When

you have achieved this, you will know because you will never have felt anything like it: The power of high self-esteem

and the confidence to achieve almost anything.

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Confidence Things get said that don’t need saying, My hands fold when I don’t need praying. Good Communication can All I need is a little confidence. 9 Change your Life But I’m making waves in the right ocean, Throughout history, outstanding leaders have been I’m causing the right kind of commotion, ordinary people with extraordinary vision, and the skills to Now just get a little confidence. communicate it. There are no lords looming over my personality, Communication is the largest single factor determining I can be whatever I want to be, what kinds of relationships we have with others and what All I need is a little confidence. happens to us in the world around us. In everyday life, we Friendship, a prelude to my nerves, communicate at various levels. Intra-personal communication Creating my own type of verve, is communication with one’s own self, whereas inter-personal I just need confidence. communication is with other people in the family, I can see myself ruling over society, organisation and community. At the managerial level, I can see myself actually liking me communication is inter or intra-departmental or With a little more confidence. organizational. Effective communication is all about building Just confidence to live my life... and maintaining good relationships. Andrew Carnegie was one of the biggest industrialists in the USA. When he started running the steel business successfully, somebody wanted to know how he knew so

much about making of steel. He simply smiled and said, “ I do not know how to make steel. But I know the people who

make steel. I know exactly how to communicate to them.” Back-seat driver A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her

husband. Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen. “ Careful, careful. Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You’re cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them!

TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! Where are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They’re going to STICK!

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Careful ... CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your to me when you’re cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! journey is as uneventful as mine was. Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don’t forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use Communication gap the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!” As told by a housewife: The wife stared at him. “ What the hell is wrong with My husband is an engineer by profession, I loved him you? You think I don’t know how to fry a couple of eggs?” for his steady nature, and I loved the warm feeling when I The husband calmly replied, “ I wanted to show you lean against his broad shoulders. Three years of courtship what it feels like when I’m driving!!” and two years into marriage, I have to admit that I had tired of it. The reasons for me loving him before had transformed into the cause of all my restlessness. I am a Another example of miscommunication sentimental woman and extremely sensitive when it comes The husband checked into a hotel. There was a to a relationship and my feelings, I yearn for the romantic computer in his room, so he decided to e-mail his wife. moments, like a little girl yearning for candy. However, he accidentally typed the wrong e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail. My husband is my complete opposite, his lack of sensitivity, and the inability of bringing romantic moments Meanwhile, somewhere in another city, a widow had into our marriage have disheartened me about love. One just returned home from her husband’s funeral. He was a day, I finally decided to tell him my decision, that I wanted priest of many years who was called home to glory following a a divorce. sudden heart attack. The widow decided to check her e- mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. “ Why?” he asked, shocked. After reading the first message, she fainted. The “ I am tired, there are no reasons for everything in widow’s son rushed into the room, found his mother on the world!” I answered. the floor, and saw the message on the computer screen He kept silent the whole night, deep in thought and which read: smoking throughout. My feeling of disappointment only To: My Loving Wife increased; here was a man who can’t even express his predicament, what else could I hope from him? Subject: I’ve Arrived Finally he asked me: “ What can I do to change your Date: 16 May 2002 mind?” I know you’re surprised to hear from me. They have Somebody said it right, it’s hard to change a person’s computers here now, and you are allowed to send e-mails personality, and I guess, I had started losing faith in him. to your loved ones. I’ve just arrived and have checked in. Looking deep into his eyes I slowly answered: “ Here is the I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival question, if you can answer and convince my heart, I will

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change my mind, Let’s say I want a flower located on the so that when we grow old, I can help to clip your face of a mountain cliff, and we both are sure that picking nails, and help to remove those annoying white hairs. the flower will cause your death. Would you do it for me?” 7. So I can also hold your hand while strolling down the He said: “ I will give you your answer tomorrow.” My beach, as you enjoy the sunshine and the beautiful hopes sank just by listening to his response. sand... and tell you the color of flowers, just like I woke up the next morning to find him gone, and the color of the glow on your young face. saw a piece of paper with his scratchy handwriting, Thus, my dear, unless I am sure that there is someone underneath a glass of milk on the dining table near the front door. It said: “ My dear, I would not pick that flower who loves you more than I do, I could not pick that for you, but please allow me to explain the reasons flower yet, and die. further....” My tears felt on the letter, and blurred the ink of his This first line was already breaking my heart . I handwriting...but I continued reading... continued reading. “ Now, that you have finished reading my answer, if 1. When you use the computer, you always mess up you are satisfied, please open the front door for I am the software programmes, and you cry in front of standing outside with your favorite bread and fresh milk.” the screen. I have to save my fingers so that I can I rushed to open the door, and saw his anxious face, help to restore the programmes. clutching tightly the milk bottle and loaf of bread. 2. You always leave the house keys behind thus I have to save my legs to rush home to open the door for Now I am very sure that no one will ever love me as you. much as he does, and I have decided to leave the flower alone... That’s life, and love. 3. You love traveling but always lose your way in a new When one is surrounded by love, the feeling of city, so I have to save my eyes to show you the way. excitement fades away, and one tends to ignore the true 4. You always have the cramps whenever your “ good love that lies in between the peace and dullness. Love shows friend” approaches every month. I have to save my up in all forms, even very small and cheeky forms. There palms so that I can calm the cramps in your tummy. has never been a model, it could be the most dull and boring form. Flowers and romantic moments are only used and 5. You like to stay indoors, and I worry that you will be appear on the surface of the relationship. Under all this, infected by infantile autism . I have to save my the pillar of true love stands and that’s our life. Love, not mouth to tell you jokes and stories to cure your words, can win arguments. boredom. How to put your point across 6. You always stare at the computer, and that will do nothing good for your eyes. I have to save my eyes Once, Emperor Akbar had a dream that he had lost all his teeth. He called in an experienced astrologer to

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interpret his dream. The astrologer said, “ The dream means “ Then why don’t you go to her? What makes you that all of your majesty’s relatives will die before you.” even dream of....?” she said angrily. Akbar was very upset and sent the astrologer to jail. Mozart replied, “ When God made plans for my marriage, A few days later, Akbar asked Birbal, his favourite and I pleaded with him. If a girl is made very short and very ugly, most witty minister, to interpret the dream and Birbal how sad she will be. So, please don’t do it. Instead, you make said, “ The Emperor will IJve a longer, healthier and more me ugly and short and give away all my height and beauty to fulfilled life than any of his relatives.” her. God was kind enough to oblige my words. He made me like this and you so beautiful.” Birbal got a huge reward for his interpretation. She was stumped and her heart melted at this beautiful The moral of the story is, it is important to know how thought. Soon, they were married. to put your point across.

Have the confidence to say what you mean Mozart’s story Everyone knows that communication is not a perfect German composer Wolfgang Mozart was a legendary science. We often censor ourselves and filter our true musician. Once he gave a concert arranged in connection thoughts, resulting in watered-down messages, lots of beating with the birthday of the daughter of one of the richest around the bush, and innuendo. And adding to the resultant businessmen of Hamburg in Germany. confusion is the parallel filtering and censoring that often After the celebrations and the concert, he met the rich occurs by the recipient of your message. Their own father and said, “ I am in love with your daughter. I want to assumptions, ways of looking at the world, and let’s face it - marry her.” The father was stupefied as Mozart was rather baggage - also get in the way of our ability to convey a clear short and ugly. He was hardly 5 feet in height while his message. daughter was a nymph. So he replied politely, “ Please talk If you’ve ever been told you should be more clear about to my daughter about this.” Mozart went to her room. He what you mean, or if that old adage “ say what you mean, and was received with applause as everybody had loved his music. mean what you say” has somehow become your personal After a while, he told the girl that he wanted to marry theme song, then read on, because following are some tips her. She screamed, “ Have you ever seen your face in the for how you can learn to say what you mean, and increase mirror? How could you even think of this. Leave at once.” your chances of being clearly understood by others. Mozart turned to leave and said, “ It is said that the Assess your current style. Monitor your current marriages are made in heaven. Do you believe in it?” communication practices and style.

“ Yes. Of course but....” faltered the girl. • Do you tend to beat around the bush? • Do you hold back from expressing your true feelings? He continued, “ God has fixed my wedding with a very • Do you find it hard to ask for what you needfrom short, ugly looking girl.” others?

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Identify your unique challenges, and then make a language , and start saying what you really mean . Find commitment to being more aware as you interact with comfortable language that enables you to really express others, of how much and when you’re falling into those yourself. traps. Find your true voice. Get more in touch with the Now, here’s your practice in saying what you mean. authentic thoughts and feelings within. Go back to your sheet of paper and take 1 to 3 examples Here, I want you to do a little exercise. Pick a recent of a thought you had that remained unexpressed. Turn each conversation that didn’t go particularly well - maybe you felt you into a statement you could have made to get your point weren ’t exactly successful at getting your message across. For example: / thought, “ What a jerk!” I across. Take a sheet of paper and fold it in half vertically, so could that you now have a left and right column. In the right have said, “ John, I don’t feel that’s an appropriate or fair column, I want you to write the conversation down - exactly statement.” what was said -as best you can remember. Capture it as if Notice that the second statement does not attack or you were writing a script. For example: insult John, but does clearly and honestly communicate your John: Blah blah blah Me: Blah blah blah dissatisfaction with his last comment. Rewrite your script. Once you’ve captured the essence of the conversation, Now that you have explored a few ways, you might use reread it and place yourself back in that conversation. As alternate language to get your point across, rewrite the whole conversation. How might it have looked if indeed you you read through it, I want you to pause after each exchange. For example: said what you meant to say at every turn? It’s alright to John said: blah blah blah guess at John’s responses. Go ahead and give it a try. How I said: blah blah blah might that have felt? Pause. Here are some additional tips to help you-get heard. Now, ask yourself, what were your unspoken thoughts Saying what you mean is the first step to making sure your in that pause? How do they compare with what was actually messages get conveyed. Making sure you get heard, is the said? Were they different? If so, write down in the left next. To increase your chances you’ll be heard, ensure that column exactly what your unspoken thought or response your comments: was. It’s critical that you be honest in doing this exercise - ...Are specific: Avoid saying things like “ you always” in other words, don’t hesitate to write things like: “ / thought. or ‘What a jerk!’” Or, “ I thought. ‘Over my dead body!’” “ you never” which can serve to discredit an otherwise Or, valid / felt really angry but didn’t show it. point. Work through the entire conversation, then identify . . .Name your emotion : If you feel angry, say so . how many times there was a discrepancy between what you Keeping things focused on facts can create room for thought and felt, and what you actually said. Find your new disagreement, or different perspectives. It’s difficult, on the other hand, to argue with the way someone feels as a

result of your words/actions.

