VARSITY MUSIC FILM Work for us Muse, Divine Bridget next year Comedy, live Jones Page 6 Page 22 Page 26

where 20p sold The Cambridge Issue 540 Student Newspaper 27th April 2001 www.varsity.cam.ac.uk FASHION: “With exams coming up, what students THESPS need is discipline” – Turn to page 13 ASH CASH

and it’s just a question of access – HASHNews Team we are the only touring show that doesn’t ask for money from the The Footlights scandal took a cast to tour and we need funding bizarre new turn yesterday, as the somehow”. He says most of the group became enveloped in a pub- members of Footlights went to licity crisis on two fronts. Fearing state schools, and few can afford that British American Tobacco the huge cost of their largest-ever would pull out of their £25,000 tour. sponsorship deal with this year’s The group have been desperate tour, the group were vacillating to secure funding since the Arts over how to handle the scandal Theatre pulled out of a regular that erupted this week. They are deal in July 2000. The theatre concerned that they may experi- blamed falling box office sales for ence difficulty both with ‘ethical Defiant: Breen its move, claiming, “During the investment’ direct action cam- number of the cast of Far Too previous three years, the theatre paigners and the cigarette firm Happy, which previews to the pub- had sustained losses of £30,000 on who they appeared to deprecate in lic on 5 May, were amused by the Footlights productions”. Some a Guardian article on Wednesday. relation of their show’s ‘death students believe that the pull out At first they tried to fob off theme’ to the tobacco industry, was because the Arts Theatre fails reporters by taking a light-hearted and even posed for photographers to provide enough support for stu- approach to criticism. Phil Breen, with a scythe. However last night dent drama. One Cambridge thes- Footlights Director, told Varsity, “I they distanced themselves from pian told Varsity, “The Arts think smoking is cool, but my the publicity, and realising that the Theatre doesn’t give a shit about lungs can’t handle it. I may take it controversy may not go in their supporting Cambridge actors, up; I’m going to give it a damn favour, were scared that it could they only care about middle-aged good go”. It seemed they were fatally offend their generous but crap that no-one sees”. Others enjoying the attention, brought on contentious donors. The BAT have suggested that the scale of the when it came to light that since cash is not yet “in the bank”, said tour is overambitious – “about last term they have been negotiat- Breen. one-upmanship over last year’s ing a tour-saving sponsorship deal Breen commented, “There is a tour,” according to one source from British American Tobacco. A pitiful state of funding in the arts close to the group. Photo: Dan Lambert Eden revisited Top tunes Denis Healey Where can you find 5,330 Which record shop will sell “Prescott might have the plant species in biomes made of the you more Herbie Hancock than you face of a man that clubs baby seals. biggest bubble wrap in the wotld? can shake a stick at? Not that I’ve met any.” 2 News 27 April 2001 Vox-pops Is the Footlights-tobacco indus- try relationship unethical? SLAP IN FACE FOR HARD LEFT AT NUS

Matt Hood CONFERENCE Photo: Sam Dobbin “Anything associated with Footlights is okay by me.” said that the overdraft was the result of of the insistence of the loony left to Chris Waiting Rob Jenrick cash-flow problems that would be Matt Hood include a government pledge of £10 bil- resolved by the end of the year. This lion spending on the health service and Owain James was re-elected as year’s President Owain James blamed ANALYSIS the renationalisation of the railways. President of the National Union of Miss Aspell for the deficit, but added Where does Cambridge fit into all this? Students at the end of this year’s confer- that there was no need for concern. Every year all of the NUS’s member insti- In recent history, we’ve been rank out- ence in Blackpool. James soundly beat Despite concern over her conduct, tutions send representatives to the annual siders at NUS Conference, representing his opponent, Helen Aspell, with delegates were shocked when the con- conference in Blackpool. To most stu- the extremes of the loony left, sacrificing almost twice as many votes. It is ference turned violent, as Miss Aspell dents this is a million miles away from the political gain for irrational half-logic. This believed that his victory will mean that was hit in the face by another delegate reality of student life – indeed to many has earned our delegation a bad reputa- the NUS will not veer further left as she walked outside the hall in the delegates at the conference the same is tion elsewhere at times, along with towards increased direct action or evening. She was understood to have true. But you ask, this time and money Oxford, for a failure to grasp the actuali- become any more critical of the govern- been very shaken by the attack and must achieve something? Well, yes and ties of life outside Oxbridge. Happily this ment. The Socialist Worker’s Party had upset by personal abuse she received. no. Conference consists of two things – year’s 15-strong delegation was more pro- supported his opponent, and many see The conference’s decision not to dis- elections on to NUS positions and debate active in make-up: three on the logical her defeat as halting the NUS’s slide cuss a proposed full-time black student about motions, which then become NUS left, one on the dithering left, ten on the “It’s disgusting that Footlights is sell- into far-left politics, a move losing it the officer until the last minute also pro- policy. Except of course that none of the loony left and one Liberal Democrat. ing itself like this.” support of the unions. voked anger. The current part-time members have to follow NUS policy at CUSU is bound over to publish the vot- Ed Rayne James is the first independent to hold holder, Denis Fernando called it “a real all. ing records of the delegates, so I won’t tell the position for over 30 years, however slap in the face for black students”, Sticking these two issues together causes you who is who, but the voting does speak critics have poured scorn on his claim while UCL’s welfare officer condemned problems. Elections hijack policy debates, for itself. to impartiality. James is a member of it as a “disgrace”. so that instead of rationally discussing Importantly Cambridge delegate Max the Labour Party and his voting record Despite being widely seen to have anything, all you get to listen to are noisy Curtis was elected to the NUS part-time exactly matches that of the Labour lived up to its reputation for faction- candidates speaking from their party’s executive committee – a real achievement Party. fighting, shouting and pointless argu- books. This means that policy is left in tat- for him and for Cambridge. In a heated debate at the conference ments, there were some formal debates ters due to political wrangling. Everyone Congratulations. the delegates voted to campaign for on old favourites like funding, welfare at the conference is basically after the All in all it was a successful conference means-tested grants for the poorest stu- and student rights. David Blunkett’s same things (free education, the fight for sense. The logical left succeeded in dents. The move was a victory over the pledge to rule out the introduction of against prejudice and discrimination, keeping the loony left – only one of their left wing whose demands for £8000 for top-up fees in the next term of a Labour etc.), but it’s how they go about it they candidates got a position – at bay for all students were seen as wildly over- government was widely heralded as a fight over. The logical left (the majority) another year, with Owain James and Ben ambitious and risked alienating unions success for the NUS, though the deci- and the loony left (the minority) – exclud- Monks re-elected as President and “Absolutely outrageous!” and the public. James dismissed Miss sion had arguably much more to do ing the 40 delegates from Conservative National Secretary respectively, and we Ben Ward Aspell’s plans for free education as with appeasing middle Britain’s parents Future – battle over methodology, spilling can argue that Cambridge partially “unachievable”. than students. James claimed that the over from bitter election debate. For restored their reputation amongst the rest The conference was shaken by revela- government’s announcement in instance the loony left kept demanding of NUS. But then again, others might tell tions that the NUS is £300,000 over- November, that it will increase funding the end to compromise and interim meas- a different story. drawn. The head of NUS finance, for high education for the first time in ures along the way, whereas the logical left Helen Aspell, has refuted the claims and around ten years, was influenced by the wish to take things step by step to achieve (Correction to last issue: Matt Hood was suggested they were only made to dam- march he led two days earlier through the same goal. It’s as petty as that – quite elected to the University Council, not age her candidacy for President. She Westminster. useful motions were thrown out because CUSU council as stated.) Cambridge student Intervarsity “As long as they’re not interfering Warwick: A student repeatedly pelted with the way Footlights is run.” his Vice-Chancellor with eggs. He has Sara Hill since revealed that the elaborate plans is the weakest link for the assault had been in the making since December 1999, when he pur- chased a pack of 24 eggs. The answered “Portugal”. obsessed student had been desperate Julian Blake She was also disliked by a number of to see the VC get “his come-uppance” other contestants. “I voted this guy off for over three years. In an exclusive Cheeky Homerton student Verity because he’s male,” she told viewers, interview with the Warwick Bore, he Worthington has been mocked for her and then explained to Robinson about revealed that the attack had been the “monumental” stupidity by TV’s Anne her membership of The Society for most satisfying experience of his life. Robinson appearing on The Weakest Strong and Humorous Women, based Exeter: The theft of a rare cow’s head Link this week. Worthington gave out in Newnham. Robinson responded has provoked outrage amongst stu- her fair share of insults too, and was “Oh, you think you’re funny as well dents. Undergrads at the university told by producers that she was the do you?” only for Worthington to were furious when they discovered rudest person ever to feature on the reply, “Not as funny as you Anne, of that the head of the antique cow cos- “There are ethical problems but it’s a show. The History student told Varsity course. One can only aspire to your tume they had hired for an ‘Antique price they had to pay.” “she made a big deal about the fact standards.” Pantomime Animals Party’ had been Claire Goodeve that I am at Cambridge doing history Although she managed to survive stolen. The head is believed to be irre- and got some history questions wrong. until the final round, Worthington placeable. Police believe it was stolen I replied by saying ‘the past is vast. I was subjected to one final humiliation by a cow fanatic who had stolen other can’t be expected to know every- when voted off. Robinson said: “So parts of cows in the past. The incident thing.’” Verity, this monument of the British has parallels with a party at York. Worthington seemed almost idiotic education system, if you can find your Whilst most students had opted for when answering questions on Ancient way out of the studio, with such the relatively conventional guises of Greece, which she has studied in a appalling geography I’ll be surprised, boxes, broccoli and bins, one student History module, as well as questions you are the weakest link – goodbye!” made a show-stopping entrance in on Geography. She said “I totally lost “I enjoyed standing up to Anne, she what he believed to be a specially com- the plot in the last round when there wasn’t as scary as I thought she would missioned banana suit. To his horror was just three of us left. I answered be, and was quite easy to answer back! the hired costume had been stolen by every question wrong, including say- We didn’t get to meet her either before a gang of ‘fruit-suit thieves’. The man ing that the Orange Free State was in or afterwards, so she kept the air of was questioned by police who discov- “If they’re not handing out cigarettes Nigeria!” In response to the question coldness! I think she enjoyed the ban- ered the student in a compromising at performances, it’s okay.” “what part of Northern Spain did the ter. In my interview afterwards I did position with his girlfriend who was Alex Hamilton “Monumentally Stupid” first wife of Henry VIII (Catherine of apologise to my lecturers for being arrested for ‘handling’ stolen goods. Photo: Tom Royston Aragon) come from?” she stupidly thick!”

Verity Worthington: monumentally stupid 27 April 2001 News 3 NEWS IN BRIEF

Boaties banned from regatta Pasta prof’s spin Oxbridge rowing crews have been banned from a prestigious international event after allegations of “utterly shameful” behaviour. The universities have taken part in the regatta at Mandelieu-La Napoule since 1984, with Oxford winning the event for the last three years, but neither has been invited to race in this year’s event. The decision to exclude the teams comes after organisers of the event were unable to find a hotel prepared to accommodate them. Jean-Pierre Laroche, president of on spaghetti the organising committee, commented on hoteliers’ claims of previous university teams damaging hotel rooms and going on all-night drinking binges: “We have had to pay several times for damage they have caused in hotels over the years. What Humphreys found that “the risk of sauce services and I advise all readers of Varsity happened last year was the last straw.” Julian Blake splatter is at its greatest just as the last to do the same!” He also believes that his Last year saw the two teams trash “at least six” of the 20 rooms in which they were 4.33 inches of spaghetti are being rolled techniques will be adopted throughout staying after returning from a night out. Patrick Vaye, director of the hotel, heard A Cambridge Professor has tried to onto the fork”. This 4.33 inches was seen Cambridge, “all colleges should now have “drunken singing and shouting all night” and was appalled at the result of the row- improve access to the University – by as a major hazard to all spaghetti eaters, spaghetti parties in which our new tech- ers’ “rowdy” behaviour. “There was beer spilt all over the bedroom carpets. Beds playing with spaghetti. Colin where “a final reckless flick of the wrist nique can be taught, practised and used”. were upside down, furniture was tipped over.” Spokesmen for both universities Humphreys, from the Department of can easily accelerate the speed of the Italians have criticised Humphrey’s denied that their teams had been badly behaved. Materials Science and Metallurgy, was spaghetti tip to over nine feet per second, technique of eating spaghetti, calling it a commissioned by Tesco to find out the producing enough centrifugal force to “social blunder” because it involves using best way of eating spaghetti, keeping enable the pasta sauce to achieve escape a spoon. However he claims that the Giant plant attack!!! sauce splattering to a minimum. velocity with deadly consequences”. The Italians are able to eat safely because they The giant Mexican plant that was first reported in Varsity last term has now bro- Humphreys told Varsity “apparently ten team also found that the viscosity of each do not use as much sauce as the British, ken through the roof of the glasshouse at the Botanic Garden. The much awaited per cent of all spaghetti eaten in restau- pasta sauce is a major contributor to the saying “since Italians love their clothes flowering of the plant will soon take place, an occurrence that only happens after rants ends up on the floor, on the table- splatter. Less splatter is caused by using a more than anything else (with the possi- 15-20 years of growth and that kills the plant because of the great effort it puts into cloth or on clothing”. Humphreys was thick sauce, such as Italian cheese or a ble exception of their cars) this is proba- flowering. Rumours that the plant will soon eclipse the Cambridge skyline are wary at first, believing that the experi- cream-based sauce. For the perfect splat- bly the reason they eat spaghetti with vir- denied; however it is impossible to predict quite how large the plant will grow to. ment might trivialise Cambridge science, ter-free meal, this should be combined tually no sauce. He contrasted the Some plant experts believe that the gardens may be hiding a secret experiment to but thought that it would actually be with shorter, broader pasta ribbons. spaghetti in two Cambridge restaurants genetically modify triffids, but this too has been fiercely denied. beneficial to the University, by dispelling Professor Humphreys is confident that to show that in Don Pasquale there is far its elitist image. He thought that it would his research will revolutionise the way we less sauce in spaghetti than in Browns. make Cambridge seem fun and light- eat pasta, and thinks that the future is Humphreys identified that “us Brits like Votes please hearted rather than exclusive and overly bleak for dry cleaning services. He told a good dollop of sauce” and it is this rea- In the run up to the general election, students are being urged to make sure they serious and that this would attract people Varsity, “I believe that dry cleaning servic- son that it was necessary to find out the are aware of voting procedures. All students living in college accommodation, to the University. es will now go bankrupt. In fact, I have best way of coping when presented with including hostels, are automatically registered with the local council and are eligi- Along with his research team, sold my extensive shares in dry cleaning such a dish. ble to vote in Cambridge. This doesn’t bind students to voting here; they may wish to vote in their home constituencies instead. The government has recently passed legislation, which gives everyone the right to a postal vote on demand. Because of exams, it is unlikely that many students will have the opportunity to return home, so postal votes can be obtained from www.cambridge.gov.uk or party offices. Cambridge MP Anne Campbell told Varsity, “students are very privileged in being the only voters who can decide where they should vote”. Any students in totally private accommodation – mainly graduates – should have already received and sent off a voting registration form.

College spending reaps benefits For the first time the extra spending by Oxbridge colleges have been considered by a University league table. When this data is added to the equation, the funding gap between Oxbridge and its closest rivals widens considerably. Dr Robin Walker, junior bursar at Queens’ College, said that in the past league tables have understated the position of Cambridge as they have omitted to include college spending. Perhaps the biggest change this makes is in staff to student ratios, which enables the university to continue its unique supervision system of teaching. Overall the colleges employ 363 academic staff, which is greater than that at many entire universities lower down the table. However many of the figures given in the table are set to change in the next few years. This is because they came from 1998-99, the last year that the college fee of about £2000 per student was paid directly by the government. Although the loss of this will partially be compensated for by increased funding from the University, colleges are set to suffer a loss of about 22% by 2008, even without allowing for inflation. In the future they will be forced to rely more upon funding from other sources. This can be through commercial income from conferences, appeals and increase use of the Colleges Fund, which redistributes income from the richer col- leges to the poorer ones. Controversially, some of the shortfall will be made up by decreasing the subsidy on room rents. Dr Walker denied claims that Cambridge rents are among the highest in the country. He said that it wouldn’t deter students from less priveleged backgrounds from applying “because colleges can offer accommodation for almost all students, and they only pay for 30 weeks of the year, this makes the cost of liv- ing here considerably cheaper”.

Controversial research appointments The appointment of professors at Cambridge has been called into question, fol- lowing the University’s admittance that it has broken its own statutes in appoint- ing two “research” professors without the approval of the central governing author- ities. Professor Nick Day, an MRC-funded research professor, and Dr SB Laughlin, a Rank Research professor of opto-electronics must now wait for the decision by Regent House later this month over whether their positions will be confirmed. Professor Anthony Edwards, an expert in the University constitution, pointed out ”Within three years, I predict this machine will have entirely replaced the common fork” Photo: Sam Dobbin that these appointments were against statutes that were laid down by the govern- ment in 1923. These say that a professorship can only be established by a grace of Regent House after approval by the central board. This controversy is a reflection of the increasing practice of creating research posts in response to external funding The way to eat spaghetti without always going through the appropriate authorities. The University now relies on external sources for 50% of its funds. Staff in “established” positions that are controlled by the University are now outnumbered by those in fixed term, Socially Acceptable Method Safety First Method “unestablished” posts who are appointed by outside bodies, such as research coun- cils. It is uncertain exactly how many of these there are but there may be many Pick up a few strands of spaghetti using a fork and raise up Hold the fork vertically. Select a few strands of spaghetti and more that contravene the University regulations. the fork vertically to separate the strands of spaghetti on the rotate them against the concave part of a spoon with the Professor Edwards said he did not believe “anything sinister” was involved but fork from the rest of the spaghetti. Move the fork to a hori- spoon surface parallel to the plate. When the spaghetti rolls that these regulations are important to prevent abuse. However he did criticise the zontal position and rotate the fork against the concave part up to a suitable size, lift the fork out leaving you with a neat huge increase in externally funded research posts. He claimed that “there is no such of the spoon with both the fork and spoon horizontal. ball of pasta which then can be eaten off the spoon. This thing as a research professor” and that the term was an Americanism and mislead- Rotate the fork slowly and give it enough turns to just get method causes virtually no splashes on shirts, dresses or ing as it implied that other professors were not involved in research. He claimed the spaghetti onto the fork and then eat the spaghetti. Do tablecloths. that the University was under increasing pressure from the government to expand, not rotate the fork too many times or the spaghetti will fall However, this method may be seen as socially unaccept- but that there had been too little debate about the merits of this. off and splatter. able, particularly on the continent. Julian Blake and Hazel Mollison 4 News Features 27 April 2001 Gillian Evans CAMPBELL SLAMS COLLEGES Mark Lobel talks to Anne Campbell MP about her ethical agenda

Have you read the revised rules Facing a likely June election, when lege among the 25 not bothering to ate students from applying to it. It is done on strict UK regulations than under which the staff of the univer- most students will be busy with exams, write back. “I guess a return of 25% is important that you give the Colleges sent abroad. The current campaign of sity can now have their e-mails read Anne Cambell may well feel like she is average”. As I am about to move on, inclinations of how students are likely harassment and intimidation could be and their telephones tapped? retaking her Finals. Entering her tenth she grits her teeth and declares with to react. It would obviously be disad- in danger of closing it down”. (www.cam.ac.uk/CS/ITSyndicate). year as MP for Cambridge, her home venom, “the Colleges resent any inter- vantageous for a College if there was a Campbell shifts to sit bolt upright in These were put together by the for 35 years, the Newnham lady ference in their governing status”. campaign because of its unethical her chair and takes a second look at a Personnel Committee, with threats turned maths-teacher then statistician Campbell stresses that we can bear investments”. letter from the Vice-Chancellor. In to sack members of staff who do not reminisces about crop trials. Bursars, it light of the recently accepted GKN obey the rules. Those in positions of seems, shall now reap her judgement. post, the MP had questioned the uni- authority will be able to invade the I wade through letters from Bursars She grits her teeth and declares with versity’s choice of sponsor, as GKN privacy of others, it seems, on mere in response to her call for every venom, “the Colleges resent any interfer- has been accused of selling weapons to suspicion or because you happen to College to adopt an ethical investment repressive regimes and developmental- be away from your desk and policy, When she appears, I am ence in their governing status”. ly needy countries. Sir Alec Broers someone ‘needs to see’ something. informed that she has another inter- asserts, “there is clearly no dispute”. There is nothing about provision to view to give, leaving us 20 minutes. In He reassured Anne that “the sack anyone who abuses these the end we overrun. The interviewer is pressure on companies to change their The ongoing campaign against University would never knowingly powers. told to call back. Campbell has want- investments. Colleges, she says, are Huntingdon Life Sciences is another accept funds from exploitative foreign No one seems to have realised that ed this direct forum with students for there to educate students. “you need campaign which concerns Anne terri- regimes or from illegal organisations”. students will be affected too. They some time. to come up with examples of cases bly. “I can understand that people Campbell would not be drawn on my cannot be sacked but they can be “Most of the Colleges are saying the where there has been a policy to invest don’t like animal experiments. I find it accusation that the GKN post was disciplined and excluded. Can stu- same thing. They are looking for the ethically and where it has been as good distasteful as well. But at the moment supporting foreign regimes ‘through dents risk e-mailing supervisors and best return on their money. It is inter- an ordinary investment. You have to we have a regime that requires medi- the back door’, though she noted with tutors about their personal or aca- esting that Selwyn has managed to do prove that by having unethical invest- cines to be tested on animals. With interest Broers’ comments that “there demic problems any more? How will it. If the will is there, they may find ments a particular College will alien- this regime in place, I’d rather it was is a significant grey area which we are anyone know who is reading what ways in which you can get as good a some way from defining”. She seemed they say in trust? return on ethical investments as you reluctant to get in to greater detail, These rules have been sent round can on a whole range of investments”. perhaps because the issue is so thorny, without going through the proper she bleats out “It sounds like an area and we are running out of time. channels for making rules in the that needs to be clarified…it is She pauses when I ask about her University. The student complaints tricky…there is a long way to go.” sense of how things have altered since procedures, on the other hand, are Trinity Hall’s Bursar, Miss Pope, she became pro-active in the ethical being held up yet again by the informed Campbell that after consul- investment campaign. She was clearly requirement to do things properly tations with the Master, “the College is pleased with some of the Bursars’ by consultation. certainly anxious to avoid unethical replies. Sitting back in her chair, visi- I am in favour of doing things investments”. A positive letter has also bly more comfortable as her secretary properly, don’t get me wrong. We arrived from New Hall, which “seeks begins to brief her about her next want the student complaints to be to attach due concern to ethical con- interview, Campbell interrupts her good solid ‘domestic law’ when they siderations when making invest- and turns around, as I am packing up. are passed for use. But how come ments.” Anne believes there are clear “Vague about their outcomes, though oppressive ‘legislation’ can be rushed signs here that people have moved in going in the right direction,” she con- the right direction: “the more good cludes finally. Can students risk examples you can get the quicker you She is certainly sure of her path as I will get other Colleges following suit”. found out. Approaching her mid-60s, e-mailing tutors She pauses, choosing her words care- Campbell remains committed to fully, “it still needs a campaign of pres- pushing her weight well and truly about their personal sure, from students particularly”. behind her unremitting ideal hopes. Her expression changes when I Bursars beware; the seasoned pro or academic prob- explain that her own campaign mus- knows exactly where she is going, pro- tered replies from less than a quarter viding the forecasters get it right in lems any more? of the Colleges, including her ex-col- June.

