Friday The Independent April 30, 2004 Cambridge Student Issue 600! Newspaper - www.varsity.co.uk for 600 issues

CLASSICAL MUSIC BIRTHDAY MADNESS! OPINION Not Dead Yet 600 Today Why I voted for fees The future of grown-up tunes (Not years, obviously) Anne Campbell hits back

Page 17 Page 6 Page 11 The Great Brain Robbery w Sims e ndr A

Charlotte Forbes graphical work. This would also Cambridge loses this element of its Archie Bland mean that any work done using uni- attraction to academics, it could versity equipment, including, for potentially harm student interests. He instance, web-pages authored on a said that this would be a particular university-subsidised computer, issue for scientific departments, as A dispute over ‘greedy’ intellectual would no longer be the property of people would be more likely to take property regulations has placed the author. their research to universities with more Cambridge academics and universi- Academics have argued that this liberal IP regulations, such as ty authorities at loggerheads. New takes away one of their main fringe Stanford. This could conceivably leave university ownership proposals have benefits, as many rely on the sale of the department depleted of staff. The been castigated as amongst the their work to supplement their university, however, denies any harm “most repressive” of their kind in income, which can bring in an addi- will be caused to students and said that British universities. Report author Bill Cornish tional £5,000-£10,000 per year. Anderson may move on the measures are being considered A recently unveiled report, conduct- Concerns have been raised that this simply “to bring the university into ed by Prof. Bill Cornish, head of the departure would be another severe could pave the way for future taxes receive a third of the revenue. The line with others to ensure effective university’s Intellectual Property Unit, blow to the unversity’s reputation, on additional consulting income. lack of control over sale of work has commercialisation of research results”. has proposed an expansion in the uni- following a trend of academics mov- This follows precedents set by uni- raised some serious ethical issues, as They denied that the move was about versity’s hold on legal rights to ing abroad for improved pay. He also versities such as York and Glasgow academics would have no control over “seizing ideas or property”. Professor research findings, meaning that in told Varsity that the measures would whereby up to 50% of outside who bought their research. The pro- Cornish was unavailable for comment. future academics could lose their right “certainly be a factor” in other aca- income earned by academics is posals do suggest ‘consultation’ with These latest proposals are to be to patent or sell their inventions. demics’ decisions on where to con- handed over to the university. the individual concerned before discussed at a meeting in Regent Ross Anderson, Professor of duct their research. Intellectual The dispute began in 2001, but it rights are sold. This suggestion has House on the 11th May, which Security Engineering at the Property Rights (IPR) are generally was not until 2002 that further pro- been dismissed as “not strong Professor Anderson described as “the Computer Science Department, is most valuable in Anderson’s comput- posals, according to which all tenured enough” by Anderson, who points out latest battle in a long drawn-out war”. heading a campaign against the pro- er science department. As this is one academic staff would lose IPR, that one such consultation has already It is likely that the university will take posals. He told Varsity that the meas- of the university’s most profitable caused outrage within and beyond the ended in the relevant academic’s note of opinions raised at the meet- ures have made him consider his sectors, the potential consequences of academic community. Under such objections being ignored. ing, as it did in 2002 when a commit- future at Cambridge, and that the a ‘brain drain’ to universities with a reforms the university would be able This decision has led to predictions tee was established to investigate the likelihood of his departure has been more liberal IPR regime are grave. to assume full rights to staff ’s work, that the close and profitable relation- matter. But Anderson was not opti- “significantly increased”. Prof. Whilst the university has conced- thus preventing them from control- ship between the university and high- mistic about the prospects of compro- Anderson, who topped Varsity’s ed basic copyright to authors, aca- ling the use and sale of their inven- tech companies, otherwise known as mise: “They won’t stop at this,” he Cambridge Power100, is a leading demics stand to lose rights to trade- tions. For anything worth over ‘Silicon Fen’, is doomed. Professor said. “It’s not going to go away.” computer security expert and his marks, sound recordings and typo- £100,000, academics only stand to Anderson told Varsity that if

The region’s best guide to what’s on – see next Thursday’s Cambridge Evening News 02 NEWS April 30, 2004 www.varsity.co.uk Corpus Christi set for major makeover

Master praises generosity of Old Members and sets ambitious target for project completion

Sarah Marsh construction project within Corpus Bursar revealed that the project Room and Media Centre are envisaged, now the “£5m fund raising campaign Cambridge city centre. will be “the largest and most important where students can work either individ- for the new Student Library is close to Corpus Christi is one of the oldest development the College has undertak- ually or in groups. The new Student completion, due to the exceptional gen- Major developments are soon to and smallest colleges in the University. en within its old site for many decades”. Library will be accessible from the cur- erosity of Old Members. The architects change the face of Corpus Christi, Situated in the heart of medieval The last major developments were the rently neglected Hostel Yard, provision- are now working with the college to modernising and enhancing student Cambridge, it has occupied the same construction of New Court in the 1820s ally renamed as the Library Court. complete the designs. Building will start facilities. Costing in excess of £5 mil- buildings since the 1380s. Next year, a and the Butler Library in the 1920s. Within the Library Court and adjacent in March 2005 and, if all goes well, we lion and depicted in extensive plans massive project will begin to build a stu- The new library for Corpus’ 400 buildings, a new Student Centre will be will open the library in October 2006 in on the college website, the planned dent centre, library court, conservation students and its fellows will be located created. time for the Michaelmas Term.” The construction is bigger than any other centre and state-of-the-art library. The in the reclaimed stately Victorian Social facilities at Corpus have long various constructions will be coordinat- building, which currently houses been a subject of controversy between ed in order to minimise disruption to Natwest bank. Current plans for this the Fellows and students. In particular, academic life. spacious property include the replace- the college bar hours have continuously Two other projects are simultane- ment of the existing entrance door to been reduced due its awkward location ously ongoing: the refurbishment of the bank from King’s Parade with a in the centre of College and subsequent the Parker Library and the creation of bold stained-glass window. complaints of noise disturbance. The a Conservation Centre, which will The Bursar, Dr Nigel Yandell, admit- blank space following the caption “The benefit from this surge of develop- ew Gillespie ted to Varsity, “although the current Next 10 events” on the Corpus JCR ment. The Parker Library will expand Butler Library has served the college webpage is telling. But the planned into space currently housing the

Andr well, providing a much appreciated makeover proposes to create an expand- Butler Library and part of the ground atmosphere for students to work in, it is ed College Bar and other rooms cater- floor will be developed into a secure also one of the smallest libraries in ing for various events and student par- vault and office space for the library Cambridge, and we are simply out- ties, whilst the ground floor will provide staff. The ultimate goal is to increase growing the space.”The new library will space for the new JCR. A first year lin- public access to this internationally be about twice the size of the Butler guist at Corpus enthused: “it will be renowned library. The increased Library, spread over three floors. fantastic to have separate areas in which number of exhibitions demonstrates The book stock will eventually to eat, read and chat. Perhaps our bar this, since the appointment of a new increase from 28,000 to 60,000 books, will change from being the village pub librarian. The conservation centre but the real revolution will be the to a more functional student space” will be built within the grounds of the change from a traditional studying The project has been waiting for sev- Master’s Lodge, dedicated to preserv- environment to state-of-the-art e- eral years, and funding has been a con- ing Corpus’ valuable collection of learning opportunities, and a wireless troversial issue. But the Master, medieval manuscripts, and early Corpus’ historic front door will survive the proposed redevelopment network provision. Both a Project Professor Haroon Ahmed, says that printed books. Supervison report brings mixed results

CUSU survey reveals differences across ethnic backgrounds, gender and subject

Aisleigh Sawyer indicate that some students do expe- needed to survey the identified mendations. Ben Brinded added that the strengths and weaknesses of their rience cases of poor teaching.Female trends more closely. Over 110 indi- the University has “embraced the supervisions, as well as their position students and students from certain vidual comments were made by stu- need for mandatory supervisor train- in relation to other colleges. It is The results of CUSU’s Quality of ethnic minority backgrounds fre- dents that directly refer to a variation ing and has recognized that it was hoped that with CUSU’s guidance Supervisions Survey, the biggest quently reported less positive experi- in quality and experience. Some stu- CUSU’s survey that led to this”. each college JCR will compile a list such survey ever undertaken, were ences. There are also some cases dents remarked that they did not feel The CUSU report does not of recommendations suited to their published this week. The report where students with disabilities feel that all of their teaching met the include information relating to the particular needs, and that in consul- indicated that supervisions were more effort could be made to enable required standards and that there quality of supervisions in individual tation with their Senior Tutor any highly valued among students, but them to get the most out of supervi- exists great inequality in the standard colleges. Each college will shortly problems can be rectified. also that this attitude varied sions. of teaching across the colleges. With receive an individual report detailing according to subject, and to the eth- The report finds that female stu- the perception being that the quality nic background and sex of the stu- dents and students from some ethnic of supervision teaching is an integral dent. minorities are less likely to know factor in deciding academic success, The supervision system remains a what is expected of them in supervi- these students have right to be con- cornerstone of the Cambridge educa- sions, more likely to report that they cerned. 32% of respondents found tion system, but is also the subject of struggle with their workload, and less that they “sometimes or always strug- scrutiny. Questions have been raised likely to contribute in supervisions. gle” with the work set by supervisors. about the “resource-heavy” nature of They are more likely to find that The report principally recom- the system. Oxford University other students and supervisors make mends that there should be manda- recently announced a move away it difficult for them to contribute. In tory supervisor training for all from one-on-one tutorials in certain addition, black students, Chinese College and University Teaching subjects, with more of an emphasis students and those from a mixed Officers. It also suggests that student on class teaching. The Quality feedback mechanisms should be Assurance Audit (QAA) of The supervision system is improved. Among the report’s other Cambridge University commended the distinctive feature that recommendations are that numbers the supervision system, but insisted in supervisions should be kept, where that supervisions be kept under ‘close marks Cambridge apart possible, to below four, that there review’ due to some variability in from other universities. should be an indication of a reason- quality. able amount of work set and that The CUSU online supervisions background are less likely to find students should be given guidance as survey, conducted during Lent term, their questions answered well. One to what is expected of them. received 1085 responses (roughly female student told Varsity: “The Ben Brinded, CUSU President, 10% of the undergraduate popula- supervision system is what makes said: “The Quality of Supervisions tion). Its main aim was to discover Cambridge unique but I think it gen- Report is just one part of CUSU’s general perceptions, but also to erally suits boys better than girls.” ongoing work to enrich the educa- investigate whether factors such as Jessica Childs, CUSU Academic tion that Cambridge students school background, gender, ethnicity, Affairs Officer, commented, “The receive. We hope that this Report disability and subject affected stu- Quality of Supervisions Report out- will have a significant influence dent’s experience of supervisions. lines the strengths of the supervision within the University and Colleges.” The results show that the majority of system and is evidence of why it is After attending a meeting of the students find supervisions an excel- important that it remains a central University’s Education Committee lent form of teaching. This confirms part of Cambridge’s education provi- on Wednesday to discuss CUSU’s that whilst the supervision system is sion. However, the University, the Report, Jessica Childs told Varsity resource-intensive, it is the distinc- colleges and CUSU must strive to that both of the University’s main tive feature that marks Cambridge ensure that all students have a con- education committees, the Senor apart from other universities in first- sistently positive supervision experi- Tutor’s Committee and the class teaching. ence.” University Education Committee, However, the report’s findings Separate investigations may be have endorsed the Report’s recom- Heavy books and bulky jackets can make supervisions awkward for girls NEWS03 www.varsity.co.uk April 30, 2004 Knife scare at Pembroke

Bryan Coll Skepper of Cambridgeshire Constabulary was unable to confirm that any charges had been made. Pembroke Senior Tutor Dr. Mark Wormald said Pembroke College faced strong criticism over its the incident had been “distressing” for students and security today, after police arrested an intruder that college authorities were reviewing present who broke into student accommodation early security measures in light of the break-in. He told yesterday morning. Brandishing what police Varsity that the college had “always been unhappy” described as a “12-inch kitchen knife,” the male with the positioning of the lamppost beside the intruder scaled a lamppost and made his way over low wall on Tennis Court Road, which the intrud- a wall before entering the college’s Foundress er used to gain entry to Foundress Court. He Court on Tennis Court Road. A CCTV camera hoped that Cambridge City Council would now monitors the entrance, but no security staff were reconsider the location of the lamppost after the on duty at the time. break-in. Residents of Foundress Court were woken up at Students at the college have been unhappy with around 5am on Thursday morning by a man bang- security arrangements for some time. One graduate ing on the doors of student rooms. The individual student told Varsity that security at the college was warned students that there was an intruder armed “particularly lax”. “There are no locks on staircase with a knife in the building. This individual, who doors and entry to the college is very easy – the was not a college member and identified himself door on Pembroke Street can just be pushed open only as ‘Gary’, had apparently followed the intruder any time of the day.” Earlier this week, a bedder on from the street into the college grounds. Students the college’s S staircase discovered a vagrant sleep- were, understandably, extremely frightened at the ing there. Apparently, he had been residing in the news. One resident told Varsity: “Everyone was real- staircase for several days and his presence had gone ly freaked out. Some people hid themselves in their unnoticed. Despite these incidents, Dr. Wormald room and were afraid to come out.” claimed that break-ins and burglaries at the college After gaining access to the college, the intruder were rare. “In my twelve years as Senior Tutor, entered Foundress Court and began to scream there has never before been an incident of this loudly, wandering aimlessly around the accommo- kind”, he stated. dation. Police believe he acquired a large knife Pembroke JCR President Iva Gaberova was from a kitchen in the building. It is unclear relieved that the incident passed off without injury whether he intended to cause harm with the to any students. “We are pleased to say that every- implement. The reaction of students was one of one is OK after last night’s disruption. We are panic and disbelief. “I expect to feel safe in my own working with the college to prevent future inci- room”, commented one student. “I just can’t believe dents of this nature,” she said. this happened so easily”. Two female students In an email sent to all college members, Dr. promptly called the police, who arrived on the Wormald advised students and staff to be vigilant. scene at approximately 5.45am. Police discovered The message reads: “An incident in college last the intruder in a bathroom and were forced to night prompts this reminder: always remember to restrain him. He was arrested on the scene and lock the door to your room whenever you are out, transported to Parkside police station for question- and when you go to sleep. The police advice is to ing. At the time of going to press, Inspector be aware but not afraid.” 04 NEWS April 30, 2004 www.varsity.co.uk Young, posh and overcharged

More than a third of university students nationwide live on less than £40 a week, but not in Cambridge

Gabriella Jozwiak The majority of participants in an average weekly rent of £74.51 per Where’s it all going to end?” is not a possibility for full-time Varsity’s own survey, claimed they week (Accommodation Costs The THES also found that two- Cambridge students, who are spent more than £40 per week, usu- Survey), compared to the Cambridge fifths of students said they needed a obliged to keep full-term. However, A survey by the Times Higher ally between £50 and £60. “It average of £73.10. This is far higher part-time job to boost their income. only 9% of students surveyed said Educational Supplement has found depends on the term” one student than the average for the East Anglia Such opportunities are hard to come day-to-day financial worries were that more than a third of university pointed out, “for example, I’m region, which stands at £54.37. by in Cambridge, with students their biggest concern, while 29% students nationwide live on less spending a lot less at the moment, Unfortunately, the price of rarely having time to spare, other claimed they worried most about than £40 a week. The survey also but I suppose last term it must have Cambridge life is rising. Ben than the occasional library or bar academic success. The fact that only discovered that one in ten survive been higher.” The fact that food and Brinded commented, “In the last shift, or scientific research experi- 38% of UK students worry about on an average of just £9.50 per week accommodation go on college bills four years the rents rose by 6% per ment. Nationally, a quarter of stu- money or their degree, begs the after paying accommodation costs. means the average Cambridge stu- year. This year it has risen by 9% dents are currently living at home, as question; what on earth are the other Varsity investigates how Cambridge dent is actually spending much with no sign of this stopping. it is the cheaper option. Again, this 62% thinking about? students compare. more. If the average UK student has The average expenditure per week £40 for food and clothes after rent, per student, as calculated by the Cambridge students have £50 and Cambridge Admissions Office, upwards after these costs. claims that studying and living in A large number of students did Cambridge costs students an average admit to a greater level of expendi- of £180 per week. This figure ture. Smokers pushed the figure up includes rent, fixed kitchen charge, to about £80 per week while others network connection and telephone admitted to £150 or more. Such bill, and leaves about £50 extra per spending power is available to only week after these costs. Only slightly 11% of the UK’s students. One above the national average of £40 Downing student confessed, “It’s after paying bills, this sum is divided shopping. I like to buy shoes”. There between clothes and toiletries was, unsurprisingly, significant dif- (£6.93), books and stationary (£6.60) ferences between those who drank and about £32 for entertainment, regularly and the more restrained. allowing for “one formal hall, one The hidden costs of living in cinema visit and two trips to a coffee Cambridge further reveal how we shop/pub a week.” The £40 figure is spend much more than our counter- divided differently by The National parts at other UK universities. Union of Students (NUS), as £28 per Overall, Cambridge is an unusually arsity Archive

week on food and household shop- expensive place to live. London, the V ping, and £10.80 on clothing. most expensive region in the UK, has Lord Winston on God elections... learn about yourself, help over 2500 members, meet infl uential people, free dinners, get the inside track to your future, organise large events, work with large budgets, raise expectations... join our committee :) more info: www.cambridgefutures.com questions: [email protected]

positions... (elections are for michelmas 2004 only) president* - co-ordinates and directs the society / vice-president* - plans & manages events calendar / treasurer* - negotiates and manages our substantical fi nances / secretary* - ensures effi cient internal communication / major events* - works on the internships fair and other major events / operations team (x4) - liase with organisations, negotiate events / marketing team (x3) - produce advertising (like this), distribution and awareness / technology team (x2) - develop and enhance web & mail communications / open portfolio* (x2) - promote an agenda within personal Last Monday renowned academic and TV per- annual lecture, sponsored by Steven Spielberg’s * denotes a manifesto is required, e-mail to [email protected] sonality, Professor Lord Winston, delivered the Righteous Persons Foundation, is devoted to all development / seventh annual Yerushah Lecture in aspects of Jewish heritage. Previous lecturers have Cambridge. The theme of the lecture was the included Chief Rabbi Jonathan Sacks and Daniel godwin room, clare college, sunday 2nd may relationship between Judaism and science. Libeskind, architect of the Jewish Museum in Speaking about how scientists are so often crit- Berlin. Professor Winston is perhaps best known 10am for manifesto positions, 11am for non-manifesto positions ical of religion, Professor Winston explored for his BBC series which included ‘The Human whether religious feelings and belief in God are Body’, ‘Child of Our Time’ and ‘The Secret Life Founded in 1976, The Cambridge University Industrial Society as it was then, brought together students divine, or whether these may have evolved as a of Twins’. who were keen on fi nding direction for their lives after university with the employment sectors that they were interested in. Two years later, it approached a like minded careers-NGO and together the protective mechanism in humans during the The University has placed high priority on made the concept a national one. Today there are over 45 Student Industrial Societies Nationwide, process of natural selection. He examined the seeking to fund a permanent teaching post in working to help students develop personally and develop rewarding careers. Today we keep the relationship between science and his own reli- Jewish Studies at the Faculty of Divinity. same vision alive, recognising and promoting the need, as the most academically privileged and able gion, Judaism, which fundamentally believes that Judaism is the only major religion that does not students to put back to society beyond our time here be it economic, social, political or otherwise... science is valuable and necessary. He also looked have a permanent teaching resource. Judaism is at contemporary issues in his own scientific field currently taught with the help of specialists - human reproduction and genetics - and the var- borrowed from other faculties and institutions. ious attempts at their manipulation, such as The University is urgently seeking finance for cambridgefuturesfutures cloning, transgenesis and now parthenogenesis in three new posts including a lectureship in mammals as a model. Modern Judaism. cambridge university’s student-run careers & personal development society ‘Yerushah’ is Hebrew for ‘heritage’ and the by Aisleigh Sawyer president: saalim chowdhury, homerton | [email protected] NEWS 05 www.varsity.co.uk April 30, 2004 Revise-talise yourself Chinese whisper