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.Are assertive: Instead of saying, “ It would be nice do something for yourself, and have a vision. Not bad advice, if...’ or “ I just wish you’d...” , just say, “ I need you to really. In fact, following these nuggets of truth may just do X from this point forward.” bring you to the top. But as I’ve lived my life over the ...Aren’t attacking: Instead of saying, “ You’re a jerk,” years, I have come to realize that it is great to dream big, which doesn’t address the real problem (although you might have a vision, make name, and work hard. But guess what: feel it does at the time), the real problem is an action or There’s something better than that. statement that you disagree with. So my message today simply asks the. question, What’s ...Target the real problem: Invite the other individual to better than...? engage. Ask questions like, “ What do you think?” Then be sure to listen. Let’s start off with something really simple. What’s better than a long speech? No doubt, a short one. So, you So, that’s it. You’ve rewritten your script and learned guys are in luck because I do intend to keep this short. a few tips. Now, get out there and start expressing yourself! Now, let me take you through a very simple math exam. It isn’t that they can’t see the solution. It is that they I’ll rattle off a couple of equations, and you tell me what can’t see the problem. you observe about them. Be mindful of the instructions.

You are to tell me what you observe about the equations. What’s better than...? by Butch Jimenez Here goes: Butch Jimenez became the youngest commencement 3+4=7, speaker in the university’s history when he delivered this speech during the commencement exercises of the 9+2=11, graduating class of 2003. He once dreamed of doing so, and it came true! 8+4=13, Students wished, they nad a pencil or paper to jot down and 6^6=12. notes during the speech; some even wished they had a tape Tell me, what did you observe? recorder. Some members of the faculty found his speech practical, refreshing, and funny! Jimenez was head of the Every time I conduct this test, more than 90 percent of Media and Strategic Communications department. the participants immediately say, 8+4 is NOT 13, it’s 12! That’s true and they are correct. But they could have also What’s better than being negative 1 observed that the three other equations were right. That As college students, you’re just about to set sail into 3+4 is 7, that 9+2 is 11, and that 6+6 is 12. the real world. As you prepare for the battleground of life, What’s my point? Many people immediately focus on you’ll hear many speeches, read tons of books and get miles the negative instead of the positive. Most of us focus on of advice telling you to work hard, dream big, go out and what’s wrong with other people more than what’s right

about them. Examine those four equations.

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Three were right and only one was wrong. But what is all the soapboxes that passed through the line to make sure the knee-jerk observation? The wrong equation. If 10 people they were not empty. No doubt, they worked hard and they you didn’t know were to walk through that door, most of worked fast. But a rank-and-file employee that was posed you would describe those people by what’s negative about the same problem came out with another solution. He bought them: He’s fat. He’s balding. Oh, the short one. Oh, the a strong industrial electric fan and pointed it at the assembly skinny girl. line. He switched the fan on, and as each soapbox passed Get the point? It’s always the negative we focus on and the fan, it simply blew the empty boxes out of the line. not the positive. You’ll definitely experience this in the Clearly, the engineers had worked hard, but the rank- corporate world. You do a hundred good things and make and-file employee worked smart. So what’s better than one mistake. Guess what? Chances are, your attention will merely working hard? It’s working smart. Having said that, be called to that one mistake. it is still important to work hard. If you could combine both So what’s better than focusing on the negative? Believe working hard and working smart, you would possess a major me, its focusing on the positive. And if this world could factor toward success. learn to focus on the positive more than the negative, it What’s better than dreaming big? I will bet my next would be a much nicer place to live in. month’s salary that many have encouraged you to dream What’s better than working hard? We have always been big. May be even to reach for the stars and aim high. I sure told to work hard. Our parents say that, our teachers say heard that about a million times right before I graduated that, and our principal says that. But there’s something from this university. So I did. I did dream big. I did aim better than merely working hard. It’s working SMART. It’s taking high. I did reach for the stars. No doubt, it works. In fact, time to understand the situation, and coming out the saying is true: “ If you aim for nothing, that’s exactly with an effective and efficient solution to get more done what you’ll hit: nothing.” with less time and effort. As the Japanese say, “ There’s But there’s something better than dreaming big. Believe always a better way.” I me, I got shocked myself. And I learned it from the biggest One of the most memorable case studies I came across dreamer of all time, Walt Disney. When it comes to dreaming with as I studied Japanese management at Sophia University big, Walt is the man. No bigger dreams were fulfilled than in Tokyo was the case of the empty soap bo*, v/nich happened his. Every leadership book describes him as the ultimate in one of Japan’s biggest cosmetics companies. The company dreamer. In fact, the principle of dreaming and achieving is received a complaint that a consumer had bought a box of the core message of the Disney hit song, “ When You Wish soap that was empty. It immediately isolated the problem Upon a Star” . to the assembly line, which transported all the packaged boxes of soap to the delivery department. For some reason, “ When you wish upon a star, makes no difference who one soap box went through the assembly line empty. you are; anything your heart desires will come to you. If Management tasked its engineers to solve the problem.Post- your heart is in your dream, no request is too extreme. haste, the engineers worked hard to devise an X-ray machine When you wish upon a star, as dreamers do,” as Jiminy with high-resolution monitors manned by two people to watch Cricket sang.

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But is that what he preached in the Disney company? cause, chances are you’ll lose. The Vietnam War is a classic Dream? Imagineering. Well, not exactly. Kinda, but not quite. example. Literally with sticks and stones, the Viet Cong The problem with dreaming is if that’s all you do, you’ll beat the heavily armed US Army to surrender, primarily really get nowhere, fn fact, you may just fall asleep and because the US had a vision to win the war, but the never wake up. The secret to Disney’s success is not just Vietnamese were fighting for a cause. In the realm of dreaming, it’s IMAGINEERING. business, many leaders have visions of making their company You won’t find this word in a dictionary. It’s purely a No.1, or grabbing market share, or forever increasing Disney word. Those who engage in imagineering are called profits. Nothing really wrong with that vision, but take the imagineers. The word combines the words example of Sony founder Akio Morita. He did not just have “ imagination” a vision to build the biggest electronics company in the world. and “ engineering.” In the book “ Imagineers,” Disney’s In his biography, Made in Japan he reveals that the real CEO, reason he set up Sony was to help rebuild his country, which Michael Eisner, claims that, “ Imagineers turn impossible had just been battered by war. He had a cause he was dreams into real magic.” Walt Disney explained there is really no secret to their fighting for. His vision to be electronics giant was secondary. approach. They just keep moving forward-opening new doors What’s the difference between a vision and a cause? Here’s and doing new things, because they are curious. And it is what sets them apart... No one is willing to die for a vision. this curiosity that leads them down new paths. They always People will die for a cause. You possess a vision. A cause possesses you. A vision lies in your hands. A cause lies in your dream, explore and experiment. In short, imagineering is heart. A vision involves sacrifice. A cause involves the ultimate the blending of creative imagination and technical know-how. sacrifice. Eisner expounds on this thought by saying that “ Not only are imagineers curious, they are courageous, outrageous, Just a word of caution. You must have the right vision, and their creativity is contagious.” The big and you must be figh^Oj for the right cause. In the end, difference with imagineers is that they dream and then right will always win out. It may take time, and it may take they DO! long. But if you have the right vision and are fighting for So don’t just be a dreamer, be an imagineer. You must the right cause, you will prevail. If not, no matter how have all been given a lecture at one time or another about sincere you are, if you are not fighting for what is right, the importance of having a vision. Even leadership expert you will ultimately fail. John Maxwell says that an indispensable quality of a leader Allow me to end with two quotes that I have lived by is to have a vision. The Bible also makes it very clear that ever since i stcr-oed out of this university. The first comes “ without vision, people perish.” So no doubt about it, from the B’Die, which says, “ To whom much is given, much having a vision is important to success. is required.” Having been given the opportunity to study But surprise! There’s something more potent than a here, no doubt, much has been given to you in terms of an vision. It’s a CAUSE. If all you’re doing is trying to reach excellent education. Don’t forget that in return, much is your vision and you’re pitted against someone fighting for a now required of you to use that education not just for

yourself, but also for others. And as you move up and start reaching the pinnacle of success, even more will be required

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of you to look at the welfare of others, of society and of Situations and behaviours to avoid: the country. • Someone is speaking to you but you are busy with the Though I have often dreamed of addressing any graduating phone and several other things. class of this university, I never really thought it would happen. • You hear only what you want to hear, and avoid listening This brings me to the second quote ! have held close to my to negative, unpleasant and critical words. heart as I traverse the destiny God has laid out tor me. “ There is no destination beyond reach of one who walks with God.” • You jump to conclusions before the other person has finished speaking. My standing in front of you today, as the youngest • You are speaking but your body language is saying commencement speaker of this esteemed university in 92 years, is proof of how true that quote is. something else. There is no congruence. • You interrupt others frequently, thus breaking the A final review: communication. • What’s better than focusing on the negative? Focus • You use insulting, humiliating and embarrassing words on the positive. when you talk. • What’s better than working hard? It’s working smart. Management Guru, Stephen Covey said, “ Seek first to understand, then to be understood. When we listen with • What’s better than dreaming? Imagineering. the intent to reply, we begin the true communication and relationship building. When others feel understood first, they • What’s better than doing something for yourself? feel affirmed and valued, defences are lowered, and Doing something for your country. opportunities to speak openly and to be understood come • What’s better than a vision? A cause. much more naturally and easily. Seeking to understand takes kindness; seeking to be understood takes courage. • What’s better than a long speech? Definitely, a shor Effectiveness lies in balancing the two.” one.

Are you listening? Right Speech Dale Carnegie once began his lecture by saying, “ All Buddhist scriptures also speak eloquently about the right this has been said before, but since nobody listened, it communication process. Right Speech is the third jewel in must be said again.” Listening is the most important part Buddha’s Eight-Fold Path. Buddha described Right Speech as of the communication process. It helps us to understand “ abstaining from lies, divisive speeches, abusive speeches other people’s thinking, feelings and behaviour. It enables and idle chatter” . us to concentrate on what the other person is saying. It Buddha’s five conditions for right speech are: creates empathy when we are able to understand the other person’s viewpoint. • Do I speak at the right time? • Do I speak the facts?

