To My Unborn Child
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Inside this issue; How To Stay Permanently Employed? What Women Want Birthday shout outs!!! TO MY UNBORN CHILD Vol 2 Issue 13 www. theworkzine .com 1 Sites our cover Model - RAM HADJI has been to; Cover Page - Santiago - Bernabeu (Madrid) Upper right - Bercelona Left - Merkavelli Street (Rome) Lower right - Hammermet 2 www.theworkzine.com be patient, and your mail will a queuing system. You are Best Out of Offi ce be deleted in the order it was currently in 352nd place, and Automatic received. can expect to receive a reply in 5. Thank you for your email. approximately 19 weeks. e-mails Replies Your credit card has been 8. Hi, I’m thinking about charged $5.99 for the fi rst what you’ve just sent me. 1. I am currently out of the 10 words and $1.99 for each Please wait by your PC for my offi ce at a job interview and additional word in your response. will reply to you if I fail to message. 9. I’ve run away to join a get the position. Please be 6. The email server is unable to different circus. prepared for my mood. verify your server connection. 10. I will be out of the offi ce for 2. You are receiving this Your message has not been the next two weeks for medical automatic notifi cation, because delivered. Please restart your reasons. When I return, please I am out of the offi ce. If I was computer and try sending refer to me as ‘Lucille’ instead in, chances are you wouldn’t again. (The beauty of this is of Steve have received anything at all. that when you return, you can 3. Sorry to have missed you, see who did this over and over Provided by Ivy Njerenga but I’m at the doctor’s having and over....) my brain and heart removed 7. Thank you for your message, • Isreali government offi ces so I can be promoted to our which has been added to management team. not to have internet access on Sabbath and other holy days 4. I will be unable to delete all • Lady Gaga rules at VMA’s the emails you send me until as Kanye West launches • Mozambique bans SMS I return from vacation. Please comeback /text messaging over recent riots • Twin tornadoes hit New In the News York in freak weather • Zimbabwe Civil servants • China Japans relations march against low salaries tense up over jailed fi shing as President Mugabe awards Editor’s Word crew himself a pay raise The year is slowly and steadily • Hope for trapped chile • Ugandan man expelled from drawing to an end . Most miners BB Africa for hitting woman workers are feeling the effects housemate of long hours and hard work. • Worldwide child mortality If you haven’t taken leave, its rates drop : UNICEF time you did before its struck • Pope shocked by ne lukewarm off. Go and relax on the sunny • UN report continues to stir reception in UK beach with your copy of the up Rwanda and DRC WorkZine. In this issue we have a humorous take on how • South Africa’ hospital • Woman sues US hospital to stay permanently employed, charged with alleged organ for circumcising child without a worker who chooses to chase traffi cking syndicate in a rat instead of doing his job, a permission which people’s kidneys were boos who gets scared by a frog transplanted to wealthy and all your usual and unusual • Offi cials report that heat wave Israelis. articles. A new take on the in Russia claimed over 11000 playlist. Instead of your fi fteen deaths favourite songs, we are doing your 15 top albums. • Nadal completes career grand Have fun slam Businge Abid Weere 3 www.theworkzine.com Shun them. Go and watch Big Brother instead. And now, the next reason: Are you ready? The second reason people talk a theory politics is because they are geeks about it. Smart people often like to fi nd a hobby that will stimulate and exercise their minds. They want something they can obsess over, something about which they can amass large amounts about of information, something about which they can obsess as they discuss its intricate details with one another. Some people do this with sports, some with the arts, some with computers, some even with astronomical objects. Some political do it with politics. That’s right. Geekiness. Note that this does not apply when it comes to sex. When you obsess about sex and collect trivia about sex, it isn’t being a geek. It is being an adolescent. And now for the tippy top of my talk You see? theory. Okay, maybe you don’t. Because What is politics for? Is it, like Big you are not a fool. Brother, just for looking at and Any intelligent person will notice discussing? What does it do? in a matter of seconds that Politics is how the individual that paragraph is total bullshit relates to society, is how I’ve because, fi rst of all, that statistic is always seen it, and how the shaky completely bogus. Secondly the balance between individual The question of the week appears NSSF is not run by the NRM party, freedom and social order is to be: Why Don’t People Talk and mostly, logic has to leap maintained–how the tenuous Politics? across light-years to make the rant compromises that create this But I would rather address the work because people living in balance shift and change. question’s reverse. Let us ask why abject poverty do not contribute Society wants order, the individual people do talk politics. I think to NSSF. The little rant also has wants freedom. We sort out by answering this we will fi nd the tried-and-tested staples of compromises and these become ourselves answering the other handwringing bombast (Who shall government and politics. In the question, too. save us!) and the technique of end, the aim of politics is to map If you are ready, pull up a chair making itself seem high-brow by out how free I can be without and pour a drink. It’s a long one. juxtaposing itself with something threatening order, and how free I have a theory about political allegedly lower-minded — by others can be without disturbing talk. claiming something (e.g. Big my freedom. Ultimately the aim of I think there are three reasons for Brother) is beneath him, he tacitly politics is to see that, as much as it. The fi rst reason will be illustrated suggests that he is above things. possible, one is okay, free to live below: You see? ones life and that no one bothers The NSSF scandal has proven yet There are people out there who one. again that the powers that be will be impressed to no end by Which means that if I am afraid, have no regard for basic tenets of that sort of claptrap. They revel I will be talking about the army civil responsibility. It boggles the in it. Their conversations are full and the police. If I am poor, I will mind that, at a time when 67% of of then fl inging swill like this at be talking about business and Ugandans live in abject poverty, each other in glee, so glad to investment. If I am perplexed, I will the NRM party heads at NSSF who be having what they think is an be talking about the legalisation are entrusted with their future intellectual discussion about of Marijuana etc. But as long are recklessly fl ushing it down the political issues. Yippee! as I am secure, content and at drain through fl agrant corruption! Anyway, there you are. The fi rst peace, I will have no reason to What shall we do? Who shall reason people talk politics, I have talk about the government. save us? Instead of rising up to learnt, is because they think it Oh my gosh. Do you realise what demand change, we are wasting makes them look smart. Avoid this means? What am I saying? our time watching Big Brother… such people, children, I urge you. That political apathy can be a 4 www.theworkzine.com sign of good government? the month, your bitch boss, your Whoa! wife fi nally getting her driver’s Apathy is, in a way, the goal licence (thank God!), your of effective government. We ballgame with the kids (little Festo pay attention to things when is fearless in goal) the new beer they are not working, then we that sucks (you will never ever discuss ways to fi x them. When cheat on your Guinness again), NSSF Boss everything is fi xed, we won’t talk your favourite entertainer who about government any more turned 50 last week and that selfi sh creatures whose only true than we talk about that auto- cool new reality show on TV etc, motivation for doing anything giga-processor in your Internet you will fi nally probably have is personal interest, and that machine. time to contemplate that new patriotism and a sense of civil You see? You don’t know what district they just carved out of obligation only rises if it can lead that even is. It is a thing that works Bundibugyo. to a personal benefi t. the internet. When it breaks down And that, people, is the third For example, “I am too busy” we will all know what it is. reason to talk politics: You have will translate to “We need to Now we all know that apathy a problem with the way things nationalise strategic industries and can also thrive in a state with bad are being done to you and you return to a controlled economy government, and it shouldn’t.