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Home , Airheads, Amanda Peet, Amy Locane, Ben Stiller, Billy Crystal, Brendan Fraser

275. – PART ONE

275. Clifford (1994) Okay, here’s the deal: I don’t know you, you don’t know me, but if you are anywhere near a right now I need you to stop whatever it is that you’re doing and go watch “Clifford” on HBO Max. This is another that has a 10% score on which just leads me to believe that all of the critics who were popular in the nineties didn’t have a single shred of humor in any of their non-existent funny bones. I loved this movie when I was seven, and I love it even more when I’m thirty-three. It’s genius. (who at the time was forty-four) plays a ten-year-old hyperactive nightmare child from hell. I mean it, this kid might actually be the devil. He is straight up evil, conniving, manipulative and all-told probably causes no less than ten million dollars-worth of property damage. And, again, the plot is so simple – he just wants to go to Dinosaur World. There are so many comedy with such complicated plots and motivations for their characters, but the simplistic genius of “Clifford” is just this – all this kid wants on the entire planet is to go to Dinosaur World. That’s it. The movie starts with him and his parents on an plane to for a business trip, and Clifford knows that Dinosaur Land is in , therefore he causes so much of a ruckus that the plane has to make an emergency landing. (continued on next page) 275. – PART TWO

275. Clifford (1994) (Cont’d) Clifford is now banned from the flight, so his parents leave him with his hot-shot architect uncle (played by greatest straight-man ever, ) who uses this opportunity to show his girlfriend (the always wonderful ) that he is good with kids. Long story short, Clifford unleashes hell unto his uncle along with his sidekick and imaginary friend played by his toy dinosaur, Stephen. The way he clings to Stephen and talks with him while getting into all sorts of dangerous hijinks is the real gold in this film. Although I don’t really care to go to Dinosaur World (the set design of which is fantastic), if I did have any one true wish for the year 2020, it would be for us all to stop what we are doing (all of us) and just talk about “Clifford.” Memorable Quote: “And when I got back there were bikers here. And they tied me up, Uncle Martin, and then they told me stories that they do on their bikes. Some of them were fun but some of them were scary!” Rating: 4/5 Unicorns 274. – PART ONE

274. (1988) If you’re reading this and wondering why this movie is so far up on the list, the real reason is that I was looking for an excuse to get rid of “Dude Where’s My Car?” and remembered that I hadn’t put “Funny Farm” on here yet, so here we are. I’m most sad about removing “Dude Where’s My Car?” purely because it paid homage to Hal Sparks (for you kiddos who don’t know, Hal Sparks was Ray William Johnson before Ray William Johnson was a thing,) but either way, I am happy to sacrifice that movie for this one, no problem. I love “Funny Farm,” it’s one of my favorite films (but not my top favorite) and again, the premise is simple – a couple swaps the hustle and bustle of city life for a home out in the country and they couldn’t be more unprepared. “Funny Farm” was the last film ever directed by the awesome who also helmed Best Picture Winner “The ” as well as the other Redford/Newman classic, “Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.” He also directed the fantastic “The World According to Garp,” which some might count as a comedy, but I find a little too dramatic to include on the list. Mostly due to how it all ends. But that film is one of my favorite lesser-known films and plays a character in it which could not possibly be more ahead of its time. (continued on next page) 274. – PART TWO

274. Funny Farm (1988) Getting back to “Funny Farm,” it’s full of hijinks and that dry but sarcastic Chevy Chase wit that we all know and love. I think someone should come up with a word like “auteur” but for . Because Chevy Chase would absolutely fall under that category. Pretty much in the same way that Chevy Chase and are both comedians, but Chevy Chase is able to recreate a continued method and character onscreen that is indicative of his personality as a whole, but Dennis Miller is more of a “real-world” personality who cannot really create a character in any kind of narrative feature or carry a whole film by himself. Kind of like the difference between a director and an auteur. There are comedians and then there are… hold on I’m trying to invent a word… okay, I’ve got it: a magnetic humorist*. I’ll define this term on the next page. Chevy Chase is a magnetic humorist and that’s what makes him a movie star. If you haven’t seen “Funny Farm” yet it’s on HBO Max, so go ahead and curl up with Yellow Dog, order yourself another round of lamb fries and put it on the list. Memorable Quotes: “This ain’t a bridge. It’s termite’s holding hands.” Rating: 4/5 Unicorns WHAT IS A MAGNETIC HUMORIST? Okay, so I was thinking about it and I can describe a magnetic humorist as this: a whose own living personality so closely resembles their on-screen persona that the humorous situations attract themselves naturally.

