Volume 1987 Issue 2 Article 12

7-15-1987

Marital Problem

William Bunce

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Recommended Citation Bunce, William (1987) "Marital Problem," The Mythic Circle: Vol. 1987 : Iss. 2 , Article 12. Available at: https://dc.swosu.edu/mcircle/vol1987/iss2/12

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This fiction is available in The Mythic Circle: https://dc.swosu.edu/mcircle/vol1987/iss2/12 by 1.Jilliam Bunce

"One more to go," Miss Caprilli was a powerfully built man with a bushy red announced. She had come in with additional beard of the type worn by mountain climbers ammunition: a cup of black coffee and a and eccentric professors. "This wasn't my handful of Oreos. She also dropped the last idea," he apologized, laughing. "I don't folder on the desk. think there's any reason •.• " He shrugged and Doctor Vincent Sanyez glanced at his sat down when he caught the look from his watch. Seven o'clock. "At this very moment wife. It was easy to see who was boss in his wife would be sitting home, guzzling this family. martinis and thinking up some good names to Vincent launched into his customary toss at him whenever he got there. If he speech. He warned them against expecting were lucky, it would only be names. miracles, especially in the first few "Who're the lucky couple?" sessions. It wasn't his job to solve their His receptionist stopped licking the problems. Progress could only be made if chocolate crumbs from her fingers. "Mr. and each partner was willing to tear down the Mrs. Hetman. Nice-looking people." walls that had been building for years. In a He stuffed as many cookies in his mouth few cases, he conceded at the end, separation as possible and mumbled, "You said the same was the only way out. thinq about the Holloways. Remember Mrs. It was a nice little speech. In his Holloway tried to skewer her husband with my twenty years with Family Services, Vincent letter opener?" had honed it to perfection. When he was "Well, you're the marriage counsellor," finished, Mrs. Hetman was leaning forward, she said brightly. "And you did a marvelous nodding in passionate agreement. Mr. Hetman job of bringing those lovebirds back had loosened his tie and was staring intently together." at his left loafer. Such undisguised boredom Vincent polished off the last of the aroused in Vincent the slightest twinge of coffee. He was beqinning to think every resentment. marriage in America was doomed. Each year "If it's all right with you, I'd like to divorce statistics climbed higher. Nobody know your first names--not only for the was immune. Yesterday, a seventy-year-old record, but also because it makes the session woman said she was cutting her senile husband less clinical. You may call me Vincent if loose because he never surprised her with you wish." flowers anymore. The magic is gone, she had "June," said Mrs. Hetman, tapping out a moaned. Then there was the teenage couple cigarette. He reached over with his lighter. who wanted to separate over irreconcilable "Just call me Hetman," said her husband. musical differences. All they did was argue "That's what they call me, anyway." over which record to play on the stereo. "They?" "I could send them away," said Miss "At my work--place of employment." Caprilli. "I' 11 say you had an emergency. "Oh." Vincent drew a question mark in One of your clients tried to cut his wrists front of "Hetman" in his records. or something." Without taking her eyes from the "That's all right." He understood her counsellor, June Hetman breathed a blue impatience. She was twenty-two and column of smoke and added, "Which, unattached. Having a good time was almost an incidentally, he doesn't have any more." obligation at that age. "Why don't you just Dr. Sanyez noted the tension building. show them in, then you can leave. I'll lock Difficulties on the job frequently translated up myself tonight." themselves into domestic squabbles. A lack She threw her arms around his neck and of work could sometimes be more traumatic. gave him a big hu9. "You' re the nicest boss "I take it by that .you're retired." anybody could work for!" As she did some Retman shifted uneasily in his chair. disco steps toward the door, Vincent called "You might say that. I've been away for s~me out, "Rave a blast--for both of us." time, but--" He suddenly became animated, Her voice dropped, as if divulging a striking his fist into the palm of his hand-• great secret. "Don't worry about it. This " I• m ready to take over at any time." guy I'm going out with, he has the body of a His wife cut short this line of inquiry Greek god." by stating simply: "People lost confidence Wearily, Vincent