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• Do I speak harshly or gently? Ideal space zones in communication • Do I use profitable words or not? How far apart should we be when we’re talking to another person? Anthropologist Edward T Hall, a pioneer in • Do I speak with kind heart, without malice? the study of man’s spatial needs, says there are four zones that people consciously or unconsciously use during the course When we look at modern theories of communication and inter-personal behaviour, we find that they are no of their interaction. different from ancient concepts. Intimate zone (15 cm to 46 cm): We allow people who are very close to us close friends, lovers, spouses and children - into this zone. We feel threatened and embarrassed if an unknown person tries to enter this zone. However, there are exceptions, that is, when we travel by train or stand in a queue. At such times, despite being so near, physically, we avoid eye contact.

Personal zone (46 cm to 1.2 m): A zone of comfort. We maintain this distance during social gatherings, while speaking to people.

Social Zone (1.2 m to 3.6 m): We keep this distance with strangers or people who we don’t know.

Public Zone (over 3.6m): This distance is maintained

when large groups of people are addressed.

When we are communicating with others, we must be aware of these distances.

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Even the few people who do dream are not ambitious 10 enough to act upon and realise their dreams. The question we have to ask ourselves is why we are not able to fulfill our dreams. The answer is that success comes only to those Anybody Can Dream who believe in themselves and are capable of taking action.

He who has a why to live can bear with almost any Keep away from people who try to belittle your how ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you too can become great. It is said that the monn, which iooks so beautiful at night, does not shine on its own but appears to be shining As someone said: “ We can easily forgive a child who is due to the sun’s rays that get reflected. And in fact, the afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men Earth looks even brighter from the moon. Well, our life is are afraid of the light” exactly similar. All the big personalities we see are actually It’s not what happened, it’s what you do about it that mere reflections of you, they are rich because you made makes the difference! them rich, they are famous because you made them famous and they are popular because you made them popular. Just A major reason a lot of people don’t go after their imagine that if you can make someone so rich, famous and dreams is that they spend too much of their valuable time popular, then how capable you really are. Because of you if dwelling on what has happened in the past. They use up someone has become successful, then why is that you have their precious moments mulling over the things they can’t not become successful? do anything about. It doesn’t matter whether the events that took place in your past were good or bad, favourable The problem is that we don’t dream. Ask a 10-year-old or unfavourable, there’s absolutely nothing you can do to child about his ambition in his life. He will tell you amazing change them now. things about what he wants to do, have and accomplish. Ask the same question to him at the age of 18 and he will The most productive thing you can do with past events still tell you, but this time he will include everything that he is to accept each one as a learning experience, and use the cannot do. A young child who had so many goals, wishes, lessons to help you make better decisions and take better dreams and expectations, finds most of them out of reach actions toward your goals and aspirations. If you don’t learn by the time he barely crosses over to adulthood. from your mistakes and experiences, you are likely to end up committing them again. My senior Trainer, Emmanuel Anthony Das says that as we grow old, we learn the spelling of ‘dreams’ all right, but “ When we seek to discover the best in others, we we forget the meaning of dreams. As we grow old, our somehow bring out the best in ourselves.” belief in our dreams weakens. By the time we are 45 or 50, chances are that we will not be financially free, totally - William Arthur Ward satisfied or 100% content with life.

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Have the courage to dream! ❑ See your goals clearly, hear the sounds and feel like you’ve already achieved it. The world we see today has not been created in one night but it is the result of many peoples’ dreams. Each and ❑ Review your goals each week and see if it needs everything that we see, feel and touch today - be it the improvement. discovery of fire, or the invention of television, nuclear bombs or mobile phones — someone, somewhere dreamt about it ❑ When you know for cei tain that you are about to and then worked hard to realize that dream. If that is the realize your dream, set new goals or dreams. If power of dreams, then why are we so afraid of dreaming? you stop improving, you won’t grow. Except our Perhaps because we are not strong enough to face failure. parents we choose each and everything in our life, be it the colour of the walls in our home or the Dreams are what cause us to bound out of bed in the brand of TV, refrigerator or our clothes. We choose morning instead of waking up with anxiety or, even worse, our spouse too, so can’t we choose the type of life apathy for the day ahead. When I don’t have a dream in we want to live? front of me, it’s easy to find fault with everything and self- pity comes easily. I’ve always liked what Walt Disney once You were born to win. But in order to be the winner said, “ // you don’t have a dream, how are you going to you were born to be, you’ve got to plan to win. You’ve got have a dream come true?” to prepare to win. Then, and only then, can you legitimately expect to win. Winning is not an accident. It’s a result of a If I tell you that you are the best person in world and deliberate plan. A plan filled with hope and encouragement. you deserve the best things in the world, it sounds great. Would you like to be a powerful person? Then you need But how are you going to get the best things in the world? hope. People who build hope into their own lives and who Here is what you must do. share hope with others become powerful people. Doors open Set goals. If you don’t know where are you going, you for these people. will never be able to take that first step. Your future is Those who have the courage to dream and those who what you want it to be. Be like children, be creative and are strong enough to work hard and still ready to face failure, DARE to dream. Write down everything that comes out of rewrite history. Others only read history. your mind. Decide who you are today and who do you want to be in X number of years. Having a time frame is It’s true: 95% of people in this world only read history. important. There is only a small, 5% minority who make history. The question is, which category you want to be in: the majority ❑ Once a goal is decided and the time limit marked, of history readers or the minority of history makers? choose a way to reach your goal. Write down what you must do in order to achieve it. A plan so to Have a dream. It will give you a purpose to live and can speak. change your world.

❑ Read out your goals twice daily, right after you wake You have dreams, right? Not the ones that come to you up and before you go to sleep. in your sleep, but dreams of going places... doing things...being something more? Chase them.

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In spite of the fact that your friends look at you as if you are a fool, chase them. Even though you’ve slept six hours in three days, chase them.

Even if you tried once before and it didn’t work out, try another way, do something different, just do something. Chase your dreams.

...Or else they will slip away. The great Walt Disney was a great optimist, dreamer and visionary. He believed that “ all of our dreams can come true if we have the courage to pursue them” . Disney always pursued his goals vigorously and became bankrupt many times during his lifetime. One of his biggest dreams was to set up a beautiful resort/park in the US. Undeterred by the challenges, Disney went ahead with the project and construction on it was soon underway. But then tragedy struck and he died before the park was inaugurated. On the day of the inauguration, two executives were overheard talking to each other. Said one of them, “ It is too bad Walt Disney is not alive to see all this.” To which the other replied, “ Walt Disney did see it. That’s why you and I are here.” This realization leads to maturity and an understanding of our responsibility to ou...elves, our family, our community, That is the power of vision. our organisation and our souls. When we fail to identify what is right for us, we move into the wilderness, torn by Have a vision and concentrate on that confusion. Helen Keller once said, “ The most pathetic person in Examine your vision by answering these questions : the world is some one who has sight but has no vision.” Our success and happiness depend on asking the right questions. 1. What exactly do I want from my life? Be specific The right purpose provides us with a sense of direction, and focused. helping us resolve problems and overcome dilemmas. 2. Why do I want what I want? Have clarity. A vision can be described as seeing things that are not 3. How would I feel after accomplishing my goals? immediately visible - a desired future state. A vision provides Visualize. us with a purpose in life, giving it meaning and direction.

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Is full of dreamers but dreams remain just dreams if they 4. Are my accomplishments in conformity with my core are not realised by an action plan. values?

Some men see things as they are, and say, “ Why?” 5. Do I feel passionate and deeply emotional about the I dream of things that never were, and say, “ Why desired outcome? Will it be meaningful ness and give me value for existence? Not?” One night, the Greek philosopher, astronomer and Winners act on their dreams and create an action plan mathematician Thales was walking down a street. He was to make them a reality. They are quick to grasp the so engrossed in observing the stars that he fell into a opportunity when it knocks on their door. They are learners ditch. An elderly woman helped him out and after and work hard in whatever activity they are engaged in. recognizing him, said, “ Here is a person who studies the “ No one can predict to what heights you can soar; stars but cannot see what lies below his feet.” even you will not know until you spread your wings.” So

So remember, even if you are highly focused, never get ready to spread your wings. lose sight of the surrounding environment. Dhirubai Ambani once said, “ Think big, think fast, and Perhaps one of the best examples of a great dreamer think ahead. Ideas are no one’s monopoly. Our dreams have to making it to the top of the corporate ladder is software be bigger, our ambitions higher, our commitment deeper, and tycoon Bill Gates. When Bill Gates visited India in 2002, he our efforts greater. This is my dream for Reliance and India. was at a meeting in Bangalore where the host began the Don’t give up. Courage is my conviction.” meeting by saying: “ Bill Gates needs no introduction, so let me introduce the audience to him.” This whole book would Dare to dream not be sufficient to write about Bill Gates. He is known for his ambition, intelligence, the spirit of adventure and a If you have a great goal to achieve, let it be your dream desire to empower people. He represents the power of the goal. You will win if you want to. Every thing depends on idea, and has empowered billions of people with his visionary how much you want to. All you have to do is keep dreaming. skills. Despite being one of the richest people on this planet, When you lie down to sleep or when you take that leisurely his motivation and enthusiasm are the same like somebody walk, just think about it. Let your goal be your obsession. trying to make their first million. Can we emulate Bill Gates? This way, the goal is registered in your sub-conscious mind. All you have to do reach it is keep dreaming. I believed in my dreams Imagine all the good things that will follow after you My journey from the lowest rung in the Indian Air Force achieve the goal. Imagining this will make you move towards to becoming a Squadron Leader and from there to becoming your goal faster. All this will work as powerful motivators. a successful trainer has been a long journey. People often So pamper your goals. tell me that I have extraordinary talent. I disagree with IT czar and Wipro chairman Azim Premji has said: “ What them. I firmly believe that all things are attainable with I’m happy about is that we never stopped dreaming. Even ordinary talent and extraordinary perseverance. The world when we achieved a position of leadership in every business

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While everybody daydreams to some extent, too much we operated in India. We now have a dream of becoming of it will affect our normal living. So what is required is to one of the top 10 global IT service companies. Many people not pursue idle dreams, but dreams that can be followed up wonder whether having unrealistic dreams is foolish. My and fulfilled. reply is that is dream by themselves can never be unrealistic or safe. If they were, they could not be dreams. I do agree An optimist dies once in his lifetime. A pessimist dies a that one must have strategies to execute dreams. And of million times. If you are pessimistic, you have already lost course, slog to transform dreams in to reality. But dreams the battle. come first.”

