Bar policies & customs

1. DEFINITIONS 1.1. “BM” refers to Bar Mitzvah. 1.2. “Chief Minister” is the person appointed in the role defined by The Laws or, in his absence, the Assistant Minister or, in his absence, any person authorised by the Chief Minister to act on his behalf. 1.3. “Family” refers to a “nuclear family” residing together.

2. INTRODUCTION A BM at St Kilda Shule encompasses the following - 2.1. To provide a traditional BM experience. 2.2. The BM programme is, as expected, religiously-based with supplementary education classes. 2.3. While the BM religious requirement is met by a “call up” to the , additional participation in the BM service is encouraged. 2.4. The BM experience at St Kilda Shule is to connect the boy with our community from a religious, communal and historical perspective. 2.5. As many of the boys will not come from religious homes, it is important that there be an emphasis on Jewish continuity and the State of Israel.

3. BOOKING PROCEDURES 3.1. Selecting a date: The calculation of the date is relatively straight forward. We identify the boy’s Hebrew birthdate and then add exactly 13 years to the same Hebrew birthdate. The boy can then be called up on the first on, or following, that 13th Hebrew . We encourage the boy and his family to come to morning service on the day of his 13th Hebrew birthday to put on . Typically, the boy will “celebrate” his BM on the either on the actual day of, or immediately following, his 13th Hebrew birthday. As each Shabbat has a specific Torah reading for that week, that is known as the boy’s “Bar Mitzvah parashah or sedra”. 3.2. A BM cannot be held under the auspices of the Shule unless it has been approved by the Chief Minister, and can take place when the Torah is read: Shabbat morning, Monday, Thursday, , , Chanukah, any day of Yom Tov, Shabbat Minchah. A BM cannot take place on or any Public Fast day including, but not exclusively, , 17th Tammuz, 9th Av, Fast of Esther, Fast of Gedaliah and 10th Tevet. Due to halachic reasons, a BM being held on Shabbat Parashat Zachor (the Shabbat immediately prior to Purim), the Maftir will be also read by the Senior or his delegate. 3.3. The typical Shule service times are 9:00am on Shabbat or Yom Tov and 6:45am or 8.00am on other non-Shabbat days of Torah reading but, an extra service can sometimes be organised upon request. Shabbat afternoon services are not held typically but can be organised upon request within the following constraints, not earlier than around 1:00pm and not to commence later than 1 hour and 10 minutes prior to the end of Shabbat.

3.4. A BM booking is considered confirmed once the office has received the prescribed application form, , birth certificate and the prescribed deposit. 3.5. Except in the case of siblings only one BM can be held at any service. Therefore, a booking should be made with the Shule office at the earliest possibility to ensure that the preferred date is available. The Shule also permits a baby naming and up to two groom “Aufruff” call-ups on the day of a BM. 3.6. Availability to the Shule’s two halls (the larger Adele Southwick Centre and the smaller Danglow Centre) is in the priority based on the chronological order of when confirmed bookings were received. 3.7. Typically BM boys will spend up to 12 months preparing themselves for their BM. The training of their duties is the responsibility of parents. Those attending a Jewish day school may already have a school-assigned teacher. The Shule has a list of BM teachers who have a Working With Children check. 3.8. Up to 3 dates may be placed “on hold” under the following circumstances: 3.8.1. If a subsequent request for that date is made, the office will make all reasonable attempts to contact the family, who shall have 24 hours to confirm a date with the payment of the prescribed deposit. 3.8.2. A delay by the family in lodging the prescribed application form shall not diminish the BM requirements as described in this policy. 3.8.3. Any “hold” not confirmed at least 2 months before the day shall be regarded as cancelled and any deposit forfeited. 3.9. Booking is made on the prescribed form and must be accompanied by the prescribed non- refundable deposit. Prior to a BM booking being accepted the Chief Minister confirms: 3.9.1. The earliest date the BM can be held based on the boy’s Hebrew date of birth 3.9.2. The availability of dates 3.9.3. The details of the Sedra and Haftorah in accordance with our Shule’s customs 3.10. Where the BM boy is part of an estranged or “blended” family, the Shule may insist on a letter from the family court clarifying who is to determine the BM arrangements. The Shule may also insist on the signing of a contract between the Shule and the other parties. 3.11. The Chief Minister will typically meet with the BM boy and his family at the following milestones: 3.11.1. 12 months prior to the BM; 3.11.2. 6 months prior to the BM; 3.11.3. 3 months prior to the BM; 3.11.4. and may also listen to the BM boy rehearse in the Shule in the week leading up to the BM. Often the family use this time to have family photographs as well.

4. BM BOY EXPECTATIONS 4.1. BM boys may do some or all of the below which is set out as a guide:

4.1.1. Attendance at a minimum of 14 Shabbat “occasions” (Friday night or Shabbat morning) in the year leading up to the BM; 4.1.2. At each occasion, the BM boy must return one of 14 cards that he received from the Rabbi at an earlier family interview; 4.1.3. Attendance at a weekly BM programme (typically run for 1 hour on Sundays during school term). On some weeks, the session may be run on a Shabbat morning where the boys learn about the service or on a Sunday morning where the boys learn how to put on tefillin and it may be followed by a breakfast; 4.1.4. Assistance on the Shammes roster at least twice in the year leading up to the BM; 4.1.5. Reciting the on the Friday night of the BM weekend; 4.1.6. Singing the on the Friday night of the BM weekend; 4.1.7. Singing the on the Friday night of the BM weekend; 4.1.8. Singing the Anim on the morning of the BM; 4.1.9. Reading the Maftir from the Torah (and saying the berachot prior and after that reading); 4.1.10. Reading the (and saying the berachot prior and after that reading); 4.1.11. Reciting the English BM Prayer; and 4.1.12. Singing the Aleinu on the morning of the BM 4.2. Some reference to aliyot that are available and how parents go about informing us (see stkildashule.org.au/services#honours) 4.3. Some reference to kiddushim (see stkildashule.org.au/services#kiddushim and stkildashule.org.au/services#seudah)