Bryan Coll chairs with chemistry’, it’s probably Cambridge students have also been Charlotte Forbes overseas student studying in the UK advisable to leave that periodic table on seeking alternative remedies. Isobel could expect to pay up to £19,000 a your desk. Knight of Napiers Herbal Health Care, year in fees for clinical medical cours- Cambridge can be a stressful place to On a more serious note, CUSU re- Sidney Street told Varsity she had The University of Nottingham es, yet a student studying at the say the least. Supervision deadlines, launched their exam website this week noticed increasing numbers of students announced plans last week for a sec- Ningbo campus would only pay the dubious quality of hall food and (www.camexams.com), which aims to making appointments at the clinic. “We ond foreign campus. The new cam- around £4000. Meleika Gooneratne, a the permanent risk of being flattened help students with both the academic get a particularly high number of pus is to be situated at Ningbo in first-year medic from Sri Lanka, told by a lorry on your bike, are just some of and welfare sides of exam term. PGCE students”, commented Ms. China, and will open this September Varsity there are definite advantages, the things that can cause students Academic and Welfare Officers Jessica Knight, “and third year students seem to with a student population of 4000 at citing the financial gains in particular. headaches. All these concerns pale Childs and Lizz Waller also publicised be the most stressed of all”. Popular both undergraduate and postgradu- She did, however, voice concern over into insignificance, however, when the the individual support available to treatments at the clinic include Bowen ate levels. This week there was spec- how well the system might work in dreaded exam term arrives. Cambridge students. This kind of one- therapy, an Australian soft tissue thera- ulation as to whether Cambridge practice. “There is sometimes resent- This week, a number of colleges, on-one support is becoming a greater py, which uses small, gentle movements University would follow suit and ment towards people who go abroad organisations and businesses launched part of the work of CUSU and, accord- on strategic points of the body to gener- expand abroad. Varsity investigates. to study, especially if they believe the schemes to try and combat the stress of ing to Jessica Childs, has been of “real ate a healing response. During exam Nottingham’s decision to develop new university is somehow ‘better’ ‘the quiet period’. These include bouncy benefit to both undergraduate and grad- term, Napiers is offering a special rate of another foreign campus was influ- than the ones at home.” castles, speed dating, massages and uate students.” Any student is welcome £15 for a half-hour session of Bowen enced by the success of the universi- Cambridge University has a strong holistic therapies. to call in at the CUSU offices to discuss Therapy, Reflexology or Life Coaching. ty’s first foreign campus in Malaysia, reputation for fostering international Emmanuel College has been the exam-related anxiety, revision tech- Ms. Knight commented: “It’s important which has been open since 2000. It is links. A university spokesperson con- front-runner in terms of exam term wel- niques or any other issue of concern. to take a break and relax”. hoped that this success may encour- firmed that Cambridge has no current fare for the last two years. Senior Tutor age other universities, such as proposals for a second campus, as the Dr. Richard Barnes told Varsity that this Cambridge, to follow suit. Although university tends to develop links on a year’s programme of recreation and initially specialising in arts and social smaller scale. However, Cambridge relaxation, organised by the college’s sciences, the Ningbo campus is has several strong links with the JCR committee, would be one of the expected to grow to incorporate a Chinese universities of Peking and best yet. “We spend around £1000 on wider range of subjects. Degrees from Tsinghau, which are supported by the these kind of facilities for exam term the Ningbo campus will have the Chinese Ministry of Education. and believe that it’s money well spent”, same status as those completed on the These partnerships comprise of stu- he said. This year’s line-up of events Nottingham campus. This represents dent exchanges, staff links and includes regular barbecues, games of a big step for China, and authorities research collaborations between Giant Twister and DVD nights at the hope that the new legislation will departments. Cambridge currently Master’s Lodge. encourage more foreign support to runs a joint masters programme with In addition, there are a number of help modernise their Higher the University of Peking. Cambridge society events taking place. You could Education system. also has a number of links with other do worse than indulge in a spot of speed The potential benefits for both Chinese universities at Nanjing, dating, organised by romance.ucam.org, partners and their students are con- Fudan and Shanghai Jiaotong, in which takes place at the Anchor siderable. There are several enticing addition to many other partnerships tonight. Although billed as ‘musical factors for prospective students. An across the world. 06 FEATURES April 30, 2004 www.varsity.co.uk

arsity got off to a pretty inauspi- cious start. It first hit the streets When Winner Vof Cambrige on January 15th 1931, but was initially unsuccessful and folded in 1933 with losses of £100. After was thinner this ignominious start an American undergraduate relaunched Varsity in I joined Varsity in October 1953. A front 1947 and since then, barring the odd page story recounted how landladies objected blip (and bankruptcy threat), Varsity has to being asked to keep their premises open been the leading newspaper for the stu- until 11pm instead of 10pm because if dent population at Cambridge. undergraduates were allowed to bring their On its reappearance in 1947 Varsity friends in up until 11pm they would have to carried headlines on the uncertainty sur- stay up to make coffee for them. rounding women at the University and I already had my own column in 17 local controversy over a proposed science cen- London newspapers which I got when I was tre. Plus ca change... The paper also 14. I was rather bright then. It’s been downhill included debating reports, reviews, ever since. sports and listings, and a slapdash fea- I edited the paper a year after coming to tures section, with one article rumoured Cambridge. My greatest achievement was to to be a sub-editors’s essay hastily includ- Jeremy Paxman and the Varsity team bring out an Oxford edition which I ed to fill space. nalistic careers. There was trouble right while working for Varsity”. For some of us announced, at 3p would be the cheapest piece Today’s Varsity is the product of a from the start, when in 1932 Varsity’s edi- this is a sentiment we can relate to! of education Oxford ever had. It caused an merger of two papers - the original tor was challenged to a duel over one of Prince Charles wrote in Varsity’s 21st enormous stir - with leaders and articles in Varsity and a radical campaigning news- the articles. Luckily the police arrived birthday issue in March 1968 that he nearly every national newspaper. paper, Stop Press which was founded in and the issue was resolved before the pis- “had never somehow contemplated the It also nearly bankrupted Varsity, which 1972. In 1955 a one-off Oxford edition tols were actually used. idea of writing for this paper since I had was extremely flush with cash when I of Varsity was produced - but all in all, The distinguished list of subsequent received so many admonitions about it became editor, but down to near-nil when I very little has changed in 600 issues. editors can be said to have got off lightly. before arriving here.” But he continued, left. My team of student journalists and I Varsity has proved a starting point for Jeremy Paxman, Editor in Lent 1971, “I believe there is an old saying... ‘if you would pile into taxis and say, “Oxford!” some of the finest (and not so fine) jour- says that he “wrote some absolute rubbish can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em!’”. Accompanying me were the Cambridge Andrew Gilligan left the paper after a water ski team as the Oxford undergraduate acrimonous row with his editor, an omi- In 1932 Varsity’s editors had threatened to throw me in the nous moment his future employers might editor was Cherwell! I thought a little protection was a have picked up on. Other Varsity writers challenged to a reasonable precaution. I greatly enjoyed Varsity at 600: have included Clive James, Griff Rhys duel over one Varsity, where I was also film critic, colum- Jones and Michal Frayn. of the articles nist, general dictator and nuisance. Past editors include Michael Winner My “staff ” included playwright Michael and Richard Whiteley. Whitely goes so Frayn and Jonathan Miller. We also had A brief history far as to comment that “when I’m musical writer and multi-Academy Award knocked down by the Number 11 bus winner Leslie Bricusse, screenwriter Frederic you’ll see the word Varsity written on my Raphael, and many others who have gone on heart”. Opposite is a recollection written to some success. They all appeared very ordi- Laura-Jane Foley by Michael Winner who jumped at the nary at the time. As I’m sure I did. Even By invitation to write about his time as though I was voted in a Varsity poll the most Editor of Varsity for us– the least he well known person in Cambridge. So I was could do to make amends for nearly ordinary and famous at the same time. My bankrupting the newspaper 60 years greatest achievement. and Tom Cahill ago... Michael Winner NEWS REVIEW07 www.varsity.co.uk April 30, 2004 Terror and violence spreads in Iraq US forces pound rebel fighters in Falluja, Italian hostages taken, oil rigs hit

epercussions from the Iraqi War con- Tony Blair if he supported "the murder and Italians whom they have taken hostage, along- tinue:, as US forces have attacked the mutilation of hundreds of women and children side a statement demanding that the Italian pub- Loser Rcity of Falluja in the past week with in Falluja as an appropriate response to the sav- lic stage "a big demonstration" in Rome to shells, airstrikes, and even leaflets, which, age murder" of four Americans. Blair answered demand that the “government to withdraw from according to The Guardian, proclaimed, by arguing that Tapsell’s description was entirely our country". The Green Brigade announced of the "Surrender, you are surrounded. If you are a inaccurate and that the American soldiers were that Italy had “five days” in which to fulfil the terrorist, beware, because your last day was yes- only doing what was necessary. Lakdar Brahimi, demands, threatening otherwise that they would terday. In order to spare your life, end your kill the hostages “without any hesitation or any week actions and surrender to coalition forces now. “I deeply regret any civilian other warning." We are coming to arrest you." Frank Maloney There are thought to be around 2,000 rebel death in Falluja, but it's neces- oordinated suicide boat attacks on oil fighters in Falluja. According to reports, about sary that order is restored” rigs in the waters of the northern gulf, Quote 1: “I’m not homophobic” 200 are Islamic militants, others desire to Tony Blair Cwhich occurred on Saturday, have been Quote 2: “I don’t want to reassert Sunni supremacy in Iraq, and some are heralded as a new menace in the ongoing strug- campaign around gays” supporters of Saddam. Suspicions that some of gle against terrorism. Until now, Iraq’s oil indus- Oh dear Frankieboy, not all the Falluja rebels are linked to Al-Qaida are one UN envoy for Iraq, warned, "Unless this standoff try has escaped assault, but as violent revolt publicity is good publicity. reason US forces may have acted so fiercely, is brought to a resolution through peaceful opens up across the country, Shamkhi Faraj, although they have issued a statement defining means, there is a great risk of very bloody con- head of the Iraqi oil marketing organisation, the attack on Falluja as self-defence, explaining: frontation"; a prophecy that was sadly being claims new security measures must be put in "Marines responded by directing precision enacted by the attacks which were underway place. Since the attacks on the oil rigs, a weaponry against enemy forces in order to even as Brahimi was speaking. Jordanian activist linked to Al-Qaida has defend themselves." Meanwhile, the self-defined ‘Green Brigade’, claimed responsibility, intensifying fears regard- UKIP mayoral In Prime Minister’s Question Time on an Iraqi armed group opposing the occupation of ing the involvement of Al-Qaida with terrorist Wednesday, Tory MP Sir Peter Tapsell asked Iraq, on Monday released a video of three factions in Iraq. EB candidate won’t Tha boyz-in- “campaign blue crew around gays”

live Wolfendale, the North Wales rank Maloney, the UK Independence deputy chief constable, has been Party’s candidate for the London mayoral Caccused of “patronising” and “demean- Felections, caused a stir this week when he ing” black officers by the chairman of the said that he would not take his campaign to Commission for Racial Equality, Trevor Camden because “there are too many gays.” Phillips. Maloney protested “I’m not homophobic”, Wolfendale was addressing the first ever although he did also say, of gay people, that “I meeting of the North Wales Black Police don’t think they do a lot for society.” His attitude Association when he unexpectedly broke into a struck many as curiously defeatist for a wannabe rap. He began on a defensive footing: “I'm just a politician, particularly given his justification that white boy called the Deputy CC / They said I'd "I don't want to campaign around gays because I never make it as a bitchin' MC”. His flow went don't think they will vote for me.” on to include gems such as “So listen! Watcha Aside from his bizarre views, such as the pro- doin' here today / Checkin' what the Heddlu nouncement that “there is a problem with gay Gogledd Cymru gotta say.” parades”, most striking was Maloney’s assumption The disapproving Trevor Phillips said that economic and social conservatism are inextri- “Presumably this was an attempt to get down cably linked, and that any supporter of the aims of with their supposed culture,” and likened the the UK Independence Party would inevitably be performance to giving a speech to the London Police Federation “starting off with a rousing “If you are homosexual, get on chorus of ‘Maybe It's Because I'm A Londoner’ before discussing policing strategy in Cockney with your life and stop bitching” - rhyming slang.” wannabe Mayor Maloney Wolfendale retaliated by saying that "Without wishing to sound patronising, I think

Mr Phillips has missed the point." The end of Rehtse Filtnib heterosexual. This is a far cry from the attempts his rap made the ‘point’ clear enough - the jam: by the right to form a new breed of ‘cuddly con- “There's no time for jam tomorrow, we need the servatism’, preaching right-wing economic poli- jam today / That's why we launchin' our associ- The cap says it all cies while being more broadly accepting of ation in this way / Thank you all for coming and minorities. Maloney seemed to explode this posi- remember what we say / Support your local tion, arguing that "the majority of Tories are anti- sheriff and the North Wales BPA.” gay." He summed up his dismissal with the blunt When contacted by Varsity, Busta Rhymes "If you are homosexual, you are homosexual - just was unable to comment, but we reckon that’s get on with your life and stop bitching about probably because he was in a business meeting I have 28 balls things." with Wolfendale over the prospect of a future The Gay Conservatives were incensed by collaboration. OR Maloney’s comments, branding him “a danger- Libby the dog has an oral adventure ous extremist”, and demanded that the UKIP either endorse his views or sack him as their e’ve been overwhelmed by the number reporters: "We didn't even need to X-ray her...she candidate. Maloney retorted, “What’s it got to Winner of responses to our appeal for animal- was clanking and we could feel them in her stom- do with them? The Gay Conservatives are not related news stories, and it’s been a ach." Libby’s owner was very happy with the going to vote for me anyway.” However, if the of the trickyW job to pick ones to use for publication. unexpected bonus of the free balls, which the vets boxing promoter, who freely admitted he was Although every submission has been rewarded gave back to him. Wardrop had no qualms about “not a career politician”, is only bothered about with a Mystery Free Gift, it’s not the taking part using the contraband: “They were slightly dis- the likelihood of people voting for him, then he week that counts but the winning, and one story in coloured but otherwise in great condition and will may as well give up now: Ken Livingstone, the particular caught our eyes. be great for practice.” News Review warns its current Mayor, is tipped to retain his position Ross Pein, of Peterhouse, sent us the tale of readers of the considerable potential for top crim- by a considerable margin. Libby golferdog Libby, a German shepherd dog who swallowed 28 inals to smuggle illegal and stolen goods in other OR Poor Libby walked around for days golf balls and needed an operation lasting two- dogs stomachs; owners of dogs should keep an eye with 28 golf balls in her stomach. Her and-a-half hours to put her back at operational out for anyone interfering with their dog’s food. owner didn’t seem to notice that she capability. Libby's owner Mike Wardrop couldn't Meanwhile, well done to Ross for highlighting the Contributors: was clanking, but at least she can eat understand why his dog had gone off her food and story – you’ve won a free ticket to the Queens’ Bats Esther Bintliff again now. was losing weight. Wardrop, who works at a golf May Week play, The Merry Wives of Windsor! Ollie Rickman course, took Libby to vet John Ford, who later told OR & EB 08 INTERVIEWS April 30, 2004 www.varsity.co.uk Blunkett: from cradle to grave

The position of Home Secretary is notoriously tough , but David Blunkett tells James Dacre that he’s not dead yet.