out while ‘legislation’ which would help students takes years and years to go through? On 1 May there is quite a batch of Reports for Discussion, including one on how to run a better adminis- Ex-Spenceive admissions tration and one on student member- ship of the General Board. The first Jennifer Watson considers Magdalen’s infamous admissions record may be a historic debate, though you can never tell. It is covering bicycle The Laura Spence affair has acted as a Magdalen’s admission programme to at government to, in Anthony Smith’s ter education, according to figures pub- racks and cherry-coloured silk fac- smokescreen diverting our attention least £250,000 a year.” words “use universities as instruments” lished this week. Let’s not forget where ings which really get people going in from the real difficulty of increasing The Laura Spence affair has become an to fiddle about with admissions figures Mr Blair sends his own children. Discussions. state school admissions to Oxbridge. At old chestnut now, to the point where rather than to tackle real social inequali- Gordon Brown could have used me Students might introduce a better least, that was the line taken by Antony most people are blissfully ignorant of the ty. Mr Brown’s goon-like comments alongside his ‘Laura Spence’ example. I sense of what is important and one Smith, president of Magdalen College outrageousness of Gordon Brown’s should have been seen for what they are came from a state school in the North, of the things that seems to me Oxford, this week in his address to the interference and the influence of politi- – political manoeuvring. Instead, they and got an Oxbridge offer. And, yes I am important in connection with better Independent School’s Conference. cal agenda on his analysis. His remarks administration and governance for Using the occasion to make comments to the TUC conference last autumn con- Brown’s goon-like comments should have the future is to improve our record in defence of his college, he sought to demned Magdalen’s admission proce- for getting things done in a reason- rectify the damaging impression of dures as “reminiscent of an old boy net- been seen for what they are – political able time, with proper consultation Oxbridge admissions created by media work”. Why? Because they chose a can- and openness. attention last year. While he almost cer- didate of equally impressive academic manoeuvring. There is no excuse in the age of the tainly succeeded in winning over the record, who happened to attend a pri- internet for not keeping us all friendly audience of that particular con- vate school, over Ms Spence based on caught public attention. The injustice of probably middle-class too. If things are informed, staff and students alike, ference, his message deserves a much interview performance. What qualifica- Ms Spence’s ‘forced’ acceptance of a working as they should be, I should have when plans are afoot like these dra- wider currency than it is likely to receive. tions Mr Brown had to pass judgement £65,000 scholarship to Harvard, and her got my place not because admissions conian revisions to the computer He argued valiantly that ignorant min- on the candidates’ relative merits can photogenic appearance, won her a officers believed they should keep up the service rules, so that representations isters have fudged the issues by directing only be wondered at. Whatever the mer- cachet with the public, not to mention a correct ratios of state school pupils, but may be made before it is too late to public anger at Oxbridge admission fig- its of those candidates, it was not the commission by the Mail on Sunday to because I was a worthy candidate. stop what is planned. ures instead of contemplating the much place of politicians to dictate to universi- keep readers posted by a ‘Diary from Antony Smith’s assessment that we At the same time, there is no trickier and more ubiquitous problems. ties which candidates they should admit, America’. Few bothered to question should be most concerned about the excuse for hanging about when whether Laura Spence was indeed a unequal distribution of academic ambi- things which are important to indi- Ministers have fudged the issues by working-class girl kept down by social tion across social classes is surely correct. viduals need to be addressed. (Those barriers. Yes, she went to a state school, The contempt shown by pupils towards complaints procedures again.) Did directing public anger at Oxbridge and yes she came from Newcastle. And, industry in academic study in many you know that the official line is that if the truth be told, yes, she is probably state schools is well known, and family all universities now have robust stu- admission figures safely of a middle-class family. environment (crudely, class) is instru- dent complaints procedures up and Two weeks ago Tony Blair came closer mental in determining which will stu- running? They seem to have forgot- Mr Smith pointedly drew out the fact if rigorous academic standards are the to admitting the truth that public dents will nurture academic aspirations. ten about that little institution in that the 53:47 ratio of private to state true goal. schools have more money, resources and Mr Smith said “the academy is being the Fens. educated students at top universities More fundamentally, using that one freedom to nurture academic perform- presented with the task of creating social We have no right to be crowing mirrors the ratios among applicants. He example to chastise Oxford University, ance than state schools. He promised to change at a time when the levers of egal- about heading the league-tables told the conference of the battle faced by which admits thousands each year, was a make state schools as attractive as their itarianism have been abandoned as inef- when we are leaving our students in colleges trying to encourage more appli- very obvious tactic to convert a difficult independent rivals, at a time when more fective.” Perhaps it is time that the the lurch like this. cations from working-class students, a issue into a simplistic case of ‘élitism parents than ever are making the choice politicians stop delegating their respon- battle which “pushes up the cost of strikes again’. It is much easier for the to pay for what they believe will be a bet- sibilities. 27 April 2001 News Features 5 Mooning at the Monarchy Rich Wild joins the Movement against the Monarchy

Alliance to the author and self-styled Coming70s back from the Easter break sary to be considered within such a poems about the Queen Mother enti- ‘leading activist in the British anar- politically stagnant country. Who has tled ‘Do Not Resuscitate’. with nothing much to write about, I chist movement’, Albert Meltzer. Mr even heard of London Socialist Although dressed in violent lan- felt strangely comforted to discover Meltzer deals summarily with such Alliance before? Or of the Movement guage, their public intentions have that this is an age old phenomenon In important issues as the monarchy, against the Monarchy? never been extreme. The police, how- March 1971, Varsity self-avowedly had class struggle, authoritarian society, Both remain as oddities to a main- ever, maintain a wary eye on members, nothing to say. It ran as its front page non-violence, immigration, taxation. stream dripping with conservatism allegedly video-recording the faces of story, that there was no news whatso- In short, he argues that if we were to and an acceptance of the status quo. the four members who turned up at ever. The gob-smacking, exhilarating “abolish hereditary privilege and dom- MA’M takes no trouble over this, they the Queen’s visit to Lincoln Cathedral headline to this story was: “No News inant classes, the state becomes unnec- are simply a group of people who last April, before barring their Is Good News”. The editor explained essary”. He seems to derive his think- this statement as follows: ing purely from Marx, only he reforms They want to write poems about the Queen “In a week where there isn’t a story it into rhetoric so lifeless that it which deserves front page exposure”, becomes indigestible. Mother entitled ‘Do Not Resuscitate’. wrote the desperate editor, “it may Where Albert fails, the Guardian be worthwhile to consider what kind newspaper steps in. For over a year it share the belief that total inequality entrance to the ceremony and con- of news people might expect from a has defined itself as a republican ship, between humans is wrong. They seem cluding with a search of their vehicles. student newspaper such as Varsity”. under the fearless guidance of its edi- open to anyone joining in but spurn One might presume that police moti- Or, more accurately why there was tor, Alan Rusbridger. Their campaigns attempts to sell themselves. Not even, vation is terrorist-based. On the other no news at all. This scrupulous edi- have achieved considerable support you may be surprised to hear, to hand though, four of the ten who tor would not stoop to running “sto- from readership polls, symbolising a Varsity. I emailed one of its organisers dropped their trousers a couple of ries of college life which are often Photo: Tom Catchesides climate of liberalism that has been and got a brief reply to the effect that months afterwards were held in a amusing or unbelievable enough to The MA’M website features some gradually spreading out its quintessen- Cambridge students are exactly the police jail for their antics; an act, at be worth printing but which would magnificent photos of the Queen in tially English tentacles. The most high type of ‘privileged cunts’ they despise. root, of oppression, a sinister example cause a great deal of embarrassment full regalia, surrounded by similarly profile statement so far is the action They do not want to be taken serious- of official safeguarding of royal sancti- to both students and governing bod- splendid officers of state; the explana- that Alan and one of his journalists ly. ty. ies?and might upset don-student tory caption: “Fuck the Monarchy: have brought against the 1848 Treason Instead, they want to produce MA’M, we can suspect, would be the relations at times when delicate lying, sponging bastards – the lot of Felony Act, under which any writer posters declaring that the great royal last group of people to care about such issues of representation or guests are them”. This is the Movement Against advocating the abolition of monarchy debate is about whether ‘To hang or to attitudes, and for this and their loyal- involved.” The editorial ran along the Monarchy, an opposition group could be imprisoned for life. This is shoot them’, they want to organize ty to ending the ‘most expensive soap similarly: “Its time to reflect on which might, in the wake of the precisely what he wants to do (abolish counter-protests to the Countryside opera in history’, they may be well Cambridge’s greatest non-event – Sophie Wessex scandal, have greater the monarchy, not go to jail). Reacting Alliance, and they want to write ahead of their time. the term. Politically and artistically currency than since before the death with the deepest of elitist vanity, the it was a bummer, boredom unpar- of Princess Diana. attorney general, Lord Williams alled.” Well, for Varsity readers cer- MA’M, as far as they have a mani- threatened that it “may be criminal” tainly. festo, stand in opposition to privilege, to do so. And, so, to court, which will Things were not all dull, however, focusing their efforts on principal roy- provide a fascinating result whichever for our flared ancestors. And, if als. Their actions are tame, but that is way it falls. proof were needed here follows a fas- cinating collection of anecdotes pro- Cambridge students are exactly the vided by Varsity’s more energetic reporters. In 1972, “seven Queens’ type of ‘privileged cunts’ they despise. undergraduates posed as officials from the ministry of agriculture half the point. To the observer, their That the Guardian is spearheading responsible for fowl pest control as a ambiguity lies in taking on what could the monarchy debate has sorely dis- Rag publicity stunt. They persuaded be a vital cause for the future of gruntled Comrade Fischer of the many passengers on a train to Britain, yet doing it purely for a laugh. London Socialist Alliance who spoke London to take off their shoes in Unable to get their breasts out for the in December of his disgust that the order to make sure they were not lads last July, they used their arses in a workers’ movement was not the lead carrying fowl virus. Armed with MA’M (‘moon at the monarchy’) to reforming element on constitutional newspaper cuttings and identity celebrate the Queen Mother’s centen- thinking. Implicitly, he highlights the cards to prove their official status, nial birthday. difference between informal and for- any reluctant passengers were shown Republicanism has seen a resurgence mal approaches to the issue: a nation- an impressive looking lab coat. Only in the late 1990s under many different al broadsheet has not only the one passenger was not fooled before Photo: Tom Catchesides guises, from the London Socialist resources, but the respectability neces- transport police broke up the prank.” Pranks were something of a recur- mean for the End of Time – are we lead singer of British girl band Rock ring feature, it seems, of student still waiting for the sun to implode? A Bitch (www.rockbitch.co.uk). Rock recreational activities. Police in the Anna Gunn mate of mine recently accused me of Bitch is amazing, in the most liberal same month were “taking a very dim being irreverent. Moi? Our so terribly sense of the word. Think Courtney view of a hoax SOS which was post- civilized System is based on greed and Love taken to bizarre and ludicrous ed in a first-floor window in Trinity competition and exploitation, fear, extremes. Planet Bitch delivers its ear Street. The notice, which read in Germany destruction and hatred. Good thing splitting melodies in the nude to “Help! I’m being held prisoner” Evil as a moral concept is really past thrilled audiences of male truck driv- alarmed passers by who reported it.” its sell by date, or else we would have ers across the continent. The ladies On a more disgusting note, “a sec- Anna is haunted by visions of future gloom to do some serious searching of the piss on each other, have multiple ond year engineer at Caius discov- souls we have pragmatically decided orgasms on stage, whip their fellow ered a cockroach in his pie at Britain has, as we all know, collapsed. In the end we would probably decide we no longer have. band members and (most impressive- Tuesday’s lunch. ‘I thought initially Or seems to be collapsing. Or at least that it would all be too expensive and As we sit amidst the funeral pyres ly) can keep relatively straight faces it was a cabbage stalk he said in dis- bits of it are. Maybe. Nothing new not really in the interest of the Market and wait for the planet itself to start whilst erotically sticking their fists may.” here really, although the speed with anyway. Living in the post- heating up, bony fingers have to be places they shouldn’t. I should proba- An invasion of even larger animals which the Westminster freak show is Apocalyptic age puts things in a new pointed. Personally, I blame Geri bly also mention the earth mother was to bring Cambridge to a halt: reducing the country to Third World perspective. We tend to live in the Halliwell. Four years ago, the Spice statues, and the fact that Rock Bitch “eight three-year old heffers caused a status is impressive. Where is the belief that somehow, things are going stir on Monday when they decided point of having an agricultural sector to get better. Like evolution. The We sit amidst the funeral pyres and wait to spend the early morning eating and tourist industry? If a Foot and System may suck, but for most critics roses in Great St Mary’s church. It Mouth outbreak and a huge pile of there is always a light at the end of the for the planet itself to start heating up took seven hours for the City Pinder rotting bovine flesh is what it took to tunnel, Utopias flying Left, Right and to round them up.” rid us of the pesky American tourists, Centre. Girl stunner, with a Union Jack dress seems to be doing its best to pose as By the end of this fascinating year, well fair play really. Getting worried is What if this is wrong? And things and substantial assets gave us the some kind of a cult. Either they are up a regular letter-writer was growing so pre-Apocalypse. Theologically, are just set to go down hill from here? beautiful face of Cool Britannia. Look for the Most Cynical Branding of the increasingly critical of the left-wing what I am about to say is complete Could we ever think the unthinkable at her now, a sliver of her gorgeous old Year Award or they are for real. Either tone of such Varsity political insights rubbish. But imagine the following: and accept that Britain had really, self, with a blonde bob and multi- way, I reckon they are due recogni- as this on Ted Heath: “the son of a imagine that the without a hint of jointed spindly limbs that could have tion. We should not forget the practi- jobbing builder...the problem with Apocalypse hap- Personally, I blame melodrama, gone come straight from a Dali painting. cal implications of Rock Bitch. The Heath is that he is FOR but not OF pened last week. And to the dogs? You can almost envisage her doing the Labour Party is currently hobbling the ruling classes. He has sucked up that we just hap- Geri Halliwell Recently, hell Exorcist spider walk down the stairs in along like a man with gout, and, in to headmasters, senior tutors and pened to have missed itself has been the morning. Yet despite all of this view of the General Election, could Tory leaders but he’s never been able it. The only questions left to be asked redefined: the days of quivering sin- (and I think I may be contradicting learn a thing or two from the Bitches. to pose for a photo without a pint are how much did the Revelation ners and fire and brimstone are over, myself here) I do not actually think Forget about the finger on the pulse, looking as though he was not going earthquakes measure on the Richter with vast sections of the Catholic she is suitable for the job of post- this lot have their claw like nails thrust to burst into tears.” scale, and should the UN be expected Church trying to wriggle their way Apocalyptic Brit beauty. A lack of atti- firmly into the very vein of post- “Is Varsity becomming a Mao-ist to intervene in case of a) mass starva- out of the very concept. And, who tude maybe: too much of the nice girl Apocalyptic Britain, with blood spew- Daily Express?” the infuriated reader tion, b) epidemic diseases or c) mur- could possibly want to give up on Liz in the former UN goodwill ambassa- ing out on all sides. Just lie back and asked. derous horsemen trotting about Hurley in Bedazzled-style cat suit? But dor. think of Britain, Mr Blair, and let’s Jennifer Watson slaughtering people. the question remains, what does this The alternative is obvious: Julie, the hear it for the Blair Bitch project. we're not getting on our knees & begging. Varsity will have editors, section editors, designers, production managers and online staff. The deadline is 11 may. make it, or feel the pain. bitch.

Work for Varsity, worthless c scum! f

Turn to Page 20 for full details 27 April 2001 Editorial 7 Cartoon of the week

KFC – it’s giving us gyp Did you know that for the sum colleges receive in Kitchen Fixed Charge from students over their time here, they could buy every one of us twen- ty-three microwaves from Argos? That is, one every three weeks. What they actually do with the money is only fractionally less silly. Our 90- odd quid goes to subsidise college kitchens, hopelessly inefficient beasts which, despite the considerable size of this forced donation, are some way more expensive than home cooking and do not cater for the tastes or diets or schedules of all. The continued existence of this regressive piece of taxation, which probably most affects the poorest students, is an excellent illustration of the fuck-you attitude many senior members hold towards us. They benefit from the existence of college kitchens in their present form, for as fellows they get their meals free. It is a situation made even more offensive by the shocking state of gyp rooms. Ovens are practically unknown, fridges are tiny, the two warm circles generously known as a stove are old and generally decrepit. If fel- lows – or the conference guests who increasingly dominate colleges’ financial thinking – ever had to use these, we need be in no doubt there would be rapid improvement. This week, a grand CUSU e-survey on college ‘quality of life’ is re- Madder but balance that with an informed, sincere launched [www.qualityleague.com]. It is always pleasant to see CUSU I felt appalled when reading the ‘gutter’ awareness of its value. review ‘Not Zinjy enough’. Reviews which Peter Abbott looking up from its anal politicking to address student interests. But are merely based on subjective ‘bitching’ Magdalene much more helpful than telling us whether we like our college bars or rather than objective reviewing do not not would be energetic campaigning on an issue which affects virtually contribute to the arts. Not to mention the all of us to the tune of £300 per year. CUSU should be organising now lack of sensitivity, as the show hadn’t even Letter of the week Nil desperandum finished at the time the article appeared. I’ve been in Cambridge for nearly three to make the abolition of the KFC a focus of next year’s activism. We’d like to take this opportunity to Rudy J Lapeer, Ph.D. years now. Coming from a very old-fash- Colleges should not be allowed to pass the burden of their financial remind your readers of the support avail- Senior Research Fellow ioned family in Yorkshire and having a incompetence on to students any longer. able from Linkline, the Cambridge very conservative upbringing, I can University Student Nightline. We’re open remember thinking before I arrived that from 7pm to 8am every night of full term, Desperandum this university – supposedly the intellec- and people wanting to get in touch can I have just returned from the maths build- tual centre of the world – was going to be Footlights non-smokers? ring us on 367575 or 744444, or drop ing on Clarkson Road and am enraged at a liberal and genuinely unthreatening So Footlights are taking £25,000 of ash cash. The expression may into our office at 17 St Edward’s Passage. the clear discrimination against innocent environment within which I could freely If you’re feeling worried, stressed or humanists, classicists and all others prac- express and explore my sexuality openly. already be familiar to priests and doctors raking in money for crema- unhappy and you’d like to talk in complete ticing a discipline other than Maths. In the How wrong I was. tions, but now Cambridge’s finest comics are in trouble over their con- confidence about whatever is on your Maths building, one can buy a scone with There may be many gay students in troversial funding from British American Tobacco. mind, do give us a ring or drop by any butter and jam for a mere 45p. In the Cambridge but there are also pockets of We say who gives a damn? It’s rare for any student organisation to be evening. University Library, however, this same suffocating homophobia that need atten- Linkline culinary delicacy, this same lump of flour tion. Soon after arriving here in my first handed this sort of money, and Footlights are right to defend themselves flecked with sultanas and just the right year at a college boat club cocktail party I against the whinging anti-tobacco lobby. Not least because actors look amount of butter and lard, costs 70p – encountered a barage of anti-gay and cool when they smoke. We’re all too grown up to be mollycoddled by Mad and that exorbitant price does not even anti-cross-dressing jokes and jibes which the likes of Action on Smoking and Health (ASH) – it’s not as if BAT I am writing to express my disappoint- include butter or jam! For a scone with ensure that I would never be comfortable ment with Varsity’s theatre review ‘Not jam, a studious Cantabrigian who has not about being open about my sexuality in are putting up the money for a nursery school nativity play. Zinjy Enough’. I wonder whether Varsity yet discovered the maths building must college again. Since this date, I have tried Mentioning no names, it’s a shame that funds cannot be found from is aware of the reviewer’s previous involve- pay a whopping 92p. Does this seem just? to be a ‘lad’, I have tried to be ‘manly’, I more obvious sources within Cambridge (the Arts Theatre may know ment with the production, in that she Does this seem fair, I ask? Does anyone have even made pitiful attempts to attract who we’re talking about), but such a handsome settlement from corpo- auditioned for the show but was not else see this subsidy to the mathmos as members of the opposite sex. But why included in the final cast, making Miss unfounded and indefensible? should I have to? It is only now, as I pre- rate sponsors is a thing to be celebrated. So long as Footlights take no Hart a wholly unsuitable candidate to LV Faulhaber pare to leave, that I feel I can be honest. money from Russian Mafiosi or the Hindujas, we’re satisfied. review Kang Zinj 2001. Furthermore, I I don’t speak for everyone here, and I was thoroughly unimpressed by Sharon don’t want to be type-cast as some bitch- Hart’s own dance exhibition in ‘Diffused’, Unbalanced ing homosexual: tolerance and atmos- Phwoaar! which was certainly not the ‘epitome of Convinced that Ed Hall’s article on the phere varies greatly between colleges I’m Some of you may have noticed Varsity’s slightly new look this week. We grace and elegance’ as she suggests dance Union Society last issue would peddle sure and I may just have been unlucky. should be; I wonder if Miss Hart is at all more of the crass, tedious and insultingly The point I want to make here though is are proud to announce that this is our most stunning cover ever. qualified to write an article on the subject. inaccurate stereotyping that so often litters that I shouldn’t have to be lucky to Before you pick up your pens to complain about our shameless Miss Hart is entitled to her opinion, but these pages, his balanced, considered criti- express myself. To those of you wearing exploitation of the female body in the pursuit of readers, we would like Varsity should take steps to ensure that stu- cism was a breath of fresh air. He is right: rose-coloured spectacles: Cambridge will to point out that Varsity is as feminist as the next woman. But we also dent journalism is just that, and remove all the Union does have an image problem never be a liberal and gay-friendly place doubt that it may be used as a soapbox for and often fails to live up to its promises until the message gets through to the aspire to a readership. Journalism, like all the best things in life, is a individuals to air personal grievances. In and its potential. We recognise that. boat clubs, rugby clubs, air squadrons messy business. We’re not the Sun, unfortunately, but there’s no harm my opinion several of your other writers, What saddens me is that so much hard and OTCs, JCR lesbigay reps, take note. in trying. And if any of our readership – male or female – would like to particularly in the Theatre section, have a work goes unrecognised. As Michaelmas Anon pose for Page Three, we’d love to hear from you. problem with this distinction. I suggest President I worked hard towards achieving Magdalene that in future you should research your greater responsiveness, accessibility and reviewers more thoroughly to avoid losing consistency, with a sincere belief in the The winner of the Letter of Varsity Publications Ltd what little is left of Varsity’s integrity. necessity and value of the Society. That the Week wins two tickets to Second Floor, 11-12 Trumpington Street, Cambridge CB2 1QA Louise Lee work continues. the Arts Picture House. Varsity Online: www.varsity.cam.ac.uk Producer of Kang Zinj 2001 Be critical of the Society by all means, Advertising: 01223 353422 Editorial: 01223 337575 Fax: 01223 352913

