Happy New Year! Thank you everyone who makes the Hatchet happen every month— the writers, the artists, the advertisers, the friends at other publications and websites who have cheered us on (and given us good press), the bloggers who have sent web traffic our way, the bands and labels who have granted us interviews and sent us records to review, the venues and galleries that have kept us in the loop, the folks at Barefoot Press for their encouragement and Job-like patience, and especially YOU, dear reader, for checking us out every month, showing us to your friends, and just being a part of that weird, wild, unpredictable, formerly unreachable demographic of which we too are proud to be a part. 2006
We have a lot planned for the coming year. Keep an eye out for a new slicker, more interactive website, broader distribution, new columns and another Hatchetfest in the fall. We will be taking submissions for our first ever Hatchet Music Sampler CD to be released this year, a few more things we’re scared to utter lest we jinx them, and of course more of the irreverent, ridiculous, odd, yet informative Hatchet content you love. contents:
January, 2006 4. Consumer Hero Reaching for the stars and still winding up The Raleigh Hatchet on my knees by Tim Anderson 701 Glascock St. 6. Food Love Raleigh, NC 27604 ¿Habla Alimento? By Charles Mangin Editor 8 . Gallery list D.A. Nation 9. Month of Art [email protected] 10. Bars, Bars, Bars. Head of Production Who needs a drink? Your guide to the best Bart Tomlin and worst bars in the Triangle [email protected] 13. The Ladies Guide to Gentlemen’s Clubs Music Editor By Libby Lynn Jeramy Lowe 17. Month of Music [email protected] Hear it, See it, Love it. Find out who’s playing Calendars & Listings and where. [email protected] 20. Listen Up! Photographers Reviews of new releases from American Sarah Pasell Analog Set, Crosstide, Dios Malos, The Jay Winfrey Spinns and more. Contributors 23. The Penalty Box Brittany Anderson, Tim Anderson, Matthew Anscher, Claire Ashby, Concepts, Concepts, Concepts Greg Barbera, Brian Bedsworth, Melvyn Brown, Josh Bryant, Vince By Russ De Sena Carmody, Charles Cardello, Joy Courson, Russ De Sena, Mike Dillon, Chad M. Dravk, Rose Dunnington, Lauren Etheridge, Cody Eyman, 25. Axe The Band Greg Eyman, Brad Farran, Angel Femeister, Robert Gaddy, Shannon Welcome to Sunny Port Huron! Gray, Brian Howe, Troy Jefferies, Cheetie Kumar, Dan Kuszaj, William By Eric Wolfe Lee, Libby Lynn, Christy Meyer, Tanya Montoya, Ashley Nation-Gaddy, Sarah Pasell, Cy Rawls, Peter Schmehl, Phil Solesky, Marco Soto, A. 26. A Rude Interview Spencer, DH Westmoreland, Jay Winfrey, Eric Wolf, Joe Yerry, Jon Yu Marco Soto gets advice on how to lower the level of political discource from Rude Illustrators Daniel Gallant, Daniel Lynch, Ed Marsden, Kristin Matwiczyk, Chris Pundit Plankers, Jer Warren 30. Useless information: Hatchet Trivia Quiz 31. Madame Mercury’s Horoscopes Advertising [email protected]
Distribution [email protected]
Cover photo by Claire Ashby Correction: September’s cover was designed by Caroline King. All apologies.
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Please E-MAIL all press releases, submission requests and general inquiries to the editor. Consumer Hero This month Consumer Hero reaches for the stars and still winds up on his knees. Upper West Side. me, Hurricane Katrina had happened and I started where so many up-and-coming taken M. La away. (Didn’t he realize that starfuckers start: at Rockefeller Plaza in the covering Katrina was Anderson Cooper’s freezing cold morning waiting with crowds job? Sweet, sensitive Anderson Cooper. and crowds of fat and ugly tourists to catch Dreamy, delicious Anderson Cooper. By Tim Anderson a glimpse of America’s girl, Katie Couric, Suspiciously single Anderson Cooper. Ok, and her posse of toothy morning television just big ole gay Anderson Cooper.) Anyway, ’ve never figured that fame was in the goody-goodies. I saw spunky Al Roker, Matt Lauer was nowhere to be seen, and Icards for me. Despite my prodigious bony Natalie Moralis, and, um, Asian Anne it was cold, so I figured I’d take a break talents in the fields of procrastination, Curry, who, if you believe Radar magazine’s and visit the Dean and Deluca for some typing and lip-syncing, I’ve just never had recent rankings, is one of the dumbest coffee. By the time I got back, Katie, Matt, that special something, that thing the newscasters on television. Yay. The dumber Campbell and Al had been whisked away French call the “I don’t know what” that the better, I figure. inside and the only person left was Anne could catapult me onto magazine covers And there she was, our Katie, my new Curry who was graciously meeting her and Access Hollywood public. And, strangely, interview chairs that she actually has a undeniably gifted folks public. People were like Paris Hilton and actually lining up Ashley Simpson have. to speak with her. I’ve always figured I’d be She managed the more of a hanger-on, a line very ably, ever sycophant, a boot licker. so slowly moving That’s fine with me. As towards the NBC long as I get to hang on Studios across marginally famous people the street while at the Celebrity Poker still managing an table dressed in Prada engaging expression shorts and a sleeveless and concern about turtleneck and always what the housewife have my next fix waiting from Oklahoma was for me in the men’s toilets, saying about her I’ll be okay. dreams of having I started my star her own talk show. gawking at an early age, Anne talked to a few having had a near-star more people that experience when my had waited and then mother was working at she scurried back a figure salon that had best friend. And boy is she short. Dressed into the building, somehow arranged to have Lulu from Hee- entirely in pink and with an unfortunate probably wiping the funk of ordinary Haw as their spokeswoman (yeah, I know; orange complexion, she stood with Al people off of her white pantsuit. Ok, so I’d bad idea). It’s a long story for another time, and guest Chris Matthews among a bevy missed my chance with Anne, but I figure but suffice it to say that one evening little of Habitat for Humanity volunteers who that’s okay, because what would I have said six-year-old me got to go meet and even were wielding hammers and big planks of to her? “Hi, Anne. I just want you to know chat with Lulu at the salon, and being so wood, building houses right there on the that I love that you’re Asian. I think that’s close to such a big (and obviously I do plaza that would later be transported down just great, don’t you? In a way, aren’t we all mean big) star had a profound affect on me. south. Katie hammers a nail into a plank just a little bit Asian? Don’t you think? So And, like Lulu standing at the Golden Corral and the entire crowd cheers uncontrollably, anyway, Anne, what’s Katie doing later? You trough, I wanted more. because, holy shit, she’s motherfucking think she’d wanna hook up?” But damn if becoming a shameless Katie Couric and she just hammered a My next appointment with destiny toady isn’t a complete bitch to try to pull motherfucking nail. was happening at the new Best Buy on off. Since moving to New York, I’ve tried But where in the world is Matt Lauer? Fifth Avenue. On its opening day it was and failed again and again to make those Ever since he made it through that Tom presenting the great, the legendary, the pivotal friendships that will have me Cruise interview without pouncing on the boobie-licious Dolly Parton for a CD signing. receiving red carpet invitations to off off off motherfucker and scratching his eyes out The signing was slated to start at 11am, Broadway premieres and dancing shirtless (or at least calling his momma a bitch) I so I got there early, at about 10:55. I was on parquet floors with Debbie (sorry, have a newfound respect for and sexual shocked to find out that I was too late to Deborah) Gibson and Adrien Zmed on the attraction to our Mr. Lauer and I wanted even join the line for the signing; they had to see him in person. Unfortunately for already let everyone in that they were 4 consumer hero going to let in. A bulbous bell-bottomed tear plopped out of my eyeball. But, this is Betty White, and Rue McClanahan. Oh my before,” the woman next to me, clearly a Dolly! She’s dying to meet me, I just know it! God. It is this day that my entire life up till New Yorker, said to me. “But it’s fun. I love She’ll be very upset if you don’t let me in! I’m now has been leading up to. Really. these ladies. Did you see Bea Arthur’s one- from North Carolina! We’re practically related! But there was a problem. After the Dolly woman show?” My entreaties got me nowhere and I sighting, I had done the unthinkable and No, you maniac, I didn’t. Even so, I like her was forced to stay out on the street with been offered a job. And even though I knew tons more than you do. people who don’t even fucking know it would probably eat into my stalking The clock passed 12:30 and started Dolly like I do and gawk from the outside. schedule, I had to take it, because a man approaching 12:45. I was getting antsy. I Thankfully, she was perched at a table has to have spending money. On the day couldn’t be late for work, but which was right in the front so I had a good if narrow in question, I was expected in the office at more important, losing my job or chatting view of her as she signed CDs and posed 1:00. The in-store appearance, which was with Dorothy Zvornack? Which is more for pictures. As I watched a big fag in a three-and-a-half avenues over, was at 12:30. important, hmm? sweater vest, a really stupid hairstyle and That’s cutting it close. But I was determined The door behind the counter opened a completely unremarkable body have his that this Golden opportunity would end again and I gasped as I caught a glimpse of picture taken with the woman who uttered with me at least shaking their hands and Bea Arthur’s giant silver dome of a hairstyle the best movie line ever in 9 to 5 (“Well I say quickly impressing them with my witty as her head moved past. But they weren’t we hire a couple wranglers to go upstairs banter and my preternatural ability to coming out. What’s the hold-up? and beat the shit out of him.”), I couldn’t talk to old women on their wavelength. If And then I heard applause and shouts help but think, That big fag should be me. I played my cards right, I could get myself coming from the other side of the store. Why couldn’t I be that big fag? invited to the Russian Tea Room with them Cameras flashed. And who should be slowly I stuck around, hoping I could catch her later that night for biscuits and juleps. making her way towards us but Blanch on her way out but, really, Dolly’s too big I got to the Barnes and Noble early—at Devereaux herself, the very tardy Rue of a star to be just let out onto the street 12:05. I went inside and the queue had McClanahan. I quickly turned on my crappy where any asshole can get to her. She’s a already taken over the store, winding digital camera and waited for the display to classy dame and she must be treated as around the book aisles in a zigzag. I appear. When it did, I hurriedly got a shot of such. I never saw where she went or how wandered in and looked for the end of the Rue as she picked up the pace and hurried she got out. Maybe she went to the top of line. There were attendants everywhere past us into the back room where the other the building and left via Dollycopter; maybe checking to make sure that people Golden Girls were waiting. she had a sparkly limo out back that she joining the line actually had purchased It was now 12:50. I absolutely had to go. ran to before her fans could trail her; maybe merchandise for the Golden Girls to sign. I I waited one more minute, hoping that I she just took off her wig, her fingernails and didn’t have time for that. Nevertheless, in an could catch them on their way out to the all her makeup and left through the front amazing departure from my usual bad luck table. But they didn’t come out. Devastated door. Who knows? But I didn’t see her again. in these kinds of circumstances, I was able that I was being forced to go earn money at Another networking failure. to sneak past a few attendants and join the the expense of strengthening my network back of the line unnoticed. of famous friends, I said goodbye to the But this is New York. There are tons of I looked around and couldn’t believe folks in line, wished them luck, and stepped celebrities, many of whom at some point the number of people that had shown up. A out. I went out the back entrance but are going to release some DVD or other bunch of people in their twenties. I was one walked around to the front to see if they that they will be forced to do promotional of the older ones in line. And these people had come out. A huge throng of people appearances for. And I, like Lulu at the were excited, constantly craning their stood outside looking in. I took out my Shoney’s Breakfast Buffet, would not stop necks to whenever the door behind the camera to look at the picture I had taken. until I had what I wanted on my plate. I counter opened to see if they could catch With disgust, I realize that, because of waited patiently for my next opportunity a glimpse of Bea or Betty or Rue. People the delay on my second-rate camera, the to breathe that crisp, clean, nourishing were discussing their favorite episodes and majority of Blanche’s face was obscured by celebrity air. And it came. Oh yes, it came. the best one-liners. Wow. These people are the big head of the girl next to me. A few months later the Barnes and freaks. I thought I was the only one. (Oh my Noble on 6th and 23rd announced that they God, is that Ann Coulter two aisles ahead Obviously, for the 4th Season DVD would be celebrating the release of the of me? Oh, no, it’s just a tall skinny stack of release, I’m quitting my job and camping Golden Girls Complete 3rd Season DVD with a marked-down DVDs.) out. special in-store appearance by Bea Arthur, “I’ve never done this kind of thing
