A Floor and Not a Ceiling
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intellectual tradition. As I read myself into the in any case, it was not affirmation that appealed 1920s, into the 1930s, into the war, I was capti- to me. On the contrary, what appealed was the vated by the temptation to commit one’s entire messiness. What was compelling was not com- SHMA.COM being to a desperate cause. I was moved by the placence, but angst. anxiety of liminality, the fear of never feeling at As a person prone by nature to feel alien- home anywhere, the unbearable yet exhilarating ated, I felt drawn — with hopefulness — to feeling of life’s heaviness. I identified with Isaac Deutscher’s claim that a life of hovering something ineffable: Perhaps it was the real- on the margins of various cultures might gen- ization that there were no innocent choices, that erate privileged insight. I studied Czech and all possible actions involved a betrayal of some- Polish and Yiddish and Russian and German one or something, that tragedy was inevitable — and French (in that order). Yiddish is the lan- that at every moment, everything was at stake. guage that helped me, belatedly, to understand Growing up, I’d always felt an aversion to- both of my grandfathers; Russian is the lan- ward the suburban Jewish community my par- guage I felt at once I’d always needed in order ents belonged to; the community felt bourgeois to truly express myself; Polish is the language in less in Marx’s sense than in Rousseau’s: the bour- which today I feel most at ease. In some ways, Marci Shore is an associate geoisie as superficiality, snobbery, pretentiousness. strangely, I can no longer think about professor of history at Yale What I found in the Polish archives was every- Jewishness without Polish — a language I University. She is the author of thing that bourgeois suburbia — and the empti- learned artificially, in a classroom. Caviar and Ashes: A Warsaw ness of my Hebrew school education — were not. In April 2010, I gave birth to a son, Kalev Generation’s Life and Death in Marxism, 1918-1968 (Yale What I found in the archives was an indomitable Tristan Snyder, in Freud’s erstwhile city of University Press, 2006) and spirit of contestation, a passionate conviction that Vienna. Kalev was born a true “rootless cos- the translator of Michał the world had to be radically remade. I felt an em- mopolitan,” without the right to citizenship in Głowinski’s The Black Seasons. pathy that was also a deep respect for these Jews the land where he was born. I do not feel at Her second book, The Taste of of times past, who lived their Jewishness — as home enough in the world to root him in any Ashes, an account of Eastern often they lived their Polishness, or their Rus- tradition other than a (non-Jewish-Jewish) cos- Europe’s grappling with its memories of totalitarianism at sianness, or their belief in God, or their lack of mopolitan one. His birth, accompanied by the the 20th century’s end, will be belief in God, or their bourgeois background, or sounds of German, which my husband and I forthcoming in 2012. She is their devotion to Marxist revolution or all of these spoke to the Austrian doctors, and Polish, currently at work on a project in any and all combinations — as an existential which we spoke to the Polish midwife at the tentatively titled “The Self Laid dilemma, who struggled with their whole being Viennese hospital, and English, which we Bare,” an examination of the central European encounters to find a place for themselves in the world. In no spoke to each other, in some way heralded a occasioned by phenomenology way did the stories I wandered upon lead me to very Jewish entry into the world. And this felt and structuralism. an unproblematic affirmation of Jewishness — just right to me. A Floor and Not a Ceiling: My Religious Practice SHMULY YANKLOWITZ Rabbi Shmuly Yanklowitz is the founder and president of Uri wo moments during my early 20s stand community became the foundation of the mis- L’Tzedek, an Orthodox social out, each enlivened by religious sensi- sion for my public life and personal quest. justice organization guided by Tbilities. The first moment occurred in the These are the values that guide my halakhic Torah values and dedicated to middle of an African desert, when a tribal chief reasoning: Judaism is neither a science nor an combating suffering and said that the Israelites serve as a “light in the art; it is neither logical nor perfectly beautiful. oppression (utzedek.org). He is also the director of Jewish life world.” After that, while I volunteered in small Judaism is