The Varsity Team If you would like to contribute to Varsity, turn up to a section meeting (times below) at the Varsity offices (unless otherwise indicated) or email a section editor. Editors (Doms) Sarah Brealey, Tom Royston [email protected] News Editors Julian Blake, Lucy Pogson, Rob Jenrick [email protected] Mon 3.30pm Business Manager Kate Norgrove [email protected] News Features Editor Jenny Watson [email protected] Mon 3.30pm Technical Director Tim Harris Interviews Editor Angela Grainger [email protected] Company Secretary Diana Tapp Science Editors May Glover Gunn, Jenny Hogan [email protected] Mon 6pm Fashion Editors Lucy Caldwell, Heather Tilley [email protected] Thu 1.15pm The Eagle Production Manager Ian Caulfield [email protected] Outlook Editors Tim Fisken, Clare Fidler [email protected] Mon 5:30pm Creative Director Roland Swingler [email protected] Sport Editors Adam Joseph, Hilary Weale [email protected] Fri 1.15pm G4 Tit Hall Chief Sub-editor Richard Pearce [email protected] Photos Editor Anna Mason [email protected] Arts Editor Suzanne Lynch [email protected] News Photos Editor Sam Dobbin Theatre Editor Andrew Rudd [email protected] Mon 3pm Sport Photos Editor Catherine Harrison Film Editors Chris Heath, Rob Sharp [email protected] Thu 1.30pm The Eagle Online Editor Tom Griffiths [email protected] Music Editors Tom Catchesides, Dave Thorley [email protected] Fri 4pm The Eagle Classical Music Editor Benedict Taylor [email protected] Wed 5pm The Eagle Page Design (Subs) James Southgate and ‘Sarah’s bitch’ Literature Editor Dave Minto [email protected] Mon 3pm Sub-editors Shona, Tim, Jenny and May Visual Arts Editor Adam Smith [email protected] Mon 5pm I1 Peterhouse interviews.fashion.outlook.science Found Paradise: SCIENCE 10 sCome into the garden a Odd and Eden numbers EDEN: The Project Intro Jenny Hogan and May Glover Gunn can’t Adam & Eve it

disused quarry, Cornwall. Not somewhere you’d expect opened properly just over a month ago, allowing visitors to step than was predicted, these tend to fill up quickly towards to come across a collection of huge bubble-wrapped inside the domes for the first time. Although the maximum visi- lunchtime, so go early if you want to be sure of your Cornish A domes. But the mild climate of the south-west is ideal for tor numbers were originally projected to be 8000, we visited the pastie. the Eden Project, the home for over 5000 different species of project just after the Easter weekend, which had seen crowds of A path winds its way down through the uncovered biome from plants from a variety of locations around the world. 13000 each day. Doubtless the project has benefited from the clo- the visitor centre to the covered domes. Tents on the way serve yet The project is the brainchild of Tim Smit, who previously mas- sure of many public attractions due to the foot and mouth epi- more guilt-free tea (and the exclusive Eden ale) and offer infor- terminded the restoration of the Lost Gardens of Heligan – an demic, and the high volume of visitors resulted in waiting times mation about some of the organisations with which the project overgrown estate garden which he discovered and transformed of up to two hours just to get into the complex. has links. As for the domes themselves, by far the most impressive into the most-visited private garden in England. In 1994 he had Upon arriving at the Eden Project, it’s the architecture of the is the Humic Tropics biome – a hot and misty swirl of greenery. the idea of creating an exhibition of plants to celebrate the diver- domes that stands out. Described by the directors of the project The jungle atmosphere seemed to be taking its toll on some of the sity of the world around us – a Garden of Eden for the 21st cen- as “alien” in appearance, the two groups of geodesic domes which more elderly visitors, but the curators have provided an air-condi- tury. It was not until three years later, while driving near the nestle in the crater look space-age; apparently sci-fi and James tioned refuge at the highest point of the walk. The warm temper- Cornish town of St Austell, that he came across the crater of a for- Bond films were part of the inspiration for the design. They’re not ate biome is much less oppressive, and brings together plants from mer china clay quarry and thought it would be the perfect loca- visible till near the end of the journey from the train station to the three disparate areas of the world which have similar climates. tion. crater (which takes about 20 minutes by road – there are hourly Although both domes have an impressive variety of plants on The idea won funding from the Millennium Commission, and buses, complete with cheery driver and on-board videos on the show, we were left wanting more information about where the attracted several high-profile figures to leave behind job security – making of Eden, now running from the station). However, the individual plants came from, and why they had funny shaped and, in some cases, their salaries – to become part of the Eden Eden experience starts in the visitor centre at the top of the crater. leaves, and so on. At the moment, it’s essential to buy a guidebook team. Despite construction problems including two months of The gift shop, though disappointingly low on tacky Eden spin- to learn about the plants, until the information displays are fully relentless rain which flooded the pit, the enthusiasm of Smit and offs, is full of books and soap; and the nearby restaurant, in keep- installed. Eden is very much a work in progress – but that’s part his team for the project’s messages of conservation and diversity ing with the Eden philosophy of supporting like-minded organi- of its appeal. The £5 student ticket can be upgraded for an extra ensured it was completed. sations, serves Clipper fair trade tea and coffee. There is another £3 to a ‘passport’, allowing unlimited visits for a year: well worth The project opened its doors to the public for a limited time last restaurant and a canteen situated in the Teletubby-esque grass- it to see how this modern-day paradise develops. year, during the construction of the geodesic domes in which the covered link between the Humid Tropics and Warm Temperate plants are now housed – a phase known as the “Big Build”. It biomes. Because the project is proving so much more popular Go to www.edenproject.com for details of how to visit the Eden Project Photo: Jenny Hogan Jenny Photo: Photo: Martin Griffiths Martin Photo: The Ethos he Watering Lane Nurseries The research was “quick and dirty” that the “real research at Eden is into as they are made redundant by tissue are five twisting miles of with no time for controlled trials, communication science”. Classed by and seed storage – Eden has no conser- Tcountry lane away from the they guessed what would work and the Government as a science centre, vation role. So where a botanical gar- Eden site. Converted from a garden are now measuring its success by the its remit is education. Many such cen- den crushes in as many plants as it can, centre with a greenhouse extension health of the plants that grow in the tres are characterised by multi-media leaving the visitor the struggle to boasting six-metre tall glass (head- soil. There are no research facilities or exhibits, touch-screen displays and resolve one bush from the next tree, room for trees), it is here that the science laboratories on the site: “Eden audio-visual presentations. This has Eden has the freedom to take not just plants of Eden were nurtured while is a science enabler, designed to work deliberately been avoided, and it was- one of a species but a whole planta- the domes were built. Dr Tony with the infrastructure that already n’t only for financial reasons. At tion. “Rather than one plant as a Kendle, Assistant Head of Science exists.” Eden, the exhibits are installations by curiosity, we are giving people some and Mission Director, led us through The high-profile interest and spon- local artists – aiming to provoke emo- idea of the environment the plant the conservatories still leafy with sorship that the dramatic Eden proj- tions. “Coming from a science back- came from or land-use in agriculture.” left-over plants. The cacti soaking up ect has attracted will be used to sup- ground, it’s been great to work in “That isn’t to say we don’t have any the sun are waiting for a desert port research projects aligned with such a highly creative environment.” interesting or rare plants,” Dr Kendle biome to be built... the project’s philosophy: Dr Kendle is cutting down his com- interrupts himself. Any favourites? “I actually did a PhD in china clay To promote the understanding and mitments at the University of With almost a giggle, he admitted that reclamation,” he explains his involve- responsible management of the vital Reading to devote more of his time to there was a very peculiar conservation ment with the project. “I was in that relationship between plants, people and Eden. issue that fascinated him. “People are pit before Tim Smit ever heard of it.” resources, leading to a sustainable future Unlike the traditional botanical gar- munching their way through the His role was as scientific advisor in for all. dens which usually define themselves world’s penis-shaped plants because the creation of soil for the biomes. Enthusiastically, Dr Kendle explains as genetic collections – and face crisis they think they’re aphrodesiacs.” Photo: Jenny Hogan Jenny Photo:

625: the number of hexagons making up the Eden domes • 135000: the total number of plants at the Eden Project • 43 million: the amount of water, in gallons, which rained into the pit for two solid months during construction in 1998 • 35: the number of football pitches which could fit into the crater of the Eden Project • 85000: the weight, in tonnes, of soil specially made for the project SCIENCE a The real millennium dome s Dates and figs d Peering through the leaves 11 and The Philosophy Eden Timeline The Domes

1994: Tim Smit has the idea of building the world’s biggest greenhouse hey look like the faceted eyes caterpillar-like structures, emerging two metres deep when inflated, which of an insect. Like the soap bub- from the ground and clinging to the were installed by teams of abseilers. November 1995: Nicholas Grimshaw Ltd (the architects responsible for the Waterloo Tbles at the edge of a bowl of boundaries of the crater. The design Unfortunately you can’t get close International Terminal) agree to design the biomes washing up. Like a honeycomb from gave them the flexibility to adapt to the enough to touch them. another dimension. The Eden biomes changing profile of the quarry, essential ETFE is more transparent to light May 1997: Following a resubmitted application, the project is awarded £37.5 million are the largest conservatories in the while the building teams fought to sta- than glass, which is good for the plants. by the Millennium Commission world. bilise huge chunks of rock and clay that It looks pearly-white because it reflects Constructed using a unique ‘hex-tri- threatened to slip every time it rained! some of our visible spectrum. Careful October 1997: The Watering Lane Nursery is purchased and becomes the home for hex’ grid, the hexagon-triangle-hexagon The largest biome is 50 metres tall, thought had to be given to the climate the project’s plants until they are transferred to the main site structure is based on geodesic domes. 240 metres long and 110 metres wide. required by the plants, and with Head The surface of a sphere can be divided And yet this structure weighs little Agriculturalist Peter Thoday the archi- October 1998: Construction begins at Bodelva pit, a former china clay quarry into a mixture of planar hexagons and more than the air it contains. If it tects developed a control system that pentagons, the size of which depends weren’t firmly bolted to the ground, it uses minimal mechanical parts. October – December 1998: Constant rain floods the pit, halting construction on the radius of the sphere. The Eden would blow away. These greenhouses Triangular vents at the tops of the domes consist of two such layers tied by are not built of glass, which would domes can be opened to encouage cir- May 2000: Phase One – the Big Build – opens to the public; over half a million peo- pyramidal struts that look like stars. weigh so much that the structure would culation of air from ground-level inlets. ple visit between now and January 2001 Nicholas Grimshaw Ltd, the archi- require thick steel strusses and internal As well as moderating the temperature, tects responsible for the futuristic support walls, but manufactured from the resulting air flow has an additional October 2000: The first plants are moved to the Humid Tropics biome greenhouses at Eden, arrived at the Ethyltetrafluoroethylene (ETFE). The benefit. Where plants grown in green- biome structure by intersecting spheres hexagonal frames each tether a pillow houses are often weak-stemmed, the air March 2001: The project opens fully to the public with each other and the quarry walls. constructed from layers of ETFE plas- speeds in the biomes will give Eden The resulting four-segment biomes are tic foil, up to 11 metres in diameter and plants a work-out. The Plants Education

hree biomes: 5,330 different species of plant. Eden has usually satisfied by irrigation schemes, the water laced with fer- f only I were little. I could take part joked. They are responsible for convey- collected plants both from the wild and from botanic tilisers and pesticides which degrade the quality of ground and in the ‘Don’t forget your leech ing the educational message of Eden to Tgardens around the world to populate its three biomes. surface water. At Eden, the explorer is encouraged to take a holis- Isocks’ expedition in the biomes. An visitors, through story-telling guides Appreciate the importance of plant products to our modern tic view of the environment, to marvel at our reliance on plants air-ticket would arrive at school, invit- hiding among the plants in the biomes, lives, wonder at the diversity and structural beauty of tropical and appreciate the strain that we place on the natural ecosystems. ing us to the Humid Tropics at Eden to the guidebooks and information dis- vegetation and admire the tenacious survival skills of The humid tropics nestle against the side of the quarry, creat- find plant candidates for a new docu- plays. The aim is to “delve into things Mediterranean crops by spending a few hours in a Cornish ing a dramatic cliff within the vast conservatory. The tempera- mentary film. I’d explore the jungle… like fair trade, organics and loss of bio- quarry. ture is maintained between 18 and 35ºC and the air kept moist Except Gill Hodgson, Schools diversity… but the whole point of Education Officer, would forget to Eden isn’t to make people feel guilty or mention that half-way through my to dwell on anything negative, the expedition “the camp’s raided by a point to put across is that there is hope gang of baboons – you’ve got 20 min- if everyone makes choices to do their utes until darkness to find a plant you bit. It’s a positive message.” can eat, a plant to give you water, a So, to summarise the message of plant that you can use for shelter…” I Eden in a five point plan, Gill propos- can almost imagine the excitement of es: (1) Plants are brilliant. (2) We all the primary-school children as they are use plants in our everyday lives… (3) let loose in the biomes on their mis- Because of that, it’s a good idea to look sion. This workshop would last a few after them. (4) People are doing that hours and is one of five educational already – take fair trade teas as an programs that are being introduced in example. (5) Everyone can make choic- May which aim to show kids that es and do their bit.” “plants are amazing!” A mathematical workshop ‘Cracking the Code’ aimed at an older age group will examine the symmetries and tesselation in the domes and learn about the plants which grow according to the Fibonacci Photo: Jenny Hogan Jenny Photo: sequence (1,1,2,3,5,8… each term is The Wild Cornwall biome extends uncovered down the slopes by lurking jets of mist and a waterfall which tumbles from the the sum of the previous two) – for of the Bodelva pit in a series of sweeping terrasses and endures side of the quarry. Eventually the trees planted in the central, example the number of seeds in the the cold temperate climate of South-West England. Nothing highest regions of the biomes will grow to form a canopy 40 counter-rotating spirals of seeds in a more than a giant earthen staircase for the moment, we are metres above the ground. Within the jungle we find the Hevea Sunflower head are always two consec- promised plantations of sunflowers, hops and hemp. Eden will brasiliensis tree, tapped for its milky white sap from which latex utive Fibonacci numbers. only be allowed to grow Cannabis sativa (hemp) by licence; its and rubber products are derived. The giant corrugated leaves of Tertiary and secondary groups visit- marijuana connections are dubious credentials for a public exhi- palms cast beautiful shade. The coconut infiltrates the interna- ing Eden will be given an introductory bition and people will be kept away by fence. Yet attitudes tional market and palm oil (from the oil palm) grown across lecture by a relevant specialist “from towards this plant are changing – hemp is a resilient crop whose Malaysia is widely used in processed foods. Rice paddies, pineap- botanists to civil engineers” and can fibres can be used in anything from the rope in a ship’s rigging ple fields, coffee plantations and banana trees merge with the request a guided tour with a similar to strengthening the paper of banknotes. Tea, native to the cool- dense green vegetation. specialist slant. “The whole of Eden is er mountainous tropics, will also thrive in the Cornwall climate. All of the plants are grown in soil manufactured by the Eden seen as an education research centre, so The warm temperate biome encompasses the climates of the team with the assistance of research groups at Reading there’s formal education groups… but Mediterranean, California and South Africa. Olive trees are University. The quarry has been tucked under a seven metre also everyone who visits is here, infor- grown in poor parched soil characteristic of their homelands and blanket of compost made from china clay residues and processed mally, as a student.” tell the story of their role in trade. The fruits – citrus, grapes, vegetable waste developed in just two years. A total of 850,000 The education team of three is lead apricots, tomatoes, peppers – enjoy the sunshine and warmth of tonnes of earth in several ‘flavours’ has been spread through the by Dr Jo Readman, “Jo is bionic and

these regions recreated in the biome. Their demand for water is biomes to suit the tastes of the plants. They seem to like it. Pam and I have heart-attacks” Gill Gunn Glover May Photo:

2: the depth, in metres, of each inflated hexagonal ‘pillow’ • 230: the length, in miles, of the scaffolding that was used during the construction of the biomes • 22: the amount of water, in litres, which is pumped out of the crater each second • 0.01: the weight of ETFE, the plastic used in the domes, as a fraction of the weight of glass • 1.8 million: the weight, in tonnes, of dirt removed from the site during construction. SCIENCE 12 s Down the DNA pathway a A Quiet Week lets the proteins have their voices heard

Dr Who? May Glover Gunn learns why lab work is better than sex teve Jackson is a professor of culture techniques. A lot of the work mutation can mean the cell no longer inserting the non-defective version of Sounds exciting… biology in the Department of uses mammalian cells, but yeast is works properly. It stops responding to the gene for the enzyme back into Indeedy. And Jackson’s only regret SZoology and a senior group also used. normal environmental signals. For them. However, this would be unreal- seems to be that he no longer has leader in the Wellcome Institute in example, it can fail to stop dividing istically expensive. Jackson’s biotech enough time to do any of the lab Cambridge. He’s also the Chief Yeast? Isn’t that the stuff they put in when it should, characteristic of a company is instead looking at ways of work himself. Scientific Officer of KuDOS, a bread? cancerous cell. targeting radiotherapy towards can- biotechnology company based at the That’s right. But Prof Jackson and his cerous cells so that the healthy cells He misses lab work? Why? Science Park, which he founded a team use it as a model system from Do they know why this happens? aren’t killed off. Each cell in the body “There’s nothing better than working couple of years ago. which to draw parallels with human In Prof Jackson’s lab they’ve identified has multiple repair pathways, but at the bench, getting a great result cells. Jackson explains “there’s a big an enzyme which is activated by cancer cells tend to lose one of them and proving right this idea that you’ve Sounds like a very full plate… difference between us and yeast, but unwanted breaks in the DNA double along the way, making them more had – maybe an idea that your super- Prof Jackson would agree. Although in terms of fundamental pathways helix, suggesting that the enzyme is dependent on the remaining path- visor didn’t think was very good – he says “it’s great to be busy”, he does and the way the cell operates, there part of a repair mechanism. ways to recover from radiation. By there’s nothing better than sometimes feel that “nobody could are amazing similarities.” Subsequently they established that inhibiting one of these path- that. Well, maybe there is, possibly be more hectic than I am!”. defects in this enzyme cause radiosen- ways, the cancerous cell’s abil- but nothing in the lab So what does that have to do with sitivity in cells. This means the cells ity to recover from radiation that’s better!” A day in the life? cancer? are more likely to be damaged by is reduced still further, mak- Jackson describes a typical working Prof Jackson’s work involves studying radiation. Given that about half of all ing it more radiosensitive day as “a difficult one to put my fin- how cells detect and repair damage to cancer patients are treated with radio- than the healthy cells. So the ger on”. He divides his time between the DNA within them. DNA, which therapy, this could have important radiation will have a more travelling to conferences, overseeing contains the genetic information clinical implications. Cancer patients destructive effect on the can- the research carried out by his lab of about an organism, is damaged by who happen to have a defective ver- cer cells than on the rest of the 20 people, and coping with the never- outside influences, even just the ultra- sion of the gene for the enzyme will cells in the body – which is good ending academic administration of violet light in everyday sunshine. be especially sensitive to radiation news. At some point in the future grant applications, reviewing papers Normal healthy cells have mecha- and can experience an over-reaction doctors may be able to carry out and writing for journals. nisms – “pathways” – which repair to the standard radiotherapy dose DNA analysis on a tumour to this damage. In fact, each cell in our given to cancer sufferers. determine which pathways are So what research do they do in his bodies repairs about 10,000 lesions a functioning in that particu- lab? day; in total this works out at the So could this change the way can- lar case of cancer, and Basically, they’re trying to understand body having to cope with around cer is treated? adjust the inhibitor “how normal cells work and what 1018 – that’s a billion billion – Perhaps. Ultimately gene therapy therapy based on the goes wrong in a cancer cell”, using lesions a day. The problem occurs could be a possibility – the radiosen- results. biochemistry, gene cloning and cell when a cell fails to repair damage; this sitive cells can be corrected by

noodlessence Listings The Scott Lectures 2001 – Proteins: the fourth dimension

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Street) Limited number of bursaries still available Cambridge Applications now accepted for courses starting September 2001 with Tel: 01223 363 471 Also: Summer School, 3-18th July 2001 in Cracow, Poland Contact: CJCR, Wesley House, 30 Jesus Lane, Cambridge CB5 8BJ www.dojonoodlebar.co.uk Tel: (01223) 741038/48; e-mail: [email protected] FASHION a Sparks & Marks 13

BOUND TO

PLEASE?ESIGNERS PLAY WITH KINKY LOOKS,” gushed the Vogue head- lines, “COMING UP WITH THE SEXIEST CLOTHES IN YEARS.” “DNova, with a supercilious sarcasm, declared that after last season’s shows when bondage-style leather stalked the catwalks accessorised with whips, killer spike heels and masks: “S&M has become as acceptable as a bowling bag or ostrich-leather slingbacks”. Fashion is about making a statement, about gaining attention by breaking the final taboos. These clothes aren’t sexy; they’re SEX, screamed at breaking pitch by a writhing, PVC-clad, masked dominatrix as she spanks a whimpering middle-aged man in a secret Soho club. And is this liberating for women? Certainly ‘real’ S&M owes a large part of its appeal to its clandestine theatricality; exposing this in a tongue in cheek way makes it less ter- rifying and even slightly amusing. But feminist theory has condemned sado-masochism, denying that it empowers women and exploring how, in essence, it feeds primeval urges by allowing the male to regress to the helplessness of early infancy when he was com- pletely at the mercy of his mother; by proxy anticipating a time when he will be in con- trol. Interested in a bit of slap and tickle with an edge? Before you rush out and clad your- self head-to-toe in rubber, whips and handcuffs from Ann Summers and other ‘special- ist’ shops, take comfort in the knowledge that you can do bondage fashion without hav- ing to look like a gimp. The high street has filtered the S&M look very well; clothes are relatively plain, often with only a single suggestive strap, tie or buckle. Expect to see 13 year-old girls wearing studded dog collars to their school discos. Watch out all you bad, bad boys.