4 By Charles Mangin
¿Habla Alimento? one day. After a breakfast of hot, fresh all eyes turned on us. Curious looks turned By Charles Mangin glazed originals (a subject I’m bound to to smiles as the leader of our group joined cover in a future Foodlove) we followed us after parking the truck. Somehow, over Among my plans for the new year is the sculptor, who was in town for the week the course of a week, he had become a learning another language. Well, to be from California, to lunch. regular. more accurate, re-learning all the German The place was one he had somehow He showed us to the one large table, I learned in high school and have since found his first day on the job, having never hidden behind shelves of peppers, pickles, forgotten. I still remember a little bit, been to Winston before, with the help and spices. Our California sculptor had mostly numbers and simple things like of some been to this particular table for two meals greetings, but my vocabulary is probably of the a day, each day since his arrival. Speaking like that of a German toddler. fluently, he introduced us to the proprietor. The plan is to learn, or re- Greetings were exchanged, cervesas and learn, enough to be able hand-written menus to take another trip appeared at the table, abroad without having then he presumed to to resort to finding order for all of us. hotels or restaurants The food was that cater to English amazing, intense, speakers. Before my and almost entirely latest trip to Italy, I unfamiliar to me. took a class in Italian There was something at Wake Tech, with my with chicken. goal to be able to read Something with pork, an Italian train schedule. If I think. Something you know anything about else that tasted how the Italian train system like it was still on “works” you’ll understand my fire. Our sculptor appreciation of that particular and sponsor kept form of fiction. But I digress. pointing to items as My point is this: in order to they appeared on really be able to experience the the table and saying places I travel, I find it’s necessary things like “Oh man! to understand at least a little of You all have to try some the language. The accents of the of this! It’s” and then a local speech, the names of places, the long string in Spanish. particular hand gestures that tell you, to While I have yet to paraphrase, “fuhgeddaboutit.” experience another similar And this is true not just when traveling family-style Mexican meal, and abroad. I find that knowing a little bit of doubt I will again until I manage to take Spanish, for instance, lets me be somewhat laborers on a trip down that way (and a couple of more adventurous when simply looking the work site. From the outside, it looked classes in Spanish) I’ve managed to find for a place to eat. like any strip mall tienda, grocery shelves some truly excellent Mexican fare in The best Mexican meal I’ve ever had, filled with those everyday and specialty Raleigh. All I have to work with is my sense for instance, was memorable as much for goods every Latin cook uses at home. of adventure, a willingness to potentially the atmosphere as the food served family When our entirely caucasian group walked experience digestive discomfort, and a style, and I have no idea what most of it in, the scene was reminiscent of the scene small vocabulary of “restaurant Spanish” was. It was shortly after I had started my in “Animal House” where the Deltas and that I’ve picked up in the last few years. first job after college. My boss was working their dates walk into the Dexter Lakes For instance, Taqueria Chichos. Located with a sculptor, designing and building Club. Conversation stopped before the bell in Chatham Square at the corner of some interior signage for a refitted Krispy on the door stopped ringing, lunch hour Maynard Road and Chatham Street, the Kreme store in Winston-Salem, and he billiards games at the two tables tucked in part of Cary that my friends and I refer to took the whole office to see the progress the back corner of the store paused, and as “International mile,” the taqueria shares a parking lot with a Scottish go box with a pair of sauce school of dance, the Euro containers — one rojo and Market grocery, an excellent one verde — and handed out Japanese restaurant (Little one of the slots to my waiting Tokyo), a tienda and a pizza hands. restaurant. Down the street Caliente and other taco are two Indian restaurants, and trucks like these are where Indo-Pak grocery, a Japanese the construction workers, gift shop, a Korean restaurant day laborers, those guys out and more ethnic and specialty blowing the leaves off your shops. If eating in the rest of sidewalk right now, take their Cary ever seems homogenous lunch breaks. This isn’t the to you, it’s because everyone kind of Mexican food that with an accent ended up in comes with chips and salsa at Chatham Square. your table, ordered out of big, And in Chichos, everyone brightly colored, laminated has an accent. Most times menus printed in English. It’s I’m in there, I’m the only one handwritten signs on the side AVAILABLE FOR YOUR HOLIDAY PARTIES! INFORMATION AND FULL CATERING MENU ONLINE that can’t follow the Univision of a van in a dusty parking WWW.HUMBLEPIEBAKERY.COM soap opera on the big screen lot, ordered often times by TV. I’m not sure if the other pointing to lines on the menu RESERVE SPACE NOW! patrons are curious about the (if you’re me). Regulars can gringo interloper in their midst, walk up and order with a nod or just amused by my poor that says “Same as I had last pronunciation when ordering time.” dos tacos con chorizo y dos Caliente usually has a tacos al pastor. Regardless, I’ve couple of folding tables set never felt less than welcome up beside it, one seemingly by the blue collar, muddy always occupied by laughing boots crowd. men in paint-smeared Aside from the tacos, there coveralls, smoking and playing are several other especialidades dominoes. Maybe after I’ve de la casa. I’m a big fan of the remastered German, or at carne a la Mexicana, a giant least enough to order some plate of grilled beef, rice and beer and sausages, I’ll take up refried beans, served with a Spanish and figure out what few fresh, handmade flour exactly these guys have been tortillas. It’s quick, filling and talking about while I’ve been hardy. The beef is tossed with quietly eating all these years. Everybody could use a little extra bell peppers and jalapeños, I don’t pretend to know onions and cilantro, all for what diddly squat about Mexican or is effectively a meaty punch in Latino culture, but I appreciate the face. and enjoy that small part Taking things down of the cuisine I have so far another everyman notch is experienced. Imported and Taqueria Caliente - the taco separated from its home by The Raleigh Hatchet is looking for spectacular van that’s parked at the corner thousands of miles and cultural salespeople with personality, energy and of Tryon and Lake Wheeler bias and ignorance though it Roads most weekends. Since I may be, it’s still more authentic enthusiasm that have a passion for media and live right near that intersection, than any place that makes excellent customer service skills. If you have a I often stop in at this kitchen their employees wear uniforms sense of humor and a double dose of chutzpah on wheels when running or paper hats. So, my message then we have the perfect job for you. errands or on my way to go is this: be curious. Try on a new shopping. The bustling little accent and order some tacos van is often packed with four once in a while. Try the lengua. feisty Mexican women and Try the chorizo. Try some enough BTUs to flash fry an things you’re not sure how entire cow. Tortillas are created to pronounce, and don’t be by hand, to order, and appear embarrassed if the teenage girl as from the ether. They are behind the counter gives you We are looking for Ad Representatives. This then passed down the line, a funny look and corrects you. is a good opportunity for students and punk are quickly topped with meat, Flirt with her a little bit and rock parents with some time to spare. Prior spices, cilantro and garlic, then maybe she’ll help you translate sales experience unnecessary. nestled in foil alongside a the menu. Contact: [email protected] few slices of lime and halved Share and enjoy. radishes. The whole order is bundled into a styrofoam to- gallery list
Ackland Art Museum 209 Bickett Blvd., Raleigh 523 East Franklin St. , Chapel Raleigh 851-0443 Columbia St. UNC Campus, 836.5358 Hill Lump Chapel Hill 966.5736 Bleeker St Studios 967-1400 505 South Blount St., Raleigh April and George 406 E. Main St., Carrboro Craven Allen Gallery 821-9999 414 Glenwood Avenue, 968-3433 1106 Broad St., Durham NC Museum of Art Raleigh Branch Gallery, Ltd 286-4837 2110 Blue Ridge Rd., Raleigh 828-9082 205 W. Weaver Street, Design Box 839-6262, Artspace Carrboro 919.918.1116 315 S. Bloodworth St., NCCU Art Museum 201 E. Davie St., Raleigh www.branchgallery.com Raleigh Lawson St., NCCU Campus, 821.2787 CAM 834-3552 Durham, 530-6211 Basement Studios 409 West Martin St., Raleigh Duke University Museum of NCSU Gallery of Art & Design 300 Glenwood, Ave Raleigh 836-0088 Art Talley Center, NCSU Campus, Bickett Gallery Chapel Hill Museum Duke Univ. East Campus, Raleigh 515-3503 Durham 684-5135 Raleigh Contemporary Durham Arts Council Gallery 120 Morris St., Durham 560- 323 Blake St., Raleigh 828- 2787 6500 Firefly Rebus Works 605 Glenwood Ave. , Raleigh 301-2 Kinsey St., Raleigh 821-4536 754-8452 Gallery 18 Series One Studios 18 E Salisbury St. Pittsboro 102 W. Main St., Carrboro 545-9255 969-8059 Gallery C Sizl 3532 Wade Ave. , Raleigh 405 East Main St. , Carrboro 828-3165 960-0098 Glance Galleries Tatoo Devil Studios 311 W Martin St., Raleigh 1215 Hillsborough ST 821-2200 Raleigh, NC 919) 834-8055 Greenhouse Studios The Tire Shop 1 Ashe Ave., Raleigh 836- 428 South McDowell St., 8573 Raleigh 829-1577 HL Gallery Through This Lens Photography 319 W. Martin St., Raleigh Gallery Jill Flink Fine Art 303 E Chapel Hill St. 1500 Clark Ave., Raleigh , Durham, NC 27701, 821-7172 919.687.0250 Kirk Adam Gallery http://throughthislens.com 107 W Hargett St., Raleigh Tyndall Gallery 601-3131 201 S. Estes Dr., Chapel Hill Lee Hansley Gallery 942-2290 225 Glenwood Ave., Raleigh Visual Art Exchange 828-7557 325 Blake St., Raleigh 828- Litmus 7834 312 W. Cabarrus St., Raleigh Wootini Gallery 828-5559 200 N. Greensboro St., Local Color Carrboro 22 Glenwood Ave. South,
9 month of art
January 2006 special exhibitions in their studios and Ongoing exhibits non-resident members will fill the hallways with their most recent works - all unique Eleven Artists holiday gifts! This exhibition includes a Bickett Gallery great diversity of media, from sculpture, through January 27th fiber art, collage, mixed media, acrylics, oils, The featured artists will be Luke Miller metalwork, ceramics and photography. Buchanan, Bill Hickman, Anthony Ulinski, Johanna Gollberg, Wang Ying, January Openings Stephen Aubuchon, Eric Cecka, Sarah Pasell, Hiller Spires, Jon Tarleton and Nicole Heather Blackwell Welch. Studies in Architecture: Analog/Digital Whole Foods Market Lifestyle Center Louanne Watley January 6th Through January 31st Tell all the Truth, but tell it slant Rebus Works Lesley Patterson Through January 14th Going to Seed Works in photography and printmaking Rebus Works derived from images gathered from January 25th Through March 6th convents in Indiana, Kentucky, Virginia, mixed media prints Ohio and North Carolina. Jan-Ru Wan Fact, Family, Fantasy Mending and Praying Artspace Artspace Through January 14th January 21st Through March 11th Artspace Artists Association Biennial Reception: February 3, 6-10pm Juried Exhibition 22nd annual Emerging Artists Awards Michael Thrush Ceremony Naughty People’s Security Insurance Theatre Artspace, Gallery 2 Durham Arts Council Through January 27th January 13, 6:00 p.m. Deconstruct the spectacle of media and This year,s awards ceremony will include pop culture into “deliciously naughty a reading by two-time, Emerging Artists color schemes.” Thrush plays on the Recipient, Jaki Shelton Green, reading psychological fantasies encoded in our from her book of new and selected poems, material culture and presents a society in breath of the song. A reception will follow. an apparent state of unease. Large-scale work. Rachel Goodwin Resuscitate The Potter’s Eye: Art and Tradition in The Scrap Exchange Gallery North Carolina Pottery Friday January 20th from 6-8 pm. NC Museum of Art Recycled/reused images and materials Through March 19th that are intertwined with drawing and Masterpieces from the state’s 19th - painting,along with a series of resuscitated century pottery tradition and the old game boards. Opening night reception works of six distinguished N.C. potters. features sounds from the Wigg Report and Charles Lathem, in conjunction Bwana Spoons with Downtown Durham’s Culture Crawl. Wootini Gallery www.scrapexchange.org Through January 9th the original Rainbow Master, founder of Pencil Fight, and curator of the Plushtastrophe Tour. Opening reception Friday, December 9th
