The Writers, the Artists, the Advertisers, the Fr
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Happy New Year! Thank you everyone who makes the Hatchet happen every month— the writers, the artists, the advertisers, the friends at other publications and websites who have cheered us on (and given us good press), the bloggers who have sent web traffic our way, the bands and labels who have granted us interviews and sent us records to review, the venues and galleries that have kept us in the loop, the folks at Barefoot Press for their encouragement and Job-like patience, and especially YOU, dear reader, for checking us out every month, showing us to your friends, and just being a part of that weird, wild, unpredictable, formerly unreachable demographic of which we too are proud to be a part. 2006 We have a lot planned for the coming year. Keep an eye out for a new slicker, more interactive website, broader distribution, new columns and another Hatchetfest in the fall. We will be taking submissions for our first ever Hatchet Music Sampler CD to be released this year, a few more things we’re scared to utter lest we jinx them, and of course more of the irreverent, ridiculous, odd, yet informative Hatchet content you love. contents: January, 2006 4. Consumer Hero Reaching for the stars and still winding up The Raleigh Hatchet on my knees by Tim Anderson 701 Glascock St. 6. Food Love Raleigh, NC 27604 ¿Habla Alimento? By Charles Mangin Editor 8 . Gallery list D.A. Nation 9. Month of Art [email protected] 10. Bars, Bars, Bars. Head of Production Who needs a drink? Your guide to the best Bart Tomlin and worst bars in the Triangle [email protected] 13. The Ladies Guide to Gentlemen’s Clubs Music Editor By Libby Lynn Jeramy Lowe 17. Month of Music [email protected] Hear it, See it, Love it. Find out who’s playing Calendars & Listings and where. [email protected] 20. Listen Up! Photographers Reviews of new releases from American Sarah Pasell Analog Set, Crosstide, Dios Malos, The Jay Winfrey Spinns and more. Contributors 23. The Penalty Box Brittany Anderson, Tim Anderson, Matthew Anscher, Claire Ashby, Concepts, Concepts, Concepts Greg Barbera, Brian Bedsworth, Melvyn Brown, Josh Bryant, Vince By Russ De Sena Carmody, Charles Cardello, Joy Courson, Russ De Sena, Mike Dillon, Chad M. Dravk, Rose Dunnington, Lauren Etheridge, Cody Eyman, 25. Axe The Band Greg Eyman, Brad Farran, Angel Femeister, Robert Gaddy, Shannon Welcome to Sunny Port Huron! Gray, Brian Howe, Troy Jefferies, Cheetie Kumar, Dan Kuszaj, William By Eric Wolfe Lee, Libby Lynn, Christy Meyer, Tanya Montoya, Ashley Nation-Gaddy, Sarah Pasell, Cy Rawls, Peter Schmehl, Phil Solesky, Marco Soto, A. 26. A Rude Interview Spencer, DH Westmoreland, Jay Winfrey, Eric Wolf, Joe Yerry, Jon Yu Marco Soto gets advice on how to lower the level of political discource from Rude Illustrators Daniel Gallant, Daniel Lynch, Ed Marsden, Kristin Matwiczyk, Chris Pundit Plankers, Jer Warren 30. Useless information: Hatchet Trivia Quiz 31. Madame Mercury’s Horoscopes Advertising [email protected] Distribution [email protected] Cover photo by Claire Ashby Correction: September’s cover was designed by Caroline King. All apologies. The Raleigh Hatchet is published monthly and available free of charge at select locations. All individual content is the property of its creator. Reproduction without consent is strictly prohibited. If you would like to distribute the The Raleigh Hatchet at your location please email [email protected] Please E-MAIL all press releases, submission requests and general inquiries to the editor. Consumer Hero This month Consumer Hero reaches for the stars and still winds up on his knees. Upper West Side. me, Hurricane Katrina had happened and I started where so many up-and-coming taken M. La away. (Didn’t he realize that starfuckers start: at Rockefeller Plaza in the covering Katrina was Anderson Cooper’s freezing cold morning waiting with crowds job? Sweet, sensitive Anderson Cooper. and crowds of fat and ugly tourists to catch Dreamy, delicious Anderson Cooper. By Tim Anderson a glimpse of America’s girl, Katie Couric, Suspiciously single Anderson Cooper. Ok, and her posse of toothy morning television just big ole gay Anderson Cooper.) Anyway, ’ve never figured that fame was in the goody-goodies. I saw spunky Al Roker, Matt Lauer was nowhere to be seen, and Icards for me. Despite my prodigious bony Natalie Moralis, and, um, Asian Anne it was cold, so I figured I’d take a break talents in the fields of procrastination, Curry, who, if you believe Radar