Bar Mitzvah policies & customs 1. DEFINITIONS 1.1. “BM” refers to Bar Mitzvah. 1.2. “Chief Minister” is the person appointed in the role defined by The Laws or, in his absence, the Assistant Minister or, in his absence, any person authorised by the Chief Minister to act on his behalf. 1.3. “Family” refers to a “nuclear family” residing together. 2. INTRODUCTION A BM at St Kilda Shule encompasses the following - 2.1. To provide a traditional BM experience. 2.2. The BM programme is, as expected, religiously-based with supplementary education classes. 2.3. While the BM religious requirement is met by a “call up” to the Torah, additional participation in the BM service is encouraged. 2.4. The BM experience at St Kilda Shule is to connect the boy with our community from a religious, communal and historical perspective. 2.5. As many of the boys will not come from religious homes, it is important that there be an emphasis on Jewish continuity and the State of Israel. 3. BOOKING PROCEDURES 3.1. Selecting a date: The calculation of the date is relatively straight forward. We identify the boy’s Hebrew birthdate and then add exactly 13 years to the same Hebrew birthdate. The boy can then be called up on the first Torah reading on, or following, that 13th Hebrew birthday. We encourage the boy and his family to come to morning service on the day of his 13th Hebrew birthday to put on tefillin. Typically, the boy will “celebrate” his BM on the Shabbat either on the actual day of, or immediately following, his 13th Hebrew birthday. As each Shabbat has a specific Torah reading for that week, that is known as the boy’s “Bar Mitzvah parashah or sedra”. 3.2. A BM cannot be held under the auspices of the Shule unless it has been approved by the Chief Minister, and can take place when the Torah is read: Shabbat morning, Monday, Thursday, Rosh Chodesh, Purim, Chanukah, any day of Yom Tov, Shabbat Minchah. A BM cannot take place on Rosh Hashanah or any Public Fast day including, but not exclusively, Yom Kippur, 17th Tammuz, 9th Av, Fast of Esther, Fast of Gedaliah and 10th Tevet. Due to halachic reasons, a BM being held on Shabbat Parashat Zachor (the Shabbat immediately prior to Purim), the Maftir will be also read by the Senior Rabbi or his delegate. 3.3. The typical Shule service times are 9:00am on Shabbat or Yom Tov and 6:45am or 8.00am on other non-Shabbat days of Torah reading but, an extra service can sometimes be organised upon request. Shabbat afternoon services are not held typically but can be organised upon request within the following constraints, not earlier than around 1:00pm and not to commence later than 1 hour and 10 minutes prior to the end of Shabbat. 3.4. A BM booking is considered confirmed once the office has received the prescribed application form, ketubah, birth certificate and the prescribed deposit. 3.5. Except in the case of siblings only one BM can be held at any service. Therefore, a booking should be made with the Shule office at the earliest possibility to ensure that the preferred date is available. The Shule also permits a baby naming and up to two groom “Aufruff” call-ups on the day of a BM. 3.6. Availability to the Shule’s two halls (the larger Adele Southwick Centre and the smaller Danglow Centre) is in the priority based on the chronological order of when confirmed bookings were received. 3.7. Typically BM boys will spend up to 12 months preparing themselves for their BM. The training of their duties is the responsibility of parents. Those attending a Jewish day school may already have a school-assigned teacher. The Shule has a list of BM teachers who have a Working With Children check. 3.8. Up to 3 dates may be placed “on hold” under the following circumstances: 3.8.1. If a subsequent request for that date is made, the office will make all reasonable attempts to contact the family, who shall have 24 hours to confirm a date with the payment of the prescribed deposit. 3.8.2. A delay by the family in lodging the prescribed application form shall not diminish the BM requirements as described in this policy. 3.8.3. Any “hold” not confirmed at least 2 months before the day shall be regarded as cancelled and any deposit forfeited. 