Holiday Hallway Exhibition Artspace Through January 20th This exhibition features over 45 members of the Artspace Artists Association. Resident artists will present art 9 bars, bars, bars Humble Pie These parts are chock full of clubs, Blincos chic. Good bartenders and great dark 317 S. Harrington Street pubs, dives and lounges. Below you’ll 5009 Falls of Neuse Rd slinky atmosphere. They’ll be relocated (919) 829-9222 find some Raleigh Hatchet favorites. 790-3882 by the new Raleigh rail project so The oasis of the warehouse district If your favorite bar isn’t listed yet, feel A pretty typical sports bar, with beer enjoy while you can. located in a hundred year old tile free to email and pass the information on tap, bar food and lots of TV’s. Flex warehouse. The space is open and along, but please don’t freak out and You have to love a North Raleigh 2 S. West Street inviting. Patio seating and $5 top shelf call us. We’re hung over and we’re restaurant that’s not a national chain (919) 832-8855 martinis on Thursday nights. A Hatchet already planning to expand this though. Strange grouping of hockey This bar is so gay they even put gay Favorite. section each month. My God man, we enthusiasts. porn on their website. An underground Jackpot! can only drink so much. Bogart’s American Grill dive that offers great drink specials 1303 Hillsborough St 510 Glenwood Ave suite 109 (Mondays well drinks are a buck and a (919) 821-8422 RALEIGH (919) 832-1122 quarter) and Thursdays are Trailer Park The ultimate dive bar with a hipster Trendy martini bar that’s a bit on the drag shows – with prizes! Private Club. crowd. Dark, loud, smoky and cheap. 42nd St Oyster Bar pricey side but offers good live jazz Fluid Great DJ’s playing rock, punk, soul and 508 W. Jones Street and infused vodkas. 16201 Glenwood Ave depressing country. What could be (919) 831-2811 CC’s (919) 828-9993 better. Cute bartenders. Private Club. Just about as old school Raleigh as 313 W. Hargett Street Some say this bar is like Miami Beach Jillians a bar can be, this traditional heavy (919) 755-9599 in Raleigh – with its stylish and scantily 117 S. West Street wood and brass rail bar located On of Raleigh’s oldest queer bars. Live clad clientele. Mirrors everywhere. (919) 821-7887 in the popular seafood restaurant piano music. Can get a little crazy Upscale drink menus and DJ’s creating Should you ever need 50 pool tables, is frequented by government towards last call. Private Club. a Latin vibe. Private Club. an outdoor volleyball court and workers, big business people and Café Cyclo Flying Saucer hibachi grills this is the place to find social drinkers. Excellent old school 202 Cameron St. 27605 328 W. Morgan Street them. College crowd. Strict dress code. bartenders.and a rowdy weekend 919.829.3773 (919) 821-7401 Look for the giant shark’s head on the atmosphere with live music. Urban chic but in the strip mall, this My god this bar has a lot of beer, there outside wall. Abyssinia Cameron Village restaurant bar sells are miles of taps and a coded beer list Kings 2109 Avent Ferry Rd Ste 150 delicious espresso cocktails and has to help you navigate them all. Young 424 S McDowell St (919) 664-8151 a huge martini menu. Smoke free Professionals. Hot waitresses. Late (919) 831-1005 You may think it sounds weird, but this environment. night food. Live music venue with full liquor is a great little bar hidden away in an Cappers The Goat permits, this bar is spacious and Ethiopian restaurant in a strip mall. 4421 Six Forks Rd Ste 115 5111 Western Blvd caters to the music enthusiast in the Every time I’ve been here, the place (919) 787-8963 (919) 233-4143 know. Live music, Monday night trivia, has been populated with off work taxi A Raleigh standard, Cappers has been The shiniest dive in Raleigh. No shit. Tuesday night movies, Wednesday drivers. Very laid back. Beer only. showcasing local and touring jazz acts Even with no overhead lighting there’s night comedy, vintage video games April and George for 15 years. The atmosphere is grown still enough faux chrome to make it and good drinks. A Hatchet Favorite. 414 Glenwood Ave up and laid back. radiant like a tanning salon, albeit a Private Club. (919) 828-9082 Capital Room very cozy tanning salon. It’s frequented Legends Upscale wine bar that offers occasional 112 Fayetteville Street by NC State white hats and area lifers, 330 W. Hargett Street DJ’s and dancing. Terrific art that Raleigh, NC 27601 plays a pretty decent selection of rock (919) 831-8888 changes monthly. One of the only (919)-833-1722 and punk music and offers cheap Raleigh’s original gay dance bar. Drag Glenwood South bars that rises above Casual bar and eatery across from the drinks and cheaper Jell-o shots in a shows on the weekends, DJ’s and Goth the grown up frat party scene. state capitol provides a much needed mouth-watering variety of fruit flavors. nights. Private Club. Aries Lounge no frills alternative to scores of trendy Thumbs up. Private club. The Longbranch 400 W Morgan St Ste102 downtown bars. Good old school Havana Deluxe 600 Creekside Dr (919) 828-8494 bartenders. 437 Glenwood Ave (919) 829-1125 Zodiac themed nightclub with a Churchill’s (919) 831-0991 A redneck extravaganza. Line dancing, mini dance floor and a urban-chic 1622 Glenwood Ave A cigar bar with leather couches and mechanical bull riding and the atmosphere. Great DJ’s cool couches (919) 831-1525 very dark intimate atmosphere that occasional freak scene like Great White and for a change of pace—a wall-long Five points old school bar with darts, is occasionally violated on weekend or midget coleslaw wrestling (really fish tank. Great place to catch a quiet a crap load of wood paneling and nights by Glenwood Southers. Great just short women).Private Club. mid week drink as well. expensive scotch. The feeling is relaxed margaritas and martinis. Private club. Mitch’s Tavern Berkley Café and unpretentious. Private Club. Helios Coffee Company 2426 Hillsborough St 27607 217 W. Martin Street Comet Lounge 413 Glenwood Ave (919) 821-7771 (919) 821-0777 3003 Hillsborough St (919) 838 5177 There are tasteful paintings of naked Downtown live music venue that (919) 833-8090 By day a coffee shop, at night Helios women behind the bar of this NCSU showcases blues, jazz and a weekly NC State hole in the wall with grungy turns into a wine and beer bar with college staple. Lots of old school charm open mic night. right next door to the charm and cheap drinks. Dance floor, DJ’s and a comfortable smoke free - Bull Durham was filmed here – but it bill payin’ place. A mix of old timers and DJ’s. Pool tables. Private Club. atmosphere. gets rowdy during State games. Late college kids. Late night menu. Dive Bar Hibernian night menu and cheap beer. Bickett Gallery Art Bar 3 Glenwood Ave 311 Glenwood Avenue MoJoes 209 Bickett Blvd Raleigh (919) 832-9363 (919) 833-2258 620 Glenwood Ave. (919) 836.5358 Don’t let the name fool you; Dive Bar A Hatchet daytime bar favorite – it’s (919) 832-6799 Very sophisticated but surprisingly isn’t as crappy as it sounds. It’s actually dark and quiet and the bartenders A burger joint with a stripped down chill for an art-gallery bar. The best kind of nice. Chrome fixtures, Video are amazing smart-asses. At night you attitude - named after Mojo Nixon patio view in the Triangle and a great games, hunky bartenders that look like might hear the Cranberries on one side and frequented by people who’ve bar staff. You will want to make this the dudes on 5th Wheel and cheap ass of the room and a guy covering Don never heard of him. Late night menu secret bar a regular destination. drinks. Private Club. McLean’s American Pie on the other. and buckets of beer. The Hatchet Full bar, private club open late on East Village Horniblows Tavern editorial staff reigns supreme on the weekends. 1 Dixie Tr. 1249 Wicker Drive mega-touch machine at this Glenwood Blue Martini (919) 821-9985 919.345.2227 South bar. 116 N. West St. This bar has a great patio; otherwise Funny name for a great little beer bar. Moonlight Pizza (919) 899-6464 it’s pretty much your standard college Hidden off Atlantic Avenue near the 615 W. Morgan Street A new edition to the Powerhouse hangout. Young crowd, cheap drinks, ABC warehouse this pub features the (919) 755-9133 Square, located in the former Taza Grill good bloody mary’s and burgers. beers of NC’s own Edenton Brewing Boylan Heights neighborhood pizzeria location, but all dressed up for trendy Five Star Company. Be warned, they are a good that cuts the music for Chapelle’s sophistication. Offers tapas and DJ’s on 511 W. Hargett St. deal stronger than your average Show and weird X-treme Spike TV the weekend. (919) 833-3311 draft. Friendly, hilarious bar staff and events. Comfortable and stylish. Great Urban Asian eatery that turns into hip- interesting mix of hipsters, hippies and bartenders. A Hatchet Favorite. hop dance bar for the late night. Very beer snobs-also ping pong! bars, bars, bars Northside Billiards Ri Ra White Collar Crime Montas 815 E Whitaker Mill Rd 126 N. West Street 319 W. Davie St 2223 US Highway 54 E (919) 828-0254 (919) 833-5535 Raleigh, NC 27601 (919) 361-2390 Beer bar with pool tables (duh) Irish-style pub with secluded seating, 919-828-0055 Not so much a bar as a dance club and a juke box so crappy its great. Trivia on Tuesday nights late night Cozy, artful and easy to lose time in, – Montas is a great place to learn Neighborhood and dive bar appeal menu and booming weekend crods. this is a great open, well lit upscale salsa dancing or practice your moves next door to a hot dog shack and a Rockford place – in a former Wells Fargo without wrangling drunks on the muffler shop. 320 1/2 Glenwood Avenue depository. Extensive cocktail menu. way to the dance floor. Tropical drink The Office (919) 821-9020 fantastic bartenders, garden patio. specials, DJ’s. Private Club. 310 S. West Street In Style magazine calls this bar an Parizades (919) 828-9994 “unassuming hipster hideway” we call DURHAM 2200 W Main St The name of this bar is funny because it the first bar on the Glenwood South (919) 286-9712 you can tell your wife you’re going to Strip and still one of the best. Good 48 Hours Greek/Mediterranean restaurant with be at “The Office” late and you won’t be strong drinks, good music and very 2825 Roxboro St DJ’s and dancing on weekends. lying. Exclusively priced memberships, little meat market action. (919) 317-1600 Ringside DJ’s and a VIP lounge. Private Club. Sadlacks 308 West Main St The Office Tavern 2116 Hillsborough St The Cosmic Cantina (919) 680-2100 710 West Johnson St. (919) 828-9190 1920 1/2 Perry St at 9th Street There’s a wonderful big city/opium 833-5165 A drunkard’s institution with (919) 286-1875 den feel to this three story former gay The name of this bar is funny because cheap beer, cheap sandwiches and If you can endure the highly privileged bar that has since come to appeal you can send people looking for The patio seating that’s extremely well Duke students on their weekly bender, to the newly crowned metrosexual Office to The Office Tavern and confuse populated in the spring and summer. the food is amazing and cheap crowd. Live music, DJ’s, and a piano bar the living shit out of them. Unholy dive Fantastic bathroom graffiti. - and the drinks are worth it just to downstairs. A Hatchet favorite. Private bar with a surprising amount of charm. Second Empire Tavern eavesdrop on the future power players Club. Cheap beer. 330 Hillsborough St. of America. Shooters Oxygen (919) 829-3663 Down Under Pub 827 W Morgan St 412 W. Davie Street An affordable alternative to the 5 star 802 W Main St at N. Duke Street (919) 680-0428 (919) 821-3188 restaurant bearing the same name. (919) 682-0039 You know you have always wanted Raleigh’s largest and most well Late night appetizer menu, outdoor One of the better dive bar scenes in to ride a mechanical bull. Here’s your promoted dance club. DJ’s Wednesday seating and plenty of old Raleigh Durham, the Down Under caters to chance, pal. They supply full padding thru Saturday. Caters to a younger well charm – and patrons. arbitrary walk-ins and has a low-key if you feel as if you cannot hang with dressed (and by this we mean barely Slims neighborhood feel. Intriguing clientele, the urban cowboy. Possible encounters clothed) crowd. 227 S Wilmington St late night food and cheap beer, and with scary locals, but well worth it. Players Retreat (919) 833-6557 full liquor. Cheap beer. Live Music. Private club. 105 Oberlin Rd. 27605 Downtown distillery that caters to The Federal Talk of the Town (919) 755-9589 the loud and crazy old school crowd. 