September 2008
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FEMININE IN A VERY SPECIAL WAY SINCE 1997 TEXAS TRAVESTYSEPTEMBER 2008 THE CAMPUS SPOTLIGHT PHOTOSHOISSUP E TEXAS TRAVESTY Octavio Jones-Djimbe KVRX Disc Jockey EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Ross Luippold MANagING Stephen Short Texas Travesty: What are some of can't refuse the tribal drum stylings musical art from all around the world, Turn ons: Vinyl in all sizes, dark EDITORS Thejaswi Maruvada your favorite artists? of Lenoard "Moxie" Akron or the and encourage them to find their own rimmed glasses, John Ailey, ironic DESIGN Matt Hutcheson Jones-Dijimbe: Well lately I've electro-organ melodies of Jimmy Lou musical meaning in a jam-packed hour Backstreet Boys remixes, Macs, DIRECTORS Mark Estrada been into lo-fi gypsy punk like The and the Tuning Forks. You've probably of jazz fusion, acoustic hip-hop, and SXSW wristbands, bon mots, PUBLICITY Sara Nienkerk Chacha Thieves and Mystical Rabbit never heard of these guys, but they're electro folk. holiday themed broadcasts, "in- Zak Kinnaird Murders, but as far as classics go, you the best, and I've been fans of them Francisco Marin forever. TT: What do you do in your free die" indie music, bands that no WEBMASTER Gatlin Johnson time:? longer exist, auditory discover- TT: Can you tell us more about Jones-Dijimbe: When I'm not ies, backstage passes WRITING StaFF Megan Jackson your radio show? sampling 12" vinyl in my music Jon Neal Jones-Dijimbe: I host a weekly laboratory, I keep up to date on my Turn offs: Badly mixed sound Michael Prohaska Stephen Stecker radio show from 3-4 AM on Tuesdays 1000-hit a week blog called "Hipster at concerts, Hannah Montana, Stuart Stutzman called "Ars Gratia Artis" which in Nutrition" where I bitch about the FCC PCs, those XM sell-outs, single- Malcolm Wardlaw Latin stands for "art for art's and ramble on about improperly made channel sound systems, hearing sake." As an lattes at Spiderhouse. Then I cry myself DESIGN StaFF Alyssa Peters loss, the government, Mom and artist, I want to sleep. Libby Sanders Alyssa Maneri to expose my Dad, slow download speeds, Julia Iacoviello listeners to Billboard Top 40, anything you listen to Mala Kumar some creative Matty Greene and innovative ADMINIstratIVE Rachel Colson ASSIstaNTS Laura Ryan • The next time you hear drunken, disgusting as- • Oh, you read a lot? Me? Only when I poop. Laura Arnold sholes yell for our football team to “make ‘em eat • If 6th Street is cool, then 24th Street has to be like Matt Lester shit,” remind them that Grammy and Grandpa four times cooler. Suzanne Lewis can hear them on the west side of the stadium. • More like Hurricane Psyche! Wait, you still don't Matt Ingebretson around • Asian students are just beginning to notice how have power? Oh. Emily Rosenfeld many damn white people are at UT. • All things considered, Freshman Admissions Tina Melamed • Being stuck in a steamy elevator with 26 hot, Office, perhaps a short bus isn’t the best method Megan Williamson campus bothered cheerleaders sounds enticing… until of transportation for showing off the campus to CONTRIBUTING Veronica Hansen one of them farts. prospective students. EDITORS • Oh the riot! The fiend riding the gargantuan • Starting a “Texas! Fight!” chant during sex is a lot • Girls have, oh my gawd, not seen each other in Chris Friend lawnmower has returned to trim the grass hotter than it sounds. We promise. forever!!! CONTACT outside yonder window. Curse him and his steely • Somewhere on a remote trail in the wilderness, a • Freshmen looking for a nice Sunday drive will PHONE 512-471-7898 instrument of cacophony! staunch industrialist is asking hikers if they have go through West Campus to take in the beauti- EMAIL [email protected] • People who hate the new Facebook also hate a moment for Big Business. ful landscaping, breath-taking architecture, and newborns, the New Deal, and New Shut the • Ladies, your boyfriend isn’t a nerd because he HOLY SHIT ONE-WAY STREET!!! WEB www.texastravesty.com Fuck Up About Changes On Social Networking MAIL Texas Travesty • UT Austin plays Halo. Your boyfriend is a nerd because he • SPOILER ALERT! College will be exactly like the P.O. Box D • Austin, TX 78713 Sites. would rather play Halo than fuck you. movie College. • JCL’s recent passion for the environment will be • Wait…I actually have to push on a door to get into • Dear readers: We do acknowledge comedic value EDITORS EMERITUS seen in biodegradable cups, more efficient sauce the PCL to study? Well, unless William Powers is of the Tower’s new balls. We assure you that we Kevin Butler Todd Nienkerk containers, and recycled small talk with