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Tobias Final with Front Page Roskilde University Out online trans self-representation and community building on YouTube Raun, Tobias Publication date: 2012 Document Version Early version, also known as pre-print Citation for published version (APA): Raun, T. (2012). Out online: trans self-representation and community building on YouTube. Roskilde Universitet. General rights Copyright and moral rights for the publications made accessible in the public portal are retained by the authors and/or other copyright owners and it is a condition of accessing publications that users recognise and abide by the legal requirements associated with these rights. • Users may download and print one copy of any publication from the public portal for the purpose of private study or research. • You may not further distribute the material or use it for any profit-making activity or commercial gain. • You may freely distribute the URL identifying the publication in the public portal. Take down policy If you believe that this document breaches copyright please contact [email protected] providing details, and we will remove access to the work immediately and investigate your claim. Download date: 02. Oct. 2021 Out Online: Trans Self-Representation and Community Building on YouTube Tobias Raun Supervisors: Birgitta Frello Kate O’Riordan PhD Dissertation Cultural Encounters, Department of Culture and Identity, Roskilde University 2012 1 Dedicated to the three strong and loving women in my life; my grandmother, my mother, and my partner, all of whom have helped me become the man that I am today. 2 Contents Acknowledgments 7 Introduction: Trans in/as Screen Media 9 YouTube It! 10 The Power of Representation 13 The Representation of Trans in Mainstream Media 15 Democratization of Trans; or, Still Something to Fight For? 17 The Deceptive Transsexual 20 The Pathetic Transsexual 21 Trans as a Metaphor for or an Expression of Psychopathy 22 The Autobiographical Imperative 24 Trans as Monstrous Porn Spectacles 25 Trans? An Overview of the Dissertation 26 Chapter 1. Transgender Studies 2.0: Internet Methodology and Research Ethics 29 A Multi-Methodological Project 29 YouTube as Place or Space? Human Interaction or Representation? 32 Botanizing the Asphalt of YouTube 37 Choosing the Vloggers 39 The Invisible/Visible Researcher 42 The Researcher as Insider/Outsider 46 Seeing and Sensing 52 The Distribution of Voice and Agency in Research Practice 53 Heated Debates 55 Letting Stories Breathe 60 Chapter 2. Trans as a Pathologized and Contested Identity Category 64 2.1. The Pathologization of Trans: Diagnosis, Health-Care Access, and (Lack of) Rights 65 Trans as a Pathologized Identity Category 65 Gender Categorization as a Vector of Discrimination 70 The Politics of Gender Classification and Trans Health Care in Europe 72 Systems of Gender Classification and Trans Health Care in the United States of America 76 Doctor/Patient Relationship Renegotiated Through the Internet 82 The Trans Health-Care Consumer and Trans Medical Tourism 87 2.2. Trans as a Hatchet in Gender Studies. Moving Beyond a Conceptualization of Trans as Gender Traitors and Gender 3 Revolutionaries 89 Transsexuals as Anti-Feminists? 90 Queer Theory and Transgender Studies as Fighting “Twins”? 93 Which Trans Subject Is Recognized as Subversive? 97 Instrumentalizing Trans Life Stories 99 Trans Life Stories on the Narratological Dissecting Table 102 Who Lets the Subaltern Speak? 105 Relying on Exposure and Subversion 106 The Missing “Trans” in Studies on Men and Masculinity 108 Hegemonic and Subordinate Masculinities 111 Trans Men and Hegemonic Masculinity 115 Trans Men as Always Already Queer? 117 The Butch/FTM Border Wars 120 Research on Gendered Self-Perception Among Trans Men 124 The Diversity of Trans Male Experiences 125 Seeking Gender Recognition 127 Critical Dialogues: Establishing a Theoretical Platform from Which to Address Trans Digital Gender Representations 128 Chapter 3. Looking Man Enough? Embodiment and Narratives of Men and Masculinity among Trans Male Vloggers 135 Longing for Representation: James 136 A Love-Hate Relationship with Gender Binary 139 Tracking Bodily Changes: Wheeler 144 The Trans Male Body as a Visual Spectacle 147 Video Diaries from the Boys’ Room: Tony 148 Comfortability as a Cissexual Privilege 150 Squeezed by Homonormativity and Queernormativity 155 Surrealist Works of Art: Mason 158 Queer Collage 160 A Self-Generated Cyborg 164 Who Becomes a Threat to the Public Comfort? 