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ALL the PLACE YOU've GOT by Caryn Suhr a Thesis Submitted To

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$//7+(3/$&(<28¶9(*27 by Caryn Suhr A Thesis Submitted to the Faculty of The Dorothy F. Schmidt College of Arts and Letters in Partial Fulfillment of the Requirements for the Degree of Master of Fine Arts Florida Atlantic University Boca Raton, Florida May 2014 ABSTRACT Author: Caryn Suhr Title: AlOWKH3ODFH<RX¶YH*RW Institution: Florida Atlantic University Thesis Advisor: A. Papatya Bucak Degree: Master of Fine Arts Year: 2014 $OOWKH3ODFH<RX¶YH*RW is a collection of short stories inspired by and set in the DXWKRU¶VKRPHWRZQRI:DUQHU5RELQV*HRUJLDThis is a work of fiction. Names, places, RFFXUUHQFHVDQGFKDUDFWHUVDUHHLWKHUDSURGXFWRIWKHDXWKRU¶VLPDJLQDWLRQRUXVHGLQD fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental. The title is a partial quote of dialogue stated by Hazel Motes, the protagonist of )ODQQHU\2¶&RQQRU¶V first novel Wise Blood7KHIXOOTXRWHUHDGV³,Q\RXUVHOIULJKWQRZLVDOOWKHSODFH\RX¶YHJRW´7his FROOHFWLRQRIVWRULHVZDVEXLOWDVDGLUHFWDQWLWKHWLFDOUHVSRQVHWR2¶&RQQRU¶V representation of dialogic salvation and visions of the divine, a central concern, stemming from dedicated Catholic belief, of her body of work. iii $//7+(3/$&(<28¶9(*27 E.D.I.M.G.I.A.F.A.D. ..........................................................................................................1 And Many Sons Had Father Abraham ...............................................................................35 Votum Separatum: The Firstborn Wears the Crown .........................................................53 Throw Down Yer Heart .....................................................................................................56 Big Man, Upstairs ..............................................................................................................71 Vox Populi: Becoming the Leatherman ...........................................................................102 Gather Up the Fragments .................................................................................................104 The Ballad of Collie Hatchett ..........................................................................................122 King Frog .........................................................................................................................130 A Defense on Writing What, Who, and Where You Know .............................................138 iv E.D.I.M.G.I.A.F.A.D. or Every Day in Middle Georgia is a Fucking Amazing Day Spacewise, speaking in terms of tangible spans of land but also as in general emptiness, cruising in what most would consider a forward direction at a Southerly angle, there were eighty or ninety-so miles between our shiftless current hurtling location and WKHSODFHZKHUH,¶GILUVWNQRZQWKHDEVROXWHWUXWKPRUHFHUWDLQWKDQP\EHOLHILQDQ\ preset alarum to maternalism from a so-called biological clock or time bomb, that we would be stopped before and between, in limbo of our predetermined destination deemed ³7KH+DSSLHVW3ODFHRQ(DUWK´)URPWKHSDVVHQJHUVLGHWKHSODFH,KDWHWRULGHGLVWDQFH was and is time, though I could not make an educated guess to equalize