2 row glitter bracelet, £3.50, 1 row spike necklace, £4.95, 1 row spike bracelet, £2.95, all from Sunrise, Leather skirt, £44.99, Morgan, Corset, £30.00, Lipsy @ TopShop, Dress (with buckle detail), £34.99, Eyelet belt, £9.95, both by River Island, Sandals, £50.00, Miss Selfridges

Fashion editors: Lucy Caldwell and Heather Tilley Stylists: Jemma Abrams, Lucy Caldwell and Heather Tilley Words: Lucy Caldwell Photographs: Dan Lambert Model: Jemma Abrams OUTLOOK 14 s It’s a sport, apparently a Record shops reviewed and rated A nod’s as good as a wink TRIED & TESTED Sarah Brown gave tiddlywinks a once-over ast term was a triumphant one for rather than naively go for the pot – And then there is the Varsity match. Our Tim Fisken sounds like a stuck record Cambridge as once again we although occasionally this high-risk victory over Oxford was something to be Why would you want to go to a £16. Unfortunately, they were playing L destroyed Oxford in the Varsity option can be a winning strategy! proud of and was far from unexpected. record shop? I mean, can’t you get Feeder when I went in, and as I left I tiddlywinks match. I’m still recovering However, there is more to tiddlywinks The sun streamed into the Bowett Room CDs in Woolworth’s? So speaks the overheard someone waxing lyrical from the celebrations but, as the than just playing the game. While at high at Queens’ College as eight Cambridge voice of middle age. As we all know, over Counting Crows, so obviously Cambridge team revel in glory, this seems levels it can be taken very seriously, the players waged tiddlywink war on our tra- wandering around looking for that they lose all their points. No Herbie like the perfect time to explain to the most important thing is to have fun! The ditional rivals. There were some beautiful obscure early album or live bootleg is Hancock, either, so probably not uninitiated what makes tiddlywinks such tiddlywinks community has a strong iden- shots played and we won with ease. As is much more fun than actually listening worth the schlep to the Grafton a well-loved game. tity and in keeping with this we can regu- customary, quarter blues have been award- to the music once you’ve got it. But Centre, although they do have a few Most of us remember playing tiddly- larly be found playing drinking games in ed to the whole team and so we all had which shops to try? To compare new releases on vinyl, if that’s your winks as children. There’s a certain inno- Queens’ bar. There are also numerous pub plenty to smile about. We then spent the prices, I looked for CUSU President thing. cent pleasure in seeing the counters (we crawls as well as special events such as the evening playing drinking games and Mat Coakley’s favourite album, Jay’s Records, Burleigh Street call them ‘winks’) flying into the pot. The annual dinner. Occasions like these, as engaged in some team bonding by drink- Automatic For The People from REM, Like all independent record shops, adult game still provides such moments of well as tournaments of course, strengthen ing champagne from the trophy! It was a while I also found out which shops Jay’s Records is (inexplicably) much simple joy, but also involves skill and strat- the links between team members and give great way to celebrate our success and the were pretentious enough to stock egy. The winner is decided using a scoring everyone a chance to pick up some new fun that we had on the way to it. Herbie Hancock’s seminal jazz/hip- system based on how many of your winks winking strategies. People are always pre- hop crossover Future Shock. are uncovered and how many are in the pared to pass on hints about how to play The Tiddlywinks Club meet every HMV, Lion Yard pot. This means that it is usually better to certain shots and there are plenty of amus- Wednesday at 7.30pm in the Erasmus The most obvious place to buy cover (or ‘squop’) your opponent’s winks ing stories from the past. Room, Queens’. records in Cambridge is the fairly large HMV. It looks exactly like every other HMV everywhere, which is, Restaurants obviously, evil, although it’s quite a nice shade of purple, as evil goes. Even more evil are the prices, though – CD albums start at £15, with most recent releases about £17. Still, there’s King of the Hill usually some sort of sale on; at the moment, they’re offering up to 40% Ian Caulfield thought No 1 King’s Parade was No 1 off ‘classic albums’, so you can get Mel cheaper than the evil chains. Most And Kim’s Greatest Hits for £6.99, records seem to be either £10 or £13 o 1 King’s Parade: everyone sibly a little rare for my taste. The real cabinet; I went for apple tart with ice which is nice. Automatic for the People (Automatic for The People is the latter), knows where it is but hardly highlight however was the roast pota- cream, he took chocolate tart with pis- was £15.99, and they did have the although they also had special offers Nanyone seems to have actually toes: forget the bland, half-cooked tachio, served with cream. We were Herbie Hancock record, but there is such as Fatboy Slim’s first album for been there. The common perception is offerings available elsewhere, these were both very impressed, and this formed a no particular reason to pay HMV £6.50, which sounds like a pretty that it is too expensive for a student richly seasoned – both my friend and I fitting end to the meal. style prices. good bargain to me. There is also a budget. For whatever reason it has said “Wow!” when we tasted them. My No 1 Kings Parade has an undeserved Andy’s Records, Fitzroy Street very wide range for such a small shop, been overlooked. With this in mind friend went with the Roast Duck reputation for being extortionate; while “Where Music Matters,” apparently. and they pass the Herbie Hancock my friend and I set out to dine, and we Maigret in Marnier sauce (£13.95) the prices are above the range you Andy’s Records seems to fancy itself as test with flying colours, as they have found our experience to be thoroughly which was also served with roast pota- would want to pay for an everyday the chain for the ‘real’ music fan, so both the original and the remixed pleasant. toes. He said the quality of the food was meal, this would certainly be an appro- there’s shelves and shelves of mediocre reissue of Future Shock. Nice. Finally The restaurant proper is situated excellent, but ordering a side salad praite place for a special occasion ‘alternative’ music, with anything worth mentioning is their great selec- underground, with a medieval cellar feel would have made it a really satisfying Alternatively, it’s somewhere to take the interesting (dance, hip-hop, reggae) tion of vinyl, the best I’ve seen in to it. Toilets are labelled ‘Knights’ and meal. parents when they’re paying. relegated to a distant corner. This Cambridge. There are a lot of hip-hop ‘Damsels’. For dessert you can select from the indier-than-thou attitude, though, 12"s, and loads of imports, so if you’re The menu had quite a range of fairly standard dessert menu, or try one No 1 Kings Parade Bar & Restaurant can’t disguise the fact that Andy’s looking for that joint you’ve just starters (from bruschetta for £3.95 to of the cakes or tarts on display in a large 01223 359506 Records is as anodyne a chain as heard going down on Westwood, this caviar for £25). We decided to share a HMV or Virgin. It charges the same is probably the best place to go. portion of garlic bread (£2.95). This sort of prices, too – Automatic for the Garon Records, King Street was fresh, with a pleasantly crispy crust People was £15.99 again. They didn’t This isn’t the place to come for the and a surprisingly rich flavour; a defi- have Future Shock, but Herbie new Slipknot album, but if you are nite must for garlic fans. I took a glass of Hancock’s “critically derided” fusion looking for jazz, blues or world music, house red (£3), while my companion album Sextant was one of their recom- you will most likely find it here. went for a glass of Merlot (£3.40). Both mended Jazz picks, so they get points Garon records has an impressively were pleasing, although not outstand- for that, if nothing else. obscure collection, from mid-period ing. Virgin, Grafton Centre Serge Gainsbourg to the prog rock For main courses, I selected the As Virgin Megastores go, this is opera of The War of The Worlds. Most Sunday special, roast beef with horse- more of a micro, so the range of records, no matter how bizarre, won’t radish sauce served with Yorkshire pud- records is a bit poor. Still, if you’re not set you back more than £10, or £5 ding, roast potatoes, carrots and gravy. looking for anything too obscure it’s second hand, so you can afford to This was £9.95, which proved good not such a bad choice, with pretty investigate Javanese tribal percussion value, as the serving was huge. Toward good prices for slightly older records. records, or whatever takes your fancy. the end, I must admit I almost regretted For example, there’s a lot of early And, of course, they have more having a starter. The meat was very ten- REM for £10.50 a pop. Otherwise, Herbie Hancock than you can shake a der and richly flavoured, although pos- Photo: Tim Fisken newer records are between £13 and stick at, so I was well pleased.

The Varsity crossword is sponsored by Joti and Debbie, graduate advisors at Natwest, who hope you’ve had a good term so far, and wish you all the best for the rest of it. To win a £10 music/book voucher return the completed puzzle with your details to the Varsity offices by 12 noon Thursday. Last week’s winner was Richard Pearce.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Across Down Across Down 1 I’m returning little rodents to ape (5) 1 One’s heart might indicate this (5,4) 1 Hoodwink (5) 1 Cadavers (9) 4 He runs last, making things run smoothly 2 Overlook what dream is about (7) 9 10 11 4 Electrical discharge (9) 2 Blockade (7) (6,3) 3 Meditate over but break down (4) 9 Refunds (7) 3 Short skirt (4) 9 Court cards? (7) 5 Congratulating, remarking about split lip 11 Frees (7) 5 eg Carbon dioxide (10,3) 12 13 14 11 Spoil time-out for pot (7) (13) 12 Ventilated (4) 6 Rank (4) 12 Reflects on sound plan (4) 6 Monster is back, therefore (4) 15 16 13 Circular (5) 7 One who burdens (7) 13 Rise up primary social classes with drink (5) 7 Damsels requiring help from chaps from 17 18 14 Observe (4) 8 Breezy (5) 14 Simple lake (4) the south (7) 17 Device designed to reduce 10 Loss of sight sometimes 17 Below, taking in sleeve of men’s vests (13) 8 A sister issue? (5) damage in a collision (5,8) suffered in ski resorts (4,9) 19 Boy and the mother, we hear, with flower 10 Good at mixing chemistry, for example, 19 20 19 Ombudsmen 913) 15 Brushes surface (5) (13) and anthropology (6,7) 21 Excursion (4) 16 Churchman (5)

21 Beat tin with energy…(4) 15 Tour around royal cathedral city (5) 21 22 23 22 Dictum (5) 18 Stew (9) 22 …little man worth double beat! (5) 16 & 25 In hot water? (2,3,4) 23 Unhappy (4) 19 Encased (7) 24 25 23 Back part is in Washington (4) 18 Dandy friend, acting like 9 (9) 26 Afternoon performance (7) 20 Oval (7) 26 Left out African-Spanish, perhaps (7) 19 Set food (7) 26 27 27 Zodiac sign (7) 21 Remit (anag) (5) 27 Got tall construction about pipe opening 20 Rain from stormier conditions results in 28 Makes amends (9) 24 Leg joint (4)

(7) being wetter (7) 28 29 29 Diving bird (5) 25 Sonorous disc (4) 28 Most refuse if thistle is removed (9) 21 Name given to one from Land’s End? (5) 29 Frosty, though having spark yesterday (5) 24 Some spit heartily in soft tissue (4) by Boadicea 25 See 16 down OUTLOOK s Chicago, city of Capone, comedy and culture 15 Tall buildings, tall stories Angela Grainger wound up in the Windy City he Sears Tower is the World’s Ferris Bueller’s Day Off or The Blues drink and swear at the screen, are both dominated by cars. One warning though: Snow is only fun until your fingers drop Tallest Building – but only in Brothers down famous Lake Shore Drive. worth checking out. Much like in there were blizzards last Christmas and off. It’s not impossible to get there – there Tthree out of four categories. The Chicago’s gifts to the world don’t end London, these parts of the city have been seeing the city means travelling on foot are hostel beds from ten dollars a night in Sears people stuck a 300ft mast on the there. Take the chance to confess you’ve re-branded by estate agents as the middle and on the ‘El’ trains much of the time. summer, and flights can be under £300. top of their tower in 1997 in a shameless been a man all along on the Jerry Springer classes move in, but take a look around attempt to reclaim the title for the City of show – you can phone ahead to get tickets you when riding the ‘El’ train, and in the- Big Shoulders, but the honour of actual- for recordings of that and Oprah. Pop into atres and bars and you will notice that for ly being the most soaring structure on the headquarters of the Chicago Tribune. all that Chicago appears cosmopolitan, earth belongs to the Petronas Towers, The paper’s reporters returned from all there are great social and racial divides. Kuala Lumpur. This might explain why, over the world with stolen bits of listed Bars are a good place to get close to the despite the 80-mile views of icy Lake buildings (including a gargoyle from the heart of the city. You will need a fake ID Michigan, the Great Plains and sister sky- Houses of Parliament and a bit of St Peter’s for this, as the legal drinking age is 21 and scrapers from the observation deck, I did- in Rome), and cemented them tri- everyone that looks under 30 is automati- n’t quite feel on top of the world there. umphantly, into the building’s walls. cally ‘carded’ when they try to buy alcohol. I’m convinced Chicago should get over Chicago’s live scenes – theatre, comedy An ISIC card worked for me. Try ‘Frat its ‘second city’ syndrome and stand on its and music (especially blues and jazz) – are bars’ (open to the public) where university own two feet. Forget taking a weekend strong. Most American comics have alumni make up for the lack of drink- break in New York; head for the Windy played Chicago’s comedy clubs at some ing while they were students and watch City if you want the best from the US. point and Second City, ImprovOlympic the school basketball teams on 17 televi- The cloud-busting buildings and futuris- and the Neo-Futurarium (situated above a sion screens at once. tic, sky-high life are all very well. But morgue) are cutting-edge and fairly cheap. Of course, massive brands like beyond the glassy modernity is the very Read the free papers carrying listings and McDonalds, Starbucks and Gap are human megalopolis on the ground; sights reviews in the few small coffee shops left in indigenous to the US, but with a few stealing your attention, good food, and the States. My favourite was the Bourgeois twists that remind you that you are not at culture simultaneously urbane and accessi- Pig Cafe near Lincoln Park, right by what home. McDonald’s food is noticeably ble. used to be a no-go area run by the mafia. fresher. You are likely to be served your The tourist sites are worth visiting – the Around this and a road lined with what mug of coffee with a straw in many cafes Art Institute, Natural History Museum, appear to be rainbow coloured phalluses in case you catch something and become Aquarium, Lincoln Park and its Zoo, or (known as Boystown) are some independ- litigious. There are also some good non- cheering on the Bears, Bulls, Cubs, or ent cinemas: the Biograph, guaranteed a chain stores around but they have to be White Sox. You will strain your neck look- steady income from ghoulish tourists since hunted out. ing at architecture billed as the best in the a gangster was shot outside there by the Chicago has the best bits of a US city – US and recognise much of it from films FBI in the thirties, and the 1912 Vic importantly, its streets and theatres have from The Untouchables to the recent What Theater, hosting ‘Brew and View’ film soul, unlike the surrounding small towns Women Want. With a car you can recreate nights where you are expected to smoke, that seem to have no town centres and are Photo: Angela Grainger

The May Anthologies 2001

The editors are pleased to announce that the following pieces have been selected for inclusion in the may anthologies 2001:

Stories DEADLINE REMINDER! If You Need Me Sian Williams At the End of the Line Sophie Powell We are also looking for May Anthologies Editors for Moving Company Greg Kimura the 2002 editions of the May Anthologies. The Pink House Emily Haworth-Booth Searchers Robert McGill Prospective editors should apply as a pair. When You Break it Robert McGill How to build an impossible staircase Jon Ingold Deadline: 30 April 2001 William Humberfield, Breadhurst Madeleine Brettingham Le jour du bienfait ne’st jamais perdu Jenny Steel Contact Kate on 01223 353 422 for more info. Poetry

XXXl (from The Cherub’s Candle) Edward Ragg Falling Angels Penelope Woods Contrary Motion Simon DeDeo Desert Siobhan Peiffer Boxing Day Kelly Grovier Common Magic Elizabeth Venn Re-Iteration Tom Perrin Rain Robert Macfarlane Common Ground Olivia Cole Approaching Belfast In Autumn Dilip Ninan For compatriots who want to ride whales Robert McGill October Adam Goodyer Gangstarise Adam Barnard Box of Tricks Robert Macfarlane Ancient histories of the Ice Robert Macfarlane An Ending Peter Fitzpatrick Harrowed Robert McGill Alien Suhasini Sakhare Nietzsche’s Daemon Sophie Levy The Children Speak Sarah Walters

Congratulations go to all of these writers. Many thanks to all those that were also short-listed and to those that submitted work. The Cambridge launch will take place on 4th of May 2001 at Waterstone’s, 22 Sidney St, from 6.30-8pm: all are welcome. 16 LISTINGS Talk • Tit Hall Ents: VIVA! Poptastic cheese Castle Street. 11:30am. £12 per Term, Darwin College. 5:30pm. £5/3. • JSOC: Chief Rabbi Professor Jonathan on a stick!. Trinity Hall, Garret Hostel £3 per concert. Talk Sacks will speak at friday night dinner. Lane. 9pm. £4. Talk • CISA - CAMBRIDGE INTERNATIONAL Friday | 27.04.01 Student Centre, 3 Thompson’s Lane. • Cambridge MethSoc: Main Meeting: STUDIES ASSOCIATION: Annual 7:30pm. Holy Communion in Methodism - Revd. Lecture: Prof. David Held, LSE, will Film Dr. Peter Graves. Wesley Methodist speak on: ‘Law of States, Law of • ARTS: 1.00, 3.30, 6.00, 8.30: Bridget Sunday | 29.04.01 Church, Christ’s Pieces. 12am. Peoples’. Pembroke College, Old Library. Jones’s Diary (15). 10.30: Get Shorty 5pm. £1 for non-members. (15). 1.10, 3.40, 5.50, 8.10: Bread and Saturday | 28.04.01 Film Roses (15). 10.40: Clerks (18). 2.30: • ARTS: 1.00, 3.30, 6.00, 8.30: Bridget Girlfight (15). 5.00: A One and a Two Film Jones’s Diary (15). 12.50, 5.50, 8.10: Monday | 30.04.01 (15). 8.20: Faithless (15). 10.50: Boys • ARTS: 11.00am: The Pagemaster (U). Bread and Roses (15). 3.00: Ulysses Tuesday | 01.05.01 Don’t Cry (18). 1.00, 3.30, 6.00, 8.30: Bridget Jones’s (18). 2.00: Double Bill – The Film Misc Diary (15). 10.30pm: Get Shorty (15). Fountainhead (PG), Written on the • ARTS: 1.30, 4.00, 6.30, 9.00: Bridget Film • SALSA DANCE CLASSES WITH NELSON 1.10, 3.40, 5.50, 8.10: Bread and Wind (PG). 6.00: A One and a Two Jones’s Diary (15). 2.00: Hamlet • ARTS: 1.30, 4.00, 6.30, 9.00: Bridget BATISTA: Absolute beg/improvers:6- Roses (15). 10.40: Clerks (18). 2.30: (15). 9.20: Faithless (15). (Kosintev) (PG). 4.40, 6.50, 9.10: Jones’s Diary (15). 2.10, 4.40, 6.50, 7.30pm. All levels:7.30-9.00pm. St. GIRLFIGHT (15). 5.00: A One and a • Robinson Films: Charlie’s Angels - £2. Bread and Roses (15). 1.00, 9.20: 9.10: Bread and Roses (15). 1.00: Columba’s Hall, 4 Downing Place (opp Two (15). 8.20: Faithless (15). 10.50: Robinson College, Auditorium. 7pm & Faithless (15). 3.50: Girlfight (15). Faithless (15). 3.50: Girlfight (15). Crowne Plaza). 6pm. £5/4. Boys Don’t Cry (18). 10pm. 6.00: A One and a Two (15). 9.15: Lone Star (15). Music Music • Trinity Films: TRUE ROMANCE • Trinity Films: TRUE ROMANCE Misc • Kettle’s Yard: Lunchtime Concert - • Blue Monday: Live Blues & Rock, 9- Tarantino-scripted gangster thriller, Tarantino-scripted gangster thriller, • Barbara Harding Yoga: Beat stress the Chris Brown (viola) and Jonathon 11pm Climax of the SPS-Fest. Robinson starring Christian Slater. Trinity College, starring Christian Slater. Trinity College, fun way! Beginners Yoga. Newnham Beattie (piano). Kettle’s Yard, Castle College, Basement. 9pm. £2. Winstanley Lecture Theatre. 9pm. £2. Winstanley Lecture Theatre. 9pm. £2. College, Old Labs. 6pm. £5/3. Street. 1:10pm. • John’s Ents: Club Tropicana; Music- Misc Misc • CU Meditation & Buddhism Society: • Spiritus Chamber Choir (dir. Aidan Cheese; Dress- Tropical. St. John’s • Buddhist meditation - Samatha • Barbara Harding Yoga: Beginners Yoga Introduction to meditation; eight week Oliver): Miserere My Maker: profession- College, Fisher Building. 9pm. £4. Association: Introductory course in (suitable for all levels). Beat stress the course: “Going Deeper in Meditation”. al ensemble in stunning works by • Queens’ Ents: GOLD! The radical sound traditional Thai breath meditation. All fun way!. Darwin College. 4:15pm. Sidney Sussex College, Knox-Shaw Room. Schutz, Byrd, Brahms. Jesus College of the 80s. Queens’ College, Fitzpatrick welcome. Darwin, Old Library. 8pm. £5/3. 7:15pm. Chapel. 8:15pm. £2.50-£8. Hall. 9pm. £4. • C U Karate Club: Free demonstration • Barbara Harding Yoga: Rowers Yoga. • CU Southern African Society & CU by Chief Instructor (5th Dan). Wear www.kettlesyard.cam.ac.uk/students loose clothing. Fenners Gym, Gresham Road (nr. Kelsey Kerridge). 2pm. • CU Kickboxing: Kickboxing, suitable for any standard, including complete EDINBURGH FESTIVAL beginners. Parkside Community College. 7pm. £2.50. Solve your accommodation problems by calling Music KETTLE'S YARD • Clare Jazz: Cambridge University Jazz Carole Smith/Anne goring on 01620 810620 GALLERY & HOUSE Orchestra play an intriguing mix of Contemporary art exhibitions, swing, latin, jazz and funk. Clare email address: [email protected] talks, music, 20th century art College. 9pm. £3/4. and objects. • Kettle’s Yard: Coffee Concert - David le or write to Come up for air, headspace Page (violin) and Mary Wiegold (sopra- Festival Flats, 3 Linkylea Cottages, Gifford, EH41 4PE, East Lothian and daylight. www.kettlesyard.cam.ac.uk/students no), coffee from 11:00. Kettle’s Yard, CLARE ENTS Clare Cellars Airport Lynx present MEKON Cambridge Wall of Sound A night of Hip Hop, DOOR TO DOOR AIRPORT TRANSFER SERVICE Breakbeat and Funk to CARS kickstart the term FRI 27/4 9PM £3/4 MINIVANS MINIBUSES Cambridge University JAZZ ORCHESTRA RELIABLE MODERN FLEET provides an intriguing COMPETITIVE PRICES blend of Jazz, Swing, Latin Pembroke Hse, Wilsons Rd, Longstanton, CAMBS CB4 5DA and Funk for Fax 01954 201427 email [email protected] CLARE JAZZ SUN 29/4 9PM £3/4 www.airportlynx.co.uk www.clare-ents.com ID REQUIRED 01954 201350

LISTINGSARE FREE & SHOULD BE SUBMITTED BY 3PM MONDAYS, VIA OUR WEBSITE (www.varsity.cam.ac.uk) FOR EVENTS ONLY. WE DO NOT GUARANTEE THAT ALL LISTINGS WILL APPEAR

BOX ADSCOST FROM £20.00, DEADLINE 3PM MONDAYS. TO BOOK, COME TO THE VARSITY BUSINESS OFFICE AT 11-12 TRUMPINGTON STREET PAYMENT (BY CHEQUE OR CASH) SHOULD BE MADE WITH BOOKING LISTINGS17 Portuguese Society: Afro-exotic Buffet J. FREE. Upstairs at the Maypole, 8pm. Talk flict. L’Chaim Student Centre, 33 Bridge Dinner & African Dance Exhibition: Music • CU Southern African Society & CU Street. 8pm. £1 pound. ‘WENA ONSGESABI’. Corpus Christi Wednesday | 02.05.01 • Trinity College Music Society: The Portuguese Society: ‘AIDS: a Theatre College, Leckhampton House. 7:30pm. Ruffle String Quartet, music to include Social/Economic Perspective’ by • Cambridge Christian Musicals Music Film Schubert and Liszt. Trinity College, Richard Matikanya & Rebecca Eldredge. Society: “Frontiers” - An original musi- • CU Southern African Society & CU • ARTS: 1.30, 4.00, 6.30, 9.00: Bridget Chapel. 8pm. £4, £2 & £1 (members). Trinity College, Winstanley Lecture cal. Selwyn Diamond, Grange Road. Portuguese Society: African Dance Jones’s Diary (15). 2.00: Hamlet Talk Theatre. 5:30pm. 8pm. £5/£3.80. Night. Devonshire Arms, Devonshire (Kosintsev) (PG). 4.40, 6.50, 9.10: • CU Southern African Society & CU • The Jerusalem Question: Shaykh Road, off Mill Road. 9pm. £4. Bread and Roses (15). 1.00, 9.20: Portuguese Society: ‘AIDS in Africa: a Palazzi, Controversial Muslim Leader, Talk Faithless (15). 3.50: Girlfight (15). Positive Perspective’ by Kavilan discusses the Israeli/Palestinian con- • Cambridge University Radio: Getting 6.00: A One and a Two (15). Moodley. Jesus College, Prioress’ room. Into Radio - find out how. Speakers • Churchill MCR Films: Dancer in the 5pm. GUS Productions announce include Kevin Greening. Christs College, Dark (also late show at 11.00pm). New Court Theatre. 7:30pm. £1 non- Churchill College, Wolfson Hall. 8pm. The Judith E Wilson Fund AUDITIONS members, free members. £1.80. in association with • CU Scientific Society: Dr Tim Bussey • CU Southern African Society & CU Thursday | 03.05.01 The Preston Society for their forthcoming will talk on: ‘Methods in the Matter of Portuguese Society: BBC Panorama Mind’. Pharmacology Lecture Theatre, Documentary: ‘The Dying Game’. Jesus Film Announce Auditions Edinburgh Festival Show Tennis Court Road. 8pm. £1.00. College, Prioress’ Room. 5pm. • ARTS: 1.30, 4.00, 9.00: Bridget Jones’s Misc Diary (15). 7.00: Beau Travail (15). for a May Week show Alan Bennett’s • JSOC: J PARTY, special offer cocktails, 2.10, 4.40, 6.50, 9.10: Bread and dress up as something starting with a Roses (15). 12.15, 9.20: Faithless ‘Kafka’s Dick’ (15). 3.00: The Emperor Jones (PG). A new adaptation of 6.00: A One and a Two (15). Johnson’s Rasselas to be performed The CUTC announces auditions for • Robinson Films: The Green Mile - in the gilded balloon The European Theatre Group’s by Biyi Bandele Winter Tour 2001 of Thursday 3rd May - Admission: £2. (male actors needed only) LEAR (American Pie) Robinson College, Auditorium. 9:30pm. co-directed by London professional A Midsummer Night’s Dream a reworking of ‘King Lear’ Misc director Roxana Silbert invites written applications • Contemporary Dance : AFRICAN-STYLE Auditions: to be performed at this year’s for the positions of: RELAXATION Classes (Special Exam term Saturday 28th April Edinburgh Fringe Festival Set Design Lighting Design treat!). Magdelene College, Buckingham Sat/Sun 2Ð6pm 12Ð5pm Transfer options to London, Publicity Stage Manager Room. 7pm. £3. in B1 Trinity Hall Cambridge and N. Carolina Welfare Costume & Make-up Music St Catharine’s College, • Kettle’s Yard: Subscription Concert - Deadline: Friday 4th May 2001 (6pm) OCR Sat 28th/Sun 29th: 2Ð4pm Paul Lewis (piano), Sonatas by We also need a Publicist. Addressed to Anna Gordon-Walker Beethoven, Schubert etc. Kettle’s Yard, ALL WELCOME The Old Labs, Newnham (ETG p’hole @ ADC or via Trinity) For more information, Castle Street. 8pm. £20 per year, £8.50 Contact: jat47 or dac34 alg27 or 07989 976012 of if you can’t make this time, per term. please contact Kate kmc29 please contact James, jat37 CU G&S SOCIETY JESUS DRAMATIC SOCIETY auditions for announces auditions for Downham Dramatic Society Downing Drama Society The Baker’s Opera in association announce auditions for with REDS announce ‘PATIENCE’ announces AUDITIONS the summer show at THE MINACK Much Ado for a Cliff THEATRE, Cornwall ‘ARCADIA’ AUDITIONS About Nothing professionally directed Sat 28th April 1Ð5 a May Week play May Week production Sun 29th April 1Ð5 for May Week Production in the grounds of Emmanuel College Jane Harrison Room, Newnham College Marshall Room, Jesus Saturday 28th & Elfriede Jelinek’s Email Alex [email protected] Sunday 29th April ‘SERVICES’ bring something to sing if you like 28/9th 12Ð5pm DON JUAN 11amÐ4pm a dark, modern sex comedy constructed along the lines of Music Room, Downing College ‘Cosi fan tutte’ CU G&S SOCIETY A May Week Show by Molière ALSO NEEDED: Saturday April 28: invites applications for The Marlowe Society in English co-producers Gaskoin Room, Fitzwilliam College invites applications MUSICAL DIRECTOR(S) costume & make-up Sunday April 29: 11Ð6 AND PRODUCER Sat 11 Ð 4 set/props Green Room, Queen’s Building, for Producer, Designers, Technical publicity Emmanuel College Director and Lighting Designer for the May Week concert Sun 11 Ð 4 front of house for a Camfest production of performance of Lower Howard Room, Applications also invited Downing College jazz/blues group & singer for the posts of: ‘KING JOHN’ THE YEOMEN OF THE GUARD Jazz dance choreographer Technical Director please email Anna, on AH295 Stage Manager Contact Catherine Large Contact jeb55 Please contact Ruth Costume Designer (07730) 986177 DEADLINE THURSDAY 3RD MAY 07788713132 rmlb2/523851 For further information contact sdc32