166 Constructing and Reforming Maleness 169 The Talking Torso: The Muscular Chest as a Privileged Site of Masculinity 170 More Audiovisual Stories to Come 173 Chapter 4. “Sisters Are Doin’ It for Themselves”: Reappropriating Trans Woman as Category and as Spectacle Through Digital Storytelling 174 A YouTube Pioneer: Erica 175 A Lack of Family Support 178 Surgical Diaries 180 From Lesbian to Polyamorous 182 Close Encounters: Elisabeth 184 The Hardship of Transitioning 185 A Lesbian “Jeans and Pants Kind of Girl” 188 In Need of Support: Guitar-Playing Carolyn 190 A Former Bodybuilder Goes Online to Raise Money for Her Medical Transition 193 “This Is Your Girl Diamond”: Sharp-Edged and Humorous Performances 197 4 Trans Woman as a Desirable Category in and of Itself 200 Challenging the Whiteness of the Vlogs 203 Raising Money: The Social and Economic Aspects of Transitioning 211 A Visual Culture of One’s Own: Creating New “Images” of Trans Women 214 Chapter 5. Screen-Births: Trans Vlogs as a Transformative Media for Self-Representation 217 Born Online 218 Growing Sideways 222 The Mirror as a Well-Established Trope of Trans Representation 224 Mirroring as Healthy Narcissism 226 Connecting with Others Through Mirroring 230 The Vlog as a Vehicle of Transubstantiation 237 Visualizing Hormones as a Transformative Drug 240 Video Diaries 243 Digital Diaries as Expressions of Haptic Visuality 248 Autobiographies of the Digital Age 252 The Vlog as a Site for Artistic Creation and Intervention 263 “Trans”-formations 270 Chapter 6. YouTube Is My Hood: Creating an Online Trans Community 271 Virtual Communities 271 Forming Trans Identity and Community Online 274 The Affordances of the Medium 278 The Conversational Aspects of Vlogging 280 Mobilizing Through the Vlogs 283 In Lack of Offline Support and Communities 285 Establishing Friendship Online 287 Negotiating Different Roles 288 Being a Micro-Celebrity or “Internet Famous” 290 Wanting to be a Positive Role Model 294 Moving on or Starting Anew 296 YouTube as the Small Town that Became the Big City 298 Inclusions and Exclusions 300 Assumed Whiteness 303 Building Community 310 Chapter 7. DIY Therapy: Exploring the Trans Video Blogs as Affective Self-Representations 311 Challenging Confession 314 The Talking Cure: The Vlogs as Acts of (Self-)Disclosure 317 Online Support Groups Within a Private Public 322 DIY Therapy and Sharing 325 Coming Out 330 Passing 332 Out Online 336 Vlogging as a Trans Political Act 340 5 Testimonies 343 Exposing the Wound to Others 348 Exit: The Trans Vloggers as an Affective Counterpublic 350 Concluding Remarks: Digital Trans Activism 354 YouTube: Community and Commerce 354 Digital Activism 356 Author’s Note 361 Empirical Material 362 Bibliography 363 Filmography 375 Abstract 377 Resumé 379 6 Acknowledgments This PhD research is the product of and involves a personal and professional journey that has been as inspiring as it has been turbulent. I basically started my medical transition the day that I started my research, which means that my new (at the time) colleagues at Cultural Encounters at the Department of Culture and Identity (Roskilde University) followed my physical transformations firsthand. They were back then, and have been ever since, extremely welcoming and have offered me a forum for daily encouragement and inspiration. I could not have dreamed of a better and more supportive environment from which to conduct my studies. Being part of the Center for Gender, Power and Diversity (Roskilde University) has also stimulated my research, and I want to thank all of you for great conversations during our gender lunches, while teaching together, or during our discussions in the reading group. A very warm thanks also goes to my two supervisors, Birgitta Frello at Cultural Encounters (Roskilde University) and Kate O’Riordan at the Department of Media and Film (Sussex University, UK), who have helped me keep focus, remember to take breaks, and have encouraged me to refine my readings. This research has enabled me to travel abroad, and I have embraced that opportunity by participating in numerous conferences where I have met great scholars from all over the world. Most memorable and inspirational has been my stay as a visiting scholar at Berkeley Center for New Media, University of California at Berkeley, USA, where Abigail De Kosnik was a great encouragement. I feel very grateful for being able to experience the very special vibe of San Francisco and meeting so many interesting people, and I carry all of you within me as warm memories for rainy days. The research has also enabled me to get in contact with a lot of trans people, not least the vloggers I am writing about, and I cannot express how grateful I am for the valuable insights this has given me. 7 I am blessed with a lot of very dear friends. I want to thank my affect theoretical reading group for offering me constant intellectual stimulation and keeping me on my toes, and in particular Mons Bissenbakker Frederiksen and Mathias Danbolt for giving me valuable feedback on parts of my PhD. I also want to thank all the friends who help me unwind and remind me of all the other things that life has to offer, in particular Yoo Falk Jensen for being a real buddy. The period of my PhD has also included other major events; among the positive was that I met my father for the first time ever. I would like to thank him for helping me to connect with other parts of my history and creating new stories of belonging.
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