The fellow who sold butter

We all like to daydream. Daydreams give instant gratification to our desires. We can be Madonna, Madhuri Dixit or Shah Rukh Khan in our daydreams. Our conscious awaieness is less in daydreams as we float in fantasy and drift into a different world, an ideal world of our creation - a cocoon of comfort. But daydreaming should be within limits.

There once lived a man who sold butter. Everyday, ne went into town and sold whatever butter he had. He and his family survived that way. He also owned a cow. ne day he was walking and daydreaming. “ Today, I will sell all the butter and there will be a profit of five rupees. Tomorrow too i will sell it the same way. After a month, I will have 150 rupees extra and can buy one more cow. Thereafter, I can save 10 rupees each day and at the end of the month buy two cows.” He kept dreaming this way.

“ In one year’s time, I will be very rich and will marry a rich man’s daughter. Soon, we will have a big house, a farm and many servants. We will also have a cute little boy.” By this time, he was totally lost in his dreams.

“ And if by any chance my wife gets angry with our son, I will kill her.” So saying, he raised his hand with full force, hitting the pot filled with butter, which fell on the ground and broke.

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If you advance confidently in the direction of your dreams, you will meet with a success unexpected in common 11 hours. If you build castles in the air, your work will not be lost. That is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them. You could do great things if only you weren’t Impossible to Possible busy doing little things. Deep within man dwell those slumbering powers; If you have to develop the courage to do something extraordinary, you need to believe in yourself and take some powers that would astonish him, risk at some point in time. that he never dreamed of possessing; forces that would revolutionise his life if aroused Obstacles? Deal with them now and put into action. An old farmer had ploughed around a large rock in one of his fields for years. He had broken several plough shears and a cultivator on it and had grown rather morbid about the rock. After breaking another plough shear one day, and remembering all the trouble the rock had caused him through the years, he finally decided to do something about it. When he put the crowbar under the rock, he was surprised to discover that it was only about six inches

thick and that he could break it up easily with a sledgehammer. As he was carting the pieces away, he had

to smile, remembering all the trouble that the rock had caused him over the years and how easy it would have been to get rid of it sooner.

The other day, I was talking to my mentor Kadri while I was driving from Electronic City to my house. He said, “ We

must understand that problems are part of life. In fact, they make life more interesting and challenging. You need to learn to handle them and solve them. Postponing these

problems only leads to an emergency.”

This made me think. When I was planning to do a mega- programme for 1,000 students on memory techniques, I

was upset initially as we could not get any registrations. I

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started wondering whether I was doing the right thing. Then Kadri told me to close my eyes and visualize the hall being pass by so they can ride with the “ singing bus driver” . full with students. He asked me to realise that getting so They love it! many students attend the programme was not going to be that easy. Invariably, there would be problems. I simply had to Here is a man who believes he knows why he was put prepare to deal with them. here on earth. For him, it is to make people happy. And the “ Convert the impossible into the possible,” is more he sings, the more people he makes happy! He has the found a way to align his purpose in living with his occupation. message Kadri gave me. The new confidence made me work By following his bliss, he is actually living the kind of life he extra hard, and very soon I had overwhelming response from believes he was meant to live. students for my programme. This made me plan with clinical precision a mega-programme on Personality Development, “ Life Will Never Be The Same Again!” which, again, was successful. Try to replace critical thoughts with positive ones, and you’ll be amazed what a difference it will make in your day, your spirit, and your life.

Follow your bliss Author Joseph Campbell often talked about “ following your bliss” . / heard of a bus driver in Chicago who does just that.

He sings while he drives. That’s right... sings! And I don’t mean he sings softly to himself, either. He sings so that the whole bus can hear! All day long he drives and sings. He was once interviewed on Chicago television. He said that he is not actually a bus driver. “ I’m a professional singer,” he asserted. “ I only drive the bus to get a captive audience every single day.”

His “ bliss” is not driving a bus, though that may be a source of enjoyment for some people. His bliss is singing. And the supervisors at the Chicago Transit Authority are perfectly happy about the whole arrangement. You see, people line up to ride his bus. They even let other busses

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Not everybody can identify a purpose in life. But when collect your silver medal and a cheque for $5,000. But wait a you do, and when you pursue it, you will live the kind of life minute, you’ve only lost by a few inches but the winner you feel you were meant to live. And what’s more, you will has picked up five times as much prize money than you be happy. have. Does this mean that he/she has ran five times as fast as you? The answer is no. You see, in life you don’t Some body asked Edmund Hillary, the first man to have have to work five times as much as the other person to successfully climbed Mt Everest, “ What made you go all the earn five times as much money. All you need to be is a nose way up there?” in front of the rest.

Hillary simply replied, “ I climbed the Mt Everest just You’ve heard the statement: work smarter not harder. because it was there, unconquered.” He had tried and failed Well, all you need in order to reap the rewards in life is to before but he had told himself: “ Mount Everest, you beat be a nose-length ahead of everyone else. Taking control of me the first time, but I will beat you the next time because your life is one of the most important steps in the process you have grown all you are going to grow. But I am still of getting ahead. The successful person meticulously budgets growing.” And he added, “ It is not the mountains his time, income and expenditure. He also knows exactly we conquer, but ourselves” . what he must do in order to get ahead in the workplace by leaving nothing to chance. How true he is. Leadership is the liberation of potential that lies within us. Leaders discover at the end of their These people invariably have complete control over every heroic journeys that their ultimate destination is their self. A area of their life and they know the techniques and the person who has self understanding, self-knowledge and methods to succeed - the ones that you are about to acquire. who had won over the inner world would automatically be a Remember, to get ahead in life you must do the things that successful person in the outer world. the majority of people do not do. Man is not the creature of circumstances; A famous athlete who had just won an international Circumstances are the creatures of men. race was congratulated by someone who said, “ You were lucky to win the race.” The athlete was furious and shot Getting ahead in life back, “ I practiced six hours a day for fifteen years without To start this topic off, I’d like you to picture the following a single day off, and you call it luck?” scenario: It is the Olympic games and you are in the final of the 100 metres. The race begins and there you are, straining Self-assessment every muscle, every sinew, running for your life but you still A truly excellent exercise is the ability to be able to can’t get to first place. Ten metres to go now, you’re carry out an assessment of one’s self. Your progress, whether gaining with every stride only to lose by a short head and at work or in your personal life, depends on your ability to you end up in second place. appraise yourself. What I would like you to start doing is to There, on the winner’s podium, the victor collects the write an appraisal once a year. Ask yourself whether your gold medal and a sponsor’s cheque for $25,000. You then career is progressing or has become stagnant and what you can do to further it.

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Then, draw up a personal development programme for The rewards are all out there waiting for you. the next 12 months based on your assessment and review it GO OUT AND GET THEM constantly throughout the year. Give yourself the opportunity to succeed, stand out from You owe it to yourself to succeed the crowd and get ahead of the rest. No one else will do it for you. Are you one of those people who are ahead of others or are you one of those people who have to live on the leftovers What will you do? of truly successful people? If you are the latter, then you Many years ago in a small Indian village, a farmer had must change the methods that you have been adopting to the misfortune of owing a large sum of money to the village date, for the results of your methods can be seen in your money lender. The money lender, who was old and ugly, bank account, the things around you, your position at work, fancied the farmer’s beautiful daughter. So he proposed a your attitude and whether you are fulfilled as a person. bargain. He said he would forgo the farmer’s debt if he could marry his daughter. Both the farmer and his daughter To stand out from the crowd you must use unusual were horrified by the proposal. So the cunning money lender methods, for unusual methods turn into unusual results. You suggested that they let providence decide the matter. He must do what the majority doesn’t do. Using showmanship, told them that he would put a black pebble and a white selling yourself, attaining your goals and maintaining a PMA pebble into an empty moneybag. Then the girl would have are all examples of activities that a majority of people don’t to pick one pebble from the bag. (1) If she picked the do. Remember, the unusual is rare and there is value in black pebble, she would have to become his wife and her rarity. father’s debt would be forgiven. (2) If she picked the white pebble she need not marry him and her father’s debt would You only live once and you have got no excuses for not still be forgiven. (3) But if she refused to pick a pebble, living well. As George Bernard Shaw proclaimed: “ I don’t her father would be thrown in jail. believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the They were standing on a pebble-strewn path in the circumstances they want, and, if they can’t find them, farmer’s field. As they talked, the money lender bent over they make them.” to pick up two pebbles. As he picked them up, the sharp- eyed girl noticed that he had picked up two black pebbles You should take complete control of your life if you are and put them into the bag. He then asked the girl to pick going to succeed. You should start by controlling your time a pebble from the bag. Now, imagine that you were and your money. You should also control your own destiny standing in the field. W! t would you have done if you and goals as well as your own mind and your attitude. You were the girl? and only you are responsible for how others perceive you, in If you had to advise her, what would you have told her? and out of the workplace. In essence, it is down to you Careful analysis would produce three possibilities: whether you are a success in life or not. 1. The girl should refuse to take apebble.

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2. The girl should show that there were two black pebbles in the bag and expose-the money-lender as a cheat. 3. The girl should pick a black pebble and sacrifice herself in order to save her father from his debt and imprisonment. Take a moment to ponder over the story. The above story is used with the hope that it will make us appreciate the difference between lateral and logical thinking. The girl’s dilemma cannot be solved with traditional logical thinking. Think of the consequences if she chooses the above logical answers. What would you recommend to the girl to do?