CU Opera Society The Shadwell Society announces auditions for announces AUDITIONS Mozart’s ‘The Magic Flute’ for to be staged during Camfest GRIMM’S FAIRY TALES at the ADC Theatre by Carol Ann Duffy Come to Trinity Hall Music Room 10Ð2pm; 6pmÐ8pm Sat 28th April to be performed in May Week All singers welcome in Caius Court, Caius College Bring something to sing if you like Contact [email protected]/ SATURDAY 12Ð5 [email protected] Green Rm, Caius Fitzbillies is best for further details Contact: Elliot (eas 38) For take-away R.E.D.S. AMY EVANS’ STRIKE ANNOUNCE AUDITIONS a new play by John Finnemore Filled baguettes, wraps for their May Week Show To be performed at the and Hot Panini Peter Shaffer’s Edinburgh Festival Free coffee with any ‘Amadeus’ Applications invited for: TECHNICAL DIRECTOR purchase before 10.30 Emmanuel College ASSISTANT PRODUCER Saturday 28th & Sunday 29th On the corner of Trumpington St. and Pembroke St. 12Ð6pm For more information contact Contact: Adam, akc22 Simon Gillis (sjg63) 18 LISTINGS • Amnesty International: Harpsichord Recital All profits to AI. Queens’ Friday | 04.05.01 College, Chapel. 7:30pm. £6.50/4.50. Classified • CU Southern African Society & CU SINGERS WANTED Misc Portuguese Society: African Music • SALSA DANCE CLASSES WITH NELSON Party. Hughes Hall, Bar. 9pm. £4. WEEKEND WORK as Carer/Companion (TENOR, SOPRANO, BASS/BARITONE) BATISTA: Absolute beg/improvers: 6- • Kettle’s Yard: Lunchtime Concert - 11am to 6pm Saturdays & Sundays, 7.30pm. All levels: 7.30-9.00pm. St. Owen Cox (violin) & Tom Poster Debden Green, Saffron Walden, Columba’s Hall, 4 Downing Place (opp (piano) - Franck Sonata. Kettle’s Yard, £6.00 per hour. Tel: 01371 831110. for a new Cambridge Opera Group production of Britten Crowne Plaza). 6pm. £5/4. Castle Street. 1:10pm. • SIN Cru: Live HIP HOP & FUNK every • Queens’ Ents: Disco Demand! 70s Funk month. The Kambar, Nightclub. 9pm. and Classic Disco. Queens’ College, Want to do something interesting ‘Turn of The Screw’ £5/£4 concs. Fitzpatrick Hall. 9pm. £4. Music Theatre and worthwhile this Summer? • Amnesty International: Acclaimed • Cambridge Christian Musicals harpsichord recitalist Lucy Carolan Society: “Frontiers” - An original musi- How about teaching English and a new Chamber Opera plays early and new music. Queens’ cal. Selwyn Diamond, Grange Road. in Bosnia for 2 weeks? by Cheryl Frances-Hoad College, Chapel. 00am. £6.50/4.50, 8pm. £5/£3.80. 01223 357851. For more information come to the (November 2001, Cambridge Music Festival) Mumby Room, King’s College (up stairs by Bar entrance) Tuesday 1st May CONTACT: 7.30pm Matilda Hofman (meh 29 / Tel: 524 635) Final Year Students/ or AIDS IN AFRICA Hana Loftus (hbyl2) Graduates 30th APRIL Ð 5th MAY 2001

NatWest Graduate Service can help Join us for a week of AIDS awareness and exciting you take control of your finances. charity events… Available to all Graduates who have finished Seminars, Charity Dinner with African Dance Display, their degree course within the past 2 years. African Part, Afro-Fusion Dance Workshop and a charity football match

GRADUATE PACKAGE All funds raised will be donated to AIDS charities working in Southern Africa 2001 Organised by CU Portuguese and Southern Africa Societies Interest-free borrowing, Free Internet Banking Graduate Adviser available to give you advice on MORE INFO: all aspects of managing your money. www.cam.ac.uk/societies/cuport/

Please call into the NatWest at Cambridge Varsity Journalist of the Year Awards! or telephone 01223 353711 WANTED! and ask for WORKERS FOR Judged by Jon Snow, Channel 4 news HOMERTON MAY BALL 2001 Joti Madlani Friday 15th June win £100 for wonderful writing, photography... see page 8 for more details, your email Colette (ccw24) Graduate Adviser or phone Kate on 01223 353 422

“YOUR HOME IS AT RISK IF YOU DO NOT KEEP UP REPAYMENTS ON A MORTGAGE OR OTHER LOAN SECURED ON IT. Credit is only available to persons aged 18 or over and is subject to status and conditions. Written quotations are available on request from National Westminster Bank PLC, Registered Office 135 Bishopsgate, London EC2M 3UR. Registered Number 929027. Overdrafts are repayable on demand. The Varsity Office will be open for Regulated by the Personal Investment Authority and IMRO for investment business. Member of the NatWest and Gartmore Marketing Group advising on the life assurance pensions and unit trust products only of that Marketing Group.’ the May Bank Holiday

The deadlines for box ads and listings will be as usual (Mondays by 3pm) for the next 2 weeks.

The last Varsity of Easter term (before our May Week issues in June) is Friday May 11th. We recommend that all groups holding events between May 11th and the Summer break submit their listings in time for this issue, so that we can include as many as possible in our May 11th issue. INTERVIEW s Ex-Chancellor Denis Healey and his famous eyebrows 19 Charlotte O’Brien saw a disturbing Sexual Healey gleam in the eyes of Lord Healey

t’s called Varsity? How very eccentric figure. He engaged in all but people like yourselves”, confirms he is we have now”, he purrs. ment in any other way? “It wasn’t posh!” Somewhat bizarre com- armed combat with Tony Benn – the now more concerned with the school of Unsurprisingly he has labelled Blair, Callaghan; Hacker was quite upper class “Iing from a man who drops ‘h’s pair worked in the same party but lived (sort of) charm than tactics. Brown and Prescott (“he might have the wasn’t he? Jim Callaghan? Not at all!” into his words and whose vowels are so on different planets – and his open con- Now all those blood-red socialists have face of a man who clubs baby seals. Not Strange, most politicians comment stiffened he could use them to tong his tempt of militants earned him a drench- been hung out to dry by the onslaught of that I’ve met any!”) as the “Holy reluctantly on programme’s proximity to famously groomed eyebrows. Denis ing in flour. Benn, not quite Denis’s New Labour, Healey can rest easy in Trinity”. Perhaps disturbingly, he denies the bone. “Oh, Anthony Jay was an Winston Healey, former Chancellor of greatest fan, announced acrimoniously retirement and indulge in writing books even the faintest trace of sarcasm. “Oh astute observer. Certainly. It was other the Exchequer, deputy party leader and in his memoirs that Healey was – as yet unpublished – painting and pur- no, they are an ideal combination. And people that he saw he would pick up repeatedly thwarted wannabe party “unscrupulous, using argument to get suing his famous hobby, photography. Gordon Brown is a very competent on.” So it was a sharp indictment of leader (he’ll cry if he wants to) has just what he wants”. Healey’s present slippery ‘them not us’ then? Sounds a bit like been delivering his opinions on World answer, that “the top of any profession is Maggie’s declaration that she never Disorder. He concluded that he had a bit like that, which is why I am always He refers to me as “dearie”, pats my hand missed an episode. explained nothing, but we were now glad to talk to lovely and asks if the photographer is my boyfriend. Those were the years of cleaning up “confused at a higher level than before”, “Tory mess” (déjà vu?), and Healey thanks to his meandering dicta on claimed in his autobiography that he international relations. A deliciously Young Tony has freed Labour from flat chancellor,” he insists, imagining patting resorted to a monetarism policy because ironic choice of subject for a cap caricatures. Indeed – Healey, Blair’s Brown generously on the head. “And “We were on the brink of a catastrophe. speaker who, Prince Philip- premature advocate – can sigh at the since he’s got married, Gordon has My task was obstructed by events over esque, once accused heckling 1970/80s arguments about Labour become human as well!” Healey never which we had no control”. Doubtless his members of his party of being peers, and put his feet up in the House let diplomacy get in the way of speaking utterances of regret were to appeal to “out of their Chinese little of Lords. He went off on a tangent his mind, unless you count gushing those who felt Labour principles of minds.” But then, as all his tonight during his speech to recommend “with the very greatest respect”, before PR people keep telling me, his favourite Mediterranean destination, stinging his opponent with smarting “he does love to talk”. nice and secluded, away from scummy insults. He admits he can “care even less “Brown is a very However, he seems to be tourists. At 83, disillusion with politics what other people think” now. Assured competent chancel- labouring under quite the is fair game, but Healey just keeps whole paragraphs in history books and wrong impression of the rag resurfacing with barbed not-very- having reeled in a decent packet from his lor. And since he’s I’m writing for. internationalist comments about the autobiography, The Time of My Life, Whilst a fidgety minder Euro, and when asked in detail says in published 12 years ago, he has also got married, he’s hovers over us neurotically a terribly affable way he was just starred in a Sainsbury’s advert. He now with a stopwatch, Healey con- “agreeing with David” (Owen) and lives in a vocal hedonism, asking of a become human as fesses he does like to give a good dismisses it as “boring”. “I’m very Brazilian onlooker “Brazil, isn’t that lecture, “but I’m better at answer- content with the gov- where the nuts come from?” and remark- well.” ing questions because I like a bit of ernment ing that Robin Cook is an “ethics man”. banter!” Indeed, he has never shied His overly gallant manner betrays an Keynesianism had been compromised away from confrontation. Having unwitting chauvinism, and he refers to because the move marked a departure been labelled “bully”, “thug”, me as “dearie”, pats my hand and asks if from commitment to full employment. and more indulgently the photographer is my boyfriend. And Now, under New Labour, he need make “the greatest leader we this is the man who pondered about put- no defence, and history has been cos- never had” he is ting a tax on sex – he was presumably metically revamped to make him an ambigu- well off or considering exile. Labour’s economic shiny armour clad ous and knight. He sounds quietly relieved with the affirmation that “some monetarism is “Prescott might needed”, and you can almost hear him have the face of a add ‘after all’. But the dirty words haven’t all been sanitised, and he quickly points man that clubs out, “I’m not a monetarist though”. “With blessings like our economy and baby seals. Not William Hague, we will have a job to lose this election!” His easy confidence that I’ve met smacks of someone relatively unaffected – he has had the time of his life, now he any.” just watches. Recent debacles don’t con- cern him – the Mandelson affair “a Healey served in melodrama made out of a molehill”. He government during regards the decline of the Tory party with the famed crisis an unruffled inevitability that comes years of the ’70s, with retrospect. “Once Thatcher was out “writing weekly the way...” He doesn’t dismiss them articles as a feuil- entirely as a lost cause, just damned as letoniste” but long as they “stick with him [Hague]”. failed to lead. Healey’s suited insect minder is getting Roy Hattersley quite agitated, the Lord has an impor- said Healey took the job of deputy “Now I can care as a “consolation prize”. There is a even less what theory that the sit- com Yes, Prime Minister other people was based on the Callaghan government, think!” implying Wilson hung on bitterly as PM until he tant pending silver service dinner, don’t knew Healey had fallen you know. This wouldn’t happen with out of favour, to block his Tony Benn. Healey winks from beneath way to the top. Of course his carefully plumed eyebrow bristles, as Healey denies this, but neg- congenial and lackadaisical as ever, mus- lects to mention how har- ing on chatting about “something

Photo: Sam Dobbin monious his relationship demanding. With luck I’ll just be asked with Wilson was. “No, about my holiday.” There is a disturbing no, no, he wouldn’t have gleam in his rolling eye as he smiles had to do that, it wouldn’t wickedly and tells me to “Behave!” I have have mattered when the to assume the ‘ultimate hold’ Blair PR election was, I’d never have machine will keep a tighter reign on beaten Jim.” But did the their bunch when they start flirting with series reflect the govern- senility. Photo:Tom Catchesides Photo:Tom music.film.theatre.literature.art MUSIC 22s Women rock d Criminals have more fun a Previews CONFESSIONS OF A RIOT GRRRL Louisa Thomson bares her teeth

woman jumps around on stage in where along the line – we are expected to point. ‘serious’ female musicians were being Harvey’s last album focussed around its an orange boiler suit, proudly pick and choose from the gruesome selec- The punk movement changed this situ- heard. The New York poet, Patti Smith, uncharacteristically upbeat nature, A displaying her hairy armpits tion of bands that mainstream youth cul- ation by spawning a generation of Polystyrene from X Ray Spex and attributing this change to a successful whilst enthusing about the SCUM man- ture neatly packages and hermetically teenagers who believed that three chords Siouxsie Sioux wrote their own music, relationship rather than any conscious ifesto. That woman is Kathleen Hanna, musical decision. original riot grrl protagonist. Last Why is the idea of a girl holding a guitar something that needs to be discussed? Popular culture is becoming increasing- November, Le Tigre arrived in London. If ly incomprehensible – fragmented into a you choose to ignore the feminist seals for the MTV generation. For every and some attitude was all that was and were not ridiculed for their efforts. pastiche of unappealing role models, polemic that accompanies their live show, Westlife and Boyzone, there is a decided- required to be famous. In this climate of In the early nineties, it became accept- banal song lyrics and ridiculous experi- Le Tigre rock like... like what? Men? ly masculine Radiohead, Muse or At the ‘creativity’ it was suddenly OK to be a able for men to wear dresses in the name mental attempts to find that definitive, all Believe that and you’ve missed the point. Drive-In to cater for the, dare I say it, woman on stage, even if you had the kind of grunge, and so girls in petticoats pervasive new creative voice. Beneath We seem to prefer our female icons to be ‘alternative’ taste. For some reason, when of sex appeal that amounted to little more screaming angrily did not look so stupid. this, one thing remains depressingly the glossy, polished pop style queens, stage it comes to women, most people don’t than occasionally tightening the bondage Hole, L7 and Babes in Toyland kicked same – there are still more male journal- school wannabes who strut around the make it beyond the Spice Girls or Atomic clips around your laddered tights or back and played up the bad girl image. ists and more male bands, and this TOTP stage with perfectly toned midriffs Kitten. touching up your kohl eye liner. The Over the last decade, a new wave of more undoubtedly influences the way women that Bridget Jones could only dream of. It’s not as if there’s a shortage of women punk scene was a place for experimenta- sedate women musicians such as Kristin are portrayed. So maybe we all need a bit Sex appeal is far more important than the musicians. It’s all a matter of faith and tion – everyone was learning to play, men Hersch, Tanya Donnolly, Justine of the Kathleen Hanna attitude. Get up music. Leave the men to ‘do’ rock; after persistence. For the die hard purists, all and women alike, and, as the Sex Pistols Frischman and Kim Gordon emerged, on stage and shout about how society still all, they know how, don’t they? girl bands such as the Donnas (four demonstrated, talent wasn’t a prerequisite merely women getting on with the most makes it so difficult to be a woman and Why is the idea of a girl holding a gui- American girls called Donna with an for success. The Slits were no more in important thing, the music. But is this write songs about what a misogynist John tar something that needs to be discussed? obsession for the Ramones) and Sleater tune than the Damned, or the Clash. really progress? Gender is still an issue in Cassavetes was. You never know, some- Ridiculous as it seems, women in rock Kinney (three more serious American Hidden beneath the general chaos, more the music industry. Reviews of PJ one might be listening. still have a hard time. Women on stage, in girls who manage to make records, have the music industry, do not fit in conve- babies and be in lots of other bands at the niently with the cock rock ethos. As soon same time) are worth checking out. This as a woman plays a guitar, writes a song or side of the Atlantic, bands such as sings in a band, it is an issue – they are Electrelane, Angelica and Chicks on primarily judged as women rather than Speed are at the forefront of the New Girl musicians. Women in rock is certainly Movement (a genre sadly yet to make the nothing new; from the Phil Spector girl news pages of the NME). Bands that have groups of the sixties to Courtney Love token males like Ladytron, The Aisler’s spitting and punching her way through Set, Broadcast and Saloon are also part of the nineties, women have made their this burgeoning and completely incoher- presence felt. But the traditional gender ent ‘scene’. My point is that these bands bias still prevails, and there seems to be a are good, but for some reason they are not difficulty in women carving out some- getting the much needed coverage that thing unique in their own right. they deserve. This is where riot grrl came in. Angry at Why is there this resistance to accepting not being heard, girls united in a com- women as musicians? History has not mon cause against male domination, and been sympathetic. During the sixties, decided to exclude men from gigs. From female icons such as Dusty Springfield, Bikini Kill writing ‘slut’ on their stomachs the Shangri-las and the Supremes looked to Huggy Bear physically assaulting Terry pretty and daring on stage, whilst they Christian on The Word, riot grrls mimed along to songs written by back- hollered with attitude. It was all too short ground Svengali male figures. In a male lived – scratchy Casio sounds didn’t real- dominated industry, with publicity, pro- ly appeal to the baggy youth of the early motion and management all handled by nineties, though the spirit behind the men, women were a commodity to be music has undoubtedly been passed on to packaged and sold to suit the market. In more respectable girl bands. But some- the seventies, Debbie Harry might have thing is still wrong. If I mention the best co-written most of Blondie’s songs, but girl bands around at the moment, the sex still came before the music. The gor- chances are you probably haven’t heard of geous blonde curling her lips and pouting them. Something went wrong some- in the centre of the stage was the focal

Stick ‘em Up, Punk Previews Sunday Mike Stubbington reviews the Fun Lovin’ Criminals It may be exam term, but Sunday nights are still for one thing only: jazz Toxic8 may make you feel that you’re live form, playing something like Scooby in Clare Cellars. This week, the 18 inside a giant, sticky-floored lava lamp Snacks, there isn’t a band that comes piece Cambridge University Jazz but there is, at least, one reason to go close to their sheer couldn’t-give-a-shit Orchestra will somehow squash there; it can claim to have entertained exuberance and, at the Corn Exchange, between the pillars to bring a selec- the Fun Lovin’ Criminals’ big night out for some of their set, they were as good tion of swing, latin, jazz and funk to in Cambridge. Admittedly, it was the as I’ve seen them. They rose above the the sweating masses. As well as a full band’s second choice after Cindies didn’t slightly dodgy sound quality to drive the let them in because Huey was wearing crowd insane during Bombing the L and sax and brass section, the band boasts trainers (“These aren’t trainers, they’re the opening blast of The Fun Lovin’ fantastic vocals from Jess Hudson. Nike Air Jordans – they cost more than Criminal, but also managed to chill us Get there early to reserve your sofa your house!”) but there’s no need to out with laid-back songs from the sec- and blow away those library cobwebs. dwell on that. This was just one of the ond album. It was only the clutch of Clare Cellars, 9pm, £4.00 stories that comprised the between-song nondescript tunes from Loco that let banter from Huey, with him bemoaning them down, not even the “attempt at a Saturday the fact that he’d been “beaten up by the country-and-western tune – FLC style” Fell Thru and hapless sixth-form Goldschlager” and displaying a graze on could save them from mediocrity. It did- noise mongrels The Land of Raa play his head that proved conclusively that n’t really matter though, since I’ll forgive the Man On The Moon. Varsity has popstars get Unidentified Party Injuries them anything thanks to the joyous seen The Land of Raa before. Much just like the rest of us. encore sing-a-long of Big Night Out as we like to support and indeed But then, we didn’t pay to see a stand- where Huey boasted that he had a super- encourage the local music scene, a up show. Was the gig any good? model, TV presenter and Kylie Minogue word to the wise: don’t go. Generally, yes. When the FLC are on top on his D. A lucky man indeed. The Man On The Moon, 8pm Photo: Tom Catchesides Photo: Tom MUSIC s Stuck for inspiration d Reviews a Reign of frogs s What’s going on the nation’s coffee-tables 23 FIFTH-FORM POETRY FROG CHORUS Tom Catchesides consults his Muse Charlotte O’Brien meets her Prince Charming ow do you take an album’s worth of generic strut and pout like the rock ‘n’ roll Messiah, instru- he Divine Comedy have packed out the The soaring high point comes at the first of two tortured rock, put it onto the stage and ments held aloft and hair swept back by a small wind Junction and are selling the new album, encores (Hannon’s solo acoustic set). This includes a Hsomehow impress a sold-out audience? farm of electric fans. If any lingering odour of under- TRegeneration, hard. Neil Hannon has spent positively joyous National Express from just one man Muse may have displayed awesome potential (a statement remains, throw golden glitter over yourself the evening being drooled over by star struck fans in and a guitar. Hannon plays with such quick, intricate vocalist with an affectingly dramatic voice, guitar and send giant Prisoner-style white balloons bounc- the Flying Pig. Aeons ago they emerged from obscu- brilliance that you have to believe him when he con- players that don’t so much play their instruments as ing over the audience during the finale. rity, thanks to our late night Mark and Lard GCSE fides that he’s “got better at that”. But you’d believe play with them and that all important “world domi- It’s all about as subtle as armoured warfare, and just revision, and now it seems they have shed their cult anything from a bruised innocent whose rendition of nation is ours if we want it” attitude), but it was as effective in the battle to crush cynicism before clothing as well. Literally. The suits and glasses have The Frog Princess seduces everyone in hearing range. translated onto their debut record with all the grace them. Whether through an admirable dedication to been cast aside Reginald Perrin-like and the band Oh yes, that’s what’s drawn the crowds – broken of fifth-form poetry. playing their hearts out or cynical audience analysis have leapt into a wave of t-shirts and shaggy hair. hearts, vests and buses. Fuck the real world. The answer is simple; you take the bits that do (they’re young, and they’re all wearing hoodies, there- Hannon’s new found uncoolness precludes work, render them with a cartoonist’s eye for stylish fore they want all-out rock action – I claim my high- chatter with an audience “hailing from exaggeration, and turn the amps up well past eleven. paid City job as a youth culture analyst), Muse give Cambridge and surrounding areas”, and for You feed your singer a cocktail of illegal substances good live show. The old hits are thrashed to within an the first half hour he just mutters occasional powerful enough to fuse the average frontman’s inch of their lives and their new material hams up the song titles. The set is dominated by new synapses into a tangled mess of paranoia and soul- pomposity, but a cover of Nina Simone’s Feeling album ‘tasters’, helpful graphics from the shaking flashbacks. You play as if the three-minute Good demonstrates that Muse are more than capable cover trailing across the walls and probably warning has just sounded and you’ve decided to go of sending themselves up. Ditching the earnestness, even subliminal “cough up and empty your out in a blaze of guitar-hero glory, defying any what we’re left with is essentially a caricature of a per- pockets” backwards messages. Surprisingly, conventions that may exist about, like, playing some- formance, splendid in its exaggerated features and the venue is ideal for their epic bowl-you- where near the pick-ups. And, most importantly, you day-glo colours. over music, although the crowd is subdued during the new numbers. The down beat, relatively low key sound of the new material is affecting and markedly simpler than their last studio album, which featured over 100 musicians. The trouble is, we aren’t teenage angsters and the begrunged Divine Comedy inspire just enough discon- tent to make you scratch off a scab. There are glimmers of their old sound shining through, helped by a welcome glockenspiel, and you can’t help but jump at them with an unsuitable glee. Throughout the night, Hannon’s powerful vocals are intoxicating, leaving you stunned and giddy. Kaleidoscopic lights drown the stage as the odd but absorbing Sweden booms out. The gaunt, straggly haired singer loosens up, for- gets that he’s angry and friendless and intro- duces Generation Sex as “one of our favourite pieces of poetry”. Everyone beams childishly – the fans are here for the tried and tested bubbly melodies and croon-alongs. Photo: Tom Catchesides Catchesides Photo: Tom