Examples: , Chevy Chase, , Martin Short, , , 273.

273. Black Sheep (1996) Now, I bet you think right now is a good time for me to start talking about the majesty of , and while both he and are just about as majestic as it gets, what I instead will be talking about is that this film was directed by . She’s going to pop back up again down on the list, but I need to take this opportunity to let you know that Penelope Spheeris is a person, and she is one of the coolest, most badass female directors to ever walk this planet. Pretty much all of her projects are either music or comedy based, but she has been making documentaries and short films about Megadeth and D since the early nineties. She co- wrote and directed the 1994 “Little Rascals” remake, a film which I love even though it is not included on this list, and she is responsible for directing one of, what I believe, is the greatest comedic films ever made (not going to spoil it just yet.) So next Oscar season if anyone dares start whining and complaining about a lack of inclusion and the need for more female filmmakers, my stance is this: how about we talk more about Penelope Spheeris? Why do I love “Black Sheep”? Because Gary Busey is perfect, Christine Ebersole makes a great bad guy, is Tim Matheson, any trip film with David Spade and Chris Farley is comedy gold and this is pretty much the only movie ever where Grant Heslov had a chance to shine. Memorable Quote: “Kill whitey!” Rating: 3/5 Unicorns 272.

272. (2001) If Joe Dirt were a real person, well, he’d be my friend Johnny Stewart. But since no one is paying me to do anything yet (STILL!) …yet, I will instead relegate myself to watching the oft-hilarious and altogether memorable David Spade-starrer “Joe Dirt.” If anything, I think I appreciate this movie because it shows the first time David Spade really stepped out of his comfort zone and played a different character from the typical stuck-up suits he was known for playing in the nineties. This movie probably opened him up to a whole new fan base, and I appreciate the moxie and the risk that it took to do something that he, at the time, was not quite used to doing on the big screen. Joe Dirt just wants to find his parents, he loves Brandy (who doesn’t?), and plays the big bully bad guy. I’m satisfied. Memorable Quote: “That’s a space peanut.” Rating: 2.5/5 Unicorns 271.

271. Dogma (1999) “Dogma” might very well be my favorite movie. I love “Zack and Miri Make a Porno” and I even have a soft spot for “Jersey Girl,” but the philosophical discussions in “Dogma” paired with the continual bickering of and just touches on all of the right spots. Take into account another, dynamite, banger cast, and this film has everything a girl could ever want from a sacrilegious end-of-times adventure flick. I mean, aside from wonder duo Affleck and Damon, you also have , Salma Hayek, Alan Rickman (it still saddens me that he’s gone), George freaking Carlin playing a Catholic priest, Bud Cort, Jason Lee, Jeanine Garofalo, and to top it all off, Alanis Morrissette plays God because of course Alanis Morrissette is God – duh. This movie is fun, it’s smart, it has Jay & Silent Bob, and I haven’t had a chance to go to any of the Mooby’s pop-ups, but I still want me some Mooby’s you know? Memorable Quote: “God? Lonely. But funny. He’s got a great sense of humor.” Rating: 4/5 Unicorns 270.

270. (1994) Frankly, I could watch and together pretty much any day of the week but add to that the curious but oddly satisfying and now we have ourselves a movie. I like Brendan Fraser, but… I still don’t get Brendan Fraser. He is a man who could only be in movies, you know? I would never see a stage play and go, “ooh, this has Brendan Fraser in it” and if he ever popped up on a TV show, I think I would feel a little bit sick to my stomach as though something was wrong with the world. Not only that, but “Airheads” is another “held hostage” movie, because for some reason in the mid- nineties everyone was just taking everyone else hostage. I truly don’t think I have seen the idea of holding someone hostage as a humorous plot point in films in a long time and I don’t really know why… it’s a great concept and makes for an interesting series of events. Anytime you can cast a role for someone as a hostage negotiator, well, the world of possibilities just opens back up. This movie has a great supporting cast, including the majestic Chris Farley, , Michael McKean, Ernie Hudson, , , and Joe Mantegna. Memorable Quote: “The Lone Rangers? That’s original. How can you pluralize Lone Ranger”? Rating: 2.5/5 Unicorns 269.