the two into a unified wave of the hand and was only aware of the former due, not to exercise of my RZQKRQHGRULQQDWHVNLOODWNQRZLQJKRZIDU\RX¶YHUHPRYHG\RXUVHOIIURPWKHODVW place you remember most, like a streetless forest wanderer who says unsaid to the trees, ,¶YHNQRZQWKLVSDWFK RIPRVVZKLFKPHDQV,¶YHZDONHGWKHFLUFXPIHUHQFHRIP\(DUWK. In that sense of lumberjack-OLNHDZDUHQHVV,¶PLQFDSDEOHRIHYHQUHPHPEHULQJ how many stumbled steps lie between my mattress fortress and chilly porcelain bladder release. But I did know roXJKO\KRZIDU\HWQRWKRZORQJFORFNZLVHZH¶GPRYHG onward through the sheer will of my forcibly, though not uncomfortably so, singular focal energy on the noticing and notation of each green and white number marking civilized distance in miles along I-75. A task which I, whether captain or co-pilot, often self-employed my idled mind in a, recognizably futile though habitually harmless, effort 1 to make something more of what lies between Here and There. Here, currently a spot in flux, though contained by the pine-needle green Jeep Wrangler, a finicky, spoiled secondhand-smoked vehicle gifted by my widowed mother on her discovery of the marriage license, obtained in secret and costumed separately as Socrates and Jerry Garcia after escaping a stagnant Halloween party put on and attended mostly by couples who wanted and needed other couples to hold up a mirror to reveal the love they believed they radiated and exacerbated in mutual pairings of Kermit and Miss Piggy, Ketchup and Mustard, and, the only admirable pairing of Van Gogh and his dispossessed ear, though I assumed and was correct in doing so that that couple would be GLYRUFHGZLWKLQWKH\HDU$QG7KHUHWKHYDFDWLRQGHVWLQDWLRQ,¶GVHHQRQFHDVDFKLOGRI an unremembered age though I knew when we arrivHGLWZRXOGEHDVLI,¶GQHYHUEHHQ there before, a panhandled place of colorful mirth chosen democratically by a familial YRWHRIWKUHHWRRQHWKHRQHZLVKLQJZH¶GVSHQGDZHHNHQGDPRQJXQZDVKHGDWWHQGHHV of a festival where I was told there would be music. ,WZDVWKH-HHSDV,PHQWLRQ,¶GNQRZQEXWQRWWROGWKDWZRXOGVHOHFWVRPHWKHUH for us to scratch our heads and wonder where was the there we were, because it was in a state of well-maintained malfunction, like an over-DJHGKXPDQZKRFRXOGQ¶WGHFLGH between a languageless, ignoble descent into elderly infancy or death, the easy way. Though I admit I admired the color of our transportation, which I was permitted to, vaguely, select when one day my mother phoned me and said in her firm, uninterpretable PDQQHU³,GRZLVK,¶GEHHQWKHUHIRUWKHFHUHPRQ\LIWKDW¶VZKDWWKH\ FDOOLWDWWKHFRXUWKRXVH,ZDVZRQGHULQJZKDW\RXUIDYRULWHFRORULV<RXNQRZ,GRQ¶W 2 WKLQN,¶YHHYHUNQRZQWKDWEXW,PXVW¶YHDVNHG\RXDWKRXVDQGWLPHVEHIRUH7KHUH¶VQR way a PRWKHUFRXOGQRWNQRZKHUGDXJKWHU¶VIDYRULWHFRORUDQGVLQFH,NQRZ,¶GQHYHU forget to ask such an important question, it must be unknown because you never told me, Penelope. Is that man, I mean, your husband, still calling you that name? Oh what is it? 2K\HV3HQOLNH\RX¶UHVRPHZULWLQJLQVWUXPHQWDQGQRWDZRPDQ´ ³2UPRWKHULW¶VSRVVLEOH,QHYHUWROG\RXEHFDXVH,GRQ¶WKDYHDIDYRULWHFRORU´, GLGQ¶WUHVSRQGWRODVWTXHVWLRQZKLFKZDVUHDOO\DVOLJKWWKDWVKHDOUHDG\NQHZWKHDQVZHU to. ³7KDW¶V MXVWVLOO\WDONZKRGRHVQ¶WKDYHDIDYRULWHFRORU",WVD\VVRPXFKDERXW \RX\RXNQRZ,WKLQNLI,KDGWRPDNHDQHGXFDWHGJXHVV,¶GVD\WKDW\RXSUHIHUWKLQJV