Interview

with Rumpelstiltskin

Junior

The true love story

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1 The invitation

I did not have any time to ponder why I had been so undaunted by death to go to see the heartthrob of my school right out in the sticks in the middle of the night. But as a typical Cinderella I was not brave enough to give Steven my invitation card for my fancy-dress party in broad daylight. The punishment of my nightly pass followed swiftly - quasi by racing feet.

Something hairy with extremely yellow eyes and knife-sharp teeth was chasing after me across half of the continent. I knew that at the place of my ancestors were the most poisonous and dangerous animals but I had never seen this creature here in any biology book. And it scared the crap out of me! In my panic, I had completely lost my bearings. I did not even remember any more where at this god-forsaken spot with zero hiding places my favorite aunt had parked her car in order to wait for me. Due to her penchant for romantic, we headed out in a night of a full moon. Though I was an athletic ace, after a few hundred meters my lungs were shortly before bursting while my heart had to pound that quickly that I would have blasted any ECG. But the next tree root was supposed to be my salvation - at least physically since I sprawl. At first, I felt the deepest gratitude that I did not fall into a nest of bulldog ants because their poison was even able to kill an adult. And even though my blood consisted of chocolate, the venom was for sure able to eliminate me within a few minutes. I was just about to bob up when the creature caught me up and landed on my back like a heavy rock. »Phew!« was squeezed out of my lungs. My last hour had come, flashed through my mind when I felt its claws in my back.

So, while I waited for its fangs to dig into my flesh during the last seconds of my life, the sweetest pictures of Steven sped past my mind’s eye. He was the grooviest boy of the whole universe with the most beautiful smile in the world. When Steven smiled, the ice melted at the South Pole. He had a dark tousle-head and the most extraordinary eyes I had ever seen. On some days, they were as blue as a glacier, and then they glowed as yellow as a buttercup. And he had muscles like a bear, although, he was fourteen years old - just like me. The only problem with my classmate was that he was even shier than me. To start a chat with him was approximately as easy as having a cup of tea with the Queen. And now I was supposed to die in the tender years of a teenager without the chance to kiss my dream boy? This thought aroused my spirit. I had to end this nightmare. Thus, I mobilized my last forces and unseated the offender. »Wait, Emma! I just want to talk to you,« his male voice croaked. I stumbled. Did that creature with its nasty snout use human language? And it knew my name? I scanned the critter which presumably looked a hundred times worse due to the darkness. Was that the preferred way of inviting someone to a cosy little chat with tea and chocolate? »Talking?« I said out of breath. 2 The thing in front of me heftily nodded and skidded its huge ears around like elastic planes. That was pretty much the last thing I perceived on this moon-gravid night under the open sky, then, I collapsed completely overextended. Made-up story

Once upon a time… …there was a Miller’s daughter whose father showed off to the King about his daughter being able to spin gold out of straw…

»That is how the fairy tale starts but it is totally made up. I certainly have to know this,« the humpbacked manikin in front of me said with his hoarse voice, snuffling. »I really feel awkward about that. I am absolutely jazzed, and then, I have always got a runny nose. I beg your pardon!« Since his icicles-schnoz was continually dripping, he took his shirt in order to furtively dab his damp nose. »My father landed on the earth countless years ago and thus, I exactly know what was going on here.« I fished a tissue out of my backpack and handed it to him. Runny noses drove me crazy - no matter if in humans or in…well, whatever sat in front of me.

Finding that out, I intended to do since my opposite had asked me - like a huntsman - for an interview. He wanted to get rid of the prejudices about his father. He had promised to let me go as soon as I would have written everything down. Withal, my liberty was not that important to me at all. Much more encouraging was the fact, that he promised me a date with Steven - howsoever, he wanted to accomplish that!

His extremely haired face lightened up when he got sight of the piece of cellulose. Gratitude blazed out of his yellow eyes and almost made him cute. »Most kind of you, Emma, thanks!« He blew his nose noisily. I eyed the ugly dwarf in front of me. From time to time, he stealthily picked his nose, sitting on an oversized armchair with his knobbly knees. »I wonder if you could postpone picking your nose?« I asked hesitantly. The mere thought of these green stick-on bowls pressed my dinner upwards my gullet. Surprised, the full-grown hop-o’-my-thumb raised the fur above his eyes which vaguely reminded of eyebrows. »Why? It fuels my trains of thought. And you want to know a lot, don’t you?« »Well, actually, you approached me because you were looking for someone to write down the story of your father correctly«, I replied. »That’s true! Alright, I stop that if it calms you. But I am allowed to knead my ears, ain’t I? Otherwise, I will get too tired.« »Of course.« His ears were just about the limit! They were at least thirty centimeters long and looked as if the creator turned them around the wrong way - either out of fun or because he took a cup too much.