269. Bio-Dome (1996) , we meet again – did you find ? Okay, if there is anything that I think we can take away from this list so far, it is most definitely that 1996 was just a boss year for comedy. I mean… it ruled. Which is made even more hysterical considering the fact that the film which won Best Picture at The for that year was “The English Patient,” which is one of the most heart-wrenching films of all time, so maybe the adults all needed a good laugh. It was an election year after all and listening to Bob Dole be Bob Dole must have been taxing. Did Bob Dole die? Author’s note – Bob Dole is ninety-seven years old and still alive – good for you, Bob Dole! Getting back to “Bio-Dome,” let’s be honest… the real reason this movie is on the list is not because Pauly Shore is amazing or that Stephen Baldwin was a good number two, or even that is so good at playing a delivery man that his passing left a huge gaping hole in the space for those characters. No, “Bio-Dome” is on this list for one reason and one reason only – because Wiliam Atherton is truly the only bad guy any comedy movie ever needs and I just need more of him in my life, you know? Extra added bonus – super duper sexy nineties “it” girl plays Pauly Shore’s girlfriend and we can all give a big high-five to The Weasel. Now somebody bring me a Big Gulp, please and thank you. Memorable Quote: “Shaved down pool nazis oiling up our women and swimming with them in an Olympic-sized toilet.” Rating: 3/5 Unicorns 268.

268. (2001) Okay, here is the part of the list where I tell you there is no official order. I took care with everything up until about number 100, but from then on, I’ve really only grouped movies together in whatever order I was thinking of them at the time. Because, truthfully, if I had the time and the patience to really go through all of these, then “Saving Silverman” would be much, much higher up on the list. Much like William Atherton is the perfect bad guy in any good comedy, is the perfect bitchy girlfriend in any good slacker flick. This is probably my favorite film of all time and the best use of in any movie since “The Singer.” In my house, we quote this movie damn near every other day and most especially anytime we are eating nachos. The combination of and Steve Zahn together is magical and I find it so interesting that Jack Black was able to launch off and become a huge star but Steve Zahn was never able to. Maybe it’s his name. Either way, he is fantastic in almost everything that he does and he never, ever, ever disappoints. R. Lee Ermey co-stars in a memorable turn as the boys’ high school football coach and every frame of this film is a frigging riot. Bonus points anytime someone fights with a raccoon. Memorable Quote: “If it sticks together, it’s one nacho.” Rating: 4.5/5 Unicorns 267.

267. Envy (2004) Apparently, we have now come to the Jack Black-suite of films on the list because here we are talking about one of his and ’s forgotten gems. Again, you might be reading this and thinking I’m nuts, but truly, I dig this flick. This movie is directed by whose name, when you realize he also directed “Rain Man,” makes you tilt your head to the side a bit and go, “hmm.” Perhaps my favorite reason for liking this movie is that it is one of the first big-screen breakout roles for and I think the casting of her as Jack Black’s wife is nothing short of a match made in heaven. It’s full of jokes and hijinks and Jack Black being Jack Black while Ben Stiller is Ben Stiller. These two play-off of each other well and the colors and wacky designs reek of that mid-2000’s funk that almost felt like 1997 was trying to make a comeback right before social media would arrive to suck out any and everything that was ever good and happy only to replace it with an endless, constant stream of memes that you didn’t even write. (Deep breath). It has an 8% rating on Rotten Tomatoes and while I get that some people might not be on board for the continuous poop jokes, I’m willing to bet quite a lot of money that if I went back and re-watched this film today, there would be some ominous premonition which moderately reflects the weird times in which we are living in now. Memorable Quote: “How do I know where the shit goes?” Rating: 2.5/5 Unicorns 266.

266. in (2006) Jack Black strums a guitar, grooves along with him, plays Satan, and I am happy just for the ride. Re- watched this recently and have to say that the beginning holds up better than the end, but hey, the origin is always the best part of any epic. Also major thumbs up to whoever cast to play Jack Black’s dad – totally sick. Lots of cool cameos and general badassery, so there’s not much more you could hope for. Hey – this movie also has Ben Stiller and Amy Poehler! Rad. Memorable Quote: “You never know when you’ll have to f*ck your way out of a situation.” Rating: 3/5 Unicorns 265.