5. BM CUSTOMS ON THE DAY 5.1. When a BM is to be on a Shabbat or Yom Tov morning when the President & Vice-President would be in attendance the BM boy is invited to join them in the “box” immediately after the recitation of the during the service, and returns to sit with his family after the Chief Minister has delivered the sermon and made any presentations. 5.2. The BM boy may be invited by the President to join him at the Ark when the is removed, after which he returns to the “box”. 5.3. The BM boy should be encouraged to stand when his direct ancestral relatives (father, grandfather) receive an (call-up) as a sign of respect. 5.4. When the BM boy is called up for his aliyah (call-up), whether or not he is reading from the Torah, his father may be invited to ascend the Bimah and stand adjacent to the President on the right-hand side of the Bimah. 5.5. The teacher, if not already on the Bimah, may be invited to ascend the Bimah and stand adjacent to the person who is assisting the Baal Koreih. 5.6. It is not acceptable for the teacher to stand immediately behind or next to a BM boy unless the Chief Minister, in consultation with the teacher, has determined that it is in the boy’s best interests.

5.7. If the BM boy is reciting the Haftorah, the father may be invited to stand on the Bimah. If he chooses not to he may be seated on the Bimah. The teacher may be seated on the Bimah at this time. 5.8. It is not acceptable for the teacher to stand immediately behind or next to a BM boy during the recitation of the Haftorah unless the Chief Minister, in consultation with the teacher, has determined that it is in the boy’s best interests. 5.9. In the event the family have lollies to throw they should be advised in advance that this will take place after the completion of the Haftorah, or the completion of the BM boy’s aliyah in the event he is not reciting the Haftorah, and will be indicated to the family by the Chief Minister or his deputy at the appropriate time. 5.10. After the completion of the Haftorah, or his aliyah (call-up) in the event he is not reciting the Haftorah, the BM boy is seated on the Bimah with either his father, or, in the event his father is deceased or otherwise not present, a direct relative including, but not exclusively, grandfather, brother or uncle, after consultation with the Chief Minister. 5.11. The recitation of the English BM prayer will take place after the prayers for the Congregation, Sovereign and State of Israel and prior to the recitation of any Memorial prayers. 5.12. Except as noted in clause 4.13, the BM boy follows the Chazzan when the Sefer Torah is being returned to the Ark, and may be joined by his father, or other direct relative in the event his father is deceased. After the Ark has been closed the BM boy will be asked to return to the Bimah for the sermon and his accompanying relative to return to their seat. 5.13. In the event his father, or the direct relative is not Jewish, the BM boy, together with that person will be invited to return to their seats at the commencement of , and will not follow the return of the Sefer Torah. Once the Ark has been closed, the BM boy will return to the Bimah for the delivery of the sermon. 5.14. At the conclusion of the sermon the Chief Minister may ascend the Bimah to make a presentation to the BM boy, after which the BM boy returns to sit with his family. 5.15. Any presentation of religious books by the family takes place on the Bimah prior to the recitation of .

6. KIDDUSH 6.1. The Shule typically has around 80 regular attendees at Shule in the absence of a simchah and 65 of these attend a kiddush organised by the Shule each week, following the service. The Shule is cognisant of the fact that these “regulars” are the mainstay of our Shabbat services and need to feel included during services and kiddushim when a simchah occurs. 6.2. Traditionally, the family of the BM invite congregants to a kiddush following the service. 6.3. Kiddushim can be catered onsite by any Kosher caterer recognised by Kosher Australia. The Shule office may be able to assist in organising a kiddush on behalf of the BM family. 6.4. In some instances, BM families have their own private arrangements at their home following the service and therefore donate a kiddush for the regular Shule attendees. 6.5. All kiddush arrangements must be discussed with and confirmed by the Shule office.

7. REHEARSALS AND PHOTOGRAPHY Photography (neither still nor video) is permitted on Shabbat itself. It is common to have photos taken and/or a rehearsal in the week preceding the Bar Mitzvah. 7.1. Rehearsal or photography sessions must be arranged through the Shule office and can only take place during normal office hours, unless the supervising person agrees to make themselves available after hours. 7.2. The Sefer Torah can only be removed from the Ark if the boy is rehearsing. For Halachic reasons, it cannot otherwise be used as a “prop”. 7.3. Either an approved teacher or the Senior Rabbi must be in attendance for the session, and at least during the time the Sefer Torah is out of the Ark. 7.4. In the event neither is available one of the Assistant Minister (Rabbi Hillel Nagel), Chazzan (Brett Kaye) or Choirmaster (Adrian Bartak) should be asked if they can be available. 7.5. Whoever of those three is available will be paid covering their time, payable by the family in advance. 7.6. Whoever is in attendance will ensure that the Sefer is correctly covered and rolled to its original position before being returned to the Ark. 7.7. These terms & conditions should be provided to a family in writing at the time of their first interview, or not less than 3 months prior to the Bar Mitzvah date.

Policy version: 1.1 Adopted by the Board: Wednesday, 30 January 2019