“In my darker moment I despair, but I think made a difference now and will for the foresee- that balancing rights and responsibilities, re- able future. It’s created greater insecurity nation- enforcing duties, and getting a sense of respect ally as well as internationally. People are more back into society is something that is vital for the fearful and that plays into other parts of the job. health of our community. I believe we should There is a need to reassure people in relation to actually care about what’s happening in the better policing, reassure people in terms of the world, even, dare I say, those of us who believed balance in the nationality and asylum policy and we were right about Iraq. If we care about that border controls and reassure people about a crim- and are prepared to say so, I think those are good inal justice system which we admitted when I signs and my optimism is then able to shine came into office required radical reform. And through. Otherwise I couldn’t live day-to-day dealing with related issues, like the terrible threat with the difficulties that I face.” of class A drugs..” “Actually caring about what’s happening in Which is all very well. But it is claimed that the world,” is the message that shines through Mr Blunkett has caused considerable confusion all his books and pamphlets, over his changes to Britains drugs interviews and articles, speech- Being a member of the laws. “I think that the presenta- es and policies. He worries Labour Par ty immedi- tion of the change as being the that “we’ve lost the art today of ately dubbed you as legalisation of cannabis did lead communicating to young peo- ver y reactionar y to a contemporary confusion. But ple that politics is not about abstracts, that it is talking to young people, I think that they actually about day to day decision making.The understand that what we were trying to do was balance that we have to achieve between aspi- place the horrors of class A drugs in their right ration and possibility, of the things we can do context for educational and cultural purposes as individuals and the things that we can’t do so that people who are told that heroin and individually.” crack cocaine are different to cannabis would We range over his life but as always it’s his believe us. They know that’s so because many early years that are the most fascinating. How young people have tried cannabis, and they political were his parents? “They weren’t mem- need to know that if they’re told that they can bers of any political party. My grandfather had die from taking crack, they’ll believe it. That been active in the trade union movement. He isn’t to say that the message on cannabis isn’t used to read me the Daily Herald. I got a that it’s a dangerous drug and taken over a peri- flavour of where they were coming from, which od of time becomes more dangerous and I was as a hard-working, thrifty, working class think that that is a clear message.” avid Blunkett is very much in control. Although he won’t admit to it, I suspect he sees family, wanting to be self determining but real- He is far better able to read my tone of voice He is the star of a story as poignant as the liberal left as exerting a decaying effect on the ly finding it hard work in terms of income, than a seeing man might.“Your tape recorder just Dany that Hollywood’s best could man- values of self reliance, but Blunkett’s advantage prospects, insecurities.” stopped,” he warns me. Fitting the player with a ufacture. The boy who was born blind, lived over the chattering classes is his heritage, and it How politically involved was he at University? new tape, we discuss whether Britain’s political through appalling family tragedy, turned down is because of this that he is “so strong about anti- “I wasn’t. I was involved only at the fringes. I was classes woke up early enough to the immigration an education in piano-tuning (he took himself social behaviour, so concerned about building generally involved in taking on the very powerful issue. He concedes that no-one was prepared for off to university), became a local councillor at security and order and stability” into society socialist society and fringe elements of the inter- the change in people movements that impacted 22 and ended up as one of the most powerful because without such security decent people can’t national Marxist group, who were very, very on the UK. Invoked by “world events like the men in Britain. work to better their lives. active in the late sixties. I was very involved in Taliban in Afghanistan, like the stepping up of He is perfectly prepared for our interview.He It makes him “smile” to think that the man the anti apartheid movement, but that wasn’t in world attention on the terror in Iraq, these tides has a detailed answer to every question, and once painted as a left-wing firebrand, is now the party political sense. I was much more started to come in the mid-Nineties and acceler- unlike many a ministerial explanation, these depicted by The Guardian as a right-wing bogey- involved in my own community and I actually ated in the late Nineties into the early part of this answers are his own. He is not afraid to say what man. But Blunkett was a student of Bernard became an elected councillor of Sheffield city century.” During this time, there was a serious he thinks and he has a distinct Crick - the progressive educational- council in my second year as a mature student so neglect of the problem which was not given the moral philosophy that entirely I became known as ist, and bete noir of the right - and I was more involved in politics in the city than appropriate resources and this, he implies, was dictates his policy. “Read it in my left-wing because was also once notorious for being in the university.” down to a French reluctance to co-operate with book” could be the definitive Sheffield was a ver y leader of the Socialist Republic of the issue. “It was not possible until Nicholas answer to any question that I ask. radical council South Yorkshire. So exactly how e move on to his years as Education Akosi became the interior minister in France to But I ask them anyway; Blunkett is known as a left-wing was he? Minister.What was he most and actually reach an agreement, not only to close a politician who is confident and honest enough to “Well, I wasn’t,” he tells me. “I was the voice of Wleast proud of ? “I’m very proud of camp that was on French soil, not on UK soil, offer a new answer with every conversation. And, the Labour party, and the Labour party was seen a great many things that I did. I think that re- but actually to get him, and the French more in any case, I don’t believe that his book explains as being towards the right in terms of the student focussing education on giving youngsters a foun- broadly, to agree to put in security measures, everything. politics of the early seventies. Being a member of dation on which they themselves can build again on their soil, to effectively start to transfer Blunkett is the most private of politicians, but the Labour party immediately dubbed you as through the literacy and numeracy programme our border controls from Britain to France and his life story has entirely shaped his politics and it being very reactionary, and so I learnt to defend will, in the long run, probably be subsequently to Beligium and in My social outlook is was his early years that were the most influen- myself very strongly. I read Political Theory and the greatest foundation that I the future to Holland. tial.“If people hadn’t helped me in my early life, I Institutions for my degree which involved eco- could have laid. But also things one of believing that In retrospect, does he think wouldn’t have been able to do what I’ve done but nomics and history as well. I probably came out that are not so well known, like what we do to others that this “neglect” gave succour to if I hadn’t had the will and determination, the of university more to the left than I went in, but introducing lessons in citizenship determines how such right wing groups as the sense of self-responsibility to do it, it wouldn’t when I joined Sheffield city council, I was to the and democracy into the state society operates BNP ? “If you don’t provide the have happened. People couldn’t have done it for right of the new brand of firebrand younger school curriculum to try and build an under- security of stability and order that secures peo- me. I had to do it for myself, and its that combi- councillors in Sheffield and across the country. standing of our state of responsibility, our state of ple’s confidence, they won’t turn to moderate or nation of self-reliance, and of knowing that When I was elected as leader of Sheffield some belonging and our centre of identity, is some- left-wing policies, they’ll turn to people that offer everybody around us, from our families to the years later in 1980, I was the moderate candidate thing that I’m really very proud of.” As Blunkett them greater certainties- to the right. That was broader community, can help us sink or swim for the leadership of the council. I became known talks of Britain and her values, he seems at his certainly true in the late nineties and the early …that is my politics.” as left wing because Sheffield was a very radical happiest during our hour together. Outside, the part of 2002 in Europe, where governments that A man who has come through a lot, he council and we were doing very radical things at Royal Scotts Guard are rehearsing Land of Hope didn’t address the issues of security in the home expects much of others. Aside from his blind- a time when Margaret Thatcher was doing very and Glory. He doesn’t even notice; taking himself and the community and across borders were ness, he learnt to cope with the circumstances radical things nationally, but we were never very seriously, he seems totally unaware of the actually swept away. I’ve been trying to argue the of “my father being killed in a works accident engaged with militant tendency, and we were irony of the situation. case for tackling these issues to create an environ- when I was twelve, and my mother struggling seen as very different from the politics of the But he deeply regrets, he says, that “I didn’t ment in which broader discussion and debate can to survive the environment in which I lived.” London boroughs of the time.” actually build into those four years a sense of be heard.” The impoverished but resilient Sheffield So what is he now? “A Social Democrat.” And greater ownership by the people carrying Blunkett’s guide-dog Lucy returns from her Brightside area where he grew up is now his what does that mean? “It means that I combine through the programmes… I had to move walk around the block. He treats her with a touch- constituency. It is by “drawing on the lessons old-fashioned socialism with old-fashioned quickly to get the numeracy and literacy pro- ing affection; as a spoilt child. Her black hair from those years,” early in his life that he sees “duty” conservatism and that’s why my social out- grammes installed, and by moving quickly I did- seems to be turning grey. His shaggy auburn beard his “voice able to reflect the needs, the con- look is one of believing that what we do to others n’t necessarily have the time to actually win over was noticeably darker when he entered office. cerns, and the fears of people there today.” determines how society operates.” the profession to what we were trying to do, and “The Home Office is called the political grave- And it is at a grassroots level there in So Blunkett believes that government should if you’re going to make things work in the long- yard,” he laughs,“but the difference between being Brightside that he listens to a voice that guarantee basic rights and freedoms and in return term, then you have to do that.” Home Secretary and being in a graveyard is that informs much of his ministerial policy; that of the citizen contracts to meet certain social And what of his years at the Home Office, when you’re in a graveyard you sleep peacefully.” his people, not “an alternative voice at a responsibilities. In an age of endemic street crime, notorious as one of the hardest positions in gov- Somehow I think this very likeable and national level, for there are no national broad- drugs and asociated anti-social behaviour, does he ernment? How tough has it been? “I though it impressive man won’t be getting much sleep casters or journalists, and no judges, and no never despair that his approach of ‘Social was going to be very difficult, but I couldn’t have for a long time. members of the House of Lords there.” Democracy,’ is not an over-optimistic one? anticipated September 11th 2001, which has LIFESTYLE09 www.varsity.co.uk April 30, 2004 The Alternative Dating Plan We’ve all heard the statistic - 70% of Cambridge students meet their future spouses whilst at university. Urban myth or surprisingly scary fact? Whatever. But seriously....for many of us Cindies just won’t do any more. So whats the alternative? Zanny Ali and Ronojoy Dam investigate.....

Premise: Web dating - romance.ucam.org Blind "I know the perfect person for you, you’d get on sooo well"- a friend Premise: Dating Totally free dating site exclusively Empty Promises?: for Cambridge students. Leave Why on earth would you agree to spend a your details. Wait for the reply. romantic evening with someone who’s face you Like MSN Messenger. But with haven’t even seen? Like it or not, most of us are more flowers, candy romance and more superficial than we pretend we are to the wet dreams of the internet gen- impress hot chicks. And while we’re at it, if your eration. friend thinks this person is so great, why aren’t they going out with them? Empty Promises?: This claims to be a dating site but, Some Words of Advice: romance.ucam.org can have unex- If you’re nothing, you’ve got nothing to lose. pected consequences, the message End of. board tells us Lady Penelope has "ended up with a God-son through The Verdict: the site". And what’s this? Archery Then again, a stunning Finnish model asking you lessons? S writes "...Oh - and back to his/her’s for coffee because they haven’t thanks for the arrows, they're work- really met anyone in Cambridge… well what ing well! Hit me spot on a week you waitin’ for? ago...." – Wowee zowee!

Some Words of Advice: Speed Dating Human contact can be tedious. This is like writing dirty text mes- sages but with enough word space Premise: to get past the mere foreplay - Ooo 30 girls + 30 guys x 3 minutes = ‘Musical er! - Hence, not for the backwards- chairs with chemistry’ according to speed at-coming-forward amongst us. dating guru, Richard Neill. Verdict: The Empty Promises?: It’s not all idle dirty talk, the web- Emma and Joe got hitched in New Guaranteed drunkenness? Well, a compli- site have just celebrated their first Zealand in March 2004 after meeting on mentary cocktail is on offer. Also, "even if marriage. (see picture - barfff!) the OxfordRomance website. you’re not interested in meeting the ‘one’ it’s a great way to meet new people." We suspect, however, that ‘new’ may be a euphemism for fuck-buddy LesBiGay N/A. New as it may be, speed dating in Cambridge hasn’t quite caught up The Lifestyle Date of the with our cosmopolitan modern world. Week Some Words of Advice: Premise: Guys are desperate for – sex. Your chance to date some of the most eligible singletons in Cambridge Girls are desperate for – company. The Verdict: Verdict: If nothing else, it’s a great excuse Ok, so we haven’t exactly been hugely successful in finding you love in our Date to try out fifteen new chat up lines and Speed Dating Events are being held on the 4th and 10th of of the Week column but some of the replies have been priceless. Several good collect fifteen new dating anecdotes and at May at the Anchor. To register for a place go to friendships have been established along the way and we’ve had a couple of hilari- £4 you can’t really go wrong. Or can you...? www.romance.ucam.org. ous date stories: pick of the bunch must be our Hawks’ favourite, who had a Graduate style encounter outside Kings. You can work out the rest…. Our Favourite Reject Russell Abel receievd a fair few resposes as our Man of The Week. Some of Last Week’s them, however, were perhaps not quite as genuine as others. Tamara, from Date London, was one of our favourites. Name: Tamara Mustill Last week’s Date of the Week, Ella, being a From: London Buckinghasmshire girl opted for Favourite Song: Sex Farm by Spinal Buckinghamshire’s finest; Rich Bamford from Tap Caius. They met up for an evening of banter Favourite Book: Men are from Mars, and cocktails at Qi Lounge, Market Passage, Women are from Venus on Monday evening. ‘It was a great date,’ said Ella, ‘ I can’t fault Rich- except for his opinion Describe Yourself In Three Words: on Blazin’Squad- and the bar staff were so Russell me up nice.’ Rich was equally optimistic, ‘ The date What I'm best at: pulling off Johns' was great; we had loads in common, though stash differences in opinion on the strength of Blazin' What I'm worst at: keeping my knees Squad's last album threatens to ruin it all - we'll together see...’ To pull me: flash your Hawks' card 10 EDITORIAL April 30, 2004 www.varsity.co.uk

Intruder Alert Cambridge students pay some of the highest room rents in the country. As revealed in Varsity’s own survey this week, our accom- modation costs are disproportionately high. It seems only fair that we should expect competent levels of security in our colleges for the high prices we pay. Yesterday’s incident in Pembroke was potential- ly very dangerous. It was extremely fortunate that none of the res- idents of Foundress Court were seriously injured. Nevertheless, the fact that two strangers were able to gain access to student accom- modation so easily and remain undetected by security staff must be of great concern to college authorities. No student should have to face the possibility of violent attack on their own staircase.

Although the intrusion at Pembroke appears to be have been an isolated incident, it is clear that improvements can be made to col- lege security. The college should not be surprised that Thursday morning’s intruder was able to scale the wall on Tennis Court Road – Pembroke students returning to college late at night have been doing it for years. In order to gain the respect and trust of its stu- dents, Pembroke should admit there are gaps in its current securi- ty system and set about actively to resolve the issue.

Other colleges can learn from Pembroke’s misfortune. Such inci- dents can happen anywhere – regardless of however tight a college believes its security to be. Students have a right to live in safe accommodation and it is the college’s responsibility to ensure this. Bye, then Varsity is 600 issues young! Thousands of students have taken part in the writing and production of Varsity over the past seven decades. Many have gone on to be journalists and media personalities whilst others have simply got involved for the enjoyable experience alone.

Over the last five months over fifty students have been involved in producing, editing and designing Varsity. Many more have con- tributed articles, photographs and cartoons. Unlike student newspa- pers at other universities Varsity does not have sabbatical editors and we have brought this paper out each week whilst struggling with the The Week in Words demands of, respectively, a Part II and an LLM. At times it has been difficult, and we’ve struggled to meet our 5.30am deadline– but, with the unstinting work of our reliable and wonderful team we have “We hope to distract people from causing trouble by fulfill- “My team of student journalists and I would pile into taxis always pulled together and got the paper out on time. Despite our ing one of their main needs - something to eat - and giving and say, ‘Oxford!’” Friday mornings being very unproductive, and largely slept through, them something else to do.” Michael Winner on his time as Varsity Editor. we have both enjoyed our editorship immensely and would like to PC Ian Curtis of Dorset Police explains the impetus behind thank everyone who has helped us over the past nine issues. But this a new crime-stopping scheme: give sweets and chocolates to “We will probably do something together as a group. I think is not a Union term card, so we aren’t going to launch into a series of people as they leave the pubs, to stop them fighting. they are going to release an album and hopefully we will all get sentimental gushings about everyone from first teachers to the man together and write a song for it.” from the taxi company whilst making sure not to leave out the girl “Our main fear is about weather, but the forecast has been Emma B describes what she used to do in the Spice Girls, from the faculty who waves in the UL. good so far.” and may do again (again). Not the return of rain to Cambridge, but the astronauts aboard Whilst it is a team effort there are those who play a bigger part Russia’s Soyuz capsule, preparing to come home this week. “I can’t definitely say ‘I would tour.’” than most. So big thanks must go to: our news team, ably headed by Graham Thorpe on a possible boycott of England’s tour to Bryan, who regularly put in many, many late hours; our genial and “Violent military action by an occupying power against Zimbabwe. astute comment king Amol, who has regularly exceeded his job inhabitants of an occupied country will only make matters description to stick out the late shift; our marvellous Deputy Editor worse.” “In my darker moments I despair, but I think that balancing Ellen, who has put together an impressive arts section week in week The UN secretary-general, Kofi Annan, as US troops pull rights and responsibilities, re-enforcing duties, and getting a out; our other Deputy the superb Archie who has been more like a out of Fallujah. sense of respect back into society is something that is vital for third Editor since last week; the wonderful Ifti without whom we the health of our community.” wouldn’t get the paper produced; and finally, Pat and Sam, whose “Everyone was really freaked out.” David Blunkett on his vision of a better Britain, speaking to unstinting work for Varsity ensures that we can keep producing the One Pembroke student’s reaction to this week’s knife attack. James Dacre in this week’s interview. paper for another 600 issues at least. It’s been a pleasure,

Laura-Jane Foley and Reggie Vettasseri

If you would like to contribute to Varsity, forget Arts/News Photos ([email protected]) Lifestyle ([email protected]) Thanks to all our sub-editors for their hard it for a bit. We’re all off to revise. Andrew Gillespie, Jack Chiles, Ella McPherson Alex Grundy, Vicki Booth work. (Do apply for sections, though, May Week or Sports Photos ([email protected]) Fashion ([email protected]) next year: [email protected]) Andrew Sims Ronojoy Dam Web team: Tom Wilkie, Mohammed Ali Azeem, Chief News ([email protected]) Theatre ([email protected]) Lizzie Ostrom and Tom Simonite Editors ([email protected]) Desmond Bryan Coll Chris Adams, Charlotte Holden Laura-Jane Foley News ([email protected]) Music ([email protected]) Business Manager [email protected] Reggie Vettasseri Aisleigh Sawyer, Gabriella ‘with a J’ Jozwiak Henry Bowen, Edwin Lane Sam Gallagher Radio News ([email protected]) Film ([email protected]) Web Editor ([email protected]) Benjamin Bland Oliver Tilley Email the Business Manager to enquire about Jonathan Wood Comment ([email protected]) Classical Music ([email protected]) placing adverts. Or if you want to tell him how Production Manager ([email protected]) Marvellous Amol Rajan Ciaran Jenkins great he is: he really is a legend, you know, and Nifty Ifti Qurashi National News ([email protected]) Visual Arts ([email protected]) he has an hilarious passport photo. Thanks for Chief Photos Editor ([email protected]) Ollie Rickman, Esther Blintiff Dawn Tunstall everything you’ve done, Sam. Ria Cooke Features ([email protected]) Literature ([email protected]) Varsity is published by Varsity Publications Ltd Deputy Editor (News) ([email protected]) Tom Cahill Zoe Organ and printed by Cambridge Evening News. All James Franklin Archibald the Bland Interviews ([email protected] Sport ([email protected]) copyright is the exclusive property of Varsity Deputy Editor (Arts) ([email protected]) James Dacre, Will Gallagher Rajan Lakhani, Sam Richardson Publications Ltd. No part of this publication may Ellen Enchantress Jones Page Fourteen ([email protected]) Editorial Cartoonist be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or Alex Rushmer, Dave Fawbert Andrew James transmitted in any form or by any means, with- out the prior permission of the publisher. OPINION 11 www.varsity.co.uk Apr 23, 2004

was enforced. I was also anxious about the minimise the risk of variable fees, whilst keeping impact the system would have on graduates the rest of the package. I proposed amendments Anne working in the public sector. I won important at both Committee and Report stage which concessions in all these areas. would have replaced the variable fee with a fixed Campbell MP The fee cap can only be raised by a new HE fee. Had I not previously resigned my role as Bill before 2010 and thereafter only by a vote in PPS over the war in Iraq, I would have had to both Houses of Parliament. I persuaded the resign with this voting record. Government to put future Education Secretaries I could not support Ian Gibson’s amendment BY INVITATION under an obligation to fine any university which because it removed all power from the regulator and all legislation pertaining to fees, thereby leaving an unregulated market. hen the idea of variable top up Bill are long overdue. At the outset, I wel- If this amendment had been passed, the fees was first proposed by univer- comed the Government’s proposal to abolish “Universities are in Government would have had to aban- Wsity Vice Chancellors in 1996/7, I up front tuition fees, so that graduates, rather don the Bill in its entirety. CUSU may opposed their introduction. I did not want than students, pay the fees. Similar to the have regarded this as a victory, but it to see an American style market in higher Scottish system, long argued for by NUS, it is would have been short lived. education which leaves everyone except the in essence a capped graduate tax for those crisis. They need Universities are in crisis. They need very poor and the very rich unable to afford earning above £15,000. more money now. Disadvantaged stu- the top universities. Other landmark announcements in the Bill dents at Cambridge and APU, strug- My position on this has not changed. That included the proposal to reintroduce grants and gling without any grants or bursaries, is why I was opposed to the Higher Education mandatory bursaries for the least advantaged more money now” cannot afford to wait for the new sup- Bill when it was first published and why I students of more than £3000 a year, the cre- port package. No Bill would mean no worked very hard as the Bill passed through ation of the Office of Fair Access to oblige uni- attempted to charge higher fees. The Langlands grants, no deferred fees and no easier debt repay- the House of Commons to ensure that we did versities to improve access schemes, increased Review will report in a year’s time and examine ments. The low level of loan would continue to not get such a system in the UK. However, as capacity of interest-free loans for students, and fee remission for those graduates who take low force students into commercial debt. Russell the process has gone on, the Bill has been more favourable restructuring of debt repay- I did not want to paid jobs in the public sector. Graduates who group universities, desperate for funds, would transformed into something which will benefit ments. The vast majority of students who see an American take low paid jobs or who become carers will continue to threaten to break away from the all universities and direct far more money to wrote to me strongly supported these initia- style market in have debts written off after 25 years. State system and charge everyone overseas stu- students in need. It is a mistake to think we are tives. They mark a real victory for those who higher education... Following these and other important amend- dents’ rates. I do not believe that the majority of going down the American road, for we have have campaigned for access. My position on this ments and concessions, I voted for the third Cambridge students and constituents wanted rejected it in favour of a system which I worked hard, however, to persuade the reading of the Bill, confident that it would ben- this to happen. And I hope that when students has not changed entrenches the principle of ‘access for all’ into Government to change its mind on several key efit students and universities. As Varsity has reflect on what I have worked for they will realise our universities for the first time. issues. My concerns centred on the importance noted, I did not support the government on the that I have striven hard to achieve the best possi- Many of the measures set out in the HE of keeping the low fee cap and ensuring that it second reading, in the hope that I could work to ble deal for Cambridge.