Well, here is what she did... The girl put her hand into the moneybag and drew out a pebble. Without looking at it, she fumbled and let it along the moistened shore, the sand between my toes. In fall onto the pebble-strewn path where it immediately the distance, I saw a boy, as busy as can be. He was became lost among all the other pebbles. “ Oh, how clumsy running, stooping, picking up, and tossing in the sea. of me,” she said. “ But never mind, if you look into Just what he threw, I couldn’t tell. I looked as I drew near. It the bag for the one that is left, you will be able to tell seemed to be a rock or shell - as I approached him I which pebble I picked.” could hear, “ Back you go, where you belong. You’re safe Since the pebble in the bag was black, it had to be now, hurry home. Your family’s waiting for you little assumed that she had picked the white one. And since the starfishr, run along!” money-lender dare not admit his dishonesty, the girl It seemed the evening tide had washed the starfish changed what seemed an impossible situation into an on the shore, And the swift receding water left a thousand extremely advantageous one. there, or more. And this self-appointed savior, was trying Moral of the story: Most complex problems do have a one-by-one to toss them back into the sea, racing against solution. It is only that we don’t attempt to think differently in the sun that would surely kill them as the day grew warmer. I order to solve it. saw his plight was hopeless, that most of them would die. I called out from my private world, “ Hey kid, why Make a difference even try? There must be at least a thousand here. And even if you had the time, you won’t reach most of them Amidst the morning mist of the swift returning tide I before it gets too hot. You really think it makes a set out on my daily run, the sunlight shining bright. Lost difference, to waste your time this way?” within my private world, apart from cares and woes, I ran

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And then I paused and waited, just to hear what he we shall open this drum and decide how many honest people would say. He stooped and took another, and looked me in are there in this village and how many dishonest people.” the eye. “ It makes a difference to this one, sir. This starfish will not die!” With that, he tossed the little life back to Next day, one person got up, took a glass of milk and where there was hope. He then stooped to save another. I started to leave the house. His wife asked him why he was could tell this was no joke. carrying the milk. The person replied, “ Don’t you remember the village head asked us to pour a glass of milk in the Those few words that he spoke to me cut like a morning into the drum?” His wife laughed and said, surgeon’s knife. Where I saw only numbers, he saw only “ You life. He didn’t see the multitude of starfish on the sand. are too innocent. Does the old man^have a lactometer to He only saw the little life he held there in his hands. He check the purity of milk? There are 1,000 people in this didn’t stop to argue, to prove that he was right. He just village. Everybody is going to put one glass of milk, what kept tossing starfish in the sea with all his might. So I, will happen, if you put one glass of water? First, put the too stooped, and I picked up, and I tossed into the sea, milk back in the house and take this glass of water and and I thought, oh, what a difference that this one soul put it into the drum.” has made in me. The man, without question, took a glass of water and I come across many young men who keep justifying poured it into the drum. By evening, everyone assembled their failures. “ Don’t you know I am an intelligent, under the tree again. The village head opened the lid of hardworking, honest and loyal person? But the people around the drum...Can you guess what did the village head found in me are corrupt, inefficient and bad. If a person like me had the drum? been born in the USA or in Russia, I don’t know how successful I would have been. But, what to do? Postal mistake by God Obviously, it was full of water. How did the water come who was supposed to send me to USA but landed me in India into the drum? Simple. Everyone thought he was the only instead. How do you expect me to be successful in this person putting water into the drum and the rest would put country? Besides, if every body around me is corrupt, what milk into the drum. In the process, everybody ended up difference can I make if I am alone is honest?” putting water into the drum. I can only laugh at this. Is this how one can justify We too often think that our actions alone won’t make a failure? When I was a child, my grandfather used to tell me a difference. But the thing is that the world is made up of story. I think it apt to mention it here. individuals. And individual actions do have consequences. If all of us sit in the darkness and start crying, we won’t Once upon a time, a village head called all the achieve any thing. But if we light one matchstick, it will not villagers to meet under a tree. He said, “ Ladies and only give us light, but will also show light to the person gentlemen, I want to check how many honest people we standing next to us. Imagine if everyone around us lights a have in our village. We are all going to take a test. It is matchstick. Why, we might not even need the sun again. very simple; I am keeping a big drum here under this tree. The philosophy of life is also jUst as simple. We need to Tomorrow morning when you come here, I want each one think and contribute in this very direction. of you to put a glass of milk into this drum. In the evening,

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Never say die approach “ / have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people, and I can assure you that Our resolve may weaken at times, but that shouldn’t data processing is a fad that won’t last out the year.” force us to deviate from our efforts. According to Steve Case, “ / want to find people who have had to work hard The editor in charge of business books for Prentice Halt, and who have learned from their failures. Perseverance is 1957 no guarantee that you’ll succeed, but without it, it’s almost guaranteed that you won’t.” There is virtually no substitute “ But what ... is it good for?” for hard work. Charles Schwab once wrote, “ It doesn’t take Engineer at t he Advanced Computing Systems Division of big brains to succeed in business. I have always felt that IBM, commenting on the microchip, 1968. the surest way to qualify for the job just ahead is to work a little harder than anyone else on the job one is holding “ There is no reason anyone would want a computer in down.” their home.”

According to Helen Keller, “ I am only one, but still I am Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital one, I cannot do every thing, but I can do something; and Equipment Corp, 1977 just because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do something that I can do.” “ This ‘telephone’ has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is All of us are born for a reason, but all of us don’t inherently of no value to us.” discover it. Success in life has nothing to do with what you - Western Union internal memo, 1876 gain in life or accomplish for yourself. It is with what you do for others. “ The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in How can things change from impossible to possible? particular?” Take a look at some famous predictions: - David Sarnoff’s associates in response to his urgings for investment in the radio in the 1920s “ Computers in the future may weigh no more than 15 tons.” “ The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of to earn better than a C, the idea must be feasible.” science, 1949 -A Yale University management professor in response to Fred Smith’s paper proposing reliable overnight delivery “ / think there is a world market for maybe five computers.” service. (Smith went on to found Federal Express Corp.

Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943 “ Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?”

Harry M. Warner, Warner Brothers, 1927

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“ You want to have consistent and uniform muscle But none of these predictions came true because there development across all of your muscles? It can’t be done. are always some people in this world who specialise in doing It’s just a fact of life. You just have to accept inconsistent the “ impossible” . The world needs more such people. muscle development as an unalterable condition of weight training.” You must have seen fish jumping out of .water. Have you ever wondered why they jump? They are trying to Response to Arthur Jones, who solved the “ unsolvable” explore themselves and find out what is beyond the ocean. problem by inventing the Nautilus In the same sense we can explore ourselves. The present “ Drill for oil? You mean drill into the ground to try and human psychology is that we think more about others and find oil? You’re crazy.” are busy finding faults with others rather than doing any introspection. - Drillers who Edwin L. Drake tried to enlist to his project to drill for oil in 1859

” Stocks have reached what looks like a permanently high

plateau.”

- Irving Fisher, Professor of Economics, Yale University, 1929

“ Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value.”

- Marechal Ferdinand Foch, Professor of Strategy,

Ecole Superieure de Guerre.

“ Everything that can be invented has been invented.”

- Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, U.S. Office of Patents, 1899

“ Louis Pasteur’s theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.”

- Pierre Pachet, Professor of Physiology at Toulouse, 1872

“ The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon.”

- Sir John Eric Ericksen, British surgeon, appointed

Surgeon-Extraordinary to Queen,Victoria, 1873

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Don’t miss yourself! the other monkeys fall upon him and beat him senseless. He has no idea why. However, he no longer attempts to Ten students were crossing the river. After they crossed, climb the ladder. they wanted to carry out a check to see that every one had safely crossed the river. All of them came and stood in a A second original monkey is removed and replaced. single line. One person came out and started counting. He The newcomer again attempts to climb the ladder, but all could find only 9 people. All of them got upset, because the other monkeys hammer the crap out of him. This there was one less person. includes the previous new monkey - who is grateful that he’s not at the receiving end this time - and who does it Another person came out of the line and started because everybody else is doing so. However, he has no counting the rest of them in the line, He too could find idea why he’s attacking the new monkey. only nine people. They could not find the tenth person. They confirmed that tenth person might have got drowned. One by one, all the original monkeys are replaced. Eight new monkeys are now in the room. None of them At that time, a saint was passing by the side of the have ever been sprayed by ice water. None of them attempt river. He heard their problem and counted the people in to climb the ladder. But all of them will enthusiastically 9 the line. He then turned his finger towards the person beat up any new monkey who tries, without having any who was counting and arrived at a total of 10. He said idea why. that the tenth person was none other than the person who was counting the rest of them. One has to find Don’t be like those monkeys. Analyse your failure and oneself to know the real mystery of life. set about correcting it instead of joining the pack and saying something can’t be done. Do you really know the reason for your failure? How much is a miracle? Eight monkeys were locked in a room. In the middle of the room was a ladder leading to a bunch of bananas This story shows how you can be the maker of miracles. hanging from a hook on the ceiling. Each time a monkey A little girl, Minu, went to her bedroom and pulled tried to climb the ladder, all the monkeys are sprayed out a glass jar from its hiding place in the closet. She with ice water, which made them miserable. Soon enough, poured the change out on the floor and counted it carefully whenever a monkey attempted to climb the ladder, all of three times. The total had to be exactly perfect. No chance the other monkeys, not wanting to be sprayed, set upon here for mistakes. Carefully placing the coins back in the him and beat him up. Soon, none of the eight monkeys jar and twisting on the cap, she slipped out the back door wanted to climb the ladder. One of the original monkeys and made her way to the next street to Vinayaka Medical then removed, and a new monkey put in the room. Store. She waited patiently for the pharmacist to give her Seeing the bananas and the ladder, he wonders why some attention but he was too busy talking to someone. none of the other monkeys are doing the obvious, but, Minu twisted her feet to make a scuffing noise. undaunted, he immediately begins to climb the ladder. All Nothing. She cleared her throat with the most disgusting

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sound she could muster. No good. Finally, she took a coin from her jar and banged it on the glass counter. That did “ Well, what a coincidence,” smiled the man. “ Twenty- it! five rupees and fifty paise - the exact price of a miracle for little brothers.” “ And what do you want?” the pharmacist asked in an annoyed tone of voice. “ I’m talking to my brother from He took her money in one hand and with the other Hyderabad whom I haven’t seen in ages,” he said, without hand he grasped her hand and said: “ Take me to where waiting for a reply to his question. you live. I want to see your brother and meet your parents. Let’s see if I have the kind of miracle you need.” “ Well, I want to talk to you about my brother,” Minu answered back in the same annoyed tone. “ He’s really, really That well-dressed man was a surgeon, specializing in sick... and I want to buy a miracle.” neurosurgery. The operation was completed without charge and it wasn’t long before Siddhu was home again and “ I beg your pardon?” said the pharmacist. doing well. Mom and Dad were happily talking about the chain of events that had led them to this place. “ That “ His name is Siddhu and he has something bad growing surgery,” her Mom whispered. “ What a real miracle!! inside his head and my Daddy says only a miracle can save I wonder how much it would have cost?” him now. So how much does a miracle cost?” Minu smiled. She knew exactly how much a miracle “ We don’t sell miracles here, little girl. I’m sorry but cost: twenty-five rupees and fifty paise... plus the faith I can’t help you,” the pharmacist said, softening a little. of a little child.