3 The fur, you would rather suspect at the top, covered the bottom side and the thin skin swirled up above as if someone blew at it with a hair dryer. The longer head hair, which peeped out of his fur, was balding - whether this was because of his age I could only guess. I had never met a being who has claimed to be a few thousand years old. To be exact, I also never ran across someone who has impersonated himself as an alien, even though creatures from other galaxies had always attracted me magically. I was the same freak like my Mom.

While other girls in my class rather dreamed of princesses I was keen on monstrous villains, the uglier the better. Withal, I did not look like I was bored by princesses - on the contrary. I myself had hair like a Haflinger horse, eyes like a blue butterfly and an absolute angelic face. I regularly drove my stern grandmother Ilse from Germany to insanity because I did not let me squash into a princess costume only because she wanted to have a souvenir photo. No, I preferred going to Fasching as a ›Wookie‹ - the most famous of this over and over furred bunch is ›Chewbacca‹ from the ›Star-Wars‹ Episodes. Children’s photos always showed me with a monster suit since I did not even need the carnival time for cladding. Fortunately, my Mom was as freaky as I, thus, I loved our fancy-dress parties above all. And exactly to such a costume party, I had planned to invite Steven. I had to booze Bach flowers extracts in order to give myself liquid courage. I had to ring the changes with my favorite aunt about all questions which could took me by surprise. And if my bodily ›super-nervosity-functions‹ had not miserably let me down, I would have been completely relaxed. But I was not! My aunt had parked the car three blocks away from the house of my heartthrob and I had marched in the direction of Armageddon shaky-legged. Super bravely, I had rung the doorbell at Steven’s house and had waited prancing on the porch. But before I could have handed the invitation card over to Steven I had been surprised by this weird something in front of me. Thus, I could have only let the card slip onto the doormat because afterwards, I had been chased through the nightly area. I only remembered these two reflector eyes and finally, I woke up in this strange cottage in the presence of this creature who claimed to be Rumpelstiltskin’s son.

»Why did you actually ask me of all people? I mean, there are about seven billion humans.« »But you are the only fairy tale girl who loves villains. And you adore my father.« …

More about Rumpelstiltskin Junior to be read in the book.

Wait, before you leave…there is still the fairytale part of the book… Primordial soup