3.9. Booking is made on the prescribed form and must be accompanied by the prescribed non- refundable deposit. Prior to a BM booking being accepted the Chief Minister confirms: 3.9.1. The earliest date the BM can be held based on the boy’s Hebrew date of birth 3.9.2. The availability of dates 3.9.3. The details of the Sedra and Haftorah in accordance with our Shule’s customs 3.10. Where the BM boy is part of an estranged or “blended” family, the Shule may insist on a letter from the family court clarifying who is to determine the BM arrangements. The Shule may also insist on the signing of a contract between the Shule and the other parties. 3.11. The Chief Minister will typically meet with the BM boy and his family at the following milestones: 3.11.1. 12 months prior to the BM; 3.11.2. 6 months prior to the BM; 3.11.3. 3 months prior to the BM; 3.11.4. and may also listen to the BM boy rehearse in the Shule in the week leading up to the BM. Often the family use this time to have family photographs as well. 4. BM BOY EXPECTATIONS 4.1. BM boys may do some or all of the below which is set out as a guide: 4.1.1. Attendance at a minimum of 14 Shabbat “occasions” (Friday night or Shabbat morning) in the year leading up to the BM; 4.1.2. At each occasion, the BM boy must return one of 14 cards that he received from the Rabbi at an earlier family interview; 4.1.3. Attendance at a weekly BM programme (typically run for 1 hour on Sundays during school term). On some weeks, the session may be run on a Shabbat morning where the boys learn about the service or on a Sunday morning where the boys learn how to put on tefillin and it may be followed by a breakfast; 4.1.4. Assistance on the Shammes roster at least twice in the year leading up to the BM; 4.1.5. Reciting the Kiddush on the Friday night of the BM weekend; 4.1.6. Singing the Aleinu on the Friday night of the BM weekend; 4.1.7. Singing the Yigdal on the Friday night of the BM weekend; 4.1.8. Singing the Anim Zemirot on the morning of the BM; 4.1.9. Reading the Maftir from the Torah (and saying the berachot prior and after that reading); 4.1.10. Reading the Haftarah (and saying the berachot prior and after that reading); 4.1.11. Reciting the English BM Prayer; and 4.1.12. Singing the Aleinu on the morning of the BM 4.2. Some reference to aliyot that are available and how parents go about informing us (see stkildashule.org.au/services#honours) 4.3. Some reference to kiddushim (see stkildashule.org.au/services#kiddushim and stkildashule.org.au/services#seudah) 5. BM CUSTOMS ON THE DAY 5.1. When a BM is to be on a Shabbat or Yom Tov morning when the President & Vice-President would be in attendance the BM boy is invited to join them in the “box” immediately after the recitation of the Kedushah during the Shacharit service, and returns to sit with his family after the Chief Minister has delivered the sermon and made any presentations. 5.2. The BM boy may be invited by the President to join him at the Ark when the Sefer Torah is removed, after which he returns to the “box”. 5.3. The BM boy should be encouraged to stand when his direct ancestral relatives (father, grandfather) receive an aliyah (call-up) as a sign of respect. 5.4. When the BM boy is called up for his aliyah (call-up), whether or not he is reading from the Torah, his father may be invited to ascend the Bimah and stand adjacent to the President on the right-hand side of the Bimah. 5.5. The teacher, if not already on the Bimah, may be invited to ascend the Bimah and stand adjacent to the person who is assisting the Baal Koreih. 5.6. It is not acceptable for the teacher to stand immediately behind or next to a BM boy unless the Chief Minister, in consultation with the teacher, has determined that it is in the boy’s best interests. 5.7. If the BM boy is reciting the Haftorah, the father may be invited to stand on the Bimah. If he chooses not to he may be seated on the Bimah. The teacher may be seated on the Bimah at this time. 5.8. It is not acceptable for the teacher to stand immediately behind or next to a BM boy during the recitation of the Haftorah unless the Chief Minister, in consultation with the teacher, has determined that it is in the boy’s best interests. 5.9. In the event the family have lollies to throw they should be advised in advance that this will take place after the completion of the Haftorah, or the completion of the BM boy’s aliyah in the event he is not reciting the Haftorah, and will be indicated to the family by the Chief Minister or his deputy at the appropriate time.