messy, complicated, and incom- and a senior educator at the villages around the world by day, I spent my plete; it provides more questions than answers; University of Los Angeles Hillel, nights reading Jewish books under a lantern. it is more of a yearning than a finding. and a sixth-year doctoral The second moment occurred late one night on Halakhah is a floor and not a ceiling. Ironically, student in moral psychology a hilltop in Efrat, Israel, where I was studying at Jewish law helps me to fly — frees me rather and epistemology at Columbia a yeshiva: That’s where and when I finally let than confines me, inspires me rather than University. His book, Jewish Ethics & Social Justice: A my soul open to talmudic law. I felt extreme ur- weighs me down. Rather than restrict me, the Guide for the 21st Century, will gency at both moments and in both settings to laws of Shabbat enable me to carve out time for be coming out in early 2012. do more and to be more. Jewish values and prayer, meditation, reflection, conversation, and [2] DECEMBER 2011 | KISLEV 5772 learning like no other time in my week. lenging. Most days, I am more in love with God I also embrace Jewish values beyond and Torah than I am with the Jewish people. Jewish law in a very serious way. For example, My struggle with ahavat Yisrael (love for the SHMA.COM on our wedding day, my wife and I chose to be- Jewish people) has been a weight on my heart. come kosher vegans. The tradition inspired us One of my primary religious goals is to but didn’t mandate this life choice. Obeying my strengthen and deepen my internal world in Upcoming conscience is a crucial part of my attempt to order to address more deeply the messiness of in Sh’ma fear and serve God. the outer world. For me, this is primarily done ■ A Map of the Rabbi Moses ben Nachman, known as the through tefillah (prayer), hitbodedut (isolated Electorate Ramban, explains that it takes more than ha- meditation), Talmud Torah (learning and chal- ■ Consumerism lakhic observance to live a holy life. He suggests lenging myself intellectually and personally to ■ that one could keep every minutiae of halakhah think and feel more deeply), and mitzvot (mind- Polarization & and yet live an unholy life. For example, one ful traditional Jewish observance). Deepening Peoplehood could follow the laws governing the relations my connection to God, my community, and my ■ It Happens@the between husband and wife and yet treat one’s inner self cultivates my approach to social jus- Table = a “tisch” spouse disrespectfully. And while one could ob- tice work. This is my “calling” — to help the ■ Igniting & serve the laws of kashrut and eat meat, one most vulnerable by making society more just, Sustaining Curiosity could still eat unethically. The Ramban explains fair, and holy. ■ Jews & Disabilities that we can become an abomination with the I’ve changed a lot over the last decade. I permission of the Torah (naval bi’reshut have taken more ownership of the tradition. ■ What Is a Soul? ha’Torah). To live with holiness, then, we must While Orthodoxy often poses barriers to taking ■ Jews & American go above the requirements of the Torah (she- ownership, the more “Open Orthodoxy” Islam ni’hi’yeh perushim min ha-mutarot). charges us all to learn and encourages us to de- What Jewish conversa- Some things have come easy for me, such velop confidence in our own interpretations of tion would you like to as making autonomous moral decisions. My texts and tradition. I am inspired by the rele- have? Send suggestions early education and family challenged me to vance and urgency of our tradition. I feel called for future Sh’ma topics think for myself. While my theology is com- each day to serve, give, and reflect. I’ve been to [email protected]. plex, my faith in God — an early gift from my told I have an “intense” and “urgent” person- parents — remains simple. Other aspects of my ality; this may be the result of the religious adopted religious life have been more chal- choices I have made. Ex-Hasid at Rainbow: Memories of a Hasidic Tisch SHULEM DEEN rowing up as a Hasidic boy in Borough even their smells — inexplicably captivated me. Park, Brooklyn, I would, on occasion, Slowly, I was swept up in the fervor of the Gattend the tisch of one or another rebbe crowd, and when the tunes turned joyful, I in my largely Hasidic neighborhood. None of joined the other Hasidim dancing in place, them would have the impact of the tisch I at- hand in hand, shoulder to shoulder, children tended in the all-Hasidic village of New Square, and their fathers, yeshiva boys and the elderly, N.Y.