»Your Highness, Your consort is unwell,« the

4 Court physician said with a frown. King Laurentz Paulinus from Light Wood pricked up his ears. »Unwell? What exactly does that mean?« Concern let his face almost appear as a stone figurine. The Court physician spoke with a face twisted with pain. »She has lost a lot of blood under the birth of Your daughter. She won’t be able to even nurse her because she is too weak. We urgently need medicine in order to stop her bleedings.« »Why don’t you give her medicine?« The King asked indignantly. »I am out of rapunzel, Your Majesty!« »So get some!« The King commanded. He loved his wife above all. And even though she had finally given birth to their long eagerly awaited royal child, he did not want her to die from the consequences of the birth. The Court physician bowed subserviently. »All Rapunzen of Light Wood was already harvested, Your Majesty. Rapunzel is only growing in Faery Wood.« »Then take some soldiers. And inform Horatio. He is supposed to keep the giants at bay who have taken his realm,« the King said, running his fingers nervously through his hair. »Your Majesty, the situation has come to a crisis. I am not sure whether a few minions are sufficient.« »Then take half of the host and send a messenger to Horatio!« »We cannot make contact with the Fairy King. We are on our own, Your Majesty. Horatio cannot even participate in our fights. Maximus has put him with a ban which makes the fairies unable to fight and fly,« the Court physician explained. King Laurentz rolled his eyes. »This stupid giant drives me crazy! How can one creature be so stubborn and vindictive? Each one had his kingdom. We all lived in peace. As a matter of fact, we even were best friends. Why did Maximus fall in love with the same woman as I did? Maria is a human being! How is a human supposed to get involved with a giant? Well, anyway! We need rapunzel, otherwise my wife won’t live to see the tomorrow’s sun anymore.« The King mustered half of his troops and sent them on the dangerous journey to the Otherworld together with the assistant of the Court physician in order to get Rapunzel. But in the early morning, only one single man returned: the assistant of the Court physician, in fact, empty-handed. »The powerful sovereign of the giants was unconquerable, Your Majesty. We did not have any chance to get into Faery Wood to harvest rapunzel. Instead, Maximus killed Your whole entourage. I was the only one who survived because I got caught up in a thorn hedge. I was forced to stand on the sidelines seeing how all had lost their life. Afterwards, the emperor of the giants beat the light beings. Finally, he closed the portal of the Otherworld ad infinitum,« the young man reported breathlessly. Frozen in shock, the King stood in the entrance hall of his huge castle and was at a loss for words for this monstrosity of the dark sovereign. Hundreds of men had to lose their life, the fairies were taken captive and the portal was supposed to be sealed lifelong? »Maximus roared that no human being will ever remember the light beings. And he said something else,« the young assistant of the Court physician implied. »What?« »He said if You, Your Majesty, ever dare to open the portal in order to liberate the light beings, he would also take Your daughter Anna. Now, he would leave the death of Your consort as a warning.« The King only nodded. He tried to hide the shock which was caused by the news. »At the scene of the crime, I found another message from the Fairy King, Your Majesty! Horatio writes that Maximus has sicced a curse on You,« the young assistant of the Court physician said shaking. The King pricked up his ears. »What kind of curse?« »You are only able to use the magic power, Horatio gave You, as long as Your daughter is unmarried and has not given birth to a child. You can only lift Maximus’ curse by finding the correct spell for the opening of the portal and his elimination before he can kill the royal fairy family.« »He is planning to kill the royal fairy family?« »Yes, in the first night of a full moon after the eighteenth birthday of Your daughter, Your Highness!« »Well, then, my daughter will be imprisoned from now on and accursed with the ›Curse of Illusion‹. Each marriageable man who will approach her, won’t be able to recognize her true colors. Instead, her

5 face will be deformed so that no-one can fall in love with her. In order not to lead her into temptation, I will also cast the ›Ban of Invisibility‹ over her.« The assistant of the Court physician bowed so low that his nose almost touched his feet. Then, he turned on his heel. The King went into the bedchamber of his wife in silence and held her hand until she finally peacefully fell asleep. A day later, he carried her to her grave and swore to take revenge on the Giant. »I will wreak myself for the light beings and my wife. Maximus Grobian, you will wish never to be born! I will find a way to unify both worlds and then, I will wipe you out. And if it is the last thing what I do!« He left the burial ground and locked his daughter, Princess Anna, into the highest tower of the castle you could not scale over stairs. Then, he accursed her with the ›Curse of Illusion‹ and the ›Ban of Invisibility‹. Both could only be lifted by his own death or her marriage. He, the King, had to prevent at all costs that a man fell in love with her before he was able to open the portal of the Otherworld and to kill Maximus.