the lady willing to do my homework, I guess I’m going to have been laughing about this on the inside. You 1997 2003-2005 at the register. Brad Butler Kristin Hillery fail all my classes. should do the same. 1997-2000 2005-2006 Ben Stroud David Strauss 2000-2001 2006-2007 VOLUME 11 • ISSUE 1 Trevor Rosen Veronica Hansen 40acres411 30 SEPTEMBER 2008 2001-2003 2007-2008 LEGALESE Summer is over, and we here at will help return your RAM to it's ed roommates for the big dorm The Texas Travesty is the student humor pub- the Travesty have turned up gos- factory setting.... party the other weekend, mom lication at the University of Texas at Austin, published monthly by the permanent and sip juicier than any S'more, sticky On the subject of pills, accord- and dad! Mr. Brewer’s keg stand contributing staff. The Travesty is a work of (hopefully) humorous fiction. Except where with scandal and melting reputa- ing to sources, Chemistry major was a big hit while Mrs. Brewer public figures are involved, characters are not based on any real person. Any resemblence to tions like chocolate on a honey Alyssa Mallick's alleged phar- tapped Pat’s roommate in the any persons living or dead is coincidental. The views expressed in the Travesty do not reflect graham of hearsay. maceutical internship over the laundry room down the hall. Club the views of Texas Student Publications, the Speaking of camping, computer summer turned out to be more soda may work on mustard, but University of Texas at Austin or pretty much anyone. All material printed is property of the science major Rod Stoller is of an internstrip down at the lo- the stains of having a slutty mom Travesty. The Texas Travesty is not intended for readers under 18 years of age, regardless of having a problem with tents, im- cal gentlemen's club! It's okay Al- need years of therapy to get out! the pretty pictures. potence that is! The word's out on yssa, the only difference between That’s not all that came out af- SHOUT OUTZ TO... Rod’s difficult time formatting a working in a lab and working on ter summer. While making some Organic fruit leather; shiner dealer; Mike seeing Thej’s hard drive with long time sweet a lap, is one letter and a blow ad- repairs on his four by four with dookie; Stecker spilling tea on Larnold; Christina, you ignorant slut!; Susan, the first visitor; Susan Louis; heart Patricia Lopez. Looks diction... friend Tyler Peterson, Senior yearbook texts; re-arranging the office; no DVI cable; airport seats; rape; free food coupons; Texan people like Particia will have to make due Speaking of blowing, hurricane John Dempsey confessed that taking our parking spots; scrotum cover; David’s visit; with a floppy for the time being, season left liberal arts freshman it wasn’t only the flywheel that he everyone gone for ACL; Ross’s “Take on Me;” Ste- phen is racist; Thej leaving to chauffer friends; Photo- but cheer up Rod, a simple pill Patrick Brewer with unexpect- was interested in. shop can’t do it; Veronica’s boot; projectile butter; San Pelligrino; Mark is drunk; new generic t-shirts; Red- Raider Fritz; fuck Bottom-o’-Pagers; Cilantro?; Mark Cover ACL Centerspread Damn Dirty Apes Reviews Photos getting his game on HOLLA; Bourne to be right; hey SEPTEMBER Mark Estrada Veronica Hansen Mark Estrada Mark Estrada Staff Matty Greene Ross, stop spilling coffee; women be gettin’ nose bleeds; health food from CostCo with Ross’s money; Veronica Hansen Alyssa Peters bum fight; sorority girl bowling; so this is what 7am 2008 Obama-McCain Rules of Parties Wi-Fi Comedy Listings looks like; Stephen’s mom; podcasts; how do we put Cartoon Alyssa Peters Staff Mala Kumar Internet Last Gas Comedy this microphone together again?; white balance; den- Chris Friend Ross Luippold Alyssa Peters Ross Luippold Alyssa Peters Matt Hutcheson tal dams/blue tarp; college parties; Elissa; the waitress CREDITS who can’t keep a job; I have a sports column! © 2008 Texas Travesty. All rights reserved. Circulation: 25,000 FEMININE IN A VERY SPECIAL WAY SINCE 1997 NEWS • 3 New group of seniors ready to do things their way Thejaswi Maruvada lar of UT’s approximately 50,000 ugly the new freshmen are?” MANAGING EDITOR students. Girls of all kinds, includ- And then there’s Brooks, a notori- ing cheerleaders, have romantically ous troublemaker who intends to up CAMPUS — With the onset of the pursued him. However, Carpenter the ante this year with his shenani- 2008-09 school year, a new batch insists that there is only one girl for gans, and has hinted that a senior of seniors have announced plans to him, Kimberly Holmes, and he plans prank of epic proportions may be in rule the University. The six under- to marry her some day.