STEAK

265. The Devil Wears Prada (2006) Okay, I told myself that when I got to number 265, I would have to put my laundry away and now the time is come so I have to drag this on for as long as possible, because I really truly hate it when I have to do actual work. That’s actually a lie, for the most part I like doing laundry, but my rhythm has been blown out of sync the last few days, so I’m behind and mostly I just hate playing catch-up. What were we talking about? “Devil Wears Prada” – that’s right. I like this film, it’s at her best and some of her most memorable. It reminds me of my old assistant days, but I never worked for a woman pretty much for this very reason. Just thinking of this movie makes me want steak and I love but I don’t think she is as memorable in this film as in what would turn out to be her breakout role. So we can thank this film for giving us the future Mrs. Krasinski and the modern Mary Poppins. That whole memorizing the guest list thing is 100% real, bosses do not remember anyone to save their lives, and the “giving you a key to my house and entrusting you with all of my life’s secrets but simultaneously treating you like ” is another dead-on hit. Either way this is a great movie, but I always wonder how director had two huge back-to-back hits with “Devil Wears Prada” and “Marley & Me,” and then he follows it up by doing a $41 million dollar comedy about bird-watching that only pulled in $8M at the worldwide box office… which also starred Jack Black. Weird. Okay, time for laundry, I guess. Memorable Quote: “No, no, that wasn’t a question.” Rating: 3/5 Unicorns 264.

264. Pretty Woman (1990) I don’t think we need a “Pretty Woman” remake, but we do need more movies like “Pretty Woman.” There’s something to be said about the disappearance of strong, edgy female roles that are both controversial and feminine all at the same time. Today it would be seen as incredibly un-PC for ’ character to be “saved” by – let alone be walking the streets in the first place. But still I think there lies some happy medium somewhere in that we can still write strong, loud, female roles that can be used as vehicles for the next big star to cruise into the mainstream. Must everything be some deep, depressing drama? Must all female comedies be ensembles because “Bridesmaids” worked once, nine years ago, and we can’t just let one woman run the whole show unless she’s Melissa McCarthy? At this point in time the only young woman I could trust to carry a whole comedy would be and frankly I’d really love to see Emma Stone in that same bobbed platinum blonde wig as Julia Roberts in “Pretty Woman.” Either way if anything comes out of this whole coronavirus mess, I sure as hell hope that it’s better, more confident actors, and scripts with stronger roles for young talent. Because we don’t need a “Pretty Woman” remake, but we do need more films like “Pretty Woman.” Memorable Quote: ”Big mistake. Big. Huge. I have to go shopping now.” Rating: 4.5/5 Unicorns 263.

263. High Fidelity (2000) If I had to make a list of my top five favorite movies, this one would come in at number four. That’s not counting his minor role in “,” just for the record. But “High Fidelity” is a subdued and depressing, but altogether enjoyable comedy that for some reason I always think is directed by yet is actually directed by Steven Frears. Cusack even co-wrote the screenplay for this one which is perhaps what makes it feel like one of his more personal touches. The story of love and loss, flames and flame outs, moving in and moving on, “High Fidelity” is probably a nice break on this list from the schlocky “simple concept” films I’ve flung your way thus far. It’s not entirely indie, but it’s not entirely commercial either, and the banter between Cusack and his record store employees Dick (Todd Louiso) and Barry (Jack Black – hey!) is really the highest of high points in this groovy trip down memory lane. Perhaps my favorite scene involves Beverly D’Angelo playing a divorced woman who attempts to sell her ex-husband’s prized record collection for pennies. It’s a scene like that which really taps into what it feels like to feel so passionately about a subject like art or music. John Cusack can’t in good conscience take her up on her offer (even though doing so would likely enrich himself) because it in someway is breaking the silent code of the collectors. I feel that, and I get that, and I can groove right along there with it. Memorable Quote – “Did I listen to pop music because I was miserable? Or was I miserable because I listened to pop music?” Rating – 3.5/5 Unicorns 262.

