Seinfeld, Sherlock Holmes, and Much Ado About Nothing
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Now jump “To the curious incident of the dog in the The writers of the overwhelmingly back hundreds of years to a time when night-time.” popular situation comedy Seinfeld lever- religious explanations were associated aged the suggestion that the show was “The dog did nothing in the night-time.” with all natural phenomena. You and a “about nothing” to great advantage. It colleague are standing side-by side, backs “That is the curious incident,” remarked wasn’t that their scripts focused on the to the early-morning sunshine, outside in Sherlock Holmes. visual or psychological absence of infor- a field of grass that is laden with morning Learning from the absence of informa- mation, but that compared to all previous dew. Both your shadows are visible. In tion seems to require a particular knack. and contemporary sitcoms, their scripts your mind’s eye, around your shadow’s How many of us see the polar bear in the were made entirely of exceptionally head appears a bright halo, while around snowstorm each time we pick up a blank unpredictable bits that were independent your colleague’s nothing appears. You piece of white paper? My favorite detec- temporally within a particular show. I conclude you are blessed in God’s eyes, tive has always been TV’s Columbo, not bring Seinfeld into this because, in the while something sinister in your col- Dr. Watson’s mentor. I used to intently short space allocated for this piece, I can- league’s soul keeps him from such favor. concentrate on the television screen try- not do the topic of “nothing” justice. He perceives the same about himself and ing to see the same clues Lt. Columbo Instead, I wish to point out examples of you. You each have a “holy glory” that found when he visited the scene of the “nothing” in the sciences and to challenge only you can see and around only your crime. Since the clues he saw were only readers to find their own. own back-reflector receptors. Those inter- written down in his notepad and not ested in this and other optical phenome- communicated to the TV audience until na of the lower atmosphere should pur- the mystery was solved at the end of the The first clearly defined chase the classic text Light and Color in the hour-long show, I was hooked. I can still Outdoors by the Dutch astronomer M.G.J. vividly see a pair of sneakers on the vic- metric based on the absence Minnaert. First published in 1937, it was tim’s feet and I wondered what Columbo of something that comes updated with color photographs in a was so fascinated with. The victim had 1993 reprinting. not tied his shoes on his feet himself (we to my mind is the concept My last example comes not from the sci- later learn) because evidently they had of a mean free path between ences but from personal experience in that been tied by a right-handed person facing gas-molecule collisions. strange form of pre-Little League baseball the victim. In Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s called “T-ball.” The reasons why I inherit- Mystery of the Silver Blaze, Sherlock ed “running” this league for kindergarten- Homes picks up on something that did The first clearly defined metric based on age children 25 years ago escape me now, not happen. A quiet dog in spite of a the absence of something that comes to my but memories of the outrage and wrath I crime can only mean the dog knew the mind is the concept of a mean free path suffered from a large portion of the chil- perpetrator very well. TV mystery crimes between gas-molecule collisions. A dis- dren’s fathers are still vivid. I had made with key clues being the absence of infor- tance of length over which nothing hap- up my mind that competition had no mation make for rather unusual cine- pens—how does one get students excited place in instructional baseball. I instituted matography. In the days when Columbo about such an important concept in vacu- no striking out, batting around every was originally broadcast, there were no um technology and gas-phase chemistry? inning, and, most objectionable, no score- remotes for televisions, and only 3–5 TV An example that’s easier to visualize is keeping. The absence of having a winner stations were available to most people. the case of “heiligenschein.” The optical and loser was, of course, what troubled so TV screenplays were written for audi- physics behind the phenomenon is sim- many fathers so very much. How else ences who watched the show from start ple but would take up too much space to could they frame their post-game father- to finish—now I assume screenwriters explain. Let’s just say that retro-reflected to-son discussions? For those who are not have to allow for general channel surfing. light is highly collimated. Just because avid fans of America’s favorite pastime, A level of willingness to concentrate your headlights illuminate the miniature perhaps the phrase “much ado about seems to be sorely missing in today’s glass spheres in the road sign ahead at nothing” summarizes their view of the broadcast smorgasbord. Maybe I’m night so that you can easily read it does game even with a scoreboard. wrong, and it’s too much to expect to not mean that a neighboring car traveling CLIF DRAPER 728 MRS BULLETIN/SEPTEMBER 2002.