UNIVERSITY OF CINCINNATI Date:___________________ I, _________________________________________________________, hereby submit this work as part of the requirements for the degree of: in: It is entitled: This work and its defense approved by: Chair: _______________________________ _______________________________ _______________________________ _______________________________ _______________________________ Creating a Mosaic Within Time and Space: the role of trauma in identity, literacy, and life A Dissertation Submitted to the Graduate School of the University of Cincinnati In partial fulfillment of the requirements for the degree of DOCTOR OF EDUCATION In the Department of Literacy of the College of Education, Criminal Justice and Human Services Winter 2007 By DEBORAH KELLNER Committee Chair: Chet Laine, Ph.D. Abstract This dissertation presents a qualitative, ethnographic, life history study of the link between trauma exposure and literacy habits of one female college developmental student. It is an investigation of the correlation between trauma-related symptoms, identity, literacy habits, and performance in all aspects of life. Furthermore, it is an analysis of the relationship of coping with trauma exposure to coping with schooling. In terms of trauma, this single case presents multiple and repetitive exposure to trauma and suggests that traumatic experiences emerge as part of a victim’s identity. Victimization is so overwhelming that the individual describes herself in the trauma experience rather than in some other way. Her symptoms closely align with the symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and her trauma exposure results in massive chaos during her schooling years. In terms of literacy, this data suggests that this individual’s external literacy skills, her reading and writing, as well as her internal literacy skills, her interpretation of her world and her life, have a strong affiliation with trauma. Both her reading and writing skills are integral to her dealing with her trauma and to her healing. Not only do they bring stability, they also give her restorative power. This research confirms that trauma affects cognitive development and alters the way information is processed. It also influences performance as a literate being, and behavior, both inside and outside of school. Thus, this data suggests that the four components of trauma, identity, literacy, and life are significantly intertwined, as indelible and unalterable experiences are often invisible to others. Pink Lady Slipper A beautiful rare flower found in the woods; photographed by Ramona. 2 Table of Contents Chapter One The Tiles 8 Introduction 8 The aftermath of September 11, 2001 12 My story 13 Chapter Two 18 The Foundation 18 The critical theory component 18 The literacy component: external vs. internal 20 The identity component 23 The nature identity perspective 25 The institutional identity and discourse identity perspectives 25 The affinity identity perspective 27 The trauma component 27 Chapter Three 28 The Construction 30 Happenstance: my participant 30 Reality: my participant 32 Research questions 32 Data collection 33 A closer look at the data 38 3 Chapter Four 41 Piece by Piece 41 Identity and trauma 41 The nature perspective 44 DISBELIEF I don’t always believe everything my mother says 44 INSECURITY My mother didn’t make sure I was safe 46 VULNERABILITY I feel safe at Gramma’s even though she drinks too 47 NEGLECT AT HOME I played alone a lot when my mother wasn’t there 48 SECURITY Mr. Bear was always there for me 49 SEXUAL ABUSE I can’t remember what happened at the babysitter’s 50 VIOLENCE AND ALCOHOLISM I just don’t remember the fights 51 IMPOVERISHMENT Was I hungry? 52 PHYSICAL ABUSE I got the worst spanking of my life; nobody did anything 54 IMPOVERSIHMENT Our house was falling down a hill 55 APATHY AT HOME I really don’t care what they do 57 4 The institutional, discourse and affinity perspectives 58 ATYPICAL I don’t fit in here at school 58 INSECURITY AND DRUGS I really don’t like this school 59 POTENTIAL I got tons and tons of things at the Awards Assembly 60 APATHY AT SCHOOL I just didn’t care 61 UNUSUALLY UNUSUAL I wasn’t really in a group in high school 62 ISOLATION I don’t know of anything I enjoyed in high school 63 TRUANCY I skipped school a lot 64 NEGLECT AT SCHOOL Nobody ever cared what I did 64 DENIGRATION The teachers weren’t fair 65 SELF SATISFACTION I was just proud that I did it 66 PERCEPTIVENESS The teachers chose favorites 66 UNUSUALLY UNUSUAL Jocks, cheerleaders, dorks, and random kids 67 ANXIETY I was pretty psyched at graduation 68 5 DISAPPOINTMENT I’m disappointed that I’m not in college 69 UNUSUALLY UNUSUAL I didn’t fit in at college 69 NOTHINGNESS The identity void: nature identity 70 The identity void: affinity and discourse identity 72 The identity void: institutional identity 74 WISHFUL THINKING There must be