rose from his synthetic in him." leather chair to greet his next case just as "I see." Vincent was beqinning to get Mrs. Hetman swept into the room. "Sorry to the 'feeling that the couple were being keep you waiting. Things have been a little intentionally vague. It wasn't uncommon. hectic lately." Many of his clients struggled to keep their "That's quite all right," she said, but outside lives separate from the discussion he knew it wasn't. Re guided her to one of groups. He decided to jump in with both the walnut chairs in front of his desk. With feet. her conservative blue dress and single string "Well now, why have you come to see me?" of pearls, Mrs. Retman looked like a sorority June Hetman launched into the attack housemother out for blood. immediately. "It's him. Big Shot. He's In contrast, her husband slipped in been seeing women behind my back for years, behind her like a tardy guest to a party. He and I'm not going to take it anymore." The conviction in her voice argued a woman at the uncontrollable sexual desire in men, the male end of her rope. Vincent had seen it all too counterpart to nymphomania. The only problem often: an older woman, after winking at her was that this Hetman appeared to be in husband's indiscretions for years, decides to complete control. fight back. "How does your husband get the He spun in his chair to confront Hetman. opportunity to •ee this many women?" •your wife seems to have genuine concerns By this time, June Hetman was sobbing about your extra-marital affairs. What are miserably. When she turned her face up to your thoughts on the matter?" answer, he could see faint streaks of mascara Surprisingly, Hetman seemed to be having etched on her cheeks. The poor woman seemed a good time. Vincent could see glints of to have lost all control. "I don't know, strong white teeth beneath his luxurious Doctor. Sometimes he changes his form ... " groW'th, as though he were repressing a good laugh over the whole situation. "All I can say is, it's just natural to chase women. They enjoy it: I enjoy it. It's just clean fun." A real throwback, thought Vincent. Where had this clown been the last twenty years? Nowadays, you look at your secretary the wrong way, and she has you up on sexual harrassment. At the same time, he couldn't help but admire Hetman' s stubborn independence. Most men would not have admitted as much. "What about June, Mr. Hetman? Don't you think you owe her some fidelity in this marriage? Perhaps you' re being a little selfish." He was hoping to insert a modicum of guilt into this man's attitude, but by the look on Hetman • s face, he could see he was wasting his time. "My wife is my wife. She always will be. These other girls are just an ... amusement." He gave Vincent a sly smile. •oon't tell me you don't have something on the side." Vincent rapped his pen on the desk. "As a matter of fact, I'm a happily married man and intend to stay that way." That was a professional lie. He had been taking a Vincent's head snapped up from his rather attractive opthamologist out to lunch notes. "Changed his form?" two or three times a week, but Hetman's smug "Yes--to a deer ;--an eagle, anything to attitude was getting on his nerves. follow them so I wouldn't know what he was up "There I You see?" Mrs. Hetman was on to." Then she put a hand over her mouth. her feet shouting at her husband and jabbing "Now you've let the cat out of the bag," a finqer at Vincent. "And you said there said Hetman, returning to his chair. For the were no happily married men on this earth." first time his jaunty attitude seemed to have She turned, appealing to the doctor. "Tell fled. Saddened by his wife's discomfiture, him this is the Twentieth Century. Tell him he wrapped a powerful arm around her women aren't going to put up with these shoulders. "I don't suppose, Doctor sanye e , shenanigans anymore. Tell him--" her regal you have made a study of mythology during· composure broken, she fell back into her your career." chair and dabbed her eyes with some tissues. "A little." Vincent wondered where all Meanwhile, the restless Hetman was this was leading. "You mean the ancient circlinq the office, studying the framed gods--Zeus, Apollo, that lot?" degrees on the wall, apparently ignoring his Hetman brightened. "Precisely." He put wife's hysterics. a forefinger under his wife's chin as if Vincent took a deep breath and dived for posing her for a picture. "We are 'that more facts. "How many women, to your lot'." knowledge, has your husband had a "I don't understand." relationship with?" •This is my wife Hera, and I am known by "Hundreds I" the name of Zeus. If you are of the Roman He tried to keep his voice on an