262. How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days (2002) I’m going to give you fair warning here, the next five films on the list are female-centered comedies/rom-coms, so if you don’t feel like reading through them, maybe skip down a few tabs. Cool? Alright now, my favorite thing about this movie is Matthew McConaughey’s hunky… okay, now that the boys are all gone – ladies here’s the deal: men are dumb and they need to be trained and really the only thing they care about is their image to their and how big their yoohoo is. That’s it. That is actually all they think about. I don’t care if they’re fighting for social justice or building rocket ships to the moon, all of these inventions and modern technology we have are literally put here just so these dumb as rocks boys have something to do between looking at pictures of boobs and comparing it to the pictures of boobs that their buddy has. This is exactly is why we used to make movies like “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days” because although men see a woman like ’s character as manipulative and evil, what she was really doing was proving that… aw shit the boys are back – so, Bebe Neuwirth has a great performance in this and that dog Kate Hudson gets is just so cute! Bonus points for perfectly lip-syncing the wonderful Carly Simon hit, “You’re So Vain.” All the unicorns! Memorable Quote: “Does Princess Sophia want to come out and play?” Rating: 3/5 Unicorns 261.

261. While You Were Sleeping (1998) Look, this movie is great but Peter Gallagher is way hotter than Bill Pullman so should have just kept up with the lie and tricked him into marrying her because Peter Gallagher has the way nicer apartment and she would have walked away with the much better deal. But I guess morals and feelings are a thing, so the guy from “Independence Day” gets the girl and then Sandra Bullock goes on to live happily ever after in a house filled with incomplete furniture projects. Jack Black does not appear in this film. Memorable Quote – “Ok, Lucy, it’s either me or him!” // “Him.” // “You don’t have to answer right away.” Rating – 3/5 Unicorns 260.

260. Sweet Home Alabama (2002) Ughhhhhhhhhhhh, okay here goes. “Sweet Home Alabama” is one of the only movies I’ve ever cried at while I was in the theater. I’m normally a pretty tough broad and sappy romance stuff doesn’t get to me (even “,” although I am more hormonal now than I used to be). But either way, at the end of “Sweet Home Alabama” I, to this day, cry like a baby. The movie is so perfectly book ended and the same thing that younger version of Dakota Fanning (ughhhhhhhhhhhhh) says to little Josh Lucas at the beginning of the movie is the same thing Reese Witherspoon says to him at the end of the movie and I freaking lose it, okay? I was fifteen when this movie came out so I didn’t get why, but now I am older and I totally get why and it’s all just going to upset me so let’s move on to the next movie alright, can we do that? Thanks. PS – Candice Bergen is amazing at playing a bad guy and although Reese Witherspoon is meant to end up with Josh Lucas, I will of course take Patrick Dempsey any day of the week, okay leave me alone now and somebody bring me a pizza (sausage and pineapple) okay bye. …Pan crust! Memorable Quote – “So I can kiss you anytime I want.” (Aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh) Rating – 4/5 Unicorns 259.

259. Drop Dead Gorgeous (1999) I legitimately love . She’s rad man, she has great comedic timing and she takes a lot of fun, interesting roles. Doesn’t hurt that the first kiss of her entire life was with , so the girl’s just got it going on. I also love beauty pageant movies. This movie, “Miss Congeniality” (where Candice Bergen plays the bad guy,) I don’t see anything wrong with either of them and when you go ahead and throw in a murder plot, I am even more game. I think the thing I love most about this film other than it’s quirky characters and fantastic costume design, is again, just an amazing cast of comedic actresses who all know their roles and play them perfectly. Ellen Barkin, , , , Brittany Murphy, in her first film role ever. Add to Adam West plays himself and who could ever want anything more from a comedy? Memorable Quote – “Yah, well, if they ask you to take your top off, get the money first.” Rating – 3/5 Unicorns 258.

258. Romy & Michelle’s High School Reunion (1997) Okay, now we’re talking chick flicks. “Romy and Michelle” isn’t like most typical rom-coms in that it is part romantic comedy, part modern day , and all completely fantastic. The fashion in this movie is to die for and is exactly how I remember the year 1997 to be. Not 1996, not 1998, but 1997 looked just like “Romy & Michelle’s High School Reunion”. This is another one that I am surprised hasn’t had some kind of reboot or revisiting deal to it because and are dynamite together. This movie came out when I was ten years old and it was my first introduction to Mira Sorvino, so when I found out she was a mostly dramatic actress, I was actually kind of devastated. gives a great supporting performance and both and Camryn Manheim add to the fun. The dance sequence at the end is magical, the cover story of them inventing Post-It’s is genius, and these two are so much fun to watch together that I get a little bit bummed when the movie is finally over. It’s hyper quotable (“I’m the Mary!”) and the characters are all likeable, so I really don’t think there is any flaw in this film whatsoever. The hair, the clothes, the shoes! I die. Bonus points for anyone with an eagle eye like me who can spot this one: Mira Sorvino was dating at the time of filming, so when the girls are getting into the convertible there is actually a Red Apple Cigarettes poster in the background of the shot. Memorable Quote – “Do you have some sort of businesswoman special?” Rating – 4.5/5 Unicorns 257.

