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Learning Objectives 5/5/2017 Raising Well-Adjusted Kids Presenter Marianne Jurney, MSS, LCSWA Marianne Jurney serves as an EAP counselor and incident manager for Workplace Options, where she has worked for 10 years. Prior to entering the employee assistance field, Marianne worked in the field of children’s services for 16 years, providing services to foster and adoptive families. She and her husband, Mark, are kept busy raising their three children, ages 15, 14 and 9 years. Marianne sees motherhood as both an enormous blessing and a tremendous challenge. As Marianne puts it, “On a daily basis, parents often feel as if they are swimming against the tide as they strive to understand, explain and often counter the messages that our world is sending to our children. But take heart – parents don’t need to be perfect or to be an expert, what they need to be is available and willing to come alongside their children as they navigate their way through life.” Learning Objectives • Review the current research and science behind raising well-adjusted kids. • Learn tips to foster positive mental health in the children and teens in your life. 1 5/5/2017 Poll What are the ages of the children in your life? (Select all that apply.) A. Early childhood (birth – 8 years). B. Middle childhood (8 – 12 years). C. Adolescence ( 12 – 18 years). Quote “The key to raising a well-rounded child is to establish a solid support system at home so that she grows up satisfied with her achievements and ambitions. The goal as a parent is to help your child feel competent and confident, and to help her develop a sense of passion and purpose.” Susan Stiffelman, MFT Educational therapist and author of Parenting Without Power Struggles What Is “Well-Adjusted”? A “well-adjusted” child is defined as being “mentally and emotionally stable.” 2 5/5/2017 Parent – Child Attachment Children’s ability to regulate attention, emotion and arousal develops in the context of their primary caregiving relationships during infancy and appears to be fundamental for the balance of the life span in organizing behavior, social relationships and adaptive functioning. In consequence, emotional availability constitutes a key feature of both parenting and children’s development (Bornstein, Suwalksy & Breakstone, 2012). Attachment Theory • Coined by psychologist John Bowlby in the late 1960s. • Children who exhibit a strong attachment to their caregivers have a strong sense of security and foundation. • As the child develops, the role of the caregiver shifts to meet the needs of the child: – Formative years: Provide consistent support and security. – Latter years: Provide periodic help when needed. Early Childhood (Birth – 8 years old) • Socioemotional development occurs at the first year of age. – Attachment formation is critical. • 3-5 years old – formation of: – Peer relationships. – Gender identification. – Judgment (right and wrong). • 8 years old: – Enduring friendships. – Social comparison. – Taking others’ “point of view.” 3 5/5/2017 Middle Childhood (8 – 12 years old) • Cognitive development – slow and steady: – Building on early childhood skills. – Rule-based reasoning. • Developing new skills, such as: – Classification. – Forming hypotheses. • Gaining a sense of enthusiasm for work and learning: – Achievement = Motivating factor Middle Childhood (8 – 12 years old) • Developing skills in interpersonal and social relationships: – Peer orientation. – Greatly influenced by family. • “Best friends” are viewed as important relationships. Adolescence (12 – 18 Years Old) • Cognitive development – transitional period in which thinking and reasoning about problems and ideas change. • Benefit from “real life” experiences rather than abstract principles or ideas. • Gain the ability to: – Reflect on their own thoughts. – Think and develop future plans. – Think hypothetically regarding abstract ideas. • Internal conflict between identity and role confusion. 4 5/5/2017 Adolescence (12 – 18 Years Old) • Emotional development – mood swings. • Causes: – Social, physical and cognitive changes. – Self-esteem issues. – Self-identity vs. socially desirable. • Psychological disorders become common: – Depression. – Mood disorders. – Schizophrenia. Media and societal expectations mixed with social, emotional and physical changes have contributed to the increase of eating disorders, violence and sexuality. Developing Healthy Brain Habits “Techniques that foster emotional intelligence, self- esteem and self-awareness will give them more of a head start in life than anything else.” Catherine Plano Did You Know? • 90% of a child’s brain growth takes place within the first five years of life – millions of brain connections are forming. • According to The Science of Parenting, “By age seven the foundations for their adult brain function (and ability to handle tricky emotions) are pretty much set. And no, nothing will have more influence on our child’s life than you, their primary caregiver.” 