Letters should be submitted no later than midnight Cryptic crossword No.7: Set by Luke Pebody on Wednesday, and be as concise as possible. The editors reserve the right to edit all copy. Write to: edi- Letters [email protected]

raise a toast to our hulking land economist heroes. CUSU: Ugly? Yours sincerely, Dear Editors, Robin Friday Please never print that photo of Tim Stanley again. I Churchill certainly don’t think he should have been banned from hustings on the basis of what he said, but, frankly, his face is reason enough to bar him from office altogether, and possibly send him down. Becks Text Sex Ex

Wes Streeting is better looking, perhaps, but not real- Dear Editors, ly up to our recent presidential standards. Are expec- tations slipping? Lewis was boyband, Brinded is boy- I have an offer to make you. I am one of David next-door; Streeting, it pains me to say, is more bell- Beckham’s lovers. I have asterisk free text messages, boy. three sarongs and an alice band, and detailed measure- ments. I am considerably better value than Rebecca Leadership is all about image, Wesley: before you Loos, and I’m proper posh, not like her. I think we ascend to power, take my advice and get yourself a have things to offer each other: what do you say? nice makeover. In the meantime, keep it under you hat. And let’s hope next year the Fashion Show and I eagerly await your reply. elections are sensibly combined, for all our sakes. Yours faithfully Now Gardies is going, presumably you need a new campaign: save us from ugliness, Varsity! You’re our (name and address supplied) only hope!

Lesley Morton ACROSS DOWN

TCS in letter faking scam? 1 Worker near the border of a northeastern county. (6) 2 Female trumpeter who escaped the ring. (6) 5 The king's namesake or half of a comedy double act? 3 Period since sea ran around. (11) (8) 4 Ancient farmer, or newscaster. (9) Merrily Down The Stream Dear Varsity 9 Cold antiseptic. (8) 5 Character of a bore. (7) 10 Clothes wrapped in vinyl on silk. (6) 6 Nick's back at NASA, almost. (5) Dear Editors, How low can they go? The word on the street is, 11 Willingness to look about the same. (6) 7 Combine elements centrally to get a fish. (3) your ‘rivals’ have started making up letters for publica- 12 "A kind of magic": a hit for a recorder. (5,3) 8 Introvert is hiding a fellow capitalist. (8) Finally, a reason to be proud of Cambridge. I am refer- tion. Take this week’s issue, for instance: one of their 14 One who doesn't respect boundaries must be shot 13 Backwards country in the style of french swelling and ring, of course, to the 150th boat race, which our proud letters, from someone called Zoe, praised TCS for down! (5,7) the middle of returned capital. (5,6) lads won by a thumping margin. One of them was even being ‘a pleasure’ - surprising enough in itself – and 17 Can our lad cut around a batty Eastern European? 15 Ate sundae, danced and became ill. (9) an undergraduate! goes on to sing the praises of the, er, captions: ‘a blend (5,7) 16 Cartoon character with insignificant voice. (3,5) of American brahsness (sic) and British dry wit.’ 20 Journalists in a kitchen installation, originally for 18 This girl is a considerable bother! (7) Have machiavellian brains and disproportionate brawn social events. (5-3) 19 It is best to take care, if he is around. (6) ever combined to such devastating effect? These men – Right. This is compelling evidence: does anyone out- 22 Throw suede around unknown issues. (6) 21 Sensory ring collector. (5) demi-Gods, I should say – deserve our adulation. Can side their immediate circle really know (or care) about 23 Crystal invites Joe inside. (6) 24 Allow a free service.(3) anyone with a link to the university deny shedding a lit- their transatlantic connections? If the editors really 25 Counter is untidy in a depot. (8) tle tear when cox Acer Nethercott spotted the chance of imagine so, well, it’s very sweet. A remarkably similar 26 Act slimy, confused, and strange. (4,4) victory? tone to Editor Strimpel’s own musings, as well, espe- 27 Area with sound of matching entrances. (6) cially when she Gets To Thinking. If Zoe Leigh really A picture of sporting excitement, his innocent little bot- exists, I apologise for my libellous suggestions instant- tom lip aquiver with glee, young Acer, oblivious to his ly; otherwise, TCS, j’accuse. Last week’s answers microphone and the 8.9m television audience, cried: ‘Now let’s fuck them!’ And a legend was born, for fuck Yours sincerely, ACROSS: 1. BRIGHT EYES 7. GOLF 9. STABBING 10. LEAGUE 11. BON MOT 13. them we did. UNHEEDED 14. MANUFACTURER 17. TOTAL ECLIPSE Allan A Johns 20. SPLIT PEA 21. LASSIE 22. BOXERS 23. LIAISONS 25. TSAR 26. OF THE HEART Noble sentiments indeed, and what a relief it is to see the DOWN: 2. RATIONAL 3. GOB 4. TWIST 5. YOGHURT 6. SULPHURIC 7. GRAPEFRUITS Corinthian ideal living on in our best and brightest. I 8. LAUREL 12. MOUNTAINEER 15. ANTIPASTO 16. ASSIGNER 18. LEAFLET 19. SPOONS 21. LEAVE 24. SUE 12 OPINION April 30, 2004 www.varsity.co.uk

Eighteen people were killed in Etienne answers. This is all very well with CUSU Niyonzima’s house. Six hundred and elections, or the rights and wrongs of Archie forty-seven died in his neighbourhood. CICCU’s advertising campaign; but what His wife was shot, but survived, though use is opinion in the face of this? she lost her arms. All sixty-four people All you can do is remember it. Ten Bland on her side of the family were murdered. years is a long time. But what happened His son was killed with a machete. But in Rwanda remains clearly visible as one Niyonzima’s other children survived, and of the most disturbing examples of the his account, also to Gourevitch, is above capacity of ordinary men and women to WE FAILED IN RWANDA. WHAT HOPE all that of a man who believes he was do terrible things, and as one of the great

FOR SUDAN’S VICTIMS? lucky: ‘Quite honestly, I don’t understand stains on the conscience of the interna- at all how I was saved.’ tional community. In one sense, no-one was really saved In spite of which: in Sudan today, the know it says ‘opinion’ at the top of makes to our conception of the loss. We all failed from the genocide in Rwanda, Tutsi or Zurga tribe face extermination, and Kofi the page, but there are events which There are so many numbers. Break it hopelessly in our Hutu. Such monumental, widespread car- Annan has said that ‘the risk of genocide Iremain impervious to commentary, down: six people were killed every duty to the nage cannot fail to touch every single indi- is frighteningly real’. And the global and resist any attempt at understanding. minute, every hour, every day, for one Hutu people vidual in a society, and there are children community dithers, and no-one knows For instance: exactly ten years ago, hundred days. Contextualise it: 200,000 unborn whose lives will be affected by it. about it, just like no-one knew about Rwanda was overwhelmed with death. Rwanda, and of those that do know about Eight hundred thousand Tutsis and Hutu it, it is still referred to as a civil war, just moderates (which is to say, Hutus who like Rwanda, and the UN has still not would not murder their friends and Ten years on, how acted, just like Rwanda, and it could hap- neighbours) were killed, in the most effi- pen all over again. cient genocide since the Holocaust. It This is not opinion at all, really. And it was a literal decimation, and it was not far breaks the other cardinal rule of writing from being the total extermination of a student opinion pieces: focus on the local, people. The UN failed hopelessly in its can the wounds of because there are lots of people better duty to the Hutu people, responding to a informed than you about the wider ques- fax from its representative in Rwanda, tions, and at least you have a niche when which proved beyond any reasonable it comes to Gardies. doubt that a genocide was in the offing, Nevertheless, here it is, because it’s with – extraordinarily – nothing other genocide be healed? worth reminding ourselves, simply to than a rejection of protection for the remember, and you can’t do it too many source, who promptly disappeared. The times. Anyone who wonders why we genocide was preventable, and we did children were orphaned. Expand it: Everyone, just about, is related to someone should continue to think about this, nothing to prevent it. 535,000 women were raped, and of the who died, or someone who killed. despite the total absence of answers, need That a paragraph change is the closest survivors, around two thirds contracted only look to Sudan. Rwandans need to one can come to forcing a pause in a piece AIDS. he hardest thing for Rwanda is find a future, and it is their duty to move of journalism is an expession of what a dis- All useless. Focus it, then. Laurent finding a way to move on. on, for they cannot help but mourn; but it mally inadequate way of expressing horror Nkongoli was lucky. He survived, for no TJustice becomes an irrelevant is our duty to remember, because forget- this is. In fact, horror is not really the reason other than blind luck. He told the concept when murder takes place on this ting is too easy, and this must never hap- right word, because horror requires com- American journalist Philip Gourevitch: ‘I scale: it is impracticable. But for widows pen again. prehension, at least, and eight hundred had accepted death. At a certain moment and orphans to live next door to those thousand is a meaningless number. Joseph this happens. One hopes not to die cru- who killed their family – it is an intolera- Stalin, an expert in the field, was right: the elly, but one expects to die anyway. Not ble burden. How can these two funda- We wish to inform you that tomorrow we death of one is a tragedy; a million deaths death by machete, one hopes, but with a mental truths be reconciled? will be killed with our families, by Philip is a statistic. May as well be eight million bullet. If you were willing to pay for it, The thing about writing an opinion Gourevitch, is available in Picador or eight billion for all the difference it you could often ask for a bullet.’ column is, it implies an easy facility with

every night out for the next two years. jab and a stiff drink, she made it to the Last week, and two years on, I was get- Ball like Cinderella just before twelve - Laura-Jane ting glammed up to go to a 21st Birthday but ended up spending most of the night party and in my usual way I was trying to sitting on a chair with her foot resting on Foley do 25 million things at once and not con- an icepack... and she still has the scars... centrating on any of them. What exactly but not the hair straighteners! happened though remains a bit of mys- tery – all I know is that moments after Girls will always whatever did happen, I was in indescrib- efore my recent accident, when I THE LESSONS OF A MAKE UP DISASTER: want their make- able pain, bruised and bleeding, with my still had the ability to read trashy DANGER LURKS ALL AROUND US up and their tools eyelashes no longer on my eye lids but in Bmagazines, I read about a rather for change my curlers. Suffice to say I shan’t be using hirsute young lady who fell asleep whilst eyelash curlers ever, ever, ever again. They depilating her top lip. Many hours later ’ve never taken much notice of the A boyfriend once watched me in have been consigned to the bin - or more she woke in agony with the skin of her proverb “less haste more speed”. amazement as I set about my laborious precisely the skip at Homerton where I top lip missing. Guess where she ended IShame that, as I now find myself beauty routine ready for a night out. As I tossed them in rage as I set off for A&E. up? Yep, A&E. Many months and several two weeks into term back en famille with clamped the curlers down on my eyelash- I’m not the only one who has been skin grafts later, she is heavily scarred. impaired vision, no eyelashes on one eye es, ensuring the metal strip was positioned incapacitated as the result of a cosmetic So what’s the common thread, apart and an extremely bruised ego. firmly in the fold of my eye, he winced. catastrophe though, and it is actually from them all ending up in A&E? more common than one would suppose. They’re all young women who see imper- A friend of mine inadvertently fection in themselves rather than accept- removed a large mole whilst shaving her ing the way they look. We’re never happy The devil makes legs in a hurry with a disposable ladies with what we’ve got. I for one would love razor. This was described by A&E as “a to have the curly hair of my friend who medical emergency” as it was very diffi- has spent many, many hours trying to get cult to stem the flow of blood. She even hers as poker straight as mine. At school had to have a blood transfusion. It goes to I used to sleep in curlers sometimes only show that just because a ladies razor is for the curls to have dropped out before work for idle pink it doesn’t make it any less lethal than the end of morning registration! the male variety! Despite this my friend I’m not suggesting for one minute that remarkably still uses the same method of we girls have a ritualistic burning of our hair removal for her legs! mascaras and lipsticks (I feel naked with- Another friend had a very unfortunate out mine) but I do think we take unnec- eyelash curlers accident on the night of a May Ball last essary risks to change things that only we summer. She was rushing around notice. Girls will always want their make- The cause of my enforced convalescence “They look lethal. Don’t they hurt?”, he straightening her hair, helping a friend up and their tools for change but for my chez Foley was a rather unfortunate mishap asked. Surveying the finished result he with her make-up, making a phone call peace of mind and for the longevity of with a pair of eyelash curlers. Eyelash raised a critical eyebrow – “there’s no dif- and trying to decide which bag to take your eyelashes and more importantly, curlers, which so befuddle the opposite sex, ference... why bother using them?” when she trod on the upturned plug of your eyesight, I implore you to throw and are an essential in many ladies’ make- Dismissing him as a typical subtlety-lack- her electric hair straighteners. Her away your eyelash curlers. They are very, up boxes double as a lethal instrument of ing boy I continued with my incredibly screams could be heard at the other end very dangerous. Lecture over. pain and torture - as I can now testify! important eyelash curling ritual before of college! After a trip to A&E, a tetanus /30/04/04/LISTINGS/

Welcome to Varsity’s Listings pull-out.With our experts’ top recommendations below, Listings is your essential weekly guide to what’s on in Cambridge over the next seven days.

THEATRE VISUAL CLASSICAL MUSIC FILM

Rocking Horse Theatre Company Spring is traditionally a season of CUCO's final concert of the year de- The self-canonising Norwegian, Mike Hodges’ new crime thriller, I’ll presents Martin Crimp’s The new beginnings. To witness the serves a good audience. Even if it Thomas Hansen, is a purveyor of Sleep When I’m Dead features Clive Country. This sparse psychologi- visual arts equivillant, head down means worrying about what you're alt. country folk and unfortunate Owen as former gangster living in cal drama explores the disturbed to London's Saatchi Gallery for a not doing, get down to West Road faux kiddie album-artwork. With rural Wales. If that sounds like all the triangle created when doctor, sensational assortment of works and see how much listening to any luck, though, none of this will makings of a knockabout comedy, by the latest proteges on the con- Richard, brings the body of an un- Ravel's wonderful piano concerto be on display when he plays the then prepare for a surprise. This is temporary art scene. New Artists: conscious young woman back to can make you not care! Portland Arms on Wednesday 5th the man that directed Get Carter, 'New Blood; is running until the 4th his wife and home. Corpus of July and includes everything Sat 1st May, 8pm, West Road Concert May. See Music page for more info after all. Q&A session with the di- Playroom 4th-8th May 7pm but the kitchen sink. Hall '£12, £8 (conc), £3 (students) rector follows. 30th April, 9pm, Arts Picturehouse

Applications welcomed for Michaelmas 2004 and May Week Positions V A R BE IT S I E D I T O R Y

Contact Sam Gallagher for more information on any position [email protected] L2 LISTINGS 30 APRIL 04

Tuesday Wednesday Friday FILM Cambridge Dancers' Club: Cambridge Dancers' Club: Cambridge Dancers' Club: MISC Ballroom and Latin Dancing Crash Ballroom and Latin Dancing Crash Ballroom and Latin Dancing Crash Course. St Matthew's School, Broad Course. Course. Sunday Friday Street. 7pm. £2. St Columba's Hall, Downing Street. St Columba's Hall, Downing Street. 9pm. £2. 7pm. £2. Queens' Films: Cambridge Dancers' Club: Cambridge Dancers' Club: Rabbit-Proof Fence. Ballroom and Latin Dancing Crash Salsa Crash Course. Cambridge Dancers' Club: CUCBC & LMBC: Queens' College, Fitzpatrick Hall. Course. St Paul's School, Coronation Street. Salsa Crash Course. Indoor Rowing 8 x 500m relay race. 9pm. £2. St Columba's Hall, Downing Street. 7pm. £2. St Paul's School, Coronation Street. Entries online, www.cucbc.org. 7pm. £2. 7pm. £2. West Road Concert Hall, 5pm. St John's Films: Cambridge Dancers' Club: Sylvia - with Gwyneth Paltrow, filmed Chabad Society: Swing Dance Crash Course. LMBC: partially in Cambrigde. Russian Shabbat: Rusian food, drink Thursday St Columba's Hall, Downing Street. Concept 2 Cambridge University St. John's College, Fisher Building. and atmosphere. 7pm. £2. Cambridge Dancers' Club: Sprint Relays. 7pm. £2. Chabad House 15 Grange Road, 8pm. Authentic Rock and Roll Dancing West Road Concert Hall, 5pm. £16. Cambridge Dancers' Club: Crash Course. St John's Films: Saturday Offbeat Dance Class. St Paul's School, Coronation Street. Sylvia. Cambridge Dancers' Club: St Columba's Hall, Downing Street. 7pm. £2. St. John's College, Fisher Building. Ballroom and Latin Dancing Crash 9:15pm. £2. 10pm. £2. Course. Culanu: St Paul's School, Coronation Street. Culanu: Lunch & Learn: Come feast on beigels, Trinity Films: 2pm. £2. Improve Your Memory and Learn to hummous and gems of Hebraic wis- ITALIAN Blue Velvet by David Lynch, 1986 (18). Relax with John Levine... dom!. Admission Free. RESTAURANT CU Bowmen (Archery): The Culanu Centre, 33a Bridge St, King's College, The Chetwynd Room. Trinity College, Winstanley Lecture Cambridge BUTTS - Last leg of the between Oxfam and The Galleria. 1pm. MEZE HOUSE Theatre. 8:30pm. tournament. 8pm. £2. Sidney Sussex Sportsground, Kick Bo: Party bookings up to 50 available Monday Huntingdon Road. 10:30am. Romance.ucam.org: Non-contact aerobics using kicking Film Screening and Talk: Speed Dating: "Musical chairs with and punching moves of Martial-Arts Downstairs Cocktail Bar Jean-Luc Godard's VIVRE SA VIE Monday chemistry". Great fun, please book in (tcl25). New Hall, Long Room. 10% STUDENT DISCOUNT (1962) introduced by Colin MacCabe. Cambridge Dancers' Club: advance. The Anchor Pub, 7pm. £2. Cambridge Arts Picturehouse, . Ballroom and Latin Dancing Crash http://romance.ucam.org. 17 Hills Road, Cambridge 6:30pm. £4. Course. St Paul's School, Coronation 7:30pm. £4. 01223 566900 Street. 7:30pm. £2. Thursday Eastern/Central European Film Club: Wednesday Thursday Friday Gypsy Lore/Romani Kris by B. 2nd Annual Disability Lecture: CICCU: Does God just not CICCU: Gyongyossy (1997). Hungarian with TALK Can Genetics Solve the Disability care?(Romans 1; 18-32). Queens' The Passion of the Christ: Who Killed English subtitles. Problem? by Dr Tom Shakespeare. College, Fitzpatrick Hall. 1pm. Jesus? (LUNCH PROVIDED). Caius College, Bateman Auditorium. St. John's College, Palmerston Room, Sidgwick Site, Meade Room. 1pm. 8pm. Friday Fisher Building. 5pm. Culanu: CICCU: Dr Ghilad Zuckermann: The Story of How can we believe in God in a world Culanu: the Hebrew Language... St John's College Linacre Lecture: without meaning? Jewish-Christian Dialgue: Still Some The Culanu Centre, 33a Bridge St, Professor Stephen O'Rahilly of the LUNCH PROVIDED. Lessons to Learn? All Welcome!. between Oxfam and The Galleria.8pm. Department of Biochemistry, Sidgwick Site, Meade Room. 1pm. The Culanu Centre, 33a Bridge St, 'Obesity and the hard-wiring of between Oxfam and The Galleria.8pm. Kettle's Yard: human appetite'. Saturday Gallery talk - Attila Csorgo, lasting Downing Site, Physiological Kettle's Yard: about 30 mins. Laboratory, Lecture Theatre 1. 5pm. Slyvia, 15 Gallery talk - Attila Csorgo, approx 30 Kettle's Yard, 1:10pm. Sunday 2nd May - 7pm & 10pm mins. Kettle's Yard, 1:10pm.