No business like snow business Tom Catchesides wraps up warm

aft Punk may have only just what sounds like the theme to more coherent than the cluttered mess released Discovery, this season’s Lawrence of Arabia; Live At Dominoes is suggested by its variety of samples. Dofficial coffee table album of a full-on vocoder‘n’beats blow-out and Half-recognised bass lines may flow in choice, but they’re going to have to Tonight is a fusion of cabaret and jazzy and out of hearing, lifted vocals stutter start watching their backs if they want double bass heard from the other side from one speaker to the other and Originally established by the Aphex Twin Mogwai are great. It’s one of those to remain untouchably cool in the eyes of a smoke-filled room. And that does- snatches of party conversation bubble and Grant Wilson Claridge in 1991 to things we’ve come to accept. They rule of the people who decide these things. n’t even begin to describe the sheer under the mix, but these elements are release Aphex side-projects, the Rephlex the fiery cave that is the underworld While their album may be painfully extent of Since I Left You, filled as it is combined to produce a collection of record label is now the official “sponsor” of of post rock with a smoking tri- now by virtue of being so terribly with what sounds like fifty years of sec- tracks that flow into each other as if “Braindance.” Quite what the term means pronged fork and they are lord and Eighties, The Avalanches’ debut is a ond-hand record store history. you’re wandering from one room to is difficult to pin down, given that it mis- master over all creatures that crawl on whole lot more imaginative and – fuck For The Avalanches, the samples are another in a party that’s taken over a chievously chucks all the usual terms – their bellies. cool – a damn sight more fun. the music. From beginning to end, cruise liner bound for the Caribbean. trance, techno, drum‘n’bass – into a So what might we expect of the new Crafted almost entirely from samples, Since I Left You hisses with the crackle Flashes of brilliance come thick and warped electro-processor before serving record from the kings of noises that the scope of Since I Left You is awesome. of the aged vinyl that provided them fast, but Since I Left You is more than a them up as music to stimulate the brain, sound like deities belching? Pretty Picking tracks at random illustrates the with the raw material for their debut. collection of moments. Grand enough not numb it. The compilation is a sixteen much the same as came from their sheer range of source material: Stay While it strays from the clichéd path of to kid you that it’s a concept album, track snapshot of the choicest cuts from other records, is the answer. But after Another Season lifts from Madonna’s setting a famous hook to a polished flashy enough to produce a wealth of the label’s ten year history and, although all, that is very little cause for com- Holiday; Frontier Psychiatrist tells the drum pattern and waiting for the royal- singles, it’s worth discovering before none of the artists are alike, it’s easy to spot plaint. tale of a truant schoolboy to a Western ty cheques to flow in on the back of The Avalanches gain the dubious status their connection with Aphex’s challenging The first track, Sine Wave, is a melt- backing track, a talking parrot and someone else’s fame, the album is far of coffee-table icons. and humorous aesthetic. Cylob’s manic ing racket of metal and techno, but Rewind sends Stephen Hawking spiralling why wouldn’t it be? The second track, into repeat-play hell, whilst more estab- Take Me Somewhere Nice, sounds lished Leila proves clitches and glitches much the same as the lauded Cody but need not exclude soulful vocals on Don’t that wasn’t broke and, accordingly, Fall Asleep. The album is a perfect intro- hasn’t been fixed. And the album pro- ductory textbook for the avid electronica ceeds in majesty, thus. Mogwai: are student and is essential listening. geniuses.

Various Mogwai The Braindance Coincidence Rock Action (Rephlex) (Southpaw) On Release 30 April , Since I Left You by The Avalanches Nat Davies Dave Thorley is on release through XL Recordings now CLASSICAL 24s Misdirected love a “Cow-pat” composer s Early Ravel a Listings Ravel rediscovered PREVIEWS A CLOSE SHAVE Phil Heseltine Fitzwilliam String Quartet Jonathan Morris finds ENO less than smooth aurice Ravel’s four early the composer ‘blind’. The works are pre- Fitzwilliam Chapel • Sun 29 • attempts at winning the Paris sented in reverse chronological order; 8pm MConservatoire’s Prix de Rome Alyssa,the last to be written is surprising- Haydn’s The Seven Last Words of Our all famously (or infamously) left him ly the weakest of the three. The most Saviour from the Cross, Op 51. empty-handed. Such was the public scan- attractive is the central Alcyone, a work of Tickets £8/6 dal caused by the faliure of the rising lush late-Romanticism and ripe sensuali- young composer to carry off the ty. Perhaps the closest example in Ravel’s Berlin Symphony Orchestra Conservatoire’s most coveted prize that oeuvre is the delicately exotic Eastern Corn Exchange • Tue 1 • 7.30pm Gabriel Fauré resigned from the jury in longing of Shéhérazade, though in com- Wagner Overture ‘Die Feen’, protest. Ravel had already produced his parison the cantata could seem slightly Beethoven’s Piano Concerto No.4 in Pavane pour une infante défunte and the diffuse and rambling. Massenet, Puccini, G and Eroica Symphony Menuet antique before his first attempt in Rimsky, early Debussy and the occassion- Tickets £22.50/18.50/14.50/5.00 1900, where he didn’t even make it to the al Wagnerism all feature as highly potent final round. The next three years saw him influences, though the overall effect is Cambridge Handel Opera Group progressing to the final stage, completing slightly anonymous if still rather attrac- West Road • Wed 2–Sun 6, exc. the cantatas Myrrha, Alcyone and Alyssa in tive. Fri • 7pm response to the competion’s require- The performances are uniformly excel- Handel’s ‘Orlando’ fully staged and in ments. lent. Michel Plasson’s Toulouse orchestra English These three works, making up the pres- is arguably the leading ensemble in Conductor: Andrew Jones ent release, make fascinationg listening, France, and play quite beautifully for Director: Richard Gregson as much for what they don’t do as for him. These are not great neglected works, Tickets Wed/Thur £12/6, Sat/Sun their merits. There are few signs of yet they contain much beautiful music £15/6 Ravel’s own mature language, despite the and are definitely more worthy of exhu- fact that the masterly String Quartet mation than many other late-Romantic Fitzwilliam String Quartet dates from the middle of this period; in works from forgotten composers current- Fitzwilliam Chapel • Fri 27 • 8pm fact one would be hard pressed to name ly being rediscovered. Bach Cantatas BWV 54 and BWV 51 and Handel anthems Ravel: Cantates de Rome, Orch. du Capitole de Tickets £6/3 Toulouse, cond. Plasson EMI 2000 Suzanne Lynch Foreign affairs

Photo: Bill Rafferty Benedict Taylor here was something not quite remembered that comic opera was a pri- his release of Vaughan inet solo in the first movement of the trend in playing over the century. right about this revival of marily vulgar genre; yet the real fault of Williams’ last two symphonies Eighth isn’t as ‘English’ as one would Compare the characterisation of the TJonathan Miller’s original 1987 the direction lay in its lack of coherence. T brings to a close Bernard hear from Boult, Barbirolli or Handley trumpet solo in the second movement production. Rossini’s celebrated master- It is extremely odd that in a production Haitink’s cycle of the English master’s but that isn’t Haitink’s approach. The of the Eighth under Boult (incongruous work: as well as exuding jest, humour where Figaro and Alamaviva choose to symphonies, 16 years in the making. LPO, which must be one of the most (if echoes of northern brass bands?) with and frivolity should bathe its spectators hide from by pretending to urinate Vaughan Williams is shamefully neg- not the most) experienced orchestras in the able but slightly tepid account on in the glory of life: the happy ending, against the wall their later tying up of lected outside this country: as a sym- this repertoire, play well enough, the present disc. This disc doesn’t neces- alone, tells us that. It would be easy to the doctor is achieved with such under- phonist he is one of the very greatest of though I can imagine a more warmly sarily displace Barbirolli (“Glorious think that after all their malicious guile, stated efficiency. the last century, a voice of towering elo- natural acoustic than Abbey Road (oh John”, the dedicatee of the Eighth) the inhabitants of Seville’s microcosm That said, Gordan Sandison as Botolo quence and moral force that belies his for the days of Kingsway Hall...). If (EMI, n/a) or Boult (Belart, EMI), but would be mortal enemies but at the and Mark Beesley as his insatiable assis- reputation as folksong-collecting com- comparisons with the same orchestra’s is nevertheless a most satisfying modern opera’s conclusion, forgetting past tant Don Basilio are a fine comic double poser of the English “cow-pat” school. classic 1950s version under Boult account, an important slant from a insults, everyone happily joins together act. Perhaps Beesley wasn’t sufficiently His cycle of nine symphonies explore reveals an increase in technical com- major figure of our time. in wishing the young lovers, the Count lugubrious and Sandison a little too depths at least as great as, say, mand at the possible loss of character, and Rosina, well. Throughout the per- ludicrous, but nevertheless Beesley’s Shostakovich, but without the inconsis- that is probably a criticism of a general formance we ought to revel in the eccen- amusing mixture of pomposity and con- tency found in the latter’s output. So it tric colour of human folly and ultimate ceit together with Sandison’s salacious is good to welcome an interpretative good nature. And it is clear that the senescence and frustration is a winning stance on this most English of com- multiplicity of disingenuous and asinine combination. Their opponents in posers from a distinguished foreign characters add up to a satisfying carica- deceit however, are less impressive. conductor, if only to show the univer- ture of humanity. However, while the Individually both Riccardo Simonetti as sality and relevance of VW’s message. ENO’s production draws into its final Figaro, with his light, agile baritone and Like Solti’s Elgar, one doesn’t necessari- magnificent cadences, the audience are Toby Spence as the destitute Count ly have to agree with the interpretation perhaps not quite as pleased with them- Alamiva are convincing. Together they to be glad that a prominent interna- selves as they ought to be. aren’t, not really conveying the humour tional figure is taking up the cause; The bland setting is partly to blame. in their farcical reversal of roles, nor though admittedly in the case of The ambience of the street outside clearly demonstrating how their rela- Vaughan Williams we have already had Bartolo’s house would have fitted well tions gradually return to their normative major cycles from Previn and Slatkin. into that of any Southern European state during the drama. Luckily there are no major interpreta- town, yet the interior of his abode, The object of Almaviva’s and Bartolo’s tive quibbles here. Haitink is by now a revealed by the awful set change, is par- affections, Christine Rice’s Rosina, gives much loved and well respected figure in ticularly insipid. Far from displaying the the strongest performance of the this country, after several decades of luxuriant tinctures pervading the last evening. Her mezzo-soprano is fabulous- involvement with both the LPO and production I saw, it looked faded and ly resonant, especially in the upper reg- the Royal Opera. Indeed I wouldn’t be dull, maybe bearing a metaphorical isters, with a pleasant quantity of col- surprised if in a decade of so he is seen resemblance to its owner, but hardly a oratura too. Rosina’s allure is furthered as possibly the greatest conductor of the suitable locale for a comic opera so full by the element of mystery Rice brings; mainstream repertoire of our day. The of vivid and flamboyant figures as The we can never be quite sure whether her performances, as could be expected Barber. part is just a flirtatious narcissist or is in with this conductor, are sober, thought- The action too is dully competent, fre- possession of a minx-like cunning, capa- ful, possibly lacking the last ounce of quently provoking laughter although ble of persuading men to accomplish energy and abandon, but always con- more because of Rossini’s unquenchable anything in order to win her hand. vincing and seemingly ‘right’. The wit than because of brilliant manage- But her gloss does not entirely cover atmosphere isn’t conveyed quite as pow- ment. Somehow the comic set pieces are the results of the essential fault of the erfully as with his finest rivals; the clar- never made enough of: the entire point production; uninspired direction. Most is that the humour is delivered through, of it was entirely competent, yet with Vaughan Williams: Symphonies Nos 8 & 9, LPO cond. Bernard Haitink, indeed enhanced by, exaggeration and the ample material in the libretto for overstatement. In this composition mere original flourishes of staging and chore- EMI 2001 cheek is often not enough. It should be ography little is done. LITERATURE s The Dazzling Don d PD James in Cambridge a Buzzwords 25 PD James: Mistress of Crime PD James pleads her case that crime does pay, but for Suzanne Lynch the jury is still out ast month a packed Heffers book- attempts at a modern garnish (every- off with a setting. I have a very strong store in Trinity Street played host thing from incest, Seamus Heaney’s response to what I think of as the spirit L to the acclaimed novelist PD translation of Beowulf to an ultra-trendy of a place.” Her exploitation of the James to celebrate the launch of her lat- good looking Cambridge don is atmospheric possibilities of the clois- est offering to detective fiction Death in attempted) the style does not stray far tered college scene – obvious but effec- Holy Orders. The murder-mystery genre from the conventional narrative form. has occupied a healthy niche market in But accusations of conventionality and British fiction for well over a century, superficiality that frequently meet the and, with 13 novels spanning five detective novel are defended by James: decades under her belt, it seems that PD “admittedly the classical detective story James is set to take her place in that is an artificial form but then fiction is an great canon of British detective writers artificial form...the very constraints are that stretches back through Agatha liberating rather than inhibiting.” Christie and Arthur Conan Doyle. But Indeed it is the conventional structural whether or not your interest in the who- pattern of the mystery novel that origi- dunnit goes just about as far as the nally appealed to James’ writerly ‘Who shot Phil’ episode of Eastenders, instincts, “I love structure in fiction. I PD James is undoubtedly a giant name love a book to have a beginning, a mid- in British fiction, and at a healthy 80 dle and an end. I like it to have a narra- years of age presents a fascinating figure tive thrust.” for the budding novelist. Her interest in Characterisation has never been the fiction, and particularly detective fic- strong point of detective fiction, func- tion, began in her childhood, when, she tioning more as a structural requirement jokes, on first hearing the nursery- for plot development than anything rhyme Humpty Dumpty, she wondered else, but James defends the role of char- “Did he fall or was he pushed?” But the first step to becoming a writer lies, she On first hearing the nursery rhyme believes, in the act of writing itself: “The first thing is to write. I do think we learn Humpty Dumpty, she wondered “Did he to write by writing, and not just think- ing about it, but actually writing.” She fall, or was he pushed?” also stresses the importance of reading widely, especially poetry – an art “so acters in her novel: “When you’re writ- tive – is definitely a useful guideline for undoubtedly the balance of the huge leagues suggests a motive for the mur- insistent on the right word” – in order ing about a character you are that char- any creative writing enthusiast: “And crowd that greeted one of Britain’s lead- der, her colleague retorts, “For God’s to attain the wide vocabulary that is an acter.” Despite the fact that many of her now the wind was rising, a rhythmic ing novelists in Cambridge was definite- sake, Kate, that’s pure Agatha Christie!” essential element of the writer’s work: characters come dangerously close to moaning that rose to a howling and ly weighing in on the fifty plus age Nevertheless, the experience of meet- “Words are what we use – the tools of stereotype such as, in this novel, the sin- then screeching intensity, more a malig- bracket – after all, the mystery book was ing the charismatic queen of the murder our craft...one does need to have as wide ister archbishop, confused homosexual nant manifestation than a force of one of the leading forms of light enter- mystery was one of coming face to face a vocabulary as possible, and I certainly student, and cold but attractive nature.” tainment before the advent of mass with a female writer who has made their still make a note of new words that I Detective-Poet type who just can’t let It is this privileging of plot and atmos- media. But the novelist is far from inno- mark on twentieth century literary meet.” women get too close, it was questions phere over characterisation that con- cent as regards the criticisms that fre- world – a remarkable lady with more In Death in Holy Orders we meet about characters that dominated ques- tributes to the suitability of the genre to quently denigrate the fictional genre of than just a hint of feminist gusto Daiglish, James’ regular detective, who tion-time at Heffers. mainstream television adaptation. It which she is quite rightly proud. beneath her barely perceptible eighty is sent to investigate a series of murders The most impressive aspect of James’ seems to me that therein lies the future References to detective fiction self-con- years. When asked about a negative at a theological college in East Anglia. style is the importance of setting and of the genre – personally give me John sciously pepper the novel as she tries to opinion voiced by a reviewer of one of The mystery revolves around the stan- atmosphere in her work. She explains: Thaw’s Inspector Morse anyday. But prove the credibility of her own tale, her books she curtly replied, “That was dard set of six suspects and despite “the novel with me nearly always starts perhaps it’s a generational issue – such as when one of Daiglish’s col- a man, wasn’t it?”

Death in Holy Orders by P D James is available in hardback, priced £17.99 Seminal BUZZWORDS The week in literature undoubtedly What is seminal? Anything by Don DeLillo says Skye Wheeler, especially his latest work: belongs to Helen Fielding’s chain- smoking and slightly sad singleton. Not only have Bridget Jones’ man (and Chardonnay) induced neuroses The Body Artist conquered the silver screen, but they have sent the novels storming back as he telling her what it Body Artist dwells on the wreck of a this process, both by DeLillo and Lauren lytically broken down in accordance up the bestsellers list. Fielding is is like to be him, to live mind broken by grief. This is a story herself who displays her creation to a with an irrelevant logic. Who and even now reported to be enjoying a per- “Win his body and mind? about loss, an abstract immersion in the perplexed audience. Perhaps the dark- what she is seems to only be answerable manent holiday in Los Angeles. The words ran on, sensuous and empty, ambiguity of survival after the death and ness lies in the aesthetic appeal of her dis- through the language of sense-data, the Meanwhile, a somewhat feistier and she wanted him to laugh with her, to perhaps betrayal of the ‘Other’. The best jointed mind; there is the clean and the details of the unconsolable present, expe- female protagonist lies at the heart follow her out of herself…” part of these hundred and twenty-four pale in being entirely lost, a sensitivity in rience broken up with anger and the of In The Midnight Hour, DeLillo’s latest is a novel about art – a pages is formed out of the thoughts of being an entirely single, entirely human smell of disinfectant. Read and disappear Cambridge novelist Michelle surprise after the heavily political one Lauren Hartke, body artist and being, paradoxically also indeterminate. for a while. This is beautifully humane. Spring’s latest addition to her Underworld which sprawled out of the widow of a man who made himself by She makes herself a man, an adolescent acclaimed crime series. Not only is cold war experience and giant nature of making films and then destroyed himself or “a one hundred and twenty year old Laura Principal one of only a hand- modern America. In contrast The Body at the home of a previous wife. woman sustained by yoghurt”. ful of female private investigators Artist seems painfully personal, the Partly self-consciously, perhaps because DeLillo has a Parfitian stance on the ever to appear in fiction, she is now, eponymous character herself obsessive she is still so aware of her living body and philosophy of identity: ‘Identity is not with Colin Dexter’s Inspector out of about the potential of self-destruction. partly as the embodiment of grief after what matters in survival’. But the novel the picture, the only dectective oper- As an actress of the most ruinous kind, death, she abuses herself, bleaching her seems to me to be a short, perfect exam- ating exclusively in Oxbridge. With her art is that of the recreation of the self. skin and hair, twisting her body, parody- ple of how our philosphical problems are a “chilling story of identity, devotion Intense, complex and almost ing the forms of others. There is an ele- better captured in literature and and death” unfolding in the back- grotesquely self-conscious, DeLillo’s The ment of the perverse in the depiction of unashamed metaphor rather than ana- streets of our own city, this really is a case of ‘move over Morse’ – and The Body Artist scary enough to make sure that you never leave your room again. Keep by Don DeLillo safe… FILM 26a Texas Chainsaw Masacre s Taking Shots – Dog-ma 2001 d Listings LISTINGS Bridget Jones’ Diary Julia Blyth