…

How everything began

»I am bored, father,« Princess Anna said and rolled her eyes. She had already exhausted all hobby activities one could do in the generously cut tower room. The walls were thicker than ever before due to the many coatings; in one corner, knitted bedspreads were piled up and her favorite pack of cards ›Jackass Grobian‹ was so well-thumbed that one could hardly recognize the fairy pairs and the Dark Emperor Maximus Grobian anymore. »I had my eighteenth birthday last week, father. Don’t You think it is time that I mix with people? No giant would appear to kidnap me,« the Princess talked insistently to her father over and over, although she knew that complaining and begging was pointless. Agonized, King Laurentz smiled. »My dearest Anna, I do not want to risk anything. You know that you are in the safest possible hands in this tower.« The Princess clicked her tongue. »What kind of life is this, father? Do You really think, Maximus wouldn’t be big enough to just position himself in front of this tower, to reach into it with one hand and to fetch me?« She laughed out with embitterment. She was fed up with living in captivity, always beware of a giant who had not been seen in the human world for eighteen years now. Her father did not laugh. Deadly serious, he looked at her. »Would you kindly pretermit these kind of jokes! That is not funny!« Downstairs, it was knocked that loud that it just reverberated. Once, twice, three times. The Princess immediately knew that it was time for her father to go. She looked at him sadly. »Do You really have to go already, father? Can’t we play another game? Incessantly, You hide in Your magician workshop fiddling around that stupid spell. And what about me?« The King raised, encircled the table and kissed her golden hair. »My beloved Anna, I have duties. I have to reign the country. And I am so shortly before,« he lifted his hand and held pointer and middle finger approximately two inches apart, »the discovery of the magic formula to open the portal of the Otherworld permanently, so shortly before finally revenging your mother’s death.« 6 »Come now, father! Vengeance is sweet but it makes ill. Look at You what Your obsession killing the Giant has made out of You! You are lonely, withal, all the ladies in the Kingdom lie at Your feet with Your attractive appearance. You just need to snap Your fingers and ten hussies would marry You straightaway.« The King stared out of the window. »No woman will ever equal your mother, dearest. And no-one would be able to fill my heart with love.« »You have not even tried, father! Your only purpose in life entails reigning and working on the spell. Don’t You want to have company? Don’t You pine for love?« »No.« »But I do. Please let me leave this tower! I want to make a dignified walk through the town! I want so see humans, real humans not only drawings in books. I want to talk with the citizens of all kingdoms and not only with my Lady’s maid, my teacher and You. I want to meet a man and fall in love with him. I am a young woman, I need romance.« Thoughtfully, the King went to the belfry window. »It’s about more than just revenge, beloved child!« His daughter leaned her frail face against his strong back. »What is it about then, father?« »Once in a moon phase, Maximus places a single-handedly killed fairy on the rocks. For this purpose, he temporarily opens the portal in order to demonstrate his power. The slaughtering of the fairies has to be stopped. The next moon phase comes closer and this mentally retarded Giant has promised to kill now the royal fairy family. The fairy nation would die without their king.« »So puzzle over that spell if it helps,« the Princess sighed. »But kindly grant me only this one single wish and let me pick a man, father! You could organize a ball for me so that I can find a man. It also worked with Prince Theoford in Peacock Country when he was looking for a bride. You want to have grandchildren for sure, don’t you?« The King breathed in, full of cares. The last birth had taken the choicest he had ever owned: his wife. He was not keen on also losing his daughter. Besides, he has to prevent at any case that she would marry before he was able to find the correct spell. As soon as he would have unified both worlds again and killed Maximus, she could, on his behalf, wed and get children. But before, she had to linger in the tower, otherwise Maximus’ curse would hit him and eighteen years of tinkered nights would be profitless. »We do not have rapunzel anymore. It only grows in Faery Wood. It is absolutely impossible for you to marry now and to decline the dangerous adventure of getting children. I have already lost your mother,« he said. »You have to wait until I would be able to open the portal of the Otherworld.« »Why do we need that herb? I won’t suffer the same fate as my mother. I am bored. I need company. I want to fall in love.« »But life outside the tower is too dangerous for you, Anna! Thus, I command to vow obedience!« The Princess swallowed the lump in her throat. »And if I sneak away contrary to Your orders in order look for a man?« »Invisible?« The King laughed sardonically. Abruptly, he stopped and flashed his eyes at his daughter. »If you just try it, your pretty body will be ripped up by the magical barriers at the outer wall of the tower and be eaten up by the firebugs. I will increase the barriers so that you won’t circumvent my order.« »Then, at least kindly invite the men of our country to a ball, father! We have already celebrated my eighteenth birthday up here in the tower. This is so dull! Why am I a Princess after all?« »Well, then,« the King relented for the sake of appearance. »I will send out the messengers as soon as I will have succeeded the opening of the portal. All strong fellows are invited to the ball so that you can choose an acceptable husband.« The Princess, who had not listened closely, flung her arms around his neck gratefully. »You are the best, father!« King Laurentz smiled faintly. His daughter was the only one who could still elicit a true smile from him. »Darling, let down your hair! I will now report for my royal duties.«

7 The Princess unwinded her long pigtail obediently and let it slip down the wall enabling her father to leave the tower. Lightheartedly, she danced through the chamber. »I will tailor a dress for the ball, father. Kindly let me have some cloth,« she called after him. »Of course, my child.« King Laurentz waved at her and disappeared at a quick pace in his magical workshop. Time pressed. The next malefic night of a full moon was in seven days and it ought act on its threats. Until then, he had to open the portal and extinguish Maximus. Up to this moment, no man in the world was allowed to enter the rooms of his daughter without vaporizing miserably. He was shortly on the verge of reaching his goal - too short to risk anything.

This is NOT the end…more in my book „Interview with Rumpelstiltskin Junior“

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