Runaway Jury , PG Sunday 9th May - 7pm & 10pm

Shrek , PG

Sunday 16th May - 7pm & 10pm You are cordially invited to attend

The second Annual Semitic Philology Lecture The Last Samurai, 12 Sunday 23rd May - 7pm & 10pm Trees and Waves: On the Classification of the

Semitic Languages Something’s Gotta Give, PG Sunday 30th May - 7pm & 10pm Professor John Huehnergard

Harvard University Spirited Away , PG Sunday 6th June - 7pm & 10pm 5.00pm, Tuesday 25th May, 2004 The Runcie Room, Faculty of Divinity, West Road (Sidgwick Site)

Followed by a reception Along Came Polly, PG Thursday 10th June - 7pm & 10pm The lecture will present a broad view of the Semitic languages in the Near East and their interrelationship www.stjohnsfilms.org RSVP: Geoffrey Khan, Faculty of Oriental Studies, Sidgwick Avenue, Cambridge, CB3 9DA. Email: [email protected]

V a r s i t y . C o . U k 30 APRIL 04 LISTINGS L3 Special offer with this cut-out

Great tasting, great value pizza for delivery and collection

DOMINOS CAMBRIDGE: 01223 355155 27 HILLS ROAD, CAMBRIDGE, CB2 1NW

Thursday MUSIC Clare ents: The Boiler Room at St John's returns Tuesday Cambridge Guitar Club: Fat poppadaddys party hosted by the for the last time this year with hip-hop Peterhouse Music Society: Bring your guitar and play or come Fez boys. from Dj CHEMO (Frontline/Kung Fu) Ben Moore (violin), Mark Berry listen. 8pm start. Info (01223) 565552 Friday Clare College, Clare cellars. and Old Skool Drum n Bass from Dj (piano): Bach, Schumann, Busoni, www.cambridge-news.co.uk/commu- 9pm. £4/3. APU: Sharife. £3 B4 10.30/ £4 after. Bring Ysaye. Peterhouse, Combination nities/sites/cam-guitar-club. Chris Ingham Jazz Trio. student ID. Room. 8:45pm. St Luke's Centre, Victoria Road, Kettle's Yard: Mumford Theatre, Anglia, . Cambridge CB4 3DZ, Lunch time concert, lasting approx 40 1:10pm. Queens' Ents: Wake Up Screaming: 8pm. £Entrance £3 (students £1). mins. Kettle's Yard, 1:10pm. DIRRTY. Red Hot Hip-Hop. Hard Rock / Metal clubnight, cheap Cambridge Gamelan Society: Queens' College, Fitzpatrick Hall. drinks before 11. Friday Traditional gamelan music and dance Saturday 9pm. £4. The Kambar, Wheeler Street. APU: from Java. Clare ents; C.R.Y.P.T.I.C: 9pm. £3.50/2.50(mem). Anglia Sinfonia Voices: West Road Concert Hall, Faculty of New breaks and beats night, with spe- Sunday Berio's A-Ronne for eight amplified Music. cial guest Krafty Kuts . Fitzwilliam College Music Society: Wednesday voices. Mumford Theatre, Anglia, 7:30pm. £4. Clare College, Clare cellars. LEAVERS' CONCERT: Last chance to Jesus College Music Society: 1:10pm. 9pm. £4. see these student performers!. Pete Collins: Cambridge Gamelan: Fitzwilliam College, Fitzwilliam A programme of songs for tenor. Queens' Ents: Spectacular dance and music event in Queens' Ents: Chapel. 8pm. Jesus College Chapel, . LONG BEACH BOOTY PARTY. traditional Javanese Gamelan style. DIRRTY. Red Hot Hip-Hop. 9pm. Hottest RNB / Hip Hop in West Road Concert Hall, West Road Queens' College, Fitzpatrick Hall. Cambridge. Queens' College, Concert Hall. 7:30pm. £6 / £4. 9pm. £4. Fitzpatrick Hall. 9pm. £4. THEATRE Friday Model for artists! £11 ph. ADC: Hedda Gabler. The Octagon, St. Interesting, occasional work. Find Chads, 7:45pm. £5. out more. Tel: 01223 571816.

Framed Theatre: www.derekbatty.co.uk Iniquitous - dark comedy exploring the understanding of mental illness. Mumford Theatre, Anglia, East Road. SUMMER JOBS ON Box Office: 01223 352932. THE MED 7:30pm. £9.50 (£8.00 concessions). Discover the easy way of getting a summer job in the most NO DIET DAY popular locations on the MED. We handle the hassle of looking THURS 6th MAY Annual event to promote healthy for your ideal job. body image and healthy lifestyle Visit and apply now at www.jobsonthemed.com Picnic @ Newnham Gardens 6.30 onward All Welcome! To view more listings visit www.varsity.co.uk LECTURES, THEATRE ADVERTS AND AUDITIONS

EDINBURGH FESTIVAL 2004 Solve your accommodation problems by calling Carole Smith/ Anne Goring on 01620 810620 email address: [email protected] or write to Festival Flats, 3 Linkylea Cottages, Gifford, East Lothian, EH41 4PE

The Fletcher Players, Corpus Christi College and the Cambridge Arts Theatre invite applications to:

Direct / Produce at the Corpus Playroom Michaelmas Term 2004

Application forms available now from Corpus Prter’s Lodge

Deadline: 12 noon on 8th June

All applicants and players welcome. Contact Sarah (sc399) with any questions

The Marlowe invites applications for DIRETOR and PRODUCER of the RSC Other Prize winning play Deadline Wednesday May 5th For more info contact Christina (cje35)

Invites applications to direct in Michaelmas Term

At Homerton or another Cambridge venue

Deadline May 7th, 5pm

Application forms and info from ACTOR www.hatsdrama.co.uk ADC / FOOTLIGHTS Ferdinand in The Tempest 2004 Pantomime touring around Cambs Applications are invited from: expenses and profit share WRITERS with professional practitioners DIRECTORS June 17-20, 24-27, July 1-3. PRODUCERS Contact Collette Nicholls on 07967 021050 or 01480 467717 All enquires and applications to Raph on [email protected] to arrange audition Deadline for applications Friday 7th May

For a comprehensive listings guide and to submit your own listings visit The Golden Ass

11th - 13th June www.varsity.co.uk Sidney Sussex Garden Come and see the amazing donkey man! PAGE FOURTEEN13 www.varsity.co.uk April 30, 2004 Naked Female Mud Wrestling ...and other things Page Fourteen would like to see at May Balls this year...

1. Everyone with tickets for Magdelene giving 6. Chas and Dave. At every ball. Please God them away to tramps. let this happen – and why have Blazin Squad Come on, it would be worth it to see the car- been chosen to do our Euro 2004 song instead of nage in the morning. these legends? This country’s going to the dogs.

2. A thousand people mooning on the sur- 7. A naked female mudwrestling arena. vivors photo for Johns. Someone’s got to do it.

3. Someone punching any jugglers that 8. Queens finally taking after its name and attempt to ‘entertain’ the queue to get in. having Russell Grant, Julian Clary and Elton John compering the main stage.

4. The main act not turning up at Trinity 9. Likewise, Trinity from the Matrix at Trinity, again. How we laughed when the Fun Lovin Jim Robinson at Robinson and Clare Raynor at Criminals had a bit too much fun before their Clare. slot in 2002.

5. Female torso Vodka ice sculptures like the 10. A human spitroast as well as a hog roast. ones in Footballers’ Wives. For that touch of Actually, Newnham’s having a Ball this year isn’t Image.net class. it…. Elton John, Julian Clary and Graham Norton re-enact the Darkness video at Queens’ Ball Al Rushmer and Dave Fawbert’s PAGE FOURTEEN LISTINGS Scrabble - Back FOR SALE: For Sale: Boatie types – need to improve your conversation skills? One Land Economy Degree, Sick of not being able to talk about unused condition. anything but the dull life that is row- ing? Fancy making some new friends With a Vengeance One careful owner (2001 that get up at a sane hour? Matriculation). £5 O.N.O. Sign up now to our low cost course to learn new talents and improve your Wanted: good prices paid social competence! Book now in time for dissertations, prefer- for May Week. Discounts offered for ably SPS based (though I’m group bookings (eight minimum). really not fussy), by 5pm Friday 30th April at the Other courses offered including very latest. “Learning to Communicate without Severe panic has now set binary code – A Compsci Perspective” in. Please help me, and “SPS students - What to do when please. Oh God what am I not sleeping”. Call now for a full black going to do? I’ve had 6 and white brochure! sodding months and I’ve gone and left it to now. Lost: sanity. Thought to be stolen from the I really need one, I’ll Wren Library within 2 hours of the beginning do anything, and I really of term. mean anything. Only four days until the deadline arsity Archive

and ten-thousand words to Lost: my dignity went missing without V write. Bollocks. trace on Suicide Sunday 2003, needs to be found or replaced before the same That Scrabble board once more, for the ladies date this year. For Sale: a disastrous hair- And so, everything that has a beginning has an end but sadly no lucrative cash offer is going to con- cut, willing to trade for a semi Self-respect also disappeared on the vince us to return with “Page Fourteen Reloaded” or “Page Fourteen Revolutions” – we have principles decent one. same day. Last seen rapidly disappearing thank you very much. Well, that and nothing, literally nothing left to write. All creative genius has been during a drinking society initiation cere- sapped out of us. Cost over £30 new mony. Judging from the feedback we peaked a little too soon, a common problem, and our finest hour by a Substantial reward offered for safe country mile was in our very first issue: the ongoing debate over college Scrabble™ scores. A big thank return. you to all those painfully anal individuals who wrote in and provided moments of unbridled hilarity with- in the hallowed Varsity corridors. Varsity did in fact receive significantly more correspondence over this Wanted: ok, if I can’t get hold of a dis- For Sale: a selection of bikes all issue than either “Top-up Fees’ or primate labs. Who said students were apathetic? The country is clearly sertation then can anyone let me have any in great but slightly damp condi- in safe hands. decent excuses? tion (usually from fresh clean Cam water). And I’m not talking “my computer Thanks for reading.... crashed”, I need world class, monstrous Can also provide bikes to order, style ones that would convince a maybe even re-unite you with Peterhouse student to go straight. your stolen bike! Provide your Meet us for a drink sometime own lock-picking equipment. It’s Your Round 14 FASHION April 30, 2004 www.varsity.co.uk 30.04.04 varsityarts

Lydia Wilson roughly the same as they are now. Unfortunately, tle. Bill and Ted went on an excellent adventure; he future. Many have tried to predict it. for Charlie, James, Matt and their anonymous soon after it was a bogus journey. Historically, none have got it right. I mean drummer, “not much has changed” can mean that I’ll see in you in the future, then. Don’t bother Tlook at George Orwell. By his reckoning humans have evolved gills and your “great-great- packing your swimming costume. 1984 was going to be all Big Brother this, dou- great-granddaughter” looks pretty fine despite Welcome to blethink that, beer served in metric units, rats on being approximately 837-years-old. Maybe they The VarsityArts Guide to The Future your head and shagging in woods. How wrong should have spent less time looking down their can a man be? Everyone knows we didn’t have teacher’s top and paid more attention to her 1. The Jetsons or Futurama? Big Brother till summer 2000. Davina McCall maths lesson. The berks. 2. Back To The Future II, Space Odessy 2001, was only 17 in 1984 (imagine that! I have) and A clever loophole is to create art of the future Bladerunner Jade Goody was only two (a reading age she’s rather than about the future. In this way you can 3. Italy’s Futurism art movement (1919ish). now tripled). I drank several pints of beer last avoid being judged in the present. Marty McFly With an appreciation of noise, grime and the The night, not litres. And as for rat torture, we didn’t (not be confused with Marty Busted) had the city the reversed traditional notions of beau- get that till I’m a Celebrity... or, at the earliest, Fort right idea when, after stunning his mom’s 1950s ty. Shame they were a bunch of facists. Boyard.And Paul Merton invented Room 101. prom crowd into silence with his far-out guitar 4. Year 3000, Busted - Their grasp of simple Nope, 1984 was all nuclear protest, miners on solo in Back to the Future, he quiped: “You people arithmetic may be dodgy but their eye- strike and people pretending to like hip-hop. It might not be ready for that kind of music yet … brows are heavenly. was quite a warm summer though, so there may but your kids are gonna love it!” 5. 1984 - George Orwell, Brave New World - have been some al fresco bonking (there’s a nice Not everyone has a “doctor” friend capable of Aldous Huxley, We - Yevgeny Zamyatin. Future forested area near Greenham Common). whizzing them off to various points in the space- 6. www.cyborgname.com - just call me Our contemporary arty folk are trying a bit time continuum with hilarious consequences. E.L.L.E.N (Electronic Lifeform Limited to harder. Let’s take, for example, Busted (they were However, we can be fairly sure, just as Busted in Exploration and Nullification) 1, -1 and –1 in 1984). When they journeyed (via their own warped way are, that the future will be 7. The works of Nostradamus - WW3 will only the medium of song) to the year 3000, they came kind of like now. Whereas once there was last “seven and twenty years,” apparently, back admitting that “not much has changed”. Morecombe and Wise, there’s now Vic and Bob. which given it began in 1999, means we’ll all This is clever thinking on their part. When mak- There was the blues; then we had the Rolling be home in time for tea. Hurrah! ing predictions it is always wise to predict some- Stones and, later still, the White Stripes. In the 8. May Week Varsity - We haven’t started it yet thing so far off in the future that no one can ever Renaissance there was the artist Raphael; in but when we’ve finished its gonna be amaz- Martin Hemming prove you wrong. It is also wise to err on the side Victorian England there were, confusingly, the ing. Promise. of caution and guess that things’ll probably be pre-Raphaelites; in the 1990s he was a ninja tur- (list compiled by Ellen E. Jones)

Music Classical Theatre

Songs about robots Porno Pianissimo? Easy as ADC Page 20 Page 17 Page 18 16 FILM April 30, 2004 Kill Bill Thrills Camerabridge Niraj Modha reviews Tarantino’s latest The Cinecam Film Fesitval ristina Esconda’s Searching has Mannequin Men explores the male Kill Bill Volume 2 ent are we from the image of ourselves most importantly, it makes sense and a light bulb in it. Life with your body with more than a nod to Genet. Released on that we project? how far do our actions doesn’t take itself too seriously. Cother half is like having the Lucy Styles’ film contrasts the pale, determine or justify our being? Deep. I, for one, am thankful that this bloke light bulb; breaking up is like losing bland mask of the mannequin, placing it However, quite frankly, this film does- isn’t still an anonymous video stacker in your light bulb. But the film didn’t in the possession of a brooding, danger- uentin Tarantino is a quintes- n’t require you to dwell on those interest- some Los Angeles video store. It’s a trib- actually feel this low budget. ous male form. But this is so much more sential movie and music buff, ing questions if you can’t be bothered to ute to Tarantino’s immense talent for Searching was just one of the 16 short than a car advert gone noir. A short play- Qand no-one’s complaining do so. It’s beautifully shot, the plot script writing and sheer comic genius films screened at this year’s Cinecam ing with caress, abuse and fellatio ensues; with the likes of Johnny Cash, makes sense and the main characters are that I can exhort you to watch it, if not Film Festival. A capacity crowd hit packing its tension into a tightly con- Ennio Morricone and a Santana mix all fully developed, which immediately for anything else, for Pai Mei’s high cal- Robinson Auditorium for one of the trolled use of framing Mannequin Men is on the soundtrack to his much-antici- distinguishes this work of art from the ibre beard-stroking and a discussion on biggest events for student film in a very sexy film. pated follow-up of the Bride’s tale of drivel that’s been leaking like a kicked-in Superman’s own social critique of the Cambridge. Cristina Esconda’s film Noah Charney’s Sleep of Reason con- revenge. But you don’t have to be a urinal out of Hollywood over the last world he dropped into from Krypton. dwelt on the effect of desire upon the jures up the world that is left in our cities movie or music geek to really enjoy this few decades. This film is its own genre – lover, its imagery was economic but neat film. Nor do you need to be an ultra- and provocative. violent samurai-warrior fanatic. But in the end it was Emma One of the biggest In fact, surprisingly, Kill Bill Volume 2 Lightfoot’s After Things that swayed the turns out to be less about violence and, judges’ attention. Her film covers a events for student perhaps, more about that really signifi- dystopia-fuelled Britain in which reality cant period in a woman’s life – mother- is second best to imagination.Lightfoot film in Cambridge hood (but, despair not, budding kung-fu has the potential of this gripping new artists, since this comes in equal measure medium sussed and uses it to reap bewil- while we sleep. This is literally a silent too). For, through his innovative non- dered, nervous laughs. After Things is movie, one that takes the viewer for a linear story-telling and Uma Thurman’s shot to hype Britishness every bit as ride, testing their credulity and nerve. simply brilliant performance as an assas- weird as The league of Gentleman and Charney’s camera cuts between a lone sin-turned-mother, Tarantino turns his pulls off an Anglophilic comedy. First night walker, edgily rushing through the proclivity for acerbic, inspired dialogue prize was a place at the Brighton Film London streets and a strange masked towards the task of creating something School summer course. figure that intervenes in what might that could be interpreted as resembling a Among a programme spanning stu- otherwise be a regular quiet night. A ‘souped-up’ BBC drama that juggles the dent-issues, flicks, science education ani- haunting is in order as the spectral figure dilemmas of responsibility and retribu- mes and the unforgettable Caesar turns out to be a plague-warden one tion, interspersed with the odd breath- Diamond Geezer were loads of films that might normally expect to see in a histo- taking action sequence. dared to be different. La Double Vie ry book. Sleep of Reason unsurprisingly The more cynical amongst the cine- meditates on a single enigmatic, double- has more than one twist, ending in as ma-going populace may question sided woman who remains mysterious to unsettling a manner as it began. whether this entire enterprise could be a .image.net the camera. So shy, yet so provocative, Of course, afterwards there was money-making shtick; but, despite the Atta Chui’s subject draws on the camera Robinson Bar. imputed irony, there is the real concern www and the anonymous man who controls of the Bride’s identity issues: how differ- it. Ollie Coates

