THE GUILFORDIAN 4 Features OCTOBER 2, 1998 JT PANS Ffpw TW Vip^C)

By Will Dodson was shot the hell up by bad guys. Detroit. So the money rolls in, but FEATURES COLUMNIST Doctors and technicians melded O\C.P. are the ultimate in Robocop's human side eventually his flesh to machine to create the crass capitalism. The bottom becomes aware of his exploita- IfI had a tube of hair gel for tion by the buttmen. He follows every cyborg cop movie I've seen, a trail of crime all the way I'd look almost as cool as Gary to the top, where the biggest bot- Young. An aside here before I toms are. These rich guys are re- begin: I consider cyborg cop mov- allybad. They use their money ies to be a separate genre from to snort cocaine and buy maniac cop movies. Cyborg cops prostitutes. are metallic and shiny, and ma- As Billy Idol once said, niac cops are just crazy. They are "Allthat matters to [them] is pos- totally different. sessions. Even women are pos- Anyway, when you talk cy- sessions to them." You said it, borg cop movies, you have to Billy Idol. H is |J mention the definitive Robocop, j&jgjf-- Robocop saves the day as jgt jg ? f; directed by Paul Verhoeven. In KM only a true American hero can: keeping with the breast fetish he he blows all the bad guys away showcased in Basic Instinct and in a deluge of severed append- and chunks Showgirls , he gave Robocop huge wMm JBBBk ages semi-solid of metal boobs. But this movie, un- bloody flesh. Their death like most of the ones I watch, was screams unlock the oppressive not about boobs. No, this one CKKSCARLESTROM chains of capitalism which bind was about big fat butts. Is it time to be an android, not a man? us to middle-class mediocrity. Robocop's big fat metal butt rep- The only way to stop the old resents a corporate America that perfect law enforcement officer. line is how big and plush their rich white bald men who run ev- rots the country's moral fiber. These technicians are employed office chairs are. Because as we erything is to shoot them in the Robocop (Peter Weller) was, by 0.C.P., a corporation full of all know, the more money you face one by one. Robocop, for God like most cyborg cops, originally bald white men with big fat butts. have, the bigger your butt gets, and country, has started the ball a regular cop from Detroit who The buttmen want to lease the and the bigger the chair you sit rolling. Do we have the courage services of Robocop, make more in has to be. The head of 0.C.P., to follow him to freedom? Robocops, and privatize law en- naturally, has the biggest ass I The way to salvation is forcement so they can take over have ever seen in my life. at hand! When you absolutely have to study By Amanda Roop NOW HIRING STAFF WRITER

Here's the situation: you've got 30 minutes until class and haven't ?WAITSTAFF read the assigned chapter. Sound familiar to the English majors? ?DELIVERY Guilford is full of secluded ar- eas where one can read without dis-

DRIVERS traction. The tranquil atmosphere I- - JBABBGSI^^^R of our campus is especially helpful JF^ JBBP' * ?COOKS when you're trying to do homework since you retain more information ifyou read in a quiet place and stay focused. There are as many differ- GREAT TIPS! ent places to study as there are stu- 4 _ .. V. : '\u25a0? \u25a0: dents; the trick is discovering a WE TRAIN! place that's right for you. "I read AMYROUSE on the inflatable couch on the sec- Sometimes it is difficult to find a quiet place to study, Excellent weekly ond floor of Shore," said Hannah Miller. Many students attempt to One obvious place to study is cive to studying. The Underground pay and benefits. study in their dorms, which isn't al- the library. It's always quiet, and and the Cafeteria aren't much bet- FT or PT, flex hours. ways the best choice. Dorms are full is full ofcomfortable chairs in hid- ter. Why should you study when ofnoise and distractions, especially den corners. CCE student Greg you can talk to every acquaintance Meal discounts. ifyour friends are continually drop- Ray likes to read on the Library's that strolls by? ping in "for a few minutes" to visit. second floor, "so when my eyes "The Hut is a great place to MAKEMONEY! wander Ican look at traffic out the relax and read," says Cody Doran, (iHow DOES SBOO/EXTRA INCOME] , window." Again, it's better to read a junior. The Hut is a great ex- HAVE FUN! - soundtoyou? without distractions, and a win- ample of an environment in which Anaajng/yprDfitable opportunity. dow can be very distract- studying is easy. It is quiet and Send self-addressed stamped ing... especially when yqu have to secluded most of the time. plow straight envelope to: through five long people have a favorite 3700 Lawndale Dr*2B2-9003 chapters. GROUP FIVE Psychology tree or bench they stake out when 4508 W- Market St*Bs4-3555 Blvd., Lounges in busy buildings, it's time to get some serious home- 6547 N. Academy Dept N such as Founders, don't have the Springs. I Colorado CO 80918 i sort of atmosphere that is condu- Please see Studying, page 5