“ Listen, I have the money to pay for it. If it isn’t A miracle is not the suspension of natural law, but the enough, I will get the rest. Just tell me how much it operation of a higher law. .. costs.” The pharmacist’s brother was a well-dressed man. He A day of ordinary miracles... stooped down and asked the little girl, “ What kind of a • A fresh pot of coffee you didn’t make yourself. miracle does your brother need?” • An unexpected phone call from an old friend. “ I don’t know,” Minu replied with her eyes welling up. “ I just know he’s really sick and Mommy says he needs • Green stoplights on your way to work or shop. an operation. But my Daddy can’t pay for it, so I want to • I wishyou a day of little things to rejoice in. use my money.” • The fastest line at the grocery store. “ How much do you have?” asked the man from Hyderabad. • A good sing along song on the radio. • Your keys right where you look. “ Twenty-five rupees and fifty paise,” Minu answered in a whisper. “ And it’s all the money I have, but I can get some more if I need to.”

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I wish you a day of happiness and perfection. I wish you “ I’m sorry, all of our angels are busy helping other little bite-size pieces of perfection that give you the funny sinners right now. However, your prayer is important to us feeling that the Lord is smiling on you, holding you so gently and will be answered in the order it as received, so please because you are someone special and rare. I wish you a day of stay on the line.” peace, happiness and joy. Can you imagine getting these kinds of responses as If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can you call God in prayer: say to this mountain, “ move from here to there” and it “ If you would like to speak to Ganeshji, Press 1. For will move. Nothing will be impossible to you. Lord Hanuman, Press 2. For Lord Krishna, “ sorry” , He is on

annual leave! For a directory of other Gods & Angels, press You can paint a picture of God 3. If you would like to hear Narad sing a bhajan while you A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom are holding, please press 4. To find out if a loved one has of children while they drew. She would occasionally walk been assigned to Heaven, press 5, enter his or her PAN around to see each child’s work. As she got to one little number, then press the 0 key. If you get a negative response, girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing try area code 420(for Hell).” was? The girl replied, “ I’m drawing Cod.” The Or that irritating message: “ Our computers show that teacher paused and said, “ But no one knows what God you have already prayed once today. Please hang up and looks like.” Without missing a beat, or looking up from try again tomorrow. This office is closed for the weekend her drawing, the girl replied, “ They will in a minute.” to observe a religious holiday. Please pray again on Monday This is the confidence and belief one needs to have in after 9:30 am. If you need emergency assistance when oneself. Be spiritually inclined to find solutions for problems. this office is closed, contact the priest at your neighbourhood temple.” If God had voice mail Now, don’t you want to say, ‘Thank God, He doesn’t We have all learned to live with “ voice mail” as have voice mail and listens to us whenever we pray” ? a necessary part of modern life. Some even consider it a blessing. But have you wondered, what if God decided to An atheist professor install voicemail?” An atheist professor of philosophy speaks to his class on Imagine praying and hearing this: the problem science has with God, The Almighty. He asks one of his new Muslim students to stand up. Welcome to Heaven. Thank you for calling GOD. Please Professor: You are a Muslim, aren’t you, son? select one of the following options: Press 1 for Requests, Press 2 for Thanksgiving, Press 3 for Complaints, Press 4 Student: Yes, sir. for All Other Inquiries. Or else wait for our Support Angels. Prof: So you believe in God? What if God used this familiar excuse? Student: : Absolutely, sir.

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Professor: Is God good? Student: : Sure. Student: Yes, sir. Professor: Is God all-powerful? Professor: So, who created them? Student: Yes. (The student has no answer.) Professor: My brother died of cancer even though he Professor: Science says you have five senses you use to prayed to God to heal him. Most of us would attempt to identify and observe the world around you. Tell me, help others who are ill. But God didn’t. How is this God son...Have you ever seen God? good then? Student: No, sir. Professor: Tell us if you have ever heard your God? (The student stays silent.) Student: No, sir. Professor: Vou can’t answer, can you? Let’s start again, Professor: Have you ever felt your God, tasted your young fellow. Is God good? God, smelt your God? Have you ever had any sensory perception of God for that matter? Student: Yes. Professor: Is Satan good? Student: No, sir. I’m afraid I haven’t.

Student: No. Professor: Yet you still believe in Him?

Professor: Where does Satan come from? Student: Yes. Student: From...God? Professor: According to empirical, testable, Professor: That’s right. Tell me son, is there evil in demonstrable protocol, science says your GOD doesn’t exist. this world? What do you say to that, son? Student: Nothing. I only have my faith. Student: Yes. Professor: Yes. Faith. And that is the problem science Professor: Evil is everywhere, isn’t it? And God did make everything. Correct? has. Student: Professor, is there such a thing as heat? Student: Yes. Professor: Yes. Professor: So who created evil? Student: And is there such a thing as cold? Professor: Yes. (The student does not answer.) Student: No sir. There isn’t. Professor: Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? (The lecture hall becomes very quiet with this turn of Ugliness? All these terrible things exist in the world, don’t events.) they?

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Student: Sir, you can have lots of heat, even more Professor: If you are Ifreferring to the natural heat, superheat, mega heat, white heat, a little heat or evolutionary process, yes, of course, I do. no heat. But we don’t have anything called cold. We can Student: Have you ever observed evolution with your hit 458 degrees below zero, which is no heat, but we own eyes, sir? can’t go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold. Cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of (The Professor shakes his head with a smile, beginning heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat is energy. Cold is not to realize where the argument is going.) the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it. (There is Student: Since no one has ever observed the process pin-drop silence in the lecture hall.) of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process Student: What about darkness, Professor? Is there such a is an on-going endeavour, are you not teaching your thing as darkness? opinion, sir? Are you not a scientist but a preacher? Professor: Yes. What is night if there isn’t darkness? (The class is in uproar.)

Student: You’re wrong again, sir. Darkness is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light....But if you have no light constantly, you have nothing and it’s called darkness, isn’t it? In reality, darkness isn’t. If it were you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn’t you?

Professor: So what is the point you are making, young man?

Student: Sir, my point is that your philosophical premise is flawed.

Professor: Flawed? Can you explain how?

Student: Sir, you are working on the premise of duality. You argue there is life and then there is death, a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, science can’t even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life: just the absence of it. Now tell me, Professor. Do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?

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Thus, he gave the man the impression that the task Student: Is there anyone in the class who has ever was impossible and that he was a failure. These thoughts seen the Professor’s brain? discouraged and disheartened the man. Satan said, “ Why kill yourself over this? Just put in your time, giving just (The class breaks out into laughter.) the minimum effort, and that will be good enough.” That’s Student: Is there anyone here who has ever heard the what the weary man planned to do, but decided to make it Professor’s brain, felt it, touched or smelt it?.. No one a matter of prayer and to take his troubled thoughts to appears to have done so.. So, according to the established the Lord. rules of empirical, stable, demonstrablejjrotocol, science “ Lord,” he said, “ I have laboured long and hard says that you have no brain, sir. With all due respect, sir, in how do we then trust your lectures, sir? your service, putting all my strength to do that which you have asked. Yet, after all this time, I have not even budged (The room is silent. The professor stares at the student, that rock by half a millimeter. What is wrong? Why am I his face unfathomable.) failing?” The Lord responded compassionately, “ My friend, when Professor: / guess you’ll have to take them on faith, I asked you to serve Me and you accepted, I told you that son. your task was to push against the rock with all of your strength, which you have done. Never once did I Student: That is it sir. The link between man Et God mention to you that I expected you to move it. Your task is FAITH. That is all that keeps things moving & alive. was to push. And now you come to me with your strength spent, thinking that you have failed. Is that really so? P.U.S.H. Look at yourself. Your arms are.strong and muscled, your A man was sleeping at night in his cabin when back sinewy and brown; your hands are callused from suddenly his room filled with light and God appeared. The constant pressure, your legs have become massive and hard. Lord told the man He had work for him to do and showed Through opposition you have grown much, and your abilities him a large rock in front of his cabin. The Lord explained “ now surpass that which you used to have. True, you haven’t that the man was to push against the rock with all his moved the rock. But your calling was to be obedient and might. So, this the man did, day after day. For many years to push and to exercise your faith and trust in my he toiled from sun up to sun down, his shoulders set squarely wisdom. That you have done. Now I, my friend, will move against the cold, massive surface of the unmoving rock, the rock.” pushing with all of his might. Each night the man returned At times, when we hear a word from God, we tend to to his cabin sore and worn out, feeling that his whole day use our own intellect to decipher what He wants, when had been spent in vain. actually what God wants is just a simple obedience and faith in Him. By all means, exercise the faith that moves Since the man was showing discouragement, the mountains, but know that it is still God who moves mountains. Adversary (Satan), decided to enter the picture by placing When everything seems to go wrong...just PUSH! When thoughts into the weary mind: “ You have been pushing the job gets you down... just PU SH.! When people don’t against that rock for a long time, and it hasn’t moved.”

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I asked God react the way you think they should, just PUSH. When your money is “ gone” and the bills are due... just PUSH! / asked God to take away my pain. When people just don’t understand you... just PUSH. God said, No. P = Pray It is not for me to take away, but for you to give it up. I U = Until asked God to make my handicapped child whole. God said, No. Her spirit is whole, her body is only S = Something temporary. H = Happens I asked God to grant me patience. As we all know, life is full of challenges. Nobody is God said, No. Patience is a by-product of tribulations, itisn’t granted, it is earned. excluded from this. But, challenges make us stronger if we take them positively. All successful people go through I asked God to give me happiness. hurdles after hurdles before they achieve greatness. The God said, No. I give you blessings. Happiness is up to you. I difference between failure and success is persistence. Hence, asked God to spare me from suffering. whatever adversities you are facing now, your life must go God said, No. Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares and on. You were born to succeed. brings you closer to me. I believe that successful people are those who I asked God to make my spirit grow. continuously work diligently and so are determined to get God said, No. You must grow on your own, but I will prune you to whatever they need, want or aspire to be, despite the make you fruitful. obstacles, hurdles, challenges, and failures in the process I asked for all things that I might enjoy life. and that because of these philosophies, they get whatever God said, No. I will give you life so that you may enjoy all they want, most of the time. things. You have three decisions that determine your destiny. I ask God to help me love others, as much as he loves me. ❑ What to focus on. God said... Ahhhh, finally you have the idea ❑ What things mean to you. Why did the God do this to me? ❑ What to do to create the results you desire. Sometimes we wonder, “ What did I do to deserve this?” or “ Why did God have to do this to me?” Here is a That’s what you did in the past, and that’s what got wonderful explanation! you where you are now. A daughter is telling her Mother how everything is going wrong, she’s failing algebra, her boyfriend broke But guess what? Your past is NOT your future. Your up with her and her best friend is moving away. Meanwhile, present IS. What are you presently focusing on? What do her Mother is baking a cake and asks her daughter if she things mean to you right now? What are you going to do to would like a snack, and the daughter says, “ Absolutely create the results you desire? Mom, I love your cake.” Life will never be the same again 229 Life will never be the same again 230

