PAGE26 THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY FEATURES May 11, 1999 Movies Uni versa] Pictures Mummy Loves You: Rachel Weisz and Brendan Ke~pMummy Fraser prepare to take on the dead in a special effects-laden remake of Under Wraps the 1932 classic. JAMIE.PECK ing 60 minutes falls into the Retriever Weekly Editorial Staff "less is more" category. Despite all of its full­ The Mummy C** out of four) is neither blown showiness, The Mummy your grandmommy nor your mommy's provides few scares. The dia­ Mummy. Breakthroughs in behind-the-cam­ logue stays cheeky. A horde of era technology have made it possible for computer-generated beasties Universal Pictures to take the creature from looks like a horde of computer­ their own 1932 classic- staggering Boris generated beasties. Deep Rising Karloff in decrepit Ace bandages -plus all alum Kevin J. O'Connor, similar incarnations since and boldly reinvent whose screechy antics were the them for the age of flashy special effects. The worst thing about that flick, result: one mighty monster, an all-powerful materializes here in a similarly entity capable of unleashing the apocalypse grating role. Imhotep recoils with little more than a scary glance. Too bad from kitties like a vampire the movie, despite being almost totally set in would react to a crucifix, as the desert, ain't so hot. depicted in a scene where South African actor Arnold Vosloo plays in his way. val plunderers makes for a nagging distrac­ Fraser brandishes a white feline and sneers, the titular, uh, character here. He starts off in Director/writer Stephen Sommers - the tion. "Lookie what I got!" Oh, well. At least The a nifty ancient Egypt-set prologue as an ad­ man behind last January's awful Deep Ris­ Seemingly compensating for all this yawn­ Mummy consistently doesn't take itself seri­ visor to the pharaoh doomed to be disembow­ ing - uses roughly an hour of valuable inducing exposition is a second half that's ously. eled, smothered and eaten alive by hungry screen time to get this far, already laboring non-stop fire and brimstone, locusts and How sad that Sommers' screenplay invokes scarab beetles after getting caught with one sometimes painfully to set the story up in the grasshoppers, boils and flesh-melting, when such silliness, because he dresses _his epic­ of his boss' mistresses. Flash forward a high-falutin' style of an Indiana Jones esca­ Vosloo's understandably grouchy Imhotep wannabe up in some truly spiffy trappings. couple millennia·to 1922 and a bunch of ad­ pade. A smattering of unnecessary serial­ reassembles himself and initiates a quest to The dazzling dunes here are remnicient of venturers disturb his sarcophagus slumber in esque drama combined with perfunctory cast also resurrect the love he died for. Plagues, The English Patient, as is a scene where pas­ a quest for fabled riches buried deep under introductions make these early sections a murders, voodoo rituals, car chases, foot sengers in a bi-plane attempt to outmanuver the sands of a creepy lost city. Upon awak­ Mummy monotony. Leads Brendan Fraser, as chases, explosions - big action sequences a menacing dustcloud that's following close ening, he's just a mass of tattered flesh and a swarthy soldier, and Rachel Weisz, a brainy crash into each other, piling up with practi­ behind. The Mummy certainly doesn't skimp bones, so he begins stealing necessary body lore expert, ate pretty dull as heroes go, and cally no breathing room in between them. Ab­ on sumptuous sights like these, but the rest parts from anyone unfortun~te enough to get their race to the tombs against a group of ri- solutely nothing in The Mummy's conclud- of it deserves to be kept under wraps. If you have Idle a Hands-Down.Groaner ~IICIIIiMfr~.- JAMIE PECK Retriever Weekly Editorial Staff together, let's talk Horror flicks and body parts go together hand-in-hand, and they really go 'together in Idle Hands(*), a horror flick about a body part with a mind of its own. The appendage ltittlttti~T. - a.hand, of course:__ belongs to a subur­ ban teen named Anton (Devon Sawa), be­ comes possessed by the devil and subse­ There's a lot more to sex than physical attraction. (Try HIV, STis, quently begins a killing spree its owner re:­ pregnancy and birth control for starters.) That's why we're here for all your private mains 9blivious to for a very long time. healthcare needs. So call today for a confidential appointment at one of our seven area Maybe it's because Satan can induce selec­ health centers. After one visit, you'll like our economics too. Planned Parenthood® of tive memory. Maybe it's because Anton Maryland - we're more than you think! clouds his thoughts with all the pot he 1-800-230-PLAN smokes. Or maybe it's because Idle boasts for the health center nearest you one lazy screenplay. That last reason is likeliest since the story Columbia Pictures Wrist Wrestler: Devon Sawa struggles here, with all of its incoherent inconsisten­ with Satan in Idle Hands. cies, slathers on events that fail to make much sense. Antonoffs neighbors and his mom and mischievously horny glee. A fine role model pop (in the movie's one effective scene) for girls, eh? seemingly in a trance, but later appears to be Not that the males fare much better. Idle all too aware of the havoc he's wreaking. Hands plays its gory gross-outs for laughs Sometimes he overpowers his bloodlust, and hardly ever drama, so Sawa (also cur­ Help us other times he doesn't. And late in the game, rently in SLC Punk!) must regularly perform there's word of a portal to hell opening to lame physical shtick. He flails admirably, but swallow an innocent earthy soul as a result this is the type of comedy that even Jim of this demonic carnage. Mystery Science Carrey couldn't enliven. As Anton's stoner Theatre 3000 turkeys have better handled pals, Elden Hensen and Seth Green do have exposition. their funny moments early on, then fall vic­ help you. A lot of this mystical mumbo-jumbo comes tim to their slacker-turned-slasher bud and from actress Vivica A. Fox (Soul Food) as a return as spectral commentators throughout Druid priestess trying to track down the af­ the rest of the movie. Though both boys are flicted before they can murder again; she's game and fast with the quips, An American given screen time whenever the movie needs Werewolf' in London did this better. Write for us and earn background development or a really bad one­ The film also copycats Evil Dead 2, as liner ("There's evil out there, and I'm going Anton finally attempts to stop the madness cash. Call x126o for to kick its ass!"). And to further cement Idle by taking a chainsaw to his wrist. But direc­ Hands poor treatment of female characters, tor Rodman Flender is no Sam Raimi, which Never Been Kissed's Jessica Alba plays the might better explain the main problem with further information. hottie-next-door who fawns all over Anton's Idle Hands- a deficiency of truly success­ grab-happy extremity, calling it "kinky" with ful yucks and yuks. .