914 W. Main Street 108 E Main St Ancient cozy dive bar annexed by Outdoor seating. Very personable 680-8611 (919) 682-7747 NCSU students and professors. Old bartenders. Great live music schedule. A new hipster hangout in Durham Warm friendly restaurant and bar that school sports bar vibe. A Hatchet favorite. Private Club. that’s spacious yet cozy. It’s got salads, offers nightly entertainment via DJ’s, Pooles Diner Sharky’s sandwiches, tapas, all the top-shelf jazz, R&B or soul acts. Laid back and 426 S McDowell St 5800 Duraleigh Rd Ste 101 wine & beer you could want, and DJ grown up. (919) 783-5448 Raleigh, NC 27601 Marco will be setting the mood with CHAPEL HILL/CARRBORO (919) 832-4477 What appears to be a typical Raleigh dusty vinyl gems from his 60s-70s soul, Named after the original 1950’s lunch pool hall/bar is just that. Very eccentric jazz and funk crates. Caffe Pane & Vino counter that once inhabited the space owner, very dry staff. This place is George’s Garage 418 West Franklin St this daytime lunch spot converts pretty cool, for a North Raleigh pool 737 9th St (919) 942-1556 into a retro-casual late nite bar that’s hall. (919) 286-4131 Charming and comfortable European comfortable enough for an evening Village Draft House Open and stylish space with upscale style café with a simple selection of with friends but charming enough for 428 Daniels St/ 27605 patrons, a busy local bar business pastries, sandwiches, coffee drinks and a first date. The drinks can be pricey, (919) 833-1373 and tremendous Apple-tini’s. The wines. Great wine list. Sidewalk patio. but they’re more than worth it. Food Clean, new-looking Cameron Village pork chops will make you so happy. A Carolina Brewery served late on weekends – don’t miss sports bar. The wings are great, and Hatchet favorite. 460 W Franklin Street the mac and cheese! so are the beer specials. A selection Green Room (919) 942-1800 Porters of about fifteen or so draft beers will 1108 Broad St Two story open/industrial space. Caters 2412 Hillsborough St cater to most everyone’s taste. Décor (919) 286-2359 to sports enthusiasts with an in house (919) 821-2133 runs from sports and beer to a whole We love this bar! A depression era basketball hoop, local brews on tap A sophisticated establishment on a wall dedicated to pictures of celebrities pool hall with original fixtures and a and a good bar menu. deserted street Porters is the best recent and past. A good place to be gratifying bell that rings for every tip. The Cave thing going on the NC State strip. in the afternoon, but crowded during Very pleasing shuffleboard table and 452 1/2 W Franklin St Stylish atmosphere manages to ACC sports broadcasts and weekend a juke box full of guilty pleasures. Cute (919) 968-9308 scare off obnoxiously drunk college nights. bartenders. Located 10 feet under West Franklin students. Amazing gourmet nachos. Vin James Joyce this live music venue showcases local Extensive drink menu. 410 Glenwood Ave 912 W Main St rock, folk and alt country. Pool tables, Pour House Suite 350/ 27603 (919) 683-3022 pin ball and good beer on tap. Plus a 224 S Blount St (919) 834-3070 Ye olde Irish pub right in the heart real under ground rock décor – very (919) 821-1120 European style wine bar and gourmet of downtown Durham. Dimly lit, surreal. Live music venue that can only restaurant has a great cheap late night comfortable and sociable. Good Dead Mule be described as “funky.” Vintage food menu. Excellent wine selection selection of beers, bar food and weekly 303 W Franklin St furnishings, pool tables full liquor and covered patio seating. DJ’s on first Trivia. (919) 969-7659 permits and mug nights. Private Club. Fridays and every Saturday night. Jo & Joes A little house next to McDonalds Profile Western Lanes 427 W. Main St. – but still cool. Great porch. Huge 625 E. Whitaker Mill Rd 2512 Hillsborough St (919) 688-3322 liquor selection and interesting crowd. (919) 833-4527 (919) 832-3533 Neighborhood joint that really reminds Private Club. Typical, but very large and Any place that caters to late night me of the bar on MASH. Unpretentious East End Martini Bar accommodating, sports bar. Bar food, drunken bowlers can’t be bad. The food, drink and crowd. 201 East Franklin St. crap loads of TV’s and a great staff. absolute kicker is that the lady behind (919) 929-0024 Plus the most up to date mega-touch the bar seems to cherish nothing Upscale un-college bar with over machine in Raleigh. more in the world than sliding your 150 types of liquor, an enormous beer down the bar to you. A Hatchet martini menu and “night on the town” favorite. atmosphere. bars, bars, bars Hell vintage colored glass fixtures and cool 157 1/2 E Rosemary St posters. Plenty of tables and some (919) 929-7799 other retro games as well. You gotta A basement dive with a good jukebox go down an alleyway to find it. dingy feel lots of concrete and cheap Caprice Bistro cocktail specials. Bartenders hate 10 Market St. Journey and cosmopolitans, Go late for (910) 815-0810 the best time. The second floor of this restaurant Lantern an intimate New York–style sofa bar 423 W Franklin St that specializes in Martinis and desert (919) 969-8846 drinks. Hot sofas, local artwork, cool A dark stylish bar attached to the atmosphere. best, if not only pan-Asian restaurant Firebelly Lounge in the Triangle. Offers cheap well 264 Nutt St drinks, specialty cocktail menu, sassy (910) 763-0141 bartenders and plenty of Chapel Hill A great place to try to get cut – by intellectual conversation plus Lychee famous indy film stars. Popular late Martini’s. night and weekend bar serves cheap The Library drinks and good bar food. Pool tables 120 E Franklin St and upbeat noisy atmosphere. A good (919) 968-6004 time. The name of this bar is funny because Hell’s Kitchen you can tell your parents you’re at 118 Princess St “The Library” and you won’t be lying. (910) 763-4133 They are now hosting more and better Though this place was made “cool” by bands. Check out indie-rock Teusdays. Dawson’s Creek, it truly is a great bar Local 506 with a nice feel. Good bar food and 506 W Franklin St cheap beer. (919) 942-5506 Level Five Live music club that showcases local 21 N. Front Street and touring rock bands. Its everything (910) 342-0272 a local club should be -with pool One of the best bar views going – this tables, nasty bathrooms and cheap fifth story rooftop bar overlooks drinks. Feels like a dive bar – but cooler. the cape fear river and downtown Private Club. Wilmington. Serves a plethora of Orange County Social Club frozen New Orleans style hurricane 108 E Main St Ste 1 drinks. Excellent old school bartenders. (919) 933-0669 Classy. One of the best bars in the area. Lula’s Couches, retro dinette tables, pool, 138 S Front St. cheap drinks, phenomenal jukebox, hip (910) 763-0070 intellectual crowd. A Hatchet favorite. Underground bar with an old double- Reservoir sided sit down Pacman game! Good 100 A Brewer Ln juke box and foosball. (919) 933-3204 Le Catalan An all metal and indie-rock juke box 224 S. Water St. should be all you need to hear to get (910) 815-0200 you down to the reservoir but there’s Café and wine bar named for the more – soviet propaganda-inspired mediterranean region nestled murals grace the walls and good between southeastern France and cheap drinks bless your wallet. Plus, northeastern Spain. Great patio the bathrooms are adorable. The men’s overlooking the river. room even has a Lebowski Man of the Soapbox Laundro-lounge Year Mirror. Good Times! 255 N. Front St. Speakeasy (910) 251-8500 102 E Main St You always heard the Laundromat was (919) 929-6881 a great place to pick up chicks. now it Pool tables, lounge seating and a huge is – because they’re drunk. Live music, selections of tap beers. Grad school cool art on the walls, cheap beer and crowd. Hidden behind an unmarked of course Heavy Metal Bingo every door below Tyler’s Tap Room – very Monday night – plus coin operated clever. laundry facilities in the back. A Hatchet favorite. WILMINGTON
Barbary Coast 116 South Front Street (910)762-8996 Definitive dive bar with the nastiest bathrooms and graffiti we’ve ever seen. Frequented by local regulars and hip drunks. Cheap beer, terribly Are we Missing any- comfortable. A great place to try to thing? E-mail us at get cut off. [email protected] Bluepost Billards and tell us about your 15 S. Water St. (910) 343-1141 favorite bars that are miss- Dark, cool and totally artsy especially ing from this list. for a pool hall. Its decorated with The Ladies Guide to Gentlemen’s Clubs: Strip Club Protocol for Chicks
By Libby Lynn 3. Peace of Mind: It’s time for women go to Teaser’s Palace.” I say go, cash to understand the reasons why only, and have a good time. Many years ago, in another life, I broke up businesses like strip clubs make In order to make it easier for you, I’ve with a guy because he went to a strip club. money. Instead of falling back on enlisted the help of some friends and After interrogating him with questions feminist arguments or jealousy, go friendly strippers. They’ll explain what their like “did those skanks give you an actual see what all the fuss is about. You’ll first time was really like, and how strip club erection?” I decided that titty bars were understand titty bars pose no real owners can get more female patrons. on par with cheating, and tossed our threat to your relationship. That’s Ladies and Gentlemen’s Clubs, here are relationship out the door. what regular nightclubs, coworkers some true stories and pointers that may Back then, I’d never been to a strip club. and Craig’s List are for. help you prepare for your first time. Enjoy They were part of that equally threatening – and employ. and fascinating realm of the Secret Men’s Club: Porn stores, escort services, massage My First Time: Anne Gideon [gideonsbib parlors and, in the great state of Nevada, le.blogspot.com] brothels. These businesses, I thought, The Jealous Perspective had a No Girl’s Allowed policy. For years, I To be honest, the first time I went to the condemned them and wrote them off as strip club was a disaster for three reasons: misogynistic commercialism. It took me One, the club didn’t take credit cards, so I four years of working in the marketing end was sent on a wild ATM goose chase. Two, of the Adult industry to understand why I I went with Bill and Jennifer, and Bill and really hated them: Jennifer were sleeping together at that time, and I wasn’t supposed to know that I was jealous. Bill and Jennifer were sleeping together. Three, I would have preferred myself to be With the exceptions of Temptations Parties sleeping with Bill instead. and cheesy Chippendales, women don’t And the fact that I was looking at a bunch have a Secret Ladies Club. Spending cash of vaginas was weird. Other than that, you for sex-centric catering isn’t a widely might say I had a pretty good time. available option, and I believe that’s one reason why many women are threatened Tips for Chicks: by places like strip clubs. But if you’ve ever 1. Get good and drunk. been to an All-Male Review, you’ve seen If you’re anything like me, you’re that some women aren’t only comfortable more Observant than Participant, with paying for erotic entertainment especially on your first visit. – some of us are starving for it. Drinking will help you look “not If you’re a female strip-club virgin whose uncomfortable.” Some strippers curiosity might be translating into jealousy, will spot this, and know that you’ll anger or uninformed feminist ranting, it’s give them money to go away. Don’t time for you to hang up your hang ups and give them money. Just tell them “No, go to a titty bar. Here’s why: thank you,” and continue feeling not- 1. Informed Opinions: Our personal uncomfortable with your cocktail. assumptions, especially when it 2. Recognize it as a business, similar to comes to sexual beliefs, are rarely the food service industry. based on fact. Any time you assume When it comes to flirting, strip clubs something to be true, as in “those 4. Comfort Zone Expansion: Explore offer ease and lack of complexity. It’s disgusting places are nothing more your personal boundaries, and see not difficult to tell whether or not than prostitution houses,” you’ll what happens. You may hate it. You someone in a strip club is flirting generally find that the truth is much may love it. Either way, you’ll have with you, and it’s also relatively easy easier to swallow. a more expanded mind when you to let someone know you’re not 2. Life Experience: Once you go, you stumble out the door. interested. That kind of elementary can back up any future strip club 5. Good Times! The first time I went to a relationship can be refreshing. episodes with facts. The next time strip club, I had a blast, and I realized 3. Check your bad self-esteem at the your man (or your woman) tells why men like them so much. It’s truly door. you that he went to a strip club, an amazing experience, especially Your boobs may be saggy, your you probably won’t end your for a woman. And now I know how to thighs may rub together, and you relationship. You might even want react when my boyfriend hesitantly might’ve made it through college to tag along. mumbles “Some of the guys wanna on a loan from the government. Just remember that you’re not on perfectly healthy. Claiming that you stage, and that not all the eyes are only imagine you and your partner on you. Not even Bill’s eyes, which is in your personal fantasies is not only why you shouldn’t go with a person a lie, but also it has the earmarks of a like Bill when you’re not supposed relationship in crisis. to know he’s sleeping with a person Tips for Titty Bars: like Jennifer. The last time I went to a strip club I stayed 4. You’re looking at a healthy $100 approximately 15 minutes before I left both night. $40 in the hole and extremely annoyed Not only from paying for drinks, that I had wasted my money and my time. but for continuously putting dollar It was the same tired shit. Dance, dance, bills in front of Bill to turn him on. Barefoot Press strip, bend at waste, reach between legs, Because if he’s looking at strippers, fake fondle the poodle, smack ass, pause, at least he’s not looking at Jennifer. rinse, repeat. My point: Go with girls (and cash) on I want to see a girl who LOVES her job, your first time. or at the very least, a dancer who is very good at performing her job. Hopefully, I’m My First Time: Melissa paying her college tuition. The least she [divineimagery.com] can do is make me feel like she is going The Wife Perspective to love me long time for my efforts. I want The first time I went to a gentleman’s club, creativity, not inanity. And I want not only I was with my husband. The experience to be recognized, but also to be celebrated. was a little intimidating, as you don’t know I’m paying for that celebration. A woman who can get over herself long enough to where to put your hands or your eyes. A appreciate the fine art of stripping should woman tends to think that the men who be imparted with free cover and drink frequent these joints are pervy, so what are specials. we when we go? It was exciting, but mostly made me feel like there was a thin layer of My First Time: Brock scum on my already-struggling marriage. The Gay Perspective I mean, why else would a lone couple go I grew up in a military town where the local watch naked strangers? gentlemen’s club had few, if any, gentlemen. Tips for Chicks: I went to watch two gaunt chicks pour glow-in-the-dark liquid on each other’s 1. Safety in numbers. I’ve learned that I naked bodies...while they were standing in have a lot more fun when I go with a kiddie pool. I wasn’t impressed, but I still my partner and a group of friends. felt confident there had to be a titty bar out You also have to keep in mind that there for me somewhere. everyone is there for the same Tips for Chicks: reasons you are, so leave your hang Do tip with Lincolns or greater. Passing a ups at the door. Washington to a naked lady shows such 2. Don’t expect a sex show. Watching disrespect. Remember to show some class a naked woman dance is no more so the dancers don’t have to. But don’t go crazy at the bar. You’ll end up shoveling sexually deviant than doing it money to a bunch of male bartenders you missionary style with the lights off, don’t even find half-attractive. and I can assure you that everyone Tips for Titty Bars: in the room will be seething with How can the experience be improved? I’ve jealousy when the spotlight dancer been to The Cheetah in Atlanta now, and takes your head and shoves it they have things just right. Great dining, between her money makers and great service and great boobies. The only shakes ‘em just for you. way to make a gentlemen’s club better is 3. Jealousy may be a sign of other to actually revert to the campy craziness of the not-so-gentlemanly strip clubs of my issues. youth. Bring out the kiddie pools. And fill This is a big one. If you find yourself them with glow-in-the-dark liquid. jealous watching your man watching the dancers, you should probably be My First Time: Ava going to counseling instead. At the The Single Girl Perspective end of the night, the dancers go My first strip club experience was when I to their house and you go to yours. was 21. I went on my lunch break with 5 It’s a fantasy, and fantasizing about other guys. I was curious, and there was other people in creative scenarios is a free lunch entrance for women, so why not? When I got there, I had to remind myself that it was okay to look. The age of 14 sex 15 some of the girls shocked me. Libby’s Tips for Chicks Tips for Chicks: 1. Cash only. Do not bring a credit or You are going to a strip club. There will be debit card anywhere near a titty naked women there, and the men will be bar. Cash limits the dent you’ll put gawking at them. Know this and accept in your bank account, how much this. Don’t treat the women like whores. trouble you get into, and prevents You are in their house, so check your issues sketchy overcharging. Although at the door. Enjoy the show and remember cash flows more freely than plastic, not to take it too seriously. If you go with you’ll be glad the next morning. your significant other, you best lock up 2. Allow yourself to be awed by the that jealousy. Look at it as an educational women. They’re beautiful, naturally evening by watching the dancers’ moves to or not. Dancing is a tough and take back into your bedroom. physically demanding job. Never Tips for Titty Bars: underestimate the intelligence of Something FREE. Free entrance, half-priced the dancers. These women know drinks and free dances will get more more about human psychology than women to come. I’ve never had a dancer your therapist ever will. Treat them or cocktail server be rude to me. As a with respect, tip them well, and learn matter of fact, that is one of the reasons to appreciate the value of good self I look forward to coming to gentlemen’s esteem. Take it home and use it. clubs. The dancers and waitresses are so 3. Get a lap dance. Choose a dancer you appreciative to the female patrons that I like. Instead of saying “OK” to the always know I’m going to get good service, first woman who comes up to you, more so than I would at a regular bar. approach the dancer you like best for your lap dance. You’ll get a better My First Time: Nikki Fairchild [Nikki dance and a better deal that way. Fairchild.com] The Stripper Perspective Libby’s Tips for Titty Bars: My perception of strip clubs used to be, This one goes out to all the Pure Golds out they were dirty and the dancers where there. whores trying to take my man from his First, recognize that you have a female home. They had no self-esteem and they clientele. Every time I’ve been to a titty bar, needed to hear how beautiful they were by I’ve ended up making out with one of your complete strangers. I never once thought female patrons in the bathroom. Huge they could be educated or have completely marketing potential here, gentlemen. normal lifestyles. I believed strip dancers Second, remember that your female were one step from becoming hookers if patrons don’t work for you. They pay your they weren’t already. bills too. Leave your big pimping attitude What It’s Really Like: for your employees, and reserve your Of course all clubs are different, but the medium-to-small pimping attitude for your average woman would be surprised to lady guests. You work at a strip club, dude. learn what a mind-freeing experience a Humility will serve you well when it comes dance club can be! The ladies in the clubs to the women paying your salaray. provide a fantasy and image of desire. Third, treat your female clientele like Many of the men go to the clubs for the ladies. You know how much you fear going “eye candy.” Women go to understand to the mall, watching chick flicks or buying “WHY.” The ladies can enjoy a sensual tampons? That’s peanuts compared to how dance without feeling they’ve crossed scary strip clubs can be for chicks. Next time any line in their sexuality. Beauty is Beauty. you say “Females are a small percentage of Most women discover they enjoy dances our clientele,” do a Friday night head count, from females more than men, mainly to and remember what happens at your all- feel the sensuality. Soft, slow seductive male reviews. The financial potential here dances bring an ever-increasing number of is huge. women to the clubs every year. Think outside the box - or in the box, if Tips for Chicks: you prefer - and give us a reason to come. The first thing a female going to any strip club must remember is the ladies are entertainers. They are there to put on a show! This is their job. The ladies dancing are not there for dating or escorting services. They are there to dance. The ladies were hired for their ability to provide a tangible fantasy. Nothing more. Every woman should keep in mind that dance clubs are like interactive TV’s. Nothing can 14 beat the real thing at home: YOU! sex 15 16 17 month of music
Calendar 1-06 late show Whale Watchers Pour House Montage Wetlands Supersystem, French Toast, Ris Wetlands Theory Thursday Sunday 1 Pul Ric Kings No Neu Romance Closed for a Private Friday 13 Party This Week Monday 9 Cats Cradle Who’s Bad Pour House Seven Minute Bender Kings Nola w/ Dey Armond Edison and The Tuesday 3 Octobers Kings Movie Night “House on the Haunted Lincoln Theatre General Hill”, the original w/ Vincent Price Johnson & the Chairmen of the Local 506 Jon Mitchell’s Electric Jam w/ Board The Spinns Local 506 White Elephant, Jett Pour House Allied Threat & Half Gallon Jack Rink and Bellglide Pour House Granola Funk Wednesday 4 Express Kings Dr. Robert’s Health Jazz Pour House Tamasha
Thursday 5 Kings Ghengis Tron w/ Phon and Child Abuse Pour House The Fustics Wetlands Theory Thursday
Friday 6 Kings Great Cover-Up Video Highlights Re-live the better moments of the Cover Up Lincoln Theatre The Breakfast Club Local 506 Elvisfest 2006 w/ 2 Dollar Pistols, Straight Eights, Hillbilly Werewolf, Butchers,and Defilers Wetlands Dynamite Bros w/ Red Smokes Pour House Oblivious Action White Figures Saturday 14 Saturday 7 Cats Cradle Cosmic Charlie Kings The Heavy Pets w/Order of Kings Widow w/ Sky Witch and Viper the Dying Orchi, Mass Movement, Lincoln Theatre Zoso Street Shark Local 506 Dirty South Winer Bovverland Lincoln Theatre 2nd Annual Concert w/ Straightlaced, Antagonizers, Winter Metal Showcase w/ Dierkt Tuesday 10 Sab Grey, The Vaticans, The Ivy League, The Frequency, Automag, Strychnine Soul, Kings Movie Night Tom Waits concert Spooks and Vanguard Sorrow Valley, Sumosha, Realign (Godsmack film Big Time, followed by jazz band from Pour House The Samples Tribute), End of Days, Age of Dispair, Richmond Fight the Bull Wetlands Cuntry Kings w/ Drag it in Drag American Gothic, H.O.W 3PM Doors Pour House Out of orbit and skywire it out Local 506 Elvisfest 2006 Dexter Romweber Duo, Psycho Charger, Jimmy and theTeaser, Wednesday 11 Sunday 15 Righteous Pimp Kings Dr. Robert’s Health Jazz Kings Neu Romance Pour House Even Flow Pearl Jam Tribute Local 506 Hope for a Golden Summer and Pour House Stillhouse Band Liz Durret Wetlands L in Japanese, Adam Rottin, The Pour House Organix Monday 16 Lick, and Social Memery Complex Wetlands Contract Camp w/ Can Joann Pour House Dying Breed and Inuendo Wetlands Farewell to Arms w/ Kiss for Sunday 8 Thursday 12 Jersey, Jonas Sees in Color and My Hero is Kings Neu Romance Deep House, Trip Hop, Kings Asschapel w/ Punr Me Rare Groove; 9pm. Lincoln Theatre Donna The Buffalo 16 Pour House early show Maxwell/Mosher Local 506 Nathan Asher and the Infantry music 17 Wetlands Theory Thursday Tuesday 17 Friday 20 Kings Movie Night “Purple Rain” 9pm Cat’s Cradle He Is Legend w/ Boxbomb, Local 506 Jon Mitchell’s Electric Jam w/ Idea Of Beauty and Royden the Spinns Kings A Rooster for the Masses w/ The Capulets, The Hungry Models and Alphas Wednesday 18 Wear Grey Cats Cradle New Riders Of The Purple Lincoln Theatre Bad Fish (A Tribute to Sage Sublime) w/ (Rage AgainstTheMachine Kings Dr. Robert’s Health Jazz Tribute) Pour House Mama’s Cooking Pour House Kenny Roby’s Mercy Filter w/ Countdown Quartet Thursday 19 Wetlands The Nein w/ Fin Fang Foom Kings The return of the unbelievable Blowfly Saturday 21 Lincoln Theatre Terrapin Jamfest Kings The Bleeding Hearts w/ The 2006 Featuring: Moonshine Still CX-1 Semantics, Jerk and Destroy and Dead Seepeoples Kings
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18 music 19 Local 506 Ben Davis and the Jetts w/ The Whigs and The Honored Guests Pour House Steep Canyon Rangers
Sunday 22 Cat’s Cradle Steve Kimock Band featuring Robert Walter, Rodney Holmes, Reed Mathis Kings Neu Romance Wetlands Jai-Alai Savant
Monday 23 Pour House Motorbilly w/ Automage and Viva la Venus
Tuesday 24 Cat’s Cradle Susan Tedeschi Local 506 Criteria Kings Movie Night Pour House Cerulean City
Wednsesday 25 Kings Dr. Robert’s Health Jazz Pour House Irongrass
Thursday 26 Local 506 The Talk, The Capulets and The Verdict Pour House D J Williams Projekt Wetlands Theory Thursday
Friday 27 Cat’s Cradle Robert Pollard Kings Special Show w/ The Carolina Rollergirls Pour House Blue Dogs Wetlands 3x4 CD release party w/ Eerie Choir, The Sames, Schooner and Summer Set
Saturday 28 Kings Spot Lincoln Theatre Who’s Bad Local 506 Chronic Town (REM cover band) w/ Planet Claire (B52’s cover band) Pour House Jerry Joseph Wetlands Kingsbury Manx
Sunday 29 Kings Neu Romance Local 506 Some Girls w/ Das Oath
Tuesday 31 Cat’s Cradle New Mexican Disaster Squad Kings Movie Night w/ AV Geeks Pour House Lactose Quervo