“ Here, have some cooking oil,” her Mother offers. to her son as loudly as she could. Hearing her voice, the “ Yuck,” says her daughter. little boy became alarmed and made a U-turn to swim to his mother. It was too late. “ How about a couple raw eggs?” Just as he reached her, the alligator reached him. “ Gross, Mom!” From the dock, the mother grabbed her little boy by the arms just as the alligator snatched his legs. That began “ Would you like some flour then? Or maybe baking soda?” an incredible tug-of-war between the two. The alligator was much stronger than the mother, but the mother was “ Mom, those are all yucky!” much too passionate to let go. A farmer happened to drive by, heard her screams, raced from his truck, took aim and To which the Mother replies: “ Yes, all those things shot the alligator. seem bad all by themselves. But when they are put together in the right way, they make a wonderfully delicious cake! Remarkably, after weeks and weeks in the hospital, God works the same way. Many times we wonder why He the little boy survived. His legs were extremely scarred by would let us go through such bad and difficult times. But the vicious attack of the animal. And, on his arms, were God knows that when He puts these things all in His order, deep scratches where his mother’s fingernails dug into his they always work for good! We just have to trust Him and, flesh in her effort to hang on to the son she loved. The eventually, they will all make something wonderful!” newspaper reporter who interviewed the boy after the trauma asked if he would show him his scars. The boy God is crazy about you. He sends you flowers every lifted his pant legs. And then, with obvious pride, he said spring and a sunrise every morning. Whenever you want to to the reporter, “ But look at my arms. I have great scars on talk, He’ll listen. He can live anywhere in the universe, and my arms, too. I have them because my Mom wouldn’t let He chose your heart. go.”

You and I can identify with that little boy. We have Mother’s love scars too. No not from an alligator, but the scars of a painful Some years ago, on a hot summer day in south Florida, a past. Some of those scars are unsightly and have caused us little boy decided to go for a swim in the old swimming deep regret. But some wounds, my friend, are because God hole behind his house. In a hurry to dive into the cool refused to let go. In the midst of your struggle, He’s been water, he ran out the back door, leaving behind shoes, there holding on to you. But sometimes we foolishly wade socks and shirt as he went. He flew into the water, not into dangerous situations, not knowing what lies ahead. The realizing that as he swam toward the middle of the lake, swimming hole of life is filled with peril - and we forget that an alligator was swimming toward the shore. the enemy is waiting to attack. That’s when the tug-of-war begins - and if you have the scars of His love on your arms His mother was in the house and looking out the be very, very grateful. He did not, and will not, ever let window and saw the two as they got closer and closer you go. together. In utter fear, she ran toward the water, yelling

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God has blessed you, so that you can be a blessing to others. You just never know where a person is in his/her life and what they are going through. Never judge another 12 person’s scars because you don’t know how they got them. Evaluate Your Success The chief cause of failure and unhappiness is trading what you want most for what you want now. The Success Evaiuator is a series of thought provoking questions to get you to think about your life. Its purpose is to make sure that you keep on track in your quest for a successful life. It is recommended that you complete this

several times throughout the year at predetermined times

i.e. the last day of every quarter, etc. Even schedule it into

your diary.

The questions are in no particular order; they are simply there to get you to think. If you have wavered at any stage and drifted back into those comfort zones, the success evaiuator will make sure that you get back on the road to the success that you long for.

The success evaiuator

The heights by great men reached and kept

Were not attained by sudden flight,

But they while their companions’ slept,

Were toiling upwards in the night.

- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Some one once said, “ No one ever finds life worth living. One has to go out and make it worth living.”

Answer the following questions:

• Are you happy? YES/NO • List your achievements during the last one year.

• What are you good at?

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• What are your development areas/weaknesses? Include as many as you like but make sure that you put a plan of action for those areas that I have mentioned. • Are you currently earning the income that you desire?YES/NO Then, set a deadline to revisit the evaiuator and take what you have written down today and chart your progress. IF NO, WHAT IS STOPPING YOU? The sweet taste of success • Have you been setting yourself goals to accomplish? Once a little fox found a bunch of grapes on a vine. YES/NO Being hungry, he tried jumping to get to them, but they IF NO, WHY? were out of his reach. Frustrated, he concluded they were • Are you confident? YES/NO sour anyway. IF NO, WHAT WOULD GIVE YOU MORE CONFIDENCE? In the evening when his friends asked where he has been, he told them that he had found a vine of grapes but • Write down all of the things that you would like to they were sour and hence he had not bothered. While his achieve and own friends nodded in agreement, his grandpa, also listening • What are you currently doing in order to achieve to his story, did not. In the night he summoned the hungry the above? young fox, “ Son, I see your ego has been fulfilled, but your desire is still unfulfilled. This is not a bad state: go • Do you give up easily? again tomorrow but this time; satisfy your desire, not your ego. The trick, young one, is not to just try and try YES/NO again, but if at first you don’t succeed, try again, but try IF YES, WHY? differently!

• What type of attitude do you feel will give you the The young cub followed the fox’s advice and set out best chance of obtaining success? again. This time he tried other means, and after considerable effort he got a few! • And the worst? “ Grandpa,” he reported later, “ They are the sweetest grapes I have ever eaten. Tomorrow I shall go • Are you standing out from the crowd? YES/NO again and get the whole bunch.” His grandfather Now take what you have learned from these questions, just smiled. Motivation does not come from making a task take an hour out of your day and list all of the things that easier, but from the sweat spent in making the result sweet. you are going to do to overcome the limitations. You never get what you expect, Include goals, your attitude, your time, your money, Only what you inspect with respect. work, pleasure, family life, possessions and challenges.

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Leadership from within starts with these questions: Choices you make Here is a tale a friend of mine told me. Where am I now (in terms of my life, career, fulfilment)? Jerry was the kind of guy you love to hate. He was always in a good mood and always had something positive Where do I want to be? to say. When someone would ask him how he was doing, It becomes real by taking action - to move from where he would reply, “ If I were any better, I would be twins!” we are now to where we want to be. He was a unique manager because he had several waiters who had followed him around from restaurant to restaurant. But life is not fair, and we are not perfect. We don’t The reason the waiters followed Jerry was because of his reach goals instantaneously. Success may take many weeks, attitude. He was a natural motivator. If an employee was months, or years to achieve, if it comes at all. So how do having a bad day, Jerry was there telling the employee you know if you are making progress? And how will you how to look on at the positive side of the situation. Seeing know when you achieve success? this style really made me curious, so one day I went up to Jerry and asked him, “ I don’t get it! You can’t be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?” Jerry replied, “ Each morning I wake up and say to myself, Jerry, you have two choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood or you can choose to be in a bad mood. I choose to be in a good mood. Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or I can choose to learn from it. I choose to learn from it. Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or I can point out the positive side of life. I choose to point out the positive side of life.” “ Yeah, right, it’s not that easy,” I protested. “ Yes it is,” Jerry said. “ Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice. You choose how you react to situations. You choose how people will affect your mood. You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood. The bottom line: It’s your choice how you live life.” I reflected on what Jerry said. Soon thereafter, I left the restaurant industry to start my own business. We lost If my mind can conceive it, and my heart can

believe it, I know I can achieve it. — Rev. Jesse Jackson

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/ declined to see his wounds, but did ask him what touch, but I often thought about him when I made a choice had gone through his mind as the robbery took place. about life instead of reacting to it. Several years later, I “ The first thing that went through my mind was that I heard that Jerry did something you were never supposed should have locked the back door,” Jerry replied. to do in a restaurant business: he left the back door open “ Then, one morning and was held up at gunpoint by three armed as I lay on the floor, I remembered that I had two choices: robbers. While trying to open the safe, his hand, shaking I could choose to live, or I could choose to die. I chose to from nervousness, slipped off the combination. The robber? live.” panicked and shot him. Luckily, Jerry was found relatively “ Weren’t you scared? Did you lose consciousness?” quickly and rushed to the local trauma centre. After 18 I asked. Jerry continued, “ The paramedics were great. hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, Jerry was They kept telling me I was going to be fine. But when released from the hospital with fragments of the bullets they wheeled me into the emergency room and I saw still in his body. I saw Jerry about six months after the the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I accident. When I asked him how he was, he replied, “ If I got really scared. In their eyes, I read, ‘He’s a dead were any better, I’d be twins. Want to see my scars?” man.’ I knew I needed to take action.”

“ What did you do?” I asked.

“ Well, there was a big, burly nurse shouting questions at me,” said Jerry. “ She asked if I was allergic to anything. ‘Yes,’ I replied. The doctors and nurses stopped working as they v/aited for my reply. I took a deep breath and yelled, ‘Bullets!’ Over their laughter, I told them, 7 am choosing to live. Operate on me as if I am alive, not dead.”

Jerry lived, thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude. I learned from him that

every day we have the choice to live fully. Attitude, after all, is everything.

To achieve your dreams remember your ABCs Avoid negative sources, people, places, things and habits.

Believe in yourself. Consider things from every angle. Don’t give up and don’t give in. Enjoy life today, yesterday is

gone, tomorrow may never come. Family and friends are hidden treasures, seek them and enjoy their riches. Give more than you planned to.

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Hang on to your dreams. Ignore those who try to A whole stream of events issues from the decision, discourage you. Just do it. Keep trying, no matter how raising in one’s favour all manners of unforeseen hard it seems. It will get easier. Love yourself first and incidents and meetings and material assistance which no most. Make it happen. Never lie, cheat or steal, always one would have dreamt would come his way. strike a fair deal. Open your eyes and see things as they Whatever you can do or dream you can do, begin it. really are. Practice makes perfect. Quitters never win and winners never quit. Read, study and learn about everything Boldness has genius, power and magic. important in your life. Begin it now. Stop procrastinating. Take control of your own destiny. - W.H. Murray, in The Scottish Himalayan Understand yourself in order to better understand others. Expedition Visualize it. Want it more than anything. Accelerate your efforts. You are unique of all God’s creations, nothing can replace YOU. Zero in on your target and go for it!