WKDWDUHGHHSSXUSOH$P,ULJKW"´ ³1R,GRQ¶WKDYHRQHSXUSOHLWHPLQP\RXUKRPH,OLke all colors equally. :K\¶G\RXVD\GHHSSXUSOH"´ ³7KDWLVVRPHWKLQJ\RX¶GVD\EXWLI\RXWUXO\OLNHGDOOFRORUVHTXDOO\WKHQ\RX¶G KDYHVRPHWKLQJGHHSSXUSOHLQ\RXUSRVVHVVLRQ,JXHVVHGLWEHFDXVH,NQRZ\RX¶UH special and I know that you know you are special and sometimes that makes it difficult for people to relate to you. They think you think you understand everything when really DOO\RXNQRZLVWKDW\RX¶UHVSHFLDO´ ³7KDWPDNHVQRVHQVHPRWKHU'LG\RXRQO\FDOOPHEHFDXVH\RXIHOWEDGDERXW not NQRZLQJP\IDYRULWHFRORU"´ ³1R,GRQHHGWRNQRZLWIRUDVXUSULVHEXW,VXSSRVHGLI\RXGRQ¶WKDYHRQH WKHQ,¶OOKDYHWRJHW\RXVRPHWKLQJWKDWGRHVQ¶WKDYHDFRORUZKLFKLVZHOOQRWKLQJ´ 3 I was ready to end the conversation so I looked at the objects around me and my H\HVVHWWOHGRQWKHPRXQGVRIP\EUHDVWVZKLFKORRNHGOLNHWZRQLFHJUDVV\NQROOV³,¶P wearing green so I guess that is currently my favorite color, but mother I have to go on P\UXQ´ ³*UHHQ"$UH\RXVXUH",ZRXOGQ¶WSHJ\RXIRUDJUHHQWRRKDSS\QRWWKDW\RX¶UH XQKDSS\\RX¶UHDZLIHQRZ,DOZD\VNQHZ\RX¶GPDNHVRPHPDQYHU\KDSS\RQHGD\ %XWVWLOOZLWKDOOWKDWUXQQLQJ",W¶VQRWOLNH\RX¶UHWUDLQLQJIRUWKH%RVWRQ0DUDWKRQ :KDW¶VWKHSRLQWRIDOOWKDWPRYLQJ"'RQ¶W\RXZDQWWo work on building a home? A IDPLO\"´ ³,GRQ¶WKDYHHQRXJKWLPHWRDQVZHUWKRVHTXHVWLRQVPRWKHUEXWMXVWVR\RX know, I am making a roasted chicken for dinner tonight and not so I can keep Jay pleased ZLWKPH´ ³:HOOWKDW¶VQLFH,KRSH\RXGRQ¶WGU\LW out. It would be nice if you called me HYHU\QRZDQGWKHQEXW,¶OOOHW\RXJRZKHUHYHU\RX¶UHUXQQLQJRIIWR*UHHQ"<RX¶UH VXUH"´ ³<HVJUHHQ,¶PSRVLWLYH,ORYHWKLQJVWKDWJURZ,ORYH&KULVWPDVWUHHV,ORYH my breasts. Goodbye, mother, speak soon.´ ³:KDWZDVWKDWDERXW\RXUEUHDVWV"$UH\RXZLWKFKLOG"<RX¶UHVRXQGLQJXQZHOO <RXNQRZ\RXVKRXOGZHDUVRFNVDOZD\VHYHQLQWKHKRXVH«´ ³*RRGE\H,GRORYH\RXPRWKHU´,VSRNHRYHUKHUDQGKXQJXSKRSLQJVKH ZRXOGQ¶WDVVXPHDQXQLQWHQWLRQDOGLVFRQQHFtion. Under certain circumstances, usually involving the insomniac failure of my 4 should-be slumbering mind, in the dragging fumes of a funeral procession or a guilt-laden screech to buy groceries without a list or coupons clipped because your children, my children, need anything to eat for breakfast or our current one of passenger preoccupation with what unknown location our car would select for us to stay until its revival, this occupation of accounting for open spaces of matter and mind, land and time, returned, for all my efforts, only a sum of immature anxiety that can only be likened to the sensation of stagnant movement pumping through the limbs of the treadmill runner: time, heart-rate and all else save space, increasing without even the slightest possibility of overtaking the armpit odor of your plodding neighbor, clinging, winded to the stiff support arms to VXVSHQGVWHSIXUWKHUXQWLOWKHUXQQHU¶VFRQVWDQWGHVLUHWRSDVVLQIURQWLVSXVKHGDVLGHE\ staunch stench and causes a sudden ceasing of the strain of muscle and tendon, mechanical speed snapping true stillness backwards in admissible defeat by an unlikely foe, though the mind races victorious in celebration of the animal ability of the body to grow space on the fertile deathbed of Manifest Destiny. 1RZ,¶PVXUHWKHPHUHPHQWLRQRIWKDWIDLOHGSKLORVRSK\KDVFDXVHGPDQ\RI\RX
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