More screens, more choice,

On 28th May more legroom

l

CINEWORLDCINEWORLD newnew 9 9 SCREENSCREEN CINEMACINEMA CambCambridgeridge LEISURELEISURE PARKPARK,, ooffff hills hills roaDroaD && CherryCherry Hinton Hinton RoadRoad

## BBARARGGAINAIN TUESDTUESDAYAY (£(£3.3.5050 aanyny fil film,m, a anyny time) time) ## LuxuryLuxury stadium stadium seatingseating ## MOVIESMOVIES FORFOR JUNIORSJUNIORS (saturday(saturday 10am 10am ALLALL SEATS SEATS justjust £1) £1) ## MONDAYMONDAY CLASSICs CLASSICs ## WEDNESDAYWEDNESDAY SPECIALs SPECIALs ## PoPopcornpcorn popoppedpped onon sitesite

call us on 0871 220 8000 www.cineworld.co.uk CLASSICAL 17 www.varsity.co.uk April 30, 2004 Classics crash into the 21st century Ciaran Rhys Jenkins looks to the future lassical music has a future. It Despite what this survey may reveal at the heart of Mahler’s 1st is not dead, as many of its about my erratic driving – I tend to Symphony Finale – classical music’s Cdoubters claim, because much swerve slightly during the climaxes of equivalent of tantric sex. of the music written by western com- Shostakovich symphonies – it does vanessamae.com posers over the last 400 years has emphasise an important point: classi- transcendental qualities which will cal music overwhelmingly has the For most children surpass the passage of time. power to affect our emotions. However, the very nature of these ‘Popular-Classical’ music is there- classical music is virtues means that they reveal them- fore futile. So-called ‘crossover’ artists dead selves most often in the subtleties of such as Vanessa Mae and Bond do not the music itself, participation is represent the future of classical music therefore vital. At present there are because their agenda is substantially People need convincing that classi- few opportunities for people to more popular than classical in balance. cal music can reach them in ways become involved in making classical The range of expression in a classical which they might never have imag- music, hence the widespread misun- work is infinite, whereas popular music ined. The key to this is education and derstanding of its merits. is too often compromised by factors participation. At present classical There is no doubting the impor- relating to its genre and marketability. music is largely the domain of the tance of popular music: it gives youth The substance of crossover acts is privileged. The cost of musical instru- culture a focus and provides a range of not the music (as endless arrange- ments and instrumental lessons makes role-models and influences with ments of Bach’s D minor Toccata and classical music inaccessible to thou- which people can identify. Cynical sands of youngsters. theories regarding the aesthetically Fundamentally musical develop- regressive nature of popular musics do They could perform ment is available exclusively to those not alter the fact that for many people with the ability to pay. Provision for popular music is a passion, and George Fornby musical education in the National defines much about their image and covers on electric Curriculum is woeful. Too much the way they would like to be per- emphasis is placed on biographical ceived. Classical music is not in com- ukuleles but their details of composers, and too little on petition with popular music, its qual- encouraging children to learn the basic ity is measured by a different yard- appeal would skills of their own musical traditions. stick, and its function is dissimilar. It is little wonder that for most chil- The Guardian reported last week be the same dren classical music is dead. that a new survey has demonstrated Participation is crucial to the future that playing certain pieces of music in Fugue testify) but packaging and per- of classical music. Young people the car is more likely to provoke dan- sonality. Sexy string quartet Bond should be given the opportunity to gerous driving than others. Wagner’s could perform jazzed-up George learn staff notation and musical Ride of the Valkyries and the Dies Irae Fornby songs on carefully fondled instruments and explore the sensa- from Verdi’s Requiem are among the electric ukuleles, but their appeal tions of classical music for them- View from the stage five most perilous pieces, in addition would remain the same. The sexiness selves. I continue to hope that with to Firestarter by the Prodigy, Red Alert of music is vital as it provokes a raw improvements in musical education ambridge’s spaghetti junction ticularly in the Kyrie, where George by Basement Jaxx, and Insomnia by reaction with the human psyche. the greater population could once of a concert caledar was in full could have made the orchestra play Faithless. The safest five tunes include However, the masturbatory strum- again indulge in classical music. Cswing again last weekend. more quietly than they did. However riveting numbers such as Norah ming of guitars in today’s popular Perhaps in future children will prefer The stressed citizens of this city were this is was the only minor fault in an Jones’s Come Around with Me, and do ‘kerrang’ style is a cheap thrill in com- Beethoven to Britney and cars will spoilt for choice as requiems, operas excellent performance and one in not feature any classical works. parison with the great breakthrough collide to the sound of Wagner. and concerti contested for the lime- which I was very glad to have taken light. Varsity got behind the scenes at part. Trinity’s Verdi Requiem and at Fitzwilliam’s Concerts to celebrate James Crawford, Tenor, Fitzwilliam the opening of their new auditorium. College New Auditorium opening concerts, April 24 and 25. Adam Balkwill, Trombone, Verdi Proper music. There’s nothing like Requiem, April 24, Trinity College it. Really, there isn’t. Not that I have Reviews Chapel. anything against your average Last Saturday I was fortunate lunchtime recital. Quite the reverse in Robinson/Choir of St John’s College – Leighton enough to play trombone in George fact – I pop along to quite a few when Naxos Corbett’s TCMS production of Verdi’s I get the chance, and (almost) always Jonny Sells Requiem. I had been drafted in late as a enjoy them. Leighton should be more than familiar to the choral scholar scene in replacement for somebody else, and it But there’s something about a real, Cambridge, but only through a few of his works. This disc devoted to his music was already clear in the final rehearsal high class, top quality concert that you should please both connoisseur and layman, since it has space to wander from the just how much effort everyone had put can’t beat. I had the pleasure of being beaten track. The quality and variety of the works included is notable. in. George managed to get some of the a lowly chorus member in last week- The choral sound is distinctive and strong, although with the close placement best instrumentalists in Cambridge end’s Fitz Auditorium Opening of the microphones the singers can hide nothing, and there is a up-front edge that Concerts, and quite frankly had a large may tire the ear during extended listening. The boys come off worst, with a wob- aquatic mammal of a time. Excellent ble in pitch discernable from the start. They also occasionally push sharp at loud Just imagine, direction from the professional moments. The adult male sound underneath them never ceases to exude class. Fitzwilliam String Quartet made for John’s infamous organ is prominent here, with two solo tracks as well as through every note far from tedious rehearsals and an Leighton’s active and demanding accompanying parts, played well by Christopher you play you are excellent sound. Performing alongside Whitton. Why could they not have recorded in Queen’s, especially when the mics professional soloists like Sally are too close to take advantage of John’s acoustic? Surely that organ would have helping a man to Bradshaw, Kathryn Zerk and Anthony been far better. To rub salt in the wound, the disturbing rumble of the bellows Rolfe Johnson was quite simply a joy. disrupts most of the tracks – even the unaccompanied Drop drop slow tears from heaven Of course, it wasn’t perfect. I Crucifixus pro nobis.Turn the damn thing off! messed up a couple of lines myself (though I don’t think anybody together; many from CUCO were play- noticed), but rather than that ruining Tony Woods Project – Lowlands ing, yet it was what he did with the the evening, it just propelled us on to Basho Music orchestra that was so phenomenal. He regain control of the music. You can’t Ciaran Rhys Jenkins would stand for nothing less than per- stop and run it from bar 224 in a con- This album opens with the sound of a long searching sax solo to the accompa- fection, even from those who were cert. But you don’t need to, and you niment of waves gently caressing the shore. Following a quick check that I had sight-reading on the day! don’t even want to. The adrenaline not put on ‘Relax with Whales’ by mistake I sat back to enjoy Woods’s sweet sax The Dies Irae in particular was rush, the surprisingly good (albeit crit- tone. Unfortunately, I could concentrate on little else but the prospect of a sea- played with vigour and extreme inten- ical) acoustic and the packed seats side holiday following exam term and so I decided to peruse the rest of the album. sity of feeling. He said to us before the don’t let you. The instrumentalists on the Woods project have undoubted quality, but the performance: “Just imagine, through There is an awful lot of good music blend is often questionable. I was thoroughly enjoying Country Dance until the every note you play, that you are help- in Cambridge, but not enough proper sax melody was answered by tuned percussion, which lacked both the expressive ing to take a man to heaven.” The music. The talent is there, but without range and timbral nuances to contribute positively to the corporate sound. Old strings were precise in all their difficult proper venues, directors, rehearsals Joe Clark is a quirky number with inherent vibrancy, but I did not hear enough runs, and the soloists were also top and most of all audiences, it just does- on Lowlands to be convinced that this album could be saved from the back- quality. The only criticism I would n’t fulfil its potential. Sort it out, guys. ground mix at Starbucks. have is that there were moments, par- If I can do it, so can you. 18 THEATRE April 30 , 2004 www.varsity.co.uk ADC-ing into the Future Alison Flemming reveals plans for a state-of-the-art student theatre

Derek Jacobi, Sir Ian McKellen. and in 3 stages. The preliminary phase took 2006, will see the installation of a lift and more recently Garth Marenghi. place in the summer of 2000 and trans- disabled refuge points, a second access It’s now run by the University, though formed the bar from a dark, dingy area corridor to the auditorium, new dressing still owned by the Amateur Dramatic into the space which is familiar to current rooms (with showers), a sound-proof Club, and houses over 75 productions a students. Phase 1 was begun last summer rehearsal room, bar terrace and renovated year by both amateur and professional and is due to be completed this year in workshop space. The work is expected to groups; including English Pocket time for the beginning of Michaelmas cost around £1.8 Million; an Appeal to Opera, ETG, Footlights, BAWDS, term. Last year’s building work was struc- raise the money was launched in 2002 Combined Actors of Cambridge and, of tural rather than cosmetic and few people and has raised £1 million thus far. course, the Amateur Dramatic Club. will have noticed a difference in the facil- Students from 2006 will not only have The building is now faded and battered, ities; this year, however, the change will be access to the oldest University Playhouse though well loved, and in need of refur- much more dramatic. Returning audience but the best student playhouse in bishment. Today’s audiences, perform- and Freshers will be treated to a new, Britain. The improved production and ers and technicians, although treated to more spacious, foyer and box office and rehearsal facilities will enable students to he ADC Theatre, home of the formances in the Easter Vacation of fantastic performance facilities, are con- new toilets, while behind the scenes there continue stretching the potential of the Amateur Dramatic Club, and 1855. Originally the Hoop Hotel, it strained by cramped offices, dressing will be new management offices, produc- ADC stage and technical capabilities. TBritain’s oldest University reopened as the ADC Theatre in 1935 rooms and Front of House areas. The tion office and amateur dramatic club The ADC should have become a build- Playhouse will be closed this Easter following a serious fire in 1933. Since lack of disabled access to the Bar, common room. Hopefully this interme- ing which will enable the ADC to con- term for the completion of phase 1 of a then it has been the launch pad of Auditorium and Stage makes the rede- diate stage will reduce the pressure on the tinue being “..the best theatre school in major facelift. many distinguished and newly flour- velopment more urgent, as incoming Front of House area during the time the country..” (Nicholas Hyntner, The Theatre has been used as a ishing careers, including Sir Peter Hall legislation requires all public buildings between main shows and late shows until Director of the National Theatre and venue for student Drama since the (and his daughter Rebecca), Stephen to have full access or face closure. the transformation can be completed in alumnus of the ADC). Amateur Dramatic Club’s first per- Fry, Emma Thompson, Rachel Weisz, The redevelopment has been planned summer 2006. Phase 2, scheduled for Juniper’s Frightening A De-stable-izing Show

Juniper’s Whitening character of Beth - but I can’t help feel Equus The Playroom is a perfect space for two characters work very well together Playroom, April 26 - May 1st 9.30 that it made Juniper (and perhaps Aleph Playroom, Apr 27th - May 1 6.45 this kind of psychological drama. The and convincingly depict the tension - arguably the two most ‘real’ of the trio) proximity of the stage and the fact that between a middle-aged man and a equally as distant as Beth and more dif- the audience is on two sides does two teenage boy. Amelia Worsley, who plays uniper’s Whitening, by the author’s ficult to find any kind of human attach- things: firstly it creates the voyeuristic the magistrate, is perfect as reason own admission, is weird. Three ment with, as all three are quite similar eigning an orgasm astride a impression that the spectators are actu- incarnate; dressed in sensible heels and Jpeople, Juniper, Aleph and Beth, in terms of speeches and actions. This horse. Miming self-flagellation. ally inside the psychiatrist’s office with neat shawl, her persona screams of a are all apparently trapped Sartre-esque inevitably leads to a certain level of FThis production of Peter the patient; second it captures the sense repressed workaholic who fights her in a house with no escape. sameness, making the genuinely disturb- Shaffer’s Equus could have easily gone of the claustrophobia that the boy feels loneliness by resolutely taking on the Oh, yes, and Aleph keeps killing ing bits far less jarring than they could so wrong. Instead, the Selwyn Mitre within his own psyche. This claustro- pain of others. Beth. But she keeps coming back from be. Players give a mature performance of phobia is further emphasised by the fact From a technical point of view, the set the dead and demanding various food- But then again, perhaps that’s the an amazing but difficult script. that the entire cast, that is, the boy’s par- is precarious with unstable barriers that stuffs, and then she kills Aleph, and then point – maybe we’re just meant to leave The play focuses on the relationship ents, his girlfriend and of course the the actors keep bumping into and the he comes back too, though not quite as the play questioning exactly who was between a psychiatrist and his patient, a horses are permanently on set. costume is more reminiscent of the hungry as Beth. See? Weird. Seriously, real, what actually happened and what seventeen-year-old who has been hospi- Tom Hardcastle who plays the psy- Great Depression in America than it is though, it’s deliberately difficult to the whole thing is meant to represent. talised for gratuitously blinding a stable chiatrist is excellent in dialogue but of England during the second half of determine if the three actors are sup- The play is performed on a clinically of horses. What evolves is a painful dia- overdramatic in monologue and has a the twentieth century. However, despite posed to be portraying real live people, white set, and once again the claustro- logue between passion and reason, the disconcerting tendency to yell. Tom these drawbacks the production is excel- ghosts, or simply a staged representation phobia of the Playroom works a treat; former being associated with suffering Bryden who plays the patient is strong lent and a fantastic debut for both direc- of ideas – that the bad deeds you’ve done there are also a couple of great moments but also vitality whilst the latter may in his portrayal of a seemingly ordinary tors. in your life will always come back to with the lighting, which seems to con- bring relief but the penalty is a numb- adolescent who leads a disturbing but Giulia Miller haunt you – here, quite literally. stantly morph from harsh and blinding ness not dissimilar to death. unrestricted inner life. Moreover, the It’s equally difficult to describe the to dim and spooky as the characters acting style which, with this play espe- themselves process swiftly from scene to cially, is inextricably linked to the style of scene. Before you know it, in a brief 40 the work itself. Here, the language is minutes or so, the whole thing is abrupt- A-Hedda Its Time particularly multi-layered and richly ly over. Hedda Gabler tension, but is for the most part per- descriptive in its form: it’s clear that I’m not sure I wholly understood St Chad’s Octagon, 27-1st 7.45 formed in line with the general atmos- writer Helen Oyeyemi’s is used to prose Juniper’s Whitening – and I think that’s phere of monotony. Characters sit writing simply from the poetic feel of the probably the point. I quite enjoyed it impotently in chairs; stand patiently spoken lines. This vividness of language though – and it’s worth seeing, especial- waiting for others to arrive, helplessly means that the characters have a very ly if you like your theatre dark, perplex- searching for acceptable ways in which non-naturalistic feel to them – obvious- ing and, well, weird. bsen is generally acknowledged to pass the time. There are a few points ly a trait to be expected in the ethereal Chris Adams to be the founder of modern at which this atmosphere of restraint is Iprose drama, the first major shockingly torn, most notably when dramatist to write tragedy about Hedda suddenly reprimands Mrs Backstage Curtain Call ordinary people. Elvsted for calling her by her surname, The trouble with tragedy about the with a sudden and electrifying CUADC Theatre News ordinary is, quite naturally, its capacity moment of contact. Yet ultimately this to be relentlessly, even unmercifully, is a play about failing to fruitfully con- Well, in the words of The Two dull. Hedda Gabler herself is a charac- nect with those around you. Whilst along the way! Rebecca Hamway, too, THE new Association of Ronnies, it’s goodbye from me, ter trapped in a tedious marriage, des- Topham’s direction faultlessly portrays turns out a tremendous performance, Cambridge Theatre Societies was and it’s goodbye from him, as perately seeking destructive outlets to this idea of interpersonal atrophy, in making the most of a small part by formed this week with the aim to Chris and I sign off as theatre edi- escape the confines of her own dull which no one seems to really under- injecting it - and subsequently the play create links between the myriad tors for this term. There were existence. This confinement is stand each other, it unfortunately - with a welcome burst of physical of student drama groups. Visit peaks; there were troughs, and superbly represented by a stylised and results in a production that feels a lit- energy that succeeds in pushing dia- www.camdram.net or email mainly three star reviews from our detailed set, the room in which the tle flat. logue into secondary position. [email protected] budding critics. Many thanks to entire drama enfolds. The lighting, Nonetheless, the acting is patently Hamway’s decision to do away with CAMBRIDGE Christian all who contributed. Apologies go too, makes best use of the Octagon’s superb. Julia Clark is sinister and cal- subtlety allows one to draw equally Musical Society is looking for to those whose work was painful- space, which could otherwise have felt culating as Hedda, always presenting unsubtle contrasts between the life and new scripts for their Lent term ly amputated, including any pro- too wide and open for this constricted, to the world a perfect porcelain face opinions of the elderly Miss Tesman musical next year.The produc- duction teams felt unfairly brand- tense drama. that hides the dangerous thoughts and the other major characters, dis- tions normally embody some ed by a 2 star stinker. But as James Topham’s direction appears to beneath. Holly Strickland is charming tinctions which ultimately make sense kind of Christian themes. For Checkov said: centre on this inherent banality and as the slightly pathetic Mrs Elvsted. of and add meaning to this intriguing more info contact Ben at “Subjectivity is a terrible thing.” deadness. With the exception of Alex From the first moment you see her she blend of tragedy and ordinariness. A [email protected] Stevenson’s hilarious depiction of plays the victim with childish power- taxing evening (not least if, like me, BLANK Theatre Society is Gentles, do not reprehend, George, whom he says he has based on lessness, an inevitable target for you shall need to find directions to the looking for actors interested in a If you pardon, we will mend. ‘the spluttering supervisors we all Hedda’s toying. This makes her char- Octagon!) but undoubtedly worth the range of dynamic educational - A Midsummer Night’s Dream know and love’ (and if so, the imitation acter’s progression through the play effort. theatre projects including a pro- is near faultless!) nothing is over- one of the most satisfying to witness, posed Christmas tour of The Charlotte and Chris played. The dialogue drips heavily not only because of the myriad of mar- Alexander Williams Tempest. For info, email Sam on with the potential for ambiguity and vellous period costumes we encounter May Ball Offer 20% student discount off all dresswear