257. Can’t Hardly Wait (1998) Okay, if you haven’t figured out the pattern already, I like comedy movies with strong, large supporting casts. But my favorite thing about “Can’t Hardly Wait” (aside from the pre-DuJour ensemble of Breckin Meyer, , Alex Martin and ) is the fact that it has Charlie Korsmo in it. I mean this kid is everywhere in the early nineties – “Hook,” “What About Bob?”, “Dick Tracy” where his character’s name is literally Kid (“when do we eat”?) But then he disappears off the face of the earth for the next seven years, goes through puberty, and then pops back up again in, of all movies, “Can’t Hardly Wait.” To top it all off, Charlie Korsmo has only done one other movie since then – a small indie film in 2018 called “Chained for Life” in which his character’s name is “Herr Director” which makes sense but also feels like is a long freaking hiatus for such a good actor. I say he’s a plant. Anyways, I thoroughly enjoy “Can’t Hardly Wait” and it includes many others who have already cropped up on this list including Clea DuVall and . I am pretty sure this is the biggest movie Ethan Embry will ever get to star in and the writing/directing duo of Harry Elfont and Debra Kaplan are two of my favorites – they also did “Josie and the Pussycats.” If you like late-nineties teen sex comedies (and dressed as an Angel stripper), make sure to add this one to your list. Memorable Quote – “Nobody drink the beer; the beer has gone bad!” Rating – 3/5 Unicorns 256.

256. American Pie (1999) In all honesty, this title is on here for the same reason “Mrs. Doubtfire” is, I just didn’t feel like I could leave it off. This film established the now all too common phrase, “MILF,” (actually uttered by future Captain Sulu John Cho who makes another appearance much, much further down on this list). Tara Reid, , , Jason Biggs are all there to get the party going. Chris Klein plays dumb jock turned sensitive singer, so let’s face it, this movie does what it needs to do. Interestingly enough this film marks the directorial debut of who is a third-generation Hollywood artist, with his mother being the great of “Imitation to Life” fame, his grandmother being the world-renowned Mexican actress who starred in the Spanish-language version of the original 1931 “Dracula,” and his grandfather being who established one of the longest running talent agencies in town. All this culminating in a film where a teenage boy has sex with a pie. Pretty much sums up the whole business. Memorable Quote – “This one time, at band camp…” Rating – 3/5 Unicorns 255. – PART ONE

255. Grindhouse: (2007) While most people wouldn’t look at ’s contribution to the 2007 double-feature spectacular “Grindhouse” as a comedy, I do. For me, it is most definitely a and an exaggeration on the 1970’s exploitation horror flicks that were especially delicious to watch at drive-in theaters during that time. But I am much quicker to classify “Planet Terror” as a horror/comedy and “” as a straight up action flick because “Planet Terror” is chockfull of so many different visual gags and ridiculous bits that aren’t as prominent in Tarantino’s version. Rose McGowan plays a one-legged stripper with a machine gun for a leg who dreams of becoming a stand-up comedian one day. If that doesn’t lead you down the funny bone path, I don’t know what will. Particularly when I was putting this list together, what sprang to my mind more than anything was the bit where Marley Shelton has her hands paralyzed and is trying to open the car door. Add to that the melodramatic look of surprise when she hears a gunshot after telling her son not to play with Daddy’s pistol, but to hold on to it in case now-turned-zombie Daddy shows up. I’ve seen this film in a theater more than once and that sequence always gets the biggest laughs. (continued on next page) 255. – PART TWO

255. Grindhouse: Planet Terror (2007) (Cont’d) Another visual gag that assists to classify this film as a comedy for me is the inclusion of Tarantino himself as a character known only as The Rapist. At one point, The Rapist is trapped in an elevator with Rose McGowan as he leans in close and tells her how much she reminds him of Ava Gardner (Lily Langtree in “The Life and Times of Judge Roy Bean.) When they emerge to their “women in prison”-style holding facility, he holds McGowan at gunpoint and tells her to dance. Tarantino’s performance in this scene further adds to my assertion that the film is meant to be a comedy as Tarantino acts with his usual Tarantino-esque caricature façade: overemphasizing syllables and emphatically expressing with his face. It’s a great performance that I won’t ruin if you haven’t seen it, but if you were like me and ignored this now cult classic when it first came out because it all seemed too weird, now would be the perfect moment in time for you to tune in. Memorable Quote: “And I’ve been to Morroco.” Rating: 4.5/5 Unicorns 254.