a better place for me to be me 75 PARADISE CITY 76 WISHFUL REALITY There is a better place for me to be me 78 Chapter Five 81 The Sketch 81 The dark pieces 81 Childhood trauma 81 Teen trauma 83 Adult trauma: army 88 Adult trauma: college 91 The mortar 95 Writing 96 Reading 101 The colorful pieces 104 Kindergarten to 6th grade 104 6 The girls’ home 104 External literacy learning 105 Internal literacy learning 110 Relationship with parents 110 Relationship with boys/men 111 Relationship with drugs 113 Institutions 113 Police 114 Self 115 Motherhood 115 Trauma 118 Chapter Six 126 The Mosaic 126 The Image 126 Linking critical theory, literacy, identity and trauma 126 The TILC image 127 The CLIT image 128 The image of Ramona 129 Magnifying the mosaic – insights 132 Postscript 135 Appendices 138 7 Chapter One The Tiles Introduction “You know that the beginning is the most important part of any work, especially in the case of a young and tender thing; for that is the time at which the character is being formed and the desired impression is more readily taken… anything that is received into the mind at that age is likely to become indelible and unalterable; therefore it is most important that the tales which the young hear should be models of virtuous thoughts.” (Plato, 360 BC, p.377c) This dissertation is about taking time to step into the spaces in the lives of students to see where they came from and what they experienced – possibly indelible and unalterable - before showing up at a classroom doorway. I do not know what tales they have been told nor do I know what tales they have lived and received into their minds. Some have shown me that there have been some tales they have lived that have caused them immeasurable hurt, uncertainty, and trauma. This is where I wish to begin if I am to learn anything new about “developmental” students. When I speak of “developmental” students, for the purposes of this dissertation, I speak of any college student, who for some reason or another, has been recognized as a student who is at-risk for success. When applying to college, students who do not meet all of the qualifications for acceptance either get rejected from the college of their choice, or are usually referred to a program that offers some type of developmental course work. If students choose the developmental path, it is expected that they take 8 advantage of the special classes within these learning assistance programs. This entails successfully completing a variety of individually specified math, reading, and writing courses as well as meeting certain GPA requirements in order to be considered to enter into the college of their choice. If and when students adequately fulfill this coursework, they are deemed a success in terms of progressing with the standard coursework load of a college freshman. The term “developmental college student” conjures up quite an array of meanings and perceptions. For the student, it is perhaps the one last educational opportunity given to open the door for academic success. For the educator, it is the challenge to assist in that success that seems so easily attainable, yet, so mysteriously unreachable for so many students. Educators are continually encouraged to confront the issues, as compelling as they may be, that are present in any classrooms (hooks, 1994). Perhaps by confronting the issues, whatever they may be, I can learn something new. This is where I wish to begin. Of course, there has already been enormous research on developmental students. There have been numerous studies on the effectiveness of developmental programs and curriculum, and some on the effectiveness of the teachers themselves (Paulson, Laine, Biggs and Bullock, 2003; Tatum, 1999). There have also been other studies that have purposefully researched specific strategies used to teach developmental students (Simpson & Nist, 2000). However, there are limited studies that have focused on the students themselves and their beginnings. It is true that it is difficult to measure the beginnings of people and its impact on behavior and 9 development; thus, this type of work has been frequently overlooked (Hemmings, 2000b). While the ideal of ‘education for all’ has remained a paramount philosophical force in American higher education, we have made the leap into this century with an increased awareness of the need to make this happen. A critical component of making this happen is a person’s literacy skills. I begin by considering, specifically, reading ability. Looking solely at the history of developmental education, college reading itself has been analyzed extensively. “Reading has been redesigned substantially: from a means of communication with divinity and a means for moral developmental, to reading as behavioral skills, to reading as deep linguistic processing and a psycholinguistic guessing game, to reading as vocational competence” (Luke, 1995; p.