even persuasion: Juno and Jupiter. I told her it keel. "That many." wasn't appropriate to come here, but she "Thousands! How should I know? All the insisted. Her jealousy is notorious. way back from the beginning. He's an Perhaps you have heard of the affair with Io, insatiable beast who can't be trusted alone where I had to turn the poor girl into a for a minute." heifer to escape my wife's wrath: or "It's true," came the cheerful voice Callisto, whom Hera transformed into a bear from the back of the room. •oid you know, My before setting her among the stars. I could Dear, some of these diplomas are in Greek?" go on and on." Vincent's curiosity was getting the His wife was still sniffling. "He's better of his objective approach. The word right," she said, pulling herself together. •atyriasis popped into his head: an "We have no right to burden you with problems Tiie Mrliic Circle 17 of Immortals. It's just that after all these around." Mis Caprilli almost fainted when he years ..• " got off the elevator. It appeared they were Vincent watched as Mr. Hetman consoled getting more subtle in their practical jokes, her. It was quite an act, he had to admit. if not any funnier. He put his glasses on the desk and dropped Just as Vincent left the office building the folder into the wastebasket. the sky opened up as if it had been waiting "All right, Mr. Hetman--or whoever you for him all day. The rain and wind lashed are--I think this has gone far enough. I fiercely against his London Fog as he made have heard many cases today and am very for the parking lot at the end of the block. tirea. My wife is home waiting for me, and I Before getting completely drenched, he hope you won't force me to summon the managed to dive under the awning of one of security guard by pursuing this little joke." the basement bars scattered along the avenue. "You' re wrong about that, " said Hetman. Suddenly a couple burst through the "Your wife is passed out on the couch." doors and knocked against him. It was Miss Vincent walked around the desk and put Caprilli and her date. his hand meaningfully on the intercom. They "Oh, it's you, Doctor Sanyez. I see you seemed to get the picture. finally got free." "Thank you for your sympathy, Doctor "It's a long story," he sighed, wringing Sanyez," said the alleged Mrs. Hetman. "It out a hanky and wiping his face. "I' 11 tell was good to get someone to listen, an}"4'ay." you all about it Monday morning. You'll get Her partner still remained cheerful, a good laugh." shaking Vincent's hand just as warmly on the Meanwhile the attractive young man by way out as he had on the way in. Before he her side kept grinning at him in the most closed the door, he turned and said, "You peculiar way. Miss Caprilli stepped to the know, Doctor, just becau$e you don't believe side. "By the bye," she said, "I know you in us any longer doesn't mean we cease to two b av e n ' t met. Doctor Sanyez, this is exist." Herman .•. " Just then a brilliant blue finger After they had left, Doctor Sanyez of lightning crackled above them, followed by reached into the bottom drawer for his a deafening roar that drowned out the end of aspirin bottle. This was the last time those Miss Caprilli's sentence. urologists on the fifth floor were going to The young man reached out, clasping make a fool of him, he swore. Last April Vincent's hand warmly and bowing in the old• they had sent a man up in a gorilla costume fashioned style. "On the contrary, I think to complain about his wife "monkeying we are already acquainted."

THE ~HCl BE

by Linda WoelUen

•What do you want to be when you get big?" one of the older girls asked. Her voice was not friendly. Laura looked up at her, feeling nervous. She had a special dream. Maybe if she shared it with the bigger children who ruled the playground, they would like her. "When I grow up," she answered bravely, "I want to be a princess." "Hahl" said the big girl, while her friends snickered and pointed at Laura. "Only daughters of kings are princesses. Yo\l're certainly not one!" Laura looked down at her tattered clothes. No wonder they were laughing at her. Until this moment, Laura had thought you could learn to be a princess, just like you could study to be a doctor or a teacher• Once she had seen one of the boys squash a bug. He had ground it into th~ dirt with his foot till no trace was left. That was what she felt had happened to her dream, but she said nothing about it to her mother when she went home. They lived in a run-down shack, and her mother worked very hard just to keep food in the house. For the first time, Laura realized how shabby everything was. The playground children were ri9ht. She couldn't