18 19 bounced and you could tell that Joel Morales meant what he sang. but on DIOS MALOS, they just borrow from themselves and put the songs into predictable little boxes, for the most part. Producer Phil Ek helps Morales and his band mates transcend the lackluster majority of the album on tracks like “Tokyo Sunrise” and “So do I”, with the band sounding like Neil Young, stoned on the moon. I can go for that, but songs like “Grrl” and “My Broken Bones” are songs which showcase the weak lyrics and trite structures which bog down some of these songs. “Alcohol leave me cold/ American Analog Set alternative style. A handful of songs but Mary Jane take me home.” uhh,I’m Set Free on this CD are just catchy, and those grabbing my Tom Petty records, you Arts & Crafts Productions are some of the most affecting songs, know the one with the song where Set Free is the sixth proper LP from though “Wasted” would be my one pick he dances with the dead chick from The American Analog Set. Formed in for airplay, should it ever come to that. Batman. Overall, Dios Malos record has Austin, TX in 1995, this is actually their - Courson a couple of great tracks and a lot of first album recorded in a legit studio. so so ones. I’d be interested in seeing The hushed restraint, almost krautrock them live though... – Dillon repetition...maybe a bit of Tortoise (that’s not such a bad thing) is still apparent. Since 2003 bandmember Andrew Kenny has resided in New York City while pursuing a PhD at Columbia University in Biochemistry, suffice it to say this album took a while to cobble together. But don’t forget in that time Kenny found time to record the Home ep with Ben Gibbard and an updated version of the American Analog Set’s “The Postman” which was included on the Songs of Hurt and Heeling compilation, sponsored by Tylenol...freakin’ Tylenol sponsored Dios Malos a compilation, yep. For those just S/T becoming familiar with American Startime Records Analog Set, hurry up, this current tour is The Hawthorne, CA collective Dios The Dirty Faces their last. – Rawls (Malos) are often associated with 60’s Superamerican stoner pop revivalists (like Beachwood Jagjaguwar Crosstide Sparks and Canyon) and rightfully Well, good news: it doesn’t suck. Life as a Spectator so. After hearing this, their second Superamerican sounds like a slushy Slowdance Records release for NY label Startime, I think made of all the bands you listened This full-length follows on the heels of that the only difference is that those to when you were sixteen, had hair an EP that was cleared out of Portland bands borrow better. Dios’ last record full of Manic Panic, and all the pretty stores, and it’s a slice of power pop for was promising and enjoyable. A bit ones referred to you as “that punk everyone. It’s got good lyrics worth derivative, but with a penchant for listening to, and a good groove. Great harmony and subtle humor. The songs things shall come from this. Easy melodies break out into decent riffs with vocals that blend punk roots with 20 music 21 kid.” These 13 songs are, for the most A song called “Holly Brown” caught part, the kind that you could easily sit my attention and I listened again. through while you waited politely for The music has a mainstream sound text: Agency FB, the band you actually came to see, with backbone, but not quite the bold, 10pt. , although you’d probably step away for conviction. Some of the songs exhibit height= 75%, width= 110% a beer at least once. T. Glitter raggedly repetitive riffs and lyrics that become croons the lyrics in a way that almost monotonous and drilling, having said makes you think you read about that, theses same lyrics and melodies The Dirty Faces in Please Kill Me. The are creatively thought out and far main problem is homogeny—most from random. This self-recorded album of the tracks are indistinguishable shows just what the band likes and from one another, so much so that possibly what is most important to iTunes is occasionally the only way them. JigGsaw definitely has a style to know when a new song begins. and should be applauded for having The exception to the rule is “High the courage to release something that Holy Day” which still manages to be is against today’s mainstream. - Joy good in spite of it being the cliché, “I’m so strung out, but please love Low Skies me anyway,” ballad on the album. I Have Been to Beautiful Places (EP) Space is scarce in the overpopulated Flame Shovel Records (if undernourished) world of “horse”- Chicago quartet Low Skies offers up a riding lead singers and the bands fine example of what makes the lost that love them, but if The Dirty Faces art of the EP should be like. Their 2003 manage to differentiate themselves a debut The Bed garnered a good bit little more, they could get something of earnest midwestern praise. They going. Variety, not smack, is the spice found then found themselves on the of life. - Etheridge and Brown road this past summer sharing the stage with Neko Case. Not wanting Eagle * Seagull to keep folks waiting for their next S/T long player (coming in ‘06), Low Skies Paper Garden Records put five songs to tape, recorded live This band sounds like Pavement...well in the studio. Sounding like a pensive that’s not really fair, but Eagle Seagull’s American Music Club, “New Deal” an 8 self titled lp kicks off with “Lock and minute plus slow burner anchors the Key” with it’s structure sounding a bit set. - Rawls like Pavement’s “Stop Breathing” or “Fight this Generation”, but with more deliberate production. “Hello, Never” is way similar to “Range Life”...oh well, other comparisons could be made to Grandaddy. “It Was a Lovely Parade” is a nice, short, piano dirge.The Lincoln, NE six piece has barely been around for a year but deserve many plaudits for cranking out a competent album in such a short time. - Rawls
JigGsaw Zero Generation Self Release The mysterious JigGsaw’s website is simplistic with no real interactive Morricone Youth features and design that’s merely Silenzio Violento an extension of their album art. Country Club Records Their most used features have not NYC hipsters Morricone Youth are well been updated, leaving the viewer to known for their live shows performing search elsewhere (ie… myspace.com). renditions of film and television scores Following suit, the CD was simply from the days of yore. Ranging from interesting. On first listen I thought classics Rosemary’s Baby, To Sir With Love, the lyrics were very entwined with the Escape from the Planet Apes, and one music but generally hard to follow. of my faves Pee Wee’s Big Adventure. In this debut release they tackle all original 20 material, and as you would guess, pull 21 from those past influences to create their Xiu Xiu own dazzling arrangements and savory La Foret compositions that range from fast jazz in 5RC the song “Heist”, to the spooky “Monster” Xiu Xiu mastermind Jamie Stewart which wanders into Spy Hunter/James somehow manages to craft intriguing Bond territory with a fast moving pace albums by laying desperately with additional horns and keys to make it whispered/ shrieking vocals over especially haunting. “Bonniewood” ventures sparsely placed synths, programmed around poppy melodies and straight rock percussion, vibes, and random noise. sounds complete with horns and has a nice The effect of this approach is both eccentric ending to this great song. There stimulating and polarizing. One either is something so unique and appeasing hears the genius in these recordings of their mix mash vision and angle. The and actually sticks around long enough outcome would be best described as great to notice the entrancing hooks created soundtrack material that can stand-alone by Stewart’s cautiously placed acoustic by itself without a film and I’m sure it’s strumming; or they hear his unnerving been done before but I wonder, is there shriek over droning synths and run anybody up for making a film around this for the hills. Xiu Xiu brings to mind the soundtrack?? –Rumsey throbbing dread of Joy Division (in a
The Spinns severely deconstructed scary sort of Lost Colony way) and the desperation of Conor Demon Beach Records Oberst’s vocal delivery. As for the lyrical On their new release local gents The Spinns content on this puppy: brutal. Stewart conjure up a 60’s garage mystique that tends to engage in some over the top draws from early Stones, The Troggs, The self scrutiny that can at times be a bit Kinks, and countless others. They will throw uncomfy as well as beautiful. “Jesus is you back into a time when your parents wondering if even he can love you/ Oh were probably smoking joints, raising hell, this is where I live/ A pox upon your and contemplating their first acid trip. house”.Yeah. Fun stuff. - Cardello “1965” sounds like a long lost Doors jam sans Ray Manzarek complete with twangy geetars and rough jazzy beats. “I Will See You Tonight” may have been conceived in the front seat of Ray or Dave Davies car. The Hatchet is always on the lookout Yeah, British cars didn’t have back seats for new talent. If you Like music, and back then, bloody shame really. “Doin’ Me can write about it, you could be our In” is a nice fuzzed-out jam as well. These next Hatchet record reviewer.. cats keep it simple and focus on the songs. No wankin here. Catch them if you can. Send an e-mail including a writing - Rumsey sample to: [email protected]
22 music Concepts, Concepts, Concepts structuring not just a true unified work, Few will get past an album cover by Russ De Sena but rock’s first “rock opera.”S. F. Sorrow” featuring a winged naked dude clutching tells the story of one man’s entire life, the iris of a cosmic yellow eyeball. A typical The mere mention of the tern “concept from birth (“S. F. Sorrow is Born”), to period review (from Rolling Stone Record album” tends to inspire at best a few death (“Loneliest Man in the World”), Guide, ’78 version): “a concept album about chuckles, what with the supposed following him through war, love, love lost an extraterrestrial bluebird who lets the post-punk space-time continuum we in a Zeppelin crash (“Balloon Burning”) blind boy see the future: pure National supposedly “live” in and all. We here at and more. Singer Phil May comes down Lampoon rock opera.” Yes, that is the gist the Penalty Box Compound say phooey from the hysteria range of his early days, of the “story,” which I’ll admit is pretty daft, to all that. Hell, given the flimsiest of meeting a set of great melodies. but you’d have to sit down and read the unifying concepts on Sgt. lyrics inside the gatefold to Pepper’s (We pretend to have figured all that out, and be some other stupid even yours truly hasn’t done band), I suppose even that. The Ramones is a concept Maybe a little history album (We smash three will help here. Nektar were or four or two chords hairy English dudes living in together, sing dumb Germany in the very early lyrics, repeat). Perhaps ‘70s, probably hoping to it doesn’t help that the grab some of the “spaced genre’s high profile items out” vibe of that era’s (aforementioned Beatles Krautrock scene. Being both opus, Pink Floyd’s Dark English and not as insane Side of the Moon, the as any of those bands, they Who’s Tommy) just don’t didn’t quite fit into any quite live up to their of that. Neither was the legend, nor quite hang “space rock” tendencies of together as the unified their early LP’s (debut was works they’re supposed Journey to the Center of the to be. So what? Eye) as rocking as the Pink Let’s check out some Fairies or as drug addled as REAL epics. Hawkwind, meaning they would’ve been outgunned IS this the same band? Not quite, lineup Pretty Things even IF they stayed at home. A rethink changes slowed the recording process, S. F. Sorrow (1968) was in order at the time of this LP, so they pushing the release date back to ’68, Former white R-n-B thugs go psych in a seem to have “gone prog,” what with when Sorrow’s epic grasp seemed crazy BIG way. Original Stones bassist Dick Taylor TWO twenty minute side long “suites” in light of the “back to the roots” zeitgeist formed this band because 1) he wanted with lettered subheadings, in the manner of that year, but a year before the Who to play guitar, 2) the early Rolling Stones of Yes’ Close to the Edge’s title track, or shanghaied the Pretties idea for their were not raw enough for him (Wha?). perhaps “Supper’s Ready” from Genesis. A Tommy album. Listening now, one can Early Pretty Things singles like “Rosalyn” fantastic light show garnered them Pink forget all that hype, and dig S. F. Sorrow proved his point, delivering incredible Floyd comparisons, which may or may not for what it is, a great album with no bad scuzzy rock that STILL sounds frightening. have helped, being that you could actually songs. THE album of the sixties, I think, still Having (aesthetically that is) trumped the go SEE Pink Floyd at the time, inflatable ONLY available in glorious, blasting MONO, Stones, ’67 found the Pretties recording pigs and all (OK the pigs came a few years and killer bonus tracks on CD. this monster album at the same time (Well later). actually late at night, when the Fabs had At the end of the day, though, Nektar Nektar gone home for their beauty sleep) in the is Nektar, and us Nek-heads wouldn’t have Remember The Future (1973) SAME ROOM (at Abbey Road) that the it any other way. What makes Remember Few sub-genres of rock have spawned Beatles were working on Sgt. Peppers (Syd’s The Future work is that beneath the grand more ugly ducklings than the much- Pink Floyd were across the hall working aspirations are real songs. In fact, strong maligned “prog” or Progressive Rock on their debut). Taylor even plunks on melodies and actually vocal harmonies movement, and it doesn’t get uglier or George’s “borrowed” sitar. make Nektar a lot more accessible than more duckish than this. Nonetheless, I While John and Paul were trying to much “prog” of the era, and the first half adore the cosmically wrongheaded Nektar, cobble their thing together, Taylor was side one is fantastic and memorable. Only 22 and this is their finest hour. in the final “movement” of this side do them apart again, setting hardcore, pop, they fall into the kind of annoying “math” “folk,” and even ambient passages against riffing that makes some people hate King each other, the unhinged landscape of a Crimson and the like. Helpfully, Nektar title young man lost in underworld of various this passage “Confusion.” Apparently this shitty crashpads and loser jobs is actually is where the blind boy’s mind is “blown” a story being told MUSICALLY, the often by the time traveling blue bird. Side 2 confused lyrics thrown on top almost as an finds clarity return, as the boy and the bird afterthought. have a conversation about the nature of Unity is further blasted by two the universe, and such. Musically, some competing singer/writers in guitarist side 2 shows a bit of jazz/funk influence, Bob Mould and drummer Grant