Superb half-canvassed pure wool double or single breasted tailored Dinner jacket and evening trousers

£290 less 20% student discount (with student union card)

71-72 Trumpington Street Canbridge Tel: 01223 350048 Monday to Saturday 9am - 5pm 20 MUSIC April 30, 2004 www.varsity.co.uk New Kids on the Bloc Songs About Robots Bloc Party at APUSU, 30th March Bloc Party are special. Very special. The Top 5 In a dumbed down musical climate over-saturated with stagnantly drea- ry indie, over-hyped fad bands and mind-numbing chart toppers, Bloc 1. Add N To (X) - Metal Fingers In My Body Party come like a charged lightning bolt through the mass of grey. "I ‘Avant hard’ London-based trio Add N To (X) released this track think British pop music is at an all Joanna Curwood with an animated video featuring a woman who “wants metal fingers time low at the moment", says lead in her body”, and so phones up the robot escort agency, and has sex singer, Kele Okereke, "with the with a robot. strained faceless boy/girl band machine pumping out completely 2. Flaming Lips - Yoshimi Battles The Pink Robots vacuous shit and destroying all the mystique and intelligence around the A heroic Japanese girl called Yoshimi uses her black-belt in karate pop process." Taut, incendiary gui- and takes lots of vitamins to defeat some evil pink robots, who are tars, a driving pulsating rhythm sec- going to eat everyone. Clue’s in the title, really. tion, vocals that are both sensitively sung and howlingly cathartic: full of 3. Grandaddy - Jed The Humanoid sex and soul; a stellar serotonin-like sound of soaring melody and stab- Grandaddy build a robot called Jed who can walk and talk, but bing heart beats. Bloc Party is for then he finds their stash of booze, drinks it and breaks down. now. During the student exodus of the 4. Anything by Kraftwerk Easter holiday, the APU bar hosted a searing performance by the band, sup- John Peel’s favourite German weirdos Kraftwerk got so obsessed ported by the Washing Machine-era with robots, took to referring to themselves as robots and wrote Sonic Youth-esque lo-fi punk of Kill ‘songs’ about robots called Robots and Man Machine. And their web- Kenada. Bloc Party performed a tight site’s the scariest thing in the world. set of supernova-like pop brilliance to a handful of a crowd including the arrest- 5. Radiohead - Paranoid Android ing punk of The Marshals Are Dead, the gloriously affecting Like Eating Glass Based on the character Marvin the Paranoid Android from and the sexual electricity of forthcoming Douglas Adams’ Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy, this Radiohead single, Banquet. Tense, throbbing bass doesn’t really have anything to do with robots, unless it’s a metaphor funk and a hard, pounding drum beat, for our own souless existence or something. accompanied by poetical polemical them as "genius" and the video for their nothing but invigorating. There are no snapshot lyrics with fervent choruses, forthcoming single has been MTV’s facades here. No style over content. The yielded music to make you dance, smile, Video of the Week. After much major label music speaks for itself. Pure and impas- cry, forget and remember everything. interest following their debut release, sioned. "We just want to make some- "I’ve always been inspired by music that She’s Hearing Voices, the band finally thing that some could view as really dear touches you inside and that physically signed to the well-respected independ- to them," articulates Okereke, "To do sends a shiver down my spine. I’m a bit ent label, Wichita, just over a fortnight something that makes people feel the of a romantic and it’s the songs that after their Cambridge show. Believe the real power of music. Because that’s touch you through a moving vocal and hype for your own sake. While Okereke priceless." Akira Win the Battle melody that have been the greatest appreciates the press that the band have While there are echoes reminiscent of influence", confesses lead guitarist, been getting, he also recognises that "the The Cure’s Boys Don’t Cry album, Joy Russell Lissack. And this is exactly what music industry is a fickle one". While Divison’s Disorder, Fugazi and Gang of the band do. Bloc Party transmit a life- the press may strive to push Bloc Party Four, Bloc Party’s sound is a singularly affirming sound filled with an honest into a scene of sorts, they stridently stand original and exciting one. This is the urgency and energy that cannot fail to apart. Top karaoke picks that include sound of a guitar band who make intel- convince or touch you. Madonna’s Get Into the Groove and ligently artful, strikingly English, liberat- In the last few months the foursome Mogwai’s Ithica 27-9 stand testament to ingly expressive and youthfully loose pop have received a wave of media attention the band’s varied musical taste. "We music. Music to believe in. including coverage from broadsheets never ever saw a band that we thought Ronojoy Dam such as The Independent through to fash- we were at all similar to," Okereke ion magazines such as The Face besides asserts. Bloc Party possess a humility Double A-side Banquet/Stay Fat out the standard pumped-up NME acclaim. which is nothing but endearing while 3rd May and Bloc Party tour in June Radio 1’s Steve Lamacq has described their music and their live performance is www.blocparty.com Reviews

St Thomas – Let’s Grow Together Track & Field, May 3rd Edwin Lane At first glance this CD looks like some kind of charity compilation.There are dumb Cambridge’s favourite student for shitty clubs and rowing boats. kid’s paintings on the cover, and ‘St Thomas’ sounds like the name of a children’s band, Akira, brought joy to all and Making music like explosions on a ward short on cash. But it isn’t. When you listen too it, you’ll find a masterful mix sundry by rocking out to glory with a beautiful skyline such as the beauti- of melancholic tunes, somewhere between The Beatles, Neil Young and Weezer 25 point lead triumph at the APU fully elegiaic I Will See You In My (but in a good way) courtesy of one Thomas Hansen. Some of it is a bit silly (Cool Battle of the Bands final during the Dreams and the glorious Marimea, Yellow Flower Shirt), and sometimes it sounds a bit too much like a Sesame Street Easter holiday. Most excellent. The the band will soon leave university sing-a-long, but mostly it’s just brilliant. victory was majorly warranted after a and enter the big bad world. Akira long Cambridge time of playing pas- will be playing the Diablo event sionate post-rock alien pop in dingy alongside Coolio as well as The Charlatans – Up At The Lake dives and silly college places, DJing Newnham May Ball. Their Selections Island, May 3rd to empty dancefloors and being of Modern Music EP is also available Jon Ray forced to do fashion shoots due to at Fopp! in the unsigned section so Up At The Lake, The title track from The Charlatans’ eighth studio album their stunning good looks. make sure you catch them before released later this month, sees everybody’s favourite Oasis alternatives sticking The band have always reveled in they a) become big in Japan b) form to what they know best – making old-fashioned rock-pop records with a hand- escapist rock music of the loud loud the greatest hip-hop band ever c) ful of glossy riffs and Liam Gallagher-like vocals. Tim Burgess’ vocals sound loud variety, with the standards con- start ruling the world d) all of the genuinely menacing, and the stomping piano sounds fantastic, but it never stantly being raised and haven’t above. You heard it here first. really progresses beyond the first verse. If you’re a devoted Charlatans fan, then always got the attention they’ve Ronojoy Dam you will love it, but there’s really nothing here to tempt the rest of us. deserved due to student preferences LITERATURE / VISUAL ARTS 21 www.varsity.co.uk April 30, 2004 The Secret History of the Bookworm Ann Lingard calls for a union of the novelist and the scientist

cience is the new rock ‘n roll: we’re amongst others, providing grants and rates such a wealth of stimulating ideas into small plastic vials! world. It’s time for the efforts that have bombarded with scientific facts sponsorship. that even a non–sci-fi-addict will enjoy So why are novelists lagging so far been put into making Science ‘accessible’ Sand breakthroughs in magazines But what of fiction? Poets seem to being made to stop and think. Fiction behind in using science in a realistic but through artworks, television and plays, to and newspapers, on radio and TV. have embraced science and the work of that includes science, in contrast, tends to not didactic manner? Perhaps out of be concentrated on full-length fiction as Scientists, particularly the media-savvy scientists with alacrity, with poems that fall into certain categories: self-referential nervousness at having to ‘research’ (in the well; and time to get rid of the Scientist ones or the eccentrics, discuss, explain are – as with art – illustrative or concep- – the novel written by a scientist about writer’s not the scientist’s sense) a subject as Stereotype. As a scientist and novelist and present results and hypotheses, on tual in content; ‘poets who use science’ are the trials and tribulations of scientific life that’s perceived as difficult, where mis- myself, I have facilitated several interac- news bulletins and documentaries and in demand for readings, and there are (not much different really from a novel- takes can easily be made. But more likely tions between writers and scientists, and chat shows. several anthologies and specially-com- ist’s story about the struggles of being a because they haven’t yet realised what a have watched the mutual respect and And ‘sci-art’ - science-inspired art, missioned series and collections. As for writer) and often not that inspiring for a wealth of useful models, either central to enthusiasm develop. For the writer seek- theatre, and orchestral works – is a prose, science fiction /fantasy is a wholly general reader; the novel written by a ing authenticity there is the joy of the growth area, with several organisations separate genre and not to everyone’s non-scientist that uses scientists and a “His hair’s all a mess, language of a particular scientific disci- such as the Wellcome Trust, the taste, although some of it, especially Kim scientific theme as the backbone of the pline; the often beautiful or intriguing Gulbenkian Foundation, Pfizer UK Stanley Robinson’s Mars trilogy, incorpo- story, either in a realistic or a slightly fan- he’s wearing hole-y images; the sounds and smells of differ- tastical way; and the stories – usually for clothes...He hasn’t got a ent labs. The flexibility of the characters’ children – that portray scientists as lives is endless: send her off on fieldwork ‘boffins’ or buffoons. There are one or clue!” for a few months; make him work late in two notable exceptions, but in the main, lab every night; a PhD student off to the fictional scientists in children’s books the story or merely as a walk-on part, and US to give her first paper at a conference; conform to the stereotypes — the mad, varied environments the scientist-as- an animal-house technician, a surface bad old men or the wild-haired med- character can provide. There are rôle- chemist working in industry, or a postdoc dlers. The unflattering images are models for any number of scenarios, all on ‘soft money’ with a wife and child to imprinted at an early age: I once read a waiting to be exploited. support ...They are all ‘people’ with lives sentence to a group of 7-9-year-olds, And scientists themselves have been as diverse, as mundane or thrilling, as ‘Professor Smith rushed into the lab to partly to blame for their failure to inspire those of any other group of individuals. speak to Dr Jones, who was staring at a fiction-writers, because they so often use Just as a novel that has an accountant rack of tubes’, then asked the children jargon that, although it’s merely short- as a character doesn’t have to be ‘about’ how they imagined Professor Smith. hand, seems exclusive and even élitist; accountancy, neither does a novel with a Their hands shot up: ‘His hair’s all a their places of work (even a tent on a physicist as a character have to be ‘about’ mess,’ ‘He’s wearing hole-y clothes’ and windswept headland) are often daunt- physics. But if fiction-writers would have (my favourite) ‘He hasn’t a clue!’ A bit of ingly forbidding. the courage to broaden their character- a surprise, then, when I showed them a It’s time to sweep away this apartheid. base and language into modern science, photograph of two attractive female sci- Novelists and scientists need to get both the novels and the scientists of the entists in their 30s, one of whom was together to talk, and learn about each future will benefit. And so – most impor- transferring a suspension of living cells other’s ways of working and seeing the tantly - will the readers. Beck’s Futures Performance A new crop of talent at the ICA Anxiety hile Saatchi has sprayed the Glasgow-born Susan Philipsz performs sentation of a human face, alongside organises. Cambridge Dancer’s club South Bank in New Blood, Radiohead in a Tesco supermarket and delicate sculptures wrought from carpet arranges loads of classes from Latin to Wover in the Mall, the pipes Nirvana through the corridors. fluff. Salsa; these take beginners again from Institute of Contemporary Arts is also Ergin Cavusoglu’s videos, now trangely promising stuff despite April. showcasing emerging talent.The ICA detached and discretely shot, employ an the fact that last years’ shortlist The CU Lion Dancing Troupe prac- presents the annual Beck's Futures aesthetic of illicit surveillance as they Swas not a blanket success. Carey tises this traditional Chinese art form exhibition and awards bringing follow the episodes of individuals or Young for example, had been accused of both at Chinese New Year and on together work from ten of the most events under the cover of darkness. Still plagiarism in exhibiting ‘invisible’ art- request, alongside appearances at various exciting UK-based artists. lost but being watched. Nicoline van work. Her piece consisted of a framed May Balls. All of the moves tell a story Now in its fifth year, Beck’s Futures Harskamp continues the exploration of legal document forbidding the sponsors that accompanies the lion, told through was established to ’identify, support and notions of power and surveillance in of the show from disclosing what she intricate moves, this is often coupled promote the most promising contem- contemporary urban life. She has invit- had been commissioned to make. It with Da Tou Fou or The Laughing porary artists working in Britain today’. ed members of the public, traffic war- reminded me a little of the episode a Buddha that taunts the lion throughout a Setting aside any concerns that you dens, security guards, and night-club few years ago in which Wombles cre- performance. might have about the corporate spon- bouncers to the ICA with one each day ator Mike Batt was accused of infring- Forget Kill Bill, martial arts mix sport, sorship of awards in the arts, the prizes policing the exhibition space. You will ing the copyright of American mini- self defence and provocative perform- must be regarded as a good thing. Each get a ticket and trainers are allowed. malist composer John Cage, after plac- ance. While the ivory towers look that is short-listed artist receives an award of Simon Bedwell, who forced his way ing a one-minute silence on his CD. hink performance art, think so often banded in with Cambridge £4,000. First prize is £20,000, from the The case was later settled out of court dreadlocked art-scene aficiona- might seem more like a stretched version total fund of £65,000, making it the with Batt paying a six-figure sum to Tdos watching a man sleeping of Lara Croft’s house than the set of a UK's most generous art awards. charity, while maintaining his silence behind a glass screen, or someone cut- Bruce Lee movie, the chance to take part The range here is excellent: precise was original. Ludicrous. ting their ear open on stage. So this is in real martial arts is everywhere. Karate, watercolours, conceptual installations, Last year’s exhibition was a little pre- the kind of performance that gets Judo and Tae Kwan-Do have busy uni- music, film, and photography. This is a occupied with trying to be consciously hyped in the media. Behind the sensa- versity clubs, Wu Shu Kwan (Chinese sensuous, eccentric mix. Saskia Olde avant garde and had an air of ‘do-it- tion, the diverse world of performance kickboxing) and Tai Chi Chuan (literal- Wolbers’ video installations for exam- yourself ’. This year’s is certainly more art is something that is all around you. ly ‘Supreme Ultimate Fist’) societies are ple, draw you into abstract dreamlike thoughtful and carefully crafted. The Don’t try ear cutting at home. around as well. Mixed from Chinese worlds, narrating emotional stories over winners are announced on 27 April and Dance has always been a form in its cosmology, Taoism, Confucianism and mutating, animated shapes. Andrew as a counterpoint to the excess of the own right that frequents the perform- Buddhism, Tai Chi Chaun aims to fos- Cross takes us into arenas more mun- Saatchi emporium, to which compari- ance art world. There are loads of ways ter inner peace as well as the practical dane. His work looks at railway lines in son will inevitably be drawn, it is imme- to try this out around uni. The self defence that seems implied in the the US, mixing almost resentfully artful diately more successful. The exhibition Cambridge Contemporary Dance force of the fist from which the art takes scenes of stillness with sudden images confirms the cosmopolitan vibrancy of Workshop runs classes in contemporary its name. of industry; train-spottingly insipid yet the UK's contemporary arts scene, and dance, from Hiphop and break dance to Fine, so none of this is quite like somehow quite brilliant. the range of artistic and cultural Bharat Natyam (the South Indian clas- spending a 48 hours in a UCLA gym Imogen Stidworthy's films, part resources informing art made in sical dance form), Bollywood, Flamenco locker with a urine bottle. But that medical documentary, part wry obser- Britain. The Futures bright, and all and Afro-fusion. seems kind of dated to me and just vation, explore projections of personali- from the ‘ghetto with a 2H pencil and a that. From the global to the local, The slightly yucky. Dance and martial arts ty and the discrepancy between spoken lump of clay’, offers posters editori- Huw Lewis-Jones Round (the university’s society for give two ready ways in which you can language and image. Patients read out alised through the addition of trench- English Country Dancing) organise add that little bit of performance, but not excerpts from Jules Verne; Cilla Black ant slogans and spray paint. Brazilian hold a weekly Round covering dances endurance, art to your life without impersonators sing Burt Bacharach artist Tonico Lemos Auad has turned a Beck’s Futures: Institute of Contemporary Arts, which you can flaunt at the ceilidh par- becoming terribly thespian. Go perform! classics. Gleefully strange. Meanwhile, bunch of ripening bananas into a repre- London, 26 March - 16 May 2004. ties or annual Playford Ball the group Ollie Coates 22 SPORT April 30, 2004 www.varsity.co.uk Sailors make waves Sven’s conundrum Rajan Lakhani obviously knows better than the Swede - Part Two