5 5/5/2017 Curiosity, Imagination and Creativity “Curiosity, imagination and creativity in children make a powerful three-part force that constantly pulls them upward to new levels of maturity. This will show up in their school work, in their future jobs and in their lives generally.” Benjamin Spock • Infancy = Curiosity • 3-6 years = Imagination • School years = Dream (nature, science, technology) • Adolescence = Dream (romance, great/realistic achievements) Sociability • Children are born with their own unique personalities, and some children are more sociable than others early on. • Birth order plays a role in sociability: – The oldest child may be less sociable than average. – Model themselves after their parental figure: • More serious-minded. • More mature. • More self-conscious. • Same may be true for only children. – Second child takes more initiative. “The development of our sociability has to be given a good head start by our having parents who are delighted with us in infancy, who smile at us, hug us, talk baby talk to us.” Benjamin Spock Quote “In raising children, we need to continuously keep in mind how we can best create the most favorable environment for their imitative behavior. Everything done in the past regarding imitation must become more and more conscious and more and more consciously connected with the future.’” Rudolf Steiner 6 5/5/2017 Positive Parenting Strategies – Early Childhood • Play matching games (e.g., puzzles, shapes). • Encourage independence by allowing your child to dress him/herself. • Schedule a time to read with your child. • Take your child on a walk to explore his/her surroundings. • Teach your child easy songs or nursery rhymes. • Teach your child how to appropriately express his/her feelings. • Allow your child to assist with simple chores. • Remain consistent when disciplining your child. Positive Parenting Strategies – Middle Childhood • Show affection, and recognize accomplishments. • Assist in helping him/her develop a sense of responsibility. • Provide praise for good behavior. • Converse with your child regarding school and friends. • Meet the parents of your child’s friends. • Become actively involved in your child’s school. • Help him/her set goals. • Discuss the physical and emotional changes of puberty. • Make clear rules, and ensure that you stick to them. • Encourage him/her to read daily. Positive Parenting Strategies – Adolescence • Meet your teen’s friends. • Express interest in your child’s education. • Respect your teen’s opinions, and be an active listener. • Discuss sensitive subjects such as drugs, sex and alcohol, and be completely honest. • Assist your teen in making healthy decisions/choices. • Encourage your teen to become active in the community. • Provide positive compliments to your teen, and celebrate his/her accomplishments. • Pay attention to any changes in your teen’s behavior. • Show affection, and spend quality time together. 7 5/5/2017 Poll Do you and your children have established daily routines? A. Yes. B. No. Create Routines • According to child psychologist Danielle Kaufman, “Building routines with your children helps them feel safe.” • Reasoning: – Children are provided with clear and concise boundaries, expectations and consistency. Creating Routines • The best way to create a routine is to Keep It Simple • Choose one or two techniques, and modify them as you feel it suits your child. • Remain consistent. – According to author Gretchen Rubin, “One of the easiest ways to make a new habit stick is to pair it with one you’ve already established.” 8 5/5/2017 Tips for Developing a Morning Routine 1. Start the cycle of “moving” early on. – Research and studies have proven that ensuring your child gets in the habit of moving (exercise) early in life will lead to a healthier adulthood. – Trick for success = Make it fun … not a chore. • Younger children: Walking around the neighborhood. • Older children: Dancing to music while getting ready. 2. Ease distractions. – Children face a lot of distractions, which can increase their stress level. – Simple visualization is a great way for children to experience the benefits of mindfulness. Tips for Developing an Evening Routine 1. Read to your children. – Fosters intelligence. 2. Practice gratitude. – According to several studies, gratitude, for both adults and children, “has the strongest relationship to life satisfaction.” – How do you express gratitude age-appropriately? • According to Danielle Kaufman, “Be specific.” • “Instead of asking ‘How was your day?’ try ‘What’s something funny that happened to you today,
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