Hart. even with splashes of “Shaft” style wha Again, what should be a “problem,” (many guitar. Strange terrain for these longhairs, have noted Entwistle’s contributions to I’d halfway want to say they inadvertently Tommy as a weird sideline to Townshend’s “invent” disco on parts of this. As disco main story) actually proves to be Zen’s would be “the future” a few years down the ultimate trump card. The album’s theme IS pike, maybe Nektar was on to something, dislocation, and the effect is of one man and even blind boys like to dance. On a coming apart, with arguing voices IN his side note, a young Ian Curtis was a fan own head. Grant asks, “what’s going on (there’s a picture I’ve seen of a smiling teen inside my head?” Bob answers with HOW Ian in a Nektar T-shirt). One wonders what he mangles the fuzz guitar figures within the bluebird of Future said to our boy, and that song (“What’s Going On”), and what’s what future he saw for himself and his going on is mighty fucked up indeed. The band Joy Division. Perhaps a vision of a diverse music somehow adds up to whole “disco” future? Can you say “New Order”? despite the seeming schizoid tendencies. Ah, it all makes sense now, doesn’t it? Not The effect is one of a shadow realm EVERYONE likes to dance. where ‘60s “idealism” and “progressive” tendencies can be bled THROUGH the Husker Du supposed “realism” and/or “nihilist” streak Zen Arcade (1984) of punk, leading to some imagined Every morning that I wake up, the first synthesis, a way “out,” maybe even a new, thing I see is a humungous poster of or true “home.” the cover of this album. It’s followed me The Huskers mostly were forced to through various dorm rooms, apartments, answer their own questions, in a string houses, basically wherever I happen to be of matchless, dense, and demanding living. If I move in somewhere, it’s the first recordings, released at a frightening pace thing I put up. Odd, that as it’s a concept (The liner notes in Zen Arcade say “Carducci album about LEAVING home. I’ve tried to already wants another album.” The next figure out the story; it mostly makes no year they dropped TWO, both killers, New sense (at all). A kid leaves home, pissed Day Rising and Flip Your Wig). A signing at his parents, gets involved with Hare to Warner Brothers seemed at the time a Krishnas and a junkie girlfriend (who dies possible ray of hope for American music, in the quite lovely “Pink Turns To Blue”), one the boys dashed with the somehow eventually he may or may not go “home,” inevitable streamlining of their sound, on or it all may or not be a “dream,” or maybe records that miss the wild excitement of he dies himself at the end of side 4, as a their days with SST producer Spot. Zen howl of guitar feedback is suddenly cut Arcade blew open a lot of doors in ’84. Who off at the end of an enormous psychedelic knew that in retrospect it would stand, not guitar jam, which seems stretched to fill so much as a door to a new day rising, but out what is really about three sides of as an impossible gleaming, yet fractured songs, plus what should’ve been a single, mirror of it’s own time? Some of us are still the killer anthem “Turn On the News.” waiting for what SHOULD come next. I think the clue as to how and why this mess actually works is in the single that did come out, but wasn’t on the album, “Eight Miles High.” The Huskers take on the Byrds tune is actually not a parody, these guys LIKE ‘60s music, and on the single manage to balance elements of pop, psychedelia, and hardcore punk in a nice little screaming package. The album takes these elements and blow
24 music By Eric A. Wolf humor involved,” Taylor admits. Kinks, Guided by Voices and the Velvet Indeed, the subtle use of irony and the Underground as influences. The Loch Ness Monster, Sasquatch, the absurd make the Port Huron Statement all “I like well-crafty, catch tunes, with big success of Nickelback. The universe bulges the more endearing, such as in the song vocal hooks,” says Taylor. with abundant and dense mysteries. From No Long Way Home from the band’s last But inspiration can come from anywhere. the mundane to the profound, life is often release, Tory, when Taylor proclaims, “you’re “I’ve been inspired by everything from filled with more questions than answers, for impressive to the easily impressed.” stories I’ve seen on the news, or interesting this is both the blessing and the curse of Taylor and Henderson eventually things I’ve read about people and their the human condition. But deep within the relocated to Raleigh, where they were eccentricities,” Taylor reveals. bowels of North Carolina suburbia, trouble anxious to connect with the Triangle’s health The P.H.S. is currently hard a work on is brewing. An attempt to answer these local music scene. With addition of bassist a new album. Like the band’s last effort, questions, to make a quantifiable comment, Chris Williams and drummer Matt Scialdone, a brilliantly conceived song-cycle based a reflection, a statement. Under the cover the foursome began booking shows and around a stripper named Tory and life in of night, four daring individuals are hard at enjoying the area’s commitment to a diverse colonial America; the new material will have work, speaking in a common voice. Slowly, artist community. some type of loose concept and common cryptically, come whispers of a theme. And just as past tracks were punctuated assertion, rolling in ambitious, rich with texture and like an early morning fog. And it vivid lyrics, the as-yet-untitled new is up to me to unravel the shroud work is shaping up to sound even masking this declaration for clarity. more lush and harmonious. Many Just whom, or what, is the Port of the current songs revolve around Huron Statement? American astronauts and their daily Oh, screw it. I give up. I was lives in Cocoa Beach, Florida. trying to tell their story in some “ I very clumsy when pulp-fiction, film-noir, detective writing about things like love, story type style of prose in order unfortunately, but this deals with to incorporate my own ideas of ideas like ‘home’ and ‘what home exististentialism and emphasize is,’” Taylor explains. the uniqueness of my subject Additionally, they are using the and the absurdity of chasing the opportunity to capture this precise rock and roll mythos, but, unlike moment in time, according to Jeff Bridge’s allusion to some Scialdone. antiquated revolutionary call to “We are also taking the word arms for the underground left ‘record’ literally, and using it to in the Big Lebowski, Raleigh’s document just where we are in our Port Huron Statement has no illusions of “I love that I can go out on any given lives,” he says. grandeur. night of the week and see some pretty good The band is passionate and focused, but Humble founder Chip Taylor began the music,“ Scialdone says. all the members have wives, families and project as solo home recordings several The new lineup agreed to keep other careers, and are committed to keep a years ago. their ambitions small and their attitude clear and proper perspective. “The first thing,” Taylor says, “ was me lighthearted, but they quickly found some “I will dismiss this band to most people by myself in Chattanooga, Tennessee, pre- success. They played before thousands last I meet, but it is a very important part of my internet, on my 4-track, recording tons of summer, opening for the Violent Femmes life,” Taylor admits. “I know it sounds cheesy, little songs with Casio keyboards, acoustic as part of Raleigh’s Downtown Live concert but I have to make this music. I gotta do it.” guitars. I even used a tape deck for god’s series and have played several memorable sake.” shows at King’s. And even if they could never sell out the After moving to Boone, Taylor joined “It’s cool when lightening strikes and you Lincoln Theatre the way, oh, I don’t know, the up with guitarist Todd Henderson and the play with someone who will give you a kick 80’s Christian hair-metal band Stryper could, duo began playing out to live audiences. in the ass, like when we played with Eyes to they are just fine with that. Like many bands in their early phases, the Space and the Rachel Nevadas,” Scialdone “This is like community service,” two struggled on without a rhythm section, says. “When you play with some you really Scialdone says dryly. “Some people go work going so far as to perform on stage with a respect and you really like what they do, it is in a soup kitchen, we make music for our beat sampler housed in a Samsonite suitcase, exiting.” community. We may only help 15 to 20 festooned with blinking Christmas lights. Although the 35-year-old Taylor’s drunks on a Thursday night at King’s enjoy Even then, the shows held certain manic, bespectacled indie rocker appearance may themselves, or it may be something bigger. mad scientist energy. The band’s undeniably draw comparisons to Weezer, sonically the But we look forward to it.” triumphant sounds, along with Taylor’s music shares more common ground with majestic, bold stage presence made it hard artist like the Flaming Lips, Ziggy Stardust- Please visit porthuronstatement.com or for anyone in attendance not to smile. era David Bowie or even Pink Floyd, at times. myspace.com/theporthuronstatement for 24 “At that point, there was a lot more Taylor sites the Zombies, Elvis Costello, the news, upcoming dates, sound clips and more. ByA Marco Soto Rude Interview
e’ve spoken here before Origin of a Superhero imagery is a staple of the Rude on the impact of the The alter-ego of the Rude Pundit is Pundit experience, so I asked him WInternet on the political Lee Papa, professor of writing and about it. Specifically, about the process. We’ve discussed the new drama in the City University of New repression of sexuality that seems era of the digital petition, and how York system. Born in New York, he to be so inherent in our mainstream very little now separates the words moved with his family “all over the society (and especially our political of Alabama Sheriffs from all of us. eastern part of the country,” before society, where a politician’s This month, we bring you a touch ending up back in the city several underage boyfriend is found of electronic celebrity presence. decades later. From his manifesto, seemingly every month). My guest is the Rude Pundit, who we learn that he has “been waiting “I think that Foucault talked is kind enough to update his blog for when the level of stupidity in the about this, he called them out on every day! His blog can be found world reached such a fever pitch sexual oppression, you have to act at http://rudepundit.blogspot.com, that he could not longer stay silent.” it out some way. The first thing a and isn’t what we would call family I asked him about this point: “It repressive government does is it friendly in the Dobson sense (more was the buildup to the war and the must control the body, and it must on that later.) From his manifesto, launching of the war. We were in control the sexual body, the sexual we see that his mission is to “…drag the midst of the press simply rolling physicalized body. In some way that America, kicking and screaming, over on the bigger stories about the urge is going to come out… how back to democracy, back to hope, war, missing what they should have can I put this. What kind of language back to a government by the been doing the whole time in the do you allow in your paper?” people,” and that he is “a super-hero, war. And if there’s any precipitating “Whatever you like,” I replied. a crime fighter. He is straight, he event in writing the blog, it is when “Whatever I like? Okay. So at is gay, he is unaffiliated. He thinks Al Franken’s book Lies and the Lying some point you’ve gotta jack off. your daughter is hot. Or your son.” Liars that Tell Them came out there And if you’re not jacking off to There is no shortage of blogs with was this big uproar ‘Oh my God, porn, than you’ve gotta be able indiscriminate uses of the words how could somebody write this to shoot that gun somehow. You “fuck” and “cocksucker” (and they’re that lowers political discourse to need that kind of release and that not all about Deadwood), but this this level.’ And I thought, no, that’s kind of satisfaction. It seems to me blog is more than that, and in quite not lowering political discourse, that to tell yourself that you loathe a brilliant way. The occasion for my let me show you what lowering your own body, you loathe what conversation with the Rude One political discourse is.” He adds, “It your body desires, means that you is the release of his CD, The Year of was also kind of the meek response want to punish bodies. And what Living Rudely, a recorded version the left was giving, not wanting to is the best goddamn way to punish of his one-man show of the same piss people off. And if we learned bodies? You blow the shit out of it. name (well, one-man assisted by anything from the elections of 2000 That way you don’t have to worry a bunch of blow-up dolls with and 2004 it was to piss people off, about bodies. It’s all Foucault. It all pictures of various “villains’” faces people want to be pissed off.” goes back to Foucault, man.” taped to them). The show debuted Regular Hatchet readers won’t be at the 2005 New York International Violence in movies and sex on TV surprised at my ignorance when I say Fringe Festival and was the first in A frequent theme on the website I had no idea who this Foucault was, the history of that festival to sell- is the commoditization of violence. but that’s the beauty of interviewing out before opening. The recording This came up most recently when a a literary scholar. Professor Papa is available at CDBaby.com and, news report showed the existence explained to me the past writings of judging by the samples I’ve heard, is of websites that trade pictures of this French philosopher on Discipline ruthlessly hilarious and smart. bloodshed from soldiers serving and Punishment, specifically on in Iraq for porn. Violent and sexual the relationships between power, 26 politics knowledge, and sexuality. neocons would say that they’re using the religious right to achieve Religious Vomit their goals? What’s more dangerous, Lou Dobson is the president of what the religious right wants to the Family Research Council, a impose on us here in the nation, or non-profit organization which what the neocons want to impose “champions marriage and family on the global stage?” as the foundation of civilization, the seedbed of virtue, and the You deserve this wellspring of society.” Using a In the end, there’s enough rudeness special nom de rude, the rude pundit to go around. As stated earlier, has infiltrated this organization and there’s no shortage of blogs tossing joined their prayer team. As a mole around “fucks.” Well there’s also in this organization, RP has obtained no shortage of blogs (and Hatchet the playbook. “My prayer targets writers whose names rhyme with for December 9th are: I have to pray Parco Moto) who do more than their to make sure that the justices of fair share of pointless whining and the Supreme Court don’t overturn bitching about what they see wrong the Solomon Amendment. I have with the people in office. Rude to pray that they pass the stem-cell Pundit holds up the mirror to us and bill. I have to pray for FCC Chairman shows us the unflattering truth: Kevin Martin who spoke out boldly “I not only slam political figures for parents and decency, made a on the right, I also slam the public committee act to increase fines for a great deal. Ultimately we are to decency violations, expand access blame. It shouldn’t have even been to cable by channels covered by close. It shouldn’t have even been decency laws, expand laws to cover close. It shouldn’t come down to now unregulated cable channels, one state. We have to take it on and find ways to give parents more ourselves. It shouldn’t have been control over what comes into their close. That was the fuck-up of homes. And then it gives me bible putting John Kerry in.” passages to look up, so I can learn about the FCC in the Bible.” I asked The Rude Goodbye about the seemingly increasing role There has been talk of Rude Pundit of “faith-based organizations” on taking his show on the road, and our discourse, and how it seemed he told me that he would love to like the religious and military right do a show here in Raleigh, but that are joined stronger now than at any the whole traveling show thing is point in history. Papa gracefully still far away. For now, we’ll have to recounted how we got here: make do with CD’s (again, available “Reagan invited them in, but at CDbaby.com) and daily posts on Reagan invited them in because the blog. I’ll be honest, I went into he wanted to use them. He talked this interview more than a little the talk on pro-life issues and intimidated, and I feel like I’m back other things, but he didn’t give to being a nervous college student them anything. Bush Sr. wasn’t knowing that an English professor one of them, but he tried. He was is going to read this article and like an actor who just couldn’t could have done it better. However, find motivation for the part.” He inspired by the rudeness, I’ll just say explained further the confusing fuck it and click the save icon. nature of the relationship: “There’s a kind of continuum going on where you don’t know who’s using who. Is the religious right using the neocons to achieve their goals, even though the
26 the streets of mid and upper Manhattan and it Juveniles Implicated in Bovine Shooting She pleaded guilty to one count of animal wasn’t pine fresh. Think maple syrup. Spree cruelty in Fairfax County General District For the second time this past fall, Court. As part of a plea agreement, Manhattan was besieged by the unlikely odor Who can put a price on a life viciously and prosecutors dismissed several hundred of maple syrup. And for the second time this senselessly cut short? Robert and Keenan other counts, and Knueven must continue fall the Hazardous Materials team of the Nucklos can, about $20,000 in fact. A total getting treatment for her hoarding problem. Department of Environmental Protection of five cows are dead and police have one But wait, there’s more! Apparently hording was sent out on the very important mission juvenile suspect in custody with more arrests is a genetic condition. The investigation of taking readings and samples in areas to come, but that does little to explain the conducted by Animal Control eventually led reporting the unusual smell. gruesome and bizarre details of this story. to Knueven’s daughter’s apartment, where Ian Michaels, spokesman for the What is clear is that in Pittsylvania, VA the many additional cats were found. department acknowledged a large number teens are getting a little bored, a little jaded, Overall a total of 493 cats were discovered of calls were placed to NYC’s 311 help and have easy access to rifles. in the two homes, of which only 272 were th line and Fire Department mid afternoon in On the night of December 10 , at least actually alive. Not surprisingly, animal early December, reporting the scent of the two juveniles drove to the Nucklos farm control officers testified that Knueven’s breakfast eatery staple. and proceeded to shoot 18 cows at least While the smell appears to be the same 41 times. Five of the victims have already detected in late October in lower Manhattan, succumbed to their wounds and more are the origin remains a mystery. Tests were run listed in critical condition. But what would on the samples retrieved by the Hazmat units provoke such a violent act from these teens? but nothing noxious was found. There seems Has cow tipping become just a little passé to be no explanation for the pleasant aroma for their tastes? Perhaps they were making a th that so quickly struck the city. subtle statement about the 1000 execution “It is once again a mystery. It seems to be since 1976, or the war in Iraq. But somehow gone,” Michaels said. I doubt it. The Nuckols’ are dealing with this crime as best they can, “It’s sad enough Study Finds Bigger Balls Means Smaller crime to have to wonder why somebody or Brains, Women Everywhere Amazed That who would do such a thing. But to find out This Is Considered News. somebody done it and the police do have someone, it does make me feel a bit better.” house was in disarray and smelled of feces. Health officials declared it unfit for human Researchers at Syracuse University recently (Actual quote from grieving farmer.) discovered that there is a measurable trade- The mother of the juvenile arrested habitation. Aside from barring Knueven from off between the size of testes and the size earlier, who wishes to remain anonymous of brains, among bats anyway, thought this (one would hope out of a profound sense owning any animals, the judge gave her a 360-day suspended sentence and a $500 fine. same relationship has long been known to of embarrassment), says that her son was exist among the various primate species. The accompanied by two other boys who may Before sentencing, lawyer Jonathan Frieden said Knueven’s stray cat problem developed study focused on 334 different species of have coerced her son into acting…all 41 bats and also discovered that among species times. “My son told me, looked me in the some time ago when she started taking them in to protect them from the dangers with promiscuous females, testes tended to eye, and said mother it was my gun but I did be larger. Again, the same has been known not shoot one cow”, the mother stated. of the streets. “She loved these animals and thought they needed her,” he said. to be true among primates for some time. Major Gary Goodson of the Pittsylvania Male gorillas have tiny testes, apparently Sheriff’s Dept. says there are other suspects because females of the species tend not as well and they are still working on to sleep around much. Meanwhile, male determining a motive. Another Mysterious Smell Discovered in Manhattan. chimpanzees have rather large balls because female chimps tend to mate with almost The Ugly Side of Cat Addiction … wait, is When calling to mind the smells of New York anything that comes along. Human testes are there a pretty side? somewhere in between. City, the oh so unpleasant aroma emanating from every corner of the Canal Street The burning question any reasonable Sometimes you can love pets just a little too reader must be asking is of course, who much, or so Ruth Knueven was told by a subway station comes to mind, or maybe the waft of a day’s worth of garbage piled at the has the largest pair? The answer is the judge recently. Knueven, 83, once had close Rafinesque’s big-eared bat, whose testes to 500 cats and on Wednesday she promised corner. Even the wet dog smell of drenched commuters packed into the well-heated are a staggering 8.4% of their overall body a judge she would never own another one. weight. Some fun with numbers: 8.4% of But can you really ever believe the promises elevators of any office building in midtown. This December brought a different smell to average male homo sapiens is about 14 of an addict? pounds. Ouch. Knueven was arrested in July after hundreds of cats were found in her home. 28 29 28 29 USELESS INFORMATION The Hatchet Trivia Quiz answers online at www.raleighhatchet.com
1. Which of these films was shot mostly on a set built in the JR Faison Junior High 6. Which attraction at Disney World is School in Wadesboro, North Carolina? Walt Disney most often rumored to be a. The Evil Dead buried under (in his cryogenic chamber, b. Evil Dead II of course)? c. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre a. Space Mountain d. A Nightmare on Elm Street b. Epcot c. Carousel of Progress d. The Pirates of the Caribbean 2. An average of 110 stitches is required after an attack an accident with which of the following: 7. Which of these is the real name of an a. Weed Whacker annual Finnish ice fishing competition? b. baseball bat a. Miljoonapilkki c. chainsaw b. Antaa Kalastus d. pipe wrench c. Häijy Kädenlyönti d. Aika Haaskaava
3. Within forensic science, a “keyhole” fracture on a human skull is probably 8. In 2003, a court in which of the following the result of an attack with which of the countries deemed liquefying goldfish following: with a blender to be totally legal? a. ice pick a. Mongolia b. ax b. Denmark c. candlestick c. Canada d. handgun d. United States
4. Before beginning filming 9. Which of these is NOT on “The Shining”, which another name for “Okie of these movies did Noodling” (i.e. hand Stanley Kubrick make fishing)? the cast watch to a. “Stumping” put them in the right b. “Hand Jamming” mood? c. “Dogging” a. Eraserhead d. “Tickling” a. High Anxiety c. A Clockwork Orange d. Carrie 10. Which of these is the real tagline to the 1935 film “Mad Love” starring 5. How many Donner Party Peter Lorre? survivors were there? a. “Dead hands that live... a. 3 and love... and kill!” b. 17 b. “New hands… old c. 46 habits.” d. none c. “What these hands have done!” d. “Warm heart… Evil hands.” January band called The Smiths. And you will get And the public will thank you. grounded for staying out past midnight. Aries (March 21 – April 19) Everything will be so deliciously miserable. Scorpio (October 24 – November 21) According to the cosmos, the Year of the You will experience the steamiest night of Dog begins January 29th. Please refrain Cancer (June 22 – July 22) your life. Your memory will be fuzzy, and from singing, “who let the dogs out, wroof You will soon journey to a far away place your perm will be frizzy. wroof.” Thank you. within the continental United States. Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) Taurus (April 20 – May 20) Leo (July 23 – August 22) I know you disagree, but getting high will A night of mediocre booty will result in an Being a royal bitch to your co-workers will only make you more likable—not more above-average case of the clap. not earn their respect. Instead they will smartable. become passive-aggressive, expressing Gemini (May 21 – June 21) their repugnance through subtle Capricorn (December 22 – January 19) Déjà vu from 1992: This year you will horoscopes. Now that the holidays are finally behind fall in love, and then tragically get your you, it is time to assess your laundry heart broken. You will learn about this Virgo (August 23 – September 22) situation. Creatures are living in that nasty Your addiction to pile in the corner of your room and your vintage Chia Pets will jeans have been permeated with the sour get you into financial stench of balls. It’s disgusting, really. trouble. Aquarius (January 20 – February 18) Libra (September 23 You know that your cyber-life has become – October 23) out of control when you excuse yourself at Your contributions dinner by saying “BRB” while “LOL-ing.” to society will finally be realized when Pisces (February 19 – March 20) you figure out how Your reluctance towards public displays to combine a of affection (not your penis size, although toothbrush will a inadequate) will result in a stunted career cell phone. in porn.
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