t’s obvious that Paul Scholes, too early for Jenas. Steven Gerrard, David The future on the left-wing for IBeckham, Nicky Butt and Frank England looks brighter with the likes Lampard will be going to Euro 2004, of Etherington of West Ham and leaving three spots in the midfield in to Whittingham of Aston Villa emerg- sort out. The diamond formation is the ing. If Eriksson plays the diamond, wrong formation because it leaves the then he will probably go for another full-backs exposed. If England had central midfielder at the expense of a full-backs the quality of Salgado, winger, who Eriksson has suggested Roberto Carlos or Thuram, then it will be Parker. would be a shrewd formation but this This leaves us with the five striking side does not. Better sides will simply positions. Owen and Rooney are both stifle the central midfield and target certainties but like the goalkeeping the full-back positions where both position, England is suffering from a Gary Neville and Ashley Cole have lack of quality among the forwards, shown great doubts about when to especially since Owen is struggling for attack and defend. consistency. Vassell has played well for Eriksson should simply employ an England, notably scoring a superb goal orthodox 4-4-2 with Scholes operating on his debut against Holland and caus- on the left. He is one of the few tech- ing havoc in the Turkey defence. He is nically gifted players England possess playing well for Aston Villa at the and has played well there for moment and his pace should make him Manchester United. Gerrard plays at more than adequate cover for Owen. his best when he is given All international the freedom to maraud Vassell has played teams have someone up the field from central who can hold up the midfield, knowing that well for England, ball, allowing midfield there is a defensive play- notably scoring a players to support the er providing cover for the attacks. Shearer was defence, in this case superb goal on his superb at doing this but BUSA Sailing winners of BUSA for the last 4 years. difference. A coveted place amongst Nicky Butt and at club of course he is unavail- Slick start line manoeuvres by Rob the ‘chocolates’ in the playoffs had level Dietmar Hamann. debut against able for selection given Styles and Bethan Carden allowed the been won. Beckham is obviously Holland his retirement. Rooney From the Sailing Team Blues to start ahead of a fast The final day looked bleak as the 8 the choice for the right- plays this role effectively Southampton team and Jon and Sarah remaining teams were met by a ‘mir- midfield while Lampard is finally but there has to be cover for him in case Hill’s quick reactions on the first leg ror’. The wind eventually trickled in beginning to find his feet at interna- of injury so that this dimension is not Under (sea) dogs some would call gave a stable position early on. The at midday and the teams hit the water. tional level and should provide good lost. them but the virgin Cambridge First team managed to hold on and stay London University were all that stood cover for central midfield. Heskey has his detractors to say the Team, having battled through gale ahead despite their small size in windy in the way of Cambridge and a sail off This leaves one covering central- least, but ironically Rooney and Owen condition qualifying rounds earlier conditions. with Bristol or Southampton 1. midfielder and two wingers. Scott have both played their best football at in the year, proved their ability at As the wind picked up so too did Unlucky wind patterns and 3 years Parker, Joe Cole, Jermaine Jenas and international level with Heskey along- Chew Valley Lake last week. 32 the competition as Cambridge went sailing experience together gave Owen Hargreaves prefer to play in side either of them and fans forget how teams made it through the provi- through into the second day lying sec- London the advantage as they defeat- central midfield but all four have been Heskey turned the away match for sional stages to represent their uni- ond behind Southampton in their ed the Blues in a ‘best of three’ playoff. forced to play out on the wing. The England against Macedonia. His power versity in the BUSA National Team group. This qualified them for the Next year’s Captain, Jon Pinner, was best footballer of the four is Scott and pace continues to frighten interna- Racing Finals, held over three days Gold league, in competition with 2 not disappointed though; ‘We’ve Parker but he is not getting regular tional sides but his confidence is low at near Bristol. other ‘Scum’ teams, Loughborough, turned heads. No one expected a new football in central midfield at Chelsea. the moment and is not performing con- Due to a few (in the words of helm Oxford, Cardiff and York. In close team to reach the playoffs and we did. While Hargreaves has not really con- sistently as domestic level. Beattie has Jon Pinner) ‘pants’ decisions at the matches with Loughborough and Scum may have won this year but vinced at international level, he has the power and height to do a similar role Qualifiers, the route to the finals had Southampton 2 the boats weaved in we’ll be back and better than ever’. played regularly in the Champions but last month he was not even a first- been tough and the team were not and out of winning positions but were Having beaten Oxford 3 times this League with Bayern Munich and was team regular at Southampton and has well seeded. This meant that unlucky to be in a losing order at the year already, things are looking prom- part of the World Cup so he should be played poorly at international level. Cambridge had it all to prove as they finish. However, solid wins against ising for Cambridge team in their a member of the Euro 2004 squad. The best solution is to call up Chris powered away from teams such as York, Cardiff and Strathclyde meant Varsity at the end of June. This leaves who should cover Sutton. He has been superb for Celtic, Strathclyde, Exeter, Birmingham and that even though Gemma Farrell and If anyone is interested in sponsor- Scholes and Beckham on the wings. As both at domestic and European level Nottingham in the opening stages. Ben Lister were faced with fixing ing the Cambridge Team at the well as Parker, Jenas and Cole, Kieron and would be the best player to carry out The first real test came in the 4th race equipment after a breakage in the Varsity Match or in the 2004-2005 Dyer, Alan Thompson, Gareth Barry, this role. Unfortunately, the FA will not when the team came up against the match against Oxford, the light blues season, please get into contact with Danny Murphy and Shaun Wright- swallow their pride and the most capa- ‘Southern Scum’ (Southampton!), finished ahead in 3rd place on points Jon Pinner ([email protected]). Phillips are the other candidates for the ble player in this forward role will not be wing positions. Dyer and Wright- going. Phillips should be chosen because of Heskey will probably go to the cham- their ability to run with the ball at pace. pionships leaving one striking position There is nothing that defenders fear between Alan Smith and Jermaine Girls having a (net)ball more than a player with the dribbling Defoe. Smith has a poor temperament skills of Dyer and Wright-Phillips. In and has already been sent off in an Georgina Powell vincingly win BUSA. The highlight Congratulations go to Homerton who addition, these two footballers can also England shirt. He has a bad goalscoring of the season came at Varsity when we won the ladies first division and Catz play in the forward positions. record this season and has not done thrashed Oxford 59-26. who won cuppers. And then there are Dyer can additionally play at right- anywhere near enough at international The Cambridge netball season of The seconds finished forth in their the netball socials! With themes back like he did for England against level to make a decent claim. Defoe also success perhaps stems from the trials, league and rounded the season off on including ‘anything but clothes’ to just Luxembourg and briefly for Ipswich. has had his fair share of discipline prob- back in October, where the standard a high by completing the Varsity turning up to ‘Life’ in our kit, it’s no No English winger this season has lems, but his performances for of play was generally exceptionally double victory, winning 45-18, an wonder netball girls need to be more impressed as much Wright-Phillips. Tottenham have been brilliant, he is a high and selection very difficult. impressive result for a squad whose than just fit on the court. He has been in tremendous form and is strong finisher and was the only bright Within the chosen squad, competi- home ground is 20 minutes drive Farewells go to many squad mem- a great reminder of what capabilities a player in the England side against tion for starting line-ups continued from Cambridge! bers at the end of the year. Mentions winger should possess. Sweden so he deserves that final fifth throughout the year, encouraging There is hope for Netball’s funding go to Lizzie Naylor as Captain, and Thompson played poorly against spot. members to play to their optimum. on the horizon. During the season we to Lois Farrow who has played 5 Sweden, in spite of his danger from Vigorous fitness training and strong played a good game against the years on the first team. free-kicks and the potential natural Varsity’s squad team commitment counter-acted for KPMG intercity league team, who Congratulations also go to Lucy balance he could provide being a left- Goalkeepers: D James, N Martyn, I our desperate lack of facilities and have agreed to sponsor us in the Walker (player of the season), Jenny footed player. He should have been Walker; G Neville, S Campbell, J funds, to produce a successful season. future. We are also currently organis- Quinn (most improved player), given an opportunity earlier as should Terry, A Cole, G Southgate, J The firsts, promoted at the end of ing a raffle with fantastic prizes, tick- Eimear Neeson (player’s player) and have Barry who has played well on the Carragher, W Bridge; P Scholes, N last year, finished third in their divi- ets will be on sale soon! Jodie Fergus and Helen Skidmore left for England in defence and for his Butt, S Gerrard, D Beckham (capt), F sion, therefore reaching the quarterfi- However being a part of netball at (Men of the varsity matches). club Aston Villa in midfield. He also is Lampard, O Hargreaves, K Dyer, S nals of the BUSA Premier League Cambridge does not just involve sport To concludenetball is brilliant, and a naturally left-sided player in contrast Wright-Phillips; W Rooney, M Owen, where they played away to at a high level and the search for funds to Mr Rob Wells, from all the netball to Murphy who is having a poor season D Vassell, C Sutton, J Defoe Birmingham. After a tough fight we and facilities. College netball involves girls, we’ll always remember ‘the wider for Liverpool. Cole is too inconsistent lost and Birmingham went on to con- many members of the university. your legs are, the easier it is’! while this tournament has arrived just SPORT 23 www.varsity.co.uk April 30, 2004 Athletes out of the blocks Ed Sharp

Richard Wheater the line deserved winners... Oxford (the chap who won this year’s cross- drifted home in the middle of the field, country Varsity Match by over a minute, relying on distance runners to fill the smashing the course record in the Last Saturday was host to the second gaps in their team. process). Needless to say, Thompson athletics fixture of the Trinity term, an Another 400m pb came from Hettie was quite unstoppable over the 3.75 eight-way battle of brawns against the Briscoe in the Ladies’ B String. She laps, cruising home to victory in well RAF, the British Police Force, was partnered by Blues captain Alex under four minutes. Shropshire AAA and four fearsome Cooke, who also braved the fast and It will be interesting to see how he University teams... amongst them our furious 100m in an unusual visit to the fares on home soil against CUAC dearest friend, Oxford. shorter distances. Meanwhile Grace strongman Andy Baddeley in the Held at the RAF Cosford Stadium, Clements excelled in the field events, upcoming Track & Field Varsity Match. Wolverhampton, the meet provided this high-jumping her way to an awesome Baddeley attained international hon- year’s Varsity hopefuls with an invalu- personal record and attaining the Blues ours during the vacation, representing able opportunity to hone their skills and standard to boot. With a depleted mid- Great Britain in the World Cross- press for selection. Captains Rich dle-distance contingent, the ladies Country and World Student Cross- Wheater and Alex Cooke, on the look- were short of a competitor for the Country Championships in Europe. out for Oxford-beating talent, were 4x400m and, although Rich Wheater Next Thursday he will be heading up to rewarded by an afternoon of gutsy per- offered - rather enthusiastically – to fill the Oxford track to take part in a com- formances and a haul of personal bests the position, they were forced to with- memorative mile race, on the 50th across the squad. One of these was pro- draw from the event. anniversary of Roger Bannister’s record- duced by Wheater himself, running a Still, the day ended on a high note in breaking 4-minute mile achievement. 22.8s 200m heat in the afternoon. the female 4x100m, in which This Baddeley-Thompson showdown Having already dominated his 100m Cambridge secured a comfortable sec- will no doubt raise the stakes for the heat (winning by a clear three metres) ond position. Owing to a monstrous Varsity fixture on 15th May (again at this was his second victory of the day. effort down the back straight, Oxford’s Iffley Road stadium). The ten- In parallel heats Steve Green and Birmingham had established them- sion is mounting... Rob Harle went even further, clocking selves as clear leaders coming into the Whilst an overall victory was not 22.5 and 22.2 for their respective 200m final leg. But, Whether it was the swel- quite within reach at Cosford (the races. For comparison, last year’s Blues tering heat or the pressure of the occa- RAF and Shropshire AAA secured 200m race was won in a time of 22.8 (by sion, the baton ended up being fumbled male and female honours respectively), Mr. Harle, incidentally). in the third changeover and our light Cambridge athletes must no doubt Steve Green stormed home to victo- blue lasses were able to overhaul the dis- feel confident after the range of strong ry over 400m hurdles, whilst Flynn qualified team. individual performances displayed on Castles, Rob Harle and Mike Collins Luckily the temperature had no Saturday. ‘Man of the match’ Adrian each dipped inside 52 seconds to gain noticeable effect on the Cambridge Hemery, alone in the men’s field pbs in the 400m flat. In the final event middle-distance men. Indeed, the events, epitomised the day’s efforts in of the day, the men’s 4x400m relay, the scale of the pbs seemed to increase with securing a total of three personal men snatched a daring victory from the scale of the races, Tom Coats bests... With a full-strength team the strong contenders Birmingham over the smashing his 1500m time by 7 seconds looming challenges of Varsity and, last 200m of the final lap. Nail biting and Matt Hallissey plunging 15 seconds more immediately, BUSA (1st - 3rd stuff, but Green’s power on the home under his previous best in the 2000m May, in Gateshead) can surely be sav- straight shattered the Brummies’ Steeplechase. Coats had been pitted aged and subdued by the light blue resolve, and Cambridge rocketed over against Oxford titan Fraser Thompson machine. Bring it on! Anything you Kendo... Hyo Won Kin and title but the dark blues won’t let it against Malte Willer. His attempts Sport in Brief Frank Stajano slip so easily. to seal the Cambridge victory did The team match, consisting of 5 not avail but instead received a do- This year, both Oxford and fighters, saw varsity veteran Charles cut (to the waist) during the last 10 Cambridge had a shortage of McLachlan (Queens’) take on a seconds of the fight. With both sides armoured kendoka “in statu pupil- newbie, Jin-Taek Lee, in the first now having acquired 2 wins each, it lari”, with many of last year’s veter- match. Lack of experience threw Lee was down to the captain Hyowon Fencing Cuppers ans having now earned their degrees. out of the arena not once but twice Kim (Churchill). No pressure!! The possibility of admitting non- resulting in a penalty point. The Opposition Peter Pugh put up a The Fencing Club held their inaugural inter-college ‘Cuppers’ student competitors in the Varsity clock ran out and McLachlan good fight matching Kim blow for on Sunday. Gonville & Caius won the overall title, narrowly teams was considered but then secured the first victory. Second up blow. With little time left, Kim suc- defeating Emmanuel 12-10 in the final. Fresher Rob Shaw bravely dropped, opting instead to was Emily Kay (Darwin), new to the ceeded a kote-cut to bring the saga (Robinson) won the individual Men’s Foil event while Georgie train new recruits to the rigours of kendo attire but extremely deter- to an end. Osborne (Caius) was victorious in the Women’s Foil. “In the competition. mined; she lost an early point by The team fight was followed by Novices Event, Erza McDonald (Kings) was crowned champion.” Following the release of The Last receiving a men-cut (on the head) individual matches arranged in a Samurai, kendo clubs have been from Nathan Broomhead in his sec- direct elimination tree. Each side enjoying prosperity in growing ond varsity appearance. She fought contributed 8 kendoka, this time College Cricket memberships. The 7th annual Kendo back hard but could not come level giving non-students a chance to Varsity Match therefore saw both and allowed the opposition victory. fight. In a result that exactly mir- The cricket Cuppers gets going shortly. Last year’s finalists sides fielding new talents. Next up was Chando Jung rored last year’s, after having lost the Churchill feature a stronger team this year. Wicket keeper Andy The Cambridge squad had con- (Trinity), new to Cambridge but cer- team match Oxford regained face by Sims told Varsity ‘we’ve got a few new additions including ducted a special training weekend tainly not new to kendo, facing winning both the individuals, with Crusaders players and a lot of love. This season’s going to be pink’. prior to the Varsity match lead by Oxford captain Lana Sheridan. Jung Oxford kyusha Andy Haynes bravely Jesus should also provide tough competition. Matt Kitching’s the former (and now honorary) executed his trademark kote-cut (to defeating two Cambridge yudansha side thrashed St John’s in a weather-affected match. But it would instructor Sergio Boffa (5th Dan), the wrist) to win the fight. Another on his way to the top, and the fight- be foolish to rule out Emma. Last year’s champions feature the visiting us all the way from Belgium! debutant, Timothy Simpson ing spirit award, conquered by cap- strength in depth that could see them retain their title. Light blues were eager to keep the (Churchill), was equally matched tain Lana Sheridan. The twenty-over format should make for exciting cricket, while not detracting too much from the revision intentions of players and spectators. With volleyball and tennis also kicking off this week, what bet- ter way to procrastinate from revision than playing some sport in the Sun? Writing for Varsity Sport We might not be the Daily Sport, but writing for Varsity Sport is still a lot of fun. With some writers moving on to bigger things (Gavin Versi) and others being afflicted by laziness (Sam Richardson) there are definitely opportunities to try your hand. For more information email [email protected]. Or for applica- tions for sports editor please email [email protected] for an application form. SPORT 30.04.04 www.varsity.co.uk CRICKETERS BREAK THEIR DUCK

University Cricket Sam Richardson Sam Richardson The cricket season got off to a mixed start for the two sides fighting for the loyalties of Cambridge students. UCCE suffered respectable defeats to Essex and Warwickshire, while the Blues thrashed minor counties side Cambridgeshire. The UCCE (University of Cambridge Centre of Excellence) plays several first class matches a sea- son, and consists of a combination of students from Cambridge and APU. The fact that the side is one of less than twenty-five in the country to play regular first-class cricket is evidence of the high standard of the players. However, in the end both Essex and Warwickshire, fielding full-strength sides, proved to be a cut above UCCE. Essex won the toss in their game, and took advantage of an excellent Fenner’s pitch to power to 292 for 5, thanks in large part to a century from six foot ten inch opener Will Jefferson. Simon Marshall impressed with fig- ures of 3 for 42, but otherwise the UCCE attack looked very ordinary. And so too did the batters. With the ball swinging around, Shankar fell for one, and most of the team followed shortly after. Marshall, top-scoring with 22, was one of just four UCCE batters to reach double figures. And when Essex returned to get to 222 for 2, the game looked to be up. Blues number 3 Rudi Singh treats the Cambridgeshire bowling with disdain But UCCE showed impressive fighting spirit. Christopher Wright total up towards 131. Warwickshire, Cambridge” as I arrived at Fenners. season’s key men, the Blues veritably but against a very mediocre bowling hit an impressive 57, including eight seemingly scoring at will, hurried to Presumably he was referring to ripped through the representative side line-up and a disinterested field he fours and a six, to help UCCE to 245. 161 for 2. Although Cambridge saw Cambridge University, rather than to in the 50-over contest. reached his half-century before losing The final winning margin of 153 runs out a tricky spell at the end of the sec- minor county Cambridgeshire who Anush Newman, with 4 for 34, concentration on 51. Rudi Singh, gives some credit to UCCE’s never- ond day, the 392 winning target was provided the opposition. proved the star of the bowling line-up, seemingly having knocked up in front say-die approach. always likely to be too much. The new accommodation block that ably assisted by Tom Aaville with 2 for of the mirror, reached a stylish 59 not High-flying Warwickshire provid- Marshall again led the resistance with casts its shadow over Fenner’s could 24. Cambridgeshire eventually crept out, as Cambridge enjoyed the chance ed even tougher opposition, reaching 33, but UCCE never looked likely to perhaps be a metaphor for the need of up to 178, but never looked confident to Singh while they’re winning. Simon 361 for 6 on the opening day at hold out for the draw. They eventual- the Blues to rebuild after last season’s in their ability to defend this total. Marshall with 18 not out saw the Fenner’s, with Mark Wagh hitting ly reached 144, to lose by 247 runs. double defeat in the Varsity 4-day and Fresher James Chervak opened with Blues to the safety of an eight-wicket 105 off just 89 balls. UCCE, appar- But most Cambridge students will 1-day matches. But on Tuesday’s evi- old hand and captain Adrian Shankar. victory. ently daunted by such a margin, suf- tell you that it is the Blues where dence, this would appear not to be the Chervak looked promising before Shankar’s men will face stronger fered an early collapse, although 28’s their allegiance really lies. One stu- case. Boosted by a number of freshers, nicking the ball behind for 13. opposition in the weeks to come but, from Webley and Wright pushed the dent told me, “this is the real and not suffering from the loss of last Shankar took a while to find his touch, for the time being, all bodes well.

Blues skipper Adrian Shankar survives an early LBW appeal on the way to score his half-century.