True Romance et me just get some stuff out of the way before I actress could have done half as much justice to Bridget film you’re half expecting him to suddenly mount his Trinity • Sun 29, Mon 30 • start this review (believe me, it’s all for the best). as Zellweger does. She has the character completely steed and canter away to Pembrokeshire just so that he 9pm LSmug married. Singleton. Emotional fuckwit- sewn up; one second, you’ll be laughing at her big can dive in a lake and get his shirt a bit wet. Jack Nicholson pulls out all stops tage. Chardonnay. V. good. Calorie counts, cigarette pants, but just around the corner she’ll hit you with an Of course, it can’t all be good. Bridget’s gaggle of with his ‘Christian Slater’ impres- counts, alcohol counts, weight checks. Right, now that look of such pathetic singledom that you’ll be snivel- friends are hilarious when they’re on screen, but unfor- sion. Fast paced, moving and all the Bridget Jones clichés are flushed out of my sys- ling into your Kleenex. Really, she’s that good. But she’s tunately that’s not nearly enough. The film’s also been most of all ‘true’ this is by far the tem, we can begin. not the only gem in this film. Anyone who finds Hugh obviously Americanised. Bridget weighs 140 pounds best Truman Capote bio-pic out Helen Fielding’s uber-single chain-smoking heroine Grant’s bumbling “Er…I….er…er….I maybe possi- rather than ten stone, there are a lot of quaint villages, there. has hit the big screen at last, and she makes a sizeable bly love you,” speech from Four Weddings the most and the last time there was that much snow in Gary Oldman and Val Kilmer dent. As if you didn’t know, Renée Zellweger plays annoying moment in celluloid history would do well London, Jack the Ripper was probably pissing his lend some much needed stability Bridget, who makes a New Year’s resolution to shape to see this film. To put it bluntly: Hugh Grant makes name in it. But apart from these little quibbles, this is to all this schmooze. Essential. up, sort herself out, find a boyfriend and (most impor- a fantastic bastard. He schmoozes through the film the best British romcom since Four Weddings (and it’s Tim Wheeler tantly) keep a diary. During the next 12 months, she with such smarm and slimyness that you’ll want to hit not nearly as annoyingly smug). The ticket price is lurches from one disaster to another, encountering his face with a brick, but secretly inside, you will either worth it alone for the glorious hissy bitchfight between Charlie’s Angels along the way her sleazy boss Daniel (Hugh Grant) want to be him or bed him. Oh, and Colin Firth’s in it Cleaver and Darcy, which is a welcome antidote in Robinson • Sun 29 • 7pm, and the aloof barrister Mark Darcy (Colin Firth). It’s as well, but in an ironic post-modern piece of casting, these times of Crouching Tiger and Matrix-style over- 10pm not a direct adaption from the original novel–the plot he is merely recounting his previous Mr Darcy with a choreographed slo-mo fight scenes. All in all, v.good. Cameron Diaz and Drew and characters vary slightly and there is a lot of funny bit more swearing; so much so that throughout the Oh…dammit! Barrymore put on tight clothes material in the book that and make my day. Clichéd and hasn’t made it to the screen pointless, this film rips off the but this is still a very enjoy- Matrix and much besides. Bill able comedy. The screenplay Murray makes an interesting side- seeps Richard Curtis juice line as Huggy Bear yet is under- from every pore. Don’t used as the most talented person British film producers know in the film. Good if you’ve got any other comedy writers, nothing better to do. Which is for god’s sake? His saccha- likely. rine-sweet depiction of Jonathan Pepperman trendy thirtysomething London is beginning to grate Dancer in the Dark a little. His script has the Churchill • Wed 2 • 8pm, 11pm right amount of embarrass- Everyone wants Bjork to stop ing situations and throw- whining and just die (everyone away gags to keep even the hates a four-eyes). I reckon people most stony-faced cynic should have taken a baseball bat happy. But it’s in the casting to her kneecaps long ago. During that this film holds its true this film I felt nauseous, and was appeal. forced to bury my head in the In answer to the questions blubber of a camp fat man I was that everyone asks; yes, sat next to. That was fun, though. Renée Zellweger is Sacha Wilson American. Yes, she can do the accent very well. Yes, she Unbreakable is a bit larger than your com- Christ’s • Sun 29 • 8pm, mon or garden Gwyneths of 10.30pm this world, but she’s not When you absolutely positively exactly Godzilla. And no, have to bore every last mother- there is no way that Kate fucker in the place, make a super- Winslet, Rachel Weisz, hero film. Unbreakable allows the Helena Bonham-Carter or everyday moviestar Bruce Willis any other random English to look convincingly hangdog and blue collar. Fantastic. No, no. Really fantastic. Unbreakable? Bridget Jones’ Diary Unmissable more like. , is currently showing at the Arts Picturehouse Benjamin Leyland

Little Shop of Horrors o you’ve seen Scream, and you now gracefully into a maintenance room no hero’s warnings are bogus and therefore preceded by a lengthy talk by an author- Christ’s • Thu 3 • 10pm know how to survive a horror film. one else has noticed and shields himself spends most of the movie trying to ity figure who tries to explain the gravi- Wow, whoever decided to show SHowever, ever since this film, I as the liquid fire passes by, naturally not thwart our hero’s efforts. ty of the situation, while imploring this film really has their finger on have sat worrying. Worrying, “what if filling the small room and incinerating 2. This antagonist will have a revelation everybody to “stay calm.” Telling people the pulse. Rick Moranis sings it’s not a horror film?” What if we found everything else in shot. What?! You want just before being devoured. In most to “stay calm” in a disaster movie is an ‘Suddenly Seymour’ and a star is ourselves aboard Cameron’s Titanic or more proof before heading to your local films, he’ll have enough time to admit invitation to riot. Of course, in a ‘real’ born. And Steve Martin’s a sadis- his mistake to our hero, but if he can act disaster, people don’t panic. However, tic dentist. Watch out for the (a rare occurrence), he’ll just give a it’s much more exciting to see a mob of cameos from Beth from knowing look as he is about to die, just ill-fated extras trampling children, Neighbours and Anne Robinson as so the audience understands that he wheelchair-bound seniors and mothers a convincing downtown beatnik. knew he was wrong. clutching babies. As long as they don’t Thomas Sugden A DOG’S LIFE 3. At some point, our hero will try to trample the dog. Mark Lowrie is taking shots outrun, either on foot or in a vehicle, a But just take a minute to consider the Lola Rennt (Run Lola Run) large tidal wave, a Tyrannosaurus Rex, a dog that got it wrong. Keen to appear in King’s • Tue 1 May • 8.30pm became victim to another Spielberg vet for the operation? OK. Daylight, tractor, or whatever. For some reason, he a film, his agent recommended Alien 3. Wow, whoever decided to show blockbuster? How do we survive a disas- Stallion fights for his life whilst saving will successfully outdistance the onrush- His final scene: his stomach explodes in this film really has their finger on ter movie? Yes, I know, it could be the dog. Twister, the dog is saved. ing doom, even though in a previous the painful birth of a new alien. Dogs (last season’s) pulse. Franka potentially fatal. It came to me just the Dante’s Peak, sure enough, there is a scene he told someone that, “When this and horror films? No, they don’t mix Potente runs a lot and a star in other day as I found myself braking loveable dog in the film that gets swept thing hits, it’ll be moving at 200 mph!” well. born. And Steve Martin’s a sadis- hard on a bike to save the life of a jay- up in the holocaust ignited by the erup- 4. A loveable older person will cease to tic German dentist. Watch out for walking dog. Yes, to survive a disaster tion of the volcano. For a few tense be. For example, in Dante’s Peak, an old the cameos from Beth from film, you need to be of the canine vari- moments, we are unsure of the dog’s woman wades in acid whilst one of her Neighbours and Anne Robinson as ety. The first rule in any disaster film, fate. Does the dog survive? But I hear grandchildren announces “Grandma’s a convincing downtown beatnik. “You never kill the dog.” Kill as many you cry, “How do I know that I’m in a going to die! Grandma’s going to die!” Doris the Bedder humans as you like, but never kill the disaster movie?” It can often be tricky to Whereupon the camera then cuts to her dog. Destroy homes, farms and office tell, and you don’t want to spend the grandchild, silent but shedding one Quills buildings, but never kill the dog. Wipe rest of your life being a mongrel. So plump, perfect tear. Apparently, it ‘s OK John’s • Sun 29 • 7.30pm, out the White House, massacre metrop- here, for the exclusive use of you, the to kill a senior citizen in a movie so long 10pm olises, obliterate countries, annihilate reader, I include my top five ways to as their dog doesn’t die. The ultimate (Geoffrey) rush. entire planets but never kill the dog. know when you’re in a disaster film: 5. Finally, there is the panic scene. In Charlotte Hatherly Faced with an alien invasion in 1. The hero will have a boss or colleague every disaster film, there will be a scene Independence Day, our hairy hero jumps or competitor who believes that our in which humans act like animals. It is FILM s One Night at McCool’s salutary tale of the dire consequences of a passion for home 27 improvement, One Night at McCool’s is enjoyably dark sex A comedy. Liv Tyler is the alluring Jewel, who will let noth- ing come between her and her dream home. A simple dream with disastrous consequences for any men unfortunate enough to get in her way. The fallout is shown in a well realised split narrative. Each Changing Rooms man relates his story as a confessional bringing very different per- spectives to their, largely self-caused, troubles. Chris Heath is Crazy about Liv Tyler Matt Dillon plays dim-witted barman Randy. He is picked up by the troublesome Jewel one night at McCool’s bar. The complica- tion of a dead former boyfriend is no problem when faced with her charms but he soon wants her out of his life, and his home. Paul Reiser, who’ll always be remembered for the terrible sitcom My Two Dads, is his obnoxious lawyer cousin Carl. The most interesting character, he is almost a middle aged version of his smarmy com- pany man role in Aliens. Meanwhile John Goodman is less inter- esting as a besotted police detective investigating the suspicious death of Jewel’s previous boyfriend. The script contains some wry jokes but the sharpest humour comes from the competing perspectives. Tyler has a lot of fun with her role. She is adept at switching between stereotypical male fan- tasies, whether an innocent bullied by a brutal boyfriend or a dan- gerous femme fatale. To the widower detective she is the spitting image of his saintly wife, while to Carl, who relates his tale to a dis- gusted shrink, she is a brazen hussy. That neither version is closer to the truth reveals more about their nature than the ambiguous Jewel. Michael Douglas, the film’s producer, has a screen stealing role as a bingo-playing assassin with an amazing quiff that would make Morrissey jealous. The film even pays a neat homage to his role in Falling Down. The performances are exuberant and this compensates for the over familiarity of much of the plotting. This all makes for a fun film despite a very lame joke in the finale. And it certainly gives new meaning to those annoying ‘This IS DVD’ adverts. Each char- acter actively creates his own downfall but whilst pricking the male ego, it is hard to see this film appealing to many beyond a male audience. This is no Al Murray sitcom but it falls far short of being a Cheers.

One Night at McCool’s , is showing at Warner Village THEATRE NEXT STOP THE ADC Alex Hyde looks back on a succesful run for the Oxbridge Short Plays Competition

s the youngest director of five series of rotating blocks on which dif- Although audience numbers were low involved in Next Train ferent images could be mounted for at first, they gradually increased over A Approaching, it’s safe to say I each play. It was a solution that we all the four week run (aided by a review was a little scared at the prospect of agreed wouldn’t compromise the in Time Out labelling some of the new joining a project that was to eventual- integrity of each show while actually writing “unreservedly excellent” and ly transfer to the London fringe. My helping to give the whole thing a sense “handled winningly by cast and first real involvement began at one of of coherence. crew”), and peaked on the penultimate many production meetings in which After a month of rehearsals it wasn’t night with a group of 30 students all technical details had to be ham- long before the move to London was from the University of Oregon in mered out. This was made difficult by upon us. The get-in was a marathon of attendance, who guffawed loudly the fact that not only was the Man in 12 hour days drilling, painting and throughout (luckily my play, Crazy For the Moon Theatre an incredibly small hammering. After three weeks of You, is a comedy). Hysteria spread rap- space, but also that the show as a rehearsals in College’s large, airy and idly to even the most dour audience whole had to accommodate the needs empty rooms, the Man in The Moon members, and even the cast had trou- of five very distinct shorts, as well as was rather a shock to the system. ble keeping a handle on things. meeting the artistic expectations of Adjusting to the confinements of the As with all shows, but perhaps espe- their directors. new space wasn’t easy. The blocks in cially with Next Train Approaching, I This at times brought the styles of particular looked much larger in real had the opportunity to spark off some each play into direct conflict with one life than they did on paper, but as the very creative individuals. Unlike shows another: the cold, clinical blue I had run progressed audience members staged solely in Cambridge, the end envisaged for my psychiatrist’s office commented on how effectively they result was seen and praised by a pecu- wasn’t necessarily compatible with the worked. Their size certainly created an liarly diverse cross-section of people, hot, revolutionary reds that Leandra impression upon entering the theatre. and this perhaps was its most reward- had imagined for The Nightmare After the sweat and tears induced ing aspect. Who knows, this might be Visions of Mecha Menjaro. Eventually, through getting the show off the one train that hasn’t yet reached its we stumbled upon the idea of having a ground, we started to reap the rewards. final destination.

Next Train Approaching , is showing at the ADC theatre on the 27th and 28th April at 7.45pm THEATRE 28s Nick Eisen Interview a The Ramayana s Previews d A Tragic Article Dramatic Lives Jennifer Tuckett

or once, I find myself in the advice, ideas, whatever. Then, once happy position of defending you have initiated that dialogue, they FCambridge drama. Before I am are far more likely to come and see told that my ‘sledgehammer tactics’ your production.” are not required in its defence, allow “Doing a show at a London fringe me to bring to your attention the theatre is never going to be a make or opening paragraph of a recent Time break opportunity,” Eisen continues. Out review: “There’s one tip that reg- “Instead, booking a fringe theatre is ularly surfaces in previews for the a little like hiring a stall at a trade fair Edinburgh festival: don’t see any- – you won’t make money from the thing from Cambridge…” stall itself, but you might make Ouch. Or to be more precise money from the business it gener- “Cambridge theatre has a lot of pre- ates.” conceptions to contend with,” as As making money is one of the fea- Nick Eisen, the manager of the Man tures absent from Cambridge theatre in the Moon Theatre, diplomatically – or, more precisely, the majority of puts it. British theatre – I ask Eisen what he Given these preconceptions – thought of the artistic standard of namely that we’re crap – I ask Eisen Next Train Approaching in compari- why the Man in the Moon was keen son to other fringe productions. to house Next Train Approaching, “I think the Time Out review was Cambridge’s debut London fringe very fair,” he tells me. “It’s true that production. Cambridge has got a lot to live up to, “Money,” he replies. “That and and this can be a problem. There is a wanting to provide a platform for tremendous dramatic precedent in new writing and new talent.” the university, and there seems to be Photo: Nobby Clark Jennifer Tuckett speaks to Nick Eisen, Manager of the Man in the Moon Spinning a Ramayana theatre, London.

Andrew Rudd Eisen explains that the Man in the this need to follow in the footsteps of Moon theatre prides itself on provid- successful groups like Monty hat did the Demon King where it belonged. Men dressed as go, he was a suave one. Ayesha ing a platform for the best of up and Python. I can’t help feeling that by think he was doing? monkeys swung into the auditorium, Dharker’s Princess Sita was suitably coming theatre. “We’re a bit like a far the best Cambridge drama is that W Abducting the wife of an dropped to their feet, backflipped regal, yet with a repressed spark of laboratory,” he tells me. “We’re which is original and unique, rather incarnation of Vishnu was always across the stage and delivered their mischief (after her long spell in captiv- cheaper and more accessible than than trying to conform to some kind going to stir up a whole lot of trouble, lines without even catching breath. ity, Rama doubts her faithfulness and larger theatres, so we offer greater of tradition. Directors and writers but in the manner of folklore villains, Slobbering monsters struck fantastic uncompromisingly orders her to be opportunity for experimentation. A should leave the past alone. Only ten-headed King Ravana (pictured) poses and hurtled round and round on burned alive. What’s a girl to do?). fringe theatre in London is a very then will people stop condemning went ahead and did it anyway. The office chairs. One didn’t know where But the real stage presence was useful learning experience. Saying Cambridge drama for failing to live Ramayana, you may or may not know, to look. Andrew French’s Ravana. Often that, it’s essential you know exactly up to its predecessors.” is a popular epic of Indian religious At first the ‘postmodern’ props flanked by his nine other heads, he why you are performing on the Next Train Approaching is indeed literature, describing demi-god Prince seemed annoyingly at odds with the slipped comfortably between forming fringe and what you hope to achieve. worth praising, if only on the Rama’s quest to recover his wife Sita mighty pulse of epic myth. Rama part of the monster and playing the With the right approach, a run in a grounds of it’s bravery and innova- from the clutches of evil and regain (Ramon Tikaram) speechified on character on his own. In the first theatre like the Man in the Moon tion. Despite being the butt of Time the throne denied him by his father. A human greatness standing next to instance, the nine heads seethed and will give you the opportunity to Out’s rather dubious sense of gem of a production from some plastic beer crates. The set was grimaced in a sort of Mexican wave meet people in the industry and to humour, the ‘Oxbridge Short Play Birmingham Repertory Theatre at the barren: a vast space of glaring white prompted by French. It was quite gain influence and friends for future Competition’ joins the ETG, CAST, National opened up this rich mythic paint, except for cardboard boxes sta- repulsive. In the second, he played the productions. In order to persuade Camfest, NSDF and Edinburgh seam to the British public this Easter, pled around its extremeties, and yel- embodiment of evil with aplomb, yet the industry to come and see a show, projects as proof of how very fortu- who duly turned up in droves. “What low paper tassels adding the necessary incorporated the near-tragic fatalism it’s essential you begin by creating a nate those involved in Cambridge a diverse audience!!” gushed the com- splash of exoticism. Yet my fusty of a man who knows that, in opposing dialogue with them – asking for drama really are. pere, catching sight of a mohican- opposition to these things melted the divine will of heaven, he’s onto a sporting youth in the stalls. away half way through the first act. loser. It’s been all go at the National Hypnotised by the Asian fusion The Ramayana proved infectious. Theatre. With the arts world follow- soundtrack, I even greeted the mon- Once I was into the swing of things, ing Martine “Liza Doolitle” keys cheerfully when they bounnded the crates, boxes and sequinned gloves Fatally Flawed McCutcheon’s every change of tem- among the audience in the interval began to look less like arbitrary silli- perature and Trevor Nunn announc- offering bananas to children. ness and more part of an effort to Claire Le Hur ing plans to relinquish his role as Tikaram played the title role with realise the universality of myth by Director, it seems as if there’s as much dignity. In the tradition of depicting embracing all times and all places. Beautiful young men and women are hand with dramatic festivals in Ancient drama off-stage as on. This energetic Indian gods, he was coated in blue This is how multiculturalism should lying dead, loved ones are weeping over Greece. performance put the action back paint from head to toe – and as gods be done. their bloody bodies, threats, curses and Tragedy in its most basic form, as vows of vengeance are uttered...does any described by Aristotle in the Poetics, is of this sound familiar? the reversal of fortune. Tragedy was con- Has anyone else noticed the growing sidered the highest intellectual form of popularity of tragedy in Cambridge? In theatre. Waiting in the Wings… the last two weeks of last term there was Tom Hiddleston (Romeo in last term’s the production of Othello followed by production and Orestes in Electra) offers Romeo and Juliet. A new production of a reason for the ever-increasing popular- Next Train Approaching • ADC • Fri 27 - Sat 28 • traces the personal struggles of four priests in a deprived Euripides’ Medea is underway for the ity on the Cambridge stage. Hiddleston 7.45pm South London parish. Edinburgh Fringe and rehearsals have thinks it is the “challenge that makes Fresh from London, the five winning plays of the Oxford already started for the triennial them fun”. He says that tragedies “are so and Cambridge Short Plays Competition. Read all about Hamlet! - the Musical • ADC • Wed 2 - Sat 5 • 11pm (and Cambridge Greek Play – a performance miraculously complex that you could it on these pages. 2.30pm Sat) of Sophocles’ Electra for the Arts Theatre keep reinterpreting them forever, keep- Welcome revival of the smash-hit Hamlet spoof. Not to be in October. ing them fresh, spontaneous, accessible Smoker • ADC • Tues 1 • 11pm missed. The word tragedy means ‘goat-song’ and true. The expectation of tragedy is The hottest new comic talent on show at the ever-popular (tragos-goat and oide-song), but seeing terrifyingly huge, and the parts and lines stand-up night. Bodywork 21st Birthday Dance Gala • Arts Theatre • Sun how goats do not often appear in are now so well known that it is almost 29 • 7.30pm tragedy, the name must be a reference to impossible to deliver them with sincerity Racing Demon • ADC • Tues 1 - Sat 5 • 7.45pm An evening of modern dance and ballet in celebration of the sacrificial rites that went hand in – that is the challenge”. The Best New Play of 1990, David Hare’s powerful drama the Bodywork Company Dance Studios. VISUAL ARTS s The Whitechapel Gallery Big Birthday d Edgar Dégas at the Fitzwilliam s Listings 29 Oliver Biskitt-Barrell

Guide to the Art and Architecture of Cambridge

ach week, our resident art his- this painting it is not hard to see torian, Oliver Biskitt-Barrell, why. The showing through of the Ewill add to your bluffer’s reper- weave of the canvas implies rapid toire by introducing you to an artist excecution in tune with impression- or architect whose work can be seen ist ideals about fidelity to nature and in Cambridge. moment. The loose application of paint and the lack of attention to Part 7: Au Café – Edgar Dégas anatomical detail are again impres- (1834-1917) sionist hallmarks, but this is where the similarity ends. There is here no Oil Painting, the Fitzwilliam use of light to intensify an object’s Museum, Cambridge inherant hue. Indeed while there are highlights for instance below the eyes Edgar Degas is most famous for the of the seated left figure and around atmospheric charge and the carefully her shoulders, there is no coherantly pitched colour of his ballet scenes defined light source. Further, colour such as a Waiting Queue (1879) but contrast, where it does appear, (as the works that he produced while between the orange and blue patches attempting to capture the ambience to the lower left) seems almost acci- of the Parisian café world count for dental rather than part of the piece’s no less a substantial part of his out- underlying structure. That said, put. It is in this genre hierarchy defy- compositional structure is in other ing category that Au Café belongs. respects carefully worked out and Even amongst pieces of comparable controlled by the gentle sloping subject matter, this painting stands rhythms of the chair frames that lead apart. us from right to left between the fig- The pallid whites and greys of the ures and out of the depicted space in table cloth, background and left fig- a manner comparable to Monet’s ure are variants from the warmer rendering of the green upper branch- neutrals he normally employe but es of the trees in his Poplars on the this doesn’t mean that the painting is Epte. devoid of interest. Degas’ position Ultimately, Au Café is historically within the impressionist canon has interesting, if emotionally unengag- been long debated, and looking at ing. By kind permission of The Fitzwilliam Museum, Cambridge Museum, The Fitzwilliam kind permission of By Listings