magazine’s and visit the Dean and Deluca for some typing and lip-syncing, I’ve just never had recent rankings, is one of the dumbest coffee. By the time I got back, Katie, Matt, that special something, that thing the newscasters on television. Yay. The dumber Campbell and Al had been whisked away French call the “I don’t know what” that the better, I figure. inside and the only person left was Anne could catapult me onto magazine covers And there she was, our Katie, my new Curry who was graciously meeting her and Access Hollywood public. And, strangely, interview chairs that she actually has a undeniably gifted folks public. People were like Paris Hilton and actually lining up Ashley Simpson have. to speak with her. I’ve always figured I’d be She managed the more of a hanger-on, a line very ably, ever sycophant, a boot licker. so slowly moving That’s fine with me. As towards the NBC long as I get to hang on Studios across marginally famous people the street while at the Celebrity Poker still managing an table dressed in Prada engaging expression shorts and a sleeveless and concern about turtleneck and always what the housewife have my next fix waiting from Oklahoma was for me in the men’s toilets, saying about her I’ll be okay. dreams of having I started my star her own talk show. gawking at an early age, Anne talked to a few having had a near-star more people that experience when my had waited and then mother was working at she scurried back a figure salon that had best friend. And boy is she short. Dressed into the building, somehow arranged to have Lulu from Hee- entirely in pink and with an unfortunate probably wiping the funk of ordinary Haw as their spokeswoman (yeah, I know; orange complexion, she stood with Al people off of her white pantsuit. Ok, so I’d bad idea). It’s a long story for another time, and guest Chris Matthews among a bevy missed my chance with Anne, but I figure but suffice it to say that one evening little of Habitat for Humanity volunteers who that’s okay, because what would I have said six-year-old me got to go meet and even were wielding hammers and big planks of to her? “Hi, Anne. I just want you to know chat with Lulu at the salon, and being so wood, building houses right there on the that I love that you’re Asian. I think that’s close to such a big (and obviously I do plaza that would later be transported down just great, don’t you? In a way, aren’t we all mean big) star had a profound affect on me. south. Katie hammers a nail into a plank just a little bit Asian? Don’t you think? So And, like Lulu standing at the Golden Corral and the entire crowd cheers uncontrollably, anyway, Anne, what’s Katie doing later? You trough, I wanted more. because, holy shit, she’s motherfucking think she’d wanna hook up?” But damn if becoming a shameless Katie Couric and she just hammered a My next appointment with destiny toady isn’t a complete bitch to try to pull motherfucking nail. was happening at the new Best Buy on off. Since moving to New York, I’ve tried But where in the world is Matt Lauer? Fifth Avenue. On its opening day it was and failed again and again to make those Ever since he made it through that Tom presenting the great, the legendary, the pivotal friendships that will have me Cruise interview without pouncing on the boobie-licious Dolly Parton for a CD signing. receiving red carpet invitations to off off off motherfucker and scratching his eyes out The signing was slated to start at 11am, Broadway premieres and dancing shirtless (or at least calling his momma a bitch) I so I got there early, at about 10:55. I was on parquet floors with Debbie (sorry, have a newfound respect for and sexual shocked to find out that I was too late to Deborah) Gibson and Adrien Zmed on the attraction to our Mr. Lauer and I wanted even join the line for the signing; they had to see him in person. Unfortunately for already let everyone in that they were 4 consumer hero going to let in. A bulbous bell-bottomed tear plopped out of my eyeball. But, this is Betty White, and Rue McClanahan. Oh my before,” the woman next to me, clearly a Dolly! She’s dying to meet me, I just know it! God. It is this day that my entire life up till New Yorker, said to me. “But it’s fun. I love She’ll be very upset if you don’t let me in! I’m now has been leading up to. Really. these ladies. Did you see Bea Arthur’s one- from North Carolina! We’re practically related! But there was a problem. After the Dolly woman show?” My entreaties got me nowhere and I sighting, I had done the unthinkable and No, you maniac, I didn’t.