254. Something’s Gotta Give (2003) Amanda Peet doesn’t play the bitchy girlfriend in this movie, but she still gives a wonderful turn as the daughter of Diane Keaton who brings her much (much) older boyfriend () to her mother’s beach house for the weekend only to find that her mom had the same idea. The two parties meet and Nicholson winds up having a mild heart attack one night while he and Peet are, uh, enjoying each other’s company. Unable to travel long distances, Nicholson is forced to recover at Keaton’s Hampton home and when Peet leaves Jack to go back to the city for work, he finds an unusual (although realistically normal) connection sparking between he and Keaton. plays Jack’s cardiologist in what I think is his most charming role to date. You get a damn near full frontal shot of Diane Keaton and man is she all kinds of beautiful in every which way you can imagine. It’s probably the touch, but this romantic comedy (which was nominated for Best Actress for Keaton) has the sort of gloss and polish that one does not find on other films belonging to the genre. This movie could certainly beat out “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days” with a one-two punch. Either way, if you’re visiting your Mom or Grandmother soon and they haven’t seen this film yet, make sure to pop it on and give them a whirl. Memorable Quote – “I’m like the dumb girl that doesn’t get it. I’ve never been the dumb girl before. It ain’t great.” Rating – 4/5 Unicorns 253.

253. 3 Ninjas (1992) I had to decide between this film and “Surf Ninjas” in this brief “martial arts themed films from my childhood” suite, and “3 Ninjas” won the coin toss. This movie was directed by Jon Turteltaub, a personal favorite (human as well as director, I got to work with him briefly on 2013’s “Last Vegas”), and my favorite thing about this movie is and always will be the main characters’ names. You have Rocky, Colt, and Tum Tum (I die), three brothers who are taught the ways of ninjutsu by their grandfather over the course of a summer. I don’t really remember what happens too much after that, I know some crime plot involving dumb witted thugs eating pizza has to be thwarted, but either way this is one of those movies from my childhood that I used to watch with my brother all the time and thinking of it just makes me instantly happy. Tum Tum is pretty much always eating because what else are you going to do with a character named Tum Tum? Memorable Quote – “Ro-cky loves Em-i-ly!” Rating – 2.5/5 Unicorns 252.

252. Sidekicks (1992) I took karate for seven years while I was growing up, so I used to watch a lot of karate movies. “Sidekicks” was always a fun one to pop in the VCR because of it’s cool fantasy sequences and Winnie Cooper herself (Danica McKellar) as the love interest. Looking back on it, this movie was a little bit of a knock off “Karate Kid,” but I’m okay with it. is the main martial arts draw here and his cool demeanor is enough to satiate the six-year-old in me who loved watching this movie. This isn’t the first time Jonathan Brandis will show up on this list, but for a career and life that were cut way too short, he sure did star in a couple of films that left an indelible impression on me that has lasted into adulthood. Memorable Quote – “You must realize that the greatest weapon you possess is self-control.” Rating – 2.5/5 Unicorns 251.

251. Major Payne (1995)

“Major Payne” is another one of those mid-nineties-targeted- at-children comedies that, I think, is the best film role of Damon Wayans’ career. It has all the elements you need in a military-themed movie, and any time you pair a manic comedian with a group of middle school age children, the result is typically comedy gold. This movie is pretty much all Damon Wayans, with Michael Ironside serving as the pseudo bad guy of the bunch and one of the kids is played by Chris Owen who most people know as the Klepto Kid from “Can’t Hardly Wait” or Chuck Sherman in “American Pie.” It’s almost like there’s a formula to this whole thing afterall… Memorable Quote – “I’m gonna put my foot so far up your ass, the water on my knee will quench your thirst.” Rating – 3/5 Unicorns