THE WHITECHAPEL Fitzwilliam Museum

Kunisada and Kabuki Part I – Until 3 June, Shiba Room. The first of a series of exhibitions for the Japan 2001 festival based around Kunisada and the Kabuki theatre. Utagawa Kunisada (1786-1865) moved in CENTENARY EXHIBITION literary and theatrical social circles, and his prints of Kabuki actors comprise Iris Papadatou a large part of his output. It is even said that these prints contributed signif- icantly to the popularity of the Kabuki theatre. Part II follows in June. his is an exhibition of around 80 Important pieces by contemporary works from some of the 725 artists, such as Peter Doig’s Young Bean The Dialogue Between Painting and Poetry 1874 – 1999. Artists Books from Tshows in the Whitechapel’s first Farmer, Francis Alys’ Le temps du sommeil the Bibliothèque Littéraire Jacques Doucet, Paris – until 24 June, Adeane century and a Documentary space featur- and Gary Hume’s Purple Pauline are Gallery. ing material from the archive. included. These work in parallel with This new exhibition includes watercolours, photographs, objets d’art and rare The diversity of the history of the pieces by major historic figures, so that en-suite prints by Picasso, Braque, Giacometti, Derain, Hans Arp, Léger, Whitechapel Art Gallery is reflected in the viewer unconsciously juxtaposes Masson, Fautrier, Miró, de Staël, Matta, Michaux and Tapiès. The exhibition this exhibition marking the centenary of Lucian Freud’s study of Leigh Bowery is drawn from the exceptional holdings of the Bibliothèque Littéraire Jacques the gallery. As the first space built to offer with a Rembrandt angel, and George Doucet in Paris and promises to be highly interesting. The physical concep- temporary exhibitions to a mass audi- Stubb’s Lady Reading in a Park with Andy tual links between words and image are extensively explored, and produces ence, the gallery holds the title of being Warhol’s portrait of Jackie Kennedy. some of the most memorable imagery of the 20th century one of Europe’s mot influential contem- Works which define the western tradi- porary art venues and has more than ful- tion in art stand together with a collec- filled its initial aspiration of “bridging the tion of rare works drawing from past finest art in the world to the people of exhibitions which introduced other cul- Kettle’s Yard East London”. Because of the zeal of its tures: ancient Chinese masters from the founders, Canon Samuel and Henrietta Tang and Song dynasties, a delicate Serge Chermayeff 1900-96. The Shape of Modern Living. – until May 6, Barnett and the vision of its first director Japanese hanging scroll and an Eleventh Tuesday to Sunday. Charles Aitken, the Whitechapel has Century Southern Indian Ganesh. The From the design of rugs and radios to the planning of cities, Serge Chermayeff acquired a reputation for launching the visitor moves around the space confront- was a major figure in Twentieth Century design and modernism. The exhibi- careers of some of the greatest 20th cen- ed by seated wooden figures of gods dat- tion includes artifacts, models, sketches and paintings and explores tury artists, while encouraging the inte- ing back to the Twelfth Century exhibit- Chermayeff’s achievements as a designer, teacher and writer. gration of art into the daily lives of a wide ed alongside pioneering sculptures by range of audiences. Anthony Caro and Eva Hesse. Rather than a chronological overview, it The centenary exhibition also includes is a surprising assembly of works that a documentary space with a presentation Institute of Visual Culture have since acquired iconic status. Work of images of works that no longer exist or by some of the great international names are too fragile to show, important instal- Anywhere out of the world by Philippe Parreno and No Ghost Just a Shell of the 20th century art scene, including lations exhibited at the Whitechapel and by Philippe Parreno and Pierre Huyghe – until 20 May 2001, Tuesday to Emil Nolde’s Paradise Lost, David live events continuing throughout the Sunday 12 noon - 6pm. Hockney’s The Hypnotist and Bill Viola’s year. In the newest of the Institute’s wacky and unconventional exhibitions, Parreno Heaven and Earth, and some revealing and Huyghe have “freed” Manga character AnnLee from her unfortunate self-portraits: Frida Kahlo’s striking gaze Showing until Sunday 20 May, Tuesday to apearances in the comic strip magazines by buying the copyright to her. Some and Phillip Guston’s portrayal of himself Sunday, (11-8pm Wed and 11am-6pm how she’s ended up in Cambridge – not bad for a girl who once had no future. in bed in Painting, Smoking, Eating. Sat and Sun, 11am-5pm other days) Purple Pauline by Gary Hume, by kind permission of The Whitechapel Art Gallery, London Whitechapel Art Gallery, The kind permission of by Gary by Hume, Pauline Purple 30 Sport 27 April 2001 CAMBRIDGE MAULED Fenners Women’s Rugby freeze 5 Cambridge Cricket 15 Oxford Cambridge drew with Kent Ben Sheriff Toby Hughes The Light Blues seemed to have fol- lowed Wales in picking strong backs Global warming may be able to explain with a good eye for the game, rather freezing temperatures, pouring rain and than opting for out-and-out pace. This gale force winds in April. It also signals a spirit was typified by right winger Rachel time to don white flannels, three dozen Tait (Jesus) who, though not the biggest jumpers and chase a bit of leather around player on the pitch, showed the kind of a field. The English cricket season is once dogged and gutsy performance that again upon us and Cambridge University coaches search high and low for, whilst Cricket Club has experienced its own fly-half Suzie Grant (St John’s), earning a ‘global’ changes during the winter. By great deal of credit playing opposite a joining forces with APU, under the classy international outside half, showed watchful eye of the ECB and new coach, the invaluable ability to read rapidly sit- ex-Nottinghamshire and Durham wick- uations within the game and select an etkeeper Chris Scott, CUCC has become appropriate response. Indeed, in the face one of six University Centres for of a larger Oxford team, the Cambridge Cricketing Excellence (UCCE) in an pack acquitted themselves very well, and attempt to create a breeding ground for Steve Jones’ coaching enabled them to prospective county cricketers to gain a display a rucking game that was excep- university education whilst still playing a tionally well organised for a University high standard of cricket. team of either sex. Characteristic of the Cambridge UCCE entered their open- forwards was the aggressive play of Photo: JET Photographic ing first-class fixture of the season as they blind-side flanker, Holly Pickett (Jesus). ended their last one, with a side consist- However, despite Cambridge’s good advance significant distances up the Cambridge immediately went on the sort of looping manoeuvres as Andersson ing entirely of Cambridge students and, work, they were ultimately unable to pitch. The game’s first try arrived in spite attack, and drove over from a line-out, in order to attempt to create scoring after losing the toss, Ben Collins and his compete with an Oxford side organised of a poor pass from the Oxford outside Pickett scoring the equalising try. opportunities, and from turnover ball a men were in the field giving Kent batting around the Swedish international fly- centre, with full-back Natalie Parker Unfortunately, Cambridge’s growing well-judged pass from Oxford’s outside practice. With six players making their half and multiple Blue Ulrika entering the line and racing around the forward strength then became a weak- centre put Street in for her second try, to debut for Cambridge, nerves were bound Andersson. Oxford were weak in the defending full-back and wing to score in ness. They successfully shoved the give Oxford a 15–5 victory. to be on edge and so it seemed with centres, illustrated by the high propor- the corner. Oxford pack off their own ball, but the The women’s second XV gave James Scott who opened with a 13-ball tion of moves involving Andersson loop- In contrast to Oxford’s laboured cen- clearance kick didn’t find touch and Cambridge some cheer with a gutsy win over before having Robert Key well ing around the inside centre in order to tres, Sally Wise (Jesus) and Helen Oxford moved the ball smoothly over the Oxford Panthers in miserable caught at point. Whilst Kent batted well, provide a competent mid-field player. Martin (Clare) provided direct, punchy through their hands to Street for a score conditions. The 17–10 win saw two tries Cambridge fielded excellently and found But when Oxford broke their pace, in running, but the occasional clean breaks in the corner. Then the Oxford midfield for Caius’ Ruth Kirton. The forceful in Toby Hughes, James Pyemont and particular through left wing Jacqui were sadly not quite finished off with started to sort itself out, to the extent number eight barged over the line after another debutant, the wily old Graham Street, they were able to score or at least scores. However, in the second half, that Grant started to employ the same Oxford’s opening unconverted try. Dill, bowlers who could keep the Kent batsmen in check. They finally declared at the end of the first day on 299 for 7. The Cambridge innings was the scene for a superb knock from Stuart Block who scored 56 not out in a shade over Cam quartered Blues Thai hard three and a half hours and was the first to carry his bat since Mike Atherton in Waterpolo of goals conceded against the eventual Football Cambridge defence and score some goals. 1987. Block’s application was met, at champions, with ultimately second As the heat took its toll, ever the crowd times, by the other Cambridge batsmen, placed Nottingham leaking a humiliat- pleasers, we duly obliged. The final score? who all managed to look comfortable Buzz Hendricks ing 16 goals against the rampaging Mark Hepburn Well…the crowd went home happy. against Kent’s attack before getting them- Welsh. After a couple of days ‘sightseeing’ in selves out as they looked to push for runs. The Waterpolo BUSA finals were con- Nottingham and Loughborough also Thailand…Golden beaches, grand Bangkok we journeyed south to Phuket The final score of 129 was disappointing tested by the top four teams on the uni- prevailed against the Light Blues, but palaces, and a tourist industry catering for for a few days well-earned recuperation, after such application in the field. versity scene at Nottingham University’s not without further heroics from Miller, the most discerning of traveller, seemed before flying back to the capital for the Kent’s second innings opened with a luxurious sports centre two weekends who provided more outstanding saves to the ideal destination for the Blues’ annual much awaited game against the National 100 partnership, although both openers before Easter. The track record of the entertain the contingent of Cambridge post-season sojourn. Following the can- side, warming up for their assault on next were dropped late on the second evening, teams involved was impressive: Cardiff supporters. Vet Russell Fuller, one of the cellation of the Varsity match, players summer’s World Cup finals. The general and play on the third day was delayed by were looking to complete a hat-trick of ill players (suspected FMD), continually assembled at Heathrow looking forward feeling was to kill them off early with a water on the square. Kent skipper BUSA championships, while managed to muster the energy from to getting away from the weather that had couple of goals, then sit back, absorb the Matthew Fleming noted that it was the Loughborough and Nottingham were somewhere to deliver a few valuable rendered the Craven Cottage pitch pressure, and catch them on the break. coldest day he could remember playing looking to England and BUSA squad minutes of pool time – and goals as well. unplayable. Despite instructions to travel Anticipating goals, the Thai crowd were cricket on, but it did not cool the Light players to further their title aspirations. Self-styled hard-man Tausig, Cambridge in club kit one player arrived looking unimpressed as their team led by a fortu- Blues who took four wickets in a frenet- So when two of Cambridge’s starting firework and live-wire, traded a top- slightly out of place, with a bottle of sun nate volley at half time but began to relax ic, if shortened, morning session. Kent, seven looked like death warmed up, due scoring five goals for a sending off. cream sticking out of his Hawaiian shirt, as the Blues conceded two sloppy goals rather sportingly considering the freezing to the ravages of ’flu on the first morn- Any disappointment was tempered by a sight that whilst amusing to his team within minutes of the restart of the sec- conditions, declared once again to leave ing of the competition, things were having obtained a 4th-place ranking in mates, would prove to be his downfall ond half. Playing five in midfield, we were Cambridge an improbable 338 to win in always going to be tough. Up against the the country. Captain Samuel Lim was twelve hours later in the immigration hall able to hold our shape more effectively two sessions. Obdurate defence from champions-elect, Cardiff, for the first quick to highlight the positive aspects: “I at Bangkok airport. and after the outstanding Kelly smashed Alex Simcox and Block, along with a match, star ’keeper Joel Miller kept am very proud of the team. Reaching the At the first training session it quickly home a corner, Paul Dimmock towered heavy shower, ensured a draw and a rela- Cambridge in the game with a string of BUSA finals – beating Oxford on the became apparent that the biggest chal- above his opposite man to head home an tively pleasing outcome for Cambridge athletic saves. A half-time score of 2–1 way – is a massive step up for this club. lenge the following evening would be the exquisite Tim Hall cross. The Thai crowd UCCE. One only hopes that the weath- to the Welsh was not a bad effort, and Expect great things next season”. With intense heat and humidity. Looks of pity almost choked on their fried insects. er matches the standard of cricket as the with Cambridge unable to make the Senior International Andy Knight con- were directed to those due to play in mid- However, despite concerted Light Blue season progresses. most of their counter-attacks, the final tinuing his coaching and an expected field. The opposition turned out to be the pressure the match finished 4-2 after a score of 7–2 was a disappointment. good intake of fresh talent next year, this Thai Under-23 national side bound for botched free kick in the final minute bob- In a break from tradition and in what Incidentally, this was the lowest number is more than just bravado. the Asian games, with the match taking bled under the defensive wall and past the promises to be the biggest change in the place in the magnificent setting of the helpless Garrood, who, despite his claims, fixture’s 174 year history, the existing national stadium, surely the first and last was already sitting at the Thigh Bar in Pat three-day match at Lord’s will be time the Blues would play on a pitch sur- Pong market planning his Tuk Tuk ride replaced by a 50-Over One-Day Game. rounded by such splendid bougainvilleas. home. The change has been brought about in The skill and movement of the opposi- The Varsity Match was cancelled due to an attempt to revitalise the fixture and tion were superb and caused several early a waterlogged pitch but will now take return it to the forefront of the universi- problems for the Blues’ defence, mar- place on Friday 4 May, 7.30 kick off. Due ties’ annual sporting calendar. “In time shalled excellently by the Falcons’ Joe to the insistence of Smirnoff Ice, the we hope to transform the day into a Garrood, playing due to the absence of match sponsors, the game was to be popular summer event to rival the corre- Dan Madden. After absorbing the initial played at either Oxford or Cambridge sponding fixtures of the Boat Race and pressure, the Blues were unlucky not to be United for publicity purposes, and fol- the rugby match” said MCC Secretary in front at half time after leading scorer lowing negotiations, the game will take and Chief Executive Roger Knight. The Damian Kelly forgot what he was good at place at the Manor Ground in Oxford. three-day game formerly played at Lord’s and took the ball off the silver plate it Anyone wishing to watch the game will be replaced by a four-day match to arrived on and fired over. At 0-0 after an should contact Mark Hepburn (mch35) take place annually, alternating between hour, the crowd was getting restless, anx- who will provide details on travel and Fenners and The Parks. ious for their team to break the resilient ticketing. 27 April 2001 Sport 31 LIGHT BLUE BOAT PARTY Women and lightweights win in Nottingham at the ‘Henley’ boat races Rowing

Tom Middleton

The Henley boat races provide an anti- dote from the Boat Race for all those people who complain about foreigners, post graduates, bogus asylum seekers and the CRE. The five races for women, lightweights and lightweight women, which normally take place over two kilometres at Henley, are con- tested almost exclusively by undergrad- uates – notwithstanding the occasional 39-year-old mother of two in the women’s lightweights – for no tangible reward, not even the ego-enlarging bonus of appearing on telly. In the last two years, the races have at least begun to attract more corporate attention: the races are now sponsored by JP Morgan, the Cambridge University women’s boat club by Ashurst Morris Crisp and Goldman Sachs, and the lightweight men by Arthur D Little. I’m not sure if God wanted the Henley boat races to happen this year. First of all the local council closed the towpath in Henley to spectators, except for relatives and important peo- ple like the press, meaning that the races would have been a collection of private matches. Then, a few weeks of torrential rain transformed the upper Thames into a potential venue for white water rafting. In true Dunkirk spirit, the organisers evacuated the crews to the races’ new venue: the National Water Sports Centre, at Photo: JET Photographic Nottingham. The day started off miserably for insult to injury for Light Blue support- lead by one-and-a-half lengths with ocally vindicated, by just three feet. to get their oars wet. It was a fine cul- Light Blue supporters. The Oxford ers. The race was over long before a 500 metres to go. Oxford then capitu- Oxford managed to save their worst mination of what was mostly a good men’s lightweight reserves, Nephthys, crewmember of Blondie caught a crab lated, allowing Cambridge to double performance for the last race of the day for the Light Blues. Since the managed to nick almost a length from 200 metres from the finish line, allow- their lead to three lengths by the finish. day. It must have been hard for the event, both English and Bottomley their Cambridge opposition, Granta, ing Osiris to win by a verdict of ‘easi- The women’s boat race seemed to be Oxford men’s lightweights’ finishing have been selected to represent Great in the first 500 metres. This proved ly’. This result didn’t bode well for the going Oxford’s way for the first 1750 coach to convince them that they had Britain this summer. disastrous for the Light Blues. other Cambridge women’s crews, and metres. Oxford surged to an early lead a chance against a stacked Cambridge CUWBC’s new coaching staff can Although they tried valiantly to reel CUWBC rowers began to look away in of about a length, taking a couple of crew, which included Under-23 inter- feel confident after this year’s results: them back in the second half of the tears. It seemed as if the new coaching strokes more than Cambridge every national Nick English, and potential Maitre and his team now need to work race, they could only close the gap to staff, appointed this year, wasn’t up to minute, who were striking a positively internationals Jamie Bottomley and hard to develop strength in depth, so half a length at the finish line. Granta the job. social 34 for most of the race. In the Charlie Bourne. Cambridge, who have that next year Blondie too can be vic- probably weren’t helped by the loss on The women’s lightweights race was last 500 metres, Cambridge started to been coached this year for the first torious. The men’s lightweights are race day of a member of their crew, neck and neck in the early stages, with edge back, and crossed the line almost time by CUBC development coach now streaks ahead of their Dark Blue Simon Case, due to illness. The only a mere three feet separating the crews level with Oxford. Unbelievably, Adrian Cassidy, led from the first rivals, and the elevation of some club consolation was that the winning at the 500-metre mark. Cambridge, Cambridge had managed to snatch vic- stroke and pulled away for the full members to international status bodes Nephthys boat was named after ex- with the oldest person to row in the tory from the jaws of defeat: CUWBC 2000 metres, to win by a margin of very well for the future. OULRC, if Downing Leo Blockley, who drowned lightweight women’s race, 39-year-old chief coach, George Maitre, breathed a four lengths. The crews were chalk and they are to be competitive in the main on a training camp in Spain last year. mother of two Sarah Tasker, pushed sigh of relief as the new training meth- cheese, with Cambridge rowing long race, have some catching up to do. The women’s reserves race added hard through the middle thousand, to ods introduced this year were unequiv- and effectively, while Oxford struggled Which is nice.

and Chris Davis both played for Queens’ immediately drew back level final match; sadly Mary Cruickshank’s Dance England in the Kuala Lumpur Sevens, with thrilling end-to-end play and efforts were not enough to secure a Cambridge University Ballroom SPORTS with Amor kicking several conversions extra time ensued. Robinson piled on Light Blue win and the overall victory Dancing Team put up a valiant per- and Davies scoring a try. The team lost the pressure and finally scored the was celebrated by Oxford. formance to achieve second place out in the bowl final 24–12 to South winning goal. Hilary Allen of the 21 universities competing at Korea. Rachel Cooke the Inter-Varsity Dancesport SHORTS Ben Sheriff Competition on 18 March. It was a Skiing tightly contested competition, but Ladies’ Golf Following last Christmas’ triumph Cambridge A-team lost out to Rowing Fencing The head-to-head with Oxford was over Oxford, the Ski and Snowboard Oxford by a mere two points. The The delayed University IV’s event was Cambridge have become the BUSA hosted by Cambridge at Hunstanton Club travelled to Austria to compete stage has now been set for a very held this week, with no prizes for men’s team fencing champions, after with the conditions rendering a wind in the British Universities Ski Club’s closely contested Varsity match on guessing the winner of the men’s event: beating Durham 134–97 in the semi- chill factor of minus ten that had to be Championships. The teams fared well, Saturday 12 May at Kelsey Kerridge Emma I. Magdalene I were the victors final and UCL 123–119 in an endured. The three foursomes battled though injuries stood in the way of Sports Hall, Cambridge. For more in the ladies competition, whilst extremely hard fought final. The bravely during the morning against victory. Once again, the women’s team information see: Trinity Hall II won the second men’s Championship has not been won by a horizontal driving snow and played gave the rest of the crew a real boost, http://www.cam.ac.uk/societies/cdc/ competition. Cambridge team since 1948 and com- some tremendous golf. The leading coming second in both the slalom and Rachelle Stretch Adam Joseph pletes an unbroken string of victories pair of Rebecca Edmunds and Hilary technical slalom. They were just beat- for the men’s squad this year. Allen enjoyed a tough contest but the en overall by Loughborough, by less Andy Culling Oxford pair eventually won 3–2. than a second in the Giant Slalom. Ex- Punting Boat Race? Rugby Louise Elmes and Catherine Palmer President Juliet Malley and current Eagle-eyed Varsity sports reporters Congratulations to Chris Davis, of St scored a convincing defeat over Jessica women’s captain Abi Carswell led the gained an insight into recent Light Edmund’s, on his selection for the Hockey Mellinger and Natalia Rodriguez. team and were also in the top ten in Blue dominance of the Boat Race England Sevens team that was sent to The mixed hockey Cuppers final took With the singles still to be played the individual races. The event also when Lukas Hirst of the Blue boat the prestigious Hong Kong Sevens that place on a dismal Sunday afternoon Cambridge were 1–2 down. During involved snowboard races with Pete was seen ferrying a horde of took place from 30 March to 1 April. last term. The first half showed the the afternoon the wind and snow con- Medland, CUSSC snowboard captain Japanese tourists around on a punt. Former St John’s student Russell teams were evenly matched, but the tinued resulting in the course’s reduc- coming sixth in the individual races. Never knowingly shy, he was seen Earnshaw also added to his collection score sheet was blank until the last five tion to 15 holes. Oxford won the first The women’s team and a mixed team wearing his Blues kit in an effort to of England Sevens caps. Though losing minutes when Queens’ fired two into two matches so needed one more point have also reached the finals of the woo in the ‘punters’. We lost sight of to Samoa in the Group stages, England the back of the Robinson net. for victory. Gemma Westaby, Katja King’s Ski Club British Universities him just as he clashed poles with made it through to the quarter-finals, Robinson, rallied by their numerous Jarvis and Catherine Palmer played dry slope championships to be held another punt: no re-start was where they lost to losing finalists and supporters, equalised and then took great golf to equalise the score. The next month. ordered. sevens specialists Fiji. Simon Amor the lead in an exciting second half. result hinged on the last hole of the Julian Blake Adam Joseph HANDS OFF: IT’S OURS Boat Race towards Middlesex. Moncrieff, the Oxford cox, had py, Cambridge were the tidier crew. Thus when they What they lack is finesse, which comes partly as a no such plans however and remained in the tradition- put in two devastating pushes as the Hammersmith result of having great international oarsmen such as al Middlesex line down the centre of the river. With Bend unfolded, the result was clear water and very Richard Dunn and of course West, alongside top Adam Joseph Oxford having a lead of a third of a length, blade soon a two length lead. quality coaches. Whilst the Cambridge 2001 boat clashes began. Obholzer initially warned Cambridge, This allowed ‘Scrubber’ Cormack to take the line he may not have been an exceptional vintage they have The Oxford crew waited to go into the Presentation whilst Oxford were coming out the better from the wanted as Oxford attempted valiantly to stage a proved themselves the masters in the most trying of Area. President Dan Snow and many of his team were continual hits. However, Moncrieff continued to steer remarkable come-back. Oxford’s tremendous courage circumstances. crying as they looked upon a jubilant Light Blue crew aggressively and just as Obholzer warned Oxford, a was shown in the fact that Williams “was never sure lifting the trophy. They did not seem to know whether fateful clash forced the blade from the Cambridge we definitely had it”. As the terrible pain of the boat to applaud the victors or cry foul play. Boat race bow man, Colin Swainson’s hand. Obholzer was left race etched itself on the rowers’ faces, the Light Blues Umpire Rupert Obholzer came over to Snow and in a with a very limited choice. Whilst the initial trans- managed to pull out a further half length to win the quiet voice said, “I hope you don’t feel I ruined your gression may have been Cambridge’s they at least tried 2001 boat race by two and a half lengths. This com- race”. Snow replied with a shrug. This was the plight to move out of the way, whilst Oxford were the last to pleted a boat race double for Cambridge as Goldie of the losers in a sport where winner takes all. Despite be called. Thus he was left with the option of disqual- came from being over a length down to win easily. their amazing courage and tenacity in the chase, it was ifying Oxford, allowing the race to continue resulting As the mighty victors crossed the line, Kieran West clear that they were beaten by the more accomplished in a probable appeal and possible Oxford disqualifica- rose from his seat and screamed in joy. The Olympic crew. tion, or to restart the race. Gold medallist was one of the less experienced mem- The race had begun in unusual conditions. The The restart again resulted in Oxford taking a slight bers of the Sydney crew but this victory was a great flood water coming into the Thames Valley had all but lead. Cambridge were, however, ready for them and personal one. Having played an integral role in the cancelled out the advantages of staying in the centre of were helped by impressive self-belief with the Aussie selection and training of the squad he has proved an the river where the tide is strongest. This set the pat- Lukas Hirst, rowing at number two, constantly telling exemplary President. Cormack, dripping and shiver- tern for the controversy over racing lines in the race. himself to “believe in the rhythm”. As the Middlesex ing from the traditional crew-propelled launch into Obholzer knew that he would be in for a tough ride bend ran out, Oxford had not got the clear water they the Thames, felt that it was “a dreadful row” as they as he attempted to adjudicate new lines under the needed and so desperately wanted. The crews moved had “never properly settled”. Despite this he knew changed circumstances. How tough he could only closer again in the straight thanks to what Robin they were experienced men and could deal with the have feared in his worst nightmares. Cambridge won Williams called “very interesting steering” from the situation. Williams was less harsh on his charges and the toss and opted for the Surrey station for both the Dark Side cox. This time though, Cambridge gradu- felt that “the interference did not help”. Goldie and the Blues race. ally began to settle into their long and fluid rowing Oxford will be coming at Cambridge even harder Having seen the Isis crew in the earlier race veer style, which has been the trademark of the Cambridge next year with a point to prove. The Dark Blues have towards Middlesex at the start, Christian Cormack, coaches, particularly Harry Mahon and Robin sorted out their training programme and now they are Light Blues celebrate Photos: Catherine Harrison the Cambridge Blues cox, gambled and moved Williams. Whilst Oxford’s style was continually chop- just as fit and strong as their Light Blue counterparts.