Live each day as you would climb a mountain. An occasional glance toward the summit keeps the goal in mind, but many beautiful scenes are to be observed from each new vantage point. Climb slowly, steadily; enjoying each passing moment; and the view from the summit will serve 126 as a fitting climax for the journey

Commitment

Mahatma Gandhi, Nelson Mandela, Abraham Lincoln, Bill Gates, Stephen Hawking, Florence Nightingale. Do you think they are simply names? Yes, they are. But not only that: these names are synonymous with commitment.

Until one is committed there is hesitancy and the chance to draw back. As far as acts of initiative and creation are concerned, there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans:

That the moment one definitely commits oneself

then providence moves too.

All sorts of things occur that would never otherwise have occurred.

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One degree can make a difference Are you a deer or a lion? Let us take some water and heat it to 100 degrees Every day, the lion gets up from its sleep and has to Centigrade of temperature. We call this water as boiling hunt for food. If it has to find food, it has to run much water. If we heat the water by one more degree, this faster than the slowest deer. Similarly, every morning, a boiling water turns to steam. Though the difference in the deer gets up from its sleep and knows that it has to run temperature is only one degree, the outpu*: of the boiling much fascer than the fastest lion to survive. Often, a deer water and steam is vastly different. The great work that manages to run just that much faster so that it can escape the steam can do is phenomenal. Remember, a tittle can go from the lion’s clutches. The reason is very simple, the lion a long way. is running for its food but the deer is running for its life.

What are you running for? Do you want to become a Burn your bridges deer or a lion? Human psychology is such that we don’t go all out to achieve anything as long as we have some other alternative Is the bird alive or dead? or an escape route. During the Vietnam War, in spite of the US possessing massive advanced weapons and sophisticated One day, a village head requested a saint to come and army, it could not win. Vietnam, with few soldiers, gave stay for a while in the village. The village head said that the USA tough fight. he had noticed their youngsters getting addicted to smoking, drinking and gambling. He also felt that the If is very interesting to see the leadership strategy of values and ethics in the village were dying away. He the Vietnamese Army commanders. Every time the requested the saint to speak to his villagers and give Vietnamese army crossed a bridge, the commander used to discourses from the Bhagavad Gita and the Ramayana so order the last soldier to blow up the bridge. When the soldiers that his villagers would come back to the right path. wondered as to why the bridge was blown up, and how they The saint stayed on a few months and during his stay, would go back, the Army commander’s message was clear, many villagers gave up their bad habits and started to “ We are not going back. Either we face the US Army, kill lead good lives. But some miscreants in the village were them and proceed ahead, or we get killed by them.” upset with this. They hired a ruffian to drive the saint out What do you think the Vietnamese soldiers chose? They of the village. The ruffian thought of a plan and approached chose to go ahead, because they had burnt their bridges. the saint, when he was giving a discourse to the villagers. The only way was forward. The US Army had the option of He said, “ Swamiji, i have a bird in my fist. Since you know going back and didn’t have a cause to fight for. Eventually, the past, present and also what is going to happen in the they lost the war. future, please tell me if this bird is alive or dead.” The saint understood the question. If he said the bird Similarly we need to burn our bridges sometimes to get was alive, the ruffian would kill the bird in his fist. If he ahead, The “ Do or Die” mantra helps us excel many times. said the bird was dead, the ruffian would let the bird fly to freedom and prove him wrong anyway.

Life will never be the same again 244 Life will never be the same again 245 Life will never be the same again

What do you think the saint said? A Final Word The saint thought for a moment and said, “ Son, It’s not what you whether the bird is alive or dead is in your hands.” know, It’s what you are doing With what Similarly, whether we let go of what we learn or we kill you know. our knowledge is also in our own hands. That is the power I believe that the past was perfect to bring you to of choices we make. Do we make use of every moment, where you are right now. The future will be determined by every second, every opportunity that comes our way or do the choices you make now. When you take responsibility, we just let go of it? set goals, and work with what you have, you will be more

likely to succeed.

Many people live their lives wishing they could do more or have more, but not achieving it. Others achieve extraordinary results climbing the ladder of success - only to find that the ladder was leaning against the wrong building. So are goals and results really that useful?

I do not know for sure. I can only comment on my own

life, and those I have observed. In my opinion, goals and achievements are an important part of life. I know my life

has been richer because of them. I think it is better to climb any ladder - even if it’s the wrong one- than not to climb at all. They key is to check your progress and results

along the way. If you do, you will see when you are on the wrong ladder!

Remember that there are two sides to the results - inner and outer. The inner results are the feelings and

thoughts. The outer results are material things, conditions and relationships. To make real progress, you have to check both. It does not make sense to have all the money in the

world and no personal enjoyment. Nor does it make sense to be frustrated because of lack of money or success. Hence,

don’t wait for the perfect ladder or the perfect building. You will never find it. You will never make progress or create

what you want in your life. Look for the ladder closest to

Life will never be the same again 246 Life will never be the same again 247

you now and start to climb it. Check your results. Change Former US President Dwight Eisenhower said, ladders, or buildings, if need to. The fact is, we all need to “ Motivation is the art of getting people to do what you adjust things at some time or another. want them to do because they want to do it.”

There is no ladder to happiness. Happiness comes in Do your best climbing the ladder. Getting there is half the fun. When you make the commitment to be the best you One participant in my training programme once said, can be, you will have contentment, happiness, and peace of “ For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to mind that will enable you to approach life in a more effective begin - real life. But there was always some obstacle in the manner. When you reach the point where you know who way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished you are and where you are, you will have nothing to prove. business, time still to be served, or a debt to be paid. Then This gives you the freedom to give life your best shot and to life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles be at peace with yourself and with the results. You will were my life.” This perspective has helped me to see that know that you’re doing the best you can with what you there is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way. have and that you’re following the moral, ethical absolutes we have invoked. You will be comfortable with the knowledge So treasure every moment that you have and treasure that you are doing all that you, God, or any man can possibly it more because you shared it with someone special. The ask of you. That’s not only success - it’s living over the top, biggest room in the world is the room for self-improvement. and it means you will finish well. There is a large gap between what you are and what you Success is to have left the world you entered, a wee bit can be. Don’t expect things to be easier, or wish that you better, through a healthy child or a garden patch or a could have been better. redeemed social condition. Success is to have played a game Millions of creatures have come into this world and a of life with gust, and not necessarily to have won!! similar number have left it. The question is how many of Success is to have contributed!!! them have made a mark for themselves in spite of their physical presence? Pandit Jawaharlal Nehru inspires me. On Character gets you out of bed; Commitment moves his table, under the glass, he always kept the famous poem you to action. Faith, Hope and Discipline enable you to follow by Robert Frost, Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening, through to completion. because it so well reflected his sense of duty or dharma. I am sure that as you come to the end of this book; you The most relevant lines of the poem are: have got lot of insights in to yourself and identified the The woods are lovely, dark and deep, areas to change. The key is to sustain these changes. If you But I have promises to keep, do that on a continued basis, I am sure...

And miles to go before I sleep, Life Will Never Be The Same Again!!!

And miles to go before I sleep.

Life will never be the same again 248 Life will never be the same again 249

Squadron Leader Jayasimha Through his innovative Memory Techniques he had trained more than 2,90,000 Students/ Teachers/Professionals and House

wives on memory and soft skills in India and abroad.

Squadron Leader Jayasimha is the India’s leading trainer in He had featured in “Fear Factor Extreme – Khatron ki Kiladi” Memory and Soft skills. He is the only Indian to hold maximum (Reality TV Show on Colours TV channel) at South Africa with Guinness Records in the world. He has 21 years of rich actors Akshay Kumar and Puja Bedi. He had also acted in a experience in the field of Education, Training and Development Telugu Films, “Broker”, “Billa – Ranga” and “Happy Days in the Indian Air Force. Returns”. He had featured in many Television Channels and in various Newspaper articles. He had won, “Sword of Honour” from President Sri R Venkat Raman for standing first in the Pilots’ Training at Air Force He is a specialist in outbound/ team building programs – the Academy. He had received many Awards / Medals including showcasing of which was seen on the TV reality show, “Champion “Chief of Air Staff Commendation” for his exemplary service in of Champions” on NTV and Vanita Channel. the Indian Air Force. He is also the Graduate of Prestigious “Defence Services Staff College (DSSC)”, Wellington. He is the founder president of Vision Toastmasters in Hyderabad. Holds the Guinness World Record for remembering 200 random objects, doubling the then existing record on 28 Dec 2005. He Presently the Managing Director of Jayasimha Mind Dynamics, had entered into Guinness Records for the second time for Hyderabad, which is lecturing non-stop for 120 hours on personality development India’s Premier Training Outfit conducting soft skills programs concepts from 23 to 28 March 2007. The third record in Photo /motivational seminars/ Memory training / outbound activities Flash Memory was for recollecting 20 names and dates of birth in India and abroad. in two minutes on 27 Jan 2008. The fourth record was for typing English Alphabet in just 5.03 seconds, showcasing the brain and finger movement co-ordination on 22 July 2010. He had made another Guinness World Record for giving 2436 Hugs in one hour on 29 Sep 2012.

He is presently the Chairman of National Memory Council of India (NMCI). He had been conducting National Memory Championships every year in India so as to showcase India’s brain power to the world and also to encourage raw talent. Education Qualifications * “Life Will Never be the Same Again” – A self improvement book

• M B A (HR) * “Asadhyam Nunch Sadhyaniki (Impossible to Possible – in Telugu) – a book in Telugu • M S in Counseling & Psychotherapy to enhance personal excellence

• M Sc (Applied Psychology) * “Get That Dream Job” – a practical guide to writing resumes, • M Sc (Mathematics) attending Interviews

• M Sc (Defence & Strategic Analysis) & Group Discussions

• M Stats (from ISI Calcutta) * “Simply the Best” Book on Self Esteem and enhancing self

• ACS confidence

• AMIE (Mechanical Engineering) * “Man – Woman Magic” Book on husband – wife relationships

• B Ed * “Mom & Dad”, a book on art of parenting. • Diplomas - Training and Development (ISTD), Leadership and Behavioral Sciences, Customs and Central Excise. Address for Communication

• PG Diploma in International Business Operations Squadron Leader Jayasimha Author: Managing Director - Jayasimha Mind Dynamics 309.Jalavayu vihar, AFNHB, Kukatpally * “Train Your Brain” - #1 Bestselling book on Memory and study Hyderabad – 500 072 (Andhra Pradesh) Tele: 98660 18989 skills for students E-mail : [email protected] ; Website: www.jayasimha.in